#they contrast each other but as most healthy relationships they’re understanding and they have boundaries and healthy communication

[novlr]

Hi, how do you write a healthy sibling relationship?

I have a really bad one and I want my characters to get along, but still fight sometimes

Any help would be great

Sibling relationships are the first and often the most enduring bonds we form in life. They shape our identities, define our roles in the family, and teach us how to love, fight, forgive, and grow alongside another person.

For writers, capturing the intricacies of sibling dynamics can infuse stories with authenticity, depth, and emotional resonance that keeps readers turning pages. Here are some tips for how to write healthy sibling relationships:

Make them unique characters

Establish each sibling’s unique personality and role.

Give each sibling their own distinct personality, interests, strengths, and flaws.

Show how their personalities complement and contrast with each other.

Establish the roles and dynamics between the siblings (leader, peacemaker, rebel, etc.).

Avoid stereotypes and allow the siblings’ personalities to evolve over time.

Develop each sibling’s unique voice and communication style.

Give them contrasting but complementary skills and strengths.

Develop their relationship over time

Show how the siblings’ relationship strengthens as they grow up and go through life changes. Maybe they grow apart for a while but then reconnect later in life.

Give their relationship a story arc, showing how their bond matures and changes over the course of the story.

Explore how the siblings navigate major life events together, like the birth of a new sibling, a family move, losing a loved one, or a parent’s divorce.

Depict milestones and rites of passage where the siblings support or challenge each other, like learning to drive, graduating high school, starting college or a career.

Show how the siblings’ communication and conflict resolution skills improve (or deteriorate) over time. Perhaps they learn to express their feelings more openly, fight more fairly, or establish healthier boundaries as they mature.

Give them shared history and inside jokes

Build strong backstories into their characters with shared childhood experiences.

Show them laughing over inside jokes and funny memories only they understand.

Use shared history to show their bond, even when they’re fighting.

Have the siblings reference shared childhood possessions or special objects like a beloved stuffed animal they both cherished or a secret hideout only they knew about.

Show the siblings using a private language, code words, or shared vocabulary that only they understand.

Have them reminisce about funny or embarrassing childhood stories.

Let them learn from each other

Show the siblings teaching each other important life lessons.

Have them learn from each other’s mistakes and successes.

Show how the siblings challenge each other to step outside their comfort zones and try new things.

Depict moments where the siblings offer each other wise advice or a fresh perspective on a problem, demonstrating how well they understand and support one another.

Show how the siblings inspire each other to pursue their passions and dreams.

Depict the siblings’ learning to appreciate their differences and see them as strengths

Show unwavering loyalty and love

Depict the siblings standing up for each other in the face of adversity or conflict. They have each other’s backs, no matter what.

Portray the siblings making sacrifices for each other’s happiness or well-being.

Show the siblings being there for each other during tough times, like heartbreak, illness, or failure. Highlight how they offer comfort, encouragement, and unconditional support.

Illustrate the siblings’ fierce protectiveness of each other. Show them defending each other against bullies, naysayers, or anyone who threatens their bond.

Depict the siblings forgiving each other after arguments or misunderstandings. Show how their love helps them overcome hurt feelings and find understanding.

Portray the siblings expressing their love and appreciation for each other through both big gestures and small, everyday acts of kindness.

#writing asks #writing tips #writers #creative writing #writing #writing community #writers of tumblr #creative writers #writing inspiration #writerblr #writeblr #writblr #writers corner #helping writers #how to write #writer #writing advice #writing resources #writers on tumblr #writers block #writers and poets #writer things #writers stuff #on writing #writing blog #writing help #tips for writers #let's write #resources for writers #references for writers

[uswnt-has-my-heart]

Tbh Sue has probably known about the Time 100 thing for ages - the recipients are almost certainly told well before the list is announced, and Sue has form in congratulating Megan for things well after its happened as well - when she won the FIFA award it was a couple of days later that Sue posted anything. So it just seems that the social media congrats aren't something Sue goes in for much (she has definitely been hyping her up in person)

I mean Sue is very obviously less into social media and public declarations of pride and love so I’m not super surprised tbh. Plus you’re right, they definitely knew before hand

#someone said to me that it’s weird how Megan is so in your face in love with sue and how sue never seems to reciprocate that #but it just shows a difference in love languages #Megan’s primary love languages are more ‘in your face type’ #i. e. physical touch and words of affirmation #while sue has a laid back approach #i.e. primarily acts of service and quality time #they contrast each other but as most healthy relationships they’re understanding and they have boundaries and healthy communication #it’s not really something to worry about #sue bird #megan rapinoe #time 100 #binoe #megan and sue #ask

[napoleons-snowball-effect]

Napoleon’s Blindfold: Animal Farm and Parasocial Relationships

In George Orwell’s Animal Farm, the sly pig Napoleon rises to power through not only terror and brute force, but also via the other animals’ devotion to him. He does this through brainwashing and manipulation, which leads others to believe that he is greater and more benevolent than he actually is. This is similar to an extremely toxic parasocial relationship. Parasocial relationships happen between two parties: an idol figure and his followers. The followers believe that the idol figure is their “friend” and that he values them as much as they value him. This could not be further from the truth, since the idol does not acknowledge every individual follower, and instead treats his followers as a collective whole. This forms a one-sided “friendship” between the follower and the idol where most of the time, the follower blindly devotes himself to the idol and believes that they have something special, all the while the idol does not even know they exist (Vinney, 2018). While these kinds of relationships are not always toxic, in extreme cases, the idol is aware of his followers’ blind devotion and uses it to his advantage. This is unsurprisingly similar to Napoleon’s relationship with the other animals, which makes it a key example of how unhealthy parasocial relationships can be.

Some similarities between parasocial relationships and Napoleon’s relationship with the animals:

In both cases, the idol figure is placed on a nearly untouchable pedestal by his followers. This is mostly caused by the followers’ belief that the idol is perfect, and so they blindly devote themselves to him. In worse situations, the followers deflect and ignore any criticism targeting the idol, and instead reassures him that he is perfect the way he is, and his critics are just “haters.” This becomes terribly problematic when the followers depend on the idol for their own happiness and well-being and believe that the idol is the only one who cares about and understands them. In Animal Farm, this is precisely how the animals view Napoleon: they see him as this savior-figure destined to bring them eternal happiness.

Ironically, the idol figure benefits more from the followers than the followers do from the idol. In real-life scenarios, the idol relies on his followers for support and revenue, and may also use them to deflect criticism. In Animal Farm, Napoleon uses the animals to accomplish his own selfish goals and quench his lust for power.

Both Napoleon and real-life idols rely on followers for power. In real-life cases, the idol needs his followers to preserve his relevance and notoriety. With his followers gone, the idol would be rendered ordinary and unremarkable. In Animal Farm, without the animals’ support, Napoleon would be as powerless and futile as any animal on the farm.

Napoleon focuses heavily on brainwashing and manipulation, which is eerily similar to an EXTREMELY toxic parasocial relationship. This should be prefaced by saying that not all parasocial relationships are unhealthy, but some can be if the idols manipulate their vulnerable audience. This is mostly due to the previous point regarding the idol’s dependence on his followers, and so the idol may encourage the rabid support of his fans to prevent his fall from grace in heavily toxic parasocial relationships. By doing this, he is essentially welcoming an unhealthy obsession towards him, a person his followers never met. The idol then becomes manipulative towards his followers to garner more support and influence, while never directly forming a bond with them. This is a running theme in Animal Farm, since Napoleon welcomes the animals’ blind support for him to keep his power. To illustrate this, one can look at Boxer, a diligent horse who swears loyalty to Napoleon. Boxer was always there to support Napoleon, even when he was at the brink of death. Napoleon, on the other hand, cared little for Boxer’s well-being and did nothing to stop Boxer when he was clearly overworking himself for him. To Napoleon, Boxer is just another stone he can step on to reach his goals, and he never cared for Boxer’s health nor his feelings. Even at death, he was exploited so that his full use could be extracted through the desecration of his corpse, which was sold so the pigs could buy whiskey. This is an extreme scenario but it further reinforces the idea that boundaries must be drawn between the idol and his followers. 

Although they’re similar, they have some differences as well:

Parasocial relationships stress the ignorance of the idol towards each of his fans’ individual existence, while Napoleon is well aware of each of the animals. The latter can be attributed to the fact that the farm is a closed space, so Napoleon can monitor its members. Parasocial relationships, on the other hand, have a wide reach due to the presence of social media, which allows the idol to easily interact with thousands and millions of followers (Choi, 2017).

Napoleon’s relationship is clearly manipulative and selfish, not all parasocial relationships are like this. This has been mentioned before, but it will be mentioned again. Parasocial relationships wherein the idol blatantly encourages an unhealthy obsession are clearly manipulative, but some idols acknowledge that their followers’ obsession with them is toxic and unwell, and so they condemn it. Ludwig Arghen, a popular Twitch streamer and YouTuber, expresses this sentiment after some fans told him that he saved their lives, to which he states, “what do you mean I saved your life? I’ve been playing Pokemon, and Among Us, and Minecraft . . . and you used me as a distraction to maybe get through a bad period . . . so stop giving me the credit for doing all the work.” Not all fans heed this though, and they bring their own addiction unto themselves without the instigation of the idol. 

In conclusion, while the followers in parasocial relationships do get momentary benefits from it (such as the temporary feeling of belonging and understanding), it can become twisted especially when the idols encourage their hefty dependence on him. Parasocial relationships are part of a larger problem of the blind devotion of followers and the manipulation of ones in power, as evidenced by Animal Farm. Through critical analysis, one can see that those idols such as Napoleon who encourage the overzealous and hyperbolic obsession of their followers truly do not care about them, and instead only value furthering their selfish agendas. In contrast, idols who neutralize their followers’ obsession and speak up about the dangers of parasocial relationships are more concerned about their well-being, rather than his own climb to power. As such, it is important for idols, like celebrities, influencers, YouTubers, live streamers, and other content creators, to draw healthy boundaries between them and their fans. 

References:

Choi, A. (2017, April 6). The Parasocial Phenomenon. Public Broadcasting Service. https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/parasocial-relationships/

Ludwig. (2020, December 28). I Am Not Your Friend [Video]. Youtube.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzyQbfh4t_8&t=165s

Vinney, C. (2018, September 21). Parasocial Relationships: Definition, Examples, and Key Studies. ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/parasocial-relationships-4174479

[queenofthefaces]

kyle for the character thing!!!!

Buckle up bc I’m extra af and love talking abt characters. Be aware this is like, entirely personal opinion and personal interpretation and also it’s almost 2am so LETS GO

1) sexuality hc: I’ve always really liked bi Kyle ahsjdkfk and tbh I’ve always found the idea of his attraction to other ppl really interesting

The way I characterize him is that he’s someone who’s like, typically very passive with his attraction. He’ll kind of glance at someone and think they’re attractive but he doesn’t necessarily have any strong feelings towards them or desire/drive to want to pursue anything with them. If he does want to pursue them it’s usually out of a sense of obligation or expectation—like a “well I might as well” or “this is what I’m supposed to do” kinda thing

Except Kyle DOES have exceptions—when he finds someone he feels passionately about, someone he’s emotionally and mentally invested in, it’s like 0-100 in terms of difference, bc suddenly he can’t stop thinking abt that person, how much he wants to be with them, etc. and a lot of that characterization, for me, falls in line w the specific ship I have for Kyle (which is obvious if you’ve followed me for a few but I’ll get Into That in the next section)

2) OTP: KYMAN by far my fave Kyle ship and one of my all time fave sp ships overall. I’ve always LOVED rivals/enemies to lovers ships that specifically have 1) characters who are equals 2) characters who are incredibly intimate and close w one another even if (or because of) it’s in the context of the rivalry 3) the characters have either some level of co-dependence or a need for the dynamic or one another in some way bc the relationship is fulfilling to them and bonus if 4) they’re the only ones that really understand each other

And I jus. Love that. Esp w kyman it’s so much fun taking that dynamic, the codependency and obsession, and just. Playing with it, on a storytelling/character analysis level. And then making it healthy, having them work through issues, bc the idea that “we’re both in way too deep with each other, we can either destroy each other or learn to get along” is jus 👌👌👌

And w kyman I love having Eric be Kyle’s exception. Kyle feels basically nothing towards his other s/o’s in contrast to how deeply he feels about Eric, and for Eric to have just as much depth of emotion in return. It’s fascinating and really fun esp when written from a kind of duo-redemptive story—they both start out toxic towards each other, and their relationship is toxic to other people, but they can’t bring themselves to put an end to it so they finally make it to that middle ground and come out as better peoole, together

This applies to a lot of my rivals/enemies to lovers ships but w kyman in particular there’s the added Funkiness of the childhood friends dynamic which is TASTEY like some nice sprinkles to jus add that extra Flavour. I love the concept of Kyle and Eric forming parts of their entire identities around each other from the time they were in diapers and everyone accepts that they’re always gonna he crazy for each other bc no one has the bond they do it’s so much fun

4) brotp: I should think more abt Kyle friendships tbh I don’t give those as much attention ahsjdkfkfk—tho I definitely have a soft spot for the super best friends kyle + Stan, I just have to work some development into it.

I love exploring their friendship as smth that deteriorates bc they grow apart as people, but then they realize they don’t WANT to grow apart and have to work to stay friends bc being friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were 8. It brings this really cool development that confronts Stan’s passivity towards his friends/his nihilism and Kyle’s entitlement and lack of emotional sensitivity and how they both need to make some compromises (but esp Kyle, bc I can see Stan as someone who tries very hard to not get much feedback).

In terms of Kyle being friends w other people I’m thinking it would be pretty situational. I can see Kyle getting some really eye opening perspectives from other ppl if he opens himself up to their views but that requires knocking Kyle down a few pegs lol, it’s fun to have him learn to recognize his own assumptions abt ppl and learning to value them as individuals yanno?

3) notp: honestly? Any other kyle ship. I can personally only see Kyle w Eric ahsjdkfk kyman endgame all the way. For me, a lot of other Kyle ships like, don’t make any sense, a lot in part bc I see Kyle as someone who has a lot of issues w socialization, entitlement, and selfishness along with his UNENDING OBSESSION w Eric Cartman (which also somewhat stems from those issues bc of Kyle’s sense of self identity vis a vis the rivalry)

Like, I can’t see Kyle sitting down and forming a meaningful romantic relationship w anyone else bc like, no one can provide the fulfillment, engagement, drive, and push/pull of Kyle’s relationship w Eric. Kyle would leave at the drop of a hat to confront smth Eric was doing and I don’t think he’d ever compromise with that. And someone who does compromise on that probably isn’t someone Kyle would want to be with in the long run.

I think the only ship I can see would be like, poly m4 bc that draws on pre-existing dynamics and doesn’t break or try to divy up Kyle’s attention. (Even tho like I said I don’t like Kyle w anyone else romantically)

5) 1st hc that pops in my head: my Kyle is autistic as fuck. Characterizing him as autistic gives a lot of insight into how his mind works and why he acts the way he does—a lot of his thought processes are just. What makes the most logical sense to him. It’s just that those trains of thought are on KYLES logic and that’s when he struggles to realize when he’s crossed a line or overstepped a boundary. Or how his brain is usually always “self-centered”—not in a morally negative way, just in that it’s not a natural reflect for him to remember other people.

And a ton of other things as well( including a fun hc of Kyle trying to use his autism as an excuse for being a dick, until Also Autistic Craig steps up like, no dude you’re just an asshole bc you’re not trying to do better). And bc as an autistic person, I really relate hard to Kyle to the point where if he were real I’d probably hate him bc we’d be too similar lmao; I think esp when I was a kid I acted a lot like Kyle—the self righteousness, the bossiness, the belief that my way was the only way that made sense and everyone else was just Wrong, the anger issues, etc.

It’s why I’m tough on Kyle a lot of the time, but it’s also why I love thinking abt his development, bc I know firsthand that he can mellow out, change, become a better, more wellrounded and emotionally aware person, and how he can make an effort into doing so

6) oh shit I didn’t even mean for this but obviously one way I relate to Kyle is the Above autistic hc and how I characterize him. Like I said, I acted a LOT like Kyle when I was a kid, so I know he’s an irritating little shit, but also brilliant and too thoughtful for his own good sometimes.

But another thing: I characterize Kyle as someone who is a natural leader, but hates being in official leadership positions. And this is also smth I’ve kinda written due to personal experience. But also from the way kyles often portrayed in canon—in the games, he’s always a support role, always a healer, ranged fighter, or someone who boosts and buffs allies

I see Kyle as the type of person who can easily take control in, for example, a group project situation, or when he’s hanging out with Stan and they’re only doing what Kyle wants to do bc Kyle comes up with all the ideas and Stan just goes along with them

But I can’t see Kyle as someone who’d want to be, like, student counsel president. (That’s more Wendy’s wheelhouse) Mostly bc there’s too much responsibility that it’s just exhausting, and more than that, those official positions are STIFLING. They run on someone else’s schedule and they’re creatively constructive. You can’t fully do your own thing bc you have to be constantly aware of how the group works and what the group wants. I can’t see Kyle as being happy in that position bc he’d get sick of having to conform his ideas to what other ppl want—he just wants to do his own thing.

So instead, Kyle would be more comfortable in a supporting role. Bc in a position like, for example, secretary or VP, he can still have a lot of influence, power, and knowledge, but he’s free from those restrictions that come from being the face of a group. And he’s also free from the social obligations of being a leader, esp in having to deal w other groups in like a business sort of way. AND if the group falls, Kyle won’t take as much of the blame, bc it’s probably not his fault anyways so why should everyone point fingers at him. It’s much less pressure.

(And it’s also kinda inspired by his role in the CBAA??—Cartman’s perfect in the CEO/face of the company position bc Cartman is comfortable with and relishes in the attention and social aspect of being the face/leader of a company, and Kyle can reap all the benefits of being a part of that company, including being an integral pillar of the company, w/o the deficits. If Eric and Kyle ran a company they’d work together, sure, but Eric would crumble without Kyle’s support, and Kyle would hate the stifling pressure of the head position, which makes them a perfect pair.)

(And again this is based on personal experience—I’m a natural leader. People listen to me, I can organize groups, and I’m a good mediator, but I hate when it becomes Official bc I can’t just. Do my own thing as I want to and it’s far too much to keep track of and most of it doesn’t interest me. It always irritated me when my parents tried to push me into like running for student president bc I just kept thinking abt all the work I’d have to do that I wouldn’t care abt)

7) what gives me secondhand embarrassment about Kyle? Well. Just......how much he reminds me of when I was a stupid kid. He’s such a little shit oh my god Kyle shut the fuck up YOURE NOT GHANDI. When Kyle’s being entitled and stuck up, when he thinks he’s better than other ppl, and when his own big mouth and pride are what fucks him over I’m just oh my god. Oh my GODDDDDD SHUT UPPPPP.

Mostly it’s secondhand embarrassment bc I’m jus oh my god ur an idiot—but again bc I know he has the ability to grow out of that and look back on himself with a grimace at how dumb he was ahsjdkfkfk

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely the latter, I love Kyle and I love when he’s happy and contented but him as a cinnamon roll kinda character feels so flat to me. I love him as a problematic fave he’s so much fun as a disaster. He’s complex—he’s tough and caring and angry and compassionate and an absolute fireball of EMOTIONS but he tries to act like he’s a logical rational person and I jus? He’s so much more fun and dynamic when he’s allowed to be messy

(Of course this is long why wouldn’t it be AHSJDKDKKFKGLGLH)

#long post #kyman #south park #kyle broflovski #fl5k #creo talks

[masterthespianduchovny]

I believe Kendall is the most popular character in the series, but Roman is far more compelling in my opinion.

His emotional arc and burgeoning maturity is a compelling thing to watch, esp when you get glimpses as to why he is the way he is.

In the beginning, I wanted to root for Roman because he was a Culkin, and then Roman tore up the check and I was like, “Fuck this dude.” I mean, clearly, the character and not the actor.

But, in retrospect, that doesn’t seem like something Roman would do. Yes, it’s canonical that he did it, but it’s also canonical that he was wearing, presumably, a wedding band in that same ep that we’ll most likely never get answers for. My point is: the pilot ep is almost always the rough draft of characters going forward. This doesn’t erase his actions, but it just seems “out of character.”

With that being said, we see Roman going from a yes man to his father and caring about his own bottom line to genuinely assessing situations and giving his honest opinion. 

His journey to get there was strange, unusual, yet sweet.

Roman was sex obsessed, vulgar, and a fuck up. It was easy to assume that he’s this way because he’s spoiled when, in reality, he most likely suffered the worst of his father’s abuse and was punished for being “weaker.” The implied explanation behind Roman’s behavior is that Logan put his youngest son down in one way or another to uphold the hierarchy between him and Kendall. We see that Connor knows his place and doesn't challenge it, but Roman did and does.

Logan made it where Roman was self sabotaging and heavily insecure about himself and his abilities. 

I want to resist the urge of labeling Gerri as the catalyst behind Roman’s change, but I see no other significant factor beyond her. Roman has always wanted to prove himself to his dad and repeatedly failed because that’s how he was molded. But, something happened during the trip to Japan that made Roman and Gerri become closer. Even if it was unstated and imperceptible, there was a change that bonded them.

The Roy children are conditioned to want their dad’s approval, despite failing or it never being enough. Which is why Roman keeps trying.

But, things change with Gerri.

After getting business advice from the wrong person, he finally asks the right person. If it hadn’t been for Japan, would he had asked her? And what’s more noteworthy is: he takes her suggestion seriously. 

Back in season 1 episode 2, we see that Roman respects and admires Gerri’s skills at her job. 

Interestingly enough, Roman wants her in the room during a business dealing, which is a stark contrast to his vehemence of Frank being his babysitter. IMO, Frank most likely made it very known that he looked down on Roman and probably gleefully reported Roman’s mistakes and fuck ups to Logan. Although he didn't have many dealings with Gerri before season 2, she sasses Roman back, but treated him like an adult; albeit, a very spoiled one, but she did humor him, take him seriously, and keeps whatever mistakes he made between them.  

The thing that really spurs Roman’s maturity and self awareness into motion is Gerri checking on him. How often do we see people check on Roman’s emotional well being? Or touch base with him? But, Gerri does and Roman asks her what he needs to do to be taken seriously.

He wouldn’t had ever asked Frank that. And Frank would’ve given him some smart ass reply if he did.

But, Gerri gives him practical advice and is open to being the person Roman leans on. She gives him great, but obvious advice that benefits him in the long run. Her advice also addresses Roman’s glaring flaws of not having practical experience, training, or knowledge surrounding running a business.

Gerri is the first person that Roman allowed himself to be completely vulnerable regarding his insecurities and desire for his father’s approval who made him feel safe and validated. She didn’t give a smart ass reply or justify why his father didn’t trust him, she advised him to do things that will get Logan to trust Roman.

And this is important because Gerri goes from, Gerri Kellman, job good-doer to, Gerri, someone Roman can confide in about professional issues.

After that, we see Roman calling and telling her about every little thing. He sees her as a mentor, but also a friend and someone who isn’t going to judge him.

And maybe this is where the change truly starts. Perhaps, the rocket incident is still on his mind, but having Gerri being a soundboard and help guide his career, Roman can finally begin to grow into his own. This is further underscored when their relationship crossing into a sexual boundary. Roman reveals this incredibly intimate part of him and Gerri doesn’t judge him; she doesn’t make him feel bad about; she inherently understands his need. What interesting about the second “conference call” scene is that Roman is fully prepared to leave and apologizes before realizing that Gerri is in character. And then, he goes into character instantly.

After their first conference call, he’s awkward around her. With their second, he’s his normal self and cracking jokes and telling the truth because it sounds like a lie.

Since this was around the time Roman found out that Shiv was the heavy favorite for the next CEO, he’s down, but is also showing self awareness. He hasn’t reverted back to his old self. Gerri has to beg him to talk to Eduard, but she basically informs him: I went to bat for you, despite your father wanting Tom. I find it noteworthy that he describes her suggestion as “make up sex” and her “grinding against him” to apologize for the Shiv thing. He’s allowing himself to be upset with her in that moment like normal people do opposed to the repressing his true feeling like he does with his family. Whether Gerri revealing that she suggested him to his dad meant something in that moment, it definitely meant something going forth. I believe after this we get an increase of “Gerri says”, Gerri thinks”, and “Gerri cares...”

Gerri is the only one who has consistently taken Roman seriously, was a resource for him to improve his business skills, and allowed him to be vulnerable without making him feel bad about it. 

That, in turn, made Roman take himself seriously as a person even when it came to offering a suggestion that continued to threaten Waystar as they knew it.

It takes a lot of maturity and self awareness to say, “hey, this is an important deal for us; I may not be the guy for this”, despite you knowing what this opportunity could mean for you. And Logan’s decision to keep the course with Roman wooing Eduard has everything to do with Gerri’s faith in him. Would Logan care that Roman was good with people, if Gerri hadn’t pushed for him, stressed that the panel went well, or the other things she’s done? Gerri constantly put Roman in a position to succeed, which fed him confidence and allowed it grow in a healthy way. This is highlighted times a million when he tells his dad to reject the offer after him kidnapping.

But, we also have his interpersonal relationships with his family members.

Roman asked his father if he was doing well and had someone to talk to about Marcia. He was truly concerned about his father’s emotional well being. Roman wasn’t just content with, “You good?” No, he also wanted to see if his dad had a support system to deal with his marriage falling apart. This is not the Roman of season 1, that’s for sure. On the yacht when he asked Kendall and Shiv if they could have a normal conversation if they came out of the situation, he WAS the only mature one in the discussion. I know they were having funny, but it did appear that Kendall and Shiv have difficulty having normal, healthy, and productive conversations with one another. They’re so used to competing, undercutting each other, and looking for an angle. They don’t fully trust each other.

Roman wants to know that his loved ones are doing okay and connect to and with them, but ironically enough, he is the only one having a healthy “relationship.” His needs are being met.

For him to trust Gerri the way he does to not only 1. Propose a business team up, but 2. Defend her at the blood sacrifice, speaks volumes.

It shows that he has come a long way from the asshole who ripped up the check in front of the kid and the guy who washed his hand and pretended a rocket didn’t explode. 

This also makes Roman dangerous, but in a good way. Kendall has always had the advantage over Roman because he knew the business and how to speak in business terms. But, with Roman working through his issues and actually putting in the work, Roman could give Kendall an actual run for his money. I've said this before, Roman is a killer. But, he lacked the confidence and knowledge to be useful. With Gerri’s guidance and his ever growing confidence and skill, Roman is growing into a better successor in reality, esp because I think he has better negotiating and people skills. 

#roman roy #succesion #gerri kellman

[bigskydreaming]

hi, im new to reading actual comics and i just read the court of owls. this was the first time id ever seen bruce actually hit dick—does that happen a lot? i was honestly shocked at it. and bruce never apologized. im trying to understand why bruce would do that—why do you think? i dont think the comic was glorifying it at all but it was still there and im a little dumbfounded as to why the writers thought that was appropriate to put in there. what are your thoughts?

Its shitty writing. That’s the ultimate answer. Every instance of Bruce’s kids ever has been an instance of shitty writing, because it never gets addressed or followed up on, and its not like there’s EVER a good reason to write a father hitting his kids unless you’re specifically centering the kids and trying to write a story of abuse and learning to recognize and accept that yes, this is actually happening to them now what do they do with that awareness and understanding....and let’s be frank, that’s not a story that DC has ever desired or intended to write with Bruce in the position of that father.

So flat out, no equivocation, every instance of Bruce hitting his kids ever, has been shitty, unacceptable writing, no matter the context or the follow-up, because the end takeaway at the heart of the matter is always, always, always, that whatever each writer’s actual intention when writing those scenes, they definitively did not ‘intend’ for it to be seen as abusive.

But that means jack shit in terms of whether what was actually shown on the page, was in fact abusive. Which has been the case, more than once, and with more than one of his kids.

So unfortunately, he has been physically violent with Dick on more than one occasion, in which there was no chance of it being spun as mind control or like, them fighting as equals because of some story position or whatever, where it was just definitively, a father hitting his son for his own emotional reasons or whatever. It happened after Jason’s death, it happened in the Court of Owls arc, it happened after Dick briefly died and was resuscitated in Forever Evil and Bruce was trying to get him to go undercover without anyone else knowing he’d survived yet. There have been a couple other times where the two of them have come to mutual blows in a fight that started as just a verbal argument, but I tend not to focus on those for a number of reasons but tbh, mostly just because its an uphill battle getting people to address even the times when its most clear that Bruce is without a doubt unjustified and dishing out abuse that is in no way reciprocated. There’s no real chance to even get around to the scenes that are complicated by additional layers.

And again to be clear, this kind of shit writing isn’t just limited to Dick. Bruce has been physically violent with Jason ever since he came back as the Red Hood in more than one altercation, with there being the flimsy justification in some of these stories that well, technically Jason is ‘the bad guy’ and Bruce is just doing what he has to in order to stop him....but with more than one instance of Bruce being overly violent with Jason in ways that he isn’t with even some of the worst criminals or villains in other stories, thus making it impossible to interpret as anything other than Bruce’s aggression being heightened by his emotional turmoil at Jason’s actions, the fact that he’s fighting his own son, Bruce’s own issues, etc, etc....

Which ultimately all just boils down to...Bruce is violent with Jason and to degrees that he isn’t with even his most notorious villains, and his own emotional state is the only explanation possible, which makes the over the top nature of Bruce’s violence in these scenes outright abuse, no matter the existence of the ‘well Jason technically was doing something that Bruce was trying to stop, it was more of a hero vs antihero thing rather than a father vs son thing’ attempt at spinning it otherwise. Notable and notorious instances of this are Bruce’s way of ‘finishing’ things in UTRH, RHATO #25, etc.

With Tim, the only real instance so far has been Batman #71, the King written bullshit I spoke of, and tbh I’m still so steamed at his attempt at justifying that, like, just read the latest issue to see the full story there because I refuse to even dignify that particular bit of abuse apologism with a paraphrasing.

And unfortunately, Bruce has definitely been written being emotionally abusive with all his kids at various points or another, with again the real culprit usually being dumbass fuckferrett writer assholes who wouldn’t know how to write a healthy parent/child interaction if your Higher Power of Choice directly appeared in their room, shining with benevolence and full-on “Do Not Test Me On This”  wattage, and then handing them a script that word for word laid out how to write out a healthy parent/child interaction for the scene they were beginning....like, they’d STILL find a way to fuck it up, that’s how bad these particular writers are at recognizing This Is A Good Action and This is A Bad Action, Bad, B-A-D, DON’T DO IT.

And the thing is, that’s not Bruce Wayne at his core characterization. I don’t believe it is anymore than even the most die-hard Bruce fan, which I most decidedly am not. I’m here for his kids, he can stay when he’s doting and on his best Dadly behavior, but he’s always on thin ice with me at this point and on his own, I’m usually just like meh, wouldn’t adopting an orphan right about now be a better use of your time?

But for sure, Bruce absolutely has been written as a good parent in canon as well, and has everything he needs character wise to constantly have that portrayal of him upheld and prioritized instead of his worse traits but like. We have definitely gotten Bad Dad Bruce in canon, and more frequently than any of us would like....which is where we usually turn to fandom, for fix-its.

And there’s lots of Good Dad Bruce Wayne in fanfics. Its even its own tag. And I have no problem with most of those fics in spirit, or the concept in general, I’m just very opinionated and knee-jerk about abuse apologism across the board, so I mean...if it were up to me, I’d much rather normalize tags like “Bruce Wayne Can Be A Good Dad” and “Bruce Wayne Can Be A Bad Dad.” I don’t generally like broad-sweeping declarations made about characters that no one person can ever ensure consistent characterization for, so no matter how understandable the intent, I object to the idea of Good Dad Bruce Wayne protection squads or tags on the basis of like...how easily that can lead straight into abuse apologism, with people making the claim “Bruce would never do what he did in canon story (x)....because Bruce is a Good Dad and good dads don’t do that.” Well no, they don’t. In theory. Cuz problem is in reality, supposedly good dads do things like that all the time, because nobody IMO is truly good or bad, they just do good or bad things and even a person with a track record of doing mostly good things can occasionally surprise people, even themselves, by doing something horrific.

 And like, when we’re talking about fictional characters I’m all for arguing that something was out of character because with fiction you CAN actually consider a writer’s intent and compare and contrast it with what’s on the page, like you CAN technically say well, the writer SAID in this interview here, that they did this because they were thinking x, y and z....and then you could feasibly point to the actual on the page depiction of that scene and say okay but look at x, y and z here...what we actually got clearly isn’t what they claim they were actually going for, so they fucked it up, it wasn’t even their own intention, so like....I argue that this was out of character and shouldn’t be given too much weight. 

You can’t do that in reality. Impact is what matters. The effect. Not the cause. The intent. No matter how uncharacteristic an up until that point  ‘good dad’ striking their kid is for them....they’re not a character. They’re a person. It CAN’T be out of character, its them that did it, their action that caused the effect of their kid being abused, with no take backs for that, no rewind that will ever undo whatever effect that has on the rest of their relationship from that day forward, or whether they even have one at all.

And people have trouble setting firm boundaries on what they will defend in fiction versus what they will defend or call out as indefensible in reality, it isn’t nearly as either or as a lot of people try and tell themselves it is, IMO....like, my stance tends to be that if you can’t even condemn a fictional character for doing a clearly abusive thing, how do you think you can definitively say you’re sure you’d be able to condemn a loved one for doing a clearly abusive thing? Y’know? Its not as easy to separate as people like to make it out to be, so I’m hugely against abuse apologism in fandom because I think a lot of times....the way we react to these things in terms of favorite fictional characters can potentially end up a training ground for how we react to these things in real life, if they end up happening at a later point.

So I’m very critical of Bruce in a lot of my posts, but its not because I don’t want him to be good for his kids or don’t think he can be written that way....and not even because I don’t get the thought process behind ‘well I don’t view his character as being capable of that when he’s written the ways that drew me to his character in the first place, and this kind of behavior isn’t what I’m here for, it isn’t escapism for me and it just depresses me so I choose not to interact with or acknowledge these specific parts of canon.’

My issues arise from the specific ways a lot of fans attempt to write around these instances of canon, in order to not have to factor it into Bruce’s character and their view and depiction of it...while often times failing to apply similarly transformative energy to the characters Bruce hurt in these instances of canon. And when that happens, its a problem, IMO....because you end up writing Good Dad Bruce Wayne....and his kids who are at times resentful or bitter or argumentative or wary...as they are shown at times to be in canon....largely BECAUSE of those moments in canon where he’s written at his worst and does fucked up things. But without acknowledging those parts of canon at all, AND without similarly rewriting the course of events in his KIDS’ lives as much as you do in Bruce’s himself.....the end result often ends up being that you have Good Dad Bruce Wayne and a bunch of stubborn brats that according to this narrative spin have no reason for being as resentful or bitter or argumentative or wary as they’re being here...since THEY’RE still being written according to their full, overall canon characterization, with no specific chunks chiseled out.

And then of course, my other major issue with abuse apologism in fandom arises from how often fans seem willing to tackle the possibility or instances of Bad Dad Bruce Wayne in order to write fix-it fics and headcanons and meta for the times he’s hurt Jason or Tim or Damian, etc.....but then selectively erase or ignore the instances he’s done similar shit to Dick...because so much of this fandom insists on this take that he’s specifically favored by Bruce and has received special treatment that justifies the others’ occasional resentment of him, and the resentment of their fans for him. So there’s this kinda thing where you end up with a lot of fandom ignoring or refusing to acknowledging some fairly pivotal canon events because Bruce Would Never Do That, He’s A Good Dad.....AND then on top of that you have a lot of the rest of fandom ignoring or refusing to acknowledge some equally pivotal canon events because Bruce Would Never Do That To Dick, He’s A Good Dad To Dick...Its Just Everyone Else He Fucks Up With.

And that kind of selective acknowledgment of abuse for reasons of personal character preference like...get under my skin, BIG TIME. *Shrugs*

#abuse cw

[evakuality]

They probably want clarity as well: Communication in Druck s3 (part six)

This is the sixth and final part of my discussion of the theme of communication in s3 of Druck.  You can find the other parts here:

You look good tonight: Communication in Druck s3 (part one)  

Make a clear statement, straight up: Communication in Druck s3 (part two)

He doesn’t talk to me: Communication in Druck s3 (part three)

Do you want to talk to me? Communication in Druck s3 (part four)

I want to tell you so much: Communication in Druck s3 (part five)

I got really caught up in all the Abi stuff this last week and so didn’t get this finished.  Whoops.  I mean, it was worth it, and you know, I’m here finally with the last part of this communication analysis of mine.  The analysis that was supposed to be one or maybe two posts long.  And yet here we are, six posts later and we’re finally finishing.  Anyway.  Episode ten.  The one where everything comes to a nice conclusion in terms of communication.  The old reliance on nonverbal communication has dissipated somewhat (though there are still heavy traces) and actually communicating verbally is suddenly ‘in’ for our lovely characters.  Well, for some of them.

Of course, having said that nonverbal communication takes a back seat, we go right into a situation where nonverbal communicating is rife.  In the first clip, Matteo and David know exactly what they’re doing, why they’re doing it and there’s no discussion.  Out loud, anyway.  It’s actually a really lovely moment, as consent is sought and given multiple times without having to verbalize it at all.  It’s a very good example of how you can make consent work naturally and organically in these moments.  One nice thing is the way it calls back to the conversations around Carlos and Kiki and how she wanted sex and he didn’t know, and the much more obvious parallel with Sara and her attempts with Matteo in which his nonverbal signals clearly shouted out a huge ‘no’ and which she didn’t really deal with very well.  Her insinuations later (via the messages, I think, which I did swear not to talk about but which seem relevant here) that he was ‘weird’ during their intimate moments and so must be gay are so hmmmm.  Consent, wanting sex, asking for it, checking in on your partner about it.  These are all important things that should actually be communicated clearly and openly before you get into these situations and the casual assumption she makes that if he doesn’t want it sprung on him out of the blue it must be because he’s gay is so dodgy.  Still it does serve as a nice counterpoint to what happens here.  The fact that earlier in the season communication around sex was so bad (neither Kiki and Carlos nor Sara and Matteo managed to approach it well), just makes this moment here stand out more.  We don’t see them talking about it but it’s clear in what they do and how they act that they are both willing and that they probably talked about it before they got to David’s place that night. The discussions in this season about how you navigate the delicate issues of sex and consent are really fascinating and I could probably write an entire many-thousand-word essay on it, but I’ll leave it there for now.  

The only time they do actually speak in this clip, the apparently untranslatable nervous/excited comments, is nakedly honest.  Not only is it honest, but it’s accepted and treated with understanding.  The communication underlying the words is ‘I need to take this slow’ and there’s an innate understanding and acceptance of that need, a willingness to listen to what is being communicated rather than just spoken.  And that’s pretty much where Matteo and David are in their relationship at the moment.  It’s all out there and all on the line.  ‘I love you’ is felt and has been expressed by both.  They’re secure and content now, and in fact any secrets they may have had are now completely gone.  Not only are they open and honest with each other but they’re also open and honest with the world.  Matteo wasted no time at all in shouting his feelings to the entire world via his instagram.  Indeed, he hasn’t stopped.  He’s come a long way from the start of the season when he was so careful with everything and hid his true feelings behind his memes and his casually isolationist attitude.  Even from more recent times when he posted cryptic things that literally only David would understand.  He’s quite at ease communicating openly and honestly about who he is and who he loves.

Obviously, we then move into the next morning where there’s more open and honest communication happening.  The thing here too is that we’ve been set up throughout the whole season for this point.  From the beginning these two have been more willing to be vulnerable and open with each other than with other people.  And that still holds true.  We don’t see them have these deeply personal conversations with anyone else.  It’s highly unlikely that David would so willingly talk about his past and how he’s felt about it with everyone.  He’s open and out about it, yes, but that wasn’t his choice with most other people.  But even though he’s seemingly okay with people knowing, he doesn’t trust them in the same way that he trusts Matteo.  Part of that is obviously because he hasn’t known them for as long or as well.  But it’s at least partly because, from the first moment when David shared his art notebook and Matteo respected his boundaries around what he was and wasn’t allowed to see, David has known that he can trust these parts of himself with Matteo.  That hasn’t been an easy road to walk for either of them.  But that early foundation is what led to this.  They have always been good at communication of the important kind, and it has paid off at this point.  As soon as everything was laid out for each of them this was inevitable.  Because they’ve been building to this point all along and every time one or the other shared something vulnerable or fragile with the other, the other respected it.  We’ve been shown all along what good communication looks like and it’s no surprise that they are able to be so casual and easy together.

The third clip is where we’re really allowed to see the point of communication in this season.  In fact, the message is pushed quite a lot.  Abdi serves as a reminder of where some of our characters have been: awkwardly trying to communicate via ineffective metaphors instead of real words.  He’s so clueless around how to do it that he doesn’t even pick up on what the boys are so desperately trying to tell him.  In fact it’s not until Matteo and David use their words clearly that he actually figures it out at all.  What’s really interesting is that in episode seven, the boys had given literally the exact same advice to Matteo who instantly took it, and for whom that was a big turning point in terms of moving his relationship forward.  He’d already been good at communicating with David, particularly nonverbally but with words too, but it wasn’t til that point that he actually made a ‘clear statement’ of his needs and was therefore able to make things clear and open with David.  As I said when discussing that episode, neither Jonas nor Abdi was making his own ‘clear statement’ at this point and they still aren’t.  The fact that this is still the advice being given shows that they’ve stagnated.  Matteo and David are perfectly in their rights to be smug here.  They’re actually very good examples of communicators and these other boys are still good examples of bad communicators.

Before all this, we have a discussion around Jonas’s song for graduation and it’s really quite awkward, highlighting the differences between Matteo and the other boys.  Matteo states plainly that he likes the song and leaves it at that.  Direct and clear.  By contrast, Carlos while clearly trying to give good genuine feedback actually offends Jonas because he isn’t reading the situation very well.  Jonas’s body language and actions are of someone who’s hearing stuff he doesn’t want to.  But frustratingly he doesn’t say this.  He just gets up and walks away and doesn’t address it.  The others try to recover once they do realise but the damage is done.  Unfortunately, here we have an example of communication going awry.  It serves, again, to highlight just how much better at communication Matteo has become.  This sort of behaviour is what he used to do, vague comments or literal walking away or isolating himself, culminating (with this group) in him finally speaking his mind to his friends by finally having enough and yelling at them and kicking them out of his house in episode 6.  It’s been shown to be not healthy, and there’s clear warning for the way these boys are communicating.  Of course, this again sets us up for the ‘you could say it with words’ ‘directly’ thing.  They know what they’re talking about, partly because they’ve been there and done that and realised how bad it tends to go but also partly because they genuinely have good communication skills.  Matteo has had to extrapolate them out from David to other people but he got there.

Abdi and Sam is an interesting example of specifically how these characters are  not good at this communication business.  He says here that him not getting with Sam must be his fault and there’s some truth to that because he literally hasn’t told her how he feels.  But he doesn’t work that out, instead assuming (don’t make assumptions, people!) that it’s because she doesn’t want to sleep with him.  But he offered her a lollipop!  And she didn’t understand it!  There’s no hope!  Even when he’s told to tell her he equivocates.  He prefers ‘sucuk with eggs’ over actually saying he likes her.  He can’t possibly tell her that directly.  And it is a scary thing to do, of course.  We’ve all been there where saying something directly would be the best course of action but anxiety or insecurity or whatever has held us back.  Unfortunately for Abdi’s progress in getting past that here, he’s encouraged by his other friends to keep with the awkward metaphors.  It allows him to slide back from the actually good advice and keep thinking that he can use lollipops etc.  The fact that in the recent content, even when he’s trying to be clear and open, he takes Carlos’s terrible advice to use ‘sucuk and eggs’ rather than just saying ‘hey I like you’ shows that, while it seems to have worked in the short term, he’s still not great at communicating and things are still not clear and ‘direct’ between him and Sam.  The others are no better.  Jonas is making awkward attempts at wooing Hanna via song and longing looks, and that too just isn’t working.  Even Carlos who’s in a relationship is (at the point where we are now after the Abi stuff) not talking directly to Kiki but rather showing passive aggressive jealousy about the people she was dancing with.  

Apart from Matteo and David, these characters are still not good at this, and it shows in the way all of them are having issues with their relationships (or lack of them) even to this point.  We get other little hints at the way communication should be clear in the episode too.  For example, in the office when Sam blurts out that they’re there to support Matteo and David and Kiki says they were trying to keep that quiet.  These characters are still trying to keep things from each other and hide behind polite fictions.  It’s understandable and we all do this to some extent, trying to preserve someone’s comfort etc or put our best face forward, but again here we’re told it’s better to be open.  Matteo isn’t upset they’re here and so they didn’t need to hide behind the fake reason.

The message we’re being clubbed over the head with at this point is that only genuine clear communication will achieve happiness and success.  Among many other messages from this season, we are being explicitly reminded that we need to talk to each other.  There is an emphasis on verbal over nonverbal by this point, but there’s still a lot to be said for clear nonverbal communication; it’s just that we’re shown several times that the nonverbal can be misinterpreted, so back up with verbal communication is important.  From the positive version of this in the first clip (there is a clear verbal connection to the nonverbal even while it heavily relies on the nonverbal communication) to the much less successful version in the clip with the boys talking, this is repeated over and over.  Communication, in other words, is key.  Just be clear and honest about it and it will all work out.

#druck #my meta stuff #davenzi

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2018 Anime Overview: Bloom into You

Yuu Koito is a girl who’s troubled by the fact she’s never felt the romantic passion she sees so often in shoujo manga and other media. She’s thrown for a loop when the seemingly level-headed and mature student council president, Touko Nanami, suddenly confesses her love for her. Yuu finds out Touko’s calm facade hides a much more complicated person than she could ever imagine.

If you’re someone on the lookout for yuri that tells a sincere and heartfelt queer narrative rather reveling in fetishization and fanservice, Bloom into You is absolutely a series you should check out. If you’re someone on the lookout for a beautifully directed, complex emotional drama that really delves into the struggle with identity and relationships teenagers experience growing up, this is absolutely a series you should check out. If you’re just on the lookout for good anime, this is still. absolutely. a series you should check out.

Bloom into You has a bit of a slow start and builds its narrative brick by brick, but if you’re anything like me or most of the people I know who’ve watched this, it will have hooked with your heart in its clutches by the end.

Part of why I think this series is something special has to do with how it engages so honestly with wlw (women-loving-women) experiences. It acknowledges the obstacles and prejudices wlw face, but also represents that there’s a larger community and wlw can offer each other support and solidarity. It directly confronts the “this is a phase, you’ll grow out of it and want to be with a man” rhetoric, an attitude that is common in real life and also a nasty pervasive under/overtone within some yuri, and shows this attitude is both harmful and wrong. 

The anime shows adult wlw living together, in a healthy, lovely relationship, and it specifically shows a teenage lesbian looking at that and realizing she’s not alone. It shows adult wlw supporting and advising the younger generation, letting them know that they can be true to themselves. It’s such a rare treat and so important to seeing a piece of media portraying the solidarity and mentorship between younger and older wlw and it was so powerful to see that character start on her journey of self acceptance. 

The queer coming-of-age story ties in well with the central theme of this anime, which is the instability and uncertainty of teenage identity and how that impacts relationships. These are kids who don’t understand themselves, scare themselves, hate themselves, and that stops them from being authentic and honest in their relationships. The theme is there from the very beginning with Yuu, who is uncertain and frustrated about her lack of romantic inclinations.

Yuu is almost definitely not meant to be asexual, at least not aro-ace, something I as an ace personally grokked from the start and was fine with. The show has it right in the title, Yuu is a “late bloomer” and part of her confusion almost certainly stems from repression. This is a valid and important narrative, and one I actually really relate to as a wlw asexual person. 

Realizing I was a lesbian was especially difficult for me because I had like, no sexual drive, and it made me feel very alone. I see a lot of that in Yuu’s narrative, whether she’s meant to be homoromantic ace or not (probably not, but I’ll interpret her as one for as long as I can), her story really resonates me and it’s really cathartic and special to just see things like “it’s lonely when everything is centered around romance and sex but that’s something you don’t get, but that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you, just explore your feelings and see where they take you and that might be towards other girls” expressed in a narrative. I wonder if I would have realized I liked girls sooner watching this series. It’s very possible.

There is actually a legit aromantic asexual character in this story, who is both very honest and content with having no interest in romance or sex. This character has a discussion with Yuu and his experiences are actually contrasted with Yuu’s to show they aren’t quite the same. That was a pleasant surprise.

 I do have issues with how him much “liking to watch” and kinda pry into real life romances was emphasized though. If it had been kept to “I really do enjoy romantic stories despite being not feeling it myself” that would have been fine, but this character being a little voyueristic (he doesn’t go so far as to spy on anyone, though, don’t worry) just gives this kind of weird underlying implication that how aro-aces fill the “void” of not being into romance themselves, and that’s..not true. I mean, there probably are ace people who do enjoy watching the drama of real life relationships unfold, but since he’s the ONLY rep we’re given in the story it doesn’t really do justice to the fact a lot of ace people really AREN’T into that. He’s a fine character otherwise, and I do appreciate the show making an effort to show people who don’t experience romantic feelings exist and are fine, it’s just a niggling little nitpick I have.

The exploration of identity goes beyond romance and queerness. Touko is shown to be someone who has a very deliberately constructed “perfect and poised” persona, but her real self is both complicated and damaged and that makes her relationship with Yuu very complicated too. She’s perfectly okay with Yuu not loving her back and almost seems to relish it. It’s VERY screwed up, but the show fully engages with that and does a wonderful job exploring how MESSY teenagers trying to figure themselves out are. Its character drama at its finest.

As screwed up as Touko is, the show has her learning to respect Yuu’s boundaries and get her consent on stuff. She does things without asking early in the show, but apologizes when she does and changes her approach as the series goes on. When Yuu says no, she always backs off. Later in the series she declares she will ask Yuu every time before she kisses her and Yuu eventually says she doesn’t have to anymore. It feels like a very real depiction of teenagers figuring out how to navigate consent and boundaries- making mistakes, but learning from them. 

Relationships can be a bumpy ride, and this certainly isn’t a depiction of a perfect, healthy relationship- but it is an extremely interesting one, with two very conflicted characters who have in no way figured themselves out. And they’re getting better, bit by bit, and have to potential to BECOME a healthy relationship. Or maybe they’ll find other girls. Anything could happen, but I have confidence the story will handle it with grace based on what I’ve seen of it so far.

By the way, in addition to the Yuu, Touko and the adult wlw, we have another complex young wlw trying to navigate her feelings and its great seeing her journey too. She’s amazing and I want only the best for her.

(Oh, and one of these ladies is bi! Though ymmv on how well the introduction of that is handled).

On top of its sharp character writing and well-done drama, the show is also generally very pretty and wonderfully directed. The use of setting and framing and color to emphasize the character drama is top notch. Check out the gorgeous opening to get a taste of what the show can do.

I’m very glad I watched Bloom into You and I know I’ll be picking up the manga while waiting impatiently for a second season. The ending of the season feels a little unsatisfying and abrupt in light of the ongoing nature of the storyline, but that’s common in anime like this. But I really do want more. I can’t wait to see these characters continue to blossom and grow.

#bloom into you #yagate kimi ni naru #yuu koito #koito yuu #touko nanami #nanami touko #sayaka saeki #yuri #anime #anime overview #fall 2018 anime

[swans-anime-ramblings]

Why I’ve started to hardcore ship LuNa

I’m a newbie when it comes to One Piece. After a couple years of seeing One Piece on my peripheral (it’s impossible not to notice, especially when you’re deep in the Dragon Ball fandom) I put aside my hesitations (the length is scary to an outsider!) and began to watch.

Everyone in the One Piece fandom knows this already, but Oda truly is a genius. After hearing for years how complex the world of One Piece was, I STILL wasn’t prepared for how intricate the story is, yet it manages to work within the boundaries of a battle shonen.

When watching One Piece, I got the sense that Nami and Zoro love and understand their Captain the most. Please hear me; I’m not saying the other Strawhat’s don’t love Luffy, because they most certainly do, but the other Strawhat pirates seem to focus on the group as a whole with Luffy at the center. However, it’s Zoro and Nami that constantly keep their attention on Luffy specifically.

Zoro made this clear to me during Thriller Bark Arc. Sanji was there and willing to risk his life, but it was Zoro who gladly accepted Luffy’s pain. He wasn’t doing it for the crew, he did it for Luffy. Zoro’s love for Luffy isn’t the romantic sort, but it’s steeped in admiration, belief, and loyalty. Zoro may be one of the quietest crew members, but his silence doesn’t mean apathy.

Zoro’s protection of Luffy carries a lot of weight, because I would argue that Luffy is one of the most vulnerable out of all the Shonen heroes. Despite the fact I know Luffy won’t die (well…at least, not in the middle of the story, but that’s another discussion) I’m afraid for him. I think the last time I saw a shonen hero get his ass kicked as thoroughly as Luffy did pre-time skip was Goku when he was a child and faced off against Piccolo Daimao. But One Piece REALLY hammers in Luffy’s weakness in that section of the story. And Luffy overcomes a lot and is very strong, but in a world full of overpowered opponents who want to see Luffy dead, there’s a true sense of vulnerability. He isn’t the strongest, not by a long shot.

Nami, on the other hand, seems to feel just as protective of Luffy as Zoro, but her reason for this is entirely different than Zoro’s. 

Unlike a lot of other relationships in Shonen manga, Nami and Luffy’s relationship is built upon mutual trust. They respect one another. Nami believes in Luffy and her faith is unwavering, but she also knows Luffy will charge into a situation without even thinking about the consequences to himself. She cares for his wellbeing more than he cares for it, and this attention to Luffy’s person only seems to grow as time goes on in the story. Of course, Nami cares for everyone in the crew, but I don’t see her focus constantly on the wellbeing of other members.

More and more often I see Nami turning to Luffy first, asking about him first, and putting her life on the line for him first. Nami also shares her vulnerabilities with Luffy. In WCI, I see this mutual dependence, trust, and focus on one another deepening.

And honestly, this is how healthy relationships work in the real world. If you want to have a meaningful relationship, it has to be about more than attraction. It has to contain trust, common goals, common interests and security.  

Which is why I’m puzzled by Sanji/Nami shippers. I don’t mean to be disrespectful towards anyone’s ship, but I can’t see why anyone would want Sanji and Nami to be together. Sanji, as much as I enjoy his character, fawns over every single beautiful woman he sees. I don’t deny that Sanji seems to place a greater emphasis on Nami (ex. he always puts her name first before Robin’s) but to me, this isn’t a good enough reason for them to have a relationship. Sanji likes Nami because she’s beautiful. If she was an ugly woman, would Sanji even give Nami the time or day?

I highly doubt it.

In contrast, Luffy’s trust and focus on Nami has nothing to do with her looks. It’s because of who she is as a person. Luffy, whether he realizes it or not, feels a pull towards Nami, and it’s something I began to notice this more and more the further I got into One Piece. Luffy also has confidence in Nami, but he still feels…rather protective of her. Even in the beginning of One Piece when I wouldn’t really call any of their interactions romantic, they’re both focused on each other.

I love Luffy and Nami. Their care for each other is what makes me root for them. I want them to find happiness in romance because they already have everything they need to succeed. Every king needs his queen, and Nami is more than worthy of the title. I love how strong, brave, and selfless she is.

I find it quite interesting how Oda used Strong World and Gold to re-emphasize Luffy and Nami’s relationship. I know their relationship isn’t the focal point of One Piece, but Oda could choose to write about anything, especially when it comes to movies. For Strong World, he had complete creative control since he wrote the script. For Gold, Oda served as executive producer for the movie and rewrote the ending for Gold. 

With Oda being such a calculated writer, it doesn’t seem possible that he’d write Nami and Luffy with these moments “just because” or without meaning. Oda is a planner. A small example would be him revealing his idea for Fishman Island in the chapter 121 SBS volume to a kid who asked about Fishman Karate. Oda said, “It’s halfway down the Grand Line which I will tell you about at some point. Please be patient”. The crew didn’t make it to Fishman Island until chapter 608.

I recognize that many Mangaka tease relationships but ultimately have them go nowhere or stay unofficial (I’m looking at you Hiro Mashima), so it’s entirely possible Oda will do the same, though I have faith he’s a better writer. But if that happens and someday far down the line One Piece ends without anything happening between the two, I will still ship them, and I will thank Oda for writing such a meaningful friendship.

But I really hope Luffy and Nami have explicit romance in their future. That would be rather wonderful, don’t you think?

#Lunami #LuNa #OnePiece #luffy x nami

[stacisprout]

Book Review: Reflections on the History of the Sex Addiction Field: A Festschrift, by Jennifer P. Schneider, MD, Debra Kaplan, MA, & Mark Laaser, PhD

In today’s culture, this book matters more than ever.

Service to people suffering from the devastation of sex addiction is frequently sidetracked by disinformation “debate” over whether or not the disease even exists. In stark contrast to superficial treatment of sex addiction, this book clarifies the foundation of a 30-year movement that has only just begun to enter public consciousness. 

With today’s #metoo outpouring of stories of sexual misconduct and demands for accountability and treatment, public consciousness is changing, very quickly. People are waking up with outrage and a need for understanding - what is sexual misconduct? Is sex addiction real, and if so, what is it? What are the differences and similarities between sex addiction and sex offending? This book is a key part of this growing awareness about the origins of the sex addiction concept, and is particularly valuable for scholars, researchers, clinicians, and all fair media reporting on sex addiction.

“Simply put, we’ve reached a point in time where the diagnosis and treatment of sexual addiction is here to stay, whether it’s officially recognized or not, and whatever terminology we use to label it.”

--Foreword, Stefanie Carnes

What is a Festscrift? 

My blog spell check does not recognize the word, but authors explain the Merriam-Webster definition as “a volume of writings by different authors presented as a tribute or memorial especially to a scholar.” In this case, the collection pays tribute to entire field of clinical study and treatment of sexual addiction. It’s first-person accounts from the founders of the field are golden nuggets of wisdom we ignore at our collective peril. And, they’re fascinating!

Here are many of my favorite quotes from this book:

While I expected the uninformed, I was not prepared for the outright denial and, at times contempt, form colleagues for recovery models, particularly sex addiction. (p. 3)

Other criticisms took the form of debating the “right label.” Those unwilling to see that sex could be addictive rolled out various labels to describe the sex addict’s pattern: compulsive sexual behavior, problematic sexual behavior, hypersexual behavior, and out-of-control sexual behavior. These labels helped avoid acknowledging what many of us were seeing: addiction.(p. 6)

--Ken Adams

[At] the Vanderbilt Symposium in 2001...they not only brought together the giants from the sex addiction field, they had the presidents and leaders of [the] American Society of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (ASSECT) and Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (ATSA) in the same room at the same time...I asked the presidents of AASECT and ATSA to join me on the balcony, away from the rest of the symposium participants and for the first times ever, the three presidents of these organizations met together. It was there on the balcony, that the three of us agreed that each of our organizations would invite the other two to present at each other’s annual conferences and start having conversations about how our missions overlap. (p. 19)

--Joseph M. Amico 

I was very impressed with [Patrick Carnes’] work, as were many others. Through his lectures in 1977 or 1978, he introduced me to the work of William White, who wrote about the concept of incest dynamics that can be played out in closed organizations. It helped me understand some of the incestual dynamics of the early years of the Program in Human Sexuality and even some of the early sexological organizations. (p. 29)

--Eli Coleman

As I began working in the field, I quickly discovered no one was providing dedicated treatment for female sex and love addicts, and I wanted to change that. (p. 81)

--Marnie C. Ferree

Our research group agreed there were important differences between men and women sex addicts, and were committed to writing a guide for therapists...Thankfully Marnie Ferree took on the job of editor and kept us organized and on task. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts was published in 2012. I believe this book, and Charlotte Kasl’s book Women, Sex and Addiction (1999) are two significant works on diagnosis and treatment of female sex and love addiction. (p. 61)

--M. Deborah Corley

As a treatment community, we began to identify, treat, and develop research that guided our treatment protocols over the last several decades. We also began to see the connection between physical anorexia and sexual anorexia and recognized that “romance novels” were the “porn” of love addicts. We were one of the first programs offering “gender-specific” treatment for females. (p. 109)

--Linda Hudson

We also talked about a broader concept of sexuality where women could ask for what they wanted and be open to passion, and to fully feeling the rhythm and pulse of their bodies. Sex as an expression of love and commitment also entered the conversation. (p.119)

--Charlotte Sophia Kasl

Is it Love or Is It Addiction? was a huge success, selling over 10,000 copies in the first month it was available to bookstores via Harper & Row. It was featured on the cover of Publishers Weekly, which let both me and the publisher know that the lay audience was hungry for the information. 

Of course, then and now, love addiction was not a DSM diagnosis. Nonetheless, it did not seem to get the same amount of resistance that the subject of sex addiction had received. As a psychologist I have become ever aware that clients, not the professional, first identify a psychological problem, and because of the suffering it causes, then bring the problem to a professional. The professional then is required to figure out a name for the distress, but before it has validity, it needs research to prove it exists. Whether the professional community believes love and sex addiction is real is less important to me than that we as professionals take our clients’ problem seriously and find ways to treat it. In other words, love, romance, and sex addiction were in existence before we put a name to them, and will continue to whether professionals accept them or not. (p. 159)

With over 600,000 books sold, and hundreds of presentations world-wide, my hope is that I have made a contribution to spreading the word about the pain and peril of sex and love addiction and ways to heal from it. In addition, I have done hundreds of radio, television, print interviews including Sally Jesse Raphael, Fox O’Reilly News, Fox Morning Show...and online interviews such as CNN, PBS, and You-Tube. (p. 169)

--Brenda Schaeffer

Relevant to the discussion [of how to view partners of sex addicts], research among soldiers returning from war has shown that those who had experienced early trauma, such as childhood abuse or neglect, were at greater risk of developing PTSD in wartime. In their behavioral health treatment, these soldiers need to deal with both sets of traumatic experiences - the more recent ones in war, and the earlier ones in childhood. I believe that the same is true for partners of sex addicts. Initially they need validation of their relational trauma and empathy. But many partners of sex addicts also need to work through their earlier experiences, to understand and overcome the unhealthy coping strategies they may have developed early in life to deal with their childhood trauma and which now prevent them from feeling in control of their lives and able to make good choices. (p.178)

--Jennifer P. Schneider, MD, PhD

Some years ago I introduced Drew Pinsky, MD, to [the] Society of Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) and he subsequently contributed a number of presentations at their conference. He asked me to collaborate on his TV show treating celebrities with sexual addiction; he hoped that the show would educate more people to identify the disorder and get help. Through the media, Dr. Drew continues to be a major educator about addictions including sex addiction.

As sexual addiction became increasingly apparent in adolescent behavior, I pushed for more research in this area. I put together a panel to address this issue at a SASH conference, as most of the current generation of adolescents have been exposed their entire life to pornography through the Internet, whether by accident or search. Thus pornography, or the objectification of humans and their exploitation, has become an everyday experience, blurring the boundaries of unhealthy versus healthy relationship skills in young minds.

...As I review my growth from neophyte to experienced psychiatrist in the field of sexual addiction, it seems to me that my development parallels the awareness of sexual addiction in the practicing psychiatric profession, in general. Institutional psychiatry still remains woefully behind in recognizing the devastating consequences of untreated problematic sexual acting out behavior. (p. 203)

--John Sealy

The truth is that these men and women are addicted to their own neurochemistry in a process evolved for their emotional survival over profound early neglect and abuse or perhaps due to an early overexposure to sexual stimuli by way of the omnipresent digital world. And they need help form a trained addiction-focused professional. (p. 230)

--Rob Weiss

I couldn’t agree more.

The book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Reflections-History-Sex-Addiction-Field/dp/154327093X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513104095&sr=8-1&keywords=reflections+on+the+history+of+the+sex+addiction+field

#sexaddiction