#they have trauma and anxiety

[furiousgoldfish]

Dealing with my fear of rejection by never asking for anything, and my fear of being a burden by never doing anything that involves other people. Foolproof.

#social anxiety #trauma symptoms #social isolation #trying to avoid triggers and having to avoid everyone alive #abuse symptoms

[helloyellow17]

Idk man I might get torn to shreds for saying this, but I simply cannot understand the new trend, particularly among younger internet users, where people write a laundry list of their triggers in their bio and then expect everyone to read and cater to said list on a PUBLIC PLATFORM.

This is the same mentality that drives people to attack appropriately tagged fics on AO3 for having x y or z content because “How dare you post this when I have trauma about this???” Obviously if someone is going to write a super heavy and highly sensitive fic and NOT tag it properly, they ought to be called out on it. But this isn’t about that, it’s about the people who don’t curate their own content, it’s about the people who enter public spaces and demand that the general public cater to THEM specifically.

Additionally: Listing out your triggers for everyone to see is just ASKING for trolls to come into your inbox and flood you with triggering content. (Unfortunately, as much as we would like to believe otherwise, the internet is full of selfish jerks who don’t give a crap about anybody’s trauma.) Not only this, but the algorithm does not read your bio. The algorithm does not care about your triggers unless YOU make sure to block specific tags and content.

YOU are responsible for curating your own content, and nobody else.

Obviously this is not to say people shouldn’t try to tag their posts for common triggers, because that’s the common courtesy thing to do. But if Becky has a phobia of bees, it is on her to block that tag and curate her feed around it, and she does not get the exclusive right to suddenly demand that nobody talk about bees within a ten mile radius of her. If Alec has a phobia of dogs, then it is well within his right to avoid contact with them, but he doesn’t get to go to a public park and yell at anybody who brings their dog there. It is his responsibility to know his own limits and seek out parks that are dog-free. (If someone brings a dog to a dog-free area, that’s a whole different issue that I won’t be getting into rn but yes, the person who does that is in the wrong there.)

The internet is widely a public space. If you want to create a safe space completely and utterly free of your specific triggers, you have to put the work in to make that space for yourself. You don’t get to ask other internet strangers to do it for you.

I’m saying this out of genuine concern (and admittedly, frustration) because there are so many young teens in fandom nowadays who don’t understand this, and they end up putting themselves in extremely vulnerable and even downright dangerous situations because they don’t understand that putting your well-being in the hands of a stranger is a terrible idea.

Please be safe, and for the love of all that is holy, be reasonable. Curating your content yourself is just as much a protection for you as it is a vital key that allows public communities to function.

#hyramblings #fandom culture #internet discourse #trauma triggers #anxiety triggers #safe space #if I get one person saying “BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE IGNORES X AND DOES IT ANYWAY #we literally went over this #they’re a jerk and have responsibility too #but this ain’t about them rn #ya feel? #internet communities #fandom community

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: trauma / mind control / separation anxiety / autophobia / ]

Something that kills me is that there’s no way in hell that Raph’s debilitating separation anxiety isn’t infinitely worse after the movie. The trauma of being Krangified like that, all alone, would probably regress him so hard.

Not to mention his worries of getting “weird” would likely get mixed up with his experience while Krangified - aka, he loses full awareness, and when he’s brought “back” it’s to the understanding that he attacked his own family (of course not to his own fault at all, but how much of that does he believe?)

The fear of being alone would take on another layer and become a fear of himself.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #rise raph #trauma / #mind control / #separation anxiety / #autophobia / #codependency mention in tags / #after the invasion he checks up on the others multiple times and guiltily hopes one of them asks to stay with him for the night #he’s the big brother so it feels - wrong. to ask them to stay with him. #but his plushies don’t have heartbeats. and neither did the krang #and guiltily - guiltily - Raph is relieved when someones doing bad enough to stay with him each night #he doesn’t know it but the others see he needs it so they offer #man idk I just want Raph to be safe and happy #me having Raph feels at 3 am #I raise you: codependent Raph and Leo post invasion #they both dealt with losing the other #going from fighting and high tensions pre invasion to being scared to leave each others’ side post invasion #god wait this concept is so sad wait #but it works #may address this in a later post/fic ngl

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

I HAVE FUCKING NO ONE. I STAY IN MY FUCKING ROOM AND JUST PRETEND. PRETEND THAT MY LIFE IS DIFFERENT, THAT IM DIFFERENT, THAT THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. I DONT WANT TO PRETEND ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS. I WANT TO HAVE PLANS. I WANT TO HAVE MEMORIES. I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND LAUGH AND HUG. I NEED A HUG. I NEED HUMAN CONTACT. I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE. I NEED SOMEONE.

#mental health #mental illness #trauma #bpd #ptsd #traumatized #memories #friends #friendship #pretending #plans #have fun #caring #self love #self care #positivity #depression #anxiety #disorders

[schneiderenjoyer]

My depiction of Vertin is very normal.

Based on this comic

#reverse 1999 #verneider #vertin x schneider #vertin #schneider #together within the rubble #this is specifically calling out TWTR!Vertin and i'll never not laugh at that fact that I made them this way #everyone talks about sonetto having separation anxiety when i personally feel like vertin would have a better chance of it #her constant desire to connect with people but not be too close out of fear of getting attached. their drive to always grant people's wishe #the constant paranoia and fear that everything she ever knows and loves will be swept away by the Storm and leaving her the sole survivor #the fact vertin would rather tell them to go ahead rather than wait for them to make that decision first #y'all this timekeeper can hold so much trauma

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[tending-the-hearth]

my favorite hc is that the chb head counselors (specifically the ones who were there and experienced the manhattan battle) are best friends.

they have sleepovers in the poseidon cabin (since it's just percy and tyson), they have monthy group outings where they just go out and get to be kids, sally invites them over at least once a week for dinner, they walk to activities together, they're so clingy it's ridiculous.

the campers who experienced the battle get it, because there's only so much death and parentification a literal teenager can take before needing to rely on others, so seeing percy carrying will piggy-back out of the med cabin, or watching clarisse chasing one of the stoll brothers around camp, or seeing annabeth, chris, and katie engaged in a heated debate over which area to plant the newest strawberry field, it's all normal to them.

they will absolutely die if they are not within twelve feet of each other, they legally have to be around each other at all times or else they will lose it. when percy got back to chb after his disappearance, the head counselors spent the day inside the poseidon cabin, all piled together in a demigod puppy pile, percy at the center with clarisse's elbow in his ribs, katie's knee hitting his temple, one of the stoll brothers attempting to use his knee as a back rest, pollux's hand dangerously close to smacking him in the face, and the biggest, happiest smile on his face.

#after writing the fic last night i'm having EMOTIONS ABOUT THEM #i love thalia and nico but i just think the chb year-round head counselors have a specific bond #they're obvi included when they're around #but yk what i mean #the group of travis katie connor chris clarisse annabeth percy grover pollux and will is so important to me #THEY HAVE ANXIETY AND TRAUMA AND ARE EACH OTHER'S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TEAM #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #percy jackson #annabeth chase #clarisse la rue #chris rodriguez #travis stoll #connor stoll #katie gardner #will solace #pollux pjo

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[morganbritton132]

in the EMTTS, does Diane ever find out about the death threat letters to Steve? if her daughter watches Eddie’s tiktok she would’ve seen the videos about it so did she tell her mom? how would Diane react? would her reaction annoy Steve or would he actually find it sweet?

Oh man, her daughter would show her Eddie’s TikTok and Diane’s response would be the same one she has for a death in the family and divorces: desserts and being a pleasant presence in their lives.

Steve doesn’t immediately put two and two together because he kinda assumes that Eddie told their friends about it and that’s why people knew, not that he posted about it on the internet. He honestly just thinks that Diane is being her usual annoying self and thus, following the rules of upper-middle class etiquette, keeps having to bake for her.

She stops by one evening and brings them a plate of macaroons and spends an hour standing on their front porch talking about the neighborhood watch. They gained three new members. Steve interprets this as dig about his sleepwalking and then spends the rest of the evening hate-baking her a pie.

Steve is sitting outside waiting for his carpool one morning and she accosts him to have him try this new doughnut recipe she’s trying out. They’re begrudgingly delicious, but her interrupting the only peace and quiet he’ll get all day to talk about the neighborhood watch again is unforgivable. Steve makes her brownies.

Steve is laying with his back flat against the deck in the backyard, listening to Eddie chase Ozzy around the yard. His eyes are shut but he can feel the sun shining on him, and it’s the first time in a long time that he doesn’t feel like complete shit. So, of course.

“Yoohoo, boys,” Steve hears called over the fence and when he cracks his eyes open, he can see her waving at them. She has a tin of cookies with her and is already handing a homemade dog treat to Eddie, and Steve just sighs so deep within himself that he can feel it in his toes.

When he peels himself off the deck and drags himself over to have a pointless conversation by the fence, he can hear her talking about the neighborhood watch. Again. She is saying something about Suzanne down the street seeing a car circle the block a few time this week with their lights off, and Steve’s just had enough.

He doesn’t have it in him to bake another fucking pie.

He cuts off her rambling about being bad at guessing the make and model of cars with some barely concealed frustration, “That’s Ryan and Jackie’s kid. The one that just got a permit. He and his friends take their car out and joyride it around the neighborhood because Ryan refuses to teach him to drive.”

“We live in a cul-de-sac,” Steve adds because he thinks that she’s being a little ridiculous. He says it like he was no longer a person that had trouble leaving the house, that could open the mail without their hands shaking, that wasn’t in their backyard instead of on a run because they’re afraid – Wait.

Steve’s eyes flicker over to Eddie and then to Diane, and everything slots into place like the most obvious puzzle. Of course, she knows. Everybody probably knows. That’s why the neighborhood watch is suddenly so popular, and yeah.

Later when Steve can think about it all more rationally, it is sweet that their neighborhood is looking out for them and that they’re concerned. But in the moment, Steve feels like he’s been hit with a tidal wave of pity, and he gets frustrated. He gets angry.

He barely registers that he drops the cookie tin on the ground or hears Eddie’s blasé response about Steve’s clumsiness. He knows that he’s about to get mean and he doesn’t want to, so he just turns around and goes inside.

Eddie follows him a few minutes later, asking questions and says that it’s not a big deal that people know. He says that it’s actually better because it means there are more people looking out for him. Steve tells him that he’s not talking about it and goes to bed early.

He wakes up early too. He puts on his shoes and he goes across the street, and he tells Diane when she opens her door, “This needs to stop.”

“Oh good, you’re awake. When I saw you on the porch, I thought you might be…” She trails off, making a twirling gesture at her temple and then frowns. “Oh, that’s not correct, is it? April is always trying to teach me these new rules. I mean nothing by it, dear.”

“I’m not – I’m not broken,” Steve says. “I’m not sick, or weak, or – and I don’t need you to bake things for my husband or form a neighborhood watch for me. I need-“

“Dear, that’s simply not true,” She says, voice dropping into something serious. This might be the first time that Steve has ever seen her not smiling. “I heard about those awful letters you got sent to your door and you may not like it, but at times like these. You need people. You may not like that it’s me, sweetie, but that’s what you got.”

Steve hates how he feels like he’s ten years old and making up excuses for why his parents didn’t pick him up, “I can look after myself.”

“I’m sure you can, but do a girl a favor and let us look after you too,” She says. She must see that he’s not thrilled with that statement because she tells him about a sorority sister she had and the anonymous notes she used to find, and how they buried her two years after graduating.

So, she takes his hand and gives it a squeeze, “Let me do this. For me.”

Steve doesn’t pull his hand away and admits maybe for the first time, “I’m so scared all the time.”

#Have I posted something sad this week? if not here we go #I think it’d be so disheartening to make it through the upside down and to learn to live with the trauma of it so you can have a happy life #and then he thrust right back into that mindset of stress and anxiety because someone on the internet decided they didn’t like you #to me Steve in this situation is angry all the time about being made to feel afraid like this #also I wanted to build up a bit of a backstory for Diane because I love a ~layered- character #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson

[sadieshavingsex]

wow. there is no one who can love you the way you want and need to be loved except yourself. there is no one who can undo and replace the painful upbringing you received from your parents or your God but yourself. nobody is ever going to be able to provide the level of care, understanding, and due diligence required to help you heal. nobody. nobody else can fix you and help you. you are the only person who can fully love yourself, know yourself, understand yourself. it’s you. it has to be you. nobody else can ever give you that or be that for you

#mine #relationship anxiety #sex therapy #exvangelical #religious trauma #sexually repressed #ex christian #ex fundie #purity culture #christian purity culture #bpd #fawn response #ptsd #anxious attachment #inferiority #I’m so sad but it’s so true nobody I look for out in the world will ever help me or have the answers #it’s me or bust baby

[neuroticboyfriend]

it's okay to spend money. it's okay if you have trouble saving. it's okay to buy things that make you happy. it's okay to buy things that improve your life. it's not your fault the world we live in is so incredibly expensive and inaccessible. all you can do is your best. please don't neglect yourself.

#trying so hard to believe this #i dont have any income and i keep spending money on food and clothes and sometimes sensory aids / happy things #i dont have any savings #i just keep trying to stretch the money out as far as i can #but i feel so guilty because i know i'm going to run out #i guess once i hit $500 left i'll open a savings account #but hopefully by then i have SSI... #=/ #self care #anticapitalism #anticapitalist #financial trauma #financial anxiety #softspoonie

[ride-a-dromedary]

Again I know it's supposed to be a haha reference to the turns into a bear when he's too aroused thing, but in again refusing to brush just over the surface of this character: "I must be careful or I'll lose run of myself again. An Archdruid should show *some* restraint." comes across to me as more melancholy than perhaps intended when a. You take it into consideration that several lines imply that Halsin has issues with self control and self servitude, and presenting an "acceptable" version of himself as an outwards facing authority figure, to the point where he brushes over his own feelings, or pushes things that he wants down in the effort to reflect better what others want from him.

And b. Remember that Halsin was essentially just an apprentice when he was forcibly situationally promoted to Archdruid - he wasn't taught *how* to be an Archdruid or trained for it, or mentored; he was thrust into it because they didn't have any other choice. But they needed someone, so he stepped up. Halsin has spent the last century studying and learning things on the fly or through trial and error, and in a position of leadership like that, he is aware that every failure to uphold that mask *counts* and others *are* very much affected. How many times has he muttered that same mantra? Or heard it thrown around? An Archdruid not having control over their own magic is a big deal. Even when he is no longer Archdruid, he still grumbles it to himself. He's been at it over a century and he *still* doesn't feel like he's gotten it right. Even when he is in a place of progression, of trying to gain hold of himself again, those wisps of failure and self doubt still creep into everything. And that's sad to me.

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #haha funny line in response to saucy line that man is about to go feral ooh se- HEY TRAUMA #it's like a med student being promoted to the head of emergency #or an admin assistant suddenly being put in a ceo role #like i know it's a meme scene!! but halsin sounds *humilated* when he accidentally wildshapes during his romance scene #he sounds flustered and embarrassed and is so quickly launching off excuses with a tone that indicates *he thinks it's over* #like he fucked up he fucked this up just when he was *starting* to come into himself again and it never stops #i keep thinking of that one lyric from big thief 'i can't find surrender/and i can't keep control' #and again i'm reading too deep into it but halsin's struggle with failure really is embedded here you just have to...like listen to him #Even when he *says* that there's little point in denying oneself #he does it literally all the time - he did it for a *century* #and i'm not saying he doesn't have fun or not enjoy things but he cuts himself off so early at the root #or buries himself so thoroughly in a self indulgence until it wrecks him and neither of these things are healthy #note that he says as long as others aren't affected - he doesn't say as long as i'm not affecting *myself* #anyway i'm unwell #maybe i was never meant to be archdruid - you weren't! you were meant to protect nature's spirit and roam with the wilds #and yet he still did the best he could and people *admire* him and followed him but he may never come to see it that way #you ruined a perfectly good wood elf - look it's got trauma and anxiety (and larian turned him into a meme and i won't forgive them)

[semiotomatics]

i have a ~dream question~

#this has been an original post #my pollies #polls #dreams #driving #i realized today that while im obvs not the driver in my dreams im also not specifically on public transit most of the time #im just. a passenger #no concept of other passengers or a driver or even what kind of vehicle it is #my dream logic is very much ''if its not relevant to the situation who cares'' #also ''why generate actual human beings when you can just have the vague sense that a place is populated'' #idk why im thinking abt this this morning specifically since last nights dreams didnt even involve being in a vehicle #not the ones i remember anyway #i was just thinking abt patterns in my dreams in general #cause my brain does this weird thing where in all my anxiety dreams im living in the apt i lived in through elementary + part of high school #like yes its the place ive spent the most time in but also. i havent lived there in TWELVE YEARS #and i mean i did hate that place but its not like ALL my trauma was experienced there #its just weird #dreams are weird #clouds dreams

[small-but-mightyy]

#tw ed #my art #okay to rb #was having a moment and scribbled this out #my head is a mess #vent art #self hatred #anger #rage #depression #anxiety #trauma #bpd #ptsd #cptsd #dissociative disorders #mentally ill #actually traumatized #emotional abuse #verbal abuse #actuallyabused #ventcore #borderline personality disorder #red theme #emotional

[punkstylerecovery]

One of my major (minor) brain issues is that my brain lies to me. Sometimes its easy to ignore, especially since it's generally obvious, but when I don't have something else to concentrate on or I'm really anxious, its like trying to ignore a fire alarm going off when you're sitting right beside it. Impossible, at least for me.

See, its one thing to ignore my brain saying "you're an evil person" when I'm in the middle of a book. Its another to ignore my brain claiming I didn't lock the bathroom door (and someone Will come in) when I'm in the shower. But its quite another thing to ignore my brain screaming someone is in my bedroom and they're going to kill me when its the dead of night and I'm trying to sleep.

You might think the logical solution would be to look around my bedroom, put the fears to rest, and go to sleep. But no. You see, my brain wants me to look. But it also never believes I've looked properly.

I can look around and five seconds later, my brain will ask, 'but are you sure you looked right? Look again. If you missed something, you're going to die!" Sometimes I can't remember if I looked or not. Perhaps I did miss something. It doesn't matter. My brain wouldn't be satisfied if I slept with my eyes open (which is what it tries to convince me I will do if I want to stay alive).

Its always something I've struggled with, some times more than others. Its not always as extreme as "you're going to die", but its always extreme in some way, whether its the panic or the amount of times I check something to shut my brain up. And its ridiculous, because its not like I don't know my brain is a liar. Its not like I don't know it likes to fuck with me.

But I also don't really know what else to do. Its not like people go around offering advice for things like that; its not a common dinner conversation. Its not even a common experience, apparently. Some people's brains don't lie to them all the time and they don't have a million panic attacks trying to go to sleep because their brain isn't telling them they're about to die.

I don't know what the fuck I'd advise people like that. Sleep tight, maybe. But I wish there was some kind of guidebook for people with brains like mine. I'm getting kinda tired of winging it.

#punkstyle #trauma recovery #Sleeping #actually mentally ill #I'm not even sure what to tag this tbh #actually psychotic #?? I do have issues with psychosis #but this seems different honestly #like. #I don't know how to explain it exactly #anxiety #living with ptsd #but I've had it for way longer than I've had ptsd?? #this specific issue I mean #and it feels like more than just anxiety #I'm nor trying to minimize anxiety but #it feels like more than just that #nhainjanij I feel ridiculous even talking about it ngl #hope this makes sense #disability #Neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff #?? Just shoving those in #maybe those tags'll have a clue what I mean #who knows #ok to reblog

[lord-squiggletits]

The funny thing about Pharma and the Delphi situation is that that's where the concept of the DJD was first introduced (with the first scene with the DJD at work happening literally the issue afterwards, issue #6) and literally the more you learn about the DJD the more it vindicates Pharma in his paranoia and being convinced that he couldn't ask for help like

In the Delphi issues we learn that the DJD hunts down Decepticon turncoats/traitors/etc and that Ambulon, one of the Delphi staff, was a Decepticon traitor. We also learn that their leader is evidently terrifying in addition to being a t-cog addict, but that's it.

Except in the subsequent issue #6 and all issues with the DJD afterwards, we learn a variety of fun facts about the DJD such as

Several of the members either literally transform into torture equipment or have said torture equipment built into their bodies

Their leader, Tarn, the guy with the t-cog addiction that forced Pharma into blackmail, can kill people with just his VOICE

We later learn that the DJD have a fanatical devotion to the Decepticon cause/Megatron such that they literally worship an idol of Megatron

Even later on, we learn that Tarn's kill-you-with-his-voice powers work both over the phone and via recordings of his voice

Tarn is also very talkative during torture sessions and he seems to find pleasure in his stupid, smug-smart guy persona where he likes to describe to victims what's happening to them and why. And there's no reason he wouldn't apply this to Autobots just as much as he does to Decepticon traitors

The DJD have access to signal jamming technologies that make it so that even if their victim can get a help signal out, no one will receive it until weeks after the fact

Their entire system of hunting people down is based on pursuing them no matter what, isolating them from any help, driving them mad with psychological terror, etc

They're capable enough warriors to slaughter an entire ships' worth of people, apparently without sustaining any meaningful casualties

They're drug addicts that are prone to overdosing and/or losing control and slaughtering people while they're under the influence

So like???

If Pharma was only privy to HALF of the things that we as the audience know about the DJD, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that Pharma probably wanted to call for help at some point, but was convinced that doing so would lead to 1. the signal being jammed/blocked so no one would help anyways 2. him and everyone else at Delphi (including the TRAITOR WHO IS ONE OF THEIR EMPLOYEES) would be horribly tortured to death by fanatical Decepticon torturer freaks.

Like I get that in the text Pharma only says that he did the Red Rust stuff so that he wouldn't be caught/blamed for the t-cog deal and is prideful about how he stopped the DJD from murdering Delphi, but like...... there's no fucking way that Pharma going "oh I didn't want to get in trouble and also I'm better than everyone" was his PRIMARY reason for everything on Delphi. Pharma didn't go from perfectly normal/sane Autobot doctor to raving egotistical maniac because he was always an asshole and he decided to solve the DJD issue in an asshole way. It's bc according to all canon evidence we have of the DJD and the way they react to traitors/Autobots, Pharma had every reason to fear for his life and believe that no aid would come to him.

#not to mention that fucking uhhhh it was BLACKMAIL??? #generally when BLACKMAIL happens the whole deal is 'you give me this thing and i don't kill you' #'but also if you go running for help i'll kill you' #or 'you can't call the authorities for help bc you're doing illegal things for me so theyll just arrest you' #squiggposting #pharma apologism #mfs wanna say 'pharma could've just ran or called for help' when the DJD are literally famous #for their ability to hunt people down and murder them horribly #remember when the lost light was getting hunted down by the DJD and they called for help? #remember how it took 3 weeks for anyone to get the SOS and by then everything was already over? #also it's reasonable to think that like pharma was just giving spare tcogs to tarn without having to kill anyone at first #figuring it's just extra supplies to order and it's a small price to pay for delphi not getting horribly murdered #and it was only later that he had to actually start killing people #and by then tarn could've easily hit him with 'you could run and ask for help but then they're going to ask you' #'why you were giving tcogs to a decepticon in the first place. have fun being a traitor for that' #and then there was you know. the paranoia and constant anxiety and trauma from being next door to the DJD