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suchalonelysunflower · 3 years

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Over And Out (l.h)

End Up Here - Part 4

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A tour. A secret relationship. And rumors only grow...

Warnings: Angst, mild smut. Mentions of harassment, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, creepy men, jealousy, alcohol, cheating, fighting, sexism, and many frustrations. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 10k

Author’s Note: this is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever written, I believe. Next part will be up on March 14th. Remember that Reblogs, Fedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3

Liked by michaelclifford, 5sosfan4eva and 1,573 others

lukehemmings and away and away we go ✈️

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5sosfan4eva THEY ARE TOTALLY DATING

↪️ calumlovesash I hope they’re not 🤢 she was much better with Madden or Josh. At least they’re famous

yn5sos I’m changing seats with Michael

↪️ lukehemmings @yn5sos 🥺

@5sos EUROPE ARE YOU READY?!

“I can’t believe we’re already here!” Y/N cheered as they got to the hotel.

It’s been a month on the road already and they finally had a few days to rest before traveling to yet another destination. They had the idea of doing a tour to promote not only their new singles and tease the album release that’s bound to happen next year, and it ended up being one of the most incredible ideas they had after spending almost a year without doing shows.

They started with a small tour in Europe, then they will move on back home in Australia for a couple of shows, and then the big finale in the United States where most of their shows were already sold out. By that time, the fans would’ve already listened to the new songs and be even more hyped for the new album.

Luke was the newbie on tour, this not being the first time he traveled away from home, but the first time he did it with people he cared about. He was having the time of his life with Y/N, the boys, and their s.o. It all felt like a dream. He was actually living the life of a rockstar on his summer break, even if most of the things they did they had to keep it a secret.

When Y/N invited Luke on tour there was no way he would’ve said no to her - not just because he pretty much can’t say no to her, but that’s another story.

She said she wanted to take it slow and that was exactly what they were doing. They didn’t put a label on whatever they had going on, but rather they enjoyed the moment stealing kisses and nights whenever they could.

They would sneak out into each other's rooms late at night, longing to be closer. They would spend hours upon hours tangled in the sheets, loving each other and sharing whatever was on their minds at the time. Making those moments their own amid their borrowed time between destinations. A moment for the two of them.

Luke found it weird at the beginning; hiding their relationship from the world until it became official. But these last few months he could see a change in Y/N, she seemed happier, more open to talking about her feelings and her past. He understood that this was important to her, to live a normal life until she feels ready to share it.

If time is what she needed, time is what she’ll get.

The boys and their girlfriends were all supportive. They too understood the importance of keeping some things private as well as the changes in Y/N’s behavior. They were all happy to see their friend back, just in time for tour.

But it was almost impossible to control what was put in the media. The fans already know who Luke is and that he spends a lot of time with the members of their favorite band. They speculate about his relationship with Y/N, creating rumors that even though he wants to, he can’t confirm nor deny. And when it came to the media outlets, those were much, much worse.

They didn’t say much about him “The privilege of being normal” Said Calum once. But they did have a lot to say about Y/N…

“Y/N L/N is back at it again with a new man?!”

“No tears this time? Y/N L/N Caught smiling and getting cuddly with a member of her team! Can she mix work and pleasure?”

“Serial heartthrob Y/N L/N seen with other men while still refusing to talk about her most recent break-up? Sounds fishy to me!”

“What was she thinking?! Y/N L/N was spotted in an outing with his “new friend” wearing very thin shorts and a crop top. Not so family-friendly apparently”

Horrible things were written about her every day but she ignored them as if they didn’t exist. Luke wished he could do the same.

Every little article, tweet, or comment about Y/N made his blood boil. It was clear that they were completely made up to be some “big news” when the reality was far from that and they kept disrespecting them and their relationship even if it was still on the down-low.

But Luke could not stop reading them. It was addictive how he couldn’t resist clicking on her name every time it popped out, not because of some morbid reasoning behind it, but because those articles seemed to know more about Y/N than Luke himself. People kept talking about a past he didn’t know she had. Were those made up as well? Or are they based on reality? Would he be able to know the difference?

Truth was, he couldn’t. He loves Y/N blindly, he got to know her in one of the most genuine ways but it feels like that is not enough. It’s almost like she is living a secret life he doesn’t get to know.

He wonders when it will end. This seemingly permanent stage of seating on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn green so they could walk freely into their relationship. Where people will support them, respect her and let them be happy. But that could never happen when she’s the one who doesn’t want to move.

Luke respects that she is not ready to talk, as she said time and time again. But he just couldn’t comprehend how she, right now, could be so at peace while her name is thrown through the mud and back. Smiling with the boys as they take pictures for promo while management arranges the check-in. Does she not know what they are saying about her or she just accepts it without any retribution?

He was asking himself all these questions as he watched her so happy, his mind tormenting him with a dark cloud over their sunny day. He wants to protect her, but he doesn’t know how or if she would even let him.

And yes, maybe that was selfish of him. Banging on a closed-door with his heart in his hands. But what about the person with the key and the lock? Aren't they a little bit selfish too?

“Hey!” He heard Kat said as she sat beside him, nudging her shoulder against his.

Luke turned to her, his eyebrow still locked in a frown as he muttered a little “hey”

The blonde girl scrunched her nose at him “Yikes, what's happening that it has you all worked up, buddy?”

Luke pressed his lips on a thin line as his eyes traveled back at Y/N. She was laughing at something Ashton had said when she turned to look at him.

Y/N smiled, winking at him as she waved. Luke stared at her for a while, a small smile playing on his lips as he raised his hand in acknowledgment. He could feel his heart skipping a beat every time their eyes met, but the dark feelings in his mind made his expression turn sour the moment Y/N turned around again, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the girl sitting next to him.

“You read them again, didn’t you?” Kat asked, already knowing the answer just by looking at how his shoulders tensed the moment she asked it.

They were all aware of the tabloids and the stories, being a regular occurrence to them, but not for Luke. They all knew this was new to him as well and how overwhelming it might be. So they all tried to ground him as much as possible, not letting him get affected by it as he had before.

“Now why are they saying that?!” He spat as he threw his cellphone on the leather couch, calling the boy's attention.

It was a normal day at the studio. They were all getting lunch as they laid back in the break room while Y/N and their girls went out to get them coffee.

Calum was the first one to speak, confused by his friend's sudden outburst “Uh, what exactly? And who?”

“This!” He said, grabbing his phone and tossing it at Calum. The rest of the boys gathered around as Luke plopped himself down on the couch.

Ashton began to read out loud “Seeing the growing rumors of Y/N’s mystery man, here’s a list of every guy we wished would date her”

“Okay that’s fucked up,” Michael said, swallowing his food.

“It’s better than the last one…”

“What?!” Luke asked, outraged that there are worse things out there.

“Dude, chill,” Calum said, “We understand this is beyond fucked, especially now that you’re dating or whatever. But you getting this angry at it won’t solve anything”

“Won’t solve anything?!” He said in a loud tone “That’s my girl they’re talking about. My girl dating other guys while she’s with me!”

“But they don’t know that,” Michael argued.

Luke shook his head, taking his phone back from Calum’s hands as he started typing furiously.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?! Letting them know that they can go fuck themselves” Luke answered, eyes still on the phone, a second away from pressing send before Calum snatched his phone.

“No!” He said “You are not going to out your relationship without her consent!”

“But-“

“Plus, I already took care of it,” Ashton said, holding his phone up “I tweeted at them telling them how incredibly disrespectful they’re being, now the fans are onto them and I already messaged management to deal with it”

“And that’s it?” Luke’s eyes winded “That’s all you’re gonna do?”

“That’s all we can do right now,” Ashton said with a sigh, sitting next to it “We know these situations suck, they’re horrible and dehumanizing and we are glad more people are realizing just how shitty the media is. But if we respond to every rumor there is it’s going to be a never endless battle, it’s going to backfire. We know, we tried”

“But all the stories are aimed against her” Luke said, running a hand through his face with frustration clear in his eyes “She didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Why do you think that is?” Michael chimed in “Think about Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears… They aim for women because they think are easy to kill”

“Which they’re not. It makes them stronger somehow. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if I was them” Calum said “Women are stronger than you think when it comes to this, Y/N included”

“We’ve been living with this kind of shit show for years. We defended her with knives and teeth, dragging every single outlet that posted something against her. But that shit only made it worse for her”

“They loved the attention they were receiving” Ashton’s voices laid with sarcasm “Every interaction we had they profited from it, creating even more rumors, one worse than the other, just so they could have the clicks. Eventually, Y/N asked us to stop defending her publicly and she decided to ignore it altogether”

“But we still fight for her, though. We flag the post, demand they take it down, talk to PR and management for damage control, and even sue for defamation a couple of times. She’s never got to go through any of that on her own, we wouldn’t have allowed it”

“And what am I supposed to do, then?” Luke asked, a mix of frustration and desperation filled his voice “Just do nothing?”

“Be there for her” Calum answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world “Support her. Love her. Comfort her. Whatever she needs. She’s a strong woman, one of the strongest we know. But there will come a time when she will have to lean on someone, and you have to be there and ready for her. She trusts you. Don’t let her down”

Kath placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder, understanding the man’s pain.

“I just-“ He said with a sigh “She never reads them, you know? The articles. But I do, I can’t help it. They seem to know more about her than me and that’s just-“

“Fucked?”

“Yeah,” He said as he took a long breath “I don’t know… I’m trying. This is all very new to me and she’s a professional at dealing with this kind of shit. But at the same time, she never tells me anything, how she feels about them or if they’re real or not. It’s fucking me up”

Kat hummed “And I assume you don’t ask her about it either”

The girl crooked an eyebrow at Luke, seemingly seeing through him “I- I don’t want to push”

She sighed and patted his shoulder “Let me tell you something, Luke. From girlfriend of a celebrity to the boyfriend of a celebrity” She started, earning Luke’s complete attention “When I started dating Calum we decided to keep it private, out of the eyes of the media and even from some of his friends. It was good at the beginning, great even! But the heart is ambitious and it always ends up wanting more. We fought a lot during those times, part of us wanting to hold on to what we had but at the same time longing for some kind of freedom. In the end, we did end up going public, as you know. We endure a lot of hate, we still do. But we knew what we were up against, you’re still trying to figure that out. But I’m telling you to know there is something you’re lacking”

“And what is that?” Luke asked with curiosity.

“Communication” Kat smiled sweetly at him “How do you expect to reach a meeting point while you’re sitting here in your own dark cloud and she’s over there with no clue of what’s happening with you and vice versa?”

The blonde girl got up from her seat next to him, giving him one last piece of advice before walking towards Calum “Don’t give up before you try. No one said it was going to be easy but, it’s your choice to see if it’s worth it”

Luke watched her walk away, rousing her arms around Calum’s waist as she smiled sweetly at him, giving him a small peck. Luke smiled at their love.

He thought about their friends, how in love they are with their partners and how free they are to love publicly, facing the retaliations of being in the public eye. But they seemed happy, they were happy. And he realized he wanted that for him and Y/N.

His mind drifted off to the possibility of going public, cleaning the air once and for all. No more “mysterious guy” or “Y/N’s possible secret lover” he’d be Luke Hemmings, the proud boyfriend of singer Y/N L/N. They could be happier, free. They could fight those rumors together and face the stormy weather that would come. He’d defend her until the end of times, protecting her with his life and supporting her in everything she does. He wanted that for them. But it wasn’t his sole choice to make.

“Babe!” He heard Y/N call.

She was walking up to him, a playful smile on her face as the nickname rolled off her tongue. She was wearing one of his hoodies, making her look small as she approached him.

He noticed that her eyes were shining, lately, they always did and he couldn’t get enough of them. He could get lost in her eyes willingly, throwing away the map and making himself home.

He loved her. Oh, he was so in love with her he didn’t even know what to do. The more he thought about it, the more sure he was about wanting to love her freely. He just wished she thought about it too.

“I got our keys” She smiled, pulling two cards out of her back pocket.

“Oh?” Luke asked playfully with a grin drawn into his face “And where am I supposed to sleep this week?”

In order not to create any suspicion about their relationship, they decided that Luke will have his own hotel room on tour - even though everyone knows that’s not where he sleeps or where he wakes up in the mornings. Usually “Luke’s room” is used to store the extra luggage they carry.

Y/N fake pouted “Sadly, Mr. Hemmings. Your room is at the other end of the hall”

Luke gasped “That far away?! Is there any way I can be… closer?”

The girl bit her lip as she rounded her arm around his waist, standing on her tippy toes as she softly whispered in his ear “Let’s see what I can do about that, Sir”

Y/N giggled as she heard Luke let out a soft groan, pecking his cheek with a small kiss as she stood in front of him again “Baby, you’re going to be the death of me” He said, trying to get a hold of her by her waist. But she was quicker, swiftly moving a step back as she started walking towards the elevators. One last look over her shoulder got him grabbing their things as he followed her without any questions.

The elevator ride is quiet, the beating of their hearts being the soundtrack to their wait as they reached their floor. Y/N didn't look at him as she walked towards the door, unlocking it with one swift movement of the wrist and leaving it open for Luke to come in after her.

When he opened the door, she was nowhere in sight. He wondered if she hid somewhere, this not being the first time she would jump and scare the shit out of him. But then, his ears picked up a soft humming coming through the bathroom door, and with a devilish smile he let their luggage at the side of the closet, he locked the door and made his way to her.

Y/N was humming one of her favorite songs when Luke caught her reflection in the mirror but she was not looking at him. She was putting some lotion in her hands, fingers tracing up until her upper arm with barely-there touches.

“Remember we have a party in a couple of hours, Hemmings,” She said when she felt him getting closer “We should get ready soon” He just hummed in agreement, not really paying attention to her words.

Softly, he placed his hands on either side of her hips, pulling her closer to him. Y/N kept ignoring him as she dried the excess of product out of her hands and it wasn’t until Luke pushed away some of her hair and started kissing along her neck that she finally gave him a proper response to his action.

Luke smirked as he felt her let out a shaky breath as his lips traced the shell of her ear, kissing it softly before moving lower and lower, kissing and sucking on her skin as slow as he could, making her tremble under his touch.

“Luke,” She said, holding her breath as she felt his calloused hands travel under the hoodie she was wearing. His hoodie. The one that always smelt like him.

“Hmm?” He asked, not stopping his movements for a second.

“We- uhm” The girl stuttered in a whisper when his hands started touching her over her bra, softly rolling over the nipples and making them hard “We should - oh - we should start getting ready soon”

“We should, huh?” He asked, voice raspy and low “It will be rude to go a little bit late. Wouldn’t it?”

Y/N let out a sigh when his hands left her breasts, trying to regain her breath before she lost it all over again when his fingers started playing with the hem of her jeans.

His fingers wandered carefully, fiddling with the button and zipper until they weren’t an issue. His lips grazed her neck up and down, kissing it softly as his fingertips finally reached her center.

She let out a soft moan when she felt him over her panties, tracing her lips over them and feeling her arousal “I’m sure they could wait a little bit longer” He said as he pressed a finger to her clit over the fabric “We need to take care of a few problems before that, don’t you think?”

He pressed his hips onto her, a soft whimper escaping her mouth when she felt his growing erection against her.

“So wet for me, my love” He groaned as her hand flew to the top of his hair, trying to find balance as she tugged on his curls “Always so beautiful for me”

“Luke-“

He opened his eyes just in time to catch her staring at him through the mirror with a desperate look in her eyes. It took him less than a second to spin her around and press her against the countertop, ceasing his lips into her like she was his last meal on earth.

She tangled her hands behind his head, fingers deep into his hair as he grabbed her by the back of her thighs, easily lifting her off and taking her to the king-size bed where they made sure to lose track of time between kisses and moans as they satisfied their needs with each other, over and over again until they fell through the abyss of pleasure together, whispering sweet confessions as their breath went back to normal.

It was easy to say that they were the last ones to reach the lobby. What was hard for them to ignore was the knowing looks and teasing smiles from their friends that were waiting for them for a good amount of time.

“Don’t say anything” Y/N threatened Ashton as he opened his mouth. But he just laughed

“If you want Luke to walk around with his fly open then sure, I’ll keep my mouth shut”

The ride to the party was filled with laughter and chit-chats. They were all in a great mood to finally have a mini-break in between shows and what better way to celebrate it than at a big party?

Luke stole glances from Y/N as she talked to Bethany. She looked beautiful with her black dress, making Luke proud and a little bit snug about him being the one who would take her home afterward.

But he knew that after tonight they needed to talk. And not “talk” like they usually do. No, this time he was going to express his concerns to her, his hopes for them, and confess his love for her over and over again. He wanted her to know how he feels, he needed to know where they stand and what she needs to feel more comfortable and what he can do to help her feel at ease.

He just needs reassurance, something to hold on to while he provides the same for her. In the end, he knew they would be okay.

After a few minutes, they reached the house of the host. Luke marveled at the mansion that stood proudly in front of him. When Y/N mentioned a party with some label associates, she never mentioned that the party was going to be hosted by the president and owner of the label.

He felt Y/N tug on his hand a couple of times before separating herself from him and going to stand next to the girls.

For a moment Luke forgot that they needed to keep appearances and couldn’t be together romantically in public. He could feel his heart aching as he watched her walk away with her friends, laughing together as they stepped into the party.

“Hey,” Michael said behind him, following the eyes of the sad man next to him “It’s just one night”

He tried to be comforting, but all Luke could wonder was: Would it be just for a night?

The party was wild. That’s the first thought everyone has in their minds as they step through those doors into a world of darkness mixed with neon lights, smoke machines, and three open bars scattered around the hall. People were separated into groups: The ones who were too drunk to stop dancing, the ones not drunk enough to start dancing, and the ones who were networking their way into the industry.

Everyone that was someone was at that party. Producers, artists, songwriters, performers, agents… You name it. It was a party for the big leagues and Luke could not help but feel out of place the moment he stepped foot into the scene.

“Hey! 5 Seconds of Summer. C’mere!” A voice called over the music.

Standing not too far from them there was a man, his bald head shined under the lights as he held a drink to his lips, beckoning the band to come over.

Y/N and the guys started walking towards the man without a second to wait, leaving Luke and their girlfriends to witness the interaction from afar.

“Who’s that?” Asked Luke, getting closer to Danielle as they watched their partners laugh with a bunch of men who were now surrounding the band.

“That’s Anthony Kellinghs” She answered, swiftly grabbing a drink from one of the trays carried by the passing waitresses “He’s one of the big bosses in the industry. Ashton said his team approached them not too long ago to see if they would be interested in changing labels and work with them”

Luke glanced back to the group. Y/N was standing next to Calum, talking about something that made Anthony smile even though her face was serious. He did not like the way that man was looking at her.

Anthony laughed loudly, making other guests turn his face towards them. Y/N and the boys shared a confused gaze as they laughed awkwardly along with him. The bald man kept laughing, clearly intoxicated as he lowered his hand and rounded his arm around Y/N’s waist.

Luke’s breath got caught in his lungs as he watched how Y/N’s body movements came to a halt and her eyes widened in discomfort, her smile seemed stiff but she didn't stop laughing or talking to the guy. Luke could feel his blood boil as he watched his girl in the arms of someone else, acting like nothing was happening and that everything was fine, in front of him.

“What the fuck?” He muttered under his breath. Debating on whether he should go and punch that dude in the face. No matter how important he was in the industry, he wanted him away from Y/N immediately.

But he didn’t move and neither did Y/N. Luke didn’t know if it was because she physically couldn’t or because…

No, he rejected that thought immediately. It was clear to him by her eyes that she was desperate to get away from his touch. And apparently not only to him because the moment that man put his hands around her Ashton and Michael called his attention away from her, moving a few steps back so Y/N could have more space to free herself the moment she could. Calum had his eyes on her, too, with his arm placed to his side as if he were to take her away from there at any second.

Yet the man did not move an inch away from her. Instead, his hand trailed lower with every word he spoke, until Luke couldn’t see it anymore. All he could see what’s Y/N’s uncomfortable face as she suddenly jumped forward, fear written all over her eyes.

Luke let out a curse as he took a step forward, ready to beat that man’s face to dust. But he stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Wait!” Danielle said, eyes locked on the scene played in front of them.

Luke stared ahead and let out a breath of relief when he saw Calum taking Y/N away from the group and towards the bar, seemingly excusing themselves to get a drink. He saw how his friend’s arm rounded around her shoulders, making it impossible for her to look back and for anyone else to notice her face as they walked away with no intentions of coming back.

Luke lost sight of them as he watched them disappear into the party. “Good,” he thought “At least she’ll be safe and away from him” But that thought did not calm the rage he felt towards the creep that dared touch her in front of her friends.

“I’m going to kill him” He hissed, once again trying to step forwards but once again being pushed back by Ashton’s girl.

“The guys got it covered,” She said, her sweet voice laced with a warning as she whispered loud enough for only them to hear “They will handle it and make sure they never work with that man, ever. It’s not the first time this has happened”

“This happened before?!” Luke said, attracting some curious eyes to him. But he couldn’t care less about it at the moment.

The girls looked at each other and then at Luke. How could they explain to the man that this happens more times than Y/N would be able to admit? They knew first hand how the industry was full of creeps and disgusting men, having dealt with them in the past as well, but Y/N…

She was the front girl, the main focus of attention. She was beautiful, talented, hot… that’s all they saw, never caring about her caring personality, or how intelligent she was, how she was the driven force of 5SOS. She was more than her looks, she was a girl trying to live her dreams. But men only seem to see one thing.

“I’m going to check on them,” Kat said as she walked towards where Calum disappeared with Y/N. Bethany mentioned going to Michael to try and make them get away from the conversation they were still having with that fucker.

And Luke stood there, not able to do anything “Y/N wouldn’t want you to cause a scene, that’s why the boys never do it anymore. She knows how important image is for all of them and a scandal is the last thing they need right now. Especially if some “random dude” goes and punch one of the biggest names in the industry”

Danielle was right and he hated that. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to defend his girl because she didn’t want to be defended. But the fact that she knew how to handle these kinds of things didn’t make it any less wrong or difficult for him to ignore. More so because their relationship was still kept a secret.

Luke couldn’t help but think that maybe if people knew they were together, things like these wouldn’t happen. After all, the only thing men like Anthony respected was the presence of another man.

Ashton and Michael returned after a minute, both of them with their jaws clenched and eyes filled with the same feeling of powerless Luke felt.

“Where is she?” Ashton asked, standing beside Dani and holding her close by the waist, almost as if he were scared something might happen to her.

“Kat went to check on them, they still haven’t returned,” She said, comforting her boyfriend by running her hand up and down his arm.

“This is bullshit” Luke murmured, frustration lacing his voice as he grabbed one drink from one of the waitresses and drowned it in one go without flinching. He turned around and started walking away from the group.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked, half concerned and half furious from him walking away at this moment.

“I need air” He answered as he took another drink and walked through the garden doors. Not even sparing a glance back when Y/N called his name as she watched him go.

Luke spent most of the night going back and forwards between the main hall and the garden. He drank whatever was being offered to him and sat down on a bench as he watched the casual smokers come outside, accompanying him from a distance.

He knew he was being childish. He didn’t understand much about the industry, nor how people that worked in it were. All Luke knew was that Y/N was nothing like them; she was not greedy, nor was she a creep, she wasn’t evil or ill-hearted and she didn’t deserve what happened.

He wanted to be with her, apologize for his shitty behavior, and tell her that he loved her. Because he did. He loved her with all his heart and it hurts him to see her like that. But every time he stepped through those doors back to the main hall - every time more intoxicated than the others - she was nowhere to be found. Or she didn’t want to be found, but that didn’t stop Luke from looking for her.

And every time, wherever he found her, she would have company. Sometimes she would be with the boys and their girlfriends laughing along with some other group of people - usually men - that stood a little too close and personal with her. Other times she would be on her own, talking to some guy or girl he didn’t know, too preoccupied with her conversation to even notice Luke standing at a distance, looking at her with longing eyes as he tried to find the courage to talk to her.

Then, he would go back to the bar, order his drink and go back outside or with the group, tightening the grip on his glass as he watched the girl he loves being swept away in conversations he couldn’t be a part of, after all, he was just one of the composers and her friend. Nothing else.

The guys and their girlfriends tried to cheer him up, including him in conversations and inviting him to dance. They knew how new this was to him, having to remind themselves every once in a while when they caught his sad eyes dancing across the room on the looks of his fleeting love.

“She came looking for you a few minutes ago while you were outside,” Dani told him the third time he came by the group.

“Why didn’t she go out with me?” He asked, eyes on Y/N as she talked to Michael and one of the producers they met in London a few years back.

“She was going to,” Ashton chimed in “She walked over there but I think Niall caught wind of her and they started to catch up”

Luke clenched his jaw at the thought of Y/N with other men. His mind couldn’t help but to go back to all those articles about her exes, her possible new partners, her possible future partners. Cheating scandals, break-up songs, parties where she didn’t leave alone… All the things she refused to acknowledge came to the surface, hitting Luke in the face as he realized that they might not all be lies.

He hated to think about her that way, to think that he didn’t trust her enough or that she didn’t trust him enough or whatever the fuck was wrong with them. But as he saw how Y/N hugged a stranger, all his thoughts went out the window.

“Who is that?” He asked no one in particular.

“Who?” Bethany asked in response, following Luke’s stare towards her friend “Oh, that’s Josh”

“Josh? As in Josh Benthlow? Her ex?”

Beth furrowed her eyebrows as she saw the look of pure rage on the blonde’s eyes “Uh, yeah? But you got something wrong there” She said, “They never dated”

Y/N laughed at something Josh said, pushing him playfully on the shoulder as he kept telling his story. Luke recognized the look in his eyes; it was the same way he used to look at Y/N when they first met: Pure adoration. And, he didn’t know if it was the alcohol in his system that was making him see things that weren’t there, but he could swear he saw Y/N flirt back at him.

“Friends don’t act like that” He spat, taking another sip from his drink, already losing count of how many he had that night.

“Hey!” Beth called his attention, taking the drink from him “That’s enough now. Alcohol is making you act like a complete asshole”

“I-”

“I don’t care.” She said, interrupting whatever he had to say before he even said it “Look, I get that you’re getting used to all of this. But you need to stop with the jealous act right this instant. She’s famous, yes, they all are and that means that you will have to share her with the world whether you like it or not. It’s her dream after all, and besides Y/N would never do something like that to hurt you and you know it”

Did he?

Not long after the group decided to go back to the hotel, having already stayed at that party longer than necessary given that they have a show the next day. The ride back was quiet, everyone either being too tired to even speak or too smart to try and cut the tension that was being created by the new couple’s behavior. Even when Y/N sat next to Luke he didn’t acknowledge her, keeping his eyes looking outside the window the whole car ride.

Y/N was one of the first ones to get out of the car, walking up to the elevators and not waiting for anyone as the doors closed.

Luke clenched his jaw as he contemplated not going to their room tonight, fighting with the feeling of not wanting to see her and the feeling of never wanting to let her go.

“You need to go there right now,” Calum said, taking a step next to Luke but not looking in his eyes “Having been her friend for so long I can see that she’s upset… Nah, fuck that. Even idiots can see that she’s upset”

Luke scoffed “She’s the one that’s upset?” Voice laced with sarcasm.

Calum hummed “Guess not every idiot can see that” He pressed the button of the elevator and hoped in with Kat, not waiting for Luke as the door closed in his face, but not before saying “You’re not the only one hurting, you know?”

It took another 20 minutes for Luke to open the door of their room. Again, Y/N was nowhere to be seen, but the light coming from under the closed bathroom door let him know that she was there.

He sat at the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as he now wished he hadn't drunk as much as he did. His head was spinning, he couldn’t decipher if it were because of the alcohol or because of his intrusive thoughts that wouldn’t leave his head.

Y/N got out of the bathroom for what it felt like an eternity later. She was wearing her Spongebob pajama and her hair was tied in a messy bun. Her makeup-less face looked tired as she didn’t glance at Luke before sitting by her side of the bed.

They stayed in silence for another five minutes before she decided to speak.

“Are we going to talk about tonight?” She said, voice neutral of any emotion.

Luke scoffed “Now you want to talk?”

She ignored him “I didn’t see you all night, Luke. I was worried”

“Oh, you were?” He mocked with cruel sarcasm as he got up from the bed and started pacing around the room “Funny way to show it you weren’t around!”

“I wasn’t around?! Luke, you spent half the night outside! Every time I came over you were nowhere to be found!”

“And every time I was there you were too busy talking to other people”

“I was working, Luke!” She said with a groan, massaging her temple as she turned to look at him “It’s part of my job to make connections at these kinds of events. And if you didn’t notice, Calum, Ashton, and Michael did the same”

“Well, you must be pretty damn good at your job then!”

Y/N looked at him, shocked by the way he was speaking to her “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luke was angry at her question. How could she not know? “Why don’t you ask Josh what I mean?”

“Oh my fucking GOD,” She said with the loudest tone he’s ever heard her talk “That’s what this is all about?! He’s a friend!”

“I was a friend, too and we still fucked!” Luke matched her tone of voice, probably waking the people in the room next to theirs.

Y/N laughed humorlessly “You have no right to-”

“And whose fault is that? Huh? Whose fault is that I cannot call you my girlfriend in front of other people? Whose fault is that I have to stand to the side and watch you flirt with every guy on earth just because “it’s your job”?” He asked “Y/N, I’m trying so hard for you to let me in and the only thing you do is push me away! Are you embarrassed by me in any way?”

“No,” She said, finally meeting his eyes and seeing no more anger in them, just an incredible sadness for both of them “No, of course not”

“Then why?” Luke asked, taking a step towards her and cupping her cheek with one hand “Why can’t you let me protect you? Why can’t I be with you freely? I know some things are hard for you to talk about, love. I get that. But I’m drowning here, not knowing what to think or what to say to make you trust me”

Y/N stayed quiet as she looked into his eyes before looking away. Luke sighed.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now. But we’ll have to do it eventually”

“I know,” She said with a string of voice.

“Sorry for the things I said”

“I’m sorry, too”

Luke wanted to kiss her, to comfort her. Even though he is still mad at her, he still has this need to protect her from the wrongs of the world. But she’s got to let him in first.

Instead, Luke placed a kiss on her head and walked towards the bathroom to get changed for the night. When he came back Y/N was already asleep on her side of the bed, her back turned to Luke’s side.

He let out a sigh as he turned off the lights, laying down facing the other side as he murmured a “Good night” Barely missing the soft sniff she gave in response.

The next morning Luke woke up without her by his side. He felt a tug in his heart as he remembered all the things he said to her, the cruel way in which he implied that it was all her fault when both of them had a bit of blame to put in their names. He wouldn’t be surprised if in the middle of the night she decided to leave and sleep somewhere else.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, ready to give her a call and apologize properly, hoping she’d pick up. But just as he was about to press the call button, the door opened.

Y/N walked in, sandwich and orange juice in hand. A small smile came to her lips when she saw him already awake.

“Hey,” She said softly, almost like if there were someone else in the room that was sleeping “You missed breakfast, so I bought you this. It’s now much but-“

“Thank you,” Luke said with complete honesty.

Y/N nodded, walking up to his nightstand to place the drink and the sandwich. But before she could walk away again, Luke grabbed her softly by the arm.

“Luke-“

“I’m sorry,” He said, his baby blue eyes looking into hers. He was sad to see no emotion in them compared with how shiny they were yesterday before the fight “I didn’t mean it”

Y/N let out a sigh as she sat on the bed next to him “No, you’re not” She said almost resignedly “And yes, you did. And it’s okay, I deserve it”

Luke shook his head, feeling even worse than before “No, Y/N I was out of place and-“

“You were, but that didn’t make your words any less than truthful. I hurt you, Luke. Even without wanting to” She said with a broken voice, but the tears didn’t come “But I want to change that. Tonight, we can talk after the concert. Okay?”

“I don’t want to pressure you” His hand flew to her face, placing a strand of hair behind her back. She smiled softly and kissed the palm of his hand.

“I know, but I want to” Finally, she got up from the bed and started walking into the bathroom, gathering some of her things. “We’ll start early today with some interviews and sound check, and the girls wanted to go shopping so they’ll meet us there. I will send a car for you before the concert and then we’ll talk. Alright?”

She grabbed her back and headed towards the door, giving Luke one last look and a soft smile before she left.

Luke didn't forget how she didn’t kiss him before she closed the door.

The day passed by and Luke was still in their room. He sat in front of the table with his notebook and pen, writing up words that, at that moment, reminded him of her.

He didn’t like how they were acting with each other. How quick everything went to shit after last night’s mistakes when words were louder than actions until those words became apologies.

Y/N said he didn’t mean his apology, and deep down he knew it to be true. He regrets the way he told her, admiring that he would have handled things a little better than he did. But he meant what he said about her pushing him away by not communicating. They were both trying but apparently, they sucked at it.

Truth was, there was no one to blame. Truth was, they were both at fault. And, truth was that he would still fall to his knees for her the moment she asked. Because he had never loved someone as much as he loved her.

When the time of the concert was almost upon him, he quickly jumped into the shower, ignoring all the beeps and rings of his phone as his thoughts and hopes filled his mind. He thought about what he was going to say to her, and he hoped that they could finally get past this and leave this whole situation behind; to start over and just be free.

He was putting on his shirt when his phone started beeping again, finally checking it to see what the fuss was all about.

Thousands upon thousands of notification flooded his screen, and they all said the same thing:

“Y/N AND MADDEN BACK TOGETHER?!”

“THE ENCOUNTER OF THE YEAR! MADDEN BANKS AND Y/N L/N SEEN TOGETHER AGAIN TALKING ON THE OUTSIDES OF THE VENUE”

“OMG Y/N X MADDEN SHIPPER REJOICE AS THE COUPLE SEEMS TO HAVE REKINDLED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHEATING SCANDAL”

Luke felt as if an elephant was standing on top of his chest, losing his balance and falling to the bed with his phone in hand, unable to look away from his screen.

His breathing became elaborated as his eyes filled with tears as he read the tweets and article titles. He knew he shouldn’t click on them. He knew. And yet…

“Lead singer of the band 5 Seconds of Summer, Y/N L/N was last seen talking to her ex-boyfriend, Madden Banks, in a secluded alley outside the venue where the band is going to perform their concert tonight.

We last saw the couple last year around August when Madden announced their breakup after cheating scandals came out to the surface. None of the parties made any comments about it, but it was set to believe that Y/N was the one who committed the mistakes after a set of tweets on Bank’s personal account where it said that he was feeling “broken-hearted” by the situation and he hoped no one had to get through that ever again.

Now it seems that the past is the past! As Y/N and Madden were caught by paparazzi talking again, and by the looks on both their faces it seemed like their relationship was not over after all!

We are still waiting for confirmations from either of them but congratulations to the couple ❤️”

A set of pictures were attached to the article. All of them of bad quality and from questionable sources.

On the first one, you could see Madden smiling with Y/N’s back facing the camera. On the second one, Madden was closer to her, almost cradling her face as if to kiss her. The third picture had Madden pointing out the paparazzi, a surprised expression plastered on his face as Y/N appeared out of focus. The last picture had Y/N walking away with Madden following behind, both of them with angry faces seemingly for being interrupted.

Luke was gripping on his phone tightly, a sense of rage coming over him as he wiped his tears furiously and walked up the door. Turning off his phone before he could read Y/N’s message:

Y/N: it’s not true! Let me explain…

He did not go to the concert that night, nor did he stay in their bedroom, opting for sleeping in the room that was originally assigned to him.

His emotions walked him into a bar last night, letting him drown his sorrows in alcohol as he slowly drifted away from his senses. He doesn’t remember getting to the hotel, but he does remember not wanting to be with her that night. Feeling betrayed and used, what was the point?

It was pretty late when he woke up the next morning, too late for Y/N to even be in the hotel knowing that they still needed to do a lot of press before traveling to their next destination. It was sufficient to say that he was not going to go with them.

He was about to book a flight when he noticed his phone died while being turned off last night. He was in such a rush that he forgot to bring his charger with him, but he felt confident that it was safe for him to go back to her room now that she was gone. He would pack all his things and leave, he was not about to endure any of this shit anymore, no matter how much it hurts him.

When he opened the door to her room, however, Luke noticed that he was not alone.

“You didn’t come last night”

Y/N was standing by the window, looking at the street through the thin curtain, hoping she might catch a glimpse of Luke walking back to her. She was wearing the hotel’s robe and had her hair tied in a ponytail. Her voice was fragile, tired, and broken as if she spent all night crying.

“Good,” thought Luke “at least we’ll both be miserable”

Luke didn’t answer that, instead, he just asked “I thought you’d be doing the press tour”

She shook her head, her back still facing him as she sniffed “I couldn’t go. I didn’t know where you were”

He would’ve thought it was touching and he might’ve felt bad for her if she hadn’t shattered his heart the night before. So he said nothing.

“I needed you last night, Luke,” She said, voice a little firmer as she finally turned around. Luke’s heart ached when he saw her delicate figure, she looked sick, pale, and tired. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red from all the crying. Part of him wanted to go to her and hold her, but her betrayal was still too fresh on his skin.

Luke scoffed “Sure you did” He didn’t intend for his voice to sound with such malice, but it was almost as if his tongue had a brain on itself “Was Madden not enough?”

“Stop,”

“Is he here?” He asked, voice mocking interest as he walked around the room “C’mon Asshole!” He called, opening the closet doors and walking into the bathroom “You won, motherfucker, you can have her! It’s not like it’s hard anyway”

Her eyes widened at his words, cheeks turning pink at the realization of the insult “Luke!”

“Was this part of your plan?” He asked, turning towards her with nothing but the rage inside his eyes “To bring me here to make him jealous? To make me fall for you so easily? Is that why we never went public? Ha! Should’ve known you just wanted a free pass to whore around while still making sure you have a secure fuck waiting back at the hotel”

Y/N froze. Not even Luke could believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but he was too far gone in his own anger to process them or to take them back.

“This is the part where you apologize,” She said, eyes filling with tears she refused to spill.

“No, this is the part where I tell you to fuck off” Luke spat, taking a step towards her, not realizing how she flinched as she took a step back “You know, I tried so fucking hard for months to make you happy. And every day I read those fucking articles that were talking shit about you and every fucking day I told myself that those weren’t real. That you weren’t like that… surprise, surprise! Looks like the cat is out of the bag. Makes sense! That’s why you never wanted to talk, you never wanted to admit to what you did because you never take any fucking responsibilities for the damages you cause! I thought I knew you, at least some parts of you. Turns out everyone is right about you. Every fucking word of it”

He turned around, ready to grab his things and go, but the adrenaline was kicking in and he just couldn’t stop.

“Tell Madden that he’s an idiot for taking you back,” He said with his back turned to her “That he should’ve left your cheating ass alone. Let you get what you deserve”

“I never cheated” She mumbled, voice barely above a whisper.

He scoffed “Yeah, right”

“I never fucking cheated!” Y/N raised his voice, making Luke turn around to face her. Her face was red with tears and she had her fist clenched to her sides, knuckles white from all the pressure she was putting in.

“I never cheated on Madden! I never fucking cheated on you! On anyone! He cheated on me, repeatedly and with several people for all the course of our relationship! I never touched a person outside ANY of my relationships. I have been nothing but faithful to you and now you’re throwing that shit at me without knowing an ounce of my side of the story?!

You want to know, Luke, why I never tell the story as it was? Why it’s so fucking hard for me to tell the story even to the people I love?”

It was a challenge, he knew from the look in her eyes that she was not going to stay quiet any longer. She didn’t even wait for his answer.

“I was fucking abused, Luke! Physically, mentally, sexually… you fucking name it! During that whole relationship. Want me to tell you the details or you could figure it out yourself?! I was getting beaten almost daily! I had to hide the bruises and cuts in front of the guys as they slowly watched me fall apart. I had to lie to them for YEARS because I genuinely thought he loved me. He said he did so I believed him. It wasn’t until one night where he got too far that I had to tell myself that it was enough. But what could I say? I was so fucking embarrassed I couldn’t go to the media that calls me a liar every chance they have! I couldn’t go to the police because he has money and could easily get away with it! I was so fucking alone until I met you and… You took his side”

Luke felt like his heart was taking a punch with every word that she said. Every tear that fell off her eyes was like a knife in the back. The guilt was eating him inside out, crashing into him like a tsunami. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, he shouldn’t have let his emotions take the reins, he should’ve... He felt all of his emotions turn to mush, all but shame as he stared into her eyes knowing he was the one who fucked up.

“Y/N-“

“I needed you last night when he cornered me. I needed you by my side as I broke down backstage because you weren’t answering your phone. How do you think I felt when I came into our room and found it empty? I was ready to tell you everything and then you just decided that wasn’t worth it anymore. That I wasn’t worthy anymore. All without giving me a chance” She cried, shattering sobs running through her body as she remembered the feeling of hopelessness she had “Not only that, but I come to find this on your side of the bed”

She threw his notebook at him, he didn’t need to open it to know what she read. Already regretting leaving it there.

“Sometimes, you're a stranger in my bed

Don't know if you love me or you want me dead.

Some days, you're the best thing in my life

Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife

Then you turn into somebody I don't know

And you push me away

Fight so dirty, but your love's so sweet

Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth

Late-night devil, put your hands on me

And never let go”

She recited the words by memory, having read them over and over again as she waited for him to come back.

“Is that really how you see me, Luke?” She asked, voice broken as she looked into his eyes.

Luke felt his body tremble with shame as he looked at her. He has never seen her look so sad and fragile before, the smile he loved so much was gone and he knew he might never see it again. He wanted to scream that that’s now how he saw her at all. Those words were written out of frustration, out of anger. He wanted to tell her that she’s the most amazing, loving, strong, intelligent person he know but... how could he even look her in the eyes?

He knew that he went too far. That he should’ve given her a chance to explain what happened instead of just letting the media fill his brain with lies; lies he believed without question because of his insecurities. He broke the strongest girl he’s ever known, but she was still standing.

Despite the hurt, he caused her, she was still standing in front of him. Demanding answers he doesn’t know how to give. Still being so much braver than him.

“Y/N, I-“ He began, voice breaking as he was left speechless. How could he ask for her forgiveness now that he broke every ounce of trust she held for him?

“Luke, I think you should leave,” She said, rounding her arms around her torso as she looked back at the window. Unable to hold her gaze to him any longer.

“No,” Luke begged of her. Pleaded, even “Y/N, baby don’t-“

“Leave” She repeated more firmly “If I’m such a monster, the best thing we can do is for you to go home”

She turned her back to him once again, and he knew that he had just lost the battle he was too scared to even fight.

Y/N cried silent tears as she heard him gather his belongings and pack his bags, feeling as if she might collapse into the floor if she weren’t holding herself too tightly. If she concentrated, she could hear him cry, too, until he closed the last of his bags and walked through the door.

Because, after all, he would still go to the ends of the world if she asked.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @girl-toxxic

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fu-yao · 3 years

Photo

tagged by @leonzhng thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋

i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena @yibobibo @lan-xichens @purplexedhuman @aheartfullofjolllly @lanzhansmiles @nyx4 i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!

putting this under a read more for reasons

MEN 2010 – 2016

literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)

tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes

harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years

louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart

ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014

harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly

choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot

brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)

jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos

misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)

henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)

MEN 2016 – 2021

min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??

kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard

park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)

kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day

jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys

choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu

xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx

wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok

lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me

bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho

WOMEN

this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time

ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts

perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her

andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty

lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked

alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay

park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)

kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members

shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D

xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage

lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao

peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on

legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14

zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.

will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute

jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off

castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did

kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF

howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl

lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot

mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)

#thanks for the tag hanyi my hands hurt now </3 #tag game

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ashesonthefloor · 4 years

Text

you are an angel (or maybe you could’ve been) part two

summary: Ashton starts adjusting to his new life with his guardian angel, and all the twists, turns, and responsibility that comes with it, part one found here, ao3 found here

rating: PG-13 (cursing, someone takes their shirt off, Michael is an idiot, lots and lots of fluff, one allusion to depression)

word count: 4693

A/N: wow! the response on this has been absolutely insane! but here’s the long awaited part two, coming two weeks later whoops. big shout out to @calumcest for being my biggest cheerleader on this and letting me scream about it way too often. and, of course, a massive thank you to every single person who’s commented. they live in my mind completely rent free at all times and they absolutely make my entire day. I hope you all love this as much as the first part <3 I’ve got some big plans for part three!

Last night had been a bit of a struggle. Only because Ashton hadn’t really known how to fall asleep next to a literal angel. It had taken longer than he was used to before he eventually managed it, lulled into a comfortable sleep by the additional warmth radiating off of Luke.

He was awake again, early as always, and didn’t really see the point in laying and staring at the ceiling. He figured he might as well get up and make breakfast for the two of them. He moved carefully, doing his best not to rouse Luke. It didn’t seem to matter much because as soon as he was up, had tucked the covers back around his companion, and started towards the door, Luke spoke up again. “Where are you going? His voice was soft in the early morning quiet, not even disturbed by the sounds of the city outside, or his neighbors to the left who liked to blare the news later in the morning.

Ashton turned back to look at him, taking in his messy curls and rumpled, sleepy appearance. He squashed any thought of how soft he looked. Or he tried to, at least. “I’m going to make us breakfast.” At Luke’s mildly confused expression, he continued before he could ask. “It’s food you eat in the morning. Eggs, pancakes, cereal, french toast.” He paused, figuring Luke probably didn’t know any of those, either. “I’m making pancakes. Do you want to come? You can watch.”

Luke shifted the covers off of him, carefully getting out of the bed with a little shiver as his feet hit the cold hardwood floor. Ashton was surprised by just how fond the little action made him. He led Luke into his kitchen, getting him settled in a seat at the island before starting to make pancakes.

“This was one of the first things I learned how to cook myself,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at Luke before back to cooking. “I always liked adding extra chocolate chips. And whipped cream.” He smiled a little at all the fond memories before remembering Luke didn’t know what anything was. “All of that is sweet. Pancakes aren’t, necessarily, but people generally like adding sweet things to them to make them more flavourful.” He was quiet for a moment, letting Luke process the information. “Do you need to eat?”

“No. Angels don’t eat. Or drink. Or sleep. We can, but we don’t need it. So we don’t.” That didn’t do anything to mitigate Luke’s rapt curiosity, it seemed.

Ashton paused, realizing something. “So when I gave you a Coke last night...you didn’t know what that was?” Poor Luke. That must’ve been stressful for him, having Ashton list a bunch of things he didn’t know and have him choose.

Luke shook his head. “No. I knew the name from watching you, sometimes it’s on your TV.”

Ashton nodded a little, flipping the pancakes on autopilot since he was lost in his thoughts again. “Did you like it?”

Luke took a moment to consider before answering. “I don’t know. It was cold. And felt weird.”

Ashton smiled a little, endeared again by Luke’s innocence. “It’s carbonated. So there are bubbles in it. Do you want to try it again?” Most people didn’t drink coke for breakfast. But Luke didn’t need to know that. And, to be fair, he wasn’t really most people.

Another pause. “Okay.”

Ashton grinned. “Great. They’re in the fridge.” He gestured lightly with his head since his hands were busy. “Grab one?” He heard the chair scrape backward on the kitchen floor, and Luke’s surprisingly light footsteps as he went to retrieve his Coke. He glanced over at him, watching the way his nose crinkled as he looked at the bottle. “Do you need me to open it?”

Luke looked at him, just a little helpless, and nodded again. “Yes, please.” He offered Ashton the bottle, and Ashton opened it for him before passing it back.

“There you go.” He finished with the pancakes and put some on two plates for them. “You know, Coke usually comes in a can. I just think it tastes better in a bottle.” At Luke’s mildly confused expression, he moved to the kitchen to grab one of his cans of beer. “Like this. This is an aluminum can. Most soft drinks are packaged like that. Coke is a soft drink. A soft drink, or a soda, is something sweet and carbonated. There’s lots of kinds.”

Luke sipped his Coke, nose crinkling again at the taste, making Ashton grin (maybe a little more fond than he should’ve). “I like it,” he decided. “It still tastes funny.”

Ashton smiled again, amused. “Yeah. That’s kind of how it is.”

Luke considered his words for a moment. “It tickles.”

That was a fairly astute way of putting it, Ashton had to admit. Using his new vocabulary to try and describe his new surroundings. Go Luke. “Yeah? Because of the bubbles?” Luke nodded. “I’m glad you like it. Go sit down again and I’ll bring you your pancakes.”

Luke made his way back over to the island with his bottle of Coke and Ashton joined him just a moment later with both of their plates. He went back to grab syrup and nutella, figuring Luke would probably like at least one of them. When he sat down again, he smiled at the sight of Luke holding the pancake in his bare hands. Luke just looked at him, confused.

“Does it smell good?” Ashton asked with another hopelessly fond smile on his face. He couldn’t help it. Luke was just the most endearing being he’d ever encountered in his entire life.

Luke sniffed the pancake again with a nod before taking a tentative bite. Ashton still didn’t comment on his lack of silverware. He probably didn’t know, and he wasn’t going to make him anxious or insecure over something that ultimately didn’t matter.

He dressed up his own pancakes before starting to dig in. With silverware, of course, because that was how he preferred to eat. “Is it good?” He asked after a few moments, swallowing his food before speaking. He was polite, after all. And chewing with an open mouth was one of his serious pet peeves.

Luke nodded again, watching Ashton with an expression he didn’t really have a word for. He looked interested, though. Which was probably a good thing. “I like them.”

Ashton beamed, taking it as a personal accomplishment. “I’m glad. They’re my own recipe you know.” He paused. “I mean, all pancakes kind of use the same recipe. But I like to think mine is a little different.” He turned his attention back to his pancakes.

Luke shrugged. “It is. No one else can do anything the way you can.” It would’ve sounded cheesy from anyone else. But the genuine, earnest way Luke said it had Ashton’s face tinting pink.

“Thank you,” he said, just slightly taken aback.

“You’re welcome.” Luke seemed to have impeccable manners. Just not table manners. But that was okay. Not his fault.

A few beats of silence passed between them, only broken by the light scraping of silverware against the plate. Once Ashton had finished, he looked at Luke. “So you’re a guardian angel?”

Luke fixed his startling blue gaze on him again, finishing his pancake. “Yeah.” He nodded a little bit.

“What...do you do, exactly? You mentioned watching over us?” Ashton asked, hoping he wasn’t crossing a line with him. He liked Luke.

“Yeah. We sit and watch you to make sure you’re okay.” He sipped his Coke, nose crinkling as he glanced down at the bottle. He had the same reaction every time he tried it. It was a little bit adorable.

“What do you do if we’re not?” He just really wanted to know.

“Um...” He frowned. “We try and steer you in the right directions.” He paused, thinking. “Positive affirmations,” he finally settled on and, funny, that was the same name as Ashton’s yoga DVD he was so fond of. “Sometimes it doesn’t work and we have to just...accept it. It hurts a lot though if we have to watch someone go down a really bad path.”

With the level of sadness on Luke’s face, Ashton wondered what he’d been through. He himself had had a couple spirals that weren’t so great but he made it through to the end of all of them. Maybe Luke was to thank for that. “What’s Heaven like?”

Luke considered for a moment. “Very white,” he settled on, seeming to choose his words carefully. “Like the inside of a hospital.” That Grey’s Anatomy binge with Michael might have helped him there.

“Clinical?” Ashton offered. “It’s when something is very impersonal feeling and very stark. People use it a lot for hospitals.”

Luke nodded. “Clinical. We’re all focused on watching our humans. And then there’s a couple angels in charge of delegating new jobs and helping new angels and assigning new humans to angels. And they take care of the rule breakers.”

Ashton knew he shouldn’t ask it. But he wanted to anyway. “What happens to rule breakers?”

Luke paled. Which was interesting on his already pale complexion. “I don’t know. Most of them just don’t come back.”

Yikes. That wasn’t exactly great. He reached a hand across the table to offer Luke some comfort. When he just looked confused, he explained. “You can hold it. This is me offering you some quiet support, to say ‘I’m here for you’ and ‘I want to make you feel better’.”

Luke gave him a very soft, appreciative smile; and put his hand in Ashton’s. “Thank you.” His hand was warm. And softer than he’d expected. He gave it a small squeeze, not missing the way Luke’s face flushed when he did. That was endearing. Everything about Luke was, really.

He would be perfectly content to stay in that moment forever. Luke was sweet, and clearly appreciated whatever form of comfort Ashton could give him. Instead, the private moment was broken by his phone vibrating on the table. He grabbed it with his free hand and answered.

“Hello?” He said, keeping his tone level as always, but still mildly annoyed at the interruption.

“Ashton! Are we still on for dinner at- fuck off, don’t do that - dinner at your place?” Calum asked, rustling and distant complaining heard in the background. And fuck. Ashton had forgotten about that.

“Would another night work better for you guys?” Michael and Calum liked coming over for dinner. Half the time they ordered takeout, though, because Michael preferred it, and Calum was soft for him. Although when it was just them, Calum never minded cooking with Ashton.

“Come on, we do this every- get your hand out of my crisps before I smack you, Michael Gordon Clifford - week. Movie night and a pizza. Are we really going to break tradition now?” And he could practically hear Calum’s puppy dog eyes and accompanying pout through the phone.

“I’m up to my neck in paperwork right now,” he lied, seeing Luke scrunch up his nose out of the corner of his eye. “I really can’t. Can we reschedule?”

He could hear noises, the sounds of a quick scuffle from the other end of the phone before, “Ashton, come on. I’m more important than some dumb paperwork. You’ve brushed it off before. Why do you have to be all responsible now?” And Michael had a point. He had brushed off duties before and just stayed up late to catch up. But he hadn’t had an angel then.

“Because.” That was really all he could come up with, honestly. He couldn’t very well tell the truth. ‘Hey, guys, sorry I can’t hang out with you this week, my guardian angel came down from heaven and I think either he or you guys will freak out if I put you all in the same room so it wouldn’t be a good idea’ wouldn’t fly super well. With anyone, honestly. Least of all himself. He might actually have a heart attack, the way Michael joked about all the time.

“That’s not a real answer. What’s up with you?” Which was, honestly, about as close to concern as Michael got. Which was sweet.

“Nothing, Mikey. Really. I just...need a day, you know?” He felt really bad lying. But he couldn’t help it. He needed to be left with his angel. Preferably alone.

“I get it.” He felt guilty at just how understanding and compassionate Michael sounded. Because he was fine. He just had an angel. “Let us know if you need anything, alright?” There was another little scuffle before he heard Calum’s voice.

“Yeah, we’re here for you. Always. Are you coming in to work tomorrow?” Fuck. He was on the schedule. Thankfully, it wasn’t for long. He, alone with Michael and Calum, worked at the music store a block or two from his apartment called Just For The Record. He’d been the manager there for a long while.

“Yeah, I’m coming in in the evening to do some organizing and do the schedule for the next week,” he answered, Luke still staring at him. That was still disconcerting, no matter how long he did it.

“Great. I’ll see you then?” Calum said.

“Yeah. See you then.”

“Love you.” Ashton’s heart warmed a little at the sentiment. Calum was always good at that. Being comforting.

“Love you too.” There was a beat of silence after Ashton’s words before Calum hung up, presumably to go back to Michael. The two of them had been pining for each other practically the whole time they’d been working at the music store. It was a wonder they hadn’t realized it yet, or just died from ignorance.

“Calum and Michael,” he explained to Luke, setting his phone aside and turning his attention back to him. His angel. Which was still pretty weird to think about.

“They work with you,” Luke provided, gaze still on him. Did he ever blink? He honestly didn’t know. He’d have to start paying attention. It was a little startling being reminded just how much Luke knew about him. And, of course, how little he actually knew about Luke. But he didn’t want to pry, or ask too many questions at once.

“Yeah, they do.” Ashton didn’t really know what else to say to that. “They’re nice.”

Luke just nodded a little bit at the information. Not that he didn’t already know it. “Are they coming over?”

Ashton shook his head, catching the slight trepidation in Luke’s voice. “No, not tonight. They come over regularly since I’m not sure Michsel actually eats anything but takeout on his own. But I thought it would be nice to have today just for us. I have to get laundry done and a couple other things, and I thought you might want to just chill. We can watch a movie or something.”

Luke smiled and, god, Ashton was going to have a heart attack at some point. He didn’t know how his whole face lit up like that, but it did. Maybe angel magic. Did angels have magic? “That sounds nice. What’s laundry?”

“It’s where you clean your clothes. Like what I did last night with yours. I can show you how to do it.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “You said you watch me, right? How much do you...know about me, exactly?”

Luke was quiet, clearly thinking the question over. “Everything,” he said simply, like that didn’t raise more questions than it answered.

“How much is everything?” Ashton asked, knowing full well he should stop asking things or he’d run the risk of making Luke upset again.

“Um...” Luke thought again. “If I didn’t see it, anything important was in your file. I know your full name, your birthday, your life, about your work, your friends, I know you’re worried you’ll die of stress someday so you’re working on calming down, I know you kind of want to get a dog but aren’t sure it would work with your life, you like to dye your hair and dyed Michael’s hair a lot when he went through that phase, you like to cook and Calum likes to help, you’ll watch almost any movie if you like the plot enough, and you like to sleep in the middle of the bed because it’s more comfortable. So everything important.”

That was...a lot. Ashton felt his face redden a little bit, unsure what to do after Luke had unleashed all of that. It was one thing to know he was an angel and knew everything about him, and another for Luke to prove it. “That’s...a lot,” he said, absolutely positively not flustered. Ashton Irwin didn’t get flustered. Ever. “You definitely know a lot.”

Luke beamed, like it was a compliment. “Thank you. It’s my job. And I like knowing things about you. You’re the most interesting person.”

That only made Ashton blush harder. Luke never seemed to stop being positive. That was...endearing. It made him feel weirdly warm inside. Like he’d just finished a mug of tea wrapped up in his favourite blanket while someone complimented him on things he was unsure about. “Thank you,” he said, unsure what else to even say. Luke was without a doubt the sweetest being alive. Was he alive? How the fuck did angel logic even work?

Luke nodded. “You’re welcome.” He paused, looking at him with his wide blue eyes. “Are you doing laundry?”

And right. He needed to do laundry. He’d almost forgotten after Luke had one of his adorably charming moments. He was a little convinced his compliments were some weird form of magic. Though, realistically, he knew it was probably just because of how genuine and earnest his compliments were. “I am. Do you want to watch?”

Luke nodded, finishing off his Coke. His nose crinkled again but he looked quite pleased. Ashton smiled a little to himself as he gathered up their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. He led Luke to his bedroom to grab his hamper and then into the laundry room.

“This is the washing machine,” he explained, internally asking himself how the hell he’d gotten to this point in his life. “It washes your clothes. But then they get all wet - like you were last night - so you have to put them in this, the dryer, so they’re dry.” He tossed the clothes into the washing machine and put in the detergent, Luke’s eyes following his every movement like he’d be tested on this later. He smiled slightly, seeing his eyes widen after he turned the machine on.

“So that’s laundry,” he said simply, turning to look at Luke properly. He was kind of cute, in an innocent sort of way. Absolutely everything was interesting to him. Most of all, it seemed, was Ashton.

“That’s laundry,” Luke repeated thoughtfully. “Okay. What next?”

“Now I guess we can go watch something while it finishes.” Fuck, what did they watch? Did he have any Disney movies? That would be ideal, honestly. He didn’t really want to scar his angel. Disney movies could be pretty scarring, though. Like the Lion King. What the fuck should he show him? Was Cinderella fine? It had some abuse in it but it was fine. He just didn’t want to scar Luke. Friends was probably fine too but it was pretty boring and he didn’t really want to sit through it.

“Okay,” Luke said, seemingly oblivious to Ashton’s internal turmoil.

“Do you know what you like to watch?” He finally asked, honestly unsure how much Luke had seen. If anything at all.

“Um...I’ve only gotten to watch what you watch. I liked Indiana Jones kind of? It was confusing.”

Luke was endearing. Ashton really didn’t know what to do with the surge of protectiveness that suddenly went through him. “Yeah? We can watch Indiana Jones, then.”

He got the two of them settled on the couch pretty easily, turning on one of the older movies. Their age didn’t really matter too much, they were still good. No matter how much Michael said to the contrary. He just liked being difficult. He tossed a blanket over both of them about fifteen minutes in. His apartment was pretty chilly, but he knew it would warm up in the afternoon with all the sunshine spilling in from the large windows.

Luke slowly scooted his way over to him throughout the movie, eyes still fixed on the screen. He gave the movie the same rapt attention he usually gave Ashton. And, sue him, that was pretty endearing. He didn’t move quickly enough for Ashton to even notice really. The first time he realized Luke was too close was about an hour into the movie, when Luke’s leg brushed his more than it had been. Then his leg was pressed to Ashton’s about thirty minutes later. Ashton didn’t say anything, either. Didn’t rush him. Didn’t point it out. And maybe that was because some tiny party of him was scared that he’d stop if he pointed it out. So, he decided he’d take what he could get.

He eventually ended up pretty close to his side, leaning into him, some time after he’d started their second movie. Luke was...warm. The same comforting warmth Ashton had felt earlier blossomed in his chest. He draped his arm across the back of the couch, fingers brushing against Luke’s shoulder, making the blonde shiver. And that made affection bloom somewhere in his (cold, Michael would say. Dead, even) heart, fondness for this being he barely even knew wrapping around his heart like a hug. It was nice. A little scary, sure, to feel so endeared by someone so soon. But it was fine. He was just going with the flow.

They pass the rest of the day curled up like that. Luke eventually ends up closer to Ashton than he would’ve ever assumed, still weirdly stiff in that way Ashton credited to Luke not being used to any sort of physical contact. He eventually leaned into him a bit more, letting go of that aggressively perfect posture and letting himself be something a little less formal and a little more comfortable. It was nice, really. Nice enough that, as he played their third Indiana Jones movie, he realized he’d lost track of time and they’d spent pretty much the entire day just watching movies. With Ashton answering plenty of Luke’s questions. (Such as “what’s that?”, “why’s he doing that?”, “what does that mean?”, and, Ashton’s personal favourite, “am I watching this right?”)

The third movie finished without too much drama. Luke let out a content little sigh, shifting against Ashton’s side to look at him. “What do we do now?” He asked, head tilting just slightly in a way that reminded Ashton of a puppy.

“It’s starting to get late. So now we do dinner and go to sleep again.” As per Ashton’s usual routine. Though he’d sort of thrown that out the window the moment Luke had shown up. Which he wouldn’t take any criticism about at all. What was the proper reaction to suddenly knowing about the existence of angels and knowing you had one of your very own? He’d love to know.

Luke nodded a little, sage. “That sounds good. Food and sleep are important.”

That made Ashton’s lips quirk up into a smile. Luke couldn’t be more adorable if he tried. “They are. That means we have to get up, though.”

It took a few more minutes of them sitting there, enjoying each other’s warmth and company, before Ashton even had the heart to get up. He made his way to the kitchen, humming a little bit to himself. Luke ended up following him fairly soon after. He really didn’t seem to like being left alone which Ashton took note of, not wanting to make his angel uncomfortable at all.

Dinner went by without a hitch and with very little conversation, other than him watching Luke struggle to eat. It was a little amusing but it tugged on his heart in a weird way he didn’t really have a word for. It certainly wasn’t something he was used to. He decided to pack that away to deal with later. Or not. That actually sounded like a much, much better option. There was so much he was dealing with, it made more sense to just not.

“Here, do you want to change into some fresh clothes?” Ashton asked before bed, realizing he’d forgotten to offer early on. And sure, it was just pajamas, but nothing was worse than sitting in the same clothes for days on end. He would know. He’d done it before, and he’d also had to go over to Michael’s to drag him out of the clothes he’d worn for a week in one of his worse depression slumps.

He pulled out some more comfortable clothes, offering them to Luke. Luke looked mildly confused but accepted them anyway. “You’ll feel better,” Ashton promised, turning back to grab a change for himself. He turned back around, face flushing when he saw Luke struggling out of his shirt with absolutely no shame whatsoever. And he prayed to whatever deity Luke worked for that they weren’t able to hear any of his thoughts because they weren’t the most holy. They weren’t exactly unholy either but thinking that his guardian angel was built wasn’t chaste behavior.

He couldn’t even bring himself to tell Luke he’d meant him to change in the other room, his tongue way too heavy in his mouth to speak coherently. “I’ll be right back,” he said, a little dumbly. “Uh. You finish changing. Just...have to piss.” He left into the bathroom, clothes still in his hands. He changed there, slower than normal, so he had a moment to consider things. Luke really took things at face value, so he’d have to start choosing his words better. He really didn’t want to confuse him and, frankly, he didn’t want to accidentally kill himself with surprise. He was fine, if just a little startled. He kept almost forgetting that Luke wasn’t human, and he hung on his every word the same way a young child would. He just clearly wasn’t a child. Just...a little bit naive. Innocent.

He tugged his shirt on over his head, still moving a little slower than normal. Hopefully that had been enough time for Luke to change. He made his way back into the bedroom, finding his angel standing there. Waiting for him to give more instructions, probably. “You can sit,” he said, forgetting he had to tell him what he could and couldn’t do. “My apartment...it’s your home right now. So you can do what makes you feel comfortable. I can promise you I don’t mind. My bed, couch, blankets, clothes. Pretty much whatever you need.”

Luke watched him as he spoke, bright blue gaze still unwavering. He broke into a smile, just a touch shy, after Ashton finished. “Okay. Thank you.”

Ashton gave him a smile in return. He couldn’t help it. Luke was just....endearing in every single way possible. “Of course.” He made his way over to the bed, sliding under the sheets. Luke hesitated before he came over to join him, steps surprisingly silent for so tall, and slid into the bed with him.

He gave Ashton another sweet smile, pillows already starting to muss up his curls. “Hi.”

Ashton gave him a smile again, fondness curling fast and unexpected in his chest. It settled there, almost a tangible weight, comforting, like a childhood stuffed animal. “Hi.”

“I’m glad I came down,” Luke said, as honest and earnest as ever. He seemed to not notice the pink that dusted Ashton’s face.

“I’m glad you did, too.” His voice was soft, though there was no doubt Luke heard it with how close they were. And with the way it made Luke’s whole face light up, the blonde beaming at him like he’d made his entire life with that one sentence.

“Yay,” he said, the light not fading from his eyes.

“Yay,” Ashton repeated, a little bit dumb with just how pure Luke’s reaction was.

It was safe to say that the second night wasn’t much easier than the first. Luke was warm and comforting and, after Ashton agreed that it was time to sleep, was out like a light. Leaving Ashton alone in the very dim light, still able to make out the messy curls framing his face like a halo, and the way the very little light in the room seemed drawn to highlighting his fair but gorgeous facial structure. He really was, by all aspects, an angel.

#lashton #luke hemmings fanfiction #ashton irwin fanfiction #5sos fanfic #lashton fanfiction #my writing #angel fic

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outofmylimitcal · 5 years

Text

The Hating Game Pt. 1 - Calum Hood

a/n: some how this got deleted the first time around ???? but here you go College!Cal, i was gonna do frat cal but i avoid them like the plague at school so not the best idea. first part of the series and i dont know how many parts there’s going to be ,, anyway enjoy and lmk what you think!!

part 2

synopsis: natalie has held a grudge against calum since he screwed her over in first year, and cause he’s kind of a snarky asshole, but when he comes to her rescue one night will all be forgiven??

word count: 2023

warnings: swearing, drinking, and kinda smutty??? but not sex

-----

To say I was done with school would have been an understatement, all my midterms were done, and the semester had hit that lull in between when finals hadn’t started yet, but you had nothing else on your plate. Third year was so close to being done and I could almost taste graduation even if it was a year out, so far, my engineering program had smacked my ass to Pluto and back. Setting my phone down on my desk, I walked into the living room to be met with my two best friends, Charlotte who was also in engineering, and Sierra who was pre-med and hoping to get into med school after her undergrad.

“Hi yes we need to go out for our last free weekend of the semester.” I exclaimed plopping down onto the couch and startling them both up from their phones.

“Luke invited us out to that bar on Main street, all the boys will be there too.” Sierra replied letting us know her boyfriend’s plans, looking back down at her phone. At the thought of ‘all the boys’ I let out a fake gag.

“C’mon Natalie, you seriously still can’t hold a grudge against Calum for what he did in FIRST year.” Char let out, slapping me across the arm.

“I can and I will, I’m down to go, but I can’t say I’ll be pleasant towards him.” I scoffed grabbing the TV remote and aimlessly flipping through the channels.

Okay, maybe holding a grudge for two years is a little bit of an overkill, but when Calum ruined my perfect grade in a class because he thought it was going to be an easy elective and I was going to do the entire project (mind you it was worth 40% of our grade) for him because as he put it ‘it’s my major, I shouldn’t have a problem doing it alone’ do I get to hold a grudge. I mean who the fuck takes computer science as an elective, I didn’t even want to take it and it was mandatory for me. But with him not doing his part, my grade suffered, and with that went my liking for Calum. It may be petty but I’m as petty as they come, nowadays I mildly tolerate him since our friends like to hang out together but not without the fair share of sarcastic banter between us.

“Anyways, it’s 8:00 and they probably want to meet around 9:30 so we should go get ready.” I say turning off the TV and tossing the remote back onto the coffee table, standing up and booping their noses I start the walk back to my room.

“Maybe you should fuck him, that would alleviate the weird ass tension between you two.” Char yells out from the living room, followed by a burst of laughing coming from Si. I continue walking back to my room, flipping them off behind me.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

Meeting back up in the living room at a quarter after 9, my makeup was done, I’d thrown on some random band tee, and slipped on my shoes and leather jacket, twirling my house keys in my fingers as I took one last look in the mirror.

“Hurry the fuck up, I don’t wanna get stuck in the line. Again.” I yelled out to them, and as if on cue they walked into the foyer, clipping their bags closed and fixing up the last few things.

“For someone who says they hate him, y’all sure do dress very alike.” Char chirped while slipping on her own shoes.

“Hate is a very strong word Char, it’s more of a strong distaste.” I piped back giving my most sarcastic smile, unlocking the door and calling the uber. They followed me out the apartment, and down to the uber waiting outside.

“They said they’re at a table in the back, and that the line to get in wasn’t too long.” Sierra said looking down at her phone and sending a quick text back. Hopping out of the uber and saying a quick thank you to the driver, we shuffled over to the line and saw only about 5 people infront of us.

“See the line isn’t that long, no need to rush us.” Charlotte said, earning only an eyeroll from me. Showing our IDs to the bouncer, and paying the cover we walked into the bar, that kind of turns into a club on weekends, with tables moved to welcome a dance floor, and a DJ playing everything from Top 40s to rap throwbacks, it was THE place to be on weekends in the small university town. Getting here early meant getting a table, and not having to wait too long in the lineup outside. Sierra tapped Charlotte’s shoulder and pointed somewhere near the back, most likely to the table the boys had decided to residence up at. They both turned to look at me, relaying information I had already deduced from their hand motions.

“You guys go ahead, I’m gonna go get a drink first.” God knows I’m going to need it tonight. Making a bee-line to the bar and taking a seat on the stool, I got the attention of a bartender, ordering a vodka sprite. I spun around to survey the area, as I scanned the crowd of dancing people, my eyes landed on Ben, my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me, and stole all my chemistry notes in the process, leading me to fail said chem class’ midterms. He was looking real cozy with some blonde chick I recognized from one of my classes, and as he looked up, I locked eyes with him. If looks could kill Ben would be a deadman. I could feel my blood boiling as he gave me a small smile or smirk. I don’t care, I didn’t look long enough for it to register, spinning back around, taking my drink and paying the bartender with a small smile I walked away to meet my friends. Approaching the table, I could see Sierra and Luke cozied up in their own world, and Charlotte in a debate with Ashton and Michael about something to do with our last physics midterm since they were both in our program, and Calum staring off into space with his hand around his beer. Surveying the table, I saw the only spot left was next to Calum, those fuckers. Plopping down I let out a huff, placing my drink on the table. This was enough to snap Char out of her conversation.

“Yo what’s up with you?” She questioned giving me a puzzled look.

“I saw Ben when I was at the bar.” I replied twirling my straw through my drink.

“Woah wait Ben’s here?” Sierra piped from the other side of the table.

“Who the fuck is Ben?” Ashton mused looking around the table at what was transpiring. Before I could respond, Charlotte explained.

“He’s the asshole who cheated on Nat a month ago, and then stole her chem notes so she failed the last midterm.”

Wide eyes and little chirps of yikes were thrown, causing me to down my drink in response. I’m gonna need a little liquid courage to get through tonight.

“Well that’s what you get for dating a guy named Benjamin.” I turned to my right to look at Calum who just chuckled at my reaction, reaching over and grabbing his beer from his hand, I downed the entire thing too, smacking it on the table as I wiped my mouth and locked my eyes onto his look of disbelief. Correction, I’m gonna need a LOT more alcohol to get through tonight.

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As the night progressed, dancing ensued, and plenty more drinks were consumed. Feeling a little more than just buzzed, but definitely not shit-faced, I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t having fun dancing with my best friends, but every time I looked up all I could see was Ben’s shitty smirk and every time it managed to knock me down a few pegs. This time was the last straw, as I turned to my friends and motioned drinking water, finding my way back to our table, I sat down and pulled out my phone. After a few minutes of scrolling aimlessly a figure plopped down, opposite of me, expecting it to be Ben I didn’t look up.

“Awn little benny boo got you down love.” Okay, definitely not Ben, I looked up to be met with the smirk of Calum.

“Aye, fuck off Calum.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He replied leaning forward with his elbows on the table. “What if I told you I had an idea?”

“Well I’d tell you to shove it somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.”

“Damn, aren’t we snarky tonight. But just hear me out okay, Ben keeps looking at you trying to make you jealous, and even if he was an asshole you still kind of have feelings for him, right?” I nodded along, not really knowing where this conversation was going. “Well how about we dance a little too close for comfort, and hope he gets the message?”

My eyebrows furrowed as I thought about his offer in my head, Calum was attractive there’s no doubt, and if things turned out differently maybe I would have pursued something there. My mind then flashed to what Char had said earlier, and this too could be used as an opportunity to fuck with them as well.

“Say I was thinking of taking you up on your offer, we’re going to need shots first.” I cocked an eyebrow at him. Slapping his hands together, he climbed around the table, and put his hand out as if I should lead the way. Rolling my eyes at him but leading the way to the bar. Once there I could feel him pressing against me. “Guess it starts now huh?”

Moving my hair out of the way, chills ran down me as I felt his hot breath on my skin, whispering into my ear I hear him say, “Cute band tee by the way, someone could almost say you’re copying my style.”

My breath hitched at the sudden closeness, and I couldn’t get attention of the bartender faster, needing those drinks now. All I could hear was chuckle from Calum as he moved from behind me to beside me.

“Cheers.” He states as raising his shot and downing it, before taking the second one and doing the same. “C’mon let’s go dance.”

Grabbing my hand and leading me to where my friends were dancing on the dance floor, Calum spun me around, so I was in front of him and placed his hands on my hips. Looking up Sierra and Char had puzzled looks on their faces and mouths open as if about to speak, raising my hand to silence them, I melted into Calum, slowly grinding my hips to whatever song was playing. Friends who kind of hate each other can still dance with each other, right? Closing my eyes and further sinking into him, I let one hand rest on his on my hip, the other going to the back of his neck playing with the hair at the tap of his neck. Hearing him groan in response, I smirked to myself. The swaying continued, and I kept my hold on his hair, his free hand that I wasn’t holding would drift up my side, or around and to my butt making me tense and giggle anytime he hit a spot that kind of tickled. It felt weird to say that I was enjoying this, it’s been so long since I’ve just carelessly danced with a guy at a bar. Finally letting my eyes flutter open I looked dead ahead of me, already seeing Ben, eyebrows furrowed, mouth agape, before turning around and storming away from the girl he was with. Spinning myself so I was now face-to-face with Calum, I wrapped my arms around his neck leaning forward to whisper in his ear. “Looks like it worked, thanks for the help handsome.”

Kissing his cheek before coming to stand straight, I turned to Char and Sierra, letting them know I was gonna head out and that I would see them at home. Sierra yelled out a quick, “Text me when you get home.” I weaved my way out of the bar to stand outside waiting for my uber.

“Hey Nat, wait up!” I spun around to see Calum walking towards me scratching the back of my neck. “You mind if I crash at yours? I’m pretty sure Ashton’s gonna bring a girl home and my rooms next to his and the walls are too thin, and I just don’t wanna hear that and yeah.”

I studied Calum and suddenly the man that’s usually so sure of himself looked nervous? If it was any other night I would say no, and maybe it’s because my inhibitions are lowered due to all the alcohol, and I kind of do owe him for how he helped me out tonight. So before I could even stop the words coming out of my mouth I said, “Uh yeah sure, my uber’s about to be here any minute.”

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if this has any typos i dont claim them

#calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum thomas hood #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #5sos imgaines #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic #calum hood blurb #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos blurb #calum hood blurbs #5sos blurbs

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5sosbitchfest · 5 years

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Okay. I know you’ve all been waiting patiently for us to talk about the Michael and Crystal engagement, and since it’s been three days we feel like we’ve gathered enough information that we can talk about it. We know this came as a shock to some people, but honestly it didn’t come as a shock to any of us. We knew this was coming. And after it happened, all the puzzle pieces started to fall into place. I, Link, will be heading up this post. I’m going to talk about all of this. It’s all going to be under a cut because this is going to be a very image heavy post.

So let’s go:

This started well before the Guess trip with Michael’s post on IG on NYE

With the statement that it was going to be “the best year of all of our lives”. Forget the fact this doesn’t sound like something Michael would say because whatever. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but after the engagement happened it seems he was very heavily hinting that something big was coming.

They of course, got to Bali for the DesitnationGUESS trip and more and more pics were released of Michael and Crystal throughout the trip. They focused extremely heavily on Michael and Crystal despite the fact there was at least one other couple on the trip. Yes, it could be argued that this is because Michael is the most famous on the trip, but that argument in my opinion is weak because he’s just not that famous. Not only did Guess focus heavily on Michael and Crystal, but so did the people on the trip. Michael and Crystal were also featured heavily on the stories of the ambassadors on the trip. Like...very heavily. There were at least six stories posted from people about Michael and Crystal “singing” together, all with little messages about them being their favorite couple or the cutest couple, etc. Now, I don’t know about you...but I don’t know anyone who is that obsessed with another couple. People just don’t do that unless in the case of clout. Interesting right?

So let’s take this moment to talk about the elephant in the room: the Guess trip being an all expenses paid promotional trip. Yes, Michael proposed to Crystal on a trip to Bali that neither of them paid for. How romantic right?? I know that’s what I would want...to have the “love of my life” propose to me on this sort of trip. They claim it’s because Bali is where “it all began for them” when yet again...that was another all expenses paid trip and she was cheating on her boyfriend, Spencer, at the time (if you believe the official narrative). LOL. Really, bitch? And y’all actually support her knowing she’s also a racist, fat shaming xenophobe. Amazing.

So that brings me to the engagement announcement.

Now, I would like to point something out. This announcement was made FIVE DAYS after the alleged proposal happened. According to US Weekly, Michael proposed on January 11th.

This was two days after Slapgate happened. And for the next several days, Crystal didn’t wear the ring because you know...they were hiding it. The article then goes on to talk about Guess, the resort, they name several of the Guess ambassadors, the 1975 and even the chef that cooked the dinner for this evening! WHY? Why does anyone care about that? They don’t. This was all promotion.

Oh, of course there’s this as well

A picture of Michael and Crystal sharing a kiss while all the Guess ambassadors look upon them adoringly.

Friends celebrated this special moment with the couple, but there are three very important members that are missing: Luke, Calum and Ashton. Michael’s three best friends since childhood who weren’t even invited to this “special moment”.

One more quick thing I wanted to point out: note the name of the photographer, Ryan Fleming.

Ryan Fleming is Crystal’s close friend and, for all intents and purposes, personal photographer. He has shot several of Michael’s and Crystal’s “couples” photos over the course of their relationship. He’s been part of this farce since the beginning.

Okay, moving right along to the plethora of articles this “engagement” spawned.

Not seconds after Michael posted about the engagement that US Weekly posted an article with an exclusive of the proposal and unseen photos. SECONDS. This was planned. Now, okay...lots of celeb couples sell their pics to articles for the publicity. That’s not unusual. What is unusual; however, is the amount of publicity that Michael and Crystal got

At least ten highlighted articles spawned from this engagement, including one with an exclusive. I want to draw attention to this because I want you to keep in mind that Crystal is literally a nobody. She is in no way famous, and Michael is a C list celeb at best. They got ten articles while Josh Dun and Debby Ryan (who I am using as comparison because they’re the most recently engaged couple I can think of) got four. FOUR. Four articles about a couple that include two people who are exponentially more famous than Michael and Crystal with no exclusives. None. They each posted about their engagement a day later with little fanfare. And yet these two...get ten highlighted articles?

And then this happens:

Guess posts a story (the top pic) about the engagement happening and the story is linked directly to the US Weekly article. Then they make an IG post all about “reliving the magical moment” of this engagement in a post.

Wow. Talk about massive promo for Guess because now they’ve got the attention of a LOT of people. I wasn’t aware that designer brands were so invested in the relationships of their ambassadors. I’ve literally never seen such a thing before.

So okay, we’ve got the syndicated articles, the Guess promotion, the fans falling all over themselves about this engagement and you think...well this is it right?

But oh it isn’t! Because then this happens

Do you know what that is? THAT IS A FUCKING NEWSPAPER ARTICLE!

A newspaper article! I’m sorry, but did Michael and Crystal become the Carters while I wasn’t looking??? Or perhaps the West-Kardashians??? What the hell is happening here? How does a nobody and a C list celeb get a newspaper article about their engagement??? Can you even believe??? (FYI, I don’t know what newspaper article this is. I haven’t been able to find the source yet. I got this off a tea account on IG.)

This sparked my interest and I did a Google search only to find even more articles about this engagement. There are at least 30 articles about this engagement, including articles in publications such as The Knot and Brides, who usually only cover A list celeb weddings.

So please...someone explain to me how this happens??? Clearly, Crystal and Modest forked out a lot of money for this kind of publicity because Crystal isn’t famous and Michael isn’t famous enough for this kind of exposure. Something is very, very off with this.

So how does this tie into the Lie To Me video being released? Well, funny you should ask because this was posted just before the premiere of LTM, garnering a lot of attention. Conveniently, Crystal was silent about this entire thing (save for one story about being so grateful for all the support wank wank) until after the release of LTM. One hour later, she posted about the engagement. How very, very convenient that is. Of course, Michael liked the post within moments, but has yet to actually post anything about LTM because you know...why would he support his band? So far, it’s only been retweets which is just like...the bare minimum amount of promotion he can do.

So let’s move onto the next section: Ashton’s shade.

Thirty minutes before Michael’s post about their engagement, Ashton posted this. It was deleted a little bit later. A song in Russian called Te Amo. Te Amo is Spanish, not Russian. What I think is that Ashton was equating this fake song to a fake romance: Michael and Crystal. Ashton has never been quiet in reference to how he feels about PR stunts. He’s spoken about them with disdain. Of course, this Tweet could be up for interpretation, but that’s what I think. Ashton is very good at throwing shade.

This is the next Tweet we got from Ashton, just a little while before the LTM vid premiered. You can clearly read what it is he says. I believe Ashton was referencing the PR stunts these boys are forced to go through. I think he was not only speaking about Arzaylea and Luke, but about Michael and Crystal as well. I don’t care what anyone says, Arzaylea and Luke were just as much PR as Michael and Crystal and now Luke and Sierra. It wrecked Luke because Arzaylea was a terrible person to him, even though their whole relationship was contrived. But guess what...she was Crystal’s protege. Yeah, chew on that.

So now Ashton has to watch another one of his best friends be wrecked by this bullshit. Just because these relationships are business doesn’t mean they aren’t toxic. Toxic relationships aren’t just romantic, they can be platonic and business as well.

But it seems that not everyone is convinced that this wasn’t a total con. The following is an excerpt from the Jezebel article:

Huh. Imagine that. Not everyone is looking at this through rose-tinted glasses, and even if this author doesn’t believe that their relationship is fake she still recognizes the “spon-con” for what it is. You can read the whole article HERE.

Of course, one of my favorite things about this whole sham is how fucking awkward Michael is with Crystal, like so

Hella YIKES. Be more awkward, pal. We realize you’re not used to kissing her because you know...she’s your co-worker and all, but damn. Where those acting skills you learned from that acting coach you hired?

And then of course, there’s this gem which was the pic posted in US Weekly zoomed in

Why does he look like he’s in physical pain to be doing this?

Now we’ve come to the last part of this whole charade that is the biggest red flag for me:

NONE OF HIS BANDMATES HAVE COMMENTED, LIKED, OR CONGRATULATED HIM PUBLICLY ABOUT THIS ENGAGEMENT.

Oh, I can hear the arguments about this now that will include “they don’t have to, they can do it privately” or “maybe they were just busy” or “why does it matter?”

Except that all of those arguments are fucking weak because with the amount of famous people that took time out of their busy day and schedule to congratulate them is paramount. Even Doug the fucking Pug congratulated them. So you mean to tell me that Luke, Calum and Ashton couldn’t take a few seconds to comment or even like the post? On either IG or Twitter? They have been dead fucking silent about this whole thing. Why? Because they obviously do not like Crystal. They haven’t for awhile, and she clearly doesn’t like them. Which is hilarious considering she’s their PR manager.

There is a very obvious disconnect between Michael and his best friends/bandmates right now. It’s been three days and they’ve been totally radio silent about this. This disconnect is because of Crystal, I guarantee it. When I call her the Yoko Ono of 5sos, I mean it. I find it funny that all these people are predicting things like 5sos in tuxes and who’s going to be the best man. Do you guys really think any of them are going to be in the wedding party if there’s an actual wedding? I highly doubt it. They weren’t even invited to the engagement event. Hell, at this point I’m pretty sure they weren’t even invited to Michael’s last birthday party and ended up crashing it. If Crystal has to choose one of them to be in the party, it’s likely the one she hates least and I think that’s Calum, personally.

I don’t know what this is going to mean for the future of the band. I don’t know if Michael is going to leave the band at some point or not. He seems to be quite caught up in his influencer life all of a sudden. I can’t say I’m not worried because I am. I’ve tried to deny the separation between him and the rest of the band, but I really can’t anymore.

In conclusion, this changes nothing that I believe or think. I still believe this is a massive PR stunt. I still believe it’s partially to cover up Luke and Michael’s relationship, and I think it’s going to get even more ugly before it gets better.

Alas, my co-admins and I aren’t going anywhere. We’re going to see this shit through till the end.

ETA: Crystal read the article that Jezebel posted about their engagement being a spon-con and promptly emailed the writer to “clear up” the perception.

It’s just...so laughable that it’s almost sad. She got so offended by an internet article that she felt the need to email them and clarify that all that was said wasn’t true. If you ask me...that’s just more proof that that is is FAKE AF.

#crustemort #crikey #sketch #link

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prettyyyboyluke · 6 years

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Camera Girl (Part 2)

a/n: so i edited part one and instead of homecoming being in a week it’s gonna be in a month you’ll just see what imma do :)

i haven’t checked my phone all day and my group chat was blown up.

ashton:

cal what happened with bianca!!!

michael:

are you fucking?

luke:

when are you gonna ask her to hoco?

michael:

holy shit they’re fucking

ashton:

i want a fuckin story tomorrow bro

luke:

calum if you ask her i wanna ask jess

ashton:

ooo does luke have a new girl?

michael:

it’s about time, i hated kylie

ashton:

ok wig

i texted back before getting in the shower.

me:

chill, and no michael we weren’t fucking.

and luke this week. i’ll tell you about it tomorrow

i woke up later than usual just because i remember bianca telling me how she doesn’t have to come in till 9:00 this morning. it was 7:45 so i figured i would go get bianca around 8:20 to give us enough time for her coffee run. knowing that homecoming is in less than a month, i’ve had some ideas on how to ask bianca. but everything i think of, it’s not good enough for her. “calum, are you gonna be late for school?” my mom asks knocking on the door. “no! i’m picking up bianca.” i shouted back. my mom came into the room, “you seem to really like this girl.” “she’s amazing mom. i want to ask her to homecoming, but i just don’t know how.” “you’ll think of something honey, you have a little while until it comes.”

the whole drive to bianca’s house i thought of ideas of how to ask her to homecoming, and i found a few that i might stick with. right as i pulled into her driveway she walked outside. she was wearing a mustard colored skirt with a black long sleeve that was cut in a V. her glasses were perched high on her nose as per usual and her hair was in pigtails. one of her favorite and one of my favorite looks on her as well. “morning pretty girl. did you sleep well?” i asked as she slipped into the seat. “yeah, i’m still a little tired. i’m really looking forward to my coffee.” she yawned. “did you sleep well?” “mhm. we have a long practice after school so i’m just dreading all the conditioning that coach is gonna make us do.” “what time does it end?” “6:00.” “oo, yeah that’s a long one. i’ll stick to my editing.”

we pulled up to the coffee shop i saw her taking pictures of jessica. “since you paid for dinner last night, i’m paying for coffee.” i said opening the door for her. “and i’ll pay for the next one.” while we were waiting in line bianca leaned up against me making my arm made around her shoulders pulling her into my side. “i’m sleepy.” she whispers. “i know i know, your coffee is coming.” i said running my hand through one of her pigtails. once she ordered her coffee she became a little more cheerful.

the ride to school i learned small things about bianca that she normally wouldn’t admit to anyone, expect jess. “i would play for the school, but i just don’t want to deal with the drama and all the popular girls.” “when do you do club then?” “i’ll start it towards winter. you should come to some of my games.” “i would love to.” apparently bianca plays volleyball for a club team. i can only imagine her in those little spandex running around a court. i also found out she’s a little innocent, but anyone could’ve told you that.

“if you keep staring at me you might as well take a picture.” bianca smiled pulling out her books. “i’ll leave the pictures to you pretty girl, you do it better anyways.” i smirked at her. “you have a point.” “don’t i always?” “if you say so.” she said and closed her locker. we began to walk to class, even though my class was on the opposite side of the school, i still wanted to walk with her. “got anything exciting today pretty girl?” “mm nope, i think we have a mini party in yearbook for meeting our deadline, but that’s it.” “that should be fun, you definitely deserve it.” i said. our hands brushed up against each others slightly making bianca blush. “i’ll see you later?” she asked before walking into her class. “of course.” i smiled.

my phone buzzed with bianca’s name plastered against my phone.

bianca:

come over after practice? i have to work until it’s done

me:

sounds like a date

bianca:

yay :)

as soon as last period was done the more i wanted to get to practice to go to bianca’s. i stopped by her locker quick just to say bye. “don’t you have to go to practice?” she asked. “yes, i just wanted to see you before.” “you’re gonna see me after.” “mmm it’s too long.” “it’s three hours cal, you can manage.” she giggled. “i know, it’s still a while though.” “the sooner you go the sooner you get to see me again.” she said putting her arms up for a hug.

BIANCA’S POV

when people think of calum hood, they think of a popular, hot, captain of the soccer team guy. but, when i think of him i think of how sweet he is. yes calum is all those things, but i don’t see him as a piece of meat, i actually like him. i want to get to know him more if we ever become something, which by the way things seem to be going, we definitely will. “don’t you have to go to work?” jessica asked. “oh yikes, yeah i better go.” i said. “what’s got you so distracted b?” “not what, who.” “who, is it calum? is shit happening?” “relax jess, i think so he’s coming over after his practice and when i get off work.” “this is so exciting.”

when i got to work i was more excited to get it over with to see calum. i felt safe with him and i could tell a few people were starting to notice us. he always looked good his tattoos and his hands were my favorite features on him. i recently became obsessed with one of his outfits that he wore every other week. that being either a white and black stripped button down or the blue and white button down. he looked so delicious.

time dragged on more than i would’ve liked but once that clocked strikes 6:00 i was out.

HOMECOMING WEEK/ CALUM’S POV

bianca and i have been hanging out probably everyday after school, and all day together on the weekends. she’s even come to a few of my practices to take pictures, or just because she wanted to see me. the theme of the dance is starry night and i know bianca is excited to get pictures with the lights. i have yet to ask her, just cause i’m going big for her. “so, have any ideas for the homecoming page?” bianca and i were laying on my couch in the basement. “i do, but i’m not gonna tell you because you’ve already seen too much of it.” “three pages is not a lot pretty girl.” “yes it is.”

the boys have also been hanging around with bianca and jessica a little more, just cause bianca and i are always together now. “hey cal, if we’re gonna get started on this whole thing, we better start now!” ashton shouted coming down. “yeah, you realize that it’s tomorrow?” luke came down immediately after him. “oh shit, hi bianca!” ashton greeted. “hey guys, what’s going on?” “oh nothing, calum just has this thing on tuesday for soccer, and he wants to make it really nice so he asked us to help plan it.” thank god luke saved it. “anything i can help with?” bianca perched. “no pretty girl, you already help enough.” i shut her down.

bianca spent another hour or so at my house before she decided she had to go. “i should go, i have a lot to prepare for yearbook tomorrow.” bianca yawned. “i’ll see you in the morning for coffee?” “yes you will.” she smiled. god this girl has me head over heels for her. i walked back down to the basement to get a look from ashton. “what? you guys didn’t tell me you were coming over.” “you should know by now cal.” “alright alright, let’s just get started.”

the whole rest of the night, the boys helped me prepare to ask bianca to homecoming tomorrow. i’m so excited to see her face when i do. “i have never seen you into a girl as much as you into bianca.” ashton sighs. “she’s the best thing that’s gonna happen to me ash, i’ve gotta keep her.”

this morning i was more than excited to get bianca for coffee, but i was more excited to ask her to homecoming. when bianca came out my mouth dropped. she was wearing a floral jumpsuit with black flats. her hair was straight and to my surprise she wasn’t wearing any glasses. and fuck, she looked stunning. “someone dressed up today.” i smirked at her taking her in my arms. “can’t i have a little fun?” “course you can pretty girl, you look amazing.” “thank you, now can we go get coffee?”

i couldn’t keep my eyes off of her, and neither could anyone else. i made it clear she was with me by putting my hand on her lower back. “ready?” i asked her. “mmhm.” she hummed. we both headed into school and again, people couldn’t stop looking at her. “hey cal! come over here!” michael shouted once he saw us. “i have a surprise for you later pretty girl, but in the mean time, i’ll see you in class?” “what’s the surprise?” “gotta wait till later.” i winked before walking over to the guys. “what is it?” “did you forget we have to set up the field for your girl?” “fuck, right, my sister is bringing me everything before last period.” “and also, she looks fucking hot.” michael whistled. “alright, that’s my girl.” “not yet.”

“so calum, what’s the surprise?” “i can’t tell you, it’ll ruin it.” “but i wanna know!” bianca whined. “trust me pretty one, it’ll be better if you don’t.” i winked back at her. the rest of the day dragged on much longer than i wished, but once last period came i was jumping out my skin. i met my sister at the field where she brought the flowers and of course, coffee. “you ready?” my sister asked. “god yes, i’ve been waiting for this for ever.”

i had ashton and luke go get bianca from yearbook. she was sitting in her unassigned assigned seat at the computer working away. “hey bianca, calum wanted us to come get you for something.” luke said. “is everything okay?” “yeah yeah, he just needs your help with something.” ashton said. i could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. i was running my fingers through my hair, jumping up and down, anything i could do to distract. “mate, chill. she’s gonna say yes.” michael chuckled. “i know, i’m just so nervous. like that girl is my dream and i just wanna make her happy.” i rushed.

once i saw bianca walking i started to calm down a little bit. she still looked like a full course meal. “okay close your eyes.” luke said. “why?” “just do it.” he sighed. she closed her eyes while luke and ashton lead her to me. “calum are you okay?” she asked, her eyes still closed. “yes, i’m right her bianca.” i said taking her hand from luke. “you can open your eyes now bianca.” ashton said. and once her green eyes open, she was shocked.

i had spelt out ‘Homecoming?’ with flower petals on the field, my sister was holding more flowers and i had her favorite coffee order. “so, do you wanna homecoming with me?” i asked. “yes, oh my god calum was this the surprise?” she shouted. i chucked at her, “yes it was pretty girl.” she had leaped into my arms. “good thing i dressed up today.” she whispered when we took the pictures. “you’ll always look good to me.”

#calum hood smut #calum hood imagine #calum hood preference #calum hood 5sos #calum hood 5 seconds of summer #calum hood #calum #calum 5sos #ch #5 seconds of summer smut #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer preference #5sos smut #5sos imagine #5 seconds of smut #5sos #5sos preference

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my-5sos-babes · 6 years

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TDMAR || Part 6

Summary: Luke is feelin' and reelin'. Ashton is gorgeous, per usual. Mike and Cal fight a bit.

Word Count: 3260

Triggers: swearing, band(?)

Publish Date: 9/21/18

a/n: trying something a bit new this chapter bc i'm not digging the first person anymore. also sorry for changing the tense in the last two updates?? i totally didn't notice that, i'm v sorry. p.s., I listened to some coffeehouse playlist while writing this chapter, so i'm guessing a lot of the tones in my writing came from that lmao, i'll try to make this story less trash. ALSO, if y'all would like, I can change the whole thing to third person, if it makes the story more cohesive. just lemme know. p.p.s., I saw 5sos the other day, pls talk w me about it <3

He sighed heavily, unable to repress it.

“Good, mate?” Calum asked.

Luke glanced up from his phone. “Oh, no, yeah. Just thinking about my anatomy notes for tonight,” he lied. “Lots of bones.”

Cal, unable to catch on, continued the conversation. “Ugh. Why would you take anatomy and physiology? It’s such a terrible class. Notes every night, tests every week? I couldn’t fathom having that much work every day.”

“Yeah, I can’t fathom that you know the word ‘fathom’,” Michael quipped. Quickly the conversation devolved into some squabble after Calum shoved Michael rather aggressively. Luke, while amused by the fight--and having no intentions to stop it--got caught up in his own headspace.

That seemed to be the norm these past few weeks. He wasn’t sure if anyone actually bothered to notice, but he hadn’t been talkative. Luke had been trying to look better, though, and that was something that people noticed.

He decided that he was tired of the emo-grunge look, one day. Almost out of nowhere. Well, not nowhere. He had some inspiration (from the kid who made his heart beat out of rhythm).

To Luke, Ashton always looks so comfortable in his clothes: button down shirts with loud patterns, suave shoes of varying styles, and an occasional necklace or two. Luke, feeling partially intimidated--and partially turned on--realized that he would have to start putting more effort into his look if he wanted to make an impression. He wasn’t sure how, yet he knew he was going to do it.

With the help of his mother in the purging of his closet, Luke bought nicer clothes, better shoes, and even some accessories. The trip to the store had been interesting enough with the outfits, but when they passed the jewelry section, things got a little awkward.

“Luke? Where’d you go, honey?”

“Over here.”

“In the… accessories aisle?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“... Okay.”

That weekend, he spent time preplanning outfits and coordinating his jewelry so nothing clashed. He felt strangely proud of his work, as he looked at the clothing strewn about his room. He even threw on a few ‘fits and checked himself out in the mirror, admiring the way they fit his body. Luke had never really had such fitting clothing before and was--while apprehensive--unable to keep himself from thinking, Hot damn.

The day he showed up to school in new clothes, though, that pride plummeted. Everyone who knew him stared at him, everyone who didn’t was staring as well.

Oh, Jesus, I’m an idiot. Who the fuck would come to school looking like they just came off a knock-off Gucci mannequin.

Michael and Calum were perplexed at this sudden change in image more than anyone else.

“Woah, dude. What’re you wearing?”

Luke tugged at his sleeve, his confidence falling straight through the floor. “New clothes. Went shopping with my mum on Friday. She insisted.” He added on the last part as an afterthought, as if that would sway his friends shock. It helped a little. He was relieved when they bought his bluff.

“Finally got tired of your rebellion, huh?” Calum queried good-naturedly.

“Sure. Something like that.”

Michael scoffed, “A true punk wouldn’t have let the rebellion fade.” He smirked afterwards.

Luke chuckled. “Guess I’m not a true punk-rocker anymore.”

At first, he found himself pulling his collar up his neck, like he couldn’t cover up enough skin. It wasn’t until someone complimented him during first period that he felt validated again. Gradually, kids every so often would approach him and say something like, “Nice boots!” and “Lookin’ good, Hemmings”; yet, it wasn’t until he saw Ashton for the first time that day that he felt most insecure.

“Luke?”

“Oh, hey, Ash,” Luke said, trying his best to be nonchalant.

“You’re lookin’... different.”

“Well…” He tried to not let the older boy’s word choice bother him. “I mean, felt like a change. Got some inspiration.” The younger boy nudged the other in the ribs.

“Ah!” Ashton replied. A furrow appeared in his brow, his gaze lingering over the new threads adorning Luke’s skinny frame.

If Luke didn’t know any better, he’d say Ash was checking him out. Of course, that wasn’t true. Ashton’s the kind of guy that just does stuff like that. He probably thinks it’s weird. I’m weird for liking his style.

Luke mentally chastised himself. If he feels weird about it, he’s covering it up really well. Christ. Just don’t say anything stupid.

The two surprisingly didn’t speak for just a moment. Luke was astonished by this.

Ashton spoke first. “You did a decent job, Hemmings. Not bad at all… Although,” He circles around the other boy, a hand to his chin, “I think I would’ve chosen a wider pant leg. Skinny jeans just feel too tight for the shirt you have on--in my opinion, at least.

“As for your jewelry… I like the watch, it’s classy. I would’ve taken out the lip ring, though.”

Luke unconsciously reached for his face, wondering what the hell to say to that. Ash saw this immediately.

“Wait, oh, God--sorry. I just gave you a fucking review like I’m Miranda Priestley or some shit, didn’t I?” The older boy chuckled. “Wow… Jesus, I’m sorry if I made you self-conscious. You do not have to listen to me, just--just ignore what I said.”

The younger boy quickly shoved aside Ashton’s comments. “No, dude! That was awesome. I’ll take notes next time, seriously. That’ll help me so much. But you like it?”

That totally didn’t sound needy, dipshit.

Ashton nodded vigorously. “Yeah, definitely! You are stylin’!” He glanced at his phone, then. “Oh, shit. Better get to class. See you later!” He hurried down the hall. “Stylin’!” He reiterated, already far enough away to shout.

Luke called after Ash. “Aces!”

Luke. Who the fuck says ‘aces’?

Band rehearsal nearly every night meant that Luke couldn’t wear his new (lowkey restrictive) clothes in the afternoon. As soon as he got home, he changed out of whatever button down and jeans he wore that day and swapped them out for shorts, t-shirts and sandshoes. He couldn’t complain, however. He’d rather be comfortable at rehearsal anyways, with how demanding the show was this season.

Tonight was quite a rough run-through. The band director hadn’t been satisfied with the formations or the sound quality; to Luke, Watkins was downright scary.

Everyone else in the band could tell that rehearsal wasn’t going well. Something was just putting them off, but no one knew what.

Calum, who was up on the podium, grew more irritated by the second. Of course, Luke wasn’t able to pay much attention to that since he was busy running across a turf field with a six foot pole in his hands, which was adorned with several square feet of silk, all while dodging disgruntled clarinetists and trombonists. Whether he was fortunate or not, he only caught glimpses of Cal’s stiff arm movements and stern face.

The band dragged on miserably for the next hour. Luckily, when it finally came to a close, Watkins didn’t even bother with a speech; their band director sighed disappointedly and let the kids go. Luke, quite ashamed of himself, began wrapping up his silk while walking off the field. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t see Ashton pop up at his side.

“Yikes. Tonight was bad,” Ashton put plainly.

Luke snorted. “Tell me about it.”

They walked together for minute, stewing in their misery. Then, “Think I need to take my mind off it. Blow off some steam or something.”

“Me too,” the younger boy exhaled.

They continued a little longer, both simmering with dissatisfaction and something indescribable that always comes after a bad rehearsal.

“Would you wanna--” Ashton adjusted his harness, fingers twisting at the screws,“--would you wanna go get some pizza? Just veg out and stuff?”

Luke considered it, not expecting a request such as that. “Uh… yeah! Sure.” He smiled wide, looking at Ash. Suddenly he stopped both of them in their tracks. “Wait, is it cool if I invite Calum and Michael?”

Ashton remained quiet for a moment. Luke, of course, took this the wrong way. Before he could let a word out, though, the older boy spoke.

“Of course, mate! Yeah, no sorry--bit of a mental lapse. Yeah, no, that’s cool.”

“Sick, be right back!”

Luke ran towards his friends, both way back on the practice field, doing drum major duties of some kind. By the time he made reasonable distance, he changed his pace back to walking. Luke, pathetically, was winded by that short run, and he strained to control his breathing. When he could hear more than the rush of blood in his ears, he heard Michael and Calum’s voices. They were arguing rather intently.

“... just, Mikey, c’mon, we’ve been over this. It’s not very likely that it’ll happen.”

Michael, ever the dramatist, fired right on back. “Okay, Cal. Whatever you say. I still think it’d be a good idea! I don’t get why you’re so closed-minded about it.”

Luke hung back, not sure if he should be hearing this.

To that, Calum only sighed and shook his head. “The answer is ‘no’, Michael. It will always be ‘no’.”

Luke could feel the fire fueling between his friends. Unconsciously, he knew that there needed to be a metaphorical fire extinguisher, and quickly. So, he happily threw himself into the fray.

“Hey, guys!”

He got a few disgruntled sounds from Michael (unsurprisingly), but Calum gave a more mature response.

“Hey, Luke… Have you been there long?”

Luke shook his head vehemently. “No! Just, uh, just rolled on up. Wanted to talk, you know?”

Calum eyed him suspiciously, but soon enough, let his suspicions go. “... M’kay. What did you wanna talk about?”

“Oh, uh.” Luke had to remember why he came over here in the first place. “Well, uh, Ashton wanted to hang out and get some pizza… Care to join?... Both of you?”

Calum and Michael, with very tense movements, glanced at each other and abruptly looked away.

Michael spoke flatly. “Not tonight, mate. Got some games I planned on beating and shit.” With that, the crazy-haired boy left, slapping Luke on the shoulder as he went.

Calum, a frown dancing on his lips, attempted a friendly smile. It was half-hearted at best. “Thanks, bud, but me neither. Homework... I appreciate the offer.” He walked past Luke with his mace and some stray band equipment bundled up in his arms. “Have fun tonight.”

Jarred by his best friends’ transgression, Luke slouched his way to the band room, trying to wrap his head around what just happened. As he expected, the band had already cleared out, the drum majors lingering in Watkins’ closed office for some official business. What he didn’t expect was Ashton Irwin, sitting in the corner of the room, waiting. He couldn’t help the words as the tumbled out of his mouth.

“Ash, you’re still here?”

The older boy abruptly looked towards the Luke. “I was waiting for you, dude. Pizza? Remember?”

“... Right, I just didn’t think you’d wait.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Pause.

“So what’s the verdict?”

“On…?”

“Calum and Michael. They coming?”

“Oh!” Luke shook his head. “No, they, uh. I think they have stuff going on.” He checked back over at Watkins’ office, where Calum had emerged. “Or something like that.”

“Alright, cool. Let’s get going.” Ashton twirled his keys around his fingers. “I’ll drive.”

“You sure? We can go separately if that’s easier for you--”

“Nonsense! I don’t mind.”

Luke, unaccustomed to being the one taking rides from others, suppressed all his objections after that and followed Ashton. With the setting sun, it would’ve been hard to make out any shapes in the dark. The parking lot lights were on, and Ashton happened to park directly under one, which made maneuvering easier.

It was quite old, the car. A bit rusty here and there, and it groaned like a dinosaur when the engine turned over. However, the inside seemed homey. The seats were worn soft from time, and it smelled musky. Like… teakwood? Something manly, Luke thought to himself. The radio had been on some rock station, but the volume was turned low, so it was only a soft murmur in the background.

Luke found himself sighing.

Ashton, pulling out of the parking lot, glanced over, eyebrows knitted together. “Good, mate?”

He sighed again, relaxing into the seat. “Yeah, Ash. I’m good.”

The pizza was everything they needed it to be. It was cheesy and gooey and just greasy enough. The two boys heartily chowed down on the large platter in front of them, barely bothering with plates.

The diner Ashton had brought them to was unfamiliar to Luke. In fact, he had rarely been to this side of the city. That didn’t hinder him any from the joy of the incredible, wonderful goodness that was this diner’s pizza.

In the neon lighting, everything was cast in some ethereal glow. Some odd greens, blues and reds scattered throughout the tiny, empty room, and formed interesting shadows on the floor. The ‘50s theme--with squeaky leather-like cushions and cool silver metal framings--was a design Luke hadn’t seen often in the area. There were approximately two employees and two customers in attendance.

Luke paused in between bites, studying Ashton’s features. Ashton pushed on, unaware of the boy’s stare. In the lighting, Ash’s face aged significantly. Not in a bad way, of course. He just seemed to look more wan, more tired--but also prettier. Luke couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe Ashton always looked this pretty, but he’s just now seeing it. He wondered if he looked the same.

Don’t be stupid, dude. Ashton isn’t into that.

Luke felt a harsh tug in his gut anytime he even thought about the boy sitting in front of him. The mention of his name, the sight of him, a scrap of his homework, anything. Anything sent his head spinning.

Luke knew that this meant he was something he didn’t want to be. Something that he never expected to be. When Ashton wasn’t there merely two months before, Luke ignored any doubts he may have had about his sexuality, and with ease. He simply brushed off his attraction to men as jealousy… but since the minute Ashton appeared, his walls came crashing down.

Probably around three in the morning a few days ago, Luke whispered, admitted, under his breath:

I like guys. I like Ashton.

Seeing him now, in the late-night glow of this decrepit hole-in-the-wall, Luke really knew this to be true. He couldn’t not like someone as beautiful, someone as genuine, as Ashton Fletcher Irwin.

He bit into another slice of pizza, pondering. A question slipped past his lips into the space between them.

“How’d you find this place?”

His voice almost disappeared into the abyss, it seemed. Everything was so quiet. So gentle.

Ashton smiled, swallowing his last bite. He smiled like he had a secret, an old memory. “Few months ago… I was just driving around and saw it. Was kinda hungry, so I stopped in. Now, it’s uh…” he fiddled with some leftover crust, “it’s my favorite place.” The corners of the older boy’s mouth turned down slightly, yet Luke didn’t notice. “You know, I’ve never actually brought anyone else here before.”

It was supposed to be question, but came out as a statement.

Luke’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “Really?”

Ash nodded. “And, honestly, I don’t care for pepperoni. I’m typically a just-cheese kinda guy.”

Luke glanced at the scraps of pepperoni pizza and back to Ash, unsure of how to process this information. “Um. I feel honored?”

Was that the right question?

Ashton physically shook himself from a pensive thought and replied. “Yes. Yes, you should definitely feel honored.”

Luke smiled shyly. “Then, I do.”

A second passed between them with no words spoken, just little grins and twinkling eyes. There was a spark in Luke’s chest. A hopeful, teensy flicker of a flame. Maybe Ashton felt it too.

Their waitress sauntered in, breaking the charged air.

“Hey, boys! How you doing? Need anything?”

“We’re doing great, Shirley. Thank you,” Ashton put kindly.

The pretty waitress--as if from nowhere--then procured a glass she had been hiding somewhere; Luke didn’t want to imagine how she was able to keep it hidden.

“Aw, Shirley, I can’t--” Ashton started.

“Of course you can. It’s on the house! For my favorite customer.” With a wink, the dark-haired girl went behind the vintage-style double doors, leaving the room an empty void again.

Ashton, shaking his head with good humor, picked two straws out of the nearby dispenser and held one out to Luke. “Like some? It’s strawberry…” He let out a small giggle.

Luke couldn’t resist his smile as it crept onto his face. “Love some.”

He grabbed the straw from Ashton’s grip, unwound the wrapping and plopped it into the glass. The older boy motioned to the cherry on top, but Luke shook his head. Ashton, plucked the fruit from the whipped cream and tantalizingly dangled it in the air. Luke watched as Ash’s jawline protruded sharply under the taut skin. Ash chewed slowly, and, whether he was aware of it or not, and smirked sinfully. Luke swallowed thickly.

God damn.

The younger boy pushed aside the images in his head and focused solely on the strawberry milkshake. He focused on the closeness of their foreheads as the sipped from the glass at the same time. He focused on how when they both reached for their drink, their hands brushed for just milliseconds. His heartbeat thrummed in his throat.

He assumed he was imagining the blush on Ashton’s cheeks. Probably just a trick with the neon. Yeah, it’s just the lights.

He chuckled to himself, knowing he should know better. And he chuckled at the mantra that repeated in his head again, like clockwork. Nonetheless, Luke brushed off all of his unwanted thoughts and focused on the moment and the beautiful boy before him.

Not much later, Ashton dropped Luke off at school, where they had left Luke’s car hours earlier. Ash carefully parked right next to the old machine and shut off his engine. Together, the two sat in the still air, neither wanting to break this peaceful lull they were experiencing. It was something precious, fragile, new. They knew, though, that it was inevitable.

“Do you even know what time it is?” Luke asked from the passenger seat.

Ashton squinted at his watch in the dark. “Almost midnight, I’d say.”

The boys looked at each other and immediately burst into a fit of giggles.

“My mum’s gonna kill me,” Luke managed between splutters.

“Me too,” Ashton chimed, breathing heavily.

They tried to sit a while a longer. Luke, however, knew he had to go before his mother actually murdered him.

“Hey, Ash?”

“Hmm?”

“Um. Thanks, for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

Ashton smiled through the darkness. “Of course, Luke. Thank you. I don’t think I’ve laughed like this in ages. It felt nice.”

Luke said nothing in response, only gave a soft smile; reluctantly, he opened the door and heaved his lanky frame out of the seat. In his own car, he pulled on the seatbelt and turned the engine over. At that, Ashton did the same, and once he was certain Luke was ready, set off himself.

The younger boy sat just a few minutes longer, relishing the new memories. He smiled once more to himself, shifted the car into gear, and took his time on the ride home.

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dreamboypeach · 6 years

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Ships!! Never done this before big yikes so abt me ig I’m p short like 5’4” and I have brown hair that’s wavy curly and it’s long and I play a lot instruments (music is my thing yup yup) Uh I’m talkative around my friends but in general I’d say I’m a shy person and I rlly love sweater paws :’) I love the idea of a cuddly relationship o yes ! I want all the cuteness ! Laura I ship u w ash bc it gives me cute overload vibes idk I just sEe it and I think it would work so well !! Thankss

Aaah thank youu! Ashton used to be my fave!

+Ship

Who makes the first move - | you | him |

Who kisses who first - | you | him |

Who says ‘I love you’ first - | you | him |

Who’s the bigger cuddler - | you | him |

Who shows more PDA - | you | him |

+Blog Rate

Icon - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Title - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Url - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Mobile theme - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Desktop theme - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Overall - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Do I follow? - | no sorry, ily tho | i do now! | forever & always! |

If you want to one of these go here

#laura ships #rosegold-thorns

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ificouldflytotheclouds · 6 years

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5 Seconds of Summer Self Titled Album Song Ranking (target edition)

I wrote this almost 2 weeks ago but I pushed it because of Youngblood’s release but so I don’t forget to post it, here is my ranking of 5sos debut album 5 Seconds of Summer.

Like SGFG I will be shuffling the album

Before I even start I will say I feel like this ranking is going to be shorter than the last. I find it funny because this is the album I was so excited for when I was deep into 5sos, but I resonate with sgfg so much more even though I only properly listened to it recently bf I completely fell back in love with these idiots (that one of the perks of stepping back/not always being in the know, also there's more content to catch up on)

**I do not include the older songs in the ranking such as heartbreak girl because I don’t view them as part of this collective and I think they would outperform the “newer songs” that were released with this album.

Kiss Me Kiss Me

A good song to begin this review. It is one of those songs where you want to run away with your lover, young, wild, and free.

Ranking: 1 of 1

End Up Here

Sigh. Lol, this album is going to be more difficult to rank because I feel like more songs sound similar. This song surprises me because of Michael's yelling/singing during the chorus. It’s not something I would typically be into but ugh it is such a feel-good song. Is it just me or do you envision the girl as older? I gravitate more to 'Kiss Me Kiss Me,' partially because it’s at the beginning of the album ( I tend to skip the first 3 singles bc overplayed) but I think End Up Here is the better song.

Ranking: 1 of 2

Beside You

It’s a cute song. COnsidering this was one of their earliest songs I think this speaks volumes of how far they would come. It’s simple but you can invision it. THe singer and their partner sleeping worlds apart thinking about each other. *Creates a music video in my head when ever I hear this song*

Long Way Home

This song has been on my mind a lot recently so I think it deserves to get a higher ranking. It’s about taking in the moment and just more time with the people you love. It was memorable as I ended up my days at college.

Ranking: 1 of 3 over End Up Here

Heartbreak Girl

This is potentially the first 5sos song I heard (well actually I think I heard one of luke’s covers first, but that wasn’t really 5sos, and not an original song). Compared to Beside You I perfer this song. The feeling of this song is more complex, she appreciates everything he does for her but she doesn't see that he wants to be with her, but he still hopes the best for her. If I am not mistaken some people don’t like this song because it sounds like he wants to break them up, but I don’t think that’s the point. Like just because someone is taken or doesn’t like you doesn’t mean you can’t find them attractive or want to be with them. It’s different if you are ACTING upon that feeling and actually try to sabotage that relationship. This song is an honest song about desire and is also mature in that fact that in the end all he really want for her is the best, and that’s true love for you ladies and gentes

Amnesia

I know this was a single but this is one of 5sos’ best songs, ever, there's a reason Don’t Stop was dropped long ago but they still play Amnesia in concert. I know, at least for the US, Amnesia did really well for a follow up single. It was played on the radio for months, sadly no one needs to know that SGFG singles didn’t do as well (I think youngblood will be the middle ground because the singles are doing well they got their second number one in australia on a song that wasnt even going to be a single, I’m still not over it, they’re 3 weeks strong. And based on promo and how they’re talking about the album I really believe that this will be their best album yet and I have a feeling it’ll do well on the charts).

I think Amnesia did so well because it’s one of those songs that many people can relate to, while it is focused on a breakup I think it can easily be related to other forms of loss such as losing a friend or someone moving away, missing the better times…

Ranking: 1 of 4 over Long Way Home

Independence Day

While I feel like this song stands out compared to some of the other songs such as long way home, everything I didn’t say, and end up here… which all sound similar to one another. This song isn’t a winner for me. Never has been. I don’t dislike, I am listening for a spark but Independence Day just doesn’t do it for me.

Ranking: 5 of 5

Out of My Limit

Shoot I forgot this song was on here too. Lol. I am not going to rank this to the album as a whole either. Lyrically it’s more exciting than beside you but right at this moment, sonically it’s not doing much for me (I love this song, something tells me that it’s recently been overplayed)

Mrs. All American

“That mini van that you drive really gets me going” Lol. Luke sounds good in the prechorus but I just can’t with this song. I never really cared for this song, honestly it makes me cringe a bit (like I can bop to it at time, but I will typically skip it).

I prefer english love affair.

Ranking: 6 of 6

Tomorrow Never Dies

I always think of the Transformers Soundtrack, specifically New Divide by Linkin Park (ps. The score is a nice listen while you need to focus and need be quick in your action). This song deseves to be in an action movie.

In a recent interview (ash london australia) the boys were asked to describe their new album with songs from their old album (a brillian question btw) and ashton said Tomorrow Never Dies which I find very interesting, if I am not mistaken, this will connect to the hiphop element that will be in their album which has be like??? But it’s nice to hear them talk about this song because it doesn’t get enough love.

I would thought that I would rank this song lower than long way home, but I actually think it’ll be higher because this song stands out on the album.

Ranking: 2 of 7 over Long Way Home

Good Girls

This song grew on me. I feel like you need to be in the right mood for this song. But I can relate to this song, and when I am feeling it, I find it very empowering. Growing up I would be labled as a good girl and a lot of people thought they knew me but it was like go away you don’t know me (I mean I’m not that rebellious but it’s still like stop putting me in a box and trying to flatten it, I’m not a one dimensional character)

Ranking: 6 of 8 over Independence Day

Don’t Stop

Ok this was defs a bop at one point but now I just always skip it. Lyrically its cringe worthy. And I wasn’t about superhero 5sos. Lol. Some weird is too weird for me. The other day I said it was the worse song on the album, but after listening to other songs, I disagree. Mrs. All American is worse. This as least has a nice beat to it.

Ranking: 8 of 9 over Mrs. All American

I’ve always liked 18, and it’s not just because it dropped when I was 18 it was just a nice coincidence. Sonically I enjoy it and lyrically there’s a story line to follow. It’s strangely a sad song about the things they don’t have and they sing about 18 equating it to freedom (but is it really??).

Ranking: 2 of 10 over Tomorrow Never Dies

Everything I didn’t say

Wow is this me in a song? I’ve defs written letters over the things I’ve never said (somewhich I’ve actually told to people #yikes). The rumination of everything that is lost, feeling like you could’ve said something to prevent it from happening, but it was already falling apart, you were always too late..

Listening to this after 18 should make it easier to decide if it goes before or after but nope.

Ranking: 2 of 11 over 18

Ummmmmm close as strangers came on but I’m going to skip that one and do it last.

She look’s so perfect

I always skip this song. Heartbreak girl might have been the first single I heard from them but this song really won me over. I remember being so excited for this song. I don’t remember when the song dropped but I remember the music video dropped last period and me and my friend couldn’t wait for the bell to ring to be able to watch it. While there are better songs that could replace this in concert this is a bop, you can’t deny it, this is when the crowd goes the hardest.

As I have mentioned in other ranking posts I hate ranking singles. Especially lead singles. They get extremely over played which I feel like can make people dislike the song, to some degree. I also don’t view lead singles as a collective piece to most albums (or at least since We are never ever getting back together lol).

Ranking: 8 of 12

Close as Stranger

*gets emo* Tell me why my fav 5sos’ songs are sad. But ughhh. Luckily I don’t think about the reality of this song when I listen to it, otherwise I think I would avoid it. BUt I can defs relate to this. I think most people can. It’s a strange feeling. Often times most people know it’s happening, and you want to stay friends but suddenly there’s no longer anything to say. YOu don’t even know why it’s happening but… (it’s awkward when it’s not mutual, that’s a whole other hot mess we're not going to talk about - actually this is probably what saves me from still enjoying the song because this is just a generally sad song but when it’s not mutual that can feel awkward or backstabbing)

Ranking: 1 of 13 over Amnesia

~~ Album Ranking ~~

Close as Strangers

Amnesia

Everything I didn’t say

Tomorrow Never Dies

Long Way Home

End Up Here

Kiss Me Kiss Me

She Looks So Perfect

Good Girls

Independence Day

Mrs. All American

Album Review/Ranking Masterlist

#shuffle started with she looks so perfect but that wasn't going to work lol #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer debut album #5sos #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #luke hemmings #song ranking

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allsassnoclass · 3 years

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1, 5, 9, 17, & 19 for puzzle pieces for the fic asks? -megs 💙

thank you for asking my darling!

1: Is writing cathartic or stressful for you? it depends. i know that it shouldn't be stressful, since it's a hobby and i'm not being forced to do it or anything, but sometimes it does get that way, but only if i had some sort of deadline for a project (whether internal or external, such as the ficmas fics needing to be posted on certain days or me setting a personal deadline of june 2 for unmute chapter 2 (which is still not posted yet. yikes. very big yikes.))

5: Share a snippet that you’re proud of from an upcoming fic/chapter. hmmmm well since i mentioned it from unmute chapter 2:

He feels off, like he keeps reaching up to adjust his glasses only to discover he’s not even wearing them, and it’s not until Michael mentions a recent conversation with Ashton that Luke realizes how long it’s been since he’s seen him. Even their text conversations have been short, both too busy to sit down and properly chat, and he panics when he considers that things could be like this permanently when Ashton goes to college.

9: Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they? honestly? nope! I am very possessive of all of my ideas and tbh i'm much more into writing than reading these days so I would not say that there's any fics i want to see but don't also want to write. also, I trust myself to write it the way that i would like, whereas with other people it's not going to completely cater to me in every way. like there are some fics that would probably require a lot of research that someone else would be "more qualified" to write, but that someone else might include smut, which i won't read, or they might put the characters in different roles, write them differently in general, or choose a different pairing than i would have.

17: What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing? i've said it before and i'll say it again, it's when I got the first message from blue heart anon. i've been writing for a long time but that was the first time that i really felt like my writing had a true, genuine impact on someone, which was not really something i expected. the fact that it was puzzle pieces, my favorite fic, that had that impact as well was a real cherry on top. it made me feel very good about the writing i'm doing

19: 15 words to describe the aesthetic of Puzzle Pieces. Well! speak of the devil. here are some words:

actually i started doing that and couldn't. as in it was just a lot harder than i thought so i'm going to list a few concepts/feelings that i feel connect to the fic in some way. like this is stuff i'd look up if i was going to make a moodboard for it, so it probably still answers this question but idk if i would call this the aesthetic

youth, comfort, old hoodies, worn-out sneakers, second-hand guitars, whispered conversations at night under the covers, pine green, deep purple, gold, deep red, a warm hand loosely holding yours, being surrounded by laughter, home, being squished together on the same couch, peace

thank you so much for asking megs!

ask me some fic asks!

#ask #megs #igarbagecannoteven #i would just like to say that i'm pretty sure i know who blue heart is #and i haven't said because they have not told me themselves and idk i don't want to make it weird #but anyway.#knowing who blue heart is makes that moment even sweeter because now i'm like #'that's my friend!!!! who i love!!!!!!!!'#like idk them going from a stranger to someone who i have gotten to know and who i feel a kinship with is nice #also i haven't reread puzzle pieces for a hot second maybe i should do that soon

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lavieendonna · 6 years

Text

Brushwork || ArtMajor!Calum AU (Chapter 21)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA - makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the semester learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 6 March 2018 Requested: i don’t even think this gets read anymore and yet Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 5.5K yikes Warnings: DATE NIGHT.......... PART 2 A/N: Honestly i’m not even going to apologise for this chapter. This is the Big One i’ve been waiting to write since the beginning basically so like. Please let me know what you think. This story isn’t anywhere near finished. Stay with me, & Big love xo

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News

Chapter 21: If Looks Could Kill Then She’d Murdered Me in Cold Blood and Was Spitting on My Grave.

Luke was getting set up when Calum and I walked into the pub, that was a few more restaurants down the dock. He looked taller than usual in a plain white tee and blue skinny jeans (which in themselves surprised me, not to mention that they had a total of zero holes or rips in them), and I’d never really noticed before how long his hair had gotten, either, as I watched the blonde curls nearly brush at his chin. He looked good, weirdly enough, almost good enough that he didn’t look like my baby brother. But he also looked more nervous than I’d seen him before, which had me wondering if maybe this was the first time he’d ever played live.

“Hey, brother!” Calum greeted him with one of those weird bro-type handshake-hugs and a grin. Luke smiled back, flicking his Rapunzel hair out of his face as he pulled back.

“Hey, man. DJ,” he hugged me close next and I gave as much of a squeeze as I could muster (which, considering he was a giant, probably felt considerably normal to him). “Thanks for coming, guys, really.” I grinned up to his great height before stepping back beside Calum who eagerly let his hand find mine again, fingers intertwining with mine.

“Anything for you, Lucifer.” I smile cheekily, hoping maybe a bit of banter would make him less nervous. And, from what I could tell, it was working already as Luke rolled his eyes and nudged me gently.

“You ready to roll?” Calum asked and Luke nodded, taking a quick look around at his gear. There was a light wash semi-acoustic guitar in a stand a few feet away all hooked up to a few amps, Luke leaning on the mic stand right beside us.

“Yeah, I think so.” He said semi-confidently, leaning off of the mic stand so that he could grab the neck in his hand. “Just gotta hook up the mic and then have another drink before show time.”

“Sounds mean,” Calum grinned. “I’ll get drinks for all of us. What’ll you have?”

“Oh, you know me mate, a pint of anything will do.” Calum laughed and have a small nod as if to say, that’s true.

“Dal?” He asked, looking down at me with excited eyes. I bit my lip involuntarily as I hesitated. Calum’s gaze hardened quickly, but it was still cheeky so I didn’t quite want to die just yet. “I still have your wallet remember,” he reminded me. “You’re not paying for a thing.”

“Jack and coke.” I sulked, pouting my bottom lip through a twitchy smile and Calum chuckled and pecked my cheek quickly before leaving my side. Luke was smirking when I looked back at him and I blushed.

“What’s that look for?” I asked grumpily, immediately getting defensive. Luke just laughed as he pulled the mic stand back and forth. It was like he was trying to distract me. And that wasn’t fair.

“Your date’s going alright then?” He asked cheekily and while I wanted to roll my eyes and smack him in the gut and tell him to shut up, I just smiled.

“I guess.” I said simply, not wanting to say too much because knowing my unlucky ass I would jinx it and everything would unravel and I’d probably end up in the foetal position in the middle of the pub rocking back and forth waiting for the sweet embrace of death. Or something like that, anyway.

I let my eyes follow Luke’s lanky arm to where he was clutching the stand and saw that he had what looked like blue ink smeared across the back of his hand. It was his handwriting, that much I could tell. What was written, though, was a whole different story. And I wanted to know what it was because it meant we could stop talking about me and my date for thirty seconds.

“What’s on your hand?” I asked while Luke finished laughing and before he could tease me any more than he had. His blue eyes looked to his hand, too, and I watched as he grasped the stand just a fraction tighter, just enough to turn his knuckles white.

“Oh, hah.” Luke shrugged before letting go of the stand so he could read whatever it was. “It’s my set list. I forgot it was there before when I washed my hands so it kinda… yeah.” He held it out for me to look at and I understood what he meant as soon as I saw the barely legible writing up close. I snorted.

“Well done.” I pushed his arm gently. “Nervous?” I asked and, surprisingly, Luke nodded slowly.

“Yeah, a little.” He admitted. “I always get nervous when I play. But having you guys here helps.”

I offered Luke a wide grin, as Calum moseyed over with two bottles of Corona with lime wedges stuffed into the necks and a tall class of dark liquid (which I assumed was mine), and little did he know that it wasn’t really for him but just a reaction to what he’d said.

I always felt like such a fangirl whenever Luke or Calum or Ashton or even Michael lumped me into their group of friends. I’d lived the majority of my life with minimal friends and few people that genuinely cared enough about me to say it in words, so whenever one of them did that it just took me by surprise and I never got sick of that quick flush of excitement that rushed through me every time. It seemed kind of pathetic when I glamorised them all like that, but it was just the only way I could think to describe it. And I wasn’t ashamed for having and wanting their attention.

This wasn’t just about Calum, anymore. This was about me feeling supported. This was about me supporting someone else and not feeling obliged to it. This was about me finally feeling like I was actually living.

After we finished our drinks, Luke disappeared to go and finish warming up and I found a loveseat with a coffee table right in front of the stage to occupy while Calum went off and bought us another drink. The waves of nerves I had felt earlier in the night seemed to be disappearing slowly until all that was left was me and my cute outfit and the buzz of either alcohol or the beginning of something I’d been wishing I’d had long ago without even knowing it.

“What are you smiling about?” Calum asked as he sat down beside me, placing the new drinks on the wooden table in front of us and then slinking his arm around my shoulders. He was warm and I leaned into his touch without a second thought. I shrugged, looking up to brown eyes in complete admiration.

“Nothing.” I said, and it was almost true. “I’m having a really great time.” Calum grinned back his crooked smile and even in the dim lighting of the pub, I saw his cheeks flush a faint pink.

“Me too.” He agreed, and before we could say anything else Luke wandered up to the mic, tapped on it three times, and then spoke.

Luke had said he was nervous but, honestly, I couldn’t even tell. He spoke clearly without stuttering and he wandered the small stage as he sang as if he’d been born specifically to perform. I watched him in complete amazement at his voice and I wondered how the hell I’d never known that he could sing like that!

“Why didn’t you tell me he could sing?!” I said in Calum’s ear as Luke belted out his rendition of an All Time Low song. Calum looked at me with a cocked brow and suspicious eyes.

“Don’t you go falling in love with him, now.” He warned cheekily. “This happens every time.” I rolled my eyes and hit him playfully in the stomach.

“Whatever.” I mumbled. “I knew he could write but I didn’t know he could sing.”

“We all do, a little.” Calum said and I offered an impressed look before grinning hopefully.

“Does that mean you’ll sing for me?” I asked and then it was Calum’s turn to roll his eyes at me.

“Uh, no.” He said simply and if I didn’t know him better I would have thought he was getting a little shy. There was no way, though, I thought. I didn’t make people shy. I made them nervous and, at times, uncomfortable. But then Calum shrugged and pulled me a little closer, leaning down to kiss the side of my face. “Maybe.” He’d changed his mind. “If you’re lucky.”

After Luke’s set he come over and I immediately stood to hug him.

“Luke!” I squealed as he squeezed me tight. I was standing on my tiptoes in order to reach my arms up and over his shoulders, his low laughter rumbling from deep in his chest and vibrating through me. “You were amazing! I didn’t know you could sing like that!”

“Thanks, D.” He laughed, letting me go so Calum could give him the same respects. “I messed up Crowded House a little bit but I don’t think anyone noticed.”

“I noticed.” Calum teased him and Luke just punched him in the arm and rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you should have come up and sang it with me then, you dick.” He laughed when Calum punched him back. “I was trying to give you the eyes.” Calum just laughed and shook his head, his arm winding around my waist as if it belonged there. It probably did – Lord knows it felt like it did.

“Maybe next time.” Calum dismissed him with a wave and before I knew it they started talking about something or another while I stood there, just watching and trying to listen. I liked watching Calum and Luke talk because they didn’t just speak with words but with expressions and gestures. Their eyes lit up every time they understood a reference or a remembered something that was referenced. Luke spoke with his hands, little points and signals, and Calum just offered his utmost undivided attention. I almost felt rude, watching this exchange, but I knew that they didn’t mind.

After another few drinks with Luke I found myself desperately needing to pee. I’d not really noticed until then, but I put that down to the fact that I was having too much fun to register that my seal needed breaking. I remembered lecturing myself before Calum and I had left the pub about taking it easy on the juice so that this wouldn’t happen, but eventually it all caught up with me and I couldn’t neglect it any longer. I excused myself with a quick peck on Calum’s cheek (and one for Luke, too, when he gave a pout out of jealousy) and quickly sped off, looking for the ladies’ room and dodging between different groups of people as I tried desperately to think of anything else except running water and dripping taps and the amount of alcohol I’d ever consumed in my entire life.

Pushing through the bathroom doors, there were a couple of other girls in there already fixing their make-up and hair. They all turned to stare at me for a heartbeat or two before turning back to their lipstick and hair pins as if I was nothing. I swallowed a lump in my throat, that I didn’t know was there until now, before ducking into the first empty cubicle I saw.

As I sat in there, almost totally alone with my thoughts, I felt the anxiety creeping back into my gut, all from a couple of empty gazes from girls I didn’t know. I could hear a couple of them whispering and all of a sudden, I felt like I couldn’t quite breathe properly. It wasn’t quite the hysterics that I’d been expecting for days (just because that was my life), but nevertheless it didn’t feel good. It was ridiculous to think that they were whispering about me, that they knew that I’d gotten my hopes up and that was trying not to jinx myself. But that’s what that feeling was, and it made me stay inside that cubicle until I was sure that they’d gone.

As soon as I heard the main door click closed again, I stepped out of my cubicle and stood in front of the mirror carefully looking at every line of my face. I still looked like me, regardless of whatever inner monologue was going on in my head. My hair was a little frizzier than it had been when I’d left the house, but it wasn’t distasteful. And my clothes didn’t have a single stain on them (yet) so I pushed that aside, too, and took to looking deep into my own eyes. They looked off, like I could see the worry and the tiny feeling I had that I wasn’t safe yet, reflected back at me. But all I could think about was that Calum was out there, waiting for me, and after a few deep breaths, I tried to force myself to squash the inhibitions.

My trek back out into the pub was slower than the one I had taken before, and it was probably for a good reason, too, as I spotted two new additions to our little trio we’d established on the loveseats in the middle of the pub. Ashton was sitting on the seat across from Calum and Luke, dressed casually in a black tee and some jeans, and next to him – to my complete surprise – was my sister. Her hair was out, which was different for her, and she was wearing what looked like one of my baseball tees and a pair of light-wash skinny jeans (knowing her, those were probably mine, too, at some point). The boys were laughing and talking about something or another, but as I got closer the more I realised that Belle actually looked kind of… out of it. Misplaced. Agitated, even.

“Hey!” I greeted everyone with as big of a smile as I could muster despite my confusion. “How are you guys?” Ashton smiled back and stood to kiss me on the cheek quickly before I sat myself next to Calum, more or less just leaning on the arm of the chair while he wrapped his arm back around me.

“Good, good.” Ashton said, looking to Belle quickly and sharing a glance that I didn’t really recognise. “We were just in the area, thought we’d drop in to hear Lucas play.” I gave a nod and got excited because I knew that this was probably the first time my sister had heard Luke’s music, too. Music had a pretty big influence over my sister’s life, so I was eager to hear her thoughts.

“Oh, dude, how good is he?!” I said excitedly, looking at my sister and waiting patiently for her to catch my eye. She didn’t, not really, not for more than a second.

“Uh, yeah.” She said shortly, and I spotted the smallest of frowns twitching on her brow. “Yeah, he was amazing.” I wanted desperately to ask why my sister was hiding something from me – from the group. Because something was clearly up with her, I could tell in the way she was kind of glued to Ashton’s side. But now wasn’t really the time.

“Don’t go falling in love with me now, Ladies.” Luke seemed to mimic what Calum had said to me earlier (which made me think that he’d told Luke what he’d said to me) and I just chuckled and rolled my eyes.

“Alright, big boy, calm down.” I laughed. “I think Belle and I are covered on that front.”

I didn’t really think about what I’d said, and everybody laughed so I didn’t really think much of it – until I noticed that Belle wasn’t laughing, and instead she was glaring at me fiercely. I recoiled, and if looks could kill then she’d murdered me in cold blood and was spitting on my grave.

“Outside.” She hissed through her teeth at me. “Now.” I stared blankly for half a second before she flew out of her seat, headed for the big glasses doors we had all come through at some point. I was suddenly very scared, and when I looked to Ashton for some clue as to what was happening he, too, refused to meet my stare. So, I looked to Luke, who just looked uncomfortable, and then to Calum who looked almost more frightened than I did.

She was pacing by the time I walked timidly outside, and I’d barely approached her when she started to yell.

“What exactly is wrong with you, Dallas?” She demanded of me straight away, nostrils flaring and eyes wild with disgust. I’d never seen my sister look at me like this and already I could feel the panic rising in my throat, that familiar feeling of needing to throw up waving over me and becoming a very prominent thought in my mind. “Seriously, what planet do you live on?”

“What?!” I managed to heave out in disbelief. I didn’t even know where to start with a response to Belle’s outburst. Was I supposed to have my own outburst? Was I supposed to cry right now? I felt like in order to do any of that, though, I first needed to know what was happening. “What is going on right now?!”

“How are you this dumb?!” She laughed out, but it was dark and lacked humour. She wasn’t just bickering with me the way we usually did, she was picking a fight. A real one; the kind where I feared that she was going to hit me. “You don’t even see what you’re doing!”

“What am I doing?!” I shrieked. “Tell me so I can fix it!”

“No!” She shook her head viciously, her voice rising and her arms flailing beside her. “You’re not getting out of this with a whiny apology and a slap on the wrist, not this time. You fucked up, Dallas! And now I have to pay for it!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” I yelled at her. “What exactly are you paying for?!”

“YOU!” She screamed, and she was getting in my face now. “You and your big fucking mouth!”

I opened my mouth to scream right back at my sister, but I didn’t know what to say and I felt the walls closing in again, my chest feeling tight and the words just not coming out. I’d been attacked by my sister’s words plenty of times – just never like this.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice dropping low as I fought the tears pooling in my eyes. It wasn’t time to cry yet, so I tried as hard as I could to hold them in.

“I’m talking about you talking shit about me and about Polly and about Ashton.” She spat, taking a step back and turning away from me. Her voice was cracking and I knew that she was about to start crying, too, and the thought of that – the thought of making my sister cry, that was enough to break me. The first couple of tears fell, streaking mascara down my cheeks, but I took a deep breath and tried to control the rest.

“I…” My bottom lip quivered when I tried to speak. “I don’t… I don’t know what you’re –”

“Of course, you don’t know!” Belle cut me off with another yell before I could even claim ignorance. “You never know! That’s what makes you so fucking stupid!”

“Stop.” I flinched, closing my eyes as I took some more deep breaths.

“Stop what? Huh? Stop telling you the truth?!” She was getting closer again and I was trying to count to ten but I kept losing count.

“Stop!” I pleaded again. “Just stop!”

“You stop, Dallas!” She was definitely crying now, but she clearly wasn’t the one feeling attacked. She was hurt. She was angry. “Stop telling people my business! Stop spreading lies about shit you don’t know about!”

“I didn’t!” I tried to defend myself. “I would never do that to you, B, you know that!” Isabelle gave a dark laugh again, shaking her head in what looked like disappointment. Or maybe it was that same disgust that I saw in her eyes before.

“That’s your problem.” She snarled at me with a curled lip. “You don’t even know you’re doing it, you’re so…” she trailed off of her sentence, finishing with a scoff instead whatever it was she was thinking. I wasn’t sure why, but that was the moment the anger flared in me too. I felt the spark and for a split second, I saw red.

“What?” I bit back. “I’m so what, huh? You’ve been attacking me all night, don’t stop there!”

“Arrogant!” She yelled. “Arrogant and self-obsessed. You’re so busy worrying about yourself and your own problems that you didn’t even think before you went around telling everybody that Polly and Ashton were fucking behind my back, or that Ashton was cheating on me with Polly! You didn’t even stop the check the fucking facts before you said it!”

“I never said that!” I wailed, completely shocked that Belle would even say that I did such a thing.

“You implied it.” She snapped. “And that’s what everybody thinks is happening because you don’t know how to keep your fucking mouth shut.”

“No, I…! I didn’t –!”

“Yes, you did!”

That was a new voice, an added on I hadn’t been expecting. And apparently, based on the way my sister’s head snapped to the sound of someone else contributing to our family affairs, she wasn’t expecting her either.

“Polly?!” I gasped, eyes wide with shock originally at her presence, but then it clicked what she’d just said and I realised that she wasn’t here to defend me.

“Polly…” Belle said, too. I couldn’t place the expression that passed over her face through the tears. It wasn’t exactly relief, but it was softer than the looks she’d been giving me over last twenty minutes.

“She’s right, you know.” Polly wasn’t glaring at me like I thought she would have been. But her eyes were red and raw and she looked like she’d been crying, and it was confusing the hell out of me because I really almost thought we would be alright after she helped me out before Calum picked me up.

“What…” I sniffled, wiping my nose ungracefully on the back of my sleeve. “What about?”

Polly sniffed too, and the fact that she wasn’t as wild as my sister seemed to scare me more. She was wearing an oversized black VCA hoodie and some leggings, her hair nowhere near as neat and put together as it usually was and instead it was just thrown back into a messy bun, half of it falling out already. I’d seen Polly in some messes, but this seemed to be the worst she’d ever been.

“About you.” She said very matter-of-factly. “About you being self-involved and stupid!”

“Where is this coming from, Polly?!” I begged my friend to tell me, but from the flash of anger in her eyes I definitely knew we weren’t friends anymore.

“That!” She said, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “The fact that you don’t know! You don’t know anything! And you still went around telling everybody bits and pieces of a story that you just made up! And then when I tried to come to you for help, when I needed you, Dallas, you brushed me aside like I didn’t even matter! You were so focused on Calum and your problems that you didn’t stop to think that maybe your friend needed you more than you needed me or your sister.”

“I tried to help you!” I whimpered. “I did, but you… you didn’t…!”

“Didn’t what, Dallas?” Polly cried, Belle just watching the exchange and waiting for her next opportunity to strike. “What didn’t I do?”

“You didn’t want it!” I said. “I tried to help but you just said everything was fine so I believed you!”

“You didn’t try hard enough, Dallas.” She just said monotonously. She was flat, like she’d decided that’s what I’d done to her a long time ago. Like she’d been thinking this way for days – weeks, probably, based on how downhill our friendship had been going. “You… Dallas, you pushed me away. You took yourself out of this friendship when you found something better – something that you thought made you better than me.”

“Polly!” I couldn’t help the sob that ripped through my throat. I couldn’t find the words to defend myself, either, because all I could think about was how much I appeared to have fucked up without really noticing.

All three of us were crying at this point, and things fell quiet while we all tried to take in the situation. I was still trying to picture the moments the two of them were talking about where I’d said or implied those things about Polly and Ashton when Calum and Ashton came rushing out of the pub.

We all turned to watch them come bounding toward us and, for a brief second, I was surprised that Luke hadn’t come too, but then I noticed him standing in the window, still watching with a look of worry etched into his face. Calum came straight to my side, hugging me to him so my face was buried in his chest. But I turned a little so I could see where Ashton went, and I knew I wasn’t the only one to see him hesitate. Both my sister and Polly were looking at him expectantly, but he just stood there in front of the four of us like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Maybe we should call it a night.” Calum said softly, mostly to me, though he did speak loud enough for everybody to hear. I just stood there, frozen in time like I was shutting down. Calum let me go but intertwined our hands like he was getting ready to drag me away, but my feet wouldn’t move and I felt like whatever this moment was, it wasn’t over.

“I think we all need to cool off.” Ashton tacked on, arms up, palms out, trying as much as he could to diffuse the tension. But it was like a switch went off inside Polly’s head and I watched her nostrils flare, too, and her expression became cold and harsh. This was almost the most emotion she’d shown all night. And while I felt bad for Ashton, I was slightly glad that I wasn’t on the receiving end of that look.

“You don’t get a say in this, Ashton.” She spat at the taller blonde. Ashton’s face and hands dropped, and he didn’t even try to defend himself, guilt passing over his face. “You’re just as much to blame here as she is.” I flinched as Polly gestured to me without even using my name. That was probably the most hurtful thing she’d said all night.

“Polly, don’t, it’s not his fault…” Belle had softened up, too, which also hurt because this whole time over the past few weeks I thought it was Polly who my sister had beef with, not me. But Polly just shot a glare back at Belle who closed her mouth straight away.

“You’re one to talk.” Polly snapped. “You’re just as guilty as he is. None of this would have happened if you two were just honest with me from the fucking start!”

“Pol, please…” Ashton tried again, taking a step toward my former best friend. Belle’s lip was quivering so much she looked like she had the chills. She was shrinking into herself so much that she didn’t even look like my sister anymore. She looked tiny and scared and sad. And a fresh batch of tears started pooling in my eyes as I kept thinking about how much I contributed to that.

“Do you even like me, Ashton?!” Polly demanded, ignoring Ashton’s plead. “Do either of you guys actually give a shit about me? Or is the sneaking around and pretending like I’m not a part of this what gets you off?”

“It’s not like that!” Belle sobbed and Polly wiped her eyes, squaring her shoulders.

“Isn’t it?!” She asked. “Because it really seems like it, B. You knew I liked him! But you went after him anyway!”

“She didn’t go after me, Pol! It’s… it’s just complicated!” Ashton ran a hand through his hair, stressed and confused and guilty. Calum squeezed my hand as a shiver ran up my spine.

“I gave you a chance to explain everything, Ashton.” Polly spoke slow, eyes closed for a minute, and when they re-opened it was like Polly was gone and whoever was left standing here wanted nothing to do with any of us. “But both of you fucked me over and I’ve had enough. You can all go fuck yourselves.”

With that Polly turned on her heel and took off at a fast-paced walk. I could tell the way her shoulders were shaking that she had finally broken and was crying her eyes out, but then Isabelle let out a sob, too, and took off in the other direction. Calum and I watched Ashton hesitate one more time before he took off after my sister. I didn’t think he would go after either of them, but it was very clear that whatever was happening between the three of them wasn’t anywhere close to being resolved yet. And somehow, I fit into this enough to make it my fault.

“Dallas…” Calum squeezed my hand again, and for a moment it was like I’d blacked out and forgotten he was even there – forgotten how we’d ended up here to begin with. I looked blankly, tears streaming down my face like they had a mind of their own. He looked sad, but not just in general. He looked sad for me. He felt sorry for me, I could see it in his eyes.

“I, uh…” I sniffed, taking my hand back when I realised that his touch was actually, for once, making things a lot worse than I wanted it to. “You should go.” Calum’s brow furrowed and he reached for me, but I recoiled away.

“Dallas, come on, let’s –”

“No.” I said forcibly, stepping away when he stepped forward. Confusion flashed through brown eyes and I couldn’t stand it. I felt the hurt and the upset and the anger bubbling in my stomach until I couldn’t take it anymore. “You should just go, Calum!” I said again. “You… You don’t need this. You don’t need me to fuck this up, whatever this is.”

Calum didn’t move. I thought he would if I said something like that, but he didn’t. Like Polly had before, he squared off his shoulders as his expression became hard and cold.

“Don’t do that.” He said carefully. I glared at him.

“Don’t do what?” I snapped. “Don’t protect you? You want me to stop you from getting involved in all this shit I’ve created?”

“Yes!” He snapped back. For the first time, I saw anger deeply set in Calum’s eyes and I widened my own, frightened by the expression. “I want you to stop trying to push me away like you’ve pushed everybody else away!”

“I’m not pushing you!” I yelled and Calum yelled right back.

“You are, Dallas!” He yelled. “It’s what you do! You push us away when you freak out about how much we care, and then you blame us for walking away when we get shitty with you! You’re off living in your own little world that you forget that there are people here beside you, trying to get close to you to bring you back! You’re full of shit, Dallas, everyone is right!”

“Then go!” I screamed, a new sob tearing through my chest. “Leave me here! Because if you go like everybody else then I’m out of your way and you don’t have to fucking worry about it anymore, alright?!”

Calum was still pissed, I could see it in his eyes even though the never-ending tears streaming down my cheeks. But he still looked torn, like he wanted to just hold me until all the hurt went away. But he knew that he couldn’t, because he was right, I wasn’t going to let him close to me, not after this. Not after what he’d just said.

“Let me take you home.” Was what he said, gesturing back toward the direction of home. “We can… we can all sleep it off and come back to this when… when we’re ready.” I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to go home, not on the off chance that’s where Polly had gone.

“Just go, Calum.” I said, folding my arms across my chest as another shiver rippled through my body.

“Dallas, please, it’s nearly midnight, you can’t –”

“Calum.” I looked up, straightening my own shoulders, clearing my expression and holding my breath for dear life as I stared Calum right in the eye. “Just leave me alone.”

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