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#therapy wasnt so good yesterday
marsharkit · 19 days
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oh im pissed off
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the-gayest-sky-kid · 5 months
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AITA for being gay (rant) okay imma bffr rn. I started watching bsd when I was 8-9 and immediately thought chuuya was hot as fuck, but i'm not gay he was just good looking, i love women women are so much better than men. but then i watched the 15 arc... and 15 chuuya made child me realize things. made me realize that I was VERY bisexual like INSANELY bisexual. I hid that shit so hard cause like ew gay people but now im 15 bisexual as shit, and have never had a crush on someone who wasnt ginger. anyways my dads yelling at me to clean up my music sheets!! (I think i need therapy.)
ive had this here since yesterday night.... who are you...
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monstertsunami · 6 months
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im so glad to see youre Also handling the finale well!!!!!!!!!!! <- coping
YEAH WE R SO FUCKED . IM FUCKED IN THEHEAD
ok official thoughts under cut- spoilers, obviously
im not a big fan of shitting on shows like oh it woudlve been better if it was Like This Instead like. thats kind of dick behavior to me so prefacing with i DID like the finale it was good :3 i liked how most of it was executed ! and overall it was satisfying ! its really uncool to approach a story with hate in your heart and not even give it a chance. HOWEVER. i have devoted the past 2 weeks of my life to going fucking BONKERS about simon/(gol)betty so i do unfortunately have opinions on how they handled thaaat. like . i literally made a post abt this yesterday- moving on just isnt a good solution to their arc !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i get where it comes from and the message its trying to get across but its just . why ! whats with this therapy-ization of modern characters ! Every Slightly Unhealthy Couple MUST Break Up And Theres No Such Thing As Improving Relationships And Talking About Problems Or Rebuilding Together. AFTER EVERYTHING SHE DOES FOR HIM, JUST WHEN THEYRE BOTH FINALLY SANE AND TOGETHER AGAIN AFTER CENTURIES SHE JUST . GIVES UP . SIMON HAS MATURED, AND IS CLEARLY IN A PLACE TO LISTEN TO HER AND REMEDY HIS MISTAKES. BECAUSE HE ACKNOWLEDGES THE ISSUES ! THAT THEY HAD ! HE LITERALLY SEES THE PROBLEM AND IS LIKE OH MAN THAT WAS REALLY FUCKED UP OF ME . BUT THE SHOW DOESNT EVEN GIVE THEM A *CHANCE* TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK AGAIN . I FULLY BELIEVE THAT THEY DID LOVE EACH OTHER! A LOT! SIMON JUST WASNT PERCEPTIVE THAT SHE WAS DOING SO MUCH FOR HIM AND IT LEAD TO BOTH THEIR DOWNFALLS- THAT IS LITERALLY FIXABLE. im just saying it wouldve taken one conversation MAX to fix this issue, AND GOLBETTY WAS CLEARLY READY TO TALK TO HIM?? LIKE HE ALREADY LEARNED HIS LESSON TOO . SO WHY . AUGH. "THE GOLBETTY BUS IS ABOUT HOW SHES MOVING ON TO A PLACE HE CANT FOLLOW" BITCH SHE IS A GOD OF CHAOS WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE MOVING ON TOO. LIKE HE IS LITERALLY ALL SHE HAS CONNECTING HER TO REALITY. SHES GONNA GO TO CHAOS GOD THERAPY? BITCH? IM NOT SAYING LIKE "IN A REGULAR RELATIONSHIP YOU *CAN* FIX HIM DONT GIVE UP KEEP SACRIFICING GIRL!" BUT NOT ONLY IS THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT BUT SHES NOT SACRIFICING ANYTHING ANY MORE . HES JUST FINALLY READY TO LISTEN. AND *THATS* WHEN SHE LEAVES. FUCK. OFF. AUGH. so overall umm i really liked all the golbetty scenes and . i thought they were really cool episodes :) i liked how a the rest of it was handled actually! and i will be wiping the conclusion of their arc from my mind :3
i will be posting gifsets/hq screencaps of my sexy big nonverbal wife on my sideblog @huge-wife later so keep . an eye out for that!!
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seariii · 2 months
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Hmm... One more thing and then I shut up
So yeah the other day I said the bestie told me to go back to therapy, and I knew that was probably the best option, but it just clicked me....
A while ago I said something when I was in one of those down down moments and when I came out of it I erased it. I was projecting and technically wasnt too much but yeah... I've been thinking about that, about how in those moments I say stuff I probably otherwise wouldn't say, or not in that way. And a little bit ago as I was chilling another one of those thoughts came to me...
It kinda clicked that I'm not okay, and it's true I've been feeling like this for too long now, when I'm okay I don't achieve "good", it's just "okay" .... There are happy moments of course, but talking about the general picture
How stressful....
Anyways today I feel I failed. I feel like I failed a lot today. So... I guess tomorrow I'll try again.
Hmm... It's a bit worrying, it was worse than yesterday... If I let it keep going I'm gonna hit bottom again, and last time I hit bottom was too recently... Ugh... The problem is, now that I am aware... How do I fix it.... Ugh...
Alright.... First let's drink more water, second let's not skip foods and actually eat them at a reasonable time. Third... Let's get shit done, let's do that and that and organize your desk. Fourth let's check the new earbuds mic and see how it's quality is. Fifth... Hmm... Well, let's leave it there for now. Let's try to start tomorrow.... Maybe waking up a bit earlier and going out for a walk could also be good for you, as much as you hate it... Ugh.... We will try...
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girlwithfish · 11 months
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birthday yesterday was good. had therapy and then i got my favorite sandwich for free and a free starbucks drink that wasnt that good. then we went to a thrift store and it was really big so i thought i wouldnt find anything but i got a lot of dresses and skirts. then we went to a bar lounge place that has drinks and dessert downtown and we were like the youngest ppl there but i got a strawberry rhubarb drink and a blueberry creme brulee that i shared w my bf and it was a good amt of food ajd drink and then we went home and i opened my bfs gifts and then i played overwatch 👍and fortnite
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abdlgossipblog · 8 days
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I’m writing in today because a male creator in this community is making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and I need other women to know he is not as cool and calm as he makes himself out to be. I started talking to @thischarmingbaby at 18, He was in his late twenties possibly 30 years old. Danny (thischarmingbaby) would impose his sexual fantasies on to an unknowing 18-year-old me. I want to make it a point that he said he felt “uncomfortable talking to me because i was so young” but kept roleplaying with me anyway. He would play it off in a cute babyish manner or assume the role of “big mean brother” So I often wouldn’t catch on to him dragging me into these kinds of conversations, since he wasnt overtly sexual. Abdl wasn’t as sexual for me at the time so I didn’t know he and other men were getting off to what seemed like a normal conversation we were having about diapers or what sexting looked like. I also really liked Danny at the time, and like any young girl with trauma trying to keep up with an older man, I’d do anything to keep his attention. Anytime Danny wasn’t pleased with my ask about his personal life, he would ghost me for months. At the time, I hadn’t realize how severe my abandonment issues were or why I felt so low when he left, all I knew was I wanted him to stay. When he would ghost me I would contact him on Fetlife and apologize, only to watch him be active and ignore my messages. He’d only contact me when he was ready to talk again and the conversation always always led to soft-sexting. This went on from ages 18 to 23 before I started therapy and realized I had abandonedment issues and anxiety disorder. I realized this reflected in my messages to Danny. I was later then informed by a kink professional that the kind of talk Danny and i were having, was the kind of talk you charge people for. I cut Danny off immediately after realizing he’d been using me for free sexts. Danny made attempts to contact me in this time and I would deny his request to follow me. Everytime. I even had to block his accounts eventually. It was obvious no one was scratching that itch for him anymore. This is when i realized i was basically being stalked online. I knew at this point he was looking for my posts or dirty questions i’d answered to get off, so i stopped posting all together. The idea of knowing him or other men in my past were stalking me and sexualizing my photos for free without my permission was enough to make me delete all my post and disappear. When i finally worked through the trauma and realized men are going to sexualize everything i do anyway,i decided to post again last spring. Guess who contacts me? :) Danny! AGAIN. This time he is attempting to rekindle our “friendship”, he says “you were one of the first friends i made in this community and our friendship is special to me”. This seemed sincere and i thought surely this time he had good intentions. That all he wanted was fresh start and to rekindle our friendship. I accepted his request online and started messaging again. Well, the friendship talk lasted a couple days until he started sexting again. So I mention us meeting up and said we should perform all the fantasies we’d discussed over the years. Thinking maybe “I’d just broken up with my abdl boyfriend what’s the harm in us playing and exploring”. Thinking this is what he wanted anyway. He said he looked at me “like a sister” and he couldn’t do that… and then (I kid you not) sent a message saying “but you have great tits though” and goes on to explain how he masturbates in a dirty diaper right after. Beyond words. All I could think is “wow this guy has always creep” and after being disrespected for the last time I told him I no longer wish to talk. He says “fine, I was just trying to rekindle our friendship” and I blocked him. Yesterday I wake up to a notification saying he’s followed me on my new blog, and I take a scroll through his new tumblr to see he’s reblogged an old photo of me from a deactivated account where I am using my diaper. I feel incredibly disgusted!
I can’t imagine why you’d reblog my content if I said I didn’t want to talk anymore! I don’t know if he’s still fantasizing about me or just sexualizing the content, but i sent him a message explaining him how wildly uncomfortable this all makes me feel and i ask him to delete the reblog and block him.
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This is 3/20/23 at 8pm. He has since saw the message and reblogging more pictures and is obviously ignoring my request to delete it. And why? Who knows, but I can’t imagine he’s keeping the post up with good intentions. I know I have no control over photos I have posted, but I am completely valid for not wanting a creepy guy to reblog pictures of me, ESPECIALLY in a time where he was manipulating me as a young girl. I am tired of dealing with this. If you’re his friend please ask him to delete the reblog and leave me alone!
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transgenderer · 1 year
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i dont go to therapy anymore so heres my therapyposting at 1230 on a thursday: i was thinking abt this post kat made, about her hamartia being the desire for things to last forever. and when i was a kid, i was so so so terrified of death (i thought about it like, all the time), and of impermanence. i went to this thing once, where these buddhist monks made a beautiful mandala out of sand, and then at the end blew it away. and it really really distressed me, it felt so viscerally WRONG.
and ive had a lot of different ways of dealing with that over the years, dealing with impernanence. so for a while i was suicidally depressed, which simplified things, it was okay that i was going to die, it was good even, i wanted it. and then i wasnt suicidally depressed, and i had to go back to dealing with it.
for years in high school i had this quasi-religion i called "the path". imagine for a moment that quantum stuff isnt true, its just billiard balls. so every moment can be determined perfectly from every other moment. time is just this massive crystal, one solid thing. everything is "happening" all at once, now is yesterday is tomorrow. and your life isnt a bunch of nows, its like a path in space. and then when facing misfortune i would (and still sometimes do) say "such is the nature of the path". like, yknow, this misfortune is literally logically equivalent with every fortune. theyre not different things, theyre two parts of the same thing.
ANYWAY i gradually lost my faith in the path. my comfort mostly came from the idea that the path was optimal. which is silly of course. the path is clearly suboptimal. but i told myself it was, and this calmed me down a lot. like yknow, best of all possible worlds. which i mean. maybe it is, when you zoom out far enough, altho we have no reason to think so. and i still have this attachment to optimality, when things are clearly suboptimal i get this little...itch, or like...almost a headache? like a pressure in my head. havent solved that one yet. had it for ages.
anyway so since i lost the path ive come up with other coping methods. and the latest stuff has to do with hedonism and probaility. basically, were trying to maximize the expected value for all sorts of quantities. but there are two problems: one, our data is shit, we dont have enough of it and the uncertainty bars are huge and those uncertainty bars are subject to unquantifiable knightian uncertainty. and 2) were not running a big statistical trial, youre one person. you can make choices that maximize your expected value and still end up with a shit life cuz of bad luck or bad data. so like, how do you deal with that. well, one thing is that our uncertainty gets much smaller in the short term. so okay, what if we value things that are only summed at the moment. well, sure, great. lets, value the integral of hedons. which was sort of always my tendency, but now its more endorsed i guess. i want to maximize my (and others, but thats even harder to influence) hedons, but anything past the very near term is like 80% shooting in the dark. so i follow some rough best-behavior heuristics, get what i need to get done done, and otherwise just try to enjoy myself in the immediate. and try to be skeptical of yknow, stuff that doesnt look like doing that. well see if it works out. and then we'll wonder whether i was foolish or just unlucky
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monsterkingdom · 6 months
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i hate how therapists are so quick to give you paperwork to make you figure yourself out instead of trying to let an organic method happen like I cannot tell you how much of a trigger doing paperwork to try and box myself in this little cube of answers is.
putting my emotions on a schedule and methodically writing down the times when i had breakdowns and why doesnt help me. it makes me feel worse i wasnt keeping track. guilting me, even. makes my emotions FEEL LIKE tasks and chores to categorize.
its like you have me do paper work to get a therapist in the first place. which stressed me out as is... and now u want me to do more paperwork and treat this like my feelings are being graded ? hoping i get a good grade on 'writing out why i cried over a little bug yesterday'?
like thats so awful to me. cbt therapy is like torture tbh.
asking me 'what do you wanna accomplish at the end of this' is the most loaded thing u can ask someone who has issues w that and u just found that out not even ten minutes prior.
absolutely ridiculous stuff to expect out of somebody out of the gate.
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failed221b-chill · 11 months
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Wednesday 17 May just finished
Been a long week of pain since the last post idk when that was.
Mentally had a real good breakthrough in trauma processing, very freeing and immediately lifechanging, but it's also come with a lot of heartbreak and grief for things I wish hadn't been that way.
Physical pain fluctuates. Was awful the last few days - overdid it on physio app i think and just agony and too uncomfy to sleep. Got better sleep last night and woke up feeling less pain and have had a better day today as a result of that and getting nice conversation and learning through talking to the shower repair man.
Very worried about my brother's anger issues that keep getting worse and are triggered by fifa though they run deep bc duh he also grew up in the same cult i did and hes never had any help for that and hes been unemployed for 2yrs which is mega stressful so he has plenty of reason to be angry but he's just impossible to help bc when hes not in his anger he pretends everything is fine and he doesnt need help and when he is angry he's terrifying to deal with and wont listen to anything. He smashed his phone the other day in anger and that was what got him to admit to me he was struggling and might be open to getting help. But since then? Hes ingored any suggestion ive had. Been very irritable. And played fifa and been ffing and blinding and hitting things in his room all night. But im learning as much as it fucking sucks i cant help people who dont want to be helped. So he knows im here for him ive made that clear. And he knows there are therapy options that might help him cope and he doesnt have to handle all this shit alone.
Aside from that? I played piano today for a bit. My first activity in a long while that hasnt been watching tv or messaging friends or reading or listening to music while lying in bed in pain. It was nice.
Yesterday i felt so much lighter. I just. I made a cuppa decaf tea and sat and watched the birds in the garden through the window and i showered and i breathed and released a lot of things id been unknowingly carrying or holding myself to and just rested and
Idk its just each time i learn a new level of treating myself gently and a new level of rest and peace. I wonder if each new level means the old one wasnt real or if it just means there are more levels to come and that therefore there is hope for even better moods and even better days and even better outlooks and even better attitudes.
I'm calm.
Even in the midst of so many things. I am calm and I feel like an adult. At age 26. I feel like I am capable of meeting my own needs and trusting myself to do that. I can have thoughts and feelings visit and pass through without needing to make them stay or hurt me or change me. They are visitors to the museum and art gallery that is my mind and they can pass through and comment on things but i as the curator do not need to be swayed by any single visitors opinion into action and any visitors opinion cant change the fact that the museum and art gallery exists and that i the curator appreciate it.
I like that image. It helps me. I am angry about things but that anger is a visitor. It does not need to destory the exhibits or try to dismantle the entire structure of the building. It is just a visitor who is angry at something. And the anger is allowed to exist but it doesnt have to stay and it doesnt say anything about me as a grand overarching statement of my personhood that i am angry now. It just says that right now there is an angry visitor. Maybe they dont like a piece of art. Maybe they think something is missing. Maybe they want a different narrative to be told by the exhibition. Maybe they think the artist isnt as good or deserving of being on display. Thats their opinion. They wont stay for long. Theyre a visitor. I can watch them meander through the path to the exit.
Im calmer in handling my physical pain too, even this time while acknowledging it is present.
I wanted this a while ago and i did in some cases get it - the week before i started writing chongyunredfic i had determined to myself that i was going to devote effort to cultivating calm for myself. The rest of the world is beyond my control but i can make my inner world and my bedroom into a calm space that helps me handle the chaos outside. And within literally a week of feeding myself and prioritising that calmness i had unlocked this passion for creative writing and the stories i wanted to tell that i wanted to be heard and understood through.
It was such a drastic and rejuvenating change to my life, im kind of excited to see what happens for me when im cultivating calm again now that i have better knowledge of the things i was dealing with and better ways of dealing with them and better support networks and a much more stable routine and understanding and valuing of the importance of looking after myself.
Im hoping its my confidence that comes back to me. I lost so much of myself in the overwhelm of the immmediacy and helplessness of grief. Its nearly 2 yeard since Kip died and i think this is me emerging from my cocoon of grief. Im not still in the woven coffin he was lying in.
Or as i put in a poem i wrote for chongyunredfic chapter 11 of the original version...
And this is how I used to be:
Cocooned,
In a basket of my own weaving,
Carried away along the turbulent river,
Taken under,
Under,
Under,
Occasionally rising to the surface and leaping over waves,
(Do they guide me or do I guide them?)
Now, I greet the sun
[...]
Open the door,
Let the light in,
Hear birds sing,
Join them.
I wrote that poem within a month of Kip's death. I'm finally feeling like the door is opening and I'm capable of singing with the birds again.
Holy fucking shitballs it took me 2 years to find myself again and now I'm even better than I was before because I am actually looking after myself now and I am healing from so many things both connected to the grief and not.
This is what healing feels like.
Thanks past me for staying around long enough to let me get to this moment of appreciation for where I am now and where I might be going for myself.
Wow.
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It's good to hear you're doing better on T cause that means there's hope for me who just started t like. Yesterday. I still need to get therapy ofc, the doctor at the clinic even suggested it, but I'm glad that there's mental changes too. Should be obvious looking back, but for me it wasnt
Yeah no for real man. We literally went to T because we had reached our ropes end with it cause we were originally hesitant due to having DID and being nonbinary and not having the 100% clearest view of what our gender presentation goals were at the time, but the decision was made easy by the fact me and Ray DIE with dysphoria and that it was either spiral and die or try *something*
I also just kinda had a sit down real talk with some of the more hesitant parts in the system and had to straight up call out their egg-ish denial since I know while its less for parts like Riku, at the time they were heavily pushing it down out of fear of the complications it would have for us and our relationship which honestly, there were little to none
Honestly we have had zero complaints about starting T other than a surge of acne which is already going back down with medication and now that we are passing by the theoretical peak of it.
I'm not too sure if our brain *needed* testosterone to work right or if the passive lessening of subconscious dysphoria and sense of actually being on a path to fix shit in that realm just lowered the overall tension I chronically had, but its literally been life saving.
To be honest it also rapidly let us figure out what our gender was overall. Cause as we got changes following starting T, we rapidly found out what things were issues and what weren't and like, at this point we don't really have chest dysphoria much at all anymore because we realized that it honestly heavily balances our our other more masculine presentation.
But honestly good on you for getting the help you need. To be honest for our system it should have been obvious looking back, but figuring out and making those decisions can be hard shit so don't beat yourself up for not realizing it sooner. You got a while ahead of yourself still and tbh its never too late to transition to whatever it is your preferred gender presentation is.
-XIV
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ryugujitr · 2 years
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Goodmorning or afternoon, evening or g'night.
In this week's bulletin of "What the actual FUCK", we will discuss;
FUCK MORNINGS
'Photoshop? Nope, but I'mma teach u anyway'
Laughing at drama queens is 🤡bad🤡
Feminism vs Opinions
I ain't yo ma'
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FYCK MORNING CLASSES- COMMUTING ISNT AS PAINFUL AS WAKING UP 3 HOURS B4 CLASS AND REALISING HOW ILL BE WASTING TIME IN CLASS BC THE WOMAN DOesn'T KNOW SHIT SINCE SHE SPECIALISES IN PRINT. But you know what- you can't say anything bc respect your lecturers and also set THE STACKS OF MONEY U HAVE TO PAY FOR TUITION FEE ON FIRE.
This OWMAN. OH MY GOD THIS WOMAN. SHE IS PISSY AND DEFENSIVE FOR THE SLIGHTEST OF THINGS. GIRL- YA DONT KNOW HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP OR ANY OTHER ADOBE SOFTWARE-
🤡QUIT.THE.COURSE 🤡
But noooooOoOOo WE MEET HER 6 TIMES A WEEK AND EVERY CLASS IS FUCKING CHAOS- BRUH. And These little devils think distracting her is fun- like EXCUSE ME HAHAHAHAHAHAH- THE FUCK WILL U WRITE IN YOUR EXAMS@??????????????? SOME OF US ACTUALLY WANT THIS DEGREE SO WE CAN WORK , NOT RELY ON A MAN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
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OH OH AND THEN- while the chaos is at full blast this girl is just; 'LeT heR sPeaK atleast LISTEN TO MISS FIRST'
And
This hoe- had been distracting and barfing out useless comments since the class started- says 'So *snifFs* we CanT evEn aSk questioNs *forces a fake sob* 🤡🥲
SO WHY WOULD U NOT LAUGH? AND I WAS JUST: PFFT and
the lecturer is just: WHY ARE U LAUGHING AT HER
Like bruh...she is lying. I am laughing at her AUDACITY OF DERAILING THE CLASS AND PRETENDING TO ACT LIKE SHE CARES AND YOUR STUPIDITY. But kay I guess ....
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So TURNS OUT IN THIS CENTURY AND DAY-
Someone comes up to me and asks "Are you a feminist?"
And your boi was literally looking for her STUDENT ID SHE LOST AGAIN, n i was like "Why."
"because you're so confident and strong headed- im glad to see young women who are opinionated enough to take a stand even if they are in the wrong."
Mind you, if my hand wasn't in my bag it would've been down that bitch's throat. AND she is younger than me too and HAD NEVER CONVERSED WITH ME BEFORE, EVER. EVEN IF IM WRONG? THE DEBATE WASNT EVEN A DEBATE I WAS ASKED ABOUT MY OPINION N I GAVE IT TO THE LECTURER WHO AGREED EITH ME AND IT HIT ME-
To this day, a WOMAN'S OPINION- only shows she's a FEMINIST- bc an opinion is something ONLY A MAN CAN HOLD. Since, you know...FEMALES aren't humans .....
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Finally, we planned on complaining about the lecturer's LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT OUR DEGREE YET HER AUDACITY TO TEACH. SO- I was like, I ain't complaining cause ya'll gonna back out.
HIGHKEY- TRU BC THE COMPLAINT LINGERED ON FOR 2 WEEKS N MOST OF tHESE HOES DIPPED.
And yesterday, as I walked out of The cafeteria after discovering INFLATION IS A BITCH- this random girl comes to me and is just:
🤡- Hey bestie what happened for the complaint?
🫥: Idk
🤡- GoD yOu're so Usless you Have ONE JOB, AREN'T yOu lIke onE of ThoSe smaRt Kids?
🫥: smart I am, your mother, I am not.
If i could, i would've socked her in the face too, but their were too many witnesses.😏🧐
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💗❣️So, that concludes our second week's therapy session.❣️💗
BUT PLEASE TELL ME, HOW YOU DOIN? HOW WAS UR WEEK? GOT ANY NEWS ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING - I'LL TAKE IT.❣️💗
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(i had to put readmore so ppl wouldnt have to scroll endlessly)
MISS GURL - WHAT IN THE FRIENDS’ NAME IS YOUR circus COLLEGE DOIN?
6 TIMES A DAMN WEEK? I WOULDNT EVEN BE ABLE TO STAND TWO- LIKE AM I MISSIN SOME SHIT HERE OR???
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nah cuz that stanky ass bitch asked u “WhY aRe YoU lAuGhIng” i wouldve sent a chair flying in her face bc girl nobody paid your dumbass to be here, it aint nobody’s fault but yours that you got stuck teachin shit you dont even know about like nobody did that for you but yourself
ALSO - WHOS THE HOE THAT SAID YOU’RE USELESS FOR NOT DOIN THE JOB SHE KEPT COMPLAININ ABOUT? also legitimately what the actual fuck was that person thinking when asking if you’re a feminist…….. why.
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perhaps the kugelblitz or general apocalypse would have been a good idea here. some people just make this world a terrible place, as IF WE DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALREADY FOR FUCKS SAKE YKNOW??? TOTALLY NOT MHMMM
And thank you for stopping by and checking up bestie, i am also having a rather horrific start of my last year of this bullshit jungle circus school.
first of all; EVERYONE IS ATTACKING US FROM EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN DIRECTION ABOUT TESTS, STUDYING AND CHOOSING WHICH HIGH SCHOOL TO GO TO (as if last year wasnt fuckin plenty enough of stress), TEN TIMES WORSE BECAUSE ITS OUR LAST YEAR AND “we’re mature, we’re older, we should be smarter and wiser”………. RIGHT.
second of all - we miraculously have a new student in our shitty class (GIRLIE YOU COULDVE PICKED ANY OTHER FUCKIN CLASS, WHY THIS ONE FILLED WITH IDIOTS???) which is weird, not in a rude way but like…… transferring last year to another school seems more stressful than trying to find a needle in a haystack within one hour, considering 1. you dont know anyone or anything here now 2. you barely have friends and 3. the grading system is entirely diff and fucked way more than your past school so idk how this girl is going to make it but im gonna try look out for her from the shadows and help when i can.
third of all - WE DONT HAVE A SINGLE BREAK EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU HAVE A RELIGION RELATED HOLIDAY (i have one in october - A SINGLE DAY) AND A SINGLE LITTLE SAD FUCKIN FRIDAY UNTIL THE 30TH OF DECEMBER. WHO MAKES IT OUT ALIVE UNTIL THEN IS A FUCKIN PSYCHOPATH BECAUSE I SURE AINT, WHO TF IS MENTALLY STABLE ENOUGH TO BE COMFORTABLE FOR THIS SHIT AINT NO FUCKIN WAY THATS ME
fourth of all, the teachers are twats- worse than ever before. they’re harassing us from every direction because its our last year, we have to behave, we have to study, keep in line - BUT LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, IM NOT DOING THAT. THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE DARES SPEAK TO ME IN A WAY I DONT LIKE IM SOCKING THEM IN THE FACE, DRAGGING THEM OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL BY THEIR WIG AND BANGING THEIR HEAD AGAINST THE RAILS UNTIL THEY GET A. CONCUSSION. IM NOT HAVING IT.
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fifth of all - i was extremely close to getting into a fight and beating the shit out of a girl (lets call her B for Bitch) from my class. im gonna make one thing clear - i hate liars, despise them to the core. i hung out with B and a couple other two girls at lunch and she began literally speedwalking when one of those two girls told me that B asked her why im hanging out with them randomly. i immediately yelled at her dumbass to stop running from her problems and turn around cuz im not a kindergarten teacher, she stopped in her tracks and i told her if she was so bothered by me she should tell me instead of being a coward and talking shit behind my back. she got extremely uncomfortable and didnt dare even look me in the eye for the rest of the day and tbh she should be glad she didnt.
as expected, im definitely not gonna be anything like allison or klaus this year - i’ll be going on a yelling and beating spree from how annoyed people already get me here. my class absolutely didnt change for the better, when they all grow up im betting my left eye they’ll be living a sad life in this country fr.
anyway, ur homegirl will be alone at lunch in the bathroom listening to tua music and probably scrolling thru media bc whats better than learning tua footloose dance in the school bathrooms 💀💀💀
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overall you and i both are gonna have a tough year it seems, i’ll always be here for therapy sessions tho dearest 😭😭🖤🖤🖤
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sunweek · 2 years
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its okiee i get ittt
exams going on rn i need to get above 97% which given my track record this year is going to be impossible but im weirdly chill had french exam yesterday wasnt too bad and sst exam on monday and im soooooooo chill about it im only scared about math and science ough i fuck those subjects i have great social life these days so thats amazing academic life is not going so great music career in school is taking off i got into the nyas thing (wait were u there when we were discussing it here...) im dreading it so much so excited for the school trip this year ok thats it life update end your turn
omg number one advice i would like to give literally everyone every kid rn babu your marks in like 8th grade or even 10th boards literally do not matter AT ALL like they change nothing i got 96% in my boards yet here i am so ITS GOOD THAT UR CHILL TRUST ME I GOT 98% IN 9TH IT DOES NOT MATTER. I ALSO GOT 88% IN 8TH IT DOES NOT MATTER. like i know it's scary rn but. once ur done with it then u will realise that too. and anyone who says otherwise is 1. wrong and 2. very wrong and knows nothing about anything and 3. wrong. it's ok if you hate stem babu you can get rid of it in a bit you don't have to be good at everything. I'm so proud of you ashu omg you NEED to send me an audio one of these days ok. no i don't know what nyas are but SO PROUD OF YOU NONETHELESS YOU'RE LITERALLY DOING SO WELL. I LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU ASHU.
as for me umm neet results recently came out and lots of stuff has happened. there was this stalker batchmate situation and like. life is so much always like tehre is so much happening w so much context that i literally cannot explain it in one post i would have to sit you down and do like a ramayan type thing to explain it all god bless. BUT long story short, i don't hate science at all actually that's really surprising. in fact I've found myself loving everything I'm learning like i want to bash my head into a wall sometimes but now that i am studying it i truly do feel that science is the best choice for me which is good i think. my teachers are good i literally use them for therapy lol it's insane every week i walk into the staffroom at coaching like "sir i have a new problem tell me what 2 do" and then THEY TELL ME WHAT TO DO??? it's insane.
anyway. life.
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msbadatnamingthings · 2 years
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i and a couple others have ALSO gotten kinda rude anons defending simon that talked in a similarly passive aggresive manner and i'm like 75% sure it's the same mf doing it to everyone, like they lurk in the tags and get personally offended and jump on anyone that has a different opinion than them. they once told me i should stop reblogging from someone because that person "didn't hold grace accountable" or something like that. it was bonkers and i think they need to learn online etiquette and get another hobby and prolly seek therapy if they're not already. because yeesh.
Yeahhhh definitely, I thought I blocked them yesterday so either they had a side blog or it was another person (and it wasnt even my post it was a damn REPLY). I tried to brush it off and be funny about it yesterday but today it just hit me at a low point and I was sick of pretending it didn't bother me. They definitely need to get a hobby and like...actually engage with stuff they like instead of picking fights
It bums me out bc I wanna make grace content involving her moving on from him as a way that I relate from moving on from old toxic friends i had where we enabled bad habits from each other, but this shit just discourages me and makes me afraid im gonna get unnecessary flack. I'm gonna try to not let it get to me though
Anyways, I'm sorry you and your friends have also been getting stuff like this in ur ask boxes, stay safe and I hope u have a good night 🌙
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tonarinohappiness · 2 years
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first time for everything
I have decided I need a good healthy medium, or any really, to put the thoughts in my head into the world. I can't always say them or cant always find an ear to listen. Which isnt actually true. I have several people that will listen to me, I just cant get the shit out. I'm fucked up a little bit. I tried therapy and no called no showed to both appointments ( shitty ). This page is solely meant to vent, cry, type angrily, question etc. if it brings you entertainment well then win win.
Just for some background: I am a 25, soon to be 26, year old single mother with a six year old daughter. I work at a bank Monday-Friday. I read, take care of my plants, watch anime, and mom in my free time. I have 6 sisters and 2 brothers. And all with the same mom, sheesh. I am currently going through a messy, angry, confusing breakup with my daughters father. We have been together since 2014. I havent cried yet. All I feel is anger and yearning for him. We are still living together because he cant keep/get a job and I cant afford to move out on my own. I wish this bitch of a housing market would crash already so a mf can live. So I'm pretty much stressed in every aspect of my life. Arent we all? Hopefully someone (HA) out there can relate and maybe this vent will help. Or not, either way. Stay tuned. Idk where to start tbh. The childhood? The current? There is so much shit I could be here all day. I will just start with something that upset me recently. Today was a good day, or mundane I should say.
My dad, hes maybe 53? 54?, drove 3 hours away yesterday morning to go to a rehab for his crack addiction. I dont feel sad by this, I feel completely indifferent. I am no stranger to family going to rehab. That's the thing, no one cried, broke down sad blah blah. It was another day for all us siblings. My sister as even taking snapchats of the teepee outside of the rehab. Which is fine, but not normal I think? He got pulled over a couple blocks from my dead grandmothers house he still lives in (my brother took over the mortgage) and they made him walk home. The best part is, it is his own nephew that is selling him the crack. When he is high he gets creepy. One time when i was in third grade, I came home from school and he was sitting in his room cracked out watching a porno with wide eyes and a slack mouth. I think I went to my cousins house after that until it was very late and I had to go back. I didnt tell my uncle or anyone. I was scared. He stared at me in my sleep and tried to touch me. When I woke up he would move back like he wasnt doing anything. He had a one bedroom, run down house so we shared a room. This happened several times throughout the night. I didnt get a lot of sleep obviously. I had to be 8 or 9 idk for sure.
I'll stop there for now. I hope this is beneficial to me.
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bunniis-w0rld · 19 days
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time to over share :3
because if i dont get my thoughts out somewhere i will probably explode and i treat this account like my diary lol
i am not comfortable with my boyfriend watching p0rn or looking at other girls in that way. ive been cheated on before and that's always how it begins, alongside some other s3xual trauma that just makes it really upsetting for me. regardless of my reasoning though its a boundary i set early on and hes always been good with it, and so understanding.
on the 19th of january i was away at work and i came home and on his search history i found out he was looking at one girl's instagram account for over an hour while i was gone. it hurt me so much and we've been trying really hard together to make things better. he's deleted instagram, he sends me photos or messages me while i'm away if im anxious, he's spent hours reassuring me that he regrets it and he doesn't like her and it wont happen again.
i've been trying really hard to make things better too. its the reason i've relapsed, i want to be pretty for him. ive changed my hair and got new clothes and i wear makeup every day and i do anything he wants. i want to make things better too.
yesterday i was upset again and i accused him of being attracted to other girls. if he wasnt he wouldnt have done that to me, if i was enough for him he wouldnt have needed to do that. he spent ages denying it until he snapped and told me 'even if i am its okay i dont need them' and that makes me feel sick. i know he is, if he wasnt he wouldn't have done that. but hearing him admit it and try to justify it and make me feel better about it makes me nauseous.
he took it back instantly as a 'hypothetical' but i don't believe him anymore and it hurts so much because i think hes amazing and other men are uninteresting to me. when i get hit on i find it creepy and i immediately tell him and leave the situation. i dont really have any interest in anyone else. i feel like i cant trust that something wont happen now.
needless to say ive lost all my appetite so thats a pro, i try so hard to be everything he needs i do anything he asks. ive never said no to a single request. i cook and clean and send him photos '👀' all the time and do anything he likes in bed. it hurts so much and i dont even know what to do at this point. we live together and aside from this situation he treats me so so well. hes spent all of last night and this morning trying to make me feel better and telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me and he doesnt care about anyone else and its so hard to believe him. but he does treat me well, hes patient and kind and he takes me out on lots of dates and spoils me, he buys me flowers and if he cant afford to he picks me wildflowers or writes me notes and leaves them around our bedroom for me to find. he makes me happy and he was my best friend for years before and i love him and spending time with him so i dont want it to end over this. its not worth ending an amazing relationship over one thing, that in the grand scheme of things wont matter too much. im just so scared of getting hurt again because ive made this mistake before and i dont know how to get over it this time
i love him and everything i do is for him and i cant stop thinking about it i feel terrible. i actually dont care if im being overdramatic i dont care. i have past bad experiences that make this 20x worse alongside bpd, which i am currently in therapy for, meaning this is extra hard for me to cope with and i know i might be behaving irrationally and i dont know what to do anymore
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girlwithfish · 3 months
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Today is weird. ive been anxious all the time for months on end i mean ive always been an anxious person but since october ive been really anxious my therapy program made me anxious maybe cuz all the exposure to suddenly having to reflect and think abt trauma and stuff was a lot and i felt bad for being there and i couldnt really progress w my ex holding me down figuratively and literally in life and then since December i haven't been sleeping well im trying to get more active hence the run/walk today so well see how that goes but my anxiety has just been wild lately and at pasadena i got prescribed hydroxyzine and it used to just make me pass out but one doesnt affect me like that anymore so maybe ill start taking it for anxiety see if it helps me i guess lol idk i just feel on edge all of the time i cant relax sometimes i feel frozen my brain feels scrambled im unfocused like. i wasnt this bad a few months ago but i have been really anxious october-december and then like idk july-october i was Ok but not rly i was extremely depressed but at least i was working but i was still very depressed. and yesterday. ifelt pretty good then my ex had to txt me so idk guess that set me back lesson learned. and i felt ok abt were i was in life but then i heard form my brother the concerns my mom has abt me and it made me doubt myself again bc i thought i was doing ok and then hearing other ppl not think that makes me doubt how i feel towards myself but then today. i started the day off not well bc i was very angry and the eye doctor stressed me out so i ran and i ate dinner and things were ok i felt better but im back to being anxious as fuck rn like i feel like i cant relax im just laying down anxious as fuck like a ball of energy but im exhausted from running so im just exhausted but also anxious. very fine rn
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