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When I have a moment to myself, when I know she is safe and I don’t have to be on constant alert (which I am even when she is sleeping).. I just want to sit and cry.

I had forgotten how hard the depression spirals hit when they do hit. I wanted to stay in today and do nothing but T thinks it would be much better for me to go out as a family, as much as I don’t want to.

My psych called Him a couple of days ago to let him know what was going on and I kind of feel like a failure for not being able to keep things together by myself.

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Being ADHD isn’t just ‘i dont have a filter, hahaha’

You don’t have a filter, let me tell you about having no filter.

It is blurting outthings you NEVER wanted ANYONE to know.

My adhd mother when watching tv with me - ‘i’m glad i got an abortion when i did becuase it was NOT your father’s’. We both sat in awkward silence after that.

My adhd brain, between classes looking at some x rated manga (we liked it for the story we swear!). A sex scene is on the page and before my friend could hastily flip the page i pointed at it and said ‘my brother made me do that.’ And immediately covered my face in anger and exasperation because i fucking blerted shit out AGAIN.

I was 17, it wasn’t some child not knowing it was right or wrong. I had purposely kept that secret for YEARS, and it was accidentally out in the open becuase i have no filter.

The way i think of mental illness or ‘disability’ like ADHD is… what normal people have, but just magnified.

You get distracted when the TV is on? I literally can not have a conversation with someone when there is a TV in my view, or a loud person, or something on my phone. I have to chose how to sit in restaurants so i DONT face a TV, but then i’m just constantly looking over my sholder to a show i dont care about just to see what it is.

You bounce your leg? Have you ever crossed your legs, bouncing both, and have ants crawling in your arms and it physically HURTS how much energy is being stored in your body like an over charged battery and you can’t do anything because you are in class or with the boyfriends family, so you run to the bathroom and have to shake your arms so violently that the feeling stops and punch your thighs to just get them too tired to bounce and pray to god your boyfriend will understand that sometimes when he hugs you and your emotions flux this energy happens and you have to shake your whole body like a dog and rub your arms with your hands to just rub away the underskin pain that is searing under your skin.

Everything someone feels or does is over exaggerated when they have a mental illness or ‘disability’ (is there another word? I hate saying adhd is a disability). And it’s NOT a pissing contest and it’s NOT to say anyone has it ‘better’, but the point is that just because ’i do that too, everyone does’ does not mean you feel it or experience it in the same WAY.

So when someone says ‘sorry, i blert things i dont mean’ and your know they have adhd or autism or anxiety or depression, that is not the time for you to try and belittle what they feel, but just listen.

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that magic moment when an old classmate asks you to go out for a coffe

completely random

and you are so traumatized that your first thought is:

“Oh wow you’re asking me to go out because nobody else wants you anymore, so I’m the first loser that came to your mind who would never say no, because she has nothing to do and craves for attention”

jesus i have to talk about this with my therapist


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I pay a lot for one session of therapy so I can really only afford it once or twice a month since she’s not covered under my insurance. But man, I’ve tried other therapists, and this one is the best. So unfortunately, expensive as she may be, I’m sticking with her.

She’s the only one that really listens to me and doesn’t really judge me or my home life.

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Why must emotionally difficult and conflicting things come up on weeks we don’t have therapy? It would be much better if life could wait to throw shit at me until a couple days before therapy. Is that really too much to ask?

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in retrospect, finding out that i was emotionally repressed because one of the conversations about my family made my therapist cry while she asked me why i wasn’t upset about it was an objectively hilarious way of having the dime drop on me

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Hi Anon,

I firmly believe there’s no such thing as an invalid trigger.  Because, no matter how you acquired it, if it’s causing panic attacks, it’s real.  It’s not silly at all.

A trigger is something you can actively work on, such as through therapy, but until that point, it’s perfectly okay to keep avoiding it, and to ask the people close to you to help by not showing it to you unnecessarily.  

If you have the means and opportunity, definitely seek out professional help so you can live with less worry.  It’s clear that, by now, it’s not going to go away on it’s own, but you don’t have to do this alone.  

-Miss Fay

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