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arhvste · 4 years

Note

Hi! I saw your Dad hcs and istg I wanted more 🥺 can you please make a part two with Sakusa (God i love this man) Hinata, Bokuto and Ushijima (do add more if you want) your works are amazing but the Dad hcs got me 💘

i re-read all my work last night and i consciously kept spelling sakusa’s name wrong 🤠 like i know his name i know what it sounds like but i kept getting mixed up between sasuka, sakura and sasuke because they all look the same to me 😳 I'm sorry sakusa pls forgive me 😼

also i will be doing ushijima in a seperate post for dad hcs with two other haikyuu boys a bit later so dw i haven't accidentally missed or ignored it! :)

SAKUSA, HINATA AND BOKUTO AS DADS

SAKUSA

the two fo you only have one kid so far

a 3 year old girl

you plan to extend your family soon though 👀

you already KNOW this man gets your kid every vaccination available for their age

he is very protective over his daughter

boys near her daughter at the playground

NOT on his watch

he will simply scoop her up and suggest she play somewhere else

this man doesn't care how mean it may seem

he’s not having his precious daughter surrounded by disgusting b-boys 🤮

“have they had their flu jabs? when was the last time they washed their hands? they're breathing their gross little germs too close to her”

“sakusa, they’re 3.”

sorry but no dating for your daughter

sakusa teaches his little girl the concept of “boys have cooties” from a very young age

this man is nothing but proud when that concept sticks with her 😈

“d/n, are you excited for pre-school?”

“daddy said there's going to be boys and boys have cooties so no 😠”

as she gets older though he does become more lenient with her and who she makes friends with

he’ll secretly love it if you brought her to his games

he’s not huge on pda at all

but he won’t mind being caught on camera embracing the two of you when the team win

atsumu is not allowed near your daughter when she’s a baby

“omi omiiiii why can’t i ‘ave a look t’cha daughter?”

“because she has been vaccinated and i fear your disgusting germs may be strong enough to over power it”

when she gets older though she straight up approaches atsumu on her own

“so you’re the rat my daddy talks about a lot? you don’t look like much of a rat?”

atsumu doesn’t know whether he’s flattered that sakusa talks about him or offended that he refers to him as a ‘rat’

he won’t encourage your daughter to play volleyball

he wants her to pick her own hobbies and not feel pressured by his influence on picking an activity she’ll enjoy

secretly hopes your daughter takes up an individual activity like painting or something to keep away from other germ infected kids

but if your daughter does happen to pick a team sport he doesn't complain

she just has to wash her hands before she comes home and have a shower when she comes in

he is a very very proud father

he may not be very expressive about it

but he absolutely brags about his kid to other people

“my son won maths star of the week!”

“yeah? well my daughter won student of the year, highest achieving in her class and had 4 boys confess to her this week so”

he does make sure his daughter knows he is very proud of her despite his petty bragging

anything she does he takes pride in her

it’s her who makes him want to have another kid

so get ready for round two y/n because when sakusa wants something he’ll make sure he gets it 😼

HINATA

now, you may think hinata would be nothing but pure chaos with his kids

but

he is actually very responsible

it’s hardly a surprise though because he grew up with a younger sister whom he took care of a lot

from the second your triplet boys are born hinata is on it

at first when you found out you were having triplets your mind went blank

“so like, 3 little shoyou’s running around my legs? 😀”

“ma’am are you okay?”

“i’m finE :)))”

surprisingly two of your sons took more after you

but the youngest one

phew

he doesn't have an off switch

he’s just like his father

but that’s what makes him so loveable too

hinata is a doting dad

he also encourages his kids to go out and make as many friends

he explains all the opportunities he had growing up and how far these opportunities took him to reach is goal

and this is all because he was open to meeting new people and being friendly with them

he makes sure his kids grow up with lots of aunts and uncles surrounding them

he wants his sons to grow up in a close environment

your kids have so many aunts and uncles because hinata makes a new friend everywhere he goes ufshfi

your oldest son takes a liking to kenma the most

your second oldest takes a shine to uncle oikawa

and the youngest?

uncle kaegyama ofc 😈

lmao when kageyama holds one of your sons for the first time he holds it by the leg with a straight face

nobody thought they’d ever see hinata having to show kageyama how to hold a baby properly

kageyama is lowkey excited he’s the fav but he’s so awkward fjishsgjh

bring your sons to his games

he will absolutely smile and wave at his kids whenever he scores

and will pull them out excitedly into the arena when they win

he has you all plastered on his social media

he thinks everyone should know that you guys are the light of his life

he already had a fulfilled life before his sons but you gave him a whole new concept of love and excitement when they were born

you guys will totally take a vacation to brazil at some point

hinata wants your family to meet all his friends over in brazil too

hinata is mr worldwide 😎

with hinata as a dad, your kids will grow up in a very nurturing home

he wants the best for your kids and will teach them from an early age that any goal is possible

and he’ll support them in every single way he can

BOKUTO

hinata as a dad isn’t chaos

bokuto as a dad certainly is

he’s basically a child himself

you guys have 2 kids

a 5 year old son and a 6 year old daughter

bokuto will try and BEFRIEND your kids

“kou baby, they're your kids not your friends”

“uh says who?”

“biology??? their dna?? the birth certificate??”

he literally lets his kids do whatever they want forcing you to be the bad cop (im so sorry)

your kids want ice cream for dinner?

consider it done

they want to adopt a snake?

bokuto has excitedly taken them to the pet store to pick out one each

you’re always the one who has to say no because if you didn’t these kids would be off the r a i l s

the first time your kids cries he cries

the first time your kids talk he cries

the first time they walk he cries

he’s full of emotion and the love he holds for your kids is often expressed through tears of happiness

when you leave bokuto and the kids alone

things will go smoothly

until one of them starts crying and bokuto can’t stop them

then the other one starts crying and he is clueless on what to do

he doesn’t want to call you because he doesn’t want to look pathetic

so he calls the next best option

uncle akaashi 😼

akaashi is like a walking parent website hfdjbgu

he literally instructs bokuto on what to do through the phone

and if they still won't calm down akaashi will just sigh and agree to come over

you come home to the sight of akaashi reading a story book to your two kids who are staring up at him in awe from the floor

along with your husband

“am i interrupting?”

bokuto will break out into smiles and practically pounce on you when you come home

“everything was under control wasn’t it? right akaashi?” :D”

akaashi will just sigh and give a small smile

“yes bokuto-san, everything was under control”

you give akaashi a small smile of apology and he’ll often join you for dinner

yeah your kids spend a lot of time with uncle akaashi but you know who’s adamant on being the favourite uncle?

uncle kuroo ofc 😎

he will spoil tf out of your kids

we love rich, capitalist uncle kuroo

and he’ll tell them things about bokuto to irritate him

“kids, your dads a criminal he doesn't pay his taxes”

“taxes?”

“money everyone has to pay the government - basically it’s illegal and i think you should call the police on your dad 😈”

you actually have to stop your kids from calling the police on their dad fbhjdsfgu

again, another dad who wants nothing more than for his kids to come to his games

“HEY HEY HEY THAT”S MY FAMILY!!!”

no boundaries with pda

will pick you all up and shower you all with affection when they win

would love if your kids took up volleyball

would tell them it’s the best sport to play

and they actually listen to him hduigefuiew

your son becomes a middle blocker

and your daughter becomes an ace

bokuto could die from happiness

he will absolutely teach your kids and play and bring them to msby practices so they can watch up close and play along too

if bokuto is the father of your kids

good luck but have fun with it

because while yes, he is still your big baby that needs taking care of from time to time

he is also an extremely loving father who would gladly give his kids the world and all the stars

#sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa hcs #sakusa x reader #sakusa x you #sakusa headcanons #hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #hinata x you #hinata hcs #hinata headcanons #bokuto koutaro #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #bokuto hcs #bokuto headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons

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misterewrites · 3 years

Text

Secret Agent Bard (Welcome to the Underground!)

Hello everyone! E here with a new chapter of the underground! Woo! I hope you are all doing good and staying safe.

So I actually have more to say today! That's a trip. I’ll have an author’s note under the line.

So that's it for now. Stay safe, take care of you and your loved ones, stay out of trouble, wash your hands, wear your mask, get vaccinated if you can and push to release the vaccine world wide cuz we're all in this together. Have a great week and thanks for reading. I appreciate it and feel free to tell your friends, reblog, drop likes and feedback i love it all. Bye for now and enjoy!

If you want an easier place to read the story cuz tumblr sucks sometimes here’s a link to the chapter https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814297/chapters/79541746

The First Chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814297/chapters/68094967

and since you made it this far here’s a link to all my stories!

https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrE42/pseuds/MrE42

Byeeeeee!

Author’s note: Today’s work will be a little different as there will be singing. The chapter with the bard is gonna have singing? Go figure haha So if you see a sentence in Italics, that means someone is singing. Bold and italics represents various people singing as a group. The song in question is called twiddles. There's different versions of it but the one I chose is from the misbehavin maidens. Great group but all their work ranges from innuendos to straight up not safe for work so listen at your peril. I have now completed my responsible adult duties haha. here’s a link to the chosen song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS1-_fKF5ug

Summary: Oliver has quite the task ahead of him as the group splits to achieve their goals. Leading Sel and Flora, the young bard will have to think quick on his feet to ensure this mission is a success. Luckily he's an old hand at this. Ironically the one person who could distract him may make a surprise appearance tonight.

-----

Oliver stood quietly, arms crossed and his mind thoughtful as the group prepared to go their separate ways. While ideally nothing would go wrong, that was a childish belief: Every person and robotic being here knew safety was not guaranteed in their line of work.

Even the old man knew the risks.

Oliver hated doing nothing. He thrived when he was busy, focused on whatever task required his attention whether it be being a better bard or upholding the Choir’s values. Too many ghosts and regrets lingered on the edges of his mind and he found the best solution was to simply keep occupied.

But that was his coping mechanism, not everyone else. He knew better than to rush his team: The party would last at least another few hours and beside the goal of getting Sel to the third floor, there was nothing else to do. No information to gather, nothing to review. Let them have their moment, it was good for morale.

Terri and Flora were sickeningly adorable: Hands clasped tightly with Terri tearfully asking her girlfriend to not poison everyone. Flora gave a halfhearted promise while as they shared a tender kiss. Terri noticed her less than enthused tone but refused to press the matter further.

Tyrell stood awkwardly to the side, his face twisted in a strange mixture of sick and excited. He fidgeted with something in his pocket, seeking comfort from whatever lay within. Given the shape of the bulge and size, Oliver guessed it was a knife.

Sel stood nearby, motionless in the shadows of the alley. They hadn’t moved in some time though he suspected the automaton was simply waiting for the next phase of the plan.

“Alright” Oliver spoke up, his voice firm yet gentle “Times up. You have your assignments?”

Uneven murmuring responded.

“Let’s go.”

Oliver, Sel and Flora went down one end of the alley, Terri and Tyrell disappearing in the opposite direction.

-----

It didn’t take long for the trio to find the main streets of the Merchant Ward and make their way towards the Brambleoak banking office. The crowds weren’t as thick as they had been during the day but Oliver knew everyone out and about did so with a purpose.

“Bard.” Flora asked without warning, breaking the awkward silence “Question.”

“Answer.” Oliver cheekily replied.

Flora glared.

Oliver coughed “Yes?”

“You are a First Chair Soprano correct?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Yet you are so young. How did you manage that? I thought First Chair ranks were only reserved for experienced or particularly skilled members. You don’t seem to be very magically powerful.”

Oliver paused for a moment, trying to best answer the question.

In a way Flora was correct in her assessment: He wasn’t particularly powerful as a spellcasting bard. Unlike Flora who clearly committed herself fully to nature and thus druidic magic, Oliver had only recently thrown himself into the magical arts.

Unless you were a wizard who studied the secrets of the universe with a very intimate and well versed knowledge of magic, most spellcasters drew their power from sources of existence: Clerics from their gods, Druids from nature, Warlocks from something beyond mortal existence yet not quite a deity, sorcerers because a family member fucked around with pure incomprehensible concepts. Magic was the fabric of the universe and the more you threw yourself into a source of power, the more the source threw itself into you, guiding your hand and your spells.

Of course each, wizards exempt, were limited in their spellcasting options. Clerics were powerful holy/unholy practitioners but couldn’t command plant life to save their lives. Druids were in tune with nature and the weather and all the lovely flora and fauna but ask them to superimpose an image onto something and they’d give you a dumbfounded look. Warlocks kinda just do whatever their sugar patrons felt like lending.

Magic bards drew their power from the arts: Drawing, singing, poetry, even witty and funny satire. Bards were in tune with life, with existence. Art could heal, could hurt, could make you feel happy and sad. It could make you feel like a whole new person or perhaps take you to a time and place you’d forgotten. Bards sung the song of life and Oliver was no exception.

However, Oliver still wasn’t sure what he could do exactly. His magical muscle was average on a good day and he could only cast a few spells before needing a good night’s rest. The basic healing spells and comprehension language he cast earlier today had taken a good chunk of his energy but he relied more on his wit than raw magical strength. He discovered creative and useful ways to cast his spells like amplifying dissonance noises to distract and disorient foes or temporarily place another person’s image over himself. Magic was as much about creativity as it was skill, pushing the limits of what you can do with your particular brand of spells.

“I’m clever.” Oliver answered honestly “The whole magic of the arts is new to me but I’ve been in the Choir for a long time now. I used to be Tenor like Sel here but more fast talking than breaking and entering. I guess they carried over my old position into my new one.”

Flora nodded, satisfied “That answers much. How long have you been a bard?”

“Few years now.” Oliver checked the street sign to ensure they were on the right path “The magic part is going on 3 years.”

“I see.” Flora scratched her chin “I’ve been a druid my whole life so it is a strange concept to be so new to the spellcasting arts yet hold such a high rank.”

Oliver gave a casual shrug “Not sure what you want me to say. We’re here by the way.”

The bank looked as unkempt as Oliver had remembered: Faded, peeling green paint with gaudy gray stone pillars. Two guards in green uniforms stood in front of the massive reddish brown doors that led into the bank.

“Lea’s mercenaries.” Sel pointed out “They are not letting anyone in.”

“Correction.” Oliver brushed off nonexistent dirt from his washed-out outfit “They’re not letting nobodies in. Luckily tonight we’re somebodies. Follow my lead.”

Oliver let out a tense breathe before strolling forward, his mannerism cocky yet unsteady. He reached the top of the steps when two sharp looking blades reached out to stop him.

“Halt” The elvish woman spoke with a hint of irritation “You lost?”

“Not at all!” Oliver beamed with a smile that was too wide to be natural “I’m here for the party. There is a party inside no?”

“No” The human man spat out.

Oliver gave a forgetful grin “Oh? I could’ve sworn Brambleoak was having some sort of charity event tonight. I’d show you my invite but I think I misplaced it.”

The elvish woman sneered “Right. How convenient for you having lost your special one of a kind invite.”

“Pfft.” Oliver scoffed “Special one of a kind invite? Reiner hands them out like candy. Probably find one in a gutter nearby.”

The guards shared an unspoken understanding with one another.

“Well.” The human began “Let’s pretend that is true.”

“It is but go on.”

The human’s eyes narrowed “Why should we let you in? You dress rather poorly for someone claiming to be in Reiner’s usual circles.”

Oliver let out an exaggerated gasp as he puffed out his chest “Do you know who I am?”

“Umm no.”

Oliver growled unhappily, his fist clenched tightly within his pocket “I am rich! I AM POWERFUL! AND I DEMAND ACCESS!”

As quick as lightning, Oliver flung a handful of gold coins towards the pair. The two reeled back in surprised as the money clanked onto the smooth marble floor. A moment hardly passed before the guards were shoving the loose coins into their tunic pockets like hungry dogs. They straightened up, eyes alive with greed.

“Of course sir” The elvish woman bowed her head in apologize “Deeply sorry for that.”

“Please go ahead.”

Oliver gave a self satisfied nod before moving past the pair only to stop as he heard the sounds of swords scraping each other. He turned backwards to see the guards barring access to Flora and Sel.

Flora looked back and forth between the guards, her eyes calculating and cold. Sel stood still but clearly at the ready for any sort of trouble.

“They’re with me.”

The Elvish woman shook her head “We said we’d let you in. These two? Definitely not Reiner’s usual prey.”

“They aren’t” Oliver admitted “But I need them.”

The human turned to him, suspicion in his eyes “Why?”

“She…” Oliver pointed lazily towards Flora “Is my street doctor.”

“Street doctor? As in….?”

Oliver gave a cheery wink “The fun kind.” And for give measure, he added a weak shiver to his act “Ugggggh I feel cold, are you cold? It’s cold.”

Before anyone could say anything, Oliver began shaking. He rubbed his hands for ‘warmth’ while swaying back and forth.

“Uh oh.” Flora spoke dully, pushing past the guards and holding Oliver steady “He’s crashing. I need to give him his umm medicine.”

“Medicine?” Oliver repeated, his voice soft yet manic “Yes medicine. I need it. I NEED IT!”

Folks began to turn their way, the guards shifting uncomfortably under the sudden attention they were receiving.

“And this one?” The Elvish woman gestured to Sel.

Oliver began to rock back and forth, his voice a harsh whisper. “Guard. Guard. Guard guard guard guard.”

The human threw up his hands in defeat “Bah! Get him in there and fixed! Any trouble and I’ll personally come over to beat your asses.”

“Thank you sir.” Flora murmured through gritted teeth. She guided Oliver and Sel through the doors and into the party within.

Flora sighed as Sel cracked the tension out of their fingers. Oliver straightened up, wiping the sweat from his brow.

True to his expectations, the bank had been altered to be suitable for a charity event: Torches lined the walls, casting the building into a bright light. The desks normally found on the floor were gone as to allow a more spacious setting. Oliver counted a handful of guards scattered about, wandering about for any sign of trouble. All except for the lone guard beyond the empty elevated platform who stood in front of the stairway to the upper floors.

“What now?” Flora asked

“Split up. Sel stay close to the door, Flora and I will figure out a distraction.”

“Sounds good.”

And without another word, Oliver was swallowed whole into the crowd.

-----

It had taken an hour for Oliver to figure out what kind of distraction he would need.

The patrols themselves hadn’t been very difficult to plan for: They would move randomly about, keeping an eye on the party and each other. He counted about 6 of them total and each one of them was easily starstruck. At the sign of any disagreement, they would swarm in groups of three and quickly threaten any troublemakers into compliance. However, upon meeting anyone with even the smallest bit of fame, they would subtly motion to each other and make their way as one to the person in question, hoping for a glance or the chance for an autograph.

So the floor guards were no problem but the one standing watch over the door was much more difficult. Evidently Lea was smart enough to give the most important job to the most responsible of his idiots. The stairway guard or Stairy as Oliver labeled him, would not budge at the sign of any trouble. Loud arguments, agitated party goers, a waiter being tripped (sorry it was for science buddy). None of these would pull him from his post. Celebrities wouldn’t either. Any time his buddies motioned to a famous person, he would shrug his shoulders and stay put.

Oliver was beginning to wonder if Flora needed to poison Stairy until he noticed something about half way into his observations: Stairy was a music lover. Specifically a cute girl music lover.

His gaze would wander every time he caught sight of a pretty girl who happened to be too close to him. Oliver wasn’t sure at first so he decided to test his theory. With his pocket change lessened, Oliver noticed how often a girl would catch Stairy’s eye. His attention didn’t shift when they fell in front of him, obviously in distress, or walked slower allowing him to enjoy the view longer but Oliver caught him smiling and tapping his foot when the odd girl would sing. He even staggered away from his door a few steps at a time before catching himself and returning to his post.

So the best distraction would be a girl who could sing and have some level of fame attached to her name.

Oddly specific and Oliver hadn’t the slightest idea how he was going to mange that. He was attempting to solve this puzzle when something caught his ear.

“Get off me you mulched dirt licker!”

That rather unique set of cursing could only mean one thing: Flora.

Oliver turned to where he last spotted her and found the young druid being hassled by a tall man in an elegant uniform.

Oliver noticed the guards were looking about, not yet spotting the commutation but aware something was going on. He needed to act first if he wanted to stop Flora deciding to kill everyone in the room.

The bard quickly slipped into the crowd, darting and weaving between any and everyone he could. He saw Flora slip a small vial into her hand as the man towered over her.

“I jus wanna dance.” the man’s words slurred out of his mouth “A pretty thing like yo shou wanna dance”

Flora’s eyes narrowed angrily “For the last time you dried poop stain, LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Flora pulled back her hand, prepared to throw the mysterious vial at the drunk’s face.

“Whoa!” Oliver cried out, tightly grasping onto Flora’s wrist “What seems to be the problem?”

“Nothing I can’t solve on my own.” Flora coldly glanced towards the drunken man.

“One sec.”

Oliver eyed the man carefully, absorbing every little detail he could.

He could see the muscles strain against the fabric of his light green tunic so this man worked in something physically laborious. The sheathed sword on his belt weight seemed to throw him off balance with every step. His gaze was unsteady and Oliver could see his pupils dilating wildly.

So this man was physically fit, armed with a sword in a charity event for the rich people and wearing light green tunic while currently drunk.

“You should leave her alone” Oliver said, sarcasm dipping from each word “You are so not her type.”

“So?” The man hiccupped “What’s the big deal?”

“So she’s got a girlfriend you idiot.” Oliver gestured with his hand “Besides you should go before your boss Lea gets here. I’m betting he won’t be happy one of his undercover mercs is currently drunk on the job. Of course I could always tell your captain what’s going on. That’s him over there right?”

Oliver gestured to the closest guard making his way towards the trio. He didn’t look any different than any guards but Oliver noticed his green was a shade darker than the rest. Lea probably used different hues to signify rank in his mercenaries.

The drunk’s face paled as he fidgeted nervously. He rose his hands in surrender, eyes darting between the two “Sorry.”

“Any trouble?” The captain approached, his hand tightly held around the hilt of his blade.

Oliver beaned cheerfully, trying his best to pull attention away from the fuming Flora “Not at all my good sir. This man simply mistook us for someone else, correct?”

The drunk nodded slowly “My bad. Forgive my intrusion.”

The captain gave a cold smirk “Apologizes. Mikey?”

The drunk flinched “Yes sir?”

“A word in private. Now.”

Oliver let out a sigh of relief as the captain dragged Mikey away..

“You should’ve let me poison them.” Flora muttered darkly.

Oliver scratched the back of his neck tiredly “Night’s still young. Still might get your chance if I can’t figure a way past Stairy.”

Flora tilted her head quizzically “Stairy?”

“The asshole at the base of the stairs.” Oliver answered absentmindedly as he spotted a familiar streak of platinum blonde hair among the crowd of strangers “And I just figured it out. Can I trust you not to poison everyone here?”

“You have an hour. I get bored easily” Flora swirled the sickly purple liquid in the vial threateningly.

“You and me both.” Oliver patted her shoulder before chasing down his perfect distraction.

-----

Oliver’s heart began to thunder loudly in his ears, a nervous and uncontrollable energy overtaking his resolve. The mission was important but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see Maria today.

Maria Thoreau was the daughter of a powerful, influential family. The Thoreau’s were more concerned with their standing in high society than any virtuous endeavors and thus each one of their children was trained from birth to excel in their chosen field. Maria’s older brothers were an aspiring politician and merchant respectively.

Maria’s path was to be a well famous singer and patron of the arts. She wanted nothing more than to sing for the people. Unfortunately, her father only saw a chance to further the family’s good name and tied his desire for power with her passion and dream. It was bittersweet really but nothing much could be done about it.

Yet.

Maria knew Oliver as a musical rival who thwarted her group’s attempts at winning local competitions which in turned derailed her father’s plans. So needless to say she was less than thrilled when she caught him making his way over.

“Ollie” she forced a smile while her hazel eyes narrowed, peeved “I’m surprised to see they let you into this exclusive event.”

Oliver gave a cocky shrug “Well your beauty caught my attention and I couldn’t resist trying to figure out a way in.”

Maria’s cheeks burned a pinkish hue.

Maria was the same age as Oliver with short, tastefully cut dark brown hair. A single streak of platinum blonde hair hung off the side of her face, giving her such a cute look. Her clothes were practical tonight since she wasn’t performing: A simple white blouse with a long flowing dark blue skirt that went all the way down to her feet. Her shoes were sensible dark blue flats designed for comfort over style.

Maria coughed into her hand, willing her blush away.

“So.” She cleared her throat “Is this your sad attempt to throw me off my game? You won’t win the next competition. We’ll be dealing with professional judges this time.”

Oliver’s eyes widen in false surprise “There’s a competition here? Fancy that. I hadn’t been made aware of that but since we’re both in town, why not have a round two?”

“Oliver….”

“I mean” Oliver went on, pretending not have heard “You are a much better singer solo than with those harpies you’re forced to keep around.”

Maria glanced to the side timidly “Don’t be absurd, the Melodic Maidens are a perfect, well oiled machine.”

Oliver scoffed dismissively “I suppose they’re nearby, listening in. Hardly leave you alone, don’t they?”

Maria opened her mouth to respond when a shrilly voice cut in.

“What do you know you two bit hack? How much did you bribe the judges last time?!”

Oliver gave a strained smile as the rest of the ladies forced their way into view.

“Lilly, Filly, Sally. You suck.”

The triplets snarled in unison, openly glaring at the bard.

Lilly, Filly and Sally were Maria’s chains: They were as much there to further her career as they were to report back to daddy to ensure the errant daughter stayed on course.

As triplets, they all shared the same features: Three pairs of dull green eyes and long messy black hair. Even their clothing were the same with each wearing a strapless dress that showed way too much skin and skirts that were way too short. The only reason Oliver could tell them apart was due to their preferred colors: Lilly in a shade of pink that was bright for her skin tone, Filly with a pale ugly yellow and Sally in seas of dark red.

The trio surrounded Maria, their arms embracing her in an uncomfortable hug. Maria bit her lip, trying to hide her uneasy.

“Still wearing that tacky outfit huh Ollie?” Lilly eyed his faded clothing distastefully.

Sally let out an unfriendly laugh “Ollie always looks like trash. Not even prize money could buy an ounce of class.”

“Actually” Oliver brushed his shoulder dismissively “Class is cheap. No amount of money could buy an ounce of character. You can blow hot air at me all you want but nothing in this world could ever change the fact that the three of you are bitches.”

The trio clicked their tongues disappointingly, their normally plain faces twisted into unflattering visages of rage while they screamed as one.

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT US?!”

“YOU ARE SUCH A POOR TACTLESS MAN!”

“YOU FUCKER!”

Oliver casually waved his hand “All bark and no bite. I’m supposed believe you’ve gotten any better in two months? Last time I checked I won the last competition.”

“OH YEAH?!” The triplets yelled, furious.

Maria threw a suspicious glance Oliver’s way “Girls, I don’t think…”

“Come on Maria, we don’t want to have to tell daddy you backed down from a challenge.”

A shiver ran down her spine, the fight draining out of her face. Oliver felt a tinge of guilt but said nothing as the girls took their positions.

Maria paused for a moment, her breathing slow and calm. The murmur of the crowds grew louder and louder upon the recognition that the ladies nearby were the Melodic Maidens.

Maria pivoted on her heels, a bright warm smile gracing her lips. Oliver could feel his heart skip a beat at the sound of her soft, airy voice beginning to sing

“Oh you hear a lot of stories about the sailors and their sport” Maria gave a playful wink his way. His cheeks burned brightly at her playful banter.

“About how every sailor has a girl in every port”

Maria twirled, her steps mischievous and alluring as her dark blue dress chased after her. She gracefully held two fingers aloft for everything to see, her smirk cocky and assured.

“but if you added two and two you’d figure out right quick”

Maria backed up as the triplets step forward to join her, the group made whole and ready for the chorus.

“It’s just because the girls all have a lad on every ship”

Maria turned to throw a sultry look towards her rival bard but instead of finding a dumbstruck Oliver, she found a smiling one. His gaze was gentle and loving as if he was seeing utterly beautiful. A small smile was tugging at his cheeks. Maria could feel her heart thunder in her ears as, without warning, Oliver gave a thumbs up and mouthed an appreciative “Thanks” before ducking into the growing crowd.

“And it’s twiddley idle idle idle, twiddley idle aye.”

What was once a spattering of folks formed into a massive gathering. Most of the party goers and guards had come over to catch the free show the girls inadvertently given and thus all focus shifted onto them. What was an attempt to show up Oliver ended up being a very unnecessary showcase.

“It’s often times a man will leave you broken with dismay”

Boy was Maria feeling that dismay right now.

-----

Oliver’s plan worked: Stairy hadn’t been to resist the siren call of a beautiful woman and her singing. Luckily the harpies hadn’t ruined it with their imperfect pitches. Stairy hadn’t taken more than a few steps when Sel slipped in behind and began working at the door. It took a moment but one blink later and the automaton vanished out of sight.

Oliver let out a sigh when a hand gripped his shoulder tightly.

“Hello sir.” A guff, low voice in a less than friendly voice “Might I have a word? You’ve been acting rather strange all party long.”

Well fuck.

#Welcome to the Underground #My Story #Original Work #original story

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seat-safety-switch · 4 years

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Now that nobody is doing anything at all, it’s becoming much harder to create reality TV. Although Twitch has proven that there is a built-in audience for watching people playing videogames when stuck in their homes, that audience is considered to be a limited size compared to the millions of people who want to watch two very rich housewives call each other rude names and then drink wine. Naturally, the quality bar has to slide a little bit to keep a good volume of content flowing to the consumer.

As a content creator myself, I’m not unempathetic to their plight. That’s why, when the Netflix documentary guys started showing up on my lawn, begging for scraps of interpersonal conflict, I didn’t turn them away with a well-aimed shotgun blast to the solar plexus. I let them into my compound out of love, but also because I realized that there was no other way I could ever get my fifteen minutes of fame on TV. Nowadays, the average show had become so boring by comparison that I was practically the star of my favourite HBO drama, The Pope Who Fucks.

For the first couple days, I spent a long time giving them clips of my voice that could later be selectively edited to make me seem like an even more reckless psychopath. Any B-roll of me fixing the wiring loom on a Dodge Rampage could wait until the next week; if I didn’t hook these rubes now, they were going to just get distracted by a particularly photogenic hotel ice-maker and I’d never see them again. Yes, I admit that I was playing a sort of “character,” but philosophically I didn’t see a difference between lying on reality TV and lying in court. Actually, please forget you just read that last sentence if you’re planning on being on a jury against me any time soon.

Ultimately, the real breakout star of my program was not me, but a small dog that ran into the scene while I was working hard to explain the concept of a torque converter. It appears that one of my neighbours had left his gate open, and the little guy made a break for freedom that ultimately ended in pissing on the base of my engine hoist. I lifted him up and carried him down the block to his grateful owner, and that’s when I noticed the film crew hadn’t followed me back to my garage.

My only real regret is that my agent (my cousin) failed to negotiate a reasonable royalty for the resulting show. I could have lived off the residuals for Holy Shit, What A Cute Dog for the next 20 years of its airing and then syndication, as we all waited patiently inside our homes to be saved by those lazy vaccine researchers.

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phgq · 3 years

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Jumping into the mask-making business to sustain families’ needs

#PHnews: Jumping into the mask-making business to sustain families’ needs

MANILA – With face masks still required in public places across the country, some entrepreneurs seized the opportunity by creating and selling washable face masks that serve as a stylish barrier against Covid-19.

Shining, shimmering, splendid are the best words to describe the face masks made by Randy Gomez and his wife Mina. They’re embellished with sequins, but nobody would ever think that they were made using backdrops from their photo studio “MRG Trading”.

Since lockdown was imposed in March last year with events and other gatherings prohibited, Gomez had to think of a way to make use of all the sparkly backdrops supposedly meant for weddings, debuts, anniversary parties, and other events.

“Di ba usually sa parties ang backdrop nila 'yung makikintab. Eh nung nag pandemic nawalan kami ng event. 'Yung mga tinda namin na backdrop, ang ginawa namin, binasag muna namin, ginawa naming face mask (Parties usually need shiny backdrops. When the pandemic started, we lost bookings. So we decided to cut the backdrops and turn them into face masks),” he told the Philippine News Agency (PNA) in an interview.

Gomez said one backdrop could make at least 100 face masks. To date, he and his wife have sold more than 4,000 masks that cost PHP40 each — quite affordable because they’re recycled.

Like magic! Randy Gomez and his wife Mina recycle photobooth backdrops and turn them into sequin face masks. (Contributed photo)

While he’s in charge of cutting the sequined backdrops, his wife sews them into face masks.

“Meron kaming sewing machine dahil nagko-customize kami ng photography backdrop, photography bag (We have a sewing machine because we also customize photography backdrops and bags),” he said.

Their stylish face masks are now among the top sales in digital stores like Shopee and Lazada — a feat they never saw coming.

Gomez said buyers leave good reviews for their face masks because they not only keep them protected from Covid-19, but also get head-turns.

“'Yung mga bumibili nagpo-post sila ng pictures, sini-send sa ’min. Usually nasa work sila. Sa work nila ginagamit kasi 'yung surgical mask, very common, pinapatungan ng sequined-face mask (Our buyers post photos then send them to us. They usually use them when they go to work. They use them over their surgical face masks),” he said.

Apart from sequined-face masks, he said they also have other designs that cater to fans of floral, camouflage, and other patterns.

Who said face masks had to be boring? (Contributed photo)

Here to stay

Now that limited gatherings are allowed as long as health protocols are observed, Gomez is thankful that clients are using their backdrops again but the demand remains low.

“Bihira 'yung kumukuha ng photobooth kasi kung ikaw 'yung client, kukuha ka ng photobooth tapos ang pipictyuran is 10 visitors lang, mararamdaman mo na talo ka (People rarely want photobooths because if you were the client and get one to take photos of 10 visitors, you’ll feel like you’re at a disadvantage),” he said.

Gomez remains hopeful that they would get back to business once the government kicks off their vaccine program.

Because of the unusual shift from taking photos and selling photography equipment to making sparkly face masks, Gomez said he was initially embarrassed about having to sell them. However, he eventually grew to enjoy selling glamor face masks as it helped him sustain their family’s needs.

“Nung una nahihiya i-post sa Facebook kasi siyempre puro pang babae 'yung pinopost ko, kaya lang dapat wala ka nang pakialam sa kritiko. Ang kailangan mo ngayong pandemic is mabuhay (At the beginning, I was embarrassed about having to post them on Facebook since they mostly cater to women but I realized I shouldn’t care about critics. What you need during this pandemic is a means to survive),” he said.

Even if a large portion of the community becomes immune to Covid-19, Gomez said he still intends to keep selling fashionable face masks alongside their photography business.

“Eto 'yung bumuhay sa ’min during pandemic so wala na kaming balak alisin ‘to kahit na bumalik sa dati 'yung photography (This what helped us survive during the pandemic so we have no plans of letting them go even if the photography business returns),” he added.

Super-hero-themed masks

Model Edgar Torres Jr. sporting a Gundam face mask. (Contributed photo)

Meanwhile, superhero fan, freelance graphic artist Rendell Sueña decided to design face masks that could make wearers feel like they have actual superpowers.

Sueña owns a printing shop so it made perfect sense for him to make face masks with the help of his ninong (godfather) when they started losing customers due to pandemic lockdown.

“Ang business ko po talaga nagtatatak ako ng shirts, tarpaulin pero nung nag-lockdown, humina 'yung business (My actual business is printing shirts, tarpaulins but during the lockdown, business slowed down),” he said.

He started designing masks that were inspired by his favorite basketball teams and eventually expanded to include his favorite superheroes like Spiderman, The Hulk, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as well as anime characters like Dragon Ball, Voltes V, and Gundam.

(L-R) Rendell Sueña's two kids sporting multi-colored face masks while he dons one that is Deadpool-themed. (Contributed photo)

His face masks, which cost around PHP75-80, are also among the most preferred products in digital stores.

“Gumawa rin ako ng concept kong design tsaka mga request ng customers ko nagbibigay ng pictures (I come up with my own designs but also accept requests from customers),” he said.

Sueña considers his 93-year-old lolo (grandfather), Sofronio Porca, as a role model when it comes to design as he used to paint signages for stores in his younger days.

“Ang lolo ko kasi artist din kasi siya. Magaling mag drawing, gumagawa ng signages—'yung mga sinaunang signages plywood, nagpipinta po siya (My lolo is an artist. He draws well, makes signages—those old signages on plywood, he paints them),” he said, adding that his lolo would also design posters which featured his favorite cartoon characters for his birthday.

As a father to two kids, Sueña makes it a point to make sure his kids wear face masks others would envy.

Designing face masks, he said, is an activity he enjoys doing so he doesn’t see himself stopping anytime soon.

“Kung may nakita akong kumbaga natutuwa 'yung ibang tao sa gawa ko, natutuwa na rin ako (When I see people happy with the products I make, I feel happy too),” he said. (PNA)

***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Jumping into the mask-making business to sustain families’ needs." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1131420 (accessed February 23, 2021 at 09:17PM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Jumping into the mask-making business to sustain families’ needs." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1131420 (archived).

#Philippines #News #Filipino #Pinoy #Tourism #Politics #Culture #Editorial #Environment #Society #History

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megacircuit9universe · 4 years

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Protocol P?

WED MAR 17 2020

Well, Biden won all three states, Illinois, Florida, and Arizona tonight... by large margins.

I’d been hoping the current pandemic crisis would swing the voting public back to Bernie (FDR of health care) but I was wrong.

I didn’t stop to think about the fact that voter turnout would be low... thanks to fears of contracting the virus, especially in largely populated Illinois, and Florida.

I also hoped that since all the schools had closed, all the college students would be home near their polling places and go and vote but... that didn’t materialize either. Some did, I’m sure. I saw two young guys at my relatively tiny polling place.

But this week is also Spring Break, which meant a lot of college aged voters were in fucking Florida, out on the beaches, with no intention of either voting, or even bothering to take social distancing seriously.

And then lastly, there is the 2008 factor, which I mentioned two entries ago.

It’s not just the stock markets now, but the growing realization that all of the quarantining, and closing of businesses is gonna last for months, rather than weeks... ensuring a lengthy recession, rather than a brief economic slowdown.

That fear, at least today, overshadowed those of a health care crisis, and I think gave Biden the edge, as he was on the ticket with Obama back in 2008 when we had our last serious economic storm... thus feels a safer bet.

Also, we all know the economy was key to Trump’s invulnerability... to special council investigations... to impeachment... to any kind of defeat.

With that now scuttled... and with Joe Biden having miraculously made it through the final debate of the primary season without betraying any cognitive decline... sure why not go with Joe?

Suddenly Trump looks totally defeatable by Joe Biden.

Now, I would argue that the primary voters are all missing the bigger picture. Yes, everybody remembers 2008... and yes, over the past 12 years of nonstop economic growth, it’s come to be fairly mythical... even being now referred to as The Great Recession.

But 2020 also has strong resonance with the Great Depression itself... even if that’s left the realm of living memory. It resonates with WW2, with complaints about hoarders, and talk of rationing... and just the general feel of that we are all going to be making sacrifices together for a common cause.

If people took modern history seriously... they’d be looking for another FDR, as opposed to another Obama.

But... boomers don’t give a shit about anything that happened before 1960... Millennials, apparently don’t give a shit about anything... and GenZ is just too young to comprehend that history has just arrived to fuck them over... like it did to Millennials... and that it didn’t have to be this way.

At this point, it looks like it’s over for Bernie Sanders... barring some miracle. But since Joe Biden seems to have the market cornered on miracles in this primary contest... I’ve got to admit, Bernie is now toast.

The best hope, now, I suppose, is that Biden beats Trump because of the coming recession... but is also forced to lead the way toward universal health care against his will... because of the immense pressure of the Covid19 crisis, and it’s long lasting after effects.

That, however, is a game for the fall.

For this reason, however, I do think Bernie should stay in the race until the convention... to keep that pressure on the DNC.

Okay... all of that said, let’s look at my model!..

Collective Unconscious, Aliens, Time Travelers, and AI...

The concept of the collective unconscious hasn’t changed much in the past several months. If anything, the few new discoveries on the quantum scene still tend to support it’s possibility, but it remains just as useless as ever, as a tool to get any big social change to happen over a short period of time.

Aliens, of course, are still aliens... just trolling the military once in a while, but pretty much staying out of world affairs as always.

Time Travelers, however... this is interesting to think about right now. Because at this specific point in history, where Covid19 is ravaging the globe, but there is not yet a vaccine... ya might think time travelers would steer clear.

Nobody wants to show up in 2020, only to accidentally bring a novel virus back home to their 2038, or 2045, or 2062.

It could be a virus specific to just our timeline that they have no immunity to. In fact, we would expect any pandemic virus to be specific to only one timeline, given the way that viruses evolve and cross species so randomly.

But if so, then no time traveler would have any warning about Covid19 before landing on our specific timeline for the first time.

It therefore makes sense that time travelers would probably be working under a protocol to be extremely careful in the field, and undergo quarantine when arriving back home.

This would mean that time travelers, like us today in 2020, would probably all be very much loners, avoiding all social contact, keeping their distance from people, using PPE, washing their hands a lot, and also just taking the time after a landing, to assess whether or not a pandemic was going on in the worldline... in which case... leave immediately.

This does, however, leave the possibility of rogue time travelers actually spreading diseases between timelines.

But, if that were the case, we’d expect pandemics to start out of unexpected localities... rather than Wuhan China all the time... which is historically where they always come from, dating back to the black plague.

Could Covid19 be a deliberate plant, by a Time Traveler? Not likely, given my model’s assumption of their top rule which is, First Do No Harm, as discussed in past entries.

Not unless leaders in the future had overwhelming intel coming in from all the explored worldlines of the hyperverse, that the ones in which Donald Trump... (known threat to Democracy in the teens and twenties where his hyperversal twins exist)... fails to establish a dictatorship once in power... are always ones in which a pandemic strikes the globe in his first term.*

If that were the case, then it would be a last resort, but still justifiable, if the loss of life due to the pandemic was far less than if Trump established a dictatorship... with the hardship on the people of the world being far less brutal as well.

In such a scenario, we would expect the viral agent to be one which spreads rapidly enough to grip the globe in a matter of months... but not deadly enough to claim many lives... and one which spared the lives of infants and children completely.

This is what we have... and it took hold in China just after Trump was impeached by the House, when his acquittal by the Senate seemed a certainty.

However, for such a “Protocol P (for Pandemic),” to work, it would have to be deployed, not by a human time traveler, but by the bots they’ve left behind in the timelines (who, in earlier entries, I’ve examined, can actually get updates from the future.)

It would require there to be an existing candidate virus strain... in the time period (2000 to 2028, say)... in a vial in some known lab on Earth, perhaps among some family of viral strains which are all very similar, and all labeled as... not very effective for biological warfare, but we’ll keep them on file anyway... that could be obtained through mischievous means by AI bots, and deployed in Wuhan, so that it looked like a natural outbreak from China.

The economy bots were clearly very much against taking this path, but with impeachment failing... the more sophisticated bots from the future had no choice but to overrule them, and implement Protocol P.

Does this cause a rift in the bot coalition?

Maybe?

Maybe instead it provides our native economy AI bots with a new set of challenges, which will allow them to learn and grow in ways not possible when the pre-Trump status quo was the order of the day.

We do still have the gig economy and Venmo, we still do have unprecedented channels for money to flow, be they dollars and cents, as opposed to millions and billions.

Like Bush2, in his last months, Trump is beginning to embrace extremely socialist measures to keep the system from crashing... throwing billions at the markets, proposing to throw billions more at the health care industry, and even to the people.

Today he floated the idea of giving every citizen a thousand bucks a month until the quarantine is over.

Human critics say, all the money he’s throwing around will just get sucked up into a black hole, but... this is the kind of thing our self driving economy bots were designed to keep from happening... by allowing for endless little branches off the main river, for liquidity to flow into remote locations... to remote individuals... and allowing individuals novel means of generating income online, even if they only have a phone to work with.

Am I getting to spacey here? I’m pretty far out in the weeds right now, huh?

Okay, suffice it to say, Covid19 is probably just a natural outbreak that happened to take place in an election year, when a would-be dictator happened to be President, when he happened to defeat Impeachment, and his rival party also happened to knee-cap his only viable opponent, for their own myopic reasons, and the youth did not rally to that opponent’s defense at the polls, for their own myopic reasons, and the stage was set for an inevitable dictatorship.

Or... this is Protocol P.

I dunno.

I’m just spit-balling here.

And it’s late now, so I’m going to bed.

*The idea here is that hyperversal Trumps always spend their first term dismantling the machinery of democracy and the press, to the point where they get the easy win for a second term, and then establish the dictatorship.

Given what we know of our Trump, this plan relies on a healthy economy through the first term, and a lot of finger pointing at his opposition as being out to get him.

This strategy not only stands up well against isolated natural disasters... which are limited to small regions he can throw money at, or... if it’s California, blame the Democratic leadership... but it also stands up well against major movements like impeachment... which he can spin as a Democratic witch hunt, and arm twist the compliance of a Republican Senate.

A Pandemic, however, is global... and has no individual human, or political party to blame. It also does not differentiate between rich, poor, Democratic, or Republican, in the victims it claims.

Pandemics also, of course... will severely tank any economy, self driving or not, that doesn’t factor them in... which America’s does not, because it has no national health care system.

Thus, a pandemic would seem the best, last hope of derailing a Trump dictatorship.

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truemedian · 4 years

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Dear Apple: don’t let a trackpad turn the iPad into a Mac

Good morning and congratulations on making it through another week. I had been planning on writing about some of the issues I had while writing my Samsung Galaxy S20 Ultra review — specifically my bafflement that Samsung is once again asking reviewers like me to be beta testers. It’s inconceivable that the company didn’t realize there were issues with the camera and also very strange that it didn’t so much as hint at a software update to me until the day before yesterday. I’ll say it again: never buy anything on the hope that future software updates will fix it. Wait. But we covered it pretty well in The Vergecast coming out later today, so please give it a listen. Instead, to the surprise of absolutely nobody given my obsession with how companies are trying to get big-screen computers beyond the UX paradigms of the 1980s and 90s, I’m interested in an iPad rumor about a keyboard. The news is simply that Apple is reportedly releasing an iPad keyboard with a trackpad later this year. It’s a good scoop from The Information. A good piece to read next is about something Jason Snell noticed in the iOS beta released earlier this month: better support for keyboard functions like modifier keys. A third thing to note is that Apple software boss Craig Federighi said, “If you like what you’ve seen us do with iPadOS, stay tuned, we’re going to keep working on it.” If you’re wondering when this might happen, the Apple-o-sphere has all been working on the belief that Apple will be holding a Spring hardware announcement. There are too many rumored products to fit into one event, but a new iPad Pro and a new keyboard for it would definitely make the cut. Given all the recent tech event cancellations due to the coronavirus, however, Apple might be rethinking its plans right now. In any case, I have many thoughts about the iPad — which you might have guessed since I’ve been writing about the iPad’s evolution as a computer so often over the past few years. I would love to speculate on the physical shape and design of the keyboard, but I think that’s better left until later, when we have a better idea of what it might look like. Instead, I just want to point out that the iPad is an OS that is currently hostile to mouse input. I don’t mean that as a criticism, but I do think it’s just stating facts. I know there are people who have enabled the “AssistiveTouch” mouse feature, but what it mainly does is let you emulate your finger taps with a mouse. That means it’s not actually all that helpful with two things that mice excel at: tapping tiny UI buttons and working with text. I’m on record as thinking that Apple’s recent attempts to improve text manipulation like selecting, copying, pasting, and even cursor placement are not very good. And since AssistiveTouch currently only supports acting like a finger, it doesn’t help. I bring this up because I have a radical idea: what if the only thing trackpad support brings to the iPad is better text manipulation? I actually think that is the right move for Apple, at least to start. With the new iPadOS last year, Apple was incredibly ambitious. It added all sorts of new ideas and interaction models to the UI, some of which were confusing. In my original review, I gave Apple credit for finally allowing the iPad to become complicated and I stand by that. But I also believe that it’s not intuitive because its features can’t be progressively learned over time — you basically have to watch or read tutorials, which is incredibly un-Apple-like. I bring all this up because right now the iPad has a lot going on with its overall user interface and I sort of feel that the last thing Apple should do is add yet another variable to the mix. Unless Apple is planning its second major re-think of how we interact with the iPad in two years, it’s just too much of a burden to put on users. Because, as I’ve said before, using a mouse is fundamentally a weird thing to do — it’s actually a level of abstraction beyond just touching the display. It only feels “intuitive” because so many of us learned to use one first, and because “desktop” operating systems do such a good job of progressively teaching you new skills as you use them. They’re consistent and learnable in a way the iPad’s more advanced features simply aren’t. I don’t want Apple to fall back on the crutch of just using desktop OS paradigms to solve the iPad’s user interface intuitiveness problem. The last thing we should want is for the iPad to turn into a Mac. It’s on a different path and it would be a shame to have those ideas tossed out the window just so we can have more traditional windows on the iPad. But I’m not anti-trackpad. I do think it would be a huge help for text selection and it would allow some app developers to create smaller touch targets on their apps. Plus, and this may be anathema to some, the iPad makes a lot of use of right-click style actions now (just long press to see them), and a trackpad could help with that too. If you haven’t done so in awhile, go on and watch Steve Jobs’ seminal iPhone introduction. Pay special attention to how he talks about styluses and fingers. It’s easy to forget now, but the iPhone was a radical reinvention of user interfaces compared to what most people had used. Only a tiny sliver of apps on smartphones were designed to be used with a finger — shout out to SnapperMail, my favorite email app for the Treo and the subject of a wonderful 2003 Walt Mossberg review. None of the smartphone operating systems before the iPhone were optimized for fingers, though. They all required a stylus or physical buttons to get around. The iPhone UI was revolutionary because it just had one button — the home button — and it was designed from the ground-up to be touched. The iPad continued that legacy, just on a big screen. Adding a trackpad to that seems like a good idea, but I dearly hope it doesn’t take away from all the benefits we get from a purely touchscreen interface. We already have the Mac, the iPad doesn’t need to turn into one too.

Coronavirus

┏ Facebook cancels F8 developer conference due to coronavirus concerns. ┏ Plague Inc. pulled from the App Store in China amid coronavirus outbreak. In late January, Plague Inc. saw a resurgence in downloads in China and became the country’s top paid iOS game. In response, Ndemic Creations released a statement reminding players that Plague Inc., while it was designed to be realistic and informative about how diseases spread, is just a game. It’s currently the top paid game in the US App Store. “We would always recommend that players get their information directly from local and global health authorities,” the company said in January. ┏ Tim Cook says Apple is reopening factories as China gets ‘coronavirus under control’. ┏ Health secretary Alex Azar won’t promise that a coronavirus vaccine would be affordable. ┏ Coronavirus merch is somehow worse than I expected.