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#theres no clear pov
inkerii · 1 year
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So I couldn't help but browse the THG tag bc those books own my whole heart. I actually check it now and again, and it's been interesting see how opinions have changed over the years, especially in regards to Gale and Peeta. Going through the evolution of them as just potential love interests to being far more complex than I could have expected has been a wild ride. Crazy how this reads different than from when I was a preteen.
That said, I wanted to give my unsolicited two cents on my boys, because though I have been enjoying the discussion on Peeta and Gale and what they mean to the story, I also feel like reducing them to Peeta = peace and Gale = war is far too simplistic... and oftentimes unfair to one or both of them.
See, I don't think Peeta and Gale are peace and war/destruction. They're compassion and indignation.
Peeta worries about the other tributes, or their families, or how to repay people like Rue and Thresh for what they did.
Gale is indignation at how the Capitol treats its citizens, it's anger at the injustice of inequality and brutality.
Both are needed in a story like THG. You can't have people like even Peeta not say something like "maybe we're wrong about keeping things quiet in the districts", you can't have him not drop the baby bomb, you can't start a revolution without Gale's indignation at the status quo. At deserving a better life but being denied it, at having your kids be mercilessly killed for literal sport.
However, if you start a rebellion and loose sight of your compassion, you end up no better than the people you're fighting against. Gale wasn't a bad person, imo. His heart was in the right place. He was flawed, yes, but so is everyone in this series. Gale, most importantly, lost sight of the line between fighting for the people he cared about and fighting against the people who hurt him.
Reducing Gale's indignation to just revenge and hatred ignores so much of what he stands for. Who hasn't seen laws passed that dehumanize people, who hasn't been angry and furious when someone is elected who fundamentally hates everything you are, who doesn't think some people need to pay for the atrocities they committed? There's a little bit of Gale in every single one of us - and it's important that it's there, because that's what gives us strength to challenge the status quo and make life better for the future generations.
But. You can't let it take over. You can't loose sight of your compassion or your empathy.
That's where Peeta comes in. Peeta is the voice in your head that worries about how many good lives will be lost when they give themselves up for this cause. Peeta is the worry about the people caught in the crossfire. Peeta is rebuilding when it's over and believing that the next generation will have a better life than your own. Peeta is being kind, even to people who may not deserve it.
And Gale... Gale looses sight of his compassion, and he doesn't realize it until it smacks him in the face when the bombs go off and Prim is gone and he's too far gone. Meanwhile, Peeta advocates for the end of the war even though it means the status quo remains - and regardless of what he believes himself, I don't think Suzanne chose him to say those lines by chance. It means both mindsets have their flaws: too kind and things that shouldn't remain will never be challenged and changed, too angry and you may loose sight of what you're fighting for.
And that's just how Suzanne uses her characters, both of them, all of them. Just look at who is with Katniss depending on the situation:
- Katniss chooses to "rebel" after Gale is brutally whipped. She kisses him.
- Katniss realizes that in order for D12 to rebel, everyone would need to be in on it, and she realizes most of them are not like her, that they're scared and she understands, emphasises with them. Peeta walks by her side.
- Katniss finally does it though, shoots the arrow at the force field, and Peeta is taken from her, it's now Gale by her side.
(You can't start a rebellion without indignation, and sometimes you HAVE to do it or things will never change, regardless of the inevitable pain that will come along.)
- Katniss is righteously angry at the Capitol bombing a hospital full of innocents to make a point. Gale remains there.
- Coin twists people's compassion into an army to fight for her own personal gain. Peeta is hijacked and looses his sense of self.
- Katniss and Gale go to District 2 and even though she tries to be like Peeta, she's still shot- reinforcing Gale's views, the person who was with her during that sequence.
- Katniss is angry at Snow, Katniss goes to the Capitol to kill him. Gale is there.
- Katniss gets in way over her head and realizes she is responsible for the death of most of her squad. She shares the lamb stew with Peeta, and later cleans his wounds.
- Finnick dies and she's at her lowest up until that point and all she wants to do is give up and give in to the anger. She kisses Peeta and begs him to stay with her.
... Claiming that Gale is destruction ignores the fact that he's with Katniss through her own moments of strength. Her desire to change things, to fight back, is as important as her compassion. Mockingjay just brutally shows you what war does to your indignation, to your compassion. How easy it is to cross a line between righteous anger and revenge, or how your sense of empathy and compassion can be manipulated into something monstrous by others, or by all the terrible, brutal, painful things you see.
How easy it is to loose yourself- and that goes for both of them.
Peeta and Gale aren't static characters, they go from representations of sentiments regarding an injust government to what happens to those feelings when an extreme situation such as war breaks out. All of that, by the way, while dealing with this duality themselves, because they are still characters who think and feel and struggle and have flaws of their own- and while I love what they stand for, I've seen too many comments that pin everything into what they mean, that they forget that Peeta and Gale are still people, they aren't perfect metaphors. They're human.
Ultimately, Katniss doesn't really choose peace. She wants peace, yes. But what she chooses is compassion. empathy. hope. There's a time and place for anger at injustice. There's a time when fighting back is the right thing to do. There are even times when you wanna give in to your despair and lash out. But if you want peace, then you have to choose Peeta, because Peeta represents what you need to focus on to achieve that peace. You have to let go of the anger or you won't ever rest. So Gale leaves, and does not come back... And yet, Katniss still has her moments of indignation, of making a stand, even as he goes - she still casts her vote at that meeting, she still shoots Coin. Katniss does not abandon that part of who she is. It's just not her main drive anymore.
So then she goes on to make the choice, every single day, to be compassionate to others. To have hope. To rebuild. Of course she chooses Peeta.
... Idk, man. These boys are so much more than what I see them so often reduced to. They're in all of us. There will be times to stand and fight, and times to show mercy and be kind. We just need to find that balance, as Katniss eventually did.
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littleseasalt · 4 months
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"forever is a bad dad to richa-" SHUT UP!!!!!
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#qsmp#qsmp forever#qsmp richarlyson#id also add in the book he wrote for the egg museum where he talked again about forever being the one who took care of him the most#but i dont have the patience to find it in vods to screenshot it#also sorry but. some people on twitter have been stressing me out A LOT over their opinions on their relationship#ive literally been stressing about it since i woke up i needed to release this stress somehow#< also im thinking of doing a long post talk about what their relationship is and isnt#bc whenever theres angst/fight between them people take it as an opportunity to mischaracterize BOTH forever and richas#in a way that makes it clear that the person 1. doesnt keep up with forevers pov#and 2. only knows richas through one pov#like. ok#disagree with forever however you want youre free to do that#i myself think he was in the wrong in multiple situations (like the tallulah fight day)#BUT SURPRISE!! SAYING HES A BAD DAD IS LITERALLY SO WRONG!!#PEOPLE CAN MESS UP!! PEOPLE CAN MAKE MISTAKE!! NO ONE IS A PERFECT PARENT!!#NO ONE ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO BE THE PERFECT DAD AND THERES NO SUCH THING AS BEING A PERFECT DAD!!#PARENTHOOD IS SOMETHING YOU LEARN ALONG THE WAY!!!#AND LEARNING HOW TO BE A DAD IS A CORE TRAIT OF FOREVERS CHARACTER SINCE DAY ONE!!!!!!!#saying hes a bad dad literally goes against canon statements from richas#saying richas is uncomfortable with forever goes against canon#“oh but i mean in the emotional way” ok so you never watched a forever stream before#because when they fight. richas ALWAYS opens up to forever later on how he felt#the fights HAPPEN because richas is comfortable making drama in front of forever#if richas' didnt feel comfortable he would literally just “suck up” his jealously and not show it often but he does shows it often#if richas was uncomfortable after fights he would just apologize and never talk about his feelings#but after the tallulah fight? he told forever about how romero richas affects his body and how he feels#after the armor fight? he told forever about how he felt towards his own life#to which btw BOTH of these times where he opened up#he had never talked about that with anyone before
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Sirius Black post-prank
Did I fully edit this? no. However I am not sorry. TW: Self harm, alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation, mentions of blood
Sirius Black knew the taste of blood well. In his sixteen years of life, there was hardly a taste he knew better. Still, knowing something is not the same as liking it.
When Sirius peeled his eyes open to glare, rather dejectedly, at his bed hangings he recognised the taste instantly. At first, he assumed he'd bit his cheek during the night and hadn't noticed- that had happened before. It wasn't until he lifted a hand to scrub over his face that he noticed the mild resistance from his joints.
With a groan, Sirius lifted his head. The sheets as well as his arms and pyjama bottoms were stained rather spectacularly in deep red. He found his torso caked in dried blood. Some part of him wanted to laugh at that. House colours, after all. His skin had even taken on a yellowish tint in recent days.
He hadn’t worn a shirt to sleep, despite the February chill. Earlier that year he'd slept in whatever jumper Remus wore that day. Now that wasn't an option, so Sirius went without.
"Sirius?" James' voice called hesitantly. Sirius didn't respond. If he waited long enough James would say his piece and leave.
"I've left a sandwich from lunch on your trunk." Afternoon then. "And Mary said if you don't come and see her then she's going to come up here and drag you down by your ear." James laughed. Sirius didn't.
James paused. "We're all worried about you, Sirius." He took a deep breath. “Regulus-”
"Remus isn't." Sirius's voice came out scratchy and hoarse from lack of use. “And leave my brother out of this, James. I don’t care if you’re in his bed or not.”
James hesitated again, "Remus." He said, "Remus is… well, Sirius, he's-"
"He hates me. Got it." Sirius cut him off coldly, a little more confident in his tone. "You can leave now." He avoided the Regulus comment, Sirius thought.
He was probably smart for it, considering how Sirius reacted when he first found out. You’d be mad too if you found out your best friend had been dating your brother behind your back for almost six months. Granted, perhaps you wouldn’t curse said best friend six ways to Sunday.
James didn't reply, but Sirius heard the door shut as he left.
He unstuck himself from his sheets, undid the charm holding the bed hangings closed, and stumbled to the shared bathroom
"House colours." He muttered.
There was no pain, perhaps a dull ache somewhere inside him but that was hardly from the cuts. Heartbreak, more likely, caused that particular ailment. Not that Sirius could blame Remus… not at all.
He almost couldn’t recognise himself. Rib bones were clearly visible under his skin. They seemed sharper, and while he’d always been pale, his veins seemed to glow blue under translucent skin. The hair Sirius took such pride in was too long, tied in a bun at the base of his neck, and slicked through with grease from serious neglect.
Sirius neglect.
Funny.
James would like that joke.
Some things couldn't be changed though. The birthmark on his shoulder, or the tattoos surrounding it. Or the Moony tattoo written in bold letters against his stomach, not that it was visible at this time- his entire torso was a bloodbath- but Sirius knew it was there. Like a ghost, a presence in his mind obscured in a way.
Sirius clutched his wand like a safety blanket. Raising it, he cast a clean-up spell, the nature of which was furniture, not people, effectively removing any trace of blood to his eye.
He averted his eyes before they could catch on the word fifteen-year-old Sirius was so sure he wanted to be reminded of at every glance in a mirror.
Sirius fell into a routine of a sort, or perhaps choreography could be more accurate. He waved his wand at his bed, using the same spell he’d cast on himself to clean and make it up, then moved the plate James left him. Everything he ate tasted like sand anyway. Sirius placed the plate on the ground and opened his trunk. He reached down to an old quidditch jumper of James’. He unwrapped it, an unconscious decision, and removed three items from inside;
An empty bottle of firewhiskey, a blade from his potions kit (Top of the line! Says Horace Slughorn, Potions Master at Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!) and a polaroid picture.
From inside the tiny frame, Remus’ grin caught his eye. Lily took it, at Sirius’s, now infamous, birthday party. She used a muggle camera. Part of him was glad, he wanted to keep this a snapshot of that moment without the chaos that erupted around them- Remus, grinning, completely sober, and Sirius, planting a kiss on his cheek, unsurprisingly black-out drunk. They curled up on the sofa in the common room, undoubtedly the centre of attention, with not an inch of space between the two.
Sirius resisted the urge to set the picture on fire and be done with it. Instead, he grabbed the glass bottle and launched it at the wall, right under the window where Remus would smoke at night. It smashed, of course, lying in shards under the window, which Sirius, now realised, was open. Groaning, he stomped over to close it.
It was dark outside- when did that happen?-, and clear. The moon shone clearly through the darkness, full and-
Full.
Remus.
The next few minutes were a daze of stumbling and apologies directed toward inanimate objects as Sirius realised he’d (a) allowed the full moon to sneak up on him and not notice the signs, (b) had more broken glass in his body than could technically be considered healthy and (c) needed to get to the shack as soon as humanly possible.
Why wouldn’t James have reminded him? Unless-
Unless Remus told him not to.
That was it. Remus didn’t want him there. Of course, he wouldn’t, with what Sirius had done at the last full moon-
Sirius wouldn’t want anything to do with himself either.
The worst part? Aside from Remus’ distance, Sirius couldn’t ignore how much the action, or the thought that went into it, reminded him of his mother. Walburga Black, who cast crucio on him for the first time at twelve years old. Walburga Black, who entered into a loveless marriage and produced two children for the sake of blood purity. Walburga Black, who beat Sirius within an inch of his life during the Christmas holidays in his fourth year. Walburga Black, who disowned her heir so easily, knowing she had a spare waiting in the wings.
Regulus wasn’t like her, but he wasn’t like Sirius either. He was too compliant, too willing. Sirius would be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified for his brother. But he also didn’t regret leaving. The Potters saved him and he was eternally grateful for that fact. Reggie, however, couldn’t be saved unless he asked. And Regulus Arcturus Black wasn’t going to ask anyone for help, as he’d informed Sirius in a furious whisper just a mere twelve weeks ago.
Yet he hadn’t any problem crawling to James for another type of help. That gave Sirius hope for his brother’s fate. Hope was in short supply those days, and Sirius wasn’t going to let it go. Just because Regulus was a stubborn shit.
In other, hopeless, news:
Witnessing Remus’ pain was worse than anything his mother could have possibly inflicted in all her torture. The toll it took on Sirius was unlike any suffering he’d ever known. He would have welcomed any spell, curse, or potion in its place. Alas, was anything that simple?
When Sirius told Snape how to make it to the shack he hadn’t considered any type of consequence for himself, or, more importantly, for Remus. He knew, of course, weeks later, that even Snape was undeserving of such a fate.
And Remus was everywhere, reminding him of that fact.
His face haunted Sirius’ nightmares and dreams alike, his conscience has always been Remus’ voice- a fact that only became apparent once he couldn’t bear to hear it.
As a result, Sirius will do anything to drown him out.
On many nights Sirius considered bringing himself to the astronomy tower, or just taking that blade to an essential artery. He couldn’t do it. Not while Remus didn’t understand the regret that lived inside him, like a disease. That doesn’t mean he hadn’t come close.
James had taken up a sudden interest in medicinal magic. He never said why, but they knew. Everyone knew. They just didn’t care.
Sirius fell heavily against the door. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes hard enough for stars to emerge in his vision. He watched them with increasing interest for some time. It was only when the door began pushing against him that Sirius realised he’d fallen asleep.
The sun was just beginning its ascend over the hills, and light was already beginning to pour through the window. The door was hitting him harder now.
Sirius crawled across the floor, rapidly stuffing the blade and polaroid into his trunk, along with the old jumper.
The door opened, and in came James Potter, smiling like he didn’t have to be up and learning Herbology in an hour. Behind him trailed Peter Pettigrew, looking very much like he had to be up and learning Herbology in an hour.
When they saw him crouched at the foot of his bed breathing erratically, James froze. Peter ran the other way, presumably to get a teacher or some other form of help (read: the girls). James inched toward him slowly, and Sirius backed away like a cornered animal.
“What happened?” James asked calmly. He lifted his hands in a surrender gesture. Sirius felt himself relax against the bedpost.
“Nothing much,” Sirius said, his voice felt scratchy again, “The glass? I just had a moment.” Sirius shrugged the best he could. His attempt at nonchalance was wearing thin.
James grimaced, “Sirius. I know it’s harder but English, please. Not French.”
“Mais putain! Je ne parles pas-” He cut himself off. Sirius could’ve sworn the words were in English. How long was he unaware of his own thoughts?
He repeated his previous statement, slowly, listening to each word as it passed his lips.
“Pads.” James said, tone level, “I mean the blood.”
Sirius shook his head quickly, “No.” He said, “No. I cleaned it up. There is no blood.” James’ face turned sympathetic. He nodded and, gently, placed a hand on Sirius’s shoulder, which the boy neither leaned into nor shied away from.
“No blood, Padfoot, got it.” James smiled tightly. Normally, Sirius would’ve seen right through it. This Sirius, however, wasn’t normal by any standard.
Silently, James pulled his wand from his waistband and cast a couple of heavy-duty cleaning spells. The first on Sirius’ sheets, then the bathroom sink, which newly sported bloody handprints upon the porcelain, and lastly on the floor underneath Remus’ window.
They’d taken Sirius’ wand as a precaution for nights like this after he’d tried a charm on his bed hangings and almost got himself killed. Remus disagreed, his exact words were, “Let him vanish the wall and jump for all I care.” He admitted later he didn’t mean it, but he also wasn’t the one who had to find Sirius on nights like these.
Four months passed since Sirius told Snape how to bypass the Whomping Willow. Four moons. Each time James’ hope resurfaced, hope history wouldn’t repeat itself. Hope they’d return and Sirius would be Sirius again. Hope there would at least be less blood. His prayers hadn’t been answered so far and he was beginning to doubt they ever would be.
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masterkeynobi · 1 year
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frankly i think if you hate qui-gon for his actions in ja you simply do not have very good reading comprehension skills that man is not the abuser many of you make him out to be. how are yall letting a series for actual children beat ur ass like that
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tinyplanetss · 2 years
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i can officially say i think i wouldve gone insane if i watched scotts elsa arc live
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hydrostorm · 2 years
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(cw) i lied about no discourse..
theres just so much fallacy from what I've seen about "m/spec" l/esbian d/iscourse, first that nonbinary people "should be included" in lesbianism as if nb people haven't always been a part of lesbianism both historically as the term found its place in lgbt and up to now where nonbinary lesbians have basically always been a thing, and whenever it goes into the territory of whether men should be included in lesbianism i always just respond with a resounding Lesbianism Should Not Be About Or Involve Men In Any Way
tags important
#it feels like people are just being ahistorical in two very different ways when they argue those things#like ignoring the nonbinary-ness that was already present in lesbianism and also trying to say stuff like#''but trans men were lesbians'' ''many lesbians were bi'' ''sappho loved men''#it becomes clear they dont know what those things mean lol. in the 60s lesbian was not used as it is now#like people were literally just figuring out what any of those terms meant and their meanings continued to evolve#and the whole ''sappho loved men'' argumnent is like .#literally just identify as sapphic then LIKE??#there is a good reason why lesbian has become to mean someone with no attraction to men#this kind of discourse matters because men already constantly invade womens spaces (Not talking about trans women.)#(i partially am referring to stuff like trans men hitting on lesbians and other men who hit on lesbians bc they heard about bi lesbians)#(both of which are things i have seen with my eyes both online and irl dating apps)#and it also really shows when the people who talk about this the loudest are people who arent lesbian or people who are chronically online#cw discourse#i feel like i tried for a while to see where these people were coming from but there's not really much that makes sense about what they#tend to argue#i can understand that lesbians can be transphobic and terfs or otherwise exclude nonbinary people#but instead of arguing how disrespectful it is to ignore the role nb people had in pioneering lesbian culture#they decide to try and annex nonbinary onto lesbianism by saying stuff like ''mspec lesbian''#like it just doesnt track to me. i am not a part of that echo-chamber i think they are too far into an online discourse pov? /gen#for the longest time i was like ''maybe theres something im not getting''#but every time im exposed to their points im like. respectfully i think youre not getting it
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matoitech · 2 years
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i finished harrow the ninth btw i finally started figuring out what was going on like halfway thru n read the rest of it today, just have some bonus material in the back left. harrow is an interesting character but shes definitely not as natural a read for me as gideon so thank god for gideon returning as a pov, understanding more of what was going on made it feel less dense
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mx-paint · 11 months
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.
#god.#i think a big part of disc elys is the fact that everything being from harrys pov affects how you perceive things#like this is specifically about his and doras relationship#theyve been done for over half a decade (probably longer)#and the big part about the story is he classfies dora as a religious figure#and the Implications for that#like. you can literally see delores dei as a *war criminal*#and even playing as a person that *wants* to let go#gets you placed in positions that say no. you cant. youre not ready for this to end.#like. its clear that while i dont think the relationship was toxic it was unhealthy#like to me theres an implication that she cheated with someone else and had a baby with them#or that she had a kid with them after she left#and it gives that much more weight to the 'unborn daughters' comment#like. god what a game.#to me you can take these interactions with them in a lot of ways#is it all true? are they memories taken out of context? are they just his distorted brain making up stuff?#are these meant to have clear answers?#and the fact the only conversation we actually have straight with her is on the phone#and its clear that this has happened before#is she just putting up with this? or does she feel like she *has* to for some reason?#and jean saying that She was the one that got him to move from being a gym teacher to the rcm#ans the fact she grew up middle class while harry decidedly didnt#and a big part of the relationship issues seem to be more money and home related than just the relationship itself#(in fact she even implies that the reason she terminated her pregnancy with him was bc he was poor)
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aberrantmind · 1 year
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to be clear when it's not written in second person there is literally no chance of me interpreting y/n as me instead of an oc. y/n is simply a common girls' name in korea to me
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theruinbringers · 1 year
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the tragedy of writing is that the scenes i want to write are SO FAR AWAY
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reidsmouthbabys48 · 9 months
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summary: reader got carried away with marking spencer the night before so he goes to work with hickys all over his neck.
Warnings: allusions to smut, bau!reader, idrk what else this is just a little drabble I came up with.
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"Y/N!," Spencer yells from his bathroom and you get up to see what he wants, when you walk into the bathroom you see him standing infront of the mirror with his chin slightly up, examining his neck. "Theres so many! Derek is going to have a feild day with this" he says rolling his eyes, he puts on a baby blue button up and a pair of black dress pants then throws on a sweater vest.
"You didn't have a problem with them last night baby, if I remember your words correctly you said 'mark me mommy, I want everyone to know I'm your little slut' " you say teasingly, his face flushes bright red and he clears his throat.
"Let's go" he says, his face is still flushed as he walks past you.
-
You and spencer have been dating for three months, still nobody knows but you have a feeling that's gonna change today.
As soon as you and spencer walk through the door you move to your desks, that are right across from each other. There's no case today so it's paperwork day.
"My man, you finally got some action" Derek says loud enough to swarm Emily and jj to him.
"someone was hungry, damn" jj laughs you look up from your paperwork and see spencer blushing from his face to his neck.
"Who's the lucky lady?" Emily asks and spencer stutters.
"I- uh, that's none of your business, go away" he squeaks shoving his face in his hands, Emily and jj look at you knowingly.
"Oh my god, spencer who did that to your neck?" Penelope chimes in as soon and she sees what everyone's talking about.
"Let me see" you say obliviously, standing up from your desk and walking over to his, you lift his ching up a bit and laugh. "Damn, she took her time with you" you say and spencer blushes and looks back at his paperwork, "get back to work everyone, and spencer cover those up please" hotch's voice boombs from the other side of the room, everyone scurrys back to their desks and Penelope grabs a blushing spencer and drags him to the bathroom.
-spencers POV-
"Spencer reid, who did this and why did you not cover them up" Penelope says and I look down at the floor as she rummages through her makeup bag, "she told me not to" I whisper and she smiles.
"Ohhhh, she calls the shots" she says and I blush, "it's ok girls like submissive guys" she says as she put concealer on my neck, she blends it in as I stare at the ceiling, I don't defend my 'masculinity' because she's not lying y/n loves me being submissive and i do too so it works.
"Seriously tell me who, I promise I won't say anything" she beg as she puts her stuff back.
"I don't believe that" I say and she pouts, she's never been good at keeping secrets like never.
"Come onnnnn, does she work here" she asks and I roll my eyes, "bye Penelope, love you mean it" I say and she laughs "hate you kidding" she says as I walk out the door and back to my desk, hickeys no longer visible.
-
idk what this is I'm bored asf and it's been half written in my drafts forever
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crucifiedfaerie · 5 months
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Sparring Sessions ༉₊˚✧
Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader
➴ Summary: When Snoke makes you his training partner against his wishes, Kylo vows to make your little sessions as nightmarish as possible. But it gets increasingly more difficult for him as his feelings for you grow.
➴ Word Count: 3.2k
➴ Warnings: no actual smut but lots of sexual tension and slightly implied smut so 18+ MDNI, slowburn ??, snoke in his matchmaker era ???, reader's AND kylo's POV, kylo ren is a mean emotionally stunted dickhead as always, mean!kylo to soft!kylo, so much tension and mutual pining, reader has some fire in her and doesn't take his bs, crylo ren, A LOT of angst, a little bit of fluff, swearing, typos and saint being illiterate probably.
➴ Taglist: ( @enviedear @capitanostella @teapartydreams )
A/N: guys i kinda hate how this turned out. but idk im chronically too hard on myself at all times so maybe im just in my head about it. nonetheless, i really hope you guys enjoy. theres no smut in this one, and it is a oneshot currently, but if you guys do actually like it and request a part two, i will definitely consider making a part two with smut. also adam driver is sooo sexy in that gif like... LOOK AT HIM !!
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Kylo Ren was always a loner at heart, sparing little attention towards his peers, let alone attempting to seek out positive relationships with them. He simply preferred to be left alone, his hot-headedness couldn't handle a person even remotely getting in his way.
The day Snoke told him he would be getting a training partner, he retreated to his quarters and threw what can only be described as a temper tantrum. His lightsaber shrieked as he swung at the durasteel walls, shouting profanities with each hit.
The following morning when you enthusiastically offered your hand to shake, Kylo simply stared at you. His dark eyes narrowed as they flitted from your outstretched hand to your face in a deadly glare. "We are not, and will not be friends... let's make that very clear." He stated coldly.
However, with each passing day, his hatred for you turned into something different. Despite Kylo's annoyance, he couldn't deny how beautiful you looked and he was constantly catching himself lowering his gaze to your lips.
As the months passed, your relationship built on hate evolved into a strange competition of who could annoy each other the most. Your constant bickering had even started to piss off the Stormtroopers.
The two of you would spend the first ten minutes of your sessions arguing over who got the shittier, cracked training saber. Kylo's favorite excuse being "I won more matches yesterday so I should get the better one." He'd use that even if it weren't true, as if he were hoping you'd somehow forgotten you'd beaten him multiple times the day before.
Some mornings you would breeze past him as he walked down the hall to the training bay. You'd sprint through the doors and hear his footsteps quicken behind you. Your level of speed was something Kylo could never match, which always made him mad. By the time he would make it through the doors, you would already be holding the better training saber, twirling it around in your hand. "Too slow, Ren." You would sneer at him.
Other times, Kylo would arrive to the training bay early, knowing by now that being punctual wasn't necessarily your thing. When you would try to take it from him, he would raise the saber as far as he could in the air, smirking as he took pleasure in watching your futile attempts to jump up and reach it. If Kylo's speed was inferior to yours, your height was most certainly inferior to Kylo's.
He would tell himself he hated how physically close you were to him in those moments, but deep down he knew that wasn't true. Each brush of fabric or slight bump against his side made his heart race... made him feel... something. And whatever it was, he resented you for making him feel that way.
This morning you had woken up feeling different. Your feelings for Kylo had been slowly evolving as well, and you seemed to be unable to get his dark eyes and stupid smirk out of your head. Truth be told, you were beginning to grow tired of how he treated you like some nuisance he only found pleasure in tormenting. As you walked down the quiet halls of Starkiller, you decided you were in no mood for his games today.
"Ten minutes late." Kylo shook his head, "That has got to be a new personal record." He jeered.
You scoff at him and roll your eyes, ignoring his jab and walking past him to pick up the damaged training saber he left for you. With your feet planted firmly on the floor, you take a fighting stance, waiting for him to make the first move.
Kylo lunged at you and instinctively you ducked, catching his saber with your own before pushing it away from your body.
You blocked each other's attacks in silence, the only sounds that filled the room were yours and Kylo's breathing and the clicks of dull metal blades hitting each other.
Kylo watched you intently with a dark gaze, gritting his teeth. Your fiery attitude always amused him. It was something he secretly really liked about you, so your silence today was unnerving. The longer you ignored him, the more he wanted to catch your attention.
"Hey." He said in a low tone as he dodged another one of your attacks.
Your eyes snap to his, narrowing. "What?"
Kylo took in your annoyed expression as a smirk tugged at his lips. He stepped closer, attempting to take a swipe at your abdomen with his blade before answering.
"You're looking lovely today." He smirked, attempting to catch you off guard.
You jumped back from his attack, his blade mere inches from making contact with your skin. "Very funny, Ren." You rolled your eyes, emphasizing his name in a sneer.
Kylo slightly shrugged, still smirking. "Why's it funny? Am I not allowed to compliment you?" He challenged, his tone still teasing.
"Not when it's laced with sarcasm." You mock his tone, taking another hard swing at him.
Kylo's lips curled into a smug grin as he catches your blade with his, pausing his attacks to look down at you, blades still touching. "But what if it isn't sarcasm?" He mused. In reality, he did genuinely think you looked lovely, but in the moment he was being sarcastic to get a reaction from you.
You laughed, ignoring his question. "You know for someone who hates my guts, you sure do try to make quite a bit of conversation with me." You took the opportunity to use your saber to knock his from his hands, sending it to the floor with a clatter. "I'd even say you have a crush on me or something." You jabbed, smirking.
Kylo's jaw clenched at your words, his fists tightening as he watched his saber fall to the ground. He tried to hide that your words struck a nerve with him, and that you were completely right. He did hate you... once upon a time, but things were different now and he absolutely despised how easily you could call him on his bullshit.
"Fucking- shut up." He snapped.
You let out a small huff of a laugh. He was never good at hiding his anger.
"With pleasure." You dropped your saber to the floor and gave a sarcastic curtsy before walking past him, bumping shoulders with him on purpose as you made your way to the door.
Kylo's eye twitched. "You-" He was filled with an insurmountable amount of rage at your audacity. You had really gotten under his skin this time. "Where do you think you're going? Training doesn't end for another two hours." He demanded, his tone shifting dramatically towards cold authority.
You groaned in annoyance. "To my quarters to be alone... Away from you! I'm done for the day."
Kylo scoffed at you, his ego bruised. "Of course you're going to run off. You're too much of a baby to train with me." He stepped in front of you, blocking your straight path to the door as he crossed his arms.
"Asshole." You rolled your eyes and muttered under your breath before swiftly darting around him and out the door, leaving him alone in the training room.
His pride was hurt, and he wasn't going to let this go. He stood in the training bay doorway and shouted at you down the hall. "You know what? Don't bother coming back tomorrow! I'll tell Snoke having you as a training partner was a mistake, that you'll never be good enough to train with me."
"Fine!" You shouted back at him, waving your hand in the air behind you and not even turning to look in his direction. "I'm done being treated like scum by you anyways!" You turn the corner, leaving him standing at the end of the empty hall.
Panic and regret instantly washed over him as he watched you disappear around the corner. Kylo didn't actually want you gone, he only said it to get under your skin. He wasn't expecting you to so nonchalantly agree.
Why did I do that?
Kylo tried so hard to resist the thoughts and feelings he had for you that plagued his mind, how just the sight of you made him feel... funny. He always thought that maybe if he was mean enough to you, they would go away. But now with you gone completely, the feelings only rose to the surface.
"Fuck." He muttered to himself as he leaned on the doorframe, face in his hands.
When he looked up his expression hardened, noticing a Stormtrooper in the training bay staring at him. "What are you looking at!?" He yelled.
That night you laid on your bed staring at the ceiling, replaying the events in your head, which only made you angrier.
You massaged your temples in annoyance. "Stupid fucking man-child with his stupid fucking beautiful face and h-"
Your mumbling was interrupted by a light tapping at your door. It was pretty late, and most of the crew was asleep, so you were confused as to who would be knocking on your door at this hour. You were in no mood to talk to anyone though, so you just laid there, hoping whoever it was would go away.
After a few moments of silence, you heard Kylo's voice on the other side of the door.
"It's uh... It's me. I know you can hear me." The sound of his voice caught you off guard, his tone was one you'd never heard from him before. He sounded almost... sheepish.
"I'm sleeping." You shout back to him.
You thought you heard him let out a small laugh. "No you aren't. I just wanted to talk to you. Just- Can I come in? Please?" There was a slight whine to his voice.
You got up and swung the door open, glaring at him. "What?" You gestured for him to enter, your annoyance with him clear from your expression and hand movements.
Kylo stepped into your room, before you practically slammed it shut. He looked as if he were trying to look everywhere but directly at you. "I just... wanted you to know I'm..." He couldn't even finish his sentence. "I shouldn't have said what I said earlier."
You laughed, leaning against your door. "Are you in my room... apologizing to me right now? I'm sorry I just wanna make sure I'm not in some weird dream." You looked at him with a mixture of amusement and perplexity.
Kylo scoffed at you, trying to hide the slight strain in his voice. "I'm not apologizing. I'm just being... courteous... for once."
"..... Courteous?" You laughed, unable to hide how much enjoyment you were getting from this.
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, shifting slightly. "Look, just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at you. I'm not saying I'm sorry. I do still despise you, after all."
"Oh, sure." You said sarcastically, nodding your head. "Because when I despise a person, I definitely feel the need to come to their room at midnight to explain myself."
Kylo's eye twitched as you called him out. "I do despise you! I just realized I may have gone too far, so don't be so full of yourself. Gods- I wouldn't have come here if I knew you'd be such a nightmare!"
You sighed, the amusement fading back into hurt and contempt. "If you only came here to insult me and make the situation worse, you can leave and never see me again. Which I'm sure you would love."
He took a step closer to you, pausing before speaking as a twinge of guilt crossed his expression. "Please stay." He tried to sound stern, but he knew he was in no position to give you any commands. "Look... just... come back to training tomorrow." He could feel the power slipping through his fingers.
You've gone soft, Ren. Lost your edge.
Your eyes narrowed as you glared at him. "I'll see you tomorrow." You said coldly, opening the door and gesturing for him to leave.
Kylo's brow furrowed, his ego bruised once again by your attitude towards him, but relieved that you agreed to stay. "Fine." He replied, a glint of anger returning to his eyes.
He went to storm out of your quarters, before stopping in his tracks just outside your door. "I... goodnight." He sounded pained.
What is wrong with me?
You laughed at him again, which only made him seethe. When he turned around to say something though, he realized you had already shut the door, leaving him in the dark emptiness of the hallway.
Kylo clenched his fists, his eyes burning with anger and want. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, trying to ignore the nagging thought of just... being honest with you about his feelings. Apologizing and asking you to come with him back to his chambers.
Don't be fucking stupid, Ren. She wouldn't want that. Just go now and save yourself the embarrassment.
He walked back towards his quarters, his head hung low, thoughts racing. When he entered his room, he slowly made his way to his bed before collapsing on the soft, dark sheets.
He attempted to rationalize the situation in his head, tried to brush off the entire interaction as nothing.
It's fine. This is just how we are. Tomorrow, we'll go back to normal.
Except none of it felt normal anymore.
Kylo was a mess. The entire ordeal had knocked him completely off balance, making him question himself for the first time. He took a deep breath, the anger in his heart fading to soul crushing emptiness.
Gods- Why am I like this? Every time I want to be kind, I end up going cold and pushing her even further away... I couldn't even say I was sorry and now she fucking hates me.
I dont even know why I want to be so nice to her, she constantly has an attitude and she acts like she's better than me.
His heart sank as he realized.
She is better than me.
He fought back tears, ashamed by his own weakness. Kylo laid completely still, taking a few more deep breaths before finally surrendering.
He shuddered as tears began to fall, and for the first time in his life, he wished he had someone there who he didn't have to hide his pain from.
You sat on the edge of your bed, knee bouncing and staring at the floor. Your mind was running a million light years a minute as you argued with yourself, your heartache and your anger having a moral battle.
I shouldn't have been so harsh, he seemed genuinely remorseful there for a moment... until I made fun of him.
Oh please. Ren is never remorseful about anything. He just enjoys tormenting me at training and was worried about losing that.
But there was an air about Kylo tonight... something different. Something softer that only a trained eye could have seen. And you saw it, you know you did. It was something you had never seen from him before.
I need to talk to him.
You quickly stood up and rushed out the door of your quarters. You didn't make it twenty feet down the hallway before you ran into something- someone.
You yelped at the sudden collision. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness of the quiet hallway you looked up and your eyes connected with Kylo's. Usually he had this perpetual expression of anger on his face, but now he looked... sad?
It's him.
It's her.
Kylo froze, his body tensing slightly once he realized you were mere inches from him. He had a second realization, and a small wave of excitement and nervousness washed over him.
Did she come to see me too?
"W-what are you doing here?" You whispered, not wanting to admit you were headed to see him.
"What are you doing here?" Kylo asked back, tilting his head. The truth was, he had just finished crying and he was fighting the urge to tell you how badly he needed you. How every time you're near him he finds himself gazing at your lips. How he absolutely adores your fiery attitude that always comes out the most during your sparring sessions, despite how much he pretended to hate it. It was a losing battle, he could only hide how he felt for so long.
"I asked first..." You attempt to retort, but trailing off as you notice his tear stained cheeks in the dim lighting of the hallway. Your expression softens. "Ren, have you been crying?"
Before you could even begin to process the foreign idea of someone as cold as Kylo crying, your face was in his hands and his lips were crashing into yours.
You froze initially, before melting into him. His kiss was full of need, months of tension snapping as your lips moved against his. He moved his hands down to wrap his arms around you. His grip on you was gentle but he held you tightly, as if he feared you would disappear at any moment.
Kylo pulled away just for a moment to breathe, pressing his forehead against yours. His heart raced with emotion, and his body felt entirely out of his control.
"I don't care if you hate me, I just couldn't survive much longer without telling you how much I need you." His voice was soft but there was a tinge of desperation to it.
Your fingers snaked their way through his dark locks. "I never hated you, I just thought you hated me." You smiled slightly, out of breath.
The energy from your touch and your words surged through Kylo's body, any remnants of the fear and contempt he felt just hours ago had now disappeared completely.
"I only ever hated myself for feeling something I didn't understand. But I understand now." He whispered before kissing you again, this time more urgently.
You were everything Kylo ever wanted. Your touch, your voice, your presence. Everything about you enchanted him and in that moment he felt like he had known you for far longer than he actually had. He couldn't stop kissing you, and he never wanted to stop.
Instinctively, you moaned against his mouth. The sound of the sweet noises he drew from you made his whole body feel like it was on fire. He pushed you against the durasteel wall, his lips sliding down your neck and then back up to your mouth. He smirked against your skin at your soft gasps of pleasure.
Kylo pulled away again for a moment, his dilated eyes locked on yours as he breathed heavily. He quickly took your hand into his own, gripping it tightly before taking a few steps back, pulling you away from the wall and leading you down the hallway to his quarters.
The sounds of your hushed laughter and shushing of each other filled the quiet of the hallway as you both practically ran hand in hand. If someone else had been in the halls, you would have looked like two school children running off to do something you shouldn't.
You knew you would both be late to training tomorrow morning, and so did he... but neither of you really cared.
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vivakitkt · 1 year
Text
I love you, why don't you like me?
Synopsis: You love Xiao. But why doesn't he like you. What does it take for him to notice you? Then a chance to end your feelings for him. To relieve yourself from the pain. Do you take it?
Warnings: angst/ maybe comfort, !hanahaki reader, reader is implied as adepti(immortal, etc), not proofread,
Authors note: guess whos finally decided to post after 3 months... :') im back though! Decided to randomly make this!
Will make a part four with other ending!
Enjoy reading!<3333
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3(this story is pt 3)
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As Xiao continued to look at your bloody body, he felt more guilty.
Was it his fault that you got hurt? The first thing he swore that would never happen to you? He couldn't believe it. He just stood there, almost lifeless, eyes blank. Staring at the ex-archon's arms where you layed.
As more chatter and gossip filled the room, a man with green hair entered the room, gesturing Zhongli into a room and flicking his hand to disperse the crowd surrounding your still body.
Xiao still hadn't move, that was until the traveler shook his shoulders.
/Xiao! You are you alright?/ the traveler spoke, tilting their head, worried that Xiao was feeling sick seeing how he hadn't moved.
/ah, ahem, nothing out of the ordinary./ Xiao replied back, clearing his throat
Right. Nothing out of the ordinary, other that the fact that you got hurt. Even while you had called out his name, he just ignored it.
He didn't deserve you. Not after this. Xiao would just make sure you were okay recovering. That's it. Then after that, he would leave you.
Y/n pov
Slowing opening your eyes, you heard a soft humming noise and people talking in the back. What had happened in the time you were unconscious?
/ah, it seems our patient is awake now./ A strange man with green hair spoke out
/I was the one who treated you while you were injured/ the man said placing a hand over his chest, taking a bow respectfully
/oh, thank you very much./ you said trying to push yourself up, but felt a throbbing pain in your ribcage
Instantly, Zhongli ran to your side, carefully holding your shoulders, placing you down gently onto the mattress.
/You should rest up for a while before standing up once again, not after that stunt you pulled off/ Zhongli said, scolding you to make sure you didn't hurt yourself more.
/Thank you Zhongli./ You lightly chuckle and smiled at the (ex)archon infront of you in
/However, there might be something you want to listen to./ As Zhongli gestured to the doctor.
Now you would be hearing of the bad news.
It seemed like you still had a couple of months before the disease took a large toil on your body. But now after your accident, you only had a couple of weeks, maybe even days left.
The news shattered your heart, you had to make the decision now. Remove the disease by surgery, forgetting about Xiao, or die. At this point isn't there a clear option?
To die. You could have a peaceful death now. Even though Xiao didn't reciprocate your feelings. You didn't need to date him to make your life better. Sure that would have been amazing, but being able to see him every day and slowing being able to see him smile, was all worth the suffering you could feel now.
/no thank you doctor, I don't think I'll be needing the surgery!/ You smiled towards the man.
/I see then, that person must be very important in your life then/ the man said as he chuckle at bit then glancing at the ground.
/I'll be on my way then/ packing his bags, the man finally left. Leaving only you and Zhongli in the room.
/Are you sure you really wish to live with this pain until you part?/ Zhongli asked you with concern
/Theres nothing more I wish to achieve in life./ You said as you slowly exhaled
/Being able to love Xiao already was the greatest choice I could have made, no matter how the result was. He made me happy/ As you sadly smiled back to the man. A couple of seconds later Zhongli replied back.
/I see then, I will support your decision./ Zhongli smiled towards you then slowly turning towards the door.
Time skip
The flowers were finally in bloom, although there weren't many, they were beautiful. Especially the qingxins around the mountains, they reminded you of someone.
However despite all good going on, the disease that ran through your blood was starting to cause heavier damages to your body. You coughed more, more flowers and blood, and you were having these head splitting headaches. But somehow it all went away when he came near you.
Even though you decide to not remove the disease contaminating your body, you didn't regret it any bit. At that moment you could have lost him. Forgetting all of the precious memories you made together.
At least you got to spend a few more days with him, so that made the inevitable death that would happen to you soon, less painful.
Usually your days would go as normally as they always would. You would go vist Xiao, Zhongli, grab lunch with him, and part your ways to go to the doctors office. However today was a bit different. You decide to head to the flower fields. Maybe cause you knew it would not be long till you parted ways with Xiao.
You took a small walk to the fields and made your way to your spot you would always go with Xiao and sat down. The flowers were beautiful this time of month and seemed to glisten and shine in the sun. But after a while, you started to feel a bit sleepy.
/Just a few minutes/ you said as your eyes started to droop down.
/just for a few minutes.../
Xiao pov
Y/n.
It seems like he always took you for granted. It was always you making the meetings, and taking charge to make sure he ate and without you, Xiao probably would have never made any friends.
Where were you? You were later then usual. You would have met him here about now.
What if something had happened? Like last time. Xiao suddenly felt the urge to go and find you. But where could you possibly be? Maybe you were with Zhongli? Right, you probably were. After all, you loved tea. He quickly teleported to Zhongli's tea spot. But when he got there, you were no where to be seen.
/Rex- Zhongli, have you seen y/n at all?/ Xiao said clearing his throat
/You haven't seen them?/ Zhongli replied, taking a sip of his tea, looking rather sorrow.
/No, I haven't./ But Xiao being quick, he caught on that something might had happened. Something he didn't know about.
/Is there something I should know about?/ Xiao said quirking his head up
/I seemed to have made a promise with them but I think they would have you wanted to know./ Zhongli said placing down his cup.
/Hanahaki./ the man spoke out.
/What? What do you mean-/
/Y/n had hanahaki./ Zhongli said closing his eyes inorder to avoid Xiao's eyes.
Xiao stood there. Silent.
/What do you mean they had hanahaki?/ Xiao said, cluching his fist staring at the ground.
/A deadly disease, a very rare one in particular although./
So you had hanahaki and didn't tell him?
Who was it? Who was the person who cause you this pain. Once Xiao knew, he would never allow that person to talk ever again.
Ah. But once this never crossed his mind. How long have you had this disease?
/Zhongli. How long has it been since y/n got hanahaki?/ Xiao stared at the ex-archon's eyes.
/Six months./ The man in front of him said
Six months. Most people who caught hanahaki only lived for four months. Four months? And you caught it six months ago? If anything...
As Xiao realized, he began to panic. Immediately he teleported away, however the archon stopped him before he could disappear.
/Before leaving Xiao, you should know that y/n had feelings for you./ Zhongli said, stirring his tea
/They could have forgotten about you with a surgery, relieving them of the pain but they chose not to/
Xiao realized his mistake he quickly teleported to a empty field leaving Zhongli by himself, reminiscenting of your memories you spent together.
With no stop, Xiao continued to search around for you until he felt a presence that felt like yours.
As he got there though, he realized he was too late. You were gone.
He walked over slowly, taking your beauty in as you layed there. Surrounded by the flowers and the sun setting behind you.
/Greetings y/n. This meeting is a bit different than usual. Isn't it?/ Xiao said as he choked back tears. Tears he held in for years.
He was too late. He was always too late. He couldn't catch you in time. He didn't come in time for your death, so much that you couldn't even tell him of your disease. And too late to recognize his feelings toward you, and your feelings.
Better late than never, as they say. Right? But why did it hurt so much?
As he sat there with your lifeless body. Limp in his arms. Xiao started to weep as he held you, to make up for the times he didn't.
/Im sorry./ He murmured
Im sorry...
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yb-cringe · 11 months
Text
dude cellbit is cracking this shit wide open theres no way qsmp is gonna keep any secrets away from this man he just realized the flag signals they did for the first tests have nautical meanings and apparently
K: “I wish to communicate with you”
X: “Stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals”
U: “You are running into danger”
T: “Keep clear of me”
listen man it could be nothing but that sounds. fucking insane already. you gotta watch cellbits pov man you gotta
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sainttheodora · 4 months
Text
Arguments and symbolism in TBOSAS, or, why it couldn’t have ended any other way.
tldr: I think the biggest lesson from TBOSAS is that it’s less important to know what human nature really is (even if such a thing were possible) than it is to know what someone gains or loses from trying to convince you that humans inherently act one way or another.
Tswr:
It’s pretty clear that Coriolanus is, and it’s critical we say this as an individual, self important. This is a personality trait of his. He might have had it whether he was born during a war or peaceful democracy. But it’s also safe to say his personal experiences push him towards the belief that humans are inherently savage— which is the Hobbesian view and which has been historically used to justify totalitarian government since even a horrible government is better than a state of nature.
Sejanus is the foil. He represents Locke’s view on human nature which is that we aren’t all that bad, and that sometimes, disorganization and chaos is less bad than a totalitarian regime. I wasn’t surprised to see the m/m tags roll out between him and Coriolanus since there’s some obvious tension between their positions but they both share a common argument: BOTH claim to know what human nature “really” is.
So where does that leave Lucy? Or Rousseau? Or even the bigger takeaway?
In David Graebher’s last book, The Dawn of Everything, he is very careful to describe Rousseau’s social contract and, the dawn of human behavior. Where did the idea that humans were originally egalitarian come from? When did people decide to draw property lines and give themselves more than their neighbors? He uses anthropological evidence to cut through the centuries of argument between Locke and Hobbes to say that, maybe we don’t know, maybe it’s a bit of both.
Lucy Gray is NOT Sejanus, and from the very beginning she is shown to exist completely outside of their argument and even government as indigenous and part of a traveling band. That’s why she makes it a point to say she isn’t district, that’s why she moves in and out of Panem freely, it’s why we never get her POV, and why Coriolanus is constantly second guessing where he stands with her, or some of the deeper meanings of her music. *He doesn’t know her nature.*
And what does Dr. Gaul say? The type of government people need is derived from people’s nature. Coriolanus cannot control or overcome Lucy. Nothing she has “was ever worth keeping”. As an individual character, she is driven to self preservation which is the only leverage he ever has over her inside the games but quickly dissipates when she wins. We also know from later books where Katniss and Peeta are willing to commit suicide that even self preservation isn’t a consistent pillar of human nature either.
So what makes their romance so delicious? They’re drawn to each other because they quickly notice they’re both natural performers and they both need each other’s cooperation to succeed. And it’s no surprise that in a book all about human “nature” and who we authentically are theres also so much discussion about performance and anti-authenticity and why Coriolanus keeps bringing up the way Lucy Gray checks the mirror, dresses like a clown, performs, and stays in a literal monkey zoo. I think that’s why the zoo is so special for them is because it’s literally a place where nature meets performance. When animals are in a zoo, it’s manufactured nature and we know they will behave differently outside the bars. Similarly, when the humans are placed in the zoo, it’s manufactured performance with the assumption that they will soon act “naturally” (ie, self interested and evil) once placed in the hunger games.
I think this is where the cautionary tale for the reader becomes important and where Coriolanus let’s his need for power override his common sense: the hunger games are completely unnatural. They’re a continuation of the circus; the games are NOT humanity stripped bare because such a thing CANNOT exist. His problem initially is that he thinks “bare” human condition is what happens when humans are responding to injustice/crisis/war/poverty but I think he quickly realizes even this is bullshit since he adds a bunch of components to the games to make it more cinematic. He might at some point have thought everyone has an outer performance they cloak their internal “savage” nature with just like he does, just like the compact filled with poison, because he thinks people will do anything to get ahead, but I think that by the end he doesn’t even care about this. Its just another framework that services his ultimate quest for power at all costs.
So snow analyzes Lucy through the same lens he holds for himself but also realizes this doesn’t apply. He thinks she’s a singer and show woman with some interior nature he just cannot know. She’s a black box. She sings but even many of the songs just further the mystery of Lucy Gray who got lost in the snow. She tells him he knows the “ideal her, the real her” but maybe the real her is just whatever she is, or maybe she knew that this is the one thing he ever wanted from her and so she manipulates him with it— or maybe not. It doesn’t really matter to her.
So. If Snow always lands on top, but Lucy Gray exists in a framework where there is no top or bottom, he cannot ever control her. If a government must know its citizens’ nature to lead them, but Lucy Gray’s has no clear “nature” then he cannot control her either. So, he fabricated a story in his head about what she’s really like (Lucy Gray is no lamb). This story is NOT criticizing the idea that people have inherently evil nature— it is criticizing the compartmentalization of authentic and performative self. In other words, it’s a DECONSTRUCTION of the binary opposition elaborated by not only the compact, but the games themselves. This is super clear by the 74th games because by then, the games are clearly set up to have a performative phase with outfits and interviews, followed by the game itself where the competitors are at their most “base” selves. The carefully curated contrast between civility and chaos, or performance and authenticity, is what is supposed to scare people into thinking that the circus, or “authority” of gov’t is what keeps these elements in balance. Deconstructing this binary means admitting that we were always performing, and we were always being authentic, at the same time, continuously and always.
In the text, Snow is uneasy after the games end when he’s sent to 12 for several reasons but I think, whether he knows it or not, he’s most surprised that lucy acts the same as when he met her. She’s not much different from in the arena, and his frustrations when listening to her music or dealing with the reality of her simple country life read to me like he’s thinking: “why is she still doing this? There are no cameras here? Why is she still playing it up like this?”. He literally cannot wrap his mind around the fact that there are people whose very lives “are” performance and that they don’t separate themselves out like he does. He must also have realized that when they first developed their romance at the zoo that he characterized her incorrectly in thinking she was “on” and performing like him, and then he may never know if she meant anything by kissing him at all.
If snow had to acknowledge this was possible, that people do not have an internal and external self, then he would also have to acknowledge that people cannot be hiding raging self interest at all times which is policed by a government— then the world would have no need for him.
(The victor, like in any good story, is really Derrida)
So here’s the part that sucks. HOW do you even write fanfic without violating their personalities and making them entirely different characters? How does someone who enjoyed these characters get more than 2 hrs and 48 minutes or the og novel out of them when every decision is so clearly character driven? Either of them would have made the same choices in any universe together! And I think that’s what so maddening about this story for me and why I have reread the book so many times. Just like Snow says at the very end, not only is his rise to power inevitable, so is this story.
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beachf4gz · 5 days
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i’ve been trying to find good references of the in-game models, it rlly should NOT be this hard but my laptop cant run the photo mode thing. personally i dont think the portraits (being diegetic visual interpretations from harry’s pov, varying from the models) are enough to understand the characters actual designs in-universe, so im gna try and put together a better design reference for myself.
this ended up being a transvestigation btw. Kim’s model is hard to rlly work w, especially with the isometric angle, but his waist-hip silhouette and the shoulder padding is food 4 thought LMAO- harry is much easier imo, i think the composition of his upper body make it pretty clear he is someone who bodybuilt into a much squarer frame from a more pear shaped body.
i also think theres rlly something to be said abt harry having cool and nondynamic tones and kim having warm, contrasting ones. considering their dynamic its kind of fun.
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