tldr: due to my clinical depression and crippling anxiety, i got triggered by an optimist who didn't validate me in my moment of vulnerability.
don't read unless you want to see the ugly side of me.
i swear to god, optimistic people either scare me or annoy the fuck out of me.
and this is not coming from a place of like "oh, let me dampen this person's mood with my negative thoughts, opinions and feelings just for kicks" or "i genuinely hate this person's energy and i hope they die in a ditch" no. none of that. lemme explain.
mostly, it's coming from a place of "all of these atrocities happening around you and either choose blissful ignorance or you see them and your first thought is 'eh, it'll all work out in the end for us' is either slightly or extremely toxic in the sense of you become tone deaf to other people's negative thoughts, feelings and experiences, to the point where you might even completely disregard and invalidate them despite them being vulnerable and telling you very detailed and personal things about themselves" and i fucking hate you for it.
i think my mother is the same way but i can't exactly be sure because she's gaslighted me about certain things so many times into feeling like things weren't as bad as i made them seem when they really might have been three times as bad.
but this one guy, who's a friend of mine, really showed me that he has that exact mentality and i'm starting to hate him for it.
because how do you hear a friend of yours explain to you that their college experience wasn't as good as yours because it wasn't what they signed up for, they weren't physically, mentally, emotionally and financially prepared for it, so they had to drop out of college because they simply could not keep up with the standard required so now they don't miss any of that shit that they went through.
and your first response is "oh, give it a couple of months, you'll start to miss it😃" like—
bitch, shut up. SHUT THE FUCK UP. stop fucking talking right now before i go over there just to throw a cinderblock on your fucking face. repeatedly. until you stop fucking breathing. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
i've never been more angry or just fucking done because i've been made to feel like shit every time i have to disclose the fact that i had to drop out of college because even though i explain from a to z of how it even got to that point, nobody seems to want to fucking hear me.
this guy finished college just recently, he was a year above me so he didn't go through the absurd changes in curriculum as i did so he doesn't even fucking know what i had to deal with. and i get that everyone is entitled to an opinion and you're allowed to disagree but to say "oh, you'll miss it" after i spent how many minutes of my life explaining how i got fucked over into wasting 3½ years of my life on a by a college system that wasn't completely transparent from the fucking beginning and chose to change things for the worst as time went on🚮
like at that point, just shut up. please. for the love of god. i've been bullied enough over this. i don't need to be gaslit into thinking i'll miss anything or anyone anymore. i'm so tired.
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Phantom of the Night
Chapter 4
Sorry about missing the last couple updates! Work and everything has been absolutely crazy, and it's been hard for me to even edit. But I'm getting back on track and can't wait for these next few chapters to come out! Thank you for being so patient with me!
Tw: blood, gore, minor character death, guns
~Masterlist~ ~Prev~ ~Next~
Recap:
When the dust settled, she straightened herself back up, switching back to her M16.
“Thanks, L.T.” Phantom nodded to him, switching places with Soap at the opening instead.
“We clear?” Soap kept looking out of his scope, even after Phantom gave him a nod.
Ghost huffed, reloading his gun. “For now.”
“Ghost! They’re still moving out there!” Phantom shouted at them from her prone position near the rapidly emptying ammo crates near the plane opening.
“7-6, call for fire. I want close air on that treeline.” Ghost readied his gun next to Soap and Alpha 0-2. “Dig in, lads, we aren’t done yet.”
Phantom couldn’t hear what was being said over the radio, damning the earpiece that broke in the crash.
“Roger that. Air support is 3 minutes out!”
“Copy!” Phantom’s finger waited on the trigger for the right time.
“Smoke on the treeline.” Soap was frustrated, everyone could tell.
“No visual. Not gonna be a good time.” Phantom stood up and took her previous spot at the first window, Ghost to her left.
“Incoming! Take cover!” Ghost shielded his face with his arm as the AQ soldiers started using grenade launchers.
“Shit!”
Phantom turned for a second as she saw the injured soldier from the initial crash get hit and slumped over to the ground.
“He’s dead! Keep your gun in the fight!” Ghost shouted at Alpha 0-2, stopping him from moving his comrade much to his dismay and grief.
Phantom and Soap both turn and grab a few more frags from the crate and throw them simultaneously from the opening and into a small cluster of the enemies.
A few more minutes went by before it went silent once more.
“No movement. Soap, you clear?” Ghost turned towards Phantom and Soap.
“I'm good. Cap, you clear?”
Soap turned to Phantom, who was resting against the ammo crate for a breather.
She nodded sharply, ignoring the searing pain in her skull at the movement.
“Affirm.”
“7-2, need you up here now.” Ghost snapped through the radio, receiving a reply back that Phantom assumed was confirmation.
She could hear Ghost and soap start arguing slightly on what to do, but she tried to keep her focus back out to the treeline just in case.
“Ghost, we should fall back to the house.” Soap spoke loudly to him.
“Negative- We hold or we push forward. Hassan's still out there.
The four of them perked up at the sound of another aircraft. Phantom hoped this was a friendly; she wasn’t sure if they’d make it through that kind of artillery at this point.
“7-6, patch us through to air support.”
Phantom just now noticed that the soldier Ghost requested from his team finally made his arrival, listening as he made his way up to the radio in the cockpit.
“Rog. Stand by…”
Ghost listened over the radio as he got confirmation about positions before relaying the information back to Phantom.
“Fire is one mike out.”
She sighed in relief at the news. “Thank bloody fuck.”
“ Kilo 0-1, you're cleared hot on anything forward of our position. Danger close approved.” Ghost spoke back into his radio before pulling his gun back up.
“L.T. We’ve got incoming.”
Phantom looked up at Ghost, signaling him to look back out, but he didn't need to look far before the sound of enemy vehicles could be heard in the distance.
“Armored vehicles. Four of ‘em.”
Phantom looked up to Ghost, who towered over her crouched form, and waited for his call. Logically, she knew she held rank over him, but she didn’t want to get in the middle of that, knowing she was only here temporarily and wouldn't want to give him a reason to hate her without cause.
“Conserve your ammo. Let them get close.”
Phantom switched her M16 for her rifle, finding it easier to be more precise should the need arise for it. She held her breath as she steadied her gun, using the window ledge as an extra support as she tracked the vehicles movements, relaying the information to the others without being asked; it was solely out of habit.
“Standby to engage!” Ghost readied his own gun, the other two mirroring his movements. “Get ready… Cut ‘em down!”
Phantom took her shot at the tire of the closest vehicle, watching it swerve to the left and hit a log, but it didn’t stop the AQ from getting out and returning fire at the downed plane.
“Air support’s on station!” Bravo 7-2 yelled at them.
Phantom’s eyes widened in excitement as Kilo 0-1’s helicopter came into view and opened fire on the AQ soldiers who were rapidly closing in on them.
“Fuckin’ A’!” Phantom laughed as she lowered her gun, watching the vehicles become weapons against their own drivers.
“We clear?” Soap called out through his radio but also out loud.
Alpha 0-2 and Phantom both called out agreements of it hopefully being over.
“All clear!” Ghost called out.
Phantom slumped against the wall, exhaustion settling in over the draining adrenaline. She knew she would need to get up quickly, so she didn’t relax too much before standing up completely. She went back over the ammo crate, opening the backpack behind it to grab a few unbroken adrenaline shots to add them to her backpack. Before she turned back to the others, she gave herself one of the adrenaline shots in her thigh, not even batting an eye at the stinging sensation.
Ghost’s voice broke her out of her concentration.
“7-6, task a bird for casualty evac.”
Everyone could feel the solemn energy around the team, but there wasn’t anything to be done about it until they finished their objective.
Bravo 7-6 called back a short, “Rog'.”
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Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?
Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff
mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all
linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e
there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...
he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?
i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs
i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph
relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about
like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand
tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene
i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something
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