#there are better uses of your time

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[notquiteaghost]

re: that fucking staff post. obviously death to algorithms, but i also wanna interrogate the wider underlying assumptions of their logic there cuz. is 'success' having lots of followers & lots of popular posts??? why is that the end goal of using this website. i don't open tumblr to get attention from strangers, i open tumblr to read funny jokes and interesting commentary and to see cool art. encouraging clout-chasing will only increase user engagement if you successfully get people literally addicted to the associated dopamine hit. what if we didn't have to do that!!! what if a website could be a place you went to on purpose because you had fun there!!!!

#yelling at clouds #you cannot be tiktok. we already have tiktok. #there is a limited number of people on this earth with smart phones and the free time to rot their brains online #your goal cannot be Endless Growth you stupid fucking capitalists #like sure the site is confusing at first. because you have to learn how to use it. #be better at explaining it do not fundamentally change it there is no such thing as universally intuitive design

[macbethz]

He wonders what age he’s finally reached. The Time War used years as ammunition; at the Battle of Rodan’s Wedding alone, he’d aged to five million and then regressed to a mewling babe, merely from shrapnel. Now, the ache in his bones feels… one thousand years old? Well. Call it nine hundred. Sounds better.

In the same way RTD's 'Doctor Who and the Time War,' where the above quote is from, is a page from a novel that doesn't exist, this is a splash page from a comic that doesn't exist. Time War PTSD, much like the war itself, is multidimensional.

Now available as a print by popular demand!

#YEHAWWW this is one of my favorite pieces i went thru so many iterations before even starting this lol. i have a vision #also references to earth being replicated and used as a weapon in the war bc i like that part #you guys better clap like im your lame boyfriend i rlly love this one #doctor who #dw #9th doctor #ninth doctor #dw fanart #doctor who fanart #dr who #time war #doctor who comics #my art #dr nyarlathotep #my comics #i dont actually think ive been putting anything in that tag oops. #christopher eccleston

[pinetreevillain]

Stray Part 1

I’ve been calling this one “the big one” because THIS BAD BOY 👉👉 is a five parter. It’s also the one that I got into unarmed combat with the most in terms of the color palette, and after a long and bloody battle, it’s made itself out to be my favorite colors so far since the Friends Like These palette. Now i’ve rambled enough about the colors already! Please enjoy :)

<- Confrontation, next

Masterpost

#rottmnt #my art #fanart #timothy #rottmnt timothy #comic #leonardo #stray #rottmnt leo #if u noticed Tim’s face shape changing like three times no you didn’t #this is also the one of the better examples of my writing style #which is i don’t explain a damn thing until the end #and everyone is confused #and then i say use your inagination #and then everyone is still confused #and then i say okay this is what actualy happened hoho

[anarcho-yorpism]

To all the communist transvestites, VOTE👏VON👏HINDENBURG👏

I'm just as radical as you; I'm a proud member of the great Social Democratic Party of Germany! I don't know what the crazy communists are telling you, but Paul von Hindenburg is our only hope to defeat the Nazis. After we elect him, then we can discuss other politics, but this is the BARE MINIMUM, and if you don't vote for him, you clearly have this crazy purity test that'll bring us all to fascism.

I know you might be worried about his "senility" and "failing health", and I know you may not like him because of his push to the right, and I know you may be worried about the brownshirts, and the recent persecution of Dr. Hirschfeld and his work, and maybe you STILL haven't gotten over the whole Rosa Luxemburg stuff,

but none of that really matters! We need to keep the SPD in power, or else Hitler will get in charge! This is the most important and most basic thing you could do to help Germany stay a democracy. In 6 years, then maybe we can find a better candidate, but no matter what you think about von Hindenburg, he's the best shot we have at keeping the fascists out of power. We can totally push him left!

Any vote against von Hindenburg is a vote for Hitler. #Hindenburg1932

#find something better to do with your time #rather than pestering leftists to vote for a genocidal monster #you didn't push him left he pulled you right #go shut down iof and alt-right events like the rest of us #this exact situation has played out before #nazi germany #hitler #anarchism #communism #joe biden #biden #donald trump #vote blue #please vote #vote democrat #vote #fascism #rosa luxemburg #magnus hirschfeld #vote blue no matter who #fuck trump #go vote #us elections #kamala harris #2024 elections #election 2024 #2024 presidential election #us presidential election #anarchist #leftist

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept. #who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you. #it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself: #if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay. #for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing. #and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'. #a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized . #you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly. #you said: you're doing this to manipulate me. #you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me. #i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

[miwtual]

im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website

#kai.txt #negativity tw #(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them) #we make gifs and nobody reblogs them #when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds #'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op' #reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something #that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place #we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does #to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting #and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces #go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets #that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases #or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place #but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces #they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either #they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters #im just so fucking tired of the disrespect #and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site #we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.

[willczek-art]

The real nightmare of Nightmare Time is that there's so little of it

#ethan green #joey richter #starkid #nightmare time #hatchetfield #fanart #my art #sketches #doodles #joey playing ethan is an absolute hit with my brain #cant draw him for the life of me but THIS HAIRSTYLE WITH THAT JACKET??? i'll keep trying until i get it right love this look #soooo #im not usually the person who needs to consume ALL of the media for whatever im into #it just so happened that i kinda have to draw stuff for school anyway and nightmare time makes for a very fun background show #i got used to the format and it gets better with every episode to the point that now that i just finished it i miss it??? already?? #its so very nice to have a hyperfixation again especially one that can play in the background as i fight with school stuff and comissions #thanks BD! Its all your fault buddy! ;P #500

[bruciemilf]

One of my biggest pet peeves is the justice league being labelled as " The Avengers of DC" and its like. No? The avengers are law enforcement. The Justice League are volunteers

#its like -- captain america is the staple of US military and Superman is a public servant #the one avenger member who has no bounds or legal obligation is tony and its bc hes rich. you could argue that he actually lost #autonomy when shield recruited him because like. protection isn't necessary tied to 'good.' the avengers protect the planet bc sure #its what they believe in and feel like its their duty and yada yada but ultimately they're self serving and most of their #help is accidental. i say most of bc we've seen they abstain from getting involved unless they have a common interest #with dc its like. you have these people in a position of privilege (having superpowers -- which gives them a spot of advantage to ppl who #dont have it) who do the right thing because they WANT TO. and they can stop at any time because nothing stops them. #they COULD say 'yeah you're on your own. we don't really care anymore. duces!' but they Dont. #because through its many flaws dc realizes that goodness isn't only a choice -- its a responsibility #theres probably better ways to say this but. alas #batman #superman #wonder woman #green arrow #aquaman #the justice league #tjl #justice league #dc #dc comics #text #text post

[abey-baby-apologist]

topher and abe watch bad movies together and rate them 5 stars on letterboxd and write joke reviews

This is canon

#clone high #clone high topher bus #clone high abe lincoln #clone high topher #clone high abe #ch #tophabe #headcanon #MIGHT NEEDA CLICK FOR BETTER RES! #my dad used to say “i like your thinkin lincoln” when i was a kid all the time

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Results from the ‘Who is the tallest MDZS Character poll! Thank you all for voting!

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #nie mingjue #lan wunian #lan xichen #lan wangij #poll #Thank you all for showing up with your whimsy! I saw so many funny tags and messages! What a blast it has been!!! #Nie Mingjue was the distractor answer - word of god *does* say he's the tallest but...he *was* dismembered and beheaded. #It's still a grey area though! This was all for fun after all B*) #Jin Ling uses his hair as a little lasso. Good for night hunting and asserting dominance! #Not the tallest due to his hair gel getting stuck on his hands and reducing the height of his throw during the judging. #And yes- Poorly Drawn Jin Ling is ~4cm tall. Grab you rulers out an visualize that <3 My Friday Treat for you all. #Real feminism is the fact that all the men who won did so by technically cheating and the woman (horse) did it the honest way. #Real feminism is being a horse. Everyone better start getting on that. New Year's resolution. Horse time. #My apologies to the Jin Zixuan likers (lowest votes): He's a bit of a fail wife but that's okay. #I like to imagine that It's the ghost of JYL committing voter fraud to give him pity votes. #(It is still voter fraud if a ghost votes right? Has anyone looked into the legality of ghost voting?) #Much to think about....Hey speaking of the ghosts of women: See you all tomorrow for the new poll!

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 234

More of the Tiamat Au? More of the Tiamat Au! 

Sharing a body was strange. Ten limbs split between the nine of them- thirteen if one counted the tails and seventeen if one counted the fact that their cloak… skirt… whatever could mimic the wings of their other form. 

One which they would change back to after a few moments- there was much less stumbling when it was all fours. Not to mention that if not for the tails they’d have easily toppled over with how many arms they had making them slightly top heavy. Okay more than slightly, it was taking a bit to adjust. 

Honestly the fields of wheat and other crops did nothing to hide them with how tall even this body was, but it was still better than nothing, and they were using the fact it was the middle of nowhere to their shared advantage. 

At least the humanoid- not human, even now their shared power thrummed through the air, leaking from them- form was smaller than their true draconic one. Well, perhaps they shouldn’t call it their true form, when they were once all human, halfa and liminal alike, but they’d long since stopped being such. So perhaps it was in fact true to call the form they had become as their normal state now. 

Actually, could they even separate now? Or had their power melded together so much that it was impossible now, and an attempt would end them? It would at the very least crack their core- 

“What the fuck.” 

Their head lurched, a little too far if the jolt of pain was anything before it melted away. They were all too used to moving their own necks separately. But all of them agreed that discovery could not happen-

Oh.

It was a child. A preteen with red-orange hair, blue-green eyes, expensive clothing, and most damming of all, large swaths of bruising across his arms. Bruising that did not come from usual play, and looked far too much like hand prints for any of their comfort. 

Someone had very much not been taking care of this child. And that really made them quite angry. 

#DCxDP #DPxDC #Prompts #The Class Pulls a Tiamat #The ennead finding lil baby Lex: Oh no the poor baby… our baby now #Lex as an adult seeing reporter also from smallville: Oh thank fuck- pretend I didn’t say that #Lex raised by the chaos 9 would be twice as horrifying #Lex got tossed over to this small town whenever his bio-father got tired of him #But he has a new mom-dad now & was raised as a feral lil shit #Acts like an ass still towards other rich people #But he was raised by a feral hydra and it SHOWS the first time someone tries to kidnap him #Liminal Lex Luthor #What happened to Lionel? They DEFINITELY didn’t eat him #Ennead: Son you better not become a hero plz you will lose so much sleep & your schoolwork will suffer- #Luthor feels better about Superman because he knows there’s things that CAN defeat him if he turns evil #That’s even if he still ends up in Metropolis lol #Or if he stays human and doesn’t learn dragon shapeshifting from his new parents lol #PFFT Lex Luthor collecting kryptonite not to use against Superman but for hoarding purposes lmao

[britcision]

Excuse me while I lose my shit about these panels

He’s just. SO FUCKING ADORABLE

Mithrun’s fucking FACE. Baby ass annoyed fucking pouty bitch. Grabs hand >(

Immediately gives up. “Well this is my life now being held by a man”

And I mean he might be struggling here but let’s look at that hand placement. He’s holding the outside of Kabru’s arm. There is No Fucking Chance of him pulling Kabru’s arm away from that grip. It’s not happening.

He couldn’t peel a hand back, he’s not getting a bicep, he’s holding on for support so they don’t fall over

Also. HIS FACE. Jfc the wet cat has been mildly inconvenienced, jail for dungeon for 1000 years

Now that second hand, the one on the forearm, almost has a chance in hell at being effective… except he’s not even fucking gripping the arm

His fingers are curled over the top of it. Useless. Worthless grip. Not even trying

Look at this fucking noodle man

He’s resigned himself to his fate, he is Being Held, and lemme tell you as a wrestly bitch he coulda probably slipped the hold by going full noodle and dropping to the floor and taking out Kabru’s legs

If Kabru can’t get a hand in his armpit in time there is nothing in that grip that would hold him upright except crushing power, I’ve slipped that hold and I even have tiddies to impede me

Touch starved Mithrun? Delicious possibility

But honestly I’ll pretend to give a fuck about why later it’s just ridiculously cute and is bigger and cuter in vol 8 of the manga which you should buy for this and other Canary related scenes including Cithis And Kabru Do Literally The Same Smiley Bullshit And He Would Hate This Knowledge

#delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon spoilers #kabru dungeon meshi #mithrun #mithrun dungeon meshi #jfc i didn’t even notice The World’s Most Token Resistance the first couple times through #like come on man you literally did better with your hands tied behind your back #but nope he will tug on the hand and give up and i swear it’s because he’s just too used to being manhandled #big ‘toddler has been in these reigns before and knows resistance is futile but Fuck You’ energy #pouty bitch mithrun is my favourite mithrun

[unlawfulchaos]

Ice: Hey kiddo, breakfast is ready.

Baby Bradley: Thanks. Should I give the old bitch some, too? I think he's upstairs.

Ice: We've already talked about this. Slider called Mav that ONCE in the heat of an argument and you are NOT supposed to repeat it.

Ice: Also, yes.

#slider and mav live to antagonise each other #they're constantly arguing #and slider will insult mav at any given opportunity #everyone thinks that they hate each other #but if you say something bad about one of them in front of the other #you better pray to god that they go easy on you #because you're about to get your ass kicked #ice is so used to their bullshit by now that he doesn’t question it #but now bradley has started picking up on their language and he is not impressed #time for the tom kazansky eyebrows of disapproval #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #bradley rooster bradshaw #ron slider kerner #mavdad and icepops #dadmiral ice

[merrigel]

✨Mirabelle✨ Handmaiden, Chosen One

#artists on tumblr #animation #in stars and time #isat #mirabelle isat #started this to test procreate dreams but then. had to call in like two other programs LMAO #(it's not bad and I think it'll get better but DANG is it hard to use rn jkdfskjlfsd) #anyhoo GO PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!!! #I've beaten it but. Can you tell I came up with this idea during like Minute 5 of gameplay #(couldn't draw it back then because you see. If I'm drawing. I'm not playing) #I care her your honor #got a lot more ideas and a few more doodles but I'm sitting on the spoilery ones for now #pic #fanart

[dunmeshiminimumwage]

back when i worked at [large chain coffee store], i tried to unionize my workplace. my manager sat me down and gave me a very guilt trip-y talk. lots of "but i thought we were a family :(" and "you don't *really* know what unionization does, do you?" i played dumb and managed to avoid being fired, but. chilchuck momence.

#mod chilchuck #i will say: i feel like chilchuck would be more adamant about forming a union given that he actually has done it #like. he has definitely received pushback for trying to form a union. even from other halflings (mickbell). #and i feel like he would know how to deal with it. #not to say that you didnt deal with your situation well. just that he had different priorities and wasnt at as much riskof losing his job(s) #given that he wasnt dealing with the fucked up job market we have right now. in which its dominated by very few companies. #diferent people are in different situations and sometimes you have to pick and choose you battles #which is why unionizing is so important. bc you dont always have to put yourself at risk to get better conditions #often times unions will have people who work the picket lines and lobbying etc. for better conditions. #working together makes us stronger. its not an individual's fight. its for all of us. #n e ways... that was long. #also. sorry for the late response to the ask. we (the blog) decided that it would be most fitting if i aswered this one. #and i was struggling to come up with a response. #(and having a severe episode of hypochondria) #dungeon meshi #chillchuck #laios #marcille #izutsumi