#there’s so many other bad videos too

[uncanny-tranny]

When I find it hard to do certain things, I like to pretend I am a neanderthal living in a cave with my clan, and I must do The Thing in order to survive.

So, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, I'm actually chasing and tracking a mammoth, and when I need to cook, well, I'm not cooking on a stove top, I am hurdled over the first fire and watching the fat of our kill drip down onto the burning wood. And when I find it hard to crochet, I pretend that the first winter storm is coming and our clan needs me to make blankets to hurdle under and that I must contribute.

I hope whatever you do to do The Things will help. It is a uniquely personable trait to motivate yourself through pretend and stories. That's what makes this life interesting - that's what makes you feel larger than yourself 💛

#mental health #positivity #it helps that i absolutely adore learning things about ancient people too - it's endlessly fascinating #unironically if somebody has textbook/video recommendations about neanderthals/ancient civilization let me know i will froth at the mouth #i like talking about this because it gives other people ideas about how they can motivate themselves #and personally the feeling of being ancient or a part of something old makes me feel that #in addition to the There Are 8 Billion People principle i work on the There Have Been ~117 Billion People Here principle #i find it comforting to think that i don't stand out significantly in a good or bad way because of the sheer NUMBER of people who have live #the human brain is bad at computing those numbers but... just... that's an insurmountable number #there truly are very VERY few experiences truly unique and that's not a bad thing #that just means that you aren't forgotten nor are you alone in anything #i was watching a video about somebody making flax into thread using a paper that was published about ancient textiles #and holy shit i wanted to bite somebody because i was so interested in it and it's just so humanizing to both us but also ancient people #those people probably used very very similar techniques that the video maker did - at first she used a rock to get the fibers #and then she remarked that saliva helped to get to the fiber of the flax and i wonder how many ancient people also did that

[samarecharm]

Random question about the “they should make persona for people who like good games” post. Do people think the persona series is that bad? I know they aren’t perfect but I wouldn’t call them bad games.

I had a wholeass essay written out before i realized im too tired to make it sound coherent. AND my only experience is p 4 and 5, so my opinion on it means jack shit. All i can say is that the most recent titles suffer from bad writing. (And repetitive gameplay, but thats a different issue). Be it poorly written characters and dialogue, or poorly written interactions and plot, it is hard to take some of the stuff in the more recent games at face value. One could argue that that just means the game is subpar, not necessarily bad, but thats subjective; bad means different things to different people. And i say this as someone who thinks this game is Not the best but still found it incredibly engaging and entertaining.

#chattin #i am the kind of person to write video essay length posts on games that disappointed me LOL #so i am the wrong person to ask #remember that when thinking about the quality of a game; you should ask urself #who is the target audience? is it accessible to this audience? do i need an outside source to keep up with this game ? (like a guide) #if its in a series; what does it do to separate itself from the others? #is the writing okay? characters? interactions( #? #insensitive content ? #how is it handled? the game may me okay for me but can I have my fat friends enjoy this game??? #can i have my trans friends and gay male friends enjoy this game??? #who can i recommend it to? my sister is unable to process all of the social links and requirements for these social links #so she just. doesnt do it. she IS the target audience bc she likes rpgs #and she likes the story and characters. but its too overwhelming #and the social links would be overwhelming regardless of the difficulty #are u meant to enjoy the game in one playthrough or across multiple runs?? #is it WORTH it to do those runs? for a game that has ‘choices’ it is painfully linear #and it confuses people who are trying to follow the rules (do things in my free time to build confidants) #when theyre unable to actually hang out w confidants bc of a rush of mandatory scenes #velvet room fusions are a pain and overly complex #and the game stops being about making a good build #and it starts to become ‘make a shadow null to everything bc the game will keep instakilling you’ #forcing a game over when ur main character dies is ALWAYS bad to me i will swear by this #u make more interesting builds when u arent scared of a gameover #weh. rambling #the game is as bad or good as u want it to br #people clearly love it; we talk about our faves all the time. but how many of us are replaying a game meant to be replayed. not many.

[puppyeared]

footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain #way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right #but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion #this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me #how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk #I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it #but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid #theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some #universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice #source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING #THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific #than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍 #nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I #really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk #the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will #understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿 #Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best #but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment #im rambling the short version is I have adhd #yapping

[airenyah]

really tempted to rewatch both simm and hidden agenda and write up a defense of dunk's acting

#it makes me kinda sad when people bash him :( #does he nail every single moment?? no ofc not #but he's definitely not as bad as i've seen some people say #there are also many things he does beautifully. that have me go yessss!! this is what it's all about!!!! #maybe i should just start a youtube channel #how do i talk about acting in english tho #i'm missing essential words such as spielrichtung‚ anspielen‚ das miteinander‚ sich einlassen auf‚ aufeinander eingehen‚ abnehmen‚ etc #(not my uni profs in my head telling me to go find some parallel texts to solve that vocabulary issue but the thing is!! i'm too lazy kjdfk #having an education in something is a blessing and a curse sigh #airenyah plappert #dunk natachai #adrm #and so what if he doesn't nail everything!! so what if there's room for improvement!! #newsflash: even fandom favorites have their moments that aren't the best of their acting #oh baby i have opinions about [redacted] in [redacted] that you could never even imagine #and the show in question is even one of the only 3 dramas that i have rated a 10/10 on mydramalist #once again i'm thinking about that time the other week where i showed my mom some concert performances #and mentioned how some people were saying dunk is a bad actor #and halfway through the video she went #''also wenn ich mir das so anschau‚ is er hundertmal ein besserer schauspieler als der‚ der so aufgehypet wird'' #i refuse to say in public who she's referring to with ''der der so aufgehypet wird'' but trust me it's a beloved fandom favorite 🤭🤭🤭 #also the people saying this clearly never watched that one mv they starred in a while back #my boy dunk natachai fucking carried that whole story line

[fruitgoat]

My Dad tested positive (again) this morning. He started feeling poorly yesterday and as he’s the kind of person who barely noticed a headache when he was having aural migraines bad enough to send him to ER, I scampered off the couch and out of the house pretty damn quick. Based on the timeline, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me - I’ve coughed and sneezed more since getting home from vacation but we were all sure it was just allergies and I’ve tested negative. We’re currently pretty sure the culprit is the 24 hours spent at his 55th (?) high school reunion over the weekend. My Mom has surrendered to the fact that she’s going to test positive by tomorrow. So I’m sitting here in The Annex dithering. 500 yards away and now banned from entering my parents’ house.

(And I’m mad because the embossing power is not adhering correctly so I trashed at least a half dozen cards and that means I have to redesign my Rosh Hashanah cards and now they’re probably going to arrive late. But that’s a completely different issue.)

#Covid sucks #my parents are actually doing fine at the moment #just a head cold/flesh wound #I shall be dispatched this afternoon to pick up the good drugs #it’s actually kind of an interesting case study #my dad almost never gets sick #he’s just like that #but he’s been the first with symptoms both times #probably because he had a bad enough reaction (heart palpitations) to the vaccine that he couldn’t go back for more #he fully supports vaccinations but thinks 40+ irregular heartbeats a minute is too many #I have agree #so my mom and I get stabbed in the shoulder with science juice as often as possible #my mom found out almost thirty years ago that blood banks LOVE her #because she’s a universal donor AND she has infant/toddler blood #she’s immune compromised because her body just doesn’t make the same immune response blood cells #so her blood was mostly used for young people who hadn’t had the chance to develop resistance #I like to think I can help others by making sure that I’ve got enough in me to radiate to all #and I can post videos of my walks in the woods so others can enjoy a walk I the woods #I’ll start editing footage as soon as these Rosh Hashanah cards are in the mail

[grimmjow]

ive actually watched and read all of one piece before

back when it had like 800 almost 900 something chapters? somewhere around there

theres a lot about it i actually like. but theres also ALOT about it that i do not unfortunately

#other stuff #g talks #its like homestuck. #i have to talk about the things i hate about it or i will go insane #cause theres so much about it i do like but god does the bad stuff ruin it so much #just like homestuck. #ive been rewatching a bunch of old anime n i thought about rewatching it too but bruh id have #to #hold on #american psycho clip playing on this crochet video #okay #what was i saying #right. id have to watch it on 2x speed n its still take like a year with how many eps there are 😭😭😭 that shit is insane FR

[farmlesbians]

anti singing along at concerts people when the artist points the mic at the crowd and tells them to sing

#ive seen so many vids of ppl (specifically at bg shows) getting mad at ppl for singing along and saying its bad concert etiquette #like singing along is the fun part sowrry ur tiktok video got ruined though </3 #ik ppl at concerts have become increasingly selfish but also some ppl are caring too much about what other ppl are doing at the show

[niishi]

I think a lot of ppl need to be their own protectors, swallow their pride, and not act in ways that lead to irreversible regrets and guilt. But 20yros on tiktok made us all believe cut off culture was a punishment to enact lightly.

#im not saying cutting ppl off is always a bad thing #i just think yall do it too often and for the worst reasons #and then when the person you love/loved dies or kills themselves #you live with irreversible traumatic guilt and regret #how are you protecting yourself from others while also being the person who irreversibly damages themselves by choice? #yall just take that action too lightly #conflict happens in close relationships #learn how to set boundaries and be the boss of your own world #you can love people at any distance you choose to set #without killing them off #i see so many videos of people being upset with someone #and cutting them off #then that person dies or kills themselves #you cut them off bc they harmed your mental health but your actions end up harming your mental health more than anyone else #idk #i dont want to live with regrets #again im not against cutting ppl off #ive cut off several ppl #i just dont think it should be done so charitably #guilt and regret reforms your brain the same way trauma does #youre going to end up doing major damage to yourself unless you find your own inner strength and confidence #your happiness and health doesnt have tocbe dependant on how other people treat you #their actions speak only for themselves #it's just as hard to gain mental and emotional strength as it is to gain physical strength #idk idk idk #youre not an anarchist or rebellious if you dont believe in community #if you love the drug addicts you see on the street and think they need to be shown humanity #but you cant do that for the addicts you know personally? #just an example... idk #yall are anti community snd struggle and then call yourself anarchists and it's embarrassing

[scarefox]

already had to block one person .-.

#word policing of bad words in ANOTHER language / culture that are not even close to the context that we are using them in here is not it #helps literally nobody? #the opposite even? why not flood the evil word tag with something unrelated?? #also doesn't make anyone an evil person for using a coincidentally same / similar word in a different context outside of the bad context #there are so many words in this world that mean bad things in other languages and cultures #that's almost on the same level as trying to forbid the korean word 'nega' / 'niga' #what if I told you that Abo is also a german word? (short for Abonnement = subscription) #it's literally on many peoples tram tickets here. german youtuber say it in every other video #are we not allowed to say that in germany too? just because it is a slur on the other side of the word in a different language / context? #sorry for the rant but... it is just... anger and energy put at the wrong place. barking at the wrong tree. #especially since the fictional genre is a/b/o even with slashes

[drawnecromancy]

amecareth is a monsterfucker? context? <3

OH god the context for that one is a series of fantasy books written in french by Anne Robillard, Les Chevaliers d'Emeraude (the Knights of Emerald in english, the 12 book series has been translated in english (!!rare thing to have happen) and is available as ebooks on her website but I don't really recommend them).

I'm going to put a content warning here for rape even though I'm not going to go into graphic detail.

The Big Bad Evil Guy, Emperor Amecareth of the Tanieth, has a hobby called "raping non-Tanieth people to have hybrid kids and have them learn magic and have a gaggle of superpowered evil kids to take over the world".

I think the Tanieth are meant to be beetle-humanoids ? But their home was once compared to an anthill so they're just ant guys in my brain. Little funny ants who are super tall and will kill you.

The manner in which Amecareth is written is very "he's evil and he rapes people for shock value, with 0 care attached to those kinds of storylines", and rape is rarely a subject I enjoy writing about, so I was just... writing a fanfic where he really is just the Tanieth equivalent of a monsterfucker, and doesn't rape people. Also he's the Tanieth equivalent of a very lost 20 year old in that fic.

I think he could be an immensely interesting character while still being an evil imperialist motherfucker (literally) without the need to go "yeah he's a rapist to tell you he's evil in a Shock Anecdote !"

But that would just loop back to my general gripes with Anne Robillard's writing - I think there's often very little care or substance on whatever she's writing/implying at any given moment. Amecareth being a rapist could be a useful character bit in the hands of another writer. I don't want to write that, as I don't think I have the skill to do so currently, so I'm chucking it out in the waste bin.

Now, realizing that political alliances with all sorts of human and non-human people is SUPER USEFUL if you HAVE KIDS WITH THEM ? and THEN using these kids as a way to give more power to your evil empire ? THAT's what I want to write about, and that's pretty much what "Amecareth is a monsterfucker" is about, if we add onto that first love and getting his ass handed to him.

A brief summary of the fic would be :

"Amecareth gets thrown out of his home by his father the emperor of the Tanieth for being too ambitious for his own good, and is told to go invade a southern continent about it on his own if he's THAT smart. Once there, Amecareth begins studying the people living there, finds love, war, and death in rapid succession.

This is the story that led to Enkidiev's First War against the Tanieth."

#cw rape #sorry about that ! it's present in the books and it'd be dishonest not to talk about it #so yeah this is basically an AU where Amecareth is slightly more decent. still evil but doesn't do *that* #asks #i do not have a problem with rape in media. i have a problem where it's so badly handled it's basically a fun little anecdote #that you forget 5 pages after it's said #despite one of the main characters being. Amecareth's daughter. guess what he did to her mom. #the way i'm writing this is almost as tactless as the way it was handled in the book #even if i had the skill to write about that without it being So Bad You Want To Puke i'm not sure i WOULD. (glancing nervously at realva.) #ANYWAY YEAH UH UNFORTUNATELY THE EVIL EMPEROR AND HIS EVIL BIRD SON ARE LIKE #MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM THESE BOOKS #other favorites include : Wellan (basically the main character); Kira (Amecareth's daughter and SUCH a cool kid); Santo (beloved) #i have lots to say about these books I have considered making straight up video essays about them #i'd just. have to reread them. you know. #and write a script and all. #one day ! LOL i have too many projects and not enough time #thanks for asking! hope this was not an unpalatable answer !

[pepprs]

you will never be too old to find someone for you. society puts a lot of emphasis on dating in high school or right after but in reality the number of people who stay in those relationships untill marriage is low. real life doesnt prioritize those years! you are never done meeting people who will love you and you will love too. there is no timer ticking down. 24 is not too old, i promise.

i know you’re right 😞😞😞 idk why i have issues abt this bc most of the ppl i spend time w / follow on inst*gram (where i saw that post 🥴) / etc are at least a couple yrs older than me if not decades and also in most cases didn’t meet their person until they were around my age or older so it’s like why not enjoy the ride and just trust that it’ll all fall into place bc ur teens and 20s are definitely not as stable or happy or whatever as they’re made out to be sometimes. i think i just need to stop looking at social media that isn’t tumblr and find a different counselor and learn how to drive 😭

#asks #purrs #tysm for this though. also yes you’re so right it’s not just romantic love that matters and i definitely have a lot of friendships in my #life thst are legitimately the only things keeping me afloat and i will make new friends and cherish the exisitjgn friendships too. i think #i am ermmmm just a little mentally ill and need to unfollow some ppl LOL. like last yr i had a meltdown after watching an actress i like (🥴 #make a video abt how she just got engaged to her middle school sweetheart and instead of feeling hopeful (or u know… happy for her) i just #felt jealous and hopeless and that’s not good or fair bc she deserved that so much and it was not about me AT ALL! but yeah. idk what im #sayi ng im just in a bad mood and being insane. but ty for this reminder augh #also i will answer other asks eventually i promise i just saw this in my notifs and had the energy to reply. i have so many more and i will #get to them someday soon i hope. which reminds me another reason why i am scared iam foreveralone is bc i have the SMALLEST social battery #in the whole world and i just get overwhelmed by messages and hide without even opening them lol. but i appreciate them and i need to try t #get better. ok im typing a lot ummm embarrassing.. back to da dash #reminder

[sage-nebula]

If I play video of my dog howling, it always makes her start howling again IRL. She's basically like, "I said it before, and I'll SAY IT AGAIN." Honestly gotta respect her commitment to her word.

#i have lots of videos of her howling if you're wondering #howling and talky-barking #some of them she's howling bc I said ''diglett dig diglett dig trio trio trio'' & she HATES that #she is VERY anti Diglett #others she's howling bc I rolled my Rs & she doesn't like that either . . . #she also doesn't like tornado sirens. she howls along w/ the test sirens every month #(and also howls when they're abt real tornadoes too) #the Imperial March makes her howl so I have videos of that #you know that one video of the Jurassic Park theme played badly on kazoos? also makes her howl #honestly she just has strong opinions on a variety of subjects #i've accumulated many videos of her howling and talky-barking over the years #they make me smile #EDIT: it's the Jurassic Park HARMONICA not kazoo my bad

[piplupod]

i deleted over 1k photos and at least 30 videos off of my google account today and then like 200 of my vacation photos uploaded and,, its saying im out of storage again?? how do 200 photos compare anywhere near to 1k+ photos????

i know theyre probably trying to get me to buy their $2.79 a month extra storage but like ?? im so confused ?? those 200 photos were definitely not an entire GB worth of storage ???

#im so frustrated bc thats on my main google account where i get school emails and stuff #so i NEED to clear the storage on it #and i cant seem to make the photos back up to my other google accounts #also yes i know google is bad but i havent found a different cloud service to use yet sorry lmao #im just fjsdjkl panicking a little like fsjdfkl i am deleting so many photos and it doesnt seem to be having ANY effect #i went thru and deleted old school assignment google slide projects too #and then a bunch of videos i didnt need anymore #and like a billion screenshots that accidentally uploaded there fsjdkl #and it just. has barely made a dent #i feel like theyre actively fucking me over and i have no clue what to do now #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[genderqueer-karma]

guys can i talk about that fucking guy. clap if you think i should talk about that fucking guy.

(accidental ramble in the tags. oops. don’t read if you don’t want to read a crisis.)

#yo it's d :) #you already know who that fucking guy is unless you’re new here and that’s none of you so . #i need to start asking my friends if i can talk about that guy but it’s hard honestly #he literally takes up 50 to 80 per cent of my mind on a daily basis #even when i’m not thinking about him i’m thinking of him #i’ll see something blue and be like ‘wow! yk who really likes the color blue?’ and suddenly my brain is flooded with thoughts of Him #don’t get me wrong i love him but i realize that other people don’t care about him as much as i do so i’m trying to dial it back #still. it’s hard. #especially knowing that other people know how to contain themselves and i’m just sitting here raw out in the open like this #to be honest idk how i managed to survive school because since september i’ve kinda been living in mana hell(/heaven. depending on the day) #some people say they have addictive personalities and honestly i think that’s me #my brain is addicted to him! i literally study this man’s face and mannerisms and can tell you exactly how he smiles when his expression #is otherwise neutral. i can relay unnecessary amounts of his band history to you and have watched WAY too many interviews and videos #and the worst part? i literally told myself ‘hey! you can’t get like this again’* because the last time was really bad! it was destructive! #*(about a person.) i literally cannot function sometimes for just thinking about this guy. #i rarely listen to music besides his anymore and can literally tell you characteristic features of his composing! it’s kind of embarrassing! #like i’m a music nerd but i’m not THAT big of a music nerd. i usually can’t tell you things like that. most i can do is tell you #instrumentation. but whenever i listen to something he *mightve* composed i can automatically confirm or deny. #that’s not normal !!!!!!!! #having over *2000* pictures of a person you’ve never met in your phone is not normal! #but despite me being in the goddamn TRENCHES. i love him so so so much. #he genuinely makes me so happy. seeing images/videos of him from any time period makes me go ‘!!!’ because i think he’s the coolest! #and he’s so inspiring. he’s part of the reason i took up drawing again and regained some passion for music. #thus ends my tale of woe.

[softly-and-suddenly]

We need to start bullying people who organize their bookshelves by color actually

#I’m tired of ‘let people enjoy things’ it looks bad and how do you find anything #I feel myself entering my grumpy old bitch time of life but seriously the thought #of putting my red Agatha Christie book on the other end of my shelf from my blue Agatha Christie book makes my skin crawl #and for what?? it doesn’t even look good #bookshelves painstakingly put into rainbow order and then covered with fairy lights and funko pops? like do you read those books or what #I don’t want to get too deep here but there’s a connection between having ‘pretty’ bookshelves and reading books for ‘the vibes’ #or whatever the fuck booktok’s always on about #I cannot tell you how many videos I’ve seen hyping up books by just saying ‘this one has a dark academia aesthetic with enemies to lovers’ #and everyone in the comments goes ‘Omg adding to my tbr!!!’ uhhh and what is the book about? pls and thenk you? #I once saw a tiktok that said ‘I want to live in these movies/novels so bad’ #and one of them was Anna Karenina (w/ pics from the Kiera Knightley movie) #and I commented why tf would you want to live in Anna Karenina do you know what happens in that book #and the person responded ‘ummm obviously I was just talking about the aesthetic 🙄’ #the aesthetic of the inability to attain happiness within the confines of Imperial Russian society and marital infedelity?? #or did you just like the pretty dresses?? what is the draw here

[sheerioswifties]

.

#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour #and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like #and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma #but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to #solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately #the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or #relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but #i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just #it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks #for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just #i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw #that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get #there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i #just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the #world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO #amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so #many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like #i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones #i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of #an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and #gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this #i just.