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veliseraptor · 4 years

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I can't remember if anyone has actually asked you this. I apologise beforehand if you're repeating yourself. What are your three favourite scenes in The Untamed and why?

(Love how this took so long, mostly because I was waiting to get through all the listed moments in my rewatch. Anyway! It’s here now!)

Oh, fuck.

Okay, I couldn’t keep it to three. I tried! I did! But I couldn’t. So here is a list of just general favorite scenes with the three scratched off. I realized belatedly that most of these are just painful because I love pain I guess??? but yeah that’s just who I am and I think I have to accept that.

Under a read more because Jesus this got long.

1. The entire scene at Nightless City culminating in Wei Wuxian’s death. Like, okay, honestly, if I could expand this into basically everything between Jin Zixuan’s death and Wei Wuxian’s, I’d do that, but that feels like too much even though in my head it is all sort of...one contiguous marathon of pain. But god!!! I have a whole thing for...characters hitting their breaking point, for breaking points in general, for seeing a character I love just...crack open, and that’s what happens here.

Like. Wei Wuxian’s been cracking for a while, and there’s a number of breaking points that kind of build on each other, but this is, obviously, where the real snap happens.

And on a narrative level, too, there’s the thing that...this is the point that we as the audience have been spiraling toward since first seeing the beginning of episode one. This is where the entire long stretch of flashback has been pointing - here’s where it culminates, where it falls into place, where everything circles back to where the show started and now you know exactly how it got there.

Also I just. Love to suffer, and this entire scene is one whole long stretch of suffering.

2. The golden core reveal. Oh man, I was waiting for this conversation for, like. Ever. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to have to happen and I just kept being like. When will it be. When will it be and then it happened and god it was beautiful. Everything about this whole scene was just tailor made to hurt me and make me love it, from the confrontation in the ancestral shrine right down to when Jiang Cheng bolts in a panic.

I hurt for everyone here. Wen Ning who has hit the end of his rope and is just fed up with everything. Jiang Cheng whose world is getting turned upside down and inside out and a whole lot of things falling into place all at once, his self-conception wrecked and his understanding of Wei Wuxian both opened and destroyed. Lan Wangji who is understanding what he missed and, I think, beating himself up about having missed it, and also the fresh understanding of just how ready Wei Wuxian is to throw himself under a bus for the people he loves. Wei Wuxian who doesn’t know any of this is happening but has just collapsed after running on fumes basically since resurrecting and is going to find out later that the biggest secret he’s been keeping and planned to keep for the rest of his life is now out.

It’s just. Lord. It’s all so painful and it’s all so good, the payoff is so good, and especial mention here of Wen Ning’s done with your shit and I’m not taking it anymore face as he brandishes Suibian at Jiang Cheng not as a weapon, exactly, but a little bit.

(He doesn’t bite but he can hurt you in other ways!)

Anyway, this isn’t actually saying anything coherent, really, except just a lot of “ahhhhh” screaming about this scene and everything in it and everyone suffering in it and just. What a moment.

3. The excruciating conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian in episode 48. Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. Okay, so, I’m always going to be a sucker for extremely painful and difficult sibling confrontations where everyone is spilling their feelings everywhere and it’s just a lot, and this was like. I remember on my first watch when this happened and I was like. Holy shit. This. This was what I needed. This!!!!

And then no real resolution after, orz. But that’s what fanfiction is for. And there’s glimpses of the possibility, for sure, I Believe.

But anyway! And on rewatch this conversation just gets better and also more painful because of the ways that while it is finally a conversation that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng have sort of needed to have for, like, ever, it’s also one that rips open a lot of old wounds and it is also one that involves a painful amount of talking past each other.

There’s a long meta post somewhere (sorry! I never know how to find the meta I’m looking for when I want it and I’m lazy right now!) about how what Jiang Cheng needs to hear is that Wei Wuxian loves and cares about him, and what he does hear is that Wei Wuxian is, once again, cutting himself off, that it was all always about debts and obligations and nothing more. And what Wei Wuxian is trying to do is release Jiang Cheng from being tied to him by those debts and obligations, to give him freedom, with I think the idea of creating a clean slate that’s not tainted by everything that went wrong before. He thinks Jiang Cheng needs to be released, but what Jiang Cheng needs is to be held.

(Both of them do! Both of them need that! Both of them need to feel loved and cherished and these things also specifically by each other!)

And I just. I just cry a lot.

But it is also beautiful, in the way that it captures so much about their relationship and the blood and hurt and tenderness and love all tied excruciatingly together, the ways that they hurt and have hurt each other, the ways they push and pull, all of Jiang Cheng’s anger and hurt spilling out everywhere in a way that I think has been building for 16 years. It’s not closure, but it is a catharsis.

And for Wei Wuxian - I think it has to be, on some level, a relief. Even as it’s painful, even as it is exactly what he never wanted to happen, the secret is out now and he doesn’t have to hold onto it anymore. They are both - in his eyes - free.

It’s just...a wrenching conversation that hits, like, sixty of my buttons at once and gives me a whole lot of emotions.

4. asldkajsldfkj the flashback to Xiao Xingchen’s suicide in episode 39 and what comes after, just go ahead and kill me now. Like okay it’s probably obvious by now that I live in this hole called “Yi City, my Xue Yang feelings, and my XueXiao feelings,” and during this liveblog I specifically spilled several posts and screenshots worth of them, but god!!!! it’s just so much. Like, the entire Yi City arc is messy and painful as hell, it’s just like being put through an emotional wringer where I hurt for everyone in it, but this is the part that is especially excruciating because everyone in this emotional climax is suffering so much.

And, like. We knew where this would end. We knew Xiao Xingchen died, and a-Qing was just killed, and at this point Xue Yang is dying. No one is getting out of this alive - but we haven’t seen yet exactly how things closed out. And the answer is “badly. it’s badly.”

Both of these people in the very bad breakup scene are hurting. Xiao Xingchen is in agony, his life falling apart in his hands - everything he thought he knew has been a lie, he’s been tricked, played for a fool. And the hammer blows keep coming. It’s not enough that it’s Xue Yang, that Xue Yang has been fucking with him (as far as he knows), lying to him, for three years. It’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done. And then it’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done to Song Lan.

And on the other end - Xue Yang’s weird fake domestic life that he’s gotten attached to, Xiao Xingchen who he’s come to care about - it’s imploding, irrevocably, in front of his face. And first he tries to explain himself, sort of, but he must know it’s not going to work; and then he goes back to what he does best and lashes out. You’re going to hurt me? I’ll hurt you fifty times as much.

I think he expects a fight. Or maybe, at most, he expects Xiao Xingchen to break down, and maybe he has some vague idea that then he can say see, this is what the world is really like, now you get it and rebuild him in some kind of Xue Yang-esque image (though I don’t think he really thinks that’ll happen). He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to kill himself. He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to die.

And then he doesn’t expect to not be able to get him back.

It’s just. This whole arc is people destroying each other and themselves body and soul, and this is the climax of it, the breaking point. And it hurts, real bad.

And as we have established! I love to suffer.

5. Drunk Lan Wangji, take two. All of these are like. “Pain! Pain! Pain!” and here we are with some goofy antics instead. I mean, the intro to drunk!Wangji is sad in the way that it has to do with what happened to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen (and Lan Wangji’s always feelings about those parallels ouch), but then...I mean, drunk!Wangji is just generally adorable, but here he is especially adorable.

Chicken theft! Vandalism! Trespassing! His adorable little smile when Wei Wuxian asks if he likes rabbits and he’s like. Yeah. :) :)

And then we close out with more emotions, of course. Because it’s not The Untamed without a little bit of pain thrown in there.

“I have regret,” Lan Wangji says, a confession of fault, and of course Wei Wuxian can’t receive it, or won’t - and Lan Wangji reacts to his attempt at absolution by basically doing his usual “I don’t want to talk about this” routine of just bluntly changing the subject (in this case “going to bed now goodnight.”).

Also the entire bit where he goes from hopelessly drunk to fighting off an opponent and then back to hopelessly drunk, like. Even drunk!Wangji can and will kick your ass.

And all of Wei Wuxian just like. Basically trip babysitting him? Gently trying to herd him around? The gentleness and fondness of it all?

Good. All good.

6. Qiongqi Path, take one. Emotional mauling! Terrifying evil flute Wei Wuxian! Dramatic face-off between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji! The beginning of Lan Wangji’s moral crisis! (Or, okay, not the beginning but this is definitely a major breaking point for his worldview, I think, and where his questioning really, truly begins.)

It’s just...a lot of good. Everything with Wen Qing searching for Wen Ning’s body hurts so bad. Wei Wuxian coming stalking back into the camp with vengeance on the brain is as gloriously sexy as that vibe always is on him. And the confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian? oh man.

Juicy. And also. Ouch.

(And am I a sucker for everything about ‘former allies ending up on opposite sides and one of them saying something along the lines of ‘if I’m going to die then I’d rather it was you who killed me’ yes I sure am! I didn’t cry nearly as much on my third watch but this scene is another one of my points that I think of when I think of bits in The Untamed that make me cry.

And as we’ve established already, I just love to cry.

7. God like. All of episode 19? Is that cheating? But it’s all so good! We have suffering Wei Wuxian! Mouthing off while being tortured! The entire sequence of him grabbing the sword and that moment of choice where his life turns as he answers that question (do you want revenge?) with a resounding yes?

Lan Wangji absolutely fucking up some Wens on a desperate quest for Wei Wuxian? Teaming up with Jiang Cheng? (Do I still want to see more of that team up in that time? Yes please!!) SPOOKY FUCKING FLUTE MUSIC STARTING SIGNALING EXTREMELY OMINOUS THINGS TO COME?

Anyway it’s all very “fuck yeah, this is all quite tailored to me and my interests, thank you.”

8. Jiang Yanli coming for Jin Zixun’s life. I feel like I should just link to this analysis of this scene that really breaks it all down in detail? But god so satisfying. I mean, Jin Zixun is truly one of the most hateable characters in this show, in my opinion, and seeing Jiang Yanli step up and politely and meticulously demolish him is like. So satisfying.

The face of a woman about to murder someone. But with words.

I really wish we could’ve seen more of this Jiang Yanli, because before this point she’s all softness and gentleness and while that’s very true of her - this part of her is also there, always, and I’d love to have seen more of it.

But like. Getting it here? Stunning. Showstopping. Love it.

9. Wei Wuxian wrecks a party, but, like, sexily. I mean, he wrecks a few parties, but I’m thinking specifically of the one in episode 26 prior to Qiongqi Path, take one. Everything about that whole scene is gold top to bottom, but what really gets me going is everything from the dramatic entrance (I’m tempted to make a list of Wei Wuxian’s best dramatic entrances) onward to “sexy menacing countdown.” It’s just all so...I mean, I’ve talked about how much I love furiously angry and on the verge of losing it Wei Wuxian, and this is some prime that material.

(Pictured: the sexiest way anyone has ever said the word ‘two.’)

And just! The tension of it all, how it builds and builds and builds and even when it finally releases when Zixun caves there’s still all this lingering “oh fuck! that’s bad!” dread...it’s just very good.

And I also love it as one of those key plot turning moments where it’s like. This isn’t the irrevocable break, but it’s a big one as far as ‘no going back from this.’

And like. Not just Wei Wuxian, everyone else in this scene is excellent too. Just. Mm. Good.

10. Wei Wuxian is sexy when he’s mean and that’s just the truth. Which is to say: the very bad breakup scene between him and Lan Wangji in episode 20. I’ve read two different analyses of this scene, both brilliant (by @hunxi-guilai here, and @neuxue here), and I feel like I can’t add much to that other than to reiterate that Wei Wuxian is very sexy when he’s mean, and the layers of everything going on in this scene are. Ugh!!! So good.

(I mean, also everything that comes before, I have put myself down firmly in camp “Wei Wuxian is also sexy when he murders people, you go Wei Ying, murder people as much as you want, it’s hot.” And the hug with Jiang Cheng! (THAT HUG. IT IS SUCH A HUG.))

But the confrontation between him and Lan Wangji in particular! it is so fuckin good. Honestly just read the linked analyses, I’ve got nothing I can say better that’s not in there, just a lot of “ahhhhhhh” about it all.

BONUS MENTIONS TO: basically every time Wei Wuxian Yiling Laozus, “stay and die with me.”

#anonymous #conversating #fucking FINALLY #no idea how coherent this is but well #the sad queer cultivators show #the untamed #i am SURE i've forgotten things here #lise does meta #i mean the end of episode 50 is also prime in a lot of ways #IF I LET MYSELF KEEP GOING I'LL GO TOTALLY WILD THOUGH #love how many of these are just 'i like it when my faves suffer'

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ibijau · 4 years

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Worst engagement AU // on AO3

while dealing with a hangover in Nightless City, Lan Xichen comes to a realisation he would have probably preferred to avoid.

Lan Xichen wakes up in an unfamiliar room with a slight headache, haunted by memories of a hand in his, of being kindly led to safety.

The headache gives him an excuse to keep his eyes closed and lay down in bed longer than he would normally allow himself. Just as he feared, he made a fool of himself after having that wine. That only Nie Huaisang was there to witness it is a blessing and a curse. After seeing him so unrestrained, the other boy will surely despise him for his weakness, although…

That hand in his, warm and gentle, guiding him away from danger.

It doesn’t mean anything, he tells himself as he lays there. They were in a viper’s nest, they had already agreed to stand together and give the image of a united front so the Wens would know the alliance between Qinghe Nie and Gusu Lan is a strong one.

But that hand.

There could have been other ways for Nie Huaisang to take him back to his uncle after he was made to drink, but he took his hand, a hand Lan Xichen now clenches slightly, trying to call back the ghost of that touch. He curses and thanks his drunken mind for threading their fingers together, letting him have a taste of intimacy that he would never have dared to ask for otherwise, that Nie Huaisang would have refused him in any other circumstances.

It doesn’t mean anything that Nie Huaisang took his hand, Lan Xichen knows that. It must just have been the most convenient option, and one that would further the impression of good feelings between them to the prying eyes of their enemies.

It doesn’t mean anything.

Lan Xichen wants it to have meant something.

He wants everything that happened yesterday to have meant something. He wants for Nie Huaisang to really smile at him this easily, to chat with him like they get along. He wants for the two of them to stand up for each other, to really be able to trust each other. He wants Nie Huaisang to take his hand not only out of necessity but because it is pleasant to both of them.

He wants Nie Huaisang to care, like he said he did.

He wants Nie Huaisang to love him, just as Lan Xichen does.

He opens his eyes as the realisation hits him out of nowhere and leaves him breathless, making him curl up on his side like a frightened child.

He’s in love with Nie Huaisang.

The thought makes him want to laugh and cry. After years of cautionary tales, after seeing what it did to his parents, he had to be just as stupid as his father and also fall for someone who made it very clear he has no good feelings for him. For a long while now, Lan Xichen has felt nothing but pity and disdain for his father’s one sided passion, never understanding how anyone could lose their mind so much over a person who never felt the same.

Now, with the phantom of Nie Huaisang’s hand in his, the memory of Nie Huaisang’s quick witted attempt to save him from drinking, his unexpected gentleness… Now Lan Xichen understands his father, at least somewhat. The person Nie Huaisang is around those he likes, or when he briefly forgets that he hates Lan Xichen… that’s who he really is, and that’s who Lan Xichen loves, in spite of their usual interactions.

He wonders if it was the same for his father.

He wonders, also, if he’ll have more luck in making himself, if not loved, then at least liked.

When Lan Qiren comes to check if his nephew is awake and finds him well, he immediately starts lecturing him on the danger of carelessness among enemies. The scolding is well deserved, Lan Xichen should have seen that Wen Xu was plotting something, but he feels his headache ought to be enough of a punishment.

“You’re lucky that Nie boy took this seriously,” Lan Qiren says when he’s done explaining all the ways his nephew disappointed him. “I’d started having some doubts about him, but he might be more reliable than I thought.”

“He is. If not for his help, the situation could have gone bad, I think,” Lan Xichen notes.

For some reason, his uncle throws him an unimpressed look yet makes no further comment. Instead he orders Lan Xichen to get dressed so they’re not late for the second day of festivities, the last one which they need to attend. After that the party will be for the Wens only, and the rest of them will be free to go home and pretend a little while longer that no war is coming.

When Lan Xichen and his uncle exit the room attributed to them in the vast guest quarters, the Nie brothers are waiting nearby in the decorative garden at the center of the building. Nie Huaisang leans against his brother’s side as he chatters about something which Nie Mingjue clearly has no interest in, but is making an effort to listen to anyway.

It’s nice to see them this close. Lan Xichen still doesn’t have the details of what happened for the brief time Nie Huaisang went home only to return so changed, but it seems to have had a good effect on his relationship with his brother.

As soon as he spots the Lans, Nie Huaisang abandons his brother and saunters toward Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue looks as if he wants to come as well, but the leader of a small sect notices him and immediately demands his attention. A pity, as Lan Xichen has barely had any time with him so far, but he won’t complain about having Nie Huaisang’s company instead.

“I’ll leave you boys to take care of yourself,” Lan Qiren says, looking toward Nie Mingjue. “I’ll see what sect leader Yao has invented to make himself insufferable this time. Remember to be more careful today, and don't be late.”

Lan Xichen promises and watches his uncle go to Nie Mingjue’s rescue. A light tap on his arm with a closed fan distracts him from that, and he brings his attention back to his fiancé who seems in a rare good mood.

“How are you feeling?” Nie Huaisang asks, sounding genuinely worried. “No after effects?”

“Only a headache, but it’s starting to go away. About last night, I…”

“Oh, good. You really seemed out of it," Nie Huaisang says with a grin, "and even if your uncle said it was just wine, I was wondering. You were acting so weird.”

Lan Xichen’s cheeks burn at the accusation. He did behave in a very shameful, uncontrolled way. It's odd that Nie Huaisang was so patient was him when Lan Xichen must have annoyed him so much.

“I apologize for actions and words. I behaved inappropriately.”

Nie Huaisang snorts and tilts his head. “Lan gongzi, you’re such a boring person. When you said alcohol affected you badly, I was expecting something much worse. You just acted like a kid, that’s not so bad.”

The blush on Lan Xichen’s face gets worse, which makes Nie Huaisang laugh.

“You’re seriously embarrassed by that? Really, I’ve seen worse. You’ve never been to a party in the Unclean Realm, uh? You don’t know a bad drunk until you’ve seen a Nie who's had one cup too many.”

Considering how the Nies can be sober, the idea of one of them getting properly drunk is terrifying. He’s glad that Nie Mingjue only got a little tipsy, that one time they had wine after a Night Hunt. If they had both been out of it, the situation would have been bad.

“Anyway, we should get going,” Nie Huaisang says. “There’s no sitting order at the feast today, I’ve heard. If we play this well, we can sit with Jiang Wanyin and Jin Zixuan.”

Without warning, Nie Huaisang leans forward to grab Lan Xichen’s hand who flinches at the touch. Nie Huaisang freezes and looks up at him, earlier good humour replaced by pain for a moment, before his expression changes to something closed and careful, similar to the way he is during their weekly meetings. He lets go of Lan Xichen’s hand, who hurriedly grabs his instead.

“I wasn’t expecting it,” he explains, hoping that Nie Huaisang cannot tell how hard his heart is beating, just from this simple contact. “You just surprised me.”

“Lan gongzi shouldn’t force himself,” Nie Huaisang retorts with a scowl. He's not smiling anymore, but he doesn’t remove his hand either. “Whatever. Let’s just go.”

Even with Nie Huaisang’s mood having taken a turn for the worst, it's nice to be walking like this. They do not interlink their fingers this time, which is for the best. Drunk, Lan Xichen enjoyed it. Sober, he's not sure he could survive the intimacy.

"Did I miss much last night?" Lan Xichen asks as they come near the courtyard where the feast is held. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone…"

"It's fine. When the party got going, I went to sit with Jiang Wanyin and Jin Zixuan, it was pretty fun. As for what you missed… The musicians they hired were good, and I'd never heard some of the melodies they played. I think you'd have liked that."

What Lan Xichen really meant to ask about was whether or not the Wens had offended anyone, or tried to cause more trouble, not what entertainment was offered. But hearing that even after he created such problems for him Nie Huaisang thought of him when hearing music…

It's ridiculous to give too much meaning to this. Nobody else around Nie Huaisang plays music save for Lan Wangji, and he's not there. Still, Lan Xichen feels something twist almost painfully in his stomach.

"Maybe they'll play again today," he says, struggling to keep his tone as calm as usual. "If I recognise the songs, I can see if we have them in our library at home. I don't mind playing for you, if you wish."

Nie Huaisang's steps falter. He looks up at Lan Xichen, glaring.

"Lan gongzi, don't try so hard," he mutters. "We have to keep this believable. Holding hands is already a bit much, but you saying things like that… And besides, you shouldn't go around making promises you don't intend to keep."

With that, the last of Nie Huaisang’s softness is gone. Lan Xichen wants to argue that he isn't lying, that he really would play for Nie Huaisang, that he would do many things, has been trying to do them for weeks now. Had they been anywhere else, he might have let his self control slip away. Here though, among enemies… Lan Xichen created enough problems last night, he can't afford to start an argument now.

They don't speak again as they enter the courtyard, nor as they make their way to the place where Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan have saved seats for them. Holding Nie Huaisang’s hand while knowing the other boy apparently hates it is a torture, so Lan Xichen is glad when his fiancé lets go to greet his friends.

Because those two still don’t get along, Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang find themselves wedged between them. Nie Huaisang, whose mood is improving already, sits next to Jiang Cheng, while Lan Xichen has a somewhat uncomfortable looking Jin Zixuan at his side.

“Lan gongzi, are you better today?” Jiang Cheng asks. “Nie-xiong said you ate something that didn’t go well yesterday?”

Lan Xichen nods, grateful for that story Nie Huaisang came up with. “Thank you for your concern, I'm well now. I will be more careful with what I eat today.”

Jiang Cheng smiles politely at him, before getting dragged by Nie Huaisang into a conversation about the sort of entertainment they can expect that day. After a little awkwardness due to the distance, Jin Zixuan leans over the table so he can more easily chat with them. Lan Xichen wishes they would at least try to make an effort to involve him, although he understands why they don’t. He is a stranger to their group, and if not for the need to make a show of friendship between the great sects, he would not be sitting with them. If he could, he would drop them and go meet with Nie Mingjue who seems to be having an awful time as well, stuck between Lan Qiren and Jin Guangshan.

Still, Lan Xichen tells himself it’s nice to see Nie Huaisang this cheerful, from this close. He’s rarely had the chance.

And hopefully, someday, Lan Xichen will convince his fiancé to believe in his sincerity so that they can be truly comfortable in each other’s company.

#xisang #worst engagement au #jau writes #one step forward three steps back for those dumbasses #although we are getting ever closer to the point where they'll finally have a somewhat honest conversation about everything #we're also getting closer to their first kiss yay #gods I never planned for this fic to get this long

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