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#there was a pretty significant part of my life where I was obsessed with sea creatures
dropthedemiurge · 2 months
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Love for Love's Sake | Things You Didn't Notice #9
(okay it's not an episode number this time i just still have many details to point out oops pls let me go)
I swear. I thought I'd stop mentioning small details because I already wrote like 10 posts on Tumblr translating and explaining all the cultural stuff regarding this show and the obsession is already becoming embarrassing, but I rewatched the last episodes again and I've got tiny. Little. Details. That I can't help but point people to once again. Because damn, the amount of thought put into this show!
(trigger warning: first part talks about suicide and depression, next ones are linguistic and cultural)
The Black Suit & The Sea
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I would've asked Koreans I know about the significance of such symbolism but they are celebrating Seollal (New Year) today and I don't wanna ruin the festive mood asking about "how would people dress for suicide" x)
But after watching this scene, I recognized some strong parallels in Korean media depicting depression, suicide and one's decision to end their life. One of it is bridges and jumping (if you don't know what Bridge of Life is, ask me and I'll share, so this post wouldn't become too long) but another one is sea.
My interpretation - Koreans wear black suits to funerals, so if someone is headed to the sea in a black suit, it might mean this is the character's attempt to "have" their own funeral before finally ending their life. Why do I think this combination is somehow significant?
Because I remembered a music video one of K-pop artists I like (Kim Hanbin) made, after he experienced the downfall of career, extreme hate and rejection from the public, and severe depression. His whole album Waterfall tells Hanbin's personal story, dark thoughts and his battle to survive during the time when he was gone for 2 years, but in the music video for this album (illa illa) he is seen emerging from the sea in a black suit – metaphorically regaining his music and, most importantly, desire to live. Watch with lyrics!
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If we think, this is how you depict suicidal thoughts/attempt in Korean media (of course, Love for Love's Sake was even more blunt in telling us the meaning), then Myungha wearing black suit wasn't just for the pretty or dramatic picture. More than that, we see him wearing the black suit for the whole last evening – especially when he goes to finally meet his mother.
Which tells us Myungha has already decided to disappear from this world, and was determined to do it on that day, and his mother rejecting him and pretending she doesn't know her son might not have been just the last straw... but it definitely could've been Myungha's last attempt to find anything in his life worth staying for, worth not going through with his plan.
Anyway, what a scary but beautiful symbolism.
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Let's talk about something happier! More heartwarming!
Do you remember when we talked about the carefully placed movie posters in previous episodes? I payed more attention to the background this time when in Episode 8 Yeowoon ran to the cinema searching for Myungha in his world. And what an amazing discovery! When Myungha starts existing again and calls Yeowoon, the movie poster behind Yeowoon says "Guardian" (보호자).
And I already said in another post that Myungha in previous episodes admitted himself being Yeowoon's "guardian, protector" in the exact same word. But now this word is shown next to Yeowoon! As Yeowoon is the one who changed the main mission and has now declared himself Myungha's guardian and protector and will do his best to make him (his favourite pereson/bias/blorbo) happy. They have now both become guardians for each other. This. Goddamn. Show.
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And I also want to shout out the VFX & Production team for this show – all the visual effects are very down to earth, gentle and not over the top but enhancing the series to the max. Like, maybe you wondered where on the screen does it say "Monday, August 14" and "Saturday, August 12"? Well, as expected, you see it on four monitor screens above the box office – the date, the ongoing movies (yep, still our favourite two fake movies) and available dates etc.
But when Yeowoon and Myungha agree to meet each other in the exact system time, they are facing each other without a barrier, and the screens are now counting down the time until the Game End. Instead of normally showing movies, like in the previous shot, it says "Time remaining: 3 hours, 23 minutes, 15 seconds". It was either done with VFX or practically, but still, the thought of incorporating system messages into the actual background is insane and I'm always happy to discover such details.
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I don't know how many of you have motivational stairs at your schools, we definitely didn't have this but it's quite a popular thing in Korea. They put popular and uplifting sayings for students on each stair, sometimes they even quote motivational phrases from idols, like this:
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And it's interesting that when system gets broken and Myungha is about to disappear, we see the deep cracks coming through the stairs, we see ruined school BUT at the same time the quotes in the show are so obviously in our focus. And they are already written (see screenshots above) in Korean and English, but I'll still write down: one is saying "Stay hungry, stay foolish" and "If you dream it, you can do it, you will succeed". So, perhaps... motivational quotes from sunbae?
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And the last moment isn't heavy on translation but I still want to talk about it because cool Korean culture!xD You see the gang grilling meat on the roof (it's called samgyeopsal and it's very popular to have for gatherings), and then Myungha makes a "ssam" and feeds it to Yeowoon – but Sangwon steals it.
Ssam is a wrap, you grill meat then put it on the salad leaf, add other ingredients (like mushrooms, sauces, garlic, green onions etc, there are many side dishes) and then you wrap it in this sort of salad sack and eat it. It's very tasty and unusual combination. But the thing is! There is no way to make it for someone else and leave it on their plate so if you make a ssam wrap for someone and want to give it to a person, you literally have to feed them (like Myungha does with a very fond smile). This is why it's often seen as a romantic gesture (aka feeding someone from your fork etc) and why it's hilarious that Sangwon steals this ssam from Yeowoon (because he wants and he gets Myungha's affection and he's not above being a brat about it!)
I'm sure you can already sense it anyway without me telling you about romantic/close-friend implications, but I thought you guys might wonder why are the guys fighting over the salad leaf.
Another funny thing – Sangwon mentions "There's a saying, 'Don't scold dogs while they eat'". This is a Korean proverb "밥 먹을 때는 개도 안 때린다" ("You don't hit even a dog when it eats") which means that, no matter how annoying you find someone, no matter how angry you are, you can't scold this person while they are eating. Eating is a very important cultural thing in Asia, of course, so do not have arguments at the dinner :D But it's funny how Sangwon uses old proverbs to be mischievous and steal Myungha's love without consequences xD I adore him
I swear, this gotta be my last post about all the details in Love for Love's Sake. There is one more scene with the mirror and a caption, and I'm very curious if it means something because it was seen twice, during system breaking down scene as well, but it's either in Chinese or Japanese and I can't read it.
Anyway! Hope you enjoyed your everyday magazine, I love reading all your tags and thoughts and comments, and if you want to read all my previous translations and pointed out cultural details in Love for Love's Sake, go read this tag!=)
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romance-de-la-luna · 3 years
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This is too long to send as an ask, so I could send it as a message but it wouldn't be right if I didn't show off our friendship to everyone else on tumblr, would it? So I'm posting it instead xD
Here you go bestie: 80 things I love about you 💖
1) you make me insanely happy
2) talking to you makes me smile (every single time)
3) you're one of the sweetest humans ever
4) you're so funny!!!
5) you use a lot of emojis/exclamation marks when you're texting (and that reassures me because I do too)
6) I can always rely on you to freak out with me
7) you're so thoughtful
8) you're also very smart
9) you often get my friends references!!! And not many people do so I love you so much for that
10) you're beautiful
11) you're positive and enthusiastic
12) you always comment on my fics 🥺
13) YOU HUG ME CONSTANTLY
14) seriously you're such a lovely person
15) I feel like I've been missing you all my life
16) our conversations are the cutest
17) I love whenever you begin a text with 'story time'
18) you put up with me calling you franziska
19) you get annoyed when I call you franziska xD
20) you're an amazing writer
21) you're an incredible baker (who cares if I've never tried any of your food! I JUST KNOW)
22) you're the best sister in the world
23) you're a little bit crazy too
24) you're a good listener
25) you have a great taste in music
26) and TV shows
27) and movies
28) you make my day basically every single day
29) you're the only person in the world who makes me want to hug them literally ALL THE TIME
30) did I mention how gorgeous you are
31) I love how devoted you are to language learning
32) and your English is pretty much perfect (which I'm very grateful for)
33) BABY FRANZI
34) AND FRANZI AND DARIO AAAHHH
35) your accent (you had to know this was coming at some point xD)
36) your VOICE (I know you were expecting this too)
37) your hair
38) you help me annoy my brother by making him jealous of you 😈
39) you're basically a celebrity in our house now because I talk about you so much
40) you make me check my phone to see if you've messaged me at the most inconvenient times!! (in restaurants, when I'm about to go in the sea, on top of mountains... 😝)
41) your smileeeeee
42) your love for animals
43) your sense of humour
44) just your whole personality in general
45) you're just so nice all the time 😭
46) you're ALWAYS right
47) and you ALWAYS make irritatingly good points
48) you make me laugh every day
49) and you make me grin uncontrollably
50) you're a significant cause of my overuse of heart emojis
51) there aren't many people as kind and fun to be around as you
52) I trust you
53) you're such a good friend!
54) you're the kind of friend that you really hope you stay friends with all your life
55) we're like joey and chandler (and wynonna and waverly but I'll have to wait until you've seen wynonna earp for you to understand that)
56) I'm HONOURED to have met you
57) I feel so close to you even though we've never met
58) you always know exactly what to say
59) your enthusiasm when I'm writing my fics 🥰
60) your OBSESSION with Harry Potter
61) I was friends with Harry-Potter-obsessed people for ages and they couldn't convince me to read it no matter how hard they tried, and now here we are
62) I don't think you give yourself nearly enough credit for how awesome you are (but you SHOULD)
63) and I don't think you understand how lucky everyone is who has ever met you
64) your dancing skills are... *chef's kiss*
65) and YOUR SINGING 😍😍😍
66) you know when you're reading a really cute fluffy fic and you have to stop for a second because it's TOO ADORABLE AND YOU JUST CAN'T?? Well I often have to do that when I'm talking to you because I just 😭 love you SO MUCH that sometimes my heart can't take it
67) you make my life happier
68) since I wrote the thing about you basically being a celebrity in our house, it's now got to the point where my parents ask how's franzi every time I'm on my phone 😂
69) ((hehe)) BLESS THE UNIVERSE FOR CREATING YOU
70) there are very few people like you
71) I'm gonna tell you you're beautiful again (and I will keep on telling you until one day you believe me 😉 and then I'll keep telling you after that anyway)
72) you're more fun to talk to than most people
73) okay, I almost started crying when I was writing this TWICE because I was overwhelmed by how grateful I am to know you, but it's fine 😭 it's under control now
74) I text you more than I text all my irl friends put together and that's probably not a good thing but ohhh welllll nevermindddd it's fineeee
75) everyone who's never met you or talked to you is missing out in life and I FEEL SO BAD FOR THEM (you might think I'm exaggerating but NO IT'S TRUE!!! Imagine living life without EVER talking to franziska... How do people do it??!!)
76) a few months ago I had an online friend who I vowed was the best online friend I've ever had and will ever have, and then you came along and ruined that, so thank you 🙄🤗❤️ I really hate breaking promises, FRANZISKA
77) if you think I say nice things to you all the time, you have no idea how many nice things I think about you but don't tell you
78) I keep imagining what it would be like to meet you in real life
79) I'm thinking I'll just end up hugging you for like an hour 🙈 or more..... okay definitely more..... people would just stare at us and wonder what's wrong with us... it would be amazing
80) I love how easy it was to make this list xD (I'm probably gonna keep adding to it so consider this part one)
However, this list doesn't even begin to cover how amazing you are. Your brilliant FEEBLE mind cannot comprehend how much I love you 🥰 but I hope this makes you happy sorella maggiore
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yandere-ac · 4 years
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I noticed in the recent update that there was a net to keep the MC from swimming too far *cough escaping cough*. It got me thinking about what if the MC- in guise of trying to find more creatures- finds an opening big enough for them to squeeze through and almost escapes. I'm not really sure which villager/character would fit best in this situation though.
Okay so like anon, not to be like that but I would dIE FOR YOU! THIS IDEA IS SO GOOD!!! YOUR MIND! ITS TO POWERFUL ANON! But yeah this was really fun to write and I choose my two favorite bitter ex boys both wanted the same poor representative. You guessed it, it’s out boys!
Yandere Tom Nook X Reader X Yandere Redd
Hole
Sneaking. You were sneaking. It was a beautiful summer day, kids were outside playing, some were out fishing or catching bugs. But where were you? You were sneaking like a teenager trying to get past their overprotective parents. You didn’t want to sneak but you had no choice. Ever since Redd first showed up on the island Tom had been more protective than ever. He didn’t want you to wander off without him, he wouldn’t let you go outside without his permission and sometimes he would want you to sleep in his house. You used to love Tom but nowadays he was just too overbearing for your comfort. You and Tom never really said out loud that you loved each other and you never did any couple-stuff. But both of you knew, you both were in love. Or, that’s how it used to be at least. Any and all feelings for Tom that you had gone right out the door once you lost control of your life.
“Y/N? Where are you going, dear?” Shit. He had found you, he had heard you. And now he was gonna stop you. “I-umm...I was just gonna go outside and search for some sea creatures for blathers” you said, trying and failing to mask the fear and worry in your voice. “Oh? Is that right...hmm...well do you need to do that? I mean, what if you drowned? What if you got attacked by a shark or octopus? Or worse! What if Redd showed up!? You remember what happened last time right? Do you want that to happen again?!” Tom asked you, you knew very much what had occurred between you and Redd, in fact just thinking of it sent shivers down your spine and formed a pit in your stomach. But at the same time, you didn’t want to stay with Tom, you’d be lying if you said that he didn’t scare you at times. Sometimes at night, you’d hear him mumbling things in his sleep, things that made every part of your brain scream to run away and never return, yet your body refused to listen. You worried about his well-being and especially now since he seemed almost obsessed with you. “Tom, listen...I haven’t been out of the house without you for some time now and I was just hoping to have some privacy. You know I’d never wander too far off” you grabbed one of his hands, taking your other hand to gently stroke his cheek. You felt him lean into your touch as he closed his eyes. These were the moments you missed, the tender, loving gestures that you and he would exchange. But now, these moments were just a way of getting you out of his intoxicatingly strong grasp. You didn’t want to stay with Tom, not in the slightest, that Tom whom you once loved died when he started limiting your freedom.
“Mmm...oh well...I guess if you know what you’re doing. Then sure, you can go out for a while yes, yes?” He said, this brought an actual smile to your face as you gave him a hug to which he giggled in reply. “Alright! I’ll see you later Tom!” “Be careful!”
And so, you were off. You ran straight to the shop to buy a wet suit, and then you ran straight to the water to do a cannonball. You laid in the water for about twenty minutes before rising up and swimming around. You didn’t bother trying to climb over the net, you knew it was useless as any major disturbance on the net sent a notification to Tom and inform him of your apparent escape. You learned that the hard way. So instead you just tried to relax for now. Later you might visit some of your residents and maybe go talk to sable, it has been a while since the two of you talked. But for now, you were trying to find sea creatures to give to Blathers. That was until you saw something that made your eyes squint before going completely wide once you realized what it was. It was a hole! A big hole in the net! Big enough for you to fit through without alerting Tom! You could escape! You could finally leave this hell!...but...what would happen to Tom if you left, you worried what he might do to himself or the others if you leave...no...you can’t think like that! The reason Tom is unwell is because of you. The only way he can heal is if you stayed away from him, if you didn’t, his obsession would only get worse.
You swim closer to the edge of the net and Closer to the hole. Looking at it you could indeed conclude that It was big enough for you to fit through. Hastily yet carefully you went through it. Making sure not to touch anything on the way out. If you did, it would be game over. Tom would see that something, you, were trying to get through and he would lose it. That’s what made you afraid. But you just couldn’t care right now, you were done sacrificing your life for other's happiness! It’s your time to be a little selfish. To look out for yourself! Carefully navigating your legs out of the hole your whole body was now out, you were out. You could barely believe it! But you wouldn’t stick around to see if Tom saw it or not. You had a plan. There was an island a bit away from yours, which would normally take about five minutes with a plane so it would maybe take about twenty minutes to swim. If you could hold out and keep out of dangerous water, you could make it. You would either make it or drown. Either way, there was no turning back now.
As you were swimming briskly, you started to rethink your decision a little. I mean, abandoning all your friends? And what would happen with Tom? Would he become unfit to take care of Timmy and Tommy? You didn’t want to consider that scenario, you wanted to believe that he would get help. But it was hard when you had experienced how deep his possession over you had gotten. After about halfway there you realized how far away the other island truly was, your arms got very tired and you had swallowed what felt like a ton of seawater accidentally as you had swum. You’re honestly starting to give up hope of reaching the island in time. You were gonna drown. You were gonna drown. You were never gonna see your friends again, never gonna find a significant other, never get married, settle down, get a pet fish with said significant other. Never gonna- Wait...is that a...boat? A little boat, sailing off in the distance caught your attention. Maybe there was still hope! Maybe there was a chance of survival! You had to do something, anything, you had to get its attention.
“HELLO!!! IM HERE!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!” You shouted at the boat. And as if on cue, it turned around and went over to you. Yes! You had done it! You were gonna survive- Wait a minute...you recognized that boat...was that...oh god, it was! That was no other than Jolly Redd's boat. He was even worse than Tom! You had no time to think before the boat arrived in front of you. “Well well well...if it isn’t my favorite human! What are you doing all the way out here cousin?” He asked you, his voice full of glee, knowing you would need his help. “Get away from me Redd!” You said you didn’t want anything got to do with him. “Oh really? What was 'please help me' about then? I just wanna help Y/N, I don’t know why you’re getting so defensive about this. Now tell me, why are you all the way out here in the middle of the Ocean?” He asked you. Tilting his head while resting his chin above his hand, huge grin present on his face. “...ᴵ ʷᵃˢ ᵗʳʸᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵉˢᶜᵃᵖᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵀᵒᵐ” “huh? A little louder cuz, I couldn’t hear ya?” “I WAS TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM TOM OKAY!!! HE PRETTY MUCH LOCKED ME INSIDE OF HIS HOUSE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID!” Everything became deathly quiet as you said this. Out of all the answers, Redd had NOT expected that one. After quickly regaining his normal posture, he mustered up another smile on his lips. “Well, do ya need a ride, or would you like to swim for another forty minutes, hm?” Forty minutes? You had grossly underestimated the time that it would take for you to swim. “Get away from me Redd, I don’t want your help after what you did...” you told him, refusing to look at the smug bastard. “Oh Y/N. I don’t think you’ve comprehended this situation...you can either come with me or drown. Now I’d understand if you’d want to drown yourself, I would if I had to spend so much time with Nookie. But ask yourself, is this really the way you’d want to go out? By drowning? That’s lame!” He was right, god damn it! You hated that he was right. You were completely and utterly helpless right now and the only way to get out of this would be to accept his help.
You swallowed all of your pride and looked at him. He still had that shit-eating grin plastered across his face. “Alright, you win. I’ll come up on the ship...but as soon as we get to the island, that’ll be all okay!” As you said this, Redd's grin only got wider. He walked away for a few seconds before throwing a ladder down on the side of his boat closest to you. You could practically feel his joy as you climbed up the ladder. Once you were up, Redd immediately came up to you. Holding his hands together as he looked at you like a giddy kid to open up their presents. “Ohohohooo~ trust me Y/N, you won’t regret this!” He giggled as his movements got more jittery, almost as if he’s restraining himself. “Yeah yeah, whatever Redd,” you told him sternly. You didn’t want to be in his presence for any longer than you had to. Stepping in front of you, the fox pulled the curtain to the entrance open for you. You let out a loud sigh as you saw his dumb gesture. “God, shut up Redd,” you said as you walked inside, you knew he was joking. But jokes were supposed to be funny. And you hated him. “Ah come on Y/N you know I’m just yanking your chain here! I know you can fend for yourself! I’m not like good old nookie-“ “stop!” “Stop what?” Redd looked at you in confusion. “Stop trying to make yourself look better by comparing yourself to Tom! You have no right considering you’re the reason he’s like that! I know what your doing Redd! I’m never gonna join you! So quit trying, let’s just get a move on” you said aggressively, only to be met by the deep chuckles of the fox behind you. Blocking the exit. “What are you laughing at!?” You fidgeted with your hands as you backed up slightly. But it was no use since Redd blocked your exit. “Oh, cousin...you haven’t seemed to have gotten what’s happening right now...I don’t CARE If you want to come with me! You’re coming with whether you like it or not! We’re not stopping at some island. You have nowhere else to go, besides into my arms! So why don’t you make this easy for the both of us and just comply would ya?” Oh...oh no...oh god! He was being serious! “Wha...i...”
As soon as he approached you, you bolted off onto the deck. You knew you couldn't get away but you would rather drown than let yourself become some toy to this maniac. But before you could jump off the boat, Redd ran up behind you and hastily scooped you up by your arms. You thrashed and struggled but it was no use. He was so much stronger than you. “Ah Ah ahhh~ you wouldn’t want to do any myths rational now, would you cousin?” He said in a teasing manner. It made you even more irritated than you were scared. And so, you elbowed him right in his face. He instinctively dropped you as you did this but he quickly grabbed your leg and threw you back onto the deck before Anything could happen. There you laid, on the floor with a rage full fox above you. He was still mumbling curse words under his breath as his face still hurt. But he didn’t care, he just grabbed you roughly by the hand as he dragged you inside. You were being pulled to the furniture part of his boat, all while trying to punch, scratch or halt Redd. But nothing worked. Soon it dawned on you where exactly he was taking you. He was taking you to the big iron door at the back of his boat. The one looming door that had a giant padlock on it. “I wanted to do this the easy way Y/N! Trust me, I did! But if you’re gonna act like this then I’ll simply have to do it the hard way!” He yelled as he threw you up against the wall. The impact made you fall down and lose part of your consciousness for a few seconds. While you were trying to regain yourself, Redd opened the padlock with a key. As he turned around he saw what you were trying to do, you were trying to crawl away. You were failing, of course, the meek attempt made him chortle as he now calmed down a little. “Oh Y/N...” he said softly as he picked you up, looking right into your eyes as he continued. “You can’t escape, and no one is coming for you. Better make yourself comfortable because the ride home is long” while he told you this, he walked in the room. It looked like a bedroom. In the middle of it was a mattress, did...did he plan to do this? How long had he planned to kidnap you!? He placed you on the bed and kissed you on your forehead. You tried to protest but only weak movements and a small groan came out. Redd walked to the door but just before he closed it he turned to you, eyes gentle and seemed very genuine. “Sleep well...”
That was a couple of hours ago. Redd was now steering the boat and was whistling to himself in glee. He got you, he finally got you! And he didn’t even have to do anything, you were just served to him on a silver platter. But before he could think of anything else he felt a powerful wave hit the entire ship. It sent him falling down to his knees. Some madman had crashed into them! Walking outside with violent steps Redd was getting ready to curse out whoever had driven into them. “HEY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH-“ he quickly shut up once he saw who was in the boat. In the boat that had driven into his side sat a very angry tanooki. It was Tom, as he looked at Redd the glare he gave sent shivers down Redd's spine. Let’s just say, if looks could kill, Redd would be dead where he stood.
“Redd! Where is Y/N!” Tom asked, well it was more of a demand. “How did...how did you find me” Redd was completely and utterly baffled. He was out in the middle of the ocean, yet Tom had managed to get to him. “Where is Y/N. I know they’re here so quit acting stupid and tell me where they are!” Tom was raising his voice more and more as he got madder and madder. Redd has taken everything from him once, he wasn’t gonna let him take it again. “No chance nookie! Don’t you think there’s a reason they’re out here? Maybe it’s because they hate you! Maybe it’s because they hate that you act like a restrictive psycho! Have you ever thought of that Tom! Huh? Huh?!” Redd was now leaning over the railing of his boat. He was almost face to face with his bitter rival. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP REDD! I HATE YOU! I-“ Tom grabbed ahold of Redd's shoulders and pulled him down, into the water. “HATE YOU!!!!”
You were peacefully sleeping as the now slightly wet tanooki walked up to your tranquil form. He kneeled down and stroked your cheek, as he smiled to himself. Poor Y/N. Such a sweet individual didn’t deserve to be touched by someone as sleazy and dishonest as Redd. Thus he picked you up and walked over to his motorboat. You were going home.
“Helloooo....wakey wakey...Y/N dear? Can you open your eyes?” You could hear a distant voice say but it was very blurry. Lifting your eyelids open felt like lifting iron weights, but as soon as you caught a glimpse of who was next to you your eyes went wide open with fear. “TOM!?” You threw your body away from him. Backing up until your back was up against the wall. “Ah your awake now, good...you’ve been sleeping for quite some time now. I’ll be honest, for a minute there I thought you were dead” he laughed a little to himself as he said this, a laugh which at one point you thought was adorable but now struck terror right into your chest. “Silly me...oh! Now that you’re awake, are the chains too tight? Do you want Me to loosen them for you?” He asked you. What? You had been so preoccupied with the fear that you hadn’t realized that you did indeed have chains and chuckles attached to your wrists. They were very long so you weren’t exactly chained up to the wall, but they were just short enough so you wouldn’t be able to move around too much. This is when you started hyperventilating. Why were you here? Where was Redd? How did Tom find you?!
“Oh! No no shhh, don’t worry, I’m here, I’m here...Redd won’t ever get you...I made sure of that...” what the hell did he mean by that!? “H-how did you find me?” You asked him, voice quivering just like you were. “Oh Y/N, did you think that the net notifications were the only way for me to see if you escaped?” He said as he petted your head. He hadn’t been so certain whether it was necessary to implant that chip in you, he thought that he could trust you enough but it would seem that he really couldn’t. “By the way, thanks for bringing that up. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out your punishment for trying to leave me. Don’t think just because I’m happy I got you back that I’m not angry, that I’m not sad, that I’m not heartbroken that you would ever think to escape from me! I just want you to be safe and this is how you repay me!” His tone got a little angrier towards the end but he quickly gathered himself in front of you. He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You hurt me Y/N...but I’m happy you’re alright...and your safety is the only thing that matters right now,” he said as he snuggled up to you. The tanooki was madly in love with you. He wanted you to be with him for the rest of his life. He had tried to do it with you being free. But it had seemed like he couldn’t trust you with that freedom. So, he would have to lock you in, cage you up, keep you with him. Whether you liked it or not. He was gonna be with you. By this point tears had started to well up in your eyes, your whimpers getting stronger once Tom started cooing you, stroking your hair.
“Don’t cry Y/N....I...I love you...”
He said it. He had said it. The three words that you had dreaded him saying. Up until now. You could have just pretended that Tom was just a very protective friend. But now...now? He had admitted to loving you. You couldn’t back out now. You couldn’t keep that level of comfort in that Tom wouldn’t do anything to engage a relationship, but now it was only a question of when he would actually start proposing ideas of dates and stuff. You were doomed. Doomed forever with this possessive, lovesick man. You couldn’t handle it.
You started sobbing. Tears that had threatened to spill started pouring out. The only thing you could do was bury your head in Toms's neck, closing your eyes and hoping this was all just a nightmare. That you would wake up and all of this would’ve just been a dream. But it wouldn’t, this was your life now. And you wished you would have just chosen to drown instead of joining Redd.
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fbfh · 3 years
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hello, bluebell (leo x fairy!reader)
genre/vibe: soft fantasy/the gentle etherial vibes of the princess bride and pixie hollow (books and game)
word count: 1.6k
pronouns: they/them - gn reader - probs some fem vibes cause i was imagining my fairy daydream self while writing this lmao
au: you’re a fairy but no others 
pairing: Leo x fairy!reader
requested: nope, just obsessed w fairies bc who isn’t
warnings: brief mentions of memory gaps, a few mentions of caterpillars and other bugs, you wake up in the woods somewhere, mentions of changlings
summary: leo trips over a stranger sleeping in the woods, and know they’re something else because of their etherial aura. And the fairy wings. That was a pretty clear sign too.
reccomended songs: aventurine - paul baker, fairy garden asmr ambiance
a/n: baby stepping back into the writing game babeeeeyyy aLsO if you played the online pixie hollow game or read mary engelbreit magazines or watched the princess bride growing up i wanna give you a double high five also jfc how many more times can I say fairy in a description lmao
 requests r open xo
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When Leo left Bunker 9 to take a (long overdue) break from his current projects, he didn’t expect to almost trip over someone lying under a tree. He had begun walking to the dining pavilion as usual, when the smell of wild violets engulfed him in a passing breeze. He slowed down a little, taking in the beautiful August morning, and felt his mental to do lists melting away. Time seemed to slow down as he looked up at the sunlight glinting through the trees, his eyes falling on a cloud he decided looked like a giraffe in a suit.  The sight made him laugh softly. Gods, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone cloud watching. Sun broke through the trees, and he looked down at a bush with little red berries as warm tingles danced over his skin. Light bells rang in the distance, and he looked around for the source. He stopped, eyes falling on a small inchworm. 
“Hey little guy,” he said softly, waving to the insect. He smiled to himself again, noticing the large patch of clovers he was passing through, a strong sense of peace settling through him. His eyes instantly began scanning the patch, debating being a little more late to breakfast to see if he could find a four leaf clover, when he tripped over a foot, and narrowly avoided stepping on a few innocent mushrooms growing in the ground. He felt himself get snapped out of the relaxed cloud that had engulfed him moments before. He caught himself, and looked down. Gods, who would nap this deep in the forest? He was about to nudge you awake, when he saw you. He staggered back a step, breath catching in his throat. 
You were laying on your side, eyes closed, soft lips parted gently. Mid morning sunlight glinted off your hair and skin, giving off a surreal glowy effect. Your white flowy pajamas had dirt smudged on the hem, one of the straps beginning to slip down your shoulder. The light weight material fell around your legs and spilled onto the ground like sea foam reaching for the shore. A butterfly sat on your head, tranquilly opening and closing its wings.  He took a few more steps, careful not to step on the mushrooms that seemed to surround you, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw your back. Caterpillars had spun silk all over your upper back, connecting to the tree. He felt like he should do something, but before he could begin to think of what, three crows started cawing from the branches of the tree. He walked back over to see if the harsh noise had woken you, but you didn’t seem to move. He let out a sigh of relief a little too soon, as he watched your eyes flutter open. 
You took in a deep breath of forest air, and your eyes opened, trying to take in your surroundings. Your head spun with violins and harps and flutes, and your body felt heavy. Sense crept in and you tried to piece together how you’d gotten here. What had happened last night? You struggled with gaps in your memory for a moment, before trying to get up. Your palm slipped on a patch of moss, and you caught yourself on your elbow. In an instant, someone was right beside you, helping you off the ground. He was beautiful; like a beam of light, he seemed to fill you with warmth and life instantly. He smelled like woodsmoke, and his touch was gentle on your arm. You became aware of a very dull, almost soft burn on your upper back, but your attention turned back to the boy as he started talking. 
“Are you okay?” his voice was like the crackle of a bonfire.
“Uh,” disorientation was still fogging your mind, “yeah, I think so.” He helped you into a standing position, a hand in yours, the other still on your arm. You felt stiff and sore enough to wonder what you had been doing. 
“How did you get out here?” he asked, his tone a distinct blend of amusement and confusion. 
“I don’t know… I probably just-” memories flooded back; moonlight caressing your skin, beautiful music you couldn’t quite remember, fireflies guiding your arms and legs as you danced and danced and danced, drunk on the movement.  You shook your head, snapping out of the sudden train of thought. 
“Um, probably just wandered here by mistake.” you finished the half truth with a laugh, “My apologies,” you continued, “is this your property? I can leave, I didn’t mean to intrude,” He looked at you for another moment before speaking again.
“Oh, no, nothing like that. We usually don’t get a lot of… visitors. I’m-” You felt some kind of rush building up inside, like what a venus flytrap feels as a beetle is about to land. 
“I'm y/n," you cut him off suddenly, pulling away, and the feeling immediately began to subside. You waited in near silence for a moment, then chose your words carefully. 
"What do you like to be called?"
"Leo…"
You turned a little on your heels, wondering what had come over you as his voice trailed off. He stared behind you for some time, let out a soft oh, then tore his eyes away and back to you.
“There’s someone you should meet,” you agreed, slightly confused, and he began to guide you through the forest. After a few minutes he brought you out to an open field. He left your side for a minute to tell a passerby something about sending someone over, you couldn't be sure, then continued leading you over the grassy expanse. You went past a very old looking building, over a small footbridge, and onto the porch of a house. 
“So…” you started, unsure where the sentence was going, “who is it that I’m supposed to meet?” The burning on your back had subsided to a pleasant tingle right by your shoulder blades. A breeze brushed your cheeks, and you could smell strawberries - lots and lots of strawberries. The idea excited you. 
“The director of this camp. He should be able to explain -” his eyes hovered just behind you again, “everything.” You wished he would talk more, you loved the lilt of his voice. You wondered what this director would need to clear up, your eyes falling on a scatter of rainbows cast on the floorboards of the porch. You tried to turn to see what was making them, maybe a hummingbird feeder or a light catcher - you’ve always loved stained glass - but when you began to spin on the balls of your feet like you’d done a thousand times before, there was a strange resistance. You spun slower on the wood, and lost momentum. In an effort to catch yourself, your foot caught on the leg of a patio chair, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to stop the fall. The spike of adrenaline made your back burn more, and you braced yourself for impact. An impact that didn’t come. 
This didn’t make sense. You should have been falling; you were barely touching the ground. Instead, you were suspended midair. You opened your eyes to your outstretched arms, and glanced down curiously. You were pitched forward, one foot barely making contact with the wooden floor, the other tucked behind it, frozen mid fall. Shifting rainbows and prisms seemed to light up the whole floor now. You became aware of the strange wind rushing around your face and hair, and saw Leo staring behind you again, with that odd, fascinated look on his face. You looked behind you and let out a startled gasp.
Wings.
Big, beautiful, iridescent wings that looked sort of like you had stolen them from a dragonfly fluttered behind you keeping you in place. Your arms fell and you straightened up, feet gently making contact with the ground as your wings slowed to a stop. 
“Ah, hello,” came a man's voice from behind you, “I haven’t met someone as special as you in a long time. Please, come inside if you’d like.” He ascended the stairs. You felt like you should have been more surprised to see he had the bottom half of a horse, but it didn’t seem to phase you. Then again, you weren’t one to judge.
“Just one moment,” Chiron said, pulling Leo aside, and once out of earshot, explained the significance of you and your appearance at camp. He took a moment to process this.
“A fairy,” he breathed, mind reeling.
“A changeling from the looks of it. A fairy raised in the human world. They’ll need help navigating this new world, finding out about themself.” Leo nodded, remembering how confusing things were when he was first thrown into a whole other side of his life. He looked through the crack in the door, watching you nibble on a snack cake drizzled in honey. Chiron looked at him watching you, infatuation on his face. He put a hand on Leo’s shoulder. 
“They deserve an explanation. Would you like to help with this, er, complicated conversation?” Leo thought back to when you had taken his hand, the way your laugh sounded like bells, the way the corners of your mouth never seemed to drop. The idea of going to the dining pavilion, continuing on with his life as if he’d never met you seemed impossible. He knew in that moment leaving you wasn’t an option. 
“Of course.” He answered, more sure in that moment than he had been of anything.
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cloveroctobers · 3 years
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ANNA-JULIA “AJ” (JONES) JARLETT
IG bio/info: @/annajj9x_ | 20.1k followers| Athlete | hey peeps can you stop asking me to throw it back cuz the answer will always be no! K thx take it easy 🏳️‍🌈🌻🏒🐶
21 years old
From bath, England
Hockey player as her profession for the past three years
Her position is defense
Their team name is “rowdy alphas”...yeah some team names just didn’t make sense or they’re cringe for no reason at all
Was raised by her mom,(her mom was a teen mom & had her at 17) maternal grandmother, and her paternal aunt (dad’s younger sister, who’s more like a big sister to her at 28)
They’ve made her into the person she is, literally
Her grandmother has a bed and breakfast that they all live in
the house is Victorian style—almost as if they walked right out of charmed! Instead of a big pink house, think yellow AND purple. It was hideous but homey and charming on the inside
growing up in a house with multiple temporary strangers wasn’t odd to aj at all, in fact it felt like the norm. There was always someone around to socialize with so that was quite nice
Her father was a pro baseball player & passed away due to a automobile accident
she has his smile & freckles
aj was also involved in the accident at the age of 6 & miraculously survived with intense injuries
Has scars as a reminder
used to have night terrors because of the accident...it took awhile—years!!! for them to subside
they’re all vague memories now (but the pain is something she’ll always remember) but she preferred it that way
she’s named “Anna” after her mother’s old best friend/roommate and was supposed to be aj’s god mother but she went missing during their uni years
the name“Julia” came from her paternal grandmother who she gets her wide doe eyes from
her athleticism definitely came from her dad
Her mother luckily liked to document things so there’s a bunch of home videos of her dad in them & pictures/scrapbooks that her mom has for safe keeping
She’s more of a klutz, tiny, and wears huge prescription glasses
extremely close to the three most important ladies in her life, so she’s always been able to be open with them about anything!
when she first expressed her interest in liking both genders around 17-18 her paternal aunt was all smirks, “i knew Britney Spears was so your type, yeah?”
more like shakira but Brit was just as pretty
her mother was a “cry baby” so ofc she burst out into tears squeezing aj’s limbs and peppering her face with kisses. She didn’t view her child as anything different... as she shouldn’t & was glad that her daughter trusted them with this significant moment in her life and wanted to be as supportive as she could
got books, watched Ted talks and everything but knew she could come to the source even tho aj was still figuring it out herself
her grandma dipped her head at the new info sitting at the round kitchen table, “been there. had a few broads in my life after and during my marriage with your no good grandad. Thank goodness the bastard died before you even got to meet ‘em.” “Mum!”
what felt like the biggest weight on her chest was lifted. She knew they’d understand but a part of her had a little bit of doubt, she’s heard so many horror stories where those like her didn’t have the support she has and that made her extremely sad to think about
i see her as a person that has/had many friends in secondary. She’s always open to chat and her being on a few sports teams helped her out in her case
very competitive in anything that she does & will guarantee that she’ll beat you. (“ You wanna race to the car from here?”wins. “Who ever cleans the most dishes the fastest gets the last slice of pie.”) majority of the time she’s right but if she loses?? oh don’t let her lose to you, it’s a pity party for the rest of the time ur in her space. Such a sore loser omg
stays active, always working out + has a gym membership and makes sure she goes at least five times a week
she’s very strong, loves leg day & working on her core
she’s about 5’10
loves wearing “gf jeans” since they’re super comfy but doesn’t mind skinny Jeans with rips in the knees every now and then
trainers and chucks are her go-to sneakers
has no issue shopping in the men’s section ‘cause who’s gonna stop her? Nobody that’s who
owner of over a 100 graphic tees + vertical stripped shirts are also her favs, SWEATPANTS/joggers?! How many does she have? A lot. Snapbacks? Plenty. Will she wear them backwards? Obviously.
Physical touch is her love language. She’s comes from a family that has no issue showing their affection by touch. There is NO such thing as personal space and that still stands with aj when it comes to relationships, she sees no other way
It’s what she shows and what she wants in return, if you’re not touching her in some sort of way, then automatically she thinks there’s something wrong or that she did something
Is the jealous type. It has shown in relationships and ruined a relationship or two
Has cheated on a significant other out of pure jealousy & is not proud to admit that
Does have a wandering eye but feels now that she truly understands herself when it comes to relationships, she’ll never act on it again
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I get libra tendencies from her so that’s what I’m sticking with. She likes to keep the peace (unless she’s jealous) , idealistic — always looking on the bright side of things, outgoing, romantic, and professional— especially when it comes to her team; her true leadership comes out, yet she can be indecisive, hates confrontation, self pitying — if things don’t go perfectly how she imagined/planned it to, the world is ending and everyone is out to get her, and can be unreliable—never on time
September libra to be exact
if she’s really in love/taken a interest in you then she gets nervous: blushing, sweaty palms, cracking her knuckles, tongue tied—the whole 9
she’s already defined as a puppy by her coach but when she’s in love? She’s a lovesick puppy!
her fav holiday is Valentine’s Day
thought she was going to be a pro skateboarder growing up but it took one bad fall where she thought she was paralyzed for her to choose something else
she likes her weed on occasion
Obsessed with all types of cheese except cottage, “can I put cheese on this?”
more of a jumpsuit kinda girl or dressy top with jeans & hoops on a night out
has a solid group of mates outside of the hockey team, they’ve all met and hung out a couple of times, as they should since aj feels they’re going to be stuck with her for awhile so why not?
They’re a riot when they all go out, let’s just say that there’s never a dull moment
fav color is periwinkle
enjoys ASMR, mostly in the mornings when she’s waking up. You know how people love podcasts? (Sorry seb & Nicky, she still wants to be on the show soon!) ASMR is her thing
loves tangerines, you can count on it that she’ll have one on her, “where did you pull that from?” “I’ll never share my master plan.” “You’re such a tit.”
Definitely prefers “fresh squeezed” orange juice & will make her own, she has the tools & the strength 😏
Very rare for her to get sick ;) & if she does she’s a complete baby about it
Will fight that she’s sick before she admits it, trying all sorts of horrid remedies & vitamins
loves summer & all things that come with it, the number one thing is leaving bath for however long she can for a new place to enjoy
when she arrived to love island, she was thrilled for the weather. Yes she was looking for love but most importantly a nice get away & that it was (depending on your route that is lol)
closest with seb, vieve, elladine, and tai but don’t tell the others that! (She doesn’t care if you tell Yasmin, honestly)
just because her & seb “dated” and it didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends right? It was almost automatic for them to be platonic after it was determined there would be no romance between them, almost like sibs! like those celebs like to say—except this time these two won’t turn around and actually find romance
vieve came with seb so...but no shade aj did like vieve. She gave great advice (while seb sometimes didn’t say the right things unintentionally or what aj needed to hear) when needed, especially from a medical view and is very sweet
elladine was the one who had all the tea & ideas to match, she’s quite organized and always down for DIY’s and could suggest almost anything. If you needed someone to help you get things tidy or match/find your Aesthetic, she’s the friend you call to help
tai was the one she could be a “bro” with, sure elladine has her competive side (or controlling, depends on how you view it) but tai was the one you can run to for much needed “bro hugs”, partying, going to the pubs, playing sports with or against, checking out/flirting with babes, etc...
it was not long after the villa that aj had a revelation with her sexuality & fully owned and labeled herself as a lesbian
She was happy being in relationship with someone else or with herself, life was short and she was young so there wasn’t time to dwell and stress over things so what the hell?! Live your truth the best way you know how ya know?
probably smells like sweet citrus, almond flower, and sea salt
on chest days, she’s a sweets snacker. Loves gummy bears (also with vodka) , swedish fish, sour patch kids, etc...basically shit that sticks to ur teeth
put all her chips into hockey, while it was advised by her Counselors & mum not to do so, aj went about it anyway. She thought about the pros and cons but knew there was nothing else for her. So there were more pros than cons. She was meant to play sports, its what felt right in her soul
Made her feel connected to her father, when she’s on the field she feels that he is with her
 scrunches up her nose when she’s frustrated or confused about something
Doesn’t always grasp concepts right away, she’s a soft dummy but most of us are and that’s okay! We’re all smart in our own ways
Feels like sunflowers are always around her especially if she sees them wherever she is. They must symbolize SOMETHING, therefore she loves them
spf queen. All about it, get with it or let the sunrays ruin ur skin that’s on u
loves a good filet mignon medium-well & is probably the only good thing she knows how to make alongside a salad, baked potatoes, & her oj
sucker for romantic-comedies...it’s basically her life duh!
If she has a dog, it’s a Dalmatian or Great Dane. She needs a companion that’ll keep up with her
loves kissing, it’s her favorite form of intimacy
Quarantine life included the push up challenge for her. Gaining a few pounds in muscle and fat, bothering seb via ft, viewing old letters she wrote to her dad, spending time with her fav ladies since they were now restricted from having guests in their home, and letting boredom consume her + she hated the whole lockdown that came with it, she hated being indoors for long periods of time but she knew that’s what partly needed to be done
Posts a lot of beach, park, outings with her friends & team, moments with her fav ladies, workout videos, and guests at the b&b with their permission and if only she befriends them along the way. She’s just as active on the socials as she is in rl but she’s not obsessed with it, she knows how to live in the now. She’s all about balance!
I also feel like she never keeps her phone charged and it’s always dying on her! She had a car charger but...that’s a jungle. She needs to invest in a portable charger stat
crushing on/finds attractive: Jared Padalecki, Keanu Reeves, Barrett Doss, Camilla Luddington, Sandra Bullock, Adrian Kempe, Harry Kirton, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Naomi Osaka, Ming & Aoki Lee Simmons
who does she listen to? Shakira lol!! Bea Miller, Dua Lipa, Daya, XYLØ, Elley Duhé, Stela Cole, Aloe Blacc, Maroon 5, Lewis capaldi, Charlie Puth, girl in red, Hayley kiyoko, king princess, dodie, & tessa violet
Anthem: Icona Pop — we got the world
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okay-victoria · 3 years
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Love of My Second Life: Tanya & Romance
This is both my take on why, despite seeming like the easiest and healthiest relationship to write, TanyaxVisha is up there with TanyaxMary in difficulty level for pulling off successfully, what I’ve seen go wrong in fanfic so far, and what needs to make it/any romance go right.
Where to start, where to start...um, a warning, for obvious reasons I’m going to have to talk about sex.
The Age Difference
This has the joy of being a bit creepy on both ends of the spectrum! Yay.
Visha Being Creepy
Visha is probably 5 - 6 years older than Tanya. While as more mature adults that age difference is relatively negligible, Tanya being 17/18 and Visha being in her early 20s doesn’t make it suddenly a non-issue. If you and a coworker, both in your first job out of college, went to happy hour and you met his/her significant other and they were a senior in high school, would you feel good about that?
The age-of-consent laws in bygone eras may help your case for why in-story characters give a pass to such things, but it doesn’t really help explain it to your readers. Unless I’m missing something, no one is reading this story from 1920s/30s Germany, and so it needs to have the relationship explained in a way that tries to work for modern standards. Additionally, I think people tend to mix up age-of-consent with “people found this generally appropriate”. A 19 year old dating a 59 year old violates no laws in the United States, but that doesn’t mean that most people are going to consider it a loving and healthy relationship without any proof. Even your in-story characters are probably going to have some thoughts.
The final issue, from Visha’s end of the spectrum, is that even when Tanya is aged up to 18+ and has gained some secondary sexual characteristics, she is sometimes still presented as being an “eternal loli” who can be easily be mistaken for someone around 14/15, an age at which girls normally have some secondary sex characteristics, but distinctly immature ones. I imagine this problem stems from two places:
1) Scenes when Tanya’s lolidom is brought up are not the same scenes as the romantic ones, so the problem is not as obvious to the author and
2) Author forgets that “short+small boobs+doesn’t have wrinkles yet” does not actually result in people looking like they are mid-puberty. Without being really creepy, as women age, their breast tissue drops down and to the side, waist/hip/leg ratios change, and the face loses its baby fat, among other things. Writing that references Tanya as looking like a teen comes along with the unfortunate implication that she actually looks like she is still mid-puberty, and Visha...is into that, instead of being someone who is attracted to petite POST pubescent women.
These are all extremely fixable problems. Really, all an author has to do is make Visha acknowledge that it’s weird, and probably try to talk to Tanya about her reservations before she starts trying to seduce her. It’s the handwave that is the issue. For the last/puberty problem, unless there is some reason I probably don’t want to know about that the author only wants to write the relationship if Tanya looks 14, simply describe her as a petite but adult woman, and if you need to use her looking young as a plot point, have her make an effort to adapt her adult characteristics to suit or hope that nobody looks hard enough to tell the difference.
Tanya Being Creepy
While Tanya is physically the junior member of the relationship, mentally, she is the senior, and by a lot. Tanya knows this. While I don’t necessarily think Salaryman is the Earth’s most morally-pure man, I have a high enough opinion of him to think that he was not pursuing college girls when he was like 35. Tanya should also have a moment of thought over this, or the relationship needs to wait until Visha is closer to her late 20s, when she is approaching a similar level of life maturity that Salaryman would have felt was close to his own.
Even if you think that Salaryman’s logical side would have been eroded by his “but I’m a guy, I can’t help it, college girls are hot” side [I’m side-eyeing you], I think it’s very unlikely that living as Tanya, and being on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, wouldn’t make her reconsider her stance on it, at least a little.
I know, I know, Visha’s been to war! She’s not the same as some random college girl in 2020! While this is allowable as a partial justification, because it is true, it ignores a whole lot.
First off, maturity is not a straightforward drive. All parts of you do not mentally mature at the same time. If you want to write early 20s Visha as a mature-enough partner for Tanya, a bit of time needs to be spent on what Visha loses because of it - she never has, and never will, get to be that happy-go-lucky girl. While making fun of young women for being dramatic gossips, obsessing about non-serious things, etc remains a popular sport, thinking that you are doing Visha a favor by taking that time of her life away from her says pretty terrible things about how society values women’s relationships with each other. If you don’t mean for your fanfic to accidentally imply that, it’s something that needs some love & care.
Alternatively, you could write a story in which Visha, while being a competent adult, still gets space to explore her “girly” side. If doing so, you are going to have to make a really strong case for why Tanya is willing to put up with this, as Salaryman does not come off as someone who would judge it a good use of time & effort to be constantly letting his girlfriend rattle off about things he thinks are silly and immature - there’s a lot of other fish in the sea, why not find one that is a competent adult *and* isn’t often talking about things you don’t care about.
The Canonical Setup of Visha & Tanya’s relationship
Opposite Goals
In a nutshell, Tanya is presented as a person that wants to live a safe, boring, and non-notable life, is doing her best to get there, and is constantly failing and being stressed about it because she needs to figure out a new plan. Visha is presented as someone who has major qualms about Tanya as a human being, but has a nigh-worshipful respect for her heroic officer side.
This is a massive, and I mean MASSIVE problem. You absolutely cannot ignore that what makes the characters happy is diametrically opposed to each other. Can you overcome it? Yes, by slowly developing the characters towards a compromise, but you can’t just not acknowledge it and expect me to think this relationship has any hope of leaving both partners happy. Either Tanya never escapes her never-ending stress cycle, or she does, and the entire basis of Visha’s attachment to Tanya disappears.
This can be fixed by: 1) Tanya coming to terms with a new side of herself, one that wants to be that hero. This cannot just be a one-paragraph epiphany. Tanya is shown to hate when she thinks her internal self is being changed by her new experiences and she needs a lot of work to get to a point where she is willing to acknowledge this in herself.
2) Visha has to go through a rocky part where she second-guesses herself - she thought she wanted Tanya, but turns out, Tanya isn’t the person she thought she is? How and why does she decide that she likes the person Tanya has become? This is probably the easier route, but I think runs the risk of having an author have Visha *say* Tanya does all these other good things for her, but never really show it happening.
3) The happiest medium is probably one where Visha *mostly* adapts towards Tanya, so Tanya gets to live a quiet but not too quiet life, and Visha learns to love another side. As Visha is compromising more in this sense, a healthy relationship is going to include Tanya realizing what is happening and deciding to make an effort to appeal to Visha and not just be like “Take me as I am. Or don’t.” and Visha unilaterally decides to accept that.
Why Does Tanya want to be in a relationship with Visha?
Tanya betrays no actual emotional attachment to Visha in the light novels. While you can read in rationalization to the reasons Tanya gives to her actions, she herself does not believe that it is because of an emotional connection.
Canonically, Tanya is portrayed as liking Visha because of how well Visha passes the “usefulness” test. This brings up another MASSIVE problem - does Tanya, in any way, shape, or form, actually like Visha as an individual, or just  her ability to conform to the role Tanya wants her to play?
Look, I don’t need Tanya to be in LOVE with Visha in the way we usually talk about people being in love to believe that Tanya can be in a relationship successfully. I’m fully on board with a portrayal in which Tanya can’t quite summon that level of emotion. However, she needs to like and respect Visha as an individual person, and summon a level of emotion beyond friend with benefits.
IMO, it is really hard to do that without showing Tanya and Visha disagreeing on a major piece of Tanya’s philosophy and Tanya actually listening and responding positively to it, not simply agreeing to disagree because it isn’t worth upsetting her useful sidekick, or whatever. There needs to be character development of both characters - Visha finding it in herself to be comfortable rocking the boat, and Tanya having a compelling enough reason to change something that she has clung to for two lives.
Everyone wants to be a lesbian
While I get it, the Empire is not the exact same as Germany, and yes, I know that Weimar Germany was relatively sexually progressive, it’s really not something that a well-written romance should handwave.
“Weimar Culture” in many ways developed as a result of how WW1 went for Germany. If you have a story where WW1 doesn’t go that way for Germany, gay culture is unlikely to flourish to the same degree.
All that aside, Tanya isn’t someone that is going to easily shrug her shoulders and say “you know, sometimes you need to jeopardize your career for the sake of hot sex/love”. She’s pretty clear on which she prioritizes. A lesbian relationship is not going to help her here, and she’s going to be aware of it. She needs to struggle with that choice.
Visha not struggling to accept herself as a lesbian is also somewhat of an oversight. It’s pretty unlikely that a woman born in her time period would come to terms with that easily. Visha is also never shown being attracted to other women besides Tanya, which carries a weird “I’m only a lesbian for you” vibe that is like a gross parallel of a straight guy wanting a lesbian to be so attracted to him she can’t help it, she wants the D.
And now, we enter the realm of Tanya’s relationship with her identity and sexuality.
Tanya is shown to have mental qualms both about entering a straight or lesbian relationship in her new life. The reasons behind those qualms are not explored at all in the LN, but they should be in a story in which Tanya goes into a relationship.
No matter which path puberty takes her down, there is the issue of Tanya being comfortable having sex as a woman. Even if it is with another woman, it is not going to be particular similar to the way she had sex with women as a man. That type of thing is pretty tied up with our identity. Tanya hates having her internal, I haven’t changed identity threatened, and not being able to give sexual pleasure/needing to receive it differently is the type of thing that is probably going to come along with some emotional reservations on her part.
Again, sexual identity being a part of our overall identity, while Tanya may remain attracted to women, that means her identity is now as a gay person, not a straight person. Given her biases from both growing up in Japan and the state of gay rights in her new life, it would seem atypical that she would consider this a non-issue and it wouldn’t make her question her priorities or the type of person she thought she was.
But...The Sex?
Look, I get it, sometimes you wanna see certain characters bang. We’ve all been there.
While yes, I recognize that many humans make terrible decisions solely in pursuit of sex, and so it’s perfectly realistic to have Tanya and Visha do the same and say that’s why you’re handwaving everything else, it is an extremely lazy storytelling technique, especially since neither character seems likely to go to extremes for it.
Because people focus so much on sex appeal, unfortunately, they use it as a substitute for making a good case for the relationship. Visha/Tanya is so attracted to Tanya/Visha, that now they are willing to undergo character development, because the pulsing loins urge them to. Really?
Do at least some of it first, lay the groundwork for romantic attraction before you slam them with physical attraction. While it often works the opposite direction in real life, that undercuts the romantic side in fictional story-telling.
I also think that because of the focus on their attraction to each other, what ends up missing in all TanyaxVisha fanfics I’ve seen so far is the tension. That makes it boring, I don’t care about it, and the entire reason I don’t care about it is because the choice to handwave the inconvenient facts means there is nothing in the way besides Tanya being a dumbass, which you can only do for so long without it becoming boring.
They are both attracted to each other, and admit it to themselves. Neither sees any real problem with the relationship other than not knowing if the other person likes them, but they aren’t even hung up on it and mostly work on straightforwardly winning the other person.
When in doubt, blame it on The Patriarchy
As far as we know, Tanya isn’t pining for relationship, and never thinks about a romantic relationship from her old life. Combined with other things Tanya says, it is hard to imagine Salaryman ever had a “considering marriage” relationship - more like, he may have felt partnership had some desirable aspects, but probably never was able to compromise on his kind of extreme worldview enough to try to make it work with someone, just figuring he’d find “the one” one day that wasn’t going to make him compromise.
While of course, you should not need to change everything about who you are for a romantic partner to like you, saying “you should like me for me” and then putting in exactly zero effort to do things because you know they are important to your partner, even if they aren’t for you, is not one of the keys to a successful relationship.
While it is not a problem inherent to Tanya & Visha’s relationship like the above sections, it is a problem in all forms of how I’ve seen the relationship written. It fails to answer a fundamental question: WHAT CHANGED?
Why did Tanya want love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last? If she did want it in her last life, why did she successfully find love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last?
Unfortunately, skipping the answer to this question implies that nothing changed. The success is then entirely reliant and Visha, and that brings along with it a really ugly answer.
Visha’s professional I’ll-do-anything-for-you is equated to a personal I’ll-do-anything-for-you, and she very much accepts Tanya for who she is, through all the flaws that are definitely there and that presumably no woman in Salaryman’s life was willing to put up with. Tanya doesn’t have to undergo any character development to be capable of making the relationship work.
This has some really, really unfortunate undertones. It is the very reason why even legal-but-large age difference relationships often aren’t healthy, because the older partner, instead of trying to be someone capable of contributing to the life of someone their own age, decides it’s easier to find someone younger who doesn’t know better and is more willing to put up with their bullshit. That, then, turns into a creepy grooming undertone - you make the less experienced partner think this is normal.
It really isn’t normal or good that Visha should have to put up with a relationship in which she never discovers who she wants to be because she’s so caught up Tanya’s idea of how to live your life. That is borderline emotional abuse, I am sure no one intends it to be there, but without giving some serious treatment to character development, unfortunately, it is.
To me, this has some of the worst overtones of the worst types of male fantasy - My Manic Pixie Dream Girl is completely devoted to me, and instead of emotionally adding to her life and/or our relationship, she is completely fine with me substituting being a Strong Heroic Man who occasionally buys her Nice Things. She demands I change nothing of myself and completely agrees with my Logical Man worldview, no matter what she needs to change about herself to get there. She’s hot, and I get to simultaneously be a straight man and have hot lesbian sex. Even better, because she’s a “strong” woman who is capable in her own right, not only am I physically satisfied, but I get the ego boost of “earning” the submission and subordination of a woman who is better than most people, because she knows I’m better than her.
Honestly, the more I think about it, the grosser it gets, so as far as fanfic goes I just try to ignore it and understand that the authors intention wasn’t to bring along all this baggage. However, to truly write a good Tanya x Visha story that gets away from all these unfortunate implications is a big undertaking, and it’s really impossible for it to make for a compelling side-plot that doesn’t get much screentime.
I’m generally fine with handwaving issues for sideplots, but if Tanya is making decisions because of her relationship with Visha that are now affecting the main plot, it really isn’t something that *should* be handwaved.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
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datheetjoella · 3 years
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Fantober 2020, Day 30: Domesticated
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Author: DatHeetJoella Fandom: Free! Pairing: MakoHaru Rating: T Part: 30/31 (read the full collection here) Word count: 1,821 Tags: Canonverse, Established Relationship, Fluff, Domesticity, Accidental Marriage Proposal Read at: AO3, FFn, or right here!
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Unlike many others, Haruka didn't go to work in the morning with dread in his gut. He had turned his passion into his career and despite there still being days when we'd rather swim leisurely than be barked at by his coach, he hadn't reached the point yet where he had gotten tired of training.
Nevertheless, Haruka's favourite moment of the day was unlocking the door to their apartment, where he could relax on the couch and unwind in the bath, but most importantly, where he could see Makoto again. Finally, that moment had arrived.
Muffled noises resonated through the walls, informing him that Makoto was home early. That knowledge brought a smile to Haruka's face. Although his day had been pretty good so far, he could always use a bright grin, a loving embrace and a tender kiss. Time to replenish his Makoto-well.
He stashed his key back into his pocket and pushed down the doorknob. "I'm home," he called out as he kicked off his shoes. He didn't get a response, so he ditched his bag in front of the bathroom door and went inside.
Makoto was standing in the middle of the living room with his back turned to him, pushing their wireless, low-decibel vacuum around the coffee table. It had been a gift from his mom on his previous birthday - yes, Haruka had reached the age where his parents gave him practical things as presents. Recently, she had become obsessed with high-tech appliances and after he off-handedly mentioned the cord of the vacuum getting tangled when he was on the phone with her while cleaning, she took it upon herself to rid him of those issues.
It had cost far more than Haruka would ever be willing to pay for a vacuum cleaner, but admittedly, it performed amazingly and left their old, cheap one in the dust. Vacuuming had been at the bottom of both of their lists in terms of chore-preferences, but this one ran so smoothly it eradicated the reasons they disliked it.
But the vacuum wasn't why Makoto hadn't heard him; after all, it was relatively quiet. It were the headphones covering his ears that caused him to miss Haruka's arrival.
Haruka opened his mouth to call out again rather than touching his shoulder or jumping in front of him, lest he startle him. But he abruptly shut up when Makoto started to sing along to his music.
His soft voice filled the room, bouncing off the walls and the notes immediately nestled themselves in a chamber of Haruka's heart. Ever since they were kids, Makoto had been the better singer between the two of them, but as he grew older and his voice matured, Makoto improved even more. His vocal range was pretty wide so he could effortlessly sing along to a variety of genres, be it mellow ballads or high-tempo rock songs. While Makoto's voice was already a treat to listen to when he talked, hearing him sing was a rare but very welcome massage to Haruka's eardrums.
To suit his voice, Makoto's taste in music was also very broad. He enjoyed almost anything, so sharing earbuds with him or passing him the aux cord in the car meant Haruka was in for a surprise. This time, he was singing along to an upbeat song by some foreign pop group that was often played on the radio and in stores. The lyrics described the sea breeze and silver sand on a summer night and although it was a bit out of season now they were well into autumn, Makoto's beautiful voice made it sound like a timeless serenade.
With bated breath, Haruka watched and listened. The sight of Makoto singing while vacuuming was rather mundane, something that could happen on any given day of the week, yet it made Haruka's chest brim with profound affection. He could travel the world, eat mackerel at Michelin-star restaurants, swim in every body of water within existence, and he still wouldn't be as happy as he was now. Trophies and the thrill of competing were a great bonus, but all that mattered was this; after work, he came home to the person he loved more than life itself, carefree and content.
When Makoto turned around the table to vacuum the floor on the other side, their eyes met and a wide smile lit up his handsome face. "Ah, Haru, I didn't hear you come in. Welcome home."
Naturally, Haruka smiled too. "I'm home," he said again.
After he turned off the vacuum, Makoto fished his phone out of his pocket to stop the music and put his headphones down on the table. Then, he went over to Haruka to engulf him in a big hug and welcome him home properly. As their lips met in a gentle kiss, Haruka realised he had been wrong; this was his favourite moment of the day.
He cupped Makoto's face, the faintest hint of stubble on his jaw prickling his fingertips and although it was a feeling he otherwise found unpleasant, the roughness was kind of nice now. It was a part of Makoto and since it would be gone tomorrow morning after he shaved, Haruka had to savour it now.
Makoto pulled back sooner than he would've liked, but Haruka wouldn't sweat it. There was more than enough time left in the day to dedicate to loving kisses.
"When you unload your bag, you can leave your towels and swimsuit in front of the washing machine instead of putting them in the laundry basket," Makoto said, "I'm doing laundry anyway so I'll put them in once this round is done."
"Vacuuming, doing laundry," Haruka said with a huff of amusement, "Are you aiming to be a house husband?"
"Depends." Makoto shrugged. "Are your applications open?"
"I guess."
"Then does that mean I'm hired?"
"Who else would I hire?"
Makoto chuckled. "Does that mean we're married now?"
A large question mark appeared above Haruka's head. Had he just proposed to Makoto? "Engaged, I think?" Haruka said with a frown. This was not how he expected this milestone to go down. He'd thought there would be at least more gasps of surprise, fireworks and perhaps even a tear or two. Not a joking remark on an extraordinarily normal day. "This is the most confusing proposal I've ever heard."
More melodic laughter streamed from Makoto's mouth. "It's not exactly how I had envisioned it either, but I must say I quite like it. It was so easy and natural, like everything else between us is, too," he said and he did have a point. "Besides, I'm happy with the upgrade. I was never a fan of the term 'boyfriends' anyway. 'Fiancés' has a much nicer ring to it, doesn't it?"
In Haruka's opinion, it did sound a lot better. Fiancé was more encompassing than the term boyfriend was, and while Makoto was undoubtedly his boyfriend, he was so much more than that. He was his best friend, his better half, his Makoto. "How did you think of me before if you don't like the word 'boyfriend' then?"
"My partner, my significant other, my best friend with a whole bunch of benefits," Makoto said with a playful raise of his eyebrows, but then he smiled, soft and genuine. "My Haru-chan."
It was the answer Haruka could've predicted, yet it still made heat rush to his cheeks. "Drop the '-chan'."
Makoto snorted. He raised his hand and carded his fingers through Haruka's black locks. "Hey, Haru?"
"What?"
"Do you think I'll be a good husband?"
"Your cooking skills can use some brushing up," Haruka said with a smirk, earning himself an offended 'hey!' from Makoto. "But other than that, you'll be the perfect husband."
"Thanks," Makoto said, leaning down to plant a kiss on the tip of Haruka's nose. "You will, too, but I already told you that, didn't I?"
Haruka nodded, smiling as he recalled it. "During our second year of high school, when I was teaching you how to cook mackerel in miso for Ran and Ren."
"Back then, you said you weren't interested in getting married."
It was true. When he was younger he had no intention to get married, but that was because it wasn't possible to marry Makoto and it wasn't like there was anyone else he wanted to be with. It was a great relief that over the years, it had become an option. "I changed my mind."
A warm twinkle shone in Makoto's eyes. "I'm glad. Although I'm happy enough just being with you, there's something extra special about our relationship being officially and legally recognised, don't you think?"
Haruka nodded. According to their friends, they'd been like an old married couple since they were kids so in that regard, nothing would change. But even if the nature of their bond didn't change, the way the world viewed them would. Whenever Haruka met someone new, it was difficult to explain what Makoto was to him: with the title of husband, all those problems would vanish and everyone would understand immediately that Makoto was his world.
"If we get married in a few years, we'll be able to save up for a ceremony on the beach, and maybe for a honeymoon in Okinawa," Makoto said and Haruka's heart swelled at the thought, "But for now, we'll enjoy the fiancé-stage of our relationship."
"Yeah," Haruka said. Their lives were a bit too hectic to get married right away, but that didn't mean they couldn't fantasise about it. They would have plenty of time to dream up the perfect wedding. "To celebrate our engagement, I'll cook a special dinner tonight. What would you like to eat?"
"Mackerel."
"Mackerel?" Haruka asked with a frown. "Not green curry?"
Makoto shook his head. "Mackerel is my fiancé's favourite food."
That made Haruka's stomach flutter. Could Makoto be any more kind and selfless? He was truly proving himself as husband-material. "I'll make a chocolate cake for dessert then. That's my fiancé's favourite pastry."
At the mention of chocolate cake, Makoto's smile softened. "Thanks, Haru," he said and pressed a sweet kiss to Haruka's lips. "There isn't anyone in the entire world who I'd rather spend my life with, so thank you for choosing to be with me again and again."
"Me neither," Haruka said, tightening his arms around Makoto's neck. Revealing the contents of his heart remained to be something he struggled with, but Makoto deserved to hear just how much he meant to him. No matter how difficult something was, for Makoto he'd always try his best. "I love you."
"I love you too," Makoto said as he leaned their foreheads together, their noses touching. "So, so much."
Their eyes fell shut as their lips met in another passionate kiss.
If every day with Makoto was this domestic and comfortable, then Haruka was already looking forward to all the years yet to come.
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augustpch · 4 years
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The Significance of BTS’ Dionysus
Note: Although it's a bit late and there are probably many theories about this song already, I still want to give my take. I was actually supposed to post this two months ago but didn't finish it due to my schedule. Also, I’m afraid I have to warn you that this analysis is really long.
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All song on Map of The soul: Persona are unique and meaningful in their own way, but Dionysus is possibly the track that we need to pay attention to the most, for so many ideas could be interpreted from it. Not only is the song a certain kind of a statement from BTS to the public, but it is also important in term of narrative to Map of The Soul series. To understand the underlying messages of this track, we may look at what the myth of Dionysus tells us.
(translation of the lyrics from twt @doolsetbangtan)
PART 1 – The Allegory of BTS Phenomenon
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I’ll begin with the origin of Dionysus and its relation to BTS’ career history.
Among the Greek gods, Dionysus is special as the only one who is half-human, half-divine. Granted that the tradition of consuming wine has been an intimate activity of human since nearly the beginning, the god of wine is one of the two “best friends of mankind” alongside Demeter, the goddess of fertility and agriculture. Rather than being regarded as the one who belongs in the upper world, he is consider to be a great god of earth.  
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In much the same way, BTS stands out from other idols or celebrities, who were commonly deified by the public and their fans. While the artist holds the reputation of being the divine, they openly acknowledge and encourage the mortal side. That is to say, they don’t establish a kind of relationship consisting of the worshiped (celebs) and the worshipers (fans), but communicate with us like a person to a person, reducing the distance separating the gods from the followers.  
BTS are not preoccupied with maintaining a certain image constructed to impress the audience. They aren’t afraid to show weaknesses, flaws, and worries, coming across as not different from us normal people. The band speaks with sincerity and eliminates the boundaries between the state of being divine and human. This closeness is what tightens the bond they have with ARMY. For this reason, BTS is also “the best friend of mankind” just like Dionysus.
What is more, the story of Dionysus’ life from birth to death can precisely represent BTS’ journey into the world of music. The myth covers the concept of embarking on a journey as a sign of entering adulthood, battling against the non-believers, and transcending suffering and death—or like this part of Yoongi’s verse: 
“Born as an idol, then reborn as an artist.”
BTS’ success in breaking into America is how they proved themselves to those who looked down on them in the past. Nonetheless, they still can’t avoid the same old unwelcoming attitude, now coming from another industry. The fight against racism, xenophobia, and the attempts to damage their position at the top still goes on, and they will have to continue to find a way to survive it.
The same scenario happens to Dionysus. When the god reaches his hometown, the king of Thebes, Pentheus, who is actually his cousin but doesn’t recognize him, thinks that Dionysus and the maenads are “queer,” “objectionable,” and “should be stopped” (familiar, isn’t it?) No matter how Dionysus tries to persuade Pentheus, he strongly refuses to acknowledge him as his god. The king’s final destination is far from favorable, as he rejects and insults the divine.
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This raises some questions: Is the king “blindness” towards Dionysus’s divinity “ignorance” or “prejudice”? Which one, then, defines people reaction when hearing BTS’ name? Regardless of the answers, those who dare to threaten the god will eventually meet their doom like Pentheus. It doesn’t matter what opinion you have against them, BTS is here to stay, they’re here to celebrate. And that’s exactly what the Greeks do to worship Dionysus. The god’s glorified resurrection was celebrated by doing plays in theater. 
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Similarly, performing Dionysus is how BTS proclaims their victory over the sufferings they have experienced, which made them stronger and shine brighter ever than before. The stage is the theater for their play, and we are the audience invited to witness their glory.
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I’m at the door of the world now
The loud cheers I hear as I step onto the stage
Can’t you see my stacked broken thyrsus
It’s only now that I am born again
The myth of the god of wine therefore is the perfect allegory for BTS’ story. It’s suitable that the track was placed at the end of the album because it shows that this is where they ended up being after the long journey over the past 6 years. It’s also the fact that BTS chooses not to be resentful towards their past; they’d rather celebrate it, meaning they are not willing to let any obstacles restrain them. This song is a way to present themselves as the greatest boy band in the world. Whether you agree or not, one thing still stands: it’s certain that you won’t be able to escape from them.
Breaking a new record is a race with myself, a race, yeah
Raise the glass of celebration, one shot
But I’m still thirsty
What
PART 2 –Enjoyment & Pain
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Since Dionysus is a symbol of wine, it’s impossible not to discuss about alcohol as a coin with two sides: it can give rise to both enjoyment and pain. Dionysus can be, as he was sometimes regarded, “the god of holy inspiration,” motivating people to act bravely or creatively, but at the same time he can be cruel, driving men on to madness and frightful deeds. His character clearly depicts that of alcohol.
The dynamic between enjoyment and pain in alcohol illustrates that it’s not possible to enjoy something without experiencing any resistance or limit. This leads to the conversation about two relationships: one between BTS and their audience, the other one between art and artists.
Comparing BTS to wine is pretty accurate. There is no need to say more about how much fun, joy or inspiration they can offer to their fans. And who are the ones that are the most drunk in BTS? While Dionysus has the maenads, BTS has us, ARMY. Our force and dedication for the artist is unstoppable to the point of madness.
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All drink, drink, drink, drink my glass, ay
All fall, fall, fall for a mad artist
Still, one thing that needs to be noted is the opposite side of the situation, for as much as BTS offers immeasurable satisfaction and amusement, there can be a few drawbacks as well. This is an appropriate occasion to bring back “Pied Piper,” a critical and playful track about the negative effects of falling into the BTS loophole. It’s the same as getting drunk at a party knowing that you’re risking to be late or miss work the next day. In addition, too much dose of BTS can lead to excessive obsession and the loss of decency, the kind of behavior we see in sasaengs/stalkers.
Though I’m a bit dangerous, I’m too sweet
I came to rescue you, I came to ruin you
In this way, BTS has beneficial and destructive side. In them there exists the ability to generate enjoyment and pain like alcohol.  And while the band is the best gift to those who appreciates them, they are also the industry’s worst nightmare.
BTS climbed their way up and succeed without any external help and cheating, which makes some people really mad so they are trying every way imaginable to undermine them. Some even enjoy doing it without realizing that in such a way they are somewhat addicted to the artist instead. Even this kind of obsession is still an indicator that those antis are being under the influence of the wine called BTS. After all, it has been said before that a hater in a way is a fan too. This highlights the fact that BTS needs not to fear or worry about antis because making people mad is Dionysus’ specialty. Without this characteristic, BTS cannot be like wine/the god of wine. Considering this, we may say that haters are not actually ruining BTS but making them who they are (by giving them the quality that constitutes their identity.) That’s one way to look at it.
I’m going to move on briefly to the relationship between art and its creators. Art to artists is the same thing as what BTS is to ARMY. It was already stated in the lyrics. The song clearly addressed the pain of creative process, for it’s not something that can be avoided.
Drink it up (the pain of creating)
One sip (the scolding of society)
Drink it up (the communication with myself)
One sip (Okay now I’m ready to sho)
For both artists and consumers, art indeed produces pleasure as well as comfort, but the agony that artists have to endure before they can create a work is tremendous. And isn’t that often pain itself is what gives birth to a work of art? Here I quote Herman Hesse’s Steppenwolf:
“Thus, like a precious, fleeting foam over the sea of suffering arise all those works of art, in which a single individual lifts himself for an hour so high above his personal destiny that his happiness shines like a star and appears to all who see it as something eternal and as a happiness of their own.” 
The song itself is a proof to this statement. BTS have been through so much to reached where they are today, and thus “Dionysus” pays homage to their hardships. In a way, those difficulties are what enables them to fully cherish the value of their achievements and provides them with inspiration for their works.
All in all, the two cases associated with the theme of enjoyment and pain point towards the idea that joy and suffering can co-exist in one thing and cannot be separated. We’d better embrace this truth so that maybe we can profit from the two of them. This can be applied to several aspects in life as well.
PART 3 (END) - What the Song May be Telling Us
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So, where do we go from here? Where do all of the topics I’ve mentioned above come together? As Map of The Soul: Persona refers to, according to Carl Jung’s theory, “the aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others,” Dionysus is a song that speaks about what can obviously be seen about BTS: the story about their success, their fans, the obstacles they face as an artist. These seem to belong to BTS’ persona.
Meanwhile, the song also lets us get a glimpse of more serious topics that might appear in the next comeback. There are clues to possible discussion about the bad side of their fame or the path they walk on, together with how they have or have not come to term with it. This might be the overall message of the upcoming album. BTS might also talk about how they identify themselves as an individual and as a superstar —the struggle to find a balance between being a god and being a human —or about the hidden negative part of themselves, as it was included in the definition of shadow.
It’s also interesting that Dionysus wasn’t called an outro, which may mean that the song is a kind of a transition into the next album. Because Map of The Soul is a journey into oneself, all parts in this series are connected to the same path. This track is like a checkpoint leading us to the next destination. And the whole series itself seems to be the representation of the self (That’s probably why we only have hints about persona, shadow and ego). Compared to the LOVE YOURSELF series, divided into parts with different themes and tones as it narrates a sequence of an event, each album from Map of the Soul is likely to be integrated into one big part, which I would say makes sense to me #.
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tiaragqueen · 5 years
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Bun Bun: Prologue
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Chapter 1
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[Edited]
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“In the beginning, some people try to appear that everything about them is "in black and white," until later their true colours come out.” - Anthony Liccione
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          “The execution shall begin!”
          It was such a simple sentence; one that most people wouldn’t think twice about. In fact, many of them enjoyed watching the executioner beheaded criminals' heads. It was like a personal amusement for them; something that invoked satisfaction and, possibly, sadistic pleasure. The criminals' expressions varied from one person to another. Some terrified, some wailing, some struggling, and some emotionless.
          You didn’t judge people's preferences, though. Had you were in their position, you would certainly get the same satisfaction from seeing an evildoer disappear from this world. It wouldn’t change much. Crimes would definitely still exist - it was an intrinsic part of life and essential for laws to stay active because, without crimes, the police force would be useless - but at least it would discourage one person from acting on them.
          But this was different. Someone that you knew, someone that you were more than acquainted with, someone that you used to love, was the convict today. Watching the person, who had been an important figure in your life, being beheaded wasn't the same as watching an ordinary criminal.
          Your palms were clammy underneath the white gloves, and you contemplated the possibility of returning to the castle without anyone noticing. The execution had yet to start, but you were already dreading it more than listening to the court's decision regarding his death penalty. You were supposed to be anticipating this. Heck, you had even promised to your parents that you would attend. For the first time in twenty years, you were about to witness a cruel death with your very own eyes.
          So why were you hesitating now? Did you still have some feelings for him?
          No, you shook your head. Of course not. It was impossible. Ridiculous. Any lingering sentiment that you had for him died the moment you discovered just how malicious he could be. The betrayal and disbelief had stained the rose-colored lens who your naïve self had adopted during earlier years due to the circumstances you were in. Safe and sound. No crime or rumors ever reached your innocent ears, and your parents had made sure that you wouldn’t catch a glimpse of the executions that occurred regularly.
          You had been in the dark for as long as you could remember. And had he didn’t show how terrifying an ordinary person – a gentleman – could be, then you would have lived up your day believing that the world was all rainbows and sunshine. Because why would you be evil, when you could spread kindness instead?
          Well, clearly not anyone shared the same opinion as you. Some people were just determined to achieve something, and you had never expected that you would be the target of that dogged determination. Sure, you were a princess and many envied you, but to be desired to the point of obsession?
          Sometimes, you just wanted to rip the stupid tiara from your head and pretended that you were an average peasant for once. But who were you to get that privilege? No matter how hard you tried, no matter how many times you wished upon the sky or the falling star, you could never be one.
          However, you kept hoping that maybe – in another lifetime, where everything wasn’t so complicated and strict and more manageable – you would be an average peasant that you always dreamed of.
          For now, you just had to deal with him. The one person who had scarred you for life and opened your eyes to the brutal reality. That absolutely anyone was capable of corrupting and be corrupted. Although you weren’t sure if you were ready to see his face again. How could you not? It's been a long time since the last time you saw him.
          Was he okay? Did he get torture in there? Had the reform for even the slightest bit?
          A tall young man, in his early twenties, climbed up the wooden stairway to the platform. Despite the two guards who were trailing close behind, and the townspeople who immediately threw insults at him like there was no tomorrow, his face remained stony. His body was much skinnier, to the point where you could see the bones protruding from the once bulky skin. His hair was dirty, littered with some dust that hung on the dark locks. Yet, his eyes were still cold as always. They reflected the derisive and angered faces of the townspeople like a deceptive mirror that showed their true, rotten selves.
          It was through those eyes too where you learned that not everyone was as kind as they appeared to be. That they only acted cordial either for the sake of gaining your favor or out of courtesy.
          And he had been one of them as well, although he insisted that his kindness was ‘real’. You knew you were fully aware, and you acknowledged it. The sincerity and affection that lit up his hollow irises whenever he saw you was far from fake. You can never be as happy when you meet someone unless you truly like them, especially in a royal world where everyone is pretending to be someone they're not.
          “He looks worse now,” you heard Rosé whispered beside you. She clutched the hem of her black apron, nervous about being in the same area with him although he was standing a good few meters away from her. Her fear was warranted, however, given his infamy in your kingdom.
          You threw her a glum glance, silently agreeing with your personal maid. You had no doubt that he often refused to eat if not the guards having some sort of a personal grudge against him.
          “I won’t eat,” he’d said during your first and last visit to his cell. “I will show you how much you turn me into this way.”
          It was unfair of him to put the blame on you because obviously, you couldn’t control other people’s feelings. But you knew that you had influence to this sudden change too, not that you would admit it out loud. It would only prove his statement - thus feeding his ego - and that was the last thing you wanted to hear from him.
          Jungkook stood with a hunched back in front of you, glassy eyes staring off the distance. What he thought about was a mystery, but you were sure that he didn’t repent on his sins or pondering over his inevitable death. In fact, you could safely say that he enjoyed being a criminal.
          That was just another proof of how messed up he was on the head.
          “Is there any last word, Jeon Jungkook?” the executioner's deep voice boomed.
          A hush fell over the boisterous crowd as they waited for his last answer. The last response that would either strengthen their convictions over his unforgivable actions or convince his innocence, however ridiculous it might sound. Regardless of his sudden decision to show a bit of humanity within him, Jungkook couldn’t miss the blade that glinted menacingly under the sun; the 175 pounds blade that would soon become the end of his life.
          If he had any, that is.
          Your breath hitched the moment his eyes landed on yours. His gaze was heavy, meant to condescend you despite your higher position. Like you were nothing more than a delicate doll to be dressed in pretty dresses and shoes. Somehow, you had a ridiculous hope that maybe he would overlook you within this sea of raging people.
          But of course, nobody can miss their loved ones even in a desert. It’s hard not to.
          A smirk graced his pale features, and you visibly tensed up. Despite his lanky figure and hollow cheekbones, he remained the same attractive boy you had met in the past. “I shall see you soon, Your Highness.”
          It was a promise, one that he would definitely carry out one way or another. How? You didn’t know. He would die within minutes anyway. But Jungkook wasn’t one to go back on his words, regardless of how ludicrous or absurd they might be.
          So, maybe, he believed in another lifetime. Just like you.
          Rosé gently grabbed your forearm in a comforting manner as you both watched the executioner raised the rope that held the weighted blade. There was no hesitation, no reluctance, and no lingering movements when Jungkook bowed down to place his head on the lunette. He was like a dutiful child, ready to face whatever consequences that befall him.
          And without further hesitation either, the executioner released the rope.
          You squeezed your eyes shut, hearing the blade fell with a thud. Rosé whimpered as she hid her face on your side, unable to witness the cruelty of his death as well. Tears leaked from your eyelids and left wet trails along your powdered face. You didn’t know why you were crying when you should be happy that he was dead now.
          Perhaps, deep inside, you still harbored some feelings for him. You just refused to acknowledge them. But it was impossible, right? It had to be.
          After a few minutes, Rosé slowly withdrew from the awkward side hug and you braced yourself to see it in person. Bile rose to your throat as you bit your bottom lip to suppress a sob from escaping.
          Jungkook’s head laid on the ground, facing you. His eyes, although lost their sparks of life, were tender. Like the eyes of a lover who loves their significant other so much they’re willing to give the world for them. His warm gaze, which usually turned ice cold to other people who he felt was bothering you, sent an imaginary stab into your chest.
          Why? After all the immoral actions he’d done, he had the guts to stare at you like this? Like you were his whole world, and he was the little stars that have lights on to your otherwise dark life?
          Why? Why did he still love you after you rejected him repeatedly?
          And most of all, why did his death hurt you so much?
          You gripped the cold steel of your parasol and silently wept against your chest. You might be mourning over his death or the doom that had befallen him the moment he met you. Nobody knew. Nobody could bring themselves to care. All they wanted was for him to perish.
          And granted was their wishes.
          “Jungkook...”
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The Best Laid Plans
-reposting from my old account-
Summary: As Sora attempts to find Kairi’s heart at the end of Kingdom Hearts III, images of Kairi herself seem to attack him--punishment, Sora thinks, for letting her die--and as he gets closer and closer to her heart platform, memories of her (and past mistakes of his there) begin to play as Sora tortures himself, but not all is what it seems.
A.K.A. My version of Sora finding and saving Kairi at the end of KHIII.
(And sorry if any of my Italics disappeared. For that reason, you might want to read on fanfiction, AO3, dA, or Pillowfort instead).
Sora's PoV
The first thing Sora noticed—when he started doing a dive towards Kairi's heart platforms, was how this time around... there seemed to be massive boulders everywhere:
Something that reminded Sora of his fight with Lexaeus, back at the Cavern of Remembrance.
And as Sora got closer to the stained glass, he had to swerve this way and that to avoid running into the falling rocks... that seemed to go more concave the closer Sora got to them?
But even with those trying to obscure him from the truth, Sora entered a dream of Kairi's—it was the best way he could put it—and instantly realized what memory it was. He hadn't recalled it until now, because he'd been so young when it had happened... And maybe part of Sora had even blocked the memory, but...
He and Kairi had been okay the first two times they'd met when they were five:
When Sora had been the first one to find after she had washed up on Destiny Islands, and then the first time he and Riku had talked to her at the mayor's house.
But after that... things had gone down hill for them pretty quickly—because Kairi had done something that bothered Sora, and he had blown it way out of proportion like children did:
Kairi, in playing with some of her girl friends, had teasingly wanted to put chalk onto Sora's face to emulate makeup: And this was since Sora had cost them a point in the Jeopardy game at school, so the girls had playfully wanted to get back at him.
And all of that had hurt Sora so much, that he'd begun hating Kairi for it:
It hadn't been a "hate" that had been too bad—as they had just been kids. And even now, Sora didn't think he had it in him to ever truly be bad to someone… but he'd still ignored her and given her the cold shoulder, whenever she was around for a year.
It got to a point, where Kairi—now heartbroken herself—had stood on a rock in the sea, begging the waves to take her.
And it was just when the waves were touching Kairi's feet, that the Sora of the past literally sprung into action.
Sora jumped to where Kairi was...
But as a kid who still didn't know how to control his own strength, he almost overshot and tripped on the rock that Kairi stood on and into the water.
But he didn't.
Instead, Sora hugged Kairi to protect her from wavelets coming her way—that had been so beautiful, in their most terrifying way—and apologized amidst tears that were running down his own cheeks.
"Sorry, Kairi… Be my friend?"
Kairi looked up at Sora with wide eyes then: wise beyond her years, Sora saw now, and just a bit untrusting after all the things she'd already seen. "Why would you want that?" Kairi had questioned with both hands behind her back, in her iconic gesture.
At that, Sora didn't answer. Instead, he just picked Kairi up into his arms, and tried to gracefully jump with her… but face-planted them both into the sand.
'Oh well. That was bad. But she won't drown.' Young Sora had thought then. And Sora heard it again in his head now, and he couldn't help but smile for it. Apparently, he actually hadn't been too inarticulate with his feelings back in the day. "I found ya, Kairi… So we should be friends."
Oh, and that was even better! Current Sora thought, near chuckling.
It felt… good, in some ways, to see this. Even if seeing Kairi was literally a stab to the heart.
At first, Past Sora's words didn't seem like they were enough for Kairi. She had even been about to storm off, Sora had been able to tell.
But she turned around just once—and surprisingly put her hand into her future significant other's, and said: "A chance, it is."
Then, she began leading the two of them away:
Towards the secret place, that she would later tell Sora she'd just noticed that day… but had needed a brave boy to go in with, since she was a bit scared.
And in trying to make things up to Kairi, Sora would begin drawing on the cave walls for her that day, and that… Well, that would be the start of everything.
Out of the memory now, and back on the platform—having been removed gently, the way he had been when Kairi had once deemed he'd seen enough of her memory about her grandma—Sora found that he suddenly felt… depressed. And right now, for one reason in particular:
"…I've hurt you in the past. Huh, Kairi? …We didn't have a concept of death back then. But gods. You almost committed suicide over me when we were five. Thankfully, that's the worst of it. And to save you… I'm maybe going to have to face all of this hurt. But I'm ready."
Having said that, it threw Sora off when Nightmares that looked like metallic versions of Kairi came flying his way.
If he'd, perhaps, undone Kairi's pain here—which was what Sora was assuming was happening here, and how he'd free her—shouldn't these Nightmares have vacated the premises?
And the way that they looked—now even with fan sharp wings that sliced his face as they came boy—Sora expected them to be some of the toughest enemies he'd ever had to face… but they weren't.
They were tough, in that most of his spells and attacks didn't work on them...
Except for the quake spell he'd used in his time trying to save Naminé..
Though it had been a struggle-and-a-half trying to even reclaim that memory to do so.
But Sora had guessed that that would be the only way to stop them, as there had been boulders before this, and such in Kairi's memory that he'd just seen
And he'd been right.
So—more than just using his Keyblade for this fight—Sora had summoned that magic to him… and had nearly allowed it to give him a heart attack.
That was always how that spell seemed to feel—as it seemed to explode out of Sora, just as it pulled stones from the ground to throw at everything.
That being said—and though Sora was glad to have eliminated one more thing that had been in his way—it killed him to see the rocks tear at Kairi so mercilessly.
But fortunately, Sora didn't have to witness it for long: They were gone just like that, and it was like marks being cleaned from a slate.
But what was too much for Sora, however, was when he realized he'd somehow just accidentally cut his hand with the Keyblade.
His hand, that had—stupidly—only reluctantly shared a paopu fruit with Kairi.
And for that, he deserved whatever was done to his body.
And this hell as a whole.
But just when Sora was done with this nightmare—and thought he might be one step closer to Kairi's Light—he felt a laser slice through his shoulder, the way numerous ones of Xigbar's had in the past, when he hadn't dodged them properly.
And Sora winced in pain... It had been a while since something this minuscule had harmed him, and in some ways he'd forgotten what a fine-toothed-comb such a touch could be.
But what had done this to him? For that, Sora had no answer.
It hadn't been the Nightmares or Kairi, so what did that me-
But before Sora could finish the thought, he found himself being pulled back down to more of Kairi's Station of Awakenings.
And this time, it looked like he had a choice on which one to go to:
He could either go to the one when she was thirteen—evidenced by the fact that that had been the first and only year Kairi had worn her hair so big—or to her twelve-year-old one, where she and Sora had gone to the Sadie Hawkins Dance together.
Relishing in the fact that none of these would be as bad as how he'd treated Kairi when they were children, Sora began diving with his eyes closed—blindly—and let his heart do the rest.
The hair one, it was.
And when Sora hovered over the scene, like a ghost, he tried to figure out what had been significant about this one… and why Kairi had chosen to try and be a trendsetter that way.
And then it all hit him like a ton of bricks..
Right. This was when Kairi had been obsessed with Queen.
And she'd tried being beautiful in another way, going totally '80s, in wandering if Freddie—who thought everyone was gorgeous—would think she was when she looked like this.
…Though Sora still wondered if there'd been more to it than even that.
Also? This had been one of the few fall-outs between Riku and Kairi, during the three's long journey as friends… Because Riku had had some issue with Queen, or Kairi liking Queen, and it still made no sense to Sora.
And yet for one day, he'd been on Riku's side about it.
Sora had been okay with Kairi changing her hair every year. It had just been her thing. But when she brought clothing alteration, and a different attitude into it some, that had been too odd for Sora.
He'd also agreed with Riku, that 80's music really didn't scream Kairi.
...But then Sora had seen how happy Kairi was playing this part—and the present day Sora, giving this a once-over again, saw it now—and had been unable to turn away from this side of her anymore.
And if Sora had fallen for the song "Love of My Life" because of her, he wasn't complaining.
"Kairi, what are you doing?" Past Sora still finally asked, however.
And if Keyblade-wielder-Sora was right about it, this was their last day of school in eighth grade—a day in which everyone could go to the amusement park with their class, or stay home and do whatever.
Most had chosen the former—including Sora and Riku themselves—but Kairi, for whatever reason, had chosen to stay home.
And the current Sora now knew why, because Kairi had eventually explained it to him, but the Sora in the memory didn't.
The answer? Eventually, Kairi had begun to feel bad about the money the mayor and his wife had spent on her after adopting her. So her not going on this adventure, was her way of giving them one less expense when it came to her.
She was being selfless, like Kairi so often was, but Sora knew she'd also enjoyed staying home and enjoying her 80'-esques stuff: She'd even been about to watch "Grease" when he'd shown up. But still… Even if he had been figuring that out, Sora had still had to ask her.
"I don't know, Sora," she'd admitted at last, as she fell onto her neon green bed and gave him a look. "I guess I'm just confused about me
"But if I am myself, in going to the amusement park like I want to, my parents lose out. So the best option is to do nothing, and just be."
And even if Sora knew that this had been past Kairi talking to his past self… Some of this sounded so much like how he'd felt—in pondering what he should do, since so many personalities in him weren't his own—that present day Sora couldn't help reaching out for Kairi now… And having his hand pass through his cheek as he did so.
Well, if he couldn't reach her—yet!—he'd at least try and give Kairi his words. And just as Keyblade-wielder Sora began speaking, so did the thirteen-year-old Sora.
And if it had been his thirteen-year-old self who had said this—or him now, through some sort of time paradox—Sora didn't know, but he was glad for the poetic words he'd selected all the same.
"Kairi... know that you should always try to be yourself, and everything else will fall into place."
Kairi looked at Sora then—with a look he couldn't quite fathom-but now that he knew what her expressions of love looked like, he thought this might have been the beginning of that.
And a long moment then passed, as Kairi picked her teddy bear up from her bed, clutched it to her chest, and then seemed about to give it to Sora before thinking better of it?
Eventually, she did find her voice again—as she looked at Sora wide-eyed, once again—and tried to reach for his hand.
And it was so much like what he'd just tried to do to her, that Sora couldn't help gasping for it… and even louder, as he carried it over, when her words did reach him now. "Thank you, Sora... It means a lot, and I really needed to hear that.
"I guess… sometimes I get stuck in my own heart? After getting to the Islands sort of traumatically? … So it's nice that you're here, to get me unstuck?"
Later, Sora would realize this was some of the most serious he'd ever seen Kairi: she was bright and energetic usually, so this must have been a blight on her otherwise flawless record that should have stood out to him.
And it definitely had back then… though not necessarily in a bad way.
But now that Sora knew Kairi was aware of some stuff about her grandma… and yet didn't know Aqua because of her trauma—and how it bothered her—Sora tried to decide if he should have found a better way to engage about her past even back here.
But still… even with that, Sora was pretty thrilled with how this memory ended:
"I'm only happy to help, Kairi! I swear." And he pinky promised with her, in a way that Naminé, perhaps, had been jealous of.
As Sora came to again-…into into Darkness?! What was this that he was seeing?!—he saw that there were times he certainly could have taken better care of Kairi.
And he tried not to vilify himself for it, since no one was perfect and more than anything he'd always tried to be perfect for Kairi…
But the more Sora thought about it, the more he hated himself:
Because there had been the times in the past where he'd been a jerk, in just being a clueless kid, sure, but adding that to all the times he'd recently left her... And how she'd just died because of his failure and lack of being able to keep a promise...
Well, Sora thought he deserved these Kairi Nightmares that were now going through him like ghosts—and literally trying to rip his heart out as they pulled him further into the Darkness… that it, too, was somehow edged like wings.
And Sora couldn't help laughing maniacally at this. It all hurt. Bad:
Like the physical manifestation of all of your friends forgetting you and never remembering, but for real this time. And it was worse, in that Kairi—of all people—was the one doing this to him!
And so lost was Sora in the pain and guilt he felt, as one of the strings attaching his heart to his soul was ripped, that he didn't at first realize he'd reached another platform.
And this one… This one was a stage where Kairi was obsessed with dying her hair, a weary Sora saw.
Funny, how Kairi had done so much with her hair and Sora never caught it before.
He wanted to loathe himself for that, too.
But maybe safe in this space, that was clearly the corner of Kairi's heart… Maybe he couldn't.
This time, the two of them were fourteen.
And at a hair salon, as opposed to in Kairi's room.
Past Sora was giving the impression that he'd only come to this with Kairi, because her adopted grandma had bailed on their usual routine and he hadn't wanted to leave her alone.
But nope.
The truth was, that this was Kairi's birthday. And since Kairi hadn't been sure what she wanted to do, Sora and Riku had just planned to shock Kairi with a surprise party here. Riku had gone to get all of the supplies they needed, so that left Sora to throw Kairi off the scent. "Kairi… I can't tell: Is your hair more red and you add brown to it, or more brown and you add red to it? And whichever the case... And why not just keep it its natural color?"
Kairi leaned up from the sink her hair had been washing in, and smiled wickedly at Sora. "You'll never know, my friend. And because dying it is all the rage now."
And oh man, did Sora regret now that he'd seemed to indicate he minded what Kairi did to her hair.
He, to his own ears, had sounded too much like a possessive boyfriend who dictated everything his girlfriend did.
But then again—the Sora of the present now realized, as Kairi was clearly happy having a good time—maybe he'd over thought it.
Besides, his mission back then had succeeded. Hadn't it? He'd kept Kairi from figuring out her birthday, right?
Kairi seemed about to say something else then, but Riku surprised her—and even Sora, who should have known better—when he thundered into the room with candy bar after candy bar and blew a party horn in their favorite redhead's face.
"Happy birthday, Kairi! We were gonna do this the normal way, with a cake and all, but then we figured you'd instead might wanna emulate buying candy bar after candy bar here with your grandma. So, that it is. This is our cake."
And Kairi had been so endeared by their gesture, that she'd actually told the barber she didn't need the blonde streaks after all, and was all done.
And jumping up from her seat with a wet head and everything, Kairi had hugged both Sora and Riku tightly. And it was still the best hug Sora had ever gotten—something that made him blush even now, to think about.
And Becky, the owner of the salon, informed Kairi that it was fine for her to cut their plans for her hair short, and motioned for her to go run all over the little hall with the vending machine that Riku was referencing with the candy bars.
A young Kairi—according to her, anyway—had run all down this hall, connecting to other buildings, with her grandma when she was young. But most of all, she'd always stop at the vending machine and have treat after treat given to her.
So, that's what they'd planned to do for her birthday.
And Sora, Riku, and Kairi hadn't needed to be told twice.
The boys, being kind to their gal friend, gave her their jackets to her—so she wouldn't catch Pneumonia with her wet head—and then headed to said hall.
When they came to the end of it-where a table and chairs were—the trio sat down and grabbed a magazine each: having the same thought that this would be the only thing to really entertain them here.
And the hero Sora, who walked with them, almost wished he could grab one himself. Because when was the last time he'd done any pastime like this?
But back to the memory:
Fortunately, even though this had been a place just for girls, there were enough guy things in these magazines that Sora and Riku could keep themselves occupied with them.
Sora now recollected, as he smiled widely—one of the few times he had since Kairi's death—that he'd been taking a quiz to see if he was Pecan or Rocky Road ice cream here…But Riku ended up distracting that thought when he spoke.
"So, are you happy to be fourteen?" Riku had queried, as he'd suddenly pulled out a large piece of gum and looked like he was trying to find a way to slice it into three pieces: as their true substitute cake.
And before Kairi had given her answer, Sora had tried to guess if she'd try to look at this in some eloquent way—or find something in her mind that explained how she had already changed—but she just shrugged it off, and explained it like it was:
"I don't feel any different yet, actually."
Present Sora could get why she'd say this. Because… really? Each birthday wasn't monumental, you found out as you got older. As time seemed to blur, and you realized there was no reason to fear the future—like there wasn't for him now—but the young him had been somewhat… saddened, that Kairi seemed to indicate there'd be no instant magic when he turned fourteen after her.
But that wasn't what mattered now… No, what mattered now was Kairi. And maybe it had always been Kairi, as Sora had told his friends before using the Power of Waking once more.
And Kairi in this montage, was now putting her hands on both Sora's and Riku's shoulders as she questioned the obvious:
"So I have to know. What inspired you guys to have my birthday party here? Not that I'm complaining!"
And even now—as Sora thought strongly about trying to embrace the past Kairi this time… though he knew that wouldn't work any more than trying to touch her cheek had—Sora barely knew the answer to that question:
Had it been because they thought Kairi would want a break from the hustle and bustle the mayor would have been doing for her birthday, or to try and get her ready for the more mundane ones she, and they, would have in the future?
Or, actually... Sora's past self had known the true answer, huh? And somehow the current one had already forgotten it… and that scared him terribly.
"Because we couldn't wait to spend time with you. So with you to your hair appointment, we went!"
And the clip show faded away, as the three of them each got a piece of gum.
And since that memory had been what dreams were made of… Sora had thought maybe he was on the right track with this healing thing, and that he'd faced the last of the Nightmare Kairis.
But the fact that it wasn't, and they attacked him relentlessly—five slicing his chest with blades, two biting his neck, and three pulling his arm behind his back, and the last slamming his face into the next glass before he could go into it—should have been his first sign that something was wrong.
Darkness! There was so much Darkness, that Sora couldn't see anything. And he was as afraid as he had been on that night of fate, what felt like so long ago.
But this Darkness couldn't have been… Kairi's.
So whose was it?
From the get-go—even though Sora has thought his astral body had been separated from his physical one during his visits into Kairi's memories, so he couldn't feel the pain from the Kairi Nightmares in the visions—Sora felt his heart laboring in his chest, and his sight tunneling.
Though if it was from what he'd been through here, or because he was dying from using the Power of Waking, he didn't know.
Oh.
It was this… disgusting memory. (Wait, what?)
The one where Kairi had been over at Sora's after he'd gotten back from his quest...
And she had a knife to her stomach—acting like she was about to try and cut off one of the rolls on her stomach, before she laughed it off.
Combined together now—the astral and the physical, as they began to faint—both Soras started to tell Kairi that she didn't have to do that, and she was beautiful!
But the present Sora never got to say that she was that.
Instead, he was violently pulled from… this as an army of Sora Nightmares dived at him.
He helplessly raised his Keyblade against them, the way he had the Dusks that he'd first faced... but he knew it wouldn't be enough.
But then she appeared.
"Sora, silly, don't you remember? That wasn't about me trying to mutilate myself at all. I was just holding that knife to cut the big cookie we were going to eat. And I was also holding a water bottle then, and the knife accidentally punctured it... We then joked my water broke. And even back then, I was sort of wishing it would... with a child of yours in the future.
"Sora, you're so ashamed of yourself for... not protecting me, that you're effecting my heart and making your own phantoms attack you. These Nightmares were always yours, not mine. And for that reason, you're seeing the memories where you think you should've been a better boyfriend to me… And it's so bad, that some have even begun to lie to you.
"But you shouldn't feel this way. My death was my fault. All mine... You shouldn't be here, but now I'll protect you!"
And just when Sora had needed it, Kairi had created a barrier to protect him.
And Kairi washed these Nightmares in so much of her Light—that this fractured part of Sora's heart returned to him peacefully, as if it was a missing puzzle piece.
And for a moment, he breathed evenly again.
It was then that Sora started crying, as he held onto Kairi's hands once more: and thank the gods, that he was doing this!
"Kairi, I'm so sorry!" Sora exclaimed, knowing full well how doomed this all was. And really, he'd always known.
Because even if Kairi had recompleted herself and could make it back to the surface now, they were still chosen for tragedy and could never be together.
And as if fate got a kick out of torturing him, now that he'd found the one that mattered most—the one he'd done all of this for—he was already fading away.
First, she might as well have faded in her memories when he'd tried to touch her. And now this.
But Sora didn't care, so long as Kairi was okay.
And was she after what Xehanort had done to her? Sora wasn't too sure.
For one thing, he imagined she'd always have a long gash down her back that would never heal, and he hated it hated it hated it!
"I did fail you," Sora assured his princess, as he again looked into the large, expressive eyes that had made him love her. If only he could have gotten lost in them… and not in death.
"I promised that I'd protect you, and I didn't! You had to die the worst death I've ever seen for... for no reason! And I didn't even get to help you recomplete yourself. I guess I dove into your heart for no reason, and-"
At this point, as he rambled onto a point where he just began stuttering, Kairi just hugged Sora as her astral form pulled him out of her heart. And in some mysterious way, her having done that led their physical bodies into pecking each other's lips.
It was their first kiss, and it was sweet as could be—Sora even thought he was probably doing the foot popping thing, and he felt like he was flying in Neverland again-but it couldn't last, and Sora was starting to find how bittersweet the world could be.
But breaking away—probably because she didn't want their first real kiss to be like this—Kairi had to say her piece, about Sora having not used the Power wrong to save her like he had with everyone else.
"I'm glad you didn't, Sora. As a Princess of Heart... God, I know things! ...I didn't at the time… But I know what the task I carelessly put on your shoulders, of saving everyone, cost you. So I'm selfishly glad I won't be more responsible for… this than I already am."
Sora knew he should have been saying something to Kairi's own self-loathing now—he was aware of it with every fiber of his being—but he didn't.
Because Kairi had been right about one thing: Sora had been torturing himself about her a little too much, and that was what had led to this precarious situation he'd just been in a moment ago.
So, maybe he didn't always have to jump in to save Kairi, and to think the worst of himself while doing so.
The heart was so many emotions—as Sora had always been quick to tell anyone—and negative emotions came with that, too.
Maybe he should let her pain be hers, and his his… But that didn't mean they couldn't try to lessen it, either.
"So, what now?" Sora begged, as he found himself leaning his forehead against Kairi's, like he'd dreamt of doing for so long.
How great it felt to actually be able to touch her again! If only for a while…
And perchance he really was starting to lose it, because even though Sora knew his time was nearly up...
He was giddy that he had been able to find Kairi, and they could finally be together where there were no lies. Even one second longer that he would have had to wait for this, really would have been too long.
In the natural world now, and in Sora and Kairi's hearts, the sun was coming up and it was time to face whatever the morning brought with it.
"We go back to the place we made our vow, and pray for a better ending... my love," was Kairi's answer, as tears glistened in her eyes that Sora could tell she would not let shed.
And it was clear by the fact that Kairi had said the last—but hadn't restated it, because she was a bit shy—that she meant every word.
And even if Sora had felt Light in his heart many times because of his friends, and even via Kairi before, it had never been like this.
Sora was already dead: He'd known that the moment Young Xehanort had told him as much.
And, yeah: if he really focused on the pain from that now, it was unendurable.
And yet… with Kairi, anything seemed possible. And Sora could almost believe he'd find a way back to the surface, and they'd be together again… And there wasn't any better world out their, than that belief.
But Sora's expression must have darkened for a moment, because Kairi seemed hesitant to summon her Keyblade and make them a pathway home (for Sora could tell as flowers had begun twining up her arm, in her summoning animation, that that was what she was planning on).
Perhaps because she saw getting home as being just for her; and that if she just didn't stay here working up a way to save him… it would be some sort of betrayal in her eyes.
But if she did think that, Sora instantly silenced that fear with a look. And so Kairi did summon Destiny's Embrace, to lead them home again:
Like she had the first time, and a time after that.
And holding hands in that intimate way they had just a few hours ago, they both turned to Light, went through the ether, and ended up back Destiny Islands like Sora had with Riku after fighting Xemnas.
And in Sora's heart, it felt good to do this with Kairi: to experience new things with her, like they had first dreamed about.
While they were still air, Sora brushed an incorporeal hand against Kairi's face—and oh, she felt it. And Sora relished in how she bowed her head into his hand more—and said the words he'd been too afraid to before this: "I love you."
Somehow, being his namesake right now—and Kairi nearly being her own, as they fell closer and closer to it—gave him the confidence to be this thing the self-conscious boy never could've been otherwise: love incarnate, he supposed.
Because Sora had just been... so smitten, to witness this proof that sea and sky could be together outside of the Final World, and always had been… and always would be.
And mayhap Kairi's befuddlement—befuddlement and love, Sora thought. Because he was very much the same when it came to Kairi—at his confession is what had her staring at his face, as he took in every inch of hers for the end of their time together.
In another life, Sora would have kissed her here…
But in this one, he was sadly joining the ether once more.
So Sora made love with their joined hands even moreso.
And gave the one he treasured most in the world, the kind of card that would perfectly fit her crazy hair and appearances… that would even be the key to saving him, and their love...
The Wild Card.
And Sora knew that with every fiber of his being, as he allowed himself to reach for a Kairi he couldn't touch one last time. And secretly kissed her cheek, before he was looking at his hand there.
Author’s Note: Some explanation about this story: I don't know why. But when I was first envisioning this scenario… I imagined Sora going through some place that looked like the Cavern of Remembrance, as Nightmare Kairis—that were really Nightmare Soras, and his own guilt about everything—attacked him as rocks fell down… and then eventually Kairi finally got her chance to shine and came in and rescued HIM.
But I then realized that those visuals weren't at all consistent with how we saw Sora saving the others' hearts in KHIII.
So I then tried to keep my original ideas, but stay true to that—that was when the stained-glass platforms of Kairi that Sora dove to came in (but since those for sure felt like Kairi's heart, that meant Sora used the Power of Waking RIGHT this time. Because he traversed hearts to find worlds, as he was supposed to do. So I had to work it in, that Sora was doomed even before he did this… which I think he was).
And since I was having those platforms, it just seemed that I had to have memories attached to each one and literally delve into them.
This allowed me to put in two ideas I've always had for SoKai.
The first is the idea of Sora and Kairi hating each other at first, but then growing to like each other and falling in love… Because I love that trope. But to have it work for SoKai and stay (mostly) true to canon, I had to have it that they only felt that way about each other for five seconds when they were dumb kids.
And I also had the idea of Kairi standing on a rock in the sea after young her and Sora's fight, YEARS before KHIII came out and I had this idea about boulders assaulting Sora as he tried to save her there. So those two things lent themselves well to each other.
And the second thing, is that I've always had the headcanon that Kairi changes her hairstyle every year (why? Because young Kairi, KHI Kairi, KHII Kairi, and Another Side Another Story Kairi all have different hair. Though KHIII Kairi is where I choose to say that she broke this trend, as that looks the same as her four-year-old hair), and that it led to some pretty crazy hairdos…
Which is how the Queen stuff came into this, because I needed to expand on one of her weird hair choice. But it's just not for that, that the band Queen is here—or just because of my love for Queen, I swear—but because Sora and Kairi somewhat remind me of Freddie Mercury and Mary Austin, so there's some attempted (though possibly failed) clever writing at that part.
There's also a theme of "appearance" throughout this whole fic.
Edit: Oh, and at one point Sora wrongfully thinks of a beautician as a barber. That's because he's a silly boy, who doesn't know better;)
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foxofthedesert · 5 years
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Arrow FF | Dinah x Laurel | A Christmas Miracle
A Christmas Miracle, Part 1 - The Pursuit (Click to read on AO3)
Winter has arrived in earnest to Star City, a little late to the party but right on time for the main event. The holidays are right around the corner. Literally. Christmas Eve is already fading into history along with the setting sun.
After a benign autumn, meteorologists had predicted this season would be Northern California cold at worst, which is to say mild compared to the rest of the country with temperatures hovering between the high forties and fifties. Up til now, they'd been spot on with their forecasts. Unfortunately their crystal balls ran out of juice yesterday while today a never ending assembly line of huge gray clouds rolls is currently lazily by, announcing more of the same dreary, wintry weather. If Dinah didn't know better, she'd think it was about to snow. In Coastal California.
Teeth chattering, she tugs her coat tighter around her shoulders to ward off the chill of an uncommonly cold afternoon. This is exactly the kind of shitty weather she thought she left behind when Central City was firmly in her rear view mirror. California was supposed to be sunny and warm, or so said the movies. Well, from where Dinah stands they were lying because she is a bundled up in several layers, a thick coat and scarf atop a sweater and tee with mittens on her hands and woolly socks on her feet, just like she always used to in Missouri.
Dammit. And I just had to wear jeans. Oh well, at least my boots are keeping my toes from freezing.
Cursing the weather and her own foolish choice to be out it in when she doesn't have to be, Dinah curls her shoulders in, stuffs her hands into her coat pockets, and soldiers on. She is on mission right now and has no time to feel sorry for herself.
The sidewalks of the Triangle are bustling with activity in spite of the cold and the waxing evening hour. Shoppers flitting about care little for the rules of polite etiquette in their single-minded pursuit of last minute gifts for their friends and loved ones. Others are meandering aimlessly about, stopping every now and then to gawk at the intrepid shops that bothered to put up decorations or lights or both. Others still have their heads down like Dinah, trying to blend in with the crowd and filter through on their way home or to their jobs. That Dinah's motive for laying low is far less innocuous is beside the point.
Earlier this afternoon she got a surprise call from the District Attorney's office informing her of a prosecutorial change for a current case. Not just any current case, either, but one involving a corrupt, insanely powerful chemical manufacturer based in Gotham which had spread its disease into Star City while the government was occupied preventing one disaster after another. For the better part of a month, Dinah has been grinding through evidence and conducting interview after interview with the one and only Laurel Lance. Since the beginning Laurel has been her partner in overseeing the Ace Chemical case and they were really just hitting their stride on it when the rug got pulled out from underneath her feet. Finally after months of tedious police work and highly stressful court appearances, the CEO and a bevy of her criminally corrupt lapdogs all guilty as sin of dumping toxic waste in the Triangle right on the outskirts of a school zone were fixing to go to jail. Dinah had thought Laurel would want to see it through seeing as she put as many grueling hours in than Dinah has, if not more, ensuring all the I's were dotted and ever T was crossed. With one call from A.D.A Martinez, Dinah was dispelled of that notion and it caught her completely off guard.
The case being pawned off to the longest tenured A.D.A. would not have sat so wrong with Dinah if it hadn't seemed to be as intensely personal to Laurel as it is to her. Normally Laurel Lance acted the prototype of a picture perfect D.A.: a bulldog who is always in control in the courtroom, professional to a fault in the office, and able to politic with the best of them. This case was different, though, even more so than when Laurel went to bat for Oliver while he was still stuck in Slabside. She was burning the midnight oil like never before and spent more hours with Dinah at SCPD going over investigative and arrest reports over and over again until they both had just about memorized them to the letter. Also Laurel's intensity levels were constantly through the roof, and that was saying something considering she is, in every avenue of her life, perpetually cut throat and high strung. Laurel often chastises her staff for no good reason, such as failure to include one minor detail in a relatively inconsequential report due for filing, which is par for the course for a hothead with a combative streak as wide as the Space Needle is tall. But she never did so publicly until working this case. Only last week when one of her paralegals forgot to pass on an innocuous enough message from a DAI, she berated him in front of half the office so badly the poor kid burst into tears, so traumatized that he fled work early and missed the entire next day as well. Once the outrage ebbed, Laurel actually confessed to Dinah that she felt intense guilt over her treatment of that employee.
Laurel Lance. Formerly of Black Siren notoriety. Felt guilty for hurting an underling's feelings. That alone told Dinah how important this case was to Laurel. That she went on to say that this was the first case she'd worked on since assuming Earth-Prime Laurel's life that she categorically refused to lose. Once she went on a bender working on the case, refusing any and all attempts by her employees to get her to go home. Finally after thirty-six hours they called in the cavalry.
"All those people that soulless, greedy bitch made sick deserve justice," Laurel had told Dinah upon being confronted about her obsessive, incredibly unhealthy behavior. "And I'm gonna get it for them. If that means I don't sleep until I get a guilty verdict, then so be it."
If Dinah hadn't put her foot down, she's pretty sure Laurel would have made good on that promise. As it was, she had to all but drag Laurel out of the Court House into the parking garage and then deposit the District Attorney in her shiny new Lexus with perhaps a little less gentleness than was called for.
The point of all this is that Dinah is worried – a lot – about Laurel shrugging off a responsibility she has been obsessing about so religiously over the past two months. Worried that something is wrong or worse, that Laurel has at last fallen off the reformation wagon. Dinah sort of hates herself for jumping to such a cynical conclusion, but there it is. Sometimes those old feelings of bitter acrimony crop up and taint the progress she has made with her former enemy.
Enemy. There's a word Dinah hasn't associated with Laurel in almost two years. Since they teamed up with Felicity to free Oliver from Slabside, she and Laurel have made such significant strides that she would consider Laurel her closest female friend. Which is still sort of shocking when she actually sits down and thinks about where they came from to arrive at what she would categorize as as intimate a friendship as she is capable of forming. No one could have predicted the turn their relationship would take thanks to Felicity's meddling, least of all Dinah, who had once believed the aptly utilized designation of frenemies would be the best she could ever attain with the woman who killed the man she loved. Yet here she is, wading through a sea of people on the streets in ass-clenching cold just to make sure Laurel is alright when she could be at home bundled up on the couch in her favorite blanket sipping on hot cocoa. And it's Christmas Eve for Christ's sake! That alone speaks volumes about how much she actually cares for Laurel.
What's even more amazing is that there is not a shred of doubt in her heart of mind that Laurel feels the same for her. Of course, there is some cause to call that into question, or at least to redefine what care means from Laurel's end. Of late, Dinah has been getting these weird vibes from Laurel, who has started looking at her and even treating her differently than she used to before they tackled this case together. Ordinarily that would be a bothersome development. Except the change is not in a negative direction. If anything, Laurel has been noticeably more attentive and considerate, which when combined with those vibes produce strange feelings and urges in Dinah she has yet to figure out the meaning behind. And that's not to mention what she is supposed to do about this sudden spike of awkward, nervous, excited energy that buzzes between them whenever they are in the same room together. There is a word for it, she is sure, though right now she is not prepared to break out her dictionary so that she can officially print the term on a label to slap upon the deeply complicated relationship she shares with Laurel Lance.
That said, not yet being ready to face what her subconscious has been screaming at her is going on but her conscious has been deliberately and stubbornly annoying does not preclude Dinah from springing into action whenever Laurel starts acting wonky. Such as today when she dropped a case they were both so passionate about for no reason this morning and then inexplicably cut out of work after lunch without so much as an explanation to her immediate subordinate beyond a clipped response, "Worry less about what I'm doing with my afternoon and more about closing this case. Your future here depends on it."
Since getting the call from A.D.A. Martinez, Dinah has been unable to shake a feeling in her gut that something is going on. Something she should be concerned about. So she did what she does best. Pulled rank at the precinct and decided to indulge her nosy side. Leaning upon all she has learned as a vigilante and as a cop, she stalked Laurel on the traffic cams to the street she is currently plodding down, having covered six blocks already, only to lose sight of her at the intersection of Weisinger and Papp. There is only one significant place of interest Dinah can think of at that location, and she cannot for the life of her figure out what Laurel would be doing there. Her gut feeling tells her to follow through, though, so she complies without further complaint other than some more grumbling about the weather.
Upon rounding the corner, Dinah spots the homeless shelter, the city's second largest, and trudges down the sidewalk towards the entrance. Foot traffic here has dwindled down to a negligible amount. Only the inhabitants of the shelter and what few individuals are willing to brave being seen among such a lowly, somewhat dangerous element. Such as Laurel. For whatever reason…
Once perpendicular from the shelter, Dinah quickly cuts across the street when the street traffic gives her a pause. She gives no thought to the fact she, a police captain, has just blatantly broken the law. Jaywalking isn't the first misdemeanor she's committed today and probably won't be the last. Now on the correct side of the street, she picks around the exterior of the shelter until she finds a bedraggled older man perched on a cinder block just inside the alleyway on the east side of the building. Prepared for just this opportunity, she pulls out her badge and then the stock photo of Laurel she'd snatched off her desk.
"Calm down," she says to the startled man warily eyeing her badge – former military judging by his close cropped hair, rigid posture, and army surplus jacket. "I'm not here to arrest you. Or anyone else. What's your name?"
He exhales, fiddling with an exotic, expensive looking watch on his wrist that seems off beyond it being worn by someone without means to purchase it. A second later he offers her a shaky nod, then responds, "Name's Marv."
"Nice to meet you, Marv. I'm Dinah." Dinah's eyes are again drawn to the strange watch, only to have it quickly hidden under a well worn jacket sleeve. For a split second she considers pressing about how a homeless vet came by such an extravagant piece of a bling, only to change her mind in favor of an expedient end to her mission to find out what the hell Laurel is doing here. Now that proper introductions are made, she doesn't feel bad about thrusting the photo of Laurel in his face. "Have you, by chance, seen this woman this afternoon?"
"Yep. That's Dinah. Been here every day this week. First time before eight, though."
Brows searching for her hairline, Dinah almost comments on the name Laurel gave out before she remembers that it actually is Laurel's name. Dinah Laurel Lance. Whose mother's maiden name was Dinah Drake. The synchronicity of those facts alone are enough to keep Dinah awake at night. When factoring in all that conspired to throw them into a collision course trajectory, which they somehow survived only to be caught up in a mutual orbit, she can't help but feel there is some unknown force at work. Call it fate, kismet, destiny or any other whimsical designation, something out there clearly wants her and Laurel close to each other, and Dinah isn't sure how she feels about that. Well, that's a lie. She knows how she feels, just doesn't want to admit it – even to herself.
"What's she doing coming here every night?" she asks around the lump in her throat that often forms when thinking about Laurel. When the man she's questioning shoots her a dryly outraged glare, she quickly amends herself. "Not that I'm judging. Just curious."
Marv accepts her apology with a shrug of his broad shoulders. "No sweat. I was a little skeptical too when she started comin' to help the staff and residents – ya know, pitchin' in where she can. Cookin' and cleanin' and all that domestic shit. Done some electrical repair work that needed doin'. Good at it, too. Also did most of the decorating for Christmas. Real talented gal."
Dinah's eyebrows shoot up into her hair line. Laurel Lance cooking and cleaning and fixing stuff and...decorating for Christmas? She fights the urge to pinch herself to make sure she isn't dreaming.
Marv laughs at her expression. "Don't blame ya lookin' that way. When she pulled up in that fancy car and came stridin' through the doors in that expensive suit, I figured she was some politician out for a photo op or somethin'. Only never was no cameras or reporters around and she outworked everybody the four hours she was here. And the next time she showed up, she dressed down for the occasion. To fit in better, ya know? Worn out tee, ripped jeans, nose ring, hair braided up nice and tight. Got down in the trenches without a single complaint. Nothin' like the high class bitch that strutted her fancy ass into a world she don't belong in. Nah. Figured out right quick she belonged alright. Just hides it real good out there." He indicates toward the wider world by a tip of the chin. "Good heart in that one, too. She don't know I know, but she's helped more'n a few us land jobs that start up after the Holidays. Like Jordie and Lew. I, uh, I'm one of 'em, too. Asked the guy who hired me why he did it. Wouldn't say anything except a pretty lady who has a way with words convinced him to give me a chance, that he wouldn't regret it. I knew who it was just like that." He snaps his fingers to accentuate the point.
Dinah hardly knows what to say to what she's heard. Never has she been given a less Laurel-like description, and yet she can sense beyond all doubt that she is being told the truth. The paradox being presented to her is confusing as all hell, and it only incites her curiosity into irresistible fascination. Another layer of the Laurel onion is being peeled away right before her very eyes and she is a captive audience spellbound at the unraveling.
"Wow. Uh...I have to say that surprises me," she says after a brief moment of speechlessness. "That doesn't sound like the Lau -" she stops herself short of giving out Laurel's name out of respect for her privacy, "Dinah I know."
"Guess that means you don't know her like you thought," Marv says, eyeing her wryly. "You showed up looking for her, though, which means she's awful important to you. What're you her girl or somethin'?"
"No!"
The denial comes a little too quickly and too defensively and too disingenuous underneath the abrasiveness for Dinah's liking. Her poor reaction only serves as an additional reminder that she is all too aware of her feelings for Laurel and is in that stage where she just can't accept them. Their ugly past is the main obstacle, and that should be enough, right? There is enough baggage between them to fill up the terminal in the O'Hare Airport claim center.
And then there is the fact that Dinah is pretty sure Laurel is straight. She has caught Laurel checking a few ladies out here and there, but chalked those smoldering glances up to either zealous admiration or incendiary envy. Most of the ogling Dinah has caught Laurel doing has been directed toward one particularly unavailable man who just so happens to be married to her closest friend on this earth and who treats her like shit most of the time – the latter of which seems aligned with Laurel's history of being attracted to men who treat her like shit, which is another subject Dinah would rather not dwell on to keep her blood pressure in check. Not that Dinah can use any of this evidence as definitive proof that Laurel is, in fact, straight seeing as the same could be said of her.
In so far as her friends-slash-teammates know, she has only dated men when that is not quite the truth. In college she had several experimental hook ups with hot coeds from other sororities, one of whom was a steady girlfriend for nearly a year whose name was Lynne. It was Lynne who helped Dinah sort through the mess of her emerging identity to figure out she was actually bisexual and not simply going through a phase. Since then she has primarily dated men since that is her preference, but she has slept with a few women in between boyfriends, the most recent a one night stand in Hub City right before Oliver Queen interrupted her misguided quest for vengeance. That said, Laurel has been the first she's thought of the way she did Lynne, and even then the comparison is lacking. What she feels for Laurel rivals how she felt about Vince when he stopped being her undercover partner and became her lover. And that frightens Dinah so badly that every time the thought crosses her mind she panics and quickly stuffs down all of those complicated feelings Laurel provokes.
Sucking in a breath through her teeth, she lets it out slowly to compose herself before giving a more rational response. "I mean...I know her, yes. We work together. We're also friends. Of a sort. I just..." she trails off into a sigh. "Look, it's complicated. And not that it's any of your business but I was worried about her. She took off from work early, which she never does, and then abandoned a case really important us both. Seeing as she has a penchant for self-destruction, here I am."
After a contemplative hum, Marv nods to himself. "So she is some sort of bigwig politician."
"How do you figure that?"
Marv chuckles drolly. "Ain't hard to figure out. To be workin' with a police captain – got that from your badge by the way – she has to either be a cop or someone real important. And she ain't no cop. Heard her let loose some salty language about some of y'all. Don't leave much else possible. Lawyer, I'm guessin'. No, wait." He snaps his fingers again, eyes alighting. "Now I know why I though she looked so damn familiar. She's the D.A. ain't she? What's her name? Laura? Laurel! That's it. Laurel Lance. Well. I'll be damned."
The expression of utter amazement upon Marv's face is mirrored in Dinah's. "You and me both buddy," she says, taking a pause to process all she's learned. That Laurel has been volunteering at a homeless shelter for the past two weeks. That while still her sassy self, the Laurel that threaded in so seamlessly into the upper echelons of Star City society just as fluidly accommodated to the acclaim-repellent, elbow-grease-required strata of the most humble of the most humble that the mass production and low human value culture of America can produce. Laurel has also made another and even more drastic transformation in shedding the cold, calculating, vicious skin of Black Siren only to casually adopt the fully functional, productive citizen persona of the woman so beloved by so many a statue was built in her honor as if it were no big deal at all. All taken together, her series of adaptations is in Dinah's estimation an accomplishment of which few aside from the most elite social chameleons can boast.
All of that begs the question: who is the real Laurel Lance? And that is a question to which Dinah has no answer except to say she is dying to find out. Laurel is a jigsaw puzzle with a million jumbled up, radically disparate pieces spilled out before her as if to taunt that part of her brain that craves a challenge. Solving the unsolvable was one of many reasons she decided to become a cop after serving her enlistment in the Marine Corps, and there aren't many she's encountered that have her more vexed – and more invested – than Laurel.
As much as she would love to say that was the only reason she's out here in the tit-freezing cold talking to a complete stranger, her heart is not absent of engagement in the mystery of Laurel, either. Something about Laurel has tugged at Dinah's heartstrings for a long time now, since far earlier than their detente to aid Felicity's quest to exact vengeance upon the Dragon and the subsequent cooperation to free Oliver from prison. Maybe it was watching a shell-shocked daughter silently grieve when Quentin died while maintaining a facade of strength in support of a sister she didn't even know. Or maybe it was watching her, with Quentin's devoted fatherly guidance, slowly but surely step out of the inky blackness she inhabited out into the light of a nascent dawn and prove one day, one act, one speech at a time that there really was a fleshly, beating heart in her chest capable of great warmth that courses with red blood that bleeds like every one else upon the infliction of a wound. Or maybe, just maybe, it was getting to know the woman behind the innumerable masks and finding her to be as infinitely interesting, and surprisingly funny and charming on top of that, as the projections she offers up to the world to protect a heart that is far more fragile than she could ever bear to admit. Whatever the cause, there is no denying that Laurel has – probably without even trying – slipped past Dinah's own inner defenses and taken up residence in a place precious few have ever occupied.
"So, is she still here?" Dinah asks after deciding she best not think too much longer about this lest she become unnerved and tuck tail to run for the hills. Which is distinct possibility as scary as these unfurling feelings for Laurel are.
As if ignorant of her internal turmoil, Marv nods sharply, then indicates back toward the building with his head. "Yep. You'll find her inside. In the kitchen probably. Or out serving. Dinner ran over 'cause she got here a little late. All she did, wasn't right to start without her. Worth the wait though. Prime eatin' in there."
"Glad to hear it." Dinah means that in more than one way, though she declines commenting along those lines out of curiosity as to why Marv here is out in the cold with her instead inside and warm tucking into some dessert or something. "By the way, why aren't you inside? Gotta be better than freezing your ass off out here, especially if the food is as good as you said it was."
In response, Marv grins as he gives his belly a satisfied rub. "Already been through the line. I'm stuffed, and it can get loud in there, so I came out for some peace and quiet. Besides, it's a nice evenin'. I'm from New York, ya know. This cold reminds me of home."
"Missouri here by way of St. Louis." Select few outside of Team Arrow know that about Dinah, and that prompts her to wonder why she feels so comfortable sharing it with a total stranger. There is just something about Marv that she can't quite put her finger on. Something familiar. Hmm. "Gotta say, I don't miss the winters down there and they're a far cry from what y'all get in New York," she then adds as she studies the older gentlemen, noting his features remind her a bit of her grandfather, which satisfies that pique of curiosity for the time being.
"Yeah," says Marv, one corner of his lips quirking up just like Laurel's do – a ridiculous comparison that comes out of left field and is swiftly dismissed by Dinah. "But it ain't Christmas less it's cold, you've been fed like a prince, and you're with family. Guess two outta three ain't too bad for a washed up old vet."
Dinah's heart goes out to Marv. She knows the loneliness of having no roots left to speak of worth contacting this time of year. An only child of two only children, her mother's death the year she enlisted signaled the end of any familial obligations. So she cut clean after her discharge, moved to Central and never looked back. Thankfully she has since discovered a new family in Star City, one she did not inherit but chose of her own volition. Also known as the best kind of family.
"Not bad at all. I don't have any family left either. Gotta take what you can get around the holidays, right? Also, you're not all washed up. You figured my rank out with a single glance at my shield."
"My eyes still work. It's the rest of me that don't. And no offense, Cap, but that question you asked me earlier can apply to you, too. What the hell're you doin' standin' out here in the cold yappin' with an old geezer like me? Didn't you come here for a reason?"
Brow raised at his cheek, Dinah nonetheless shifts nervously from side to side. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did. Just..."
"Not what you expected to find, eh?" Marv interjects, rich green eyes twinkling in amusement. "Looks like your girl's got some surprises up her thousand buck sleeves."
"That she does. And I told you, she's not my girl."
Marv chuckles amiably at the denial that rings hollow to them both despite it being the truth. Laurel may not be her girl, but Dinah is increasingly becoming aware of the fact that she wants her to be.
"Yea, sure," he says. "Keep tellin' yourself that, Cap, maybe some day you'll convince yourself." Abruptly he shifts on his cinder block throne, clears his throat, and just like that Dinah knows the conversation is about to be over. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to enjoy a few minutes of that peace and quiet I came out here to get before I go back in and rejoin the rabble."
Dinah holds her hands up in surrender, recognizing the dismissal not as a suggestion but as the command that it is. "Alright. Message received." Unwilling to depart just yet for the fondness for this man she has so swiftly developed, she hesitates for a second as her analytic brain sifts through various potential scenarios in which they might meet again. For a variety of reason, not the least of which is statistical probability, most of them aren't good. "Listen," she says after the silence stretches out too long, causing Marv to arch a brow impatiently. "Stay out of trouble, you hear? I don't wanna see you in my station for any reason. Got it?"
Her reply is a mock salute and an equally sardonic, "Sure, boss. No need to worry, though. I don't got any plans to get locked up until at least the New Year. But I'll be sure to target your precinct if I change my mind just for the repeat pleasure of your company."
Recognizing the joke at her expense, Dinah rolls her eyes and quips, "In that case I'll keep the cell warm I reserve for unrepentant smart asses," before swirling to beat a hasty retreat. Back at the alley entry, she veers in the wrong direction only to be course corrected by Marv's consequent shout of, "Hey, Cap? That's the wrong way to the door, ya know." Dinah does know. She was just too damn nervous and uncertain all of a sudden to go through with confronting Laurel about her unexpected injection of the Christmas Spirit. Apparently being called out for her cowardice by a down-on-his-luck vet is the cure for that malady. Straightening her shoulders, she nods her appreciation at a man who in such a small span of time made such a large impression upon her.
"My bad," she calls back. "Thanks!"
She can see Marv's cheesy, smug grin even in the low light afforded by the street lamps and the single outside fixture attached to the outer wall of the shelter. And she certainly has no problem hearing his reply.
"You're welcome! Now, stop lyin' to yourself, march inside there and do what you gotta do to get your girl and make this a Christmas to remember."
To her astonishment and a degree of elation she has not experience since she in High School, Dinah does not bother to correct him this time. In light of all the revelations she experienced tonight about herself and Laurel, along with Marv's timely encouragement just now, clarity descends upon her with an intensity that cannot be denied. For far too long she has been too terrified – albeit for oh-so-many very good reasons – to directly confront the undeniable reality that she is falling in love with Laurel. And instead of inciting a panic that will derail the astounding progress she has made in the process of a single conversation with a man with whom she has only just become acquainted, instead of making her want to run away as fast as her legs will carry her, it does the exact opposite.
Against all rational explanation, and wildly contrary to how she felt on seconds ago, all Dinah wants to do right now is run straight to Laurel. So that's precisely what she does.
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roseisread · 5 years
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My Year in Movies: Favorite Non-2018 Feature Films (Part 1)
I watched a LOT of movies this year. At last count, I had logged 229 features and 126 shorts; and that doesn’t count rewatches--only movies that were new to me.
I set a few challenges for myself as well this year. The first one was to watch at least one non-English language/US release per week--this exposed me to so much world cinema and some really amazing filmmakers. Anyone who avoids foreign films because “I don’t like subtitles” is really missing out, and I found myself craving these narratives from voices I don’t ordinarily get exposed to in my everyday life. 
Other personal challenges: Watching as many horror movies as possible in October (with horror defined pretty loosely so I could include entries from silent era and onward, as well as some comedy cult classics that have horror/thriller elements); participating in Noirvember (in addition to attending Noir City in Chicago); crossing off some major blindspots from my list (such as Bicycle Thieves, The Producers, Lethal Weapon, A Few Good Men, Grease, Home Alone 2, Brazil, and Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom); and trying to watch movies and short films from every decade that motion pictures have existed.
In 2019, I hope to do similar personal challenges with a focus on movies made by women, LGBTQ+, and people of color, in addition to filling in the gaps of my classical/canonical movie knowledge. 
OK, so that’s enough preamble. Let’s get to the list! For this list, I’m excluding movies that were released in 2018--that’s coming but this is for movies released before that. 
50. Linda Linda Linda (2005, directed by Nobuhiro Yamashita, country of origin: Japan)
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High school girls recruit the Korean exchange student (Doona Bae, of Cloud Atlas and Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance) to join their rock band a few days before the school talent show. This is just a feel good film, recommended if you enjoyed the likes of Sing Street, We Are The Best!, and The Runaways. Unfortunately, it’s out of print in physical form; but last I checked someone had uploaded it to YouTube so you might want to get on that before it’s removed. You can watch the trailer here.
49. The Blue Dahlia (1946, directed by George Marshall, country of origin: US)
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This film noir stars Veronica Lake and Alan Ladd, and like any good noir, it deals with dark subjects including murder, blackmail, political corruption, and PTSD. It’s been on my watchlist for a long time, and thanks to Noir City Chicago, I got to see it on the big screen at the Music Box Theatre. For small screen viewing, you can catch up with it via rental on Vudu, Amazon, iTunes... the usual suspects. 
48. Siren of the Tropics (1927, directed by Mario Nalpas and Henri Etievant, country of origin: France)
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My dearly departed Filmstruck had a spotlight on the films of Josephine Baker, and this was among them. I fell in love instantly with the lively, beautiful Baker, here playing a woman named Papitou who deals with some super scummy dudes but manages to be herself in the face of all that nonsense. Silent films can sometimes be tougher to engage with for modern audiences, but this one flies by and contains some unexpectedly racy sequences for the time. Its racial politics don’t meet today’s cultural standards, but considering Baker’s parents were former slaves and their daughter went on to become the first woman of color to star in a major motion picture, this is still a landmark film worthy of our consideration. She broke down many barriers and contributed a great deal to both the entertainment world and the Civil Rights movement, and this serves as a nice entry point into her career. It’s available on DVD through Kino Lorber, and hopefully one day soon it’ll pop up on another streaming service that carries on the Filmstruck legacy.
47. I Don’t Feel At Home in This World Anymore (2017, directed by Macon Blair, country of origin: US)
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Here’s a film that goes to some unexpected places. I had no idea what to expect from Macon Blair, who frequently appears in the movies of Jeremy Saulnier; but in his debut feature for Netflix, he pulled out all the stops. Hilarious, violent, and intense, with memorable performances from stars Melanie Lynskey and Elijah Wood, this is a movie about getting in over your head and just going for it anyway. I don’t want to tell you about the plot because it’s best discovered through watching--just go to your nearest device and add it to your Netflix queue. 
46. Song of the Sea (2014, directed by Tomm Moore, country of origin: Ireland)
Absolutely gorgeous animation from the team that previously brought us The Secret of Kells, and a touching story that combines family and mythology. I adored this one. Watch it on Netflix or rent on the usual streaming sources--for a preview, click here. 
45. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942, directed by Michael Curtiz, country of origin: US)
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I always watch Independence Day on the Fourth of July; but in 2018, I decided to mix it up and cross this patriotic musical off the watchlist. I’d seen James Cagney’s gangster movies like White Heat and The Public Enemy, but seeing him sing and dance was a whole new joyous discovery. This movie is entertaining, funny, touching, and full of iconic sequences that other films would go on to borrow from. I absolutely loved it. Pretty sure I saw this on Filmstruck originally, but since that’s no longer possible you should be able to find it at your local public library or you can rent it for a couple bucks on Amazon, YouTube, iTunes, and the like. 
44. The Man Who Cheated Himself (1950, directed by Felix Feist, country of origin: US)
This tightly wound noir thriller pits brother against brother against the backdrop of 1950s San Francisco. Lee Cobb plays an aging bachelor and an accomplished police detective who falls for the wrong dame. His younger brother, played by John Dall (Gun Crazy, Rope), has just joined the police force and idolizes his older brother. Trouble strikes when the dame murders her no good husband and needs help from Cobb to cover it up. Naturally, Dall gets assigned to the case and as he begins to piece together the clues, he doesn’t like where they’re leading him. The climactic sequence is one of my favorite endings to a noir film, and I’ve seen a lot of them. Watch it for free if you have Amazon Prime; otherwise, there are a few versions uploaded to YouTube of varying quality or you could wait for it to pop up on TCM. 
43. Los Angeles Plays Itself (2003, directed by Thom Andersen, country of origin: US)
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This documentary edits together clips from movies of every era that were filmed or set in Los Angeles, and explains through voiceover narration the significance of each location and the history of the motion pictures in LA. That’s it--very simple concept but also fascinating. I split this up over a couple nights because it’s pretty long, but if you’re a film fan or a Los Angeles native, this is well worth your time. The voiceover is kind of hilariously flat in its delivery--kind of a Steven Wright sound actually--but that sort of adds to the charm for me. Get a taste by watching the trailer, and then you can rent it on YouTube for $1.99.
42. A Simple Plan (1998, directed by Sam Raimi, country of origin: US)
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It’s been almost two years since we lost Bill Paxton; I don’t know about you but I don’t think any other actor can really fill those shoes. This year I caught up with three films that showcased his talent: A Simple Plan, One False Move, and Frailty. He plays very different characters in each one but in many ways they all start off with a similar premise: Ordinary guy dreams of becoming more. What that “more” is for each character is what sets each film and performance apart, but Paxton provided a great canvas to paint these unique characters onto. He inhabited the ordinary man better than just about anyone. 
In this film, which I watched during Noirvember, Paxton plays Hank, a college-educated guy working a blue collar job in a small town, trying to make a better life for himself and his family. He’d like to get away from those small town roots, but his socially awkward brother Jacob (Billy Bob Thornton) relies on him. Unfortunately, Jacob is often accompanied by the hard-drinking loose canon Lou (Brent Briscoe). When the unlikely trio discover a crashed plane in the woods containing a suitcase full of cash, they each have ideas for how to handle the situation. Of course things escalate from there, and the way the movie explores human nature and family ties set this story apart. Available for online rental on the usual platforms.
41. The Iron Giant (1999, directed by Brad Bird, country of origin: US)
Given my obsession with Vin Diesel in the early 2000s, it’s pretty shocking I never saw this movie til now--sure, he and his glorious muscles don’t appear on screen, but he does provide the voice of the title character after all. When the Iron Giant made a controversial cameo in this year’s film adaptation of Ready Player One, I decided it was time I saw the source material for myself. 
This gorgeously animated fable unfolds during the Cold War era, and features an ET-inspired story arc of a young boy befriending an unlikely being that the government is looking for. If you’ve never seen it, this is definitely a must-watch. Currently available on Netflix, but rentable on other platforms too.
40. The Unsuspected (1947, directed by Michael Curtiz, country of origin: US)
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I adore Claude Rains, star of this film and supporting actor in Curtiz’s more famous work, Casablanca. Here, he plays the host and narrator of a popular radio show that revolves around tales of murder--basically the Law and Order: SVU of its day. We learn early on that he sometimes draws inspiration for his broadcasts from real life criminals. When people in his own life start dropping dead, the plot thickens and he finds himself at the center of the action. A very suspenseful and well-plotted film noir, which is available from the Warner Archive collection on DVD. I got to see it at Noir City Chicago, and loved every second of it. 
That’s all for this entry--stay tuned for part two of this list, posting soon! 
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My latest videogame obsession is Cultist Simulator, a game from the mind that begat Fallen London and Sunless Sea. It's been on my radar for a little while, and between a CS:GO crate windfall and it being on sale, I was able to pick it up for cheap.
Fallen London, Sunless Sea, and now Cultist Simulator are all, in my opinion, extremely interesting experiments in the concept of interactive narrative. They all seek to create a complex, organic narrative through the use of a mazelike succession of tiny story snippets - in Fallen London and Sunless Sea, a setting full of stories for you to explore - in Cultist Simulator, an objective and a mystery to pursue, experiencing bits of story as you go along.
None of these games has anything even remotely approaching conventional gameplay - all three of them are extremely light on any kind of typical gameplay challenge. Sunless Sea has some minor exploration and naval combat, on the same level as a browser flash game, but all three of them are primarily focused on the narrative, and the interactive part of the experience is how you pursue the narrative and the decisions you make along the way.
The writing, as you would expect if you know anything about the guy behind this game, is excellent. Heavily Lovecraft-inspired, both in style and substance. Where Fallen London was a mix of Lovecraft and a number of other influences (such as Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere), Cultist Simulator is far closer to the Lovecraft side of things.
The premise of the game is this: you are some unfortunate soul, who through the circumstances of their life, has been exposed to the ancient secrets that suggest the existence of some eldritch world beyond this mortal coil. The secrets burn themselves into your mind, and you are consumed by a need to learn more, to explore these secrets - but the secrets are dangerous, and the authorities don't look kindly on people who seek to understand the truth of the universe. So you start gathering followers, and you build a cult. Along the way you support yourself; you avoid the dangers of a troubled world, inquisitive detectives, the darkness of the secrets you pursue; you plunder ancient tombs and places of power; you study books and tomes of hidden knowledge; you perform rites and rituals to summon minions from beyond, or achieve other strange goals.
But the real hook is that all of this is achieved through the medium of cards.
The UI of the game never leaves the perspective of somebody standing over an increasingly cluttered card table. The surface of the table is covered in little cards, each representing some aspect of your story - cards for your personal abilities and resources - cards for the members of your cult - cards for the lore you know - cards for the nightmares and visions you experience - cards for the books you study - cards for the relics you find - cards for the agents who hunt you - every single aspect of your character and story is represented by these cards.
You engage with the game by using these cards in conjunction with each other via little boxes called Verbs - things like Work, which means either taking time to work int he mundane world, or perform the work of the cult to complete rites - Talk, which allows you to engage with other characters, and send your minions out on missions - Dream, where you explore the world beyond this one through your own dreams, or where you meditate on your afflictions - Study, where you examine the ancient lore you possess and seek to expand it, or where you perform quiet practice to improve your own abilities. Performing actions with your cards takes time, usually a handful of seconds, and some Verbs will act without your input, usually representing the hazards you might come across in your pursuit of the Infinite.
The game is deliberately opaque, and part of the satisfaction and purpose of the game is to experiment with your options and learn the secrets of the game on your own. I will say that this is masterfully done; I have progressed to a pretty significant part of the game without looking up any kind of outside help. Figuring out the challenges, putting together the cryptic hints and concepts, has proven to be really satisfying.
I love this game so far, and honestly I heartily recommend it, but it comes with a caveat. Since the action of the game takes place entirely through an extremely abstract and distant mechanism, with very little action or "skillful" expectations of the player, you have to be the right kind of person to get any value out of this game. If you like solving puzzles and figuring out how complex and hidden mechanics work, and especially if you are good at putting together a narrative in your head via a million tiny pieces, this game might be for you.
I haven’t posted this kind of thing on my tumblr before now, but for a long time my biggest writing outlet was video game reviews. 
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aeondeug · 5 years
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So @thedrunkenminstrel​ did this so I might as well too. Let’s get an Aon’s Top Ten Ships list running! I will say right now that this list is honestly a very shaky thing. A lot of is something that is subject to heavy shifting around, and some of the things that are on it currently probably wouldn’t be if you asked me another day. The top three I can more genuinely state are like Actual Factual Top Three Material and wouldn’t shift much at all. But the rest are up to heavy degrees of change.
10. Naruto/Hinata from Naruto We’ve got to start this list off right and to do that let’s put one of my weirdly enduring baby ships in the ten spot. This was honestly kind of tied with three other ships that I’ll mention later as honorable mentions, but Naruhina gets to win out its spot for its bizarre personal significance to me. Namely the ship is weirdly instrumental in my realizing I was trans, by way of an AU I worked on where Hinata was a transman. And the entire thing was very heavily focused on that woe and also romance with Naruto who tried to teach Hinata the ropes of being a dude. Which sounds like a beautifully terrible trainwreck now, honestly, given that it’d probably involve him showing Hinata the local pornshop and being like YES. THE HEIGHT OF MANHOOD. titty mags. Stepping away from that weird personal significance that no one else save me holds for it though...Naruhina is one of those early ships I clung to really, really hard because I heavily related to one half of the ship and saw, in the other person, traits I found admirable. Like, yes, Naruto’s an irritating jackass who fails all his classes but he’s loud and out there and keeps trying even though he basically always fails up until the point when the plot deems him Ninja Jesus. All traits a nervous kid desperately wished he had and ones that I found endearing or attractive. Even if so much of the rest of him is so grating. Also this sets up the major theme of this list, namely that if you’re earning my undying shipper love chances are I relate to one half and have a crush on the other half. 9. Saria/Malon from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time This is really low on the list, but it’s here for one very important reason. And that reason is is that it is the crackship that will not die. Years have past since a little kid went ‘but what if the cute farm girl and the fairy girl were a couple!’ and the ship’s stuck. It’s also evolved over the years. Evolved into something that by its very nature is doomed to tragedy. Because really if you think about it there’s no real way it could be anything but. Saria dies in the end and is also a weird eternal child type deal. Malon’s going to grow up and move on from her first dumb little kid crush. It’s not really a ship I like am actively, emotionally obsessed with but it is one that I repeatedly go back to and just toy with the idea of every so often. Like it’s just an idea I find compelling to toy with. Early childhood love that by its very nature must die between a human and what amounts to a fairy. 8. Satoko/Rika from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Alright now we’re back to something I am like deeply and emotionally invested in. As someone with an abusive family seeing Satoko’s story in Higurashi was a harrowing experience as a kid. Especially as a kid who has outright lied to CPS before to avoid further abuse. It was also a comforting one in a fashion. Since even before saving Satoko, Rika and her friends are always there to at least try and save her. Satoko’s a horrible brat and a horrible brat that I relate to. Rika’s...weird meanwhile. She’s someone who’s technically a child but due to magical fuckery is actually mentally matured past that. She’s also been pretty scarred by the trauma of what she’s gone through and it’s left her not entirely ‘human’. So much so she needs to eventually go through an arc just to realize that, no, it’s time to give up being a witch and to just...try and find what’s normal. Even though everything about that sounds wrong or even impossible. And that in itself is also relatable. But even then she’s still Satoko’s best friend and Satoko is her best friend. They stick by each other and I’d imagine they would later on in life. But even later on in life there’d still likely be mental disconnect there for a good chunk of time. And one also has to keep in mind that while Rika’s mentally lived for at least one hundred years she’s still not an adult. She’s just a child that was forced to grow up too fast and that’s eventually going to bite her I think, when she realizes that in itself isn’t adulthood. That’s an interesting thing to think of an toy with, I think. 7. Porrim/Aranea from Homestuck An entirely unsurprising pick from me if you know anything about me from my Homestuck days. Which are like my normal days, honestly, but the fervor’s kind of died down. Give it a bit though and we’ll get right back to Hamsteaking. Porrim is just...a very one-note little joke. In all honesty. But she’s one that provides like a vast sea of unexplored potential. Porrim is, like so much of Homestuck, a perfect Barbie doll to play makebelieve with. She is also a vampire. This nets her like 50,000 bonus points immediately. Then there’s Aranea. Aranea is a bad person. Let’s make no bones about that. She is a bad person. But she’s cute in a way, when she’s not being awful. She’s also someone that reminds me somewhat of the person my current boyfriend used to be, while also having troubles that I myself find relatable. And the most important part of the ship is that they canonically broke up. Which sounds like a weird ass reason to ship a thing I suppose, but the breaking up is what makes the ship interesting to me. It’s basically a tragedy in action. It can’t work out in the main timelines, though it might in alternates. And I like exploring what led up to it not working out. 6. Chise/Elias from The Ancient Magus Bride This is sadly not in the top ten yet as I don’t quite feel comfortable putting it there when I’m not caught up. But given where I currently am in the manga I have to say that this is one of the most disgustingly me romances I’ve seen in a bit. We’ve got a spooky monster man, an awkward abused girl...He calls her puppy and gives her head pats and they nuzzle each other like dogs. He kind of wants to eat her and he’s kind of a creepy weirdo to her at times, but she’s also not seeming like someone that is just going to bow down and eternally accept that and... And they’re both learning how to people. They both are. Neither of them really knows how to do this whole human thing that well. They’re both emotionally fucked and dysfunctional in their own ways. And they’re learning from each other. In such a fashion that I legitimately cried while reading my comics. Which is a bit hard to manage. Given proper time and catching up they may well travel up this list. 5. Malus/Carrie from Castlevania 64/Legacy of Darkness Alright. Back to childhood ships. Also more monsters. Also these were kind of awful ass games and neither Carrie nor Malus really have much personality at all. Carrie’s personality is mostly relegated to material in the manual, which paints her as an incredibly angry and distrusting child that hates adults and also God for failing her repeatedly. But that’s all just stuff in like a summary. And Malus’ personality is NYEHEHEHE I WAS EVIL THIS WHOLE TIME. So what, pray tell, is the appeal of this besides my obvious vampire fetish. The answer is that like...the bad end of the game has Carrie promising to marry Malus. Malus asking her to marry him presumably so he can like make use of the Belnades bloodline’s magic. Also Malus is Dracula. Dracula and human women do not have a good track record. Both in terms of him being able to resist the rare strong willed woman willing to put him in his place and in terms of keeping those women not murdered for witchcraft. Malus and Carrie is a ship of potential. Potential that plays into one of the central themes of Castlevania’s storyline which is that Drac really just wishes people would stop killing his girlfriends. I may or may not have also had an OC who was their kid who is also kind of basically another character on this list. 4. Glinda/Elphaba from Wicked Listen to What is this Feeling. Now listen to it again. Listen to Popular. Now listen to it again. NOW LISTEN TO DEFYING GRAVITY. NOW LISTEN TO IT AGAIN. We’ve got a green woman who is kind of hideous and who thinks she’s ugly! She’s also angry at the world and wants to change shit! She’s also tragically fucked! In the book at least. How is that not a me character? And Glinda. Gods. Glinda. She’s not stupid. She seems it in the book a lot of the time and Elphaba assumes she is right away but...Glinda’s not stupid. She’s actually very smart and putting on a front. Also she basically annoys Elphaba’s tsundere ass into being her bff. And if there is anything I love in my ships it is one half having to be annoyed into friendship by another happier character who is weirdly trusting and accepting of this horrible monster. Why? Who cares! But they are! Now listen to What is this Feeling. Please. 3. Zero/Fiethsing from Force of Will And now we are finally in the top three. We have also reached the part of the list where we have a character with alarming similarities to my weird kidfic OC from Castlevania. So Zero. She’s cranky and serious. Kind of nervous. Really nervous honestly. She’s also pretty cynical and at her worst points actively gives up on trying to save the world and attempts to destroy it or is like on the brink of giving up again. She’s also got abandonment issues, self hate problems, and uncompromising sense of justice that can be reasonably connected to the self hate problems and shit’s just not a good time for Zero. Also she’s a vampire. And then there’s Fieth. Her Most Important Partner. Lovely, stupid, irritating Fieth. Fieth who adores freedom above all else and who is seemingly full of endless optimism and hope and who is a cocky bitch and who lies and sleeps and is basically a cat become an elf. More importantly though there’s what they are. We don’t get to see Zero and Fieth becoming friends. We meet them when they’re friends already and have years of established history with one another. And shortly after we meet them they adopt a child. Or, rather, Fieth declares she’s going to raise the baby into her apprentice and Zero declares that she refuses to let Fieth raise a baby on her own. And then...they become a family. Just. A family. A pretty happy one at that. It’s eventually torn asunder by death and war but before that they’re just two mothers and their daughter. They are in a sort of quantum gay state like poor Nanofate despite their whole deal, but to me they do unquestionably read as a couple. One with problems. A laundry list of them. But a couple with a kid and, in a weird sort of way, a future. 2. Jame/Tori from The Chronicles of the Kencyrath I adore this ship. It is hard to quantify how much I adore it. But it’s quite a lot. It’s dysfunctional. It’s got issues. It’s incest and that shockingly isn’t one of the issues. And that’s why I love it. Because Hodgell has managed to take fantasy characters and mythic archetypes and humanize them with some of the most starkly real depictions of mental illness I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Tori’s a nervous wreck. He’s an asshole with problems from trauma and Jame doesn’t just take his shit. She actually does the exact opposite and tells him to fuck off. That’s important. Tori not just getting the girl despite being a human disaster is very important. The fact that his very behavior is why the girl does not want to get with him even though she really, truly wants to deep down is very, very important. Jame/Tori is the awkward and rough tale of two people having to recover from frankly atrocious abuse. Two people who are deeply drawn to one another but who also fear and kind of hate the other. Two people who can barely stand being in the same room as one another currently. It’s a bumpy road. It’s a road we’re not even sure they can make it down. But that’s why it means things to me as someone whose undiagnosed BPD almost destroyed his relationship. 1. Sakuya/Remilia from Touhou This just barely beat out Jame/Tori and the sole reason it beats out Jame/Tori is I have shipped this fucking shit for literally almost half my life. And I’m still not through with it or tired of it. It’s been years and years and it is still one of my most favoritest ships ever. So I feel pretty confident saying it is my One True Pairing. It’s also got a vampire. Wow. It’s got a human partner who is bad at humaning too! Double wow! And what it’s got in particular is exceptional flexibility. Like all the Touhous Remilia and Sakuya are kind of just left up to the mercy of the fandom. There’s canonical traits they have and we have seen them interact together and with others, but in a far more limited degree than what is seen in a lot of other works. And the fandom is what basically runs Touhou. It is a self perpetuating machine and Sakuremi is still chugging along years later and with a bunch of variety in it, even if it’s got some tropes I am really tired of seeing at this point. But why is this the Touhou ship to end all Touhou ships? Besides the obvious answer of ‘Duh, it’s a vampire and her maid. What the fuck else do you NEED?’ we have the ever important identification and wish fulfillment aspects. Which breaks into my own personal conception of the characters and their relationship with one another. So Remilia’s like...a kid. Forever. She was turned very young so even after five hundred years she still looks like she’s ten at best. She’s also kind of a brat and at times fairly naive in the way a kid might be. But we do see that she puts on airs. She’s TRYING to be this intimidating, sophisticated vampire lady and she takes pride in the fact that people ‘respect’ her. But that respect is more fear of the fact that she’s a vampire and vampires are stupidly powerful in her world. And as someone who had an extended childhood forced on him by his family and who is trying to learn what it is to be an adult and never being treated like an adult or not being able to handle it when he is...That’s just. Something very ripe for playing with. Especially when you mix it with Sakuya. Who’s an outcast among her own kind and who gave up on bothering with them for it. She’s someone who might have been a vampire hunter than failed to kill Remilia. She takes care of her and chides her like a child, but she also is most definitely subservient to her. And she’s said that she’ll always be together with her as long as she lives. Always. Sakuya’s like this weird mix of a sweet, caring goofball of a woman and a hate filled, mopey edgelord that really only could get along with monsters. So like, I like to think, that they’ve basically ended up finding what exactly the other needs. Remilia gets someone who sincerely respects her authority and takes her seriously, but who also will not entirely put up with her bullshit. Sakuya gets someone who...cares. At all. Someone to give her a name and talk to her and not chase her away for being monstrous. And perhaps more than any of these ships freedom to fuck around is there. It’s what I want to make it. Honorable Mentions We have three of these. Nanoha/Fate from the Nanoha franchise, Usagi/Ami from Sailor Moon and Shimako/Sei from Maria-sama ga Miteru. They were all just barely beaten out by Naruhina, hence their inclusion here.
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genevievedanielle · 6 years
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Thoughts on Jonerys Part 4
So I haven’t been able to get to this post as quickly as I wanted. I’ve had a weird few months, I took a new job and was living with some friends for a bit, my grandmother passed away a few weeks ago, and at the beginning of the month I moved into a new place, but things are kind of settling now and I’m getting back into a routine. So I wanted to continue with my series of thoughts on the progression of Jonerys and what’s stood out to me about their relationship after my recent rewatch of the series and having read the books. I’m going to throw a cut in here, so I’m not filling up your dashboards and my thoughts may be a little jumbled here because I’ve been writing sentences here and there over the last couple of months. Anyway, bear with me, I think this makes sense.
This is part of a series of posts, so if you’re interested you can check out the other parts here, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.
I know for me as a fan who started watching the series first, then started reading the books because I loved the show. The thing that really jumped out to me originally was the parallels between Jon and Daenerys. Keep in mind I had no notion of the books when I started watching the show and my brother was the only person I knew at the time who had read the books and watched the show. I remember talking to him one night on the phone and saying something about how I couldn’t wait for Jon and Daenerys to get together when she came to Westeros and my brother just said, “That won’t happen for a long time, if it happens at all.” I was so confused, I remember saying to him, “They have to meet, their stories are identical, they’re set up as having similar journeys and they’re obviously ice and fire, if they don’t meet it doesn’t make sense. I’ll be honest I was a little obsessed with them, and photos of Kit and Emilia convinced me the characters would have all kinds of chemistry. My brother then said that there was another character in the books who might be a Targaryen and was probably closer to meeting Daenerys, and I was not having it. I started reading the books right away after that and was even more convinced Jon and Dany were going to end up together. So doing this rewatch, all those parallels kept jumping out at me again, but now I know where it’s going (in the show at least) so when I see them, I see something different in them every time. I’m not going to elaborate too much on the parallels right now because there are so many posts, comparisons and metas about the parallels, but they’re obvious and there from the very beginning.
One major thing that jumped out at me reading the books and then again during this rewatch was the similarities of certain lines like Ygritte saying to Jon, “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” and Irri and Jhiqui (a character who is not really featured in the show that much) always saying to Daenerys, “It is known.” Both Daenerys and Jon are in these worlds where people are trying to enforce their worldview upon them and both Jon and Daenerys have this different view on things and how things should be. They see outside the norms of their cultures and are criticized in a way for it. People keep insisting that they’re wrong because things in their worlds are known to be different.
What always stands out to me too is the contrasting colours they use with Jon and Daenerys. Daenerys’ hair is silver, almost white, Jon’s is black, Daenerys gets her silver horse, while Jon takes the black, the dragon Daenerys rides is black, while Jon’s direwolf is white. They always set up these contrasting colours, but the colours also link them to each other. Especially when you do a rewatch you see things even in the cinematography, like the fact that Daenerys always has warm colours in her scenes to suit her fire symbolism, while Jon always has cool colours in his scenes to symbolize ice. There are so many hints of them being linked that it’s hard to miss, unless you blatantly ignore them. Their scenes always connect thematically and almost always, when you see one you the other in the next scene (there are a few instances where it doesn’t work that way, but they’re few and far between).
In season 6 the storylines for Daenerys and Jon was interesting too. Both storylines that season took them back to where they began in a way, but also signifies them breaking out of those places. First we have Jon who has been killed by his brothers of the Night’s Watch. At the beginning of the series he started at the bottom in the Night’s Watch, he was assigned the role of steward, he rose all the way to Lord Commander and was killed. The only way out of the Night’s Watch is death so his death broke him out of there. We also see him return to Winterfell to retake his family home which has been lost to the Boltons and him and Sansa returning is so symbolic. He returns home, restores his family, and rises above his bastard status to be named King in The North. For Daenerys, she started her journey sold to the Dothraki as the bride of Khal Drogo, known as a beggar Princess. After Drogo’s death Daenerys was supposed to go to Vaes Dothrak to live out the rest of her life as a Dosh Khaleen. She ran from this because her destiny has always been greater. She rose from a beggar queen and a widow to free slaves and take places like Astapor, Qarth, Yunkai, and Meereen, then at the end of the fifth season we see her captured by the Dothraki again after Sons of the Harpy have turned her city on her. Beginning of season 6 she’s a prisoner, she’s at her lowest in a way. The only way for her to break out of the expected role the Dothraki have for her is to overpower them and claim them as her own, and she does that. She burns down their temple and claims the Dothraki as hers and they follow her. Both Jon and Daenerys are reborn and viewed as gods by people within two episodes. 
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Daenerys then returns to Meereen, overturns the Masters, and takes a fleet across the Narrow Sea, finally heading back to her birthplace and birthright. This is pretty much the same in the books, both are betrayed, we don’t see them rise back up because season 6 passed the books, but where they both ended season 5 is similar to where they end their stories in book 5.
Another thing that no one ever really points out about season 6 is how in Battle of the Bastards, both Jon and Dany have to retake a place. Everyone loves how Jon retakes Winterfell because “Yay the Starks!” But no one ever talks about how Daenerys basically just did the same thing as Jon. Jon and Sansa go throughout the North and rally houses to support them, Daenerys basically rallies the Dothraki and gets Meereen back on her side. Jon overturns Ramsey, while Daenerys overturns the Masters. Season 6 is such a pivotal season for both of their characters. Jon is named King in the North, Daenerys makes it to Westeros, it’s a big shift for them. Dany also makes an alliance with the Iron Islands, her first real backing house from Westeros, Jon pretty much makes an alliance with the Vale through Sansa. There’s such a big significance too in the fact that in Battle of the Bastards (6x09), Jon and Dany, who are both Targaryens basically live their family words, “Fire and Blood”. Daenerys takes back Meereen with fire, while Jon takes back Winterfell with blood. The whole episode is pretty much focused on Jon and Daenerys.
So both Jon and Dany are in a place of being betrayed at the beginning of season 6, Jon by his brothers, Dany by the people she’s freed, both are stripped down to nothing pretty much, Jon in death, Dany as a prisoner, and both rise up from the ashes. Jon retakes his home and Daenerys finally heads home. It’s a really big season for both of them and it propels them into the next season which finally brings them together. What’s really interesting is that while they are apart in the series they have to rise and continuously overcome all these obstacles. They always feel alone, and here is what stands out to me in that. Maester Aemon has the line, “A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing,” in regard to Daenerys who he has just received news about and in walks Jon symbolizing she won’t be alone once they find each other. What also jumps out about that line to me is the fact that both Jon and Dany never felt at home where they were and always felt alone, Jon felt alone with Ygritte, Daenerys felt alone with Daario. They never really felt supported or at home until they found each other. Even Daenerys on Dragonstone seemed unsettled until Jon showed up there. When he goes to leave and head North, she’s impacted by it and she goes after him because part of her knows she won’t feel at home again if something happens to him. Both don’t hide anything in their pursuit of each other, they’re reserved at first, but once they let things show, they don’t exactly hide anything (sneaking off together in the dragonpit? Everyone can see them, everyone was there, they aren’t being secretive. Jon making sure she goes North with him? She willingly does it). 
Another thing that’s more so a thing in the show than books is The King vs. King, Queen vs. Queen thing. Yes in the books the White Walkers/others exist, but their role isn’t as big in the books (yet?) as on the show. So in the show going into this last season we get another great parallel between Jon & Dany, they each have their main nemesis set up in positions of equal power and, ironically, it’s like Cersei said in the first episode, “Enemies to the North and enemies to the South.” The only way to defeat both threats is together, Jon needs Daenerys’ army and Daenerys needs support in Westeros. Both are together in the middle, Jon is a King and his enemy is a King and Daenerys is a Queen and her enemy is a Queen, but together they’re King and Queen facing the Night King and King and Queen facing the mad Queen.
I know these may seem like random ramblings, but I think there’s been so much invested in the Jonerys relationship and their individual journeys leading toward each other and their journey that’s linked together that I can’t help but see these things. Especially with how the show has emphasized that they are facing things together now. Everything has come full circle, they both started alone, were outcasts with no real home and felt alone and now they have each other, they’ll do what needs to be done together.
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rinnnyxr · 3 years
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Vancouver [] You love nature. [] You enjoy camping. [] You ski or snowboard often. [] You would say you are very polite. [] You would rather have rain instead of snow. [] You want to go to Whistler (or have been). [] You are fairly laid back, and stay calm in difficult situations. [] You enjoy watching the Olympics. TOTAL = 2
Montreal [] You have your own style. [] You don’t follow any certain trends. [] You have done some pretty wild things. [] You love partying. [] You speak more than one language. [] You love theatre. [] You are really into all types of music. [] You have no problem discussing your personal life with anyone. TOTAL = 4
Niagara Falls [] You love photography. [] You enjoy/think you’d enjoy gambling. [] You would say you’re fairly lucky. [] You live close to the Canada/US border. [] You would rather go out than stay in. [] You would consider yourself a ‘kid at heart’. [] You travel often. [] You have gone over the border for the soul purpose of shopping. TOTAL = 3
Quebec City [] You love places with a deep history to them. [] You like things that are vintage. [] You are obsessed with tea or coffee. [] You can speak French and English. [] Your city gets a lot of tourists. [] You would say you are an artsy person. [] You would say you have nice taste. [] You would stay at an ice hotel if you had the chance. TOTAL = 4
Ottawa [] You would like to get into politics. [] You actually like museums. [] You are proud of your nationality. [] Some people have trouble pronouncing your name. [] You are quiet and reserved. [] You would like to meet the Prime minister/President of your country. [] You love debates. [] You want to change the world in some way. TOTAL = 6
YOU ARE:  Ottawa
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Books my favourite book is part of a series. overall, my favourite genre is sci-fi or fantasy. i’ve loved reading since i was a little kid. however, i went off it for a few years in school. i’m constantly buying new books. i couldn’t have a bedroom without a bookshelf. i normally have two or three books on the go at once. i read on the toilet and/or in the bath. if i can’t sleep at night, i find reading really helps me to relax. i always carry a book around with me.
Clothing at home, i normally wear sweats or pajama pants. however, i do make an effort if i’m going out of the house. i don’t really care about designer labels. i very rarely go out and buy clothes. i prefer to wear dresses in the summer. i don’t really pay much attention to fashion. i mostly wear flip-flops in the summer. i hate having to wear loads of layers in the winter. i love wearing sweaters or cardigans. these days, i only wear hoodies if it’s windy or really cold.
Current events i read or listen to the news every single day. i could probably care more about what’s going on in the world. there are certain newspapers/channels i refuse to pay attention to. i think most politicians have a hidden agenda of some description. i dislike the current leader of my country. i believe that if you choose not to vote, you have no right to complain.  i don’t understand people’s obsession with celebrity culture. i also don’t understand why sports figures are paid as much as they are. i think it’s very rare for the media to actually tell the truth about anything. i wish more people cared about the world.
The environment i believe in global warming. however i think humans are speeding up the process a great deal. i always turn off lights when they don’t need to be on. i try and use as little water as possible. however i do use a lot of electricity using my laptop/charging my phone. my car is relatively eco-friendly. i should probably do more to protect the environment. i’m too lazy to exercise. if i can drive somewhere, i will. my favourite animal is in danger because humans are ruining the environment. i think we’ll eventually destroy this planet.
Seasons and the weather. summer is definitely my favourite season. i really, really hate the humidity. the only thing i like about winter is the snow. i love seeing new baby animals in the spring. my favourite thing about autumn/fall is the changing colours on the trees. i hate how early it gets dark in the winter. but i also hate getting woken up early by the sun in summer. i prefer summer vacations to winter ones. i could happily go and lie on the beach/by a pool for a week. i would love to be able to pick the weather each day.
Currently I’m wearing skinny jeans. I’m drinking soda. I have bare feet. I’m wearing a watch. I’m on or due my period. My nails are painted pink. I’m wearing two rings. I don’t have jewelry in all my piercings. I’m sitting on the sofa. I’m not in the room alone.
Schooling I’ve never failed a test or a class before. I’ve graduated from university. I absolutely hated high school. I’m still in touch with people from primary/elementary school. I’m friends with one or more old teacher on Facebook. My best friend didn’t go to my school. I went to a religious high school. I was more popular with teachers than other students. It was a school that encouraged my love of reading. I learned two different languages in high school.
Jobs I’ve had two “proper jobs” before. The first job I had was babysitting. I’ve been paid to watch other people’s pets before. I’ve never been in trouble at work before. I’ve never been fired from a job before either. I’ve been at my current job for nearly two years. I get along well with the managers at work. I get a staff discount for working where I do. My job has a physical aspect to it. I have never been late for a shift before.
Family My dad is retired. My mum works as a manager. I don’t have any siblings. My parents have been married for over twenty years. My cousins are either my age or toddlers. I have more aunts than uncles. I don’t have any godparents. My oldest grandparent is in their nineties. I consider my significant other to be part of my family. The same goes for my pets.
My phone I paid for my own phone. I also pay my own phone bill each month. It’s a touch screen. It has a fullscreen keyboard if you rotate the phone. I text more than I call. I text my significant other more than anyone else. I use the internet on my phone a lot. I rarely ever use it to play games. I have the Tumblr application on my phone. I pretty much always have my phone with me or near me.
Things I can see from where I am sitting My phone. Two remote controls. A pair of sunglasses. Trees. A Playstation and controller. Some fake flowers. Magazines. Cushions. Coaster. Chocolates.
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You love shopping, but don’t do it as much as you’d like. You like going to the movies. You hate metal music. You like musicals and your favorite is Les Miserables. You watch Graceland. You love crime shows. You still own stuffed animals. You like dogs more than cats. You wish on 11:11 just for fun. You’ve seen a shooting star. You love going to the beach, but don’t live near one. You prefer flying over driving. You’ve only gotten carsick once. You’re going to New York and DC next year. You daydream often. You’ve had a nightmare that you still remember. You’ve been suicidal and attempted it. You’ve tried self-harming. You’ve been hospitalized for multiple reasons. You want to go into medicine. You have a high pain tolerance. You have a best friend of the opposite sex. You’ve never drank. You’ve never smoked. When you learned to drive, you were scared of going too fast. You work for a family member. You took/are taking college classes in high school. You’ve never dyed your hair. You’re best friends with a few cheerleaders, including the cheer captain. You’re graduating this year. You consider yourself to be smart. You prefer hot over cold. You like the snow, but not all the time. You have built a snowman. Your favorite holiday is Christmas. You like the song My Oh My by Macklemore. You like Far East Movement. You’ve been to a Christian concert. You were raised in church. You have questioned/doubted your religion. You enjoy history. You read for fun, but don’t have much time for it. You hate Harry Potter and Twilight. You didn’t like Hunger Games either. You used to Skype a lot but not much anymore. You regret complaining about taking naps when you were younger. You like Shakespeare. You don’t like Adele. Your best friend has very little in common with you. You’ve had friends that were bad influences. You’ve overcome your past. You have a big family. Your parents are divorced. You want kids. You have lots of younger cousins. You’ve taken more than one foreign language class. You’ve taken an ancient language class. You like/liked school. You love/loved high school dances. You were/are in marching band (or color guard). You’ve been in the debate club. You’re lazy. You procrastinate a lot. You like drums but can’t play them. You have a very religious friend. You like veggietales. You think little kids shows today aren’t that good. You watched Arthur when you were little. You were born in the same hospital as another family member. You have moved cities. You’re close to your grandparents. You’ve had a friend who died. You know someone who’s been murdered. You’ve been in a bad relationship. You’ve learned a lesson the hard way. You struggle with trusting people. You like Maroon 5. You like One Direction. You don’t like Justin Bieber. You’ve been out of the country more than once. You’ve been on a cruise. You’ve been to Disneyland, Disney World, or Six Flags. You’ve been to Sea World. You’ve never surfed, but think it looks fun. You like the movie Titanic. You love tumblr. You’ve tried many times to keep a diary and failed every time. You memorize random facts. You spend more time looking at the clock than anything else in class. You hate math. You’ve failed a test. You’ve never gotten in trouble in school. You have redheads in your family. You have three half siblings. You have a better relationship with your mom than your dad. You love baseball. You hate football. Your favorite baseball team is the St. Louis Cardinals. You’re cheering for them in the World Series this week. You like watching the Olympics. You hate the game Monopoly. You like Scattergories. You like Tetris. You like trivia games. You don’t like Friends. You love Aaron Tveit. You get stressed easily. You’ve had surgery. You love pink. You like zebra print. You played with Polly Pockets when you were younger. You like Spongebob. You like The Shining. Your favorite animal is a monkey. You love pizza. You like Ellie Goulding. You like the song Royals. You’ve tried swing dancing…and failed. You used to do ballet. You used to swim and dive. You do martial arts. You hate compulsive liars. You’ve had a rumor spread about you. You’ve had a friend get expelled. You’ve forgotten about homework. You’ve read The Outsiders. ^You’ve also seen the movie. You’ve read To Kill a Mockingbird. ^You’ve seen that movie too. You love anything Disney. You think Disney Channel should bring back old shows. You liked High School Musical when you were younger. You used to be obsessed with Zac Efron. You’ve done archery. You hate bugs. You’ve been camping recently. You love glow sticks. You own a lava lamp. You know someone who’s super hypocritical. You’ve never done drugs. You love Imagine Dragons and FUN. You love the song Radioactive. You’re tired and bored.
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Philadelphia You’re pretty down to earth. You’re very loyal to your sports teams. You like cheesesteaks. You or someone you know rides a bike regularly. You’ve improved a lot recently. But there are things that you’d still like to change. You like history. You have a wild streak. You prefer smaller, independently owned stores. People tend to underestimate you. Total: 3
New York You’re often up until all hours of the night. You have lots of friends, and people seem to enjoy visiting you. You have a multi-faceted personality. You enjoy theater. And fine dining. You can be a little pretentious sometimes. People tend to think a lot of you. You like all different kinds of people. You love shopping. You have a summer home. Total: 4
Washington, DC You’re interested in politics. You love punk music. You like being clean and well-kept. You have a lot of distinguishing features. You love museums. You’re very cultured. You find foreign cultures fascinating. You love trying new foods. You’ve been told you’re attractive. You’ve received a plant or a tree as a gift. Total:7
Austin You’re pretty quirky. You like tex-mex. You’ve ridden a mechanical bull. You have a lot of pride about where you’re from. You’re smaller than most of your friends. You like comfortable, flowy clothes. Total: 3
Baltimore You’ve been in trouble with the law before. You love zoos and aquariums. You live or would like to live by the water. You or someone you know has tried heroin. You have a rough side. You’re pretty artsy. You really like cake. You’ve been told you’re charming. You like originality. You’re fairly modest. Total: 5
L.A. You’re a vegetarian or a vegan. You’re pretty health conscious. Some people think you’re fake. You’d say you’re pretty popular. Summer is your favorite season. You’d rather be at the beach. You keep up with all the celebrity gossip. You wish you could be on the Hills. You usually have to go on a highway to get where you need to go. You like being tan. Total: 0
New Orleans You’ve lived through some kind of natural disaster (flood, tornado, etc.) Cajun food. You like jazz music. You’ve got a lot of personality. You love the south. You’ve been known to throw wild parties. Live music is awesome. So are flea markets. You have a distinctive dialect. A lot of your friends are black. Total: 3
Boston Cold weather doesn’t phase you. You’re a college student. People generally take an instant liking to you. Education is pretty important to you. You’ve had problems with authority in the past. You stand up for what you believe in. You’re pretty well off, financially. You love seafood and/or dairy products. You appreciate the fine arts. You listen to ska. Total: 4
Las Vegas You’re pretty eccentric. You love to gamble. You hide things from people a lot. You think neon lights are beautiful. You like to entertain others. You like to support local artists. You may not be the most morally sound person. You know someone from Hawaii. You’ve gotten drunk and done something regrettable. You love all you can eat buffets. Total: 5
You are: Washington, DC.
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