#there's literally still snow outside

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye

#cats #love the second picture... skrungly sleepy well rested boye face... #since he's an elderly boy now sometimes when he wakes up from a nap he looks a bit scruffy and squinty eyed #Hard to beleive he's like 15 though.. he still looks like a kitten to me.. due to his giant round creature eyes and childlike demeanor #I think it's interesting that like... baby cats are babies. kittens are kittens. and you can tell a cat is like 'young adult' phase #looking from like a few months to maybe 1yr or 2yrs.. but after that they just always look the same to me #a 5 yr old cat is a 10 yr old cat is a 15 year old cat. unless the cat in question is particulalry aged or youthful #I still have so so little energy... it's been icy here this week. like not even FUN but just scary icy even thoguh i lOOOVE the cold #and its my favorite weather. I think it'd be okay actually if I had a woodburning stove/fireplace/hearth thing. literally thats my only #concern with the power going out. I genuinely don't mind stuff like having to go to the bathroom in buckets or cook over a fire or do other #less conveninet things. Its just that if eveyrhtng is electric then you have no way to cook and all of that. well.. and I literally need #background noise to go to sleep lest my ocd sprials become so loud I am slowly driven into maddness.. but a few battery packs or something #and a phone with one downloaded video I could play on repeat is fine for that. I dont need internet. ANYWAY.. so so sad that my fav #orite season ever (winter) is here. and the first cold of the winter is like... just an ice storm that you cant even walk in. I #love like 4 feet of snow where you can play in it and stuff. But just a thin flat sheet of a few inches of ice over every imaginable surfac #is not really playable. the wind speeds are so high and so many trees fall it's actually not that safe to go hang out outside anyway unless #you were in a totally clear open field. which is SAD also because i love ice and high winds. i love to stand out there and get whipped in t #he face with ice crystals and feel like I'm in some dramatic movie or something. but alas.. the threat of being attacked by a falling tree. #I did go out some but again it's like. literallyyou cant walk on it. so I just squatted and dragged myself along the ground lol #One of my stories has a whole section where the main characters are trapped in a deadly cold environment for a week and have to use magic #to survive and etc. etc. so I'm always like.. ouuu.. I should go in the ice.. it's Writing Research actually.. *foolishly gets frostbite* #THOUGH yesterday I went on a harrowing evil journey down a bunch of icy hilly roads to go check on some person's cat because the cat #had been left in the house for like 5 days at that point with nobody to check on them and nobody else seemed to want to do anything #about it (like call all of the neighbors or try to get someone out there) so I just went myself with a roommate who agreed to drive me. #It seemed acting totally normal and I gave it more food and water but.. I am still worried about it.. Apparently the person will be able #to get back to their house tomorrow but.. I dont trust them. But I couldnt take the cat with me because it's like.. a stranger's cat #basically and also no carrier + very skittish.. so I feared if I just tried to carry them bare handed they'd definitely leap from my grasp #and then it'd be like.. sliding on a sheet of ice chasing a cat and so on.. I still think they need to be watched for health issues tho >:| #ANYWAY.... many cat adventures lately... and strange weather... I wish for a normal week without always so many Things Happening.. augh

[linabirb]

sobbing i just said i was sleepy and my family went "OHHHH IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO ANYMORE. IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T GO OUTSIDE ANYMORE. IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T GO TO CLASS IN PERSON ANYMORE" okay. but what if i'm simply eepy

#you know what's also very (not) fun about this. i've literally said that i'm either taking online classes or dropping out #and they basically manipulated me to take the online classes bc “okay! you can drop out but we don't have any money left :)” #like wow way to make me look like the bad guy #BUT NOW THAT I'M STILL A STUDENT I'M JUST NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO CLASS THEY'RE STILL MAKING ME LOOK LIKE I'M LAZY. SHUT UP #also. also also. when the weather is nice i try to spend as much time outside as possible #but guess what. it's winter. the icicles are huge and it's snowing nonstop. what am i supposed to do #[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]

[todayisafridaynight]

brother was talking to me about how if you almost die from an extreme-temperature-related incident then your body is just forever fucked towards that temperature and that's why i think kiryu and saejima are weak to ice. i dont know why aoki isn't like that too but ignore that statistic everything else tracks.

#snap chats #i already made this post highkey but im making it again cause i didnt know this was an actual real thing ☠️ #my brother learned this when he started to work for target. because apparently that's a thing they tell you frame one #'snap how did this topic even come up' i am LITERALLY so glad you asked :) the cold has almost claimed me twice #am i exaggerating Maybe but its my fucked up body temperature now listen #when i was younger i got locked out of my house for like. three hours since i was a latchkey kid #and my dad wasn't supposed to come home with my siblings (from their after school events) for Three Hours #and it had snowed outside and Was Cold Yeah and i couldn't get in cause i forgot my key like a weiner #and yeah. was really cold :) my dad was real cross with me when he found me shivering in the shed LOL #he made me hot cocoa tho so its ok. second incident's just funny No I Talk About It Evvery Other Week #and im p sure i talked bout the first incident too but yeah that time after the con when i was at my sister's #like i cannot stress how cold it was because It Was Late November and the cold still existed #and my sister's heater just. Didnt Work but yeah. i wont go into detail cause i share this story every five seconds #POINT IS i've always had a hard time with the cold- like i'm cold nearly all the time even if the room is 90 degrees #i wont be COLD cold but i'll be colder than i like #anyways can't believe i'm weak to ice this is so sad. i love winter.. #aoki isn't weak to ice cause uhhhh /aoki/ didnt almost die in the cold 🥴 masato did 🥴 #imagine changing your identity so well that you just remove your past elemental weakness. fucked up. #alright bye

[youremyonlyhope]

Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.

#zoloft #sertraline #i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm #i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why #i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch #and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up #like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there #and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first #it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet #like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me #also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it #and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV #and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out #and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream #guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour #which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream #for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it #because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another #oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him #through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol #that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment. #i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

every time im sitting here like "damn why am i suddenly really anxious and restless and irritable and its hard to breathe" and then i realize. oh. yeah. ive been wearing my binder for too long

#LITERALLY every fucking time i wear it without fail #i forget its there! #and then i go do strenuous physical activity and because im fucking stupid im like damn why am i out of breath so easy #head in hands. is he stupid? #yes . #anyway. taking it off now. cooking myself some biscuits. and maybe some shrimp #i need top surgery so bad #or like. a compression shirt or whatever that i can wear for long periods of time that doesn't do this to me #aauerghghghghg. #weighing the options of. dont want to take binder off because body shape is bad. have to take binder off or i will continue feeling worse. #its snowing biiiiiig fluffy flakes outside rn . man . #UGHGGHG. TW FOR SH MENTION COMING UP. #I JUST REALIZED I CANT WVEN DO THE “TAKE THE BINDER OFF WHILE STILL WEARING A SHIRT” TRICK #BC IM STUPID AND MY DUMBASS ARMS HURT WHEN FABRIC TOUCHES THEM . SO I HAVE TO GET UP AND MOVE AND TAKE MY SHIRT OFF FIRST. #hell world. everything sucks forevwr #this is the most baby thing to he complaining about. but again. taps the sign. ive been wearing my damn binder too long

[void-tiger]

Oxytocin low. Send hugs.

#tiger’s roar #it has…been overcast for days. with no snow to maximize light output #and since it’s been so warm the trees think it’s fucking SPRING…not likely gonna get The Mirror Effect + Seasonal Coziness any time soon #and it’s when it looks like a so called Tender Tennessee Christmas outside…is when I actually get the winter SADs #because tennessee in winter is nothing but bizarre tempts and overcast browns. it’s miserable #also…I really only get People Hugs from a ‘what even are we really’ ‘s mom #like…once every two weeks. there’s only so much pets being snuggly and burrowing my face into a jumbo squishmellow can do to help with this #and…Someone told on me to 3rd Party. either someone broke confidence who was told to keep it #OR… ‘what even ARE we?!’ and their sibling (and possibly their parents) all played detective. and spoke to 3rd Party #I…would rather believe the second. vs betrayed Yet Again #because of the timing and because…they’re really the only ones who have Visibly been allowed to see just how Awful this was for me and… #still trying to put on a brave face. redraw boundaries. protect everyone #but I still feel so so fragile. and I need them HERE. and it feels so so selfish to want that #and doing my best to Brave Face is…walking on a fractured leg. but what else am I supposed to do #and…I feel so embarassed to basically expose just how damaged my attachment is #and that using friendships and longing for friendships and prioritizing platonic over romantic is…apparently not normal. #prolly a trauma response actually. and I cannot force people to be friends. because to me friends are surrogate family. literally #and that is…too intense. probably. #(…and did I mention that needing this just feels…selfish?)

[lecliss]

Why tye fuck am I crying over ninja clash in the land of snow???? I fucking love this movie so much. It's sooooo fucking good. It's definitely my favorite and it was only the first ever Naruto movie. Can you believe they peaked at the first fucking one??? Why is it so good??? Fuck man aaaaaa

#i admit ive only seen three shippuden movies. but not counting the last or road to ninja (cuz they seem so good but i still havent seen them #sadge i know) but for real i wanna say they peaked at the first one. and i say that as a BIG fan of the lost tower #which is admittedly kinda rushed so like yeah of course ninja clash in the land of snow is better. im just very biased about the lost tower #granted i am certainly biased about all the part 1 movies. i guess im biased about the movies in general tho #since they count as filler and im always defensive of filler #also its SO funny to me that the land of snow has steam trains and blimps and the movie says movies exist #when all that stuff doesnt get invented in canon until post shippuden #theres a full on novel where kakashi and guy go on a mission in a. blimp?? hot air plane or something #and like half the point of the plot is that ITS A NEW INVENTION. #and i think the nerd kid's dad from boruto (IM SORRY I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME RN) like. invented trains i think??? or he invested in their #invention. and that like #mega related to his character as a rich tech guy's kid. #and i KNOW the land of snow is technologically advanced and also not canon. BUT LISTEN. #its just so funny to think that kakashi literally saw a fucking blimp like 8 years prior and then proceeded to be impressed when #going on a mission to protect like some rich lady on her trip to the take off of the world first blimp or hot air plane #whatever the plot of that novel was. #like. its just fucking funny. #i dont even remember if regular television is confirmed to exist pre-boruto. outside like #cctv for the kages that we saw like. once? in fucking. season 1 or something. #personal

[clowndensation]

not to name any names, but some people (me) need to log off and go touch some grass perhaps.

#i mean not literally. it's 10pm and there's still snow outside. however. figuratively the situation is getting dire.

[icewindandboringhorror]

i can tell summer has been very hot and annoying to me this year because just seeing snow in the sims is enough to be deeply emotionally moving 

#like it doesn't even look that nice. its just a plain default house with pixelly trees and stuff but literally even seeing reminders #of snow and winter it's just like aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i feel like i could cry ghhj #It's like a transcendent experience just to gaze upon digital snow #I feel like I have the opposite of that seasonal affective disorder thing where people get depressed in the winter and are so happy #to see summer and warm weather. for me it's like the second it starts to get warm I am filled with nothing but dread and miserable until #it's finally fall again and ESPECIALLY winter. my only complaint is that I hate being out at night or driving in the dark #or going anywhere and doing anything if it's not daylight. so in the winter when it starts to get dark at like 4pm its super limiting #IF it were reversed where winter had the longest daylight and summer had the shortest then winter would legitimately be the absolute perfect #season in every way. Short days is it's only solitary flaw #Just like longer days/more daylight is summers ONLY positive #I'm sure this is also different for people with central heating and air but for those of us with either zero ac or a tiny little #dinky window ac thats hard to install and uninstall every year and doesnt actually get the whole house and etc. etc. etc. #then it's just like.. idk how I'm supposed to enjoy constant headaches and being drenched in sweat #and unable to sleep half the time because it's 85F INSIDE OF MY ROOM when tryong to get comfortable and being basically unable #to go outside because you feel like you're going to pass out and you have to keep like 5 layers of heat/light blocking curtains up #just to try and reduce it a little so it's just like 2-3 months sitting in a steaming dark box sweating and miserable #And then people are like 'thats why we go on vacation! it's my favorite season because I get to travel away from the heat and go to the rive #r or the coast!' and it's like.. okay.. if it was REALLY a good season then you wouldnt have to travel just to get away from it like hghb #that argument just makes it look bad? 'Summer is good because I can enjoy spending my time escaping the conditions of summer!' #ANYWAY.. i hope cooler weather will finally arrive soon. there are STILL days in the mid-high 80s here... why was is like #87 degrees this afternoon on fucking September 25th .... w h y #I know climate changes is affecting the entire everywhere but it seems to be heating up so quickly on the west coast #If I cant get to the uk or canada or at least back to the northeast US in the next few years I am going to become an evil villain #idk how much longer I can take this before I transform into a rabid beaste #ANYWAY.. as always.. my mood is craving the cold.. craving snow.. I love being cold so much. I used to sneak into the walk in cooler at #daycare when I was a kid legit like cold has just always been so comforting for me. I am not built to be even moderately warm ever at all lo #l... It is so draining and the longer that summer goes on the more intense it is until I'm like crying at sims pictures ghjbj

[femme-malewife]

It is so hilarious to me how people see me as cool and wise on the surface- literally telling me in anon that they’re too scared to talk to me

but Bean knows how much of a dumb pathetic and uncool person I am irl

#irl...i have: #1. left my window open in the dead of winter for a WEEK STRAIGHT and inadvertently let SNOW into my room #during a WIND CHILL WARNING (which means even being outside for 10 minutes could give you frostbite or hypothermia) #2. i was searching up japanese dance for my fic and one result popped up with this bell-like instrument and a fan #so i typed in japanese dance only fans ....... yeah yall can guess what popped up #i was scrambling to get off the results bc i was so stunned. i only wanted. the jp fans. not THAT. #bean fucking cackled at me so fucking hard :((( #3. i tried climbing out the drive thru window at my work to escape a bad smell #4. i tried cutting a banana in half...with a plastic spoon...at my work...with the peel still on...bc i couldnt find the knife #theres a lot more but these are all RECENT #conclusion: im a literal fuckin loser LMFAO #so yeah yall pls dont be afraid to talk to me im a bumbling dumbass

[johnsbleu]

Update soon?

Happy new year as well!

yeah i definitely want to update soon! my next day off is next wednesday. work has been crazy this holiday season but it's going to be slowing down soon, so i won't be so damn tired every night when i get home and i'll be able to edit and get the next chapter out. i promise to update soon! thank you for sticking around and take care of yourselves!🤍

#ask #anonymous #we literally had a snow storm the other day and people still showed up to my work #like bro u don't actually NEED to be here right now it's literally a blizzard outside lmao #anyway love you all for sticking around!!

[mosspapi]

Anyways. It's been more than 3 months so this bullshit can officially b classified as long covid :))))))))

#I'm gonna kay em ess dude is2g #like. I knew that's what it was already but my parents were like. 'nah you'll miraculously b better before it's been that long' #so part of me was being stupid and hoping they were right even tho they are literally never right abt health bcuz they deny everything #armchair speaks #but it's just like. I already have a fucked up immune system I don't need long covid on top of that plus all my other bullshit #like. it's to the point where i feel like I might have to drop out of school bcuz I just can't physically do it all anymore #and I'd genuinely rather kill myself than do that. esp bcuz it means moving back in with my parents. #so idk what the fuck I'm gonna do here #idk. I'm not explaining any of this properly I'm tired and upset and having a shitty time on top of all this #eugh. still considering trying to find a cheap wheelchair. at least now the snow is mostly gone so I could use it outside

[wellnesscard]

i call this ground treasure szn bc its like glaciers they collect stuff and be moved one place to another and then drop the stuff they collect . mostly dirt. but ive found so much random jewelry and toys and mementos leeching out from these ice piles as well its/was a seasonal event

#i look forward to the seasonal event but were all screwed the climate is difffffffffferent #my town got a big grant for more snowplows but we had only 2 blizzards instead of 2 straight months of blizzards so it was useless #it made me genuinely sad the other day was smoking outside work before opening and the sidewalk plower came thru main street #scraping up a quarter inch of powder literally scraping that sidewalk there was a flurry of sparks surrounding lol #its like if u take a husky and stick it in a condo in LA #these poor boys...... cannae use all our gear #i got all this gear and all this funding to remove snow and theres no snow so they take turns shoveling one snowball back n forth #the amount of ski tracks still happening when its only ice slush and trail #ppl are desperate

[sirompp]

oh no

its coming

taking me over

...

Christmas

#around halfway through the year i get bitten by the fucking holiday bug #like. i suck so bad at all the commitment and the decision making and the asking to go to stores and the buying #but the vibes... oh‚ the vibes are immaculate #and when its nearly summertime...you dont have yo worry about any of those things..!! u can just relish in the Vibes #i say that like i worry at all. im in mid december like yippee!!! theres snow on the ground!!!! and all the houses have lights up!!!!!!!! #im walking outside like lalalalala the world is so beautiful!! and then my mom asks if i want to go shopping and i collapse like a particle #i just love literally everything about christmas #except the um. part where i have to do things #i wish i could do things without doing them you know? #like give people gifts without having to decide what theyd like best and then find it and buy it #ooooooooooo i wanna wear warm sweaters and drink hot coco in front of a fireplace with candles and decorations all around sooooooooooo bad #candy canes and marshmallows and red and green jellybeans #one time it snowed like. eight feet where i lived. that was so much fun. apparently it sucked for everyone else but i had a GREAT time #i wish itd happen again we made like a snow tunnel base in our backyard it was sooo cool #this is so stupid. literally a month and a half ago i was lamenting how the snow hadnt melted yet and i was so sick of it #THERE IS LITERALLY STILL SNOW OUTSIDE ACTUALLY #very little #BUT ITS STILL THERE #AND IM HERE #LONGING FOR HOLLY JOLLIES #hey wait #hey wait a minute #whats stopping me from just doing it all anyway #??? i can eat candy canes and jellybeans any time of the year #i can make food and make toys and give them to my friends literally any time i want #why dont i. #i mean. #its. past my bedtime rn. #so like i cant do it NOW #but.

[lizzobetumblin]

Melissa hated her feelings. 

She buried them in a chest in the 5th grade (along with her ability to express them). Other peoples' feelings on the other hand was her forte. She could process, decipher and regurgitate other peoples emotions effortlessly. This gift could’ve taken her through college, all the way to a degree in psychology. Distinguished Dr. Jefferson with a PhD and a cozy office and impressive roster of high-profile, weallthy clients was a shiny idea. Fate would have a different hand for Melissa her talents were exhausted on mediating family fights, friend group drama, and charming her way out of confronting her own feelings. 

“Feelings.” Even saying it out loud to herself seemed silly. Something reserved for ‘cry babies’ and water signs. Typical Sunday nights started tame, reading or writing fan-fiction and drinking cranapple juice. And then like clock work her father would yell her name, 

‘MELISSA!!!’ Emotionless, she’d get up dust off her Winnie the Pooh shorts and make her way downstairs. On the long walk down the hall to the stairs leading to the living room brawl, she’d go through her check list: 

1.) Don’t cry.   

 2.) Stay neutral; Deescalate

3.)Don’t take anything personal. This isn’t about you

She padded down the carpeted stairs in her old soft socks to see her mother tightlipped and tear streaked thinking, 

‘she broke rule number 1’. Her father, Michael was proud and angry, his big belly filled with self righteousness. She knew he would be unyielding in his resolve and at this point her only option was to deescalate.

 ‘Rule number 2’. Then her sister the water sign and calamity for the evening sat on the floor nearly fetal, face red and raw with emotion. 

‘Its not your fault’ Melissa wanted to say ‘You just didn’t follow the rules… you’re loved.’ But she couldn’t say that because she’d be breaking rule number 3. It wasn’t about how Melissa felt. Even though she felt like screaming,

“VANESSA, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. DAD—YOU JUST HAVE PENT UP ANGER BECAUSE YOU GREW UP IN THE HOOD OF DETROIT AS A BLACK MAN IN THE 60s AND 70s. YOU NEED A HEALTHY OUTLET LIKE.. I DONT KNOW… THERAPY?!?!?! THIS IS A WASTE OF ALL OF OUR TIME. I LITERALLY JUST WROTE THE BEST SAILOR SATURN x CHIBI USA FANFICTION EVER AND THIS IS KILLING MY VIBE!”

Instead, she decide to hear every one out. She decided to help. To calm her dragon of a father down. To be a translator for her emotional sister. To not take it personal. To stay neutral. To not cry. 

9 years later, at her fathers funeral she still never broke the rules. She played her flute and spoke at his memorial. She was present for her mother because it wasn’t about her. When other peoples' emotions bubbled up she stayed neutral. She sat through both services and she did not cry. It wasn’t until she excused herself to make a phone call outside did she collapse onto the stairs of the funeral home and weep alone in the cold Detroit snow. 

It’s okay to break the rules sometimes, she reminded herself. As long as no one else sees it.

Traumas began to compact on Melissa, as they do. Humans tend to collect traumas like pebbles on a long hike. We toss them into our backpacks and keep moving forward. Some hikers would falter, but Melissa was built for this. She’d carried the stones of her family’s traumas uphill for years. She was strong. 

When men began to befriend and reject her, saying ‘you’re too good for me’ but not too good to make them feel good. She carried that. 

When childhood friends began to cut off the strings of her heart, saying ‘We can’t be friends anymore’. She carried that.

When her family separated like dandelion seeds, it seemed like they’d never be together again. Melissa slept on so many couches, floors and car seats sometimes she didn’t know if she’d see them again. 

She carried that. 

Dying was never an option though sometimes she didn’t mind the thought of it. Peace and warmth were two things she’d desperately yearned and hadn’t felt fully since the womb. Then one night in the pitch black of the hot, sweaty, roach-infested studio in southeast Houston she slept in she wondered:

‘Why can’t I break the rules?’ She’d seen everyone else in her life break them like popsicle sticks. And she didn’t just want to break the rules, she wanted to break them boldly and loudly and annoyingly and honestly and sloppily like every one else gets to do. It was in that moment, tucked in a thin jacket inside of an 8-foot high instrument cubby in the inky darkness—it hit her. 

‘Is my suffering for a high purpose? Or is my suffering trying to kill me?’ 

She cried. 

She escalated. 

She took it personal. 

But it wasn’t enough. She wanted to scream in a microphone in a sea of shadowy faces. She drank whiskey and wove her pain into rock music. 

‘Music is my boyfriend’ she declared. The only man that kept his baggage to hisself. And it healed her. It gave her voice reason and purpose. 

The pebble-laden hike became lighter with time. The incline eventually evened out to flat, beautiful landscapes where the breeze finally met her back. She knew it wasn’t gonna be easy or sunshine but even the rain cleansed her and it was beautiful too. 

Somewhere in the rain she decided rules were meant to be built and broken. Like trust and love and friendships and families. Because every thing deserves the opportunity to change and grow. 

So... She broke rule number 1 on stage while singing a beautiful song. Dr. Jefferson (PhD) screamed for her to stop but she didn’t listen and the tears flowed like rivers of emotion down her cheeks. 

Rule number 2 was broken when she grew older and saw the injustices of the world. Marching with hundreds in protest she realized not everything needs to be pacified. 

And one day when she finally fell in love, she broke rule number 3. No matter how much training she’d done she couldn't help but take every thing her lover said and did personal. But it was ok. Because in all her resistance she realized breaking rules was her power. 

Melissa began to fall for her feelings. Her feelings gave life purpose. They weren’t always logical, as feelings seldom are. They were sloppy and embarrassing and rude and so fucking uncomfortable. But they were hers. And they were real. And when she sat alone sipping wine, staring at the moon…They were the only ones still by her side. Ready to break the rules for her because they loved her. 

And she finally loved them back. 

[motheyes]

my hips hurt from sitting and laying. they’d hurt if i was walking more. they always hurt regardless

#i’m always like ‘damn if i just walked around more. if i wasn’t so sedentary. if i just got out more’ #but i’m still in pain. it don’t even matter #i do wanna spend more time outside for real #it’s been crazy cold we are having a cold front rn #it like. snowed all day.. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #it’s gunna warm back up starting tomorrow blegh #i haven’t rlly applied to anywhere else #cuz it’s just. everything looks so meek i rlly don’t wanna apply to places ik i’ll hate #also i swear to god if my dad says ‘that’s so weird there’s soo many people hiring finding a job shouldn’t be this hard’ #or something along those line. i’m gunna kill!! #i don’t even wanna get into omg. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH #also i love my dad. he’s been very supportive with me finding another job #and all this bs i’ve been dealing with #it’s so ridiculous. i can’t believe ppl just treat my literal means of living as nothing #just one tiny phone call ruined everything. ruined my plan #so i could like. idk. have a job. make money. pay rent. LIVE #insane to me. idk how i just get treated like this #but that’s life babe!!