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incorrect-hs-quotes · 5 years

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oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet

-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay

first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS

(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)

so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au

anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))

johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel

johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.

so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.

so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.

tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.

sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab.

karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”

nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit

kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”

terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset

vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs

equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...

gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST

eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,

and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD

OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun

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bittysvalentines · 5 years

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If Pies Could Talk

Happy Valentine’s Day, @BajillionKittens! I think I hit all of your requests, so I hope you enjoy the fic! Thanks to Georgia and Silvia for organizing everything again this year!

Love from @aflailureandamasterpiece aka Julibean19

If Pies Could Talk (also on AO3)

Summary: Jack wants to ask Bitty something but he can’t find the words. If pies could talk, they’d call him a lovable failboat.

Zimbits, Explicit, POV Jack, Bottom!Jack, Communication Failure, Baking Jack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Special Appearances by Dex and Señor Bun

“Bits?” Jack asks, gently pushing unruly blond curls off Eric’s forehead. “Time to get up.”

A soft, negative noise meets Jack’s ears as Bitty groans and rolls over, showing Jack his back.

“I know it’s early, bud,” Jack says, lifting his comforter back and sliding into bed behind his boyfriend. “But it’s not checking practice early… it’s 9 a.m.”

“It’s Saturday,” Bitty protests, pulling Jack’s arm around his waist and shuffling backward into his chest. “It’s the day of rest. We’re resting.”

“Isn’t the day of rest Sunday?”

“Do not chirp me,” Bitty mumbles, barely turning his head toward Jack, eyes still closed. “It’s five a.m.”

“It’s nine.”

“Do you want to argue or do you want to cuddle?”

Jack smiles, leaning in to press the tip of his nose to Bitty’s hairline and taking a deep breath. Exhaling, he kisses the side of Eric’s throat, delighting in the happy murmur and wriggle of appreciation it gets him. “I want to cuddle,” Jack whispers, still smiling.

He set an alarm on his phone anyway. They have time. Settling back into his pillow, Jack pulls Bitty tight to his body and lets his eyes fall closed.

When his timer goes off forty minutes later, it feels like it’s only been a few seconds. Jack groans and reaches for his phone, eager to stop the pop music that’s blaring from the speakers. “Did you change my ringer to Beyoncé?” he asks, opening one bleary eye to silence the alarm.

“It’s Nicki Minaj, you heathen,” Bitty mutters, rolling over to face him.

“It’s terrible,” Jack insists, dropping his phone back onto the nightstand as Bitty’s fingers slip under the hem of his tee. “Crisse, your hands are cold.”

“Feel like warming me up?” Eric asks, apparently much more awake than Jack is.

“Just come here,” Jack says, sliding one arm under Bitty’s neck and pulling them flush together. He hooks his chin over Eric’s shoulder and curls around him, rubbing soothing circles against his lower back.

“This is nice,” Bitty says, sighing contentedly, letting himself sink into Jack’s body. “We should do this every morning.”

“If we did this every morning we’d never make it to Faber.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Bitty says, breath hot against the side of Jack’s throat.

“Coach Hall might have something to say about it.”

“Well,” Bitty says, nipping Jack’s skin, “he’s not here right now.”

“That would be awkward.”

“I’m trying to set a mood here, Mister Zimmermann. Work with me.”

“Oh,” Jack says, feeling his face heat. He had been enjoying their morning snuggles so much he hadn’t noticed the hardness growing against his hip.

“Yeah,” Bitty says, breathy and low. “Oh.”

Before Jack has a chance to respond, Eric is rolling on top of him, straddling his thighs. He looks up to see the sunlight bouncing off Bitty’s hair, giving him an ethereal glow. The effect is gorgeous and has Jack flicking his eyes to his phone and considering pulling up his camera app.

“I want you,” Eric says simply, biting down on his lower lip.

Smiling, Jack crooks his finger at him until he drops down low enough to kiss.

The moment Eric’s lips meet his, Jack melts, sinking deep into his pillows. He runs his palms under Bitty’s sleep-worn shirt and splays them across his back possessively, moaning into his mouth.

Eric hasn’t brushed his teeth, but Jack did just before waking him, so it’s easy to ignore in favor of sucking on his tongue. It’s hot, but slow—a deep kiss that Jack can take his time with. He pulls Eric in even closer and sucks on his bottom lip until Bitty is whining into his mouth.

Eager to find what other desperate sounds he can pull from Bitty, Jack reaches up to cup the back of his head before rolling them over and settling his hips between Eric’s thighs.

“Lord, I love when you do that,” Eric breathes, eyes fluttering shut as Jack slides his hands up his stomach, taking his shirt with them.

“I love when you wear my clothes to bed,” Jack says, pulling the old Habs tee over Eric’s head.

“If we could turn up the heat once in a blue moon maybe I’d sleep naked.”

“I’ll consider it,” Jack breathes against Bitty’s exposed stomach. He nudges one of Bitty’s nipples with his nose before wrapping his lips around it. It might be nice to sleep wrapped around a naked Bitty, but Jack also likes what they have—a warm cocoon of bedding and threadbare pajamas—a twin bed just barely big enough for two.

“Fuck, Jack,” Bitty whines, arching into his mouth.

Jack switches to the other side and sucks until Bitty’s hands fly up to twine into his hair, not pulling, but tensing every time a shiver runs through his body. Letting out a satisfied huff of breath, Jack pulls off and follows his hands down to Bitty’s waist, licking and biting a line down his stomach on the way.

“Will you blow me?” Eric asks, trailing his fingers along the curve of Jack’s jaw. “Your mouth is so hot and wet. God, it feels so good,” he says as Jack nibbles along the waistband of his borrowed flannel bottoms.

Jack sighs.

If only he found it just as easy to ask for what he wanted. It’s not that he dislikes doing this for Bitty—quite the contrary—but there’s something else he’s been dying to try. He just hasn’t been able to get the words out yet.

Hooking his thumbs into the elastic, Jack pulls Bitty’s pants down, lifting them up and over his erection and then down to mid-thigh. He leans back for a moment just to look his fill.

Eric’s thighs are trapped together by the elastic, but otherwise he’s exposed, golden skin on display for Jack to admire. His forearms look pale in comparison, and Jack marvels at the soft hair that sits below Eric’s navel, leading to his cock.

“God, I want you to fuck me,” Bitty sighs, looking down at him with his lower lip caught between his teeth.

“Later,” Jack says, leaning down to get his lips around the head and lick at the bead of fluid at the tip. The salt hits Jack’s tongue and he can’t stop the groan that builds in his chest at the taste.

Eric squirms below him, so Jack drapes his forearm across Bitty’s stomach and presses him back into the mattress. He sinks down lower, taking more of Eric into his mouth before licking back up.

Bitty breathes hard above him, already panting before Jack even really gets started. They’ve been doing this for a few months now, but every time with Eric feels like the first time—eager and a little sloppy, but also brilliant and intense and all-consuming.

He takes Bitty deep, relaxing around the stretch in his throat when Eric jerks under him, sitting up so abruptly Jack chokes before he has a chance to pull off.

“Sorry, sorry! God, I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Bitty says, thumb rubbing across Jack’s wet lips. “It’s just… do you smell something burning?”

“Tabarnak!” Jack curses, dropping his head to Bitty’s bare thigh in defeat. He groans, high and pained as he shakes his head back and forth. “I’ll go check.” Pulling away, Jack rises to his feet and slowly marches downstairs, furious with himself.

By the time he reaches the kitchen, Dex is pulling the charred remnants of a pie out of the oven and Bitty is hot on his heels, redressed in his pajamas.

“I’m so sorry Bitty,” Dex sighs, placing the burnt wreck on the stovetop with Bitty’s cherry print oven mitts. “I thought I’d gotten the temperature to stay even this time, but it must be on the fritz again.”

Jack rubs his fingers over his temples as Dex retrieves his toolbox from the hall and pulls out what he thinks he’ll need. “I’m really sorry about your pie, Bitty. Once I get it working again I’ll take you to Murder Stop & Shop for some more butter, okay?”

“That—” Bitty stops short, peering over at the blackened crust. “That wasn’t my pie. The lattice looks nice though. Which one of y’all found my vlog?” he says, voice raised to call through the Haus this time. “If I find the link on Twitter, I swear to Beyoncé I will end you.”

“It’s not—” Jack hesitates, hand clasped warily over his eyes. “I made it,” he finishes, voice so low he can barely hear it over the pounding of his own heart.

“You… you made this? Jack, honey,” he says, fingers catching Jack by the wrist and pulling until he stops covering his face. “Did you make this pie for me?”

Jack nods, unable to find any words to explain further.

“Dex,” Bitty says, fingers now intertwined with Jack’s, “Thank you so much for tryin’, but I don’t think Betsy’s broken.”

“Are you sure? Because the temperature has been all over the place and—”

“I distracted Jack. He made that pie for me, but I burnt it. Betsy’s working just fine. Isn’t that right, sugar?”

Jack nods, looking up just in time to see Dex’s face flush under his freckles.

“We’ll clean this up later,” Bitty says to Dex, reaching out to shut the oven off before pulling Jack by the hand all the way back upstairs to his room.

When they’re finally alone, Jack collapses against the back of the door, his entire body shaking slightly.

“Do you want to tell me what all that was about?” Eric asks him, hands on his hips.

Jack opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” In just a few steps, Eric is directly in front of him, cupping his cheeks and tilting his face up. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Jack steels himself. “I was trying to—”

He can’t do it. It’s not happening. This was all a stupid idea and now Bitty’s looking at him, wide brown eyes soft and expectant and Jack can’t say it. He can’t say anything at all.

“Trying to what, sweetpea?”

A long minute passes before Jack can bear to open his mouth again. “I wanted to ask—”

“Jack,” Bitty says, breath catching slightly on his name, “please tell me that was not a proposal pie—because as much as I love you, I am nineteen years old. That would just be too much for us right now.”

“No,” Jack says, clearing his throat. “No. I wasn’t trying to propose.”

“Jesus Christ on a cracker, you had me worried.”

“Not that I wouldn’t—”

“We will have that conversation later, mister. Much later,” he says firmly, but with a sweet smile that speaks to their bright future together.

“Okay,” Jack agrees readily, taking a deep breath. They really are getting ahead of themselves.

“What’s this all about then?”

Jack sighs, resigning himself to embarrassment. “You know sometimes words are hard for me.”

Bitty nods, tangling their fingers together again.

“I thought maybe if I made you something… you would… ”

“Be able to read your mind?” Bitty says, with a fond laugh. “I love that you tried to bake for me, honey, I do. But even the perfect raspberry pie isn’t going to be able to tell me whatever it is you want me to know.”

“It sounds so stupid when you say it like that.”

“It’s not stupid. It’s actually kind of adorable, but I’d rather you were comfortable enough to just tell me what you’re feeling. How can I make this easier for you?”

“I don’t think you can,” Jack says, voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay,” Bitty says, pulling Jack’s hand again until he stands. “I have an idea.” He locks his door and flicks the lights off before leading Jack over to his bed and pulling the curtains shut.

Jack gets in as soon as Eric yanks the covers back and relaxes into the mattress only after Bitty is curled around his back, tucking the duvet around them tight.

“Sometimes the hard things… they’re easier to say in the dark,” Eric tells him, breath hot and comforting against the back of his neck. “So we’re just going to lie here for a while and if you feel like you’re ready, you can tell me. I promise I won’t laugh or be upset or anything.”

“I don’t—I didn’t think you would laugh. I’m just nervous,” Jack tells the darkness. Light still peeks through around the curtains, but he closes his eyes and pretends it’s midnight, that they’re alone in the Haus, that his words will never see the light of day—will never leave this room.

“Here,” Bitty says, reaching behind him and returning with Señor Bun. He presses the doll into Jack’s hand before pulling the duvet up around their shoulders again. “He’ll make you brave.”

“Now I feel weird,” Jack says, huffing out a laugh. “I can’t talk about sex with him looking at me.”

“So this is about sex, huh?” Bitty asks, taking Señor Bun out of Jack’s hands and setting him on the window sill facing away from them. “What Bun doesn’t see can’t hurt him.”

“He’s seen a lot already,” Jack points out.

“Well, if things are about to get kinky, I’d rather keep him in the dark. Whatever it is you want, I’m sure we could work something out. So why don’t you just tell me? I promise to keep an open mind.”

“It’s nothing kinky,” Jack says quietly. “I don’t think it is, at least.”

“Then what has you so nervous?”

“I don’t know. It just—Parse didn’t—” Jack can’t finish the thought.

“It’s something you feel like you shouldn’t want? Because Kent didn’t?”

“I guess?”

“Honey,” Eric breathes, snaking a hand under the hem of Jack’s shirt and resting his palm against Jack’s bare chest. “Whatever it is. I won’t judge you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I want…” Jack takes a deep breath just as Bitty presses his hand tight against his heart, pushing them together. The pressure is comforting, grounding. Jack takes strength from it and finally finds his courage. “I want—I need you to make love to me. I need you to fuck me.”

Bitty sucks in a surprised breath and then lets it out slowly, the air ruffling the back of Jack’s hair, making his skin pebble. He leans in until his lips are just grazing the shell of Jack’s ear and asks, “That’s what you want?”

“Yes,” Jack says, a tingle shooting down his spine. Heat spreads through his body as Eric hitches his hips even tighter to Jack’s ass, betraying his arousal.

“All you had to do was ask, sugar,” Eric says, voice pitched low. “I’d be a fool to not want to make love to you. And I am many things, but I’m no fool.”

“Please,” Jack whimpers, all shame gone. The tone of Eric’s voice coupled with the insistent press of his erection has Jack hard and leaking already. When Eric’s teeth come down around the tendon in his throat, he whines, unabashed. It sounds pitiful, but he doesn’t even try to muffle it. He wants Eric to know how badly he needs this.

It’s a matter of seconds before they’re naked, clothes flung to far corners of the room, duvet lost on the floor. Jack wouldn’t be surprised if his Habs tee was ripped at the collar considering how forcefully he yanked it off Bitty’s body.

Bitty preps him quickly, the both of them too keyed up to take their time. As Eric slides a condom over himself, Jack feels an ache deep in his body, a ravenous, empty pain that has him hitching his knees up to his ears.

Biting down on his lip, Eric slowly pushes into him. He takes several measured breaths and then begins to move, absolute filth spilling out of his mouth. In a matter of seconds, Eric is tensing above him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re so fucking perfect, baby,” is the last thing Jack hears before Bitty buries himself deep, coming in rhythmic pulses inside him.

It’s over before Jack feels fully satisfied, but that just makes his hunger pangs more pronounced. He ignores them knowing Bitty will be ready again soon enough—that he always has more stamina the second time around. Jack is already the first to know what Bitty feels like when he orgasms—the first to hold Eric inside his body. He shouldn’t be greedy, as much as his body begs to differ.

As fingers quickly take the place of Eric’s softening cock, Jack thrusts down hard remembering all the ways Bitty has explored his body—has touched every inch of him. Eric knows him now… knows everything.

He comes with three fingers spreading him wide and Eric’s name on his lips.

Neither of them touch his cock.

It’s messy and overwhelming and everything a first time should be.

Jack can’t wait to do it again.

“Thank God you burnt that pie,” Bitty says, breathless, as he flops onto his back next to Jack.

“Why?”

“If you came at me with a perfect raspberry pie right now after what we just did I’d think I was still dreaming.”

“Well, we’re out of raspberries now, but I could go to the store…”

“Jack Zimmermann. What did I do to deserve you?”

“You taught me to make pie in the first place. It was really all your fault,” Jack says, resting his head on Eric’s chest, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“I can’t believe you’re chirping me right now. You’re the one that made me a ‘Please Fuck Me Pie!’”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know I was flirting with you that whole class.”

“I thought you were just really concerned about your GPA,” Bitty whines in embarrassment.

“Thank God we got an A,” Jack says, copying Eric’s turn of phrase. “If we didn’t maybe we wouldn’t be dating right now.”

“You’re saying Betsy brought us together?”

“I’m saying I think we owe Dex a thank you gift.”

Thanks for reading! Happy Valentine’s Day!

#bittyjack #fanfiction #bittysvalentines #bv2019 #omgcp #submission

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zombie-dumplings · 4 years

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I woke up to go to the bathroom, and for some reason on my way back into my room I suddenly remembered I had sone fried pickles in the fridge that my mom brought home for me on monday.... they're all kinda soggy, but I'll be damned if they dont still taste good. I probably shouldnt be eating these, I'm probably gonna get a stomach ache lmao

#they dont smell or taste like theyre bad so it should be fine but still....#im so mad i firgot i had these theyre my favorite #i need to go back to bed #my sleep is all fucked up fron working all those doubles this week

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scaryscarecrows · 5 years

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Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

#Jason Todd #Sheila Haywood #Harley Quinn #you knew this was coming #oh Jason I'm so sorry honey #one day you can have nice things #but not today #Roots and Leaves

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15001700tt · 6 years

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Mix And Match

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

Part 3

After the wedding, i moved to his castle since it was more convenient. Since then i became more acquainted with his home. Occasionally i do get lost but one of his brothers or mates are always around and they help me find my way back.

It was the day where my cousins and I get to meet the remaining two guys. They have been so involved in the war that they had no time to come by. But it was understandable it was getting worse each day, and i could sense it brewing without werewolf heightened senses.

Jong In was also getting restless each night having to wake at the crack of dawn to finish some planning. The dark circles under his eyes get deeper as the days go on i am surprised he hasnt passed out. I brought it up to his attention but he always dismisses it and says hell catch up on sleep later. I dont believe him. But i cant do anything because he wont let me.

The warwas getting on my nerves and i was ready to fly over there and end the war myself. Today is much needed as anyone can see, i am very tense and grumpy and the girls havent had time to talk to me and are getting whisked away by their parents for possible suitors back at home. Hyun Jin is devastated that she doesnt get to fall in love, and Ji Mi just refuses to marry a complete stranger.

As Jong In sat next to as we waited for our guests his head lolled to the side until it slumped against my shoulder. His deep breaths confirmed that he fell asleep. I rolled my eyes before moving him to lay against my lap for more comfort on his part since this is most likely the only nap he will get today or maybe for the next week.

The first one to arrive is Hyun Jin, she came in a grim expression. Her eyes settled on our position before her face lit up ad she awed at out ‘cuteness’

“He couldnt stay awake” i excused. She shook her at us before muttering, “i wouldnt either if i had a war in my backyard”

“Well how are you doing with the influx of suitors?” i asked worriedly.

“Facing an army of vampires doesnt seem that bad anymore” she groaned before she came and sat next to, i started running my hand through her hair while keeping one in Jong In’s.

“I know hun, i wish it was easier”

“Ji Mi literally just chased away the last one but my guy was more sticky that the last” she huffed in annoyance. The doors opened one more time while Hyun Jin was mid sentence, “and the worst thing is he wasnt even trying to be gentle, he was pushing me around and being a total dick. And mid way through he tried to touch me, i almost thre-” a growl erupted from the figure standing by the door.

That seemed to wake Jong In up and grab hold of me. I caressed his face to show him that i was fine, but clearly the man at the door wasnt.

“Baekhyun” Jong In’s voice rang clear in the room, while Hyun Jin’s was more a breathy sigh. I could tell the days events took a toll on her from the way her face looked, all pale and no light that usually shines.

In an instant Baekhyun was next Hyun Jin and looking intently into her eyes, eyes slightly red, before another snarl rippled from his throat scaring Hyun Jin a little bit that she jumped.

“Who dared to touch you?” that seemed to snap Jong In’s haze and immediately he came and restricted Baekhyun and whispered in his ear. He seemed calmed a bit, he closed his eyes before opening them to a golden hue in them, then finally their normal shade.

I knew what this meant, i couldn't help the small smile that creeped onto my lips, a small gasp escaping my lips when JongIn flopped down on my lap again.

“You Are comfortable.” his only excuse.

“Honey we have guests” i told him

“it s fine, those guests are going to get really comfortable, so should we” he mumbled against my legs. I chuckled, i looked up to see that Hyun Jin had moved up from her seat and was standing in front the calm man who had a gentle smile on his face.

I listened in to their conversation when i couldn't help my curiosity, no remorse felt because she spied on my first day of courting.

“I am guessing youre Yong Sang’s cousin” he smiled cheerfully, “i am Byun Baekhyun, One of Jong In’s closest friends and knights” he introduced.

“You are correct, i am Song Hyun Jin” she curtseyed at him while batting her eyelashes at him innocently. Somehow that lead to them furiously hugging, my small gasp caused Jong In to chuckle.

“They went straight to the point didn't they?”

“You should be sleeping” i playfully snapped at him.

“Dont you think Ji Mi and Kyungsoo are taking too much time to get here?” he questioned looking at the slightly ajar door.

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun’s voice cut through the thick haze that surrounded me and Hyun Jin.

“I mean that i can both their footsteps really close but they havent ever met each other and i want to see that” he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair and dragged me soundlessly towards the open door. Hyun Jin following behind me and Baekhyun at the end. As we rounded the corner we saw the pair just making eye contact.

3rd POV

Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed gold before turning normal brown once again, he finally found her, whoever she is. Although he was pretty good at guessing, she’s Yong Sang’s cousin, if she was heading this way and he had never seen her before. He needed confirmation thought, he feels as if hes grasping at thin straws.

“I uh i am Do Kyungsoo, head knight” he introduced awkwardly before letting a charing smile grace his lips.

“Song Ji Mi at your service” she responded with a soft voice. She was drained from the events of today, if she could just go to her bed and sleep she was sure she can deal with it tomorrow. She was exhausted to no point and this attractive knight wasnt helping her poor brain.

Of course she knew who he was, she saw his pictures everywhere and he was also the reason for her embarrassment in Yong Sang’s wedding. Her barely functioning brain had successfully led her down the right corridor but she still doubted.

“uhm-I-I do not know if i am going the right direction to the room, would please help me?” she asked with grace even she couldn't believe she mustered.

“I dont think thats a good idea,” he paused before getting closer to her whispering, “theyre eavesdropping at the end of the hall.” her eyes widened in shock.

“I suggest we go to the kitchen because you look like you could use a meal.” he offered.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she couldn't help but snap. “You are my mate” those simple words seemed to turn her whole world upside down, she stumbled back a step. He caught her.

“Are you ok?? You need to sit down” he held her up as he led her to the kitchen. Once they arrived he sat her down at the table. And rolled up his sleeves of the casual attire he wore.

“Wanna tell me about your day as i make you a delicious meal?” he suggested playfully, causing a small smile to bloom on her exhausted face.

“I chased away five suitors today, the last one was stubborn until i punched him right in the face, then he almost hit me,” she in took a breath to calm her frantic beating heart, also hearing a small growl leave his body frame. “Which would be bad for him because i am not trained like an assassin for nothing.” she continued causing Kyungsoo to turn his head and eyebrow raised.

“What? The king and queen thought it would be a good idea to give us some training if we chased away the guard they assigned us” she shrugged.

As time flew, so did the smell of whatever Kyungsoo was cooking because to her it smelled heavenly and mouth watering. He placed the dish in front of and sat down opposite of her so he could see her face better. Unlike the tired expression she held on their way here, now she looked like she was on cloud 9.

“I am glad you think it smells good but shouldn't you taste it first?” he smirked as she bobbed her head. She grabbed her eating utensil and put some of the dish in her mouth, her reaction almost immediate. He grinned as she moaned and grabbed another bite.

“Interesting” he murmured catching her attention, “my cooking won you over not my good looks which hurts my ego a little but but i'll get over it.” he stated with a small smirk.

“If you weren’t such a good cook I’d cut off your hands” she bashfully said.

“Gruesome, i feel bad for the suitors but then again, they didn't know better” he said with fake remorse, causing Ji Mi to roll her eyes at his tactics

“Do you know any better?” she questioned playfully, he scoffed and finally ate some of the food he prepared, “of course i wouldnt be your mate if i didnt”

“Doesnt mean you dont have to win me over” she tsked at his confidence.

“Thought i already did with my cooking” he countered.

“Maybe your fighting skills” she stated

“I am sure i can teach you something” he teased.

“Sure you can” she rolled her eyes, that seemed full of light now. She feels as though she can do this forever.

#exo #exo ot9 #exo fanfiction #baekhyun #ot9 #chanyeol #kai #exo fanfic #scenarios #exoooooo #lotto exo #chen

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 54

I never knew or prolly forgot that people could get this dysfunctional when they get flu. I feel horrible oh my god! spent half the day in bed and then finally got some energy to arrange half of my room. Almost done with it but got bits left for tomorrow. So i appointed myself with an “eid break” till the end of this week so that would mean saturdays the last day. After that? well Id expect myself to start working out and studying and yeah if I cover these two everyday, I am free to do anything else after that! I wanted to start watching a series. I saw him blogging about ‘13 reasons why’ but i really dont think I want to watch that! The thing is i really had an interest in the series when it just came out and was planning on watching it prolly in the vacation but then as more reviews came out about it, i kind of didnt stay interested enough in it anymore especially because I came to know it has ‘sensitive stuff’. Things about rape and suicide and idk what not. I really dont want to invite negative vibes knowingly in to my mind. And the other thing about me is that I really really hesitate a lot before deciding on a series to start or a movie to watch. more of a reason why i end up not watching much series or movies. Its because I really really need strong recommendations and sometimes even after someone really sounding like i could buy what theyre saying, i end up not getting impressed enough so yeah! i mostly back off. But i was thinking of ‘re watching’ suits from the beginning. i kind of stopped somewhere in season 3 i think. the reason i stopped was because at some point i really didnt used to understand shit but i still used to keep watching it even after then for a while cause all the characters are so charming.

Anyways so lets get back to the flu. Omg, i cant smell anything, i cant taste anything. no appetite, really really really tired all the time. like i dont even feel alive at times ugh.

Also idk if my sleep schedules like fine or not. I mean tbh i sleep all the time anytime except for at night. like i actually feel really bad when i go to sleep at night i have no idea why. bad about nothing specific but bad about sleeping ‘-’ like not in a way where i think i should do something instead or smthn. but like idk. like its a sudden mood swing and i feel bad and also i cant sleep no matter how much i try. so i go to bed and im on my phone for awhile. and then i try sleeping for awhile and then back on my phone but i dont even have anything to do on my phone. i just open each social media one at a time, spend roughly like 10s each scrolling & scrolling and then lock my phone again and try to sleep.

I dont even talk to anyone so like whatsapp is pretty useless right now. messenger too almost. I mean messengers pretty cool to check when someone was last online. And well umm. ok lets not go there, i mean yeah maybe i sometimes check if he is online but like, so what! not like i knock him or anything! so yeah

yeah so using the phones pretty boring too. and also i hardly sit with my laptop. so yeah basically i spend the entire day taking short naps. but then again this is like just since 2 days i can say cause like i was in Makkah before that for almost 5 days. so maybe from ‘sunday’ which is like from when i am ‘thinking’ of being more of a human, Id change my schedule. as in id love to workout and study and THEN do whatever the hell i want. I dont think I can fix my sleep schedule thought as in sleeping late at night but bleh i dont really care much about it.

I also was thinking of reading the tafseer of the Quran. I want to start with it slow. Only then i think i’ll be able to continue it for a long time. But to start though inshaAllah.

so yeah to sumarize - FLU FLU FLU FLU FLU FLU FLU SLEEP MESSED UP WEIRD MOOD SWINGS BORING BORING AAACHHOO *sneeze-sneeze-sneeze* ~

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jimdsmith34 · 7 years

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I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

Naomie and Craig go to a couples therapist. The therapist looks like one of those cool dad types who wears Hawaiian shirts in his off time and says things like “I’m down. I’m hip. Right, guys?”

Craig: Im not saying that Naomie shouldnt question me ever because shes my girlfriend, Im saying she shouldnt be my girlfriend unless shes willing to have a blind and unwavering devotion to everything I say and do.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Landons wearing a flannel because shes trying to attract more lumbersexuals. Where they at in Charleston, though? Also, girl, you have a boyfriend AND another older guy you’re trying to seduce. It’s enough.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Shep walks in and says Where theres smoke theres fire, and Landon and Austen are looking very amorous. Cant you just say they look cozy like a normal fucking person? Also, no they do not look amorous. They look like two people having a normal conversation. Just because you use big words doesn’t mean you’re automatically right.

Drink again because Shep described Chelsea as laissez-faire. Just call her laid back, dude. Shes a person, not an economic theory of capitalism. He also thinks that he should be dating Chelsea because they both DGAF but you cant have two people in a relationship who DGAF; thats just a recipe for disaster. SOMEBODY has to give a fuck.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Im sorry but Thomass dad needs his own subtitles because I cannot understand this man for shit. He asks his dad for advice and his dads like Buy low, sell high. Thanks, dad, Why didn’t you just tell him plastics? That would have been just as helpful.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricias got some bougie-ass friend visiting her who literally specifies what type of glass she wants her vodka tonic in. Come on, this is a vodka tonic, not some expensive wine. Its gonna taste the same regardless of the type of stem on the glass.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

JD goes over to Thomas house (or office, I cant tell, fuck it) and Thomas is like I heard Kathryn and Elizabeth are hanging out. Like, no shit, they are friends? Thomas brings up Kathryns letter and this shit is long. Like 18 pages front and back long. I’m not recapping the contents of the letter because I fell asleep.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Patricia and her friend are wearing matching dog caftans. I have no comment. I mean, my grandma (may she rest in peace) used to wear 90s windbreaker tracksuit outfits well into the 2000s, so we all have our things.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party and Craig is like Therapy was great, clearly the lesson we learned was please be nice to me tonight and dont treat me like shit. Real productive session.

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Cameran would be sucking up to this lady for not letting people curse at the dinner table. Bitch, please. You asked Shep last week of Chelsea gave him a hard-on. Just because you used the word “weiner” instead of “dick” doesn’t make you a saint. Please drop the Holier Than Thou act.

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Honestly, this high society lady getting morally offended by the word fuck needs to fuck off. Come the fuck on, bitch, You were alive when abortions werent legal and youre gonna act like you cant stand hearing the word fuck? One more time because I’m petty: FUCK!!!!

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye.

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/im-starting-cameran-eubanks-is-over.html

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/

0 notes

adambstingus · 7 years

Text

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163164270437

0 notes

allofbeercom · 7 years

Text

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/

0 notes