One of the lesser known or lesser talked about aspects to abuse is when you’ve grown up in an abusive environment and subconsciously adapt these same tactics that were used against you, simply out of not knowing any better because it was how you were raised, it’s all you’ve ever seen and ever known so how could you know there’s a different, a better way to do things? And then realizing the way you acted was abusive even though you didn’t mean to be. The way that is going to make you feel, the guilt that comes with knowing that someone out there has suffered because you unwillingly perpetuated the cycle, is something you will carrying for the rest of your life. And this lesson hurts because you may have had the best of intentions, you may have had no idea what you were doing at the time, and you are always doing your best; however, the people you hurt in life might not be satisfied with that answer. And that’s okay. You have to come to terms with that. It’s your duty to take that pain in and make sure it never happens again. Even if it’s unfair, even if it’s symptomatic, even if it’s not your fault you didn’t know any better. It still happened. It’s still a burden you will have to carry. So learn to be gentle with it. Forgive yourself. Accept it as a part of who you are. And find ways to move forward.
can I just say. I don’t understand people who talk about joking about their trauma in their therapist’s office and stuff. that’s awesome that people feel so comfortable with their doctors but I high key can’t relate, for me it’s legit a struggle to tell my therapist anything because I shut down so much emotionally when I have to talk about my feelings
so every day i wanna die, right, and my therapist asks what makes me wake up in the mourning every day and im always too ashamed to say bucky barnes anyways idk but damn bucky
I can no longer afford my therapy and I’m in desperate need for help I can’t receive. I have no insurance. My parents don’t support me. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and barely touched on it before I had to stop therapy. This is my last resort. Even if you can’t donate, a like or reblog would really help to get this out there. My cashapp is $kylotron thank you so much for reading.
Felt like sharing. kinda on the older side. Card stock… photos aren’t great but still kinda fun close ups.
A Place that comforts me, take my pain away. Turn a bad day into ”heh my day wasn’t so bad.”
Social Distancing Day 17:
Today was Surprise Therapy, my therapist forgot to text me my new therapy time, so it was a surprise today. After that I spent a while trying to take a nap, then Bea decided we needed to go outside. She hunted her namesake for a while then I took an actual nap. She and Rose are going to the groomers tomorrow, so wish us luck!
Seeing that my therapist replied to my email made me happy for hmmm the 2 minutes it took to read it and maybe 40 seconds after…
my therapist keeps giving me homework and I’m like fuck dude, I barely did this when I was forced to as a full time college student and now you want me to do this for my own benefit?!?
Cals in: 1142
Cals out: 2322
Deficits good but really unhappy that I ate more than 1000 calories.
Therapy in the morning.
Wish me luck.
Should I text my therapist again asking for an appointment if I don’t hear back by tomorrow morning?
Short answer: NO. Longer answer: Hell no. Actual answer: it’s a form of pop therapy with no actual scientific or psychological merit which is far more likely to physically or mentally damage a child instead of actually help a child.
I encountered a lot of “pop therapy” in my job. It never failed to fill me with rage. This one just has the joy of hitting a specific trigger, as it is designed around forcing contact on the children. That’s a huge no-no. The last thing you want to do with already traumatized children is yank away their control, ignore their boundaries, and force contact on them. Like, you shouldn’t do that to any child, nonetheless traumatized ones.
It’s a fantastic example of why mental health and therapy should have tighter regulations. Therapists should not be allowed to keep their license practicing pseudoscience on their clients. Just. No.
i am in denial.. i know nobody cares about me because i push away the people that hold close place in my heart.
i am a disgusting and utter asshole.
i keep denying that i am depressed, because self diagnosing is wrong. however, every time i take an online quiz about depression, i get i am chronically or seasonally depressed.
i want to go to therapy.
i want to be happy
i tried i really fucking tried to be good enough for my parents
i disappointed them
i am nothing
idk if i am
depressed because depression in my school or country is not taken seriously. the times that i tried to hurt myself and throw my whole life away is increasing.
everyday i think to myself how i am a disgusting fat degenerate, that has no use to this society, how i will never be able to be a great doctor or a game developer.
i hate that about my self
i am a coward
i will never be a real man
i will just ruin the reputation of tribe that is known to be noble in the arab world
why am i like this? i hate it but i can’t do anything about it
i hate that i am trans
i hate that i am atheist pretending to be in a religion
i hate that i am bi
i never hated someone as much as i hate myself
“You keep searching for the same type of love, and that’s why you keep ending up heartbroken.”
—notes from my therapist’s office
Now my brain is playing the game of “is my therapist going to be mad at me for texting my suicidal thoughts to her meaning she won’t respond to me until tomorrow? Or is it fine because she encouraged me to text her when I needed to and she’s just busy with other stuff and she’ll get around to me?”