#then you should be coming after the IC and their insta friendship

[lutawolf]

Once Again Opinion

Shin Jae Woo befriended law student Kang Ji Hoon when he was ten. So it's no surprise that when Kang Ji Hoon dies protecting Shin Jae Woo, he feels incredible guilt. So much so that he still carries him in his heart fifteen years later. When he comes home to visit, he goes by the dorm in which Kang Ji Hoon used to live, once there he picks up the landline and hears Kang Ji Hoon. Before he knows it Shin Jae Woo is back in time at the age he is now. Will he able to change time or at least remove some regrets?

Luta, this show has nothing to do with BDSM so why you talking about it. Because it's stolen my heart. I was a little sad with everything that was going on last month. I wanted something to get new to get lost in and I found this. I'm scared for the ending but I can't look away. These characters have buried deep

The very first episode opens with a pull on the heartstrings. We see Shin Jae Woo at ten, screaming as Kang Ji Hoon is being stabbed. Yup, just start the series off traumatized. Guess their theory was, lets kill them and then bring them back to life. Oddly enough their theory was right because I'm still here. The cinematography is stunning. Everything smoothly glides from one scene to another and the visual is literally like looking at art. What I mean by this is that we soon find ourselves on the bus with Shin Jae Woo headed back home. It should feel stilted moving from a jarring scene to this but it's not at all. When Shin Jae Woo reaches home, we begin to see the devote and love he has for Kang Ji Hoon even after all this time. About half way through is when SJW goes to the dorm, which is set to be demolished January 30th. He visits the room that KJH stayed in and hears KJH's voice over the landline phone. SJW requests to keep the landline phone but as he steps out of the dormitory with it, he walks back in time. When he sees KJH coming towards him, he is jubilant and quickly captures him in a hug. This is where I got second hand embarrassment and threw the blanket over my head. Don't Judge Me!

Episode 2 has us seeing things from Kang Ji Hoon's point of view. From when he answers the phone and we see when the photograph was taken, that will later end up in SJW's hands. This is when we fall in love with the kind hearted KJH. He befriends a lonely boy that's staring at his ice-cream. I died with laughter when he offers the boy a taste of his and the boy looks like at him like he is an idiot. KJH then offers little SJW the extra bar that was meant for his friends. Hence the friendship begins between the two. Let me make it clear, the friendship is very innocent. There is clearly hero worship but Kang Ji Hoon is not looking at this kid as anything other than a brother/nephew. We go through these sequence of events that show why young SJW would hold KJH in his heart for the next 15 years despite his death. Then we reach the point where KJH is coming up the sidewalk and meets the adult SJW, a stranger that is embracing him.

Episode 3 has KJH flabbergasted as to why this strange man is hugging him. Which I mean, valid. I had my blanket ready to throw over my head again but managed not to. Either KJH is super kind, which he is, or he has insta feels for this adult SJW. Just the way he handles the situation. It's very different than how you would expect. SJW goes and gets a dorm next door to KJH, don't ask me how he is paying for it. I don't know how that magic works. Then awkwardness ensues because well yeah. KJH is like why is this weirdo always smiling at me but SJW is just so happy to see him again and have the chance to save him this time. It's also in this episode that SJW tells KJH's bestie that he has known KJH for 15 years.

In Episode 4 we see SJW struggling on how to save KJH from dying that night. There is also a sweet moment in which the two share breakfast together. SJW tells KJH that he comes from a place where KJH should be. KJH really should be wanting to stay away from this crazy man. Instead we see he is hesitant and unsure but seems unable to stay away. SJW goes out to try and find the location of where he was attacked that night and KJH has dinner with his bestie and parents. That's when the bestie brings up SJW saying he's known him for 15 years to which KJH gets in trouble from his mom for not remembering a childhood friend. KJH is perplexed as all get out. KJH becomes concerned for the wandering fool SJW and goes looking for him. He finds him huddled in front of a gate crying. While KJH tries to comfort SJW, SJW is in turn begging KJH not to die again. The way KJH hugs him back, yeah there are feelings there.

Episode five has KJH carrying SJW into the dormitory. He takes him to his room. When SJW wakes up he and KJH talk, it's at this time SJW apologizes for doing what he is about to do. He takes the opportunity to kiss KJH. You see KJH expressions show shock and then his eyes slowly drift closed. I'm telling you guys, this boy had feelings pretty early on when meeting adult SJW. We think fade to where KJH is coming out of his room and there is hilarious bickering between him and his bestie. Who came to tell him that the little boy is here to see him. There is cuteness between KJH and the young SJW. When adult SJW hears about this, he catches up with the younger version of himself and tells him to stay away from KJH. Tells him if he doesn't want to live in guild for the next 15 years to just say away. KJH overhears this and begins to process things that both have told him. He begins to connect the dots, when he goes to SJW he finds the proof he needs to know SJW has come from the future. He then breaks down because he now knows he is going to die. When I say this moment of revelation is so poignantly done. It's beautiful in it's bitter sweetness. KJH's break down is short lived though because he remembers SJW saying he knows what to do and that KJH won't die this time.

Episode 6 is KJH racing to catch up with SJW. Which he finds bleeding out. It's at this moment we have no doubts that KJH has feelings for SJW. After taking a trip to the hospital, they come back to the dormitory. In-between all this happening have more interaction with the bestie and young SJW. Once in KJH's room, SJW goes to sleep and we have this touching moment of KJH talking to him and thanking him for carrying him in his heart all this time. Which is where the episode ends.

To Be Continued: So tomorrow is when the next two episodes come out. I am excited and at the same time scared. Is this gonna be a Walk To Remember where I cry all day? Even if I do, I can't imagine I'll regret it because it's touched me that much. I don't know if anyone will even read this but I had to get it out. 💜💜💜

#Spotify #once again #once again series #korean bl series #coconuts mafia

[daddy-pops]

Astrology Observations✨ (part 1)

Creds to @omgits_ella on insta🥺💕

(this is also my first observations post ever, so pls don’t take anything i say to heart)

(based on a Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Capricorn rising, Aquarious stellium 1st house perspective😉🔍)

If you want to know how someone acts based off of their placements, just look at the element their placement is in. Their element should explain/show you how they would react in certain situations. For example, fire elements usually react impulsivily and aggressively because they’re represented by fire. Fire moves quickly, without thinking about anything in it’s path and it can grow or simmer as fast as it started in the first place. (Tbh, you can apply this for any placement I feel like).

Virgo Moons really tend to detach themselves from situations to sit back and analyze what just happened. They tend to be huge overthinkers. They need to figure out why and how something happened so they can properly come to a solution. Can easily become obsessive.

Aquarious Mars usually need space during/after arguments whether they want to admit it or not. When they don’t get that space, their anger can be quite childish and explosive. Similiar to Virgo Moons, they detach themselves from the situation when they do receive that space. But, they detach themselves emotionally.

I feel like Virgo personal placements in general are usually obsessive about cleaning / having things be cleaned.

Virgo Venus in a relationship usually says lots of things like, “Look at all the things I’ve done for you.” and “I do so much for you.”

Scorpio Venus’s are SOOO obsessive in love. Especially if it’s mixed in with more Scorpio or Virgo placements. They feel love so deeply and intensely, on a level that’s so unexplainable but beautiful. The negatives to this is that, they are prone to stalking love interests.

Venus in the 9th house can appear to be really hot and cold with attention. They pull back and become distant because they want to be sure you’re the one they want (and vice versa).

Virgo in the 11th house want to help people, especially their friends and loved ones. Like personal Virgo placements, they love listening to your problems and giving you advice. They know the true meaning of friendship and are willing to go lengths for you if you show the same effort being reciprocated. (my best friend has this, and it’s such a sweetheart placement☺️).

Virgo or Capricorn in personal placements can really enjoy working. They find it as an outlet for them (plus benefits 🤑).

Mars in the 3rd house, Gemini Mars, and Gemini Moons need an outlet to talk when they’re upset. They need to logically discuss the issue with somebody so they can process the situation.

Gemini Mars in undeveloped people can be scary. Their anger can be so explosive, impulsive and violent. Their constant racing thoughts take over so they just snap.

Virgo and Capricorn placements love lanuage is by spending quality time with you and by doing little things for you☺️

Libra Rising’s are such sweethearts. They try to always keep the peace and avoid the drama. They usually hate confrontation unless they’re influenced by Fire placements. They’re social butterflies and they just want everyone to like them.

Gemini Rising’s are so scatter brained with everything. They always need to be doing something.

Gemini Rising’s are always socialable, it doesn’t matter what other placements are in their chart. When you first meet them, they are always open to a conversation and are usually really friendly :))

Taurus in the IC are SOOO stubborn. People have been telling me my entire LIFE how stubborn I am. It’s so unconcious though, I don’t even realize.

Virgo Sun’s with Fire Moons are usually so outgoing, friendly and social. But their emotional outbursts can be explosive and extremely critical of others, self centered.

I feel like Gemini Moons and Fire Moons can be emotionally self serving whether they see it or not.

Having a lot of Aquarious placements can make it seem like someone is an entirely different person / have a different personality online.

((if this gets alot of reviews i’ll do more))

#astronomy #zodiac #zodiac signs #signs #gemini #scorpio #libra #virgo #aries #astro #astro notes #astrology observations #cancer #leo #elements #fire signs #water signs #earth signs #air signs #aquarious #taurus #pisces #saggitarius #capricorn #mars #astrology

[youarejesting]

Hope in the sheets.7

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Friendship, Comedy, Soft boy, Fluff, SMUT, Friends2Lovers, Words: 4.4k

Summary: You held many titles: his neighbor, colleague, wing-man… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things.

What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

Warning: mentions a sex tape, mentions a birth tape

[First] [Previous] [Masterlist] [Next]

 “Ah! Ah! Ah!” This videotape felt dirty, Hoseok wasn’t sure why, but he was sweaty, his heart raced, as he tried to look anywhere but at the screen. The woman on the video kept making noises and heaven forbid he look between her legs. Was it warm in here or was it just him?

“As you can see the birth canal opens up wide to let the babies head come down and out and the shoulder here is the widest part, so you have to be careful to listen to your body otherwise you may tear, so here we go these are the final pushes and then the baby will slip out—”

“Hoseok, Hoseok wake up!” You called alarmed, Hoseok opened his eyes to see you and the birth class instructor standing over him.

“Don’t worry love, there is always one in every class who faints” The woman handed over some ice, “Put this behind his neck it will help slow his heart rate, nerves sometimes get the better of the soon to be dads”

Sitting up Hoseok sat up a little embarrassed, “sorry, I didn’t mean to faint”

“No, Hobi, it’s okay I feel nauseous as hell after that video too.  That looks scary as hell I don’t think I can do it” you whined. “This class traumatized me more than it helped, and what do we get a couple of cookies and some watered down juice. 

“You are so strong and I think you can do it?” Hoseok tried to reassure you and you scoffed. 

“If you're so confident you push the baby out.” Hoseok paled again swaying on the spot and you laid him back down. “You are properly scared aren’t you?”

“I am horrified,” he laughed, “I am a big chicken”

“Honestly, I am scared too but I don’t get a choice Hobi, this baby is inside me and it has to get out somehow." you shiver after confessing the fear that had been building in the back of your mind. “If I wasn’t afraid of surgery I would install the old side door”

The gesture of a flat hand across your stomach made Hoseok smile sadly. He took your hands in his. 

“I’m sorry that you have been dreading this. I will try to be someone who can eliminate your fears, little darling momma” he kissed your head. The instructor called everyone back to the mats and began explaining how to wash a baby and how to hold a baby for the first time. 

It was a fun class but you were happy to get home and rest, biding Hoseok good night. He went quickly to his house where Jimin was sitting waiting for him with a hanging clothes bag. 

“What were you so busy doing that I had to pick up your dry cleaning?”

“Y/n’s birthing class” Hoseok's face turned grave as he adopted a serious tone. “Jimin, don’t ever go to a birthing class. I don’t think I can unsee what I saw.”

“Haha, I’m not that silly, I know where babies come from. I am glad I am a man who likes men, so I will never step foot in a birthing class unless you pay me a large fortune. I mean I could watch someone give birth for money."

Hoseok shivered, making Jimin laugh at his expense. “You look pale, so let's change the subject. I bought Yoongi's old van. He sold it for some new equipment. That means I can get rid of the junk van I was driving before.”

“Can I have your old van?” Hoseok jumped on the opportunity. 

“Uh sure, but I think it’s more money than it’s worth, you can have it for free because it needs new everything.” He shrugged “I was just going to make it scrapped metal”

“Yeah I can fix it up, I got some money lying around.” Hoseok yawned, “anyway thank you so much for getting my suit. I have my first day of work tomorrow, so I should go to bed early”

“Alright, but tomorrow night celebratory drinks for your first day?” Jimin clutched his shoulder. 

“Of course,” Hoseok laughed, waving goodbye and carrying the suit to his apartment. 

“Hey man, how was your day?” Jimin shouted from his newly acquired van from Yoongi. “Get in, we can celebrate tonight” 

Jimin drove Hoseok home under strict orders to grab a nice change of clothes so the two could get ready at his house and go out celebrating Hoseok’s new job. Hoseok took the stairs two at a time leading to his apartment, his hand brushing past your old door. He missed you. He missed having you at his work, at his home, at his leisure. You two were inseparable and yet torn apart by the stages of life.

Hoseok had assumed you both would be single and somewhere in your mid-thirties you would just get married to one another for convenience. He grabbed some clothes and found the blacklight outfit you had bought for him, he pushed it aside trying to move on for just a moment. 

Instead, he grabbed a classic black button-up and a pair of black dress pants. He placed the items in a bag and headed back down to Jimin waiting excitedly in the driver's seat. He drove them across town singing along to the radio and pulled into the driveway of a beautiful home. Jimin was a sugar baby and so he accumulated a lot of money with ease.

Jimin picked up the package by his doorstep curiously and read the name, his face broke out into a smile. Opening the box he found a beautiful pair of earrings. Hoseok paused, knowing Jimin had been talking about these types of earrings for a long time, but these ones looked handmade and a little cheap, not from a brand-name store like most of Jimin’s other clients would buy.

“They are so cute,” Jimin smiled, lifting the note, reading it aloud. “I don’t have money, so I don’t ask for much, it would just be a waste of your time. Even with this, I still want you to know that I think you are really sweet the way you always help others and never forget to share compliments to those who catch your eye. I will never forget how kind and funny, you are especially at work. The way you run your fingers through your hair unconsciously, how you pout when you think, the way you can glide across the dance floor with drinks without spilling anything. You disappear behind the bar with the cutest laugh and I am completely in love with you.”

“You have an admirer,” Hoseok looked over his shoulder at the letter before asking, “I wonder who it is?”

“I am not sure who it could be?” Jimin frowned, taking the box into a spare room filled with gifts. “They seem really nice”

Once the letter was placed carefully in the room, Jimin stepped out and decided to get dressed for the night. He paused in the doorway walking back and taking the earrings. “Even though they are cheap I think I should at least wear them.”

The two got changed and Jimin posed, “take a picture of me looking over my shoulder, so I can post a picture of the earrings on my Insta”

Hoseok picked up his phone and stepped behind Jimin, ready to take the picture of Jimin’s bare shoulder, earring, and side profile. He stopped when his phone came up with the stupid storage message.

Storage full!

You can free up space on this phone by managing your storage in settings.

“I can’t take a picture,” Hoseok sighed. “My phone storage is full”

“It’s okay, I should put on a bit of makeup to make the picture really pretty. While I do that, use my computer to plug it in and delete stuff. You can save the rest onto a USB, which you will find in the top draw. The USBs should be empty.

Hoseok watched Jimin stroll into the bathroom and thought he might as well take care of this storage issue on the phone. Plugging the device in, Hoseok began going through and deleting memes and stupid screenshots he no longer needed. He went through saving many photos of you, and videos the two of you shared together.

That's when he came across the picture of the two of you dressed in your black light outfits. Both of you looking happy together in the mirror. Hoseok saved the photo to the USB. The next was a blurry picture on the dance floor, he didn’t need that.

Deleting a range of blurred photos, Hoseok kept swiping through them until he came across a video of you and Hoseok walking home. He heard you giggling and unconsciously smiled. He honestly was so in love with you.

There were a few more blurred videos and then there was a video of you two laying in Hoseok’s bed. His heart started to race as he watched you lean down and kiss him in the video. Hoseok couldn’t remember any of this.

The next video was of you removing your dress but it continued, sometimes the phone was just left on the bed face down, at other points, it was lifted and Hoseok heard himself talking as he pointed the camera at you underneath him. “I love you.” He had filmed you while you two were having sex, “I love being inside of you too.”

Hoseok felt a little guilty, while you two were drunk he took a video of you both, not only that but he felt as if he took advantage of you. The next video was taken from behind and Hoseok felt ashamed of himself for the stirring in his pants. 

“Are you watching porn?” Jimin laughed from the next room, confused as Hoseok switched to the next video. The two of you were cuddling on your side, Hoseok being the big spoon. 

Hoseok's face fell. What had he just watched? His head was reeling with so many thoughts that he couldn’t process them fast enough. He understood that it was you in the video, and you were with him. It was that night. Were you his dream girl? “I slept with Y/n?” He blurted and like being hit with a truck he came to a shocking revelation. Hoseok shot to his feet and spoke out loud hoping it would help him make sense of the situation, “Am I, I think, I might be the father?”

“Oh, Finally!” Jimin shouted, his voice carrying into the office. “I have been waiting for you to figure it all out”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok said his stomach was feeling sick, he didn’t know if he wanted to vomit or cry. The betrayal setting in, “How did you know? DID SHE KNOW?”

Jimin stepped into the room, his lips pressed together in a thin line, with a look of pity on his face confirming Hoseok's suspicion. Hoseok got up, his eyes flashing around the room in a panic. He pushed past Jimin and grabbed the old set of keys from the countertop. Hoseok escaped and drove fast. He didn’t have a destination in mind but after a few minutes of driving he ended up at a park by Han River.

Shutting off the engine, Hoseok let his hands fall from the wheel, his head resting back against the seat, letting out a loud guttural shout. He let the tears fall freely as his sobs racked his body, every breath catching in his throat as if he was choking. 

Hoseok wanted to scream, he wanted answers. They all knew. You knew. He thought he was your best friend, someone he trusted with all his secrets, and yet you kept something this big from him. The sick feeling in his stomach grew as did his anger and frustration with the situation.

How long were you going to keep this from him? When the baby was born? When the child was eighteen? Never? He had a right to know but all he wanted to know was why. 

He left the vehicle, his phone ringing with your number but he turned it off. He walked to the nearest bar somewhere dark and quiet and he drank until he couldn’t see his hands. 

“Hey mate you have to go, come on get up.” The bartender said, nudging him with an exaggerated sigh, “Mate can I call someone to come get you?”

“No one, my best friend is a liar, she is pregnant and didn’t even tell me it is my child,” Hoseok mumbled into the table. The bartender sighed again reaching into his pocket, “Who do you want me to call mate?”

“No need to call, I will go,” he said, pulling out his keys only to have them snatched from his hand. Hoseok turned to see Yoongi grabbing Hoseok’s things and thanking the bartender. “What do you want?”

“I got a distressed call from Y/n she is hysterical, I have checked in every bar and searched the nearby streets for Jimin’s old van. Yoongi threw the keys to Jimin who was waiting by the abandoned van and Yoongi scooped Hoseok inside.

Hoseok woke as Yoongi turned the key in the ignition they were headed for his home, but Hoseok had other plans. “You knew didn’t you?” Hoseok growled, “Take me to her."

“Not in this state?” Yoongi said definitely. “You are going to sober up, and then tomorrow you can speak with her.”

“You take me there right now, or I will get out of this car and go there myself!” Hoseok demanded, attempting to remove his seatbelt.

“Alright, alright sit down, I will take you to see her, but if you raise your voice at her I will knock you out and drag you back to your apartment." Yoongi turned to Hoseok with a menacing glare. "Do you understand?”

He nodded needing answers and he wasn't going to stop until you gave them to him. They pulled up outside your home and as he walked to the door he felt as if his legs were weak, ready to give way. He knocked with shaking hands.

He didn’t have to wait long for you to pull open the door eyes pink and swollen from your own tears.

"Hobi, I-" 

"Please don’t talk, you had your chance. This whole time, and you didn’t… You didn’t tell me, little darling.” His voice cracked as he held up a hand to stop you, “it’s my turn to talk, you can listen to me.”

He watched you wipe the tears away, he wanted to comfort you, you were his closest friend. He loved you so much and couldn’t bear to see you upset. “You knew we had sex, you knew what we did and you hid that from me, you fell pregnant and you hid that from me?”

“I told you when I lost my virginity, I told you when I scratched my dad’s car, I told you when I took money from my fathers wallet, or when I stole your homework. I told you when I was moving from home, I told you everything good and bad.” Hoseok pulled out the phone and played the video, the sounds of you two together filling the air. “But you couldn’t tell me, your best friend, that we did this? That I might be the father of this baby?”

“Hobi, I wanted to tell you I was-” Your tears were relentless and it looked like the weight of the world was crushing you with guilt. You looked lost, he knew there must be so much you wanted to say and explain but the words escaped you. All you could think to do was apologize, like some sort of animatronic doll with one function.

“Wanted to tell me isn’t telling me,” he frowned. “Say it, is this baby mine?”

“Yes, you are the father?” You whimpered, holding your stomach. Hoseok didn’t feel better. He didn’t feel better confronting you or getting the truth. He didn’t feel better watching you cry. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. You are all I have Hobi, and I love you.”

“I thought I loved you too. I thought I really truly loved you, that even though I wasn’t the father, I would step in if I could. It turns out the woman I fell in love with is nothing but a liar.” Hoseok turned away unable to see your face contort in pain from the words he was saying, “I am disappointed in you. You said you wanted to grow up, but this is so immature”

Demanding to leave, Yoongi took Hoseok and headed to the van once more, hoping that the two of you could rebuild your relationship. It was painfully obvious that you both were painfully in love, so much so, that it was breaking your hearts more to fight with one another, than over whatever the fight was about.

You had spent the rest of the night crying until pure exhaustion took over your body and you fell asleep. No matter how many times you texted or called you got no response. You had left almost fifteen voicemails before you became too hysterical to speak. You were emotional and trying your hardest not to break down long enough for you to think things through. 

It took four days and sitting in the bottom of the shower for ten minutes before you came to a decision. Even before Hoseok knew he was the father, you had planned to do it on your own. You weren't weak and you knew for certain that you would be okay. You had planned to raise this child as a single mother, you had hoped to tell Hoseok before all this happened, but you had planned for it just in case something like this did happen.

You could do this without Hoseok, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt, that you weren't mourning the relationship you had lost. You picked yourself up and put on a brave face crying only when you were alone as you single-handedly funded Ben and Jerry's company with the amount of ice cream you consumed.

You arrived at the next prenatal appointment. You watched all the couples cooing at their bellies and the little sonogram photos, as you sat alone quietly rubbing your belly and thinking how much you loved this child.

It strengthened your bond between you and your baby. You were working hard at your job, not ready to go on maternity leave as you didn’t know how financially stable you would be. You also worried because, without the distractions of work, you realized how alone you truly were and how much you missed Hoseok.

You wanted nothing more than to go back in time and take it all back. You wanted to get the courage and tell him. You would give anything to wake up beside him the morning after and just let yourselves deal with the aftermath.

Your mother's words echoed in your head, only able to be drowned out by the sound of your baby's heartbeat through the doppler, as the ultrasound technician measured your sweet little baby girl.

She had done no wrong and deserved only good things. It was on your way home from the scan that you decided to enter the baby boutique. You knew you were filling a Hoseok shaped void in your chest but you didn’t care, purchasing clothes, socks and shoes, and a tiny beanie all in mint green, white, or grey. At the checkout, you saw a small personal travel doppler for eighty dollars. It wasn’t as strong or as reliable as the one at the clinic but you bought it anyway. 

It was the first thing you did when you got home, you put the gel on your stomach and pressed the doppler to your tummy, and listened to the tiny heartbeat and the swishing of the umbilical cord. The tears didn’t stop and that heartbeat in your belly was the mantra to which you swore to live your new life.

You were no longer living for yourself, you were living for your daughter, whom you loved so dearly. You stopped looking for Hoseok through the seventh and moved into the eighth month of your pregnancy feeling semi-okay.

Called by the marketing director to meet with the client, you followed him with documents, “Why did you pick me?” you asked

“You are the only one fit for this job,” He said, which made you feel odd, surely the pregnant lady wasn’t the first choice. However, you obeyed his orders, grabbed your coat, and followed to the restaurant where you were met with an unbelievable sight. 

There was Hoseok standing by a beautiful woman dressed in a suit. Not only was it a punch to the chest, but it also left you self-conscious, resembling a chocolate egg. The way your body was so rotund did not do wonders for one's self-esteem.

Hoseok didn’t notice you until you stepped up to the table, your director announcing your arrival and greeting the young woman with a kiss on each cheek. “This is my hardest working assistant Miss Y/n,” The director said and you wondered again why he had chosen you to accompany him to the meeting.

“Well let’s get to business” the client smiled. You sat at the table and they brought out menus. “I will have the salmon en papillote, with a nice chardonnay.” 

“I will have the same,” the marketing director said, attempting to look cool but you weren’t so sure.

“We will have the Steak au Poivre, I will take medium rare and she will have hers well done. What is in the side salad?” Hoseok asked and you looked up over the menu shocked by his audacity.

“We use a mesclun mix for its various colors and textures, with Lebanese cucumbers and avocado for a fresh and creamy taste and a drizzle of classic french vinaigrette” the waiter smiled politely. 

“Skip the salads and instead vegetables would be preferable for both.” Hoseok closed the menu and looked up, the waiter looked at you for confirmation and you nodded handing over the menu.

“Have you two met before?” The client asked curiously and Hoseok shook his head, “It’s just you ordered for her?”

“She is pregnant so the best meat option is beef well cooked, and the salad would most likely make her sick due to the acidity in the vinaigrette.” Hoseok continued,  “the vegetables, though plain, will be easier to handle and will benefit her better than a salad. It is something I learned in a birthing class once”

“Yeah, and you haven’t been back since.” You scoffed, drinking your water trying to calm yourself so you didn’t explode with anger.

“I didn’t think I had to, seeing as I am not the father of any children.” He said dryly back and you stood up throwing the napkin at him, tears welling up in your eyes. You didn’t care if he didn’t like you and refused to acknowledge your presence ever again, but saying that about your child was not okay.

“You take that back, Hoseok." You almost shouted but restrained yourself due to the setting, Hoseok didn’t appear to move and you tilted your head back and took a shaky breath. “I am sorry, it seems I am feeling ill, allow me to leave first”

You stepped out the door and headed down the road trying to find a cab when a hand grabbed your arm. Disappointed when it turned out to be the marketing director. “I rescheduled our meeting, I am sorry, you had to deal with something like this, it must be stressful being so pregnant”

He touched your belly and you were a little uncomfortable. This man was a little too interested in your pregnancy. At first, you thought he was just a nice boss who was looking out for you, but it was clear he had some strange thoughts running through his mind.

When he said he would drive you home, you told him you had an appointment. Even then he was determined to take you to the appointment, but you waved down a cab and jumped in quickly. You arrived at Jin and Tonic for a much-needed appointment.

“I want a drink” you sighed and Seokjin gave you water and you looked up seriously. I want an actual drink Jin, I am going through the worst year of my life.”

“Worse than the time you tried to become a volunteer at a homeless center, where some weird lady cut chunks out of your hair, so you had to shave it off?"

"Then you got into a fight with Hoseok because he drew an arrow on your head while you were sleeping and everyone called you Aang,” Jimin added as he shed his small jacket, showing off a pretty choker chain necklace with a rose pendant. “Cause you said that was the worst year of your life.”

“This is worse,” you said. “At least I was the one angry at Hobi and I forgave him quickly, now he is angry at me and even denied being the father of our baby. That’s not even the worst of it. My boss has some sort of pregnancy fetish and keeps trying to touch my belly and I am not here for it”

“Pregnancy fetish?”

“It’s not sexy, I am swollen from the neck down, I couldn’t see my feet this morning. I just hope I wore the same shoes. My bladder is so squished I am peeing all the time, I am hormonal and sweaty, and I can’t fit into my favorite pajamas.” The hysterical sobbing was muffled by the bar and it made Jimin giggle behind his hand. He walked around to give you a hug and Jin presented you with an ice cream sundae in an effort to cheer you up.

“Dance with me, pretty lady,” Yoongi said, finishing his drink and taking your hand. He led you to the dance floor where you were slow dancing like you used to. “You are still as pretty as always. Okay, you may not feel beautiful right now due to all those things, but I promise that you are.”

“Thanks, Yoongi.” You tried to get close enough to hug Yoongi but your belly prevented you from doing so, he stepped behind you and wrapped his arms around you slipping his hands under your belly and swaying. He was trying to take some of the weight to relieve some pressure on your back. “You are amazing,”

“I am, aren't I.” He laughed, swaying you softly.

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[quercus-queer]

BA’s Reckoning

Yes, I stole this title from the Sporkful podcast. You should check it out!

So just a reminder the whole thing that kicked this off was when Tammie Teclemariam tweeted the photo of Rapoport in brown face (yes its brown face its a purposeful caricature of Puerto Rican ppl, his girlfriend called him her papi in the caption as well) saying he should simply write the article on Puerto Rican food then (the issue was Illyanna Maisonet, a Puerto Rican food writer, got rejected rudely by Rapo for her pitch to write about Puerto Rican food) Which brings up the larger issue of BA being racist and not covering any other dishes besides Eurocentric ones, and the ones that aren't Eurocentric are almost always either whitewashed or done by white people which is what happened with Masionet’s article (this is where Amanda Shapiro and Meryl Rothstein come in).

This led to a zoom meeting where Rapo made a shitty apology leading Sohla El-Waylly’s instagram posts, where she condemns Rapo, talks about her 50k salary despite having 15 years of restaurant experience (She ran a fucking restaurant and 50k in NYC is pathetic), being hired to help white editors, and not being paid for ANY of her video appearances (none of the poc you see in videos have been compensated including the zoom videos). Which has led to many people at BA being exposed for being terrible (Conde Nast is the parent company and owns BA, Vogue, Architectural Digest, Allure, Glamour, Wired, Epicurious,Teen Vogue among other things... also take note how most of these have consistently been criticized for their racism or “race problems”)

ANYWAY here’s a general guide of what each BA person has done, this is in no way comprehensive, feel free to investigate on your own, always fact check and form your own opinions!

Adam Rapoport: Brown face, not paying his non-white employees for their video appearances, treating his assistant Ryan Walker-Hartshorn (a black woman) like shit (she was working overtime and was barely making rent with what he was paying her), he's sexist (see every video with Molly) and racist (mixing up Sohla and Priya Krishna and never apologizing) and more!

Check out the Business Insider piece, twitter (Tammie’s, Christina Chaey’s, and Priya’s), Sohla’s podcast and interviews, and someone made a compilation of Rapo being condescending I think

Matt Duckor: Disgusting, racist, homophobic, sexist all around terrible person, probably the most obviously terrible of the bunch (see Rick Martinez’s insta plus Duckor’s own tweets), strung along Sohla for months saying that her pay was “stuck in legal” so that she would keep appearing in videos, gave Sohla a contract when this stuff first started happening to try and shut her up, HE is the one deciding pay for everyone at BA and was the one not paying poc for video appearances.

Check out Rick’s Insta, Twitter for Duckor’s tweets (screenshots bc he deleted his account)

Carla Lalli Music: First off, ppl are pointing out she was condescending af to a lot of her guests on her show (except for the white ones). The racism at BA did not start nor stop with Adam Rapoport and guess who was editor in chief before him? Yup, Mrs. Carla Lalli Music! Necessary amendment: Carla was the food director NOT the editor in chief and she is currently an editor at large... still a powerful position though and I think the sentiment still stands. She had a pretty pathetic twitter thread about how she should’ve done more but was focused on the sexism/focusing on women, strange because she also sent that shitty email to two women along with Delany and Brad after the two of them, Delany, and Brad were talking in the kitchen, telling them not to enter the kitchen without permission (not enforced on Brad or Delany obviously, only the two women who happen to not be white) I misread the article, Brad was a part of the convo, he did NOT receive the email, and didn't respond to the articles request for comment.. he fucking works in the test kitchen, i’m an idiot and that's on me

Business insider and her twitter 

Alex Delany: I have a post with the screenshots of the confederate flag cake he made himself because he felt the “need to express some southern heritage in cake form. Such a glorious cake...” for his friend moving to South Carolina, the lovely vine with the classic “F*g is a bundle of sticks joke” also have a post discussing that, he’s wildly underqualified for DRINKS editor and overpaid, also his girlfriend is Allegra Lorenzotti whose mother Eva Lorenzotti, is in Jeffery Epstein’s black book which is concerning (though who knows maybe Delany is dating a different wealthy Allegralo), also those sexist tweets

I have screenshots from Tumblr, ppl have the vine on twitter along with the sexist tweets (he deleted his twitter and Tumblr btw)

Andy Baraghani: There are screenshots of Alyse Whitney’s (an asian woman) twitter thread saying Andy purposefully undercut her articles multiple times because of a petty feud with Antoni from Queer Eye by using his friendship with Amanda Shapiro (Whitney’s editor) to kill the story, which is shitty and brings up the bigger picture of BA being cliquey and getting in with a friend of a friend and such which is just a toxic work environment

Amanda Shapiro: Puerto Rican food article, Alyse Whitney’s articles, she’s a perpetuator of the toxic work environment, stealing Nikita Richardson’s work and getting credit and pay for it (pls check out her twitter and the articles with her), also racist, should not be in charge

Chris Morocco: Made one (1) basic post (simply a reply to Molly calling him out actually) at the beginning of all this agreeing to not be in anymore videos until his coworkers got paid/backpay, he said he was complicit (duh) but also that he had no idea this was happening, but guess what? He is the one that hired Sohla for only 50k! There is a whole can of worms about how little Sohla was hired for despite her experience plus talent along with her current pay and Chris is a part of that. Also both his gumbo video and Halo Halo recipe are downright disrespectful at BEST and they should not have had a white man doing them (again with the white people doing articles/videos that can be EASILY given to someone whose actually part of that culture) and before anyone says anything yes the gumbo was for Chris’s show (strange how only white ppl get shows or in Andy’s case unless you’re friends with a higher up) still doesn't make the video less disrespectful, also he’s SAID he is friends with Anna Wintour (head of vogue, and a racist “there’s no room for black women” the reason the vogue challenge is happening)

Brad Leone: Himbo status permanently revoked, “Brad who just found out racism is real”(Sohla said this in the Sporkful podcast) is NOT acceptable for a 35 year old white man whose coworkers are suffering in a clearly toxic work environment, the screenshot with “I didn’t sign her contract she did” is NOT how you respond to your coworker being underpaid and disrespected by the company she works at because she is not a white man. I do not like him anymore, he has made apologies but ignorance to this extent is willful and I don't completely buy it the rumors he was upset Delany was going to be fired/would quit if Delany was fired/was mad at Sohla is not something I was able to confirm but based off of what I’ve seen he really needs to prove himself to be better, he can stay if that’s what his coworkers want but he is on thin fucking ice

Stuff I can't accredit to a single person, but BA is racist: 

NIKITA RICHARDSON, pls check her out on twitter

They sent Sohla to interview black chefs (bc BA has a bad track record) because she was the darkest and there were literally NO black chefs working at BA

Making Priya only cook Indian dishes (which were kinda whitewashed) I actually think this may have been Duckor

Tokenizing the poc staff (they would make them be in the kitchen when filming the white hosts shows and push them in front of the camera to highlight nonexistent diversity)

Paying Hawa Hassan only $400 for her video (probs also Duckor)

#bon appetit #bon appétit test kitchen #sohla el waylly #adam rapoport #brad leone #alex delany #alex delaney #chris morocco #andy baraghani #matt duckor #carla lalli music #priya krishna #Nikita richardson #hawa hassan #god this got long and there is more

[taekooktimeline]

May 31, 2020 (filmed)

In the Soop, start of ep. 6, is filmed on this date. 

Please remember the below is our THEORY. You are free to interpret as you wish.  

The episode opens with Tae fidgeting and being visibly anxious.

Jimin is entrusted with the mission to get Jk to Tae and tells Jk there is a leak that requires him to collect his luggage as a ruse to get him to go outside.

As they get closer Tae sits up abruptly. Jk is confused about what is going on. We’ll discuss further below, but for now this indicates while the talk appears to be planned and scripted to an extent, Jk didn’t expect the talk to happen at the time it did, as is evidenced by the boxing wraps he just finished wrapping on his hands. Tae created an elaborate setup for this moment and Jk was authentically surprised. 

Jimin and Tae playfully banter as if they’re at a classy restaurant - Jimin being the waiter - which adds certain romance to the scene. 

Jin comes by and asks if Taekook are on a date. This increases their shyness which makes Tae say “jungkookshi!” on repeat. We can’t tell if he’s panicking and calling out for him as if saying “Jk, help! this is so awkward” or if he’s teasing Jk, but it actually looks like a mix. It’s awkward because they are being filmed while playing out such a scene.

Jk asks about the occasion and Tae replies that it’s nothing special, though shortly what follows is a conversation reminiscing about their trainee days, as well as Tae’s recent struggles.

Tae starts by saying that Jk’s recent attempt to hang out with him is what prompted him to prepare this intimate talk.

Following the above phrase is when Jk  fully realizes what’s going on, letting out a big “ahhhhhh” of understandment. Despite this Tae asks once again “Remember?” to which Jk confirms by repeating “ah, ah, ah”. If there is an acting cue this would be it.

Tae adds a couple short sentences to finish the introduction.

Jk then excitedly says “I see!” using a similar voice to that funny one from the drama “Itaewon Class” as if getting ready to start an interpretation (the one that has the “it’s fun!” line).

Out of nowhere, Jk brings up the topic of them being scolded together even during trainee days, parroting exactly what Tae said in his YT livestream back in late April (which is rare because they barely mentioned each other as of recent times so there aren’t many chances to coincide). You can tell there wasn’t a cut between Tae’s intro and Jk’s topic if you pay attention to Jk getting rid of his wrappings. It seems like Jk isn’t the best at easing into a pre-planned topic and just dropped it abruptly which caused them both to laugh. They start to talk about the past and highlight how they were always close, scolded together and partners in crime. It’s interesting that the conversation unnaturally segwayed from having drinks to trainee days.

Jungkook says that they’ve been busy lately which implies that they no longer have the special bond that was just mentioned. This seems to be the whole objective of this theatrical interpretation: to make the public believe that they drifted apart & are now reconnecting. While it’s true that BTS explained on a recent vlive that they worked for 18 hours a day - which doesn’t leave much time to decompress and have time to yourself, let alone with loved ones -  we believe they are trying to sound credible by creating lies out of truths (we are busy = truth; lost the special bond = lie).

Jk tells the camera in a narration that Tae used to be so playful and the easiest to talk to out of all the hyungs, but has become more reserved and not as open as he was in prior years, even to the point of developing certain awkwardness in their relationship. Again, lies based on truths. Tae has grown up and matured but he is still playful in a more calm way. Additionally, since three months prior to filming, Tae was noticeably sad and withdrawn. BTS were even concerned and had written on his festa rolling paper to be happy and reach out to any one of them to discuss when he was ready. Tae finding Jk in the soop to have an on camera discussion was very pivotal for their on camera presentation of their relationship going forward to viewers - making it a safe excuse for the sudden openness & increase of on camera interactions being now viewed as reunited friends - but they surely must have had private talks & we don’t believe there was any type of emotional distancing involved. 

Reviewing prior footage shows they’ve always shown indicators of closeness and acted in a questionable manner, as well as what could be considered special attention to each other. We’ve caught onto moments they were instructed to separate - such as the vlive in which staff clearly rang the bell & told Tae to leave the hotel room as if he wasn’t sharing it with Jk on May of 2019 - so this talk is the culmination of the narrative BH tried to fabricate these recent years.

Weverse didn’t pick up the entire translation but Jk actually said “these days” he hadn’t really had a serious talk with Tae. This implies Tae was distant recently, which aligns with the sham but also correlates with Tae’s behavior in the spring. Tae mentioned in KBS and this Soop episode that the pandemic was something he struggled with. We doubt that Jk & Tae didn’t have any deep talks during these difficult times and then chose to broadcast their first ice-breaker so we once again deem it a false statement. We will elaborate more in our final thoughts.

Jk credits Tae for bringing him out of his shell in trainee days. Jk has mentioned this in prior interviews, so it seems to be a really important thing for Jk to continue to acknowledge. Tae appears genuinely surprised about Jk bringing this up - blushing for a second - so it’s apparent that they didn’t have a strict script for the sake of making it feel natural. They would just have planned to make sure to touch some key points to convey the narrative of reconnecting. As a positive side, it looks like it falls inside their plans to highlight how much they click and how much of an impact they’ve had on each other. During Festa, when Tae appeared to be at a low point, Jk referred to Tae as his commonality (which K ARMY proceeded to trend for its general meaning). Keep in mind Festa content was released in June, which would have been just after “In the Soop” was filmed, but it was surely written beforehand along with the rest of Festa’s content (~March). The fact that Jk said he has a lot in common with Tae correlates to what he said in this episode about having many similarities. This whole setup would be a bridge for them to be able to, at least, publicly act like close friends once again - which is a milestone - while giving a platonic explanation as to why there was a lack of on camera interactions. We guess it works if they don’t plan to come out as of now and it makes BH look good.

Tae never wanted Jk to use honorifics, but to treat him as a same age friend. Keep in mind honorifics are very important in a country like Korea. It does seem, based on Tae’s personality, that he’s not as hung up on such specifics. Regardless, the fact that, from the start, Tae insisted on treating Jk as an equal is a big deal when factoring in the culture / customs of their country.

Portion of Interview for the Magazine “Catch The BTS” Vol.1, 2013/11:

It seems like Jk was polite with Tae at the very beginning of their friendship, but after some time they started interacting as same age friends - as they explicitly said - and talked casually. In the below pics they contradict the old evidence by saying that their age difference and use of formal speech put up a wall between them. Jk even says “that’s what I chose back then”, meaning it later changed. It’s an easier way to lie.

They also might have used Festa to push the narrative of age difference being partially responsible for their supposed distancing. It was written that Tae viewed Jk as his “maknae-like dongsaeng” which uses not only one, but two terms to reinforce how young Jk is (“maknae” means youngest of the group, while “dongsaeng” is the complementary word to “hyung”. Jk is the dongsaeng of all his hyungs. It does NOT mean biological brother).

Tae mentions how he draws strength from ARMY and has felt empty lately, yearning to perform again. He didn’t feel as loved since they were not on stage hearing the cheers. This appears to be the main reason Tae struggled. And again, this correlates to Tae struggling in recent times, as the pandemic forced BTS (and the world) to change plans, and there was a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. The fact that this affected him so much suggests he still has self-worth issues and relies on external validation to a considerable degree. In our eyes, this is interlaced with his identity & fear of rejection - at least to an extent - being this a period of changes in TK’s presentation that stirred up various emotions. This theory is also supported by him reading the speech about happiness from the LGBTQ film CMBYN a little over a week after filming this. It seems like this was also a crucial topic to tackle & broadcast in order to continue working on the public’s empathy and dive little by little into the sources of their struggles.

Jungkook shows himself to be a source of strength to Tae, giving him advice and reassuring him he’s handling things well. He tells him that he should take this as an opportunity to work on stuff so that the people he loves can see how much he improved.

They decide to make a toast to those who love them. They do not toast to ARMY, which is the typical choice of words. Could this be specifically to people who support them? Because we know not all ARMY would accept them if they found out.

The scene ends with them smiling brightly at each other before walking away from the tent.

(final photo courtesy of TK_Rainbow insta) 

Taekook’s “talk” clip: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Kx0ahPr8dVRQzGNBXEbH9nhkRLkLaVLh/view?usp=drivesdk 

Our theory - Personally, we believe this moment was staged to an extent. The execution may have been authentic in that Tae planned a romantic setting, since Jk seemed genuinely surprised and had prepared to work out prior to them meeting. However, it should be taken into consideration that taekook were relatively hidden in on camera, official moments for years. This possibly could be a presentation, agreed upon between TK and BH, to explain their current loudness to viewers who may only be watching official content and looking at things at the surface level. To see TK not as interactive in ON official camera moments, to suddenly see them in the manner we are, required an explanation that wouldn’t out them for the moment while allowing them to showcase their special bond and familiarize people with it. Taekook have always made it clear, in Jk’s words, that their relationship is not for the cameras. To have a 1-1 raw, intimate conversation in official content with cameras around, for a televised show, goes against their prior nature and indicates some sort of pre-planning. 

Jk mentioned in “recent days” Taekook had not had a serious talk. Then, on camera, what the viewer is able to view is not very heavy besides their talks about Tae seeking love & support from ARMY. JK’s statement of the lack of recent heart-to-heart talks doesn’t match with what they proceeded to talk about. Although it wouldn’t be the goal if it were to be genuine, the viewer did not learn anything pivotal in the talk, meaning it was just a retake on topics deemed safe for public consumption. On the contrary, they flipped the original - pure - story of them being just like same age friends that were close in debut times, to them being close but never overcoming the weight of the age difference. There are a plethora of deep topics Taekook could have discussed. They weren’t able to fully dive into how Tae has exhibited some sort of playfulness throughout the years, but visibly bottled up and became more reserved only in recent months, just barely scratching the surface. The pandemic clearly is part of why Tae struggled, but not all. They do not discuss the obvious separation or lack of on camera moments during these last few years. These are certainly not topics they can easily and freely touch upon given their current situation, which means the idea of suddenly having a “serious talk” to clear the air between them, on camera, for television, has even less credibility. Keep in mind, in between debut to current times, we have always gotten subtle signs of genuine closeness & even slip-ups that they tried to hide. This confirms that what was aired (not necessarily all they talked about but what the viewer was able to see) didn’t really touch on anything intimate. 

Since we believe Taekook are in a romantic relationship and are closeted, this means they cannot be fully transparent in why the recent years have involved cuts and on camera separations. The positive takeaway, though, is it appears that taekook will no longer be heavily hidden, nor separated on camera or official content as a result of prior negotiations, which probably took place back in 2018 as they signed - in advance - their second contract. The plan going forward, to us, is for taekook to be less restricted and to normalize their interactions - now holding increased control & benefits over key points in their career. Whether TK have the legal ability to come out at some point - if ready - within this contract or if this new direction would be the rooftop, that we don’t know. Either way, BH had to explain this long-needed change in on camera moments and appears to have chosen this method. Keep in mind the contract renewal took effect shortly after the Soop was filmed. Soon after Soop, Tae read CMBYN and wrote on Weverse he wants to be happy. It’s interesting how all of this happened in quick succession from one another. 

Again, as stated at the start of this section, please remember this is our THEORY. We have done our best to clearly explain why we are thinking in the manner we are. Please remember this topic is controversial, and the reader is entitled to their opinion just as much as we are to ours. 

Interestingly, these were the lyrics of the song that played in the background as they talked: 

TK trended once the ep was released on Sept. 23rd -

June 1, 2020 - First day of Pride Month. Continuation of Episode 6. Tae wore a Bert and Ernie shirt the next day. This may be a coincidence or it may be him trying to send a message after having a 1-1 with Jk on camera. Please decide as you like.

We don’t want to theorize too much on the ending scene but it’s possible there are clues in it. No other member has ended an episode of “In The Soop” as an individual moment. And the ending shot of Tae has a lot of metaphors as he stands to embrace the sun, and then let’s the canoe take him to its brightness. The implication may be that Tae has found healing in this setting, and this, among other things, has helped him come to peace with his struggles.

#taekook #taekooktimeline #may 2020 #2020 #200531 #separation #sadness #closeness #hints #lgbtq

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

#journal shit

[words-for-holland]

Happier (3) | T.H.

Summary: Harrison is looking for answers. More unknown text messages and blackmail. A phone conversation takes place. Wait...who’s the new guy?

A/N: Don’t be shy let me know all your theories! Again, thank you for the support on Happier! The story continues!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Puzzle

This whole thing was just a giant puzzle that needed to be solved, but the closer one got to solving it, another complication comes around. The story wasn’t clear for anyone, but for Harrison it was a mess. He had so many questions that needed to be answered, so many clues he wish could have been solved at the snap of a finger.

Tom was too lost in himself to even comprehend the puzzling reality, Y/N while also lost in heartbreak had been awefully quiet since she left London, Kate was lying to Harrison, and Natalie had been too friendly with Tom.

Harrison replayed the conversation with Kate over and over again in his mind, trying to remember every little thing she said that night. He knew Kate was aware of something. Her tone said it all.

“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend”

“She received a few messages...from Tom.”

“Oh my god.” Harrison said to himself in realization. How could he have been so dim to not recognize what Kate had said in the first place? He paced around as he continued to think it through. But a threat message? Who would send a threat to Y/N? And what did they threaten her with? Tom and Y/N’s relationship has been secretly hidden from the public for as long as they’d been together. No one knew she even existed...right?

For a moment, Harrison stopped in his tracks, thinking of Natalie. Though he quickly shook the idea off. Natalie may have wanted Tom, but she wouldnt go as far as threatening Y/N. He had been friends with her since they went to primary school, and knew she wouldn’t go that far. “Maybe a stalker fan?” He questioned himself. Though he also quickly ruled it out, but something about it just didnt feel right.

In the kitchen, Harrison took out his laptop and started googling Y/N’s name. If her name didn’t show on the News or one of those Tom Holland fan accounts, it would at least answer one theory. As he scrolled through pages and pages, nothing showed up until...he found on account. He logged into the site and browsed the history, realizing it was all about Y/N and Toms life. Not as a couple but seperately. It all seemed too strange. Only very few accounts followed it and yet no other accounts in the world had mentioned Y/N. Harrison quickly shut his laptop when he saw Natalie enter the room.

“Oh don’t mind me just...grabbing a water.” She giggled, making her way to the fridge.

“Hey mate...uh..I guess everyone got hungry at the same time?” Harry asked, a bit surprised to see Harrison and Natalie in the kitchen.

“Yeah. I guess.” Harrison muttered.

“Well aren’t you a ray of sunshine. If i didn’t know I’d say you were the one more affected by the break up then Tom and Y/N themselves.” Natalie commented.

“No. It’s just that I dont think Y/N broke up with Tom just because of some rumors about you and him.” He explained rubbing his face from exhaustion. Natalie’s smile dropped, when she heard Harrison mention his potential theory.

“Well...did you talk to Y/N about it?” Harry asked him, also intrigued by the theory. “Now that I think about it she —“

“Oh come on. Just leave the poor girl alone. Im sure she knew what was best for the both of them. You’ll only make it worse.” Natalie interrupted, taking a sip from her water. “Well since you boys are all talk, Im gonna go find something more worth my while.”

Out of sight and out of mind, Natalie made a quick call about what she heard. “Harrison’s getting suspicious, and so is Harry.”

“Time to clean up then.” The unknown number spoke out before hanging up on Natalie completely.

Meanwhile, Kate had managed to get Y/N out of the apartment and walk the streets of the city. Her heart and spirits were still low, but she appreciated the efforts. Kate and Y/N went around stuffing their faces with crepes and ice cream. It was the cure to any bad days, but it wouldnt have been a Kate and Y/N date if they didn’t hang around the New York Aquarium. It was also the perfect time to crack out what Y/N really knew about the unknown text message, and who was harrassing the both of them. “Look, I know I promised you a stress free outing, but I saw a text from your phone the night you came back home.” Kate confessed.

Y/N’s face became pale almost as if she’d seen a ghost. She knew, and now there was no point in going back. “So you know then.” She says quietly looking at the fishes.

“I only know they threatened you.” Kate states, leaving out that she, herself, was also threatened. Y/N had enough on her plate to worry about, and it wouldn’t be the best time to being up how her message also threatened their friendship. “How long?” She continues.

“Weeks maybe. They started around the time I was fighting with Tom.” Y/N vents, she takes a deep breath before she continues. “Each message was worse than the last. They threatened that if I didnt leave, Tom would lose career, and I...I couldnt do that to him.” Tears were falling slowly, but Y/N was quick to pick them.

“Why didnt you tell him?”

“Yeah, Kate let me just tell him the truth of why I left him because the messages weren’t offensive nor threatening enough. And let’s just assume that the person texting wouldn’t blackmail either of us if they knew I said something. Anyways, maybe it was for the best...I could never fit in his world and those past few months just proved that.” Y/N’s words continue to spill out every fear and thought she had bottled up within her. It felt good..for a moment, but nothing can really erase a heartbreak of losing the one you loved.

As the pair walked through the shark tunnel, Y/N bumped into a tall figure. “Oh my god, Im so sorry...Matt?” she asked in confusion. The moment Y/N looked up into those familiar brown eyes hidden behind the thin glasses, she knew. How could she forget? 

“Y/N? Wow, it’s been so long how are you?” Matt greeted as he wrapped her into a hug. “Kate, it’s good to see you again too.” 

“Yeah, we’re great, just you know...navigating life.” Kate responded to him. “We haven’t seen you since what?  High school?”

Matt smiled and nodded at Kate’s response, his focus remaining on Y/N. He didn’t remember much with Kate back in high school, but Y/N was a different story. They were good friends at the time, always competing in classes, but as junior year rolled by things got awkward. Y/N was falling for Matt while he didn’t return the favor at the time. Though he’d be lying if he didn’t say he may have felt the same at one point, but just never committed. Now all grown up, he didn’t realize how pretty she turned out, but her personality wasn't there. He must have figured something was wrong. After all, a girl with that kind of spunk back in the day, didn't seem like the one to lose hers so easily. “Yeah, look. I know it’s kind of a spur in the moment, but maybe we can all hang out sometime? I’d love to catch up.” 

Kate was all for it, but Y/N felt a tension she wasn’t sure if she wanted to act upon. After all, breaking up with your boyfriend after 2 weeks, because of threatening messages and still loving him deeply, it wasn’t an easy thing to move on from. Then again it’s not like Matt was asking for a date, it was just to catch up after not seeing each other for 6 years. “Uh, maybe. I have to check my schedule, and see when Im free, but I can let you know” Y/N answers him. 

“Great, well..here’s my number, and hopefully I hear from you guys. I gotta get back to my brother, so hope to see you around.” he quickly says as he walks away. 

“Wow. Matt Brynne, who would have guessed?” Kate says, breaking the silence. 

“I know...Funny I used to be so head over heels with him at the time, and now I barely feel a thing.” 

“Well yeah, cause you still love...you-know-who.” she teases, though it probably wasn't the best time to be making that type of joke with everything going on.

“And I don't think I’ll ever stop.” Y/N mutters to herself. As Y/N and Kate make their way forward, Kate’s phone began to vibrate. 

Unknown

Set up a date and take a picture of Y/N and that boy you posted on your insta story. Or Y/N finds out the truth about what you did. XOXO

Kate looked up as she cursed herself, realizing she forgot to keep her story private. It was supposed to be a harmless post of old friends reuniting and now the unknown number has used it as blackmail. It would have been easy to find the culprit, but her view count was up in the thousands with unfamiliar faces. It’s what she gets after gaining a decent following on TikTok. Kate couldn’t let Y/N know what she did, and she’d make sure she would hide that truth from her for as long as she can. “Hey, Y/N...I think we should hit up Matt.” she says, running after her best friend. 

At the same time, another texted popped from Y/N’s phone. She picked up thinking it might have been a group chat with her close friends, but it was from the only person who could make her heart flutter and break simultaneously. 

Tom

I can’t stop thinking about you. About us. I still love you. 

Y/N almost called him..almost, but she knew better. She couldn’t...not unless she wanted to continue to hurt each other. 

Meanwhile, back in London, Harrison was ready to come clean to Tom about what he’d found out. He watched as Tom finished typing on his phone, and throwing it on the side of the bed, rubbing his face. This was the new normal. Tom being alone in the dark, reflecting on his sadness and exhaustion. Only stepping out when needed and keeping up smiles for appearances. 

It was then Harrison was ready to knock on the door, when his phone received a notification.

Unknown

Don’t even think about it. Or I’ll make sure you and your lads careers are over for good.

Harrison sighed deeply, as he put his phone down, and walked away. Until he came to a most probable conclusion. “Natalie.” he says anger. “I should have fucking known.” At this point he no longer cared, about who she was before and how they were friends. The timing of it all seemed too perfect. Her arrival, the eavesdropping, the flirting. It had to be her but with what proof other than unknown numbers and good timing? Another part of him feared...what if it wasn't her?

Meanwhile, Tom was still unaware of what was really happening behind his door, but he did know, he had to take a chance now and try to contact her instead of sending these useless messages. In the moment, he showed no signs of regret, only praying Y/N would pick up so he could hear her voice. 

“Tom?” Y/N answers hesitantly.

Tom closes his eyes, as he takes in her soft and gently voice. “Y/N.” he speaks softly into the phone. 

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl​ @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @trumpettay @astridcommings

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine

[unmaskedagain]

Worse than the Devil

Hey Everyone, I got really inspired by the amazing response to my first fic Queen Of Mean. I decided to write a follow up. Its to Selena Gomez’s version of Cruella De Vil. I loved it when it first came out and it sent shivers when I realized it was perfect for my follow up.

Looking back the missing pigtails in the bluenette’s hair when she walked into class Monday morning, dressed like she just got off the runaway, flanked by Chloe at her side, should’ve been the first warning sign.

But in the class’s defense, it had been a crazy weekend. The fireworks that came with Ladybug’s video, Alya’s meltdown, and Lila being outted as a liar didn’t die down after class ended that day.  No. The weekend had been filled out a never-ending stream of group texts, complaining of hurt feelings, nasty little liars, and why, or why wasn’t Marinette replying to their texts? Answering her phone? Didn’t she know they were sorry? Didn’t she know they needed their everyday Ladybug now more than ever? Alya in particular.

Alya, who had spent the entire weekend, nearly 24/7, trying to save her blog; defend her life’s work against the avalanche of criticism that had come it’s way; even the most loyal fans screamed of betrayal. She had released a dozen video explaining what happened and begging her viewers to understand that people make mistakes. Calling Marinette with no answer, texting her best friend for help only to get no reply. Texting Marinette that Lila was a dirty, rotten, liar in over a hundred different way, in over a hundred different texts; only to never get a reply; which Alya never understood. Marinette was right. Lila was a liar. Alya and Marinette should be teaming up to bring her down like their brought down Chloe; stand together like best friends do.

As Alya sat patiently at her desk, with Nino holding her hand in support, waiting for Marinette to arrive so she could find comfort in her bestie, never once did an apology cross her mind. Alya was too indignant, too self-righteous, convinced the Ladybug was victim-blaming. It wasn’t Alya’s fault. Her boyfriend agreed. Her entire class agreed. She just knew, soon, all of Paris would agree.

           When Marinette casually strolled in, talking animatedly with Chloe about their week, she left the other students stunned. Gone was the pintails. Gone was the easy-going, simple, practically trademarked pink pants and grey flower decorated shirt. Gone was the happy smile that the students had always remembered was there to greet them and bring them cheer on a sour Monday, like the day was.

           Instead, Marinette’s hair was down and flowing down her shoulders, longer than they could ever remember it being (though granted they hadn’t paid much attention to their once friend in last few months, except for giving her a few quick glares and sneers) and was perfectly coiffed with strands pullback in braids that would’ve made Daenerys Targaryen take notes. She was dressed in all black; a cropped leather jacket, a sparkly black halter top that tied around her neck in a pretty bow, her jeans black and skin tight, and killer high heels that would make most girls envious. The only color Marinette wore was the sliver bracelets adorning her arms and the classic movie star red lips she sported. Marinette looked a supermodel.

           And if Marinette’s new look didn’t stunned them. Then the look on her face when she glanced at them sure did. Move over Hawkmoth, because if Marinette didn’t scare you, no evil thing could.

It was like the entire classroom went colder. Maybe it was because of the ice in Marinette’s stare, her curved red-stained smirk that screamed: beware. The way everything about her just screamed predator, alpha, top of the food chain. Queen.

           Alya blinked hard. Nino blinked hard. Adrien blinked hard. Too stunned at the sight to even remember to badger the bluenette.  She and Chloe, also dressed like a runaway model, flounced to the back of the class without a hello, a smile, a wave; anything friendly. It was like they were too insignificant for the girls to notice. If they had an ounce of luck still in their lives, that would’ve been so.

           Unfortunately for them that wasn’t the case.

           The girls were painfully aware of their existence; of every move they made over the week, every stupid text they sent, every false apology uttered. Because the downfall of the Ladyblog was just a taste of what was to come. At this point, Marinette and Chloe was just Spiders waiting for the kill.

“Girl, you don’t have to sit with Chloe,” Alya exclaimed.  “We’ll make room, right?” Nino nodded quickly, eager to give his childhood friend an olive branch.

“Why wouldn’t I want to sit with Chloe?” Marinette asked nonchalantly. “She’s my best friend.”

           What happened next was similar to what, Marinette, thought happened in movie; where the main character says something shocking at a dance, there’s a sound of a record scratch, and silence as all eyes turn to the speaker.

           The smirk the spread over Chloe’s face, the glow that filled her, the thought of the havoc she was about to help commence practically made her purr.

“Best friend?” Alix asked, her pink hair pulled back and her face skeptical. “Last I checked, you were mortal enemies.”

“Last time you check was not long after Lie-La came to class,” Marinette retorted.

“Which is the last time you’re opinion matter to us,” Chloe added. “Or well to Mari here. I never paid you peasant any mind.”

“You can’t be best friends,” Alya jumped up. “You shouldn’t even be friends. I can’t believe it? After what she did to you?”

           The other students nodded.

“She stole your design.” Rose put in.

“Bullied you for years,” Max said.

“Ruined your present for teach!” Kim added.

           Alya nodded smugly at the class backing her up, and gave Marinette a bright smile and an expectant look that always used to work on cowing the other girl.

“Bygones,” Marinette sighed. “I forgave her. And we bonded over how stupid you were at believing Lie-La.” Marinette leaned back in her seat. “Besides it’s not like she ever called me a jealous bitch? Told me to check my sources? Ditched me a million times. Whispered mean words about me right in front of me. And even crueler words behind my back. Chloe would never do that.”

“You know who would?” Chloe grinned. ‘You.” She pointed at Alya. “And you.” She pointed at Alix. “And you!” At Nino “And you, you, you, you. And well everyone here really.”

“Chloe maybe be mean; in fact the greatest mean girl Sharpay,” Marinette smiled lovingly at the blond who preened at the praise.

“But at least I’m not a bad friend,” Chloe snipped viciously.

“Now Chloe that would imply I’m still friends with them at all.”

           At the statement, students wilted into themselves. Their misdeeds weighed heavily on them. They had been so upset at Lila for lying to them, at themselves for believing her, kicking themselves for not listening to Marinette, they never once considered how Marinette felt about the whole mess. But now they knew, she wasn’t happy.

           Little did they know just how furious the once sweet girl was.

           The two girls turned their attention to each other.

“Wasn’t this week just amaz!” Chloe said easily. “Fashion shows are always just so spectacular.”

“Your mom is, like, the best,” Marinette nodded eagerly. “I still can’t believe we got to model.”

           Chloe side-eyed the students, pretending they weren’t listening. “And why not? They were short. And just look at us. We’re beautiful. We deserved to be on that runway.”

“Runaway?” Mylène asked, awed. “You were in a fashion show.”

           Marinette nodded, kindly, though inwardly smirking. “There are pictures from the show online. They’re trending.” So was Marinette’s social media accounts. “We got to model with Kate Upton and Bella and Gigi Hadid.”

“We’re all the rage!” Chloe stated. “Mommy’s thinking of making us the faces of her new line. We’ll be in next week’s issue of Teen Vogue.”

“I posted a few photos on my Insta,” Marinette shrugged. “You can look if you want, I guess.” It was said with a faux unsure, insecure, unassuming voice; a voice that even the most terrifying vampire bat could have even the smartest of victims dancing to it.

           With that the girls went back to their conversation. Pretending they didn’t notice their classmates whipping out their phones to verify.

“WOW,” Rose beamed. “They do have pics with the Hadid sisters. Oh you look so pretty Marinette.”

“Dude is that Kendall Jenner?” Kim asked.

“Beyoncé!” Alya yelled. “Beyoncé was there. You met Beyoncé.”

“Chill,” Chloe snapped. “We didn’t meet her. We just waved. Jay-Z was there too btw.”

“Jay-Z,” Nino whispered in awe.

Before befriending Marinette, Chloe was have gladly lied and said they met the goddess, that was Queen Beyoncé. But Marinette wouldn't suffer liars. And hated anyone who lied about her. Chloe was smart enough to know losing Marinette as a friend would be costly to her; both personally and professionally.

           The blond refused to toss away the blessing that was Marinette’s friendship. Not the like fools before her. They didn’t know what they lost. But Chloe would make sure they did.

           It had taken weeks of slowly inching her way to being Marinette’s friend. The girl had been untrusting the blonde’s actions at first. But eventually, Chloe won her over, proved she could be a good friend, if not the best friend Marinette ever had.

           And the best part? Chloe didn’t have to change. Granted she had to dull unsavory traits like lying and stealing but it was worth it.

“Tony. Stark.” Max gulped like he was just told Santa was in fact real. “You are in a picture with Tony Stark; Iron Man.”

“Pepper Potts wanted a vacation,” Marinette said. “Peter, their son, is a friend of mine. We met last summer when he was visiting England with his class. I was there with my grandma. We hit it off. He knew I was nervous about going on stage so he got his mom to come here so he could support me. It was just supposed to be the two of them. Until Mr. Tony realized and followed along. Swore up and down they were trying to ditch him,” Marinette laughed.

“Oh please,” Chloe huffed. “He was proud that his kid was hanging out with a gorgeous French model.”

“Two gorgeous French models,” Marinette corrected. “The three of us got ice cream afterwards, remember? I can’t wait for this summer. Peter said we can spend of three weeks at Stark Tower; interning. PR for you. You’ll be amazing at it. God knows I could do, though.” She said glumly. Though her internship was going to be assisting the Pepper Potts on her day to day life.

“Ridiculous!” Chloe snapped. “Utterly Ridiculous. You know you can’t wait to get your hands on Thor’s cape to find out what material Alien princes use. Not to mention the plans I saw for a potential Captain America supersuit.”

Marinette crossed her arms, and huffed. “Hey that man is walking around dressed like America’s drunk prom date. Someone has to step in.”

“It’s a classic look,” Nathanial told them.

“It’s a crime against fashion,” Marinette hissed.

           With that, the girls went back to talking about their weekend and bickering over summer plans. Or at least they tried to.

“You could’ve invited us,” Alya snapped. “Or at least told us.”

“Why?” Marinette asked. “We’re not friends. Why don’t you ask Lila how it was? I’m sure, she’ll happily spin you a yarn about how amazing everything was. And promise you’ll meet them next time.”

           It was like a slap to the face. The entire class quieted back down; wishing the bell would ring already. And wondering where Miss Bustier was.

           Unfortunately for the teacher, quite a few concerned parents and staff members had taken issue with how Bustier had been running her class. Bullying, students being constantly turned into Akumas, why Lila could miss so much school without it being a major issue.

“Don’t you think you’re being harsh?” Adrien asked. “They’re sorry.”

No, Marinette thought darkly. They weren’t. Not yet. But they would be soon.

“Okay,” Marinette shrugged, carelessly, inhumanly. “I don’t see why that matters. I accept their apology but it changes nothing. Sorry doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t magically make every alright again. It’s no Ladybug charm. Let it go.” She warned.

           While Marinette did have plans to bring down Adrien, they were for a later time. And when she did, it would be painful. And it would break him. Like he helped break her.

           For months Adrien had stood by, remained silent as Marinette was made into an outcast, bullied, lost all her friends… when he knew. Knew Lila was lying, knew Marinette was just trying to help. After he promised, vowed to have her back. Instead, Adrien let them deface her sketchbook after Lila accuse Marinette of yet another bullying incident; destroying all of Marinette’s hard work. Despite knowing Marinette couldn’t have possible done what Lila said she had. He just let it happen, too afraid to stand up and tell the truth.

           Adrien didn’t take the hint. Or didn’t recognize a warning when he heard it.

“Their hurting too!” The blond boy defended, outraged at how his everyday Ladybug

“How?” Marinette asked curiously, innocently reminiscent of the girl who had been their friend who had existed when the world was still a wholesome place. “You said it yourself it’s not like Lila was hurting anybody. At least that’s what you told me, remember? You knew Lila was lying since like forever and you’re just fine.”

           It went silent again. Adrien paled. Marinette could barely stop the smile from slipping onto her face. If she wasn’t careful, they might combined their collective ten brain cells and catch on. See that she was a monster that should’ve never been released.

“You knew?” Nino asked in horrified disbelief.

           Dozens of hurt filled eyes trained on Adrien. It was at that moment Ms. Mendeleiev walked into class. “Students, I’ll be filling in today and possibly for the rest of the week. Everyone in their seats. Class is about to begin.”

           It was the smoothest devastation Chloe had ever witnessed and grew up with her mother and Gabriel Agreste as role models.

           In few years, the blonde knew there would be few would who hesitate to call Marinette, or herself, the devil. Too stunned to realize just how much worse either girl was.

           Chloe glanced at the girl who had become her best friend, and fellow mean-girl-in-arms. Marinette had her bluebell eyes trained on the chaos she had just unleashed, once again, on her fellow classmates.

           A lessor man, woman would’ve shivered. Chloe had shivered and had nightmares the first time that gaze rested on her.

           However, when time wore off the shock; Chloe realize she’d only see those type of eyes watching from underneath a rock.

           If you weren’t scared of the New Marinette, then you hadn’t met her yet.

Look out world, Chloe thought. Long Live the Queen.

#Queen Mari AU. #Ml Salt #ladybug and chat noir #ml salt fic #ml spite fic #ml spite #adrien agreste #marinette dupen chang #marinette deserves better

[kingneptunesthinninghead]

How much do you weigh? what a weirdly personal question

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? sitting in the shade reading a book

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? yes but not in a way that will ever be truly fulfilling

What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i live in a very rural area so i grew up with hunting for sport extremely normalized but once i actually developed and used my critical thinking skills i realized how morally reprehensible it is. literally just begging these people to use their brains.

Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? eh its pretty fast

Have you ever been someplace tropical? florida lmao

Are you sensitive to caffeine? somewhat. i dont really consume it that much

How do you usually get around? driving myself

Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? no bc i’m generally pretty independent unless i reallyyyy like someone

What do you think about Kim Kardashian? neutral

Can you speak any French? je parle un peu français

Favorite yogurt flavor? i’m lactose intolerant so i recently tried dairy free yogurt and i hated it sooo i guess none

How much money do you have in your wallet right now? i dont have any cash in my wallet rn lol

What bottled water brand do you like? deer park or aquafina

Your favorite way to eat chocolate? brownies

How often do you listen to country music? sometimes.

Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? neither

Last surgery you had? my wisdom teeth surgery

Have you ever played guitar? no but i wish i could

Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? um i dont think so

What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? a little more confidence

Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? maybe

Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? i dont have very many online friends anymore but when i had a bunch i loved talking to them

Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? only for something i really like.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? a bunch

Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? early in the morning so then i have the rest of the day to myself when i get off

Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? i have a workout app but that’s it.

Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? my mom, sister, and my 2 best friends

If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? probably the women’s suffrage movement or the civil rights movement

Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it?i want to tell him how i feel but i’m afraid i’ll ruin the friendship

What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? wear a tampon i’m sorry but i can’t do it

Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? no

Are you well-known by people in your area? eh somewhat

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no and i dont want to

What's your favourite type of bird? owls!!

What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? i’m watching loki, hsmtmts, planning to watch s2 of never have i ever, and i started one piece but i haven’t watched in a while

Have you ever dated a smoker? no but that might change😳

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? no

Have you ever been a member in a band? No.

Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No.

Do you have separate emails for personal and business? i have my school email and personal email

Have you ever missed a flight? no

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? i think so.

Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? i literally rode in my best friend’s convertible last night lmao

Why did you last need to use a band-aid? i dont remember

What fruit do you eat most often? bananas and clementines

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? maybe my great uncle?

Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? no but i’ve been in a few on insta and twitter.

Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? i don’t straight up drink milk but i love things made with almond milk.

If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? elsa i want ice powers

When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? sometimes but normally during the day i’m in the living room with my family

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No.

Do you find piercings attractive? Yep.

Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em.

What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? i’ve looked up a few people’s houses on zillow in my day.

Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? absolutely, you shouldn’t hit anyone

What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? my top 3 are princess and the frog, tangled, and frozen 2. i also love the little mermaid

Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. idrk

“Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? it depends on what it is. it should also be mixed with some loving or praise talk imo

What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? i LOVE italian food specifically fettuccine alfredo and i also love asian food such as general tso’s, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, shrimp fried rice, LUMPIA 🤤

How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? i’ve always liked my hair color and thickness. i always go back and forth between growing it out long and cutting it short bc i can never choose which i like more also it has lots of red undertones so i’m thinking about dyeing it a deep red

How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? hypothetically it would be a red flag to me. a clear sign they haven’t moved on from the past

Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? a good smelling cologne on a man will quite literally make me bust a nut.

Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? i’d want them to unless it didnt fit or something

What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? i’m very close with my family so i’ve always loved the idea of having one of my own with my future spouse

Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? i definitely have ideas for my wedding and i would want it to go a certain way according to our plan but in the end if things go wrong or plans change it wouldn’t matter as long as i’m marrying the loml.

Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? i wouldn’t consider it cheating if he was just watching but i would be angry that he hid it from me

How old is too old for trick-or-treating? i dont think it matters unless ur posing a danger to little children

Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? depends but mostly under

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? i have nsync and harry styles shirts but thats it

Fries or onion rings? Fries.

True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. all the time but most of the time i forget them right after i wake up

Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? depends

Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah.

What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? i think raccoons are adorable but its kindaaaa hard to domesticate them

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? no bc my parents let me drink in the house and i’ve told them abt every time i’ve drank at college

How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? i would absolutely piss and shit on myself.

Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? no

The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? i would stop it even if i want to bc i don’t want them to regret anything and i wouldn’t want them to kiss me if they don’t like me bc it would hurt too much.

What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? i would love them all but something abt a guy taking the time to write a poem for me makes me melt

Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? no.

Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? halloween

What was the first website you had an email account on? gmail

Have you ever written a fanfic? YES AHSHDH.

Tattoos or piercings? tats for sure.

What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? the scene where alexei breaks the inmate’s wrist in black widow is SO GROSS i cringe every time

Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? definitely a little cozy one

Do you have a tutor for anything? No.

Who’s the best kisser you know? i’ve only kissed one person.

Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way.

(If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? no and i hope they dont

Do you have a deep voice? not really

Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? no thats dumb

Is there a Sonic where you live? yes i’m a whore for sonic

What do you like on your pizza? pepperoni or sausage

#surveys #survey

[j-elaine-hyde]

The Bean Chronicles: Part 7

Henry Cavill / Reader / Chris Evans

You spent the entire day wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa, reading every headline and tabloid story about your new castle with Prince Charming. It was the obvious choice, but they took your sweet lament and twisted it into a dig. “A source close to the couple...” was cited as saying you were a runaway bride and now a heartbreaker, a two timer, and the destroyer of friendships.

Everything was blamed on you. But it’s honestly how you felt anyway. You didn’t need the celebrity gossip columns telling you. Pictures of chummy Henry and Chris were posted next to pictures of you and Chris, smiling happy, seemingly perfect. The only pictures they had of you and Henry were of the two of you shielding yourselves and rushing to the car. The whole thing was twisted, facts were missing, and you were the only bad guy.

Seeing the pictures of them together almost hurt more than the pictures of you and Chris. No one knew about Bean. No one knew you had met Henry first. No one knew that Chris moved you out of his house via moving company after a fight with no warning. It didn’t excuse or justify how it all happened, but no one cared that life isn’t purely black and white. And they were taking his side.

“Darling you have to quit reading that bullshit.” Henry came in and took the iPad from you, placing it on the coffee table.

You glared up at him, pouting that you had been caught.

“I need the punishment. I deserve it.”

Henry scoffed as he shook his head, “Come here my little masochist.” He patted his knee.

You shed your blanket and perched on his lap, snuggling close, breathing in his scent.

“You know thats all bullshit. It’s not the whole story. We all played equal parts and did the best we could in the situation, which they know nothing of.” He rubbed your arm, which would normally soothe you, but now it just made it worse.

“They’re not wrong Hen... I am the bad guy. I broke Chris’s heart and ruined your friendship....”

Henry sighed heavily, “And what about everything that was done to you my love? Hmmm? Honestly I don’t even want you to think about that. But you’ve been through an awful lot, and it’s not your fault. I might have lost my friendship with him, but I’m happily with the love of my life who is now my best friend... They can twist what they know however they want. But soon enough they’ll move on, and we’ll always know what actually happened. Unfortunately whether we want to or not.”

Ashley walked in, almost dropping the things in her arms. “There’s a ton of paparazzi outside...”

“We know.” Henry grumbled.

She came into the room and sat her stuff down before plopping onto the sofa. “You doing ok?”

You gave her an unconvincing nod, your face giving you away. “I’ll be fine.”

“You better hold on to her Cavill. She’s got that imma say something face and your street is filled with the wrong people to hear what she’s gotta say....” Ash gave him a look letting him know she was serious.

Henry scowled, but held on to you. “You know you can’t do that, right?”

“Why can’t I?” You jerked your head around giving him a look that said ‘try me’.

“Nope!” Henry slung you over his shoulder and walked down the hallway with you to the bedroom, as you laughed the entire way.

-

The next morning you were drinking your coffee and peering out the blinds at the mass of paparazzi still posted up outside the house.

“Don’t even think about it, my love. We talked about this....”

You were so dazed while looking out the window you hadn’t noticed Henry standing beside you.

“I’m not going to. But I do have to leave today to go meet the designer at the house. So that’ll be fun.”

“You’re not driving, are you? We can call for a car.”

You turned away from the window, “Ash already did.”

-

You were in the backseat of the blacked out SUV watching as the camera flashes tried to capture a picture of you for their next story.

You managed to arrive safely at the new house and were blown away by the work the designers had already accomplished. You were still excited but somehow it felt like this new start, safe space, had been violated.

You walked onto the balcony off of the master bedroom to take in the view. It was only a few moments later that you heard that all too familiar sound. Feeling anxious you turned around and went back inside.

“We’ve gotta go.” You brushed passed Ashley straight into the garage. She climbed into the backseat with you, shutting the door behind her. “Should I sell the house? Should we move somewhere else? I was just upstairs on the balcony and there was a photog on the back fence.”

“Don’t sell the house. Don’t let them win. It’s your fairy tale castle and your happily ever after... just hire security.” Her blasé attitude towards the paparazzi made you feel batter. “Just make sure it’s a hot security guard.”

The two of you laughed as you drove through the hoards of lenses.

-

You pulled into the driveway at Henry’s house, and went inside. You found him sitting in his office at his computer playing online games, shouting into his headset. Taking the opportunity you snuck out and grabbed the iPad taking it into the backyard.

“Chris Evans steps out in Boston with new girl” felt like a gut punch as soon as you read it. It was only fair, but it hurt you nonetheless. You scrolled through pictures of him and some blonde on a date. They were sitting in the park eating ice cream, laughing and smiling.

You knew better, but did it anyway, and scrolled down to the comments. Almost every one of them was hate for you, and praise for him for moving on. “That’ll show her!” Stung a little more than you would have admitted.

You continued on to other sites, pictures of him and women were everywhere. He was never a public person with his personal/dating life, but he was doing this intentionally. You had a sneaking suspicion tomorrow it would be a yet another new girl. His playboy Casanova ways would rear their ugly head in unprecedented ways. He was doing this to hurt you. He was doing it all for show and spite and to save face. You were curious what he was posting and went to his Instagram. The only picture he’d personally posted almost choked you.

There wasn’t a caption. Only endless comments begging him not to be sad, a million broken heart and crying face emojis lined the comments. The others were red angry faces that you were evil and broke his heart. It was too much to bear.

“Two can play that game...” you snarled as you locked the iPad and stormed inside.

You found Ashley going through the mail, deciding not to make a joke about hiding letters, and asked for her help.

You divulged your grand plan and with a quick outfit change sauntered into Henry’s office. You had played different console games before, but were completely new to the world of PC gaming. But you knew Henry loved you, and would let you crawl into his lap as he played. You also knew he had a spare headset he’d offer so watching him would be more fun.

Just as planned, you crawled into his lap, careful to not interrupt his game. With a kiss on the neck, and a quick gesture, Henry pointed to the headset for you to slip on. He continued playing, enjoying the fact you were taking an interest, not the least bit upset to have you snuggled against him.

What he didn’t see was Ashley snapping pictures from different angles behind the two of you. You tilted your head and wiggled your ass, knowing it’d elicit another kiss. That would be the petty gold you posted on Instagram.

You had avoided posting altogether for the last couple of weeks, understandably so. You hadn’t even opened the app to look at the countless notifications. You knew there would be a mix between hate and an out pouring of support.

You stayed snuggled in Henry’s lap until he reached a stopping point. Sliding the headphones off of his head, he hugged you tightly and whispered in your ear.

“I love you Darling... you know that, don’t you?” You could feel his breath hot against your skin, but a quick kiss below your ear gave you goosebumps.

You craned your neck to face him, “I love you more.” Another kiss and you moved to get up before his massive arms locked you in place.

“Hey! Smile you two!” Ashley jumped next to the two of you, leaning forward to snap a picture.

The two of you didn’t even have to pose. You ignored the camera, smiling and laughing at each other, a quick kiss, and just generally being an adorable couple in love.

“Sorry, she hasn’t posted to insta in a while and we need something cute and relevant, to distract from the chaos.”

“Yes... well... a couple that plays together, stays together.”

You laughed as you looked at him, “Is that my caption?!”

He laughed a loud hearty laugh, “No! That’s my comment on whatever you post. You can’t steal it.”

With a grin you shook your head, “Fine...”

-

Later that night you had finally picked the perfect pictures and edited them. You came up with a caption that seemed like the appropriate amount of smartassery and snark. And with the click of a single button they were posted. ‘The only games we’re playing...’

-

You tossed your phone onto the sofa and went to the kitchen for a victory snack. You were proud of yourself. You knew Chris would see it and be irritated. A check mate for the childish game he obviously wanted to play. Henry walked into the kitchen to find you sitting on the counter fighting to open a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough.

“Darling...Are you going to bake that? Or just eat it out of the tube?”

With a look of a child caught with its hand in the cookie jar, you bit your lip. “Eat it?” You replied sheepishly.

He laughed as he pulled you to the edge of the counter, standing between your knees. “Are you going to share?”

“Kal can’t have cookie dough....” you shook your head, giving him doe eyes and a pouty lips.

He rolled his eyes as he quickly leaned in and took a giant bite out of the side, leaving an open bite shaped hole.

“Mr. Cavill!!” You screeched and laughed jerking the cookie dough further away from him in a pretend game of keep away. He stood still, giving you puppy dog eyes as he silently spit out the plastic liner. “Ohhhhh gross. You punk.... this is mine.”

“You won’t share?! With me?! Mrs. Cavill!” He jokingly shouted before realizing what he had said.

His comment caught you off guard for a split second before you wrapped your legs around him, locking him against you and the counter, “Not yet... but I will be.”

He leaned in and kissed you, sneakily distracting you as he ripped the cookie dough out of your hands, holding it up high above his head and out of your reach.

“Give me a kiss....” he commanded.

And you did.

“Tell me you love me....”

And you did.

“Say please....”

You looked up at him with a mischievous grin.

“Please Daddy...”

He dropped his arm, and leaned in, bringing his face close to yours. “Forget cookie dough, now we’re going to bed.”

He threw you over his shoulder and carried you to bed, kicking the door closed behind you.

#romance #fiction #fanfic #chris evans #fanfiction #henry cavill

[goldensfm]

              *    ╰     𝐡𝐢   𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲   𝐥𝐮𝐯𝐬   𝐚𝐧𝐝   𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐠   𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐬    ,   i’m   your   resident   crackhead   steven   forced   out   of   early   writing   retirement   by   miss   rona   but   i   ain’t   complainin   !    🤡    i’m   here   to   bring   you   a   decidedly   non   -   crackheaded   muse   utilizing   the   absolute   goddess   that   is   zendaya   .   like   got   DAMN   𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤   at   her   !   i’m   swimming   with   muse   for   lex   so   i   am   hoping   my   control   freak   ice   queen   offers   some   sort   of   justice   —   i   cant   wait   to   meet   you   all   and   love   you   down   endlessly   !   if   you   could   spare   a   𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭   for   my   validation   ,   i’ll   offer   you   all   my   best   plots   in   return   !   💖

𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕

     ❛   ✶   (   ZENDAYA  ,   CIS   -   FEMALE   ,   SHE   /   HER   )   spotted   !     ALEXANDRIA   ‘   LEX    ’   GOLDMAN   was   spotted   singing   along   to   BOSS   BITCH   by   DOJA   CAT   in   hilton   grove.   you’ve   heard   of   them   right   ?     they   are   a   TWENTY   -   TWO   year   old   ACTRESS   &   ENTREPRENEUR   who   has   already   amassed   a   net   worth   of   $31M.   you   should   really   follow   them   on   insta   @GOLDEN ,   they’re   about   to   hit   39.1M   followers.        the   tabloids   have   been   calling   them   the   EXECUTIVE   because   they   are   known   for   being   +   PURPOSEFUL   but   also   a   bit   -   AUSTERE.  —   ooc   info   (   steven   .   21   .   pst   .   she   /   her   /   they   /  them   .  )

𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔

full   name   :      alexandria   (   defender   of   man   )   rochelle   (   little   rock   )   goldman   (   little   golden   one   ) nicknames   :       primarily   goes   by   lex   .   lexie   ,   xan   on   occasion   ,   and   gold   /   goldie   . birthday   &      age   :      september   3rd   /   22   years   old zodiac   :      virgo gender   &   pronouns   :      cis  -  female  ,  she   /   her   /   hers orientation   :       openly   bisexual nationality   :      american ethnicity   :       mixed   race   —   african  -  american   ,   german   ,   irish   ,   english   ,   scottish occupation   :       former   beauty   pageant   competitor   and   2016’s   miss   teen   usa   ,   current   film   and   television   actress   ,   model   ,   business   entrepreneur   ,   and   activist   .   recognized   for   :      starring   in   hbo’s   television   series   euphoria   ,   being   the   first   openly   queer   representative   for   the   usa   in   the   pageant   circuit   ,   her   advocacy   for   feminism   and   criminal   justice   reform   ,   a   bustling   social   media   page   ,   being   one   of   forbes   2019′s   top   30   under   30   . char . inspos  :    meredith  grey  from  grey’s  anatomy   ,   spencer   hastings   from   pretty   little   liars   ,   hermione   granger   from   harry   potter   ,   meghan   markle     ,   angela   martin   from   the   office   ,   alex   cabot   from   law   and   order   svu   ,   and   more   than   anything   ,   claire   from   fleabag   .     𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧   𝐢𝐟   𝐮   𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐦   𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞   ,   𝐢   𝐛𝐞𝐠   𝐨𝐟   𝐮   𝐭𝐨   𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡   𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬   𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨   𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭   𝐭𝐨   𝐠𝐞𝐭   𝐥𝐞𝐱’𝐬   𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞   𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝   𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨   𝟑   𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬   . tropes   :   control   freak   ,   defrosting   the   ice   queen   ,   perpetual   frowner   ,   did   you   think   i   can’t   feel   ?   ,   hidden   depths   ,   stepford   smiler   . aesthetics :    an  intellect  that  remembers  everything    ;    wild  caramel  curls  with  just  enough  composure  to  seem  effortless    ;    a  fear  of  failure   more  crippling  than  life  itself    ;    the  smell  of  fresh  linen  and  lavender     ;     a  color - coded  itinerary     ;     a  perfectly  choreographed  interaction  ,  each  time    ;    lilac  power - suits  and  an  immaculate  composure    ;     unspoken  mommy  issues    ;    tenebrous  ,  intent gazes  swimming  with  the  resonance  of  unspoken  thoughts   ;    ‘ don’t  touch  me  please ‘  syndrome    ;    kicking  out  hookups  before  you  both  fall  asleep    ;    ordering  the  same  thing  at  a  restaurant  ,  every  time    ;    flinching  at  ‘ i love you’s ’    ;    drafting  business  emails  at  the  club     ;    an  admiration  of  atlas  ,  with  the  world’s  weight  upon  your   shoulders .

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚

               born   the   sole   continuance   of   the   goldman   name   to   a   mother   whose   pregnancy   was   all   but   a   career   death  -  sentence   ,   lex   bore   the   weight   of   the   world’s   expectations   on   graceful   shoulders   from   the   moment   she   came   into   the   light   .   lieutenant   olivia   goldman   ,   head   of   the   manhattan   police   department   ,   can   deny   the   salacious   accused   affair   with   the   district   attorney   until   she’s   blue   in   the   face   but   can’t   deny   the   consequence   of   their   tryst   ,   alexandria   being   a   painful   reminder   of   losing   nearly   all   her   mother’s   years   of   hard   work   while   her   father   simply   denied   her   existence   and   lived   none   the   more   guilted   .      from   the   start   ,   the   odds   were   stacked   against   the   goldman   progeny   ,      pushing   perfection   as   her   only   claim   to   some   semblance   of   attention   from   liutenant   goldman   .

             as   a   mixed   race   child   to   a   white   unwed   mother   in   law   enforcement   ,   working   80   hours   weeks   and   having   spent   years   building   her   career   ,   there   was   little   lex   saw   of   her   mother   that   wasn’t   something   resembling   exhaustion   or   utter   disinterest   .   this   forces   her   to   grow   independent   at   an   astounding   pace   ,   keeping   to   herself   as   to   not   bother   her   mother   with   her   own   whims   or   desires   .   at   12   ,   her   mother   is   courted   by   an   award   -   winning   director   who   requests   her   guidance   on   a   police   film   he’s   submitting   —   she   refuses   to   advise   on   the   film   ,   but   goes   to   dinner   with   him   as   a   courtesy   ,   and   they’re   married   a   year   later   in   a   lavish   hamptons   wedding   in   the   summer   .   rudy   delano   is   a   world -renowned   director   along   the   likes   of   steven   spielberg   ,   and   takes   to   lex   like   she   were   his   own   daughter   .   as   if   to   balance   out   olivia’s   coldness   and   detachment ,   he   showers   lex   in   adoration   and   support   ,   encouraging   her   to   pursue   her   interests   of   pageantry   when   she   voices   them   following   her   7th   grade   year   .  

              considering   a   lifetime   spent   nitpicking   and   pushing   her   own   facade   of   complete   calculation   ,   she   takes   the   pageantry   world   by   storm   and   it   seems   the   rest   of   her   life   falls   into   place   .   a   perfectionist   in   every   sense   ,   she   maintains   nothing   short   of   flawlessness   throughout   high   school   (   taking   on   student   council   co-president   ,   heading   several   clubs   ,   and   one   of   four   school   valedictorians   )   and   goes   on   to   compete   in   the   most   elite   of   pageantry   circuits   .   her   advocacy   for   marginalized   populations   was   a   major   platform   and   propelled   her   to   miss   teen   new   york   and   soon   after   ,   miss   teen   usa   .   in   the   live   aired   interview   segment   ,   perhaps   among   the   most   important   moments   of   her   life   ,   lex   makes   a   rare   slip   and   accidentally   comes   out   as   bisexual   when   asked   about   the   LGBTQ+   mental   health   crisis   in   her   home   state   of   new   york   .   this   leads   to   lex   becoming   the   first   openly   queer   miss   teen   usa   ,   and   would   have   likely   fared   well   if   she   were   to   have   continued   ;   despite   its   progressions   ,   the   pageant   world   of   sponsorships   seems   to   lag   behind  ,   and   the   ‘   controversy   ’    of   her   coming   out   led   to   her   leaving   the   pageant   world   for   good   .   

              on   her   own   two   wobbly   feet   ,   she   continues   with   her   advocacy   and   finds   herself   excelling   in   the   business   element   of   it   all   ,   going   on   to   obtain   her   business   degree   from   columbia   while   taking   on   the   big   screen   in   a   blossoming   film   career   at   the   encouragement   of   her   step   father   .   she   shoots   to   stardom   upon   the   release   of   euphoria   ,   paired   with   a   strong   social   media   presence   ,   a   thriving   modeling   career   ,   and   a   brand   that   becomes   recognized   as   a   household   name   synonymous   with   advocacy   and   entrepreneurship   .

𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

              perhaps   lex’s   most   notable   quality   is   being   driven   by   an   unyielding   fear   of   failure   and   mediocrity   .   there   is   no   task   small   enough   that   lex   will   not   accomplish   to   the   best   of   her   execution   ,   and   if   she   can’t   ensure   perfection   ,   she   will   refuse   to   give   it   an   attempt   at   all   .   this   all   or   nothing   attitude   stems   from   an   obscene   obsession   with   control   and   remaining   in   control   ,   something   those   around   her   are   all   too   aware   of   .  

              despite   a   rather   charming   and   gregarious   disposition   on   the   red   carpet   ,   many   will   note   that   lex   is   incredibly   reserved   when   meeting   her   in   real   life   .   the   pageantry   training   has   kicked   in   to   give   her   a   facade   to   push   when   she’s   in   the   spotlight   ,   though   her   true   disposition   is   much   less   play   and   much   more   work   .   she’s   stoic   and   serious   ,   knowing   just   what   to   say   at   what   time   to   continue   the   narrative   that   she   is   completely   in   control   .   cool   and   calculated   ,   her   affect   is   usually   stern   and   unwilling   to   reflect   any   sentiment   of   softness   or   goofiness   —   many   business   associates   note   her   absolute   maturity   and   rationality   even   at   the   tender   age   of   22   .   her   energy   ,   as   subdued   as   it   may   be   ,   commands   the   room   with   a   power   of   self-assuredness   that   only   stems   from   a   confidence   rooted   in   something   to   back   it   up   .   she’s   an   elderly   woman   in   a   millennial’s   body   ,   and   this   tends   to   show   in   her   dry   wit   humor   ,   relative   moodiness   ,   and   general   propensity   for   wanting   things   done   exclusively   her   way   .

              lex’s   intellect   has   always   been   a   strong   suit   of   hers   ,   a   photographic   memory   that   allowed   her   to   glide   through   school   with   the   least   of   struggles   .   astute   and   well   -   spoken   ,   monotone   and   unlikely   to   crack   in   her   stony   temperament   ,   she’s   a   force   of   nature   to   be   well   reckoned   with   .   luckily   ,   lex   shows   little   to   no   interest   in   engaging   with   petty   drama   and   tends   to   keep   in   her   own   lane   ,   losing   interest   nearly   immediately   in   the   mindless   pettiness   some   of   her   friends   wrap   themselves   up   in   .   rational   ,   arguably   to   a   fault   ,   lex   has   a   bad   habit   of   censoring   herself   and   limiting   her   own   commentary   when   in   the   company   of   anyone   she   needs   to   maintain   her   reputation   with  ;  close   friends   ,   on   the   other   hand   ,   will   easily   characterize   her   as   blunt   and   straightforward   ,   almost   too   aggressive   with   her   honesty   for   her   own   good   .   though   she’d   rarely   voice   it   ,   she   has   an   undeniable   superiority   complex   stemming   from   a   recognition   that   whatever   she   does   ,   she’s   incredibly   good   at   (   ignoring   her   unwillingness   to   step   out   and   try   anything   outside   her   comfort   zone   .   )

              this   is   the   curious   dichotomy   of   alexandria   goldman   ,   considering   one   of   her   most   notable   flaws   is   her   unwillingness   to   invest   .   despite   being   perhaps   overly   honest   ,   the   moment   a   conversation   (   or   relationship   )   runs   the   risk   of   becoming   too   emotionally   risky   ,   she   shuts   down   .   flames   have   been   ghosted   ,   relationships   have   been   ended   ,   and   friendships   have   been   cut   off   simply   because   lex   deemed   them   to   be   a   danger   to   her   mission   of   remaining   in   complete   control   of   herself   and   her   life   .   the   select   few   that   have   plowed   through   lex’s   rather   prickly   initial   interactions   have   earned   themselves   a   friend   forged   from   gold   ,   loyal   to   a   fault   and   ready   to   drop   anything   at   a   wind’s   blow   to   aide   those   she   loves   most   .   defensive   and   ornery   ,   the   pageant   girl   facade   soon   blows   over   to   reveal   an   anal   retentive   ,   emotionally   stunted   grandmother   who   loses   her   lid   over   the   most   minute   of   inconveniences   if   they   step   out   of   her   pre-established   plans   and   routines   .

              hiding   beneath   her   layers   of   fake   smiling   at   redundant   questions   ,   unapproachable   hostility   and   being   an   otherwise   unmeltable   ice   queen   ,   lex   harbors   a   deep   intensity   that   overcomes   her   when   allowed   to   reign   (   and   very   rarely   is   allowed   to   reign   )   .   she   does   not   invest   in   small   doses   and   despite   the   relative   unlikelihood   of   her   allowing   a   distraction   such   as   a   relationship   ,   the   few   she’s   had   have   been   intense   whirlwinds   led   by   lex’s   own   inability   to   limit   herself   —   she’s   all   ,   or   she’s   nothing   ,   but   nowhere   in   the   middle   .

#hilton:intro #late. to the. party. : yes #ready 2. party ? : also. yes #😤✊🏽

[robinrunsfiction]

'Cause Heaven Knows What You Do To Me

Pairing: Ryan Seaman x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: None Word Count: 4,100 Author’s Note: When I was going through prompts for the Twelve Days of Christmas Challenge, I found the prompt “No one should be alone on New Years Eve” and about that same time Ryan posted an insta story of a hotel room in Vegas that he was staying in before a show and that leads us to this story. I hope you like it and have a wonderful new year! (also I have to say I can’t get over how wonderful he looks in the mood board below ok bye)

“Hey (YN), I was wondering what you’re doing for New Years Eve?” Ryan asked when (YN) answered the phone.

“Nothing, why?” (YN) asked suspiciously.

“Wondering if you wanna come along to our show in Vegas. The room is being comped by the hotel because of the show, all you have to do is pack a bag,” Ryan offered.

“But it’s New Years Eve in Vegas, doesn’t that just sound… overwhelming?” (YN) sighed.

“We don’t have to go out, we can just hang out with Dal and Breezy. Come on (YN), what other plans do you have for New Years Eve?” Ryan asked.

“None,” (YN) grumbled.

“No one should be alone on New Year’s Eve, so it’s settled,” Ryan said and (YN) could have sworn she could hear his smile through the phone and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fine, but promise me that we won’t get drunk and get married at a drive-thru chapel.”

“I promise, I won’t get you drunk enough to want to marry me,” Ryan laughed, but what (YN) didn’t realize was Ryan was running his hand over his face wearily as he paced his kitchen.

What Ryan didn’t know was (YN) had immediately regretted saying what she did and was cringing hard. “So I guess just send me the flight itinerary and stuff then?” she asked trying to change the subject.

“Yea, I’ll send that over and I’ll see you in a couple days.”

“Can’t wait,” (YN) smiled before saying goodbye. When she hung up, she rolled over on her couch and buried her face in a pillow and screamed. A paid trip to Vegas with the guy she’d been crushing on for years at New Years? She wasn’t entirely sure she could handle it. She and Ryan had always had a flirty kind of friendship. The little compliments they gave each other, touches on an arm, hand on the lower back in a crowd, attending events together because who else would they call? It seemed natural that he would ask her to come along on this trip, but that didn't make it any less intimidating. 

Anxiety over the trip built over the following days, but on the morning of December 31st, (YN) woke up feeling surprisingly calm. She had packed a few outfits that she would feel confident wearing, and run over every possible scenario of things that could happen on this trip, which ranged from the most likely series of events (seeing the show with Breezy, going out to eat after with everyone, then retiring back to the room with Ryan to separate beds after ringing in the New Year with a responsibly consumed drink), to the least likely (an absolutely debauched, booze fueled, all-night rager that definitely included a hot tub and lots of sexy times with Ryan in said hot tub). But every time that idea popped into her head, she shooed it away, it was too much and ridiculous. 

The flight to Vegas was short, but (YN) and Ryan had a ton of fun together as they always did. When they arrived at the hotel, (YN) was a little blown away, she’d been to Vegas before, but hadn’t stayed someplace this nice. Ryan went to the desk to check in, as (YN) wandered through the lobby. She glanced over at Ryan when she realized it was taking a while to check in. He ran his hand through his brown hair, and looked over at her.

“They only have a king bed room available,” Ryan said when (YN) came over.

“Oh, umm, I mean that’s ok with me,” (YN) replied, hoping it wasn’t noticeable that she was blushing.

“If you’re ok with it,” Ryan shrugged, trying to appear casual.

“Ok then, let’s get up there before you guys have to get to sound check,” (YN) smiled.

When they got up to the room, they were both blown away by how modern and cool the room was. (YN) managed to ignore the elephant in the room that was the king size bed, but then she spotted the hot tub in the bathroom and the steamy thoughts threatened to creep back into her mind.

“Oh shit,” she muttered shaking her head.

“Hmm?” Ryan asked.

“Nothing,” she smiled nervously. “I think I forgot something, but I'll manage. Did you see this view?” She asked walking up to the balcony doors.

Ryan came up next to her, standing a little closer than normal. “Yea the room is really nice. Well except for the bed thing.”

(YN) felt a pang of hurt go through her heart. “Yea,” she replied without looking up.

Ryan instantly knew he had said the wrong thing. He didn't mind the idea of sharing the bed with (YN), but he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable either. Just as he was about to open his mouth to clarify, his phone went off. It was the band's manager letting them know they had to head to soundcheck. 

In the meantime, (YN) met up with Breezy in the lobby and they decided to grab coffee and walk around before heading to the venue for the show.

"So when did you and Ryan finally start going out?" Breezy asked as they stepped out of the coffee shop. 

(YN) nearly choked on the iced coffee she was sipping. "What? No, we're just friends."

"Oh sorry, I just assumed since he brought you along and…" she trailed off.

"And?" (YN) pressed.

Breezy sighed. "You just seem to really be into each other."

It was (YN)'s turn to sigh. "Yea, but I don't think it's really something that's gonna happen. I mean, you'd think it woulda happened by now if it was gonna."

"Maybe the you guys just need a push, or to let the stars align, or just take advantage of being someplace new for a fresh perspective."

(YN) laughed. "You seem really invested in this."

"I just think I'm right and you guys just need to see what's in front of your faces" Breezy smiled knowingly.

~

(YN) and Breezy watched from the side of the stage as the band played their set with their usual gusto. IDKHow's set was in the middle of a day long musical festival with artists of all different genres. The concert was absolutely amazing, and the crowd was into the band, even though they weren't the biggest band performing, but to the four of them, the best part was the fact that their set was done by 7 PM.

(YN) loved watching Ryan play, the energy and enthusiasm he put into it was incredible and she could feel herself grinning the whole time. Ryan had spotted (YN) at the side of the stage and kept shooting smiles her way. He loved having her there and all he could think about as he played his heart out was that he wished she could be at every show.

“That was awesome, I swear you guys get better every time I see you play!” (YN) exclaimed when they came off stage.

“Thanks (YN),” Dallon beamed.

“We’re gonna go up and get ready while you guys get everything torn down and grab showers down here,” Breezy cut in before quickly whisking (YN) back upstairs. 

“Do you wanna bring your stuff over to our room and we can get ready together?” Breezy asked as they rode the elevator up.

“Sounds like fun,” (YN) replied as the doors opened on their floor.

A while later, Breezy and (YN) were putting on the final touches to their hair and makeup as Dallon returned.

“Ready for a night out- woah! Babe you look incredible!” He grinned when Breezy stepped out of the bathroom, she had changed into black leather leggings and a sparkly green top. He took her hand and spun her around before pulling her into a kiss.

“Thank you love, but you should see (YN), she went all out!” Breezy replied when she pulled back.

“I think it’s too much!” (YN) called from the bathroom. She was tugging at her outfit and checking her makeup closely in the mirror. She was worried she had picked too flashy of an outfit since she didn’t know where they were going.

“No it’s not, come on out,” Breezy reassured her. Just then there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Dallon said.

(YN) stepped out of the bathroom just as Dallon let Ryan into the room. When Ryan saw (YN) in her short black sequin covered dress and black tuxedo jacket he could have sworn his heart stopped. He always thought she was beautiful, and he had seen her dressed up before, but tonight she took his breath away like never before.

“Wow, (YN),” Ryan started, a dopey grin spreading across his face. “You look amazing.”

“Yea, you look fantastic,” Dallon commented as Breezy beamed.

“Thanks,” (YN) said with a light laugh. “Now can we get going? I’m starving.”

Dallon ushered the group out and down the hall toward the elevator. Ryan offered (YN) his arm and she grinned as she linked her arm in his as they hurried down the hall.

"Wait, where are we going?" (YN) asked as they got in the elevator and Dallon pressed the up arrow.

"We got reservations at the rooftop restaurant," Dallon grinned.

"Seriously?" Breezy grinned and Dallon shrugged smugly.

"They're going all out for you guys tonight!" (YN) said, astonished.

"I think it's the best we've ever been treated," Ryan laughed as the doors opened on the top floor.

The restaurant was cozy and dimly lit with decor that had a vintage feel, but was still modern and fresh. The group was taken to a plush booth in the corner of the bustling restaurant with Dallon and Breezy sliding in on one side, and (YN) and Ryan on the other. The conversation flowed easily between friends as drinks and dinner were ordered.

“What are we going to do after this? Dancing?” Breezy asked, looking from Dallon to Ryan and (YN). 

“Oooh yea,” (YN) grinned.

“Sure,” Ryan shrugged.

Dallon groaned at first, but a smile crept on his face. “I can’t say no to you,” he replied to his wife.

Everyone chuckled at Dallon concession as their food was brought out. (YN) wasn’t exactly sure when it happened, but at some point in the shuffle of plates being passed, she found her leg brush against Ryan’s under the table, and to her surprise he didn’t pull away from her. Emboldened, she also didn’t pull away from the hidden contact and even glanced over at him, giving him a sly smile that he returned, much to her delight.

~

At dinner, they got a recommendation from their waiter of a club that was a short walk from the hotel. When they arrived they were able to find a table and ordered another round of drinks and watched the crowd for a while.

When the DJ put on a new song, Breezy’s face lit up. “I love this song, let’s go dance!”

“I’ll go!” (YN) grinned, jumping up and peeling off her jacket before going out onto the dance floor.

“How’d we get so lucky?” Dallon asked, sitting back contentedly, long legs extending out in front of him.

“Hmm?” Ryan asked, his attention being pulled from (YN) on the dancefloor to his bandmate.

Dallon nodded toward the women. “How’d we get so lucky to get ladies like Breezy and (YN)?”

“But (YN) and I aren’t together,” Ryan said confused, feeling like he was starting to blush.

Dallon laughed. “Come on, you mean to tell me you don’t have feelings for (YN)?”

“Well yea, but-”

“Then make your move. She’s obviously into you too,” Dallon smiled.

Ryan ran his hand through his hair. “What if she’s not though and everything gets screwed up?”

“Ryan, I saw the way you two were looking at each other during the show. I know that look, it’s the same one Breezy gives me,” Dallon replied knowingly.

Ryan laughed and then sighed. “Yea, I mean… yea, I should, I know I should. It’s just… how do you know when it's the right time to take that chance?”

(YN) and Breezy were enjoying themselves on the dancefloor when a man approached them. “Hey ladies, how are we doing tonight?” He ogled.

Breezy simply held up her left hand, displaying her wedding ring in response. “Not interested.”

The guy turned to face (YN). “How ‘bout you Toots, you married too?”

(YN) laughed. “Well no, but-”

“Then come dance with me!”

“No thanks, I’m here with my friends.”

“Aw come on, just one song, it’s not like I’m asking you to come home with me.”

(YN) shook her head. “We just got here ok? Let us be for a while.”

The guy took a step forward, looming over (YN). She could hear Breezy saying her name, but she was frozen in place, suddenly intimidated by the stranger.

“Hey, is this guy bugging you?” (YN) heard the words and felt a protective arm wrap around her waist. She looked up at Ryan who was staring the guy down.

“Yea, like a lot,” (YN) replied.

“Leave them alone,” Ryan commanded and the guy threw his hands up in defeat before walking away.

“Thanks Ryan,” Breezy said with a weary smile. 

“Why can’t the creeps just leave us alone?” (YN) rolled her eyes as the group collectively relaxed now that the stranger was gone.

“Because you’re gorgeous,” Ryan said so easily that he didn’t realize what had rolled off his tongue until he saw the stunned and amused look that Breezy was giving him. 

(YN) laughed and covered her face with her hand to hide how much she was blushing. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “Anyway, I love this song, can we please dance now?”

“Yes please!” Breezy said as she started moving to the music.

Ryan turned to go back to the table where Dallon was sitting, but (YN) grabbed his wrist. “Stay,” she said.

A smile crept across his face as his hands found her waist again as she moved her hips to the beat of the music. They had been to concerts together before, and therefore had danced together, but everything about this night felt different. (YN) draped her arms over his shoulders as they moved together to the rhythm of the music. 

Neither was sure how many songs had played, only that they kept moving closer to each other. (YN) felt her heart pounding in her chest under Ryan's gaze as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck. She felt like if she leaned in right then, he would have met her halfway.

But suddenly Ryan looked up, something grabbing his attention. (YN) turned and saw what he spotted. Dallon had come out onto the dance floor as well, but instead of dancing, he was saying something to Breezy, whose face was concerned.

“Dallon’s not feeling well, he’s got a really bad headache and kinda wants to go,” Breezy told (YN).

“Oh damn. Yea it’s loud and I bet that’s making it worse, we can go,” (YN) agreed.

“I’m sorry to ruin the night,” Dallon said rubbing his forehead wearily as soon as the group was outside the club, the bass still booming as they headed back toward the hotel.

“It’s fine, we understand,” Ryan said sympathetically. As they walked down the sidewalk, bustling with people on their way to their New Years celebrations, Ryan tried to decide if he should try to take (YN)’s hand the way Dallon held Breezy’s. Bu before he had made a decision they were already approaching the hotel and he realized he had missed his chance.

~

(YN) kicked off her heels as soon as she got into the hotel room. "That was so much fun," she laughed sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm so glad you convinced me to come with you."

"I'm really glad you agreed to come along," he smiled before taking a deep, nervous breath. "I just really love-"

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, interrupting Ryan. (YN) sighed as he went to answer it. She wanted to know so badly what he was about to say. Did he love her? Did he love Vegas? Was he about to confess his love of something, or someone, else altogether?

Ryan came back pushing a cart with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

"Woah, where did that come from?"

"The note says ‘Sorry to cut the party short! Dallon and Breezy’.”

"Wow! Do we wanna wait until midnight to pop it open?"

"Sure," Ryan nodded, setting the note back down. "Um (YN), I was gonna say before, I really love being here with you and seeing that guy trying to get with you at the club… I just can't let any more time go by," he said rubbing the back of his neck and squeezed his eyes shut. As (YN) listened, her heart started pounding and her head spun. "I'm sorry if this makes things weird, but I'm crazy about you (YN)," Ryan said finally with a shrug, opening his eyes.

"Seriously?"

He nodded and ran his hands over his face. "I'm so sorry if this ruins everything between us, I thought-"

Ryan's rambling was cut off by (YN) standing up and closing the distance between them. "Ryan, I've had a crush on you for… years, I was just never sure you would feel the same way."

"How could I not? You're beautiful, and smart, and funny," he trailed off as her grin grew across her face. In that moment Ryan decided he had waited long enough. His hands found her waist and pulled her the rest of the distance between them.

(YN) looked up at him, one hand resting on his arm, the other on his chest. "Kiss me," she breathed and that was all it took for his lips to crash against hers. She gripped at his shirt as if it were a lifeline with one hand, as other found its way to his brown hair.

His kiss was full of longing, of hours spent laying awake at night never fathoming that this moment could really happen. And in case it never happened again, he wanted to remember every moment of it. How her lips felt against his, how her waist felt under his hands, the sounds that escaped her lips as he moved down to kiss her neck.

Ryan pulled back as he reached up and brushed the jacket off her shoulders and (YN) let it fall to the ground at her feet. She pulled him back in as she took a step back toward the bed, and he followed, barely breaking contact with her lips as she crawled up the bed and he followed, undoing the top buttons of his shirt.

(YN) deepened the kiss by letting his tongue slip against hers. She ran a hand through his hair as his hand ghosted down her side to rest on her hip, his other arm holding him up. He then began to again trace kisses down her jaw, back to her neck until he found a spot that made her moan lightly as he kissed it, a sound he decided he would never grow tired of hearing.

(YN) hadn't had a proper make out in what felt like years, but this moment with Ryan was more than she could have ever hoped for. Any doubt that clouded her mind about his feelings for her vanished when his lips met hers, the longing and caring she felt from him was incredible. The way he kept his hands on her, as if she might slip away, tugged at her heart because she knew there was nowhere else she could possibly want to be. 

(YN) and Ryan were suddenly started by a loud bang outside the hotel room. They jumped apart as they looked at each other, confused.

"What was that?" Ryan asked breathlessly.

(YN) pushed the pillows away as she looked back at the bedside clock. "Fireworks, because it's midnight," she beamed.

"Oh yea," he laughed before leaning in to kiss her again. "Happy New Year (YN)."

"Happy New Year, Ryan. Do you want to open that bottle of champagne now?"

"Sure," he replied, getting up, and offering (YN) his hand to help her up.

"Do it off the balcony so you don't break anything in here," she laughed. They took a step out into the cold desert night and Ryan popped the cork off the bottle, launching it somewhere into the Sunset Strip. He poured each of them a glass before wrapping his arms around her waist to hold her close. (YN) let her head rest back against his shoulder and sighed contentedly as they watched the fireworks in the distance.

After they were done, Ryan pressed a kiss to the top of (YN)'s head as she yawned. "I'm suddenly realizing how tired I am. It's been kind of a long day."

"You're right, wanna go to bed?"

(YN) nodded sleepily as they went back inside. 

~

The next morning, (YN) woke up with her head on Ryan's chest. He had his arm wrapped around her, holding her close. When he noticed her starting to stir, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

"Morning beautiful," he murmured. 

"Morning," she mumbled and Ryan couldn't help but smile at how cute she was when she was still half asleep. "What time is it?"

"Just after nine," he replied looking at his phone.

"I guess I was tired," she said, hiding her face against the crook of his neck and she heard him laughing a little as well.

"Dallon and Breezy were wondering if we wanna get brunch with them before we gotta catch our flights."

"Yea, sounds good," (YN) replied as she stretched, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them and looked back up at Ryan, he was looking back at her adoringly.

"What?" She giggled.

"I'm just thinking about how lucky I am. It's like the stars finally aligned for us."

(YN) leaned in for a long, languid kiss. "This year is gonna be the best yet," she murmured. 

A couple hours later, Ryan and (YN) met up with Dallon and Breezy for brunch at another restaurant in the expansive hotel. Although no one dared to draw attention to it, the other couple was very excited to see Ryan and (YN) arriving hand in hand and quickly noticed the energy between them was different. The brunch was delightful, with everyone talking about their plans and hopes for the new year.

"Hey, I'm gonna run to the bathroom, (YN)?" Breezy asked.

"Oh sure, I'll come along," she smiled, getting up knowing exactly what she was in for.

"What happened?!" Breezy squealed as the door shut behind them.

"What do you mean?" (YN) replied coyly.

"You know what I mean," Breezy laughed. "You arrived holding hands and he's looking at you like you hung the moon, like more than normal."

"It was a really nice night," (YN) smiled and shrugged.

"Aww! I'm so happy for you two!" Breezy said while throwing her arms around her friend.

"I just hope this isn't just a vacation thing, ya know? Like when we get home, it's back to how we were before and it's like this never happened."

"I'm sure it won't be. He clearly adores you. I've been friends with him long enough to know."

After finishing their meals, everyone headed back to their rooms to finish packing. The reality that the whirlwind trip was almost over had finally hit and (YN) found herself feeling blue as doubts started to nag at her mind. She snapped shut her suitcase and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey Ryan," (YN) started.

"Yea?"

"This isn't like just a 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' thing, right?"

Ryan looked up from his suitcase and saw the sadness in her eyes and it made his heart break a little. He sat down next to her on the bed, taking her hands and looking in her eyes. "No (YN), I'm all in for this, for us, if you are?"

"Yea,” she nodded. “I don't want this to end here. I've waited too long to throw it away now."

He leaned in and kissed her sweetly, smiling and caressing her cheek lovingly when they pulled back. "Come on, we got a flight to catch."

"Back to reality," she groaned dramatically.

"We'll have to come back here sometime when we have more time. Maybe actually use the hot tub," Ryan suggested and (YN) couldn't help but grin.

#ryan seaman x reader #ryan seaman fanfic #ryan seaman fan fiction #ryan seaman imagine #idkhow fanfic #idkhow fanfiction #idkhow x reader #idkhow imagine #ryan seman x reader #ryan seaman fan fic #idkhow fan fic #idkhow fan fiction

[neoangelic]

Don’t Need Your Love

➳ an nct dream series

After a horrible first love experience, Yang Ahn joins the Don’t Need Your Love club via invitation. Things don’t turn out the way they were supposed to. 

➳ a story of not-so-romance featuring: the coolest club on campus, the meaning of unrequited, teenagers, best friends, heartbreak, healing, first loves, and new ones. 

➳ masterlist 

➳ note: female oc, multiple pairings, ot7 dream, not saying anything more bc spoilers!

➳ word count: 2235

DNYL. A four-letter word—if you would even call it a word. DNYL: four letters that defined the rest of my youth. Four letters that changed my perspective of quite a few other four-letter words. These four consonants brought together a broken band of romance misfits, the love-lost and the lovelorn, and I was the unfortunate latter.

A scoff dared to spill from my lips when I heard Harvey’s voice crackle over the loudspeaker. It wasn’t abnormal for clubs to advertise themselves via intercom, but those were your usual clubs: basketball, taekwondo, art, math, and such. It started off one of those usual announcements at first, but his next words turned everything around.

“The coolest club on campus: DNYL—”

Such a declarative statement. It stopped me in my tracks on the way to homeroom.

“—Don’t Need Your Love.”

And like the rest of the student body, his audacious proposal of a club nearly made me laugh. Harvey was a sweet exchange student from the United Kingdom. A gregarious boy with a knack for gathering people’s interest. This stunt was no exception. Like the rest of Neo Culture Tech’s teenager-filled population, he droned on about relationships, though he spoke of the broken kind. 

Since I had no relation to such types of relationship, I let his voice fade into the background of chattering students and teachers ushering them off to class. At this point, all I paid attention to was the scuff on my Mary Janes as I walked and the way the spine of my notebooks sat uncomfortably against my bicep. My grip on them grew tighter as bits and pieces of Harvey’s speech were growing harder to suppress. Intrusive thoughts crawled its way into my mind. A whisper of an unforgotten forgotten name. Ghosts of conversations in a foreign language. A face began to form in my memory. One with cat-like, sharp eyes. Before my fingertips could come into contact with the cool metal of the doorknob in front of me and snap me out of my thoughts—something else did.  

“Do you feel down from all this unrequited love?” 

Do you feel down from all this unrequited love? Was that even a question?

I finally let a chuckle past my lips, once again turning my attention towards the scuff mark on my shoe, once again letting the name of first love to be forgotten and remembering that I had a class to attend.

“What’s so funny?”

“Lee Jeno, Jesus Christ,” my shoulders jumped to my ears. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“You looked dumb standing like that,” he gestured to my hand that floated above the doorknob.

“Are you trying to act like Hyuck-oppa by insulting me?”

“Well as your new best friend, I need to fill the void that Haechan left in our Ahn-ah’s heart.”

“You say that like he’s dead.”

“Yeah, dead to you.”

“Only sometimes,” I roll my eyes. “He’ll be back in one more month and I never said anything about you being my new best friend.”

He pouts, like a puppy. “Well haven’t I done a good job of taking care of you while he’s gone? You did post on your insta story about best friend applications being open and I remember sending you a resume that I don’t think you ever read. He’s been gone since like the beginning of last school year—”

Jeno continued to ramble on with loud hand gestures. It was odd to know that this was the boy I was introduced to during freshman year of high school. His features have grown to become more chiseled and—due to his resolution of ‘becoming fit’ over the summer—I couldn’t help but notice the outlines of muscle through his school uniform. Still retaining his puppy-like features, puberty didn’t steal away his cuteness just yet. The Lee Donghyuck he currently was ranting about was my best friend of now four years. I concluded that his one-sided competition for Donghyuck’s role as my best friend was his little way of reminiscing the devilish boy. Although, he’d never admit that he missed him. Neither would I.

Donghyuck was the funniest boy I ever met. He was like the sun at its brightest as it shone through a stormy day. His reactions were exaggerated and animated and he never failed at catching every opportunity for a quick-witted remark against me. But my favorite part about him was when he made jokes with a straight face. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. He breathed life into my gloomy 7th-grade self. But I don’t think I could forgive him for not metaphorically holding my hand throughout first year. He had to leave Korea a quarter through the first semester because his parents won a trip to Canada. And I get it. Canada was a great place to be, but he failed to inform me that his trip would last about a year. Before he left, he introduced me to Jeno and told me that we would get along splendidly. 

In the words of my best friend; ‘you’d be too much of a loner while I’m gone, so I bestow this pity gift on you.’ 

Not to mention, our first meeting was hilarious. 

He was right. I missed him like the moon missed the sun in the cold night sky.

Luckily, Jeno and I had more in common than I thought and maybe Donghyuck knew that. Maybe that was why he introduced us. He always had an eye for such things. 

The first thing I said made him choke on his milk and flush cherry. Let’s just say I recognized him from an old advert he did as a child actor, featuring the said drink he choked on. The Lee Jeno I first got to know was awkward and shy, never without his crescent-crinkled eyes, a bashful smile, and fingers pulling on a hoodie string. The Lee Jeno that stood in front of me was wide-eyed, broad-shouldered, and confident as ever. 

He grew up a lot.

Don’t ever tell him this (lest you want his ego to inflate) but I really admired him for that. 

“—in conclusion, who was there for that whole fiasco? Not Haechan. What did he ever do? Facetime you every day? Pff I bought you ice cream. Now that’s a real friendship. You didn’t see him flying over from Canada to comfort you, did you? Maybe he was whisked away by a Canadian babe or hunk—”

“You got me my least favorite flavor,” I remarked.

“Ahn-ah,” he whined. “Give me some credit.”

“Tough love. If you wanna be Donghyuck try to be more annoying. He’d never greet me like that.”

“Oh yeah? And how would he have greeted you?” Jeno leaned forward to meet me eye level as if challenging me. Regret flashed in his eyes as I promptly jumped up to put him in a headlock, messing up his perfectly combed hair with my free hand.

“Aw isn’t our Jeno-oppa so grown up?” I pout, pulling and pinching at his cheeks. “Every morning that I see you, you seem to get taller. What am I going to do with you?”

He scrunched his nose in disgust, furrowing his brows. “I think I have cooties now.”

“That’s the spirit. Now keep that up and you’re on your way—maybe—to be just like Hyuckie.”

“The absolute disrespect you’re giving him while he’s gone, calling someone older than you so casually” he scoffs, wrestling his head out of my grasp. “How has he had this much influence on you while he’s gone?”

“Well—”

“Lee. Yang. I don’t suppose you’d want to be late for my class while having a lovers quarrel, don’t you?”

I push Jeno away from me and bowed, flustered. “Sorry, saem.”

“Saem-nim,” Jeno clicked his tongue at my rough gesture, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t think I could think of her romantically even if I was paid five million won.”

Mr. Song tapped his knuckles against the boy’s head. “Be nice to girls, Jeno. I was joking. I guess you finally found another boy to bully, Ahn?”

“In my defense, sir, the last boy was the one who bullied me.”

“Pfft—”

“I liked you better with the other boy you were friends with, yes. Why don’t I see him with you anymore? You seemed to cause a lot less trouble with—”

Jeno swung the door open. “I think we should get to our seats, Ahn-ah. I’m sorry about the trouble Mr. Song.” His hands clasped around my shoulders and ushered me into the classroom, another scuff to probably form as I tried to not trip over my own feet or drop my books. He shoved me toward my seat.

“Hey—”

“Shh,” he shot an annoying smile at my irritation. “Class is starting.”

“Rude. I think Donghyuck got to you too,” I grumble, sinking my face into the palm of my hand as my notebooks lay in disarray on my desk. It was unfortunate that our homeroom teacher was nice. He let Jeno sit next to me.

“I’ll call attendance now.” 

My unfortunate seatmate leaned closer toward me. I inched away, rolling my eyes as he whispered.

“So… does that make me better BFF material?” His eyes disappeared into crescents as he prodded me with is a pencil, chuckling deviously. I slapped his hand away.

“You’re still not as funny as him.”

“What the hell—”

“H-here.”

“Lee, Jeno?” Mr. Song stared at the black-haired boy with a raised eyebrow.

To which he coughed loudly to cover up his expletive.

And aside from Harvey’s little announcement that morning, the rest of the day went on without a hitch. Soon enough, Monday turned into Tuesday, which morphed into Wednesday and bumped into Thursday. All the “day”s seemed the same. Monotonous. The only thing that was different was the slowly shifting breeze and the changing colors of the leaves of plants and trees. The autumn scenery was finally settling in.

And you know what they say about autumn.

It was a fitting season for the boy in front of me. A season of endings and changes—amongst all the other autumn things. 

“Why are you tearing them down?” I caught a piece of paper that fluttered down the stairway. It had been a while since I spoke English, the language strange on my tongue. “They’re cute.”

Harvey turned around and flashed a tight-lipped smile. He shook his head with a disappointed exhale. “Quite frankly, the whole thing was a bust.” His hand reached for another DNYL poster, one of many that scattered the walls of this place.

I picked up some rogue posters that fell onto the steps, approaching the foreign boy. I wasn’t lying about the posters being cute. They were handmade and created with color and illustration, the words written in an aesthetic way. Though, I didn’t mind to read them. 

“Why’d you make the club in the first place?”

“I guess I’ve just seen those people around campus who’ve just been so unhappy,” he said. “It felt horrible knowing that there was nothing I could do to help but I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, if I created a safe haven away from that heartbreak, then nobody would feel lonely enough to cry their heart out. Have you ever had the feeling of wanting to start something beautiful?” Harvey’s eyes were green and genuine. The golden light from the window was filtered through leaves, creating a taste of a nostalgic, bittersweet what-if. 

“Once,” I answered, a feeling pulling at my chest. An urge. A remembrance of what was and what could have been. There was a wish for warmth, even soaked in the honey glow of the sun. Longing. For new beginnings. 

Who hasn’t felt the wish for something to ignite?

For something to explode.

For undreamt dreams to just come true.

“I guess I also wanted to leave a small legacy before I leave. I need to go back home pretty soon.” A solemn sigh left Harvey once again as he stared down at one of his white posters. A pitiful silence hung in the air, dust fairies dancing and floating around us, falling and disappearing away from the light.

“Maybe you just need to find your targeted audience,” the words didn’t mean to come out of my lips, but they did anyway. “NCT is a highschool where teenage romance never sleeps. You’d be best off finding some outliers—y’know like the people you mentioned.”

“The ones I’ve seen around campus?”

“Yeah. Those who have been dumped, had a bad breakup, dealing with a broken heart… isn’t that what you said this club was for?”

“I wouldn’t suppose you’re one of those outliers?” He called out.

I looked behind at Harvey and the colorful papers that stuck out from his arms and his backpack. I looked at the empty walls and the tape that he wasn’t able to scrape off and half torn stickers that spelled ‘DN’. I look at him and smile without meaning to.

“If this is truly the coolest club on campus, then send a message my way.

“I don't have your number.”

“Who said you needed to text me to communicate? Send me something interesting—something special. I wanna feel like I’m being invited to the Phantom’s masquerade,” I turned away, biting at the inside of my cheek. My next words came at a frightening decrescendo as I realized what I was getting myself into. “If you find that I’m suited for your club…surprise me.

<< recruiting now | masterlist | boys are never worth it >>

footnotes -

saem: a shortened word for ‘seongsaeng-nim’ or teacher.

oppa: well, I think we all know this one but I mostly use it to signify respect or difference of age

#dnyl #lee jeno #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #huang renjun #nct #nct dream #nct dream series #nct dream au #dnyl club #highschool!nct dream #au #nct dream fluff #park jisung #zhong chenle #jaemin #renjun #lee haechan #haechan #jeno #classmate!jeno #best friend!donghyuck #dnyl series

[eabhaalynn]

Why You Should Support Your Local Coffee Shop - Five Years of Follow Coffee Co

Ballymena is a fairly unremarkable Co. Antrim Town, better known for its dedication to the DUP than for its coffee establishments. You may know it as the town of Ian Paisley Jr. famous for his father and being the first ever MP subject to a recall petition. You may even know it as the “Drugs Capital of the North.”

Follow Coffee Co. is an independently owned café that, as far as I know, popped up on a pedestrianised shopping street in the shadow of the Tower Centre in Ballymena’s town centre at some stage in 2014. The glass shop front is framed with bright yellow paint and criss-crossed with metal panes, splitting both the sunlight in summer months and streetlights in the dark days of Christmas. To the left side of the building’s centre lies a heavy glass door, the geometric logo of the shop sitting front and centre above it, and illustrated in frosted glass to it’s side.

(Image Credit: Debbie Murray (insta @/followcoffee)

Inside, the design is fresh and modern, a stark and yet refreshing contrast to the traditional appearance of the town outside that has remained largely unchanged in my lifetime. Further contrast is shown on the very ground itself; wooden floors on one side, industrial concrete on the other. The stairs and two sides of the shop are bridged with diamond plate, further consolidating the image; and acknowledging the towns manufacturing history. The balcony of the top floor overlooks the entry way and provides the perfect spot for peoplewatching. At the far side of the café lies the counter, with pastries, buns, a giant blackboard, decorated with the ever-evolving lunch menu off to one side and a big, beautiful coffee machine there to greet you.

At some stage between Follow Coffee’s opening and today, my name has become synonymous with coffee drinking. Trust me, the word ‘coffee’ features in no less than five different people’s yearbook comments about me. It’s not that I’m blaming the place or anything, but when it opened, I didn’t even drink coffee.

SIX RECOMMENDATIONS FROM FOLLOW(one for each year hehe)

-      Raspberry Hot Chocolate

-      Hot Chocolate

-      Mocha

-      Iced Hazelnut Latte

-      Hazelnut Latte

-      The smoothie that has mango in it

My friends and I stumbled upon follow accidentally once when out of data and waiting for the 5.45pm 150 bus home. This was the epitome of life as a thirteen-year old in rural Ireland. The place had good, affordable hot chocolate and free wi-fi, and the girlsTM were bored. It was perfect. What more could we ever have asked for?

Before too long, I had convinced my dad and sister to ditch the usual chain coffee places and come to Follow with me. Luckily enough, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree and so they had the same love for the place that I do, the same love for independent coffee shops in general. Somewhat unsurprisingly, they fell in love. My GCSE years were upon me and I was spending more and more time in town. Honestly, I was spending more time awake and thus, the thriving caffeine dependency today was born. My Saturdays would usually involve a trip to Follow, I would bring schoolwork and stay for hours at a time, hiding myself in one of the upstairs booths and work away. The pressure of a public environment somehow always made me work harder and better.

The group of friends that I had found the place with soon imploded, as groups of young teenage girls so often do. But I didn’t mind, my newfound love for the place transcended those people, and after everything I still had so much respect for those girls. By that stage, I had befriended the Barista’s. After all, I had spent enough time bothering them at work with the intricate details of my life problems, and they were so kind and so like me that I just naturally made friends with them. Some of those friendships have even lasted to this day (more on that later).

When fifth year rolled around, I had become so disenfranchised with school, I started looking into sixth form options in town. When it became apparent that staying at my old school was no longer an option, I decided on St Louis Grammar. A brilliant school which offered me an escape from the people giving me grief, the opportunity to study the subjects I wanted and a town centre school environment, all just a twelve-minute walk away from Follow.

The winter of fifth year also was when I met my first ever boyfriend; and went on my first ever date. No prizes for guessing where that date was. Much alike the girlsTMmentioned earlier, that relationship crashed and burned. But Follow was always my place, is always going to be my place. Surely those experiences only helped to solidify it.

Sixth Form at St Louis was the best two years of my life. I have no hesitations in saying that. It was wonderful, beautiful, incredible, and yet stressful beyond belief. Because I have no common-sense AT ALL, I decided to start lower sixth off with four new a-levels, a new relationship, all these new friends … and … yet again, no surprises… a new job.

Being a Barista was always a bit of a dream of mine. I already had such a strong rapport with so many of Follow’s staff and regular customers (being one myself), from the outside, it seemed like the perfect contrast to the high stress lifestyle of sixth form at ‘’Northern Ireland’s top grammar.’’

Are you seeing a trend developing here? That plan went horribly wrong. I loved working at follow, but I was 16, a little baby. I was so stressed and had so much going on and so I only lasted a matter of months. But still; Follow had housed my first ever date and now my first ever job - Two of the most defining experiences of my teenage years. The place was becoming a second home to me. This was only further solidified by my new school, just twelve minutes away.

After quitting my job at follow, I started to study there from 3.30 to 5.30 a couple of times a week. It was a little treat, a friendly set of faces. The same people I’d been complaining to for years, but with even more substance this time. They knew all about my studies, after all, they were the reason I had left. My former colleagues had experienced the start of sixth form by my side. I studied there waiting on the same 150 bus I had been waiting on when I first found the place, all those years previously.

In lower sixth, I unsuccessfully ran for the UK Youth Parliament. The results for this came through when I was having my usual iced hazelnut latte and cry over a-levels in follow. The following summer, I sat the UKCAT, achieving a * slightly * better than average score, at the time I sat this, I didn’t know it would be better than average at all, the first people to hear all about it, and most other aspects of my University application were the staff of Follow. After passing my driving test in the winter of my Upper Sixth year, my first ever successful parallel park was on a street perpendicular to Follow, on a frosty February evening. Throughout that school year, I would consistently have to attend various mandatory revision classes for my three-surviving a-level subjects and the many resits I had reluctantly gotten myself into. Follow became a solace. The calm in the midst of the seemingly constant storm of a-levels. My former best work friend, simply became a best friend of mine. She got herself a house, became a real adult right in front of me. She was pursuing her passion for photography, doing incredibly well for herself. Then I got into medical school. Eventually.

In September 2019, I moved away. All I had ever wanted was right in front of me, a one-way plane ticket out of Northern Ireland and a place to study medicine.

For three months, I’ve been carving out a little life for myself in Lancaster. I have my own place, I am, slowly but surely, becoming a real adult. I am a far cry from the scared thirteen-year old that landed in that coffee shop desperately seeking wi-fi. Though somehow, almost a year after passing my driving test, I’m right back waiting for somewhat questionable bus services again. The 150 has turned into the dreaded 100. St Louis’ is but a happy-rose tinted memory. Lancaster Medical School has replaced the dreaded long days and mandatory revision classes with -perhaps- even more dreaded 6.30pm lectures and mandatory Problem Based Learning presentations.

Oddly enough, I am very single, and very unemployed, and truly very happy about it. This time in my life is as formative as those times I’ve been reflecting on. Even more so maybe.

But I’d be lying if I said everything in my new life in England is perfect. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and the latest development in me and Follow Coffee Co’s story is our long-distance phase. I miss it dearly, the familiarity it gave me throughout sixth form, the distinctive abrupt yet friendly nature of its Ballymena clientele. But it will always be there to welcome me home. It better be.

It took leaving for me to realise that you rarely find a place that means as much to you as Follow means to me, and that Starbucks and Costa rarely can give you the wealth of life experience of your favourite independent coffee shop. I have sat at every table in the place. Cried at most of them, over anything and everything from University rejections, to tiny irrelevant fights with strangers on the internet. I know every crevice of the tables, floors and skirting boards. I’ve even accidentally mopped the concrete floor and faceplanted it in my time.

Ballymena has many flaws, but it’s character and community is unmatched. No place illustrates that better to me than this. Go, visit your local independent coffee establishment. Maybe even get a job. You never know who you’ll meet, or what you’ll learn. This world is a beautiful place. Hell - Even Ballymena is.

#coffee #follow #northernireland #ballymena #modern #independent #independent coffee #jobs for teens #barista

[raph8sblog]

💕Dreaming Of You 💕Part IV.

The flashing red and blue lights, the loud noises and the uncomfortable darkness, where you couldn’t see properly and you couldn’t speak or move. When you regained your conscious you were laying on the hospital bed. The bed was framed with white curtains. Memories flashing back in your mind, like a never ending story, all over again, about your attacker, you tried to memorize the shape of her face but you forgot everything when you felt down from the stairs. What happened then? You don’t remember anyting, you looked down on your arms, both of them were covered with white gauze, then you felt a sharp pain in your head, you furrowed your eyebrows. “Was it serious?” - you wondered, when a picture of your bood clovered hands crossed your mind. 

- Miss Y/N, are you awake now? - a doctor came in through the curtains. He held your hospital card. 

- You injured your head badly, but thankfully you had a light concussion. How do you feel yourself? We should keep you in the hospital, till the remaining medical examinations. 

- Ah, I see... What about the attacker? Where is she? - you asked, because it was the only thing that mattered. 

- I don’t know nothing about this miss. The police will arrive soon, shall I call them that you are awake? - you nodded. 

- Also, you have some visitors. - your eyes widened: 

- Visitors? - you repeated. Before the doctor could reply, Jisung pulled apart the courtains and dramatically pulled you in his arms, he was still sobbing: 

- Y/N I’m so sorry about what happened! This is all, our fault!!! 

- Ouch, Han.... This is hurting me right now! - you said and gently pushed him away: 

- I will take you on a date, when you are released from the hospital, okay? We will eat ice cream and go to the riverside!! Lee Know can join us as well, if he is behave until then! 

- Don’t count me in! I have to spend some quality time with my cats as well! You can come over Y/N if you want, my cats are can’t wait to meet with you! - you were blinking rapidly, try to process how kind they were actually with you. 

- Stop it guys, just let her rest a little bit. The police is after the attacker. - Chan spoke up and suddenly the room became quiet again, then you realized Felix and Hyunjin wasn’t there. 

- This is a relief Chris. Still.... I’m confused, I try to remember her appareance but I forgot everything. One thing for sure, she is obsessed with Felix... Maybe I really spent too much time with him! 

- He is your best friend, you shouldn’t blame yourself! - you glanced at Changbin with thankful smile: 

- Yes, I guess you are right. 

- To be honest, it was shocking, we even heard about you in the news as well! - Seungmin added.

- You all came here... I’m so happy. 

- We couldn’t reach Felix tho, he is acting strange lately... 

- Seungmin is right, he is hidding something... At first, Hyunjin said that maybe you two are dating but c’mon Y/N you have a better taste than that! - uhh sorry Changbin, you knew it as well that you chossed the wrong person, now it’s just became even clearer for you. To be honest, it’s still hurt you a little bit, he was with Mia for sure if he is not picking up his phone. 

- Noona!!!! - Jeongin came in, like a tornado, with a bouqet of flowers in his hand, his eyes were red from crying. He kneeled down beside your bed, like a knight in a shining armour. The others tried not to laugh at loud at his actions, the nurses were also whispering about how cute is him: 

- Woah, you really bought this I.N, how generous... You are just like a real little brother! - at your words, everyone started laughing, except Jeongin: 

- Noona, am I just a kid to you, right? Even after I saved you... - then, you suddenly remembered, the moment when you dialed his number: 

- Jeongin, don’t create fairytales! Hyunjin went into the building to save Y/N, you were crying outside! 

- Y/N!! - he looked at you with sadness in his eyes: 

- Don’t believe him! Changbin Hyung is just jealous! - you really felt loved, when you were with them. But is it going to be same, when your friendship with Felix is  so fragile? Speaking of the devil, he showed up out of the blue and for a moment you smile of hope spread across your lips, but when you saw he wasn’t alone the words are got caught up in your throat. 

Mia.... He was with her, without any excuses, without any denial. She was just like, how you imagined her. The beautiful raven hair, cute rosey lips and delicate pale skin, like a real life porcelain doll, perfect in every detail. Tall and skinny, and there you are, wounded and covered with bandages. It was the last drop in the glass, because it really hit you, why you were in your current situation: 

- Felix and Mia? Why she is here with you? - Chan asked it first, with confusion in his voice. 

- Later, I will explain everything to you guys. Now, please let us be privately... Just the three of us. - they didn’t understand why it’s necessary for them to left your hospital room and the whole scene was more strange, thanks to the presence of Mia. How he is related to you? 

When they left, awkward silence engulfed the whole place, Mia called you in a shy voice, while she reahed out to your hand: 

- Thanks Y/N for protecting us. You are an amazing person, you sacrificied yourself for our happiness! - this girl is truly crazy? Maybe it’s better is she is not speaking and then she seems more clever. What are you a freaking punching bag? It’s really sounded like that. 

- She is right, thinking about how awful it can be, when the one that you love is in danger... The possibility that Mia will be in the same place as you was high, but thanks to that misunderstanding, we are safe from the people’s suspecting eyes. However my heart is aching for you dear Y/N. - Felix sounded like an idiot as well, what’s happening? Are you still in a coma? You hoped you are. 

- We wanted to make it offical, that we are dating, but maybe it’s way too dangerous now. After the sasaeng incident, it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

- Guys.... - you finally interrupted them, it’s time to speak up and protect yourself: 

- You two just really thanked me this?! I mean, I’ve got into this messed up thing because of your relationship drama Felix! And now you are thanking me? - you couldn’t believe it, all these years spent with adoration. You thought he is the love of your life and now you have to realize that he is selfish and the only thing he is care about is his girlfiend and her safety? When you are laying here, like a rock, with an aching wound on your head? 

- What if she hurts me more Felix?! What is she cuts my face with her knife?! You would be happy because it’s not happened with your girlfriend?! - at this point, tears were streaming down on your cheeks. But you just couldn’t care about it. Wasn’t that pathetic enough? This is the end of it: 

- It’s not what I meant Y/N! Of course I’m worried about you as well! I just... 

- No! - you shouted. 

- Just stop it and get out! Get out with your perfect face, with your perfect life, with your perfect idol girlfiend! Just get out from my life.... Forever.... 

- Y/N.... - Felix was lost in his words, you never acted like that before. 

- Are you serious? - he asked in disbelief. 

- I’ve never been more serious. I don’t want to see you again. - you said and it’s really sounded harsh, you wiped your eyes. 

- Y/N, don’t do this please... It’s not what I meant about it! 

- It’s absolutely sounded like that! And you know what? I don’t care what you meant by this, you are too blind to see my real feelings anyway. If you only know how does it feel like, but you won’t because you are living under a buble, where everyone is just so fucking pretty! Now, please get out.... - Mia was shocked, like  you could read her mind, she thinks that you hit your head too hard and now you gone nuts. Felix, maybe he is blaming your head injury as well, but he will see that you were dead serious. He just stood up from your bed and walked out, without a word and then, you just nodded, this is the answer that you’ve been waiting for, you had to do this. It was the right thing to do. 

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The first week felt like an enternity after what happened between you and Felix. You missed his messages, you missed his voice, you missed him so bad it’s almost drove you crazy, but your prides was stronger this time. It was easy to get yourself busy with the tasks, you wanted to find a new rent as soon as possible and move out from the old one. You couldn’t live there after what happened with you? But the problem is, that since you stopped working in a shift, because of all the university tasks, you had absolutely no money at all... 

To be honest, you were a true introvert, living under the same roof with a room mate sounded impossible for your taste but after a while, you decided to make a change in your life. From now on, you will do everything to change your personality and born anew, like a real confident femme fatale. It wasn’t easy you had to take small steps, but maybe the first one should be a little bit more risky. That’s why you changed your plan and soon you found a girl, who was searching for a room mate. 

Because of the excitment that you felt, towards to the moving you weren’t thinking about Felix and Mia, nor the other members of Stray Kids. After, you cut every contact with him, it would be uncomfortable to keep in touch with the others. Also, you unfollowed every stz related page on your insta, because it was too painful to see how Felix looked more and more handsome with each passing day. You just needed time to clear your head, also you promised to yourself to make more friends at the uni and also move out more frequently. 

After one week, you were busy preparing for the exams, also you went out shopping to buy some new clothes for spring. Maybe, you spent too much money on clothes, even tho you couldn’t afford them at that moment. Still, you wanted to look little bit more stylish, you also made an appointment to a hair salon, a little change never hurt, after a mental breakdown. You also called the girl, who was searching for a housemate and asked her for a meeting. 

It was one day, before your last exam, at February when you met with her. She was truly unique to be honest! She came here from America as an exchange student, her name was Lexy and she was really cheerfull and lively. The complete opposite of you. A confident, super blonde and super pretty girl, who knew exactly how beautiful she was. Inspite of this she was still friendly and humble with you: 

- Y/N I can’t wait to live with you! You know, my previous housemate, was my boyfriend but he dumbed me so I threw out his stuffs! That’s why, you can decorate his old room in your stlye! I will help buy everything! - you chuckled at her words: 

- To be honest, I’m so happy that I found you on the real estate page! Really, I hope we will get along well! 

- I already like you Y/N! You seems so kind and adorable! When do you want to move in with me? 

- This weekend would be too soon? 

- No! Please do as you feel like it! - you nodded, you wanted to leave that place quickly it’s always reminded you of the saseang’s attack, also of Felix. It was torturing. 

A new chapter begun in your story, you were sure about that when you met with your new housemate. It was on Friday, when you packed all of your things in a cardboard box. You didn’t have much to carry, since you only brought the most essentials to Seoul, when you left your hometown.

You already got a key to the apartment, since Lexy had lectures till the afternoon and your day was absolutely free. When you entered the flat, a small living room greeted you, the walls are painted pastel pink, also all of the furnitures were pinkish and white, on the couch there were fluffy pillows and blankets. It was cozy, more cozy, than you imagined beforehead. From the living room, two door opened, one of the doors was decorated with colorful butterflies. It was Lexy’s room behind it and infront of that, yours was waiting for you to enter.. 

“Y/N finally, you started something, so do not freak out! It will be better from now on... The attacker won’t find you there, not even Felix, you are safe!” - you took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was almost empty, only a bed stood there and a cabinet, also a little writing desk. You started to organize your things and put your clothes on the cabinet’s shelf. Also, you played some music during the settling so you spent your first day in your new home comfortably, without any troubling or useless speculation. 

Around 7pm Lexy arrived as well, you were in the kitchen making noodles when she embraced you from the back. You almost dropped the chopsticks from your hand, it’s really startled you: 

- Congratulation Y/N for moving in!!! We should celebrate this! The night is young, let’s go out! - your stomach tightened at her idea. You were never the “going out” type of girl, you rather stayed at your quite home while all of your classmates went out for parties. 

- I’m not sure Lexy... I’ve never... - you wanted to make an excuse, but why? You really need to change yourself darn it! You have to make another big step, but maybe it was too early for you to take such a huge one. Then, when you found an acceptable answer for why you don’t want to go out tonight, you hear your phone buzzing, you looked than and saw Felix’s name. You only read the first part of his message, which started with the greatest line of mystification: I have to apologize Y/N... - as quikly as you could you deleted the message from your screen and glanced back to Lexy: 

- I changed my mind, I put on some makeup and let’s go out!

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Well, that’s how you got into the first party of your life. It was an intense experience, since clubs are not made for you, the loud music, which makes your ears bleed and the place was so crowded you almost fainted. At least, you looked good: you wore a tight black dress, with a deep, red velvet jacket and you put on a lipstick with the exact same color.  Also for the first time, boys compliment you but it’s mabye doesn’t count because they were incredibly drunk. 

You sat down with your housmate at a more peaceful corner, she asked you to dance with her, but you had your limits when you were sober: 

- Then, let’s drink something! - she giggled and left you alone at the table, You sighed, the air felt too hot in this place, also the waltzing, flashing lights made you dizzy, even without drinking sip. 

- Here you are!! - Lexy brought two bottle of soju and poured you out one shout. You have never tasted soju, regardless of the fact that you came here, four months ago. 

- How does it taste? - you asked, but Lexy didn’t hear it, the music was too loud, she just waved and said: 

- It’s not that strong! - you rapidly emptied your glass. Woah, it was horrible! Your throat felt sore but Lexy already placed another shot infront of you: 

- Let’s drink till you have guts for dancing. - not for the dancing part, you just wanted to forget so you drank the second, and the third, and also the fourth as well. You placed your elbows on the table, trying to compose yourself, your vision was spinning at this point, you couldn’t think straight, you just wanted to check the message, what Felix sent to you. Lexy disappeared on the dance floor, and you felt sick sitting like that, beside the table so you slowly stood up and made your way to the rooftop. 

The scenery was breathtaking on this clear, and cold night, and every breath, you took felt amazing outside. You searched for your phone inside the jacket’s pocket, when you realized that you are not alone. Someone was standing there, nearly on the end of the rooftop. You approached this person, you weren’t sure why, maybe your almost drunk self wanted a little company? 

- Excuse me... - you mumbled and when he turned around, you swore your soul almost left your body! It was Hwang Hyunjin! Why, out of all people all around the world, why he was the one standing infront you? The fate played a dirty and a really unfair game with you. You covered your face.

 “Should I run?” 

- Y/N?! - he blurted out loudly after he removed his airpods. He was as suprised as you: 

- Why are you here?! - you asked. 

- The same goes for you! Are you followed me here?! 

- In your dreams, I would never follow you anywhere! - you answered. 

- I came here, with my housemate. 

- You moved out? - oh no, mabye it wasn’t a good idea to put it like that. 

- Yes... Do you want to tell my adress to a sasaeng again? - okay, you started to be a little bit harsh with him, but he deserved it. However, this time, he seemed a little bit different than his usual self. His face looked tired and somehow... sad? 

- I didn’t know your adress, how could I tell to anyone then? - awkward silence: 

- Look, I’m sorry for what happened. Okay? Let’s just forget about it please. 

- Hyunjin... - you were mean to him just a moment ago but now you remembered: when you woke up in the hospital, Changbin said that he was the one who rushed into the building for you and called the emergency. 

- I was stupid to brought this topic up... - he looked at you, his beatiful face still reflected pain and sorrow:

- How come you told Felix to never meet again? You did this....because of... Mia? - he mentioned her name in such a trembling tone. Your heart started to beat faster: 

- You were in love with him...I heard it in the hospital, to be honest I came there as well but I didn’t have any courage to go inside. I felt myself quilty, and I still do. It’s true that you are annoying with your shy and pathetic self pity attitude but I never wished this pain for you. - he knows about everything and you couldn’t deny it anymore. After all these years, it’s finally happened, someone knows about your secret now!!

- He didn’t even realize it! - you said, while big teardrops started to roll down on your cheeks.

- Felix told us that evening, that he is dating with Mia and asked everyone to keep his secret safe. We made a promise to him. - you gulped and you wiped your tears away with your sleevs: 

- I hope he will be happy with her... I should have told him about my feelings, now it’s to late, I lost him forever... - you admitted, still crying like a little girl, maybe the alcohol mixed with your feelings was more torturing than being sober. 

- I know how you feel. - Hyunjin said:

- I feel the same way... I should have told her. - with that, it’s became clear to you why he was standing there alone in the dark, without all the noise and flashing lights, he came here to forget as well...

- When I was a trainee. Mia was there too. She helped me with my dancing skills. I was too shy to tell her! I thought it’s obvious, and she will notice that I care about her and I cherish her! Just look at me Y/N! I’m damn gorgeus! - you almost laughed but you managed to keep it to yourself. 

- I mean, she could have me as well! Am I not good enough? Still, she choosed Felix... - fearing that he will be mad about it, you carefully reached out and place your hand on his shoulder: 

- Maybe, I’m not that gorgeus as you, but I truly cared about him and I was always by his side, when he needed me. But, we can’t do anything against it, love is not something, you are able to control. 

- It’s not fair, I just wanted to make her happy, why is have to be like this? I don’t even realized that they are dating behind my back. I feel so betrayed!

- I’m so sorry that you have to get through this. - you meant that because it was one of the worst feelings in the whole world. 

- What if I don’t accept this? - he asked, which made you blink in disbelief: 

- You hear me Y/N! What if we don’t accept this? What if we refuse it and make an attempt to change their mind? - are you dreaming this? Because it’s becoming a little bit absurd now: 

- Do you know some kind of which, who crafting love potions or what? 

- No! But, now that you mention it maybe we can find one as well! - you raised your eyebrows at him, he can’t be serious: 

- Let’s be real! I need to prove her, that she missed and amazing boyfriend! Also you need to prove Felix, that you are worthy enough to date him! We have to make them jealous! They have to scream out from jealousy! 

- Don’t say that you want to... 

- Exactly! Let’s play a little a game, shall we? 

#skz angst #skz fanfic #skz imagines #skz au #kpop imagines #kpop fic #kpop au #slow burn

[radmanraditz]

SHIPPING INFO.      Answer the following for your muse(s) so people      know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST.      Don’t reblog.

{Mun Note: Did this all the way back in September, at the end of December in 2017, and again in May 2018 so this needs an update! Cuz whooo boi shipping on this blog has been a wild ride.}

{icon art by @bardocks-bandanna // @bluexblonde}

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?:

As of writing this, Raditz is actively involved with @stoplickingthingsweird‘s Turles and @bluexblonde‘s Launch. 

I also have a crossover crack!ship with him for the fanfics I want to write.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?:

I’m good with doing anything I feel would be in-character for my muse to do.

I’m used to shipping him with women, but my portrayal of Raditz is bicurious/bisexual. Men mostly come at my muse with a competitive attitude in the past, so he has more of a preference for women. 

Raditz himself might be less comfortable with being pushed out of his comfort zone in terms of emotional intimacy, but with the right muses he will get there. Eventually. Some will get it sooner than others depending on their personality and how they treat him. He can become emotionally withdrawn too if your muse treats him in a way he doesn’t like, or he feels pressured to say things like “I love you” too soon or when he doesn’t mean it. I wouldn’t take it as a bad thing though, because if he is saying he loves you soon, he’s probably just saying that to keep your muse appeased and get what he wants. My writing will hint to that if he doesn’t truly care about your muse.

I do tell people I won’t hold their hands for wooing my muse(s), but I do leave breadcrumbs in my writing and in asks and memes. If you are shipping with me or are interested in it, you have to talk to me directly OOC and do so on a reasonably regular basis in order to plot things out. 

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?:

Any muse or mun under 18 is not allowed to ship with me or my muse, or put themselves into dating/intimacy situations either. If you are over 18 and your muse is at least 18, they’re fair game to Raditz. (Though I’d prefer if your muse isn’t that young.) He’s not into people who are a lot older than him that look their old age, and he might look down on a person who acts too young.

Keep in mind that Raditz’s age in canon is generally estimated between 29-35.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:

I wasn’t in the past, but currently yeah, I am pretty selective. Dangerously close to being disinterested in shipping with other people aside from my two current shipping partners. I’ve just dealt with too much bullshit from ex-shipping partners. 

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW?:

After the Tumblr Purge of 2018, it’s supposed to be ok to write naughty time stuff, but I’m still pretty much keeping NSFT things to Discord. (Yeah that means I’m finally comfortable writing smut again. Just in private, and only with partners I’m comfortable writing that with.)

When it comes to talking, anything that starts to get dirty with graphic sexual activity details is what I’d consider NSFW.  Detailed descriptions of sexualized body parts, groping/stroking of genitals or breasts are things I consider NSFW. Also detailed sexual fantasy thoughts and emotions felt during physical activity can be too. Basically if you could get into trouble for getting caught reading it at work, or I don’t think the content is suitable for minors to be reading, I’d consider it NSFW and tag it accordingly. Since the Purge, my tags are #Lemon Goodness and #Touch of Citrus

Blatantly stating things like: sex, penis, vagina, kinky, “let’s fuck” or other such things, I wouldn’t think are worth labeling and tagging. Grabbing, smacking, or rubbing a butt isn’t NSFW to me unless said butt is bare and/or the muses are starting to do something sexual in nature.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:

Turles and Raditz were friends back when they were children. (No we don’t follow the doujinshi Dragonball Zero story as part of our canon.) At least until they became more distant with one another and Turles went AWOL from the PTO. In his Wished Back to Life verse, Raditz uses the dragon balls to wish Turles back to life, and now the two estranged friends are trying to get to know each other again. There is more plotted out, and we’ve had more interactions on Discord due to my busy schedule and the close IRL friendship between Skully-mun and I have. This is not our first venture into writing a ship together, so the friendship and eventual romantic relationship between the muses is something I look forward to since we’re such close friends ourselves who have been through a lot and we already know how to work with one another.

Launch and Raditz aren’t romantically involved at the moment, but he has a one-sided crush on her with a plotted plan to have them get together sometime after the Cell Games. They have a lot of rocky moments since they’re meeting at the lowest points of their lives in that AU. Also because Raditz is trying to adjust to life on Earth, and he’s not the easiest person to get along with. But there’s decent chemistry potential between them, and I enjoy plotting and writing with Reggie.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:  

Yeah. Otherwise I won’t recognize it. 

Chemistry between muses can develop slowly or out of the blue, but I still need to see that Raditz is indeed interested in the other muse and confirm OOC between us muns before I recognize it as a ship. 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?:

Whenever I see potential chemistry. I like ships that help both characters grow as people, especially if it’s a positive relationship. 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:

Yep. Raditz’s blog is a multi-ship blog where every ship is its own AU.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

I enjoy shipping and crack!shipping with fandom stuff. When it comes to roleplay though, I just do my thing and see what happens. I want to see strong chemistry to write a convincing relationship between two characters when I ship for RP. I’m not fond of easy fluff or insta-romances, or the anime romance tropes that perpetuate unhealthy relationship habits. So I guess I’m more in the middle, someone who enjoys shipping on a healthy level. 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:  

I like Raditz x Turles for M/M shipping. Thanks Skully-mun!

For the heterosexual side of things, I like seeing Raditz shipped with Launch, Maron, (Krillin’s ex not his daughter) and Princess Snake.

I crossover crack!ship him with Mihoshi Kuramitsu from Tenchi Muyo! too. (For my own fanfiction.)  

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

I would appreciate it if people gave me my space on the subject if you’re interested/potentially interested in shipping with me and we aren’t already. Because I’m afraid I’m not going to be positive about it for awhile.  Shipping takes a lot of time and effort with me, and I’m dealing with a physical illness that makes me a really slow RP partner. Not only that, but I’m still trying to get over how salty I feel towards shipping thanks to several ex-shipping partners who made shipping and roleplaying unpleasant for me last year because of how they use/used rp for toxic selfish reasons, and how their shitty behavior affected me and a lot of other people IRL. I really don’t want nor need any extra drama that often comes with shipping partners that I don’t know too well personally. So right now, I feel like I don’t have the proper attitude or time to devote to newer shipping partners along with my current ones. And I’m not sure when that’ll change. But if you’re really interested? Stick around, talk with me OOC, see if we have good mun and writing chemistry, and finally just interact with Raditz for a bit and we’ll see if chemistry can develop naturally between our muses. Because sometimes ships happen when we least expect them to.   

Thanks for reading.

TAGGED BY.

This is just another update since a lot has changed since May last year. 

TAGGING.

Anyone else who would like to do this!

#long post #tag meme #shipping info for partners #(got rid of more exes) #(coming out about how I've felt since December) #(but yep this is where my muse and I are on the subject of shipping)