#there’s .... something about not having to visualise myself that makes it so Real

[tianas-gems]

don't imagine to get

so i have done a lot of thinking about the law recently, and i finally decided to make a post on what i had been pondering.

i think that a lot of people "fail" at manifesting (or rather, fail at manifesting what they want) because they are imagining to get. this is a big NO. trust me.

as i said in one of my previous posts, you can only ever really experience imagination. go read THIS POST if you want to learn more about that.

so why do you even care what the 3d is showing you? why are you "trying to manifest" something into the 3d?

i only opened my asks the other day and i've already got so many asks about people who have "failed to manifest". and let me tell you, with this mindset, you are not getting any closer to experiencing your desire.

let me break it down:

the way you experience something is by already being it in imagination. if you think you're being it, but you're really just trying to convince yourself that you are it in order to get it in the 3d, you are not being it.

for example, let's say i want to manifest a new car. if i am forcing myself to feel euphoria and think thoughts that align with the car, but at my core i am feeling like i don't actually have the car, guess what i am experiencing? NOT HAVING THE CAR!

you can only experience through feeling. thoughts don't mean anything. i can think as many affirmations as i want, but if i have not accepted that i have what i want, i won't experience it.

and notice how i've been saying "experience" not "manifest"? i've done that intentionally. i genuinely believe the goal of LOA is not to get something in the 3d reality, but to experience in imagination, after all, we can only ever truly experience something through feeling (acceptance). i think that trying to get something in the 3d completely goes against the very foundation of the law, and that is that the 3d is only a mirror to the real reality of imagination.

forcing yourself to visualise, to affirm, or even to get into the state in order to achieve something, to acquire something in the 3d means that you don't understand the law. the 3d is an illusion. a mirror. it is irrelevant, and i will always preach this.

you imagine to experience the feelings of having what your desire, not to get something in the 3d, because if you imagine with the underlying goal to acquire something, you are not experiencing your desire. you are experiencing lack.

your desires are yours the moment that you experience them. just make the choice that it is yours, and you have it. period.

this was really random, but i hope it made sense. if anyone needs clarification, feel free to send me an ask!

love, Tiana ❀

#god #law of assumption #manifest #manifestation #manifesting #neville goddard #spirituality #law of attraction #jesus #bible #4d #3d #loa #loass #loa blog #loass blog #loassumption #loattraction #states #wish fulfilled #edward art

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hi, hope you're having a good day/afternoon/evening. Do you write stuff about Hellboy? If yes, could you plesase do gn!verytall!reader x Nuada, where he takes a dislike on them, but somehow catches feelings, but he can't and will not accept that and reader don't know why they're locked in their dungeons and just wait for their death. Nuada has a goal: eliminate all humans. However, he doesn't know if he should include reader. If you're not into Hellboy, forget I asked anything. I like your prompts by the way.

What’s up with me and liking these kinds of characters…I guess we’ll never know. 🦦

It probably wasn’t your smartest move in separating from the group to pursue a lead in finding prince Nuada on your own because whatever delusion you were riding on at the time that made you think that you stood a chance at besting him. A man who’s movements were as fast, swift and as fluid as a cold breeze.

It might as well be considered a death sentence to fight Nuada on your own. Something you should’ve taken into consideration for as soon after your brief one sided fight, which had Nuada dominating for most of it. But instead of delivering the killing blow with his lance, Nuada had decided to take you as a prisoner and had you flung into one of his dungeons until you friends come to retrieve you or for death to greet you first; So while you waited for either outcome, you began trying to find creative ways as to entertain yourself.

Meanwhile Nuada was finding himself to be at odds with himself over his resolve but mostly over you, a pathetic, greedy, hollow human being. No better then the others in his eyes and yet Nuada found his feelings of resentment, anger and anguish he held towards the human race, having dwindled the moment your eyes met his as he held his lance closely to your throat. Nuada knew that he could’ve finished you off like he had done to countless others but why were you the one to make him falter, to question his resolve, his purpose and cast an ember of warmth within his heart?

What made you so special in comparison to the others, whom he had so easily had snuffed the lives from? Why was it that throughout your fight did he not take full advantage of your openings, your weaknesses then and there? Nuada was given so many golden opportunities to rid himself of yet another filthy human, but something deep down inside was telling him to not bring you any more harm than he already had. Naturally Nuada assumed it was some magical trickery that you possessed in order to mess with his mind, however it was documented that you had no such gifted ability like Liz; You were just an ordinary human like any other who thought they couldn’t do no wrong, while simultaneously standing by and doing nothing to bring about change in the nature of your people.

This only proved to piss and confuse Nuada even more. You were rotting in his dungeons and yet you still manage to haunt his mind like a ghost. Hell he could visualise you so vividly and so real within his own head, making sure to get every feature of yours right, that he could almost reach out and actually touch you and be able to feel the warmth of your skin against his fingertips, feeling your muscles move beneath his touch, followed by your sharp inhale at the unsuspecting contact from him.

You distracted Nuada from what he felt was most important, form what he set out to do and he wasn’t one to leave any unfinished business, not when he was close to achieving his ultimate goal in eradicating all mankind, so much so that he could practically taste it on his tongue. However there was a slight problem with that, for if he were to eradicate all humans, that would naturally include you in that; The one human who had made a home within his unwilling heart and he didn’t know what to make of it because once again he was heavily conflicted, for his heart had grown to find some semblance of enjoyment within your company, much to his dismay.

‘How could I have allowed myself to become so weak!’ Nuada hissed to himself as his once relaxed hands became fists within a blink of an eye. ‘My head and heart have both betrayed me with their conjoined weakness towards that..human.’ He adds bitterly, adamant in even uttering the word human. It felt both vile and wrong to Nuada in naming those who’s inherent greed and corruption had put him in his current position; He felt as though he was doing a disservice to his own people for feeling any kind of way towards the enemy, and yet his heart couldn’t help but become more and more intrigued by you.

Had things played out a little differently just what would your relationship with him be? His heart would wonder aloud.

They’re a human, you fool! There will never be a relationship between them and us, for we’d only end with a knife within our backs. Nuada’s mind would reply, not wanting to ever show an ounce of weakness towards the enemy, not when he was so fucking close to finishing it.

It was within your human nature to be cruel, to lack empathy, kindness and compassion and yet Nuada felt an uncertainty in whether or not he wanted you dead with the rest of humanity. Would it be considered hypocrisy if he were to keep you alive while everyone else is dead? Maybe but he would deal with the consequences of his actions for a later date.

For now he had to confront you about how you’ve made him feel recently.

#prince nuada x reader #prince nuada imagines #prince nuada imagine #nuada x reader #nuada imagine #nuada x you #nuada imagines #prince nuada x you

[charmedreincarnation]

you probably won’t answer this and rightly so but idk what’s wrong or holding me back cause i always get symptoms, i know the next thing is for me to enter and i don’t. I obviously won’t be giving up but i see such great success stories (mostly your anons) about how they persisted and entered and i continue to persist but it doesn’t happen and idk why. I have worked out my doubts and fears and i genuinely know nothing is holding me back.

I am not dwelling in this negativity of me not entering but i guess the reason why i am sending this to you is because i want to know if i’m missing something? i promise you i’m good (no negative self talk) i worked so hard to be at this stage, but just confused about what’s not clicking

Here’s what i do:

relax my bod, stay still

listen to a sub while taking deep breaths, i affirm

i try to keep my mind focused on just the affirmations and breathing

i get symptoms

i know, i really believe i’ll tap in and continue to do what i’m doing

but i don’t enter

(i try to do the theta method where i visualise myself in water and space but can’t continue to do it for long because it does the opposite of relax for me?)

if you end up answering, i appreciate it a lot! thank you maya!! hope you’re having a good day!

Hi love! I get a lot of asks like this or very similar ones, and I really can't tell you what you are supposedly doing right or wrong because I’m not there, and I’m not you. And to be real, you might not even be doing anything wrong in the first place.

From what you've shared, it sounds like you're already doing a lot of things right. You're listening to subs, focusing on your affirmations and breathing, and you've even attempted the theta method (though I understand if it doesn't work for everyone).

I’m sure you already know if you’re this far, but the law always emphasizes the importance of feeling natural about your desired state. If you're constantly aware that you're trying to manifest something, it might create a sense of separation between you and your desired state. Instead, try to assume a state of already having what you want. Feel it to be natural. Live in the end. That’s what my experience was at least.

Regardless there are a plethora of methods out there that exist to help you on your journey. Each one is unique and tailored to address different issues that you might be facing. So, if you think you have a problem, rest assured there's a method where that issue won't exist.

Maybe you're too focused on symptoms, which, by the way, are just your body falling asleep. They're not an external sign pointing to something else. While it's a good thing that your body is relaxing and preparing for sleep, remember that your goal is to detach from your physical body. Try affirming "I am not my body, and symptoms don't affect me" while you experience these symptoms.

Visualization can also be a helpful tool like you said. If imagining yourself floating in space and being sucked into the void visualization doesn't work for you, try a different scene. Maybe it's the mountain tops, or maybe it's being comforted in bed with someone you find safe. The key is to tailor the visualization to what makes you feel comfortable and relaxed.

If awake methods are too distracting for you, it’s fine. There are plenty of sleep methods available. These methods focus on using the state between wakefulness and sleep (like the hypnagogic state) to shift your awareness. They can be less intense and easier to practice than awake methods.

And if you're looking for something more unconventional, there are other methods out there. I recently posted about a reverse psychology method, and there are more in my masterlist. Plus, @gorgeouslypink discusses many different void methods that tackle a variety of issues.

In your journey, the answer you're seeking will always lie within yourself. It's about understanding your own rhythms, your own energy, and your own paths to relaxation and manifestation.

Start by writing down what works best for you. What practices make you feel the most relaxed? Is it a specific method or a combination of several? Maybe it doesn’t even exist but doing that particular thing helps you. Or, at this point, is it just setting an intention and letting yourself do your own thing, knowing that what you desire is already yours?

You are the best judge of what works for you. I can guide you, provide suggestions, and share different methods, but ultimately, you are the one who knows what feels right.

Maybe Instead of trying to force the method in your next attempt to reach the void, ask yourself what you think you should be doing.

Trust your intuition. It's always with you and can guide you towards your desired state. calming your mind and living in the present moment will always help. At any point you can tap into your subconscious mind, where all your answers lie.

So, pay attention to your inner voice. It's always speaking, always guiding. Even when you're not actively seeking answers, it's there, speaking with you.

Also, if you’re “knowing” the same way you knew I wouldn’t answer this ask even though I am, that might also be your issue. Thinking and knowing are different things. If you’re telling and convincing yourself you’re going to tap into the void while also in your mind knowing you won’t at the same time, you’re better off attempting with an altered state of consciousness like a hypnagogia or SP.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

[cairoswrld]

hey so i gave this exam a few weeks ago and its results are coming up soon and i'm anxious asf about how i did. i just wanna get the best marks so i keep affirming and all those negative thoughts just come rushing in and i feel so hopeless, what do i do? thank you bae xx

yoh that’s so real.

for the anxiety, definitely self soothe. watching comfort shows, vent to someone or yourself, go out with someone, listen to your favourite songs etc . - just to calm you down

also it’s okay to react, let yourself be anxious, acknowledge that "okay yes i’m feeling a bit anxious and that’s fine, it’s not weird to feel anxious before getting results for smth, i’m fine and it’s normal" and then maybe change what you affirm to something along the lines of "nothings wrong with how i feel, i know that regardless i will get my desires/my desired marks/that distinction etc"

something like feeling anxious can never stop you from getting what you want as long as you keep knowing that you will/already have your desire yk?

conclusively;

definitely affirm against your doubt/anxious - e.g "i acknowledge how i feel but regardless of that, i will get my desires"

self soothe. - do things that calm you down, relax, distract you, whatever feels good.

just keep affirming, trusting, self soothing - reinforce your affirms beyond the circumstance, if you need to repeat to do that, do that. if you wanna maybe revise, then use revision. if you wanna visualise, do that.

and then just on a personal note, when i’m in this situation, i try my best to remove my focus on the worst case scenario and focus on the best case scenario. anytime i get really negative, i affirm in whatever way makes me feel better. - sometimes i even sleep with subliminals on, and otherwise i focus on keeping myself calm and distracting myself when the thoughts get really negative and focused on the 3D.

anyways good luck anon, i know exactly how you feel, know that in another reality, im holding your hand rn !! if this didn’t help, there’s so much content out there that will definitely help you, remember that it’s okay to feel anxious, just persist anon, all the best 🌟

#cairoswrld #loa #a nonie #asks

[anyaispunk]

Let Us Last Forever

Summary: Daniel couldn't imagine a life without fulfilling your dreams.

Word Count: 841

Note: Just pure fluff and listen to Cody Fry - Photograph while you read this if you can.

You’re both on your way back to your hotel after Daniel finished his meetings, and you decided to come. You almost regret your decision to come along because it lasted for hours.

Music filled the entire ride. He loves music, and you’re certainly sure that his blue McLaren 720s speakers only have a break when he’s not riding the car. Luckily, you both have the same taste in music. So as soon as the first song is played, the two of you start vibing immediately.

After a couple of rap songs, a very contrast music is beginning to play. Cody Fry’s Photograph piano brings warmth into your chest.

"OH MY GOD. I LOVE THIS SONG," you exclaimed while looking at him.

It's the evening light

Shining through the curtains

The time before the night

When everything is golden

 

You sang along beautifully as Dani chuckled, looking at you.

Now you close your eyes while singing. Scenarios are running through your head. You can’t help it. This song makes you happy, thinking about the future you’ll have with your other half. Even though at this point, you have no idea who he is. But… you have one particular man on your mind.

If I wished myself a superpower

I would make this moment last for hours

If I had my will, time would just stand still

Wait for me until I find some magic film

To take a photograph and live inside

 

Dani couldn’t help but smile as wide as he could. You looked so beautiful. Savouring every single word of the lyrics. Making it more meaningful when it already is.

You opened your eyes and turned to him. His eyes were sparkling, just like yours. One pair full of hope and the other full of adoration. 

The song was still playing. He let no questions out, but you felt like you wanted to explain. Wondering why you suddenly have the urge to tell him everything, remembering you’re the kind of person that keeps everything to yourself. But whenever you’re with him, you turn into a book that begs to be read.

"I love this song," you said for the second time to start your explanation.

You both stared at the traffic ahead.

"Each time I hear this song, I can picture myself with my husband. Sitting on a bench not too far from the beach, on the edge of a low cliff." you smiled as the scene got clearer and clearer.

"We’re gonna make a video based on this song. Visualising every single thing the lyrics have. As the sun goes down, the light gorgeously hits our face. We’re looking at each other and feel nothing but happiness, blessed, and much much love. It’s overwhelming but we craved it." Tears began to form in your eyes. Not realizing that Dani has been holding his tears and grabbing the steering wheel too tight until his knuckles are white in an attempt to fight his tears from falling.

"And we’ll hold on to that moment as long as we live. Watching the video now and then, so we couldn’t forget how it felt as it was yesterday. Every time we are happy, we’ll look at it so we remember that happiness isn’t just when something worth celebrating for. Every time we are sad, we’ll look at it so we remember to be grateful because we still have each other. Every time we’re away, we’ll look at it so we remember there’s someone to come home to. Or even every time we fight, so we remember that no matter how pissed we are, we love each other more."

I need some way to prove that this was real

A memory is not enough

I'm scared that I'll forget the way it feels

To be young and in love

 

Knowing what you’ll say next, your tears inevitably fall to your cheeks.

"One day, when one of us is gone. We’ll have something to assure ourselves to keep living. So our love stayed alive. Until one of us successfully passes it on to our kids and makes sure that they carry our love to pass it on, over and over again. Because that’s how strong our love is."

Let me stay right here

Just a moment longer

The picture is so clear

Please let this last forever

 

Your words ended at the same time as the song. You finally have the guts to look at Dani, scared that he finds you weird or an incredibly drama queen.

But when you looked at him, you found none of those. Only love and tears. You panicked and hurriedly reached out to grab some tissues. You wiped his cheeks and asked,

"Why are you crying?" there’s a hint of concern in your tone.

"Because I don’t know what I’m gonna do for the rest of my life if not making your words come true."

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #x you fluff #x you #daniel ricciardo x you #fluff imagine

[llamagoddessofficial]

I love your fics so much oh my god you’re so awesome! May I ask for some advice? I know it’s silly but how do you cope with reading a fic that’s upsetting or maybe gives you uncomfy feelings afterwards? I usually just stop reading but I have anxiety and my mind fixated on bad thoughts.

Usually, when a story makes me really upset, every time I start to think of it again I have a 'it's fictional' mantra that I say over and over in my head. Reminding myself repeatedly that the thing making me that uncomfortable didn't actually happen can really soothe me, especially if it's not just a squick and it managed to accidentally hit one of my genuine triggers. I find this a lot easier than 'just stop thinking about it lol'. A lot of the time, my discomfort comes from empathising too much with a character in a really bad situation (ie: that situation closely mirrors something I've been through), so separating the triggering story from my reality helps me ease up a little.

I sometimes find that, alongside reminding myself it isn't real, visualising the creation process of the thing also helps. It's just another layer of separation, another reminder that it isn't real. If it's a fanfic, I picture the author typing it out, maybe while doing something funny like wearing ugly pyjamas or eating messily. If it was a movie, I watch videos on the crew creating the sets, or I google life updates on the actors involved. I constantly remind myself that it's not real and it didn't actually happen.

Hope this helps <3

[slowfae]

A few things i like to do in my free time to help me visualise my Drs

This is all a bunch of stuff i do in my free time anyway, so might as well playing around with it for shifting. It works for scripting, if you are not an artist, and want to picture your Dr self.

I am a very visual person, so it’s something that help me personally.

Life Makeover

This app is my obsession lately. It allow you to customise your character almost entirely. It’s definitely targeted more towards women, but i have seen people playing around with the character customisation to make it look more androgynous.

There is also a sims 4 like building feature. It’s not as great as the sims itself, but i managed to do a cute build. The proportions feels more realistic than the sims 4, and the general 3D and light quality is very nice for a mobile game, it’s very pretty to look at.

I recreated myself, since i don’t really change my appearance (outside the fact i am a fairy in pretty much all my drs). But it’s fun playing around with the outfits, what i would wear if i was in this universe, since there is a lot of fantasy outfit in the game.

The sims 4

I mentioned it earlier, I’m a big sims player. Every time i start a new script, i make a house or an apartment to visualise where i would live. Especially since the sims 4 base game is free now, you could just install aesthetic CC to make your dream house.

If you don’t like to build, there is plenty of option you can download in the gallery. A lot of the place I’m shifting to are fantasy setting, so i don’t always find good visualisation on Pinterest .

I made this apartment for me and my best friend MHA Dr, for our attempt on group shifting. I didn’t shift yet, bit she stayed in her DR for 3 days and she said the floor plan was pretty accurate. She just said the couch was different in her dr, but I’m pretty sure it’s because she didn’t like the one i chose 🤣

Of course the fun part of the sims is to create your dr self and your dr friends and see how they interact with each other. I created a save with the intention to channel my dr through it, if that makes sense.

I have seen some unexpected things playing out 😆

For exemple my Dr parents kept wanting to make more children, and did 2 without me controlling it, my mom called me telling me they were considering doing another kid, asking me what I think. I responded it was not really for me to decide and next time I saw her in the game…she was pregnant!

I think it makes sense, since I was making the perfect parents I never had, that they like parenting and having a full house, so now I consider it part of my script. I’m the oldest of four siblings now I guess.

Room Planner

Another app, for construction this time. You don’t have to pay to use it, the free version is just a little bit more limited. It’s meant for real life building, so the proportion reflect real life and you can find plenty of ikea furniture in the catalog.

That’s everything for apps, I’m sure it has been talked about before, but I hope it can give some inspiration to other shifters

���🏻‍♀️

#reality shifting #shiftblr #reality shift #desired reality #shifting script #shifting

[thelostgirl21]

When you discover you have aphantasia (no mental image at all, not even the faintest outline), proceed to start telling your partner about it, and he goes "First, I'm pretty sure when people talk about 'seeing' something in their head, it's not literal. More like a meraphore to explain a concept..."

And this is how you find out you were both born with the complete inability to conjure up any sort of mental imagery whatsoever, and both thought that terms like "imagining", or "seeing", or "visualising" meant exactly the same thing; but that same thing is completely different than what it means for the vast majority of the population!

Also, apparently, those that can't see anything (no outline of any object at all) in their minds are pretty rare. Basically, estimated at 0.8% of the population (1/125).

So, he and I having gotten together is basically as if, in a group of 250 people, the only two that don't have any form of mental imagery had somehow managed to find each other and get together!

We are both "internally blind" (unless we are dreaming)...

But I can voluntarily conjure up sounds, smells, tactile sensations, and tastes that aren't truly there at will.

While he can't.

If a song gets stuck in his head, he tells me that it's like the lyrics of the song are stuck in his brain spoken to the melody on repeat.

But he doesn't hear the voice of the singer, nor the other instruments playing. Again, he thought it was like that for everyone, and was amazed to discover I have access to a complete orchestra in there!

He also has an internal monologue, but that voice has no "identity". He doesn't hear his voice or someone else's voice, he just "hear words" following his thoughts.

His whole internal world pretty much exists in the form of pure concepts, intuitions, and internal abstract ideas; and for some reason, that makes his brain even more fascinating and sexier to me!

I actually can turn off any of the other internal senses and purely rely on concepts and abstract ideas myself to function (let's get real! The ability to concentrate hard enough that you can feel water that's not actually there on your skin is pretty useless other than for entertainment purposes), so I can technically function like him. The only difference is that I can access those other sensations should I wish to.

Perhaps the biggest difference is the songs getting stuck in my mind that play more clearly. I can cut off the instrument, but I prefer keeping them.

#Aphantasia #Personal #Apparently we are a bit of a statistical improbability! #Lol! #Makes me wonder if we'd had a kid together if that child would also have been aphantasic...

[bosskie]

Molluck Study Night

Man, I don't remember when was the last time I managed to draw this many sketches in a day... Last night I studied Molluck's anatomy, so the rest of the sketches here will be about naked Molluck. But this was the last one I did since I also wanted to just practice drawing his face. I had no idea how to draw him but then I just looked at those cutscenes and wanted to draw this one because he is just so cute when he is pondering after looking at the blimps in the first part of the good ending! This wasn't easy one to draw and I actually fixed this a bit digitally since I realized my mistakes while editing the photo of this... It just feels like I still have so much to learn how to draw this Gluk... I feel like I lack of something, making me unable to ever be professional in art, but maybe I just haven't been doing enough art, studies etc...

But currently, I do am trying to improve my art since I feel like I'm just stuck and haven't really improved in a decade... So, here's some random Molluck anatomy studies, being in order I made them:

These are actually quickly made sketches, so that's how I was actually able to draw this much in one night... Though, I finished that portrait after waking up since I become too sleepy to finish it. I personally feel like these sketches only show how poor my anatomy skills are, so I wasn't even sure if I post these or not but well, still wanted to be brave and show my poor skills bare naked, just like Molluck is... This is just how I feel about these sketches... They show my real skill level and I don't think that it's good... Well, gotta just keep drawing. Though, I do still sketch a lot poorer stuff when I try to figure out how to realize my drawing ideas... Well, I guess that I could give you a look at these actually awful sketches:

All of these are made for a sketch/drawing I have posted here. (Yes, I tend to sketch stuff using Paint.) Frankly, this is how I tend to see my skills, how I feel when I look at my stuff... I know that it's not nice to see an artist calling their art bad but I just wanna be honest, like brutally honest about how I see my stuff, so here's kinda like a visualisation of how I see my stuff, at least during my worst moments... There do are moments when I do feel like I can actually draw but they seem to be just little moments and I'm soon back to thinking about that I cannot draw a thing. It's depressing and it makes me feel kinda depressed when I look at the stuff on this post but well, this blog has also kinda been about the journey I have been doing with my Molluck art/stuff, in many ways.

I'm sorry but I just cannot pretend that I loved my art... I love Molluck so much but at the same time, I just hate myself so much... I don't even know why but I just feel like my life is already a failure... Just feel like how this stuff shows how I cannot truly draw... How me being skilled is just a lie... Man, I just have so bad impostor syndrome... I feel the best when I forget myself but when I think about myself, it only depresses me... I just tend to think that every energy/time/etc. spent on me is wasted...

Even looking at the stuff on this post makes me feel worse, I still wanna post this bad art. I just don't feel like that the portrait looks great either but I tried my best and that's the main thing. I just feel so bad about myself... It feels like I'm only able to practice self-love thru Molluck, making him being kind to me while I tell myself the worst possible things... This is one of the reasons why he is so important to me... He is the one that tells me inside my head not to do it, not to end it all... Frankly, like I said some time ago, it's actually like a mundane thing for me to think about suicidal things, just nothing special anymore, it's been so long like this, over a decade... This also kinda one reason why I'm so open about my own situation, I'm getting so tired of this... To describe how awful my mind is, I can say that it has just laughed at me when I have been reading about how seriously suicidal thoughts should be taken, said how I'm not worth saving but all the others are...

But I'm still trying to fight, even I have felt like life is pointless for over a decade... The cycle of life has just felt so odd: born, grow up, (breed,) die... Like, what's the point of this all? Why to live, why to survive... Thinking this stuff was the reason why I got depressed, just don't understand the point of living, doing anything in life... Maybe it's my personality that just makes me unable to enjoy life, stop caring about this... But like I have said, I do still feel like I'm a failure, so I'll never really be anything... This is how I just feel and I don't know how to stop feeling like this... Just everything I have 'achieved' feels like mere luck or 'lucky mistakes'... I just feel like I'm a living lie, my impostor syndrome is this bad...

I don't wanna depress anyone else but my blog has kinda become like this, that I also write how I'm doing with my mind since it affects my stuff a lot and Molluck kinda just keeps my mental health 'in place'. I really had some positive things in mind to write here but I just cannot when I feel like my 'art' looks so bad right now... Well, another time then. I'm sorry but I'm just fighting for my own life with my mind... Since I more like hate my creations, I'm only able to show my stuff related to Molluck since this Gluk is just the love of my life... This was also the reason why I didn't take part in that OWI's fan celebration thing they just held, just have no mood for making my stuff more visible, show it around but here. Like I have said many times, I felt like deleting my submission to that SoulStorm tattoo contest I won, it just looked so bad in my opinion... I only wish I was able to see what the people who enjoy my stuff see... Why is my mind just trying to kill me, but there somewhere I still know that I'm not so awful as my ill mind tells me, that I do have hope, that I shouldn't take my own life... Man, brains are so odd too...

I don't wish that I end this all because of all the bad things I tell myself. I more like wish that me being open about this can help the others like me. That's why I'm also working on a game related to mental health issues like mine. Thinking about publishing/showing it makes me feel nervous though but I'm trying my best with being able to show my stuff since my life kinda depends on it... Man, why it's so difficult to feel anything positive about myself... I seriously don't know why I hate myself so much... Why I have so high expectations for myself... Why I feel like I can do nothing in reality...

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

[unrelaxing]

media list (26.02.2024 - 26.03.3024)

👂 Listened:

Albums:

Speak Now (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift (2023) [8/10, probably my favourite of her re-releases, Timeless and Electric Touch are amazing vault songs.]

Red (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift (2021) [7/10, I don't really love any of the vault songs in this except for the 10 minute version of All Too Well, and while I like the tune and vibe of I Bet You Think About Me, I find it lyrically awkward.]

D-Day by Agust D (2023) [5/10, musically I just don't vibe with Yoongi's solo stuff a lot of the time, so it always ends up being a very distant appreciation, and I'll be honest and say I probably wouldn't listen if I wasn't already a fan.]

Indigo by RM (2022) [8.5/10, really really solid album, though it couldn't quite overtake mono. for me in terms of how much I loved it - considering if I were to rate mono. it would absolutely be a 10/10.]

Podcasts:

Morbid Episodes: ⤷ EP 502: The Highgate Vampire ⤷ EP 503: The Torsaker Witch Trials ⤷ EP 541: The Unsolved Murder of Georgette Bauerdorf

📖 Read:

Articles:

The ATO is reviving old tax debts totalling billions, threatening some taxpayers with bankruptcy by Nassim Khadem from abc.net.au

Dissecting the Diabolical Documentary 'Mister Organ' with Filmmaker David Farrier by Lulu Dropo from The Advocate

How Michael Organ Weaponised the Family Court... and Sean Plunket by David Farrier from Webworm

Mystery in Japan as dangerous streptococcal infections soar to record levels by Justin McCurry from Guardian

China visit sees $105 billion iron ore exports on the brink by Jamie Seidel from news.com.au [I don't often remember to actually put any political articles on this list, but this remained open on my tabs for a while so it makes it.]

Too close for comfort: Aussie filmmaker’s accidental portrait of a psychopath by Karl Quinn from Sydney Morning Herald [As made obvious by this list, I do tend to watch something then immediately seek out more information - a lot of the time it just leads me to reddit threads, but other times I do find articles and read those.]

The Bible Says Jesus Was Real. What Other Proof Exists? by Christopher Klein from history.com

What is the historical evidence that Jesus Christ lived and died? by Dr. Simon Gathercole from Guardian [I was dragged to church by my other and it hit me that I'd never even tried to find proof on whether or not Jesus wasn't fiction, so I started reading what people had to say. tldr; no archeological proof, though people of Jesus' class at the time didn't tend to leave archeological proof of their existence, and it seems there are accounts of Jesus starting 30 years after his death from non-Christians, so. Probably a real guy. Whether or not he's actually the son of God is, of course, unable to be proven.]

Books:

Stalking Darkness by Lynn Flewelling [finished! Another 10/10.]

Pine by Francine Toon [dropped - couldn't continue this one anymore, it's slow and filled with details that had nothing to do with the actual mystery or the characters themselves - I think other people might have appreciated it for the way it allowed you to visualise the setting so vividly, but to me it was just incredibly boring.]

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen [in progress, told myself I'd read more classics and thought I'd start with one I was supposed to read in high school.]

Spy x Family vol. 1 [finished! 10/10. Immediately bought the 10 volumes out on Amazon after reading this because I enjoyed it so much. Loid Forger is a goldmine of a male character, the kind that's easy to fall for and to root for. Anya is sweet and funny and interesting, and Yor is just the icing on the cake of their dynamic.]

Spy x Family vol. 2 [finished! 10/10 - my goodreads rating system is going to be SKEWED after reading this manga.]

Spy x Family vol. 3 [finished! 8/10 mostly because I didn't love Yor's brother at all.]

📺 Watched:

Movies:

Dune: Part Two [8/10 - this really revitalised my love of going to the cinema! I've watched it twice, and I've made plans to see some other movies in theatre and it's really all because this was such an experience to see on the big screen. Highly recommend.]

YouTube:

The Deranged Arsonist Who Filmed Their Own Crime • Mystery Files from Watcher

The Perplexing Legend of Vermont's Sea Monster • Mystery Files from Watcher

True Crime Cases with Disturbing CCTV Evidence from Lazy Masquerade

Documentaries:

Our Planet II [This was gorgeous and informative and also eye-opening in how it shows you the direct impact of human carelessness on so many creatures, to the albatrosses choking on plastic and the walruses unable to find ice to leave its baby. At the same time, there's hope! There's humans helping crabs cross roads, and bridges being built for animals who've used the same paths for hundreds and possibly thousands of years.]

Life In Colour with David Attenborough

Worst Roommate Ever EP 1-2: [the first episode one was WILD, especially because I had no idea this was a true crime when I clicked on it, and so did not expect it was going to involve several dead bodies buried in a little old lady's backyard. I do feel like this was such an intriguing case that I had a hard time finishing the second episode, since it feels so much more ... dull in comparison, as terrible as that is to say about murders.]

David Farrier's Mister Organ [I'm a long-time fan of David Farrier, but didn't get a chance to watch this for a while. This one is a dark, dark tale that has nothing to do with murders. It's all psychological. I'm always amazed with how well Farrier can explore the darkness of humans without turning to the usual things we think of when we think of 'bad' people. I'd also recommend reading this article - which I'll also read on my read articles list - after watching this documentary, just so you know how insidious Michael Organ truly is.]

Into The Deep: The Submarine Murder Case [I don't give the things I watch ratings, but if I did, this would be a 10/10 - it's a unique experience to be able to see footage of how the people close to a murderer react as they realise the kind of person their friend is.]

#booklr #manga #music #documentaries #✎ #list.

[dreamlandcreations]

Burnout recovery (?)

It took me a while to figure out why I was so down all the time. But I didn't take the "good news" that well tbh. Because:

"It takes an average time of three months to a year to recover from burnout. "

And I was like. NOPE. FUCK. THAT!

Well, the first few days after that were even worse because I kept pressuring myself to do something, anything other than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. But even something as so no energy "task" as listening to music was making me... idk how else to say it other than itchy...

Anyway, eventually I just gave up, let it consume me and slept away like 2 days... AND GUESS WHAT? I felt a tiny bit better.

So I'd say the first step is just LET IT ALL FUCKING GO! Turn the nagging in your head off and stop caring about anything else than getting a good rest!

My work drove me insane for the last 3 years or so and tbh it took over my life far, far sooner than that. It wasn't healthy. Letting that go took like 2-3 weeks ( I had "help" from other tortured colleagues 🫶 talking helps!) and a lots of Youtube shorts about "this is business not personal". Yay to scrolling paralysis.

Yeah, and about that. I realised that with the burnout I really burned all the bridges that kept my autistic/adhd traits in check. I mean, I used to have a good balance, now I'm off the scale with both in the worst way.

I think the second step is just trying to stay in that kind of relaxed, "don't care" space while figuring out the reasons why I felt so terrible. Again, Youtube shorts about autism/adhd and work mentality really helped. It was like talking to someone without actually getting myself together enough to open up about this to a "real person" (it never would have happened, you know).

And this is the part from where this might not help anyone who doesn't have adhd (and autism?) but realising that I've become a shell of adhd behaviour was actually a big step. Especially with the adhd/autism traits comparison vids bc I just understood how I was functioning when I was doing all that stuff at once.

The next step(s) I took was trying to take care of myself. Eat, sleep, wash, clean up to feel better in my skin and in my environment. I made it a challenge (chasing dopamine seems to be the only way adhd brain can do stuff). Like I'll put on this song ( I wasn't really listening to it still) and do .... until it's done. It did not help at first. Just getting into a task without thought doesn't work for me. I needed to take a minute and visualise that I'm going to do this and this and this and I'll be done in 3 minutes. I prepared for the task mentally, I hyped myself up then I did it. And it worked. Then I got too much into it and overworked myself 😅

However cliché it sounds, the key is finding balance.

Now I can listen to music, I've read 14 books this year so far and reading 5 others now, and I'm planning my year and thinking about what I want to do in life.

I still have bad moments/days and that's okay. I am still not okay but I'm getting there.

I figured, I need to occupy (not overwhelm!!!) my senses to stop my mind from wandering (and torturing me) so now when I have to do something like dishes, I just put on an audiobook and try to let everything else go.

I still can't watch movies/shows. Which sucks bc I feel like I need visual stimulation too sometimes so idk what's up with that but it's a no for now.

Writing is still a NO! (that's a screaming no in my head). But I started to write down ideas again (something I didn't really do for months)

What I know would improve my health and most likely my mental state is regular exercise, but I'm not there yet. I still regularly skip/forget to eat more than once a day so that's a priority.

It's also difficult to leave the house tbh. The outside world is overwhelming and I don't go out if I don't have to (which is like once a week now).

What I do know is that if you want to do something DO NOT SIT DOWN! You'll never get it done. There's no "in a minute" or tomorrow. If you want it done, do it now.

I'm working on building a structure/routine in my daily schedule that gives me a guide so I wouldn't waste my days but doesn't limit or outright strangle me with too many limitations by being to crowded.

#ramblings #burnout #depressed #I'm feeling better #yay #? #adhd #autistic things #personal #you need at least a week off that's for sure #like totally off

[cairoswrld]

hey, sorry to describe my problem but idk what to do:(between me and my sp everything was great and going in the right direction. i know the law so i just started manifesting the fact that i am in a relationship with him, but then my relationship in 3D started breaking down(he started lying to me and also another girl suddenly appeared, i have known him for a long time and he was never like this before) sorry for asking but i don't know what to do anymore, i can't even fulfill myself in my imagination anymore because it sits in me all the time that suddenly from my favorite person he became like this. do you have any advice because maybe i just assumed something wrong?

hi anon, don’t apologise

considering you just manifested this relationship, are there any beliefs or assumptions or expectations you might have had that could have led to him being weird? is it a self worth problem? do you know for certain you’re worthy of a consistent loyal relationship with sp?

maybe you have unfavourable assumptions or expectations in a relationship? considering you knew him before and he wasn’t like that? — i think definitely evaluate your beliefs around relationships and him in relationships, and work through those beliefs.

yeah my advice would be firstly focus on being okay, circumstances with sp’s can throw people off a lot, so prioritise being somewhat stable, i also suggest finding out your beliefs around relationships, you in relationships, him in relationships etc - what expectations and assumptions you have about that - and once you’ve gotten more stable, then work on manifesting a version of him you prefer.

so:

self concept work — reminding yourself you’re worthy of a stable and consistent sp, a loving loyal relationship etc, just uplifting yourself and reminding yourself of your worth etc

rampages on youtube help too, and ofc affirming and declaring your affirmations etc

fulfilment — visualisation is nice here, and while you visualise - what i found to be very powerful is affirming that the visualisation is true reality while visualising, it helps with that fulfilment feeling a lot. - other things including the rampaging, affirming, scripting etc

persistence — all you gotta do, is just continually knowing, expecting, assuming that he will or has already, changed. that’s it. - if you get doubts, anxiety etc - that’s fine, that’s not going to ruin your manifestation but acknowledge that those feelings aren’t holding you back from receiving, affirming alongside that said e.g "i can acknowledge that i’m scared right now but i trust the law" yeah

other things: maybe look into collective consciousness and thought transmission if you wanna learn about how you’re always connected to sp

definitely read success stories.

dylan james on youtube 🙏

OH OH MOST IMPORTANTLY — LEAVE THE OLD STORY ALONEEE it’s not your business, it has nothing to do with you, if it doesn’t make you happy or pertain to what you want, it’s not your business 🤷‍♀️ if you have to block his social media, or put your phone on dnd do that, third parties aren’t real, that version of your sp lying and being funky isn’t yours.

your sp is committed, in love, devoted, stable and consistent okay? that is the sp you should claim. the one in the 3D rn? not your business!!

considering you’ve manifested him before, i’m sure that should comfort you that you’re more than capable of manifesting him back even better.

and definitely focus on self concept, yeah.

all the best anon, i know for certain you got this!! 💓

#cairoswrld #loa #loablog #loassblog #law of assumption #cairosasks #a nonie #sp #specific person

[bluest-planet]

Oh I’d say as a writer your stuff has an almost philosophical quality to it! Like, musings or something—I really like it, there’s a real special focus to word choice :D

AW ANON 🥺 ur so right tho! I often have a hard time focusing and getting lost in my thoughts, brooding, I suppose. Its not the best lol! Always second guessing and overthinking stuff trying to explain myself but it comes out as blubber. I'm... Doing it rn huh? Lol. Always not satisfied with saying one thing at the end but an either or.

So i try to translate and cut down after word vomiting what i feel, and try to carve into something a lot prettier, kinda like woodchop! Whittling things down and making connections to expand upon for visualisation, themes, vibes, etc lol! Like right now, i realized that Miserable has a lot of coloration with alchemy, biology, and natural events, like predator/prey, parasitism, transmutation/metamorphosis, seasonal change vs pollution etc. And really ran with it lol. I also find it a lot easier to latch onto certain motifs to ground myself and what I'm trying to say....

...but i kinda tend to loose myself in the vibes and forget halfway through what i was thinking about LOL. So im glad you like it!!! It makes me SO HAPPY u dont understand. I really am just trying to get other people to understand what I'm trying to say but my brain is a bit abstract about it fnfhfh.

Again last bit on word choice; i try to make them as closely connected as possible, almost like picking out a color palette of words that look good together, complimentary like red/green, orange/blue. And in order to make sharper contrast to em if i want smth to hit or cringe at i try the most ugly combo i can come up with lol, so instead of green and red it'll be neon orange and lime green– or overpowering like to many patterns on clothing (in a bad way... Its possible... Checkards DO NOT go with cheetah).

Then if im having trouble finding a word in english, i mix it up with spanish which usually helps! Its not always a direct translation but the same intent is there. Or right now again with alchemical/botanical/biological terms.

Sorry this was en excuse to talk about how i write LOL I GET SO EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT MY THROUGH PROCESS BFBFH

Anyways thanks again!!! I should be updating my latest fic at least by the end of the week :3! (But dont quote me on that bc it.... Got away from me... A bit.)

#blue's asks #this was fun to anwser i love getting asks about whatever please send me more u guys lol #whether it be about fics or art or the fandoms im into (or ocs—)

[angelgoddard]

Hi! I’m the one anon that just sent the ask about the girl that I’ve been talking to for 5 years. Can I be “Anon 🏳️‍🌈”, just in case I send more? :)

The part where u said “find ways to cope with your emotions as if you didn't know about the law and couldn't change anything”, the “problem” is that I’m not great at dealing with feelings and I don’t even like to feel them… I just bury them, shut down and get numb and that’s the opposite of what u just told me to do. But you’re right, I feel like trying to bury my feelings is creating a lot of resistance. I tell myself that she loves me and with that, the pain comes back and the whole conversation about the “I don’t love you anymore” comes back and drags down my energy.

Taking a break from the law is not something that I feel like I can do. Makes me fixate on time, you know? Like, “I’m wasting so much time”, “I could be fixing this right now but I’m not doing anything”, “The longer it passes, the harder it will be for her to come back to me”. Even thought I know that with the law, it makes no difference if we’re apart for a day or 10 years.

(Something that I never understood about the “emotions don’t manifest” is, if you’re in the wish fulfilled, how can u have negative emotions? Isn’t that an indicator that you’re not?)

I try to make my mind a safe place but I’m so used to “war”, arguments, pain that they have become my brain’s comfort zone. I did work through it and I’m so much more positive now and my mind is a lot more peaceful than before. But when it comes to her, because I have so much resentment over so many things she did, every time I try to visualize conversations with her, my brain zones out and I can only picture us arguing and even when I shut down those visualisations, they’re always fighting to come back. It’s unconsciously, I just find myself doing it and shut them down when I notice it. I don’t know if you’ve ever been through that mentally. And I know u just said that I shouldn’t try to control my emotions nor my thoughts but if I don’t, I feel like I’m failing. Before I understood “states”, I thought that affirmations/thoughts are what manifests so for ~2 years I’ve been focused on ONLY thinking positively so it just feels wrong to think negatively, even though I know now that states are what creates, I feel like negative thoughts take me out of them.

About the “experience your desires in imagination as vividly as possible”, I’ve noticed that everytime I visualise “willingly” I have a hard time feeling it as real. Only when I “daydream”, I can feel everything, all the emotions, the energy, as if I’m actually there, but that’s me being lost in my thoughts, it’s not something I can do consciously. Do u have any tips for that??

I’m sorry for how long this is :/

okay so about the feelings thing, i used to also be like that. i buried my feelings because i thought it would help me manifest faster, but it actually just made my mental health worse. the way i worked on acknowledging my feelings and letting go of the idea that i needed to be positive and happy to manifest is by going directly to the source (neville ofc). i read all his books and highlighted things i found important/significant. for you, i would suggest doing the same thing. any of his books or lectures will do, especially in the beginning. i think it will also help you and the issue you described with time, like how you feel like the longer you don't conciously focus on manifesting, the harder it'll be to get her back, which is not true.

about the "emotions don't manifest" bit, the wish fulfilled is not about being happy (although very well it can be), it is about the sense of knowing you have your desires and accepting that you have them. emotions are not an indicator of anything regarding the law, usually. now, about the resentment and thoughts about what "actually" happened. i have definitely experienced this before and it seriously sucks. the way i was able to combat this was practicing the state akin to sleep frequently. even when an undesired thought or scene popped up in my mind, i let it happen, then i dismissed it and wrnt back to what i wanted to see. i didn't let my mind have control over me. it's not an easy thing to do, but it is achievable. it's the same for your visualization troubles. it's probably easier for you to do it because there's no "pressure", does that make sense? try and remind yourself that your mind is safe and that there are no rules about thoughts regarding the law. set yourself free to explore the endless possibilities you've created for yourself.

i hope this helps u anon <3 apologies for the late reply.

#🏳️‍🌈 anon #law of assumption #answering asks #miss know it all ♡ #manifestation #minnie luvs the law ♡

[thisdreamplace]

i really admire your energy and how in love with life and the world you are. i'd like to reach a similar point too but im finding the 3d unbearable and the fact that im God and the one creating this for myself was pretty freeing at first because it meant that I could change it but 2 years later, everything is worse and knowing im the one responsible is devastating. specifically, i don't understand how to focus on the 4d and leave the 3d alone when the whole point of me getting into loa was to change my life (3d AND 4d). its great to see people emphasising the 4d and love and peace but im human, i have more than just those 3 feelings. i know the inner me is God but im still in a human body in a human experience and ignoring the 3d has made me miserable. i'd like to direct this experience and give myself the opportunity to do, see, hear and feel the things i have experienced in imagination, in the 3d too. I have lived in the 4d for two years now, it's vivid and feels real to the point where hours pass with me visualising a certain scene but once that's over something in the 3d happens and my stomach drops and i have to go back to my imagination and convince myself that i don't feel my heart breaking. it works for a while, i feel powerful or whatever and then i open my eyes and nothing has changed for the better.

my friends who don't believe in the law go out and live their lives and make progress and i have had nothing but stagnancy. they were born not wealthy but not poor either and can afford to support themselves with help from their parents and now independently. they have great personalities and are genuinely good people and I want to be like them too. I keep seeing them get specific things that I want for myself and on one hand im so happy for them and proud that they're having their dreams come true... im ashamed to admit that my blood may have turned green with the envy and jealousy i feel. but that's the truth. i thought i could revise or manifest my way to support as well, not just financially but emotionally, giving myself better parents, better relationships, health and more. i feel stuck and like im running out of time to catch up not just with them, but with where i thought i would be by now. im being vague because I don't want to trauma dump but mentally, this is taking a toll. i really can't go through another year, another birthday feeling such unspeakable pain.

do you have any advice on how i can fix this? should i just leave the law altogether? I know it's hard to give up the law completely one you find it but if going back to believing in "false gods" gives me what i want, then is it so bad? if Judaism can give me love or Buddhism can give me peace or astrology or tarot can guide me to money and maybe the Christian God can grant all of the above, then are they so bad? even if, in the back of my mind I'll most likely always think of them as placebos, it could still work, no? i'd be giving up the pearl but i'd be more satisfied in the 3d that I have to wake up to every morning.

i think that a lot of what youre saying is entirely important bc i know youre not the only one with those type of questions and feelings. everything that youre saying to me is very similiar to how i felt before i finally allowed myself to experience life in a more loving and beautiful and soft way.

i also felt the same, learning about the law and feeling like i had all this control over my life. it felt like i finally found home. then 2 years passed. of course, i did manifest things because youre always going to. its simply automatic. but even with each success, so much of life was still really hard and unbearable, mainly because i was counting on the law to do the thing everyone swore it does. i couldnt understand why things, the things i really wanted, were not showing up. so after 2 years i said fuck this, i am not living this way for a third year. i think its important to note something. how you feel so responsible for everything. its time to let that go. i challenge you to stop upholding yourself to someone else's belief system and use you, your own experience, as a guide. can you really say that for the past 2 years you sat there and actively manifested misery ? or do you believe that bc someone else says thats how it works ? beginning to ask yourself these questions is the way out. use your life experience as the truth, not someone else's claims. i also know what you mean, as it is frustrating and confusing to hear people tell you tthat you can have everything you want (in the 3d) and then to turn around and tell you to focus on the inner world (4d) and let the rest go. because like u said, thats exactly why we come here. for the outer experience ! i think its important to be said, because it allows us to start cracking through the toxic world that manifesting became. because youre right, how are we meant to do both ? well we're not. we are only meant to focus on the inner world (bc we literally have no choice) and let the rest flow. the controversial part is that, where that flows, is exactly where we are meant to go. and sometimes its in different directions than we originally thought it would be. this is why i resisted it for a long time myself. until ofc, like you, i couldnt take it anymore. suddenly my desires didnt feel more important than i was. suddenly i realized how i feel on a daily basis, regardless of anything, is what truly matters.

i think that your friends are a light shining into your life, showing you how smooth and easy life can flow. without even trying. you dont need to feel bad tbh. i think after 2 years, it is beyond normal to start feeling some type of way. i know i did at times ! i would see people in my life, who do little focus on their inner world, getting the things the law promised me i would get. of course, i could feel happy for them but utterly bad about myself and my life at the same time. how could it come to them so easily when i was the one following everything the law told me to do ? i just didnt get it. until it all made sense. it came to them because they were just living life. because they were just being. they didnt have this haunting in the back of their mind everyday, every second, telling them this thing could show up soon. they didnt analyze themselves everyday. they didnt even have a perfect sense of knowing. they just sort of knew what they wanted, and knew either it could or even could not happen, and went on every day. just being... them. and it was enough. so many lightbulbs started going off for me then. i think this is your moment too, to take a step back and start recognizing what simply isnt working for you, no matter who claims its the way. its not your way. i know exactly what you mean because every birthday since i have found out about the law, i have cried or had a meltdown on the day or after it. no matter how beautiful or full of love each birthday was. i couldnt see it or feel is fully. because instead, it was like fuck, another year has passed and this isnt what i saw for myself. what you said truly brings up old memories for me. it reminds me why i left. so if anything, just know you arent alone. this is so normal for many people who spent so much time trusting in what they were learning, and im glad more people are coming to terms with the fact something simply was not right for them !

its time to recognize that you never did anything wrong. i know i didnt and i know you didnt either. its so much easier to blame the person, so that the ego can continue to get high off the promise of control. if you blame the person, then you can still believe in that sense of total control. its a lot easier to do so than to come to terms with the fact that total control isnt what we thought it was when we first came to the law. and not everyone is ready for that convo ! but i put so much into myself, so i won't let anyone sit here and gaslight me and even attempt to say that certain things didnt work for me because i was not doing X enough or i wasnt X enough. and you shouldnt take that either ! not even from yourself ! for me, i know it unfolded that way for the simple fact i was being called to follow myself. and after doing so, ive literally never been lighter. this has quite literally been the most mentally healthy and most joyful year i have had since being alive. and i spent most of this year doing me. not worrying about manifestations.

i will say this. it is hard to give up the law initially, especially after an extended amount of time (years), because you have ingrained it into yourself. it will feel like youre crazy, it will feel like youre lying to yourself. i think that the law is explained in a way that makes it really easy to get trapped, because of how much responsibility is burdened onto your human self. at times you will want to guilt yourself and tell yourself everything is your fault and wonder why you manifested something, because that was your conditioning for the past two years. but i promise you, if you listen to yourself and follow what feels right that starts to go away. if i use my experience as evidence, i know my beliefs arent placebo effects or lies. because its literally been evident in my life. like that, the weight of the law starts to melt away. i stop feeling my human self as so responsible, and allow my true self to take responsibility and trust in that flow. too many of us take on our true selves as our human selves. its simply not the same thing. the god within is always leading you to where you're meant to go and the truth is many people are resistant towards that, so they choose to play god instead as this allows a feeling of more control. this is your wake up call happening now, telling you that the old way simply isnt working.

i also want to clarify that in none of this am i trying to saw the law is fake. manifestation is real. i just think that there is a reframing of it that is beginning to happen that will allow more people to live healthier, happier, softer lives. i think its okay to say "this isnt what i thought it was" rather than to force yourself everyday through the pain, telling yourself that once you just do X right then it will work for you too. that pain is trying to talk to you and tell you to stop, it doesnt have to be that difficult.

i rly felt like this was important to answer. whatever you decide to do anon, i hope that its smth that makes your heart sing. <3

[stephanie-love]

I am fascinated with bestiality but the reality was much better.

My husband Daniel and I (Gina) had been married for about five years. We had an active sex life even before we were married. But it ramped up after marriage. I had used sex toys before we met and he was turned on when he found out. We progressed to costume play. He liked me dressed as a sexy nurse. I liked dressing up as a Mistress and making him obey me. The games got crazier as time went by. The “Dom” thing got more aggressive. I started to wonder where he was getting all these wild games from. He started to ask me to get on hands and knees and he would fuck me doggy style. I could tell it was really turning him on. Of course I found myself enjoying as well.

I had an RDO on a Wednesday. Usually we managed to wrangle these so we had the same day off. This time it didn’t work out so I was home alone. I was bored and got onto the laptop. Somehow I clicked “History” and found the answer to my husband’s ideas. There were numerous porn websites which showed some of the wilder things we were doing. Then I found one which stunned and shocked me. It was a bestiality site. I stared at the array of videos featuring women having sex with dogs, horse and even pigs. Curious, I clicked on one with a woman being fucked by this huge dog. First he licked her pussy and then mounted her. All the time she was moaning and groaning.

Despite my shock I keep watching, mesmerised by the actions of dog and woman. The video zoomed in on her pussy with the dog’s cock inside her. There seemed to be a large bulge which became evident as he pulled out. This fluid oozed from her but what caused me to squeal out loud was the size of the dog’s cock. Hubby is about 6” but this dog was way bigger. My pussy actually tingled looking at it. I clicked on several other videos and they all seemed the same until one had a woman, after being mounted by something called a Rottie, actually performed oral sex on the dog. I gasped and started to rub myself. I came so quickly I couldn’t believe I was that turned on, but I was.

I closed the computer and did some housework but I couldn’t get the images out of my head. I had some lunch and found myself back on the laptop and back into the bestiality site. 15 minutes later I was naked and using my vibrator as I watched more videos. Dogs, horses and one with a pig had me moaning as I came several times. “How could a woman do that?” I thought but when I saw the size of the dog’s cocks and especially the horse’s cocks I understood. I was shocked at my reaction but I couldn’t stop looking. Finally I forced myself to turn off the laptop and I took a shower to calm myself.That night I asked Daniel to fuck me doggy style. There I was on hands and knees visualising what it would be like to be fucked by a big dog. Suddenly Daniel said “would you like me to bark?” It took a couple of second to realise what he said. Then he did bark and began to pant like a dog and then howled when he came. We cuddled and he had a big grin on his face. “Did you like being fucked by the dog baby?” he said. “What are you on about?” was my reply. “Oh come now honey. I know you spent ages looking at bestiality videos” he replied. I was mortified. I had seen him doing it and now he had checked “History” and caught me. “It is so weird but so erotic” he said. I had to agree. There wasn’t much point in denying it. “How many times did you cum?” he asked. I told him maybe twice. Of course I lied. It was probably more like 5 or 6 times.

For the next couple of nights the subject came up again. Daniel seemed fixated on it and he even brought up videos and insisted we watch them together. The sex afterward was frantic. I had a feeling he was as turned on as I was. I guess it was inevitable that he would suggest we find some way of doing it for real. I told him these were videos, not real life, and the chance of doing what was in porn videos was nil. He was convinced that he could find some place. I was in a panic fearing he would find a place. Actually being fucked by a dog for real was so far from normal. But even as I was panicking my pussy was tingling. Could he make it happen?It took Daniel a week but he found a website on what he said was the dark web. He showed me and there were all sorts of weird things. BDSM sites, peeing and scat sites and bestiality sites. One in particular was in our town. “Look” he said excitedly “this women is advertising dog sex. Newbies welcome. That is you honey”. It even had photos of two dogs and this woman in a mask. “You can have an hour with her dogs for $200” Daniel said “wouldn’t that be so crazy”. I had to agree. It would be crazy, it would be disgusting, it would be amazing. “Let’s go” he said and kissed me “I know you want to do it”. Actually he seemed more excited than me. “I am not sure” I said “trying to dampen his enthusiasm “do you really think you want me to be fucked by an animal?” His eyes were glowing as he pulled down his pants. He was erect. “My cock would like to see it”.

The very next day Daniel rang the woman up and booked me in. He think he somehow realised that I was interested but didn’t want to admit. I let him decide but I knew how HE felt about it. The appointment (I call it that) was for 2pm Saturday. All morning my stomach was full of butterflies. I wanted to say no a hundred times but didn’t. The thought of that huge dog cock was burned into my brain. Finally we drove to the address. It was just a normal house in a normal street. We knocked on the door and this woman answered. Daniel introduced us and we were ushered inside. The butterflies were now eagles. The woman’s name was Valerie. She was about 35 or so, very attractive with long brown hair, trim figure and well dressed. She led us into the lounge and sat down.“So Gina, you are interested in doggy sex” she said “Daniel has told me you have never done it before”. I cleared my throat. “Yes” I replied “never”. “It was ok my dear” she continued “I have many clients who are first timers. They soon become regulars. It is not normal for a husband to come along. Daniel, most women don’t want their husbands to know. “You are ok with this?” Daniel nodded. “OK” she went on “now I have two dogs fully trained, King and Bitsa”. I laughed. “I call him Bitsa as he is a bit of this and a bit of that” she explained “now I assume you know about a dog’s knot and how it holds him inside you. There is no need to worry. He will separate when he is ready. It might be only a few minutes but sometimes longer depending on his mood. Just relax and let him be in charge. Are you ready honey?” I was shaking, partly from fear and partly from excitement.

Valerie led us down a hallway and into a large room at the back of the house. We walked in and the two dogs immediately stood up with their tails wagging. While I was still unsure they were obviously primed and ready to go. Valerie told Daniel to sit down on a chair against the wall. The only other furniture was another chair and an old couch in the middle of the room. “Why don’t you slip your panties off honey, sit on the couch and call King over. He likes to lick pussy” Valerie said. I sat there and King, a large black Labrador, came towards me. He immediately buried his nose into my crotch and started licking. I squealed as this jolt of electricity went through my body. “Oh shit” I yelled as I felt his tongue. Daniel had performed oral on me but this was 100 times better. King’s tongue was wide and slightly rough and he soon had me moaning. I looked over at Daniel and he was on the edge of his seat staring wide-eyed and unblinking. I was so wound up with anticipation that I orgasmed quickly. “Oh yes, good boy” I mumbled. “Do you want more?” asked Valerie “are you ready to go the whole hog”. “Yes I want more” I gasped, surprised at my own readiness “I want him”. “Then kneel on the floor with your body on the couch” Valerie said “take him honey”.I did as she told me and King was more than ready. He knew this position so well. His human bitch was ready for him. He mounted me and after a couple of false starts his cock found my already soaked pussy. He gave a sort of growl and thrust harder, his cock growing with each thrust. I let out a scream as he started to go deeper inside me. “Oh fuck” I wailed as he penetrated deeper than any man or fake cock had. I moaned and squealed as I then felt his knot being forced inside me. “It’s too big” I screamed and then screamed again when he indeed made it fit. I was tied and he stopped moving. I knew dogs had orgasms and he wriggled as he did. Three or four times he did it and I could feel my pussy filling up. Valerie was right. King was in charge he would separate when he was ready. He tried several times before he managed to escape.

Cum gushed out of me. I moaned with satisfaction. I didn’t even have a chance to recover when Bitsa mounted me. He was a larger dog than King but that wasn’t all that was larger. King must have been maybe 9” long but Bitsa was a couple of inches longer and he was thicker too. I was stretched more that even my toys stretched me and he had only just started. Soon I was groaning and, Daniel told me later, mumbling obscenities as was humped by this beautiful dog. He too had me wailing as he forced his knot inside me and then had me moaning as he added his juices to that of King. Finally he pulled away with me totally collapsed on the couch. Despite my ordeal I would have welcomed a third dog if Valerie had one. Nothing could ever compare with the feeling I had at that moment.I glanced around at Bitsa and he was lying on the floor behind me licking himself. I gasped when I saw how big he was. I had seen women in those videos sucking dogs and thought how disgusting it was. But at moment I realised the motivation they had. The desire they had. I quickly turned around and, still on my knees, I grabbed Bitsa’s cock and began to lick and suck it. “Oh my God” I heard Daniel yell “you dirty slut”. I looked up at him and smiled “but I am your slut my darling” and resumed my oral manipulation of the largest cock I had ever played with. I slipped my free hand between my thighs and rubbed my clit until I had a mind blowing orgasm before I stopped.

“Come on honey. Come and have a shower” said Valerie and I staggered along behind her and got into the shower. When I got dressed and came out both Valerie and Daniel were sitting in the lounge. Daniel looked a bit strange but Valerie was all smiles. “You went well over the time” she said “but it is ok. That was so amazing for a first timer. Many of my clients would never suck a dog’s cock. Daniel, you have one very special lady here. I hope you come again”. We said goodbye and drove home. “I really didn’t think you would do it Gina” said Daniel “you even sucked that dog’s dick. I couldn’t believe it”. “Did it turn you on watching me getting fucked and sucking the dog? I asked. Daniel hesitated and then said it had turned him on. “Oh poor darling” I said “let me make it better”. I knelt down and ordered him to unzip his pants. Until that day I had sucked his cock but always stopped before he came. Not today. He was moaning and then said he was close. Our code for “stop now”. But today I didn’t stop. I sucked and sucked until he had finished and I swallowed every drop. “Oh sweetheart, you are the sexiest woman I know” he said groaning. “No my darling. I am a bitch now, your bitch”. He laughed “ok bitch, suck me and get me hard again. My cock isn’t as big as your doggy lovers but I fuck longer”. And he did, three times at night. Poor guy nearly died trying to match my four legged lovers.We visit Valerie every fortnight now. Daniel lets me indulge my fetish for dog cock as long as I surrender to his fetishes. His latest is me wearing a strap-on dildo and pegging him. What he doesn’t know is that enjoy that more than him but I would never tell him. I continue to entertain Valerie’s two dogs and my greatest pleasure is sucking King after he fucks me while Bitsa fucks me. A cock in each end is the highlight of my visits. A couple of times Valerie had joined in the oral games with the dogs which really had Daniel on the edge of his seat.

(Story not my own)