#these are getting better every year

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[lyrelyrepantsonfiree]

this year’s rewatch hittin hard

#i missed them so much #i relate to these three a lot more this year #unrelated but i also discovered they’re a ship and im kinda obsessed #this show means so much to me and it just gets better every time i watch it #atla fanart #zuko #atla sokka #atla suki #zukki fanart #my art <3

[shinelikethunder]

You asked me to teach you chess, and I've done that. It's a useful mental exercise. Through the years, many thinkers have been fascinated by it. But I don't enjoy playing. Do you know why not?

Because it was a game that was born during a brutal age when life counted for little and everyone believed that some people were worth more than others. Kings and pawns.

I don't think that anyone is worth more than anyone else. I don't envy you the decisions you're going to have to make. And one day I'll be gone, and you'll have no one to talk to. But if you remember nothing else, please remember this:

Chess is just a game. Real people aren't pieces. You can't assign more value to some of them than to others. Not to me. Not to anyone. People are not a thing that you can sacrifice.

The lesson is: Anyone who looks on the world as if it were a game of chess deserves to lose.

— Harold Finch, not knowing how to explain to his AI offspring that it should care about people (but doing his best), Person of Interest 4x11 “If-Then-Else”

#person of interest #harold finch #michael emerson #if then else #remains on the shortlist for 'best episode of television i've ever seen' #i posted this monologue once years ago but the formatting on old tumblr quote posts gets super mangled so let's see if this is any better #as a bonus now it can come with a clip of emerson's actual performance #the whole ep being framed by flashbacks of him teaching his machine chess and then this one laying it all out... destroys me. every time.

[franeridart]

sudden doodles cause I’ve been rereading one piece…….again

#my sketches #one piece #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #trafalgar law #every some years i draw them again and im like oh wow maybe i AM getting better at this whole drawing thing #my zoro finally looks good enough good news everyone high school me is so proud of current me right now

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

#in our enclosures!! #video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right #lackadaisy #WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic #like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet. #the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me #like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but. #good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort??? #and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it.. #if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also #juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story #and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like #take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol #namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other #which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky #have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the #comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another.... #For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's #historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol #like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret... #Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery #which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah #anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots #sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps #and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill #and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have #you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas #SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later

[bruciemilf]

The best way to imagine the Wayne clan, at least for me, is like this:

Thomas’ side of the family

Martha’s side:

#bruce really stood no chance huh #thomas wayne #martha wayne #Alfred gets along with Martha’s side better bc they just never talk #they call bruce once every 10 years to convert him to militarism and he refuses #dc comics #dc #text #batman

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately #and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something #it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is #but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live #the person you used to be #hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back #we're all just a little bit sad all the time #and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place #because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused #and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place #and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about #but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it #and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end #that's what it means to be human #the good place #tgp

[kvtnisseverdeen]

Mariah Carey announces IT'S TIME for the holiday season to start!

#this is so funny #it gets better and better every year #mariah carey #its time #mine* #gifs* #mariahcareyedit #christmasedit #userbbelcher #usercandy #usersugar #nessa007 #usertj #everythingdaily #cinemapix #dailymusicians #dailymusicqueens #musicedit #femalestunning #flawlessbeautyqueens #chewieblog #usermusic #usercreate #dailymedia #pop culture #popularcultures #popularcultersource

[uglyfruit]

inktober 26-31 😮‍💨

#next yr i will be doing this in may or something. when i do not also have midterms #my art #proud tho! i feel like it gets better every year #also got a new copy of photoshop that can export gifs now :)

[rapidhighway]

No seriously check yourself for ticks. I feel like a make this psa every year but everyone always ignores the fact that they've been hanging around tall grass or bushes. Check your body, check your siblings and kids who won't do it as carefully as they should, and stay safe!!

#hey i got bit as a kid and got cured! #but that's bc i could go to the hospital for a month and get treated and not everyone is able to do that #we didn't find the tick behind my hear until 2 weeks later and my ass ended up with neuroborreliosis and facial palsy #SO YALL BETTER CHECK #👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 #they hide in the warm creases of the body where the skin is thin #and often the ill ones leave a red a white circle around the bite #though i check every year if im still healthy i still feel some effects fairly often #so yall be careful #!!!!!!!!!

[spllwys]

endless ghifs 3/? ⛧ source — "Through the spillways of your soul!"

#this colouring was hell on earth(photoshop). hence why it looks a bit funky but we're not getting much better than this #the band ghost #ghost #papa emeritus iv #lgifs #alltag #eg_series #might just be me but it seems like he gets really into every spillways performance. ik it's 110% effort 24/7 but spillways is different #seems like he gets so much enjoyment out of performing it. & as a consequence it's my favourite one to watch live #if i was actually there i'd be hyped for year zero over anything else but in terms of recordings #it's just very very good

[ghostespresso]

staff logging on to tumblr dot com today

#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site #changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too #this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus #if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear #if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine #the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money #someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont #tumblr staff #EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but #that doesnt stop the post from being stupid #the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase #if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything' #staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did #so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post #edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post #they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us #i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded #and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money #tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol #ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years #but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one

[filibusterfrog]

mapcrunch moment

#my art #every year im like 'ill get better at scenery' and every year i Do Not Practice #lmao

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Once I was scrolling thru naruto fics and saw the tag "buisnessman!Kakashi" and all I could think about was Kakashi being a child businessman, owning all the konoha adults at doing business while wearing an oversized suit and tie. That idea is so fucking funny to me.

#obito: that kakashi! hes always showing me up by getting better deals than me >:-( #also just the idea of lil child Kakashi showing up at a business meeting and sealing the deal with an outline written in adorablly childish #handwriting. written in crayon lol #call this the naruto businessman au #every ninja is a business person and it exactly parallels canon. that is my dream #sealed inside naruto is the partial spirit of the ultimate buisnessman but its too powerful and everyones afraid #fucking hashirama's face on the wall as the company founder lmao rip madara: fuck this company ur brother embarrassed my brother so bad #at deal making that he died. im gonna tear it all down. face me hashirama! deal for deal. ill become the ultimate businessman ill control #the world and put an end to all this business! #oh got its so weird like the founders waterpark au that i also keep deep in my heart #anyway this is weird wtf am i doing. procrastinating and its like almost 11 i should keep writing or go to sleep lol #but wait: 10 years ago the spirit of a ferral businessman was unleashed upon this building. there was no stopping him. his charisma was #unmatched. his expense reports! his terrible otherworldly expense reports! he was too efficient! he fired half the staff! the spirit of #that buisnessman is sealed inside of u naruto. thats why theyre so afraid of u. and then cut to naruto in an oversized buisness suit #looking shocked. aw iruka as a daycare working. cute #anyway this is fucking dystopian lol #unrelated #naruto ramblings

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Start of the Truth [End of season 1]

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #a-qing #xiao xingchen #tulu xuanwu #And that's the end of season 1! 70 + (6 bonus) comics since I set out on this quest....and I would do it again B*) #I really wanted to push myself for this comic and make something pretty to really cap off this journey. #Art is actually very fun I love having a vision and making it into physical reality! Everyday I get a little better! Yippeee! #I never imagined I would have the kind of support I currently do as I've been making these comics #Hard to imagine I thought art was something I wouldn't have a shot at. Much less have the opportunity to have a community behind me #I want to keep growing and improving! I appreciate every single comment and tag and encouraging message! #I have a *fanart* folder. The me from a year ago could have never thought that could be a thing #Just...wow....thank you all so much for everything. I mean it more than I can put into words B'*)

[lameow-l]

GAMING IS MY SON AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF!!

LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE

i still have hope in getting the other boys too

its ok they can be a band or smth.. at least then gaming wouldn’t have to be so disappointed in people not hiring him bc he’s just having fun with his boys…

#it took me soooo long to realize his name can also be 'gaming' and idk if i should be ashamed or proud lol #his hashtag is gonna get real funny real quick #is it actually an intentional business decision made by hyv #no way this was accidental #anyway im disappointed in his hair design but i stopped feeling much since all genshin charas always have the ugliest hairstyles #also him being another bennett just not as unlucky #he works so hard and still tries to achieve his artistic dream at the same time #but people just smile and ignore him…PAY THE DUDE!!! #ALSO ALSO.. chiaki 2.0 and they better add all other ryuseitai next #i just can get over how energetic and cool genshin concept designs are when the game keeps slapping us with a downgraded version every time #not to say current designs aren’t energetic or cool.. just not as much lol (still salty about red xiao and those flying nahidas) #now i know why they still not doing an art book yet.. they’re ashamed to admit of the amounts of good designs they never use #AND I LOVE GENSHIN DESIGNS honest (otherwise why would i keep doing fanart of this game and this game only for 3 years) #sorry i dont post all of them.... i have issues #but i cant help but feel robbed when i see these designs knowing what they could’ve been #and it’s in no way hyv’s fault *glance at leakers* and the new designs are getting crazier and cooler but #please for the love of god hyv stop with the mullets PLEASE!!! #gaming #ga-ming #gaming genshin #genshin impact