#then until February i can relax (when submissions close and offers come back)

[yslkook]

#do you have the bandwidth (7)

#corporate masterlist summary: the closer it gets to the new year, the more memorable moments you have. word count: 6.1k warnings: cursing, alcohol, discussion of mental health a/n: ENJOYYYY and thank you to @taestybae​ <333

After you had texted Jungkook after the holiday party, it seemed like neither of you went longer than a few days without texting each other. Most of it was for work related reasons- but Jungkook was aching to talk to you about anything outside of work.

And at work, his head spins when you spend a few extra minutes at his cubicle as you’re passing by-

“Your boss would be ashamed at the state of your desk plant,”

“We don’t all have a green thumb, okay-”

“You don’t need a green thumb to take care of a succulent, Jungkook! Look at it! She just needs a friend.”

“You be her friend then.”

“We are friends,” You murmur with a blinding smile, “Aren’t we?”

“Y-yeah,” Jungkook swallows nervously.

And then you had asked him if he wanted to have lunch with you and Seokjin, a request that had made his head spin. Do you even know what you’re doing to him?

From the oblivious smile on your face, he thinks not.

But it’s so easy to insert himself into conversation with you. You always look to him, to make sure if he has something to say, that he says it. You do that with everyone, really. Whether it’s at work or not-

“Hey, I made a lot of samgyeopsal last night,” You say, opening your container once you’re seated at the table, “Figured you’d want some?”

Jungkook looks at you and then the container a few times. His stomach rumbles and his heart flips, a betrayal of his own body. 

You’re already placing some in his plate without asking, along with some rice. It’s all so very domestic, despite the fact that you’re both in the middle of the office cafeteria.

“Jin likes samgyeopsal, too,” You muse, “Especially the way Grandma makes it. Grandma cooks so much better than me. She says Appa used to cook better than me, too.”

You laugh and Jungkook is stunned. He doesn’t think you’ve ever opened up about home to him before. 

“What else do you like cooking?” 

Your eyes light up as you rattle off different things you’re trying. You tell him you want to become better at baking-

“I’m a ready and willing test subject, here at your service.”

“Oh, really?” You snort, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jungkook eats his food in awe, his eyes wide and sparkling and lips tinted with sauce. It surprises you, how eager you are for his reaction. He moans in satisfaction, even closing his eyes as he chews.

Your face heats up. The noise that comes out of his mouth should most definitely be inappropriate for the general public of the office cafeteria.

“So much better than anything I could offer you,” Jungkook groans.

“I’m sure I’ll think of something, Jungkook.”

And while the end of the year means that things are starting to wind down with the holidays approaching- everyone is out of the office from Christmas Eve until the day after New Years- you still meet with your submissions team once before bowing out for the holiday.

It feels oddly nostalgic, as if you’re saying goodbye to friends rather than colleagues-

“Any plans, Sana?” Namjoon asks at the end of the meeting. All of your laptops are down, having finished your work about twenty minutes ago. 

This was the best part. Finishing the work early so that you could catch up with each other. Ever since Tokyo, you’ve felt the bonds between the four of you strengthen into something more than just workplace associates.

“Going to my grandparents’ with my dad,” Sana replies, leaning back in her chair, “You?”

“Visiting the family. I’ll be here for new years though,” Namjoon muses and turns to you.

“Oh, yeah. Me too,” You nod and Jungkook nods in agreement.

“Nobody’s traveling this year?” Namjoon asks, “We’re all wasting our youth. But our families are gettin’ older, huh?”

Namjoon is nothing if not tactful. 

“Maybe next year,” Jungkook jokes, eyes crinkling.

You groan and smack your palm to your forehead, “It’s too early for ‘next year’ jokes, Jungkook. Reign it in.”

“No such thing as too early,” Jungkook protests.

“You’re the type to come in the first day back and tell everyone that you haven’t seen them since last year,” You tease, and Jungkook lets out a surprised laugh.

“So what if I am? It’s a timeless joke!”

“Oh, is it?”

Namjoon rolls his eyes as you both playfully bicker. “Before we leave, since this is our last meeting for this project… Thank you for all of your hard work in the last few months. You’ve all really stepped up, and I’m proud to lead a team as strategic, smart, and flexible as this one.”

“Watch out, Namjoon, you’ll put a tear in my eye,” You interrupt with a grin. He shoots you an impressed glare and you shut your mouth.

“As you know, Tokyo will be here in February. And I expect nothing but the best from us. But until then… Enjoy the holiday, and be safe and well. And spend time with your loved ones.”

Jungkook catches the soft look in your eyes. You bite your bottom lip nervously, feeling like you have to say something. At least to Namjoon.

So you muster every ounce of bravery in you and open your mouth. “Thanks, Namjoon. For… everything.”

Well, nobody said you were a poet.

And sometimes you might text him after work, too. Sometimes you send pictures of your dinner and dessert to him. And he, without fail, compliments every single one of them with an array of emojis. 

Jungkook sometimes can’t believe it. He finds himself asking Taehyung if he’s dreaming- that you’re really texting him. Taehyung rolls his eyes and smacks the back of his head.

Sometimes when you try new wines with Grandma, you tell him about it. You send him snapchat videos once in a while, after a few glasses of wine detailing your assessment of the wine-

Hey. It’s me. Today, I tried this five year old pinot noir. Don’t even like pinot noir like that. Don’t you think all wines taste the same? Except pinot noir. Pinot noir tastes like the devil’s lettuce.

When you send him snapchat videos, his heart seizes in his chest at the flash of your name on his screen. The camera will be facing you, voice slurring and a little high pitched. In one of them, he thinks you’re in your bed, under the covers half asleep. 

And when he sends you little videos back, he stammers in nervousness. In fact, he drops his phone more than once while recording himself doing his skincare routine to send to you.

The fact that you willingly send him these silly snapchat videos of your sleepy voice, sends a flutter of butterflies through his belly.

Jungkook starts going to bed with a goodnight text from you more often than not.

You surprise him again, on a random Thursday night, asking him what he’s doing. It’s the Thursday before Christmas.

Normally, Seokjin is your go-to to text when you can’t sleep at night. But you find yourself curiously hovering over Jungkook’s text message thread more often than not these days.

Jungkook is playing video games and the moment he sees your name flash across his screen, he gets distracted. A chorus of protests echoes in his ears when he suddenly pauses to check his phone. It’s close to 1 AM, and he wonders what you’re doing awake.

you : hi you: what are you up to you: i cant sleep lol jungkook: is this a booty call? You: lmaoo shut up. if this was a booty call u would know jungkook: what’s a dude to think

Jungkook blames his next text on the fact that it’s after hours, also known as vulnerable hours.

jungkook: when a pretty girl texts u at 1 AM what am i meant to think you: idk, go ask whoever else is texting u at 1 AM 

Of course, you don’t take the bait. Who does he think he is?

you: i was just thinking about u

He pretends like his hands don’t shake as he types his response to you. It appears that he’s feeling brave tonight.

jungkook: want to facetime? 

His heart races in anticipation when he sees three dots on his screen. They go away in a flash and before disappointment settles in, you’re FaceTiming him.

Jungkook nearly fumbles his phone in his hand before he answers. 

“H-hi,” He mumbles in greeting, a tired smile gracing his features.

You cannot believe that you’re FaceTiming Jungkook. You don’t remember FaceTiming anyone who wasn’t Jin. You wonder if he can feel your nerves through the screen.

“Hi,” You say with a wave, “What are you wearing?” 

You wink at him, eyes dark, before bursting into laughter.

“I thought this wasn’t a booty call,” Jungkook deadpans. As if his cheeks aren’t pink from your words.

“‘S not,” You promise with a laugh,  “Were you sleeping?”

“Nah, I was playing video games with-”

“Oh! I’m sorry, I just barged in on your plans with your friends,” You say apologetically, chewing on your bottom lip, “I didn’t even ask if you were free-”

“Relax, I’m the one who asked if you wanted to FaceTime, remember?” Jungkook says soothingly, and you instantly feel your heart calming from the sincerity in his voice.

“Yeah. ‘Cause you thought this was a booty call,” You grin and Jungkook giggles.

What a sweet sound.

“I’m going to get into bed,” Jungkook murmurs, “Gimme a sec.”

He leaves his phone slanted on his chair, giving you a view of him walking away from you to refill his water bottle from the fridge. You can’t help but stare- even though his clothes are quite baggy, you can make out the outline of his ass through his sweatpants. 

He does have a nice peach. You’ve always thought so. You could probably bounce a quarter off of his ass. Not that you ever would.

“I feel like I’m in your pocket,” You say once Jungkook picks his phone up and heads to his bedroom. He makes sure the lights are off before heading in and closing the door and puts his headphones in his ears.

“You can be my pocket pal,” Jungkook says, getting comfortable in bed.

“How flattering.”

You’re cuddled under your covers on your side, the light from your nightstand illuminating your face. Jungkook sees dark circles lining your undereyes, and a tint of nervousness in your gaze.

You look cozy and cuddly, a little contemplative, and he wonders what’s on your mind. 

“Hey,” You say, voice turning a little serious, “Thank you. For… For answering my text. And for being my friend, in general.”

Your face is heating up, vulnerability pooling in your eyes. You want to look away- maintaining eye contact even through the camera feels like too much. But you’re working on it. You’re working on being more vulnerable to those around you. 

You want to let him in. It hurts how much you want to let him in.

“O-oh. You don’t… You don’t have to thank me for being your friend,” Jungkook stammers. How must you feel about yourself if you feel the need to thank him for just being a friend to you? “Are you...okay?”

Your eyes widen and you play with the hem of your shirt to distract yourself for a second. “Yeah-”

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Jungkook says softly. 

You pause for a second, heart pounding in your ears. The only person you’ve ever talked to this about is Jin. But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you spilled your thoughts to Jungkook.

You’ve never been the best with words. 

“Um,” You say in a tight voice, “I just… I had a really hard day today at therapy. So I can’t sleep.”

Jungkook catches the hesitation in your tone. He’s not the best at comforting people, he thinks. But he’ll try, for you. For you, he’ll try anything.

“Are some days easier than others?” Jungkook asks, trying to probe what you’re comfortable with sharing and what you’re not.

“Yeah. I’ve had worse days, but this has been a tougher day than usual…”

“What do you usually do? On tough days?”

“Mostly just sleep. And then wake up feeling worse,” You laugh dryly.

“Maybe journaling would help. It’s a good way to get rid of the buzzing in your head,” Jungkook suggests and your eyes light up.

“Really? I’ve been thinking about it but I never know where to start,” You reply, “Do you journal?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Jungkook nods, “You just write...Whatever comes to mind. Get it off your chest. You can make your journals pretty too, if you want.”

“I’ll look into it,” You muse, “Thanks, JK.”

Jungkook’s eyes turn into crescents as he gives you a blinding smile. “Talking to friends helps, too. Even if you don’t want to share everything. Just talking helps.”

Your smile begins to fall and Jungkook quickly tries to backtrack but you beat him to it. “I don’t… have many friends, Jungkook,” You say softly, “As you may have gathered by now. I don’t think I have much to offer.”

Another dry laugh. It breaks his heart a little. What do you think of yourself? Do you recognize when the room lights up when you enter it, when people laugh at your jokes, when people praise you? 

“You have me,” Jungkook says instantly, “You have me, you have Jin. I’m always here if you want an ear.”

“Even at 1 AM, when you’re playing video games with your friends and I’m the dumb bitch who interrupts-”

“Stop that,” Jungkook says firmly, “Yes, even at 1 AM. Especially at 1 AM.”

He reminds you of Jin, when he tells you to stop with the immediate self-deprecation. It makes you smile fondly.

“JK,” You say slowly, “I’m… here for you, too. If you ever need an ear.”

He throws you another blinding smile. It’s no surprise that your dreams that night are filled with that soft bunny smile.

As Seokjin claims, the best way to get to know someone is over food. Not that he’s wrong- but it’s the first time you’re meeting Yuna and you’re incredibly nervous.

You feel like you’re going on a first date. This unfamiliar first date feeling keeps creeping back more and more lately. How bothersome.

Grandma even asks you why you’re so jumpy-

“You finally going on a date?”

“No! I’m meeting Jin’s new girlfriend. Her name is Yuna,” You roll your eyes.

She gasps, “It’s about time someone snatched that boy up, if you wouldn’t.”

You arrive about ten minutes early to brunch, tapping your foot against the floor restlessly as you scroll through your phone. You wait at the table for them to arrive-

Jin nearly screeches your name from across the restaurant. A pretty woman, Yuna you presume, only laughs at his antics. She loops an arm around his upper arm easily. Despite many of the restaurant patrons glaring at them for causing a scene, Jin pays it no mind.

“Hi,” You breathe and Jin pulls you to him for a tight hug. He holds you in his arms, peering at you as if you’re transparent. “You gonna let me say hi to Yuna, or are you gonna keep staring?” You ask dryly.

Jin gasps, clearly affronted, “I haven’t seen you in days! Excuse me, for missing my best friend.”

“You’re excused,” You grin, but squeeze his arm in appreciation.

Yuna waves at you from next to Jin, rolling her eyes at him. “If he ever lets go of you, maybe I can finally say hello…”

“I knew this was a bad idea. Bringing you both together,” Jin grumbles.

“Hey, you made your bed. Now lay in it,” Yuna says, rubbing his cheek fondly.

To your surprise, Yuna doesn’t pull you for a hug immediately. Instead, she shakes your hand. It might seem awkward to anyone else, but you appreciate it. You appreciate not being hugged by someone you had just met. Jin probably told her that you don’t like impromptu hugs.

You’ve been on edge all morning. But it starts to fade away, slowly. When you sit down next to Yuna and across from Jin. Jin doesn’t mind that you both are engrossed in conversation without him- in fact, he encourages it. He only watches with adoring eyes, drinking his coffee.

“How did you and Jin meet,” You ask curiously, “He gave me the big picture, but lemme hear the details!”

“Seokjin! You never told your best friend how we met?” Yuna gasps, hand against her chest dramatically, “I don’t know if I should be offended or not.”

“What! I did,” Jin pouts, glaring at her playfully.

“Oh, did you? Actually, I would be more offended if I was your best friend and didn’t know all of the details,” Yuna complains.

“Oh, I like her,” You grin, pointing to Yuna, “Bottom line, it’s Jin’s fault. So tell me then-”

“Well,” Yuna says, turning back to you, “As funny as it is, I met him at a coffee shop…”

And she tells you about how Jin started frequenting the same coffee shop for weeks in hopes that he’d catch a glimpse of her after the first time. Your heart aches only a little over the fact that you had no idea. It’s okay though- it’s not about you. She tells you that he had somehow figured out her coffee order and was waiting with her order when he asked for her number.

Yuna whispers that she was a sucker for him right off the bat, and you both share a laugh over that. Even though it’s only been a few weeks, a little over a month, you can see how much she likes him. And how much he likes her.

She also looks at you in the same way Jin does sometimes- like she can see right through you with knowing, curious eyes.

It doesn’t unnerve you as much as you thought it would.

You’re on a mission, with two bags of fried chicken in the passenger seat of your car. Today, you’re planning on paying a visit to Jimin and Hoseok in their dance studio. They’ve been here for years, and you haven’t seen them. Not even once.

First date jitters settle in your belly again. You’re only making good on your promise to them in Tokyo- that you wouldn’t be so much of a stranger again.

Fried chicken and bubble tea would be the way back into their hearts. Hopefully.

With a deep breath, you park your car into the lot, away from the rest of the cars. And you take your time pulling the food and trays of bubble tea out of your passenger seat before arriving at the front door of the studio. One of the students who is about to leave sees you struggling at the door, and lets you in without a second thought. 

“Thank you,” You murmur and he nods at you before exiting the building.

You spot Jimin with his back turned away from you, talking to Hoseok. It must be something important, from how serious the expression on Hoseok’s face is. But Hoseok pulls away from Jimin when he sees you in the mirror that lines the wall.

He looks surprised, but gives you a bright smile. 

“Uh,” You say, with a weak smile, “Hi. I brought food.”

“Is that fried chicken?” Jimin says, peeking at the bags. You nod and Jimin smiles, taking the bags from you and setting them on the floor.

“And you got our favorite bubble tea flavors,” Hoseok says in approval. You help him set the food and teas in front of you and stretch your legs.

“You should’ve texted! We could’ve gone to dinner or something,” Jimin says, plating the fried chicken for everyone.

“Ah, I wanted to…” You trail off, “Wanted to see the studio. And surprise you both. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“It has,” Hoseok murmurs, scratching his chin. His eyes are warm and sunny, just as you remembered all those years ago. It’s interesting, how it’s been so many years since you’ve held a conversation with either of them. And yet, it feels like no time has passed at all. 

You suppose that’s what adulthood is. And maybe you missed some of it while you were in your very own black hole.

“Tell me,” You demand softly, “Tell me everything. And where is Yoongi? Jin mentioned he has a recording studio?”

So they do- they tell you everything, from how they got the seed money for the school, how they train backup dancers and main dancers, and have just expanded their team so that they can train younger kids, too. 

“Took a while to get here,” Hoseok shrugs, “But we’re here.”

“Yeah. We are,” You say wistfully, “I’m happy for you guys. I remember...how this was your dream. In school. So… I’m happy to see it come true.”

“Ah, don’t go getting all sappy on us now,” Jimin teases and you roll your eyes.

“Hey, finish your bubble tea. Let’s dance it out,” Hoseok says. Your lips part in surprise, about to protest. But they’re both persuasive and you’re not immune to their charms.

So you dance with them, the music bouncing off of the walls, the mirrors and reverberating in your blood and making your heart pound. You dance with them, you laugh, and you even cry a little.

Nerves seize you as you walk towards the karaoke bar from your Uber with Jin and Yuna. You had driven to Jin’s apartment and left your car there, to Uber (and pregame) with them. He refused to let you take an Uber by yourself all the way from home into the city. It’s been years and you’ve given up fighting him on it.

Yuna has an arm slinked around your shoulders as she leads you inside, seemingly sensing your nerves.

So many people, mostly faces you don’t recognize are at the karaoke bar. Yuna pulls you away, to introduce you to her girlfriends.

Yuri, Sooyoung, Seohyun. They talk to you as if you’ve been a part of their circle since the beginning. It makes you yearn for it- for girl friendship.

Yuri suggests a round of drinks and shots for everyone, and you go with her to the bar to get the bartender’s attention.

You catch Jungkook’s eye and you tell Yuri you’ll meet her at the bar.

“Hi, Jungkook,” You breathe, a little nervously. You smile brightly at him, opening your arms for a hug without a second thought. He also looks delicious, a fact that you had been all too aware of. He’s wearing a baggy white shirt and a bomber jacket, paired with tight, black jeans and combat boots. Two silver hoops sit pretty in each ear, and a metallic feather dangles from his right ear. He has his hair pinned back, exposing part of his undercut to you on his left side. On his right side, his hair falls over his eyes in an effortless waterfall.

You want to push his hair back. You resist the urge and clasp your clutch tightly.

He smells spicy and warm. Like always. You could drown in his arms, you think. You don’t want to let go of him, you quite enjoy the feel of his strong arms easily wrapped around you.

But he lets you go and you let him go.

“Hi,” He says, his eyes crinkling, “How’s it goin’?”

“Good,” You murmur, “You sober?”

“Nah, had a few drinks with Tae at home,” Jungkook says, pointing to Taehyung. Who’s currently chatting Yuri up at the bar.

“He’s trouble,” You laugh lightly.

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I live with the guy.”

Jungkook had seen you walk in with Seokjin and Yuna earlier. You were deep in conversation with Yuna, throwing your head back in laughter. He’s glad- he’s glad that you’re finding friends outside of Jin. He knows it’s hard for you to open up. But he’s proud of you for trying.

He knows this because you’ve told him. Late at night, via text. During vulnerable hours, as he’s dubbed them. He’s flattered that you feel comfortable enough to share such things with him. He’s only known you again for a few months, but the way you had been in the beginning is a stark contrast from how you are now.

You’d been mean in the beginning, a little rough around the edges. But now, you’re a little softer. He likes you like this. Jungkook doesn’t like when you’re deliberately mean. 

Even if you haven’t truly apologized for how you’d treated him in the beginning, he thinks it's mostly forgivable.

You look so pretty- is the first thought that runs through his head. As it generally always is. You’re wearing a black velvet off the shoulder top that proudly shows your tattoos off on display and a thin gold necklace at the base of your throat. A watch sits pretty on your wrist, your pants are tight around your thighs...

He could stare at you for hours. Jungkook loves the way your face relaxes when you laugh, loudly and genuinely.

Jungkook’s throat goes dry, the same way it did at the holiday party. He can’t keep his eyes off of you- your bare shoulders, the dip of your chest, the swell of your ass… 

If he doesn’t watch himself, he might have to rub one out in one of the dirty bathroom stalls. And this time, he probably won’t be so lucky to be alone in the bathroom the way he was at the party.

He just can’t believe how pretty you are, and how he gets to see you like this as often as he does.

Taehyung snaps his fingers in front of Jungkook, waving his hand in front of his face. “Hellooooo,” Taehyung says, “Anyone home?”

“Shut up,” Jungkook grins, shoving his hand to the side.

“The hell are you staring at?” Taehyung mutters, following Jungkook’s line of sight and sees you, “Oh. No wonder. Your girl’s here.”

“She’s not my girl,” Jungkook protests.

“Yeah, don’t I know it,” Taehyung scoffs, “You gonna make a move? Or should I?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, shoving Taehyung’s shoulder. Seokjin approaches both of them, throwing an arm around them and Jungkook forces his eyes away from you. Jungkook smells alcohol on Jin’s breath- he’s screeching about how he wants them to meet Yuna-

“Jin, she’s right there,” Jungkook says with wide eyes, “You can just-”

Over the last few months, being under Namjoon and Seokjin’s tutelage feels like he’s gained two older brothers. While Jungkook was initially wary about developing such close relationships with colleagues, let alone superiors, the pull of friendship was too tight for him to really resist.

Jin smacks Jungkook’s shoulder roughly, “You think I don’t know that! That my girlfriend is right there! She’s with your girl-”

Jin’s smile twists into a smirk and Jungkook’s jaw drops. 

“Close your mouth, Kook. Lookin’ like a damn fish outta water,” Jin says smugly, “I know everything. Don’t you forget it, kid.”

Jungkook just pouts at him, “I’m not a kid.”

“You kissin’ anyone at midnight?” Taehyung asks smoothly, with his legs spread and his arm over the back of the seat to face you.

You scoff, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He’s easy and fun to talk to. You don’t notice Jungkook’s smile dissolving into a pout.

Taehyung looks at Jungkook knowingly, with a smirk and innocent, dark eyes. Dangerous. “Wanna be my midnight kiss?”

He’s bold. You don’t think you’ve ever met someone as bold as Taehyung. But you understand why him and Jungkook click.

“You fuckin’ wish, Taehyung,” You swat his shoulder playfully, taking a long sip of your drink.

Jungkook crosses his arms across his chest petulantly. Taehyung knows about his not so secret crush on you. He’s doing this to annoy him, but also to tell him to get a move on with you.

But he likes slow, and he wants slow with you. If you’d ever give it to him. 

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” Taehyung says loudly, looking over your head to Jungkook subtly.

“Oh, I can definitely blame you for trying,” You roll your eyes, “C’mon. Let me get us some drinks-”

“I don’t-”

“I know you don’t like alcohol. I saw they have this fancy peach and mango drink, thought you’d like it,” You shrug and Taehyung’s face splits into a broad smile. 

“How thoughtful of you,” Taehyung beams, ruffling your hair fondly, “C’mon, Jungkook. Our girl is buying.”

You and Jungkook both roll your eyes this time, and you let your gaze land on him. “Your friend is a nuisance,” You mumble to Jungkook loudly, grinning when Taehyung pouts at you.

“Hey! I can hear you!”

“Good, that was the point.”

You were happy to be in settings like this without needing Seokjin to be a buffer for you. You think it’s progress- you can’t remember a single moment in the last five years that you didn’t need your best friend by your side to get you through events like this.

And now, you’re alone with Taehyung and Jungkook. All on your own. You think he might be proud of you. You think Appa might be proud of you, too.

“What can I get you, JK?” You ask, leaning close to him at the bar to hear what he says. 

“Soju,” He says instantly, his breath close to your ear. A shiver trails up your spine at his low voice.

“Me too,” You murmur, “We’re the only ones with any taste in this entire establishment.”

His eyes crinkle when he laughs. You love the sound. Neither of you realize that Taehyung has long disappeared. 

You lean against the bar, pushing most of your weight onto your elbows as you both wait for your drinks. Jungkook is so close to you that you can feel the warmth radiating through his white shirt and his leather jacket. You had already teased him for his white shirt before-

“You must have a lot of faith in yourself and in our friends if you think that white shirt will stay white all night.”

“I’ve got my good luck charm with me,” Jungkook winks at you.

Who does he think he is? You know he’s not talking about a physical charm, from the way he’s looking at you with stars in his eyes.

“Any resolutions this year, JK?” You prompt him, wringing your hands together.

“Nah, not really,” Jungkook shrugs, “Maybe just go see my parents and my brother more often. I wanna get back into photography, too.”

“Photography,” You hum, “That’s so very you.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah,” You nod with a small smile, “You seem like… You know how to capture a moment, even if it’s something mundane. You could make anything special, Jungkook.”

Jungkook’s cheeks flush at your soft praise. He wants to make you feel special. “T-Thanks,” He mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, “Do you have any resolutions for the new year?”

“I don’t know,” You shrug, “I think this year… I want to let myself be happier. Not much of a resolution but…” You trail off, suddenly alarmed.

“Sorry,” You mumble, “Didn’t mean to kill the mood.”

“What?” Jungkook says with wide eyes, “You didn’t. Trust me.

“And for what it’s worth… You deserve to be happy. H-happy looks good on you.”

A pet name almost slips out of his lips. Almost. The beaming, bashful smile you give him makes his heart race and his insides warm. 

“Is that the only thing that looks good on me?” You bat your lashes at him, lips formed into a pretty pout and Jungkook feels his knees weakening. He swallows nervously. Do you even know what you do to him?

Before he can muster a stuttering reply, the bartender appears with your bottles of soju. You turn a little too quickly on your heel, your heel slipping out from under you.

Of course you’re going to trip and bust your ass in front of everyone. And most importantly, in front of Jungkook. You squeeze your eyes for the inevitable thump of your ass hitting the wet floor, but it never comes.

Instead, you feel a warm, strong arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You feel your back against a solid chest. Your throat instantly goes dry and you force yourself to turn in his arms to look at him.

“You’re clumsy,” Jungkook says quietly, only for your ears. His eyes are teasing, his voice low from the rumble in his chest.

“N-no,” This time you’re the one who’s flustered, “Floor’s wet…”

Neither of you move away from each other. Your hand is still tight around his bicep, his hand firm against your waist. How is it that he always makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world?

He could kiss you. You could kiss him. He could kiss you. You could kiss him. 

Instead, you stay in his arms for a little longer. Both of you sipping on your soju and sharing sweet smiles and starry eyes.

At least until Seokjin whisks you away, yelling at you for not even having one drink with him yet.

There are about thirty seconds left until the New Year. You can’t help it- you want to see Jungkook. He makes your heart flutter and pound at the same time- with his smile that you like to pretend burns a little brighter when it’s directed at you.

You find him, towards the back of the bar. He’s in conversation with Taehyung and Jimin but when Taehyung notices you noticing Jungkook, he grins to himself. And leaves the conversation, dragging Jimin with him.

You don’t notice that. You only see Jungkook.

The confusion in Jungkook’s doe eyes is cute, but it washes away when he sees you. His heart picks up again, throat going dry.

The countdown has begun already. Fifteen seconds left.

“Jungkook,” You say a little breathlessly. Jungkook can see the slick of tipsiness in your eyes when you flick your gaze from his lips to his eyes. You lean into him, chest to chest. Your voice catches in your throat when you realize your proximity.

You can see the mole beneath his pouty lower lip. Neither of you moves.

“Yeah?” He murmurs.

You could kiss him. He could kiss you. You could kiss him. He could kiss you. 

Five!

“I just-”

Four!

“I’m happy you’re in my life again-”

Three!

Jungkook says your name. “Me too. Really happy-”

Two!

His eyes are wide, unsure but sparkling. Adoring, even. And he’s looking at you like that.

One!

A chorus of cheers erupt behind you and you muster all of your courage. To press your lips against his cheek gently. Jungkook’s heart stutters, singing at the lingering touch of your lips against his skin. It’s not much, but it’s enough for his cheeks to turn pink and for yours to heat up.

It’s just you and him in this crowded, noisy bar. Everything else fades away when you stand with him.

A soft gasp leaves his lips, blowing on your face. He gives you a bashful smile, and you’re surprised at your own actions.

Your name sounds so good on his tongue. Like honey.

“Happy new year,” Jungkook says softly. He dares to press his forehead to yours and you exhale shakily at the action. You feel warm all over, as if bubbly champagne has been poured into your veins. You feel his hand at your waist.

“Happy new year, JK,” You say easily with a disarming grin. 

Jungkook wants to kiss you, kiss the gloss right off of your pretty lips. But not yet, not here. Not when he hasn’t taken you on a date, when he hasn’t even held your hand yet.

Not yet. Not here.

The way he looks at you, as if you’ve somehow captured stardust in your smile, it excites you and scares you at the same time. You don’t think anyone has ever looked at you this intensely, as if they can see right through you.

It sets your nerves on fire. You sway on the spot, leaning into the warmth of his forehead on yours.

“Happy new year,” Jungkook says again, dimples on display. He wonders if you can feel the tremble of his hand against your waist. Or if you can feel the way his heart is about to explode out of his chest.

You think you could spend hours glancing into his deep, sparkling eyes. A flash of his cold eyes from months ago intrudes your memories, but it’s gone as soon as it comes. 

His brown eyes are so warm and toasty- ringing in the new year with his soft gaze on you like this feels right.

tags: @koo-zy​

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff

[elsanna-shenanigans]

February Contest Submission #4: Off-Duty

words: ca. 1800 setting: Star Trek AU (TNG era) lemon: No cw: brief mention of nudity

“Computer, being program Elsa Epsilon Sigma Two Seven”

“Program initiated, enter when ready.”

The large doors of the holodeck opened and Elsa stepped out of the corridor and into a world of her own, a beautiful landscape on a far off alien world. As Elsa closed her eyes, she felt the warmth of a simulated sun bathe her quite pale complexion.

She opened her eyes and took in once more the wonders of her favourite holoprogram. It was a recreation of an alien city she’d studied often. She was currently standing on a hill overlooking said city, a large settlement on the coast of some vast continent.

Elsa saw ships sailing in and out of the city’s vast harbour, the ships floating above the ocean with their sails being powered by sunlight, gliding across the surface of the water. Behind the city, Elsa gazed up at the tall dormant volcano, ominously looking down upon the city like a vengeful god.

As Elsa walked towards a nearby cobbled road, she thought about if she should visit the city this time. She’d been there a few times, but today, she mostly felt like taking in the scenery. Ship duties had taken a lot out of her and as such, she very much preferred to relax.

But before she had a chance to do so, she saw a cart being driven down the road next to her, a wooden cart being pulled by a six-legged reptilian creature covered in bony armour, its driver being a humanoid woman with green bony crests protruding from her forehead.

“Need a lift, stranger?” she asked Elsa, in an accent that Elsa’s translator interpreted as similar to Human Irish.

“Oh uh no thanks,” Elsa replied.

“You sure?” the woman asked. “You look a little tired.”

“I’ve had a long day,” Elsa told her. She felt a bit embarrassed that a hologram of all things was commenting on her rather weary looks. Fortunately, her Vulcan side was being more than enough in preventing Elsa from becoming too irritable.

“Ah fair enough,” the woman accepted. “Well, be seeing you.”

As the woman rode off with her cart, Elsa walked over to a nearby rock and sat upon it, gazing at the city. The azure sky and the rolling waves below her certainly helped ease her tension. The past week had certainly been rough for the Part-Vulcan Starfleet captain.

A large survey of an uncharted star system, a rather unsavoury encounter with a group of Ferengi traders plus the pressures of command had been more than enough to take their toll on her. She knew Kristoff, her first officer, could handle things, but Elsa was the sort of woman who preferred to meticulously co-ordinate and plan everything personally.

However, despite her stress, she knew she could always come here to this program, to step into a piece of ancient history from another world. She could lose herself here, to shed off all her responsibilities and be herself, even if she was going to be going back on duty in another four hours.

Archaeology had always been a great love of hers. The study of cultures long gone, pondering the wonders of the races that came long before humans, Klingons and even Vulcans. With the vast number of ancient civilisations out there, Elsa had quite a number to find herself lost in. It was a helpful distraction for her, not to mention her other hobbies.

But there was one person on the entire ship who Elsa knew helped her more than any hologram ever could.

“I thought I’d find you here,” a voice spoke to her.

Elsa looked over her shoulder, seeing the holodeck door appear again as a certain strawberry blonde Betazoid in a blue uniform walked towards her. At that moment, Elsa forgot about the simulated sun that hung in the sky above her, as her girlfriend was the one whose light and warmth were filling her world.

Anna was the ship’s counsellor aboard the Ahtohallan, a wonderful charming bubbly young officer who’d managed to sweep Elsa off her feet from the moment she first came aboard. She often remembered the rather humourous incident where they first met, here on that very holodeck no less, not long after Elsa took command.

Since this was her first deep-space assignment, Anna had been feeling rather homesick for Betazed and as such had started a program of a festival from her homeworld, one of the many occasions where her people celebrated in the nude. It wasn’t exactly the first choice for Elsa to meet the love of her life, but the memory did remind her that life aboard a starship wasn’t always serious and did have it’s lighter moments.

The freckled redhead partly undid her hair out of its bun and let it flow, sighing in content. Those ginger locks of hers flowed freely in the breeze as if her whole form was being carried on a gust of ethereal wind. Elsa melted at the sight of her girlfriend’s beauty.

“This program is beautiful,” Anna admitted.

“Have I never told you about it before?” Elsa wondered.

“No, I don’t think so,” Anna replied. “You’re always so private about your personal life.”

Chuckling, Elsa smirked at her lover. “Nothing is stopping you from looking anyway.”

“Hey, that’d be a very rude and improper use of my telepathy,” Anna stated, playfully nudging the captain’s shoulder.

Sitting beside Elsa on the rock, Anna sighed as she laid her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Elsa felt a sensation of warmth flow through her, perhaps Anna telepathically sharing her sensation of content with her. Whatever it was, it was definitely helping her stress fade away considerably.

“So… what brings you here then?” Elsa wondered.

“Do I need an excuse to spend time with my girlfriend?” Anna remarked. She chuckled. “I just got off duty and figured you could use some company. I don’t need to use my abilities to know how stressed you’ve been this week. Plus, Kristoff was worried about you.”

Rubbing her temples, Elsa groaned wearily in response, a clear sign of her stress. “Yes… this is the first free moment I’ve had in days.”

Anna leaned closer and kissed Elsa on the cheek, making the blonde blush. “Well… you know that I’m here for you, always. As both counsellor… and your girlfriend.”

It still felt a little odd to Elsa. There wasn’t exactly any rules against ship’s captains dating their officers. Hell, she knew an old academy friend who was actually married to her first officer. But to Elsa, it still felt a little strange unusual. Perhaps it was because she and Anna hadn’t been a couple for very long.

Looking out at the ocean again, Elsa sighed calmly, taking in the quiet moment she and Anna were now sharing. She hadn’t asked for Anna’s presence, but she was all the same very glad that she was here. It was as though Anna was the one element the program had been lacking and now that she was here, it was finally complete.

“So… where exactly is this place?” Anna wondered. “Why do you always find yourself running this program?”

Elsa smiled. “It’s the city of Vetalis on Ezlor V. Approximately 2000 years ago.”

“Vetalis… hmmm, doesn’t ring a bell,” Anna admitted.

Standing up, Elsa gestured to the city. She loved to go on about various historical facts to Anna, having a voice that made the tales of the past come alive. “It’s not exactly well known, but it is a fascinating story. I actually visited the ruins of it when I was younger, though the planet doesn’t exactly look as beautiful as this.”

“Oh?”

Elsa nodded. “Around 1200 years ago, the planet suffered a severe climate shift and this city was destroyed by not only a massive tsunami and earthquake, but it was subsequently buried in volcanic ash and lava when that volcano over there erupted.”

“Hardcore!”

The captain gave her girlfriend a look of confusion.

“Uh, sorry.”

“It’s uhh… alright,” Elsa responded, with a giggle. She walked closer to the side of the hill overlooking the ocean. “It’s truly a miracle that any remnants of this city survived at all. For centuries, Vetalis was actually considered a myth until an Andorian science team found it about forty years ago.”

“So… why do you find yourself coming here?” Anna asked. “You didn’t exactly wander that part of my question.”

Stroking her chin, Elsa pondered the answer. If she was honest, she hadn’t really thought of it. Yes, coming here relaxed her, but in all these years she had never considered why. Self-reflection wasn’t one of her strong points. It was Anna who was the therapist, not herself.

“I guess… I guess it’s because this place has always served as an inspiration for me, ” Elsa theorised. “That no matter what I’m going through in my life, I’ll make it through it and survive.”

“That’s a good outlook on things,” Anna stated. “But I find it odd that you feel that way about a city that got destroyed.”

Elsa laughed. “It is a bit weird I admit… and please, I’d rather this stay just between us.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Anna assured her. “You can always trust me.”

At that moment, Elsa got a delightful idea. Perhaps today… she’d got into the city after all. Especially since Anna was here. Showing her the wonders of ancient Vetalis had been something she had been considering for a while now. She looked over at Anna and grinned.

“Hey, why don’t I show you around the city?” Elsa offered. “I mean, if you’re not too busy.”

Anna chuckled. “Why, I’d love to, Elsa.” She held her hand. “Lead the way.”

Elsa shook her head. “Nuh-uh. We’re going there in style.” She cleared her throat. “Computer, create for us one Zyuranour, docile.”

Next to them on the path, one of the large six-legged creatures that Elsa had seen pulling the cart appeared before them. The beast groaned and Elsa walked over to the animal, stroking it softly. The beast growled back in response, nuzzling her hand.

Her Betazoid lover gulped, looking at the creature’s large bony spikes and clubbed tail. “Uhh… you sure that thing’s friendly?”

“She’s a herbivore don’t worry, ” Elsa assured Anna, “Although I wouldn’t annoy her if I were you. Supposedly, they also had a bad temper.” She climbed onto the creature’s back, holding her hand out to Anna, like some fairytale prince from an old story.

Anna smiled, taking Elsa’s hand and getting onto the creature’s back. She wrapped her arms around Elsa’s waist, the blonde blushing a little as she felt Anna hold her tightly. She had quite a grip, but Elsa loved that feeling, especially when Anna spooned her at night.

“Comfortable?” Elsa asked.

“Very,” Anna said, kissing her girlfriend on the cheek.

Nodding, Elsa petted the creature as it trotted down the path towards the city. Now that she had shown the ancient city to Anna, she wanted nothing more than to share all of its wonders with her.

#elsanna #submission #february 2021 contest #prompt: ancient worlds

[cristian-capulet]

Hole In My Heart [Cris & Leo]

Who: Cristian and Leonardo Capulet

What: Meet to have a talk after their less than stellar run in the week prior. 

Where: Park

When: 11AM on February 8th

Summary: Seeking closure, Cristian invites Leo to have a chat with him in a public space after their fight the week prior, and running into each other again the night after. More information comes to light that leads Cristian to make some suggestions to Leo about his future, and instead of shutting Leonardo entirely out of his life, Cristian ends up finding himself offering to help.

Warnings: Mention of PTSD, mental health discussion.

Leo fidgeted with his tie and collar as he walked through the park. He was still in a bit of disbelief at the fact that he was even here. Cris had asked him to talk, but... did he even deserve a chance to speak to him? No. No he didn't, but he had the opportunity, and damn if he didn't want a chance to see Cristian again. As he got closer, he saw Cristian there waiting for him, and he slowed slightly as he closed the distance between them. With a coffee in hand, he took a deep breath before stopping next to the bench. "Hey..." He said in greeting, it was weak, but any of his familiar greetings with him wouldn't be welcome anymore. "Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."

Inviting Leo to chat hadn’t been easy for the submissive. He was still incredibly angry and betrayed, but knew it stemmed from just how strong his love for Leo had been when they’d been together. How much he admittedly still cared... Cristian hoped if anything perhaps conversing with Leonardo would offer some form of closure for himself— realizing he had questions and emotions he wanted answered and validated... just not on the spot in a grungy men’s bathroom at a bar. He felt... more composed now. Ready to talk and figure out what went wrong. Or... at least that’s what he’d told himself prior to texting the invitation to Leo. The submissive had spent the morning in a tizzy, and had been fumbling with a long empty coffee cup for a solid twenty minutes prior to the Dominant’s arrival, dead set on being the first to arrive. “No- not at all,” he answered, shaking his head politely. His fingers nervously continued to play with the lid of his disposable coffee cup as his eyes quickly raked over Leo’s form in curiosity. “Thank you for agreeing to chat...Please— sit.”

Leo cleared his throat as he slowly took a seat next to Cristian on the bench. Nerves were eating at him, not knowing what to expect out of this meeting. He thought that he had said his goodbye, then there had been the drunk texts, and he thought that was goodbye. Now there was this. It was only fair that Cristian got to leave on his own terms, and surely that's what this was. There was no other way for them, not after what he'd done. He just hoped he could get through the meeting without becoming a complete wreck in front of the submissive. "Of course. I wouldn't have said no to you." He stopped himself from saying anything else by taking a sip from his coffee cup. After a moment he said, "So... you've got me here now..."

“I wanted to first off.... apologize again for having forced our initial conversation in that bar... and again for texting you the next day,” he began, gaze lingering on his cup as he spoke. He had no regrets chasing after Leo at the bar, but wished perhaps he’d found another way to do it still. “But then... I was hoping you might be willing to talk about... it.” He let his voice drop off a moment before Cristian added, “What... wasn’t working... What maybe I guess— if there was anything I could have done that I failed to do to— to prevent what happened.” it felt impossible to say it. Any way to prevent you leaving me. To prevent us Falling apart. “I know you were having nightmares and you mentioned at the bar... Alex... But— I guess... ghosting me? Everyone? Your sudden disappearance was... was really hard, Leo. Even though the texts all said delivered, a small part of me honestly wasn’t sure you were alive.”

They were going right into it, it appeared. That's fine. Leo was much more comfortable with people being direct. He hated people dancing around the real point, although when it came to difficult topics like this, he had become a master at avoiding the point. This time? He vowed honesty. No more hiding the truth, dancing around it, deflecting, or changing topics. Whatever Cristian wanted from him, he would give, if he could. "Well, for starters, you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all." He glanced over at the male, even though he noticed Cristian's eyes on the cup in his hands, Leo couldn't take his eyes away from him. "If that's what you want to talk about... I'll tell you anything you want to know. Although, I think it's important that you understand that there's nothing that you failed to do. I was - I am a bit lost and a lot broken. I was hoping you wouldn't notice the nightmares, but I suppose that's impossible..." Leo ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. "This... these issues started long before us. Long before I came back to Verona, truth be told. I should've told you sooner. I..." His brow furrowed, realizing he was going to be putting himself in a headspace he didn't like to be. "Honestly, you made me forget for a while... before you, I had difficulty sleeping straight through the night. With you there, I was able to somehow relax enough to make it through a night and I began to heal, really... It's hard to explain what it's like to be in charge of lives, and to see those lives lost. It's not something you can just get over."His fingers tapped a rhythm on the cup as he tried to keep himself calm, but his eyes seemed distant as he found himself back there. Seeing each one of those young faces lost and under his command. "I left the military because I couldn't deal with the loss. I couldn't... I couldn't have them trust me, follow me, and lose them it was too much after a while. So... when I started this mission to help with Oz... I didn't think that I would have to worry about loss. They were my responsibility, Cris. They weren't trained to do what I was. It was my job to make sure they weren't hurt and I lost him. It's my fault that he's dead. Alex should've..." His voice caught and his brow furrowed. "Well, it's my fault. They trusted me to bring them home, and I failed. So, losing him brought it all back, and you weren't there with me when it happened and... well, the nightmares returned, and worse. The only time I felt somewhat normal was with you, but I couldn't tell you... I couldn't admit my failure out loud. It's easy to say that you don't think it's my fault, but how could it not be?" He asked, it was a rhetorical question, and he moved on. "So, when you say you want to know if there's anything you failed to do... no, you were everything I needed. It was my fault, my inability to see past my fears, past my grief, past all my failures. I felt like I would bring you down, or that I would ruin us, or that you would see me as a failure, and I couldn't handle that. Cris, I would not have survived if you saw me as the failure I think I am."There was a moment where he tried to think of what next to say and then he said, "Like I said before, I regretted the decision. I was second guessing myself before I did it. The problem was I thought it was right, it wasn't. I truly thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought I was protecting you from my self-destruction. Little did I know that you were my only sanity." He shook his head and looked down at the cup he held in his hands.

Cristian didn’t speak for a moment after, trying to fully process the response after— quite a bit more detailed than at the bar. From what it sounded like... Leo had PTSD from his time spent in the military, and Alex passing had triggered it. And Cristian... has failed to connect the dots. He hated the fact he hadn’t ever thought much about the other’s mental health— and any issues he might have had associated with time spent serving. He could never judge Leo for it— heavens knew he would have similar issues in his shoes— but instead judged himself for not knowing or presuming there might be something along those lines at play still that was hurting the Dominant. Was he upset still for how Leo had handled everything— how he’d ripped the choice from Cristian’s hands and left him? Absolutely. But hearing how mentally broken he was and continued to be... Part of him wanted to ask why Leo hadn’t changed fields entirely to something less stressful, or if he’d ever seen a professional for help at any point in his life. Someone who could help him process these events and move past them... Cristian appreciated knowing his impact on the other, but also wondered how healthy such a dependency could be. Regardless, it broke his heart knowing even if he disagreed with Leo’s actions, the Dominant had thought he had to go it alone and further isolate himself from everyone— perhaps the very last thing he should have done. At least when he left, Cristian had had family and friends to fall back on. Did Leo allow himself... anyone? Cristian reaches for Leo’s coffee cup, gently yet firmly taking it from him as well as his own, setting both on the ground. “Come here,” he urged then as he sat back up, opening his arms wanting to pull the older male into a hug.

Once it was out in the open Leo felt... raw. Far to exposed. He wanted to find a way to take it all back, bury it behind the face he showed to everyone else, the one that appeared to have himself put together and in control. Except, somehow, with admitting that he had these issues meant that he could no longer push them aside and pretend they didn’t exist. He wondered how he was going to survive the night now that he’d admitted things to someone else, and was trying to think of ways to do that when his coffee cup was removed from his hands. Leo didn’t fight, his eyes merely looking to the submissive wondering what was going on until he heard the words spoken and saw his arms open. Moving slowly, his body closed the small distance between them, arms wrapping around the other’s frame as if he couldn’t believe he had this opportunity. After a moment he squeezed his eyes shut, dropping his face into the curve of the submissive’s neck as emotions hit him harder than he expected. This was where he felt safest. Why had he pushed this away? He might have found a way to heal if he’d only trusted this information to Cristian sooner. “I’m sorry...” he mumbled into the other’s shoulder lost in the sadness, and guilt that overwhelmed him, and the relief to feel as though he wasn’t alone anymore.

It didn't matter that Leo had hurt Cristian deeply in that moment-- or that they had a lot to work past. The submissive could plainly see the other was hurting, and while it might have been easy to say it was well-deserved, Cristian knew this was much more than that. It genuinely hurt him as well seeing Leo suffering like this and knowing he'd been struggling with this for so long. Why did he still work security? Could he... Move to a less violently inclined version of it that wasn't as likely to involve someone getting hurt? He supposed that was what Leo had already intended until things had taken a twist in Verona thanks to the Romano family. His arms wrapped snuggly around Leo's frame, sighing gently. One arm encircling Leo's back as the other gently cradled the nape of his neck "I know you are, Leo," he answered back gently. "I know, sweetheart." The pet name rolled off his tongue with  a familiar yet sad ease, wishing there was more he could do or say. It felt wrong to try to verbalize so much so quickly though-- to try to suggest Leo start speaking to a professional, or to ask why he hadn't switched careers entirely. "Everything will be okay, I promise you," he added instead, content to let silence fill the void as he held Leo close. How things would be okay-- Cristian wasn't sure yet. But as much as he thought things were over between the Dominant and himself, he couldn't simply leave Leo in the state he was in-- especially knowing now that the man was keeping all of this to himself. He wasn't even sure what the next steps would be, but he knew the best thing at the moment was reassurance. Leo would get better... Cristian would make sure of it.

Hearing Cristian trying to comfort him helped to calm him slowly. He had opened himself up to a reality he had kept locked up tight and tried to hide away. This was a culmination of years worth of pain, grief, and blame hitting him in waves. He held onto Cristian tightly, and that promise that everything would be okay finally helped to calm the storm of emotions. Slowly the crying stopped, his breathing normalized, and as he composed himself he turned his head away from Cristian as he cleaned off his face. Unable to look the submissive in the eye at first. He’d never broken down in front of anyone, and here he was looking weak in front of the person whose opinion mattered more to him than anyone else. “Sorry... I shouldn’t have... usually, I’m much more in control of... And this is... it’s a lot to deal with, a burden that I should’ve been able to handle...” He hadn’t wanted to unload this on Cristian, and he felt a sense of embarrassment at this, but at the same time he realized yet again... he wasn’t alone. Cristian hadn’t shoved him away once he learned the truth. “Thank you...” he said softly, still unable to meet the other male’s eyes.

Cristian fished a tissue from his pocket when Leo pulled away— one he’d brought Incase he himself had needed it. He leaned down to grab the Dominant his coffee, holding it out for Leo take along with the facial tissue. “If I’m not allowed to apologize, then you aren’t either, Leo,” he chided softly.  “It is a lot to deal with... more than most do their entire lives. But you’re wrong thinking you’re somehow suppose to be able to somehow cope with this all alone.” Hell, Cristian hadn’t done that when Leo left... he had friends and family, and had even sought professional help after a few months in order to get his own life in order... And what he’d gone through was far less traumatic than feeling lives were lost due to him.

Taking his coffee cup again, as well as the tissue, Leo focused on the things in his hand as he listened to Cristian. He gave a small shrug. “It seems like a poor excuse, my having to deal with a lot. And to think... I chose the military life.” A rueful smile crosses his features. “Seems I’m good at making terrible life decisions.” He took a deep breath and then took another sip of coffee. It felt natural, right even, for him to confide in Cristian. He knew he had no right to unload on the submissive, not when they weren’t together anymore. Still, he felt relieved it was him and not anyone else. This understanding wouldn’t have come from most, but that wasn’t terribly surprising, Cristian had always been good to him despite his past. “I hope you don’t still think you’ve failed me, or us, in some way. I don’t think you can be at fault in any of this. I just wish... that I’d realized I needed support sooner, that maybe I didn’t have to hold it in and try to deal with it all alone... and poorly, might I add.” God, it would be a miracle if his liver would survive past 45 at the rate he’d been going lately. “I just... I don’t know what to do,” he admitted softly. This was territory he hadn’t crossed before. For once he wasn’t confident in his next steps, or even the least bit sure.

The submissive’s  lips curled into a frown. He did feel  he’d failed Leo in some aspects— such as never realizing he suffered any forms of PTSD or noticing the signs. He realized now he’d put Leo up on a pedestal in many regards, not realizing just how faulted the other man was. Leo has simply been so good at hiding it for so long, and Cristian, blissfully ignorant. Still, he wasn’t going to start a fight over this or cause more stress. He sighed softly and reached for his own empty cup. “Well... do you want my advice, Sir?”

His eyes lifted to Cristian at his question. There was a certain nervousness at what the other might suggest. After only a brief moment of consideration, he nodded slowly, he trusted that Cristian would only want what was best for him. “What do you think I should do?”

He hesitated a moment, nervous as to how Leo might take the suggestion. One hand held onto the coffee cup still as the other reached out, gently resting on Leo’s knee. “I don’t know much about your experiences prior to working together for Lord Tybalt... but have you ever tried speaking to someone about this— all of this before? Or... would you be open to trying at least?” He paused a moment, giving Leo’s leg a gently squeeze. “I— I want to help you, Leo, but I think speaking to an unbiased third party might help.. a lot.” Cristian spoke slowly, watching carefully for any sign of Leo pulling away as he continued. “I could even recommend someone— if you prefer it be via phone versus in person. Or... I would be willing to help you find someone you were comfortable speaking with locally here in Breton, if you’d consider it.”

As he listened to Cristian speak, Leo’s brow furrowed. It was hard already, to tell him and admit it to himself. However, he had come to a realization that he certainly couldn’t do this on his own. Cris was being understanding, but could he truly expect the other to listen to some of the gruesome things he had seen? No. He had a feeling if he didn’t get it out then those memories would remain trapped in his mind, a constant reminder of his failure, perhaps this would be another way. Maybe he could find a way to feel less pain over all the lives lost. “I... would... I think maybe I should try...” His eyes went from the hand on Leo’s knee to the other male’s face, looking for reassurance. “Do you think they can help? Do you think you might help me find someone who could really work with me on this? Someone who maybe has experience dealing with people who were in the military... maybe?” He needed someone who could understand what he had been through. Someone who wasn’t just trying to help but knew what someone like him would have gone through. Someone with experience.

Cristian nodded almost immediately, surprised by the other’s willingness to the idea. It was a positive, promising step forward. “Yeah... I can definitely help, Leo,” he responded softly, making a mental note to start looking into locally available resources later than evening. “I’ll see what I can dig up and we can go over your options over coffee or brunch some time in the near future. How’s that sound?” He added with a gentle smile. He was already willing to meet with his ex again apparently, something that he hadn’t envisioned that morning. Inviting Leo to chat was suppose to be for closure... to truly move on— but life apparently had a funny way of ignoring any plans Cristian ever made for himself. Knowing what he knew now, he couldn’t have simply left Leo and cut him out of his life like the other had so desperately tried to do to himself. He wasn’t sure what to call what was between them anymore... Or if he could manage a friendship with his ex, but it hardly felt like either wanted the other completely gone. “We can catch up, too... you can tell me how the new job’s going... it’ll be... nice, yeah?”

Relief flooded him at the idea of having Cristian’s help. Before he knew it, he reached out with his free arm, the one not holding his coffee cup, and pulled him in towards his body. “I can’t thank you enough for this. For everything.” Lord knew he didn’t deserve this kindness. Pulling back, he remained close as a slow and small smile rugged at the corner of his lips. “I’d like that, to meet up and talk about what options you find... and so we can catch up. You can tell me about your job too. I want to know how you like it.” It sounded like Cristian was willing to let him into his life still. That gave Leo hope. Maybe they weren’t together right now, but maybe... maybe someday when he wasn’t so broken. He still loved Cristian more than he had any right to, but he knew as he settled back against the bench, that he needed to work on himself first. However, he wasn’t alone in this. He still had Cris, at least in some form.

#tw: ptsd #tw: mental health #para #leonardo #leo

[thehomierobbstark]

Request : headcanon of Erik being jealous

[A/N: Another headcanon-fic hybrid for the homies. I took this one and kind of did my own take on it. It’s got a lil a this n a lil of that 😉. I hope you like it anon! Thanks for asking :)] 

You would think that with all the confidence, accomplishments, and swagger Erik Stevens had, there would be no need for him to ever be worried about anyone else, especially when it came to the rock solid relationship the both of you’d built over the years

He was an incredibly educated, resourceful, and intelligent strong black man.

Unfortunately, it did nothing to keep him from always being just a little bit jealous.

“Hey, E? I’m gonna drop my stuff and go run to the store real quick. Text me if you need anything, ok?” you yell down the hallway, letting your work bags fall softly by the couch before slinging your purse around your shoulder and heading out the door.

“Get me some gatorade please! The clear kind!” he hollers back, head poking out from the bedroom. The front door closes right as he says it, and he chuckles to himself. ‘Always moving a mile a minute,’ he thinks, smiling as he thinks of you.  He makes his way out into the living room to grab his phone, texting you the information you missed and to remind you to slow down.

On his way back, he passes your stuff on the floor, scooping up the bags to put your things in your home office. As he grabs your computer bag, something falls out of the front pocket, a small red envelope addressed to a ‘Miss Y/M/N’ with hearts drawn around your name in the shape of another heart.

Erik picks it up, eyeing it while he turns it around in his hand for more details. He didn’t want to open it because he trusted you too much to be looking through your stuff, but he was curious who it could be from since it wasn’t February or anywhere near your birthday. And nobody ever called you by your middle name except for him (well, sometimes).

When he gets to your office, he places the rest of your stuff on your desk, plopping down in your chair, still fingering the card and twirling it between his hands.

It was already open, the seal broken, so he figured it couldn’t hurt to just take a quick look at it. It was just a card, after all. Probably a thank you from one of your work wives or something for all your hard work.

Pulling out the card, he opens it, the neat words written in near perfect cursive, almost looking like one of those instruction guides on how to write script. 

It read: 

‘The last three weeks have been the best I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to show you what else I can do this Friday.’

Love,

Bakari

The thing about Erik Stevens was, once he started to become suspicious, he became very dramatic about it, very fast.

And it never took much to get him suspecting.

“What the… yo who the fuck is this Bakari nigga?!” he gets heated within a millisecond, flipping the card over obsessively to try and find a number or something to let him know who this secret admirer was. 

There wasn’t even an address on the envelope, which meant that this fool either gave it to her when she was in class, or walked his bold ass up to his house, HIS HOUSE, and dropped it in the mailbox.

Erik couldn’t wait till you got home so you could explain to him what the hell he was looking at. He couldn’t believe some random no good nigga was tryna put the moves on his girl. Not his baby girl.

While Erik was back at home having a stage 5 meltdown, you were currently in the pasta isle trying to find the right udon noodles for the Anime and Manga marathon you and Erik had planned for this weekend.

You were super excited to show him your all time favorite Manga, Pearl Pink, which was the first manga you’d ever read.

You get a text on your phone, the device buzzing away in your back pocket as you reach down to grab your chosen noodles.

Thinking its more grocery demands from your black hole stomached boyfriend, you ignore it, waiting until you’re done shopping in this section to head over to the frozen isle he no doubt wants you to go to.

Erik: Y/N. Call. Me.

Erik: We can talk about this baby! Just tell me who Bakari is

Erik: I know you see these text messages girl, you better answer me goddammit

Erik: I’m sorry babygirl, I ain’t mean to curse at you like that. I just wanna talk baby please call me back.

Erik: Aight, coo then. 

All within a span of three minutes

He’d reneged on his earlier plan to wait until you got home, his anxiousness pushing him to reach out to you immediately.

He just wanted to hear your voice, hear something in it that told him that you were still his.

You’d just finished dumping a couple bags of your favorite Shrimp Chips into your basket, unsuspecting of the turmoil unraveling at home when your phone buzzes again, this time longer than before. 

You pull it out and look down to see that Erik’s calling you. Apparently he was getting very anxious about his food.

You put the phone to your ear, answering sweetly. “Hey baby, what you need?”

“You at that nigga house, ain’t you?” His voice was gruff and short, a stark contrast compared to the way you just answered the phone. “I knew I should of gone with you!”

Your face scrunches up into confusion. “Whose house? Erik what are you talking about?”

“Don’t try and front babygirl I seen the card!! How could you do me like that baby? After all we been through?!” You can hear his voice start to rise to an almost hysteric pitch, and you wonder if he’s been drinking since you last saw him 30 minutes ago.

“What card, Erik? Baby, slow down, you’re freakin me out. Look, I’mma be home in a second baby can you just hold on-”

“Just tell me who Bakari is Y/N! I just wanna know who that bitch ass nigga is!”

You pause, stopping in your tracks from rushing to push your cart to the nearest checkout line. You throw your head back and cackle, laughing so loud you scare the white elderly couple standing to your left. You wave your hand at them, trying to weakly apologize as tears threaten the corners of your eyes while you attempt to catch your breath. You dropped the phone in the cart when you bursted into hysterics, and all you can hear are the small faraway sounds of Erik trying to get your attention again.

“Why you laughin like that? Oh you forreal cheating on a nigga, huh? I can’t believe you got me out here looking stupid like this! I’m bout to run up on this mf…”

~~~

The Next Day

“Will you stop pacing please? You look like you’re ready to fight somebody.”

“I am ready to fight somebody Y/N. Yo you need to stop playing and just tell me where this nigga at so we can talk. I just wanna see wassup real quick.”

You start giggling again, chest bouncing as you try to stifle it with your hand over your mouth. You couldn’t wait to see the look on Erik’s face once he found out who it was.

The classroom empties out, the new students filtering in, ranging in all ages as they move about to find their seats in the college classroom.

Erik scans every guy who enters, sizing him up, trying to see if its him.

“Is it that nigga?” he leans over and whispers to Y/N, nodding to the dark chocolate brother with long dreads hanging down his back. “Really Y/N? You was gon trade me in for a hotep?” he looks at you bewildered, and you almost spit your coffee out your mouth. Oh, the irony.

“Look, Erik, you not bout to embarrass me here so you better shut the hell up and relax.” you whisper harshly, and he grumbles in submission, leaning back in his chair as his eyes still scan the students.

The bell sounds and you clear your throat, standing up from your chair and smoothing out your dress.

“Alright class, today we have a very special guest from the Wakandan International Outreach Center, Mr. Erik Stevens!”  Erik lifts from his chair, plastering on a warm smile as he waves around the room, greeting everybody before sitting again.

You continue. “He’ll be here to give us some information at the end of class on some of the amazing programs they have to offer over at WIOC.  In the mean time, he’s gonna be up here, helping us with our final projects!” you clap your hands together, and the class erupts into cheers, excitement over the days events filling up the room.

You step out in front of your desk to walk around the room, holding your chin as you think out loud.

“Hmmm… who wants to be the first one to come show Mr. Stevens what we’ve been working on? Anyone?” you ask, and a bunch of enthusiastic hands shoot up, waving around vigorously. 

“Hmmm… how about you, Bakari?” Erik’s head snaps towards the class, eyes looking around vigorously for the culprit. 

He scoots back from his chair, nearly running to the front of the class before colliding with you, hugging you tightly. 

You return the hug, looking back to see Erik’s face looking completely dumbfounded, and you snicker, taking a mental picture of it. You look down at the 3rd grader, smiling brightly.  “You ready to get started kiddo?”

“Yeah, Miss Y/M/N!”

You spend the next 15 minutes with Bakari and Erik at the whiteboard, practicing calligraphy samples for the class to see.

Erik is horribly bad at it, and Bakari sees to it to teach him how to do it, much to the amusement of both you and the students.

After a few more teaching lessons and a quick recap, you give the class 45 minutes to work on their final projects, the buzz of parents helping their children and exchanging information for play dates, giving the room a low hum.

You walk back to join Erik at your desk, finally taking a seat.

“So, Bakari is -”

“My 8 year old calligraphy student, yes.” you finish for him, cheeky smile peeking through as you rest your head in your hand and look at him.

“Your weekly Calligraphy classes,” Erik chuckles to himself, remembering now. “I completely forgot about them,” He blows out a sigh, running his hand down his face. Of all the possible scenarios he’d imagined, this one was the absolute furthest from his mind.

“I figured,” You snorted. “It’s only a four week program now that the college cut the funding. They’re saying they can only afford the curriculum for the grad and undergrad students now going forward.” You share, a little saddened at the news. You’d grown to really enjoy the extra curricular classes you got to teach outside of your regular art classes, and you were really heartbroken because you’d really grown to love the students too.

Erik takes your hand down by your lap, rubbing a thumb over the back of it. 

“Hey, the Outreach Center’s got more than enough funding to help keep the classes going, and plus we’ve been trying to get more involved in higher education programs anyway to better support our high school participants. This could be a great start for us.” he tells you, squeezing at your hand for assurance.

You look over to him, completely and utterly content with everything the man before you was. You don’t think you could ever love another person as much as you do Erik.

You smile, nodding your head to accept his offer. “I’m still tryna see this fight that you promised me, tho. What did you call him again? A bitch ass nigga?” You tease him, and he leans his head back and closes his eyes, quietly groaning.

“You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?” he mutters, still embarrassed.

“Never.” You say, and you both laugh together. You link your pinky with his under the desk, both of you holding on to each other as you look out over the class.

#hope you guys like this! #erik killmonger #erik killmonger x reader #erik killmonger x black!reader #erik killmonger fan fiction #headcanon ek #erik killmonger headcanon #TheHomieFics #bp #black panther #black panther fanfiction #black panther fandom #jealous ek #nons

[celtfather]

Celtic Tree of Life #443

Search inside yourself with the Celtic Tree of Life. Let's make the world a better place with Celtic culture and the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast.

Seldom Sober, We Banjo 3, Marc Gunn, The Gatehouse Well, McKasson & McDonald, Crepuscule, Alexander James Adams, An lar, Heather Dale, Kennedy's Kitchen, Ockham's Razor, Ballinloch, Battlelegs, Rebels and Sinners, Onde

I hope you enjoyed this week's show. If you did, please share the show with ONE friend.

The Irish & Celtic Music Podcast is here to build our community and help the incredible artists who so generously share their music with you. If you hear music you love, buy the albums, shirts, and songbooks, follow the artists on Spotify, see their shows, and drop them an email to let them know you heard them on the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast.

Remember also to Subscribe to the Celtic Music Magazine. Every week, you will get a few cool bits of Celtic music news. It's a quick and easy way to plug yourself into more great Celtic culture. Plus, you'll get 34 Celtic MP3s for Free, just for signing up today.

VOTE IN THE CELTIC TOP 20 This is our way of finding the best songs and artists each year. Just list the show number, and the name of as many bands in the episode as you like. Your vote helps me create next year's Best Celtic music of 2020 episode.  Vote Now!

THIS WEEK IN CELTIC MUSIC

0:04 - "Jigs: Geese in the Bog / The Wandering Minstrel / The Coleraine" by Seldom Sober from Six Months in Confession

3:49 - WELCOME

5:17 - "Crann Na Beatha (Tree of Life)" by We Banjo 3 from String Theory

8:26 - "Loch Tay Boat Song" by Marc Gunn from Scottish Songs of Drinking & Rebellion

12:37 - "Tree Gap Set" by The Gatehouse Well from Bring You Ashore

16:18 - "Mark the Hard Earth" by McKasson & McDonald from Harbour

21:17 - CELTIC FEEDBACK

27:53 - "Lilting Music - Tree Set" by Crepuscule from Shades of Music

31:42 - "He of the Sidhe" by Alexander James Adams from Balance of Nature

38:01 - "No Land's Man" by An lar from Deception

43:39 - "Hawthorn Tree" by Heather Dale from Avalon

47:15 - "The Umbrella Reel, Two Days To Go, Down The Broom" by Kennedy's Kitchen from The Whiskey of Truth

52:03 - CELTIC PODCAST NEWS

55:43 - "Lark in the Morning" by Ockham's Razor from Songs from Potter's Field

1:01:06 - "The Intervention Set" by Ballinloch from Rise Up!

1:03:52 - "Greenland Whale Fisheries" by Battlelegs from Save the Humans

1:06:20 - "Mother Tree" by Rebels and Sinners from Day's Just Begun

1:10:40 - CLOSING

1:11:57 - "After the Storm" by Onde from Maelstrom

The Irish & Celtic Music Podcast was edited by Mitchell Petersen with Graphics by Miranda Nelson Designs. The show was produced by Marc Gunn, The Celtfather. To subscribe, go to Apple Podcasts or to our website where you can become a Patron of the Podcast for as little as $1 per episode. Promote Celtic culture through music at http://celticmusicpodcast.com/.

  CELTIC PODCAST NEWS

* Helping you celebrate Celtic culture through music. My name is Marc Gunn. I am a Celtic musician and podcaster. This show is dedicated to the indie Celtic musicians. Please support these artists. Share the show with your friends. And find more episodes at celticmusicpodcast.com. You can also support this podcast on Patreon.

There are Australian bushfires, oil spills, erratic temperature changes, earthquakes, hurricanes, the list goes on and on. Life on our planet is in a delicate balance. The Celts knew this. That’s why trees were so important to Celtic culture.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe all the scientific evidence that points to human-made Climate Change. What is important is stewardship of our planet. We need to take care of it.

So in 2020, I want to draw attention to our hurting planet and how we can do just that. That’s why our latest shirt and sticker design includes the Celtic Tree of Life.

I’ll be honest. I don’t have specifics as to what we can do. But if you have suggestions, please email me.

The 2020 Sainted Celtic Collection is now online. This is a very special package I put together each year to pay for the production of the podcast, but also to give you a way to promote the show.

You’ll get a t-shirt, a couple pint glasses, a bunch of stickers, our Victims of Irish Music compilation CD and my latest CDs with the Brobdingnagian Bards. Plus, this year, you’ll also get a digital copy of my Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers album.

It’s all one insanely low price. And the offer is good until February 3, 2020. Head on over to MageRecords.com to support the podcast today.

CELTIC PODCAST NETWORK This is not the Celtic podcast out there. I’m sure you already know that. But you may not what other Celtic podcasts there are online. That’s the reasons I share new episodes of other Celtic podcasts every week in the Celtic Music Magazine. This is one of the benefits of subscribing and reading. You’ll learn about other great shows you might enjoy.

What shows? Well, let me share a few.

Erin’s Isle is published by Erin Breen, an Emmy award-winning journalist, columnist and writer for television, radio and print who has put 25 years of experience to work honing a true talent for storytelling. Her podcast is internationally known and has become part of the inflight entertainment on Aer Lingus flights to and from Ireland. She explores the out of the way adventures you could easily miss if she weren’t one step ahead of you.

Irish Music Stories is published by Shannon Heaton. She plays Irish flute and sings. She LOVEs Irish music and dance, and related Celtic traditions. This show is her way of sharing the rich inspiration that the global ‘trad’ community has given to her, with the stories behind the music.

After a long hiatus, Celtic Roots Radio is back. Raymond McCullough in Downpatrick, Co. Down, Northern Ireland whet's yer appetite with Celtic, folk, folk/rock, Appalachian, Breton, bluegrass, Scottish, Irish, Cajun, Cape Breton, singer/songwriter – if its Celtic, roots or acoustic music you want, you'll find it there (plus a wee drop a' Norn Iron craic!). The show is once again publishing new episodes.

You can find links to ALL of these podcasts and more at MageNetwork.com. That’s where I publish links to all of my shows and posts links to other Celtic podcasts to share with you in the Celtic Music Magazine.

TRAVEL WITH CELTIC INVASION VACATIONS Every year, I take a small group of Celtic music fans on the relaxing adventure of a lifetime. We don't see everything. Instead, we stay in one area. We get to know the region through its culture, history, and legends. You can join us with an auditory and visual adventure through podcasts and videos. Learn more about the invasion at http://celticinvasion.com/

I still have space in 2020 for the Celtic Invasion of Italy. It’s gonna be monumental. You don’t want to miss it!

THANK YOU PATRONS OF THE PODCAST! Because of Your kind and generous support, this show comes out every week. You can pledge a dollar or more per episode and cap how much you want to spend each month over on Patreon.

Your generosity funds the creation, promotion and production of the show. It allows us to attract new listeners and to help our community grow. Plus, you get to hear episodes before regular listeners. When we hit a milestone, you get an extra-long episode.

I want to thank our newest Patrons of the Podcast: Samantha M, Christine M, Robyn

You can become a generous Patron of the Podcast at http://patreon.com/celticpodcast.

  I WANT YOUR FEEDBACK

What are you doing today while listening to the podcast? You can send a written comment along with a picture of what you're doing while listening. Email a voicemail message to [email protected]

Heidi Murphy emailed a photo: "I’m listening to this while editing my book. Lovely Celtic Christmas music!

I noticed the other day that you had Round the House on. They're so cool. I've jammed with them before (I play tin whistle and bodhran) and they're delightful.

I recently went to the World Highland Games in Tucson, AZ. It was so lovely to watch them toss the caber and hammer. They broke a record in something I don’t know the name of. It’s a 2 stone bail of hay trussed up in canvas they toss with a pitchfork. I’d love to know what that’s called. I was off listening to music and eating haggis and a scone when they announced that name.

Here’s a pic of me hiking home from Muckross Abbey after a long day of exploring in the rain. Slainte"

Marshall Blosser emailed: "Hey Celtfather,

In searching for Newfoundland Celtic artists it dawned on me that you had a 2 hour special on Canadian Celtic music back in 2016. Episode 254 specifically from April 7, 2016.   That episode gave me several artists to look up.  For me specifically, The Rolling Kings, and The Ennis Sisters. As well as a few others from neighboring provinces.

My own on-line research found several other artists although I am not sure how many are still active. Listing the ones I can find on either Amazon or CDBaby first: The Irish Descendants, Celtic Connection, Shanneyganook, The Flummies, and Great Big Sea.

I know Great Big Sea isn't an active group any more but it's members, specifically Alan Doyle, Sean McCann and Murray Foster have continued to record music.

There is one band I want to get some recordings of but I can't find any information on is Greeley's Reel. They've been playing the local St John's pubs for 10 years.

As I visit the pubs I will make sure to try and connect any Irish/Celtic bands I find to your submission page. I am also kicking around the idea of starting a podcast of local artists for Newfoundland to help get them some more exposure. Any advise on how you started would be awesome. Looking forward to sending you many new artists"

Tim Sommer in Middleton, ID emailed: "Hi Marc, I love your podcast and wanted to support it and was signing up for the $5 per month contribution and I just briefly saw the window to select that.... when what do you know...I was signed up for the $5 per episode.  Couldn’t figure out how to change that number so am asking for your help to change it.

Yes, I do think you are worth $5 an episode but if my wife starts seeing the monthly amount for that instead of the $5 per month, she’ll be using her serious face and posture, asking me what I thought I was doing.

It could impact my entire Irish and Scottish music habit.  It’s like knowing how many beers you can drink at the session before you are in serious trouble."

Check out this episode!