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#they could play as like
fordekyle · 10 hours ago
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Am aware this sounds disgusting but flashback this time last year i would soon get my wake up call that my body is in fact fucked up... but i remember looking at my own body and thinking i looked sickly like deadly sickly." my hands look like a dead person's" is a thought i remember vividly
ofc now Makes sense to me My hands looked like a dead person's bc my circulation gets so bad at times thus Discoloration ect ect Issssssa a vascular problem. but like yeah i can recognize but. i hate it when it still does that. esp when its like.... straight up wax-like. like sometimes my hands legit feel like a wax sculture. i feel so dead sometimes
#tos trash#jesus#im a disaster im a wreck.#my back hurts so bad 2day. weather has a big role to play in my particular pain patterns#so like yesterday it was 70 fucking degrees#and im virtually doing fantastic bc im Cold blooded at the site of my thoracic outlet and beyond#like im :) all except my fingertips. those still dont get the blood they need ever#and they fucking hurt#and ive had a papercut on my index finger again that hasnt healed in 3 weeks -_- but what can ya do#bit its like. ofc i wish i could have McCleery Syndrome People to talk to for support#bc like damn i wish i could be like ugh my thoracic spine area is KILLING me#and have them get it -_- maybe offer an idea to ease it -_-#but no. ive got a nothing#boo hoo.#another thing with extremelt rare disease like this is STRAIGHT UP trial and error. i will never be able to ask for and real hell#help* from the experiences of others#and thats EXACTLY all this has been from the stary#i tie my back up i tie my hands up i apply pressure on my thoracic spine i make it as warm as possible with the heat and fire places i drink#i try arthritis treatment#and its like ok. theres no assistance as far as the eye can see for mccleery. and until i am finally diagnoses and treated properly it#really is just welp i have no choice but to do things myself. some of which were harmful!!! like when i tried to ease it by stretching b4#i knew what was wrong! again mccleery is bullshit. how was i supposed to know that elevating my arms is dangerous. exercise is usually the#recc!!! so fml#oh i got sidetracked. yeah 70 degrees yesterday. but? 25 tonight :)))) so im dying again!!!!
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myownzinger · 21 hours ago
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youtube
I listened to this musical 5 times on my drive home this weekend, and I still can't stop thinking about it.
On 9/11/2001, 38 planes were diverted to a small town in Newfoundland called Gander. This musical is about how the town rallied to support 7,000 people in this time of crisis, and tells the story of real people and all their experiences in the days following 9/11.
I cry every time guys. The storytelling is phenomenal, and the music is *chefs kiss*. I could go on about the music for a long time tbh, but I'll save that for another time.
Just.... if you need something to listen to, give this show a chance. You'll be so happy you did.
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kisshim · 3 days ago
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anyway final note before going to sleep (read: attempting to go to sleep)
#today my family watched one of those eps on that tamil talk show and it was about gender inequality#and god did it make me so furious#it was a daughter v parents debate btw so#one girl said ‘they’ll allow my brother to eat non veg food w his friends but won’t let me bc WHAT WILL HER FUTURE HUSBANDS FAMILY THINK’#another girl said ‘my parents will say ‘you’re not actually part of this family because you’re a girl and will get married into another#family anyway’ just to reminder her that ‘she’s not part of the family’ that includes HER LITERAL BIRTH PARENTS AND BLOOD RELATED BROTHER#btw non-tamil people watching this...most tamil people are very very discriminatory towards girls and women in general because#GIRLS ARE SEEN AS A LIABILITY AND BOYS ARE SEEN AS AN INVESTMENT#one girl asked why her brother was allowed to get an expensive badminton racket and play on a club and she didn’t get to and her dad#LITERALLY RESPONDED ‘she’s a girl. we can only have a limit to what we spend on girl children (daughters) because THEY WILL LEAVE US ANYWAY’#first of all the idea of ‘marrying off’ your daughter to another family is DISGUSTING no it’s fucking disgusting. daughters are not#liabilities they are not property to be ‘given away’ they are not only meant to be prepared for marriage or having kids or some shit#i literally could not believe that people are actually so fucking uneducated to the point that they can point at their literal children#and say ‘no you can’t do this because you will marry someone eventually someday and we don’t want to waste money on you’#i said ‘non-tamil ppl watching this’ i meant reading but i’m going through it okay i’m furious#btw in my family there is very clear patriarchy :) your dads side is seen as ‘more important’ than your mothers side to begin with and plus#actually a lot of ppl on my dads side including my uncles and aunts and everything are not sexist in the ‘don’t spend money on her’ but you#know who is? my grandmother :) she thinks women should not work and should not study and should not focus on anything expect for marriage#and kids! of course because being a girl means you’re obligated to ‘give’ children to your husbands family#to everyone who’s always like ‘why don’t you like going to india’ LMFAO others might be used to it but i have a limit to how many ‘when do#you plan to get married and have kids’ questions okay? it’s fucking rude to ask a girl when she’s going to get married and especially when#she’s going to have kids when neither of those are necessary in life#also why i pray i leave my family and never return#my family has practices of arranged marriages and i know someone will try to rope me into that (read: my mom) eventually#my best bet is never getting married by studying forever and using the ‘after i finish strategy’ that my cousins use#or i run away with my female lover and forget about stupid fucking gender roles#okay now i sleep#vee.txt
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elastica1995 · 3 days ago
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i would like to just. undo my existence
#it’s not fair#it’s complete bullshit that i have to live and be alive and i’m not allowed to kill myself because it affects the people around me#i just wish i had never existed or i’d wake up tomorrow in a world where i know what i’m doing and i feel happy and satisfied#instead of glued to the spot where i stand#i feel like there is something inside me that wants to get out and if i let of out then i’d be dead and i want it to be out more than#anything because then i’d feel better but it would also kill me so i can’t let it out#i want to be alive more than anything i really really do but i just can’t make myself want to be apart of it and i can’t make myself play#the game so i may as well be dead but i don’t want to die i don’t want to die !!! i just want to start over if i started over i could#do it right but there’s no way that’s going to happen so i should just kill myself !! but i’m not gonna kill myself because i don’t want#anyone to cry over me and i don’t want anyone to feel pain about me#so i wish i just hadn’t ever existed and they let someone else who died too young who wants to do my life right take over my body so i don’t#have to do this anymore !!! because i simply can’t do this anymore !!!!!#i feel so unloved and i’ve wasted my youth by being too shy and cynical and now i’ve come out all wrong and i want to start over !!!#just let me start over !!! i can do it right if you let me try i promise i promise !!!#but i can’t do this one anymore it just hurts too much it feels too heavy and i feel so empty#again. for clarifications sake. i’m pretty sure i have PMDD and im about due for my period so this will pass i just need to let it#but i’m FINE i’m FINE i promise#i wish i had like. a substance to abuse. i wanna go to sleep and dream of someone holding me#if u read all this. i’m kissing your forehead right now. mwah#and don’t send me some bullshit anon about not tagging this cos this is my fucking blog and you can unfollow me
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storybook-souls · 5 days ago
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sigh okay I'm gonna once again bitch about something that doesn't matter and probably delete this soon
#i just. i think it's fucked up that i mostly stayed in the midwest to be close to my family and yet am Still just#increasingly getting more and more Weird Tension with them and distant from them and don't know how to FIX it#and then the OTHER reason I stayed was for turner which. don't get me wrong i wld never have moved more than an hour away while he was sick#but like in Hindsight i should have just stayed in my hometown until he was gone and *then* moved Elsewhere#especially w covid#but now I'm just...here!! in a city i dont like surrounded by people i dont like and for WHAT!#its fucking me up that i literally have no one to catsit sam when i go see taylor it's like. i have NO one.#who has NO one that they know in their WHOLE city????#if i had an emergency of any kind i literally don't know what id do! the closest people who love me are over an hour away!#which i KNOW is just how it is for so many people in modern americana and im SO lucky to have family who's Good and who Is just an hour awa#and so lucky to have friends who love me even if they haven't seen me in person for over a year or Ever#so i feel STUPID complaining as i do about Everything in my life but like!! im SAD!#like if im gonna be working a stressful job that isn't getting me Anywhere i could at LEAST have FRIENDS to play board games or have drinks#and i HATE that when i DO get to make plans and see friends i feel like. weird and guilty if i don't somehow Include Everyone or Optimize#bc i get so few days off and everyone is so FAR from me#and i think i COULD make local friends this summer if i really tried but it's hard and idk where to start and also like.#then I'd have things keeping me here and i dont WANT to be here but also there's ALREADY things keeping me here#if i was serious about being Flexible I wouldn't have gotten a cat! moving is HARD!#but like. so what now? am i really just? stuck? do i just STAY here? what am i WAITING for what's gonna HAPPEN#hhh this week sucks. this week sucks!
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kjclfaller · 7 days ago
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Cough cough cough cough leaks spoil hype send post
#whether or not eula or yanfei get released in 1.5 im not going to be pulling for them#im not upset that the characters were leaked but because their leak was also paired with the leaking of major updates#like story stuff and housing and the implementation of new game mechanics basically#it puts a sour taste in my mouth to see yall disrespect game devs like this#say as much as you want about how it doesn't matter since mihoyo is a huge company#it's someone's work that's still in production so to see them spoiled without permission so readily#really confirms that yall dont care about artists/creators/the game design and dev team and its SO so annoying#leaking on the pretense that it doesnt matter bc the company is huge is actually so stupid#bc in the end they're still gonna create and plan things for you?? and you're still gonna play the game and support them??#you're a consumer and to disrespect creators like this is just horrible#i dont even care if the big people at mihoyo feel hurt about this#all i care about is the dev and design team because we dont know what goes on behind the scenes anyway#they could already be disrespected by the big guys in the shadows and the leaks will just add to it#also yall saying its okay to leak bc mihoyo didn't implement proper security in genshin impact#i hope yall know the dev team and security team and qa team are usually different people so to lump them all in like that is shit#sorry im still really pressed bc im just thinking about the dev and design team being so proud of their work only to get leaked like this#its been a hot minute so im quite late to the party but wow yall are bad#me not pulling for eula or yanfei isn't a statement btw - in fact it would be better if i did as a way to support the people who made them#i just don't want to pull because of personal preference and i associate them too much with the leaks which i hate#long story short stop leaking pls think of the artists#smh artists will never have their work be respected#rant#kjcl talking#genshin impact
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i think one thing that a lot of people don’t realise about loss is that everything can remind you of them but you can also feel that none of you holds them until you start noticing little things. like i don’t really look all that much like my dad. the brown hair and brown eyes all went to my sibling while i instead look more like my mum. however, i have my dad’s sense of humour that practically copy and pasted to me. there are so many things i see every day that i know he’d enjoy because we were so close. we liked the same type of music and enjoyed a lot of the same things. oddly enough, we had the same sneeze. it’s just kinda the little things that keep popping up that make you realise they’re still a part of you (don’t rb)
#anyway it’s two months today and i don’t know how to feel#like i know it’s just two months out of the rest of my life but like. it feels like so long and so short at the same time#i also have the last times i ever saw him stuck in my head and they play on loop#seeing him walk and have to stop and pant or sitting there as he tried to talk and had to stop and breathe every three words#seeing him in the car looking like a corpse because there was no colour in his face and he didn’t have the energy even to sit up#seeing him accidentally when my mum FaceTimed him while he was in the hospital where the nurse held up the phone#he’d lost so much weight and there were so many tubes#and when my mum came home with the bag of his things and i just knew. and the shoes in the bag#we’d made so many plans too. we were going to go to Europe and Washington DC so i could learn more about the shoah as it related-#-specifically to my family#we were gonna be gym buddies at his gym#he’s not gonna see me graduate high school. or college. or get married if i do. or have kids if i do.#and there’s so much that’s gonna happen that he’s not gonna be here for#and i wanna be fine so bad and just moving forward and all but most days doing anytbing just saps me of energy#and i just wanna stay curled up in a ball#it just hurts. like it physically hurts. and i know people don’t know what to do or say because fuck i wouldn’t either#and my teacher said to tell my friends what i need but i don’t even know. im scared to get too close to people half the time#i don’t know if i do want a hug or if i just want to sit or if i want to talk about him or cry. i just don’t know so I’m just stuck#my teacher also said to talk about him even if I’m sobbing while i do it but im so tired of crying. it’s not like i really stop but still#i don’t know. the only thing i know that i want is that i want him back but that’s not possible#fuck it hurts#vent tw#personal
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britishchick09 · 8 days ago
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when will my life begin?
#a sequel to yesterday's post!#what do i do while the class is reading? make a comparison between the mains of an orwell dystopia and disney fairytale of course!#i know the last two are switched in order but it looks like they're looking at each other!#same with the 2nd row of pics#winston was blonde in the book but brunette in the movie almost like a certain lost princess... ;)#winston and rapunzel- two different people with the same dream!#they both wish to see the world beyond their windows ♥#and they play chess ;)#the winston chess pic is from the final scene but i didn't click on the video it's from so i wasn't spoiled!#winston just has his diary and the ingsoc dictionary like how punzie only has 3 books#and after he's with o'brien i'm sure he's sheltered from the world with fear put into his heart like rapunzel is#but there could possibly be a happy ending maybe?#he looked normal in the chess pic compared to the depressing way he looks in the 4th pic of him#it won't be as happy as punzie's ending!#i assume the healing incantation won't work for him...#maybe in a tangled au perhaps? ;)#OMG what if o'brien'gothel teaches winpunzel that freedom is slavery like in canon yet winpunzel still wants to be free?#it would be even worse than punzie disobeying gothel#also it would be ironic if the pascal character was a rat since winston hates them in canon#but would winpunzel be a lost prince in this one?#maybe he's just a commoner who lost his parents and is kidnapped#either way winston sure makes a great rapunzel! :D
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geordon · 10 days ago
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I think there's a pretty big difference between lashing out when scared/stressed and being an angry person.
Between having an amount if anger in you that comes out when things get bad and being the one that makes thing bad
Between violence in reaction to something and actively wanting to cause harm
And I think some people could really do better in understanding that difference
#geo dialogue.txt#idk ive just been thinking about how the vrai fandom characterizes gordon#and how some people apparently watched a wat different series than i did based on the fanfics ive either read or looked at the tag of#and some people try to skirt the line in a really weird way of oh no he literally attacked ben but then snapped out of it#which could maybe work in Specific Circumstances but. the one im thinking of was literally just. the kitchware was all on the counters#bc ben didnt know that that isnt how it should work. its such a disproportionate response#but the rest of the fic treats it like this isnt a major thing. like. i Inderstand that people respond to trauma in wild ways#i get that. but if you attack someone over something that small then maybe you should tell them it would be best if they hung back for a bi#then you should go directly to therapy and get that sorted bc thats messed up and you cant pretend everything is fine bc you cried abt it#and you know what? the entire rest of the plot of that specific fic wouldnt have happened. which id be fine with#bc it involved gordon deciding to play with bens feelings to find out what those feelings were#which would suck and be awful even if it wasnt involving someone who spend a good chunk of time as a science experiment#if youre going to characterize gordon as someone with barely controlled anger issued whod do that then dont chicken out#if youre going to make him do these things then dont continue on to talk about how hes still a good person#maybe i only have strong feelings abt this bc im someone who lashes out when cornered & also with a sibling with really bad anger issues#but it really bothers me when people completely ignore that pre rescas gordon greeted everyone cheerily#and that post rescas gordon genuinely wanted to try to save as many peopld as possible#and acab stream gordon actively wanted civillians gone before the shooted started#that doesnt read to me as someone who'd attack someone who was trying to help but didnt know how#anyway hi i have a lot of feelings about things and got reminded of this in particular#not tagging the fandom stuff but if yoy wanna reblog or add onto this feel free
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batshit-birds · 13 days ago
Why is Buff Tim kinda hot?? I saw some art where Tim was drawn with BICEPS and holy crap asbjajajkka
Kon is quietly thirsting in the background
well its because buff Tim is his natural state of being and as such people that are attracted to him are automatically 👀
also i do have a hc that Tim's arms/shoulders are really nicely muscled. it'd be impossible for them not to be, given how his main weapon is a staff and he's probably spent a lot of time training with different weights and stuff, and that builds good arm muscle like nothin else
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