#theres also a whole lot more like the trauma from the events that happened in game but none of that is still set in stone for me also since

[sketching-shark]

Man, zhu bajie n tang sanzang had to b up there w swk about their mischaracterization n hated in lmk fandom

I have never seen so much mishandling as i seen with those three characters 😭😭(like bro i get that the most noticeable arc that ppl retain is the white bone spirit arc bc of OSP BUT THEY DIDNT STUCK TO THAT CHARACTERISTICS IN THE LATER ARCS LIKE CMON NOW—bajie couldn’t even lie about the dragon piss medicine in a later arc, what makes yall think he’s always a fantastic liar. Theres some benefit to his lying but they also backfire. BAJIE DO END UP LIKING EVERYONE LIKE HE REFER TO SWK AS ELDER BROTHER!<- no man could ever live up to the wonder of zhu wuneng. He just sweet n he does get a fantastic arc in the novel!

Tang sanzang does have some(albeit rare moments where hes nice but his asshoole moments sometimes intertwined) where hes like “yea my disciples r greats but theyre mad ugly.” Or that he gets better at having more trust in his disciples besides zhu wuneng. Even if its followed by hella traumatizing moments that no human person would remain sane like that. <hes just barely holding on by his faith, his mission and his disciples. Not his horse bc he cant hold on to save his life but that character arc where he DIDNT FELL OFF THOO!>

Monkie Kid spoilers below

Hmmm I know about the Sun Wukong & Tang Sanzang dunking but is that happening with Zhu Bajie too? Have to say I find that a little surprising given that (if memory serves correctly) Monkie Kid did say Zhu Bajie's main fault (well besides the whole being a man-eating yaoguai thing) was being stubborn, but then lego Patriarch Subodhi said he became one of the hardest workers of the pilgrimage. I guess I was under the impression that people were more light on their criticisms and thoughts about Zhu Bajie, but maybe that's just because he doesn't seem to be a point of great interest in the lego show fandom lol.

Kind of funny story anon but I've been vicariously growing in awareness on how much Zhu Bajie is loved in China through @antidotefortheawkward's posts about the pigman. And yeah, I can see that being in large part because Xiyouji in its totality does give a very different impression of who these characters are and where they end up than a cartoony summary can provide. As a number of people on this site have noted for example, the White Bone Demon Arc can be understood in a much more complex light than "Tang Sanzang & Zhu Bajie hurt poor monkey for nothing" when placed in the context of it being more near the beginning of the journey when the pilgrims were still grating against each other a lot & it happening very soon after the whole debacle with the Ginseng fruit tree. Here after all you can see how the monk has a recent history of getting into serious trouble from the monkey lying and being quick to destruction, so he would be primed to not believe SWK, not to mention he does hesitate to use the headband against SWK more than many give him credit for here. And YEAH given all the things they go through together I am more willing to accept a Sun Wukong and Zhu Bajie enemies to friends arc than that put on many another character.

Also LMAOOOOO Tang Sanzang DOES seem to have quite a few lines where he tries to comfort terrified individuals by telling them that the pilgrims are good people even with their rancid looks (ugly pilgrim rights <3). And oh dang anon you are so right about how even if Tang Sanzang is much more of a static character in comparison to SWK it's kind of a shame more attention isn't given to the series of horrifying events he goes through and what effect that would have on him so that he gets a little more depth than "weepy monk who's mean to the Monkey King & falls off his dragon horse" in the popular western imagination. But then again I can understand why the monk's trauma is largely downplayed in western cartoony retellings, given that said lighthearted cartoony retellings probably wouldn't be the best medium to even touch on stuff like human butchery, death threats, sexual assault, and the consequences thereof.

#anon answered #monkey critical #journey to the west #sa mention

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

#ask #hfjone #just cus . i like to think about ideas :) #and i dont think the effect the waiting room would have on the characters is talked about enough!!! #like yeah. the trauma around the plane is prob where the bulk of all their trauma is #but also. i think other things would STILL effect them and ppl like. brush over it?? #which is a shame!!! #note that this answer is LONG #which is bc i have soooo many thoughts #also if this is at all incoherent i am SO sorry . i have so many thoughts in my brain abt this stuff #but putting it into words is a diff thing entirely #also a side note that i think all of them get therapy Eventually #but that its difficult at first. bc its hard to work through that trauma without actual details #and what they all went through is. a bit hard to believe :( #(i think a lot abt how liam seems to dislike this. the whole 'neighbor hearing him' is literally what makes him Stop Yelling #but i dont think he was embarassed or anything. i think it just. set in? that bryce was all he had #and that all HE was anymore wouldnt even be listened to. #that he NEEDS to see this all through but no one but bryce would ever help him #and that if bryce didnt help him he really WOULD only have himself. which i imagine is very isolating)

[joshriku]

Hi!!! I just read how do you sleep at night, your WandaJericho fic, and I'm having so many feels right now!!! Wanda's decision to getting a break from her relationship with Jericho made me like, oh wanda!

Her getting constantly anxious that nothing big is happening after their semi breakup was so sad. Girl is having grief in her romantic and maternal life since Vision's disassembling. It happens in reality too, when you are having constant drama and trauma in your life, you can't just suddenly adapt to peace. And you just start creating the drama and the unstable ness, whether you want it or not. Self Sabotage, or craving drama, you name it.

But the consequences that come with it—what always happens when she loves too much, the things that get ruined, the life she tries so hard to keep under control—it’s all so paralyzing. It’s as paralyzing as this touch. Oh dear!

And Jericho was so supportive! He was extremely right to be hurt, but I think he must have gotten an inkling later(maybe pietro?) about why is she behaving like that. I loved their Astral plane conversations, and "simply souls waving each other hello." This is so good!!

Also pietro!!! I loved how he just knew why Wanda is behaving like this. Self Sabotage indeed. The twin sense must have gotten activated. He is actually more emotionally intelligent about people he loves and cares, so that wasn't a surprise when he knew what wanda didn't want to admit yet. Also I knew it when he said he likes Jericho! Honorable mention Wanda's thought on how easy is to fight with pietro. Hope next years mini does twins justice.

Also Happy New Year!!

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 happy new year!! firstly thank you so much for such a lovely ask it really means a lot that you'd take the time to let me know you liked my writing, i really appreciate it!!!! 🥺🫶 already made my 2024 a great year!!

second AHHHHHH THANK YOU.. I LOVE WANDAJERICHO SO MUCH. ever since SW #9 when they reveal they're inexplicably exes / still have feelings but with "no strings" i've been like. oh?? what?? 😭 at first i was like, oh thats funny they dont strike me as characters who'd do No Strings Attached thing. but then i gave it more thought and started thinking of ways they COULD be and wanda essentially growing uneasy and anxious over a relationship that was going so well, when she is so used to things going wrong, came to me and i was like ohhh yes... thats it... now we got it 🫵 i can see her cutting things out before them getting "ruined". i really wanted it to be like, this relationship is *fine* and thats whats freaking her out!!

when i wrote this i wrote jericho with the intention that he knew exactly why she did it, but knowing it didnt change that she did hurt him, and the whole crutch of this story being that theyre both unequivocally very in love with each other still. still the case does remain that jericho is also very committed to his duties in the academy, esp after everything they went through - something wanda would also know firsthand. i think all those student deaths/the death of doctor strange/mandatory other marvel events would take its toll on anyone tbh i can see them trying to put at least a pause on everything while they try to fix the world. As Usual. i didnt write jericho immediately taking back wanda too because, yknow, it takes two to tango! BUT THEYRE SO GONNA WORK IT OUT. BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER THATS THE WHOLE POINT.. THEY NEVER STOPPED..IN MY HEAD. CAUSE I SAID SO AND THEYRE MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SHIP...

and AHH THANK YOU.. pietro in that fic was my favorite part 🫶 he loves wanda and hes really good friends with jericho of course hed have a deeper understanding of whats going on! i think pietro is a lot more emotionally intelligent than what most writers give him credit for. and if theres anyone who knows about self sabotaging or recognizing it on someone itd be him, and ESPECIALLY on wanda. defo one of my fave scenes to write in that fic 🥹 MAXIMOFF TWINS MY BELOVED..

Anyway this was a really long reply just to say that thank you SO much and this ask made my whole year and i am really grateful that you liked my fic!!!!!!! i liked writing it too!!! 💛💛💛

#asks #OO IM SO NORMAL IM BEING SO NORMAL... #wandajericho.. wandajericho save me

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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124. Animorphs #1: The Invasion by Katherine Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I've somehow gone my whole life without reading an ANIMORPHS book, even though I used to watch this show when I was a kid.

I have to say that I was so pleasantly surprised with this book. From the beginning, I was hooked. The simple writing cut to the chase and held my interest. I also like how this isn't like those MGLit older series where you get one different story per book. It seems like you definitely have to read this in order and I'm excited for it.

Also, these villains are hella creepy. I don't know how my generation didn't have more nightmares as kids. Especially with the retro covers of this series.

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125. Indigo Ridge by Devney Perry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

The way this book had a chokehold on me when I first started it and realized how much I was going to enjoy it.

I've been meaning to pick up INDIGO RIDGE because I read another book by Perry and while it wasn't a favourite, it was still a pretty enjoyable read. INDIGO RIDGE, however, was a whole other experience.

I loved the small town aspect of it and how humble and kind this family is. I also loved this enemies to lovers with a heavy dose of sexual tension trope. Ugh, I'm putty for this kind of romance because I'm just waiting for one of them to cave. I'm torn on whether I love or feel eh about how the author didn't do smutty until about mid-book (like there were many fade to black scenes until more detailed scenes were introduced.)

The intriguing part of this book was the mystery at the core of the story. I don't read a lot of romantic thrillers and I was pleasantly surprised to actually really enjoy this sub-genre. I wanted the MC to prove everyone wrong with her skills.

Anyway, this was a great start to the series and I'm loving it so far! Such a pleasant surprise!

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126. The Girl in the Lake by India Hill Brown--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE GIRL IN THE LAKE is definitely a young reader's horror book, but it was strangely adorable, too? Especially with the twist. But there were definitely creepy moments. With a cover like that, I would expect nothing less.

One of the shining stars in this book, however, is the commentary on the history of racism and the stereotypes (rooted in racism) that have plagued the Black community for decades--like the belief that "Black people can't swim". When one explores the history behind this one particular stereotype, they'll find some pretty eye-opening and heartbreaking truths. The exploration of this generational trauma made this book all the more special.

I really enjoyed this one and if you have a little reader who likes a good horror story with a dose of life lessons and historical lessons and commentary on racism, then I highly recommend THE GIRL IN THE LAKE.

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127. Juniper Hill by Devney Perry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Okay, this one hitttt. I am such a sucker for these single parent tropes, especially when theres a gruff someone who can't help but fall for the parent and the baby.

While I thought the romance was a little too quick in this one, I did love how the MMC was with the FMC. He assured her and remained her strong support system. One of the things I love about these books is the communication that happens between the couples. That alone has me coming back for more.

There were definitely some allusions to the main suspenseful twist in this book. I loved all of it, as twisted as that sounds--it was so fascinating and had me hooked. Maybe I need to read more romantic suspense books...

This was great and I devoured it! Can't recommend this series enough!!

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128. I Survived the Shark Attacks of 1916 by Lauren Tarshis--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was such a fun and quick little read.

Sharks scare the living crap out of me, but I've always been so fascinated by them. I knew that a lot of the fears we have of sharks now are based on the events of the 1916 attacks (which spawned the JAWS book and then, the movie).

While I've seen a lot of shows about the attacks and read various allusions to the attacks, it was still interesting and entertaining to read the story from the (fictional) perspective of a child living in that time.

Straight to the point and quick, this was enjoyable and I definitely want to read more of the books in this series!

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129. Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I've been wanting to read this book since a clock app reviewer mentioned how at the end of the series Gregor is covered in scars that will follow him for the rest of his life. The reason why this grabbed me was because you don't always see these middle grade fantasy books where the realities of the trauma faced by these children follows them into the real world and have real world consequences.

From the get-go, I knew I was going to enjoy this book because the MC, Gregor, has such a jaded perspective on the world because of his father's disappearance. This is definitely one of those characters who would fit perfectly in a YA novel because of the way he views the world. His character is complex and I'm curious to see how he evolves as a character as the series progresses.

I loved the addition of his baby sister. She was stinking adorable and listening to the audiobook added to her adorableness. I just wanted to protect her with my life. Such a cute and great little addition to a story full of adventure and a situation that, to be completely honest, would probably be too much for a regular pre-teen.

While it wasn't a favourite, it was a pretty great read full of surprisingly dark themes and imagery. I'm definitely going to have to check out the sequel!

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130. Her Good Side by Rebekah Weatherspoon--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this book not knowing what to expect. I never expected to find a story that was so cute!! This had so much going for it: Great communication between friends, healthy af relationships with said friends, and an MC with a passion for something that even though she wasn't a pro, she still wanted to learn.

The {fake} relationship was so cute and even I forgot at times that it was fake. The chemistry between the characters was great and I couldn't help but cheer them on. I just wanted the best for them. Even though they had some rocky moments, I loved seeing them grow together and help each other out.

I want only the best for this couple and their adorable selves. Wouldn't mind reading another book set in this school!

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131. The Luis Ortega Survival Club by Sonora Reyes--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Big TW for anyone who wants to read this book--the author does a wonderful job of explaining the title of the book at the beginning of the book!

I was a huge fan of Reyes's debut novel, so when I saw this new book, I knew I had to pick it up. Much like the debut, this one didn't disappoint!

This was a heartbreakingly honest and raw portrayal of a teenager who has just experienced a sexual assault. This already traumatic experience is made even more heartbreaking when you learn that she is autistic and has a hard time communicating with those around her. The powerlessness and the confusion surrounding the guilt she feels made me want to reach through the pages and absolutely destroy Luis Ortega.

I think that while the budding sapphic relationship between the MC and her love interest was sweet, and her growing friendships of the other girls who were also survivors of Luis Ortega's predatory assaults, the strongest message (for me) is what goes through the MC's mind after her rape. The guilt. the downplaying, the questioning, the denial--readers who may have experienced something similar, or may have had that mindset at one point in their lives may be able to relate.

This was an incredibly heavy book and it really hits you with those emotional punches, but it's also so incredibly important. It's also a perfect example that SAs can happen to any one, no matter the age--the devastation and the violation has no age.

I highly recommend this book, but please proceed with care.

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Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

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Happy reading!

#books #reviews #review #book reviews #book list #Features #on books #on reading #read #reader #reading #my writing #my opinion #books read #book blog #book blogger

[wygolvillage]

my two cents on the trial. this is NOT getting into the weeds of "who is right" because i think these conclusions matter regardless of your thoughts on the matter or who is actually the one in the right, and also because i do not want to be one of those people "betting on a racehorse" or whatever or participating in the spectacle, and also bc i have very limited knowledge on the evidence itself bc i am not actively seeking it out. this is just the observations of a bystander seeing this whole phenomenon from afar

cent #1: the fact that its a defamation trial makes it more concerning to me that its happening at all. heard publically referred to herself as an abuse victim (without naming depp as the abuser) and if that is ruled as grounds for defamation i find that concerning for abuse survivors going forward. regardless of your thoughts on this specific case, abusers dragging their victims to court purely to intimidate them is already A Thing That Happens, it even happened to a musician i like (though things settled in her favor thankfully) and its a process that i can only imagine is extremely traumatic and stressful. if publically identifying yourself as a victim is "defamation" i can only imagine that this behavior would happen more frequently- regardless of who the """real victim""" in this specific case is. this is also why i find "its a domestic violence case dont derail by calling it a defamation case" unhelpful even though i understand why people say it. it being a defamation case is something i find uniquely concerning for these reasons.

cent #2: the way people are talking about this is also extremely concerning (there are already a ton of posts on why the whole social media circus over this sucks that probably put it more eloquently than i can) and this is going to probably leave a lasting and ugly mark on public discourse about abuse regardless of how things shake out. people are already acting like experts on what abuse looks like or how trauma manifests, even when theyre blatantly wrong, pulling out body language pseudoscience (which is obviously really concerning for neurodivergent people and just about anyone really), resorting to ableist or misogynist language ("that lying bitch", "shes psychotic", "she probably abused him because she has bpd", etc. i even saw a screenshot of some furry porn account saying the trial "empowered" them to add people with bpd to their dni. yeesh!) accusing victims of lying about abuse has historically already been a thing and a very harmful thing at that, if people get their prototypical example of the "lying victim" it will only grow more prevalent.

ok i lied theres a third cent: i personally care a lot about abuse not being boiled down to something only men inflict and only women suffer, bc it makes abuse harder to recognize in other kinds of relationships, but the way people are acting about this doesnt help male victims. resorting to misogynist or ableist language to "defend" a male victim even in the event that hes the one in the right doesn't help anyone! making a trial into a fandom war is invasive and shitty. the whole thing is like seeing those "and everyones too busy talking about female victims 🙄" posts turned into a whole pop culture event it sucksssss, "we need to talk more about male victims/female abusers" is a fine sentiment but its about how and why its said you know. we can talk about both i prommy its just that a lot of abusive relationships prey on already-existing power imbalances and gender is a common one

#abuse tw #ask to tag further #also pls dont reblog these are Personal Musings

[nightmaredxydreams]

we just found the most deflective, persecutory quiz on quotev. its about why you cry. the author said not to get mad because they tell the truth and are right a lot so the quiz is accurate or something (sounds like a narcissist/gaslighter/mental abuser in general doesnt it?)

we answered honestly and heres our answer:

there is so much wrong with this where do i start.

first, "you cry because you dont get your way" is pathetic. theres mild things that people get annoyed by but i think experiencing a traumatic event, being verbally assaulted, or having mental disorders that affect outlook (depression or bipolar) or anything worth crying about is not "getting your way. "

the "you get bullied" is also pathetic. bullying has been proven to cause ptsd, depression, eating disorders and suicide. bullying victim here, it made our system bloom with alters that seem "extra and not necessary because they never front" and are walled off with no internal communication whatsoever. these alters held severe self hate and lack of trust in people. they did and said things i never would because of their pain and lack of trust. i have an entire year of my life lost to these alters. things i wish i remember and never will.

what the author doesnt realize is the feelings of "im miserable and worthless" often if not almost always come from trauma, especially in early childhood. which is why saying "you need to have some self respect and respect for others. you only see yourself. everythings about you" is ableist and insensitive. people who think theyre miserable and worthless especially if this is because of childhood trauma, have respect for others and none for themselves. they feel that way because they are comparing themselves to others their ptsd/cptsd distorted view has deemed better than them. people who feel miserable and worthless help others more than a confident person would, and even give up their own lives for the people they deem better than them. i thought that was common knowledge.

the "you need to wake up to reality, youre not the only one suffering, stop pitying yourself" part is insensitive to people with trauma and depression especially bipolar. okay duh, everyone suffers and no ones life is perfect. but its up to the person suffering to put their own suffering on a scale and measure it. lets take two people. one was physically abused and the other was trauma free until they were verbally assaulted by a stranger. people who dont get trauma and dont care to or dont know about ptsd will say "it was just one slur. get over it. people went through worse." but the physically abused person might be numb and not as affected by the abuse as the person who was verbally assaulted.

the part that has me the most bothered is "being sad all the time is basically calling for attention. no one wants to keep reassuring you about this and that" and "cut the crap" being sad all the time is not calling for attention. being sad all the time is a sign somethings wrong. this is commonly seen in child abuse victims. depression is often caused by trauma. and people with cptsd and dissociative disorders have little to no memory of their trauma, so they always need to seek reassurance something happened to them, they werent born broken. needing constant reassurance because of denial is a symptom of every post traumatic disorder. saying being sad all the time is basically calling for attention. no one wants to keep reassuring you about this and that" is invalidating very valid people with post traumatic disorders. it might lead one of them who gets easily severely triggered and does dangerous things when triggered, like me, into self destructive behavior, self harm and suicide.

the whole part at the end is guilt trippy. especially the karma thing. how the fuck is that related to the subject? are they trying to say "hey, i dont give a fuck and you just having human emotions is wrong, go get hit by a winnebago!" because its okay to have emotions. its okay to have trauma. its okay to feel like you have it worse. its okay to have mental disorders like depression and bipolar.

the picture is even worse. an ableist guilt trippy invalidating quote made inspirational quote style. glamorizing and beautifying ableism and invalidation of trauma is not going to get you anywhere or prove a point. it just makes you look like an insensitive, cruel fool.

this person probably posted that bc they have some unresolved trauma and a persecutory voice in their head that overwhelms them to the point they want to hurt others to release that persecutory pain. ive been there. i did some fucked up shit when i was younger because of that persecutory voice. invalidating other vulnerable people online is not the way to handle it. getting therapy is the way to handle it.

i think the persecutory voice is evident in the other results that glorify people being "truly hurt but strong" (the ableist "if you have emotions youre a weak piece of shit" view)

guilt tripping about crying again i see, "dont cry too much youll flood the world with your tears"

this is backhandedly nicer but still the same emotion shaming message if you read between the lines

youd never think the "oh my god you are sad all the time? youre such a shitty person go fuck yourself! " and this were typed by the same person. it seems like the author suffers with trauma or mental illness and has shame and a persecutory voice, so they vent their frustrations onto others like them and take sides. to them, youre a worthless piece of shit if you show your true emotions but youre going good if you dont, but its okay to show a little. thats the most fucked up thing we have ever heard. its morally neutral to do either of the three- bottle it up, let out a little, or always let it out.

i hope the author finds peace and therapy. theyre toxic right now and going to hurt someone with their words if they havent already. and they need to get educated on how trauma affects mental health before they just say shit and make a quiz for vulnerable people with trauma.

#childhood trauma #actually cptsd #actually dissociative #quotev is a toxic place

[yellowredd]

OOPS I MEESED THAT UP

But @lilyveil tysm for the ask!! Unfortunaty I lost it kdhdkdnd but to answer what lila is like

She's one of my splatoon ocs! She's actually my agent 3 and she looks like this

She puts on a confident and angry looking front but she's what I like to think of a very normal person lmao.. nice and caring and pretty chill but just a bit emotional(?), in the sense that she can easily cry over something sad or get angry if she doesn't succeed. They've had to deal with a lot as agent 3 so they decided to actually quit turf wars and being an agent and start a band! It's a very small underground band that they made with their girlfriend cynder (my agent 8) and one of their best friends, piers.

Outside of in-game gear her aethetic is pretty much old band tees, long skirts or baggy pants. Her scar and previously being an agent makes her want to always cover her face and stay hidden so she usually covers her hair thats stained and her face with a face mask and glasses. She's the main guitarist and loves collecting old useful guitars and picks that she can use to experiment on songs. She's also a huge nerd! Especially with music and history, which is what made her initially super excited to be an agent when given the chance..

Ive always imagined her main guitar to be transparent like this (but with lots of stickers) which i think ive reblogged like 3 times already whoops.

Ive never talked too much about my ocs so sorry if this doesn't make sense they're all super big wips in my head still

#sorry about that lol... im on mobile and not knowledgable on asks on tumblr #also my wording sucks but thats a quick summary of her current self <3 #theres also a whole lot more like the trauma from the events that happened in game but none of that is still set in stone for me also since #this version of her is 2 years after the game canon #splatoon #reference sheet #lila

[traumatictouch]

why tomura reads like a sexual abuse survivor

ive noticed that a lot of survivors - including me - easily read tomura as a csa survivor. ive decided to try to put these impressions into words, mostly for myself, but also for anyone curious as to why he’s so frequently read this way, or why i personally write him as such. i will mostly be elaborating on the reoccurring sexual assault imagery and csa survivor traits tomura exhibits.

triggering themes ahead, including discussed child sexual abuse, incest (sibling and pseudo), trauma and its effects, and sexual assault imagery (from the bnha manga itself). also spoilers for the most recent manga arc.

(disclaimer: i realize symptoms of trauma are pretty much common all across the board, and depression also comes with a lot of these behaviors - but there are some that crop up more commonly in cases of sexual abuse (especially from a young age) than in others. csa survivors also frequently end up with depression, too, so that doesn't necessarily take away from it.)

i’ll start with the cover above. the hands touching him here are much more expressive than the ones he usually wears. it's also framed in a way where you can't see the ends/cap things very well, and they don't appear so symmetrical, making them feel much more like real, living hands grabbing him.

there's also the fact that his face is exposed, which is something we had rarely seen him do willingly at this point in the manga, and even when he had he was still covered up with a hoodie or completely alone. the way he's covering half his face gives off the impression that he's not okay with the way he's exposed.

all of that, plus the obvious distress tomura is in, gives this very glaring assault vibes.

also, the hands on his head are clearly someone's actual, living hands as well. my guess is afo, especially since they seem to be petting him, which is reoccurring imagery between tomura and afo.

tomura's total lack of privacy

there's a clear lack of boundaries between tomura and the adults in his life. most of the spaces that seem to belong to tomura (the bar - he feels safe enough there to take Father off, and his room) are accompanied by cameras and audio transmissions from afo. he has no privacy, and doesn't even seem bothered by this fact.

he also doesn't seem to set boundaries with other people in general. toga can hold a knife to his neck, spinner can grab him and yell in his face, the doctor can shout over his earpiece, dabi (or anyone, really) can say whatever rude or callous things he wants to him… really the only time i can think of that even comes close was when mr. compress made a joke about working with overhaul and tomura said "hey, not funny."

he seems to kinda just let whatever happen to him. earlier in the series, tomura seemed to rely on kurogiri to notice when he needed space and step in for him rather than ask for it himself. that's a pretty telltale sign of someone who's had their needs and boundaries violated (or even punished) for a long time.

Tomuras over-attachment to afo and his praise/affection

obviously afo groomed tomura whether it involved sexual abuse or not, but it is something that could have easily lended itself to that as well. early in the series, tomura clearly highly valued afos opinion of him, and seemed to strive to please and repay him for his kindness. these are feelings afo incited in him on purpose and did, canonically, take advantage of to turn tomura into a villain and pawn - who's to say he didn't use it for other purposes, too?

it's also the kind of thing survivors tend to latch onto to cope with their abuse. it can be easier to think of the event as being affection, returning a favor, and/or special treatment, than to think of it as abuse. tomura looked up to afo so much that it's possible he could have considered (or been convinced) that it was special that someone as great as afo wanted to do something so intimate with him.

also, if this is really tomura realizing his sensei isn't as special and powerful as he'd been led to believe, then his reaction being to cover up while looking angry might, well… be a reaction to feeling used.

Tomura & older men

there's not a lot of people besides afo that tomura seems very quickly, openly… invested in. there are two major ones i can think of, and they are both 1. older men, and 2. mentor figures (even if not to tomura.)

the most obvious of the two is aizawa, who tomura has seemed pretty fond of since his first appearance and, even in the most recent chapters, can't seem to help but think about how cool aizawa is. aizawa isn't a mentor to tomura, obviously, but he is a teacher and tomura knows this. (and seems impressed by the way he tries to protect the students in his care--something afo very specifically does not do for tomura.)

the second, and perhaps less obvious to most, is Stain. i wrote up a whole post trying (trying.) to explain the way tomura seemed interested in him, and you can see a bit more about that and how tomura was hoping he'd be a mentor to him here.

in other words, tomura has shown reoccurring interest in older men, who are mentors, that he does not show for anyone else.

early sexual abuse can influence a person's attractions. survivors tend to be drawn to what is familiar, even if it hurt, and so it's pretty common for them to be attracted to and/or desire a relationship with those who resemble their abuser(s).

and afo is an older man who is a mentor to tomura (and others.)

immaturity (& age regression)

tomura, in early canon, is often described by characters in-universe as being childish, especially in regards to how he processes his emotions. (i don't really like to conflate these things with "age" or "being childish" - but the way the manga itself presents these qualities is clearly intended to give tomura a immature/childish vibe.)

tomura's emotional processing, simple motivations, fixation with video games, toys littering his room, and need for close caregiving (kurogiri) all give off the impression that he's had trouble developing the way he "”should”" have--kind of like he didn't really move on at all.

this sort of stunted development tends to occur in people with childhood trauma, especially csa survivors. ptsd at its core is the brain getting "stuck" in the moment of trauma, so if the trauma occurred as a child, then one's development is somewhat halted there, especially in areas of emotional processing, because the brain and body have to dedicate so much energy to just trying to cope and survive. it's pretty common for csa survivors to have trouble coping with and controlling their emotions.

relatedly: i have no real way to confirm this right now, but i’ve heard that during the mla arc, while tomura was kind of going in and out of flashbacks, he started switching to using “boku” - a self pronoun for young boys - as opposed to his usual “ore”). ive since had to wonder if this is a reoccurring state for tomura - it might partly explain why he keeps his toys around despite never showing interest in them on-screen, and has such close supervision from kurogiri.

again, age regression can go for any kind of childhood trauma, but seems very common in child sexual abuse survivors in particular.

Lack of hygiene (esp oral)

look at how tomura's teeth are drawn compared to even another villains. dabis teeth are straight and clean, whereas tomura's have holes and chips, and tend to be drawn uneven with wobbly lines, like they're covered in plaque.

not caring for one's hygiene is common for people with depression too - but failure to care for teeth also frequently crops up in survivors of sexual abuse, due to an aversion to things touching or being inside their mouth, because it can remind them of the abuse.

in a similar vein, tomura's hair looks unwashed and greasy to me, especially when it gets long. it sort of gathers in clumps and appears heavy. survivors may avoid taking showers because they aren't comfortable removing their clothes for long periods of time, or because the abuse occurred in proximity to bathing. (which is a convenient time for parental figures to groom and abuse their children, since it already involves them being naked and the parent touching them closely.)

in general, there just seems to be something off about tomura's relationship with his body. maybe it's the way he barely bats an eye at major injuries, doesn't care for his hygiene, self-injures, and didn't mind undergoing a surgery that altered its shape and function pretty heavily--but i get the impression that tomura sees his body as just a tool more than anything.

which, if someone grew up having their body regarded as nothing but a means of pleasure, kind of makes sense.

his clothing

im not sure if this has the same “connotations” (for lack of a better word) for flat chested people, but tomura always wearing a lowcut shirt that shows off a fair amount of his chest, but covering the rest of himself head to toe--including his face--feels significant to me. as well as the way he covers up even more (his hoodie) when he’s stressed. the hands, too--being covered up seems to be calming for him.

the placement of the hands afo gave him

you can't tell me little tenko placed these hands where they are by himself. the ones on his chest aren’t even from his family or meant to resemble them - they’re additional hands afo gave him to wear. pretty weird place for “afo”’s hands to go...

I feel like theres a little bit something to tomura frequently having his clothes ripped off during fights

not that it's particularly uncommon for bnha characters to get their clothes a bit shredded during fights, but i can't help but feel like there's something to tomura getting torn down to nothing but his pants twice, with both battles heavily involving tomura's traumas, including the ones related to afo. the vs mla arc with how tomura met afo and how he turned him into what he is today, then the war arc where the methods afo used to control and abuse tomura (the hands) are brought back again--and afo repeatedly takes tomura's bodily autonomy away from him.

AFO's predatory behaviors

tomuras own behavior aside, All For One himself has some behaviors and imagery that gives off very predatory vibes. i’ll start with Ragdoll…

most people theorize that she was going to be turned into a nomu, but there are two important things here. ragdoll was found 1. alive, and 2. naked. all nomu are made from corpses - if afo had time to take her quirk and undress her, he certainly had time to kill her, especially since three days had passed since she was kidnapped. (and, what benefit would there be to making a nomu out of a quirkless hero?)

her dazed state is also curious - we've never been told taking or giving quirks has a side effect like this, and i would think itd at least wear off after three days…

there's also not actually a lot to suggest she was submerged in one of the tanks (that i know of); in the full body image, she doesn't seem to be soaking wet or anything. there's no water dripping off her. there's just a bit of liquid on her face and neck, which could merely be sweat, or… other fluids.

this next part is more debatable due to it being more dubiously canon (although My Hero: One’s Justice has been known to basically spoil villain related lore before it appears in the manga) - but he has some dialogue that makes him sound... pretty fuckin enthusiastic about sexual violence.

and time and time again, afo has been... very creepy and obsessive about his brother. who happens to look an awful lot like tomura, and is vaguely connected to nana as a user of OFA, and we know how far afo would go to spite both of them.

The "wow this is pretty much confirmed now" page

i always thought i was just projecting when i read tomura as a csa survivor - until i saw this page, which was so viscerally uncomfortable that it made me nauseous. it definitely made me decide i wasn't just reading into things that weren't there. that's not exactly to say this panel 100% confirmed it (though it certainly did in my mind, personally) -- but the imagery here can't not be deliberate.

tomura is literally shirtless and bent over before afo, and sure, afos not completely standing behind him, but that's partially because his lower half is inside of tomura. and from our previous example of afo taking over tomura's body…

i wish i could find the translation i first saw - this is the viz translation, which is notoriously horrible - but the one i read felt much more along the lines of "i saved you, so i get to do what i want with your body."

that is a line of logic that could have EASILY applied to their earlier relationship. the way afo saved tenko was very much on the forefront of tomura's mind early in the series, possibly either an idea he clung onto to justify the abuse he experienced from afo, or something afo personally reminded him of frequently.

also… part of afos body is definitely wrapped around tomura's upper thigh, and in certain panels seems to be emanating from between his legs.

speaking of, tomura's stance is also notable to me. compared to the panel where tomura first realized afo was taking control of him, where his knees are pretty straight on or outwards in a powerful balanced brace, in these panels his knees seem to be bending in towards his body, like he wants to squeeze his legs shut. huh.

i touched on this before, but it's interesting to me that what finally let afo fully take control of tomura's body, was having a hand (one afo very specifically used to control and abuse tomura into doing what he wanted) placed upon his body without permission.

so, all in all, afo is "inside" tomura's body, using it for his own means, against tomura's wishes.

what else does that sound like? no wonder deku feels like tomura needs help, despite everything...

again, this isn't to say that csa is definitely the cause of these things, just that tomura does have an abundance of behaviors and imagery that could easily be read that way.

#shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #Tenko Shimura #boku no hero academia #all for one #afo bnha #bnha #long post #ITS FINALLY HERE #i did my best i hope it makes sense #csa tw #child abuse tw #meta #ooc

[kquethinks]

Re: the crying child and reality

So I've been rewatching the fnaf 4 minigames, as one does, and been reminded of how fucked up Evan's life was and how he coped with it.

I noticed that a lot of ppl when they make aus where the Afton siblings survive they tend to make him the more "normal" of the 3 and i think that it's because his trauma doesn't seem "all that bad" in the surface, but if you really start analysing it the little we see of him you'll find layers of trauma that could really fuck someone up later in life (in a scenario where he didn't get chomped by Fredbear of course lmao)

So here's me overanalyzing (and maybe projecting a little) everything we see of Evan in fnaf 4

One of the first things we see is that Evan is incredibly lonely, the only friends he seems to have are his own stuffed animals, though out the game the only person that comforts him is his fredbear plush, wich brings me to my next point

Evan sees nothing wrong with Fredbear being able to speak, now depending on how old you interpret him to be during the events of fnaf 4 this could be written off as an imaginary friend, but given the fact that it was pretty much confirmed that William is the one talking truh the toy and other damning things really show how detached from reality Evan really was

He practically didn't sleep for 5 days straight??? If you interpret the nightmares as being a product of hallucination disks instead of literal nightmares then that would imply that this (possibly very young) child pulled multiple all nighters running around his room terrified, such extreme sleep deprivation can cause hallucinations and increased anxiety, no wonder the poor kid was so terrified

He seems to believe the animatronics are somewhat sentient, they aren't machines bound to their stages, but beasts that want to hurt him specifically, when he sees a guy get into Fredbear it isn't a guy getting into, a costume, it's Fredbear swallowing man whole, wich again, must be incredibly scary for a kid

So with all of that in mind we can paint a picture of the world Evan lived in, in his eyes monsters where very real (and very dangerous) there is no place safe from them (they quite literally haunt him in his own house) and theres no one that can (or wants to) protect him, Fredbear is nice but he is just a stuffed animal at the end of the day

Now onto the second part of this post

How would this affect him had he survived

If he finds out his dad was spying on him using his comfort item it would give him SUCH trust issues, poor boy isn't going to relie on anything ever again

he'd have sleeping issues for the rest of his life, if he already didn't cultivate healthy sleeping habits as a kid it's only going to get worse as he grows up

Also how would he contextualize the nightmares? He could just write it off as a nightmare he had as a kid OR double down and be like "actually that shit did happen to me, the animatronics are haunted fuck you" specially given that his sister was eaten by an animatronic

Tldr: give me paranoid adult Evan!!! Give me conspiracy theorist Evan!!! He's traumatized as hell let him be a little unhinged!!!!

#fnaf #the crying child #Evan Afton #fnaf 4 #fnaf meta #crying child #or a sneak peak of what I'll write once i finish safe and sound #you're 100% allowed to write something based on this concept #in fact i encourage it #send it to me if you do!!! #cake rambles #long post

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Toki’s Psychological State Through the Seasons

Toki is by far for me personally the most interesting member of Dethklok; I know to some degree he’s deemed as a potentially over hyped character by fans and even the show itself, but there’s countless reasons why people cling onto that character, and they’re good reasons. Even if said reasons just come down to “I think he’s neat.” that’s valid.

For me I am so fascinated with his character development, personality, and the varied chunks of background information we get about him throughout the series. A big part of this character is that when you look at him in season one compared to season four he is very different or at least he appears to be much different. Season one does establish that Toki does have a childish personality, his bedroom looks more like a room for a kid than one for a guy in his 20s. Season one establishes those basic facts about him that do heavily carry out through the show, but also increase as the show goes on.

Toki goes from immature but not overly immature to....a complete fucking wreck by the finale of season four (before Doomstar) and the reason for it is simple; it’s trauma.

Toki starts to act differently in season one after the Dethfamily episode; he spends practically that entire episode in a catatonic state, his parents always looming nearby like figures of danger and doom. After this we do get to him being bitter about being seen as immature and seen as the kid of the band (despite the fact he was barely 16 when he joined Dethklok) and when a charity informs him that a dying girl wants to meet him he turns into a complete prick. He finally comes out of that when he sees a video the kid made of herself singing a song about death and hatred, with that scene we see a small flashback of Toki’s childhood; him about the little girl’s age standing out in the snow staring up at his parents looking confused and a moment later he’s being smacked across the face. 

We could already gather beforehand when we found out he came from a very devout religious sect outside of Lillehammer that his childhood was sketchy, plus how he locked up when around his parents, but seeing the flashback of him being hit as a little boy.....Answers the obvious question of “did they beat him?”

Season one is the least eventful of the seasons. Season two is when shit begins changing drastically.

Season two Toki receives a call to inform him that his father has cancer and is on his death bed, the family and the church wants him to return to Norway to see his father. He acts completely fine about this initially, the phone conversation and the way he announces his father’s terminal illness to the band is as if somebody just asked to borrow his car. When it gets close to time to actually go and when they are in Norway it’s different though; he becomes anxious and clearly uncomfortable, in Norway he stays in town mostly, stalling around places he went to as a kid and a teenager before he ran off to America. 

He does handle his father’s dying well once he finally convinces himself to go inside his house and see him then follow through with his father’s dying request to carry him up to his old childhood home (which goes wrong because his friend’s are dicks.) 

I am not going to go into personal detail at all and my situation was nothing like Toki’s (it’s incredibly rare to hear situations like that anymore), but Toki handling his father’s passing freakishly well kind of was a red flag for me, because I know from my own experiences that when you find out something complicated like a terminal illness or the death of your abusive parent theres’ a chance you may respond way too calmly to it, and then later down the line days or months or years later something will trigger a big reaction to it. Which is what happens.

After handling his dad’s death well we get the most iconic scene involving Toki at that point and honestly still the most iconic; he beats a man to death with his bare hands. The thing that triggers this is a hallucinated image of a rabbit, an animal he associates both with his father and his childhood, the image of it triggers him to fly into an insanely feral blind rage taking it out on a guy who had been annoying him all night. Toki has always throughout the entire series shown signs of being a tad violent, but never THAT bad. Sure he shot down a plane and had accidentally caused a death or twenty (the whole band is, it’s part of the sacrifices to the Gods deal) but we had never seen him before or after that moment beat somebody to death. That is new and it came from a place of pent up....shit. Shit he never worked through and even after that continued to not work through.

Because after this we lead into him worsening further; he begins drinking. A lot. The band consist of dudes with addiction issues, mainly alcohol, but Toki never seemed to drink quite as much as them until after he went feral on that straight edge guy. 

Toki deals with his childhood trauma in several ways:

He drinks. A lot.

He focuses on fantasy and daydreams to keep himself from focusing on his past.

He spends a lot of time with Dr. Rockso who takes advantage of his kindness often, he also spends gross amounts of money bailing his clown buddy out of jail. Constantly.

He occasionally gets violent, but never to the point of manslaughter.

Seasons three and four are when we get fully introduced to Toki acting like a kid more than a guy in his 20s and it makes sense. Toki didn’t have a childhood; we learn that his parents essentially made him into a slave at a young age having him do pointless “chores” like sweeping snow during a storm, carrying stacks of wood much too heavy for a small child, etc. and when he failed to work quickly enough or failed a task they punished him. They punished him by locking him in a shed, they punished him by chaining him up like an animal, they punished him by smacking him, by beating him with a bull whip, and worst of all (who knew it could get worse) they would force him to stay for long periods of times in a deep hole dug into the ground. A hole where he hid a clown doll made of twigs and straw, the only friend he had as a little kid.

From all that we can gather through the show he didn’t exactly have a social life of any kind until his teens, the older he became the braver I think he became, and that was responded to with worse violence from his parents. I think the statement in season one about a vision of father killing son wasn’t totally off, I think if Toki had never run away from Norway that his father would have murdered him. I think his parents knew somehow that he isn’t entirely human, they knew he was something else, and I do think his parents had plans to kill him before he could become “too powerful”. 

That aside though.....Once we the audience as well as his friends find out far more details about his horrifying childhood Toki changes. A lot. He’d already been immature and a tad bit off but he regresses further after that, more prone to depression and outbursts, clinginess, and a need to feel like he’s loved by pretty much anybody.

This is a dude who is about my age that came to the horrid realization that any person or animal he loves will die because that’s his “gift”, the gift of death. He works his ass off to repress and rationalize a brutally nightmarish childhood, and the guys he’s in a band with who he loves and sees as his family....are dicks. We know that when he joined Dethklok before they got famous that they were all close, but when they began becoming popular and became immensely wealthy the others became more focused on self indulgence and power, less focused on this still a child who desperately just wanted a family.

I think a key factor with Toki being the way he is comes down to the band’s “no caring” rule. A rule that only existed because of Magnus. Toki is the baby in a group of people who have known each other for a good while, people who came to an agreement to not give a shit about each other for a reason they never explained to him because it’s too painful for them to think about. I think he always tried to live by that rule of not caring, he tried to bury all the shit wrong with himself the best that he could but he was never good at it. It’s also clear they all care about each other and they definitely care about Toki; Nathan and Skwisgaar often being the most protective of him. 

In season four aka the season where the show becomes less of a comedy and more of a drama with stunning animation. Toki is immensely more immature and awkward, he’s clingy with the band especially where Skwisgaar is regarded. Near the end of season four he’s completely fucked up; he splits his time between Rockso (his comfort object) and Magnus (a father figure to replace Nathan) in the dinner episode which has so much going on in it. So much. Toki is at his lowest point in the series; he shows up late, drunk as fucking hell, shirtless, and covered in bruises and cuts. Rockso is with him and when Charles tries to tell him Rockso shouldn’t be there Toki goes into a full fucking anxiety attack until Charles tells him it’s fine to have the clown there. Toki’s heavily dependent on Rockso by that point; his found family is quickly falling to shit. God knows what kind of shit Magnus might have been feeding him about the band at that point. 

Toki’s entire thing from day one/the pilot of the series is that he just wants a family. When he feels like he doesn’t belong in the one that he found and was taken in by he searches for family in other places, when he can’t handle the memories of his childhood he spirals hard. I understand that the guys didn’t really know how to handle it after they heard about Toki’s childhood so I can’t fault them completely for just.....shoving him off onto Rockso after that, but I still think they should have tried to be there for him more so, more directly. I think an outlet that isn’t a drug addled clown might have helped him in some way, I think if when he’d been a teenager if one of them had found out about his upbringing and just pointed out “that isn’t okay, at all.” then things might have panned out differently. 

Mental regression isn’t uncommon when it comes down to victims of trauma caused by extreme abuse. Especially considering his trauma all occurred basically from the get go; he was a child slave, the closest I would guess he ever got to having a childhood when he was a kid was seeing other kids childhoods. Going into town and seeing kids playing, sneaking into birthday parties just to be around other kids his age, etc. and he definitely was childish as a teenager, but I think he tried to bury that side of himself when his bandmates started teasing him or pointing out how unmetal it all is.....But then a douche bag journalist brought his parents to America, a little girl died, his abusive father died horribly (as he should) in front of him, he beat a man to death (allegedly), etc. 

He spent a lot of years away from all the trauma and the death and the bull shit then suddenly it started piling on top of him again and his escapism was fantasy, clinging onto a junkie clown, partaking in childish hobbies.....because why not? 

Each member of the band suffered some messed up shit when they were kids and it shows in different ways, this is Toki’s way of dealing with it....or not. I’m not entirely sure what his psychological state would be post Doomstar; the way he bounces back from immense trauma makes me think that he would be okay given some time and that’s a safe assumption to make, especially now that his bandmates/family will be there for him the way he needs them to be.

I want to tag @theidiotwiththepaintedface who hopefully will enjoy this painfully long deep dive into a character’s psychology lol.

#metalocalypse #dethklok #toki wartooth #character analysis #tw: child abuse

[actualbird]

Waking up to a new fic was an absolute delight and reading through it only made everything better.

Man I really feel Ria with the long weeks. And the extra long weekend because that's a brutal series of minor inconveniences. Did she ever manage to open the jar?

Absolutely love the reference to the latest chapter dfhigojg bashing reinforced plexiglass has nothing on not being able to open a jar. At least the exercise will help Ria in whatever new life threatening situation she ends up in.

WHY DOES DAVIS SAYING GET SHREDDED MAKE ME LAUGH

Artem listening to My Heart Will Go On dtidtid I adore this.

Artem's Wordle noooo. It's such a frustrating feeling that one's. Not valid it's not a shame-inducing thing but slightly more understandable!

I absolutely adore the shift from romance to Artem tripping over a crack in the pavement. The natural conclusion to seeing nothing but your crush.

The music swelled right when Ria caught him too I just realised dgidit

He's made worse excuses than "for charity"? Now I'm curious about those other excuses.

It's the all caps respectful in Artem's search that gets me the most.

You know what I can understand Marius' reaction. That was hot and I'll be unpacking why I think that too.

Teach Davis about creativity :(

WIKIHOW????? ARTEM PLEASE

Oh my god she knocked Luke out. What workouts is she doing I need those too. Absolutely adore Luke's reaction too xfuxu

Vyn using his universe-assigned accidents to his advantage is something I'm adopting as canon now.

RIA HOLY SHIT THE BRIDAL CARRY

Cgkcjg nice jab at Artem there Vyn.

I adore Davis and his stalker tendencies. Also he's right that the four boys are extremely entertaining to watch.

Excellent fic again!!!! Absolutely love the premise and all the boys swooning over a buff Ria. Thank you for writing this! I'm sorry if this seems a little messy cgidgk I'm not quite fully awake yet.

🌌

waaaaa gmorning, milkyway!! thanks for reading "baby, you're the man, but i got the power" OwO

pls dont apologize for anything omg, im HONORED u read this fic not 100% awake, kinda like a morning newspaper but theres no information about the world's events, just convoluted swooning over strength

ria's long week was honestly me projecting how ive been feeling lately kJBKJSDKJFSD!! sometimes weeks are just Like That :( tho unlike her, my weeks Like That never made me decide to start working out, LMAO.

SHE DOES EVENTUALLY OPEN THE JAR! in my mind, i assume that she took a frustration nap after the whole ordeal and when she woke up she had more strength to open it but she already committed to Operation Get Shredded

artem's wordle shame is also me projecting //SOBS. i havent done wordle in a while but it was my dream to have 3rd Row as my highest solves, but im not as smart as artem so my current standing is this

MY SHAME IS IMMEASURABLE

a knockout isnt too hard to do! a strong enough right hook to the jaw or temple is enough to jostle a person’s brain into temporary sleepytown. actually, most well placed blunt force trauma hits can result in a knockout (take it from me who had balance issues growing up and bashed my head EVERYWHERE at school for a few years. i basically lived in the clinic, i was always getting temporary sleepytown) 

usually, knockout punches actually just knockout a person for a few seconds, which is what happened to luke, and it’s super common in like, UFC MMA fights which i used to watch a lot as a kid. it’s this split second unconsciousness that leaves the opponent unguarded for a much stronger punch that can knockout for a much longer time. the head is just That Fragile and thats why guarding it is the most important thing to do in any kind of martial arts

but luke did not do that because hes a dumb dumb who underestimated ria and being completely unguarded and not braced for impact? SLEEPYTOWN, BOIIII!!! 

vyn got THE MOST shoujo anime romance scene in this fic, the lucky bastard!!!!!!!

thank u sm for the lovely ask, milkyway <3 im rlly glad u enjoyed the fic :D

#milkyway!anon #asks #ive gotten knocked out by bonking my head in places but never w a punch. but ive only gotten punched in the face once #i feel like i should get punched in the face some more for writing ref purposes #commints

[1990jeevas]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

[psychxpxthy]

ive been inactive! related venting under the cut, general tws mental illness, bullying, that kinda

a good chunk of the inactivity is bc im going through some shit irl. nothing can really be done abt that, its just gonna take up a lot of my time until it doesnt. im More Or Less about as okay as i ever am, so its no cause for alarm, juuuuust time consuming and tiring

that being said, anothwr big chunk of my not being around stems from having really big issues with the way certain mental illnesses are treated online, lol. ive been online for-fuckin-ever, and the lasstttt... idk, 6-8 years or so? theres been this huge trend towards... i dont really know what to call it

i have severe ptsd. dx'd, medication, therapy, blah blah blah. stems from very serious abuse growing up.

it sucks! its not great.

but the thing is, certain people use the internet's newer tendency to be a little Too Sensitive to...

act like i owe them my life story. my trauma. my triggers.

in my rules, i mentioned that i have some esoteric triggers that i will not name, and that i may block blogs that deal with these things frequently for my own mental health. this is to say, "HELLO. I AM AN ADULT WHO IS HANDLING A SEVERE CASE OF PTSD DUE TO SEVERE TRAUMA. IF I BLOCK YOU, I AM LOOKING OUT FOR MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH, THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT NECESSARILY DONE ANYTHING WRONG."

multiple people (like 4% of follow backs!!!), at this point, have read this and decided to approach me in private messages, telling me that Because They Do Not Know What My Triggers Are I Shouldn't Follow Their Blogs

for. fucks. sake.

heres the thing.

1. you are a stranger on the internet. i do not owe you the most horrendous events in my life in order to view your portrayal of a fictional character.

2. i do not owe ANYONE an explanation of those events. NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON.

3. i literally... outlined my plan for dealing with unexpected triggers in my rules. ill unfollow or block or whatever as i need to. yall read "oh this person has triggers, better demand explanation" and not "oh this person has triggers and will handle them at their discretion"

4. jesus christ do you go up to strangers in a coffee shop and demand to know whether they need a trigger warning to view the graphic on your tshirt???? there are people navigating the world with PTSD LITERALLY ALL AROUND YOU. and very literally ANYTHING can become a trigger if the brain associates it with the abuse/traumatic events they went through.

5. im a fucking adult. in my 20s. im probably older than a good chunk of yall. im probably also younger than a good chunk of yall. but like. fuck dude kids that are abused have to grow up FASTER than the rest of yall. ive had to be an Adult since i was fucking 8 years old. and now, mid 20s, ive got a bunch of people coming up and trying to hold my fucking hand UNWANTED bc theyre WrItInG eDgY tHiNgS oNlInE. its INSULTING. hoooooly shit its insulting i KNOW HOW TO UNFOLLOW SOMEONE IF I NEED TO

6. ive had triggers used against me all my life. god. you might as well be asking me for a copy of my house key and a schedule for when im out of town, like... if i told you my trigger was thomas the fucking tank engine because my shitass abuser played it on loop on tv while beating the hell out of me do you know what happens????? SUDDENLY eeeeeeverything becomes a reference to goddamn thomas the tank engine. "haha oops i just associate it with you and forgot you dont like it. anyway in episode 4..." and i get fucking anons about it. and it spreads to some fucker or another who already decided they wanted to doxx me for some stupid fucking reason and now theyre getting their whole friend group to send shit in. and NOW i have a problem that i CANT filter without making a whole new internet presence lol????? vs just quietly unfollowing someone who ends up posting a shitton of thomas the fucking tank engine memes, where no one knows why i unfollowed or even IF i did.

7. my god. do you people not know that i can close my laptop and walk away from it. i can choose not to be online if a dash topic is setting me off. i can go touch grass for a while and spend time with my lovely partner and our idiot cats. i can play video games. god. i am a fucking adult who can manage my own life

8. god forbid the mentally ill have any privacy also ✨

im not made of paper!!!!!! i might as well be a goddamn nokia brand genetically modified cockroach-water bear hybrid i am literally never going to die and a few letters on the internet arent going to kill me PLEASE stop acting like i owe you my life story!!!!!

#im irritated and not filtering much of it bc god i gotta say how i feel sometimes #ANYWAY theres more than just this but i need to go do smth else w my life #the rest of yall have been fantastic and im looking forward to comin back when i can #[ placeholder ooc tag here ]

[fereldenshero]

Bucks been through a lot of physical shit but he never had any emotional trauma. There was times like the red episode, the Daniel storyline, and Buck telling Eddie he wishes it was him that got shot that hint that Buck might be dealing with some deeper mental issues, but then these issues always end up being completely solved by one pep talk from Eddie or Maddie at the end of the episode and are never mentioned again

boy oh boy, this sure is one of the opinions ever! let us go through all the reasons why i disagree, shall we?

first off, i want to preface this by saying that im extremely behind on the show. like, the last season i fully watched was season 3. the only episodes from season 4 that ive seen are s4e4 and s4e5 (ive been a buck girl since 2018, idk what to tell ya) and then ive also seen a few gifs from s4e14. plus, i havent seen any full episodes in a long ass time. so when i mention specific events that happened in the show, i could either be totally misremembering or just straight up not know what happened. okay? okay! (im also putting this under a read more bc it got a bit long thumbsup)

so first off, i dont. fully agree with him going through "a lot of physical shit". there could be instances that happened in s4 or s5 that im just not aware of yet, but as far as i know, the only instances of physical trauma came from him getting his leg crushed in s2e18. personally, i lump in his broken leg, pulmonary embolism, and the severe cut he got during the tsunami episodes as kind of one instance since they all happened due to one incident, but youre more than free to separate them if youd like. even then, thats not a whole lot ? i mean, it is quite a bit for a regular person to go through, but for a tv show character in a show thats lasted for 5+ seasons, it doesnt Feel like a lot. if there are any other instances where hes gotten hurt that im missing, totally feel free to let me know, but thats all im aware of

"he never had any emotional trauma." okay. well first off, dont you think that serious physical injuries would lead to a lot of emotional trauma? especially something like, oh, i dont know, getting your entire leg crushed underneath a firetruck? i feel like that would have some lasting effects on a person. second off, you just. proceeded to list off things that definitely indicate Something? im not quite sure what "the red episode" is, but the daniel storyline is definitely going to fuck with him for a while, plus seeing one of your closest friends get shot, is. well thats gonna stick with you. theres also no indication that hes not still dealing with the aftermath of those instances. just because we're not actively seeing him say "this thing happened to me, and it was bad and still sticks with me" doesnt mean that those things didnt happen and werent bad and werent still effecting him. theres also no indication that after speaking with maddie and eddie, that he was magically cured or that their "pep talks" fixed everything. im not sure about the specifics about the one with eddie, but i know that with maddie, talking with her most definitely didnt fix anything. if anything, it just. helped him a bit. it didnt magically fix him, it didnt make everything all better. all it did was help him with understanding that hes not broken or unloved and that shes always there for him. just because they havent been explicitly brought up since they happened, doesnt mean theyre not still effecting buck to this day. from my understanding, season 5 has been more focused on maddie (+ chimney as well i think) and eddie, so it makes sense that they havent expanded on those specific events yet. the 911 writers dont strike me as the type of tv writers to just. forget character development theyve done. im sure theyll bring everything that they need to bring up, when they need to. 911 is a show about patience - us as the audience always have to wait to see what happens, and how they get brought back up.

#i hope this all makes sense its pretty early in the morning for me #if anyone has anything they want to add as in other instances of mental trauma bucks been through #or even other physical injuries that im just not listing here #feel free to put em in the replies or in the reblogs #im not the best most knowledgeable person to bring this up to heh ^^; #911 fox #lovely.txt #love letters #anonymous #toko don't look

[foulserpent]

(tw for abuse) i dont understand what vivec is conveying in the sermons wrt the monsters and molag bal. he becomes divine so does he mean that stuff literally happened? or someone mortal did that to him and hes recontextualizing it? or is it like a metaphor for something more abstract about violence? the wedding stuff really confuses me. ive only gotten a little into morrowind lore

(putting under cut cw sexual abuse)

um like the thing with that is theres . a couple levels that entire narrative functions on, and it depends entirely on which  of two ways the spear “muatra” is interpreted

like the most obvious level and one that was absolutely intended is that muatra is a phallic symbol which is pretty explanatory when you see how its used. characterizes vivec as someone sexually violent. its really disgusting lol. this WAS intentional and mk gave a (non-)apology/explanation about that whole thing which was him being really fucked up at that point in his life and dealing with addiction and mental health issues which like . if it was just that then maybe id be like “ok whatever” but hes done a lot of other shit too.

but the other level, which is the level in which that whole narrative isnt terrible, is. “muatra” is an anagram of the word “trauma”. thats not accidental. and when you read that whole narrative through that perspective, it makes a LOT more sense bc the story becomes a recounting of a traumatic incident. the “wedding” and everything within is a recontextualization of something that happened to vivec that is being turned into a narrative aspect of their godhood journey instead

like the basic story is: vivec experiences abuse, and recontextualizes this as a “wedding”. creates a narrative where this very event is what taught him to grasp CHIM, indicating a life changing significance to this. this ahuse begets “monsters” that vivec gives birth to, which functions both as a confirmation on what this abuse is and a externalization of the results- the monstrous children are sort of like the twisted and disgusting results of what happened to them. if you chose to think of it as 100% symbolic, the monsters would be symbolism for the results of trauma and how trauma changes You. what that trauma bore

vivec gains the spear “muatra” from this encounter, which again is an anagram of trauma and pretty much every usage of the word can be read as trauma. in turning their trauma into a spear, its kind of like. an attempt to reclaim strength and autonomy after trauma. its reshaping what happened into a weapon and killing the “children” the abuse bore with it so one can become a new normal again. its a sort of cruel healing where you carry whats with you as something that makes you strong but like is violent and painful

i think all of the above is intentional, but the rest im going to say would give michael kirkbride too much credit. if it was written by a better human being who was writing from experience of how trauma affects you, id say the dual symbolism of: muatra as a sexual object used to inflict violence, and “trauma” made into a weapon, would be intentional. the more overt narrative of vivec being sexually violent with it would be representative of like a fear of having been sullied, disgust with oneself, disgust with ones body, fear of continuing the cycle, fear that youll become like those who hurt you, lashing out with a destructive coping mechanism. 

like it could function on that level but i think it was just MK being awful and putting shit in for shock value. also its just one example of  MK being shitty about vivec being intersex. placing a lot of like fetishistic emphasis on their genitalia. theres a lot going on there and almost all of it is bad

anyway as far as how literal it is. the sermons CANNOT be interpreted 100% literally. they partially exist to shape temple doctrine and maybe partially exist to instruct the nerevarine, so at the very least you have to assume SOME of it is untrue. like a lot of TES lore stuff is pretty damn literal but this is one case where i think its more interesting and valuable for it to be interpreted first and foremost as vivec rewriting their own history into a narrative fitting of what they want to be. 

but that doesnt mean NONE of it happened like, some of it might be real. some of it might have been retroactively made real. etc. it could be that the abuse narrative is 100% mundane with no daedra involved, it could be that they did actually grapple with molag bal (i think they did in some capacity but this isnt what its actually about). 

i think people with more developed Thoughts on this part of lore could say better but i think its less important to worry about the exact facts of it and more important to look into whats being said 

#i am answering this freely and have not given indication of not wanting to so dont feel bad but #i would like to not talk about this stuff anymore #its something i think is important to discuss but it DOES wear on me #anon #this is what i mean when i say theres a surprisingly decent narrative in the lessons of vivec bc like #the muatra=trauma reading makes everything like a genuine narrative about abuse and characterization of vivec #and the ways they have processed it #and like its at least partially intentional but its kind of crushed under the also intentional and disgusting narrative of #vivec abusing shit too #rape mention

[waywardrainbows]

Lore anon again, do you have any stuff you can share about your Villain!Momo au? Sorry im lore hungry

anon ily mwauh, heres an extra long lore post just for u

((also i think im just gonna share the whole au now, with school keeping me this busy, theres not a chance i can write it all sjsj. dont be mistaken tho, there will absolutely 100% be more art drawn for this!!!))

okay so, i have been talking to a lot of friends about this au and ive really fleshed it out! momo’s characterisation and descent into villainy is more trauma based than anything. all her life shes been denied of choice, denied of an opportunity to do what she wants. shes constantly pushed around by her parents, constantly looked down on by her peers, always struggling under everyones standards for her. She finds herself putting on this mask of a perfect person, always complying to everything, existing only to please.

I really want her whole thing to be centred around self-confidence issues and lack of her own personality. I wanna say there was like some sort of hero situation at usj where everyone pressured her into making a decision and after a lot of inner turmoil she does, even though she keeps asking others or offering up that she doesn’t want to be the one to do this or whatnot, and it ends up being a wrong decision that ends up with someone getting hurt. The others then semi-shame her like “oh well it was Momo’s decision” or “What was that about, Momo? Usually you never mess things up.” And she just snaps under the built up pressure and guilt and isolation

Now it is important to note that in this au, every big villainy event from the canon has been moved and happen later, so like theyre all in their 3rd year, because the whole gist is that they’re at camp and Momo’s taken instead of bakugou. And instead of saying no, at this point shes really at her lowest and agrees. and so, the sudden news that a childs been lost, taken right under UA’s nose at that, breaks the world.

ahhh!!! i cant believe this idea’s actually turning out to be something! even if those things are just some lore points haha, and i couldn’t’ve done it without my friends @bravobeavo and @ghost-a3 !!!! thank you!!!!

#thanks for asking anon! #long post #villain!momo au #bnha #there is still more to cover sjsjs #feel free to ask more specific questions and if not ill just share more dot points for the plot sjsj