#they are so hard to get good pictures of..so i drew them like 20 times

[coolfireguy73]

Parents ! (Child Mercs comic update)

LOOK AT THEMMM !!!

So ! I've been working on the child mercs comic and figured I might do some more charadesigns (and some props later ;) )

I don't know if I'll need every one of them in the comic, I don't even know if I'll need ANY of them, but it was fun to make.

I only drew one of each merc's parents (for those who had two)

I have a few things to say about their designs, I'll try not to be boring:

Heavy's mom: You may think that "that's not how Heavy's mom looks like, she has a blue dress and a red thing in her hair" and yes you'd be correct, and that's what I was going for at first. BUT, remember this is when the mercs where children, she did not look like that, she looked probably more like this:

so I went off that. I still gave her the Idon'tknowwhatyoucallitthing in her hair. It just looks so good on her.

Medic's Mom: I just love her. She's a tall thin woman with fluffy hair, and she looks so sweet !

Demo's Mom: Nothing much to say I just went off her earliest apparition in the comics. And, may I just say, as an artist, I don't like the colors of her clothes, they just don't go with each other. I did change the color of the strips on her skirt a little bit but still...

Engineer's dad: Yeah, another one that already exist in the canon, nothing changed much here either. Since, in the comic i'm going to make, they are all going to live in a small town, I took his helmet off and changed his overalls for more... "casual" ones. He's not a mercenary yet.

I referenced some pictures of work overalls and actually made him look too modern and had to change it a bit.

Spy's dad: I was afraid of doing spy's dad because I didn't want to make just a copy of spy. And I also didn't want to make another mom, we already have three of those X). So I played around for a while, looking at 20s and 50s clothes, and I think in the end I manage to get the spy vibe without drawing spy, if you see what I mean.

here are some of my research for him. Pretty basic:

Now you may notice, among the chid mercs I made, one is missing: Soldier.

I just have a very hard time imagining his parents, or just him having parents. Either he was raised in an orphanage, his parents weren't very present for him or he got raised by racoon in a dumpster, i don't know, but I just don't see him having a "normal" family.

In the comic I plan, this won't really be brought up, like in the official lore it will kind of be a mystery :)

Anyway, sorry for the long post. Hope you like them !

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #fanart #art #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #tf2 heavy #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #child medic #child spy #child heavy #child demoman #child engineer #digital art #Spy's dad #medic's mom #tf2 merc's parents #demoman's mom #heavy's mom #engineer's dad #DeGroot #Conagher #Ludwig #charadesign

[casteliacityramen]

Previously: Hana ordered a bowl of Kitsune Udon and Ray asked a rather deep question to which Hana responded with clarity. @pokitsune

Ray listens attentively. But, as Hana takes a pensive stop to think, his hands sneakily shifts to the x-transceiver behind the counter away from their view.

Sounds easy enough...

His attention is brought back to Hana as they started to talk once more. Other than a slight twitch at the words "I hated it-", Ray gives Hana his full attention..

It wasn't long until Rio came back.

She trots off, shooting a thoughtful glance over to Hana to see if her presence bothered them any longer. Nevertheless, she continues to do some "book keeping" away from Hana’s area–most likely to give them the reprieve from the cynophobia she was informed about.

After unpacking the groceries, Ray takes stock of what he has in front of him.

Hana has already humored him with a deep response to a heavy question, so to keep them waiting without food would just be rude. He’s going to have to work with what he’s got and take short cuts.

Short cuts or not, this was a delicate operation. Skipping the steps to soak the seaweed to boil it might risk a bitter and slimy stock if boiled too long. Take time too little to twice fry the tofu and you’ll end up with a sad addition of soggy tofu. He has to time it right…

The broth shimmers with golden clarity. The noodles look like they are not too firm and not too soft. While there may be traces of some of the spice falling to the bottom of the bowl, it looks complete and carefully concocted.

A tasteful addition of the necessary toppings sit proudly on top. The Inari-Age looks like it's not typical of what you'd expect from Kitsune Udon, but reminiscent of the sweet and salty taste despite its hardened and crispy texture.

This is the type of a lunch that will have you ready to take on the afternoon without feeling too bloated. 

By all accounts, Ray thinks he did a pretty good job. He’s quite proud of himself for this one. 

I followed this recipe to do some research!

I gave myself the limitation of "ok there's a customer who needs their food asap." So 10-15 minutes max. Here's what I found:

The recipe is absolutely right in claiming that dashi powder isn't as good as homebrewed dashi. HOWEVER I live in a place where Japanese ingredients are hard to come by. I'm actually surprised I didn't find bonito flakes.

You can skip the soaking konbu part, but I hiiiighly recommend it. You'll end up with a broth that doesn't feel complete if you skip this part. Speaking of broth, udon noodles are also extremely filling--if you make a broth with it, it better not be heavy because you'll be a vegetable after you eat. But if you get all the ingredients right, you'll end up with a good meal that I totally forgot to take a picture of. Just imagine it's what I drew because that looks better anyway

I didn't read the instructions close enough--the inari-age is supposed to be a marinated/seasoned in dashi, soy sauce, and mirin. I just had bland tofu puffs... In my defense, there's a lot of Japanese terms thrown around and the recipe blog was un-intuitive to follow.

Granted, there's absolutely no way you can make inari-age in the span of 20 minutes, especially if you're making the tofu from scratch. One way to change that, however, would probably be in the process of combining the seasoning/marinating process with the frying process. I can't confirm this, I haven't tried it and I was getting too antsy to let this reply go unfinished.

#if you wanna hear me ramble about udon you can peep the readmore #pokeask #ray #rio #pokemon ask blog #plot #this reply took so long because of a lot of life stuff BUT we're back on track now #udon #greninja #rockruff #pokemon bw #pokemon #pokemon fanart #ask

[tmntkiseki]

Diary of an Idiot Trying to Learn to Draw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Part 1: Escaping the Comfort Zone)

Before we talk turtles and the early steps of my art journey with them, let's talk about me for a little bit.

Hello, most people know me by my online nickname, Star. I'm a perpetually tired gremlin in her late 20s from New England who still lives with her parents and two brothers. (I'm the middle child!) I love my two dogs to bits, I have a weird fascination with shipwrecks and maritime disasters, and I am a known art enjoyer to point of attempting to draw her own pictures. Sometimes it goes well, other times... ah, we'll get to that.

When I think about my history in terms of drawing, it all starts with anime. My first exposure anime was through a fairly obscure one called Sky Girls; I encountered it through Dance Dance Revolution: Super Nova 2 on the PS2, as the opening to the original OVA was one of the songs available in the game. I ended up watching most of the television series and I was quick to discover that, hey, there's an entire genre of animated television series that originate from Japan; subsequently, I ended up watching several anime that were popular during the late 2000s with Lucky Star, Haruhi Suzumiya, Clannad, and Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni all being shows that I watched during this period. It's difficult to say what entranced me so much about the art style quirks we so heavily associate with anime, but it's definitely had the biggest influences on my art; not just anime itself, but video games with anime art styles as well. If I had to name which pieces of Japanese media have affected me most in terms of art development, it would be Odin Sphere, KyoAni's works (especially Violet Evergarden), and Hidari (the character designer for three of the Atelier games and Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia.)

"Okay, but what about when you actually began to do your own art?" WELL, I can definitely say throughout elementary school I absolutely LOVED being in art class, but I didn't start seriously practicing until I was around 13; this was when my depression first reared its ugly head, but it was also about when I first got into fandom online. Now, the first fandom I actually made "content" for was Pokemon, but that wasn't drawing; that was fanfiction. The first fandom I actually drew for?

Call of Duty: Zombies. Yeah, I think we all have that one fandom we're embarrassed to mention that we were ever involved in. Regardless of the cringe factor, it was still important for me because that was when I first started interacting with other fanartists online and if I hadn't spent so much time drawing fanart of a bunch of WWII stereotypes while I was in high school, I wouldn't have laid the groundwork for what came afterwards.

In terms of overall skill, I'm definitely way better than I was back when I first started out, but there is still so much I have to learn; I do often look at other artists who are around my age or, hell, are even YOUNGER than me and think to myself "Why am I not that good?" and, ya know, art is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice and due to my mental illness and lack of confidence/self-worth, there were periods where I would go for MONTHS without drawing anything, so the fact I'm not where I feel like I should be skill-wise is ultimately circumstantial (there are other personal shortcomings that have also been holding me back, but we'll get to those later). I have managed to learn to stop being so hard on myself and not be as perfectionistic, and I find myself drawing more and more for the fun of it and learning new techniques that'll result in better pieces rather than anything else. These are some of the Rune Factory 4 pieces I drew last year (all Arthur/Frey ship art, oops) and at this point I can look at them and think "Yeah, they're not perfect, but I also did a pretty good job."

All right, this is the part of the post where we finally get to talking about my experiences learning how to draw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles--specifically, the 2003 versions. It's been about a month since I started studying the show's art and even if I'm not the best artist on the block, I still have a decent amount of experience under my belt that learning how to draw them shouldn't be too hard, right? Right? I mean how hard can it be to draw four humanoid turtles?

Oh boy, of all the fandoms I've drawn fanart for, TMNT 2003 probably has one of the steepest learning curves that I have EVER experienced.

All right, what are some of the advantages do I have going in? There is my existing experience drawing, but I'd argue the fact that my brain is so hardwired to draw anime is an advantage in some ways. When I first looked at the show's art style (more specifically that of seasons 1 - 5), I was thinking to myself "How the everliving FUCK am I supposed to draw this?!" However, when I actually sat down and studied the model sheets, I was delighted to discover that a lot of the basic fundamentals that I already learned drawing anime bodies can be applied to the turtles; one of the only major adjustments I had to make was exaggerating the muscles of the arms and legs. Not only that, but one of the less human aspects of the turtles IE the plastron is actually incredibly useful as a makeshift guideline for the torsos; it quite literally divides them into chest, abdomen, and pelvis areas and I absolutely love it!

Unfortunately, that's about where my happiness with drawing the turtles ends and where my actual struggles start.

("Nekomata Mikey" from January 7th, which is probably my best and favorite turtle attempt thus far)

So, I suffer from a little something called "not liking to leave my comfort zone." It's not something that I'm incapable of doing, but getting me to break out of a repetitive routine and try something new or challenging is insanely difficult--no idea if it's a result of my autism spectrum disorder or not, but it definitely explains why I've hesitated to experiment more with my art and try new things... which is important if you want to further develop your style and improve. Oooooooh boy.

Now, I'm not necessarily looking to accurately replicate TMNT 2003's style, but I am hoping to maintain certain aspects when I draw the turtles. Stuff that is definitely contradicting what I'm comfortable with when it comes to drawing; the thick lines you see in a lot of the official art, the fact this show really likes using sharp angles to define physical features, the dark color palette of the first five seasons, the fact those seasons break the rule of "don't shade with black" that I've been taught from the beginning--a lot of stuff that I'm just not used to. It's hard not to become frustrated because half the time you have no idea what you're doing and have no idea whether it's going to look good or not.

Beyond that, there is the matter of the less human aspects of the turtles that are giving me a run for my money. I can somewhat handle the chunky three fingered hands and large two toed feet, but when I get to the heads and shells, that's where I start tearing my hair out. Even with multiple reference screenshots from the show and sassatello's tutorial on the head structure handy, I still find myself fumbling and making heads that are too angular and chunky (especially in the cheek area) or heads that are too round to the point of almost looking babyish. The shells are another matter entirely; it's weird because they are basically a dome-shaped backpack, but something about those things keeps throwing me for the loop no matter what angle or pose I'm drawing a turtle from.

*LOUD SIGH*

For all the struggles and frustrations I have, I'm still very happy to be studying and practicing how to draw the turtles. It's been about a month since I started pouring over the model sheets, taking screencaps from individual episodes to examine and annotate, and just drawing, and I've already learned so much. Not only that, but this whole experience of trying to figure out how to draw the main characters from an (almost) 21 year old cartoon has pushed me to look up... A LOT of tutorials for art skills I've admittedly been neglecting. Basic shapes used in the structure of the body, color theory and shading, all that good stuff. It is also a fact that studying the art of TMNT 2003 is exactly what inspired me to start posting all the model sheets and concept arts I have saved on my laptop. When you have a ton of art resources at your disposal, why not share them? Someone else might need them as much as you do.

I'm hoping to make another post like this in a couple months or so just to see how much I've improved, where I'm still kicking and screaming, and what areas I ought to focus on. Until then, take care and have a good day!

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt art diary

[frogonamelon]

Practically All of the Non Hamato and Non Villian characters

(also known as I have brainrot about my turtles’ world and wanted to share the human (or ‘human’) squad with you!)

The closest manhole to the turtles’ lair is in the center of the courtyard of Arcadia Apartments, a small 2 story building with three apartments on each story, the owner’s apartment (although it's functionally abandoned), and a communal laundry/ other uses space. The residents of these apartments are the characters I want to share with you today!

April [Top Left]: A human woman in her early 20s just getting on her feet  while going for her degree in Anthropology at the local community college. She is an amateur journalist who runs a blog about local cryptids and legends that people think are fun but no one really believes. April finds out the truth about these cryptids on one fateful rainy night on her way home from a late night class.

Casey [Bottom Left]: A 20 something year old mechanic by day and vigilante by night under the name The Penalizer. Due to issues with his mom and his dad out of the picture, he lives with and has not so legally recognized custody of his younger sister (although he has a hard time being there for her with everything going on.) He has played every sport known to man but his true love is ice hockey. Despite all logic, he is a morning person. 

Angel [Not Depicted]: Casey’s 15 year old sister who has been mixed up with the Purple Dragons for some time. Due to Casey not being around to check her, she is able to go out with them without intervention.

Frankie and Sydney [Top Right]: A couple in their early 30s who live in the human world with their two young children: Sunita (age 5) and Timothy (age 2) [Not Depicted]. Frankie is an entertainer for rent at various establishments and events while Sydney works as a bartender at Run of the Mill. Sydney is a cool mom type with Frankie being a goofy doting husband. That one couple who give really good advice and are destined to be a cute old couple one day. 

Irma [Middle Left]: A type A very structured and successful hardass (affectionate) woman in her late 20s maybe early 30s. Irma works at Stockman Enterprises in one of their engineering labs. At least… as a cover. She is a robotic human suit being piloted by a smaller yokai being that resembles a gray alien.

Keno [Small in the Center]: A mid to late 20s man who's just living life and working as a delivery man. He games in his free time and is honestly living the most chill life of all of them. Can and absolutely will cook for everyone, as long as they pitch in financially of course. Is the first and only person April told about the turtles after that fateful night. When he inevitably joins forces with the turtles, he is backup tech support, hacking, manning drones, machines, and cameras from their lair (or his own apartment setup) whenever Donnie’s unable to in the field. 

Mei [Center Leftish]: I’m going to keep this brief as I’ve explained her backstory and role here. This is her in her younger days, back when she was more aggressive and inexperienced in the ways of the world outside the arena but after her defeat at the hands of Splinter/ Shen. Despite being a source of wisdom for her neighbors, I could see her becoming an antagonist with the right motivation.

This character doesn’t live with the others but I drew him here:

Yukichi [Bottom Right]: The cousin and mentee of Miyamoto Usagi. After an event in his past, he was shot through the multiverse, unable to find his way back. He travels around the multiverse as a ronin helping/ protecting people and exploring the various universes. He has a sword with the mystic power to control the wind (a la the mythology around Grasscutter and Yuichi having a mystic weapon). 

It's likely I’ll do a separate post about him someday and why I made this decision in depth, but it felt too strange to change Miyamoto this much, but this version of Leo doesn’t match Yuichi’s personality. I thought the premise of taking a naiver and more optimistic character and having him become more like his mentor through experience would be interesting.

#lively's turtles #Frankie: God I love my wife <3<3<3 my queen <3<3 the brightest star above #Irma is inspired by Otto from A Man Called Otto #Utroms are just grey alien yokai in this universe instead of being kraang #Sydney's from the 2003 series #I wanted cyberpunk Usagi so bad I made him a completely different character #The idea that every member of the Usagi family has the Captain Marvel 'everyone calls me Fury' treatment is honestly really funny to me #Debating doing that to Yukichi (I know he has a different last name but side of the family is inconsistent in the wiki) #Its hard to tell but Venus' prosthetics are inspired by that one porcelain leg and its floral designs #The paintings themselves though match Future IDW Lita's tattoos #Venus' headwear is meant to be a combination of bubble to protect kappa dish and very simplified chinese opera headpiece #Also eyemarkings are jin chan gold diamonds + chinese opera eyeshadow #This is like my 3rd time posting about this version of Venus how did I get here #tmnt casey jones #tmnt #tmnt au #tmnt 2k12 #rottmnt #tmnt 2k18 #save rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt keno #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2003 #tmnt venus #tmnt irma #tmnt april

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

3, 16 and 20 for loving fandom asks! 😊

3. a character that fandom has helped u appreciate

wen kexing from the novels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also zzs from the novels and zzs from the show and wkx from the show but this isnt!!! about them!!!

16. a tiny detail in canon that u want more people to appreciate

we talked about this before but i really like how rise of phoenixes handles the crossdressing trope. quippe quest mentions this in their videos at some point i think; feng zhiwei is allowed to actually look like a man when she dresses up as a man, and the additional layer her crossdressing shenanigans add to the exploration of her arc that ends in her being completely stripped from all she has at the beginning (agency, autonomy, freedom, value) is all the more gutpunching. i look at her being all unrestrained (as a person) when she dresses up, moving around freely and doing what she wants (as per her nature), and then i look at who she is forced to become once the emperor finds out about it and it gets public. its honestly horrible, like a horror movie (feng zhiwei fmv horror edit?). so the maturity and nuance with which they approach and utilize it is smth i wish would be talked about more, if only because its so dear to me personally and i think everyone should talk about it all the time

,,,, ,,, actually this probably doesnt really count as a tiny detail //w// , ,, i thought of it because theyre so casual with it in canon!!! though feng zhiwei‘s ~real gender~TM is a plot point, the show doesnt really make a fuss around the crossdressing in itself (compared to how other stories usually handle it). so i thought of it as tiny and a detail even though its not really tiny, and its more the attention to detail that i would like for everyone to appreciate forever.

HERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE ANSWER: zhiwei‘s long ass hair that she takes down at the end of the forst day at the academy when sits in the window just before going to bed . everyone is talking about ning yi‘s hair but!!!! what about hers!!!!! its literally right there!!!! its such a beautiful scene, she looks so good. and i think its the only time she ever takes down her hair where we see it right? right? it doesnt happen at all at any other point :) surely :). so beautiful when u can take down your hair of your own volution in a world where taking your hair down signifies vulnerability and can unmask you as a woman! :) :):):) great scene where zhiwei is in full control of her fate and pursues her happiness and taking her hair down in the privacy of her room, with only gu nanyi to see, is such a big show of trust (in him) and faith (in her future) :) im fine why do u ask

20. your very first fandom

oh this is a mean pick!!!!!! me having like a hole in my head etc!!!!! but one of my earliest beloveds media that i could count as me entering a fandom of any kind is the donald duck franchise. dont really have a better name for it. i could call it the Mickey Mouse Franchise but that would be A Lie. mickey mouse has nothing to do with it at all! i had fan magazines and would dress up as phantomias and would spent time reading comics with my friends and brother and i would annoy literal strangers into lending me their comics if i so much as sniffed out that they had a collection at home. i also drew and wrote fanart and fanfic, though i never finished anything, my aspirations were too high for my fragile constitution also known as patience and stamina TvT. smth thats STILL a problem tbh. i cant write short stuff yet keeping it up for so long is Hard. anywhomst. i remember looking at the pictures before i learned to read and making up the story in my head so this being my first fandom might not be that far off!!!!!!

beloveds fandom asks game

#rise of phoenixes has wrecked me TvT #i watched it three times in full in direct succession after finishing it the first time #which is super unusually for me #i rewatch at the most after multiple months of not years #cryptid!!!! im making u personally responsible for dragging me back into it!!! #how dare u like it so much after i recced it to u!!!!! the world is not a nice place TvT #inbox #the mututal tag #loving fandom asks #cryptid #ask game #the rise of phoenixes #tian ya ke my beloved

[abbacuuss]

1. selfie: I'll post one after this.

2. what would you name your future kids? Genevieve and Canderous Scott or Scott.

3. do you miss anyone? I miss my brother, Drew.

4. what are you looking forward to? Just being happy.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? My mom.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? Absolutely.

7. what was your life like last year? Full of sickness.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? Yes

9. who did you last see in person? My mom.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes. I'm a Capricorn.

11. are you listening to music right now? No just a fan.

12. what is something you want right now? Tacos.

13. how do you feel right now? My body hurts.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Its been a while

15. personality description: Sarcastic nerd

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Yeah.

17. opinion on insecurities. I am insecurities personified.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago? Not at all.

19. have you ever been to New York? I've never been out of the Tristate area.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? Word up by Cameo

21. age and birthday? 32 and Jan 15th

22. description of crush.

23. fear(s): Death.

24. height: 6'

25. role model: My brother.

26. idol(s): Billie

27. things i hate: myself

28. i’ll love you if… you accept me as I am.

29. favourite film(s): Donnie Darko, original Ghostbusters, and 10 things I hate about you

30. favourite tv show(s): too many to name

31. 3 random facts: I can't roll my tongue, I can't blow bubbles in gum, and penguins have a gland above their eyes that convert salt water to fresh water to see when diving.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? Girls?

33. something you want to learn: more languages

34. most embarrassing moment: peed myself at a church sleepover. I didn't even go to that church.

35. favourite subject: pottery

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? Be happy, be comfortable financially, treat my mom right.

37. favourite actor/actress: Paul Rudd

38. favourite comedian(s): Gabriel Iglesias

39. favourite sport(s): curling

40. favourite memory: Coming home from the hospital after my blood clot.

41. relationship status: single

42. favourite book(s): World War Z

43. favourite song ever: Pearl of the Stars by Coheed and Cambria

44. age you get mistaken for: 20s

45. how you found out about your idol: He is my sibling.

46. what my last text message says: "nope. Not hurt."

47. turn ons: ask me privately.

48. turn offs: Dishonesty

49. where i want to be right now: Im in bed so...

50. favourite picture of your idol: nope

51. starsign: Capricorn

52. something i’m talented at: making people laugh

53. 5 things that make me happy: my cats, tacos, video games, giving love, and learning new things.

54. something thats worrying me at the moment: my heart.

55. tumblr friends: all of them.

56. favourite food(s): Mexican food, Italian food, American Chinese food

57. favourite animal(s): otters and cats

58. description of my best friend: n/a

59. why i joined tumblr: was reporting e3 back in 2009

60. ask me anything you want: you didn't ask me anything.

#answered #asked #anon #about me

[rosexknight]

I really wasn't super pleased with my satyr/drow Liliana Niryn (near-rune) when I drew her the first time. She was a little too similar to Cammy and pirate-looking for my taste. So I gave her another whack now that I have played her and know her personality a bit more. I am MUCH happier with it. She is a hella good support with Swashbuckler Rogue/Twilight Domain Cleric/Battle Master Fighter. Lack of Extra Attack kinda sucks, but Battle Master gives you maneuvers that can mitigate damage for yourself, change places with allies, and let them attack instead of you, Twilight Domain gives you buffs and temporary HP you can give to your party, and Rogue is just a hard-hitter.

Liliana is a street rat who grew up taking care of her half siblings. Her mom was a drow and her father a satyr who apparently dipped after their first few nights together. Her mother really [i]did[/i] do her best to support them, but was away working a lot. Her sibling's father was an adventurer, who died trying to make his fortune. Her mother finally got engaged to a noble who was willing to support kids that weren't his, but she got sick shortly after the marriage happened. The noble was nice but...disinterested to say the least, so gave Liliana and her siblings some money and shipped them off to the orphanage.

Liliana then became the de facto leader of a bunch of kids there, and totally [i]didn't[/i] teach them to steal, but totally [i]did[/i] get them out of trouble whenever they found themselves in it. However, she [i]really[/i] didn't want to spend the rest of her life in the orphanage. She's not naturally the caretaker type, though she'll do it when needed. So, when the queen of the kingdom also became a goddess (the queen is another of my D&D characters and this was part of another game) she figured "Hey! I'll get in good with the queen goddess and then the orphanage will be safe and then I can go do whatever." This did work out for her, and her character arc is learning to be less greedy and more of a better leader to the big picture, not just her circle.

She has a bff who's another player PC that's a Dragonborn, but he left for some kind of family training a while ago. During the events of the game, he JUST came back. She hides behind him in combat.

Currently in game though, she can't remember WHO her bff was, only that she had one, so they have some nice angst there. She's also wanted to spend her whole life punching her dad (where she got her satyr side) for leaving, but in game met him and realized his leaving literally wasn't by choice. So some development there too.

Character sheet (Level 20 so I know what goal I'm aiming for): https://ddb.ac/characters/42965285/Ef1JFO

First art: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48625412/

Her patron: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41306506/

Some writings for her and her patron: First Meeting - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FzXkfUVwuYHF8NVlUbfDqJ_qXCA4it9Qq9HBDu_zFW4/edit?usp=sharing Wake-Up Call - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g5TbOOSC3FoOrz0PxunUVh4ZY9N1IG9h6lDbRfN3ey8/edit?usp=sharing After Feywild - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Dn99P4tl3sfOx3EFtK84vQG7h1Q0DRbY3QTpBya8ZKY/edit?usp=sharing

Hope you enjoy~! Want art like this monthly? Why not join? My General Patreon, safe for all audiences: www.patreon.com/rosexknight My 18+ ADULT-ONLY Patreon: www.patreon.com/rosexxxknight

#dnd #satyr #breaktimedoodles #liliana

[secretcircuit]

6, 8, 16, 19, 20, 25, 28, and 30!

YAY thank u !!

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn’t supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

this is tricky for me to answer! i feel like my artistic inspirations are things that i know (im curious what other ppl think they are...) for the most part... so i guess i dont know if i have an answer for this ! maybe other ppl do?? one time i drew a portrait of myself that looked like a wikihow illustration skdfjskfjskdjf but that was an accident

8. What’s an old project idea that you’ve lost interest in

so i started to answer this but then realized im still interested in that project skdjfksj ... ooh i know ! i used to draw this character (unnamed) with a computer monitor for a head and a human body -- because at the time i felt like people understood me to be a machine or robot-like when in fact i had a lot of feelings... so it was going to be a comic about them navigating through life with this huge disconnect... thankfully i have friends now who dont make me feel like that, so i dont feel the need to revisit it :')

(also side note i feel like ive seen comics / manga (or something?) with a design just like this since ???)

16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing

this is making me realize that i like most of the things im good at, which makes me wonder if maybe i shy away from doing things im NOT good at (even if i dont like them)? i will have to ponder... i mean i guess i am passably good at drawing Mechanically Complex(ish) Things (e.g. bicycles or w/e) but find them really boring. im not interested in things that are symmetrical or engineered... (computers dont count; they are just lil boxes visually)

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

OOH so many things... i love drawing botanical stuff. i dont actually post much of it on here i guess? but i do a LOT of plant studies / drawings for people :) not to sound like a jock but i also really like drawing sports equipment?? it's fun in general and also when i draw it on people it helps with posing etc. skateboards, hockey sticks, that sort of thing. i do also enjoy drawing computers. and like... i guess they arent Objects but i like drawing interiors in general... trying to make spaces lived in etc. oh furniture is kinda fun to do... but yeah plants / botanicals are at the top of the list :)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

people often remark that they find it hard to hatch/crosshatch the way i do? but it's just how i shade, and i like it; it's fun to do... people in motion ? hands? (dont get me wrong i also find them hard to draw but i do enjoy them.)

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

AHA well one time i posted a fanart piece of kakashi that i had done in acrylics as my fb profile picture (LOL... like we are talking 10-min study, not an actual polished piece) and someone said it looked like van gogh which ... was very funny to me? especially bc i dont feel like my style is similar to van gogh's otherwise. (and we are talking like - family friend commenting on fb. so.) ive also had ppl say that my art reminds them of alison bechdel's (which i consider to be a compliment; i love her comic style), but i had already pretty much solidified my style before reading dtwof so...

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i have never participated in a zine! i used to do inktober before the creator of it revealed himself 2 be super shitty. honestly the main reason i dont do zines is that i do exclusively traditional art and im lazy and dont feel like going 2 the effort of scanning / editing / etc... but also i would really like to? ive also thought about making my own zines, but thats not really an Event. i did in fact make one abt vampires... anyway

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

one of the orufrey pieces i did where theyre like abt to kiss after hours in the atelier... LISTEN. i used to dislike doing backgrounds but i put a lot of work into that one! i literally referenced how the couch looks based on the handful of manga chapters where it shows up!!!!!! i will live tho. honestly i have been pleasantly surprised with how much some of my art has been shared on here :')

art asks

#katertalks #paladiknightleorio #ask memes

[iztopher]

hi. at this point it may be evident what i'm about to say. but for that ask meme: ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

JHFDASK YESSSS okay here we go!!!

1. Art programs you have but don't use: Clip Studio Paint!! I pretty much ONLY use it for the grid and text feature, otherwise I don't like the workflow haha

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even): Drawing in profile is the same to me from either direction, but for 3/4 view, I naturally gravitate towards / find it easier to draw people facing left

3. What ideas come from when you were little: Since I've been into Aveyond for so long, and that's what I mostly draw, I have a lot of ideas that pretty much originated as "I wanted to draw this as a kid and didn't have the skill to"!

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw: Te'ijal and also Galahad. it's the hair.

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself: Finished art I'd say I share a good 90% of it! Once we get into sketches... hoo boy, maybe 40%?

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it): Whatever this is, it's either too specific to the piece or too subconscious for me to think of it

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate: traditional illustration, painting, watercolor...

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in: A heads up that my answer to this is sad but I'm trying to talk about this type of stuff relatively openly, so: spring 2021, I watched Willy's Wonderland for the first time w/ Ishti + Moonie; we kept talking about a Galahad & Mel AU for it. I had two pictures for it planned, and I drew one of them, and... the timing worked out where Moonie never got to see it, and I've lost the motivation to do the second one. But I like the first one and I'm glad I drew it and I take some comfort/peace in the fact that I was working on something I was excited to share with her at the time.

9. What are your file name conventions: I have a folder for all my art, a subfolder for every year, and then a subfolder for every month, which means there isn't that much overlap! so unless I have a funny title idea my file name conventions are generally pretty straightforward: "mella1.sai", "teijalahad.sai", "teijalstudy.sai" etc etc

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw: Does armor count? If not, gambesons.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what: Yes!!! Pretty much always music, occasionally video essays. Usually I'll pick a song and play it on loop, or if I'm in the mood for more variety I'll pick a playlist or an artist and listen through that. I also really like drawing while on call with people.

12. Easiest part of body to draw: I'm so sorry for my answer. Boobs.

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing: I'm not sure I have an answer for this one, actually - there's a lot of artists I like the work of who I wouldn't want to emulate, but that feels different to me?

14. Any favorite motifs: Not really, in theory I really love flowers but I almost never draw them

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth): I used to draw pretty much everywhere, but post chronic pain it's my desk only because using a tablet hurts wayyy less than a sketchbook!

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing: Landscapes / natural areas from photographs lol

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what: Water ALL the time, coffee if it lines up properly

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken: Very few!! Probably less than 10. I mostly draw digitally

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.): ARMOR AND WEAPONS

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy: Hands and armor!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways: Honestly the art styles unlike mine that I like tend to be ones... I wish I had... I'm really drawn to realistic, somber, softer stuff

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any: Tendon gliding exercises! Tbh I should start doing more, it might help

23. Do you use different layer modes: VERY rarely, mostly not

24. Do your references include stock images: Yessss

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by: I KNOW this has happened but I'm totally blanking on it

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended: I'm not sure if this counts but pretty much any time I get a "cute!" response on a te'ijalahad picture I'm like oh no please do not say that,

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with: I tend to warm up by drawing a headshot of the character I'm going to be drawing, but lately I've been trying to shift to warm ups that are more focused on like, the action of drawing and loosening up

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines): I participated in a zine that ended up not happening, and I've done several fandom exchanges!! Mostly the Aveyond Winter Exchange, but also the Oneshot Podcast Network exchange on AO3 (yeah it was AO3 but I did art for it)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically: Infinity Train!!! absolutely adore it, the art style doesn't really inspire me at all & because I got into it in the thick of my hand pain I never got used to drawing it

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated: None! I mostly draw Aveyond so pretty much all of my art is in the 1-10 response zone so it all feels pretty consistent gdjkgklsdf

#dear mel #THANK UUU <3333

[still-life-with-zabimaru]

Shiba Kuukaku Reference Dump, p1

I was recently drawing a comic that returned Shiba Kuukaku and Ganju. This was my first time drawing either on of them, so I ended up collecting a ton of references. I’m trying to get in the habit of organizing my references after the fact so that a) I can delete them from my main camera roll and b) they are organized in case I want to use them again later. I like to collect multiple small references into one shot because that’s easier to import into my drawing program later and then I can copy the ones I want onto their own layers. This fits very well into my own work flow (I also keep big sheets of, like, 100 ears or 20 hands). Anyway, here are some Kuukakus.

Faces

More faces

Body shots

Back and side

Unfortunately, none of these have a really clear shot of her sky tattoo. I did have one really useful reference that I found on Google images, but it had a great big “do not repost” watermark across it, so to compromise, here is a picture *I* drew of her tattoo, and a bonus one that has a good shot of the design on her shirt (It’s the Shiba family symbol, the Collapsing Whirlpool of the Crashing Heaven. Ganju has it on his battle pants, and Kaien had it as a forearm tattoo).

Some observations I made while drawing Kuukaku:

In the anime, Kuukaku has a prosthesis (you can see it a little in the second image), but this is never shown in the manga. I like to stick to the manga, so I didn’t bother with it.

Kuukaku keeps her sword tied to her right arm. The armband she wears actually looks a lot like Yoruichi’s hair tie.

Kuukaku’s hair is in sort of discrete chunks. She has one on either side of her face, one in the middle, and one that sticks out of her head wrap. In the back, her hair is long, and separates into two parts, which I assume is suppose to be evocative of a swallow’s tail.

Her skirt is slit on the right side

It took me a while to figure out her head-wrap, but it’s not actually that hard to draw once you get used to it. Draw the part that goes across the forehead first, it’s almost exactly like drawing Renji’s Standard Bandana, except the knot is all the way on the side. The knot has a loop and a drapy bit. The last bit just follows the contours of the top of her head, and you can divide into a couple of strips. 

Do not forget the Shiba eyelashes. The Shiba eyelashes are vital.

#shiba kuukaku #polynya project references #polynya tips #shiba clan

[donttelljim]

Let Me Back In

Dragon Age 2 Samson/Cullen Samson goes hounding the Knight-Captain at the Gallows, in search of some charitable hand-outs of lyrium, for old time's sake. Intercut with memories of the good old days when they were bunkmates and much, much closer. Finally a little bit of Samson/Cullen flirting and (tasteful) action, in amongst post-Templars Samson suffering and being a sweary mess. 20-something Cullen getting his flirt on gives me life, even if he should put down the lyrium! Depicts drug use and non-graphic but definitely happening sexy times Written for @chaos-company’s Angstpril 2022, Day 21, Don't Shut Me Out (On AO3 here)

Breaking into the Gallows had been embarrassingly easy. The same old hatch in Lowtown led straight on through, under the water, inside the walls and deep into the belly of the chantry-fed beast. Good old Rutherford had kept the smuggler routes open, then - so much for keeping his squeaky, promoted nose clean. Between snorting blue and burying it up Meredith’s skirts, there wasn’t much chance of that anyway, Samson thought with a dirty, condemning cackle. It was muscle memory that led him from the tunnel depths to the barracks, and it only took a little confused wandering to redirect his feet from their old, shared digs to the Knight-Captain’s new door. Fancy, he thought to himself as he swayed in the corridor. Samson remembered it from when they’d been simple knights together, with some other tosser occupying these quarters. Private quarters. Somehow he doubted Rutherford was making the most of that luxury, unless you counted stashing lyrium as ‘making the most’. He could just picture it all now, piled under the floorboard, hidden behind every copy of the Chant. He HAD to have some, Samson knew it. And it was all thanks to him. Thinning fists beat on the engraved doors. "RUTH-ER-FORD!!" The blonde templar checked the corridor cautiously and let Raleigh inside.

"Thank the Maker, that took long enough."

"You should always trust me, sunshine. I wouldn't let ya down." Raleigh produced the vial with a grin, sauntering into their shared room. Cullen lunged for it; Raleigh laughed, holding it aloft, smirking wickedly at the other templar’s impatience. His bunkmate looked vexed, furtive, though it was hard to take his anger to heart in that white linen shirt, the sun catching his curls as it did - 

"No games, Raleigh. I- I need it today. Hand it over."

Samson beat on the door again. "RUTH-ER-FORD! You're holding out on me, you son of a bitch! Open the bloody door!" His words were slurred, partly from drink - it numbed some of the withdrawal - but mostly from the confusion that was starting to pull dreams and slips of time into his mind. He felt like he was failing a Harrowing over here. It had been too long since his last hit. He needed it. And he knew who had it.

"Hand it over!" Again, the younger templar dove, and again, Raleigh held it out of reach, this time hiding it behind his back. Addiction twitched at Cullen's jaw and temple, a wary tension passing his eyes as if he feared the other man wouldn't share the hit at all, but then Raleigh's laugh drew one out of him, too. The sound was laddish and youthful, almost free, if not for that ever-crushing pressure he carried within him.

"I don't know - what do I get for finding it?", Raleigh teased, stepping backwards as Cullen lunged again, dodging and dancing away from him as the fellow knight pursued him in half-chase around their small quarters.

Cullen spotted his moment, eyes alight with contest, and dove, launching at Raleigh and attempting to snatch behind him. Raleigh took a neat, knowing step back against a wall, keeping the vial protected and out of reach. The blonde templar bumped against his front, the pair of them hitting against the brick together, Cullen's arm still behind the other templar but not quite able to reach the vial. Their eyes met. 

"CUL-LEN!" Tattered gloves beat against heavy oak, the hands wearing them beginning to feel raw. "Knight-Captain fuckin' tightarse, bootlickin' prick! It's me! Let me in!"

"You'll find out once I've had it," the young templar murmured by Raleigh's ear, replying to his earlier question in one of his rare, sudden sparks of confidence. Raleigh grinned. Flirting suited Cullen, just like roughhousing did - two things the man seemed like he should take to naturally, yet was too uptight and haunted to allow it of himself most of the time. Raleigh was glad to bring out a little levity in that usually dark soul. It deserved to be bright. 

Panic was starting to settle. Samson's eyes darted, knowing he'd be found and dragged away soon. His hands stopped beating on the door and pressed against it desperately. Why wasn't he opening!? Why wasn't he opening….? Hatred, heartache and an addict's impatience swirled within him. "Come on, Cul. Just open the door, eh?" he pleaded entreatingly. "For old time's sake? I just need a vial. Just one."

The young men stood facing each other, wincing together as they both cut their arms. "Come on, come on." They passed the mixture between them - lyrium dust and just enough of the philter's additive to break it into a rough paste. It was faster than the potion - faster to make, and a far harder hit. In turn, each man scooped the mixture onto their fingers, and with a sharp sting that soon became a lightning ball detonation in their mind, they pressed the grit into their open wounds.

As one, their steps staggered; as one, they supported each other as they groaned, the waves of purifying, numbing bliss coursing through them at powerful speed. Their foreheads pressed together as they used each other as some anchor to the world, hands gripping arms, shoulders, hair. The bliss rolled in waves, first numb and then acute, a tide pulled by a lyrium moon. As the numbing waves sunk through them, they dispelled all thought, all fear, all reasons for reservation, and then the acute bliss would return, so overwhelming that it hurt to contain. Nothing. Samson clenched his teeth as anger foamed and seethed once more. Beating against the door violently, he began to lose hope. "YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH, you ungrateful, mage fearing FUCK!"

Lips found close-by lips, warm body found warm body. What had been an accident of judgment the first time they tried taking the blue like this had become an inexplicable, unquestioned part of the high. It was heady jocularity, something to cling to as they lost their footing in the all-canceling explosion that came before the clean, enabling calm. They were comrades in something that was theirs and theirs alone: duty and secrecy that only they understood the push and pull between. For these compartmentalized moments, there were no demons, no mages, no memories - Cullen was safe, with a like-mind. He was free. For Samson, as he buried his nose deep into the other templar's hair, he told himself that he was only doing this because of the lyrium, too. That he wouldn't gladly do it anyway - 

The beggar panted, hands still pressed to the door, waiting. Resting his forehead against the wood, despair pulled at him from the inside. "Go on, Rutherford," he coaxed, switching tone as he dropped his volume, teasing desperate promises to the faceless door, bargaining and weedling for his life. "I'll make it worth your time, eh? I know what you like. We used to have a good time, didn't we?" 

Cullen’s light-voiced sounds of pleasure, almost politely stunned by the feeling, and how they'd turn to more forceful pushes, more needful groans whenever the clouding docility of the lyrium would part enough to allow them. He grew so confident when his blood was up -

Nothing. Loneliness - the true, terrifying kind when one's options have run out and nobody thought to care - claimed Samson right down in the bones. He knew Rutherford was a self-protecting, hypocritical prick, but he hadn't expected being ignored. He didn't remember him being cruel.

The disgraced soldier slid to the ground, sobbing in anger at himself and everyone who had once claimed to be on his side. You have one slip, and suddenly they don't like the look of your face any more. He was the ugly truth of what this place had been built upon, and they'd rather not look at it. 

Hardly heard by the crying vagabond, two sets of armoured feet came running. 

"Halt! Arise, serah! Steady as you go."

Samson looked up furiously. May he not even have his break-down? The two fresh faced Templars regarded him with barely concealed fear and disgust - seeing it cut a part of him, but it gave another, louder part a savage kick of satisfaction. However, none of that mattered - "I demand to see your Knight-Captain!" He barked the order from his pile on the floor, a corpse drowned in an overcoat, one hand still gripping onto the door handle as though doing so would stop him falling away.

"He isn't here, serah," the young lady of the pair offered cautiously. "Took a troop to Sundermount. More trouble with the Dalish. He'll be gone for days." 

The addict that needed feeding now, yesterday, always, sunk into deeper despair, the light growing further and further away down this blighted tunnel. Yet, in the abandoned friend, the smallest flicker of hope reignited.

The man cackled. The situation, after all, suddenly seemed hilarious. He cackled, whooped and sobbed, the recruits - both only freshly out of their vows - hovering and unsure how to move him along. Let them look. They were at the start of their road - let them look upon the unburied bones they would become. The Chantry would not tell them, Samson knew - let them see it from him.

But he was not dead yet. Not quite yet. His laughs echoed through the Gallows halls, twisted, wild and unwelcome. Let them hear.

#angstpril2022 #fic #day twentyone #don't shut me out #drug use tw #swearing #non graphic sex #samson x cullen #sullen #cullen rutherford #commander cullen #raleigh samson #cullen x samson #cullen rutherford x raleigh samson #templars #lyrium #dragon age #da2 #dragon age 2 #bisexual cullen #templar cullen

[dzpenumbra]

3/13/23

I made up for 4+ hours of conflict yesterday with 6+ hours of streaming today.

I can't even explain how... delusional it feels... to stream a story game that is intentionally being streamed as essentially a set of dynamic prompts for me to tell a story... to no listeners... The traits, characters, setting, plot tools, all that... they're all delivered by the game. Select choices and making all the pieces fit together? That's up to me. And it's very difficult to... bring your 100% when you're telling a story to a handful of bots. When no one shows up. For hours.

I switched over to art after about 3 hours. I opened Krita and just started drawing this organic abstract stuff I've been doing lately. The work I did on the prayer beads, and the Be Here Now sign. Kinda like an organic membrane with voids or like... cell pockets. It's a type of design I've been doing for like 20 years. I did that and listened to the entirety of Periphery's new album. It's fucking good, really weird, really out there, really pushing their limits. Super different from anything I've heard from them. Very impressed.

So I did a live album review - to no one. At some point someone came by and said "long time no see"... and then nothing else. I engaged with them immediately... crickets. I looked at their profile, they followed me when I drew the owl (my profile picture) back in 2021, but I guess never came back since. And just went silent or left. People are so odd. Then someone new came in, and... same story. Just said hello, and I tried to strike up a conversation... crickets. It's so frustrating.

Honestly, it feels really sad. It feels like I'm just pretending to have friends, which really doesn't make the idea of actually making friends more real. It makes it feel farther away. I just... I fucking suck at this.

Daylight savings really fucked me up. I didn't get up and moving until like 4. That shit is so fucked up. Because I didn't get to sleep until like... 7! I'm genuinely surprised I'm getting this journaling done at such an early hour.

So... I missed the mixer at the board game shop. Never showed up, it got late too quick. I got yoga done. I skated up to the gas station up by the highway and got some food and snacks. The woman who worked there was laughing about some guy who came in twice saying that he got his turban stuck in the tire air pump thing, like it got sucked in or something... and she was just scoffing at him and laughing him off. And... I just kinda laughed at the absurdity of it, because I had this Looney Tunes cartoon of it happening in my head and it was pretty slapstick funny. But... inside... I was like... that's a religious garment, that's like... he's gotta feel really panicked that he doesn't have it. That's a big deal to some people, like real big. Like "lost a wedding ring" big. And they didn't even try to take him seriously and help him, they just laughed him off and told him to leave, they just said "it doesn't work like that, it blows air, I don't know what happened to your turban but our machine didn't suck it in" or something. And... yeah, in hindsight... poor guy, you know? I wish I had been a bit more present, I could've probably offered to help him.

I seriously... I hate how scared of people I am here. Just... in general, I guess. Like... crossing paths with a homeless person who was just yelling out loud in the street the other day. It's hard to really... empathize with that. It confuses me. It's alien. I'm super self conscious, it's like... the complete opposite, just like... ultimate not giving a fuck. Hard to put myself in those shoes. And that kinda freaks me out, I guess. Encountering people from different cultures at the gas station, it made me feel bad. Like... it made me feel like a bad person. Because I just... didn't know what to expect, really. Like... I didn't know what they were thinking, because I didn't know how I appear in their eyes. If that makes sense, I'm finding this hard to articulate clearly. Like... 3/4 of the people I run into I'm scared are going to try to steal my skateboard. Which is fucking stupid, because it's like 35 lbs and the controller for it is strapped firmly to my wrist and I'm going at least 8mph at the time... But my anxiety just tells me I'm gonna get a knife or a gun pulled on me and they're taking the board, my earbuds and my phone. And I just... I guess it's because I'm alone.

It's weird. It's most people. I just... assume I'm pissing them off, they're going to yell at me, they're going to call the cops on me, they think I'm stalking them, they think I'm creepy, they think I'm dangerous, they think I'm annoying or making a lot of noise (the board can be a bit loud on brick, but it's a really fun texture to ride on), they think I'm a hipster dad trying to reconnect with a lost youth (not far off, minus the dad part...). I have no idea what others see when they look at me. And I clearly assume the worst.

And over the past few years, I've heard some nasty things. Nasty things that people think of me. And... I'm afraid a lot of that might've gotten beaten into my head?

I'm having trouble wording this right, I think. I don't trust the people around me... because I don't know what they think of me, I don't know how they perceive me. Because I very rarely get social feedback, and the overwhelming majority of it is either avoidance or conflict. So it sorta stands to reason that the most likely perception of me is... negative. Or suspicious. Which means people will be guarded around me. Which means... I'm not safe.

God... what a mess. What a mess my brain has devolved into. Looking at this, no shit I don't go out in public. And all I've been begging for, for years now... is someone to just wingman. So it's safe for me to meet new people and branch out. Ugh.

How many times do I need to have this panic attack, good lord, I'm such a broken record on this! Every anxiety response I have - "I went to the store and I ran into people that must have been suspicious of me because I'm a white dude with a shaved head in his mid-30's wearing black" - and it always catastrophizes and then resolves at the same damn lament... "if only I had a friend. Someone to have my back."

I hate living like this.

Last time I'm hitting this point, I promise. Just... picture this. Instead of me going skating alone with earbuds in trying to ignore the thoughts of people staring at me and judging... or the cops pulling up and ticketing me for riding on the sidewalk or some dumb shit... Instead, me meeting up with a friend to go cruise and explore with. Exploring my new city, with another person, so it's... you know... fucking safer. So if I crash, I'm not fucking stranded alone. So if I get mugged, I at least have someone to help me out after the fact. Someone who knows where I am and can get help. Someone to just... keep me company, and tell me I'm doing a great job, and laugh at my jokes and shit.

Oh, and since we're basically sending wishes to the gods here, might as well ask for my flexibility back in my hips, and whatever weird shit is going on with my neck, if we could get that straightened out, that'd be dank. Thanks Lumbyx, God of Spines, love your work. Praise be.

Welp. That was like... my whole day. Didn't even shower. Just wake up. Grababrush putonalittlemakeup. Yoga. Skate to the shop, hit the riverside and see geese (which was cool) and head home. Watch youtube and eat and... stall. Then stream for 6+ hours.

And here I am.

I'm upset because... it didn't feel like an accomplishment. It was, there were several large accomplishments today. But they didn't feel like accomplishments. I have that feeling where I'm going "man, I want a cigarette" and I just came back inside from smoking a cigarette. Like a hunger. Dissatisfied. Discontent. Uneasy. Wanting. Longing. Craving. It really is like a hunger. I mean that. Like I could easily see others (myself even) trying to sate this hunger with... food, or water, or alcohol, or nicotine, or benzos, or pain pills, or weed, or sex, or like... anything, really. It's a very generic hunger. A very general, deep hunger. So vague and general that I really can't define what it is or where it is.

This, in the past, was why I made those Rimworld-style "Needs meters". Right now: Food - 7/10? Rest - 2/10 Recreation - 9/10 Beauty (of immediate environment) - 5/10 Comfort - 5/10 Outdoors - 7/10

(7+2+9+5+5+7)/6 = 35/6 = 5.8/10 total Mood

So... why am I in such a shitty mood then? Why am I so upset? 5.8 is really not that bad! What's the hunger about? Welp, in Rimworld, that would be one of the Mood modifiers. Not a biophysical thing... like base human needs, the stuff above. It's more of a... thought kinda thing. Psychological effects.

Which is what has brought me to this revision lately where like... I feel like Rimworld should have a need bar for Social. Because it really does feel like a basic survival need. And shit gets really fucky in your life if social just... disappears, or is all bad.

This is where I randomly and suddenly end the journal entry because I'm tired and I notice it's getting a bit late. I wish I had something useful to do with this Rimworld RPG self-help method. It really fucking upsets me that like... I presented this specifically to 3 professional licensed psychologists, one the head of a psychology department at a college, and all of them nodded and smiled and rolled their eyes and tuned out like I was a 5 year old telling them how I was going to be an astronaut someday. Because I found this game mechanic that, in staggering detail, not only maps out both the human psyche and Mazlow's hierarchy of needs, but creates a simulation of that system in a simulated environment. You can see it functioning in real-time. You can alter it. You can see the effects it has on mood and health and relationships and shit, you can see where mental breaks hit and what causes them. It's like... the foundation of the entire game. It's like... it's fucking psychology and self care in a nutshell. It's like a roadmap for self-therapy. And I made a 45 minute video breaking this down in painstaking detail for these people and they didn't even fucking watch it. YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF IN RIMWORLD, IN PREPARE CAREFULLY. I fucking did it myself to show them! Not even kidding, I made myself in Rimworld, my house, my cat, my dog, and screenshotted the needs tab with the bars and the thoughts list and everything. And I gave them the screenshot to show them, on fucking paper, precisely every goddamn moving piece of what was going wrong in my life. And they did that whole move that shitty parents do when they go "oh wow, that's a wonderful dog you've drawn, let's put it on the fridge a little later" and then the slip it into the trash.

I swear to god, this system helped me immeasurably in being able to get out of my head and actually identify my problems specifically. Like... look what I did here! Up above. Like, my problem is clearly not a base human need. I'm tired, but the rest is doing surprisingly well. It's a craving for social contact, or a craving for... emotional comfort? I'm sure if I tallied out my big mood modifiers, it'd paint a much more detailed picture. But identifying that this hunger is not a biological component is a really important factor for me, because it really feels like a biological factor... and that can be enough for someone to start binge eating or drinking or smoking or whatever, just to make that mysterious hunger go away.

I would love, more than anything, to share this tool with others. This could like... really help people. This could be the kind of tool that people in my generation that just... struggle to connect with therapy... they can do as homework. In an approachable context. Imagine this as an app. And you plug in your stats, and your modifiers. And if you hover over negative modifiers, it can give you suggestions of common remedies to help ease them and boost mood. Shit like that. I mean... come on... Just as a day-to-day self-care kind of thing.

Maybe someone will listen to me someday and see the value of stuff like this. This idea has lasted over 4 years now and I still hold the value of it, its value to me has increased. All because some phenomenally talented indie game developers wanted to make a game that simulates the function of human mood/psychology/biology in a survival scenario. What fool would not use such an advanced and well-crafted tool?

Okay. This is where I end the journal entry. But reset the vibes first.

The highlight of the day was... seeing the geese by the river. There was a guy filming them, no idea what for but it made me so happy to see it! And the river was beautiful, my first time down by the riverside at that part of the river, above the waterfall. And the light was beautiful, and the ancient brick mill buildings at the side of the river just looked really striking. I took a picture, even. That's a memory that will stick with me. I love nature. :)

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

[acnhretreat]

wow this post sure got long.

i’ve been wanting to make some more animal crossing art

i’m getting used to drawing again after almost 10 years of stopping (with like one drawing here and there every couple years) so i’ve been warming up letting myself draw poorly and it’s been extremely freeing, since the reason i quit drawing to begin with was because i started feeling like i wasn’t good enough. at that time i quit drawing and got into abstract painting because “you don’t have to be good at it” but newsflash to past insecure me you don’t have to be good at any art to make it. and while logically i know this, and i actually believe it deeply with my whole soul that you do not have to be “””good””” at art to create art and in fact it’s very human to create art and whether art is “””good””” or not is subjective anyway and i’m genuinely, and always have been, a huge fan of “””bad””” art because so much “””bad””” art is sooo good. and i feel this way about like all mediums. catch me consuming and appreciating all kinds of art all over the place. but, sorry gonna overshare for a sec, i’ve got an eensy bit of a personality disorder that makes me an eensy bit insecure and filled with an almost unshakable sense of shame and humiliation. well, it’s my fucking life goal to break free from that shame. and thank god, the older i’m getting the stronger my sense of self and self worth are becoming. and finally, i’m allowing myself to explore drawing again, which i used to do and enjoy for hours upon hours every day of my childhood. drawing was my main form of escape and artist expression aside from writing. i create all different types of art but drawing used to feel like mine. it came so natural to me i never thought twice about it. i let a small comment that someone made get to me. and i am determined to concur this. i was 16 at the time, or maybe had just turned 17. when i stopped drawing. and i’m 27 now and it feels soo freeing to let myself draw and not be “great” at it.

since i was about 20 i’ve been trying to get myself back into drawing, dipping my toes in drawing just one little thing every couple years. i felt so stressed because i had a lot of artist’s acquaintances. i grew up in a pretty artsy town in northern california. and i remember when i started trying to draw again, i felt so frustrated that my peers had never stopped drawing, they continued to practice and got better. whereas i stopped and got worse. and i compared myself and felt so angry. i felt like i would be just as skilled as them had i never given it up! and it made it so hard for me to start back up again. my drawing abilities had regressed to the skill level i was at when i was in like 4th/5th grade. i wasn’t even at the level that i was when i had stopped drawing at age 16/17. and it took me a long time to get over the fact that i’m going to have to practice a whole lot more to get back to the place i left off.

this year i decided i don’t care anymore. i keep a sketchbook in my bed under the pillow on the side i don’t sleep on. pencils and markers within reach. and i’ve been allowing myself to draw whatever, whenever i feel like it. silly art, vent art. sometimes i want to draw but all i can do is write on the page and that’s alright too. i’ve spent the last 10 years mostly just writing and painting abstract to express myself, so that’s just what flows easier sometimes. but i’ve been creating. drawing stuff. the other day i thought to myself “i havent really drawn a picture of spongebob since i was a kid” so i took out my markers and i drew a really crude drawing of spongebob. and then i drew patrick and squidward and sandy and a jellyfish. and it did look like a kid drew it lol. and it was so fun to make. A couple months ago i took out a crayon and drew along with Steve on some episodes on Blue’s Clue’s like i used to do when i was 5. Steve actually taught me how to draw a lot of basic stuff. and that felt so nice to imitate what he draws on screen and get my hands comfortable creating shapes intentionally again.

the other day i drew a whole bunch of pictures of Stitches and some of them turned out looking real freaky and i actually was pretty happy with the end result, having a bunch of blobby drawings of my favorite animal crossing villager all on one page lol.

i feel so inspired by the animal crossing art i see online it makes me excited to get to draw more. sometimes i don’t have a ton of creative energy to draw a big elaborate drawing like i used to when i was a teen but i’m gonna baby-steps my way up to drawing more and more elaborate and interesting animal crossing artwork. not even to share with others people or anything, although i might someday. but just for me. for the love of my favorite game and for the love of drawing

#long post #personal #my favorite art is the stuff that doesn’t even look like animal crossing at first glance #that’s what i feel most inspired by

[sketci]

How do you get inspired to keep drawing? Just like that? Fr? I wanna learn how to draw tooo

(Also I like your art a lot :))

Thank you so much for your kind ask! 💓

To answer your question, it takes a good amount of practice and patience. I'm not gonna lie... It was very difficult at first.

No one taught me nor really inspired me to draw during my early artworks, I remember I drew my first picture when I was three (a VERY bad rainbow train) I saw other artworks and their amount of followers later on in life so I told myself "imma train myself to be just like them" and just like magic, my account is now holding 20+ amazing followers. anything can inspire you If u just keep trying!

What if I told you, I never could draw people? Not dragons? Nor realistic things. It was always cartoons! (Still draw them now but I'm a little better at realism)

I already knew that I wasn't the best at drawing but I kept at it, using inspiration to what I draw today 💓

So much has changed during 3 YEARS of hard going practice, but each time I kept telling myself that "no matter how bad I think my drawings are, I will use them as an inspiration next time"

So now imma show you anon, all of my paid off work, hopefully to inspire you to keep going 💓

Before (octo) oc

After (octo) oc

Before

After

Rest is just newer artworks 💓

I hope y'all have a wonderful day/night

#my art lol #ocs #wings of fire oc #wings of fire #stranger things #max stranger things #max mayfield #my little pony #my little pony ocs #sketci asks #Thank you all for 20+ followers #love you all

[obscureglance]

1. Selfie? Nahhh.

2. What would you name your future kids? Alex, Natalie, or Jack.

3. Do you miss anyone? Always.

4. What are you looking forward to? Beach trip next month.

5. Is there anyone who can always make you smile? It doesn't take a lot for me to smile. But, yes.

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone? Very.

7. What was your life like last year? Lots of curveballs but ya girl is surviving.

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? Hahaha, yes.

9. Who did you last see in person? My roommates.

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes and no.

11. Are you listening to music right now? Nope.

12. What is something you want right now? My next paycheck.

13. How do you feel right now? Sore.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Probably my dad earlier this week tbh lol.

15. Personality description? I’ve heard I’m bubbly.

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Right now.

17. Opinion on insecurities? Everyone has them so you should always be kind.

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago? Nope. Not at all.

19. Have you ever been to New York? Not yet.

20. What is your favorite song at the moment? Cocoa Butter Kisses by Chance the Rapper.

21. Age and birthday? 90’s baby Virgo.

22. Description of your crush? Dark curly hair. Skinny fit. Hilarious and chill.

23. Fears? Clowns, heights, and abandonment.

24. Height? 5’2’’.

25. Role model? My aunt.

26. Idol? Frida Kahlo.

27. Things you hate? Anti-choice folk and all other bigots.

28. I’ll love you if…you love me for me.

29. Favorite films? Batman and Robin, Rogue One, Split, Boyhood, and The Kid Detective.

30. Favorite tv shows? Too many to write but I recently added Little Fires Everywhere to that long list.

31. 3 random facts? I’m underpaid. I’m single. I’m bisexual.

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys? Probably slightly more girls.

33. Something you want to learn? To fluently speak Spanish.

34. Most embarrassing moment? Being fingered just as my period started. In the middle of the woods.

35. Favorite subject? English or Art.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? To not live paycheck to paycheck. To find the love of my life. To see The Pyramid of Giza.

37. Favorite actors? Okieriete Onaodowan, Penn Badgley, Drew Barrymore, Cameron Monaghan, and Letitia Wright

38. Favorite comedians? John Mulaney and Trevor Noah.

39. Favorite sports? Baseball, soccer, and golf.

40. Favorite memory? It snowed in DC while I was there.

41. Relationship status? Single.

42. Favorite book? Too many.

43. Favorite song ever? Picture by Sheryl Crow.

44. Age you get mistaken for? 19! Lol.

45. How did you find out about your idol? School.

46. What does your last text message say? ‘Somewhat lol..tryna grab a drink tomorrow?’ To me. No cap.

47. Turn-ons? Passion and compassion.

48. Turn-offs? Pompous assholes.

49. Where you want to be right now? A hot tub.

50. Favorite picture of your idol? Any of her self-portraits. They all speak to something different but equally important.

51. Star sign? Virgo

52. Something you’re talented at? What I have my degree in.

53. 5 things that make you happy? Nature, food, sex, friendship, and love.

54. Something that's worrying you at the moment? Bills, bills, bills.

55. Tumblr friends? I tend to keep to myself.

56. Favorite food? Tiramisu.

57. Favorite animals? Arctic animals, foxes, opossums, dogs, and koala bears.

58. Description of my best friend? Puerto Rican and southern princess.

59. Why I joined Tumblr? It wasn't this account but my first one was created in 2008. I liked it better than Myspace or Facebook. Still do.

60. Ask me anything you want? Do ittt.

[perfectlypinkduck]

Fictional novel

There's many discoveries to be made in this world. Everything around in sight not in sight is full of information. The scientific world will tell you that.

The world of make believe or once upon a time these things once was. Is it true or is it just a nother fairly tale that got taller over time.

The imagination can make or break one self. Pay attention to the tiniest details when can. This is how I creat the tidbits that I write about. From the good side of ones character to the whole other side of ones character.

Watch,think, read, listen, retain then treat the details as if they are a story plot.

Shift the pieces around and creat your own master pieces.

Even though there's things that I see and don't understand till later that's because I have not seen heard read or thought about it in a certain way yet.

Then when I do it's like painting a picture for the whole entire word to see.

When I was in college I created a PowerPoint project for a class. I was older than most of the rest of them and I still took the time to think about the subject matter and bam lights went on about how to do this. I went to my professor and had him to look at my PowerPoint what little I had so far and asked, is it okay to think like this and do that because I am a think out of the box kind of person and I don't give just 100% I give 110% of myself. I pour myself in my work and he said yes, I am on the right track. I was happy and I went home and created a masterpiece omg it was greaT.!

When I stop and think about those nights working hard to get this right not just good but effin great. Because most of the class was 19 &20 year olds did nothing seriously.

I had dug researched and collected data and went through my data and asked myself does this fit here or would this be better.

The pictures and time frame and designs of the right era had to match up with my PowerPoint project.

I still to this day remember the presentation day and after sitting through a few really stupid ones before mine I wasn't worried about anything.

I swear the room got quiet and you could hear a pin drop a feather probably. The reaction I got back was amazingly great and from every one.

I felt represented that day for a few seconds.

My work because I drew it up in my imagination and dug and researched it all by myself. Amazing how the mind works when people actually gives a shit to put in effort to build and create.

The other students did games shows and stupid shit.

There were no mentioning the subject matter in their project at all just a easy A for them and they were lazy about it.

That to me was one of my finest part of me.

It meant so much to me and just the personal satisfaction I got from that assignment and how I shocked myself.

You don't know what you can do till you do it.

Do your best at everything that you take on even when after a while you really hate it think about the character building and eye opening experiences you would never experienced if you hadn't tried to be the best version of your self always.

No matter what slime ball or stupid people you get stuck with during that trial of life.class mates helping on a assignment together that's a damn nightmares.

I would rather do it all by myself and do it right the first time.

When I started college and the first month was fun as hell and your eyes are opening up to see your mind stretch and develope.

That's incredible to be able to be educated and love it too.

Write about it share it and express your self with it too.

Yes to education!