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#therefore drugs = bad
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My opinion on the hug kinda kept changing until recently, but I might have reached a definitive reading.
So, first of all: season 4 boils down the finale to be Shiv vs Ken and that is a good thing (!) it makes the most sense, mainly because Roman tends to go along with things. He can't win his father's favor anymore, so he tries with his siblings and, by extension, he tries holding on to Logan as long as possible by doing that. That's his objective. Shiv's thing is proving herself as the most viable candidate. She can't prove it to Logan, so she will do it for anyone else. But Kendall's thing used to be positioning himself against Logan, and since that can't happen anymore, he becomes Logan. Or tries to, bear with me.
Roman brings up Kendall "big brothering" him in ep. 8, but it's very prevalent throughout season 4. But it is also very reminiscent of what their father used to do; keeping them very close and making them feel trusted only to become violent (in some form) when questioned in his authority. Clearest example is Ken feeling the tides turn against him and attacking his brother.
But the hug comes before that, and there are two very important aspects to this--
1) It is cruel and I don't think it matters if you think Roman wanted/needed it because, crucially, Kendall's endgoal with the violence isn't within that line of thinking. He is asserting his dominance (as seen by the second physical attack later).
2) BUT much more importantly: imo, the hug starts with the intention of comfort (!!!) and only ends in violence. This is Ken at his most Logan; a last goodbye to his brother from his father by combining violence and a loving embrace. He learned from the best.
Though in the end, what it comes down to, is this: Does Roman push his wound into the shoulder? Does Kendall press him against it? Both. You don't get Roman's "i hate you" without Kendall's "i love you". It's both. It will always be both, but I will say this-- hate can't come without love, but love can very much stand on its own. So, even if it's both, one of the two weighs heavier. 4 seasons of story have shown how one weighs heavier, even if it's unintentional.
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sassygwaine · 1 year
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listen if i can live without shit in my head telling me not to, then i will smoke all the weed in the world, tbh
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katnissgirlsmakedo · 1 year
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when everyone on letterboxd loves a movie i hated i feel like jesus on the cross. you’re telling me you liked this movie. what are you an incel? christ alive
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mortalityplays · 9 months
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"how do you just know this" is a question I get asked a lot, because I tend to be someone who can contribute unusual facts or insight on whatever topic a casual conversation turns to, and I never know how to answer because "I pay attention" sounds rude and isn't super actionable. but that is really it, I just take an active interest when I encounter something curious or unusual.
like recently one of my friends linked me a funny paragraph from a very badly written erotic novel. it was so bad that I thought "I wonder if this is real", so we looked up the book it was from and learned it was a vintage horny housewife type story by someone who wrote a lot of shitty cheap porn back in the 80s, all of which now seems to be completely out of print.
in the course of googling the author, I discovered that one of their works had been cited in a 2004 court case over a prisoner's right to keep erotic novels in his personal library after the prison confiscated them. a bit more googling turned up the case details in a legal database. the guy had received the books by mail and kept them, among others, in his cell. the prison seized them, citing a policy against prisoners having pornography. his lawyers argued that 1. erotic novels are distinct from pornography because they have artistic and expressive content beyond the depiction of sex acts, and 2. since he received them by mail they are therefore protected under his constitutional right to freely access non-disruptive information from outside the prison. I don't know if he got his books back, but he won his case.
then we googled the defendant and found out he was in prison for helping a woman to drug and murder his boss (who she lived with), mutilate the body with acid and dump him in a ravine.
anyway my point is, take an interest. that's how you learn weird stuff.
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captainsparklefingers · 3 months
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Love playing my favorite multiple choice game: 'It It Depression (or are you just sleep deprived/burned out)'!
The best part is that the answer isn't a or b, it's always c: yes.
(I just got back to in library work after the holidays how am I already this mentally and emotionally drained and creatively stopped up and just generally low)
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whimsicalcotton · 4 months
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eevee. so hard to find.
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Nihilism is a positive, life affirming philosophy. Something my christian mother couldn't, or didn't want to, understand
And Schoppenhauer is interesting but only worth anything when you conclude he is wrong
Berserk as a Nietzschean Tragedy — Art, Morality, Affirmation by Jonas Čeika
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#when I was 16 in the face of my friends still being close to christian morality and therefore by extension fascist thought (something I was#incapable of naming back then and only fully getting out of in my 20s after falling out with all of them)#I invented the term of ''positive Nihilism'' on my own. this in turn was a thought that spread throughout our very depressed and more#hopeless shunned by other students friend group and synergized well with the hedonistic freedom we gained by getting old enough to buy#alcohol and other drugs. but didn't lead to all of us moving away from moralistic and judgy world views. for most it only changed#what the rules and who worthy targets of morality and judginess were#and influenced by this bad philosophy taught in school and right wing influencers having the biggest presence online I also#didn't manage to free myself from christian moralistic and fascist world views. even if I developed an#understanding of how racism and science were related at the time and thought myself to be a true liberal (I wasn't) ( andthat's kinda true#for essentially all liberals. because they denie collective action for the greater good. and thereby denie that collective action for the#bad can already exist. implicitly without any great plot to be necessary#and I used the terms bad and good here. but not to describe any conviction of anyone. to describe a result of action/inaction taken#back then I struggled heavily with self worth because there wasn't any system in which I could get ranked that affirmed#my worth or my virtues. my talents. because it can't. and if there was it would need to denie someone else's value#that's inevitable. being good at something is great but has no implications on other people#alone for the fact that they might have different standards. different goals#the complexity of humanity and the inability of us to weigh one another against each other. to compare ourselves amongst one another#is what truly reveals the worth of each and every one of us. we're alive and nothing can be worth more. so we should strive to keep everyon#around as long as they want to be around. and we should always denie anyone who wants to denie others ability and right to live#and I'm not some Kantian Idiot believing that the laws of nature mandate you aren't allowed to kill yourself or something#I'm just here to say even if I hate you I'd rather you're alive so that I can decide not to talk to you than for you to be dead.#someone else will love you and cherish every moment with you and I'll love that you're spending that time together.#I kinda lost the thread and my brain is producing thoughts I wanna write down but can't make sense off or put into words.#I don't know what the thoughts are myself. I forgot at least one of them after formulating it correctly because there were so many#kissing you (only if you want to/allow it)#Youtube
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flangore · 3 months
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❥ scarlet plumes
feat.: Valentino/f!reader
warnings: nsfw content, noncon, physical + psychological abuse, unhealthy relationships, violence, drugging, rough sex, choking, punishments, manipulation, Valentino is his own warning
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You were not the type to get into trouble.
Being confrontational, at least attempting to have things go your way through protests and complaints, had never seemed worth it; not when the one you were up against was Valentino, who always got what he wanted in the end, one way or another.
All too often, you had seen the way he punished disobedient whores; all too often, you had watched the way they were still limping days after, bruises blooming on skin if they had been lucky, bullet wounds trying to heal, oozing blood, if they had been less so.
There was no reason to willingly go through the struggle of disobeying when simply giving in, caving to Val's wishes and orders, was so much easier.
When Valentino told you to bend over, you did so readily, spreading your thighs apart in offering; when Valentino ordered you down onto your knees, you went obediently, lips dropping open, praying he wasn't in a bad mood, unpredictable as his sudden bursts of anger often made him.
You were not the type to get into trouble, and yet you currently found yourself on the floor, crumpled in front of Valentino's boots, cheek warm and stinging.
“Now, why don't you tell me what happened, baby?” His tone was a low coo, almost gentle enough to soothe your sobs. “You've never acted out like this before. What happened to my well-behaved girl, hm?”
In your defense, it really hadn't been your fault — you hadn't meant to do it.
Your night shift had been supposed to be a simple session for a well-known client, consisting of some lap dancing and a blow job; that was what he had paid for, at least. Your surprise when he had begun ripping your skimpy panties off you, forcing your legs apart, hands greedy, mouth drooling, high on some drug, was therefore understandable in your eyes; as was the way you, in your shock, had lashed out, claws scratching at his chest in order to push him off you. A split second later, the side of your face had ached with pain, his flat palm having met your cheek before he had stormed out of the room, screaming and spitting.
Valentino had been with you after barely any time at all.
“I didn't—”, you choked out, voice trembling, “I didn't mean to do it, sir, I swear, he just startled me, and, I mean, he didn't pay for more, he wanted to —, he wanted to—”
One hand of his cupped your cheek, golden claw gently tracing over your jaw. Even with him crouched down in front of you, he seemed ridiculously tall. “Hey—, relax, sweetheart.” At an exhale, red smoke coiled around you, assaulting your senses. Instinctively, your raised shoulders fell as tension bled from your muscles. “I get it. I understand.”
With how utterly merciless Valentino was known to be, it took a few moments for you to actually understand the meaning of his words. Even then, you barely dared to let go of the dreadful fear curled in your stomach. “You do?”
“Of course I do”, he said, eyes half-lidded behind heart-shaped glasses. His voice was soft enough to cause more tears, now of relief, to drip down your cheeks. “You know, I was really surprised when that patron came up to me, demanding to have you fired, if not killed for your disobedience. You're usually such an obedient girl — I was wondering what actually happened. Good job for being honest with me.”
Hope bloomed in your chest, your eyes widening. Streaks of mascara and eyeshadow, black and colourful, ran down your wet cheeks. “So you're not upset with me?”
“Upset with you? Of course not, amorcito. You were scared, that's alright. It happens, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Your breath hitched in a stifled sob, lips, the gloss now smudged, curling up into a pitiful mockery of a smile. “Yeah. Thank you, Val.”
This could have gone much worse. Your hands were still shaking, anxiety thrumming underneath your skin, and yet Valentino didn't even seem particularly upset. Some higher being — whether that was Lucifer or God, you didn't really care — must have blessed you, somehow.
“Of course, baby.” The moment Valentino stood once more, he towered over you, his shadow swallowing you up. “Now, follow me, yeah?”
Your legs struggled to support your weight, knees feeling weak as you trailed behind him through corridors you didn't recognise. Your steps were unsure, the heels, ridiculously high, only adding to your troubles. You have half a mind to stop yourself from asking where you're going.
It's entirely unnecessary, either way.
You arrive but a moment later, the noise of a heavy door falling shut causing you to flinch; where Valentino was in front of you just a second ago, he was now behind you, a looming presence at your back.
It was a studio; not the fancy kind actual stars like Angel Dust filmed in, but a smaller one, the light bulb flickering, the sheets on the bed stained. Voxtech cameras were pointed at the mattress.
“Val—?”
“Bend over, baby.”
“You said you're not angry with me.” The words tumbled out of your mouth without your permission, a panicked high-pitched tone. “You said you're not—”
“And I'm not, as long as you hurry the fuck up and do what I tell you to.” His voice was sharp. Instinctively, you obeyed, bending over the edge of the bed, nausea churning in your stomach. “See, that guy you were a bitch to was a regular. Good money. I gotta show him you're sorry, sweetheart. You understand that, right?”
For a moment, you didn't get a word out, throat tight as tears spilled past your lashes. Eventually, you managed a shaky; “Yes, Valentino.”
“There we go. Knew you'd get why I have to do this.”
Large hands settled on your thighs, the touch making you flinch; his claws, all too sharp, teased at your skin, leaving faint scratch marks, before they prodded at your folds.
This, by now, should have been routine. It was; and yet, the idea of this being a punishment had you tensing, muscles locking up while Valentino thrust one claw into you, only to grunt, irritated.
“Ungrateful bitch”, he spat, one hand settling on your lower back, pinning you to the bed while another fumbled with his belt, metal clinking. “That's what I get for tryin' to be nice and preparing you — tightest cunt I've ever seen. Loosen the fuck up or deal with it.”
“I'm sorry.” Your voice shook, though the threat of violence, of pain, didn't help with relaxing in the slightest. Instead, you instinctively clenched around the digit, only to whimper when he yanked it back out.
“Sure doesn't seem like it.”
The fat head of his cock, pierced, the metal cold, pressed against you, then pushed inside; you were unable to stop yourself from letting out a pitiful noise, sounding more like a wounded animal than a practiced porn star.
Valentino didn't seem to mind it one bit.
Your vision blackened out for a moment when he bottomed out inside of you, the pain agonising. For a moment, you were certain he was tearing you from the inside out. His hips slapped against your plush ones, building up a steady rhythm; one set of his hands grabbed onto your hips, claws digging into your skin, using his grip for leverage to pull you back against him
“Some wetness would help us out here, y'know”, Valentino mumbled, complaining, bitching, like this was your fault. It probably was.
The only response you were able to come up with was a choked out sob, a dull ache steadily present in your abdomen, only interrupted by sharp stabbing pain whenever Valentino's tip hit an impossibly deep spot inside of you.
This couldn't have possibly gotten worse — or so you thought, tears dripping down your face, your claws ripping the sheets as you scrambled for purchase, only for it to get so much more agonising when, all of a sudden, his hand closed around your throat, squeezing.
You weren't able to breathe.
Instinctively, you clenched around him, thighs shaking. If he wasn't still holding you up, you would have collapsed.
“Fuck, you're so damn tight.” Valentino groaned, low and raspy. His tongue lapped at your neck, leaving trails of pink saliva to drip down your shoulders, your chest. “We could've had such a pleasant time together, baby, if only you hadn't been such a disobedient slut. Hate that you're making me do this.”
His pace was unforgiving, the metal of his belt buckle hitting your hip with every other thrust, surely leaving bruises. Not that it mattered — Valentino did provide you with full coverage makeup, after all.
Out of the corner of your eye, you focused on the red dots of the many cameras, blinking, recording. By now, numbness spread through you, a small blessing. You weren't certain just how long it went on; only that, eventually, Valentino came with a groan, filling you up, making you whimper.
When his grip on your throat loosened for a split second, allowing you to suck a burning breath into your lungs, it felt like Heaven.
“Use your words, baby. Talk to me.”
“Val, 'm sorry—”
“Yeah?”
“I'm sorry”, you repeated, the words barely audible through sobs, “I'm sorry, Val, I'm sorry—”
Suddenly, his hand, still on your throat, yanked your head up, his lips clashing against yours; the very moment you opened your mouth, pliant with submission, with exhaustion, smoke flooded it, you choking on it.
Your mind felt muddled, mouth dry even as saliva trickled out of your lips, jaw slack.
Faintly, you were able to feel his cum drip out of your cunt and down your thighs, sticky.
“Now”, Valentino said, voice a sultry purr, “Why don't you wait here, I'll send you your client and you apologise properly to him?”
Mind filled with scarlet plumes, you barely knew what you were agreeing to, nodding mindlessly. “Yes, Valentino.”
“That's what I like to hear. Good girl.”
When multiple pairs of footsteps echoed through the room, you, even in your hazy state, had the bad feeling that you were going to be having a long night.
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i won't lie i didn't proofread this yet.. tomorrow... ALSO FIRST POST YIPPEEE
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bioethicists · 7 months
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the logic of pathologizing specific desires claims to stop moralization, but all it does is qualify them using absurdly circular logic.
"people who do drugs/kill themselves/hurt themselves have Done Something Wrong. but thinking that they are Bad People is cruel [true!], so they must have had a disease that made them do a Bad Thing even though they're Not Bad." or, more broadly "Healthy People want to do Good Things + Stay Healthy while Unhealthy People want to do Bad Things + Stay Sick. therefore, someone is who wants to do Bad Things is sick with a disorder that is tricking them into thinking they want to do Bad Things instead of the Good Things that their Real Self (which is being obscured by disease) wants."
do you see how this classifies anyone who desires something "unhealthy" as diseased + denies them full personhood until they embrace an identity composed of only "healthy" desires (with all "unhealthy" desires being an invasive Other)? why do we see this as this necessary? would someone become a Bad Person if the desire to do drugs or kill themselves was coming from Them + not a disease? why, if you genuinely believe that these things are not immoral? or do you believe they are ONLY morally acceptable because they come from a disease (so the person "can't help it")? if you feel like you need this model to understand your own experience, why? do you feel like it relieves a shame or guilt surrounding your experiences? why?
i need everyone to understand that, regardless of whatever personal attachment you feel to this model, the circular concept of "people who are too sick to know what's good for them (which is obvious because they are making choices which only sick ppl make)" is part of a logic that justifies all manner of degrading, violent + carceral responses to mad ppl/drug users/unhoused ppl. for every "recovered" person who embraces this model, there is a "disordered" person who resents it + that person will forever be denied the resources + social absolution "recovery" offers until they embrace it
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zeldasnotes · 2 months
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Hii
What aspects would make someone a good and bad criminal ? Like always getting away with it or being caught every time you do something bad
INDICATORS OF A GOOD CRIMINAL 💰
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Gemini MC/Mercury 10th house: Common in the charts of people who have more than one career. It rules having 2 faces so they could easily have one ”normal” career that they show the public and then be a criminal at the same time. This placement is super common in rappers because of the communication part of Gemini and Mercury but it also shows how so many rappers are forced into gangs and have a lot of criminal contacts while also making money through the music. Criminals with this can easily make it look like they made all that money through their legal career while secretely making a lot of that money through crime.
Sun/Moon 8th house: Naturally good at covering their tracks & knows who to trust etc. Very sneaky. One of the girls in my friendsgroup from high school had moon 8th house and she never wrote something in the group chats that could be used against her while the rest of us would be in soooo much shit if the group chat was leaked lol.
Lilith 2nd/8th house: If the crime is about money then these are the experts. They know how to get money in illegal ways. Very good at finding loopholes in the system to get money.
Asteroid Swindle(8690) conjunct personal planets: The masters at swindling people.
Lie(26955) conjunct personal planets: Very good liars which is very much needed in life as a criminal.
Pluto 1st or 10th house: Knows how to move in the underworld. Intimidating. Sneaky.
When it comes to bad at being a criminal I dont really know since all planets affects someone differently. Neptunians can be very sensitive and easily feel bad for others and therefore might not be good criminals but I also know that Neptune energy is common in criminals because of the association with drugs & because neptune can make someone too low energy to hold down a regular job. Plutonians are good criminals but at the same time they look shady and therefore would get noticed by police etc because of that. Saturnians are strategic and would make good criminals but they tend to drop out because they feel a pressure to be a part of society and being considered a ”low life” takes a toll on them.
Saturn rules karma so I would be careful when it comes to the house you have saturn in. Ive seen some people with Saturn in the 10th house for example get their payback very publicly or in the form of the shit theyve done becoming public knowledge and even a part of their image. 🪐
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ickadori · 3 months
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++ 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎 — 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆
↳ Choso is still unfamiliar with the more human way of doing things, but he is trying, so you can’t fault him too much when his actions resemble that of a curse rather than a human. VALENTINES EVENT MASTERLIST
[cws] yandere. stalking. chikan. mild violence. fem reader. i’ve taken creative liberties and made it so that choso can choose when he’s visible to humans thanks to being half-curse, half-human :3 reader is american.
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Right and wrong is not something that Choso concerns himself with - he simply does what he pleases.
It’s not in the sense of him thinking that he’s above human laws (he is) and can therefore ignore them, but rather that he’s not familiar with them.
Yuji has told him time and time again about what is and is not acceptable, but it just hasn’t clicked in his head yet. In the rare times that he shows himself to humans, he always finds himself breaking some type of rule, law, or societal norm, as Yuji tells him.
“You can’t walk so close to people, Choso - they’ll think you’re a pervert or something!”
“I don’t care if she smelt good - you can’t sniff her like a dog!”
“Put your dick away! That’s not a bathroom! You can’t piss there!”
“No, Choso! You can’t kill somebody just because the line is too long!”
Humans were bound by so many rules, it was annoying. Choso found himself staying hidden more often than not, choosing to observe the people around him rather than taking more ‘lessons on humanity’ from his younger brother—Yuji was a big help, don’t get him wrong, but Choso didn’t feel right taking lessons from his younger sibling. Choso was the oldest, the one meant to protect and teach his younger brothers (something he had failed to do on two occasions, as he so painfully remembers every day), and if he didn’t know it, then it was his duty to learn it on his own.
The regular people of Japan, the ones who were terribly unfit to defend themselves (it’d be a hassle trying to protect them - he’s glad they’re not his siblings), were incredibly boring. Majority of them only worked and slept, some occasionally getting drunk at some hole-in-the-wall bar before stumbling home and passing out in the living room.
Choso preferred watching the not-so-regular people of Japan, the ones who led a life that Yuji always turned his nose up at, but Choso didn’t think they were so bad. They do what they want, what’s so wrong with that, he always asked. They didn’t let rules shape their actions or let laws turn them into a completely different person - they were simply them, and Choso found it admirable, in a way.
He watched men cloaked in black skulk around alleyways looking for a target to rob, women dressed in skimpy clothing slipping into cars only to slip out a few moments later with blood on their cleavage, teenagers walking into stores with no money yet walking out with pockets stuffed full of snacks and drinks, men in suits exchanging briefcases full of drugs and money, truck drivers transporting living, breathing humans adorned in chains - the dregs of society as so many called them.
He watched them sparingly, only when he grew bored of the mundane lives of everyone else, everyone else except for you, of course.
Choso had been watching you ever since he first began this poor attempt to assimilate into Yuji’s world. You lived a boring, plain, safe life, but he found himself interested nonetheless. You were an office worker, one with a funny accent that he learned was American. You liked to read and occasionally write, and you went on walks in the park on the weekend and took pictures of the scenery. You didn’t drink and you didn’t smoke but all your friends did. You had a library card that you lost on a monthly basis. You had an unhealthy addiction to carbonated drinks. You hated going to the dentist. You avoided stepping on the cracks in sidewalks. You desperately wanted a pet but your lease forbade you from getting one.
These were the boring, mundane details of your life. Nothing exciting, nothing noteworthy, and yet Choso had memorized it all.
You were on your way home from work now, unaware of Choso’s presence behind you. He was close - close enough to breathe in the scent of your signature perfume and take a peek down the top of your button down. Even your bra was boring, a dull gray that covered you fully, and an annoyed pout formed on his face before he turned his attention to the phone in your hand.
You were checking your banking account, likely making sure that you had enough for your daily sweet treat and tea from your favorite shop. It turns out that you don’t have enough, but he already knew that. You didn’t get paid until tomorrow, and you had used the last bit of your money on a recurring subscription that you had forgotten to cancel.
You sigh under your breath before dropping your phone into your purse, and Choso falls into step beside you, the rest of the journey to the train station going by uneventfully, as usual.
~
It’s a new day, and the same routine.
There’s a couple that steps onto the train before the both of you, their hands intertwined and the woman’s head nuzzled against the man's arm. Physical affection was another thing that Choso wasn’t familiar with.
Even if majority of his life hadn’t been spent locked away in a sealed vial, it wasn’t in his nature to be gentle with his hands - they were tools to protect what was dearest to him, and the only way he knew how to do that was to kill whatever threatened what was closest to him.
Although he wasn’t sure if you would appreciate that in this moment - you were squeamish when it came to blood, funnily enough, and he doubted he could kill the man standing behind you without making a mess.
“Tch.” Choso hovers near you, his eyes taking in the scene. You’re on your morning commute to work, dressed in the white button down he watched you press this morning, and a black pencil skirt that stuck to you like glue - it had been amusing watching you shimmy into it, stumbling around your room and cursing as you threw worried glances at the digital clock on your nightstand.
You were dressed identical to every other woman on this train -your hair was even in a similar updo- and yet the man—the pervert as Yuji would have called him—had singled you out in the overcrowded place. He stood behind you, closely, and Choso leaned to peer around your shoulder, lip lifting in annoyance when he sees the man’s crotch pushed against the swell of your ass.
The act itself doesn’t bother him, but rather that you’re the one the man chose to enact it on. He likely wouldn’t have batted an eye had the man chosen one of the other women to feel on, but the sight of someone touching you had never failed to invoke a feeling of intense hatred in Choso.
He didn’t like it, and he made it known when he moved to stand behind the man. He settled a heavy on his shoulder, his energy dark, thick and heavy as it nearly filled all the corners of the train car - an embodiment of the anger swirling in his gut. The man jolts and looks back over his shoulder, seeing nothing but perhaps a murky, dark substance. His hand grips hard, and the crunch that sounds followed by the pained wail doesn’t do much to quell that anger.
He had touched you, someone that Choso was closely coming to regard as important, and there was only one way that could right this wrong, but that would have to wait until the number of people around were low. Too many eyes were never good, and Choso had studied humans enough to know that their first instinct was to run to the police when they saw a body drop before their eyes.
With a shove to the side, the man is thrown halfway across the car, and a cacophony of shouts sound off as he goes tumbling. You spin around, eyebrows pulled together and mouth set in an angry line, and Choso feels that strange human urge to comfort surge forth.
You cast a glare to the man, your hands moving to hitch your bag higher up your shoulder, and you keep your back to the door, likely in an attempt to keep that from happening again…what’s it called again? He’s seen this scenario play out before in one of Yuji’s books that he tries and fails to keep a secret.
Ch…chi…chikan, train molestation.
His brother is a pervert, without a doubt, but he supposes that works in his favor. The magazine had piqued his interest, firstly because Yuji had gone to great lengths to stuff it into the back of his closet underneath a set of his college textbooks, and secondly because it housed a taboo of society, and the taboo is what interested Choso these days.
He had read it in its entirety, and then had tried to witness it himself. He had spent hours hanging around the station, going in and out of cars and maneuvering between bodies to try and catch a glimpse of the depraved act, yet he came up with nothing, until today that is.
And what a letdown that had been.
His mouth pulls down at the sides, and he gives you a slow once over. He starts at neatly done hair, moves down to sculpted brows that frame glossy eyes, then to a nose that he wouldn’t mind feeling against his own, and down to a set of lips that he finds himself thinking about more and more these days.
He goes further down, down to the way your shirt stretches across your breasts, the buttons straining just a bit, and he tilts his head to the side, a new type of feeling now festering in the pit of his stomach.
Your hands clasp together in front of you, the movement forcing your chest to jut out a bit more, and when the train curves around a bend, Choso lets gravity move him closer to you, head angled down. You tense just a bit, and your senses must be a bit better than everyone else’s, or maybe he’s just doing a poor job at concentrating on concealing himself.
You push yourself a bit further into the corner, and he further crowds you into it, a spark of excitement running up his spine — prey. That’s what you remind him of in this moment as you cower in the corner from a threat you can’t see. He wants to sink his teeth into you—no, his hands. He wants to touch you and squeeze you all over, sink his fingers into soft flesh and leave his mark behind.
So he does.
Tentatively, at first.
The tips of his fingers hover near your cheek, casting a shadow that you’re unable to see, and his breathing grows labored when he finally touches you - it’s shocking, literally. You jump as you feel it, and Choso frowns. He hasn’t learned about the grand thing called static, so in his mind, his mind that was locked away and kept rudimentary for so long, this shock upon first contact signified something monumental…something visceral.
You press further against the wall, brows furrowing as your hand moves up to rub at your cheek, and Choso moves down to the slope of your neck, fingers running along the throbbing vein, racing pulse, and then he’s rubbing at your collarbones. You’re warm just like him, but where he’s hard you’re soft - soft, doughy, fragile.
His hands settle on your breasts, one in each palm, and he squeezes. Oh. You frown deeper, your eyes dropping to where his hands are groping, but you don’t see. He’s right up on you now, head angled down and jaw slack as he tests the weight in his hands - they’re a nice size, a good size. Your nipples get hard under his hand, and he rubs against it with his thumb - your bra is so thin.
He thinks back to that book and what he had read in it, images of the debauchery floating to the front of his mind, and his mouth runs dry at the thought of doing those things to you. He had never thought about sexual gratification, much less craved it, but he felt as if he had been subconsciously seeking it out all his life and he had finally found it.
His breath is practically coming out in pants, matching the rapid thumps of his heart. He traps your nipples between his fingers and squeezes. You suck in a sharp breath of air, eyes darting around at the other passengers who don’t pay you much attention - they’re all warily looking at the man still moaning in pain as he sags in a corner and clutches at his shoulder.
Choso squeezes again, and he knows it’ll feel better if he was touching you skin on skin, but he’s certain you wouldn’t take kindly to him scattering your shirt buttons all over the floor of the train and leaving your bra in tatters so he pushes that thought away for later - maybe for when you’re curled under your blankets at night and in a deep, deep sleep.
The maddening ache in his pants would have taken him by surprise a few months ago, but Choso has gotten pretty acquainted with his body with the help of a few snagged medical books and Yuji’s laptop (which was still an enigma to Choso at times).
Both of his hands leave your breasts to instead push at his pants, the baggy material easily slipping down toned, lean thighs until they pool around his booted ankles.
His cock is pale but noticeably darker at the tip, and there’s a long, prominent vein that starts at the center of his shaft and disappears into black, coily pubes. His cock has never been able to stand up properly, weighted down by the sheer size, so it hangs between his thighs, thick and heavy, identical to his desire for you.
He wraps a hand around his turgid length, hissing through his teeth as he does, and pushes closer. You don’t move a muscle, standing stock-still as you try and fail to make sense of all these ‘phantom’ sensations.
If they were able, he’s sure your knuckles would have long since turned white with how hard you’re clutching onto the purse that’s now cradled against your chest. Your thighs shift together, inadvertently making your skirt rise a bit, heels noisily clinking against the platform of the car as you shuffle, and Choso spreads his legs and bends at the knees, a heaving breath leaving him as he slots his cock right through the opening between your thighs that you so graciously left.
The tights clinging to your thighs are smooth and silky, and coupled with the heat of your skin that perforates through, Choso feels himself jerk and twitch at the feeling. It’s leagues better than his hand, and his mind is already spinning at the thought of how you’ll feel on the inside.
His hand comes down heavy against the door beside your head, and you flinch as your head whips to the side to look, eyebrows furrowing when you notice the large handprint on the glass. His other hand curls around the pole to the left of you, hand gripping it so tight that he can feel the steel denting underneath his grip, and he rocks his hips, slowly.
Warm, soft, squishy, the adjectives flit through his mind one after the other, a new one coming with each push of his cock between your thighs. He’s hot all over, skin burning and strands of black plastering themselves to his damp face. His balls are tight, and his left eye twitches when a soft sound escapes your mouth, a look of bewilderment on your face.
He comes, hard. His orgasm locks all his muscles up and makes his teeth snap together so hard they nearly shatter. His eyes roll back, the pole caves in under the pressure of his grip, the window beside your head shatters as his hand goes through it, and he makes a split second decision to show himself in an effort to shield you from the hail of glass.
Choso can nearly see the scream of fright that gets caught in your throat at his sudden appearance, and a grin that lacks remorse twists onto his lips. Your bugged eyes slowly trail down, and the scream finally un-lodges itself when you catch sight of his softening length and the mess it’s left on your clothing.
Choso hides himself once again and steps off at the next station as he fixes his clothing. You stumble off as well, frantically heading towards the security booth as your eyes dart around to catch sight of him.
Soon, he thinks.
He’d let you see him again soon enough.
354 notes · View notes
somecunttookmyurl · 1 year
Note
So... while I understand your approach, and believe that the prohibitions/ screening questions are not all reasonable:
Working in the medical industry has taught me a few important things: You cannot test for everything, and no test is perfect.
You can have HIV+ without knowing for many years (admitedly therefore damning the time limit, but it is uncommon), so one does not necessarily know that they have HIV.
In addition, the screening is in place more for the fact that.... there are a lot of diseases, they cannot test for all of them, so they do their best to lower likelyhoods.
The Bad Blood issue was increadibly serious.
If you disagree with the screening questions, lodge complaints, try to make it more transparent, lobby, etc.
Do not lie on medical questionnaires. Please.
anal sex is not the only way to contract HIV
screening questions should not exclude anyone and should highlight only the need to test the blood for that thing
literally your whole argument fell apart immediately "one does not necessarily know they have HIV". well quite. and the screening questions aren't going to eliminate it either are they. unless you propose only taking blood from virgins? no? then it remains bullshit
"there are a lot of diseases" yeah. duh. no shit. which is why the screening questions highlight which to test for and not outright exclude the entire population on a what-if
one of my exes is HIV+. he got it from a woman. who would not have been excluded by this oh-so-holy screening. funny ol' world innit
she - you know, the HIV+ straight woman with no tattoos? her? - wasn't excluded and could give blood (she didn't know she was HIV+)
you know who is excluded? and still, in fact forever, technically cannot give blood? me, the verifiably (many times over verified) HIV- person. because I have tattoos and have had sex with MSM and, in the past, IV drug users.
lie.
720 notes · View notes
famwhy · 9 months
Text
Right Way Up (03)
Stranger Things
Yandere! Steve Harrington X F!Reader, Yandere! Eddie Munson X F!Reader, Yandere! Billy Hargrove X F!Reader
Synopsis: You always hated when your favourite characters died in shows or movies; always longed to have the opportunity to save them. So when you're transported into one of your favourite shows of all time, what else are you supposed to do besides save your beloved characters?
Warnings: Threat/violence, Gore, Mentions of sexual content (implicit), Death, Manipulation, Depictions of toxic relationships, Drugs and alcohol abuse
Note: I know Steve's initials are on this chapter but that doesn't mean this chapter is focused on him, just a head's up.
prev part. masterlist. next part.
03. bring unto me altruism
trait: s.h.
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"YOU know him?"
Your gaze wandered over the top of the BMW, breaking away from the (very sturdy-looking) back of Billy Hargrove to instead lock eyes with Steve Harrington—the latter of which had his own optics thoroughly narrowed in your direction.
"Huh?"
"The new guy—" he scoffed out, and you watched as his lips tugged down, brows furrowed very harshly, "—do you know him?"
Ah, shit. You have got to stop slipping up, Y/N.
"No." The response came out quick—and you turning around to face Billy again came quicker. He was still walking off—skinny jeans making it almost impossible to ignore his figure, very clearly outlining his... ahem just as they had in the show. "I certainly wouldn't mind getting to know him, though."
"Ew, gross."
"Oh please, like you can talk."
"I can talk, actually, and—hey! Where are you going?" 
Midway through his sentence, you had started off towards the school, strutting after the dirty blonde with just as much feigned confidence in your walk as he.
It was rude to walk off halfway through a conversation but that was probably the least of your worries right now. You had a plan and if you wanted to execute it, you couldn't let Billy out of your sight.
"Y/N?"
"Just heading to class, don't worry. Walk Nancy to her first period then head to yours, 'kay? I'll be fine."
What exactly were you doing? Simple—remember the other day when you had no clue where you were going and had to rely on Steve to get you to your classes? Well, today, you could follow Billy Hargrove and, with any luck, you'd end up finding the counselor without having to ask for help and sounding suspicious.
Although, the last of anyone's guesses as to why you were acting peculiar would be that you came from a whole other world; one wherein they were all characters on a screen with almost three-quarters of them being completely irrelevant to the plot and, therefore, not even paid the littlest of attention to by the audience.
Still, better to be safe than sorry.
You had many more worries running rampant in your mind, all loud and overwhelming, grand and all-consuming—almost to the point where you had bumped into the defined back of the 80s bad boy; a defined back which, all of a sudden, wasn't moving like it was just moments ago. 
Why did he stop?
The answer to that question was written clearly on the solid plate stuck to the blank, beaten door before you: COUNSELOR.
Your ears perked up as a jingle sounded from the metal knob, a strong, slightly-tanned hand wrapped firmly around it.
The door refused to budge.
"Ah shit," came the steady curse of the broad male. His body had shifted after that, and even an idiot could tell that he was about to turn around, so you did what any sane person would do—you flung yourself to the side and crashed your butt against one of the chairs snugly tucked against the wall.
Ouch... you'd think the chairs next to the guidance counselor's office would be a little more comfy to land on. 
If Billy had found your actions at all weird, he showed no signs of it—choosing, instead, to plop himself down on the seat next to you; pink lips pulled into a straight line and ocean-blue gaze as cool as steel. If eyes were the windows to the soul, then Billy's glass panes were sure-as-hell foggy beyond belief because you hadn't grasped a single glance at his soul.
But... you still knew what it looked like, the shattered crystals left behind in the wake of his past, ready to prick whoever dared come near with their razor-sharp edges—and that thought had your heart squeezing painfully, both in sympathy and guilt; sympathy for his unfortunate circumstances and... guilt for knowing so much about this boy who hadn't a single clue that you existed before... well, any of this.
"'S there a reason for your staring, princess?"
You blinked, all of a sudden being the recipient of a grin that didn't quite seem to reach the eyes of the sender.
"Huh?"—damn, caught lost in thought again—"Oh! Uh, you're my new neighbour, right?"
He arched a brow.
"Cherry Lane?" You added. "My brother told me someone moved in and you don't look like anyone I know."
His mouth stayed sewn shut and you chose to keep going.
"I think I saw you get out of your car earlier too, there was a California tag on it, is that where you used to live?"
Again. No words. Though, this time, his lips pulled taut and any sign of that previous expression had vanished.
"I always thought the Golden Coast was pretty." You weren't an idiot, you saw the change in his expression—the shift in his gaze—but you didn't let it stop you, continuing to speak with a small, gentle smile, "I'm thinking of going one day."
His eyes had softened a little at that, and he parted his lips—looking as though he was about to speak—when, all of a sudden, a sound reverberated through the near-empty hall, and he closed them once more, raising a brow before sending a pointed look your way.
You felt it coming, the rumble deep down in the pits of your stomach, but you were helpless in stopping it—in containing it—and it arrived before you could even blink—
—a low growl.
Your fist rose up, a light cough leaving your mouth as your gaze awkwardly drifted to the side. "I, uh, didn't eat this morning."
Silence.
Then—to your utter surprise—soft, mirthful chuckles flooded your ears, causing you to whip your head around so fast, you almost sprained your poor neck. Beside you was a sight for sore eyes; one that resulted in your jaw dropping all the way to the floor and your eyes practically bulging out with how much they'd widened.
Billy Hargrove—the Billy Hargrove—was laughing.
His soft, golden curls bounced with each bout of snickers that left his mouth—beautiful, azure eyes crinkled and barely visible past his squinted lids—and yet—they still looked just as striking as usual, as mesmerising and jaw-dropping as on TV—if not, more so.
And then, it really sank in.
You made Billy Hargrove laugh.
And it wasn't some fake, obligatory giggle—nor was it that little, psychotic laugh he did when hysteria clouded his usually-cold gaze—no, it was full-blown, genuine laughter. And you caused it.
That thought had your chest swelling with a lot more pride than it probably should've—
"What's up with the tattoo?"
The question left his mouth much more comfortably than his previous words, flowing out with a small, slightly-smug quirk of his lips, and it took you a moment to register the fact that he had stopped chuckling, his gaze having drifted down—specifically, towards your wrist.
You trailed his gaze, finding yourself being met with the three, thick lines that had been there since the day you arrived in this world and—unsure of why they were there yourself—you shrugged. "Dunno, I think I got it while blackout drunk once."
Something about your response must've been funny because he officially chuckled for the second time since meeting you. "I didn't know you country folk knew how to party that hard."
Now, you might've not been from Hawkins yourself but... something about the way he said that had your eyes narrowing slightly in his direction, and you sprung up from your seat, the underside of your thighs suddenly being greeted by cold air.
"Watch it. We can party just as hard as you Calis."
Your pupils grew shaky as you stood there, watching the next set of his actions with a tingling feeling deep down in your stomach.
One hand on his denim-clad knee, defined biceps flexing as he slowly rose up—your eyes rising with him. And as he took a step closer to you—lips twitching further up with a glint in his eyes you couldn't quite discern—you found yourself starting to slowly lose your breath, hands growing just the slightest bit clammy with the sudden blaze of active nerves you were struck with.
"Yeah?"
You gulped. "Yeah."
You felt hyper-aware as a rough, sun-kissed hand slid around your waist—fitting perfectly against the curve of your back, slowly dragging you closer, and sending a flurry of pleasant tingles straight up your spine to meet with the group that started to steadily arise in your chest; a chest that was mere millimetres from the thin, cotton material that covered his own.
Then, he leaned towards your ear, lips grazing the lobe as he whispered—a sultry lull bleeding into his tone—"Why don't you show me just how hard you can party, huh?"
Your breath audibly hitched in your throat but—before you could fret over what he'd say next, how he'd respond to your silly, little fumble—a 'click!' sounded from your side, and you threw yourself straight out of his sturdy arms quicker than a bolt of lightning—just in time, too, for the face of an older woman emerged from within the office not even moments later.
"Ah," the lady nodded, "you must be William."
Your eyes flitted over to him just in time to catch the way his jaw ticked.
"It's Billy, actually." And when he responded, his voice came out cold, different to the playful lilt it held just moments before.
It didn't take a genius to figure out the name struck a nerve.
"Ah, my bad. Would you like to come in and grab your schedule, Billy?"
He didn't respond but did as she asked, brushing past you to walk into the smaller room, only sharing a brief few seconds of eye-contact as he walked past—but those brief few seconds were enough to grant you just a tiny glimpse into the thunderous storm hidden within the pools of his irises—
—and as the door shut behind him, your lips tugged down.
You couldn't help but let your mind wander to the way his muscles seemed to tense up at the mention of California, freeze in what you could safely assume was caused by his longing to return to the freedom of his home state.
To be forced to depart from your home was nothing new, but you truly felt for Billy and his circumstances. His dad was more than hard on him—he was downright abusive, and Billy was forced to endure it without a single soul in his corner to help him through it, to guide him down the right path and teach him how to break out of the cycle of abuse he was forced into upon being born.
He was only eighteen. A goddamn child. He shouldn't have had to go through what he did.
He should've had the chance to redeem himself.
But that chance was squandered in Season 3, ripped from him akin to how his life was—a grotesque limb of mixed flesh having pierced through his chest, several other messed-up tentacles latched painfully onto his sides, bleeding him dry, draining the life from his eyes.
He didn't deserve to die.
Officially bummed-out by your own trail of thoughts, you heaved out a sigh before your ears perked up at a familiar 'click!' and your head snapped to the door again.
Out came Billy, the smug twitch of his lips back on his face—it was so comfortably situated there, in fact, that if any other person had seen it, they'd have assumed it was there the whole time.
But, despite him looking perfectly fine as he walked out of the old office, you still felt the urge to fly into his arms and wrap him in an embrace filled to the brim with promises; promises to at least provide him some level of support for what he was going through and what he would go through. Though, unlike with Eddie, you couldn't act upon it.
See, Billy and Eddie were two completely different people—where Eddie had brushed off your sudden hug quite easily—happily welcomed it, even—Billy would definitely question it, especially considering the fact that he didn't even know who you were.
And so, although it took all of your willpower, you refrained from throwing yourself onto him—choosing, instead, to stand still as he sauntered over, fingers rising up to brush against your shoulder gently; teasingly.
"See ya 'round, princess."
Instantly, a flurry of tiny, winged creatures erupted in your stomach, sending tingles through your body—up your spine to seize you at your throat, clawing into your windpipe and rendering you motionless in astonishment and awe and—
Was it just you or was it getting hot in here?
"Y/N?" You blinked, attention turning to the dark-haired female suddenly stood before you. "What are you doing here?"
Forcing yourself to forget that... whatever that was, you let a small, sheepish smile curve onto your lips. "Actually, miss, do you mind if I ask for a reprint of my schedule?"
"A reprint?" She rose a brow, arms slowly folding over her chest. "I thought you already had it memorised."
"Oh, uh,"—cue a small, nervous giggle—"you see, it kinda like... slipped my mind, y'know? And I already lost my old one so... can I have that reprint?"
She stood there for a little while longer—letting you really bask in the glory of her heavy judgement—before finally heaving out a sigh through her nose, sounding like she just aged up another ten years as she spun on her heel, full, brown curls bouncing after her.
The ground was smooth, friction practically non-existant as you rocked on your heels, awaiting the piece of paper with bated breath. The ticks of the clock suddenly didn't seem so much like white noise anymore as impatience furrowed your brows and your teeth jutted out, sinking a little into your bottom lip in anticipation.
Then, with a loud, echoing, "Y/N!"—someone had called out to you, but their voice was too high-pitched to be the one you were looking to hear—not to mention the fact that it came from the hall to your right as opposed to the office in front of you.
Your head whipped around just in time to have your whole body jerk a little as a girl skidded to an abrupt stop right next to you, her brown, soft-looking hair bouncing with an almost unnecessary amount of volume.
In her hands were several pieces of bright orange paper, all inked with a few words you couldn't quite make out—not without squinting at least.
"Hey!"
"Uh, hey..."
Who the hell was this again?
"How have you been? You haven't been to practice for a while now, the girls are pretty worried." As she spoke, she tucked a stray strand behind her ear and you squinted—trying to figure out where you'd seen her in the show.
"Oh, uh, I've just been a little sick, that's all."—seriously, who was this girl?—"I'm fine now though."
"That's great to hear!" She beamed, though her smile didn't quite seem to reach her eyes. "Listen, I'm having this party on Halloween and... I wanted you to be the first invite."
She extended one hand—flyer fit snugly between her fingertips—and you reached out, wrapping your fingers around the other end before she released it.
Eyes falling down, you took in the words written in... well, you didn't even know what font that was: TINA'S HALLOWEEN BASH. Come and get Sheet Faced.
Oh, so this was Tina.
"You'll be there, right?"
Your eyes flew back up and you were met with her intense gaze, swirling with a desperate, expectant plea you were almost saddened to see.
"Yeah," you nodded, "I'll be there."
If anyone saw the way her shoulders fell and the muscles on her face relaxed at your words, they would've assumed you took some sort of heavy anvil off her shoulders, freeing her of some sort of imaginary weight that was supposedly weighing her down.
"Thank you," she breathed out, voice practically inaudible over the air leaving her lungs.
Damn, were you that influential?—so much so that your presence would make or break a party?
"No problem?" 
If you were being completely honest, you had no idea what to think of Tina—her character wasn't very explored in the show considering the fact that her role was very minor, the only thing she was really used for was the Halloween bash. But just from these few minutes with her alone, you could tell she was someone who heavily valued reputation.
"Okay, well, I should go," her voice pierced through your thoughts. "I'm thinking of inviting the new kid."
You parted your lips—about to say goodbye—when she twirled around and took off running, not even bothering to spare another glance your way.
Rude.
But as your gaze drifted down to the piece of paper in your hands once more, you found yourself uncaring of her rather unorthodox departure—too busy thinking about... something else.
"Y/N, here's your schedule."
Ah, nevermind the bash, you had your schedule now. You could finally know where you were meant to be for each period—albeit, it would take you a while to actually find the places but at least you knew what subjects you were meant to be in during the week. It wasn't much, but it was something.
Speaking of class, you were long overdue for your first period—
—and your teacher seemed to agree on that too, judging by the harsh glare situated on his face as soon as your sheepish form walked through the door. But hey, could he blame you? No, you were just trying to find your way around this stupid maze of a school.
Luckily, getting to your second class was much easier seeing as you passed it on your way to the first—but that didn't make it any less difficult to have to sit through. You were in Stranger Things—for fuck's sake!—what the hell did Newton's Third Law have to do with it?
You weren't ashamed to admit that you didn't pay attention to any of the other classes leading up to lunch—nor were you opposed to confessing the huge sigh of relief you let out once the long break period finally arrived, because—c'mon—who the hell paid attention to class when they just got transported to another world?
Not you.
So yes, you were currently happily strolling through the halls with your arms crossed over your books as you hugged said items to your chest, no sign of Steve in sight—but, you did catch a glimpse of a very familiar Lion's mane by a set of grey lockers in the corner of your eye.
"Eddie!"
Your voice must've come suddenly because he jumped as soon as you called out to him, head turning your way and one hand situating itself above his heart after he saw you. "Oh, Y/N!"
Your lips twitched up at just the sight of him. "What happened to 'sweetheart'?"
"Oh, uh, you want me to call you that? In front of all these people?"
And just like that, your lips tugged down. "Of course, why would that be a problem? Unless you're uncomfortable with it yourself—in which case, you don't have to call me by it."
Immediately, his head shook from side-to-side, messy hair bouncing crazily along with it. "No, no, not at all... sweetheart."
You'd be lying if you said that the nickname didn't garner a reaction from you; didn't result in your chest swirling with a blazing warmth.
Though, it also seemed to result in the jaw of the person stood next to him dropping to the floor; the same person you had just noticed was there in the first place. He had hair that was just as curly as Eddie's, but—unlike the male you knew—his was cut shorter, barely reaching past his ears really.
You knew this guy, he was one of Eddie's friends.
What was his name again? It started with a G. Let's see... Gavin..? No... Gary..? No...
Oh!
"Gareth right?" Relief washed through your insides when his head nodded, eyes wide and seeming to look through you, almost as if he couldn't even believe you were there, "It's so nice to meet another friend of Eddie's!"
"Another?" He seemed to have shot out of his trance at that, and it wasn't long before he gave you an incredulous look, gaze flickering over from you to Eddie, to you to Eddie, over and over again.
Then, all too suddenly, he pulled on the other male's arm and yanked him to the side—not even 3 feet of you—before resuming, "You're friends with the Queen Bee? How the hell did that happen?"
"You think I know?!"
Eddie's response was enough to garner a chuckle from you, causing both boys to quickly return their gazes to your form. Before they could comment on their fuck-up however, another voice came bellowing down the hall, calling out to you.
"Y/N!" 
Unlike with Gareth before, you recognised that pretty face paired with those luscious ginger strands of hair straight away. How could you not? You had practically seen a thousand edits of them along with the 'Chrissy Wake Up' song on TikTok. Kinda hard to forget her after the Internet did its magic.
Though, it wasn't exactly unpleasant to be meeting her, and so, you gave her as bright a smile as you could muster. "Chrissy! Hey!"
"Hi!" She beamed right back at you, but unlike Tina, Chrissy's smile genuinely reached her glinting eyes, even going as far as adorably crinkling them up a little. "Tina said you were feeling fine now, do you mind coming to practice today? Only if you're okay! I know you've been sick so take as much rest as you need and don't feel pressured."
How the hell could you say no to that?
"Yeah, okay, sure! I'll come with you to practice."
You weren't sure how it was possible, but she seemed to light up even further at that, almost blinding you like the little ball of sunshine she was.
In fact, she was so distracting, you almost forgot the presence of the two boys dressed in a completely different colour pallet to you. Keyword: almost.
"Looks like that's my cue." You turned their way—if only to save your eyesight from genuinely deteriorating due to the light that was Chrissy. "It was nice meeting you, Gareth. Good to see you again, Eddie."
Just before departing, you ghosted your fingers over the covered shoulder of Eddie, wiggling them about like you had done to Steve just the day prior; a signature goodbye, if you will.
And as you walked down the halls, you picked up on one last thing coming from Gareth's mouth... one last thing that was enough to drill your feet straight into the ground.
"Eddie? Eddie, wake up!"
That phrase... 
Flashes of Season 4 infiltrated your gaze; of the unfortunate victims that had their lives stripped from them; of the very girl stood next to you's body flying up, limbs distorting as they snapped irregularly, eyes not even having the pleasure of losing light with how unjustly they were gauged out from her.
Had you messed up somehow?
Had the events of Season 4 ended up being triggered too early by your mere existence?
The questions overwhelmed you—flooded through your senses and clogged up your airways with their untimely arrival. You were a puppet and they were the strings, ushering you to turn around; to rid yourself of the wool pulled over your eyes—of the blissful ignorance surrounding your form—and, helpless to their influence, you did exactly that.
Slowly, your head reared backwards—the room spinning around you—and your eyes were greeted by a welcome sight; one that breathed life back into your limbs.
Eddie stood there—eyes still very much on his face—with a familiar, light blush spread across his cheeks. Even as his form was being rapidly shook by his dear friend, he remained still, gaze trained on you. He only seemed to have snapped out of it after making proper eye-contact with you.
Two blinks. A small, shy raised hand. And a tiny wave.
False alarm. He was just flustered.
It made sense, your previous actions could be interpreted as flirting after all—and to be honest, you didn't really mind if it was (again, the Eddie Munson)—but, you'd be lying if you said he didn't just give you a bit of a scare there.
The sentence that just came out of Gareth's mouth was the very same, infamous sentence uttered by Eddie's lips just before the first death of Season 4—a rather brutal death involving the very ball of sunshine that was just tasked to retrieve you.
Speaking of that ball of sunshine—
"Y/N, you coming?"
You blinked, quickly returning Eddie's wave before whipping your head back around to face the ginger next to you once again.
You had to admit, it was very surreal coming face-to-face with people from the show who were meant to die—it felt kinda like seeing a ghost, and a part of you (just a teensy-weensy, little part) found it... well... unsettling.
But, that was just a small part.
"Yeah. Let's go."
You shook off the residual fear that lingered from that little moment before finally continuing to follow Chrissy down the hall. 
The whole walk was full of her detailing you on the failed practices of the cheerleaders in your absence. Apparently, Heather tried and failed to do a cartwheel into a back-flip as part of one of the routines before dramatically throwing her pompoms to the ground and angrily muttering that you could do it instead.
You had no idea who Heather was but you wished you were there to see it.
Oh, and—with you gone—it seemed as though a lot of the girls had taken to slacking off, opting to gaze longingly at the sweaty boys that played basketball just across the Gym instead of actually being productive.
You doubted that would get any better with Billy around now.
"Well, well, well," a high-pitched voice sliced through your thoughts and you blinked, finally noticing that you arrived at the Gym. "Look who finally decided to show up."
You recognised that puffed-up, blonde hair from the first day of your arrival, the stance she took on being an almost-exact replica of the one back in the infirmary.
"Finally done punching the daylights out of some random freak in school?" She scoffed out.
"Sarah," Chrissy hissed from beside you, "don't say that. Y/N's been sick recently."
"Sick of being just as aggressive as her brother?" Sarah rolled her eyes.
Before you could retort with your own defense, however, someone else had piped in—that person being a brunette with rather short, straight hair, "You're talking like you don't wanna fuck him."
Uh—what?
"Jenny!" Your eyes flitted over to the blonde just in time to catch her reddened cheeks.
"What? It's true, isn't it?"
"Whatever, let's just..."
Sarah trailed off there, jaw hanging open as her eyes seemed to land on something not within your immediate eyesight. And when you found yourself following her gaze—you located the subject of her interest, the lack of words suddenly making sense.
Golden curls you had the pleasure of seeing up close just this morning were farther now, having just barely passed through the entrance. A cigarette hung loosely from his lips as the electricity in his eyes zapped through the Gym before finally landing on you, lips edging up into what you could only call a smirk.
It wasn't long before he sauntered over, practically demanding all of the attention in the room with his walk; attention which was happily handed over to him on a sleek, silver plate.
"All this time I've been calling you princess... when you've really been a queen," as he spoke—voice as husky as ever—a teasing lilt laced into his tone, intensifying his gaze and overwhelming you with his suffocating presence. "Why didn't you say anything, dollface?"
Breathe, Y/N, breathe. Stand your ground. 
You tried to, you really did—but, the only way you'd be able to keep your composure right now was by closing your eyes and pretending you didn't see him—
—so you did exactly that.
Your lashes fluttered shut and you envisioned a blank sea of darkness before uttering out a response, "Didn't think it was important."
"Yeah?" Now, while you might not have been able to see him, you could still very well hear him, and his voice was nothing short of the perfect mixture between smooth and rough and—
Stop. It.
For your own sake—and for fear of further falling apart—you chose not to say anything and only nodded.
That was a mistake.
Instant regret hit you square in the face when you felt the gentle touch of a few, rough fingers against your chin, tilting your head just enough to rest at an angle before a surge of warm air tickled your lashes.
And as he spoke—lips almost grazing your closed lids—those familiar flying pests made their home in your stomach, "Where'd those pretty eyes of yours go? Didn't seem to stop wanting to use them this morning."
Damn him and his smoothness.
In an effort to continue to save face, you resorted to squeezing your eyes even further shut—paying no mind to the blissful warmth slowly coating your form or the teasing snickers that left the bad boy's mouth; snickers which you could practically feel the vibrations of.
"What's the matter? Have I rendered Miss Queen Bee speechless?" 
Your vision was dark but you could still see the smug smirk on his face. Just wait until you gathered yourself, you were gonna make him ten times more flustered than you—just wait.
The light clearing of a throat suddenly served as a reminder that you two weren't the only ones in the room and you found yourself feeling a little... cold when Billy pulled away.
Cold? Ugh, once again, damn him and his smoothness.
Finally deeming it safe to do so, you opened your eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light once more before you were finally able to make out the slowly-shrinking figure of Billy Hargrove. But just as he reached the entrance of the Gym once more, he paused, one hand firmly gripping onto the frame as he called out to you over his shoulder.
"Keep your bed nice and warm for me, will ya, dollface?"
Your jaw dropped.
Someone else then said something along the lines of 'oh my god' but—if you were being honest—you were barely able to hear it over the echo of Billy's snickers as he walked away, completely amused by your reaction no doubt.
He was so unequivocally bold, you almost couldn't believe it.
"Uh, guys, I think I'm gonna take a raincheck on practice today." But, it seemed as though the other girls definitely could—judging by how the very girl who said this rushed right after Billy.
"Me too!"
"Yeah, uh, I think I'm feeling a little sick."
"Well, I, for one, am chasing up that boy."
"Not if I get him first!"
And as a majority of them rushed after the handsome male, you found yourself deadpanning.
"Bruh."
You definitely couldn't blame them though, the rest of your day was spent recalling all those scenes with him after all. Even Steve noticed your absent-mindedness in the last period of the day—trying several outlandish things to grab your attention that he only informed you of once the lesson was over.
You didn't even notice him waving his arms wildly in front of your face while the teacher's back was turned.
And even as you walked beside him, Nancy strutting ahead of the two of you after you'd picked her up from class, you still had your head roaming around in the clouds.
"Hey, Y/N?" 
You hummed, half-listening, half-not.
Steve then leaned further your way, shoulder brushing your own as he whispered against your ear. "Wish me good luck?"
You blinked up at him, having paid enough attention to scrunch up your nose in confusion and ask, "Good luck for what?"
"The dinner. At Barb's?" 
A few more blinks.
And then—
"Ohhhhh."
Nancy turned around at that, and Steve was quick to hush you. He only resumed talking when she faced forward once more—albeit, slower than she turned around.
"What are you doing? Trying to get me in trouble?!" His whisper came out harsh, and you winced a little.
"Alright, alright, gheez." 
His attitude seemed to be at an all-time high because he rolled his eyes after that. "I just... don't get why I have to go to this stupid dinner anyway."
"Steve." It was your turn to harshly whisper. "Don't say that. Nancy needs closure, this dinner is exactly that."
You felt for Steve just a tad bit, it wasn't his best friend that died after all (thank god for that) but that didn't mean he got to complain about attending a dinner his girlfriend wanted him to be at because he was there the night of the first attack; of the first murder.
See, Barbara (or Barb) had been Nancy's best friend—the two being practically attached by the hip—so of course the night she died would be one that Nancy deeply regretted, and of course she would want closure with the parents of her best friend. It just made sense.
In fact, the whole reason why she did any of what she did in Season 2 was so that she could inform Barb's parents (who still thought their child was out there somewhere) that their kid was, in fact, dead.
"Y/N, you there?"
Caught in a monologue? Seriously, Y/N? What are you, the main character?
"Yeah, I'm here."
Seeing as you were already outside and stood right by Steve's car—you slotted your hand between the cold of both the handle and the door before pulling it open, leaping straight in, and causing the whole vehicle to jerk in a symphony of loud clangs from sheer force.
"Hey! Careful!" It seemed like your music wasn't appreciated by Steve though.
"Relax. It's not like I broke it or anything—" feeling like messing with him—because duh—a smirk slowly twitched onto your lips, "—besides, it's excited to see me, aren't you, girl?"
Steve let out another hiss when you patted the seat a little too harshly—sounding akin to a pissed off feline which just made him seem less menacing and more adorable.
Ha, you tried, Steve, you tried.
The click of the passenger door drew your eyes over to Nancy's form, watching as her legs entered one at a time before she took a seat and turned your way—"We're dropping you off then heading straight over to Barb's."—then, turning to Steve, "Right, Steve?"
You could already hear the grumbled out 'yes' coming from him and you only sent him a grin seeping with amusement when he met your gaze through the rear-view mirror—your lips stretching further as he mouthed the words 'help me' with anguish in his eyes.
"You two have fun, yeah?"
You said the sentence to piss Steve off even further but when you caught a glimpse of the look on Nance's face, a pang shot straight through your chest.
Her eyes had this far-away look about them as her lips curved up by a very small amount—though there was no joy in it, only grief.
"Hey..." you placed one hand on the shoulder of her seat, using it to pull yourself forward as you furrowed your brows, worry clouding your gaze. "You alright?"
She sniffled a little before waving her hand and nodding in response. "Yeah... yeah, I'm fine. Let's go."
Your lips tugged down and you shared a look with your best friend before he started the engine, breathing life into the vehicle as you slowly lowered your body back down onto the leather seat.
She wasn't fine; even without knowledge from the show, you could tell. She might not have been crying but her lip was definitely quivering a little and her eyes... well, they just weren't all... present in the moment.
But, she would be fine. And that was enough.
Besides, though it was cold to say, you had bigger things to worry about. Nancy would get help from Jonathan in order to come to terms with Barb's death—meanwhile, you had no one to help you out with all the spare knowledge you stored in your brain; with all the premonitions (if you could call it that) you were blessed with.
Perhaps it was time you started preparing for another bout with the demodogs—you were Steve's best friend, after all; that probably meant you'd most likely end up facing the dogs together with him later on in the Season.
"Y/N."
You perked up at the call of your name, shaking away the thoughts clinging to your brain.
"We're here."
Lo and behold, so it seemed you were, the familiar sidewalk leading up to your house being visible through the clear glass panes beside you.
Clicking open the door, you took one step out before swinging the rest of your body to follow after, and once you closed the door again, you walked over to the passenger-side window—shoes barely making a sound against the ground—before your knees bent down a little and you tapped lightly against the glass.
"Let the Hollands know I wish them the best, okay?" You offered a gentle smile to the girl sat before you, and she tried her best to muster one up in return.
"Okay..."
"See you guys." 
And with a brief wave, you quickly spun around and headed towards the relatively-normal house.
You now—thankfully—had keys of your own so there was no need to knock or anything. Well—it was more like you had them all this time but didn't know where they were and just so happened to find them the other day but—details, details.
After fiddling with the keys a little, you heard a 'click!' and pushed against the handle before entering, one hand moving behind you to carefully shut the door.
"I'm home."
Curt's voice was the first to greet you—albeit, not very genuinely. "Congratulations, want a trophy?"
Uh, yes, actually. You would very much like a trophy after coming back home in one piece in the world of Stranger Things.
"We're having pasta tonight!" Luckily, Cain's words were a lot more welcoming than the other brother.
So, as was your right, you ignored your second oldest brother in favour of responding to the first. "Ooh! Pasta?!"
You had to admit, his cooking the other night was rather good—okay, it was magnificent, you just didn't wanna admit it because you stormed off the other day before being able to properly finish it.
But now that you could—
Before you could finish that train of thought, three loud knocks resounded through the room, no doubt coming from the door behind you.
Huh.
Was that Steve? Did he forget to say something?
You lightly wrapped your palm around the handle, turning it slowly before the door was open once more, a sudden, light breeze hitting you square in the face—
—though, the breeze could never be more sudden than who you saw at the door.
It wasn't your swooshy-haired companion to greet you on the other side—no—but rather, an older woman with barely visible bags underneath her drooping eyes; eyes which seemed to have lost all light, almost appearing chillingly lifeless—
—well, that was until they lit up at the sight of you.
"Oh, Y/N! Baby! I've missed you so much!"
And as she threw herself onto your form—arms engulfing you wholly, emotionally—you found yourself blanking out for once, only one thought popping up in your head:
What. The. Fuck.
@bdudette, @tanyaherondale, @killerqueenfan, @l3xiluve, @thedoubleexposurephotography, @xxqueenofdemonsxx, @briarsheart, @nickey-diano, @uselessbutinteresting, @steeldaisies, @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom, @patheticreative, @majestichugs, @eddiesbitch83, @secretdryrose, @bloodywickedvamp, @charlizekkelly
Did Billy give you guys butterflies or what? 😏 (Srsly tho, I need to know if I'm writing him well—)
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yourfuckingmomdotcom · 9 months
Text
Yandere Butler x Autistic Reader
The autistic girlies, guys, or otherwise deserve yandere content tailored to ourselves, and I’m sick of pretending otherwise /hj.
The general idea is that this takes place in a time before an autism diagnosis even existed, like the Victorian Era, but arguably the DSM III added autism in 1980, so you could be in any of those times and still technically be timewise correct. But also you can just imagine him as a modern dude who doesn’t get what’s up.
Oh also, this is inspired a lot by @kiame-sama​ ​. Do I know what a Chrollo is? Nope. Did I love the fic she made? Fuck yea. (Accidentally tagged someone else at first, sorry you didn’t see this!) CW: Non-consentual cuddling, mild drugging, yandere, autistic reader, sensory overload mentions, general violence and murder stuff
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🂡 Yandere Butler was brought on by your uncle after your parents unfortunate passing. You had been passed the helm of owning their small but thriving gunsmith operations, as well as the family house and assets. Being unwed and rather young, the butler was sent to manage the things that seriously stressed you out. He, as well as your other associates, assume you are just someone of a delicate constitution, and therefore he’s always fretting over you. Initially he didn’t get it, he did his very emotionally separated duties, but he noticed how much you struggled with specific things, and how you absolutely lit up at the things you love. He found it charming and enthralling, and he could no longer separate his duties and himself. 🂡 Yandere Butler will listen to you ramble for hours over your special interest. Now, how much he understands depends entirely on the content, but he will sit there regardless. As you excitedly go over every detail as best as you can trying to get him to understand what makes you so enthusiastic, he’ll ask leading questions and generally try and find ways to engage deeper in the things you enjoy. It’s the least he could do, since it seems to make you so happy.
🂡 Yandere Butler will overstep professional boundaries as long as you’re unaware of them. He appreciates what he sees as feign innocence and gullibleness that allows him to do things that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. With the low oversight of his position in the house, as well as the authority he holds, he uses this to sneak touches under the guise of fixing something with your garments or your posture. He’ll take what feels like decades to get you dresses in the morning as he slowly glides stockings or woolen socks over your legs, placing the garter so gently atop your thigh. The small ways you allow him to touch you are to him the highlight of his day, especially if you’re really touch adverse.
🂡 Though, Yandere Butler, does understand that your comfort comes first. He finds it somewhat enjoyable to find a middle ground between sensory-safe clothing, as well as clothes deemed acceptable by wider society. He makes sure that your tailor uses the specific fiber and weave to make sure you have an exceptionally predictable texture to fall back on with any garment. He also will find ways to get you the right silhouette while avoiding a lot of structure if that bothers you. If all else fails, he might resort to more homey garments.
🂡 Yandere Butler pays close attention to your nutrition as well, always making sure to get sensory safe foods as well as some you’ve never tried before to widen your horizons just a bit. If the maids and chefs cook something wrong, or in a way you find unpalatable, there will absolutely be hell to pay. Well, moreso just a very loud scolding after you’ve retired to bed for the night, but it still hurts their feelings... He keeps his more unpleasant reprimands for when you’ve fallen asleep because he understands that you feel bad for the workers in your home when he gets like this, so he just does it out of sight. If ever invited to a required formal event, god forbid, he’ll always bring a snack and a handkerchief in case you really didn’t like what was available.
🂡 Yandere Butler also manages your medications, vitamins, and any other substances you take throughout the day. Don’t even consider doing something elicit or uncouth such as smoking or drinking more than a flute of champagne, and if you do something more elicit you’ll probably give him a heart attack. But this unadulterated access to these things lets him do things that are very ungenteel. He requires you take a sleep aid, practically knocks you out, and he takes this time to cuddle you while in your sleep. He knows you’re usually not one for unprompted blunt  affection, so he only does so when you’re sleeping. He finds your resting face adorable, and he prefers to hold you in the honeymoon hug position.
🂡 Yandere Butler, who due to your “delicate constitution” is usually helping you through sensory overloads. If you would grant him the honor, he’ll hold you tenderly in his arms as you ease back into comfort, slowly rocking both of you back and forth. Or, if you’re not ok with touching, he’ll prepare your chambers with dim lights, comforting sounds, and your bed all made and smelling of fragrances you find soothing. Despite not knowing the actual root of this behavior, he’s surprisingly accommodating and has gotten your sensory needs down to a science… which is sort of the problem.
🂡 The Yandere Butler figured out that going outside into town caused you mild to a great distress. So he made your life more simple, no more going out frivolously!... You were confused, and when you asked for more information he basically put a ban on any outside activity that wasn’t business or a disaster within the house. You got really sad about that, as you needed to go out and get things frequently for your hobbies. He ignored your short pleas to go out, initially only responding with something along the lines of, “Then go out to the gardens.”, but he knew he couldn’t keep you inside forever.
🂡 So, Yandere Butler scheduled every “unnecessary” outdoor event to be a sensory nightmare. He hates to see you so distressed, but it’s the only way you’ll learn apparently. This is only made worse by the fact he’s essentially made a sensory heaven inside of your manor, so when you go out it’s a lot worse since you’re so used to being catered to that the sensory discomfort becomes full of sensory pain. And you and him both know you can’t make a scene, lest you be ousted from high society and made a mockery of, so you’re hastily rushed back home to be coddled by him once again. It’s a very negative cycle you’ve got yourself caught up in, and it’s extremely difficult to get out of that cycle. Eventually, he hopes you’ll send a maid out to collect whatever you need instead of trying to leave him again, but until that time comes he’ll do this as much as you need until you get the memo.
🂡 Yandere Butler also manages many of your social and business connections. He’ll whisper in your ear how to deal with boring things like business decisions, stocks, and all the choices he doesn’t want you fretting about. But, he also will make sure to restrict any suitors or and non-business social events. He’ll throw out letters for frivolous parties, as he doesn’t want you tainted by others. He also will throw out suitor letters, which can make some interactions at formal business dinners a bit awkward for you when many suitors come up to you to ask about if anything got through, but the butler will whisk you away and explain that the mail must just be slow. 🂡 But one day, while a maid was cleaning the butler's room in the servants quarters, a maid finds the letters thrown out in his personal rubbish bin. She reads through them all rather confused, wondering why these wouldn’t be given directly to the master of the house. She wasn’t one to interfere with others' business, but something ticked her off. But as she’s about to walk off with an engagement letter, the butler walks in with 3 more in hand. There was a panic and a struggle from both of them, as the butler made sure she’d never be able to tell her tale.
🂡 That night, the Yandere Butler burnt the butchered maid, as well as all of the letters he’d previously thrown out to ash in the manors incinerator. He’d make sure not to make such a mistake again…
🂡 The next day, Yandere Butler makes you a special breakfast and brings it to your room. He coos, explaining that a particular maid stole from the wine cellar, and as she dropped and cracked the bottle, the red wine spilt across the floor. After that he let her go from her position, and he needed time to clean the mess himself, apologizing that your schedule was messed with and that you’re confined to the room for the day to protect your garments. Everytime you walk past the servant quarters door, you see a small red stain and remember the taste of red wine.
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what-even-is-thiss · 4 months
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If you’re trying to get yourself out of the purity culture mindset of even touching or thinking about “bad” things corrupts people and you’re still Christian or at least still believe in God in some capacity my advice to you is to remind yourself that
A) God is not your judgemental aunt. They see everything and therefore probably have a pretty good understanding of things like harm reduction and how the human brain works considering They invented it. Yours and other people’s involuntary thoughts and coping mechanisms aren’t the enemy winning they’re part of being human and if anything knowing the thoughts you have shouldn’t be acted on is a good sign about your personal character.
B) Certain things you’ve been taught are harmful either aren’t harmful or aren’t as harmful if precautions are taken. Premarital sex is the classic example. Traditionally abstinence was the only reliable way to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies but we’ve got the technology now to reduce the chance of that stuff significantly. Besides, if you like it and are being careful and respecting your partners it’s very likely no harm at all will come of it. If you cause no harm on purpose, that’s not a sin. That’s just using what He gave you to have a good time. And even if it was a sin His whole deal is forgiveness. This doesn’t just apply to sex either. Watching media that depicts “immoral” acts, doing drugs, and many other things can be done safely or at least have their impact minimized. Follow your best judgement on these things and when appropriate try to guide people around you to reduce harm in their own lives as well, but don’t try to dictate for them what right and wrong is in their own lives.
C) God basically is the entire universe. They can’t be harmed or destroyed by human action. The universe isn’t a tug of war between God and evil. God made the rope. You or anyone else making mistakes, having a difficult time forgiving someone, sinning, having weird or nasty thoughts from time to time, or doing or making something that blurs the lines between morality or immorality can’t hurt God or the universe. She’s too big for that. And forgiveness and mercy are kind of Her whole thing. One mistake or even many isn’t an earth shattering event. You’ll be okay.
Basically what you need to remember when trying to train yourself out of this mindset of purity culture and never doing anything bad ever is that you need to work to make your default assumption that you’re trying your best, so is everyone else, and judging whether or not something is actually harmful isn’t always a clear cut and easy thing. God understands nuance. They gave us humor as a gift to cope with the struggles of the world. Learning a bit of flexibility with yourself and others isn’t always easy, but you can do it. Rethink your knee jerk reactions. Pray about it if that helps you, and most importantly be kind with yourself and others who are on this same journey. It takes time to unlearn some harmful attitudes you may have been taught. And that’s okay. You’re doing fine.
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depressopax · 4 months
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Being in a relationship with Jesse Pinkman would include...
SFW version only + extra headcanons (Smut version can be found here) Pairing: Jesse x gn!reader Genre: Fluff Warning(s): Breaking bad spoilers!  Mentions of alcohol, drugs and injury Mentions of trauma Words: 1336 Summary: What would dating Jesse Pinkman be like? English is not my first language so please let me know if I make any mistakes so I can evolve as a writer! :)
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He would just LOVE having you around. All the damn time.
For example: When he throws parties in his house, he’ll have you by his side all the time. 
“But Jesse… I need to work!” “Work can wait, babe. I’m having a party!” “But…” “Pleaseeee! It’s not a good party if you’re not around…” “...Fine.”
When he falls in love, he falls hard.
Even if you’ve dated him for a short while, he would express his love for you early on.
He would be very insecure at the beginning of a relationship, so he needs lots of reassurance that he’s doing the right things etc.
He’ll brag about you for everyone, ALL THE TIME.
Jesse: “I’m telling ya! My partner is the best. Skinny Pete and Badger: “...Here we go again.” Walter: “I literally don’t care. We have work to do!”
His love language is touch. Every opportunity he gets, he wants to touch you (with consent ofc) This includes:
- Holding your hand when walking
- When sitting down, he’ll either make sure your legs are touching
- …Or have his hand resting on your thigh. 
- He loves having you sit in his lap, so he can cuddle you and rest his face against your neck. It relaxes him.
Jesse doesn’t mind PDA. He likes showing his you off. He often feels like you are “too good for him”, and therefore wants to brag, because he has such a wonderful (and hot) partner. 
He tends to get awkward when you call him nicknames or show him affection around his friends, since they tease him for being “a simp”.
You like it tho. 
Sometimes you’re extra “lovey-dovey” towards Jesse when his friends are around, just to tease him and watch him blush. 
Since Jesse earns lots of money in the meth business, he would buy you expensive gifts. 
…And make lots of impulsive purchases. 
You try making him stop spending so much money on gifts, but even if he promises to stop, he doesn't… 
He LOVES seeing you wearing his clothes. And if you don’t, he would probably ask you to wear his shirts, when sleeping etc. He just enjoys the sight of it, and for him, it’s the most adorable thing.
His phone would be full of selfies of you and him, but mostly pictures of you. He’s the guy to make you his lockscreen.
The two of you have a playful banter. There’s lot of teasing going on, and you have inside jokes (most of them are mocking Walter together)
He likes playing video games with you. This would be the one of the few times he’s rude. He is very competitive and tends to take games a bit too seriously. 
If he wins the game, he won’t shut up about it. He’ll tease you for it, until you tell him to shut the hell up
…If he loses, tho… He’ll be a baby about it. 
“Impossible! You cheated!” “I’m just better than you, Jesse!” “Yeah, right…” “...Are you mad at me?” “...Maybe”
If you don’t like alcohol and drugs, he would try to not use it in front of you. He would try quitting, but it would be a long journey. He hates seeing you worried for him, and that would be a motivation for him to quit, or at least try.
When cuddling and sleeping - He doesn’t care if he’s the big or little spoon. Whichever you prefer.
Comforting each other. 
Whenever you’re sad or angry, Jesse does everything to cheer you up. He tends to get awkward when someone cries, so he doesn’t know how to react. But he always does his best to cheer you up. 
He would want to introduce you to his friends. He wants everyone to know how amazing you are. 
He also likes the idea of being able to hang out with his friends and his partner at the same time.
But this would also include jealousy and Jesse being overprotective. 
He doesn’t like being the possessive boyfriend type, but if one of his friends tries hitting on you, he'd stare them or “playfully” threaten them. 
If someone flirts with you when he’s around, he either gets really insecure, or will just simply walk up to you and be affectionate (basically his way of saying: “They’re mine, back off bitch”)
This also includes his work. In dangerous situations, he prioritizes your safety before his own. 
…Although you’d probably end up being the one protecting him.
He would probably try keeping the relationship with you a secret, since he’s scared you’ll become a target.
At first, Jesse tried to lie about his career, but him being away for such a long time everyday made you suspicious.
The last thing he wanted was for you to think he was cheating. Afraid of losing you, he decided to tell you the truth.
You were shocked, of course. 
…But most of all, you were concerned. Knowing how dangerous his work is, and how he risks going to jail or getting killed, you got very worried for him.
It would probably lead to arguments, since you both are so concerned for one another. 
Learning he’s too stubborn to quit, you give up the attempts to convince him.
But he would definitely make promises to you, that he will be careful, and not shut you out.
Jesse wants good communication with his partner, and the two of you would always be honest, and never keep secrets from each other. 
In his free-time, he spends a lot of time with you. 
If you guys don’t share the same interests, that’s ok with him.
He tries being a supportive boyfriend, and you’re the one to decide where to go and what to do. 
This includes small, simple things, such as: Food, movies, music and games.
Even if he’s bored, he’ll try to not show it. (...Although he would fall asleep against you when watching your favourite/”boring” movies)
Date nights include going to loud parties and getting wasted, going to a bar or restaurant etc…
But it can also be “calm” dates - watching movies at home and eating snacks or playing video games. 
This man gets beaten up ALOT. He tries hiding it from you (but fails in every way). You are the one that patches him up and cleans his wounds.
At first, he thought it was embarrassing that his partner had to take care of his wounds, but he grew to like it.
Having you tending him feels good.
…And he loves watching your focused face when you clean his wounds and patch him up if needed.
Jesse also enjoys hearing you mutter threats against the person that beat him up. 
He may be protective over you, but you’re also very protective over him. 
His “enemies” are your enemies. 
When moving to Alaska, you would come with him.
He refused at first, since he was scared that something would go wrong.
But it was the opposite. You both got a fresh new start, and under new identities, you guys could finally have a normal life.
He wants to take things slow, but he also wants to marry you one day.
And eventually start a family too, if you want to. He wants to have children with the person he loves, and be able to give them the life he never had.
He would be such a good dad omg
After all the stress and trauma he’s been through, he just wants to “settle down” and live a calm life together with you. 
He would also want pets lol
I see him as a dog person, so he would definitely, with or without your liking, buy a dog. 
(Going out on long walks at winter with the dog <3)
He has lots of trauma, and has moments where he doubts himself and has breakdowns, but having you around helps him alot.
Of course, you are always there to support him and help him through difficult times. 
…Basically: Your relationship would be so pure, dramatic but sweet.
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