everyone makes fun of soap when they find out how many hair and skin products he keeps on hand. the cabinet in his bathroom is filled to bursting and he always keeps travel sized bottles on him on missions
when soldiers outside the 141 find out, they call him precious and self-obsessed, a vain pretty boy too preoccupied with his reflection to focus on the enemy. no wonder how he got his callsign. price has given up telling him to leave them on base and just teaches him to individually wrap them so they don’t rattle against each other and give himself away
what they don’t know is that each product contains an ingredient that when mixed with any number of the others, creates potent chemical bombs. he was caught unarmed once, he won’t let it happen again
Now usually that wasn’t that big of a deal, the man constantly disappeared for a few days at a time doing something or other, but he’d been completely silent and unseen for months. Usually he’ll at least answer a call to tell them to fuck off or something.
And they really need his expertise and are getting incredibly worried for their grumpy team member. Yes he’s an asshole, but he’s their asshole, y’know? And he has a habit of getting into Situations (sure he also usually gets out of them, but what if he didn’t this time?!)
So they’re desperate. Kind of really desperate. Desperate enough to use the summoning sigil they found on his fridge. They’d checked it, multiple times, and it should summon the hellblazer.
“You’re not Constantine.” .
The white-haired teen in the circle yawned, stretching and blinking at them blandly with familiar blue eyes before sighing. “Actually I am,” he stuffed his hands into his hoodie as he looked down at the summoning circle. “Well, technically just one of the many Laughing Magicians currently in the Realms.”
He gave a grin, looking more amused than annoyed. “Pretty much every one of us is in the Realms right now for family reunion lol. (Did he just say lol out loud??) So like, you’re gonna have to specify which of us you’re tryin’ to summon. Honestly perfect timing for me thanks, the fruitloop keeps flirting with John and it’s horrific so.”
└ Sidney Crosby grinned when asked about the dynamic with captain Nate MacKinnon: "We'll see. It'll be interesting. He’s competitive, so I’m sure he’ll be demanding."
nathan mackinnon and sidney crosby at 2024 all star weekend
Halsin said something like "this place is far too quiet - void of people and animals. I miss the sounds of nature" and Shadowheart offered to make animal noises for him 😭
Hozier really just went “so what if I took a few pieces of pure, unfiltered human emotion and then blasted it at everyone in song format” AND IM NOT COMPLAINING
the orv dokja moment where he’s like “i see i’m so galaxy brain yjh is acting devastated over my death is to get coins from the constellations and not because he actually cares for me i’m so genius” is the most iconic moment in literature ever to me
dokja thinks he’s being so fucking smart he’s overanalzyed this to the point of looping back to being a fucking dumbass
im pretty sure it has legendary status in the fandom