#they are all unique and have distinct reasons for being the way they are

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Lupe Vélez (Cuban Love Song, The Girl from Mexico, Naná)—iconic Mexican glamor, known for her dramatic romances and hot temper. she could do unspeakable things <3 to me <3

Greta Garbo (Camille, Anna Karenina, Queen Christina)—Enigmatic and alluring and made me bisexual. The perfect example of the eroticism in silent films that literally transcends text. Could literally not change anything about her expression but you knew by looking at her eyes what she was thinking. She’s so gorgeous.

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Lupe Vélez:

(joint propaganda for del Río and Vélez) When I asked my 58-year-old coworker who I have been keeping updated on the vintage men tournament if there was anyone she wanted me to submit on her behalf, almost immediately she said Dolores del Río, soon followed by her assigned rival by studios (due to being the first major Mexican actresses in Hollywood) Lupe Vélez - which del Río did not play into and Vélez did. We love queens who know what they're about. No drama vs drama for the sake of publicity. These ladies are fantastic, my coworker has excellent taste.

A beautiful girl with a beautiful singing voice. She also loved small dogs.

Garbo:

A cold-ass Swedish WLW Sphinx. Had plans to murder Hitler that she never got around to. "She will remain always a child of vikings, moved about by a snowy dream."

First of all, she's on the money; that's how much of a treasure she is. She's beautiful in such a distinct way you need very few lines to draw her. (Drawing by Einar Nerman) She managed to be mesmerizing in both silent and sound films. She kissed a woman in Queen Christina (and probably several more in real life). She was super dry and really funny in Ninotchka. She got the hell out of Hollywood and stayed out, living for almost 50 years after her retirement.

Garbo is one of the many reasons why I'm gay. If you haven't seen Queen Christina please do, She is so gender in that film. Also her accent makes it sound like she's always talking in cursive and it's so hypnotic (or at least I think so).

She's a gay introvert, like all of us here on Tumblr.

Probabaly a lesbian, absolutely a mood when she retired

Mysterious and aloof, charismatic and enigmatic, with beautiful androgynous characteristics, Garbo is undoubtedly the most eccentric and unique Hollywood vintage star. Her aversion to fame and stardom makes her even more desirable to the audience, and her insane chemistry with the camera, an actress one of a kind! Her particularity and her oddity is what discerns her strongly from her hollywood co workers at the time, noone was like her and would never be like her. I think, to the utmost extent, that she deserves the title of the hottest vintage star, even though that would be an understatement of what she is!

SO gorgeous, her thick Swedish accent makes will turn your brain into pudding

#greta garbo #lupe velez #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 4

[rjzimmerman]

Excerpt from this story from Outside Online:

On February 29, Daniel, Wyoming resident Cody Roberts allegedly ran a juvenile wolf down with his snowmobile, taped its mouth shut, transported it to the town’s Green River Bar, posed for photos with the animal, then either beat or shot it to death, depending on which version of the report you read. State wildlife officials received a tip about the incident, and later fined Roberts $250 for a misdemeanor violation of Wyoming’s prohibition against possession of live wildlife. No other charges or penalties have been brought against him. As of April 10, however, the Sublette County Sheriff’s Office announced that they—along with the Sublette County Attorney’s office—are now investigating Roberts.

“The individual was cited for a misdemeanor violation of Wyoming Game and Fish Commission regulations, Chapter 10, Importation and Possession of Live Warm-Blooded Wildlife,” says the Wyoming Game and Fish Department in a statement addressing the incident. “The department’s investigation indicated there were no other statutory or regulatory violations.”

The 206-word statement itself acknowledges the controversy that’s raging around the incident, saying: “The department acknowledges the significant concern and dismay expressed by many people from around the state and nation.”

Why was Roberts able to torture a wolf to death with no serious consequences? The answer lies not only in Wyoming’s incredibly lax wildlife regulations, but also in the violence that permeates the relationship between the state and its most famous wild animal.

After being extirpated in 1926, the United States Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) reintroduced wolves to Wyoming in Yellowstone National Park in 1995. Wolves, the villains in many childhood stories, are a locus of fear for humans. But the animal also serves a vital role in its native ecosystem, where it helps keep ungulate populations healthy by slowing the spread of disease. And it does that at a net financial benefit to taxpayers, since tourists now flock to the state to view wolves. A study conducted in 2021 found that wolf-related tourism brings over $35 million annually to areas surrounding the park.

Speaking of taxes, before all the culture warring and fear mongering, it was the goal of the Republican Party to reduce tax burdens faced by the wealthy and corporations. The Republican Party’s policy positions are widely unpopular, so the GOP instead hoodwinks voters using fear and lies. The Republican-led Wyoming Statehouse passed a bill in 2021 calling to exterminate 90 percent of the state’s wolf population—a bill based on lies and misinformation. Pushing for policies based on fear instead of science has led to regulations around wolves that are unique among wildlife laws, mostly in their encouragement of cruelty.

When management of the species transferred from federal to state control in 2012, Wyoming’s political leaders established two distinct areas with differing population management goals. Areas adjacent to Yellowstone were set aside for trophy hunting, where wolf hunting is regulated. The rest of the state was designated a “predator zone” where wolves can be killed without regulation, reason, or justification. Wyoming also classifies coyotes, red fox, stray cats, jackrabbits, porcupines, raccoons and striped skunks as predators, and permits killing them throughout the state.

“You could pull a wolf apart with horses in 85 percent of the state,” explains Amaroq Weiss, Senior Wolf Advocate at the Center for Biological Diversity. In the predator zone, there is no regulation governing how or when wolves can be killed. This stands in contrast to typical hunting regulations in any other state, where what are called “methods of take” are carefully defined to ensure animals are killed in ethical, humane ways, along with precise dates, to-the-minute guidelines on legal shooting hours, and generally universal bans on artificial light sources. The age and sex of animals it’s permissible to shoot are also written in law. But none of that is true in Wyoming’s predator zone when it comes to wolves. You don’t even need a hunting license or tag to kill one, just the opportunity.

Weiss cites “wolf whacking” as an example, and it’s how Roberts captured the wolf he would go on to torture and kill. The term describes using a snowmobile to run a wolf to the point of exhaustion. Once it slows or collapses, you kill the animal by running it over. As Roberts’ escapade demonstrates, sometimes that might take multiple impacts, and sometimes the animal is simply left to die a slow, painful death.

#wolves #Wyoming #Northern Rocky Mountains #Endangered Species Act #animal cruelty #hunting

[homunculus-argument]

I think the reason why some cis people are so offended by being called "cis" is because they're entirely unfamiliar with the idea that they might be things that they didn't deliberately choose to be, or that the way they inherently are and hadn't considered as a distinct thing may be a concept that's been named, observed and defined. They don't like to learn that there are names for them that they had not been aware of.

When you've lived all your life with a vague and lingering dread that you are somehow different from everyone around you, it's a relief to learn that there are words for what you've got going on, that there are names for people like you. That you're not somehow uniquely wrong in some way in which everyone else is right, you're just type B when the vast majority of people are type A. There are others like you, whose patterns are like yours, you are not a deviant for deviating from the "norm".

Default Settings People get strangely insulted by the mere idea that they, too, have a slot in the classification system. They'll protest this, being the biggest, most typical, and statistically most likely category isn't enough, they want to be outside of this system completely. Arguing "I'm not some type, I am normal", like being sorted into a type at all is dehumanising and insulting. They want there to only be One Type, and that everyone falling outside of it is a Miscellaneous Deviant. Being "typical" in contrast to "atypical" isn't enough, they want to be normal in contrast to abnormal.

In unrelated news, the ADHD subreddit on reddit has banned the word "neurotypical". That kind of language has been deemed as 'political', meaning that it hurts the feelings of neurotypicals and therefore should not exist.

[simplyhughes]

If you’re taking requests, can I get a Hughes brother (I don’t care which one) childhood friend to lovers fluff?

Lake House

The summer when y/n and Luke have given into their feelings (*^ω^*)

WC: 1743

Anon thank you so much for this request! It was a lot of fun!!!

Pairing: LH43 x Reader

Warnings: None (?) just fluffy fluff. There may be grammatical errors, my apologies!!

Stars decorated the sky, painting patterns across the earth. Crickets chirped softly while teasing banter and laughter mingled with the gentle melodies of the top hits radio, enveloping the outdoor patio of the Hughes’ lake house. You and your family had made their way to Michigan every summer, staying with the friends you call family. Your mother and Mrs. Hughes, who insists you call her Ellen, shared a college dorm, and the rest is history.

The two families gathered around a lit fire sharing stories from throughout the year, making up for the time spent apart. You stepped out onto the porch after using the restroom to see that all the folding chairs and loveseats had been filled. You gave a tug to your sweatshirt sleeve, scanning the seating situation to decide your next move. The youngest of the Hughes brothers, Luke, glanced your way, initiating eye contact.

Being the same age as Luke created a unique bond between you, distinct from your relationships with his two older brothers. When Quinn and Jack would sneak out to meet with some girls by the dock, it would be you and Luke in your makeshift fort binging movies. Or when everyone would pile onto the boat to go wake surfing, Luke would stay behind cause he knows you get seasick. It was the stuff like that growing up that made you two so close. Your mothers would gush behind your backs, betting on your future together on who would confess first. But you two were young and oblivious, just living in the moment, cherishing all the time you could be together before summer came to an end.

As your eyes met Luke's, his demeanor changed; his eyes softened but his body tensed. He raised his hand, tapping his leg, signaling you to come and sit with him. For some reason, you were slightly taken aback. It is not like you haven't shared a seat before… you guys used to have sleepovers and share a bed. But it may be the fact that you both are all grown up and that Luke got a whole hell of a lot more handsome. You mouthed “Are you sure?” over to the boy, and he just replied with a nod. The conversations around you continued as you walked across the wooden patio.

"Hey..." you began, glancing down at Luke. His gaze rose to meet yours, and a grin spread across his face as he wrapped one of his large hands around your waist, almost pulling you onto his lap. You followed his lead and took a seat. His arm then encircled your waist completely, and he rested his head on your shoulder. Your body initially tensed at the sudden display of affection, but soon you relaxed against his chest as the two of you eased into a casual conversation.

Luke's older brothers didn't miss his bold actions. Quinn nudged Jack in the side and discreetly pointed in your direction. Jack stifled a laugh followed by a playful jab to the gut by his older brother. “Who knew Lukey had game?” Jack joked with a stupid smirk. Quinn merely shrugged, signaling Jack to halt his teasing before you and Luke caught on.

Throughout the rest of the summer, Luke's gestures did not simmer down. Anyone who didn't know the pair would think they were a couple. Whenever you were together, one of you was always hanging on to the other, like a support beam. If one of you headed to get food, the other promptly followed suit. And if one of you emerged from the lake sopping wet, the other immediately wrapped them in a warm towel. Luke's actions weren't entirely surprising to you. Longing touches, tight embraces, the gentle tucking of hair behind your ear—all felt like natural extensions of your friendship. But both your mothers saw. They saw the subtle dance of affection that whispered of deeper feelings. It was in the lingering gazes, the softness of their voices when speaking to each other, and the way their laughter seemed to harmonize effortlessly. Luke's brothers could see it. They could see the unspoken attraction between you, clear as day. Deep down you knew it, Luke too. Yet both of you could not rattle the idea that the other didn't reciprocate.

The boat ripped through the water under the control of Jack. “Jack ease up man! You're gonna kill us all,” Quinn yelped. Luke, who sat lazily right next to you, just chuckled at their antics. You looked a little pale in the face.

“Hey… You okay y/n?” Luke questioned, dragging his hand through his damp curls.

“Does he not know how to drive this thing?” You complained sluggishly.

“Awh is someone feeling a little seasick?” He teased. “Jack slow down you asshat or let Huggy take over!” He shouted over to the two boys who still happened to be fussing at the wheel.

“C’mere…” Luke slung his arm around your shoulder and you instinctively rested your head against his.

Jack shuffled out of the driver's seat annoyed. He shot a glance over in your and Luke's direction.

“Oh my god, can you guys just kiss and get this over with already… Jesus,” Jack mumbled, letting out his frustration. The color returned to your face as Quinn took over, but the pale was replaced with an embarrassing red. You hid your face in Luke's chest trying to ignore Jack's words.

“Fuck off, Jack,” Luke retorted. “You're such a dick.”

The sun had set and the boat pulled into the dock. The sky was all different hues of pinks, yellows, oranges, and reds. Jack had rushed off the boat to meet up with this ‘rocket’ he was talking to leaving you, Luke, and Quinn. “Don't worry Huggy we can clean this up,” Luke said, gesturing to the empty beer cans, towels, and sunscreen that littered the boat. “You sure?” Quinn hummed. You could tell he was tired; I guess it is hard work being the boat's captain. Luke nodded back at his eldest brother while you let out a groan. The boat bobbed as Quinn stepped off. You shuffled across the boat's floor, grabbing a trash bag. Luke tossed the empty cans into the bag that you held open. “Maybe you picked the wrong sport, Lukey,” you joked as he threw another can in, mimicking a basketball toss. Your teamwork was pretty effective, only taking 15 minutes to get the boat back in good shape. Luke hopped off the boat onto the dock. His hand extended to grab yours.

“M’lady,” He snorted, taking a bow, helping you off the boat.

You hit him with your hips. “Dork,” you rebutted.

As the colors of the sunset faded into the velvety embrace of the night sky, you and Luke found yourselves on the dock, your feet dangling over the edge. The only sounds were the gentle whispers of the wind through the trees that seemed to be as tall as skyscrapers, the crickets that chirped into the early hours of the morning, and the crashing of water as it rolled into the muddy lakeside shore.

Luke let out a soft sigh, his gaze fixed on you with a look that made your heart flutter. You tried to keep your composure, your eyes focused straight ahead. But you simply could not help yourself any longer.

"What are you looking at, Hughes?" you quipped, breaking the silence.

"You," he replied simply, his voice barely above a whisper.

You turned to face him, your breath catching in your throat as his hand gently brushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His touch sent shivers down your spine, igniting a warmth deep within you.

"Me?" you echoed, unable to tear your gaze away from his.

"Only you," he murmured, inching closer until there was barely any space between you.

He took his hand, guiding a piece of your fallen hair behind your ear. His hand then stayed resting on your cheek. Placing your hand on top of his you spoke, "Luke…".

“Can I kiss you y/n?” he interrupted.

Your eyes dilated, still staring back at his. Your throat went dry, parched by the sudden rush of adrenaline, while your heart pounded against your ribcage, drowning out all other sounds. The only thing you could do was nod. He brought his face close an inch away from yours. His hot breath whispered against your cheek. Time stretched, suspended in a haze of anticipation before his lips finally met yours. His unoccupied hand quickly found a new place to reside, resting on your hip, pulling you in as close as possible. Your lips parted, both in search of air. That single kiss was not enough for Luke. He dove back in, pressing kisses to the side of your neck, trailing behind your ear, with his hair tickling your jaw. The new sensation made you gasp, locking your fingers into his hair. “Luke…” you groaned.

Eventually, the heat had worn down, leaving both parties in shock at the events that had just occurred.

“Y/n…” Luke started, “I have liked you- wait no…” he stopped himself. “I have loved you for the longest time. At the end of every summer, my stomach twists itself in a knot. I dread leaving the lake, I dread leaving summer behind, but I dread leaving you the most. I am not sure how I have been able to get myself through the long winters and the busy fall. It may be the lingering thought that I will eventually make my way back to you. You are my best friend, you always have been and you always will be. I don't wanna screw this up, and if you don't like me back we can pretend this never even happened…” he rambled.

“Luke.” You cut him off.

“Yeah?” He quickly replied, turning his eyes onto you.

“We literally just made out you idiot… I would hope I like you back.” His chest sank back in relief with an exhale. “I cannot picture my life without you.” You added with a more serious tone. “We have grown up together and I expect to grow old with you.” Luke didn't reply with words. He pulled you back into a deep kiss.

The sun had officially set, leaving a blanket of twinkling lights. The young couple spent the night together in the wake of new romantic revelations. This was the night where their friendship had blossomed into something more.

#jack hughes #luke hughes #quinn hughes #jack hughes x reader #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes x y/n #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes 43 #hockey #nhl #new jersey devils #simplyhughes

[celestie0]

MASSIVE gojo x reader fanfic rec (no spoilers)

ok i know a lot of my followers are gojo girlies and i just need to put yall onto this fucking fanfiction because i just read the latest release for it and i’m genuinely tweaking rn🧍🏻‍♀️

@lostfracturess ‘s amazing work called “symptoms & causes” - a medical au

[image pulled from her masterlist]

let me just…let me just try to even gather the reasons why you need to add this to your tbr lists (weekend is comin up too so perfect time)

characterization of gojo satoru.

gojo in this fic is characterized so fucking well, from chapter one. there are so many distinctive ways miss lostfractures goes about building his aura (word of mouth/reputation, dialogue, expository, primary interactions, secondary interactions, etc.) it reminds me of the show where gojo just has this energy to him that you can't tear yourself away from i picture him in this fic to be unrelenting, unforgiving, morally grey, with an undertone of softness yet still feral through it all,, basically gojo during shibuya arc LOL. i looove reading cute silly boy gojo fics sm (he’s so baby) but THIS fic explores the borderline wicked side of him that is so thrilling, unique, and rare to find i think in this fandom’s collection of works. it’s just so fucking good.

forbidden romance.

UGGHH i love stories w forbidden romance. in this one, it’s med student reader x professor gojo (additional power dynamics in that he’s a senior surgeon in her field and also a research mentor in her study of interest…TRIPLE THREAT DAMN). i love how miss lostfractures doesn’t shy away from reminding the reader that it’s wrong, and that they shouldn’t be doing this. that’s my fave part of forbidden romances like yesss remind me again why this is all so wrong but let’s still do it anyways LOL <333

reader’s voice.

i’ve LOVED reader since the beginning, so relatable, emotionally mature, all her flaws are so believable & her strengths are shown seamlessly. it’s just so much fun to read because i’ll literally have a thought like “hmm…that (something a character said/did) doesn’t sound very convincing” and then the next line will be something like “he didn’t sound very convincing” like!!! me and s&c reader?? we’re locked in like this fr🤞🏼 like gojo’s domain expansion fingers

escapism.

everything in this story feels so damn real it’s insane. the pacing is stunning, love the utilization of stacks of scenes that are sort of short but so concise, enough to be a smooth read but still descriptive enough to entirely transport you into the world that’s being built. cannot praise the writing in this story enough. also the variety of ways that scenarios are made that pull characters closer to one another?? so creative. as someone who works in a research lab, studied bio in college (some of the fkn biochem stuff that comes up in this fic gives me heart attacks lmfaooo pls im traumatized), and has worked in clinics/hospitals it just itches my brain so damn good. you’ll be convinced you’re a brilliant med student while you read this fic.

writing.

the writing is just. so. good. it’s so good. better than most PUBLISHED works i’ve read. i really can't say much other than that, you just have to go see for yourself.

—

if any of these reasons speak to you, i highly recommend you check the fic out. just a note tho it does have some dark themes but you can find all the tags/warnings on her page!

OK BYE

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo smut #jjk gojo #geto suguru #gojo satoru angst #series #alternate universe #romance #smut #fluff #angst #jjk smut #long fic #jjk series #medical au #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #fic rec #jujutsu kaisen fic rec #jjk fic rec #gojo satoru fic rec #gojo fic rec #celestie fic rec

[meanbossart]

i just need to take a second to gush about how much i love durge drow and astarion, they feel so fleshed out and perfectly written together in their fucked up wretched ways. They really inspire me to write more for my own tavs, hopefully one day ill be able to say im as happy with my own work as i get when seeing yours. I have to ask though, do you have any tips on drawing head shapes and faces? or maybe about wrinkles? i find i really struggle with that stuff when drawing and i adore how expressive and grungey all your art looks!

First of all thank you so much, I love hearing what people think of the two of them together 😭

Honestly you've hit on something that's quite near and dear to my heart, I love developing and figuring how to draw and stylize different faces to get the most unique, interesting looking results - everything about the details is highly rewarding to me. What does x type of nose look like from this angle? In this style? How can this eyeshape best translate to my art? How different does a face look when its making this expression? What does that MOUTH DO? etc etc.

In fact you kind of inspired me to put a little tutorial/guide together the last hour lmao and what a blessing it is that the two current subjects of this blog serve as great models here, being that their faces are basically polar opposites!

When it comes to heads, you've probably heard it a dozen times before that you want to think of them in terms of geometry and facets; my process to drawing them is pretty conventional so I won't spend too much time on it, but it goes something like this:

Obviously I don't do every single one of these steps most of the time, which is just something that comes from practice/developing muscle memory, but it is helpful to start off this way for two main reasons:

By making these guide lines and splitting a head into pieces like this, you'll have an easier time seeing and understanding it as a multidimensional object, and in turn, facilitate It for you when you venture out into doing wacky angles and lighting.

Making different headshapes starts HERE. notice how Astarion's "face" slate is narrower and longer, how my durge's jaw pieces sit lower on the head, how all of the same pieces came together in the same way but we ended up with one real pointy elf and a real brick of a drow - making characters look different successfully begins very early in the sketching process.

The next thing you want to do branches out into every day life: start noticing yours and other people's facial features. How does an upturned nose look from a high angle? How does the size of someone's cheekbones affect what they look like when they smile? How about when the light hits them a certain way? Does someone's lip shape changes when they pout? When they laugh? How does a person's hairline change the shape of their face? You do NOT need to creepily sketch every stranger you see on the bus, but get into the habit of actually noticing what people look like when you talk to them - when you look at pictures, when you watch movies - make a mental list of interesting ways mouths, noses, and eyes can come together in a variety of different proportions to make completely distinct looking mugs, and how they change depending on how you are looking at them.

Light and shadow play a HUGE role in how faces look, too, basically as crucial as actual bone structure does. As you see up there I tried to rough out how natural, head on, and underhead light would look on these two very different looking guys, and while we can see definite patterns, there are small differences that come to be because of the sizes and shapes of their features.

Here is a very, very basic look at how some of these features come to look the way they do, how they interact with one another, and how they compare between a blocky, rather conventionally "masculine" head and one that's much softer and slimmer.

Note please that it is not one or two characteristics that give a chaarcter their "look"; you can reduce a face to eyes, mouth, and nose through stylization and still have them be recognizable, but if you want to do more than that, you have to consider the whole package! Chin, cheeks, brows, direction of the jaw, slope and size of the forehead, depth of eyes, ridge of the nose, etc - I know this is probably far more than you bargained for, but if you start making note of a FEW of these things now and slowly add on, this will eventually become second nature to you.

Similarly, understanding how these characteristics come together will help you with rendering light and shadow in a realistic way, and predicting what their facial expressions may look like - if no two people are alike, neither are their smiles. :)

Lastly, remember that I'm no expert - I have developed my own methods and semiotics and yours may look slightly (or vastly) different, and that's fine! I hope only that by sharing this it has given you a base to work off of.

Anyways, I HOPE this has been helpful and not just the unsolicited ramblings of a face pervert.

#ask #art #advice #tutorial #astarion #DU drow

[coexistentialism]

Finding Your Identities: Figuring Out Your Alters When Your Alters Aren't "Distinct" "People"

I have been wanting to make this post for a very long time now.

I have talked countless times on this blog about how a lot of the "how to figure out your alters" lists do not and cannot apply to me, or systems who may be like me, for a variety of reasons.

We do not have distinct senses of selves, we don't feel like our own distinct individuals, in any way whatsoever. There is no specific, unique, distinct "cue" or feeling or anything that tells me I've switched, or tells me that a specific, distinct alter is fronting who is different from any other alters. There is no specific, distinct THING that tells me "okay yeah that was very obviously and specifically and undeniably a different alter."

It's easy to deny you have alters when your alters are not distinct individuals who know they are their own unique, separate selves. It's easy to deny you have alters when it always feels like "you."

If you don't experience your alters as distinct 'entities' where you can obviously and distinctly refer to them as "that is (that specific alter) and that is not (these other alters)", it can be nearly impossible to figure out your alters at all.

This has been a horrible aspect of my denial since essentially the beginning. I mean, when everything online tells you that DID involves a distinct sense of "not me" to it, how can you know if you have it if it doesn't feel that way to you?

Now obviously I DO have that feeling of "not me"... It's just not described using those specific words. I was taking it all way too literally (thanks, autism NFKDSFDKJ).

It's more like "I don't really feel that way anymore" or "yeah I felt that way, but not anymore."

Or "I don't really relate to that anymore" or "I don't really like this as my identity anymore" or "I don't like this name anymore."

Or "this feels like someone else's life" (but more of a feeling, it's not like I just suddenly don't know anything in my life anymore. I know my girlfriend and love her still and I know I live in this house, etc.)

I'll feel like I am attending therapy because I have to, or I'll feel like I'm relaying information that I know factually, as if I was told a story of things that happened and I have to relay that information to someone else.

Or just generally a weird feeling that something is off.

And that's the thing - dissociation (for me personally) is less like "things aren't real" and "I'm not real" and more like just a vague feeling that something is OFF, and you don't know what, and you can't explain it.

I remember as a kid feeling like I'm the "only conscious being" or "feeling like I'm in an anime" or "acting out a dramatic scene in a movie." Now all three of those descriptions still fall under "feeling like things aren't real/etc." but I never interpreted it that way, because of how literally I take things, I didn't make the connection, because I never used the SPECIFIC wording of "feeling like I'm not real/feeling like the world isn't real/etc."

I straight-up told one of the first therapists I saw for a DID diagnosis that I "don't really dissociate at all" because I don't really experience the "nothing is real/I'm not real/etc."

This, too, brought me a lot of denial, because people only describe dissociation as "things don't feel real", "you don't feel real", "you feel like you're floating", "you're watching yourself", "you're watching the world through fog/glass", etc. And because I never really used those specific words to explain my feelings and experiences, I figured I wasn't really experiencing any dissociation, or at least just very rarely and mildly so.

That's a key thing here - the WORD CHOICES being used to describe alters, systems, CDD experiences, etc. don't really match up with my experiences at all. I take things extremely, extremely literally, and when everybody describes their alters and refers to them as distinct, different people, it's hard to feel like your experiences are the more common experience, especially when people around you might continue to reinforce that denial, by assuming you must not have alters, or you have a different disorder, etc., because you are "always awake and present no matter what alter is fronting", etc.

Your personal interpretation of your experiences matters a LOT when it comes to CDDs, figuring out if you have a CDD, and it also plays a large role into how your system might present/feel/look/what alters you have/etc.

For example, many people interpreted their alter experiences and switches as creating characters. That, then, might become a huge aspect of figuring out your alters - you might realize that many of the characters you've made (or all of them) through the years were actually alters. With that lens, you might, then, be able to have a lot of knowledge about your alters based off of that alone - those "characters" might have specific characteristics, lore, designs, etc. that you then realize were all a part of that alter.

You might also, then, find that each time you find yourself making a "new" "character", it's actually just a new alter forming/splitting (or perhaps them just finding out their own identity).

The way you personally interpret your experiences, your feelings, your life, memories, etc. all impact your alters and your system - the way your alters identify, the way it FEELS when alters front, the way your system presents, etc.

I grew up believing I was making things up and lying for seemingly no reason, for attention, because I liked being cool and special. Or that I was purposely acting out a fake, dramatic movie, just to add more drama.

In reality, I was experiencing alter switches and dissociation, but because I interpreted it in those ways, we now have a very difficult time trying to accept and believe that these are real feelings, real experiences, outside of my control, instead of me just saying things for attention and acting dramatic just because.

I also very much grew up feeling like "nothing ever sticks, so why bother taking anything seriously." Now, pretty much all of us still have this attitude, this feeling of "why bother coming up with a name, why bother taking (my feelings, etc.) seriously when it's just gonna go away and not come back."

I would feel confident in a decision or an identity or a name change and so on, only for me to change it the next day, or the next week, and so on.

This made things like questioning my gender identity and wanting to change my name extremely difficult and impossible because I could never be sure if it was going to actually STICK or just be a temporary, fleeting "phase." I became upset (and still become upset and distressed) every time everything turned out to just be a "phase" instead of a real, actual thing. I still have trouble with this. If I want to cut my hair or dye my hair or get new clothes, I will never be able to know for sure if I'll still like it in a different state. If I want a name change, I don't know if it'll be long-term or if I will change my mind the next day.

DID is more like this, and less like "I'm a totally different person with a distinctly different personality and a different name and I am not ("host")."

And if this is relatable to you, this post may very much help you figure out who your alters are.

A lot of things online that try to give suggestions and ideas for figuring out your alters in a way of "ask (your alters) these questions."

For me, I can't really do that, for a variety of different reasons - our dissociative barriers are too high, there's no inner world, and there's no kind of "distinct voices" that I "hear" speaking to me that are coming from a distinctly different "person." And since we as alters do not experience ourselves as distinct individuals where we just know who we are and know we are our own distinct individuals, it's less like asking my alters these questions, and more like asking MYSELF these questions. I want you keep that in mind going into this post.

When it comes to figuring out alters, what helps me is trying to keep track of patterns of changes in my behaviors, likes, dislikes, hobbies/interests, and more.

The following is a TEMPLATE of things you can ask yourself at different times, during different moods, modes, self-states - whatever you wanna call it.

I tried to make them as general as possible in order to hopefully make the questions apply to a general audience/a wide variety of people, instead of being too specific where they might not apply to most people.

You do not have to ask yourself all of these questions! If you don't know the answer to a question, and/or you don't want to answer a question, it can be important to write that down too! You can skip any questions or change them in any way you like.

If a question feels unhelpful to you, feel free to change it into something that might feel more helpful to you personally, and/or just remove it altogether.

Feel free to expand upon these questions! For example, if a question seems helpful to you, you might have further ideas to expand upon that question into further, more specific questions. I actually totally encourage other people to expand upon these questions and come up with more questions that could help others! Definitely share your thoughts in reblogs if you want.

I want to make it clear, first, that this post is NOT trying to make people OBSESS over this!!!! These questions are meant to help figure out alters, but don't obsess over it!

The purpose of these questions is to simply try and keep track of possible patterns of behaviors, etc., not to obsess over figuring out your alters, not to obsess over figuring out what alter you are, not to obsess over making sure your alters are "consistent all the time" or something. It doesn't matter about knowing "who" you are so much as it matters to let yourself exist as you are, at any given moment. It's to allow yourself to exist and see if there is a pattern of emotions, opinions, preferences, likes, dislikes, interests/hobbies, behaviors, and more that crop of every so often - this is what alters are for a lot of people. Like I said, it's less like "distinct, separate person" and more like a recurring pattern of the same/similar emotions/behaviors/traits/etc. that crop up every so often, oftentimes in response to things, such as topics that you may find triggering (for example: feeling like an angry wolf every time the topic of physical abuse comes up, or feeling like a scared child when you feel like someone said something upsetting), or even positive topics, such as feeling like you become a girl whenever the topic of fashion gets brought up, or feeling like you're 13 when the topic of a childhood beloved TV show comes up.

While "feeling like (xyz) in response to (xyz)" does not necessarily mean you have a CDD, this post is specifically about those experiences under the context of having a CDD. If you relate to anything I wrote in this post, it does not necessarily mean you have a CDD! Similarly, if you DON'T relate to anything in this post, it also doesn't mean you DON'T have a CDD! I am sharing this post with the assumption that the people reading it already know they have a CDD, and/or strongly suspect it.

Questions to ask myself for figuring out alters:

Month day, year. Time (or whatever way you want to write down the month/day/year/time).

What name(s) do I like?:

This doesn't have to be names of specific alters (by that I mean, you don't have to go through your list of alters with specific names to figure out if you like one of them). You can write a vague idea of what name/names you might like (such as "a name related to plants" or "a name that reminds me of the ocean"). You can write down multiple names. You can write down no name. You can write down that you're indifferent. Anything!

What pronouns do I like?:

Again, you can write down anything. If multiple sets of pronouns vibe, write that down! If nothing vibes, write it down! If you don't have any strong feelings/if you're indifferent, write that down too! If you don't know, write that down!

Are there any particular labels I feel drawn to/feel I identify with?:

It can be an LGBTQ+ label (bisexual, demiboy, aromantic, lesbian, etc.), or a label related to something else

What kind of color(s) am I drawn to?:

Darker colors? Pastel colors? Neon colors? Light colors? Etc.

What do I want to do? What would I do if I had the resources (time, money, 'skill', motivation, energy, etc.) (for example, maybe you wish you could play guitar, but you can’t play guitar, don’t have a guitar, etc.)?:

Similarly, is there anything that I might normally be interested in that I find myself no longer wanting to do?:

-- Listening to music: What songs? Am I singing along? What are the songs about? How do I feel about the music? Are there any songs I dislike? Any particular common genre/theme with the music I find myself liking right now?

-- Art: - What kind of art (Digital art? Doing makeup? Sculpting? Knitting? Painting? Woodworking? Photography? Any art counts.) - What is my art style like/what tools am I using? (If digital art, what program am I using? What brushes am I using? Etc. (Different alters might prefer to use different art programs and different art brushes!)) - What does the artwork depict? (Vent art? Are there themes of trauma? Dissociation? Fanart? Something else?)

-- Playing a game: - What game? - What am I doing in the game? Are there different game modes? If so, what mode am I playing? Is my character customizable, and if so, how does my character look? (Some alters might prefer to change the way the character looks to match how they might feel inside!) - Are there any games I don't currently care for?

-- Watching YouTube: - What is the topic of the video? (Is it about a hobby I like? A TV series? A video essay? Something else?)

-- Playing an instrument: - What instrument? - Am I trying to learn a specific song/songs? - Am I making my own music? Are there lyrics to go along with it? - If it’s a specific song (either writing your own, or trying to learn how to play a certain song on an instrument), what is it about? Any specific themes that stick out?

-- Writing: Poetry? Working on a book/short story? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?

-- Reading: What am I reading? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?

-- Something else…

What am I thinking about?

What am I talking about?

How am I feeling?

Did something trigger me to feel this certain way?

If something triggered me to feel a certain way, do I know the reason(s) why? (For example, if you encountered something that brings up trauma-related feelings, etc.)

You might describe your feelings in ways other than a simple “sad”, “mad”, or “happy.” You might be more specific, such as “I feel like white noise” or “I feel like a dog” or “I feel like an ocean.” This is completely valid and an important thing to keep note of as well. You can even write down that you feel tall, or you feel a different age, or you feel like a certain character.

There are many more questions that you could ask 'yourself' to get to know 'yourselves.' This list is not exhaustive, and like I said, you can simply you this template to bounce off ideas of what questions you, personally, would find most helpful!

I'd love to hear anybody's input, and I hope this post helps anyone. :] If not, feel free to share around anyway, if you want!

#my posts #actuallyDID #actuallyosdd #osdd system #did system

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Magikoopa (Evoker)

Debut: Minecraft: Wii U Edition

The Super Mario Mash-up pack in Minecraft is truly a wonderful thing! I haven't played Minecraft in quite a long time, but it is still exciting when a new update releases, because it means I get to check what everything was reskinned as in the Mario pack! Creatures and items from all corners of the Mario series in one place. We get Uproot from Super Mario Odyssey, Goat from Mario Kart 7, Raccoon from Super Mario Sunshine, and more united in the same game! And then there are the "original" creations.

We've discussed this topic before! Sometimes they just can't think of a good idea for a reskin, and would rather reuse an idea they already had. But they can't JUST use the same design for a different mob. That would be silly, and I mean this in a rare, detrimental way! It would be confusing, and bad game design. So they ultimately decide to just tweak it enough to be distinct, while still recognizable.

If you need to reskin a Witch, especially a classic pointy-hat style one, there is no better choice of Mario character than Magikoopa! You could argue Kammy Koopa or perhaps Kamella would fit more, being more typically "witchy", but I think standard Magikoopa is ideal here, as the most iconic option.

And then there is the Evoker, whose behavior of magically summoning monsters and obstacles is even more Magikoopa-like than the Witch! I think Magikoopa is also a good idea for an Evoker reskin. But gee! I don't think we needed them BOTH to be!

Rather than using a different character or even just an existing color variant of Magikoopa, they gave Evokoopa uniquely aquamarine robes, and, best of all, sunglasses. Magikoopas have never worn sunglasses! IS this some kind of MagiKOOLpa?

I edited an existing Magikoopa render into this new version to see what it might look like! It sure looks aquamarine, I can tell you that! I wonder if the sunglasses are meant to evoke those worn by the enemy Koopas in early Paper Mario. Evokers and Witches are both hostile, but Evokers feel more Evil, with their entire trap-filled lairs, compared to a Witch's little hut with maybe a cat in it. Also, before you bring it up, the Evoker model just doesn't have a pointy hat! It is not intentionally lacking a Magikoopa's signature hat shape.

Do I think they should have used a different, existing character for the evoker? Yes! Am I happy they did this instead? Also yes! I love when new Weird Mario Enemy variants get to appear in the strangest of places! This Magikoopa design has no reason to ever be used in an actual Mario game, and it only exists because of a non-Mario game. Best of all, it debuted on the Wii U! Everyone say thank you, Wii U!

#magikoopa #witch #evoker #minecraft #minecraft wii u edition #mario enemies #mario #mod chikako

[520cafe]

sour grapes. secret love song

“thank you star rail academy!”

serval’s distinctive and booming voice was enough to send the crowd roaring into cheers and praises of excitement, including you. blade playfully shook his head at you but, he was content with seeing you in such a beaming state.

“for this next song, it’s a little different from our usual songs.” serval continued speaking into the microphone, building up anticipation as she introduced the next song “it’s one that is melancholic, heartbreaking and tearful but, it is also full of hope and romance! us, mechanical fever, worked especially hard on this one so enjoy this song as much to your heart’s content!”

that’s strange, very strange. mechanical fever were famously known for their hype, loud and rebellious-themed songs that had their own unique colour to them, so this sudden break from the usual tone of song was quite strange.

though, it was exciting but also nerving to find out what exactly serval meant when this next song has underlying themes of romance to them. you wondered what exactly prompted mechanical to write a song like this, was it perhaps from personal experience? or maybe something more? something that they witnessed themselves?

the song begins with a soft guitar melody played by serval which was able to immerse the crowd into this melancholic feeling, including you. you couldn’t help but to glance at blade in this moment, he looked relaxed as he stared the stage which made you feel relieved.

before you know it, serval’s vocals were now filling the stage. again, that same strange feeling was beginning to swell deeper inside your heart.

the drеams that we have wished for together are lighting the sky.

for some reason, those lyrics sounded way too familiar for your liking and it almost resonated with you; this should only be just another generic love song. so why is it that you are associating every lyric with dan heng?

he was the one that hurt you, he was the one that broke up with you and he was the one who left you in shambles. and here you are, thinking about him as the song continued. thinking back to how he has treated you recently these past couple of weeks only has your heart pounding as if it’ll explode at any second.

someday, our night will all pass.

while listening to this with a heavy heart, you once again looked at blade for his reaction. however, you were only surprised once more when you caught him staring at you.

even when you did catch him, he seemed to not care. if anything, this only caused him to admire you even further as if you would disappear from his sight if he removed his eyes from you for even a split second.

even if the road is long, let’s continue to hold our hands tight together.

you couldn’t help it, your mind was just filled with fairy-tale images of you and dan heng together that were visually recreating the lyrics. buried deep down in the depths of your mind was a shunned feeling of yearning, your short-term relationship with dan heng was only temporary yet felt magical.

if you were thinking about dan heng as mechanical fever sang this song, what was blade thinking about when he has that gentle look on his face?

someday when we look at each other, we will put on a smile. so, let’s wait for that day.

that’s it, you couldn’t fight back this feeling anymore: your mind, thoughts and heart were all full of dan heng and dan heng only.

“[name].”

your thoughts were interrupted by blade’s deep, monotonous yet warm voice. even when you turned around to face him, that same look of tenderness hasn’t left his face whatsoever. yet, in your eyes, all you saw in that moment was dan heng.

everything reminded you of dan heng.

“blade.. what are you thinking about?”

“… i’m thinking about you.”

🍇 SOUR GRAPES 〈 24 secret love song

━━ MASTERLIST. ╱ PREV. ╱ NEXT.

╰► SYNOPSIS. after being in the same tight-knit friend group for over a few months now, suspicions begin to rise when march, seele and bronya start to notice the awkward tensions between you and dan heng. little did they know, you and dan heng were once high-school sweethearts who shared a romantic and fairytale-like past where the pages only lasted for a year. this heartbreak led you to meet another unfortunate victim of cupid but that chapter flew away as quick as stardust. yet, it appears that you two were also destined to cross paths once more.

╰► [ a/n ] : just smile and wave y’all. the lyrics i used was actually from SOMEDAY by IZ*ONE (i highly recommend listening to it btw, especially while reading this hehe) hope you all have a good day/night/evening and enjoy this chapter <3

━━ TAGLIST (closed) @lauvwar-r @sunsethw4 @shizu-c @amyena @zephestia @loudeggbananaranch @lunavixia @twistedrxses @shinjuuz @danhenglovebot @flos-veritatis @sammy-hammy @kiwidoves @aeongiies @heartswonder @lilactaro @lunnaeclipse @bladesdarling @hansel-the-pierrot @astro-pioneer @aquatikk @obervation-subject-753 @vellichxrr6782 @rubberduckieyourtheone @viovya @stayriki @ceylestia @starryeyedkoko @theflameofyoursoul @kalims @liminalimmortal

#🍇 ━━ SOUR GRAPES ! #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr dan heng #dan heng x reader #hsr blade #hsr blade x reader #honkai star rail smau #hsr smau #honkai star rail fanfic #hsr fanfic #hsr x y/n #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader

[howtofightwrite]

So in a lot of RPG-inspired fantasy, you’ll see this idea that squads of adventurers will have their members specialize into combat roles with one person being good at defending against hits hit and one person who attacks a lot and one person who hangs back at range etc. Is this totally made up for RPGs? Or is there a historical basis for small-unit tactics with specialization before the modern era?

No.

Specialized combat roles existed, in full battlefield combat. Groups like line infantry, skirmishers, archers, and artillery all existed. The thing is, those were entire units of troops, not individual roles, and combat doesn't really scale down to individual characters.

The tank/DPS/healer trinity is entirely an RPG construct. This actually makes some sense when you consider that the first RPGs grew out of tabletop wargaming. So, seeing battalion level combat reduced to individual characters isn't quite as weird as it first appears. Since then, games have adapted to better fit those roles.

So, the end result is that, the combat roles you see in modern RPGs came out of an abstraction of an abstraction of battalion level combat, and then it started evolving into even more specialized roles. Beyond that, concepts like taunts and crowd control only really make sense within the power fantasies of those games.

In a modern context, mixed combat units with a few specialists mixed in do make sense, though, again, it's not the tank/DPS/healer structure of games, because that is still completely artificial.

So, if it's so utterly divorced from reality, why does this model survive? Because it does accurately replicate how fantasy stories frequently fit together. You get a reasonably distinct mix of character archetypes who can work together, with each contributing something unique to the effort as a whole. And, while you're not going to find an example of the Tank/DPS/Healer squad out there in the wandering in the world, you don't have to look too hard to find stories with a warrior who's able to bare almost any punishment, a sage who advises and assists, and a hero who has a nasty habit of striking the killing blow, and, really, doing the bulk of the punishment.

Accidentally or intentionally, the trinity nails how stories are often told.

Distinct roles in a tabletop RPG also, arguably, provide more range for a group of players to have roles that appeal to them, without requiring them all to conform to a single character type. Not everyone is going to want to be a hulking brute with anger management issues, just like not everyone is going to want to play a character who's instantly deleted half a second after an enemy spots them. The trinity gives both of those players a way to participate in the same adventure without making either of them useless.

The roles have become even more entrenched in MMOs because it provides a shorthand for players to organize themselves for group content. At that point, roles like Tank/Healer/DPS become very useful shorthand for knowing what a random stranger will bring to the group, and a way to quickly assess what you still need before the group is ready to go.

So, does this have any historical basis? Yes, sort of, but in a literary context, not from martial combat.

-Starke

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#writing reference #writing advice #writing tips #how to fight write #starke answers #RPG lit

[seat-safety-switch]

There's been a lot of talk about small towns in the news lately. If you believe the cultural hive mind, small towns have a unique and distinct way of life that just can't be found in big cities. Friends, I am here to tell you that the only thing you can find more of in small towns is parking, followed shortly by inexplicable multi-generational feuds. The latter idea bores me, so we're gonna talk about all the places you can cram a car when you live in the boonies.

Where I live, in a part of town that used to be called a suburb, back when the cops could drive through it without locking their doors and changing their hats, there's only a few places to park. Driveway. Street. Alley. Back yard, if you're frisky. Out in the Great Unknown, you can park right on your front yard if you so please. You can build a simulated junkyard on your back forty. Maybe shove your cars in something called an "out-building," which despite the name is not where you poop (it is, however, where mice poop.) This bounty of parking space means that you can acquire many, many cars and spend the majority of your life not having to move them for the street sweeper every alternating Tuesday.

So what does this mean? It means that rurals are hoarding all the cars. Without space pressure forcing you to get rid of, say, your 17th Dodge Omni, then it stands to reason that they will just stay there, slowly rotting into the ground. For this reason, I recommend that new car hunters visit the sticks in order to ask farmers to sell them their never-gonna-get-around-to-it hoopties.

Of course, there are some problems. If you roll around out there in a new electric car, or even a moderately clean pickup truck, you'll probably get shot at. They can smell the city slicker on you, and they know that cities are a hotbed of crimes, such as illegally parking, or turning right on a stop sign without coming to a complete stop first. You might be coming there to steal their precious shitboxes!

There is a solution, though. I've gotten ahold of one really shitty 1953 GMC pickup truck. There's no floors, there's not much of a bed, its tires are made out of rubber sourced from floor mats people forgot at the car wash, and the three-speed manual transmission is about as synchronized as the last time I tried to do karaoke. What it does have is honesty, though. You can drive right onto a farmer's property, park it amongst their shitty old pickup trucks, and wait until nightfall without anyone being the wiser. Have your pick! They won't even notice they're gone.

Just bring back the pickup truck. I need it back so I can sell it for way too much money to an authentic, hard-working rural politician who spends all his time in the city.

[boyfhee]

⌕ TAKE TWO ━━ 19 : all you want

PRECIS. while riki constantly assured you that him being an idol under a different label wouldn't be an issue in your relationship, you start getting second thoughts when fans start shipping him with his co-mc at music bank.

n : written part after the screenshots

w : slight angst, mild fluff ( finally ) - 1.6k

the cityscape stood open in front of you, cold winter winds sneaking under your sweatshirt, a scarf from jungwon that has been keeping you warm for the past fifteen minutes doesn’t seem to suffice as the skies turned darker. looking at the horizon, there’s a certain calmness that soothes your heart, the violets and vermillion hues reflecting ever so majestically over the glass panes of skyscrapers. down below lays the distinct city noise, the honking of cars, tires screeching— a near miss. the cat walks across the road safely, and behind you, jungwon lets out a sigh of relief. 

“i’ve never been here,” he chuckles. 

you hum, letting a soft smile climb up your face. “me either,” you look at him. he seems to have loosen up. when he arrived, jungwon definitely looked uneasy, or rather, nervous, in case you didn’t want to talk or even see him. but you’re here, and he’s resting his elbow above the railing, letting himself relax. “are we even allowed to be here?” 

“not sure, but even if we aren’t, no one has to know,” it’s an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, to make you feel better even if it’s only for a brief second. he wishes to hold your hands and tell you that it will be okay. sometimes, words aren’t enough, and jungwon doesn’t want to ask the words, “how have you been?” but alas, he does anyway.

“i don’t know,” it’s a plain reply, a response of ignorance, as if you know exactly what’s happening to you but you can’t seem to process. it’s like having a spatula to stir your dish but you don’t remember how to use it, and so you simply stand there, watching it burn. “maybe, i overreacted the other day. riki has been texting constantly and i’ve been ignoring him. guess, i’m really scared for what’s about to come,” a sigh falls of your lips, you turn to look at him. “good or bad,” 

“well, you made it so far and now we’re so close to the truth,” and jungwon refuses to look at you. perhaps, it’s the weather or the situation, but he doesn’t want to watch you crying, and the reason has to do with both you and riki. “you should talk to him,” he says, half supportive, half defeated. 

if he’s being honest, he doesn’t want you to talk to riki, and if he’s being reasonable, he wishes you would sort things out with him. as said before, it has to do with both of you— one is the love of his life, other being his closest friend. living without either of you seems impossible for jungwon. it’s like an eccentric give and receive, a unique pact, a relationship where all of you are victims and all of you are villains. there’s a hint of jealousy, a heart overflowing with love, a soul drowning in immense pain. 

“what if they’re dating?” you ask, it’s more of a whisper. 

jungwon takes a step towards you. “you don’t know,” 

but, you think you do. trust was something that you never ran out of in this relationship with riki. even now, when everything around has been falling down, when the line between truth and lie has been erased and everything resembles the same, you know a part of you trusts riki. but it’s just a part, just a little corner of your heart lost inside it’s walls and chambers. the trust, it’s like a flickering flame of a candle. your hands are around it, making sure it wouldn’t go out, but you think it would either way. the brightest flames go out first, the longer the candle burns, the shorter it gets. you think you can light another one and replace it but you can’t, because the cold wax has already settled on your hands, and scraping it away would mean taking away a part of yourself. 

“what if they’ve been together all this time and i’m here being fooled? what if he has been lying? what if miya was right all along, won—” at this point, you’re not being yourself. you’re crying, your face is buried in your hands, you’re finally letting loose and coming to terms with loss. you’re close to giving up, taking your hands off the candle and letting the winds blow it out. the words that are possibly a lie are now morphing into the truth for you. it feels like you’re watching your lover walk away to someone else while the red strings still hold you together, and you’re doing nothing but looking for the scissors. 

so, jungwon pulls you into his arms. “we don’t know anything yet,” 

those are the words the world relies upon. people look forward to a surprise because you don’t know what it’s going to be. they’re hooked on thrillers because they don’t know the ending. they hope because who knows, maybe things will change for the better one day. the lack of knowledge is incredible and equally dangerous. you’re stupidly lucky and luckily stupid. while one moment, you thank the heavens for keeping you in dark all this time for you don’t know if you can handle facing the truth; the other, you wonder if things would have been different if only you knew. 

your thoughts are laced with irony, there’s a sense of indecisiveness in your actions. your words are uncertain. 

you don’t know anymore. 

“what did i do to deserve this?” and you cry harder, a few centimeters closer into his arms, a consoling hand on your back that feels warmer. you’re spilling tears on his jacket, he doesn’t seem to mind. the city noise fades into the background as your ears fill with the loud silence along with your soft sobs. if someone was to see you like this, you both will be on the headlines the next day. besides, you don’t have an explanation as for why you were crying relentlessly in jungwon’s arms. you’re concerned, but he doesn’t seem to care. so, you don’t know why you worry about media.

you never knew why riki worried so much about them.

“i’m sorry i can’t help more than telling you the same words over and over again,” his words aren’t much louder than yours, almost just as muffled, if not more. “shit, i’m so fucking sorry for not being able to help,” he holds you closer, his voice shaking, you’re scared he might just be crying on his own, over matters that aren’t even his to being with.

“are you stupid?” and you pull away, sniffling, an awkward chuckle falling off your lips at the sight of wet patches on his clothing. “you’ve helped me more than anyone else, won,” 

he awkwardly brushes off the strand of hair in front of your eyes. “i wish i could do more,” 

jungwon doesn’t take credit. well, mostly, he does, but for some things, he doesn’t, and those things are the ones that count the most. perhaps, it’s how a leader is supposed to be. he shares his efforts and achievements. anything he does, it’s for the group, it adds into the accounts of all seven members. you don’t know how that logic is applicable right now, but it sure does has an impact on him. 

jungwon is so used to sharing, he doesn’t remember how it feels to have something that belongs to him and only him. it’s not a bad thing. you’d never know how it feels to be in his place, but sometimes, it feels like jungwon has forgotten how to live for himself.

“what did i do to deserve you?” those are the words that water the flowers blooming in his heart. you take a step behind, turning to the city scape again. wind strikes cold on your tear stained cheeks, you rub it off on your sleeves. “seriously though, you’ve always been there when i needed you, always down to listen to my complaints and endless rants about riki. i don’t think words can express how thankful i am,” 

and jungwon is looking at you— eyes ever so starry, inexplicably in disbelief and desperately in love. “and i don’t know why you helped me so much,” 

“because i like you,” and words slip off his tongue like they’re the water flowing down the stream. there’s a pause, a look of surprise from your side, guilt pouring on his part. you could feel your heart trying to beat out of your chest, you don’t know the last time you’ve felt this way. “not the very best time, is it?” 

but jungwon brushes the silence off with a forced laughter, or rather, tries to. it’s the least he can do to cover up his mistakes. the last thing he wants is to make sure his unplanned confession doesn’t make him look like a backstabber, as if he was trying to get his own way to you through your misery. “don’t think so much about it. it’s just a crush, it’ll go away. you should be focusing on your boyfri—”

fluttering gazes, a step taken towards him involuntarily. you kiss jungwon— a decision made out of impulse.  

“does that make it seem like i’m using you?” you pull away, and now the guilt was for both of you to handle. emotions are playing their part, mind out of order, logic off the terrace of your label that you are currently standing on. right or wrong, it’s hard to differentiate.

nothing makes sense, yet everything in his moment with him fits together like a puzzle piece. 

so, his hands are cupping your cheeks. “you can use me all you want,” and your lips are back onto his. 

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n : YNWON NATION HOW DO WE FEEL

#—approved. #@ : tt #enhypen imagines #riki smau #ni-ki smau #enhypen smau #enhypen scenarios #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen reactions #riki imagines #ni-ki imagines #riki x reader #riki x you #riki scenarios #riki reactions #riki fanfic #ni-ki fanfic #enhypen fanfic #enhypen au #enhypen social media au #enhypen x reader #ni-ki au #riki fluff #riki angst

[thegreatwicked]

Writing Resources Part 2

My first list was so long I decided that I reached the character limit! So we have a part two! I'm going to try and keep them a bit more organized too! Hope these help you all in your writing endeavors and if you happen to use any of them try to give the original source some love!

Also, apologies if I've tagged you more than once and it's annoying! If I reference your material more than twice I will just link your whole Tumblr. I really do want to make sure everyone gets their credit and spotlight!

General Information and Research:

The Fantasy Guide to Royal and Noble Marriages or anything by @inky-duchess Her blog is extensive and is a wealth of information regarding things like royalty/nobility/Period social politics and is a fantastic resource, go check her out! Ink I do appologize I might be tagging you more than once!

@type1diabetesinfandom This blog is an amazing resource if you are interested in writing about characters with any form of diabetes or similar health issues. It was ana amzing find when I was writing my character Belladonna Black from Shadows of Deception who is hypoglycemic. What an amazing source!

How to Cook in a Medieval Setting: by @alpaca-clouds Food is the best way to know a culture and this particular blog post is a trove of information for your fictional foodie set anywhere in this spectrum of time or a great find for a fictional setting! This post obviously gets a chefs kiss!

The Symbolism of Flowers by @novlr Yeah! Leopold knew what he was talkign about, every flower has a meaning and it is entirely possible to send some a bouquette that translates to 'Fuck You' btw it consists of geraniums (stupidity), foxglove (insincerity), meadowsweet (uselessness), yellow carnations (you have disappointed me), and orange lilies (hatred). it would be quite striking! and full of loathing. THE MORE YOU KNOW. This blog is also a fantastic source for writers.

Writing About Body Pain by @slayingfiction I just came across this gem of a blog and if you're one who likes to make your characters sufffer than look no further, also, how ya doing? You ok? Just checking. This blog is also a fantastic writing resource.

How to Accurately Describe Pain in Writing by @hayatheauthor kinda piggybacking off the previous source but nevertheless lets make sure we make these characters suffer realistically? I'm ok too, if you're wondering. This is another great blog that focuses on the aspect of being a writer.

How to Use Canva to Make Mood Boards by @saradika I did not know much about mood baords but I'm telling you they are a gaem changer! They bring a life to your story in a way that is just so stunning and saradika has been so lovely as to make this helpful guide! She's also a very talented writer and is quite the Star Wars Fan! GO check out her stories!

Researching as a Writer by @so-many-ocs Research is a tricky topid to delve into and sometime sit hard to know where to start, this blogger has been so kinda as to make a bit of a roadmap to help you narrow down what you need to research and how. Wonderful blog! Very helpful!

Resources for Writing Deaf, Mute, or Blind Characters by @thecaffeinebookwarrior THIS! This right here is a gem and the only reason I don't write these types fo characters is because I've never known how to do so respectfuly and realistically! Not a problem anymore! Also a wonderful artist!

How to Write and Research a Mental Illness another gem from @hayatheauthor again if you're going to wrote a character with a mental illness lets make sure we get it right!

@namesforwriters It's little but a wonderful source of unique names for your story! Including mythology and music themed names!

Nightmare Disorder vs Night Terrors by @redd956 Some great clarification from a blogger who is diagnosed! So happy I found this as I was wondering about the distinction myself for a little while!

Types of Gemstones by @blueboxbeagle and brought to my attention by @keffirinne

More will be added to this post as I find it and if you find anything that fits the general research on broad topics or specifics please let me know so I can continue this collective writing resource! And make sure to give some of these wonderful writers and bloggers some love!

#writing resources #writing research

[ouroborosorder]

VFX ask! You've mentioned before that Jessica the Liberated has notably good bullet and glass shattering VFX, would you be willing to break down what makes them stand out?

Okay yes absolutely I will, and in order to do so, I am going to briefly talk about Arknights' history of guns because this is my feed and you can't stop me. This one will probably be long. I wanted it to be short. But it is not.

Guns in AK's worldbuilding are extremely rare, with only Blacksteel, Lateran, and collab ops wielding guns. So there's a sort of weight towards making the rare gun wielder... feel like they're using a gun, making them feel distinct from a crossbow.

Early on, AK did this in a very very simple way. Simple, single color muzzle flash, impact spark, no visible projectile. All the guns worked hitscan, which did really help to sell the illusion of a gun, it hits instantly.

Exusiai even amps it up a little and adds a visible bullet trail when she's in Unloading Mode!

But for a time, because of how rare guns were, that was kinda... It. After Nacho Cheese Executor, the next wielder of a traditional gun was the Rainbow 6 Siege Operators?? Really??

R6S is extremely important. Being from a shooter-ass shooter game, they had a lot of reason to make them feel like real guns. So what does Ash do? Well!

That's a VISIBLE BULLET baby!

It's WILD that removing the single biggest trait about guns - that they are instant - does a LOT to actually help sell that it is a Real Gun.

But on top of that, they do a few interesting things. The muzzle flash isn't just a single flash, it's a semi-realistic looking muzzle flash that also releases sparks. The bullet trail emits sparks as well, eschewing AK's stylization for the sake of making it feel like a Real Bullet Trail. This really helps sell the

Even on the impact, there's no Textures or traditional bursts to be found - instead it is black, white, and red sparks alongside a very very layered flash of light. This is really unique in AK, and it serves brilliantly to juxtapose the R6S ops within the world of Terra, while still being over-the-top enough to fit in within the game's cartoony artstyle.

What's interesting is that these choices carried forwards in the future! Enforcer has very realistic-looking muzzle smoke with Ash's black/white/red sparks. Meanwhile, Insider has a visible bullet and sparks coming out of the muzzle flash!

Also I just barely noticed while writing this but all the Lateran use the shape of their wings as part of their effects! Exusiai's bullet trails are triangular like her wings, Ezell's impacts are dark iregular polygons with a lip like his, Insider's trail is rectangular like his, and Cool Ranch Executor's shots are shattered diamonds that fade to black as they get closer to him. Neat!! That's SUPER fucking cool.

(Also notable is that Exusiai and Ezell's effects are the only lateran guns that don't have a predominantly white aesthetic. Just a little treat for Exu Errari Believers)

So, with a history of four ops with Real Guns and a bunch with weird magic guns, how do you make an operator whose gimmick is that she is definitively Terran who also uses a fuck ton of Guns?

Jessica's muzzle flash is a realistic-esque flash that quickly fades into a burst texture. She gives off a few sparks like Ash does, but there are few of them, and they're really large for stylization. Also her bullet is much larger, but is distinctly a realistic bullet.

I wish so badly I could get footage of this one properly but an image will have to do. The trail of the bullet is a rotating mesh spiralling like the bullet is rotating. Also the bullet itself is glowing, allowing it to stand out better against the background.

And when it hits, hooooly shit. There's blurry, semi-realistic looking light textures flying off the enemy, sparks, and the same hitflash she has on her muzzle flash (cool asset reuse there!) They went all out to show the impact of her shot, since it is a Real Ass gun.

AND ALL THIS FLAIR AND DRAMA FOR JUST HER NORMAL ATTACK. THIS IS OFF-SKILL. When she's on-skill...

WHOO. WHOOOO. WHOOOO.

The muzzle flashes become longer to sell a BIG impact, but they last MUCH shorter (this muzzle flash lasts one single frame), since all her skills are rapid-fire, making it feel like bigger shots in less time. The impacts become ABSURDLY BIG. And then. My absolute favorite part of the whole thing.

(These are Not The Texture, but a similar, oft-mistaken cousin of The Texture.)

This fucking followthrough. Every hit on an enemy creates a burst of shattered glass and fire. I would not have thought of adding EITHER of these, but I love it. It's a great call to her art, it's unique and distinct, and even though it can be "where is the glass coming from" it's so cool i don't care. I literally saw it and gasped and went "I have never seen this before." It adds great color contrast, conveys the armor-piercing nature of her bullets, adds unique shapes, makes it look more chaotic, I can't praise these glass shards enough, I love them, they're so cool.

Fortunately for you, Jessica's skills all kinda look the same, so I don't have much more to say about this. I like that her S3's muzzle flashes create more chaotic sparks, creating the look of a wild, uncontrollable spray and pray strat. I like that she fires multiple shots and muzzle flashes but only shoots one bullet, but you rarely ever notice it because of the weight of the impact.

But I have one final thing to say.

BEHIND HER IN HER S3 SHE HAS AN ACTUAL ROILING, BURNING, MOVING FLAME. WHY IS HOEDERER BEING SHOWN UP BY JESSICA. WHAT THE FUCK.

#arknights #arknights vfx breakdown

[clementianos-blog]

From the beginning, Tim and Steph had a kind of chemistry in their lack of chemistry. They were very different - backgrounds, perspectives, family influences, etc. About all they had in common was that they were only children with family troubles, but even those similarities were abundantly different once you scratched the surface even a tad.

But what I find interesting, and seriously questionable, is how their actual relationship comes about. Steph repeatedly makes choices that aren't the best while "trying to help" and Tim repeatedly has to correct her. He's more-or-less acting like a conscience to her. I guess you could look at this as being that strong part of Tim's personality that drives him to help others. It's why he's Robin. Unlike his predecessors (and successors), the main reason he became Robin was to help Batman; helping everyone else was a secondary (and Batman's primary). To Batman, Tim's Robin is the "I'll help you so you can help everyone else." It's ingrained into him to see the shortcomings of others and he intrinsically wants to help.

There are multiple moments in which Steph is ready to walk away from a lowlife thug who is vulnerably facing certain death - and Tim explains why they need to help. But that's a major theme in the Batman comics in general, so it doesn't really fit the bill of what we're talking about here in a way that is unique to Steph and Tim.

But this does:

Steph is willing to steal two Zesti sodas from a convenience store after she and Tim cleared out the bad guys. He sees no problem in taking the Zestis as long as they will be compensating the store for them rather than stealing. He probably thinks "we COULD go to another, open store, but I'd rather help this one out" or even "best to be seen as little as possible" etc. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that he anticipates that she's thinking about stealing them. He asks "this your treat?" to put the burden on her since she was the one who offered to pick them up.

This could also be his subtle and not-enough way of pushing the "this is not a date" vibes he's been lazily humming out at her lately. Which brings us to the scene that follows this directly:

Tim has been emotionally cheating on Ariana for quite some time, relying on Steph for the emotional pick-me-ups and help-me-outs as well as leading her on. He's reflected on this a few times and even tried to do something about it several times before this point. But here, he is pretty open about his resignation.

This is the kind of thing teens do a lot - really, everyone does it at some point or another. We redefine our understanding of the world, of our morals, of our personal resolve to suit what feels nice. Exactly this is why it's a very good piece of advice to write down your goals in distinct, objective terms and keep them visible to you when you make them. If you say you aren't eating sweets for a month, be specific about what that means. If sugar in your coffee is an allowance, then say so. If desserts, pastries, jams and jellies, and candy are not allowed, then say so. Without being specific... we start to think things like "Well, a blueberry muffin isn't really a sweet (even though this one is covered in sugar crystals and tastes sweeter than the candybar I had last month)."

I'm not really cheating on Ariana. I haven't held Steph's hand. I haven't kissed - er, I haven't intentionally kissed Steph.

The problem is often that we don't see the danger of this stage. Just like Steph saw no danger in stealing two Zestis from the convenience store, Tim sees no danger in letting Steph treat their outings as dates. It's just a buck. It's just a game. It's not serious. No one's getting hurt by it.

And this is a problem for the exact reason Tim gives Steph.

What Steph did was so small, so simple, and seemingly so harmless. The shopkeeper probably would have handed them a case of Zestis each for what they did. But the shopkeeper isn't there.

Steph has Tim here to help her understand why it's wrong to compromise even an inch of her integrity.

What Tim is doing is so much worse. SO much worse. There is no justification, no excuse, and no good reason other than "this makes me happy right now."

But unlike Steph, Tim doesn't have a... well... Tim to put it in perspective. To help him see why it's wrong. Why it starts like this, and soon he'll be bending all the rules.

Instead, Tim has a Steph who is the one dragging him into this quagmire where he's blatantly cheating on his girlfriend and cannot see it for what it is.

And yes, it's clear he can see that it's wrong - just like Steph knew that taking the sodas wasn't really right. But just like with the sodas, neither of them recognized the action for what it truly was: stealing/cheating. Once put into that context, Steph immediately pays. If it were simplified like that to Tim, he would cut it off. The end. No more. I'll either say goodbye to Ariana, or I'll say goodbye to Steph.

But he sees something else: he feels happiness, he sees two happy girls, and he thinks, "No one's getting hurt here. It's not really right but it's not like I'm, you know..."

It starts like that. And soon you're bending all the rules.

TimSteph has a lot of positive qualities to it, but the fact that Steph's a project of Tim's - to build into an upstanding citizen from the rough place she's been raised - means that he needs to stay in the role of her pillar of morality. If he doesn't, as we see, then he falls himself.

Tim managed to say no to the Zesti, but the apple was just too tempting.

#timsteph #tim drake #stephanie brown #robin 3 #spoiler #dc spoiler #dc comics #comic excerpts #comic analysis #character analysis #robin 1993

[lu-is-not-ok]

I think the egos are supposed to be a way to kind of psychoanalyze the sinners; what do you think it means for Hong Lu to have Roseate Desire?

Ok so. Here's the thing about analyzing Hong Lu based on Roseate Desire. A Sinner having a specific E.G.O is one thing. A Sinner sharing an E.G.O with someone else while also showing distinct difference between each other is another.

Under cut because I got rambly again.

First of all, Pink Shoes is an abberration of Red Shoes, which is an abnormality that exploits one's primal desires.

Pink shoes appears to be similarly exploiting desires, according to the in-battle event, though not much is known about Pink Shoes as an abnormality, as all Abno Logs are more focused on its wearers rather than the abnormality itself (reasonably enough, I doubt the Sinners would have a reason to worry about the shoes specifically when they're being beaten to shit by ribbons and people wearing those shoes).

Based on the fact that Hong Lu shares the E.G.O with Ishmael, we can deduce that that is exactly what Roseate Desire signifies, that a Sinner using it is in some way bound (literally in this case) by their desires. With Ishmael it's implied to be the same compulsion that drives her to search for "That bastard" that is still alive, as her Roseate Desire attack very implicitly mimics that of Snagharpoon.

This is actually the first interesting thing I want to note. While for both Hong Lu and Ishmael the weapons they use in Roseate Desire are unique, there is a notable difference to How they are used.

With Ishmael, the anchor and shield are used almost exactly like the weapons we see her use in her base E.G.O.

With Hong Lu however, not only are his clawed gauntlets not resembling of anything else he uses in either E.G.Os nor IDs, they aren't even used as weapons by him.

Which, actually, brings me to my next point. Ishmael, even when corroded, is very notably In Control of Roseate Desire's ribbons. She's using them to swing the anchor around, and pulling on them to do damage. Though swaying, she's standing on her own two feet.

Notably, this is the opposite of how the ribbons treat Hong Lu. His attack animations are notably stilted, with almost doll-like movements, making it unclear if he's the one controlling the ribbons, or if the ribbons are controlling him. Add to that how his idle pose is reminiscent of a puppet, and it becomes very clear how this E.G.O further ties back to Hong Lu's themes of freedom, or lack thereof.

You could say this is further reflected in what Sin Resources the E.G.Os use. While both of them use a lot of Lust, it's notable that Ishmael's uses Wrath, a Sin associated with direct action, while Hong Lu's uses Envy, a Sin more so associated with reacting to the actions of others.

Some other small details that I'd like to note that aren't like. Major factors. But still corroberate what my final verdict is:

The amount of the pink tint singifying Pink Shoes's control over its posessee is noticeably larger on Hong Lu than on Ishmael, in both Awakening and Corrosion sprites.

Ishmael's Awakening dialogue line very explicitly has her trying to resist the Pink Shoes, with a tone of voice that is similar to her usual, while her Corroded one has seemingly given in into the temptation and completely changed how she sounds. Notably, Hong Lu has the same tone of voice across both his dialogue lines for this E.G.O, is already seemingly taken over in his Awakening line, and his Corroded line sounds more like something the shoes themselves would say rather than what someone taken over by them would.

An interesting design detail for this E.G.O is that, in both the illustration and Corroded sprites, Ishmael and Hong Lu have a different part of their face covered, that imo is symbolizing something. Ishmael has one of her eyes covered up, tying back to her one-track obsession that the Pink Shoes are exploiting by seemingly blinding her to everything that isn't her desire. Hong Lu, on the other hand, has his mouth covered up, fitting with his seeming lack of his own will when using this E.G.O.

So uh, my final Verdict? If it were just Hong Lu that had Roseate Desire, I would say that he's easily controlled by his own whims and say that we can't get a better read on him than that because we don't have enough information about him.

HOWEVER! This isn't the case. In fact, being able to compare his Roseate Desire to Ishmael's completely changes the context here. The desires that are controlling him aren't his own, they're what other people want of him. That's why he's moving like a puppet, that's why his version uses Envy, that's why his Corroded sprite has a covered up mouth and has him speak for the Shoes themselves.

Hong Lu's Roseate Desire implies he's the type to buckle and follow whatever other people tell him to do. Which, well, isn't that far off from what we know about him. Hell, even Kurokumo Hong Lu, who very explicitly does not like to follow orders, still notably follows them anyway and is said to be good at doing so when push comes to shove.

It all ties back to Hong Lu's themes of freedom and control over his life, doesn't it?

#limbus company #limbus company project moon #hong lu #hong lu lcb #ishmael #ishmael lcb #roseate desire ego #lcb analysis #lu speaketh #anon #ask #i popped off on this one ngl