#they come from another state also so

[unopenablebox]

i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]

#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous] #and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚ #you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from. #it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as #a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from. #i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah #however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all. #but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora' #are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone #i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out. #ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant #and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify #myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but. #i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to #like. accommodate the facts of my family history. #sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days #box opener

[bluesidedown]

.

#this just in: moving to another continent to live and work with complete strangers for six months #incredibly distant from every important person in your life and your supportive community #is in fact. incredibly difficult. #like idk it's hard to describe because it's also been amazingly cool and i'm so thankful i get to do this #and like i can see God's hand in so many things that have happened and are happening #and He's providing what i need in such amazing ways #but also i'm exhausted and really really homesick #and i miss my people #and i miss going to chapel at school #and honestly just attending church in a language i understand #and rn i'm dealing with a crisis at least every day about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life #and long distance dating is really hard and need i reiterate i am exhausted and when i get tired and sad i self isolate. which is unhelpful #and generally i'm in that weird state of being where i genuinely have no clue how to persevere and i feel deeply deeply out of my depth #and also God is just. so present. #tbh i'm terrified that the rest of my life is just going to be Like This #and i'm also terrified that the rest of my life is not going to be Like This #because the last 5ish years have been Like This to varying degrees and i've learned and grown so much and i've come to know God so much mor #but i'm so tired. #and i'm tired of getting up every day and dealing with things that are scary. #but i'm scared of a life where i don't because i'm most scared of stagnating #anyway wow congrats if you made it this far into my venting #on the bright side yesterday i experienced one of the weirder (in a good way) social situations i've ever been in #walked into my language learning partner's mother-in-law's house (who i'd never met before) at 10pm and was instantly given two plates #of beautiful homemade (culturally appropriate dumplings) and a cup of tea #and proceeded to stay for 40min listening to a conversation where i understood about 3 words out of every 50 #couldn't have experiences like that if i stayed in my comfort zone could i

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[hearties-circus]

There's this minecraft world I'm playing just now and I've been caving so long I can't imagine living in the outside world but also my caves and strip mines are starting to concern myself a little

#gamer txt. #on either side of my little base there are about 6 little strip mining areas #on the right the strip closest to the entrance immediately breaks into a massive fucking cave that kind of scares me #on the left nearest the entrance in that strip i dug down a little and also broke pretty quickly into a different massive cave #except im scared of everything so the majority of that cave is covered in stone walkways always at least 6 blocks off the ground #so i rarely have to touch the floor #and i do mean covered #on the left in the furthest away strip from the entrance is my secret winding tunnel of confusion #you go down a bit and it breaks into a straight path that you can just see water at the very end of #this path dips down 1 block at a certain point and at that point there is a branching path off to the left #you follow that you can also just barely see water at the end it qlso dips and in that dip is a branching path off to the right #that path also ends in water and branches to the left #that path ends in water and branches to the left #that path branches to the right and i forgot my torches so ill come back to that one #it should be stated that none of the branches are at the End of any given path and are easy to miss #oh yeah one of my mines also ended in rhe 'clay room' which i mined out and immediately above it is another giant cave #i forget which strip that is though i havent been in a sec

[orcelito]

Let me talk about trigun plants and metaphysical theory I prommy prommy prommy I won't bring up the boichi chapter (lying) (lying) (lying)

#speculation nation #thinking about that one tag on ITNL that was 'physics trigger warning' LMAOOO #we got to talking about plants in my server and Boy do i have a lot of thoughts about em #i think the physics is fascinating. i think the points boichi raises are FASCINATING. #VERYYYYYY unfortunate about everything else in that chapter though. smh. #but like. the question of where the matter and energy comes from. since fundamental laws of physics state #that neither matter or energy are created or destroyed. simply transformed. #the conservation of matter and energy. this is a Fundamental Law. nothing can break it. #so what the FUCK are the plants doing? #the point boichi raises is about like. subatomic space. microfrequencies. what have you. #creating matter from there and then 'negative matter' being created elsewhere to balance it. #which Thats where he loses me. i dont think negative matter would really be a Thing? #but also physics gets so weird sometimes so id have to do research before i could conclude :p #regardless. plants and matter and energy. what the Fuck is going on with all that? #i Would like to think about it more in depth. maybe another time.

[baekuras]

After going through almost everything of Nightmare Time (final stretch y'all) I can't help but stop and imagine every villain/asshole/just sleazebag(hi Ted) Joey has played if not overall at least in the Hatchetfield-verse and just forever know There is Ezekiel

#txts #prob nesting on someones head #birds man...fucked up #tbh it was mostly the green lighting that made me go that route #bc green->Wiggly->Wilbur(bc joey) #(and also hatchetfield-black friday etc etc you see where i'm coming from) #anyhow i read the comment about high bird cult and i didnt expect the bird part to be literal #but i am glad to know that both eldricht monstrositys beyond comprehension and psychic birds are both real #in some timelines or another #also shoutout to emma going for the scarecrow plan bc 'they're dumb birds' #and me doubting her bc we JUST stated that they are not dumb (only a little with pre-planning rly) #and it worked out so....fuck me i guess #sometimes you run for your life in the woods because an ancient witch is messing you up #and sometimes because those birds got too god damn high #tl;dr: stop going into the fucking witchwood forest #also HOW THE FUCK do i even tag anything from the general...verse nowdays? i havent visited in years.....uuuuh #starkid #hatchetverse

[twinknote]

ranting as my dog given right this fine disability pride month (altho i’m feeling more disability shame rn)

my mom asked if i wanted to get smth for dinner and i was like “i don’t rly have the energy to go out but i would order smth for pickup/delivery” bc ik i pushed myself a bit too hard the past few days (today Esp)

and altho i appreciate it bc i haven’t been able to afford to get food anywhere in a Hot minute, i’m like Wow i rly don’t have the energy to call somewhere or even go into a restaurant to pick up food and i’m also just feeling v arfid-y esp around meat and things that might mess up my stomach and anyway i just wish that shit wasn’t so fuckin complicated and i wish my mom could understand how complicated even something as simple as getting food is for me and just like idk offer to pick it up. i hate having elderly parents who don’t know how to function in the world on their own

#also it’s shabbat and i’ve been rly wanting to actually observe it for like a month now and i never get to bc Something comes up that #i feel obligated to do and then i have to wait another week etc. #and i’ve had like zero actual rest days this week bc i’ve been trying to get myself out of the house #which has helped my mental state but i’m just So exhausted #it’s almost as if having chronic Fatigue syndrome on top of another disability makes u idk Tired? from doing things? #crazy stuff ik #also like bitch i don’t even have clean clothes to wear that i won’t sweat in bc for some reason it’s still 80 degrees at 7pm #and i was planning on doing laundry tomorrow. also on shabbat. kms this shit is too complicated i give up

[becca4leafclover]

waiiiitt I just realized the reason why I love QSMP so much as a concept is because it's kind of like my childhood growing up overseas oh my goooodddddd what if i cried

#its in the bonding over multicultural experiences #in school everyone would be from somewhere different from all over the world #and we were only at this place for a few years so we just vibed together and our differences didnt matter #but then sometimes we'd just end up talking about where we lived before #and sharing these crazy things we'd had as american kids in other countries #and we'd also for one reason or another have local kids sometimes talk about their own experiences as locals coming to the american school #and it was cool too!! #but coming back to live in the usa has been pretty isolating as someone who grew up outside here and no one else has left their state area #but the qsmp community has been bringing that culture exchange back into my life!! #and it's SOOO amazing to see people learning about outside their world and be part of that culture exchange again #and no its not the same and im not saying its supposed to be! #i love it so much i love learning about the outside world and how humanity is so varied and so so special #thank you qsmp this silly minecraft server has brought back a part of my life i thought i left behind forever when my family moved back #now im actually practicing my german again and picking up on more basic spanish than i ever thought id get #and im getting reinspired to want to aim to go back overseas rather than stay in america for job oppertunities #i thought i was resolved to suffer here forever but theres still a world out there thats not perfect but if my place isnt here its okay!

[kimtaegis]

👋 2022

#I won’t go into detail about real life except that it was. well. a Trip #learned some things went through things. the year of baby steps I guess #BUT I wanna write some thoughts about my 2022 tumblr experience down #it was… also quite a Trip #positive first: learned to stay off this site when necessary! very important mental-health wise #my most used tag this year was my track tag! shoutout to everyone who’s been using it #you bring me much joy by sharing your creations with me. I appreciate it 🤍 #another shoutout to all the incredibly lovely people who’ve come to my inbox this year #I’ve been very lucky in that regard. 98% of my anons have been the kindest sweetest most eloquent people #and I’m happy to have been able to have super interesting thoughtful and respectful discussions from time to time #okay what else. oh HIGHLIGHT of my year here – my birthday ADFFGHJ #I felt so so so spoiled and couldn’t (still can’t) believe the amount of spectacular gif(t)s I got. made me feel stupidly happy oh my god #I learned a lot of new skills and techniques for gfx making. kept experimenting with different styles which has been fun! #gif making has turned more into a relaxing activity than something that makes me feel pressured and anxious #I dialed it down a bit compared to last year and I think that was a good decision as well #as for not so positive things. well. #of course there are the usual/ general ‘complaints’ like lack in interaction and the like #got my first proper anon hate in November. that was something #HUGE lesson I learned this year: just because someone states in their bio that they’re adults doesn’t mean they act like ones <3 #people can be very childish ruthless and simply not worth one’s effort #and a last thing that fits quite well to that: 9 out of 10 people do not care about you. not about your time and effort you put in content #not about whether you’re online or not. not about how you might feel when they say and do certain things #I think I need to learn how to embrace this kind of insignificance. be more audacious. find validation within myself #okay I’ll stop now #I wanna say thank you to all the lovely people who made this year on tumblr more enjoyable and who truly brighten the place up for me #I love you lots and wish you all the best for 2023 #it’s gonna be a hard year for me with lots of challenges and changes #and it’s nice to have this little space here where you can escape to from time to time #mwah. smooches to all of you. happy new year <3

[4thbrighteststar]

</3

#no wait listen to me. listen to me #im south asian. my grandparents were muslim. my great aunt and uncle and their children and my parents siblings are all muslim #my parents aren't. they raised us without any religion. without even our national cultural ceremonies tied to islam #dont let yourself believe for a fucking second that has nothing to do 9/11 happening two years before i was born. two years before we moved #im south asian. my dad's first name is mohammed. when we catch a flight we get to the airport two hours earlier- #to account for the time it'll take my dad to be 'routinely stopped and searched' by airport security #routinely is right lmfao. it happens every time we fly #last time i was on an american airlines flight our checked luggage ended up across the continent and took two days to get to us #(my 12yo cousin gifted us an alarm clock that made an ominous ticking noise and we couldn't shut it the fuck up- #the luggage was labeled mohammed and coming from south asia. my sibling jokes it's a wonder we got it back) #im canadian. i cried my ass off to cfa tonight bc of how touching the story of a small town coming together to help a group of strangers is #(can't help thinking that never would've happened in a bigger city? but thereby lies another tale) #and god normally i hate 9/11 stories bc it feels like two sides of my identity being pitted against each other and it makes me so uncomfy #like as a canadian i should be sympathetic towards the states and at the same time im viscerally aware of the lasting prejudiced impacts #but cfa did it so beautifully #will never get over the 'thorough search' scene. 'you will never understand'. #the lump in my throat i get every time I watch my normally distinguished and tough and coolheaded father be pushed through airport security #how resigned he is to it. how he tries to stay dignified. how scared my mom gets every time. how rough they are with him #when he usually commands respect #and yet also the pride and the lump in my throat i got today knowing it was a little canadian town that made a difference #sigh enough out of me i just have a lot of feelings #come from away #team screams

[cannot-copia]

this year so far

#tw death #once again saying things into the void on here bc i dont know where else to say it #went on a trip for a couple days for my moms birthday a couple weeks ago now #they called to tell us my dads dialysis had pretty much stopped working shortly after we were got there #insurance gave us 4 days notice to find somewhere for him to go (2 of which we were 1200 miles from home) #also was told by the place I work at i am not needed until further notice the same day #so I have no source of income until they get the necessary machine fixed and even then I am skeptical they will say to come back #since dialysis stopped working he had to be moved to hospice #which was a week ago now #so he has very little time left #my half brother and his wife came to visit him a couple days ago #now his brother is here from another state #and we took them to eat at the place they’ve always gone when they are here for as long as I can remember #on the way there we were told my grandmother was taken to the hospital in an ambulance #they don’t know what is wrong with her yet but she is 94 so her being not ok either is very plausible #we are only like 3 weeks into the year and I’ve already been soft laid off my grandmother could be dying and my dad is dying #I feel like I have been seconds away from having a complete panic attack for a week #packing up and cleaning out the assisted living (he only ended up being at 3 months) felt so wrong #it was his coffee mug and green cup of all things that got to me most #he always had them #and knowing he would never use them again #I bought his dog a new name tag today #so it has a tag when we give it to them to put in the casket with him #and i almost cried in a fucking petsmart #and now I’m here over sharing on the internet about it bc if I do not keep myself distracted I will just get more nauseous and cry more #delete later

[etinarcadiabayego]

Every time I've sat down to write, for the past TWO WEEKS, something has come up 🤬🤬🤬

And I've redone another outline to make this less of a chore so hopefully it can flow better so I can actually make a dent and get to the damn finish line.

I'm tired and I'm sorry. It's already February. What the fuuuuu--

#now i'm in that state of annoyance where it makes me angry instead of calming me down #if it's not one thing it's another i'm so mad rn #i got another 2k words down but omg i have to proofread it because it's coming from a place of anger instead of focus #i'm also prepping for this year's comicon at the beginning of april i should NOT have done this to myself

[binders-and-beanies]

He’s so. I’m so. I’m feeling something about this gay little man and I don’t know what it is

#I’m spending a day and night in another state w my fwb for his bday and I’m like #just the two of us celebrating ur bday? seems somewhat homosexual no? #and he’s driven all the way to my area in a mf rental and booked us a hotel room before too and I’m like what are we #like we go out and do cute lil things and it’s as friends but it has date vibes #and we’re affectionate n such and he talks abt me differently than he does w other ppl but like #he was like ‘I love how uncomplicated things are with u since I’m not catching feelings’ #ok why aren’t u tho. be obsessed w me #we would not be compatible at all he is 7 years older and a fancy proper gay with a fancy job and lives 1.5 hours away #he even pointed out how funny we probably looked holding hands in the city today bc we look so different #but I’m like hey. hey. make it complicated and dramatic. cross state lines for me every 1-2 weeks #ik the only reason I feel this way is bc he’s pretty and good in bed and c*ddled me but come on #writes this while I sit behind him on the train back from another city we adventured in today #as I also text him obscene things abt what we’re going to do when we get back #mine #txt #personal

[peachsayshi]

thinking about how geto talks to his baby daughter 🥺🥺

#he calls her his little angel 🥺 #they have so many random conversations and he tells her stories #about why the sky is blue and where the rain comes from #when she giggles he asks her with such a cute smile “what’s funny sweetheart #and my god if she’s upset about anything #he just coos into her ear about she never has to worry because he will always be there for her #SUGURU IM BEGGING YOU LET ME HAVE YOUR CHILDREN #suguru geto #geto thirst hours #they also do the think if they state one another down #they both lean closer and bump foreheads #bye I’m sobbing #thing not think

[toytulini]

feels very strange to get podcast ads about how pride friendly orlando is rn what with the current political conditions of florida for very large swathes of the queer community

i mean i dont have any suggestions for like idk the marketing team of the orlando tourism board to do any better like i certainly wouldnt know how to advertise rn, thats a rough hand youre stuck with and i hope your shit ass transphobe fascist politicians drop dead.

just. wild to hear rn

#toy txt post #and like maybe it is a pride friendly area within florida but like the fact that im getting advertised it from a very different state #its just Feels Very Weird. its like the same energy as when companies started having normal ads again about having like #holiday gatherings and football parties in like 2021/2022? like no actually the unprecedented times are still upon us. your pandemic ads #were insufferable for sure like they felt very weird and stupid and patornizing and but you have somehow managed to Make It Worse #thats kinda how it feels like the same vibe. it was one thing before it was pride month and it was just like casually trying to convince me #to come to universal and disney but now its june so theyre talking about their Gay Days #and like it would almost certainly be very weird and uncomfortable if it was like listen we acknowledge the current guy we have #is going like full blown fascist with an intent on genociding queer and particularly trans ppl but like listen we installed this new ride #and we'd really like for it to pay for itself with ticket sales or whatever. idk just feels weird. i dont know if i have a suggestion for #the advertising board of tourism in orlando to do differently like i dont have a suggestion for them except to maybe get that fucker out of #office. and it probably feels less weird if ur like In The State or in another state with similar horrifying shit #its probably like well whatever and thats fair. i mean its not fair i hope all your transphobic fascist ass politicians drop dead and that #yall will be safe #anyway. just. very weird. anyway idk. @mouse if you kill desantis with no mercy just fucking destroy his ass #ill forgive u a little bit and consider hitting up your extremely expensive theme park if i have the funds. universal if u pitch in on #destorying that bastard ill consider visiting you again too. again if i have the funds. i wont go to the terf wizard section but i do want #to see the new hulk track 🥺 #ppl of florida especially marginalized ppl of florida. you deserve so much fucking better than you got im so sorry #floridian govt makes me so mad for like the regular human reasons of. they suck for a lot of fucking people and also the very important and #unique ecosystems yall have down there but also for the personal selfish reasons of. florida seems like Really Cool if it didnt have #like #the fascists. and gun culture. id love the climate. well. on the Atlantic side. gulf too warm for me personally. so many creatures down #there. cool places and you got those Very themey theme parks and listen i would like disney to have less power ( #(AFTER THEY DISEMBOWEL DESANTIS. I WANT THEM TO DESTROY HIM AND HIS CRONIES FIRST. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING) #but like they did kinda go off with the Theming. i do love that. universal too BUT. not to derail this post into roller coasters but also #sorry that is a thing im incapablw of being normal about sorry UH universal also went tf off with the themeing and i Love it HOWEVER #i do with the coasters were more. visible. i cant speak for disney i only went once as a very small tiny child and i remember nothing #but i went to universal in high school like Right before they completely retracked hulk and the theming was incredible i was obsessed. #but there was no way to see most of the coasters without actually riding them which i did find very disappointing.

[chalk-homunculus]

I've been once again maining Klee throughout this Veluriyam Mirage questline a nd while exploring the mirage, both because I did get her skin, but also because it cheers me up so much to see her having fun.

#also the oceanid lore is incredible #I was right when I once said to someone that the oceanids are going to play some part in Fontaine #every summer event so far has been a sort of a preview to certain aspects of the next regions mechanics and/or archon quest #Maguu Kenki and Kazuha's involvement as well as the waverider being obvious for Inazuma in the first golden apple archipelago event #in the second one it was the 'dream state' thing which became a whole feature as the samsara in sumeru archon quest and with aranara etc #also some puzzle mechanics from 2.8 were adopted in sumeru though not in the exact same ways #now I'm suspecting it's the carnival & theatre themes and the oceanid lore at the very least- likely other stuff as well #I also am pretty certain about oceanids because the game has been fairly consistent about talking about their migration #I would not be surprised if we got another extra-long world quest series that had to do with them #and actually I do think oceanids WILL play some part in the archon quest as well especially since it's BECAUSE of focalors that they left #and so far practically every archon has had some kind of a personal growth journey during their respective quests #Ei being the most obvious one but I do think every archon quest is a representation of the archons' ideals #and the archons having to come face to face with the world changing and them having to 'adjust' their ideals somewhat because #the traveler's company to them lets them heal and see things from different perspectives #Venti wasn't quite so obvious but I do feel like it's a matter of his return and some aspects of what is and isn't true freedom #Zhongli did most of the introspection himself so that wasn't as obvious either but it's more to do about rule and status and the importance #of roles of deities and so on #while Inazuma is so obvious I don't really need to elaborate. Ei's idea of eternity was idiotic and she came to realize it. thats all #while Nahida... I think she sort of grew emotionally wiser in some ways because of the whole Rukkhadevata thing even though #she herself doesn't remember it at all #that's why I think ultimately archon quests ARE about the archons themselves and not really the traveler #the traveler has their own archon quest series after all #it's sometimes easy to forget the real point of the quests is not the traveler but rather the travel/journey itself #while travelers own archon quests are their & their sibling's own journey in a similar way #anyway. #just some evening thoughts I had #chalk thoughts