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sidsinning · 27 days

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#1 thing I am the most curious about/eager for the series to explore is 1000% the Morningstar family, especially Lilith

Bc who even is Lilith in reality besides what we have seen her as in the eyes of the other characters

Clearest image we get of her is in their family portraits

We usually see her as the menacing mystery figure working in the background, but in these photos she's clearly a normal happy mom who genuinely loves her family as any mother/wife would. She's not just a smirking dominant figure with a hidden agenda. All she's doing is having fun with her family and has no qualms about showing a range of emotion.

Charlie sees her as the role model she takes after and wants to make her proud. It turns out she sees Lucifer in pretty much the same light, but with the addition of having an awkward relationship bc of the distance they've had. With Lilith she never speaks about her with any lingering awkwardness, so we can assume she's been a good mom raising Charlie this whole time.

(For those who are saying "Lilith is a bad mom bc who leaves their kid alone for 7 years???"- she is literally thousands of years old while Charlie is well into adulthood before those 7 years. It's like a business trip to them. She wasn't an absentee parent for leaving for 7 years out of Charlie's 200+. The thing that's weird is that she's not communicating with Charlie. Our girl deadass owns property with a job and employees. Just bc she's not great at it and is having Lucifer step in to help recently, doesn't make Lucifer the superior parent suddenly. He's confirmed to be a kind of shitty dad despite how much he cares for her by the creators themselves. Kind of the point of his introduction ep guys. The 7 years are a mystery to unpack. Chill tf out.)

In this flashback people are blaming Lilith for separating Lucifer and Charlie on purpose, seemingly as the cause of their distant relationship. But it feels more complicated than that, based off Lucifer's reaction.

He's sad reaching out to Charlie by the end of the flashback, but when Lilith first appears he's smiling all the same and not deterred in giving Charlie to Lilith to carry away for what reason we don't know. A normal, standard occurrence he's used to. It seems both parents have agreed it's best for Lilith to take Charlie at this age now, for whatever reason.

Was his mental health affecting his parenting too much so they decided Lilith would shoulder the bulk of the task? Maybe Lilith really did separate the two somehow for her own reasons and convinced Lucifer with it? Another mystery reason each parent agree on?

When exactly did both of them separate? When Charlie was already an adult or around the time of the flashback when Lilith was her primary caretaker as a kid? (I'm assuming adulthood since Lucifer and Lilith seemed to still be getting along in the flashback despite her emotionless face.) Why did they separate when Lucifer seems to clearly love and yearn for her all the same, still wearing his wedding ring? 😭😭😭

And ofc what is this deal she made with Adam to stay chillin on a beach in heaven, and why did Adam, a reckless narcissist who likes yappin to whoever is gonna listen, not ever reveal this fact to her family to the very end?

There is just so much to unpack with their family and Lilith is the key ingredient rn to unlocking it

Like ofc I'm looking forward to Sir Pentious in heaven, Alastor's deal, the future of the rebuilt hotel, Lucifer now being a seemingly main character in season 2, etc.

But the Morningstars,,,different level

#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lilith morningstar #charlie morningstar #sidrabbles

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borzoilover69 · 11 months

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> BORZOI: READ HOMESTUCK LIKE ITS 2011 (PART 3)

We are so fucking back. (4178)

Idiot captchalogued things one by one point and LAUGH. One soup can. One bullet. Bro would be horrible at unpacking.

Never getting over the fact how damn much Jake mentions Dirk in only the FIRST FEW PAGES that we meet him properly like damn dude you got something going with him or what..

And he seems so insistent on finding answers, even if its just backing up his own conclusions, rather than Janes stubborn pushing of the point. This is semi-tragic. Knowing that in their time, they were never considered heroes, but lords.

4184 YOU. *grips and shakes you* STOP IMPLYING FLIRTING YOU DARN QUEERS. Jake just CAAASUALLY mentioning how much he compliments strider, Dirks ar (but in this case a pretty accurate representation of Dirk) just CAASUALLY MENTIONING THAT THEY'VE DONE THIS TANGO BEFORE LIKE HELLOO?? FLUSTERED AMBIVALENCE? HAH??

Iconic line.

I need to think on this for a while. Speaking wise that's true, I'm sure it's fooled his friends before when Dirk just didnt want to talk. I'm rather fond of how Dirk and Jake call each other out on being annoying and hard to work with. Because they are, but that's what makes their relationship all the funnier and real to me LOL. They're ribbing at each other in a way that motivates each other to one up because they. They get it i guess. Thinking now, I don't like relationships where it's just adoration and softness... Nah i want them to beat the crap out of each other. I like ot think they used to bitch at each other for HOURS as kids, but all in good favour.

This idiot is changing from the casual to the formal desktop point and LAUGH. But also it brings up another strange contradiction where Jake "catches on" without being actually.. told to catch on.

From page 4183: You put on a few of your more ostentatious devices. Luckily (or unfortunately) you grew up alone, so there was never anyone around to point out how ridiculous you look.

And then from page 4186

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here.

Maybe I'm reading too into it. I probably am. But it always astound me the awareness Jake has to some degree. I deadass want to get in his head and mess with his brain a little to see what's up. Its like he'll always go "Oh cool, neato, its this thing!" and then go "This thing is fucking stupid" later. From what im gathering >HUSKTOP: Clunky, too hands on. Good for casual use and movies (I'm assuming)

>COMPUTER OUTFIT? Comfortable, but it looks stupid. And an idiot.

>SKULLTOP: A real businessmans computer. Probably one of the most used ones of the bunch and the ire of Jakes shitty vision.

Also I just got done reading this conversation AGAIN, and I remeber in my previous reading, someone commented that they always took it as Jake defending the autoresponder, but if anything other than Dirk hes probably the most frustrated with it at times outright putting it down and demeaning its presumedly simulated built on feelings, which Hal will proceed to call him out on MULTIPLE times. Which backs up my conclusion that he knew Dirk really just didn't like the thing. My boyfriend saw me reading this out and said something along the line of "Jake has libra coding they can't bring up their point w/o including a third party in the matter" or something. It was a few days ago. I don't know zodiacs so take that as you will.

Along with this, I guess I see where Jakes frustration is coming from, this guy is running on canned food, frustration at being taunted and poked at by Dirks ruddy autoresponder, and he has no times for japery and lighthearted fun from Jane gadzooks hes on a mission!!

4189

There it is again!! That- *waves hands* THAT KIND OF KNOWLEDGE!! YOU SCALLIWAG!! HOWD YOU DRAW THAT CONCLUSION?? HOOOW DID YOU DO IT WITH SUCH LITTLE EXPLAINATION OR BACKING HOW DID YOU FUCKING KNOW?? LIKE JANE WAS FUCKING VAGUE AS SHIIIT ABOUT IT AND YOU JUMPED TO.. THAT CONCLUSION?? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL??

4190

You telling me they slept in the same house together dawg i thought Brobot powered off somewhere remote. Arguably a stupid conclusion but I FORGOT its been a while OKAY.

Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Heh.

I mean it's reasonable. Given growing up in a hellmurder island, defeat can equal great bodily harm or even death, being cautious about getting too far outside of your comfort zone and quote being a hero endquote will kill you.

A lot of people fail to realise how Jake was affected by living in such circumstances because it just comes down to gungho boy wonder who loves adventure!! And is. A coward. When flight is the thing separating you from living to dying etc, it can affect a lot of life choices like that. For example, hes perfectly up for the idea of plundering tombs, because its territory hes familiar and accustomed to. But he doesnt deal with being tossed a curveball or into new circumstances well.

And yet again Hal brings up a good point. If you bank on victory or defeat and not about the journey it gets to take there which leaves you stranded at the starting line overcompensating for the lack you never worked hard to make, you won't get anywhere, which is why Page class suits him well. Dirk and Jake have this thing in common where they are often too future thinking to the point of being narrow minded, they think they're being realistic when realistically.. these personal pursuits are needed to be fought with undying human spirit so as to conquer and further their self journeys.

Like yes, there's always the prospect of failure. Dirk feels resigned, doomed to the fact he will turn out terrible and therefore he should fuck off. Jake feels daunted by the task of actually living up to the expectations he feels are built upon him by his friends and himself, and chooses to isolate himself rather than build on the hope that maybe he can be known and loved regardless, and acknowledge the hurt he may undoubtedly cause. But with every prospect of failure comes a prospect of success and sure being resigned to failure doesn't hurt but even so you should still strive and claw your way to a happy ending otherwise whats it worth more than pointless self suffering and guilt? Because if you look at it everything is doomed everything is going to fail or fall out of touch eventually but if you turn it on its head, you see that means that unequivocally for a brief moment in time everything will be okay, that bad things will turn out for the better (somehow) in the end. It's the chicken and the egg question, which came first? It's a neverending circle. I got carried away there. Whoops. Anyways.

"Thing". He doesn't acknowledge him as a person it's a "thing".

So you, Jake english (totally straight guy) decree the brobot as bane of your existence (its your company in this hellscape) and is pointed out that you can CHANGE that, that is something YOU can control, that has been brought up to you MULTIPLE times by your BEST FRIEND by his AUTORESPONDER and yet you REFUSE to change it because when given it too easy it feels almost. Almost..tender you say? You proceed to get flustered and.. change the subject? Boy. Boy speak to me boy. You are COMPLICIT in your own downfall because you hate it being too easy, you FEAR it being too easy. For what?

Look at him go.

4195

Hopefully your dad is still out back washing the car. Ideally this is one of his legendary infinite car washes. What can you say? Dad fancies his automotive ablutions.

4191

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

4195

While he is preoccupied, you should be able to sneak downstairs and grab the mail undetected. The perfect crime? You bet.

You slip the HALLWAY CERA a furtive wink for good luck.

Jane you are the silliest girl to ever grace this earth never ever drop your dramatics and joyous whimsy. Your relationship with your father is endearing and sweet. Given this it's a safe bet to say Johns would've mimicked this, its just nice to see a pretty sweet goddamn family.

4199 Imagine walking downstairs and seeing this of course their families cant be reasonably normal about anything.

And another sort of outward representation of struggle with the kids environment. With how harsh and how thoroughly restricted Jane is in her household, despite being so far up she might as well just serve as a figurehead to the cooking empire than of anything remote. All backdoors, front doors, windows are closed, which also draws to her general ignorance to actual things. You could even say shes.. whats the word? Oh yes. trapped. In her views. Yes. *The crowd starts seething at me as I click my little device to change slides.*

4202 READY FOR WHAT??

YES, I am going out with this book! No, I will not go get an unabridged copy! No, I will not take yours! I can hardly even lift it! Oh, that is so preposterous. Do you even hear what you're saying? I will be fine! This is a perfectly funny book and it contains many incredibly funny jokes! Oh, will you just stop it. I am going now. Good day!!!

4207

Do you think this was the mystery of johns childhood that he could never solve. Do you. Cus i do. He didn't have a nanna he was raised by the condesce.

The message has always been a fascinating mystery to you, and probably was to him as well. From the way it's written, it seems it was intended for him to receive after her death. She talks about a journey he is supposedly meant to go on.

In any case, this message to poppop from his sweet old nanna is the best evidence you have to dispute all this evil batterwitch nonsense. She clearly cared for her grandson very much, and would never start a company responsible for the things it's accused of, let alone be alive today to perpetrate them. But then, what if she wasn't the one who wrote it? This thought makes you very nervous.

Big ole fucking SIGH. And he was never able to get that faaar at all. With that in mind I'd be interested to see anyone analyse the post scratch versions of the betas. Would John Crockers deal deem him a failure to his classpect? What about the others? I don't know, food for thought.

4215

Damn. Ok well I just reached the end of an image allowance so i guess. I wrap up here?

GG: I care very much for you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you both in my dreams, and here in this world. GG: So for whatever good it does, just please be extra careful out there today! GT: Roger that janey! GT: And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot... GT: Because well i sure do care a lot about you too you know that. GG: Hooray! Will do. ;B GG: Now let's get this silly old adventure off to the races before the coat of dust it's growing gets any thicker. GT: Booyeah! GT: Ok good luck jane and keep me posted! C ya.

Yet another goddamn reminder that they give a whole fucking damn about each other.

#hom3stuck #homestuck meta #borzoi reread #dirk strider #jake english #jane crocker #borzoi talks #borzoi meta #homestuck

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henrysglock · 2 months

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Could you tell us some of your supernatural experiences? 👀

oh boy we're digging deep huh? and mind you i'm 3 glasses of rosé in rn dkfsdkjf

well, ok. for some context: i grew up in a 1920s farmhouse in the midwest USA, one that was identified by two different mediums as a "hub" of sorts for spirits (neither of them knew the other had been there, we didn't tell them what was going on, this was like...organic shit).

so this was circa 2019, my parents decided to move houses after some not-so-supernatural shit went down at our house. i'd been dealing with some shadow people for years by this point, enough to have me sleeping with lights on Constantly/they were following me to my dorm (which is another bit of baggage to unpack). I have a couple of spirits that are attached to me, one more benign than the other. And that one spirit no-so-nice in particular that had latched itself onto me pretty tightly since I was a wee thing. Well. It wasn't thrilled that I was leaving, and decided to make that Known to me.

I had gone to sleep with my door open and a light on, and it was about 1am, iirc, when my stereo system started beeping. now, this system only beeps like that when it's unplugged and plugged back in, so it's not just a power surge thing. it's Something Else. and I went okay, let's turn the overhead lights on. Nothing there (yeah, right). i try going back to sleep, but the beeping is Insistent.

I was fairly wigged out at that point, this kind of thing rarely happened (usually it was just knocking in the walls, footsteps, and cold spots). And that's when the usual footsteps started up in the hallway. SO. I'm there in my bed like okay. Okay! Alright! Both of you are here, one of you isn't happy, and the other Knows It. So I get up and shut the door, leaving the overhead light on. The beeping stops. The footsteps do not. There's about a 30 second break in All The Sounds before my door starts rattling like a Grown Man is trying to break it down. Deadass. This went on/on and off for at least an hour. Idk what would have happened if I'd left the door open, and tbh I'm not sure I want to know.

It all was over by 3am, but I was so freaked out that I couldn't sleep after that. We moved to a new house, I moved from dorms to an apartment, and I haven't really heard much since. I know one of them followed me, probably the benign one, because shit will move around my apartment without me touching it (he's a little boy, though, so like...i don't hold it against him).

But yeah, there's a supernatural experience for you. Told by vaguely tipsy me.

#asks #ask game

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ohmrcrow · 2 months

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Me and my close friend finished season one (im rewatching with him), he says that he realizes how much of a "deep connection" will and hannibal have, and that he's curious about the direction it'll go in season 2

Bro there's so much to unpack with that reaction I deadass don't know where to even start-

#da crow talk #hannibal nbc #hannibal #bro lacks SEVERE critical information

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alfredo-swauce · 1 year

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Wax Artist and the Fandom

Alright so I have a LOT to unpack right now with Wax Artist as well as the fandom and how they go about treating wax artist mains and the character as a whole. I would like to say before I start that I am black. However I main Wax Artist. I ended up spending like $300 to get his S tier skin, and then everyone found about about the whole Physiognomy bullshit. As someone who doesn't typically have that kind of money anymore, Its tragic HAHAHA like genuinely it sucks. Had I known perhaps I wouldn't have tried to get it. But I digress.

So what's the whole issue here other than Philippe being a racist? Well. I want to bring up a few points in this post about why I think half the shit the fandom says about him is stupid AND why I think attacking his players (who have no control over his story) is ridiculous and childish.

No one is taking an effort to reach out to devs about the psysiognomy. Like how are you gonna tell myself and other wax artist mains to kill ourselves or call us racist for playing a character that we LITERALLY cannot control. I've had like 3 people (including an old friend who said it as a "joke") call me a disgrace to black people for maining him. Yknow how bad that hurts? As someone who's of mixed race and doesn't feel like they fit in anywhere, that shit absolutely sucks.

People are asking for NE to remove Wax Artist from the game as a whole. Now this one, I can understand to an extent. However, many people do not want this. His backstory (MINUS PHYSIOGNOMY) is interesting, certain headcanons make his character so much more fun; like him just being a silly man who makes wax sculptures, etc. His character design is interesting and very pleasing, It really shows his mental and physical decline as well. All characters have some importance in the story, Wax Artists importance is unknown but I bet he plays a bigger part and will somewhere down the line.

Most white characters are likely racist depending on the time period. It's obvious that not everyone who's white in the game is racist, like historically not everyone was. However given the time period of some of these characters, there's a good chance they could potentially be racist. Now of course this doesn't excuse the fact that Wax Artist is problematic, but I feel like in a realistic sense people tend not to think about where these characters are from AND when they were/are alive. Do I want ANY of the characters to be racist? Absolutely not, but I do strongly believe that given the time periods, it wouldn't surprise me if more white characters had some sort of racist ideology that just wasn't brought up yet.

A lot of people aren't even aware of the racist undertone in Wax Artist's story. I have been playing Wax artist for over a year now and the amount of people I've met who don't even know Wax Artist's story is problematic is insane. Like I'll say he's racist and people are like "wait deadass??" It's nuts. I get these sort of encounters nearly everytime I talk to a player. It's important people know about this issue so we can push for change. I haven't seen a single person try to change his backstory and that fucking sucks. I've seen what we can do when we all come together, and this change could be made so quickly if we work together.

Perhaps there are other things that could've been said but these are the main ones that I think about. I GENUINELY believe we could make the change to Wax Artist's story if the fanbase just listens. I've tried countless time to spread the word on Twitter, but that proved to be a fruitless task. I'm hoping that here I could spread the word a bit more in asking that you email NE and ask them to remove physiognomy from his story as a whole, because believe me I 100% believe his story doesn't need this element at all. He could just be a criminologist who makes wax figures. Easy. So please PLEASE help me out here, I've been practically begging for months now and it's getting exhausting.

NE emails:

[email protected]

or preferably you can comment on identity V's posts asking for the removal of physiognomy from his story. From here on out I'm just gonna keep asking for it every chance I get because otherwise they won't listen. My voice alone will not be enough, so please help out!

thank you so much for reading and I hope you consider helping out. This is very important to me and other wax artist enthusiasts.

#identity v #idv wax artist #identity v hunter #idv

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onlyjaeyun · 4 months

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alright now WHAT THE FUCK? so much shit just happened i need a moment to unpack everything. okay so first of all fashion icon yn ☝️ jay is so proud of u bby. second of all yn is gONNA CO-COACH WITH SUNGHOON? 😨😨 so much stuff is happening i feel like im about to forget smth important from the new chap again but YOOOOO WHY IS SUNGHOON SO SASSY 😭 the sassy men apocalypse is so real 🤕 but pookie calm down pls he keeps eating yn up if i had someone pointing out my daddy issues like that i would straight up cry. ngl if i were in yn’s place i would’ve blocked from the first “what the FUCK” but that’s just me personally 😶 ANYWHO jaemin what the FUCK 😨😨😨 i’m actually so like ?!?!?! he’s so cheating he’s literally actually deadass wallahi fr fr cheating ??????????? like the fucking audacity that some male species have is actually jaw dropping. how r u gonna get all insecure about yn being surrounded by her friends who r practically like her brothers and go “i don’t feel comfortable around them” like WHAT 😨 the self projection is sO REAL. and bby. yn, my love. my angel. my everything. dump his ass i’m begging you. EVEN IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE that u can’t find anyone better and you won’t be able to find anyone after someone as shitty as CH jaems (which u for sure will!!) it’s so much better to be single rather than be with someone who literally does not give a singular flying fuck about you. like girl protect your dignity 🤕🤕 break up with his ass even if he’s the last bf you’ll ever have it’s better than being with someone who’s CHEATING. anywho now that that’s out of the way, really jaemin. jakyung??? REALLY???? ngl the whole hoon & jakyung convo really made me almost throw up the whole time “i can’t study when im tense like this” please do me a favour and suck my dick ew i gen can’t. also WDYM THEYRE GONNA FUCK SO MUCH SOONER THAN ANY OF UR SMAUS? 😨 mamas pls calm down i am not prepared for a hate fucking between yn & hoon (i am. im playing im so seated for it.)

anywho my rant for chap.4 is done and i just wanted to say congratulations zadie !!! you know u ate that smau up SO WELL (especially when it’s supposed to be e2l and the characters are supposed to be hated for character development purposes) when you get anons in ur inbox hating on your work 🥰 like u fr made it and i’m so proud of you ! anyways CH ate. easily one of the best enha smaus in the making with your amazing writing & plot development sending u so much love zadie & so many hugs & kisses i can’t wait to see u piss more ppl off and i can’t wait to see the new CH chapters <333

(no but like genuinely is it that hard to SCROLL AWAY from smth that doesn’t please you? 💀 i don’t get it cuz i’ve seen works that i personally didn’t like yet i never felt the need to go in their inbox and be like “ur shit is so unlikeable dawg what the fuck” because what??? wasting my time like that when i could be searching for a diff fic that i could actually like.

like hello people have different tastes. there might be smth that u don’t like (that one anon) that a different person would gladly eat up (me basically) and there’s absolutely no reason to shit/hate on other people’s works/tastes. ESPECIALLY on tumblr. an app where u get to read literally top quality work for FREE.

and i’m sure so many writers are open for feedback as long as it’s NICE. you can very easily send feedback about a shitty work WHILE appreciating the writer’s effort and hard work spent on it even if the end result didn’t satisfy you. but to straight up go “ur shit is unlikable” IS CRAZY FOR ME 💀💀💀 like pls go into ur notes app or go into ur drafts and write shit that’s “likeable” for u instead of hating on miss zadie 🙏🏼 anywho im sorry this became so long but that was so unnecessary like anon grow up pls you’re better than this

i just want u to know zadie that this is YOUR work. (really want to emphasise this especially after that one ask u got during SB and how it made u pull away from the DDLG concept), the first person that should be satisfied with your works is YOU. if you want to add ddlg pls do if u don’t then don’t if u want to extend the e2l plot in CH please DOOOO these are works and literally universes that you’re creating according to your own liking (and i promise whatever you put out will be amazing because all your works are actually so incredible you’re UNABLE to make smth bad) so pls pls pls add whatever u want !! write whatever you want as long as YOURE satisfied then that’s all that matters ! again love u so much i hope you’re taking care of urself <333

& and always keep your foot down these bitches necks ☝️💯

-⁉️

THERE YOU ARE HI ANGEL BABY 🤭🤭🤭🤍 i hope youve been doing well and are taking good care of yourself !!!!!

gonna try my best and respond to all parts so excuse me pls if i forget any 😭

I ABSOLUTELY AGREEEE. being single is so much better than being with someone like CH!jaems and im afraid ch!y/n's gonna need a while to realise that 🫣 and i know hhe whole jakyung x hoonie part was a little 😞 bc like why would he do that we all know he's madly in love with his enemy (he literally genuinely hates her) but its for the plot i promise 😞😞😞😞

i have also decided to add the smut a little earlier mostly bc i havent properly written smut for hoonie yet and i want to so bad like he's so dreamy and so mean it manes me want to spread my legs and go feral like full on begging and shit so the reason behind the early scheduled smut scene is mostly because of my hunger for sunghoon (jake look away baby)

and the whole not liking a character situation with the E2L is somehhing i struggled with a lot because i 100% agree with you hence the reason i responded the way i did but i genuinely get the nonie bc like thats our hoonie and i make him look so bad BUT I PROMISE ITS FOR THE PLOT 😭😭😭

i will also never get the whole idea of going into someone's inbox and just ranting and complaining when you could just..click away but whatever honestly sto ive accepted that this smau will trigger a LOT of people and i have come to the conclusion that it justa pproves my thoughts of doing what's necessary 🫣

thank you so, so much for your sweet words baby. i do need those reminders every now and then simply because as a writer i tend to get caught up by all the engagement and interactions and asks and comments and the numbers that i tend to forget who i'm writing for in the first place. i hope you know this ask literally means the world to me and i love and appreciate you so so so much, sending you a big kiss rn 🥺☁️🫧🩷

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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vacantgodling · 5 months

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hanzo

you’ve asked about the behemoth you’ve unlocked the gates—

Sexuality Headcanon: gay gay homosexual gay. i think hanzo’s sexuality in my mind teeters from him being so casual about it that you’d think he’s always known (imo he has) or it’s a source of a lot of grief because of the expectations of the head of the clan to bear children (imo it is).

so, to me, he knows he likes men, and he’s too straightforward to deny it, and in his time wandering he’s sought out quickies with men, but i also think it’s a source of stress and shame for him. esp if you get into any of my transzo headcanons the territory gets even messier. but at the same time i can see him being divorced from the desires of the clan as he gets older. like once he gets to 35 he’s kind of like i mean, fuck it—it’s already been some time and i want what i want so it is what it is. i seriously think trauma+his personality make him struggle in developing like actual close relationships in general let alone romantic ones but he is gay and he wants to be with a dude romantically to Me.

Gender Headcanon: tbh i headcanon transzo more often than ciszo but i do tend to write ciszo more often it’s weird lol. but i think it would be an interesting angle to explore if the clan kind of influenced him to be a man and unpacking his struggles with that but ultimately deciding that he’s a man on his own terms but that’s brain rot thoughts for three am—

A ship I have with said character: the only hanzo ship i have and ever will have is with cassidy. otp for life.

i think a lot of the reason i don’t ship hanzo with other characters (largest contender could be bap but i think he and genji or niran work better) is just realistically because when i put their stories and traumas side by side they have the most opportunity to really gain something out of being with one another. what they gain is understanding: someone who gets them on their roughest days, who can talk them down from a panic attack, who they can share a look with and just understand. the chemistry is there physically (see the “pretty handy with that bow” & “good looks are not enough” voicelines which STILL drive me insane by the way — and yes i know hanzo says the good looks are not enough kill line to several people HOWEVER it confirms that he’s only into men for me because he’s ONLY ever said that line to men. i think he only says it to cassidy, reinhardt, and baptiste that i’ve heard? usually when i play hanzo it is a CLUSTERFUCK and i’m SWEATING so there may be more that i’ve missed but he only says it to men confirmed. That and his va being gay is definitely 👀 but that’s a whole other convo).

they would never let the other one get away with their shit, but at the same time they like to pretend their loners when they desperately crave to be understood and have someone to lean on. i think when it comes down to it baptiste is almost TOO adjusted. he and han are similar in that they’ve done things in their past they’re not proud of, but baptiste isn’t running from it; he’s actively trying to make a difference and make it better and in many ways i don’t think hanzo is there yet, and more than likely he’d probably compare himself to bap and feel like he’s not good enough to even stand by him as a friend or coworker let alone romantic interest. similarly COULD be said about cass but there’s something about him that’s extremely disarming to hanzo i feel like.

i could wax poetics about their relationship for deadass fucking hours however i am going to move on before this becomes an entire dissertation.

A BROTP I have with said character: the one that appears in cage is hana and hanzo! i think their friendship is cute, helpful, elder brother/uncle with younger sister/niece energy. basically everything kiriko will never be LMAO. a lot of the reason i do care about this friendship so much kind of stems from my own headcanons about hana and her story which are entirely deviated from canon and WILL make an appearance in cage later on. but i think the two of them are more alike than it would initially seem—hana’s just better adjusted and more outgoing than hanzo. and every fic i’ve ever read that has them as friends has made me emo.

A NOTP I have with said character: hanzo with anyone who isn’t cassidy LMAO.

if i am serious though, hanzo and akande? like bro i understand enemies to lovers and corruption arc are popular ship tropes but i want hanzo to be well fed, well fucked, safe and happy and with akande that would not happen lmao. i don’t think he has the delicacy and tact to manage to break through han’s barriers and to love him genuinely or tender and i think hanzo (clearly) has trauma around authority so akande trying to take the lead in their relationship would be so fucking rough. like it’s toxic and while toxic relationships can be fun to write it ain’t fun for me because hanzo’s the love of my life and i want the best for him 😭

A random headcanon: HANZO IS INTO VISUAL KEI AND I WILL DIE ON THIS FUCKING HILL FUCK BLIZZARD FOR GIVING KIRIKO THAT VKEI SKIN ITS BOTH BAD AND HAN DESERVES IT MORE FUCK YALL SO MUCH. you mean to tell me that this broody angsty s.o.b wouldn’t be into the gazette?? buck tick????? x japan??? dir en grey???? kill yourself like i’m biting and maiming. i think he’d be more into the grungier and darker groups tbh like more of a dir en grey fan bc of their lyricism and imagery… and it’s also lowkey one of the (many) reasons why cage is named cage. cuz cage is a dir en grey song lmao.

General Opinion over said character: he’s the love of my life. like i have never connected with nor been as obsessed with than hanzo and i’m going to go to my grave loving this man. seriously considering getting a shimada clan tattoo just bc i love hanzo so fucking much (i’m just broke) and he consumes my thoughts just as much as hya lmao.

#ff: cage #about renjamin

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strangesmallbard · 2 years

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okay i just watched an episode of call the midwife that made me abruptly confront several grief-related traumas at once and i feel the need to talk about them, like make everything exist outside my head and join the human experience, or something. please feel no obligation to read this or respond but if you're going through The Grief yourself, know you're not alone.

tw for death, cancer, suicide, alcoholism

i lost three people in a year, and didn't really get to say goodbye to any of them, and that's like? fucked up doesn't describe it LMAO. i lost my grandma and a work supervisor in june 2019, and my dad at the very beginning of 2020. my grandma died in her sleep; she was 89, so it wasn't unexpected, just sudden. she was very anxious toward the end of her life and we didn't have many meaningful conversations. i wasn't medicated or grown up enough to have those conversations, and mostly i wish i'd validated her deep anxiety about death and her anger at her own body when it stopped working. right now i'm acutely grieving her house - it was sold a year later, and i don't think i'll ever forgive my uncle for that.

my supervisor died by suicide. we weren't very close, but he had a strangely large place in my life - he was previously my college professor several years before and i chose that school because of his work in particular. he was also the first out gay person i saw at my school during orientation, and that memory's always stayed with me as i formed a community there.

the last time i saw him was a work event the night before (opening night of a play - i worked at a theatre company.) we sat next to each other and i noticed he seemed sad, tired, or off. i was annoyed with him about a work-related thing that doesn't matter anymore, but i was still friendly because i always try to be friendly. i hoped he was alright. a few days later, my other supervisor told me what happened. he was a kind-hearted guy who was passionate about his work and changed many, many lives for the better. i think about him a lot.

my internship ended right after this without much fanfare or Unpacking. i just left a grieving community and dived right into my first gig, basically running on fumes lmao. my internship was very, very toxic, and i wouldn't realize it for another year. i didn't think about my grandma or my supervisor. i spent the whole summer wanting to call my supervisor and talk to her about what happened. she came to watch closing night of my play, and we didn't talk about what happened. the next day, i plunged into a Huge Depression involving an alcohol dependency and eight seasons of house md.

as i vaguely began to exit my depression, my dad was deadass. DEADASS. diagnosed with stage four lung cancer from smoking cigarettes. like omg. DUDE? the last time i saw my dad was at my grandma's funeral!!!! fucking on the nose. anyway. he was diagnosed in early december 2019, after seeing a doctor for back problems. the back problems were several tumors. everything happened very quickly. the last time i saw my dad alive was in a hospital parking garage on december 24, 2019. we hugged goodbye, but not Goodbye. he was in a rush to get home because he was sick from radiation treatment. i don't remember our last conversation at all.

my mom and i got the call he was dying after i schlepped her to urgent care for a separate medical issue. my mom was too zonked to get on a plane, so i went to the airport. five minutes after i got there, i learned he passed. it was very crowded. i canceled the ticket while crying, and i didn't explain why i was crying. my lyft driver asked if i had a good trip. this now strikes me as hilarious. i learned that his family let him know i was coming. this was likely the last thing he heard. i can't really sum up my dad in a sentence, but he was brave in his own way, a great storyteller, and loved me very much. i wish he realized we had a lot in common, and i wish we had more time. thanks for the adhd dad

anyway, guess what happened in march 2020! yeah shit's been weird. most days i'm honestly fine, and then i remember i designed my dad's headstone (it looks banging) and he'll never meet any kids i have. in three months it'll be three years since we last spoke and i hate that. i'm a very different person, and i've only become this person because three people in my life died in the same ten months. my mom's also been sick and it's a very particular kind of lonely. wow this was cathartic! if you made it here, i love you. if you didn't, i love you! feel my love telepathically! i am 65 years old in vibes, especially if you count the osteoarthritis. i am also maybe 3 or 4 years old and i want a nap and snacks and my stuffed animals, etc.

#yell.txt #death cw #suicide cw #genuinely hysterical that i can blaze this

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saetoru · 2 years

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TEE HELLO I HAVE TO ASK SOMETHING DID U SEE THE NEW TR CHAPTER BECAUSE-

snow i was deadass about to make my tr post about the chapter.

there is so much to unpack here.

i’m so unwell

but for now here is my sugar plum:

#( ˘ ³˘)♡ — from moots to lovers !!#♡ — my lover: snow flake <3 #tr spoilers #tr manga spoilers

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theseancekid · 2 years

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GET TO KNOW YOUR WRITING PARTNER! (repost, don’t reblog!)

NAME? Ash

PRONOUNS? She/her

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION? literally whatever lmao! im’s, discord, messenger pigeon, you name it

NAME OF MUSES? Klaus (and also Louis de Pointe du Lac at @sangcreole!)

EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG? I think 11 years now?? I first started during my freshman year of high school...so y’all can do the math lmao

BEST EXPERIENCE? Oh gosh, there are so many, I’ve met so many lovely people through tumblr rp!! I think one of the highlights was meeting a friend through my Louis blog, who then asked me to start a Vampire Chronicles podcast that kind of blew up, so that was really wild?? The vampire chronicles rpc really popped off in like 2017-2019 so that was really fun to like have a podcast that people actually listened to, and then have people follow my blog and send in questions.

RP PET PEEVES? I don’t think I have any real pet peeves...I mean, I think the biggest thing that makes it harder for me to write with people is if we have a thread together and my partner doesn’t do anything to forward the plot. Like, I know sometimes in fluffier plots, there’s not much to move forward, but if i’m having to carry the entire conversation then it doesn’t feel like there’s much point to the thread y’know?

MUSE PREFERENCES FOR ANGST / FLUFF / SMUT? I think all 3 have their merits! I tend to gravitate towards angst just because...klaus has A LOT of baggage to unpack and he’s one of those characters who is always teetering on the edge, always just shy of falling apart, so there’s a lot of fun tension to play around with there. Fluff threads are sometimes harder if there’s nothing propelling the plot forward but listen Klaus deserves so much love and i want to give that to him. in fact, a lot of my fluff threads end up turning angsty, or vice versa, because klaus just doesn’t know how to be loved or how to be soft, so it’s really great to explore that. and as for smut...i mean, it’s kind of a given with klaus that things will get a bit naughty LOL. i’m not a huge fan of writing extremely gratuitous threads unless there’s like...an emotional or dramatic tie-in, if that makes sense. like, i don’t like just writing sex for the sake of sex, but i like the weird, funny, angsty, intimate emotions surrounding it. i really LOVE exploring characters’ relationships with intimacy, so yes, this blog will occasionally get smutty

PLOTS OR MEMES? oh my god, MEMES PLEASE lmfao i’m so bad at plotting!!! my social energy is extremely limited and while I love gushing about klaus, it’s hard for me to like commit to things and plan things out. I definitely prefer memes because they give me a general direction, but also give me the freedom to completely improvise.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES? I have a hard time limiting myself with short replies lmao listen klaus is an agent of chaos so i feel like all my replies kind of go off the rails with him. there’s nothing wrong with short replies but like...i will gladly take all the content i can get with my rp partners!!! i swear, y’all are so talented, you could write me a novel and i would obsess over every single word.

BEST TIME TO WRITE? deadass i’ve conditioned myself so that i physically CANNOT write any earlier than 11pm. i’m usually lurking on this blog in the evening, but the actual writing doesn’t get done until 11pm-1am lmao

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE? I used to think Klaus and I were total opposites just on the basis that he’s an absolute extrovert party animal and i am a textbook introvert nerd, but there are definitely a lot of similarities between us. On a surface level, my wardrobe isn’t all that different from Klaus’— I wear skinny jeans and converse sneakers every goddamn day of my life and I would absolutely wear crop tops if it was work appropriate LOL. But beyond that, I think we both have a deeply sensitive nature. I am...too empathetic for my own good, but I’m also extremely good at hiding my emotions when I want to (god, I’m the most Gemini gemini you’ll ever meet) so I’ll always relate to that side of Klaus lmao

Tagged by: the lovely @tempportal Tagging: @littleshcp @downpaths @murdcck @nofinalgirl @fightknife

#*【 ☂ ┊ ❛ Just need to sober up ❜ 】 ➤ OOC #;tagging game #*【 ☂ ┊ ❛ Ex-squeeze me? ❜ 】 ➤ Queue

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heart-shaped-tickles · 1 year

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amidst a tickle attack my partner asked me, "why don't you admit you like it?? why are you struggling?" like entirely deadass and now i have feelings. first of all i was too busy LAUGHING to even answer and second, there is just so much to unpack here

#ill say it on here rn look #i love being tickled. easy #but its DIFFERENT OUT LOUD #its different saying it in front of !!! him!!!!!#like u guys get it right #im a mess #mfw

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cassandrattpd · 5 days

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ttpd first listen opinions incoming:

fortnight- not what i was expecting at all but somehow exactly right???? like i was expecting poppy, angry, synth, with the signature post dreamy and it IS all of those things to a T but something in the narrative makes it more interesting and compelling. LOVE that she is continuing to be an author inspired by her own life. creating characters inhabited by her emotions.

the tortured poets department - ooooooooohhhhhhh oh no uh oh i was not looking out for this title track at all at it fucking HIT. who's gonna love you like me??? NO FUCKING BODY!!!!!! that's some shit. the bridge 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 about the ring 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ohhhhh i'minsane im insane I'm snane whomstsg literally right here right now is wearing a ring on their left hand ring finger that is not an engagement ring and is not really anything but a desperate wish LMAO 🙋🙋🙋 TAYLOR I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - ONCE I FIX ME HE'S GONNA MISS ME????????????????????? JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL this is a fucking bop wrapped in mental illness wrapped in a gnarly relationship dynamic. pack her up, she's coming home with me!! i found the one!!!! i mean it's been a few minutes since i heard it bc i paused and i'm typing this up so i don't remember it exactly but the line about pull my string and i'll tell you how he runs bc he's scared of loved L M A O taylor youuuuu are mean to me specifically and i love you

down bad - naked and alone in a field in my same old town that somehow seems so hollow now they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 but also...is there going to be an alien music video. i'm being so dead serious, with the cosmic love and all the space mentions and beep boop spaceship sounds i deadass think the "naked and alone in a field" is gonna be used as an alien abduction metaphor in a mv ORRRRR i am high OR both! regardless: certified banger ✅

so long, london - .... wow. honestly i need more time to process that. not unexpected at all, but just so impactfully said and i can't remember any of it because every line hit me and knocked the last one out of my head. i need to listen 1000000 more times on repeat.

but daddy i love him - again not at ALL what i expected but oh my god???? i am so in love and so charmed by this song????? like hello country taylor 🥹🥹🥹👢 LOVE that we're flipping the convention of using religion in country songs and instead say um no actually keep your predatory misogynistic institution away from my body thx

fresh out the slammer - wearing invisible rings 😐😐😐😐😐 were they 😐😐 invisible... like 😐😐😐... the.. .😐 invisible string g 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 this is not the cringe bop akin to vigilante shit i was expecting so i am simply processing.... so much. and like. i just have to say i love this album so much so far i love her

florida!!! - little did you know your home's really just a town you're just a guest in 🥴🥴🥴😵‍💫😵‍💫🥴😵‍💫🥴😭😭😵‍💫🥴 MAAAAAM!!!! I'M UNWELL!!!! IM GOING TO HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS IS A SONG CALLED FLORIDA FUCKING STOP IT SONEOBE STOP THIS WOMAN

guilty as sin? - more exploration of societal perceptions of female sexuality! and virginity! and masturbation! unpacking the religious trauma of christian girlhood!!! literally i am over the fucking moon.

who's afraid of little old me? - 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 THIS IS THE BITCH THIS IS MY NUMBER ONE IM NOT EVEN DONE BUT I CANNOT IMAGINE ANYTHING BETTER THAN WHAT I JUST LISTENED TO I KNOW THERE IS MORE BRAND NEW TAYLOR SWIFT MUSIC BUT I WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT ONE AGAIN RIGHT NOW

i can fix him (no really i can) - ummmmmmmmmm well. i liked some lyrics, i liked some music. i think this one is gonna be a grower lol

loml - fucking.........fuck. the absolute LYRICS in this bitch. my mouth is lit er a ly AGAPE !!!! i yet again need to listen to this one or twenty hundred more times to process, but also loss of my life truthers rise

i can do it with a broken heart - i like most of it! I could do without the "i'm so depressed i act like it's my birthday" part of the chorus even though i relate to it but also i just know it's gonna grow on me. right now tho.......

the smallest man who ever lived - OHHHHHH SHIT not to be that person but joe alwyn literally found DEAD IN A DUMPSTER sucks to suckkkkkk i just!!!!! damn

the alchemy - 😳 she's a rebound song....iiiiiiii - hmmmmm. people who listened to leaks and have thus claimed the good lyric urls i just wanna talk.

clara bow - OH HELL YEAH. OH HELLLL YEAH. The Themes Of It All!!!!!!!!!!! hollywood/the media/culture at large just cyclically preys on young women. THE WORLD just cyclically preys on young women. hollywood is just holding up a mirror to the rest of society!! the rest of society is failing to realize the humanity of the offerings they're served!! PERFECT ALBUM CLOSER

now that i've taken 2.5 hours to do a first listen, a quick first ranking after hearing everything only one and seeing no one else's opinions:

1. who's afraid of little old me?

2. my boy only breaks his favorite toys

3. loml

4. the smallest man who ever lived

5. florida!!!

6. guilty as sin?

7. so long, london

8. clara bow

9. down bad

10. but daddy i love him

11. the tortured poets department

12. i can do it with a broken heart

13. fortnight

14. the alchemy

15. fresh out the slammer

16. i can fix him (no really i can)

#ttpd #leanne.text #very excited to see how this changes and see what you guys think and bow lose my mind with everyone bc this album is AMAZING

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bisluthq · 4 months

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I liked the Hugo Weaving casting but seeing the trailer I’m even more excited to see him as Frank Harkness

I know you haven’t finished season 3 yet but if you’re interested on the season 4 trailer someone shared it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/JgmPnXCWivA?si=ylbOWYN9q6CcjCYO

we’re probably coming home next Wednesday unless shit goes wrong again and we’re very excited to watch our shows again lmfao. We’ve been watching so much random shit that we do not care for but like you can’t tell old people or dying people or people on the edge of s wording or people who are falling off the wagon that their shows suck so like we’ve deadass sat through my life with the Walter boys which has been bad for me and worse for my partner lmfao but again that’s family and that’s life and like the shitty parts oftentimes are often what make it beautiful.

I handwrote my partner a letter for Christmas (again, we are areligious but we gave his family members like chocolates and rando shit and stuff and then his mum gave me this super thoughtful gift based on conversations we’d had which made me feel bad because we’d announced we’re not doing it and she didn’t do anything for him but she gave me something I really wanted that I’d mentioned and like ew family is hard) anyway, one of the best lines in my letter - it was a pretty letter like I reread the draft now before I wrote this response to u my queen - was “every morning, even when I don’t think I do, I want to keep waking up in our brightly colored house with you by my side because the odd maximalist colours that I chose in a fever dream haze make me happy, but you make me far happier and if you were gone then the colours would be back to black and white” and like that’s I guess what I like about this. He literally wanted this house black and white and now we have every wall in a different colour lol and he loves it.

I will also tell u all that no relationship is perfect lmfao - not just in terms of decorating - and my partner thought I was on Hinge when I was on Tumblr mobile because the colours are similar and like I’ve been showing him the blog but on my laptop so the colours where different and he fully accused me of being on Hinge like just before we left for here and I had to be like “I’m not on that tho so let’s unpack” and it turned out he thought this weird ass hobby was me talking to other people which like I suppose it is but not in a Hinge way lmfao.

thank you for joining me on this existential fucking journey queens and the stream of consciousness I just embarked on - punctuated only with checking my draft about the brightly coloured house - and let’s see what else u cook up soon and when I’m home I’ll def watch the rest of the season of Slow Horses. Thank u for reading, dear diary.

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corvidcrybaby · 1 year

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Uh ohhhh I'm back with more rambling on Y/N/reader insert fanfic

Now that I'm a few months out from when I finished a Y/N fic I've been going back and ruminating on the emotions I was feeling that I wanted to give a place to live when i wrote that

When I decided to write a Y/N fic it was largely on a whim. A ton of the time I was flying by the seat of my pants and it shows - for me, that's part of the charm. The death metal aesthetic especially centers on sloppy, unsophisticated and choppy execution of ideas the people creating them find so g-ddamn compelling that they simply can't wait to get them out there. But for me it was beyond this.

I've talked before about how Alucard was my bisexual awakening in terms of my taste in men - I had one when I was a teen but to me that doesn't really count since I was, yanno, a child who knew nothing of intimacy and actual interpersonal attraction. Moreover, I've talked about how when I first watched Hellsing as much as I found Alucard relentlessly compelling, my attraction to him was something I suppressed so deep and so hard that I really didn't process what it was until like last summer.

This, for what I believe, comes from the internalized androphobia I developed over time as a closeted bisexual kid with rampant gender dysphoria. I knew I was into men, but I didn't want men to be into me - because I didn't want to be a man's boyfriend, I wanted to be viewed as a girl. But I didn't fully get that at the time (transfemme egg things). Hence, my aversion. Over time, this aversion grew so strong that I developed this intense complex about attraction to men such that I was legitimately convinced that if I dared to act on my attraction to men in any real capacity, I'd get hurt, badly. Whether out of fear of being seen as a """trap""" or just as a gross sexual deviant, I can't really say. All I knew was, I only felt safe talking to men over text - ESPECIALLY cis men, which was some internalized cisnormativity I had to unpack as I got older.

Nevertheless, it makes all too much sense to me now why I was so fixated on Alucard. 1. He was fictional, and therefore posed no true threat to me, 2. At the same time, being a vampire, he represents the idea of taboo or dangerous sexuality and sensuality, which combined make him a one-two-punch to someone dealing with repressed sexuality regarding attraction to men. 3. being a MAN'S man, is far more outwardly masculine than any irl mascs I had experience with irl (only dated pretty femboys prior to this).

Tying all this together was the time I began HRT and finally began to detangle the mess of emotions that was my sexual and romantic orientation. I've cracked jokes about how shit turned on a dime for me regarding being attracted to that particular fictional man but it was so so so fucking true. I eventually grew so fascinated by this conundrum/Catch-22 of "I'm attracted to men but I am terrified of them" plus "Alucard is a gorgeous deadly attractive man but is a vampire and is therefore designed to be both deadly and beautiful down to the last atom" that eventually I came to view him as this perfect personification of my own personal repression and, eventually, my escape from it.

These feelings grew so strong and I spent so much time poring over them that I eventually decided the most productive thing for me to do for self-exploration was to deadass just write a story about it and build a narrative that would allow me to vicariously experience that feeling of "this seems so stupidly dangerous but I cannot escape how drawn to it I am, until I find out that, sike, it can actually be okay, and there's nothing wrong with wanting things that seem scary just because people around you make it seem that way."

#hellsing #hellsing fanfic #hellsing fandom #alucard #fanfic writing #writing quibbles

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