#then that last line just gives me whiplash what does that mean!!

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

okay this is for the "I say Havers"-meta anon because I feel a bit bad that I didn't give you what you wanted🙈

So we pick it up again after, the last post I showed you.

Captain says his line about the cover drive, Havers thanks him and then this happens :

(Two btws: -I remember making one of my silly little lazy posts with "say something I'm giving up on you" to this image

-just found out whilst looking for the GIF: I actually can tell from Gifs that only have his facial expression what has been said to him and at which point we are in the scene,solely based on his expression😮 )

Sorry back to the meta:

Would you look at him. In the first scene we have with him Cap dismisses him by saying "carry on" and Havers gets back to his duties. But here Cap, all wrapped up in his feelings made room for a pause by not saying anything after his cricket comment.

Now Havers says this and of course he can't just leave,he has to be dismissed and my boy has places to be (north-africa). But this is clearly not him asking for further commands etc.

Look at his eyes completely fixed on Cap and his raised eyebrow and the movement of the head. It's simutaneously the gesture one makes to remind someone that it's their turn to speak or do something as well as it looks like he tries to not only encourage Cap but is trying to indicate that "If you have anything to say, now is the time". Basically it looks like he's desperately waiting/yearning/hoping that Cap will adress his feelings/confess his feelings. He's almost trying to nudge him mentally to spit something out. (Still believe His inner monologue here was "say something, say something, say something!")

But Cap just confirms that that's all and in this second Havers realises that Cap won't say anything. And look how dissapointed he looks because it's just not happening. He's giving up and very very briefly has to get his facial expression in check. he turns to leave

(Excuse the screenshot quality I'm typing this on my phone and had to take this from YouTube)

So Cap now panicks a bit because this is probably the last conversation they'll be having and he at least has something to say that resembles a good bye or an I miss you just something to tell Havers what he means to him. So at the last minute:

and of course Havers whips around with an expectant look the only difference is he does not look like he's screaming internally wondering If Cap will confess anymore. I guess because he's already in his stiff upper lip/professional mode because my god the man can hide his emotions Like 1000 times better than Cap. Also he has given up after Cap gave him emotional whiplash twice already in this conversation. But nonetheless there is still a faint hope which is shown by how fucking fast he turns towards him.

So the next part hast been said by others before. Cap tries to say something, his courage leaves him, he shakes his head to himself and settles for

With this pleading look on his face of I dunno "please I mean it"? "please you have to understand/to see"? "Please believe me when I say"?

Wordwise though he's going the semi professional route of "I really liked working with you because I like you as a colleague"

So now Havers reaction which I for the longest time could not get. I mean i get the nod that's a "acknowledged....thank you ...you too... bye"

But the smile? So yeah now I gotta say first of all professional mode is on. But also in a way he got an "It's a shame that you're going, I wish you we're staying" but just not as a romantic confession. So he's smiling because at least he got that and it was sincere? Also happy that Cap did at least say something about his emotions towards him in the end?

seriously interpretations on that smile are very welcome.

Sorry this all is again incoherent babbling, but at least it's now about the right part of the scene.

#Anon ask #bbc ghosts #Redding Weddy #Capvers #Caphavers #Meta #My soft boy and my creaky boy #I Love them your honour #I am going to be so late for Work now whooopsie #Lieutenant Havers #BBC Ghosts the Captain

[mossy-rainfrog]

hello everyone, I made a series of doodles to put inside of my copy of MobyDick and I would like to share them :3 pls enjoy:

[ID: Two traditional drawings. Ahab shows off his new pegleg with a flourish. Ishmael infodumps about whales to a fond Queequeg. End ID.] [More detailed ID in ALT.]

New Leg Goofin is for chapters 108-9, when Ahab gets fitted with his new leg! it's right before a super devastating chapter so i needed to make myself laugh lmao

Wikipedia Page About Every Whale is for the whole goddamn book, honestly, but I chose to put it at the beginning of ch.32, Cetology, where Ishmael really does try to explain every whale ever

[ID: A comic of Stubb and Flask bursting into Ahab's quarters, thinking the Captain is in danger, only to find Ahab and Fedallah playing a game of cards. End ID.] [More detailed ID in ALT.]

This gem belongs to p.344 where Stubb wonders if Fedallah means to kidnap Ahab, which was such a baffling ridiculous concept that I couldn't help but make fun of it. literally Ahab snuck this man on board bro, what the fuck is fedallah going to do to him. they're playing uno. shut up

[ID: Two drawings, with the first showing Pip after being cast away, haunted and alone on the deck of the Pequod. The other shows Ishmael and Queequeg homoerotically grasping hands while processing whale sperm. End ID.] [More detailed ID in ALT.]

this goes out to chapters 93-95, because the UNREAL whiplash from "a child was just abandoned at sea" to "hey let's be horny about whale sperm" is still the most insane transition of all time. Ish, what the fuck

[ID: A simply doodled meme diagram for how to greet a fellow amputee. The "wrong" answer shows Captains Ahab and Boomer shaking hands, while the "right" answers show Ahab in a handstand and then kicking his leg up high, both times to cross his prosthetic with Boomer's. End ID.] [More detailed ID in ALT.]

this goes out to p. 454. every interaction between these two absolutely delighted me but my mental image for the specific line about them "crossing ivory limbs" got. very silly.

[ID: A small comic of Ahab asking the Harpooners to give him blood to temper his harpoon in. They stare back at him with varying expressions of confused, uncomfortable disbelief. End ID.]

the last one, for p.504. yknow that feel when your boss just walks up and asks you to bleed on his custom made harpoon??? yeah uh. normal workday things

anyways thank you for reading, I had a delightful time making these and am so very fond of them all, so yea :3

credit as always for the designs goes to the darling @pocketsizedquasar , as well as credit for pricelessly annotating my copy of MD and thus getting me to actually read it, love youuuu💙💙

#moby dick #whale weekly spoilers #mobydick #captain ahab #ishmael #tashtego #daggoo #queequeg #fedallah #pip #pip moby dick #this is a bit of a page stretcher but eh i didn't want to put it behind a readmore #melville #herman melville #classic literature #classic lit #litblr #i wasn't going to upload these at first because I really just drew them for myself #but they're really fun so hey #why not hsdlfkjdklfj #mossy art #described #accessible art

[spectres-fulcrum]

Some Palia crumbs and gut feelings I need to type out

Okay so I met the last “villager” I had left to meet yesterday(as I fell asleep while typing this). Tamala. I didn’t even like her in the promo art, and I had to go to her cause she never comes to town. I knew from promo stuff, she was an adult, a potion maker, and Hassian’s ex, so I was willing to be like some of my initial ick was jealousy. She just gives me SUCH bad vibes.

Like vililan vibes. And I’m intrigued but she grosses me off. Then my mind goes “If all magic is bad then does she even do dark magic if ALL magic is dark? And all you know now is that she does beauty and youth-ew, we will get there- potions.”

But she gives bad news vibes like sirens. Like there’s a reason she’s forced into the northern parts of Bahari Bay and none of the villagers dare to go to the north. Not even Hassian or Hodari who live in the Bay.

And we know it wasn’t always like that-Hassian and Tamala. They were lovers. And he’s a young adult. How young? Idk. I feel like 23/24ish. He feels like middle of the young adult age group characters. Kenyatta and Nai’o feels like the youngest, and Jel and Reth seem the oldest to me. Tamala is classified as adult and looks, idk, 30s, early 30s, and probably spun a web, but I saw in Discord she referred to an event 40 years ago, so she’s what, 45? 50? 60? Like how old was she 40 years ago is the question. (They clearly classified her by her appearence, smart)

So she;s idk how old and seduced the young hunter from the village-red flag. And she uses potions to hide her true age-red flag. And in our daily chat she was like, charming potions are so nice. They compliment you so much/hang onto every word you say/smth. And I’m just like. Angry. Cause is that what you did with Hassian, Tamala? Potioned him into “loving” you? Cause That’s so fucking noncon. Crosses so many lines. And it’s just like-Disguising.

If my gut feeling is right. That whatever they had was dressed up in potions of youth and charm and was never real at all but felt real-felt real enough. Like I grew up on Speak Now enough to know when to say “Alexa play Dear John.” Ow. I can see Hassian and Sifuu having a falling out over this gorgeous woman in the “my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine.” Because they’re both so much more… fire…. Than Taylor and Andrea. Like full blowout argument, they don’t talk for weeks. Until Hassian realized it was all pretend and he’s broken and going home and mom doesn’t say I told you so like he’s picturing, but just has hugs and cuddles when the tears comes and it feels likes it’ll never be okay again but that’s…

And Reth once told me Hassian plays cards with Auni? Why? To keep an eye on him? So she can’t sink her claws into a child next? How often does Hodari thank the dragon that Najuma would never have any interest in witches promises beauty and love potions? Is part of why Jina can’t move the red tape an inch because Hassian accidentally moved them and touched magic too intimately?

Idk. Just theorizing some gut feelings and crumbs. I don’t expect the game to delve into any serious shit like this-doesn’t mean we can’t. Also it’s not going to anger as many people cause it’s younger man/older woman vs the other way around. I’m very well aware of that. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t gross me out.

So now I’m like. Tamala will clearly move the plot forward and I want to know what I can gleam from her. And my character doesn’t know about her and Hassian or anything. She just knows her as the recluse who makes potions in north Bahari Bay and she doesn’t like her but is also intrigued. I’m intrigued but enraged and I don’t like how she is. I also don’t like how Taylor put Mean after Dear John on Speak Now. Fucking whiplash.

We’ll see. I just needed to get this out. I am thrilled to write it though but as a game character I do not want to interact with Tamala. And there’s people who romance her??? Well, I imprinted on Hassian and I don’t typically like the goth witchy types so…

#palia #hassian #tamala #going to be so much fun to write though #but she’s a witch #in my mind i take kenyatta or jina or nai’o when i cross into her land

[fancifulplaguerat]

While I am posting errant thoughts it's actually so fucking funny to me that Aglaya hates Nina with her whole entire heart and soul like literally calls Nina “the embodiment of absolute evil. The charming, intoxicating, beautiful evil, the evil that can drive you mad. The graceful and elegant evil that is fast to capture anyone in its web—even those who stand up to evil till the very last” and Nina allegedly canonically just does not really give a shit. I mean. Actually it is tragic (with a capital T. If you will) in an opposite-of-love-is-indifference way but also it's just a little funny in-text the whiplash between those lines and like. “They hate one another. Or rather the Inquisitor hates the Mistress. I think Nina probably disregarded her” You know what. Everyone. I lied mid-post actually it is just tragic. Nina cannot even be assed to hate her 😔

#tchotchkes

[perfctvelvet]

Something Over Nothing

Zendaya/Reader

Content: ex-lovers, angst, implied cheating, smut, oral, thigh humping. 18+ only!!!

Author's note: Planning to post the Dua fic later this week! Also working on a series idea for patreon, but I'm not 100% sure about it. Anyway, enjoy!

“I don’t want to make this any more confusing than it already is.”

“How is it confusing? I think everyone would understand that we’re giving this another shot. And, if someone asks, we can just say we were taking a break.”

Y/n sighs in frustration. Zendaya has a gleam in her eyes, showing off her ardent optimism. She is 100% all in this, but Y/n isn’t sure what ‘this’ is. Yes, Zendaya was becoming present in her life again after months of not being together, but Y/n struggles to see where that equals their relationship rekindling; if anything she thought they were closer on the path to just being friends. There has never been any discussion of what they have — that is something Y/n is trying to avoid.

“That’s not a good idea,” is all she says, much to Zendaya’s frustration.

It’s going to take a while for her to budge, especially with the way things ended between them. It took her some time to simply even talk to her ex-girlfriend. Zendaya is at their once-shared apartment almost everyday now. Sometimes she cooks breakfast or dinner. She sometimes even sleeps in the same bed as Y/n when they’re both too tired after fucking each other. The lines were blurring and it’s because Y/n is allowing it which leads Zendaya to believe they’re in a better place.

Zendaya had made her favorite meal last night. The warmth between the two of them last night left her feeling hopeful about amending things. They felt like a couple in love again. She was even further emboldened to think that when Y/n invited her into her bedroom that night. There wasn’t that familiar lustful look in her eyes, instead she was inviting her in because she simply just wanted to be with her. It made Zendaya feel missed and loved. If she knew that it wasn’t a sign of them headed in a favorable direction then maybe she would’ve declined and just fell asleep on the couch.

“You never wanna talk about this! Everyone thinks something is up. My parents are asking about us — my friends too. And every time they ask I have no clue what to say to them.”

Zendaya gets real solemn and quiet, running her hand over her tired face as she sighs. Y/n has never, ever made this easy. She hates to call Y/n difficult, but it frustrates Zendaya how she’s constantly ignoring the obvious.

“Does everything we do mean nothing?” She continues.

Y/n scoffs as she begins to feel a little cornered. This is a topic Zendaya can go on and on about for hours, but Y/n struggles to entertain it.

She’s not using Zendaya like she may be implying. It’s just hard when she feels the pressure (and it’s not just coming from Zendaya) of trying to get back together. Things were very tumultuous at one point, and just because they’re both doing better now doesn’t mean she’s ready to just jump back in. Y/n can admit that she enjoys her company and still has deep feelings for her, but it’s hard when deep hurt also exists inside of her.

“It’s not just about sex. Not to sound like I have a big head, but there are plenty of people I can just sleep with.”

“Well you’re giving me whiplash! You know how I feel about you, and sex complicates things.”

The way Y/n clings onto her and cries her name while she’s fucking her allutes to there being emotions attached to sex together. Y/n is gorgeous so she could easily find someone else to see or fuck, but she’s deliberately choosing to spend time with Zendaya and sleeps with her. That has to mean something.

It means something, but Y/n isn’t ready to jump into the deep end of the pool. She’s much more comfortable letting Zendaya slowly slip back into her life. She was becoming a part of her daily routine again; making breakfast in the morning, sometimes stopping by her job for lunch, and helping her unwind in the evening. The way she lifts the small burdens off her shoulders is much more appreciated than the grand declarations of love.

“I want to give us another shot,” Zendaya admits something everyone, including Y/n, in the entire world already knows. “You still mean so much to me.”

Y/n sighs in frustration. She wonders how Zendaya must feel about having to beg for this. She feels bad because she knows it must hurt to be shut out like this. However, she’s putting herself first — and she is telling herself to take it slow.

“I just don’t want to rush into things, and I won’t. That’s where I stand and I’m not moving on it.”

Although her words would sound like rejection to others, to Zendaya it sounded like a second chance is still being considered. That means something to her.

“Okay,” she says slowly as if accepting. “Okay,” she says again.

So, where do they go from here? Continue to act like they’re together again like they have been doing for the last month or so? Or will Y/n eventually go back to icing her out?

“Well, Y/n,” she hesitates for a split second. Her mouth gets dry, knowing her next words could ruin everything. “I won’t stick around forever…I can’t.”

Zendaya has never used herself as leverage with Y/n, it was usually the other way around. Y/n was stunned by the shift of tone in her voice, nearly putting everything into perspective. Even if she means what she says (she doesn’t though), Y/n realizes that the thought of not having Zendaya around makes her heart race. She’s been linked with other women before, but she never took is seriously because she always came around despite them no longer being together. Y/n honestly doesn’t believe Zendaya will stop coming around, but the threat scares her. Zendaya could very well give up on trying to rekindle a relationship with her and it would be absolutely devastating for both of them. Having Zendaya follow her around like a little puppy was fun — she can’t lie — however, she truly loves her presence being around. She’s too stubborn to admit it, but Y/n loves her being around. Zendaya has changed since they're relationship ended and while some of her new habits are new to her, she doesn’t mind them.

“You don’t mean that,” Y/n says weakly. She hopes to the high heavens that she really doesn’t mean that.

“Maybe I do.”

Zendaya’s voice is also weak. They’re both two liars who want each other very badly.

Zendaya can understand Y/n’s hesitation to want to jump back into a relationship with her. She has been a bit eager which she can admit. It’s hard for her to discern what is real and fake; she’s not good at simply just hooking up.

“But you’re the one who wants to keep trying, you said it yourself.”

“I did, but something has to give, Y/n. This isn’t fair to either of us. I don’t want to lay down with you knowing it’s not going anywhere. You make me feel good and not just physically. I just want you to see that this still means something to me.”

Y/n didn’t intend for the conversation to go this far. Zendaya is always willing to spill her feelings though and she figures this has been bubbling under the surface for a while. All she can offer her ex is a “sorry,” but she isn’t exactly sure what she is sorry for. Zendaya accepts it anyway and gets up to go get started on dinner. Y/n really doesn’t want to be alone right now, but she is unsure how to approach it.

She follows her into the kitchen about fit minutes later. She rests against the corner just watching Zendaya where she looks distracted. The guilt is starting to sink in. All of the homemade meals she’s been eating lately were made by her ex. Zendaya always said she knew how busy Y/n was and always made sure she had something to eat after work.

“Z,” Y/n’s voice almost cracks as she speaks. Her skin grows hot in embarrassment of both her weakness and why she’s standing in the kitchen’s entrance. Zendaya turns around and looks at her with an unreadable look on her face until it becomes one of shock when Y/n says sorry again. “I don’t want to fight with you. I wanted to have a normal day with you.”

A normal day with each other.

A “normal day” for them is Y/n coming home and then spending the first 30 minutes pretending there isn’t any sexual tension between them before they cave. She just wanted today to be the same. Zendaya feels a little guilty for throwing their day off by pressing her with uncomfortable questions. So she’ll be the one to make sure the day ends like a “normal day.”

Y/n understands what’s happening when Zendaya turns the stove top off and approaches her. Their argument seems so trivial when she raps her arms around Y/n’s waist and presses their lips together. She always had a way to make Y/n melt, which always pissed Y/n off. Zendaya’s soft eyes, warm embrace, and loving touch always pissed her off. She wanted to be strong enough to withstand the affection, but it was nearly impossible.

“Y/n,” she moans her name as if she’s touched her yet. Y/n is aware of the effect she has on Zendaya, she has used it to her advantage many times before.

Y/n feels herself being lifted up and she makes things quick by hopping onto the kitchen counter. The kissing intensifies as Zendaya leans into her. Her back meets the wall causing her to groan into her mouth. The vibration drives Zendaya crazy. The existing frustration is taken out in this bruising kiss.

“You taste so sweet,” Zendaya moans before kissing Y/n again. No candy she’s had as a kid could compare to this. Zendaya can’t think of the last time she has wanted someone so bad.

The day has been so long and Y/n is just so tired of fighting. She gives into her desires, what her body craves, and her ex-girlfriend’s touch.

Her legs get thrown over Zendaya’s shoulders, and her face between her thighs heats her up. She can feel her breathing against her covered sex. Zendaya feels privileged that she’s allowed this. She kisses Y/n’s bare thigh once and then again for good luck. Her hands grip the underside of her pretty thighs.

“I’m so lucky,” she whispers, voice muffled by Y/n’s thighs, but Y/n moans regardless.

Y/n bucks her hips which causes Zendaya’s nose to press into her clit. She likes when Y/n is this eager for her because she’s always willing to oblige. Soon her panties are on the floor and her wet tongue is pressed flat against Y/n’s clit. She cries out as Zendaya spoils her sensitive nub. She thinks the kitchen might break if she grips it any harder.

Her clit rolls against her tongue before she takes it into her mouth.

“Oh my god!” Y/n’s voice cracks as she whines.

The pleasure Zendaya brings her is something she’ll never get over. She almost thrashes around from the overloading of her senses. The sound of her ex-girlfriend’s lips smacking against her pussy makes her want to cry. She’s so good at paying attention to detail, licking her in the way Y/n loves until she hears that strangled “baby, baby, baby…”

Y/n is embarrassingly close to cumming on Zendaya’s tongue. She’s sure she could go for longer like the energizer bunny, but Y/n already feels ready to tap out. Despite the death grip on her, her thighs tremble beyond control.

Zendaya’s grip slips from her thighs so two of her fingers can push into her. Her pussy engulfs her in wet warmth, making Zendaya moan. She looks up at Y/n, a gleam in her eyes, and tells Y/n not to cum just yet. Y/n throws her head back and lets out a frustrated groan. Zendaya’s fingers are hitting just the right spot; how could she not cum when it feels this good?

“You were desperate for it,” Zendaya teases. She likes seeing Y/n squirm, especially after she tried to put a wall between them. “Throw a fit when this is all you wanted.”

Her walls keep sucking Zendaya’s fingers in, making it a challenge to pump them in and out of her. Y/n’s needy body is so fun to watch as she withers away under her ex’s power.

“It’s okay baby, you can cum for me now.”

Zendaya’s ability to read her body irks Y/n to no end, but all she cares about is having her permission to cum. She gets over being embarrassed about it feeling “too soon” to cum and lets go. Zendaya kisses her thigh as Y/n creams on her fingers. Arousal seeps out through any tight space it can manage to. It feels so obscene to watch it happen up close. Zendaya leans in and licks the exposed parts of her fingers, and Y/n’s clit in the process. Y/n shivers from the feeling.

“Good girl,” Zendaya coos. Her gingers slide out and she admires how messy Y/n is, “you look so pretty like this. This pussy cums so much for me.”

Y/n was embarrassed, but it’s true. Just because they haven’t been together in a while doesn’t mean Zendaya forgot how to play her body. She remembers every single thing that sets her off. Her thighs tremble and she tries to shut them, but fails because of Zendaya’s body placed between her legs.

“Z,” she whines. She’s out of breath, but she knows Zendaya wants more out of her.

“I know baby,” she kisses her inner thigh again. “I know it’s too much, but you can take it. I love you so much, you’re such a good girl.”

Zendaya stands up, ready to press herself against Y/n, but not before unbuttoning her shirt. Underneath is a familiar white tank top. It looks like any regular tank top, but Y/n notices the shad near the shoulder which is evidence of a time when she got too carried away. She can never help herself when Zendaya is feverishly going down on her, or filling her up to the point she feels like she’s being split in half. When it just feels too good, all Y/n can do is whine for her.

“Too much,” she cries, yet she’s opening her legs again.

Zendaya’s embrace is soothing but her body is so close to Y/n’s that it has her riled up. Her comment about it being ‘too much’ begins to sound like a lie when she starts gyrating her hips. Her pussy was looking for pleasure again, so Zendaya gave it to her. She pulls Y/n close to the edge and places her leg between her thigh. Y/n instantly begins to grind against her; humping wildly. She reaches her hand down between them and begins to rub her through her pants. Her movements are sloppy and uncoordinated, but she wants to make Zendaya feel good too.

The two engage in a sloppy dance of admiration. Y/n can’t help but feel a little guilty about letting this happen. She’s strong until the very last minute where she destroys her own boundaries just for a taste of pleasure.

She would’ve suffocated in it if it wasn't for the obnoxious ringer interrupting the two of them. She whines embarrassingly loud when Zendaya pulls her leg away and she Y/n no longer feels any pressure on her clit.

“Shit.”

Zendaya is just as annoyed as Y/n when she realizes that the ringing is coming from her back pocket. She doesn’t want to answer, but with a sigh she reaches into her back pocket to see who is interrupting them. She hoped it was just someone a part of her team or a family member she wouldn’t mind sending to voicemail. However, the name on the screen made her heart race, and she knew she couldn’t miss it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Her tone changes completely causing Y/n to become curious. She has heard Zendaya talk on the phone with family, friends, and manager so many times before that she knows what the distinction is. The way she answered the phone is reminiscent of a time where their relationship was something new.

Y/n can hear the voice on the other side of the phone, but she can’t quite make out what they’re saying. Zendaya’s face is hard to read which just agitates her even more. The feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her feel dizzy and nauseous.

“No, no, I didn’t forget I just got caught up with something.”

Something.

Zendaya had to turn away from Y/n as she spoke on the phone. She was desperate to end the call, knowing that she was in the wrong, but she was stuck. She won’t be able to face Y/n once she ends the call.

“Okay…okay…sounds good…I’ll see you soon.”

Neither of them look at each other. Y/n hops off the counter and pulls down her skirt. She feels like someone’s mistress, but it isn’t fair. She was here first, and she always will be here.

“Y/n-“

“It’s okay. You can go.”

Y/n doesn’t turn around to face her which makes Zendaya feel even worse. It’s truly both of their faults for getting themselves into this mess and playing this game, but Zendaya can’t help but feel like she bears most of the burden. She shouldn’t be seeing anyone else while trying to figure things out with Y/n.

Nothing else is said between the two as Zendaya gathers her things and Y/n lets her out the front. She’ll be back tomorrow, Y/n is sure of it, but she hopes that they can both get their shit together by then.

#zendaya/reader #smut

[moonjella]

my ranking of golden age that nobody asked for:

𝟏. alley oop — it’s the most hype song on the album so you know it’s going to be my top song, it’s exactly what i’ve been waiting for since nct 2023 was announced. a super hype song with an incredible rap line, but let’s also not ignore the vocals because yuta and jisung’s vocal lines are so heavenly! every member snapped in this, even winwin with his teeny tiny lines. this is going to be my anthem when i walk to class everyday, it’s incredibly motivating

𝟐. pado — sm really know what they’re doing putting xiaojun and haechan in the same unit again, their vocal chemistry is seriously unmatched. and the unit as a whole is probably one of my favourite u combinations because everyone’s voice (raps and vocals combined) sounds so perfect bouncing off each other. and the song itself is so fun and sexy, it actually surprised me. and idk how to explain this but the trumpets?? were so sensually teasing which i feel reflects the lyrics and the song as a whole, ughhhh i love it so much!

𝟑. the bat — i (s)creamed when i saw the videos from nct nation. it opens with them telling me to inhale, exhale but the jokes on me because i lose the ability to breathe with this song. i don’t even know what it’s about, wtf is bats on wheels lmao but i don’t care i’m still jamming hard to this song. also, the vocal trio of taeil, yuta and jungwoo is insane, and hendery and jeno’s rap?? hello??

𝟒. interlude: oasis — listening to this in the shower lead me to having an out of this world experience lmao it’s so heavenly and quite the nostalgic song, it reminds me of something that i can’t quite name. but at the same time, it’s a new and refreshing vibe that i’ve never heard from nct before, but i love it anyway. i just wish the song was longer

𝟓. call d — when it comes to tenyong duo, i don’t think anything can ever top baby don’t stop but call d is such a chill and fun song, and the instrumental breaks did surprise me. it’s not my fave on the album but i do love how the song is both fun and sensual. also ten’s rap and taeyong’s vocals?? they are so versatile

𝟔. baggy jeans — i’ll be honest, i’m not a fan of the chorus however! the rest of the song is so good! it’s so nice to see t7s unit back together again after 7 years. it’s one of the most catchy songs on the album which is great if you like the catchy parts. but for me, i’d rather have a different song on repeat. but the low, deep vocal ranges? jaehyun and mark really surprised me. i like the last third of the song more than the rest of the song, and getting through the first part feels like a chore

𝟕. not your fault — nct ballads usually linger towards the bottom of my playlists but don’t get me wrong, i do love them. i just don’t listen to them a lot. the lyrics are so sweet and gentle, i’m definitely going to listen to it when i need a pick me up because the message is so beautiful and intimate. and the vocals were so amazing, renjun really shined through

𝟖. kangaroo — i didn’t like this one at first but it grew on me after a few listens. the lyrics have a cute, fun meaning but if you squint enough, they’re a little dirty? did anyone else notice it, or was it just me and my filthy mind lol? this song is totally the song to listen to on a summer roadtrip with the windows down, and it honestly felt like a nct dream song rather than nct u, but it was fun regardless

𝟗. golden age — i don’t want to be one of those entitled nctzen but i really did expect a full group song with the same vibes of black on black/resonance throughout the song, but golden age is like a hybrid of black on black/resonance and beautiful. it really does enhance all of members’ qualities by allowing them to shine with their individual lines, be them vocal or rap. it’s such a feel good song, but it did give me whiplash lol

𝟏𝟎. that’s not fair — this song was going great at first but something about the chorus was very....idk how to explain it, i just didn’t like it. i did enjoy the dark, sinister feeling. it gives you the same vibe you’d get watching something scary. i know it’ll grow on me because every nct song does eventually. but there needs to be a song at the bottom of the list and this one fits the shoe which is a shame because i loved it at first

#nct #golden age #☆ ─── 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 ─── ☆

[helianskies]

18 ] - "stop stealing my jumpers!"

With nedport or.....itaport

Does itaport exist outside of my head?

there was an attempt at itaport/portvene bc i was intrigued but i wasnt getting on with it so i uh well nedport it is, anon! sorry! :')

Ours

The first time it happened, Abel took it as a compliment. Henrique had looked not only cosy, but also somewhat amusing, swaddled in a large jumper, the too-long sleeves gathered up his arms, the hem hanging way down below his waist. It had been impossible to resist sneaking up on him from behind, hugging him, risking being smacked by flailing sleeves. And it had been worth it. 

The second time it happened, it was no different. Nor had it been any different the third, forth, fifth, tenth, or twentieth time that Henrique had appeared wearing one of Abel’s nice, thick, woollen jumpers. Something about them suits him. Or perhaps Abel just liked that feeling of the other being constantly wrapped up in his jumper, in his smell, in his warmth.

Today, however, Abel lacks such feelings, such little joys.

Because, while Henrique, already miraculously up and about (he had come into the bedroom and offered Abel his morning cup of coffee) is prancing around once more in one of Abel’s jumpers, when the Dutchman himself goes to get dressed, he opens his cupboard and finds—

“How can I have none to wear…?”

Abel only did the laundry two days ago, and he could have sworn that four of his five jumpers all went back on their hangers, and into his closet in their bedroom. So where on earth…?

The thoughts crosses his mind in a flash—so fast, in fact, when he tries to wrangle it back in it feels like whiplash. But the thought is there, nevertheless, and he can't help but check…

He turns around to face the other closet, which decidedly belongs to Henrique (you can tell whose cupboard is whose quite easily; one is notably neater, the clothes far less creased). He sucks in a slow, deep breath. He opens the doors. And there they are, lined up on the left-hand side: four of Abel's jumpers, that have seemingly magically teleported from one closet to another.

Abel sighs. Perhaps he needs to have a hard conversation with someone and lay down a boundary he'd never thought he'd want or need…

He pulls out one of his jumpers. He carries on getting dressed. And, once all of that is done, and he has returned his warm clothing to their rightful place, he ventures downstairs to find Henrique in the kitchen.

"Sleeping Beauty finally decided to get up then, huh?" his husband remarks over his shoulder as he stirs two cups of coffee. Those too-long sleeves seem to taunt Abel as he approaches. "You know, I'm starting to see why you like getting up early. The amount of stuff I've gotten done in the last hour is insane; I feel so productive!"

Abel hums, the sound rumbling in his throat. He doesn't want to play it down or come across as not interested, but… but he can't help but look from husband to jumper to husband to jumper. And that does not go unnoticed.

“Is everything okay?” Henrique questions, giving Abel a curious, quizzical look as the other struggles to once more tear his gaze away from his beloved cream woolly. “Abe…?”

He takes another patient breath. He knows this is better not left unsaid. So, “I’m going to say something,” he announces, which only seems to amuse the other—the wrong effect, perhaps, “and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

Amusement becomes concern quite fast. "Okay," the other says slowly. "What is it?"

Abel steels himself. He tells him this is the right thing to do. He gestures towards the jumper Henrique is wearing—he even jabs a finger in its direction—and he exclaims, at last, "Stop stealing my jumpers! I'm running out of clothes to wear!"

It takes a few seconds, perhaps, for it to register. And then, Henrique laughs.

"Our jumpers, you mean," his wonderful(ly annoying) husband says—a comment that throws Abel for a loop. "When you agreed to marry me," he continues, "you also kinda agreed to share your stuff with me, too, benzinho."

"I— I don't remember that agreement."

"Mmh, well, that's why you always read the terms and conditions," the other quips, flashing Abel a smile. "You taught me that!”

And with that, Henrique returns to the coffee, and picks up one of the mugs to pass on to Abel. He takes it, of course, but he also can’t believe he’s just been fobbed off like that. This discussion isn’t over, he decides, as he takes a sip of his drink and—ooh, how does he always make such good drinks?—that is that! For now, he’ll let it slide. But he’s taking back his jumpers whether Henrique likes it or not!

Our jumpers… Tch… 

…Well…

…Maybe they could be…

…Sometimes.

[ final wordcount, 790 words! ]

#helia writes #hetalia #hws portugal #hws netherlands #nedport #i have 1 or 2 more of these that i'm going to do and that's going to be it for holiday fics i think #thanks to anyone who requested or read these fics! they've been fun to do <3

[poems-art-darkness-n-more]

No, but something about the bird whistle that plays in Puppet History and the Melancholy optimism it has just DOES something to me.

It’s introduced in the end of “Americas First Black Aviatrix” when we see the Professor looking at the stars with his parents. Dinosara points out a bird as her constellation and tells Professor about a bird that she’d listen to during the nights when she was stressed. How she’d hear it and know that if the bird was okay, then she would be too. It’s introduced as an indication of Hope and optimism.

At the same time, a little whistle is played out that is repeated multiple times when we’re with the real Professor. (I’ve included the best sounding version of it I can get in the video at the bottom, but if anyone has a better version where you can hear it, I’d love to have that)

After it’s introduced, there are three main times I can remember where it is played. Once, at the End of that episode, Once at the beginning of the Meteor Song, and once at the End of the same song.

At the end of that same episode, as Professor and his parents are talking and the music swells, the bird whistle rings out and everything is peaceful. It’s a melancholy moment because the Professor misses Ryan, but he does seem happy at the moment. Then the music turns dark and we see a small glint of light way off in the distance. Anyone who knows anything about the dinosaur times knows what that is.

And that hope and the good feelings we had from the star gazing and the bird song immediately turn to dread. And it’s an incredible way to do multiple things at once. One, mess with the emotions of the viewers by setting up that emotional whiplash. Two, simultaneously still give us that hope that maybe they’ll still be okay, slim as it might’ve been at the time. And three, reset our brains to not associate that bird song with hope as we initially might have.

The next time we hear the whistle is at the beginning of the meteors song, and it actually plays out twice there, but I’m grouping them together because they’re literally seconds apart. One is right before the music starts and the Professor starts singing, and after he’s talked with his parents about going to Dinosir’s favorite rock to watch the world end. It’s not a hopeful moment by any means, but more melancholy and accepting. The world is ending and we’re going to die, but we’ll still be together. The second one is during the line “Had a hunch it wouldn’t last”, which only emphasizes the point of acceptance.

The last time we hear it is at the end of the same song, right after Ryan rubs the lamp and right before the meteor hits. We don’t know if Ryan’s succeeded or if the Professor has died, but there’s a sort of peace with either answer. Because, like the bird song, it’s not necessarily happy, but it’s nice.

I don’t know what the point of this was, I just really like the way Shane uses the bird song to set the mood. It’s fascinating.

#puppet history #puppet history season 5 #the professor #dinosaur parents #dinosir #dinosara

[bad-apple-darlin]

I just finished my rewatch of s2e6… first time I’ve watched it since last summer. So here are my immediate thoughts after the final fifteen (mostly just agony tbh)

Oh boy what a ride that was. I had an intense mounting sense of dread through the whole episode, no lie, knowing exactly what pain was about to be inflicted on me and them. When the Metatron showed up in line at Nina’s I got a shiver even. Then of course Crowley opens the talk, all panicky and rushed, words spilling out of him. The dam is breaking on millennia of suppressed feeling and Aziraphale really just “hold that thought”s him and I can’t take it. Neither can Crowley. The silence of the background is deafening, I noticed that more this time than ever. It’s like time stops between them right there - tell me you said no. If I’m in charge…

The tension snaps and the heartbreak starts to unfold. Crowley makes his petition, his voice breaking in the exact right places to make my heart seize up. We’ve spent our existence - this love is ancient, this love is built into our foundations - pretending that we aren’t. Let’s stop pretending.

Aziraphale wants it; you can see it in the way he leaps forward at Crowley there. He’d take his hands if he could. Come with me - his vision for this version of them in heaven only-even-nicer is only possible if they go together. It means they can be together, openly, honestly, freely - well, free to do Heaven’s bidding. For one heartbeat of a moment, I think Aziraphale sees them wanting the same thing, and thinks he has found a way.

Oh, Crowley. Nothing last forever. And that’s it, I’m in tears, the miscommunication reaches its height and Crowley is shuttering himself to the world and Aziraphale watches his retreat with such open confusion and longing that it makes my stomach turn. They pick at each other, never content to let a scab form, always scratching at it. I don’t think you understand - oh I think I understand better than you do. They tense up again, the anger grows, and as Aziraphale turns away you can see the breath escape Crowley. His shoulders drop, he does this heavy-heart gasp for air before he storms across the shop to Aziraphale and the pure want of it drives me mad. Look at me. Don’t turn away from this. This is important, the most important thing. Don’t leave me alone with this.

And Aziraphale takes it in, pushes into Crowley, meets him for that sublime moment. It almost works. You can see the anguish build on Aziraphale’s face as he tries to process through it - I love - I want - I can’t - I forgive you.

Will any series of facial expressions devastate me more than the moment after Crowley leaves the bookshop? When Aziraphale’s face crumbles as the realization that his life long love is leaving him, the fear and sadness and longing, confusion and hurt. Aziraphale’s hands are trembling and mine are too and I cannot imagine the devastation of losing the one creature in all of creation that you have loved since before the beginning of time itself. The scale and depth of their relationship gives me whiplash to think about. And here, in fifteen minutes, it all starts unraveling at once, the subtleties, the coded language, the unspoken desire, the deep, passionate love. All of it laid bare and then ripped apart, their whole world crushed, and the promise of more destruction to come.

So Aziraphale is on his own, like he hasn’t been for time immemorial. And Crowley is on his own too, but without the anchor points of the precious, peaceful existence he was so attached to. Crowley looks exhausted. Aziraphale looks like an animal realizing that the cage he’s in isn’t meant to protect him, but to keep him trapped. He looks like a madman planning a heist - a magician envisioning his next illusion.

And me, I’m just rolling around wailing because I cannot believe I have to wait so very long to find out how they resolve this. How do they come back from it?? Because they do, no separation lasts long for them, not in proportion to their impossibly long lives. The Metatron walked in not a moment later and Aziraphale thought it was Crowley again, he was ready to hash it out and mend it that fast. Every potential is there. So how?? And when?? How long will it take for Aziraphale to own his feelings for the only being in all of history that he has ever loved? How will Crowley cope with the only loss he has ever really feared? How will I ever go another day without thinking about them and their loss??

#final fifteen #good omens #aziracrow #my heart!!!!

[waitingforwinterwinds]

A Clash of Kings - 61 TYRION XIV (pages 770-777)

The Battle of Blackwater - Tyrion Edition, part 2. Tyrion leads a sally outside to defend the gates and banks.

TW: blood and dismemberment

-

On the left, Tyrion was surprised to see Podrick Payne, a sword in his hand. "You're too young," he said at once. "Go back." "I'm your squire, my lord." Tyrion could spare no time for argument. "With me, then. Stay close." He kicked his horse into motion.

Pod! Such a good boy. I like that Tyrion does care enough to try and send Pod back, even if he doesn't succeed, and even if he can't spare any more care in what is about to be a very mentally and emotionally taxing situation.

Ser Mandon dropped the point of his lance at the last possible instant, and drove Joffrey's banner through the chest of a man in a studded jerkin, lifting him full off his feet before the shaft snapped.

While we do not approve of the horrors of war, before this chapter reminds me how viscerally freaking awful things are, I just want to say, from a technical skill stand point with Action Movie goggles on: that was a cool move, full cheers.

aaaand it's setting in how very impaled that man was. Hello Horrors, I was wondering where you'd gone. Maybe I should contact D&D, see where they bought their <Immortal Object> Action Movie goggles.

Ahead of Tyrion was a knight whose surcoat showed a fox peering through a ring of flowers. Florent was his first thought, but helmless ran a close second.

mmm, this is a good bit of action sequence. We have this thought, followed by a laundry list of kills by method, and I do mean laundry list. It manages to give the action a coherence, but also giving it both a detached and frantic energy.

... battle fever? Seems like an adrenaline rush met up with mild disassociation for a hot date.

"I yield, ser," a different knight called out, further down the river. (...) The man lay in a puddle of black water, offering up a lobstered gauntlet in a token of submission. Tyrion had to lean down to take it from him. As he did, a pot of wildfire burst overhead, spraying green flame. In the sudden stab of light he saw that the puddle was not black but red. The gauntlet still had the knight's hand in it. He flung it back. "Yield," the man sobbed hopelessly, helplessly. Tyrion reeled away.

goood, this fucking trope. It gets me every time, even though you always know it's coming in shows, with the camera angle and it's like "Just move the camera, show me what I already know, show me how much of the body is missing, show me how fucked the dying person is."

I think it's worse when they know. When they know but they're still begging for an impossible miracle like there's still some way they could survive it, get out of the situation, wake up and it's all just a horrid dream. Or maybe it's worse when they don't, and they're pleading for their life, but how do you tell someone asking for your help they're already dead.

I need cute cat videos.

One great hulk floated hull up between two smaller ships. Wrecks, but packed so closely together that it was possible to leap from one deck to another and so cross the Blackwater. (...) We made them a bloody bridge, he thought in dismay. Parts of the bridge were sinking and other parts were afire and the whole thing was creaking and shifting and like to burst asunder at any moment, but that did not seem to stop them. "Those are brave men," he told Ser Balon in admiration. "Let's go kill them."

Oh hey it's the line, from the speech, except it didn't go in that speech to begin with.

Also, I don't remember the bridge thing from the show. You've let me down and ripped me off again, D&D.

OH NO! THE HORSES!

GRRM did a really good job with this chapter, the flow of the action from focused in on Tyrion's POV, from concise actions and reactions and build on, to slowly losing contact with what's happening as Tyrion himself looses sense of what's happening. And there's a slight tonal whiplash as well, from Tyrion's focused seriousness, into slightly manic 'battle madness' and then into the post adrenaline fugue as he loses steam.

Yellow and green fire shone against the white of his armor, and his lobstered gauntlet was sticky with blood, but Tyrion reached for it all the same, wishing his arms were longer. It was only a the very last, as their fingers brushed across the gap, that something niggled at him... Ser Mandon was holding out his left hand, why... Was that why he reeled backwards, or did he see the sword after all? He would never know.

Two things with this, first: Lobstered gauntlets by the way, are called that because instead of little plates for each joint, or just one big plate to cover the back of the hand, lobstered gauntlets are kind of like mittens, made with bands that over lap like the bands on a lobsters back/tail. They are not wearing actually lobster shaped gloves complete with pincers. i know, sad but true.

Second: The earlier scene with the man begging to yield with his lobstered gauntlet only for the light of the wildfire to reveal Tyrion was essentially reaching for death being mirrored here? YES! This is the good shit. It's basically immediate pay-off foreshadowing.

Uhn, yes, love! it will haunt my nightmares for a week!

Then someone was kneeling over him. "Jaime?" he croaked, almost choking on the blood that filled his mouth. who else would save him, if not his brother? "Be still, my lord, you're hurt bad." A boy's voice, that makes no sense, thought Tyrion. It sounded almost like Pod.

That's kind of sad, that Tyrion thinks/knows he has so few people who would care for him.

But Yay for Pod!

I'm gonna go... watch some cute cat videos and recover from this chapter. The level of Horrors in this chapter? D&D could never. (Mostly because they were viewing this through Action Movie goggles.)

#a clash of kings #a song of ice and fire #tyrion lannister #a chapter a day reading #acok #asoiaf

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a moon cake

aug 29 - sept 11, 2022

where have the ilcb posts been the last four weeks, i hear you cry? well genuinely, the end of summer took me and i wandered out of time and thought. did watch the moon rise rich and golden last night, though, so--on balance--we're doing just fine.

reading finished my ancillary justice re-read this morning and i got so much more out of it the second time, newly attuned to the little differences between this and all the other space opera i've been enjoying. also finished obernewtyn (isobel carmodie), one of the growing list of YA sci/fantasy i'm catching up on using libby. spent a lot of last week reading or what you will, jo walton, which i think i will have more to say about when i finish it, and listening to ann leckie's the raven tower as an audiobook on various commutes-- perhaps not the best medium for it, but the reader's absolutely eating the accent work which does liven things up. i also acquired a romance novel from @dimir-charmer which is Certainly Something, not quite up to the level of some of the classics @pandolfo-malatesta would review but which has made me say out loud 'stop using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means!' every time this poor author tries to call someone 'contemporaries.'

listening so i know we all remember (for better or worse) passenger's 'let her go' from 2013 or whenever, but i have very specific tender feelings and memories attached to that whole album. a recent re-listen, followed by a tour through his recent, extensive new discography (like five albums since i last checked, holy shit), has shown me that i'm not even remotely capable of being objective, but i do think? that none of the new stuff has grabbed me? like it all sounds consistent, it all sounds, uh, the same, and the nuances and things i can pick out in the tracks from all the little lights (2012) or hell even whisper (2014) are just...not discernible (is this just a question of production)(possibly). to quote one of the new songs, uh, it leaves me cold? whereas 'feather on clyde' is still revealing and teaching me new things to get teary-eyed about (this time it was the line 'well god knows that i've failed, but he knows that i've tried'), and just...plus the string duet at the opening of 'things that stop you dreaming,' the way it builds up so, so sweetly, the lyrics taking you by surprise by leaving no breaks or breaths until the chorus, playing with pace and rhythm--still not tired of it.

watching i spent most of last week cycling between 'sandman', 'doulou continent', and 'oath of love', with a brief detour to the mdzs donghua with @hematiterings as per us-- sandman is good, though i haven't finished it. i got to the death episode and did briefly cry actual human tears about the old violinist and the young honeymooners, only to have the rest of the episode with its chronological humor (reminding me of ep 3 of 'good omens', what with the 'let's put our cast in several different centuries and enjoy what that does to their hair', thank you neilman) give me slight emotional whiplash. the problem with my cdrama habit is that, especially with duolou continent, i've had a hard time believing i've seen as many episodes as i actually have (also viki is...incapable of keeping my place) so i tend to back up to whichever episode number sort of feels right? which means i've seen episodes 11-15 like three times each. at least now i'm getting people's names.

playing finished up summer and fall of year two in stardew, won the grange fair and the ice fishing contest now that it's winter, and just bought a duck! (her name is fern)

making i think the garden is fading, we're still harvesting tomatoes but a lot of the leaves have turned yellow and crinkly, meanwhile the squash (?) vines have all withered except for one, perplexingly round little green squash (?) with a few nibbles out of it courtesy of the neighborhood fauna. when do i pluck it? is it still...getting anything out of being on its vine?

working on *cue panicked laughter* chapter 1! also that presentation / conference paper based on chapter-1-or-possibly-the-old-book-practicum! also that presentation based on chapter-2-or-possibly-chapters-1-and-2-OR-possibly-the-diss-proposal! with all the complaining i've done to various friends and colleagues, its no wonder there's not been any. further writing. distracting myself by insisting on doing things for the incoming students, which has been very fun and diverting since they are cute and much easier to help.

#yup everything's fine #had a nightmare the other day and yes it did involve phd stuff #the more i socialize in places where i have to describe my research the more i realize how much i need to workshop my diss pitch #which is a useful exercise anyway #in lieu of a commonplace book #ilcb #weekly roundup #or in this case #seasonal roundup really

[manonamora-if-reviews]

Glimmer by Katie Benson

============= Links

Play the game See other reviews of the game Read the Post-Mortem See other games by Katie

============= Synopsis

It's bleak out there. No one would blame you for turning away.

============= Other Info

Glimmer is a Twine (Harlowe) game, submitted to the 2022 Edition of the IFComp. It was ranked 53th overall.

Status: Completed Genre: Slice-of-Life

CW: depiction of depression

============= Playthrough

First Played: 3-Oct-2023 Last Played: 11 Aug 2023 Playtime: around 10min Rating: 3 /5 Thoughts: Short but hopeful story. Kinda.

============= Review

Glimmer is about a person spiraling in helplessness, having a hard time to function around the bleakness of their situation. It is also about hope, and the importance of having caring people around.

Spoilers ahead. It is recommended to play the game first. The review is based on my understanding/reading of the story.

The game is simplistic in both style and visual. A few lines of text, one choice, maybe some extra interactive links to add description. It is straight to the point. The world is bleak, so you turn your back to it. You face some hardship, so you avoid them. Little by little, you close yourself to everything around you. But, at your lowest point, a hand reaches out to you to pull you out of your funk (forcibly if you resist), reminding you that there are still good things out there to enjoy.

I thought the game started out strong, with tackling themes of drifting and avoidance turning into depression and isolation (though it felt at time a tad too surface-level in its representation), when faced with a bleak world and difficulties in your life. The whole losing your joie de vivre and vicious cycle of negativity.

However, I found the whole second act... dissonant almost? In your darkest moment, an unnamed friend* barges (back?) into your life, gives you a cup of tea and a biscuit, and like that, you snap out of it, awkwardly and timidly claiming you tried to get better all this time. When the first part of the game implied quite some time had passed between the first event of the spiral and current time, it feels like a whiplash to have a "recovery" happening so suddenly. This feeling was aggravated when choosing to resist the friend's pleas does little to change the outcome. As if by magic, you get better by the last page. After just a cup of tea. *I really didn't like that you would not even acknowledge their personhood, I think that's also a reason why it felt weird.

I still haven't made my mind about the (lack of) choices and what it means for the player agency. I've come to appreciate more the kinetic approach of storytelling in IF, and considering how debilitating depression can be, making you think you do not have a choice, it is thematically in line with the story. However, the few available choices lack in consequence or are essentially disregarded by the story, which makes the little agency the player has essentially useless. It felt a bit frustrating and unsatisfying.

I did appreciate the message the game was trying to convey, but I don't think the game quite manage to get the point across.

=============

OG Review during the IFComp:

Short but hopeful story. Kinda.

There is something so tragic with this story that did not hit me right away. One my first playthrough, I dismissed it as dealing with the surface-level aspect of isolation (whether by your environment/other people or yourself). Maybe it has to do with the way the writing portrays the indifference of the main character about what is happening around them and to them. It really shows how easy and how fast it is to become completely isolated and how much effort is required to get out of that pervasive cycle. I only realised how subtle this was until my second run.

Still, I am not sure how I feel yet about the game as a whole. The forcefulness of the friend in contrast with the absolute passiveness of the player made me feel a bit awkward. Even when you choose not to follow your friend, you don’t really have a choice in the matter at the end. The “recovery” of the player also felt a bit rushed*? I know sometimes it can take just a message to be “brought back to the living” for some people, but it felt a bit too fast when the first part of the game saw the player spiralling into deep despair.

The choices also don’t have any consequences at all, which I think is a shame. Even when isolating yourself, you still have agency about what to do (even if you end up choosing to isolate yourself more every time) and your action have consequences to yourself and the people in your circle. That felt a bit lacking? That or the MC has a really nice friend.

Overall, this was a short and concise story, but it also left me unsatisfied.

#Glimmer #Katie Benson #interactive fiction #complete #2022 #twine game #ifcomp #slice of life

[misquigleya]

thoughts below my dudes spoilers be extra heavy

getting some big ole "lost" vibes from that whole freezing to death scene with lottie, don't know how i feel about that cause "lost" fucked us over in the end and i'm still not over it all these years later. so. yj writers...don't let me down

akilah was precious with the little mouse / shrew ( not exactly sure what it was but it was cute ) and her being the only one really semi-clinging to "normalcy" with still studying for the STATS? i'm rooting for you bby girl pls do not follow in mari's footsteps

speaking of mari....girl if you find yourself wondering why you were chosen for the next bbq....think back to all the BEEF you were starting and having with everyone in that cabin like a;sdklfj pull your head out of your ass lmao

benny boy, my dude, my home-skillet....pls don't ask the "vicious monsters" what they would have / will do if you're chosen / selected for the next feast cause that just not a good thing to be putting in their heads. also you should have used your crutch against mari cause girly really be squaring up with you like ma'am that is a full grown adult man...sit your ass down

LAURA LEE PLEASE COME BACK CAUSE YOUR GF IS LOSIN IT BABES like...lottie really does need a voice of reason and i think that's what laura lee was to her aside from the og believer and thinking she [lottie] had a direct line to "god" with knowing what's up with the wilderness and shit

....javi being alive was not on my bingo card but i don't think he's completely out of the woods ( ha ) just yet cause it's still possible that he could not have been one of the, i'm assuming, 8 survivors. but we shall see but i know for certain that nat's gonna get an ear full from travis / the others cause of the whole "finding" his [javi] pants in the tree. but i had a feeling that it would come back and bite her in the ass...just not in the form of javi being alive

i love vanessa palmer so much like that's my butch lesbian <3 love that they own a little shop and it looks like it involves their interests, etc. absolutely love it for van

tai you need to talk to someone and i hope you actually talk to van about like....everything leading up to you just randomly showing up to their place of business which....other tai seems to be in more control???? like the whole breaking into jessica robert's place and finding the info to find van then "waking up" on the side of the road with no gas. way pass sleep walking and eating dirt and that don't sound good nor could it mean good is to come of it

shauna and jeff, mom and dad, you need to get it together but i'm with jeff in the way that shauna should not have told callie that she killed adam, that jeff knew, and helped get rid of the evidence. like it just...SHE'S TALKING TO A 30+ YEAR OLD CREEPO COP which i get it, she doesn't know that but still. she's already leaked that shauna did have an affair with adam and that just shines some shit light on shauna and jeff and just....baby what is you doin

something that was on my bingo card and that is having me squinting even harder at walt is the whole story about him having won a settlement and "surviving" an accident. also proclaiming himself to be a millionaire???? oh you mean hottie lottie's bread and jam aka the type of folks that come to cult camp???? nah. walt has def gotta be involved someway cause it makes sense; lottie knows how misty is/was and she could have seen that walt was the same ( if he wasn't fucking coached to be that way ) and pointed him in misty's direction cause it could be the perfect way to get misty to the cult camp though i'm sure misty would have found a way to get HER WOMAN back one way or another

and now to the biggest thing i have screamed with the wifey ( @scatcrccio ) ....if these writers are dicking me around with mistnat/NaSTY being a thing after teasing it so fuckin hard last season oN TOP OF THE ACTORS BOTH SHIPPING IT....i will get violent. it's giving me too much whiplash and flashbacks to killing eve and i just can not go through that kinda shit again. so if tHE WRITERS COULD PLEASE JUST EASE UP ON THE POTENTIAL SHIPS AND REFOCUS ON MISTNAT....that'd be fuckin super duper

....also absolutely no offence to lottie/nat or nat/lisa shippers like you do you boo-boo but i'm delusional and floating down the denial river grasping at mistnat and i need it to be canon okay????

#( ran out of teammates to munch on | out of character ) #yj spoilers below #do not hit readmore if ya wanna #avoid spoilers okay???

[an-odd-idea]

Stream of consciousness during album because I’m afraid (of how good it will be and how many feelings I might have)

Yun: Very Namjoon. But also jazzy. It suits him though, I am zero percent surprised

Still Life: EEEEEHEHEHE I need to look the lyrics up, but the VIBES

All Day: AAAAAAAAAAA but then it sounds like a j-hope song too all of a sudden???? we call this the best of many worlds. Oh hey it’s the “let’s gooooo!” thing, too!

Forg_tful: Kinda like a really good country song? Not country exactly, but that sort of feel. Reminds me of Tophouse. The featured artist has a really cute voice

Closer: :)))))))

Change pt.2: AAAAAAAAA pt.2 it was so scary and now it’s chill, but now unsettling-chill, wtf who hurt you? I don’t know where part one is, and it’s not the first time- it just be like that sometimes

Lonely: So fuckin’ lonely. This is a freaking great song. Everything about it. It’s just perfect I guess. Some songs, regardless of how they compare to any other songs, are just automatically 10/10 immaculate, there’s nothing you could possibly do to make this song better than it already is (pls don’t be lonely though, I’m sorry about that)

Hectic: Very chill-sounding. I really like the featured artist. Oooo I was not expecting the way it changed near the end, I like that

Wild Flower: Almost skipped it because I already heard it in the music video and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking that my stomach hurts and I can’t take that twice in one night. I did anyway. I have also already seen the translation, and I want to give him a hug and fix everything that’s wrong with the world and run through the wilderness just because. Also, talk about poetic wording. *is in pain*

No.2: Vibe whiplash after Wild Flower lol. It’s so nice… second time I’ve heard a k-pop artist rhyme melody with felony, interesting. I was told that the last line is “I will protect you now” what does that mean? Gotta look up the rest.

It’s so good it’s so good it’s so good, I have no more thoughts Goodnight

[britswriting]

Unbroken (12)

*Leighton's POV*

"Did you get lost on your way to the bathroom?" I asked and Colby chuckled, shaking his head.

"I asked Kat if she knew where you were" He shrugged and I nodded, the room falling silent, and I heard him sigh "Can we have our talk now?"

I set down my iPad, scrunching my face a little. "Why now? I thought you were going to watch a movie downstairs?"

"I want to clear the air" he said, sitting down on the floor and I made a weird face. "You can sit in the chairs. I'm not going to force you to sit on the ground" I motioned towards the chairs in front of me, giggling a little and Colby smiled a little, nodding and then got up, taking a seat in the chair across from me.

I reached for my apple pencil again, ignoring his stare. I was sketching out some facial details when he cleared his throat and started apologizing. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I was just worried. You left with someone we didn't know and came back the next morning" He fiddled with his own rings which I smiled softly at.

I couldn't help but wonder if he always had that tick, or if he was picking it up from me. 

"Were you worried for my wellbeing or that I was some morning after whore?" I muttered and Colby shifted in the chair as I erased a mistake I made in my sketch. I was working on drawing a couple cartoon characters interacting with each other and I was struggling with poses at the moment.

"Honestly?" He asked and I nodded. I winced when he let out a big sigh, his hand rubbing against his face making me narrow my eyes at him "You thought I slept with him?" I asked, giving him my full attention.

"You came home wearing his clothes Leighton" He spoke in a defensive tone, and I pursed my lips, setting my pencil down.

Why was he acting like a jealous boyfriend? Last time I checked, he hated me?

"Okay hold on, even if I DID sleep with him, why the fuck does that matter? You're not my boyfriend or even my friend for that matter!" I snapped, getting mad at his uncalled-for outburst about my whereabouts and social life.

"I know! I'm sorry! I can't help but feel protective over girls. I've had too many friends get hurt! Guys are dicks" Colby started and I scoffed, crossing my arms and I saw him look back at my tattoos.

Oh, so we're friends now?

Honestly, I was starting to get whiplash.

Did he like or hate me?

"You're the only dick I see" I cocked an eyebrow and I saw him smirk before letting out a cough and pulling his lips into a thin line

"Okay, I see why, and I'm sorry! I don't normally act like that and before you laugh in my face, I truly mean it. I never have girlfriends and I wanted to try going out with this person, and as you can see it wasn't my best choice. I wanted it to work out though. Which is why I figured if I got rid of everything to make it easier and I'm sorry you got the shitty end of the stick. Even Sam's yelled at me about this girl-"

"Colby, you have people over ALL the time. I'm honestly just glad I don't share a wall with you. You got to start making your one-night stands use your own bathroom"  I cut him off, tired of listening to the words that were falling out of his mouth so helplessly

"I haven't had that many people over lately!" He held his hand out towards my face, trying to prove a point.

"I've been living with you for like a month. It's noticeable. I'm not trying to control your life Colby, I'm just saying that you can't tell me this was a one-time thing, when you constantly have girls over in your room" I noted and it got silent for a moment before he shook his head, fixing his hair

"We're getting off topic" He chuckled, brushing off what I had said. I tilted my head, squinting my eyes and pursing my lips. "You were literally calling me a whore when I've only slept with one person the past three years, and you've slept with one person basically daily!" I exclaimed, my head starting to hurt from his constant back and forth.

"That isn't true!" He laughed and I bit my bottom lip, trying not to let a smile slip at the way he had laughed, letting him continue "I haven't even slept with them all, a lot of them are just friends" He defended, and my jaw dropped as I yelled "Wow!" my laugh finally slipped out in a playful disbelief.

"What!?" He shouted, laughing a little. I internally grinned at him trying to hold back his own laugh "I haven't slept with them all" I mocked.

"What!? I haven't!" His voice got higher and laughed again, biting my tongue.

"ANYWAY, I didn't sleep with my ex, it was 1am, I was tired, I went to bed. Sue me" I smirked, still basking in him trying to cover himself.

"Okay, I'm sorry for being a bitch about that. Look, I truly don't have a problem with you living with us, I'm sorry for acting out. It isn't because you're a girl, I've lived with girls before. Our old roommate's girlfriend used to live with us. I think I'm honestly just a little intimidated by you. Can you blame me? The two people I hang out with the most, really like you and like you've said, you've only lived with us for a month. I feel like they're both getting really close to you, and I'm just getting left out, which I know sounds stupid, I know! I also know I haven't been the most welcoming to you, but I truly have been busy filming and editing. It wasn't like, oh let me be a dick to the new roommate! That was never my intention, and I'm sorry if I came across like that. I'm honestly just tired from work, which I also know isn't a good excuse for my actions"

It felt like Colby was staring into my soul as he talked, his blue eyes keeping hold of my green ones, causing my heart to race.

I knew he was telling the truth, with how desperately he was trying to keep eye contact, which warmed my heart. If there was anything that pissed me off more, it was liars. But especially pathological liars.

I was still unsure of his intentions, and I felt like he was just as unsure of mine, even if he was full heartedly telling the truth.

 "I forgive you; do you still find me sketchy?" I asked, turning my iPad back on

"I mean, after watching you be with your family, not as much but you're still weird" His smirk turning into a full shit eating grin.

"What!? How am I weird!" I yelled, holding back a laugh.

"You do weird shit!" He declared, and my jaw dropped

"How!?" I was beyond flabbergasted

Me? Weird? Never!

I tried so hard to keep a straight face, but it only turned into full belly laughter making Colby's face fill with confusion as he replied "We literally never see you. Kat sees you the most and she doesn't even live with us!" He exclaimed, passion filling his died down laughter. His eyes still creased a little bit.

"Well, I didn't know being your roommate meant movie night was mandatory!" I spoke loudly, but not shouting back, a smile prominent on my face, feeling playful

'Well, it is!" He shot back, grinning yet again at me.

I couldn't help but want to savor this playful encounter, especially since it was so drastic to how I was treated before, Colby coming across as a whole new person in the past 10 minutes. It felt like I watched him change right in front of my eyes. Like I blinked and a whole new person was here.

"I'll try and hang out more. I'm really busy right now though. I know this sounds kind of bitchy but like, figure out with Sam when you want to hang, and I'll try and make it work. I have family stuff to deal with, plus I have a job now that I need to focus on, so I'm not just free tomorrow at 5pm because you guys are bored" I explained and Colby nodded, showing he understood.

Colby and I sat in silence for a little bit, myself focused back on my drawing. 

When I looked up at him after finishing my sketch, I found him staring at me.

"What?" I asked, confused why his eyes were locked on me.

"Nothing. It's just fun watching people do things they love. How long have you done art?" He pondered aloud causing me to smile softly

"Since I was in diapers. My dad still has stuff in a folder I colored when I was a baby" I chuckled, fond memories popping up in my head like a movie of my dad and I doing art together.

Colby asked me art questions whilst I started the coloring process of my character, and I found it touching how intrigued he seemed to be. No one ever really cared to ask me questions considering the only one who I did art with was my dad, and I learned from him, no one else took interest in our shared hobby. It was kind of fun to explain why I was using certain colors or why I was shading my character's face the way I was. I always was amazed at the way my dad used colors, and I desperately wanted him to teach me his secret, but he always told me it was all in the eye. Which translated that I was basically a loss cause, but I still tried.

"Do you only do cartoons?" He asked and I shook my head, setting my apple pencil down. "I love doing hyperrealist stuff, I actually very rarely draw cartoons" I let out a breathy laugh, glancing down towards my work. I suddenly felt extremely insecure of my work, now seeing how intently he had been watching me. Cartoons weren't my strong suit, and the idea of him thinking this was the best I had, felt like a slap in the face, even if he was impressed.

"Can I see some?" he asked, and I nodded, pulling out a desk draw and grabbing my purple folder with the label "Leigh's baby drawings" on it, and handing them over to him.

"I drew family and friends' photos from when they were a baby. The most recent is on the top, that's my little sister" I showed him an extremely realistic black and white portrait of Lexi lying flat on top of the stack.

I was a lot more confident in my realism drawings, but it was still scary showing off something to someone that you spent hours working on. What if they didn't like it?

I focused back on my drawing, starting to get bored of redrawing the same stroke ten times. Shading the hair sucked. At least that was my personal opinion. I always loved doing the clothes on my artwork. I always preferred doing the hair highlights over the shadows, whereas my dad preferred doing shadows because he loved how with one darker line the previous colors could just pop, and make the whole artwork look brand new.

"These are really good Leighton! I have a strange question" he said, making my ears perk up.

He complimented me?

"Okay?" I spoke hesitantly

"Would you want to draw Sam and I? For our house?" He asked and I glanced towards the door and back to him, feeling slightly confused.

Me? Draw him? Why?

"Like, to hang up?" I asked and Colby nodded.

"I think it would be really cool!" He spoke with a reassuring grin on his face.

I narrowed my eyes a little, feeling suspicious of the grin he was wearing. Was he trying to be polite? Convincing? Or did he have something up his sleeve that was going to make my life hell?

I asked Colby what he wanted me to do, and I couldn't help but laugh when he said he didn't know. Which if I was being honest, really eased my nerves on what his intentions were of asking such a daunting task.

"So, you had this grand idea, but no planning?" I asked and I swear I saw him blush slightly.

"It just came to me!" He defended himself and I chuckled, biting my bottom lip as I nodded. He pulled out his phone, focusing his attention elsewhere so I picked up my apple pencil again, finishing up my artwork. It was silent for a moment before Colby's voice bounced off the four walls, startling me slightly since I had gotten lost in my almost completed artwork. "I asked people on my Instagram Story what their favorite photos of Sam and I are, and hopefully we can pick from those," he grinned, setting his phone down. I nodded and turned my iPad around, showing him my finished project. "That looks so good Leighton!" He praised, and I felt my ears heat up before it spread to my cheeks.

"Thank you" I smiled shyly, turning the iPad off and putting it on its charger. I put the purple folder back in the drawer now that Colby was done looking for it. I stood up from my chair and pulled my hair up into a messy high ponytail which showed off a tattoo behind my ear. "Are you going to be transfixed on every tattoo I show?" I smirked, chuckling a little at how his eyes were scanning over the small inkwork behind my ear and down the side of my neck.

"I swear every time you do anything, there is something new to learn! I didn't know you had so many tattoos!" He said, his eyes scanning from my neck tattoo down to my arm where the sleeve was peeking out from my oversized t-shirt 

"I have loads" I giggled, opening the door and leaving him behind as I walked downstairs. I could hear big booms from whatever movie they were watching, the sound blaring from my dad's precious sound system. I plopped down next to Aaliyah and Logan, slightly confused why Logan was still here. Colby joined us pretty quickly, taking a seat on the floor next to Sam. I tried to stay awake for the rest of the movie, but when I woke up, I was in an empty dark room with a fuzzy blanket draped over my body. I moaned at how comfy the couch was when I rolled over, wanting to sink back into a deep slumber, and I did just that. When I woke up again, my alarm was blaring throughout the quiet making me grumble "fuck" and sit up, stretching as I grabbed it. I looked at the date and time and a pit formed in my stomach as realization of what was happening today started to hit. When I turned around, I couldn't help but squint at how bright the kitchen light was behind me. I heard some shuffling, so I knew someone was in there.

I walked in the kitchen after I used the bathroom because the second I woke up, I felt like my bladder was going to explode, which honestly was the first time I had felt like that during this pregnancy and I mentally groaned, knowing it was only downhill from here.

I was trying my best to keep notes of things that were happening in my phone, wanting to document them in my pregnancy journal. I walked into the kitchen, typing down this new "symptom" into my notes app when I saw my dad standing at the stove, cooking breakfast and I said a quiet good morning, sitting down at the table. He told me that my mom was getting ready upstairs so we could head out to the hospital. I had work from 12-8 today and my mom went into surgery at 11, so the stress I was feeling was beyond overwhelming.

"Did you plug your phone in?" He asked and I shook my head, thanking him for reminding me, getting up to grab a charger. When I came back I felt my mind spiral at the thought of my mom going under brain surgery and before I knew it, I was sobbing whilst my dad placed eggs in front of me. He didn't say anything to me, but he rubbed comforting circles on my back with the palm of his hand. I wasn't sure how long I sobbed for, but I eventually calmed down and started eating breakfast, knowing we had to leave soon.

I was honestly terrified of losing my mom in this surgery. I couldn't imagine not being able to call her during my pregnancy or having her meet my baby. The idea of her not being here for such an important moment in my life made my chest tighten. I couldn't help but start to self loathe at not having told her sooner. What if she died today? I should've told her sooner! She could've helped me loads!

"Where is everyone?" I asked him, drinking some of the tea he had handed me, wanting to turn off my brain. I smiled when I tasted the ginger, glancing over towards my dad. "How'd you know?" I asked quietly and my dad's back was still turned to me as he replied "Your mother had really bad morning sickness with all you guys. She said this helped the most, along with peppermint oils, but we don't have any of that" I nodded, going back to sipping my tea. I sighed with relief as the nausea went away, the soothing tea filling up my stomach and calming my thoughts.

I smiled at my mom when she entered, getting up to hug her and telling her a good morning.

"Everyone went home but Aaliyah and River, they stole your bed" My dad finally answered, laughing a little and I rolled my eyes.

"Of course, they did!" I snickered back, already planning my attack on them.

I climbed up the stairs, thrashing open my bedroom door and yelling "Morning losers!" Before jumping on them, making them groan.

"Leigh!" Aaliyah shouted and I laughed uncontrollably to where I started coughing from lack of oxygen. "Glad you're laughing at my pain!" She huffed

"Dad made eggs, I gotta go wake the other losers" I pushed off the bed and River groaned.

"Leigh, I have a girlfriend!" River jokingly called out and I was confused until I realized where my hand was placed. I gasped and quickly removed my hand which made me faceplant on the bed.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled, it coming out more muffled as I was laying against my comforter.

"Morning Leighton" River chuckled as I stood up, breathing hard.

"Good morning, dumbass. I'm going to wake up the rainbow child now. Hurry up before the devil spawns steal all of breakfast!" I said, leaving the room and I heard Aaliyah and River laugh.

I opened my brother's door, covering my eyes and yelling "Cover up I don't want to see your dick!" I squeaked, afraid for my life

"Oh my god!" Landon grumbled and I kept my hand over my eyes. "I'm not naked you idiot" He grumbled again, and I removed my hand from my eyes, thanking god he wasn't lying to me.

"Dad made breakfast, get up cause we gotta take mom to the hospital in an hour" I walked out of his room and opened Lexi's door and much to my surprise, she was already up, slipping on a hoodie.

"I like your hair!" I complimented, startling her.

"Morning, it's just braids" She spoke quietly, reaching for Chapstick.

I could tell with how quiet she was that the nerves were eating her up as well. I sighed and helped her get ready, making her bed for her. I hung out with my sister till we had to leave. We all reluctantly climbed into the car, the whole car ride to the hospital was silent.

When we got my mom checked in and met with her doctor, everything started to feel more real.

This morning I could psych myself out into thinking it was just another normal day, but the second the OR nurses came in to prep her for surgery, I felt like I was hit with a giant slap of reality.

This was really happening. We were really doing this again.

I hugged my sister against me as the doctor started explaining the surgery to us. I could hear my sisters' sniffles and felt her teardrops fall onto my hand.

It was now 10:30am and my mother was getting prepped for her surgery, meaning we all had about half an hour to talk to her before she had to go in.

I was starting to get insane flashbacks to the last time we did this, and I could only hope we'd get the same outcome. 

My sister went first, then my brother and by 10:50 it was my turn.

My brother kept the door open for me, then shut it as he left. I took a deep breath.

I sat down next to my mom, and she held her hand out towards me, smiling.

"Hi sunshine" She looked me in the eyes and that's when I lost it. "Oh baby girl, don't cry honey. You're mommy's ray of sunshine. Leighton Rae it'll be okay" She squeezed my hand and I audibly sobbed.

I can't believe I was doing this again.

They said the last time should've been it. That we would be all done, and yet here I was, sobbing in a hospital room whilst my dying mother was consoling me. 

"I love you mom" I cried, a thousand memories filling my head. 

We honestly thought we were in the clear after we passed the 5-year mark, but here life was, slapping us in the face that the rough waters never truly go away. 

I pulled out my phone and I took a photo of me and my mom holding hands and I turned my video recorder on, wanting to remember her voice. It was all these just in case moments that were truly making me lose my mind. "You have to come back to me, mom. I can't lose my mom. My baby needs their grandmother" I cried, and my mom smiled and held out her pinky, interlocking it with my own. I video recorded her kissing my pinky finger as the tears rolled down my face.

"I promise baby" She smiled, and I could tell she was hurting. I just couldn't tell if she was hurting more psychically, mentally or emotionally and that killed me.

"I love you mom" I repeated, still recording and I saw a tear fall down her own face. My chest tightened at the idea of how scared she must be.

"I love you too Leigh, you're my perfect daughter and I can't wait to meet my little grandbaby. You're going to have to calm down Leigh. We want that baby happy and healthy so when I kick cancers butt, I can hold my perfect precious grandbaby"

I stopped recording and I took a selfie with my mom, adding it to my folder of memories with her.

"Baby you're acting like I'm going to disappear in front of you. I've done this surgery before, I will be okay sunshine" she smiled at her fingers, and I glanced down, trying to see through my blurred vision. "I always have you kids with me and you'll always have me with you" she said, and she placed my fingers over the tattoos on the side of her ring finger. 

On Mother's Day when Lexi and Landon were toddlers, my mom got in small ink an infinity sign, moon crescents and a sun on the inside of her ring finger, and when Logan and I were old enough, we all got the same thing, except our tattoos filled in which one we were in the lineup. When I got married, I wanted to get a heart in front of the infinity sign, so I left space to do that.

"I understand you're the one going into brain surgery, and I don't have the right to be scared but I'm scared of losing you mom. If I'm being totally honest, my feelings this time around are so different than last time. Like not only are my hormones all out of whack, but I want my baby to meet you mom. I want them to grow up with their grandmother" I cried softly, my hand rested against my belly, and I felt my eyes widen.

A bump

I had a bump!

I felt my excitement get destroyed when I thought about it just being bloating again and I heard my mom ask what was wrong. I lifted my shirt and turned a little, trying to see if she could notice a bump too.

I couldn't believe I didn't check when I used the bathroom this morning like I always did!

"Do I have a bump?" I asked her and I heard the door open and my dad asking what we were doing. "Is there a bump?" I asked him, turning to show him.

"I think there is a tiny one" My mom said, and the excitement started to grow again.

"I'm scared it's just bloating! But what if it isn't? Google said the bump pops at 12 to 14 weeks! I'm only on week 9!" I spoke quickly, panicking at how I should feel.

"Leigh you can't listen to google about how your pregnancy should be. Each of mine were different. Logan, I didn't show till almost 20 weeks. I had a really small bump with him. With you, I woke up one morning at like 15 weeks, and the bump was just there, and it wasn't tiny, but you were a big ass baby so" She grinned, and I glared at her.

God what if my baby was huge?

My vagina would never recover.

"It was all a lost cause with the twins though, I showed right away. I was showing before I even knew I was pregnant. Those children wrecked my body" She grumbled then smiled and I could tell she was fondly reminiscing which made me smile. 

"Is my baby going to wreck my body?" I asked quietly, forgetting my dad was here.

"Honestly? Your body will never be the same. Your hips will be wider, you never completely lose the baby fat, no matter how many stupid LA diets there are. My boobs never went back to their pre-baby size. I don't know if that's common or not" She shrugged, and I glanced towards my dad who was sitting in a chair on his phone.

"Only the twins were a c-section, right?" I asked and she nodded.

My mom and I got into the topic of vaginal birth versus a cesarean birth and the things they do to your body.

The second she said stitches on my vagina I almost fainted.

Why the fuck did I get knocked up?

My mom mentioned how having a midwife for the twins was useful, and before we could get into the topic of conversation, the nurses came in to bring her to the OR. I made a mental note to check out what midwives were when I got home from work.

My siblings and I kissed my mom's cheek and wished her good luck before I had to head off to work.

I was trying insanely hard to detach my work life from my personal life today since I needed the money really badly and when I was on my last hour of my shift, my mind kept thinking about how my mom's surgery went. On lunch break I got a text that she was going to be moved to recovery soon, so I couldn't wait to get back.

I smiled when I recognized some familiar faces coming into my checkout line.

"Hey losers!" I grinned, Sam and Colby placing all sorts of weird stuff on the conveyor belt.

"Look at our working girl!" Sam praised and I laughed, grabbing the first item.

"Bathroom spray? This better be for your bathroom!" I raised an eyebrow, scanning the item.

Sam held back a laugh while Colby's cheeks reddened. "Just keep scanning" He muttered, and I giggled, placing it in the bag.

"Now I know I don't need these, and you guys don't have a uterus, so why do you have tampons?" I asked, holding up a yellow and blue box of Tampax .

I finally looked at the rest of the items and narrowed my eyes.

"Condoms? Alcohol? Okay I'm not coming home tonight" I said, scanning the items.

"The condoms are Colby's-" Sam spoke quickly and Colby smacked his arm as I raised an eyebrow, recalling our conversation from the night before. "Bathroom spray and condoms Colby?" I asked, placing the adult item into the bag with the bathroom spray.

"Katrina needed tampons, I matched the picture she sent me to the box" Sam informed me and I smiled at him, nodding. 

"Well, I figured one of you guys' female friends needed them. It's nice to see you guys buying them. It's nice to know some guys aren't grossed out by it" I placed the item in the bag, and I grabbed a box, turned it around and saw what it was. "MiraLax pills? This explains the bathroom spray" I muttered, and Colby groaned.

"I told you we should've gone to self-checkout!" Colby grumbled to Sam who I could tell was trying so hard not to laugh.

"I wanted to see Leighton! I haven't talked to her since before she passed out on the couch!" He exclaimed and Colby shook his head, crossing his arms.

I grabbed a bottle, and the apple of my cheeks were burning from trying so hard not to laugh.

"Erectile Dysfunction pills?" I asked Colby and I've never seen him turn so fast.

"SAMUAL!" He shouted, causing people's heads to turn as Sam belly laughed. "THOSE AREN'T MINE!" Colby yelled as I scanned the item.

"What the fuck! Remove that from my checkout list! What the hell Sam!?" He said, pointing to the computer behind me before turning to face Sam again and Sam was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I slipped those in when Colby was grabbing condoms" Sam laughed and Colby rolled his eyes.

I removed the item and set it behind me. The rest of their basket was just drinks and food.

Thank God

"Well Colby, don't knock anyone up. I got to deal with enough babies in our house as it is" I said, and Sam's eyes widened. "What? Colby's a whiner" I muttered, and Colby glared at me.

"No Leighton, it's pronounced wiener" Sam said and I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back a laugh as Colby glared at us.

"I'm never buying condoms with you two ever again" Colby grumbled and I laughed, biting my tongue as it stuck out a little bit.

Colby inserted his card, and typed in his pin, signing his signature and then took the receipt. He was silent the entire time, making me side glance at Sam who was also looking at Colby.

Did we upset him?

~

"Lexi shut up" I grumbled, shoving her off of me.

"You're being mean!" She whined and I rolled my eyes and Landon snickered.

"I don't give a flying monkey about your candy crush score" I rolled my eyes, opening up my text messages.

The group chat for Sam, Colby, Jake and I was going bananas, Aaliyah texted me a couple more times and so I replied to hers first. She told me to tell her how my mom was and let me know when we wanted to meet up.

I scrolled down and saw Gabe texted me asking what time the appointment was, making me roll my eyes.

You can only tell someone so many times

I opened the group chat and scanned the chat, feeling very confused.

Sam: Dude shut the fuck up some of us are trying to sleep

Jake: Yeah Colby!

Sam: I can't believe him

Jake: Believe what?

Sam: That he would do this! 

Jake: ???

Sam: Can she moan louder? God! I have to get up in a couple hours to go to Katrina's!

Jake: Maybe we should leave?

Sam: To where? Sam: I think she's the loudest one he's ever brought home

Jake: Just glad Leigh's gone. Jake: We could go to the hospital and hang with Leigh?

Sam: Why? Sam: Also why is Leighton at the hospital? Sam: When we bought condoms earlier, I didn't think they were going to be used the first hour we got home. 

I left the chat before Jake's text bubbles would go away, not needing to read more. I opened up my ex's and told him the time before turning off my phone. 

Why were they texting about Colby's sex life in our group chat? I hear enough as it is, I don't need to know more when I'm not at home. 

"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" Landon asked and I sighed, wishing my dad was back from the bathroom now.

"I hope so bud. That's the best I can do for you" 

While we were waiting for my mom to wake up, Lexi somehow got me to play candy crush with her and I have never felt happier to see the weirdo that is my best friend.

"Sup losers!" Aaliyah called out after opening the door.

I sprung up, shoving my sister off of me and wrapping my arms around her.

"You came!" I pulled away and Aaliyah smiled, nodding.

"Trust me Leigh, this is more for me than you. I much rather be here with your badass mom" Aaliyah smirked, sitting down next to my dad.

We were all sitting around talking, when the doctor and a nurse came in to check on my mom.

My hands rested on my stomach as I watched them check on the machines that I had no idea how to read.

All I really cared about was the lifeline. As long as that was still kicking, the rest of it didn't matter to me. I kind of tuned out the doctor, watching my mom's heart rate.

When the doctor left, leaving us to play the waiting game again, Aaliyah came and sat down next to me. "How are you doing?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I'm doing alright. Just really nervous. Thank you for coming. I'm sorry about what I said at the store" I told her sincerely and she nodded.

"I know you didn't mean it. Can we put this past us? I miss our late night Hells Kitchen slumber parties" She grinned and I laughed, nodding.

~

We were all kind of minding our own business whilst we waited for her to wake up, Aaliyah had brought Uno, which was one of Lexi and I's favorite games to play. I was touched at her sweet gesture, watching her set up the game.

Whilst we were really into our game of Uno, machines next to us started blaring in our ears making us all jump. Having no idea what was happening, and my emotions getting the best of me as I feared the worst, tears streamed down my face as my heart started racing.

Aaliyah pulled me into her chest and led me out of the room so the doctors could fix whatever was happening to my mother.

"She can't die on me Aaliyah! I can't lose her!" I sobbed, my voice cracking as my body shook.

I honestly lost all concept of time whilst trapped in these four white walls, that when I had stopped crying and saw it was now 1am, and finally could feel how exhausted my body was, I knew I needed to rest to not my hurt my baby, which only made me cry even more at the idea of me messing up my unborn child all because I was selfish and distracted.

"Leigh, you have to stop crying sweetie. This much stress on your body is horrible for the baby. Go home honey, we will be okay without you. I swear we will call you if something happens. Protect this family's legacy" My dad spoke with soft features, sympathy dripping off every word he spoke.

After about 10 minutes of everyone trying to force me home, I finally caved and drove home with Aaliyah.

When we walked into the household, I could hear some chick laughing in the kitchen as Colby spoke, making me groan.

Great.

Can't wait to stumble upon whatever the hell is happening in there.

Aaliyah led me to the stairs and I couldn't help but pick at the sleeves of my hoodie when I heard Colby say "I think we're energized for another round" followed by a squeal.

I was in for a long dreadful night, and it was moments like these where I wished everything would change.

* * * * 

Written on: December 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th 2022

Word Count: 6.3k

Part thirteen

#sam and colby #fanfiction #katrina stuart #sam golbach #colby brock #writing

[moonah-rose]

For my non-Rhaenicent thoughts on the leaked episode:

Emma. Fucking. KILLED IT.

Especially after they told her about Viserys, I felt every bit of that pain she went through, and then that waking of the dragon in the final shot. Hot damn!

"My father prepared me to rule." Did he though?? /Thor meme.

The choking scene....man, I actually feel bad for Daemyra shippers, I found that tough to watch. I'm more annoyed that Rhaenyra wasn't more pissed about it. I wanted her to give Dany's line "the next time you lay your hands on my throat will be the last time you have hands."

But...I get why it was more a horror for her in that moment to learn she is the SOLE carrier of Aegon's prophecy. It's gonna be buried with her and her own husband doesn't take it seriously.

(Seriously though, I get Daemon has just lost his brother and daughter in one day but no justification for that, none, and a major whiplash after you just crowned the woman!)

I'll give it to Daemon though - he said what we were all thinking to Rhaenys about burning the greens. But the whole "it's not her war" felt like it made more sense here - she wasn't ready to join the fight until she saw Rhaenyra was the one to fight for.

Also Daemon giving the knights a 'choice' with Caraxes behind him, all reminded me of a certain S7 scene at Highgarden. Daemon would have fucking LOVED Dany, let's be honest, she is completely his great x5 granddaughter.

Rhaenys was just awesome. I mean mostly all she did was stand there but she looked so awesome, especially refusing to bend the knee until both she and Corlys could swear allegiance together.

However...I think Corlys folded too quick. He clearly has never liked Rhaenyra, blames her for his son's death...I feel like he should have at least requested to be her Hand before just saying he's with her. I mean she took the pin off Otto, I thought that was the point.

Seeing Erryk give Rhaenyra her crown, everyone kneeling to her, ooh that did feel good, even knowing how it ends, that glimpse of what we wanted for Dany.

Rhaenyra wanting to keep Baela and Rhaena close at the war table, I just love that little touch!

The whole re-creating of Dragonstone Bridge was awesome, our Queen looked so cool and Syrax was prepared to munch on those greens.

So much focus on little Luke, you just knew this wouldn't end well.

The scene at Storms End went EXACTLY as I predicted, I knew it wouldn't be as black and white as the book appears, though Aemond is definitely still to blame for pushing it that far...Like, c'mon, bro.

Just saying, they pointed out how Rhaenys has Baratheon blood - they should have sent her!!

That final look from Rhaenyra though....it does make me more afraid of how a certain scene in s2 will play out.

Too tired to really think on much else and most important thing is Rhaenicent is still winning so, let the dance begin.

#hotd spoilers #house of the dragon finale