#they don't have to have scary symptoms every day or play games of 'do I need to go to the ER or is this normal' frequently

[youarestellarverse]

[image description: a purple banner that has the words “work in progress” on it. end of description]

I think maybe I need another sideblog for this, lol. It's turning into a monster.

Epistolary/fake reddit post take 3: Ruby/"Pearl", in her own words.

Originally posted here by u/princess_and_the_pearl on r/relationshipgoals:

Princess And The Sweatpants

(or, Prince Charming Magically Transforms a Sick Day into a Spa Retreat)

Bear with me. Brain fog is a hell of a drug. 

I (26NB) was diagnosed with fibromyalgia two years ago after about six months of symptoms, which was astonishingly fast for anyone and downright miraculous considering that at the time, I still thought I was a cis man, and I presented very much that way. There are people who don't believe that's even possible. Several doctors have questioned my diagnosis, asking suspiciously isn't that only in women? 

Strangely, when I'm wearing a dress, they don't do that. 

Anyway, I have fibromyalgia, which means I constantly feel like I did that time in high school after I played a football game while actively suffering from acute appendicitis (it burst within forty seconds of me getting on the field, because duh, and I almost died— thanks, Dad, for making me play when I had a fever of 104 and I was telling you I felt like someone was spearing me through the back— but that's another story.) 

Feverish, sore everywhere, sick to my stomach, like my skin is bruised. The worst part is the fatigue. I get so tired during flares that I can sleep 14 hours a day and wake up exhausted. The only other time I've felt like this was when I was sixteen and fighting off sepsis. 

I bring up football mostly because I look like a football player. I was a heavyweight before I got my diagnosis (though I've dropped a lot; my MIL keeps "just happening to be in the neighborhood"— two hours away, mind— with baked goods and stuff). I'm close enough to 6'6 to round up to it if I wanted. I have been told I have the rugged, thoughtful face of a stern, ancient Roman politician. I wear shoes so big that half the time they don't even make them in men's sizes. 

And most of the time, that's fine! I'm okay with it when, as my (genuinely) Dear Husband/Prince Charming (27M) puts it, my "gend-o-meter" is pointed towards guy, which is still more often than not. 

But it gets to me otherwise, which Charming knows. He also has this very eerie ability to tell where that meter is pointed without asking me. He says it's something about my posture, but he's not sure exactly what. All I know is he's never wrong, and he always knows the best time to pop his head around the corner, smile his sweet smile, say "Hey, babe, guess what?" and then burst into a corny pop song. 

[Relevant comment from PC himself:

girl you got my heart racing in your skin-tight jeans~ 🥰😍😚💙💙]

Last week (midsummer for posterity), I was having a hell of a time with a rash of thunderstorms. Everything hurt so badly I could barely think straight. It was like every injury I'd ever had was fresh again, and being a football player, I've gotten banged up a lot. I had five migraines over the span of eight days. I lost a scary amount of weight because I could barely keep anything down. 

Eventually my BFFs (we'll call them BFFa, 26F, and, BFF1, 25M, because I don't want to rank them against each other) came out and stayed over the weekend. They made an enormous batch of corn chowder, which was so good it overrode my nausea and lack of appetite and was all I could manage for about 3 days straight. (It's really excellent chowder.)

I'm glad they were here, because I've never had gender dysphoria come on in the middle of a flare before, and I freaked Charming out pretty good when I got halfway through my food and suddenly had enough energy to burst into tears. BFFa is very calming and good at talking people through things, and she helped me articulate while making sure my husband didn't panic. BFF1 isn't as comfortable with emotional displays, but he makes a damn good rice pudding and it's really hard to stay upset when the house smells so nice. 

DH, anxiety managed, was able to throw himself into planning mode. He started by calling our mastiff (5F) and having her lay with me while he drew a bath (she's allowed on the bed after a specific command; she was already trained as a service dog when we inherited her, which was incredibly lucky for me because I realized I needed one about a month later). 

He's helped me take care of myself before. I quit football because of an injury that destroyed my mobility, and for about three months I was completely reliant on him for almost everything. He helped me stand up to pee. I can't ever pay him back for what he's done for me, but he says the same thing, so we must be even in his mind. 

He's always been sweet about it, but he really went all out this time: he lit dozens of beeswax candles,  put rose oil and floated petals in the bathwater, set up the shower stall with my chair and a rose-vanilla shower bomb, and hooked up my iPod to the bathroom speakers so he could shuffle through my playlist of all the love songs he's ever sung me. 

Then he got me out of my depressed college student chic (the aforementioned sweatpants and my alma mater's t-shirt), helped me into a silk robe that didn't hurt my skin, and supported my weight as we walked. 

He got me settled in the shower chair, then stripped and joined me. I didn't have to lift a finger, which was good, because I couldn't without my shoulder seizing up. (He took care of that, too. He's the only person willing to massage me hard enough that I can actually feel it. Everyone else gets too worried about hurting me. Ha.) 

After I was clean, he brought out a razor. That man shaved my legs for me, and I have a lot of leg, so that's no small feat. 

I'm honestly not sure if I was crying. I think I must have been, because he kept kissing my knees and ankles every time he finished a pass. He sang along with the playlist, too. When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while. I got sunshine on a cloudy day. I don't know why you're being shy. I think you're pretty without any makeup on. 

...yeah, in retrospect, I was definitely crying. 

I felt so much better it didn't matter. He washed my hair, then helped me into the bath and knelt beside the tub and rubbed my neck while I soaked and let the water support my joints. 

Let me tell you: if you've got a partner suffering from chronic pain, this is one of the best ways you can make them feel pampered and loved. 100/10; do recommend.

And that wasn't even the end of it. 

While we were in the bathroom, BFFa was going through my wardrobe. Charming helped me back into the robe, and when I got back to our room she'd changed out the sheets and set out my softest, most comfortable cotton maxi dress. 

It's very pretty. I made it out of fabric my husband's best man (28M) whipped up for me with fiber from his partner's cashmere goats. He used blue potato peels for dye, which gives it a beautiful muted color that transitions from blue to pink via clever use of anthocyanin reactions.

He also dyed some cashmere yarn to match it, which I found out when my baby SIL (minor) gave me a gorgeous crocheted shawl for Christmas last year. It was laid out beside the dress, which was perfect, because one of my symptoms is that I can't regulate my body temperature very well; having it available to take off and put on as-needed was great.

It felt wonderful on my skin. They got me settled in bed again, our dog in her own bed on the floor (still tall enough for me to scratch her ears 💜). Then they facetimed Prince Charming's gf (29F, she's also married to my drag mother), and she walked him through putting on my makeup and styling my hair into a pixie. 

I honestly never thought it possible that I could feel cute and pretty with short hair. That's part of why I was upset. When my head hurts like that, wearing a wig is asking to end up in the hospital with an intractable migraine, and my face is so angular that without long hair to soften it, the image can be really jarring. 

(That was how I figured out I was nonbinary, actually. I was rehearsing a drag routine and I just felt Wrong and I couldn't figure out why, until my girlfriend (26F) suggested I try practicing in my wig and I saw myself in the mirror and suddenly it clicked.) 

Somehow, he pulled it off. It might partly have been the flower hair clip that BFF1 made me with a soldering iron and some copper wire. Most of it was my face. I had no idea DH knew how to contour, but I looked...soft. Feminine. I felt like a queen. 

Not that he's ever failed to make me feel like one before, but this time, he really outdid himself. I looked how I felt. That's not an easy feat for me in this context. He pulled it off flawlessly. 

It was also just fun, and after such high pain levels I needed fun almost more than I needed validation. 

NOTES: good fucking lord tumblr what have you done with your post editor it took me literally almost half an hour to get it all indented why is there a "character limit" on indentations now

BFF1 and BFFa are of course Piper and Leo, Prince Charming is Percy, Percy's girlfriend is Silena (married to Charlie ofc), Ruby's girlfriend is Annabeth, Percy's best man is Grover; if you read the other posts in this genre, you possibly get the idea. I know, I know, it's getting convoluted.

PING LIST: @perseusjackson-jasongrace @elaborateruses @starlightshadowsworld (lmk if you want me to stop pinging you in Ruby stuff, I'm sort of assuming lol.)

As always, let me know if you want in on (or off of) the ping list!

#nonbinary!jason grace #jercy #i wrote this #epistolary fic #sometimes a girl just needs to process both her chronic illness and her nonbinary feels at the same time #stellarverse

[catistransfaq]

When I was a kid, I thought gender was a silly little game we were all playing. I was given a pink jersey. I teased those in blue jerseys just as they did to those of us wearing pink. But then recess was over and we took the jerseys off to go back to our lessons. As I grew older, I started to realize other people loved their jerseys. They were a part of them. They didn't come off. And everyone insisted I kept mine on too. But I didn't want to wear mine. It was uncomfortably tight and constricting. It was itchy. Why couldn't we all just take off the jerseys and leave them on the playground where they belonged? I was clearly alone in this, so I kept my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself.

Then my body started to change.

I didn't want it to. I liked my body exactly the way it was. Everyone told me it was fine. It was natural. I'd be happy with it one day. Ask my mom some time about how awful it was for me and how scary it was for her. She had no idea why I wasn't handling new hair growth, periods, or my incoming breasts. I remember distinctly begging her, tears in my eyes, to get my uterus removed. Not because periods hurt or made me tired, but because it was wrong. My body should not be doing that! She just held me, crying and confused herself, as she told me we couldn't do that. They would never allow it.

Well I couldn't stop my period, but I could do something about all this hair! Removing hair was even encouraged! I would pick and pick and pick and pick at my legs until I got every last hair out of them. It did not matter that I was now covered in tiny, bleeding wounds that would scar. At least I got that hair that was not supposed to be there! I spent hours, literal hours, inspecting every last inch of my legs making sure there wasn't a single hair left. There always would be. Do you have any idea how many hairs grow on your body??

So.

Many.

And then there was dreading the day my chest would start growing. I remember realizing there would always be something between me and my bed for the rest of my life. I cried into my pillow that night. And when my breasts finally did start growing, it was even worse than I'd imagined! They looked so wrong on me that at first I thought they were growing in the wrong spot. 😅 I covertly stared at a few adults until I could confirm mine were growing correctly. But I hated them. I wished we were like other mammals that only grew breasts when pregnant. I scoured the internet for ways to stop them from growing (spoiler alert, you can't really). Binding seemed like a good solution for about two seconds (there weren't many binders back then and home binding can be very dangerous). In my darker moments I even hoped for breast cancer just to be allowed to have them removed. I thought I hid this a lot better from my mom but apparently she was terrified she'd come home to find I'd mutilated myself one day. I just had to deal with it and try not to think about them every second of every day. I stopped moving around much. Running, jumping, dancing, raising my arms, anything that made them jiggle and reminded me of their existence was off the table. Occasionally I'd forget why I didn't ever do those things. I'd give them a try only to be cruelly reminded and spiral into a dark depression I didn't fully understand.

I now know those were all just symptoms of gender dysphoria. I don't identify as a girl. I'm not a girl. My brain is wired differently. The best way to treat gender dysphoria is to let people transition to the gender that matches with what their brain thinks they are. For me that meant a name change, laser hair removal, an IUD, and top surgery. When you vote, please remember me and think of others like me. Taking away gender affirming care would literally kill us. Please, don't do it.

If you have some questions, I have created an FAQ that will hopefully have some answers for you 🙂

[aactailmon]

Autism ask game (except I do all of the questions at once for AAC practice)

From this post

⏰- when were you diagnosed/when did you start suspecting you were autistic?

I don't actually remember being diagnosed with Autism, nor do I remember being told what it meant to have Autism. However, I was diagnosed when I was 7, but would go through a number of diagnoses before my Autism was recognized. (Fun fact: I was diagnosed before you could have both Autism and ADHD, with the latter being my original diagnosis. This was also before the DSM allowed patients to be diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD, so my ADHD diagnosis would become null and void. I still wonder if I could have both...)

🌙- are you a morning person or a night person?

Definitely an afternoon and evening person, my chronic fatigue makes me have unrestful sleep, so getting a good night's sleep is difficult.

🎁- what’s your special interest(s)?

A few of my special interests include toys and toy collecting, cats, music, disability, and roller coasters. There are a few others as well, but they aren't as intense as my main ones.

🍔- do you have sensory problems with food? what food do you like to eat?

I struggle with food and eating, but I have been learning how to cook over the past year and I think its been helping me to cope with my sensory issues. I like to cook with meat, grains and dairy, so I like dishes like chicken Alfredo and other pastas, steak, pizza, hamburgers, and grilled cheese. I like some fruit and vegetables too, but while I am trying my best, I can still be picky with them.

🎧- what symptom(s) of yours is the hardest for you to deal with?

There are a lot of things about Autism that I struggle with... Social interaction, emotional regulation, communication, harmful stims, sensory issues, executive dysfunctional, amongst other related mental health problems.

🦄- what do you excel at?

People would say that I am skilled at art and painting, I have been doing it since I was very young and I used to want to be an artist, but these days I don't think the art industry is a good match for me. I also think I am decent at customizing toys, sewing and cooking. I also like technology and photography.

🍯- do you stim? what are some ways you stim?

I stim a lot and have many methods of stimming, too many to list here, and I do pretty much every type of stimming there is. A few of my favourite stims include hand flapping, body rocking, listenning to music, petting my plushies and cat, looking at calming visuals, and playing with my stim toys. I also have a unique finger stim that is difficult to describe, but I have had it since I was a young child.

🌡- do you prefer the heat or the cold? is one or the other stimmy? does one or the other cause sensory problems?

Both heat and cold make my chronic illnesses flare up in different ways, so neither are ideal. If I had to choose between the two, I would probably go with hot weather, but there is only so much I can tolerate before I reach my limit.

🌈- are you a part of the lgbt+ community? what is your lgbt+ identity?

I am a gay androgynous man and I am very proud of my identity. Also, my pronouns are he/him and she/her.

🎢- what are some common phobias you have?

It is not nearly as bad as it used to be, but I have a fear of fire, and I have had this fear since I was a young child. I am able to cope with it better since, but being around it makes me very anxious. Even things like candles make me nervous to be around. Nowadays, my fears are more hypothetical concepts rather than existing things. I don't even find things like heights or the dark to be scary.

🎆- fireworks: yes or no?

They are pretty to look at, but I will appreciate them from a distance, they are way too loud for my liking.

💬- are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I am actually an extrovert, but I struggle with socializing a lot, and keeping up with neurotypical standards is very exhausting, so I prefer to socialize with other Autistic and developmentally disabled people.

🍫- do you have a sweet tooth?

Yes, and I probably have more of it than I should. I love chocolate and chocolate-covered almonds and pistachios, cookies, donuts, brownie, ice cream, and cake.

☕- do you regularly consume caffiene? do you find that caffeine helps manage your symptoms or makes them worse?

Never tried caffeine before, but I have been meaning to for a while now. I am curious about whether or not it would do anything for me.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦- do you have friends or family members with autism?

My sister is considering the possibility of having Autism, but nothing has been confirmed yet. Other than that, there is no one else in my family who has Autism as far as we know. When it comes to my friends though, almost all of them are Autistic or developmentally or mentally disabled in some way.

👕- what kind of clothes do you usually wear?

No textures are off limits, but I don't like anything too tight. Too bad I have to wear braces.

✏- do/did you like or dislike school?

It got easier when I went to special ed and alternative high school, but school has always been a struggle for me due to my Autism, and learning and physical disabilities. Even with an IEP, it was still a major struggle, both for learning and making friends.

💅- how do you usually practice self care?

I have an app on my phone called Habitica that tracks my chores and self care habits by turning my life into a video game, it helps to have an interactive schedule in my hands that I can bring with me wherever I go. Without it, I wouldn't be able to function as well as I can.

❤- what’s your favorite color?

Pink, yellow, green and red are my favourites, specifically in that order.

[ablednt]

Having undiagnosed chronic illnesses really is just every day feeling the crushing weight of your own mortality and worrying that you’re not doing enough to make your life have meaning bc you could die any moment for all you know

#death tw #like god imagine not being scared out of your mind that you won't have the time to do anything you really wanted to do #idk how much is wrong with me I don't know how sick I even am I could be dying and have no clue or I could be overreacting but I'm just #so scared I'll die here without having done anything in life I actually wanted to do #I envy abled people so fucking much sometimes like they just have to worry about staying safe and practicing basic self care and they know #they won't die unless they're extremely unlucky #they don't have to have scary symptoms every day or play games of 'do I need to go to the ER or is this normal' frequently #imagine being like that... just. not having to worry about so much so often I cannot even imagine that #I joke like haha my tummy hurts a little too much I am passing away <3 #but I genuinely fear for my life over various symptoms every day every time I get a new pain or a new symptom I have to worry about it like #is this it? is this the thing that does it? is it? and it's not it never is but I know that one day it will be #The oldest I can ever imagine being is 36 honestly. and that's like. Old. #if I make it to 30 I'll consider myself lucky I genuinely cannot fucking imagine having a life expectancy into the 60s there's just no #fucking way no matter how long I want to stay here #in this economy with this many problems I'm lucky if I live another 5 or 6 years probably like super fuckign lucky I'm worried any day will #be my last what the fuck is it like not to worry about that? not to have been worried about that since I was a small child?? #I just don't understand it #vent tw

[haikyuuishete]

Synopsis: Scenario of Ushiwaka

Flufffff

A lot of people wouldn't believe Ushijima had a girlfriend, it wasn't like you two were a secret relationship, you two didn't need to show off to anyone. You liked being away from other people's gazes, it was non of their business anyways. Ushijima is always busy with volleyball and you're busy in your club but somehow manage to have time for each other.

The nice thing is no one really talks about how you don't speak at all. A lot of classmates started to learn sign language to understand what you were saying, but you weren't deaf either so it made it easier for them and for Ushijima.

Even his team started to learn sign language to understand what you were saying, you were very important to Ushijima and they wanted to protect you too, but that doesn't mean you couldn't defend yourself but they just want to because you're like their little sister or older sister for the 1st and 2nd years.

It was weird how you met Ushijima, he couldn't sleep one night and went for run to tire himself out only bump into him. He apologized but you just bowed and ran off.

It kinda bothered him for a while, was he scary that you were too scared to talk? Not until he asked one of your male classmates about you only to find out you were mute. At first he didn't think much about it but that didn't stop him from searching for you and wanting to have a simple conversation.

He spoke and you wrote on a notebook that's how it went for months while studying together, he didn't want you to write so he studied sign language just for you, even though he's really dumb but Tendou helped out so did Semi well everyone did. The more he practiced with you made it easier, just seeing you smile made his day, he didn't realize he was head over heels for you. It didn't matter if you didn't speak or did, you understood him and comforted him like no one ever could.

That's how you two got together well with the help of Tendou of course because Ushijima didn't know how so it didn't help.

Of course Tendou will be apart of your relationship which you both didn’t mind, you loved him being around you so like basically he's your best friend. When Ushijima is out he would give you company by watching anime or reading mangas or even rant about people he doesn't like (cough cough Tsukishima), you would join some practices because why not, the boys won't be aggressive but one time Tendou 'accidentally' threw a ball at you so you served it in his face as revenge, which made Ushijima smile and make his whole team laugh as Tendou chased you around.

Of course Tendou gave you guys space, when Ushijima has a the day off from practice he would take you out or just cuddle while watching a movie, sometimes both of you take your little brother to a volleyball class because your brother admired your boyfriend and he's just 4 years old. That's how you met Oikawa, "Tsk what are you doing here?" He rolled his eyes seeing Ushijima, he didn't even notice that you and your brother were next to him. "I'm here with my girlfriend and her brother" your brother was confused "oh hey b/n" Oikawa's nephew greets your brother giving him a small head pat as your brother holds out his volleyball.

Little by little every player that played volleyball knew about you, somehow it got around even to Tokyo who played volleyball.

That's how interviews with Ushijima went, "so how many languages do you know?" "I don't speak any but I know sign language" "really?" "Yea my girlfriend is mute" he wouldn't sugar coat it, Ushijima and everyone loved the way you were, there’s nothing to hide.

No one ever dared to flirt with no one did, Ushijima was the only one to approach you even though you're are beautiful, no one ever approached you.

His rivals would always greet you with so much respect as Ushijima held you by his side and it amazes everyone seeing how quickly he understands you, even the team would too which makes them stand out way more than before. A lot of people would stare not because you can't speak because of how cute and pretty you were like no one could look away without smiling. Oikawa on the other hand he talked to you like any other person, he was nice but Ushijima limited it a bit since Oikawa is a smooth talker and Hinata the cutie that you practicality squished his cheeks, Hinata was nice and even funny to be around but of course and unfortunately Ushijima disliked him. There is always that one guy that doesn’t know anything or just came to a volleyball game with his friends, this guy practically grabbed you and started to flirt with you but you kept pushing him away, like he was scaring you, but he doesn’t let go “why don’t you say something sweetheart? Like let’s get out of here” he gets annoyed by you “aren’t you going to say anything?!?”

Of course Ushijima is your savior, “Get away from my girlfriend” poor guy trembled and ran off. “Did he hurt you?” ‘No But I’m shocked’

He pulls you to the gym with him instead and made one of the 1st years to bring the waterbottles in instead.

"are you tired?" 'no' nodding his head he pulls you into his embrace, "everyone couldn't stop staring at you kinda made me feel irritated" he confessed, you just snuggled deeper into his embrace, he could feel you smiling into his neck. He wasn't much off a talker but when you mention volleyball he would go all out but you didn’t mind at all, just hearing his voice soothed you. Falling asleep together, eating together and even studying together was his favorite moments with you.

When it was your first time with him, he was gentle of course, he would softly praise you, he was rough of course but sweet at the same time perfect combination in my opinion.

After care is always dress up and go get something to eat and just cuddle.

It doesn’t last long when it hits 5 he gets up and goes for a run leaving you under a pile of blankets to sleep in, Tendou bursts in to wake you up to talk to him because he’s bored.

“Guess what Semi semi did!” ‘What’ “he kicked me out of his bed like I’ve always been a good friend” he cried making you smile and giggle.

Every Friday the team would come over to eat ramen or your cooking and watch movies any kind of genre no in between.

After few years you’re still with him and he’s still in love with you, Yea their was guys that liked you and tried and yea girls try to get Ushijima’s number but nothing really mattered as long you two were together. 

Ushijima was now a professional volleyball player for the Schweiden Adlers, you were his fiancé about that time. His team wanted to get know you of course, Kageyama knew you couldn’t talk because he was close to Ushiwaka and has met you before, he made sure to tell the team not ask too many questions so it wouldn’t make you uncomfortable. Of course it didn’t bother you for them to ask questions, curious people need answers.

Once Ushiwaka brought you to a team meeting everyone went awe you were still gorgeous as ever. Romero told Ushijima you were gorgeous, he didn’t know if he should be proud or be jealous because Romero is now flirting with you and even learned some sign language like (I love you, hey cutie, are you still with Ushijima) it’s all jokes, you fangirled on the other hand.

Tendou was still present he would go to the apartment and stay for while when Ushijima is out of the country and even Semi and Reon comes to visit. They even took you to some of Ushijima’s far away games.

Then you two decided to have your wedding which was perfect everyone was invited even the press who were very quiet and very nice as they silently took picture and enjoyed the venue.

Then one day you felt dizzy and nauseous, you faced time Tendou to come over quickly which he did, you told him about the symptoms and you two rushed to the closest store to get a test.

Turns positive, so yes you’re pregnant.

You didn’t want to tell Ushijima yet because he was out of the country and that could stress him out. Tendou told everyone and made sure no one told Ushijima just yet.

Once he came back, you got everything prepared to tell him, “hey y/n” a light peck as he drops his duffel bag on the floor. ‘I have a gift for you’ “really?” He asks, you pull him onto the couch and bring out a gift bag. ‘Open it’ he takes out a tiny shirt that’s says Schweiden Alders number 11.

He looks up furrowing his eyebrows, ‘there is more’ nodding his head he finds a long thin box. Opening it, it was your pregnancy test that said positive.

He was dumb but not that dumb, his eyes widen realizing you were pregnant. “We are going to have a child?” You nod, he pulls you into hug and touches your stomach, he was so happy.

After hard 9 months, half of it he wasn’t there due to the Olympics but he was there when you went into labor.

So yes you have a child with your highschool sweetheart. A beautiful healthy baby.

He made everything perfect and made a life for you two, after your child turned 2 the media didn’t know about them yet. So during an interview he revealed that he had a child which shocked everyone. “So what is your wife doing now since you have been leaving a lot” “well she’s not alone since we have our baby to take care of and friends that help out” “you have a child?!” “Yes” shocked the media and everyone was like shook but you two wanted a quiet pregnancy and enjoyed it.

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagines #ushijima headcanons #ushijima x reader #haikyuu ushiwaka #ushijima imagine #ushijima fluff #hq ushijima

[spenntacular]

Illness post I saw reminded me; Have I told anyone about the sheer hell that my medical journey was? My memory is shot, so I don't remember how many people have heard.

Here we go!

Starting from my childhood, I was never okay. I had depression, anxiety, chronic pain, other shit that no one believed I had. It just got worse as the years went on, no matter how many doctors I went to. I found breadcrumbs and clues to what might be the problem, but it was never the whole problem.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome- Some symptoms. No tests.

Hypothyroidism- Very few tests. Enough of the inactive medication to suppress my TSH, but not help me.

Fibromyalgia- So I WAS in pain my whole life. Funny, huh?

More symptoms presented themselves as the days wore on. I stopped doing things I loved.

I stopped playing games, I stopped talking with friends, I stopped drawing. I'm STILL dealing with my disappearance- I'm too scared to draw. I'm too scared to join my friends.

I lost so much time because I was dying, just so very slowly.

It wasn't until I got desperate and looked for a doctor outside of any network, for anyone who could treat my thyroid problem, because that was the most likely cause of my misery. Brian fog, weakness, hair loss, fatigue, etc;... I saw a doctor who needed 300$ for the first visit. And ya know what? She actually helped. I'm lucky in that my mother started to believe me (only when she watched me fall down flights of stairs, too weak to climb to my bedroom, and showed her the hair that fell from my head every day) and agreed to help me pay for it.

The actual cause of my life long suffering? Lyme disease. We have baby photos of me, 2 years old, with a Bulls eye rash around my eye. For over a decade, I had a granuloma on that spot of my face, from whatever bit me, probably losing it's teeth/whole head in there. It killed my thyroid, wreaked havoc on my brain, but didn't kill me.

So, diagnosis, then treatment! But a 22 year long infection that miraculously didn't kill me couldn't even be tested for or cured through normal means. (Seriously. Look up how Lyme works. It's gross and weird.) I had 0 anitbodies to it, because 22 years attacking my immune system would do that.

Treatment was weird and annoying. But it worked. As did supplementing the dead meat that is my thyroid. I'm smart-ish again. But picking up the pieces of what was my life continues to be scary... I miss art, friends, games. I miss life. I'm very scared of not slipping back into the place I left when I got really bad...

And Lyme can even come back. Lyme hides in dentin, and I just had 4 Wisdom teeth out. One tooth was infected, and I had full body pain afterwards, so it's probably back already. XD I know where to go to get help, though.

If anyone wants to know more about the absolute terror Lyme disease is, I recommend the movie "Under Our Skin". It's horrifying.

Some may already know this, but to those that don't, here is some new info! Know about the Spenny.

#what is my life #life #chronic illness #lyme #vent #medical #long post

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I don't want the title to sound like I'm attempting to write some epic series. I'm more surprised than anything that the first post was so well received. I think subconsciously I hoped it would sink and that I would have scratched my itch.As it does seem to be helping a few of though and I did say I'd keep writing if it helped, I feel the need for at least a couple more posts and I'll hopefully take the time to answer some of the comments individually on the previous one.​To continue then, here is a 'Don't- Do- Don't' sandwich to keep the positive and negative even.I'm certainly not bashing on entrepreneurship, far from it. I really do think everyone that has the desire in them should start something- I'm just really concerned for others that feel they have to start something in the way and with the aim that other people are telling them to.​I've jotted down 4 more Don'ts and a handful of Do's here. As I mentioned in my previous post on here- I personally think that by scaling back your ambitions and intentions, focussing on the tiniest actions and letting go of too much need for a return on your efforts you are far more likely to either do something a little worthwhile that you can benefit from or even surpass these humble goals with something closer to your unrealistic goal than you would otherwise.​Apologies in advance again if I hit anyone too close to the bone and please bear in mind that I have probably been there.​(Side note: On browsing through yesterdays comments I think there are some people that could do with a 30 or 60 day detox from self help. Don't tell yourself you're quitting them forever- just swinging the control in the relationship with your books and authors back in your favour)​Two More Don't Do's for the Day.So yesterday I touched on the Don't Do's of 'Aiming for the Stars', 'Looking for too much advice', 'Desperation towards starting a business/ Lack of patience' and 'Overthinking'.I genuinely think if you avoid them you'll do better than not. To build on them and go a little deeper here's what I have maybe done and didn't work or have closely observed in the people in my circle (ie happy, decently off, mostly non millionaires although there are a few).​Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously (or be too hippy confident)I don't know what it is with us when we start out on this journey but I think it's the innocent care free child inside us hiding from this new scary creature we're trying to mould ourself into.Depending on who your'e copying, you may naturally start to try and emulate them. Most stereotypical famous entrepreneurs (not all btw) are either quite aggressive/ arrogant or quite 'know it all-ey'. From what I recall anyway.They're either strutting and yelling and power shaking the soul out of people or they're trying to come across as some type of hippy wizard who just 'knows' everything and can see round corners.Again, to compare that to the people I personally know- they are far more ordinary than any of the personalities- they're far less intense barring a bit of good old enthusiasm.I can't quite think of how to describe the ones I know but one thing that covers it is that they are all great to socialise with and good at parties, I can imagine the ones I haven't been to a party with are also.I don't mean they are the life and soul by any means- some of them are found with me in the kitchen or corner- what I mean is that they'll talk about varying and interesting things, will bang out a few dad jokes or take the p!ss out of others and themselves.They like a laugh an most of them did before they made it.Every single one of them has a pretty involving hobby/ interest outside fo their work or business (I've now written a list/ mind map of these people to help me write about them!) and I wouldn't describe a single one of them as intense or preachy.Actually come to think of it- I believe deep down that a lot of them come across as being aware how lucky and possibly average they are.This was a big realisation I came to myself prior to 'doing well' and I now feel better in myself with this opinion.- Lighten up, chill out, put more effort into your hobbies and outside interests (or get one), laugh; and enjoy life a bit more.​Dont try to find Opportunity Everywhere- Don't Think of everything as a potential business.Bear with me on this one.​A few years ago, after harassing my health service for several years prior to get me in front of a shrink to diagnose me with the Adult ADHD I 'knew' I had, I was finally aloud to go in for some tests- the lovely Indian lady doctor told me the reason I kept getting into a funk of lack of focus, indecision and spiralling 'anxiety' (which has similar symptoms- more on this later) was partly due to the fact that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (and partly due to the fact that I was sadly desperate for success- she knew!)I was told by her to get a blue light and try mindfulness. Of course I took that as 'become a meditation teacher who's not into the woo woo and open a centre' and 'start a specialised website that provides advice to sufferers of SAD and sells blue lights etc'.I then went home, looked up all the keyword search volumes and started to analyse the competition- I felt sick when I realised the lo and behold someone had beaten me to it... by at least 20 years. The keywords were really competitive and it just wasn't worth it.I begrudgingly bought a light from the top result and when it came I think I kinda hoped it was crap.These last few winters I've actually used the blue light in the mornings and feel far better this time of year than I ever remember.I know that many of us that are naturally drawn to entrepreneurship are problem solvers, opportunity grabbers and make things betterers but we only have so much creative energy and decision making juice in us each day.By looking at every damn object or service we come across as something that we 'could get into', it drains our radar and puts everything into the same swamp of ideas.I think it's better to be more of a disregarder- again Im sure that the people I know know this.I've personally found that the businesses that have happened for me were a bit like with me and my wife. The first few encounters were random, meaningless events... we spent a little time together and took things slowly with no agenda. Then without even realising it we were in love and then married with children.- The opportunity will come if you let it and you'll just know when you know.​Time for some Do Do's(Stop it Chandler!)Finally, some things that can be done!Like I said, I think having a business is great, has made me a better person and has made me a good bit better off. I genuinely attribute a large part of my 'average' success and subsequent happiness to things I stopped doing rather than new habits that I formed but here are a couple of things I and those I observe do/did and may be worth trying yourself.​When you stop fantasising, researching and frantically flicking through motivational books & videos, you're left with some space that needs filling.I already mentioned hobbies and interests, but I'll cover that after what I think should head up the list.​Spend time with other peopleI haven't called it family or friends etc as I don't want to marginalise anyone who doesn't have them. I don't want to brag but I am lucky in this sense- if you're not so, I genuinely think you can do something about that.I also appreciate that people may be shy, be introverted and/or have social anxiety.I still think that its really important that you spend more time with the people you like spending time with or go out and find some. I guess it doesn't matter if they are online even- just spend time chatting and getting to know others more intimately... and remember, not too serious yeah.Have a laugh, get drunk, go fu shi up, go bowling, play frisbee, walk/ hike, play pool, fish, shoot, dance, knit... whatever..... with other people. More importantly make sure its people your'e not trying to sell to, buy from or otherwise advance yourself in business/ finance.Also, when things get going in your business life, don't bore these people with ita) It usually is boring andb) they like you cos you're who you are- not what you are.​Worthwhile wastes of time- AKA Hobbies and interestsYep, I know I'm beating this drum to death- trust me, its important.If you're the active sort, go and do something physical, just drop the goals and the aims etc, especially if you're into bodybuilding or running etc. Swing on some bars or look up calisthenics if you want to use your muscles. Take a look at woodwork, building heavy things or something like that.Try not to replace your addiction to being an entrepreneur/ wantrepreneur with another addiction though.You're just killing a bit of time and giving yourself something to take your mind off of things. Using your body and mind for something other than 'trying to succeed'.Remember- no outcomes. You're doing what the soft headed teacher told you at school about just taking part and not winning.Although I like video games, I don't like to feeling I get after sitting down in front of screen for too long so I can't play them. I do love movies and gripping documentaries so probably watch about an hour a day and film or two at the weekends after the kids are in bed (usually with beer/ wine and snacks).A few years ago I would be sat the on my laptop or iPad 'looking things up'. I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy a few hours in the evening to watch a film. Jeez- what a waste.I've taken to building things and renovating my house- it's coming along quite well, I'm really improving my DIY skills and am amassing a fine array of tools. I've built a shed out the back, moved the kitchen from one end of the house to the other- according to the mortgage broker I've added nearly 50k to the value of my house.... what's important though is that I've really really enjoyed it. I have plans for many other things and am learning CAD (which I should know being in engineering anyway but this time its for fun) and am watching several CNC routers on eBay to further the fun.I also love growing and cooking food- not trying to be a masterchef or thinking about opening a restaurant- Just messing about with flavours and/or following recipes to the letter and switching off.This post isn't about me though- I just hope it's a decent example.The others I know are into motorbikes, following sport, also building things, also food and cooking, art/ painting/ drawing, animals etc etc- Find out what what floats your boat and go do some. Tie it in with other people for added enjoyment but also give yourself a bit of 'me time'.​Right- some businessey stuff.​Give yourself timeOkay, a kind of a reiteration here but as before.. bear with me.Take a step back and if needs be take some real time off of thinking about starting if you haven't done so yet. If you are in business and are feeling disillusioned, give yourself a bit of a break- systemise and consolidate a few things and try and get yourself on a plateau.​Of all the self-help and motivational things I hate most and feel are the most damaging- it's the 'It's only too late if you don't start now', 'Quit your job', 'Drop out of college' crap.If you want to start a business and get started, you would be far far better doing it small and part time alongside a job.I know you're tired on an evening and just can't get your brain to do something- I've been there.You're not thinking small enough yet, you're too caught up in whether you will be wasting time on something without an eventual payoff for it or whether it's worth it and will lead to the fast track of being a millionaire or more.Seriously, give yourself some space- take the next few weeks/ months to just enjoy doing nothing and then when you're ready- Start Really Small.If you're not sure what business to start- keep doing nothing. Stop resisting the real world- it will be there along with all it's wonderful opportunities when you come back to it. You'll hopefully be more realistic and willing to be a shade more mediocre when you come back.If you hate your job or someone in it, the next ones for you.​Figure out how to Tolerate Yourself and OthersAnd by others, I also mean other things.I actually think it's rare that we actually hate our jobs.I think it's more likely that we hate the fact that we are there.Whether it's because we feel too good for the job and it's inherent shortcomings or we can't really believe that we are on the same pay scale and worthiness as some of the dumb@sses we share our workplace with- we are really hating our belonging to that situation more than anything else.In order to move, and again this is the direct result of conversations with some of the successful people I know, we have to transcend the situation.Yes, we work alongside some horrible/ stupid/ pedantic/ lowly/ very special (not good special) people and hence in the eye of our colleagues and society we are on the same level as them.I feel for you and if we met I would quite possibly agree that you are better than them. Feeling bad about it isn't going to help you though so you must transcend.I'm not quite sure how the universe or its evolutionary system works (sorry Abrahamic religion people) but I think it's kind of a promotion system.I'd bet that the fish that made it onto the shore and grew legs were the descendants of the better of the fishes- I just don't think evolution created reptiles from the offspring of really crap fish- like 'Hey youre terrible at swimming and eating other smaller fish- you should try being a lizard".I think then, that it's kinda the same in society and as I said, in particular with my self made friends. Quite a few of them actually got into their present business by the way of an opportunity presented to them by being good at their previous jobs.It's similar to me as well. I ended with my 'day business' as I turned myself round and decided to start working hard at what I was doing and putting the troggs to the back of my mind.It got noticed and I was given several pay rises, I then ended up on the radar of my friends dad who owned his own business and asked me to run a project for him. 4 years later I'm flying and have invested in several other ventures/ people since.- Transcend and overcome the drudgery of what you are doing now while you are still there.Move on when its time and you're ready.​SystemisationI've decided to make this a separate post as it really covers too much for an already far too long post- I'll let you know when this is up fully but for now....Turn everything you do into a system.When you do eventually get going, think of every single step as something you might have to do again. Make a game out of making things into a system. Using either a basic paper notepad/ filing system or one of the free or built in word processors or spreadsheets, make a list of the things you are doing.It will speed up any rework, it will make you better at remembering things and it may force you into trimming wasted activities out of your day.You might feel silly writing down "Spend 4 hours browsing r/Entrepreneur" followed by "Watch 10 random guru videos back to back- but only halfway because they haven't given me the missing secret yet and the search must continue hastily"I promise I'll add more to this in the week but for now- Think 'Systemise It'.​The last couple of Dont'sI hope the majority of these items being dont's doesn't put you off- I do think you can do it if you get realistic and start being easier on yourself. Avoid things is easier than doing things and yields similar results. You don't have to run the 8 miles if you don't eat the extra donut (You can have one though!).A couple more things to avoid.Apps and online servicesTalking about what you're doing/ going to do.Apps and ServicesAny time spent looking at organisational, project management, CRM, email management, keyword/ adword, accounting, team comms etc etc etc apps, that you don't currently have a pressing need for is a complete waste of time.Especially if you are just starting out- by the time you need one the market will have changed and you will have to look though them all again.Trust me...been there and done that.Again, by all means have a browse. If you start evaluating them and heaven forbid buy any, you are fantasising and feeding your delusional side.Pen and paper works fine if not better than most apps. Particularly for a one man band or small team.​TalkingThe last but not be ignored thing I have noticed in others and has turned my life around since I stopped, is the ability to work on my stuff in silence and to keep one's counsel in general.If you need to tell people what you are doing, I think you are giving yourself some kind of reward internally. If you're getting the reward from telling your friends, family or colleagues- you won't feel the need to get the reward from selling or creating something when you finally get started.Bigging Up your business may have the same effect. You may not need to take it to the next level or wrap it up into a more passive income with the work being done by others if your ego is already getting it's hit.Secondly, it increases the anxiety towards the fact that you must be doing something right now. If you've told people you're going to move on from this situation and become a millionaire, your mind will be frantically looking towards things to do to make this happen.Until your opportunity has come along or you are ready for one, this could manifest itself in more addiction to the non worthy activities we've already been through.- Keep quiet until you get started.- When you do get started, continue being quiet about it.- If you're already in business, quieten up a bit.​​That wraps this one up and again I hope some of you find something useful.​​​​​​​

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit