#they had so many better options

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards #among other things #but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY #I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR #OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE #THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT #why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time??? #just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN #you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough #by attempting to go another route #you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully #and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do #and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY #you fucking DID YOUR BEST #YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER #YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME #it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc #YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME #MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK #if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out #had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier #they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions #instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such #you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive. #isn't that enough? #isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough?????? #god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets #and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go #will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone

[dantelionwishes]

How are you feeling about the new director in the pokemon dlc

i think u should be asking what grand feels abt the new director....

#CYRANO DEF FEELS LIKE AN EX #<- suggested by many followers n friends #grand and clavell were apart after graduating school so like #those two could have had something before grand eventually came back to paldea #WINK WINK #SJKHDHKJSGKJHR #OR SOMETHING . #doesnt help that they kinda look alike actually . #sh should they be relatives #either they were exes or clavell also vibes well with cyrano (grands brother) and grand gets jealous #whats the better option #director clavell #director cyrano #director grand #pokemon

[23meteorstreet]

fave caps of the gang - season 2

#iasip #not pictured: ep 4 (bc the only cap i could get with more than 2 of them sucked) #this one was hard bc so many eps had so many great options and some just sucked #or there were great shots but i couldnt get a cap where everyone looked good #my caps #these posts kinda feel silly but i think they're interesting #better caps posts coming soon

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[friendofthecrows]

they gotta make nap-length sleep mediations. Also ones where the speaker doesn't sound like the world's most annoying yoga intructer or perhaps therapist.

#hal rambles #meditation #miscellaneous #i'm spoiled bc my mom was really into meditation #and she was taught by some very good martial arts instructers as well as her dad #so she really had SUCH a knowledge base by the time I was around #and since I started learning early I've really developed a 'style' of meditation that works for me (or rather a few different ones that eac #have many many options/variables for the meditations themselves) #but like since my mom taught me that whole time #she's very familiar with how i meditate best & so when she wants to teach me a new one her guided meditations are perfect for me #i've never had luck with sleep meditations before (and only found out about them online a few years ago) #i don't know if the scientific basic for them is as strong either (haven't looked into it much) #but I really want them to work so I'm trying to find one that I would actually use & enjoy using #because the videos I found so far irritate me SO MUCH #no wonder so many of you are like 'i suck at meditation' and 'i tried but meditation never worked for me' if THAT is what you had to work #with #like. bestie i'm sorry. wish there were better resources out there #(there probably are and by satan i will find them)

[nabesthetics]

One of the funniest things about the Dragoat ship is that Alastor looked at Asra, who's been silently Yearning for years and who he kinda sorta had some budding but too awkward feelings for;

looked at Julian, absolutely missing the fact that the doctor's been lowkey eyeing him ever since Alastor threw him onto the floor in self-defense;

looked at Nadia, who's been trying to pamper him ever since his arrival at the Palace; Portia, who's been nothing but sweet and doing her best to help him adapt to the new environment;

then finally looked at a goatman-shaped ghost that's loud, brash, impatient, withholds information for his benefit, but is also desperate for human (heh) interaction and obviously needs help.

And the genius really pointed at the last option and said "this one. I want to kiss this one".

#gdhjfksl yeah yeah there's way more to it than that but sTILL #MY GUY HAD SO MANY (seemingly) BETTER OPTIONS but hey it worked out for the best so yippee #Dragoat #the Arcana #OC: Alastor

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: TUCHANKA (PART 2)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, Urdnot Wrex, and Dr. Mordin Solus With: Urdnot Bakara And a Special Guest Appearance by: Kalros, Mother of All Thresher Maws I MADE A MISTAKE! I made a mistake... big picture made of little pictures- too many variables. Can't hide behind statistics... can't ignore new data- my responsibility. Need to go- running out of time. Not your work, not your cure- not your decision. Had to be me- someone else might have gotten it wrong... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #urdnot wrex #mordin solus #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #i'm gonna continue the rambles in the part 2 gifset but one of the things i adore about tuchanka is the scenic shots #there are literally so many gorgeous ones that about half of part two is scenic shots because holy fuck tuchanka is beautiful #the kalros reaper ones especially? like those are so cool i had to include at LEAST a few of them bc that fight is awesome #and when the cure disperses?? literally the prettiest scene in the game #EDI and james have really cute dialogue together too!! i adored their moments towards the end of the mission #although i did say i was gonna give thoughts on mordin in sur'kesh and i think it boils down to him being an okay?? character in my book #like mordin definitely isn't one of my favorites but i will respect that he's definitely a very complex character and he's interesting imo #especially in terms of how he's written and his motivations/how he sort of grows and evolves over both ME2 and ME3 #like the quote i subquoted the post with is the one you get when you try to stall him from going up into the tower #(so it's not from soph's canon- but i love the scene so i used it anyways) #and one of the things i really like is that you can see the switch from mordin in ME2 who argues that what he did was RIGHT #versus mordin in ME3 who is starting to see what was wrong in the context of all the new information he has #and for me- seeing a character who can grow to recognize that they're flawed and made mistakes- i can respect the HELL outta that #even if mordin isn't my favorite character in the trilogy i'm gonna give him massive props for his character growth arc #because it's always interesting to see someone grow and recognize their mistakes and find a way to be a better person #to own their mistakes and fix the shit that they fucked up #i don't think i'd ever choose the option to not cure the genophage but mordin will always get props from me for his character arc tbh #i'll stop rambling now! have a good day wherever you are <3

[allaganexarch]

aaaaaahhhh i'm so hype I have my first legit korean lessons today!!!

#personal #exciting korean learning tag #i've been wanting to try italki for like months but (a) schoolwork got the better of me this term LOL #(b) there are sooooooo many options so it took me a long time to decide on some tutors to try #(c) once i finally thought I had a short list some random youtube video recced preply so i looked at it #instantly found aNOTHER tutor I felt like i would really like #but then read a bunch of HORROR STORIES about how preply works and how the system screws over its tutors a lot #but i was like well okay but i really like this tutor so LOL #(d) so then all of this accomplished i ran up against 'oh my social anxiety isn't even that bad except when it is' #so i had to be batshit insane like looking up what the etiquette is for booking lessons and contacting potential tutors sdkjnfkjfnnf #ANYWAY i think this will really help me improve a lot!! #i do extremely well with one-on-one teaching bc i have a pathological need not to waste ppl's time LOL #and my main problem rn is it's hard to consistently create opportunities to practice + hold myself accountable #so assuming these tutors work out i'm hoping to start doing lessons a couple of hours a week :)

[eddis-not-eeddis]

.

#Gah! I feel stranded and stuck #And the only way to get unstuck is to do the hard and distasteful and (worst of all) boring work #and keep doing it until I can afford to move on #but I DO NOT WANT TO! #I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING! #(EXCEPT MAYBE SIT HERE AND CRY ABOUT IT!) #ahhhhhhhh #i am so stressed right now #i keep feeling like somehow i've lost my last chance #like there's nothing left for me but this endless miserable contentious existence #where i stay here to be picked to death by people who think they are better than me because they had more options open to them #(it's not that i don't have a lot of people rooting for me...i do!) #(but the weight of their expectations is almost making it worse.) #I am such a mess right now #and it's so much worse because i am trying so hard to look like i have it together #and so many people think I do #i slipped up a bit last week and a few coworkers realized i was hanging by a thread and now they're treating me like i'm made of glass #which is also worse #i am in such a bad place mentally even though i am trying hard to get it together #i keep dropping pieces #okay rant over

[apollos-boyfriend]

imagine posting about a guy whos whole thing is looking like a glass of lean smh smh smh tag all your posts ever for eternity and go back through your whole blog and tag those too 🙄🙄🙄 my blog now /s

i assure anyone who has ever been annoyed at my cpurpled posting that no one is more annoyed about it than me. of all the characters ever made in the history of ever. i had to become obsessed with HIM. not only is it torture bc finding good content is a constant battle. but he's literally Like That. don't even get me started on the content creator. no one is more disappointed in me than myself.

#muse talk #isa-ghost #asdlkfj #glass of lean........ #like. of all things to get attached to. i had so many better options #but fucking. no. my brain had to go with the character that's either vilified or infantilized by 95% of people #and the one that just Sucks. like negative redeeming qualities. that's the one it had to choose

[wikipedie]

I love this scene so much and I'm so glad it exists, because it's an excellent and quite poignant lesson on boundaries, consent, and the breaking of boundaries. Also a good way to show how important 'No means no' is even in situations which are non-sexual.

Your boundaries and people's boundaries are important exactly as they are and they do not require justification. (I said no and I do not need to explain my reasoning to you.) They do not require the approval of the other people for them to be enforced. And they need to be enforced, especially to people who would find as many excuses as possible to break them.

"I know you said no, but then I remembered that if you needed my help, I would give it to you." --what it's implied--> 'I can go over your boundaries and explicit no if they're something that I personally would have no trouble doing for you.' (or maybe even 'I'm a good person who would help you, so you are required to help me in return.')

'But it's your free period and your kids don't need this bathroom right now' --what it's implied --> 'I can go over your boundaries and explicit no if it's something that I believe is reasonable.'

When in truth, no means no. Nobody has any right for any reason to go over our explicit boundaries, and however reasonable they might feel, we have a right to be angry. We deserve to have our opinions taken into consideration, we deserve to have give our consent in all situations and we deserve to be asked if we would be willing to consider new information (that might or might not change our boundaries. We are not required to just because there's new information)

Thank you Ms. Howard and thank you Abbott Elementary for your short lesson on boundaries and consent.

#abbott elementary #barbara howard #jeanine teagues #gregory eddie #boundaries #consent #s2e5 #there's also a discussion about jeanine and how she doesn't acknowledge her responsibility in the situation #and instead gets mad at ms. howard for not letting them use the bathroom as if they're entitled to it #(when there are other options). and what ms. howard likely feared appened anyways and that toilet also broke #but well...there's a whole post i could make about janine and growth #sometimes i'm upset at her but most times i just want to hug her #emotionally she's very much still a child - she's HAD to be an adult since she WAS a child #and she never could be a proper child #but she also doesn't really want to admit to herself or to others of the things that she needs and wants. (mainly love) #she's a bit entitled here because of...so many things. it's hard to admit when you're wrong in a situation which supports a mentality #and for what's worth i agree with her. sometimes things really could be better. but she was wrong about the juice (hard to accept tho) #and it's also hard to ask for love and work on your insecurities (which also play a part) #i can't wait to see her get there tho <3 #she's a loving and caring person. and for what's worth she accepts ms. howard's anger about her boundaries being broken...eventually #ugh i'll shut up i could talk for hours. i really like her and i honestly also relate to her. #(in mentality issues and sense of humor but also we both love ms howard and look up to her <3)

[girlwithfish]

me after i got my period in the museum bathroom. also my cds

#i prob cld have found sometbing better bc these arent That crazy and the record store hadsoo many options nd artists but #I literally had like less than 10min to look bc my sister was rushing me and i wanted to get something! so whayever.. im still happy w them #cuz yayy new cds for my collection

[dashiellqvverty]

would love to try fallout 4 sometime for the sole reason that it’s set in boston. even tho it im not even that familiar with boston i’m like omgggg massachusetts 💖💖💖 however i was only able to play fnv because of a mod that replaces all the insects with other monsters and there is no mod for fallout 4 that replaced EVERY bug

#so many that are like ‘all except [this one that doesn’t bother me]’ well it bothers ME #i bought fnv on sale in high school and was so excited to play. had not thought about the bugs. #got to the first bugs you fight in the tutorial and literally thought i would never be able to play it #bc they make me feel so fucking freaked out and sick to my stomach #the mod i use replaces all bugs with ghouls so it does fuck with the difficulty a bit #but i don’t really care about that i’m not playing to get the authentic gamer experience #i’m playing so i can imagine i’m dating arcade #ugh on a slightly related note i wish there was an alternative no spiders mod for bg3 #the one that exists is perfectly serviceable and i personally don’t mind them being replaced with dogs but that doesn’t work for everyone #and also i just kind of wish the mod was better maintained #i haven’t had i not work for me YET and i’m always careful to check it after updates but #ppl are frequently having issues and the creator is always like uhhhh idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i haven’t checked it in that act #and it’s like i get that and i appreciate them making it at all #but it’s the only option out there so of course they’re going to be hounded bc it’s the only way some ppl can play #like i just wish someone else would make one #like who cares if it’s redundant you could make it slightly different #r.txt

[grey-wardens]

honestly, at this point, most institutions' talk about being inclusive to people with disabilities rings so hollow to me because there's so often little to no work done to back it up. it doesn't matter how pretty your words sound if you don't actually do the damn work.

#the work in this case - sending an email to disability services with links to the inaccessible content #because disability services won't accept an email from me as a student 🙄 #i also had to laugh when the university orientation video about how inclusive it is didn't have cc #there was no auto caption option bc it wasn't even on yt so i just had to do my damn best to make out what i could #it is also very frustrating when the dept organizes events last minute which gives very little time to get certain accommodations in place #imo advance planning is an essential part of accessibility but so many people don't want to recognize that lol #god i'm so tired of this university! i wish that i'd been able to get this degree at a uni i know is better about these things #part of me wants to give up but honestly i can see this field needs my perspective #sorry rant over LOL going back to vg blogging now

[volfoss]

Sincerely as a former user of both Excel and sheets, it is nuts how much easier libre office calc is. Not in the typical way that certain things are easier to access but moreso that the formulas and ways things are set up just work with my brain better. I never really had much need to learn formulas in Excel because there were so many and the layout felt over complicated, and don't even get me started on sheets. But with calc, there's a lot more freedom with the formulas and a lot of the skills you have from either of those other programs carries on here. Not a super big point or anything to this post, just simply very appreciative of what calc can do.

#twist rambles #like. obviously i use it a lot to format data. and i was looking into how i wanted to compare two lists bc i need to see the duplicate #issues between them. I don't want to do that manually lol. and there are so many tactics that just work out there. #like. I think in some ways u do have to fight w calc a little bit. i did a school project where we had to do a timeline and where excel has #that feature built in. calc does not. i had to spend an hour familiarizing myself with the formulas and digging on old forums and that is #simply more enjoyable to me bc i walked away with much more knowledge of the program than ok click 2 buttons. i work w spreadsheets often #enough that familiarizing myself w the formulas and different tools honestly is more helpful than it being one of the billion menu options #plus libre is free and has a ton of manuals online. which is great. and it runs better on any machine than office #^ was just thinking about all of this bc i like. didnt have the desire to learn with other sheet programs but i do here. its rewarding

[death-rebirth-senshi]

I'm glad elden ring has really cool int/dex weapons because I feel like the souls games have always tried to make int builds lean towards dexterity but then the most iconic int weapon is a greatsword that needs 16 strength

#me vs elden ring #me vs dark souls #LOVE the darkmoon greatsword as a mostly pure int option #but moonlight greatsword has always been kind of funny to me as an int weapon #and I really like how in bloodborne it's a quality arcane weapon #there *are* int/dex weapons in dark souls but none of them are iconic. And I can't remember any off the top of my head #other than Velka's Rapier #dark souls also had moonlight butterfly spear which I loved. Horn? #it fit better #darkmoon greatsword fits a bit better in elden ring with mages now having a knight thing with the Carians #I mean there's so many sorceries with all types of vibes. Same for miracles. And it's never super vibe breaking to do your own thing #I still like demon's souls version of moonlight greatsword more than I think I ever liked it in dark souls. #and of course bloodborne was peak until elden ring #but take that with a grain of I played bloodborne first