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reviewdiaries · 9 months

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Nancy x Ace and the enigma of hope in 4x08

The timeline for this show is insane. Like, we knew it was insane, but this is truly melt your face off crazy fast. In world, Ace and Nancy have had their “we’ll take our space” moment the night before. Game night was last night. Nick is still riding on the high of being freaking awesome, and Rebecca wants to know why Ace snuck back in looking like he’d been crying with two boxes of her silver…

But the speed with which things are happening just makes the start of this episode more painful, because when Ace shows up after Nancy’s text to the group, she truly didn’t expect to see him. She thought they were back to space and not talking and nothing but fissures in her heart where it hurts to see the lack of him.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

It also adds a whole new layer of pain to how Nancy has responded over the previous few episodes. When you’re anticipating a tough anniversary it can often be hardest in the days leading up to it when you’re braced for the pain. Suddenly her devastation the night before when Ace leaves her is even harder to watch. Her determination to distract by showing up bright and early at Nick’s door the day before makes even more sense with the context this offers. Her taking a moment to enjoy an uncomplicated moment with Tristan after a traumatic event where she nearly died, even more understandable.

Grief is complex, it layers everything, and how we react to it can often be confusing and inexplicable to those around us. But Ace knows what day it is - of course he does, he absorbs everything about Nancy. And whilst he will almost always show up (work and breakups permitting) there was no way he wasn’t going to be there today, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much he’s said they’ll have some space. He’ll have told Connor he couldn’t work today because he needs to be there for her. Found himself at a loose end after the night before and ended up sat having breakfast with his dad unsure what to do with a day stretching out empty in front of him. He’ll have sat with the thumping insistence of her wanting space to move on juxtaposed against her text asking everyone to meet at The Claw for a few minutes after his dad left, trying to work out what to do, before he follows his gut, trusts his gut finally and goes to her. For all his fears and doubts he cannot leave her this day, not this day.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

It’s there in the little moments, the little pieces of understanding. The quiet comprehension in that Ace way of his without pushing. He’s there for her, in whatever way she needs, no matter how it hurts.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

And it does hurt, being around her like this with the pain of their words the night before stuck like barbs under his skin. But so does not being around each other. So does the haunted grief he can see in her eyes. And he’s finally starting to trust his gut again, to listen to the quiet thrumming insistence that he stay, that he help, that he hand her the necklace. Because yes everyone expects to see it on Nancy’s body, but if anyone who doesn’t know about the body swap were to see it on Ace he would be the one person it wouldn’t be strange to see wearing it.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

It’s been a year of the two of them causing mayhem and getting into places they shouldn’t. And Horseshoe Bay are familiar with the sight of the Drew Crew causing havoc, but more so the sight of Nancy and Ace, Ace and Nancy, the two so often in orbit around each other, a silent support at the other's side. Ace’s mouth a stoic line against Nancy’s playful hijinks that tells whoever she’s up against that he’s got her back, that if they mess with her he’ll be there too, that he has her back, always.

But the problem these few weeks hasn’t been a lack of feeling, of not being there for the other. It’s been a lack of communication, of fighting so damn hard to protect the other that they end up hurting themselves and then the other - not necessarily in that order. It’s being so twisted up in the pain of wanting and not having that they’ve forgotten how to be around each other, how to find the words to admit what they want. And they want the same thing, they have all along, too afraid that they aren’t worth the fight to actually stand up and say how much they want the other to fight for them.

Tied up and desperate and there’s nothing like being stuck in the other’s body to clean the dirt away and show what’s underneath. Love and hope and a depth of feeling that feels like they could drown in it if they slip.

It’s the little details. It’s Ace finding out that Nancy was learning ASL - not so much for him, although of course it’s for him too, but so she can talk to his dad, so she can be part of his family, carve out her own space next to him. And for a moment he looks at her head on (it’s hard to look directly at her whilst she’s in his body, too confusing to see the love he’s worked to keep hidden shining so blindingly obvious from his eyes, how direct his gaze is, how sure he is in his own skin - like looking in a slightly skewed mirror. Because this is something new. This is a sign that she thinks he’s worth it. This is not him doing something to be useful for her, this is her spending her free time learning something to make his life, their life, easier. It’s a chink in the armour, a small sliver of sunlight breaking through the clouds. It’s a lifeline for him to hold onto.

GIF Credit @yellenabelova

It’s the way they speak without words again, how even with his own face staring back at him he knows what Nancy is thinking, knows the quiet reassurance she offers him as he leaves her alone with his dad. She’s got this, and he trusts her. Doesn’t trust many people with his dad - protective in a way he can’t quite articulate, but that’s how he’s found he feels about the people that mean the most. Can’t put the words out into the world, just ties them to his tongue and leaves his heart on his sleeve.

GIF Credit @erinchristmaselvis

It’s allowing the frustration at Nancy barging into the club even though it jeopardises the investigation, to bubble to the surface. Biting out the words that she wanted space, she asked for space, and she’s there, looking confident and competent in his skin and it grates on him in a way he can’t fully articulate. Just as the smell of her shampoo being all around him makes him feel electric in this skin that isn’t his. The feel of being close, so close to her, and unable to feel like he can relax, like he’s constantly stepping over unseen lines and it’s too much and too close and makes him want to scream.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

It’s noticing that she’s slipped out the moment they’re in their own bodies again and not being able to say no to the tug under his ribs that tells him to go after her, check she’s ok, check in, show her he’s there and he cares (he still cares).

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

And he’s not thinking about the bannister at the yacht club. Not really. He’s thinking about the little pieces of her he’s seen today. The tension in her body, coiled too tight and desperate to flee, to do something, to keep busy, to push down the memories that keep threatening to surface. He’s thinking about how tired he felt, how she must not be sleeping. How it felt to be working a case with her, trapped into proximity and cut loose to try and be Nancy Drew for an afternoon. To feel useful and wanted and seen. He’s thinking about the weight of her necklace warm and close to the skin by his heart. The knowledge that she’s been learning ASL. That when he comes to stand next to her by the water’s edge she moves slightly closer to him, weight shifting as though pulled on an invisible string.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

He’s thinking about the layers of the conversation. Because they’re talking about the mystery and the yacht club and Nancy’s tendency to slip off and get herself into dangerous situations on her own. But they’re also talking about how Ace wouldn’t want her to change, wouldn’t want her to stop being her, but just needs her to let him be there, let him in, not be alone in this, to lean on him a little and let him help keep her safe. That he sees her, that he understands her, that he can’t do it, can’t bear the space, can’t bear being apart. And so here they are, even when it hurts, even when they rub each other the wrong way, and he cannot stand to leave her. Just wants her to be safe and happy and near him. Selfishly - he just wants to be selfish, just for a little while. And maybe, just maybe, if Nancy was learning ASL, maybe she wants to be selfish too - maybe they can be selfish together, maybe they can find a new way of being that doesn’t pretend that they don’t love each other. That each other are true north, the compass point that never wavers. That maybe they can find a way back to each other. That maybe this thing between them isn’t twisted into something poisoned. Maybe it was just a rough patch whilst they worked out how to be with each other - reminded themselves what they’re fighting for, what they stand to gain if they keep trying to break the curse.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

It’s the slight wince as he knows he has to give the piece of her back. That he can’t keep the necklace, no matter how much it feels like a piece of her next to his heart. That for all the lightness in her words (her voice, her eyes, her face) he has to tell her he knows.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

He’s known all day. And he risks bringing that heartbreak to the surface but he can’t not tell her he knows her, he sees her. Can’t resist the lightest touch of fingertips against her palm as he gives this piece of her back again.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

Can’t take his eyes off her, bathed in the sunset and all fire and fight and beauty and he knows he can’t risk being burned, but god the fight is getting harder and harder to maintain. It’s getting harder and harder to remind himself all the reasons they shouldn’t break the curse when all the reasons why they should are clamouring to be heard.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

It’s the layers to their conversation as he leaves to go fishing with his dad. Because Nancy is talking about her mum, and what it is to lose a parent, but she’s also talking about them. All they’re left with now are memories, messy stupid memories. And he can see in her face the memory of their kiss, has been trying so hard to shutter out the feel of her jaw under his palm, the frantic flutter of her pulse, the feel of her lips rising up to meet his own, the gasp he let slip at the touch of her that she swallowed down along with the longing that he’d kept hidden for so long.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

But he can see the shadow of other memories that she has that he can only hold onto the brief outline she sketched for him - of his lips on her skin and promises murmured into the crook of her neck and waking up together tangled in nothing but sunlight and sheets.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

And it breaks his heart as her voice catches slightly on the idea that he gets to make more memories - with his dad, with another woman. And she is left with ghost of her mother and the ghost of his lips. The pain in his eyes, the pain in her voice. As he looks at her you can see how desperately he’s tamping down the urge to pull her close, whisper into her hair that she’s not alone, that he’s there, he’ll always be there, even when it hurts. It’s another promise, another chink in the armour, in the wall that’s ready to crumble at the slightest push.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

He doesn’t want to leave her, feels like she’s sending him away. But crushes that voice under the understanding that she’s giving him a gift, asking him to make memories with his dad for her, for him, for the knowledge that one day there won’t be any new memories to make. That it will just be these to take out and hold in the sunlight and to remember the good and the bad and the hard and know that they are a patchwork of a father who loves his son. That this is a way for him to honour the memory of Kate, for him to embrace the opportunity to spend time with his dad who’s still here, Knows that this conversation isn’t over, it’s just a pause for breath, to regroup, to allow them both to process the day, knows that he’ll go out on the water and talk to his dad and unpick some of the knots of his feelings and come back calmer and clearer and certain of his way forward.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

Because he doesn’t bother with a greeting or telling her who it is. He’s come back to shore knowing he wanted nothing more than to hear her voice, to check she’s ok after an evening remembering her mum. Barely made it into the car after saying goodbye to his dad before he was hitting the call button. Needs to make sure that she understands. That he knows what she was doing and he’s grateful, that he sees her, sees her pain, sees the ways they make each other better and all the ways they might make each other worse, and he loves her, can’t stop loving her.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

The emotion so thick in his voice that he can barely choke the words out around the tears in his throat and the fear that’s been winding its way around him all day.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

Last night they ended on a discordant note, unsure what the other wanted, poised on a precipice that they never jumped from. And he’s been off kilter and unsure for so long, but today. Today has been sunlight on the water, breaking through the clouds, a chance to breathe a full lungful of air and feel the tension drop from his shoulders. Because he’s been there in all the little ways for Nancy, but he’s started noticing all the little ways she’s there for him too, and to listen to all the ways she’s telling him she loves him too, that she thinks he’s worth it, that she wants to be with him, be near him, keep trying. He can see the disconnect between her words last night and her actions, and it fills him with hope.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

The pauses are filled with all the things he doesn’t feel he can say yet. All the layers he’s starting to peel back.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

He’s able to be honest, to let some of what he’s feeling come out. And this is why they haven’t spoken on the phone before now. There are too many opportunities for them to misread, to misunderstand, to second guess when they’re face to face and clouded with emotion and want and the pain of seeing the other. But this, he can speak to his phone, speak to the quiet night around him, let the truth out in small pieces as he lets his guard down and the words out from the confines of his heart.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

He can tell her these things, doesn’t need to hear anything back, just needs to let the words drop quietly into the silence between them, and to feel a little lighter with the admission. Ace is so good at listening, and being there for her, but he’s bad at admitting his own needs, at expressing his own wants and desires. The most confident we’ve seen him was in those first few episodes of the season where he finally pieced together the curse, and they were on the same page trying to break it. Since then he’s been lost and adrift and in pain and doesn’t know how to right himself, how to staunch the bleeding.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

And then she says the magic words. I’m not happy without you in mine. Not, I need you, not you’re useful, not you make my life easier. Those are all quantifiable things that Ace can do things about by being of service, by being helpful, be being needed. This is something ephemeral, magical, something other that is simply him being in her life. This is Nancy wanting him for him, for the joy and the peace and the love. They make each other better.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

It’s such a rare and precious thing to see him smile. And he’s not even smiling for anyone, simply cannot help the surprise huff of joy, the way her words fill him up with something new, something missing from the darkness of the last weeks. Can see him begin to say something

I -

Bites it off, cuts himself off, doesn’t want to say it yet. Doesn’t want the first time he says it to be to empty air and the sound of Nancy’s soft breathing over the phone. Wants to be able to see her face. Simply sits for a moment in the knowledge that he makes her happy simply by being him, no agenda, no need to make himself be anything more or less.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

And there’s so much more he wants to say. Is filled up with wanting. Could sit and just listen to her be at the other end of the line for the rest of the night. Fall asleep listening to the sound of her voice, the catch of her breath, the way his heart beats out the rhythm of her name in his chest. In the darkness where he can start to unspool his feelings it no longer feels so insurmountable, his feelings, his fears, his desires. He can start to untangle the simple fact that he loves Nancy, and he wants to be with her, and they’re going to break the curse. Together.

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huachengeye · 7 months

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Only Friends: Is accountability a reality for them?

So, here we are, episode 9. We are reaching for the finish line, but the road is still rough and long. Some will get there earlier, and some will need to be dragged there, but in the end, it's about the mistakes we make along the way lmao

Sorry, I had to start this as dramatically as this episode felt for me. Only Friends it's the gift that keeps on giving, and every damn time they GIVE. It's wild how every episode is as strong, sometimes stronger, than the previous one. The characters are great, they evolve little by little (baby steps) and those characters from the first episode are nowhere to be found, which, by the way, I love it.

But I still have a problem with this episode, a problem that I hope will be developed in the next ones, but that, as of now, is lowkey pissing me off. Fortunately enough, I'm not the only that is bothered by this. So let's break down my rumble into parts. First, let's start with the easy, comfortable part: SandNick's friendship.

If you never looked at your friend and thought "What if we kissed?" are you really friends?

This was groundbreaking for me. It's so realistic and so fun!! I was literally giggling and kicking my feet, which was a first in this series lmao. I love the kiss, the thought process before it, the laughing after it, the clear understanding that there weren't any romantic sparks from it, and the choice to go to cuddle after. Everything about this scene is really special and heartwarming for me. This is the friendship that I'm here for, my second-option boys.

I love how P'Jojo really pays attention to every detail of a queer relationship. I saw my own friendships in this moment of Sand and Nick, and I never saw my friendships as being queer. I come from a culture where hooking up is really normal, even if it is between (best) friends. I lost count of how many times I've gone to parties where my friends would just hook up, and sometimes that got messy, but most of it was just simple. Two people (sometimes, maybe, three) kissing and sharing a moment of happiness with each other. We have a saying in my country (maybe not a saying but anyways) "(hooking up) strengthens a friendship", and that might be from the fact that we, like the characters from OF, are a bit horny, but also because touching is a very big part of how we show affection and love.

I've never, at least as far as I knew, had a queer relationship with someone else. Not like the ones I'm seeing in this show. Heck, I only fully understood my own queerness a couple years ago, although liking people from different genders was always a part of myself, I just never really cared or gave much thought about it. But the friendships I had were all very hetero in my point of view, most of the time it was about girls hooking up with guys and only hooking up with other girls when there was drinking involved - never boys with boys. Funny enough, now that I'm not friends with those people anymore, I think what we had was queer in a way. The way our love-giving culture works is queer in some way.

(I promise I'm making a connection here, and I'll circle back to Sand and Nick in a second)

I've only started to study queerness and to feel my own queerness a couple years ago, as I said. I still don't have quite the knowledge to explain what queerness is, but for me, it's about everything that falls outside of the so-called normal. In today's society, normality is for there to be romantic touches only between people from different genders, and only with the intent of having a romantic relationship with that person. Friends being close to each other, in a way that romantic partners would be, is weird. And it's weirder when they are from the same gender, especially if they are two boys.

My experience with my girl friends was always simple, we liked to be close to each other, to give hands, to share small touches, to be connected in some sense. I feel that this is more accepted by society as a whole, maybe this is even mocked a bit because girls are a joke all around in this pathetic patriarchal society. But when it's two guys (or two perceived guys) being touchy touchy with each other, that's a no-no. And that's where my guy friends (and men in my country, as far as the ones I was around) differ. They are still very led by machismo, but it was always so common for me to see my friends joking around about wanting to date each other, sharing hugs, and sometimes kisses (no more than a peck, and honestly I gave them a curious side eye at those times), but even they had a very strong camaraderie that really was a mirror of my own relationships with my girl friends. The same goes for my friendships with my guy friends, we were queer in the sense that we engaged with each other, not with a romantic mindset (there were times when that got messy) but just as two friends that care for each other, and that strengthen their friendship through kisses sometimes.

That's Nick and Sand for me. Their decision to kiss was not just because they wanted love, wanted to give love, but it was a hopeful shot at maybe sparking romantic feelings between them. It was a hopeful shot at finding someone that they knew would love and care for them back, romantically. It didn't work, and it wasn't sad or awkward, it was fun and happy. It was two people sharing love with each other and building community, building trust, and honest love. And the cuddling afterward was the cherry on top, it brought it all together and tied in a pretty bow. The first time I heard about queerplatonic relationships was in 2020, I think, it was a groundbreaking discovery for me, as it gave me the answers about what connections I craved. For me, Sand and Nick is the first representation of a queerplatonic friendship I have seen since then, and it's making me emotional lol.

I'm not even going to mention them calling each other "team second option", that was pure gold. Have a friend who jokes about your love life (and theirs) with you. Get you a friend that you can be both delusional and realistic with.

(if you want another interpretation of the queerplatonic relationship between Sand and Nick I suggest @wen-kexing-apologist post. I took the photo of SandNick's kiss from this post btw, so thanks :)

Did I just ramble about my past friendships as if this is about my life and not about Only Friends? Yes, I did. Thank you Only Friends for making me dive into my own emotional mess, always a pleasure.

I'm still not ready to bring my rage and disappointment to the table, so let's talk a bit more about the parts I really enjoyed in this episode - aka, Top's development, Mew's mothers, Nick's goodbye to Boston, and Mew finally getting out of his little cave and going to touch some grass.

Let's start with Top. Where is that character from the first episode that was SURE he would get whatever he wanted? I was waiting for this moment, and it's finally here.

I was not surprised by Top's choices in this episode, actually, I was elated about his development. If he was the old Top he would've shown Mew the video of SandRay's kiss right after it happened. I knew he wouldn't, he was definitely thinking about it, but for once he thought about how his actions would affect Mew. And this episode showed us a bit more about Top's own problems.

I don't know if I talked here about the scene where Top was thinking back about his moments with Mew, and about how those moments were REALLY different from the ones we saw from Mew's POV. Top's point of view was really sad for me, at that moment, through Mew's eyes, we saw them having fun at the silent club, dancing together, but through Top's eyes, it was as if he was already grieving Mew's absence. It made me think about his choice to bring Mew to that particular place. At first, I thought it was a fucked up thing to bring his current boyfriend to a place he went with his previous boyfriends/hookups, but after the flashback, I got a different perspective of it.

Top actively chose a place where they would be together but at the same time alone. They were listening to music as if they were alone, there was a sense of disconnection between them at the moment. I mean, why would you take someone, that you want to be close with, to a place where you will be enjoying the moment in a separate way? Now, it feels as if Top was trying to be in Mew's life but not necessarily opening himself up for Mew. I mean, there were only two times we saw Top's raw self, when Mew revealed that he knew about him and Boston, and when Mew saw Top with his pills. The second time, Top told us a very personal thing about himself, he opened up about a big trauma of his and then brushed it off.

In this episode, we see him reaching for his pills again, head too full because he know holds in his hand something that could've ruin Mew's relationship with Ray, something that would've been his revenge against Ray for exposing him and Boston, when he is no better than them. He reaches for his pills, places a few in his hands, and puts them back because he doesn't want to do it. Top then calls for someone, probably Boeing, asking for the person to come see him because he can't sleep and doesn't want to use the pills anymore. We can view this in a few ways, it can be that he doesn't want to turn back to his old methods, or it can be that he doesn't want to run away from his traumas and problems anymore. I believe in both those things. Top is the first one of the hurricane trio (Top, Boston, Ray) to actually take action and start to change.

The end of the episode makes us think that Top didn't change, because who the hell invites his ex to his place whilst trying to get back with his other ex? But I really think Top did change, and that whatever Boeing went to do in his place wasn't sexual at all. My theory right now is that Boeing knows about Top's insomnia and trauma, he might be the only one that knows other than Mew. And I think they are just friends (maybe Boeing wants to get back with him, maybe not, but I think Top doesn't want that), because if they had broken things off in a bad way, why would Top keep the little plane Boeing gave him? If Top was like Boston made him out to be, a player that doesn't do long-term relationships, wouldn't he have disposed of the things his ex gave him? If my theory is right, this will be the first time we see Top with someone he considers a friend, and I believe we will be seeing a whole other side of him because of it.

Top chose to keep the video to himself, he chose to not be the one at the top, to not have the last word in this situation. For me, that shows that he really cares for Mew, and cares enough not to make Mew go through the shame of having proof that his boyfriend is cheating on him. Yet, he still gave Mew pieces of advice and asked Mew to think if Ray really only loves him. He planted doubt in Mew's mind, but it was for Mew to keep his eyes open, that way he wouldn't have to actually show Mew proof and make Mew see with his own eyes.

I saw some people bringing up the possibility that he is doing the "long game" (yes, this is a Girl Meets World reference) and that's why he chose not to show Mew, but honestly what in all of his actions shows that he wants to do the long game? He doesn't let Mew go a day without him showing up like a ghost (which btw is really bothering me, like, now your place, give him space), even when it was Mew's day with his mothers, the one day it was clear he wanted just for him and his mothers. This is the one big thing right now that I want to be acknowledged by the series, the amount of boundaries that are crossed, not only with Top, makes me SO mad.

But I have to admit, Top is growing on me right now, but it all depends on how he will deal with the whole "Mew-Boeing" situation and if he will actually respect Mew's boundaries from now on.

Goodbye, Ton.

First off, before this, I need y'all to read this post by @lurkingshan, she makes a great analysis of this Nick and Boston moment.

But this was such a powerful scene for this couple, the most powerful in my opinion. We finally see a side of Nick that we had never seen. From the get-go, Nick was just after Boston. From the moment Boston went to get his phone fixed, Nick was interested in Boston, almost in a stalker way (I'm sorry but I'll never get over the fact Nick went through Boston's phone to masturbate to one of his photos, that won't ever sit with me). Until this moment, Nick was nothing more than in love with Boston for me. I didn't feel like he had a strong personality outside of his relationship with Boston, but woah, this episode really showed me otherwise. I'm now on the same side of the people who think Nick is a cutie who deserves happiness.

In this episode, Nick truly acknowledges that Boston is not the amazing person he keeps on trying to convince himself he is. He does it on his trip with Sand when he asks himself why he falls for "bad guys". At the same moment, he makes peace with the fact that he was Boston's second option, a huge change from his last conversation with Sand when he says that maybe one day Boston would love him. I was so happy with this development, and not even when Nick, in his goodbye to Boston, said to Boston that Boston should stay the way he is because he is loved for who he is (let's not lie now, dear Nick), made me less happy. And our boy is moving on!!! And with a Daddy too, look at you go Nick omg.

Another thing I want to point out about Nick in this episode is how aware he is of people being interested in him. Throughout the series, I only saw Nick as being insecure about himself, and he really was, we even saw him trying to act more like Top, going to the gym and dressing up (a behavior that he shares with Mew). And throughout the whole series, I saw a bunch of people treating him as if he is completely incapable of taking care of himself as if he was the lamb being manipulated by the big bad wolf Boston. When he said that he knows Boston is not the best guy around (not exactly with this wording lmao), it made it very clear that his not innocent (I mean, he masturbated to a photo of a guy he didn't know, a client, did y'all really think he was innocent????). But this episode made it extra clear, he immediately clocked Dan's intentions, and he wasn't taken back or shy about it, he was flirting back (the same way he did flirted back with Boston at the beginning). These people are in college, they are not innocent in any way anymore, innocence is not in sight in this BL, at least not when it comes to relationships.

So, go Nick!! Hook up with your Daddy (you kink bunch), and have lots of kisses with him before hurricane Boston comes back to your life because he will and I'll be sat for it.

THE MOTHERS HAVE ARRIVED!!!

I was so excited for these two to be introduced, and this was the perfect timing. The way they immediately saw that something was off with Mew like they barely walked in and alarms were sounding in their heads. Finally, a parent figure that is parenting, missed those.

I think this was a really important moment for Mew to have right now. After this encounter with him and his mothers, Mew started to get back to himself. I remember that Mew's mothers were his inspiration, they are his ideal view on relationships, so I'm sure their presence made him remember that what he is doing right now is not what he wants for himself. Also, I think he just needed to have a good influence close to him.

The mothers didn't realize the uncomfortable vibe between Mew and Top, but I forgive them for it because they don't really know. I need more of them. I need more of the older lesbian couple, I need more of older queer couples to advise these youngsters (if I told y'all that I'm probably younger than them, would y'all believe it?)

BRING THIS MAN HIS GLASSES, HE IS BACK!

No one in this episode was as honest as Mew. I loved Nick's emotional speech. I loved Sand being open about his feelings about Ray. But Mew takes the cake for me, and it's not because he is my favorite.

Mew literally went after everyone he wronged here. He is apologizing, and taking responsibility for his actions, and he is the one who is reaching out. The first one he went to make peace with was Ray, loved that. I love that he said out loud that the reason he was with Ray was to hurt Top. Mew didn't try to bullshit, he was honest and clear with Ray. And I love that they said "I love you" to each other, for the first time (for Ray) in a non-romantic sense, just pure friendship love. I also love that they joked around afterward. I didn't love the way Ray didn't take accountability for his behavior, but I will talk about it later.

Then Mew went to Cheum, which, by the way, he was the only one to go and talk to Cheum after that mess of a party. He opens the conversation by saying that he went to apologize, then he looks at the faces of everyone who was saying he was being manipulated and said

I wasn't possessed by a ghost. I was just lost. I want you to understand that what happened to me affected my self-confidence so much. I just thought if I became someone else, I'd be stronger.

Yes, he behaved like a lot of people behave when they have their first heartbreak. Thank you P'Jojo for always getting it right.

This also confirms the theories around Mew trying to be someone else, mimicking someone else (in this case I really think he was a mix of Ray, Top, and Boston) because he was lost and hurt. I really hope he starts to work on his self-love and own his confidence. My baby deserves happiness :(

Are you happy? Well, that's over! Brace yourself because I'm coming back to write about him, my nemesis as of right now: Ray. I'll probably make a post only for him, so when that's done I'll link it here :)

#ofts #only friends spoilers #only friends #only friends the series #ofts meta #ofts analysis #only friends analysis #amidst the mess #there is hope #look at these babies they are getting there

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