i hadnt taken my meds and the injection was wearing off. i started drawing again kept busy. restless but still. i got my injection again and took some of my meds and i have been in bed most of the time and eating non stop because idk what to do. i cant draw anymore
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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what if i decided i'm straight up not posting any new art publicly until that family's GFM in my pinned is at least Halfway to its goal
(even half my followers donating 5 bucks each would do that btw)
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reblog if you consider the people youve befriended on this website (and other websites) to be real friends, even if youve never met them irl before
trying to prove something to my dad
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ADHD tip: if u need to remember something, inconvenience urself with it.
works best with physical objects obviously but just. oh i keep forgetting my lunch box before work? now after prepping it i set it in front of the door so i cant leave without moving it. dont wanna forget to take my pills? well in about to eat dinner so im gonna set the pillbox down right where my plates gonna go. gotta deal with x before bed? well, ill set it on my bed so i cant sleep without moving it. make it so that u cannot proceed with another task without interacting with the forgetfullness object.
u can also sub in an object that maybe isnt the task itself but is a related reminder object (detergent for laundry, trash bag to replace bag when u throw out the damn trash, etc)
and not in the VICINITY of another task, like. the reminder object is On Top Of my game controller and i cant play video games without being reminded "oh i had TASKS".
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HELP PALESTINIAN ARCHITECT EVACUATE HER FAMILY FROM GAZA
This is a verified fundraiser for a family of four to evacuate to Cairo. The fund's creator, Amal Abu Shammala, reached out to me personally to share this since she's failed to get her fund on Operation Olive Branch and Let's Talk Palestine's fundraising linktree.
As of right now, she has raised €2,397/ €42,000. You can see the breakdown of what the money will be used for in the fund description.
Please give generously!
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Pain is a great motivator…
Part 26 || First || Previous || Next
—Full Series—
Meanwhile Toriel:
(Loud noises don't wake her up usually.)
Artist note: I’m so proud of this :))) I know it’s a lot of dialogue and reading, but dialogue is grueling work for me. I’m glad with the art and for the amount of pages I made in such a relatively short time span -w- page 5 was super fun to work on. A lot of blood, sweat, and hours here... :) The backgrounds were a big bore tbh, but I finished them! Yippie!
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my theory is neurodiverse people also have anti special interest a thing that they just can't record any information about and listening about it makes us almost physically ill like you want to be out of your body and out of existence
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If anyone wants to purchase an esim to provide internet access to Palestinians but haven't yet, you can use my Nomad referral code LYDI79TR for $3 off your first purchase! With this code esims are as low as $6, and this is a way you can immediately help someone in Gaza who might otherwise not be able to make contact with their loved ones.
More detailed information on esims is available here, and a tutorial walking through how to purchase and send an esim through Nomad is available here.
edit to add: if this code isn’t working for you, try codes NOMADCNG or BACKPACKNOMAD !
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