#they need a trip to ikea

[primal-con]

I feel like every time someone who only vaguely understands Transformers finds out I mostly like Decepticons they just assume I'm a fan of villains but they're wrong. It's cause the Autobots and Decepticons have wildly different group dynamics that are both good for completely different reasons.

The Autobots are a found family that act like a biological family. Like absolutely none of these motherfuckers are related to each other in any way but they behave with the same amount of familial obligation as if they were. Very "I have to care about you so I would kill and die for you but I refuse to share my Xbox."

The Decepticons are a hostile workplace sitcom. They explicitly do not like each other and only tolerate one another as coworkers. They've got office acquaintances and workplace friends groups who they shit on everyone else with at the water cooler but they couldn't give less of a shit what's going on in each others lives. Someone shows up with baby pics and keeps showing everyone and they're all vaguely nice to their face but literally as soon as they walk away everyone's complaining about the damn baby pictures. The copier broke again and no one will admit they did it but they will subtly imply it was Kaitlyn that bitch from HR. Soundwave does literally all the paperwork, everyone else is just playing coolmathgames and desperately wishing they'd stop getting cc'd in another goddamn email that's got nothing to do with their department. He leaves to bail his shithead adult children out of jail one time and returns to utter anarchy. Starscream's claimed sovereignty over the office eight times now and every time he gets fired until he grovels his way into getting hired again, literally nobody knows how he's doing it. The only thing keeping them from breaking out into fistfights in the halls is Soundwave's I'm Not Mad I'm Just Disappointed speech because no amount of passive aggressive rage can stand up to that. They used to run betting pools on which office relationships were going to last but Swindle kept winning so now he's not allowed to run them anymore. It's like The Office but gay, unethical, and I'd actually watch more than two seasons of it.

It's perfect, and the Autobots could never.

#transformers #decepticons #tf talk #I'm just on my bullshit again dont mind me kdks #I needed this highly specific opinion out of my brain #obvi the autobots are great and I love most of them #emphasis on most.... so long as its not that bitch Prowl #he's my worst enemy <3 #but not even Optimus getting lost on the family trip to IKEA #beat Megatron sitting at a desk with the number one boss cup Soundwave got him at the office Christmas party #doing paperwork and desperately trying to avoid the straight up war being waged outside his door #and the heavily poisoned coffee Starscream gave him that morning

[helianskies]

when i move back to uni someone is going to have to take me to ikea im just saying

#obligatory ikea trip !! #needed !!!

[cavsthighs]

i have an ikea desk to build. OR. i could write glukejoshy fic about it instead.

#picture this: moving in together. #im feeling queasy (positive) just thinking about it #the ikea trip -> arguing over signage -> we came in this way. no the fuck we didnt. josh put the djungelskog DOWN #g that bear is as big as you are :) great we're gonna need a quadruple bed #luke voice ANYWAY is anybody going to help me lift this fucking piece of desk.

[yes-perwallstedt]

I haven’t been up to the twin cities for more than just one very quick day trip for a wild game last spring since 2019 (I used to come up for various things about 4-5x a year) and man I didn’t realize how much I missed coming up here.

I’m sure if I spent more than few days here I’d be tearing my hair out over the traffic and general number of people, but right now I want to move back so badly.

#the traffic was literally 1/3rd of my decision to move back to Des Moines after living up here for 2-ish years back in my early 20s #I am a medium-sized city girl at heart. I can’t handle needing more than about 15 minutes to get anywhere #anne blabs #I got to have ikea meatballs and I got to go to my very favorite independent art store… #I got to have green mill pizza which has so much nostalgia for me #I haven’t gotten to go fabric shopping but that just gives me an excuse for another trip soon #I am sad I went during the actual least pretty time of year though (winter with no snow) #I need to experience St. Paul in the autumn again for my soul to be complete

[pearl-kite]

Fun first date ideas: driving eight hours to the nearest IKEA to go shopping for housewares

#kite rambles #still chatting with the same person and I've been lamenting our state's lack of ikea #and they've apparently debated a road trip specifically for it #and it's like damn I'll go with you even though we still haven't actually met in person yet #i need to go to ikea

[queen-mabs-revenge]

the way my entire brain just went bzz bzz bzz walking into the lighting section of IKEA

#had to come here bc the rug mat i need isn't eligible for home delivery for some reason 😒 #so making a double whammy of the Dublin trip #i haven't been in an ikea since moving from rome so like...a decade #and nothing has tempted me so far but ohhhhhhhhh the lighting section

[angelfishofthelord]

where do y'all americans go shopping for bedding like mattresses etc in a small town

#so no ikea #i need a sam and cas shopping trip #angelfish rambles

[stampstamp]

I thought that couples in anime/manga spending a few scenes in IKEA was cute but it turns out Costco episodes can be cute too 😆

#I still slightly prefer IKEA chapters because it's a little more domestic to browse furniture together #When I was 13 and didn't need furniture I used to get through boring shopping trips by pretending my otps were shopping there too #And now a lot of pairings are doing that in canon now

[bwambiee]

dashie dashie ! ‘m g’nna be readin’ some lovely works from mi mooties so i’ll be rebloggin’ ! me ‘n yoichi need 2 get caught up wif everyone’s works so we r jus’ gonna be sittin’ comfy in da bed wif hot cups of cocoa wif da new lamp we got from ikea so da mood is jus comfy ‘n eepy ໒꒰ྀི っ ⸝⸝ ˂ ꒱ྀིა

#໒꒰ྀི𝒹𝒶𝓎𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓃’ 🎧🧸꒱ྀི১ #yoichi caved ‘n decided we need a new lamp bc our old one was jus’ reachin’ her end point :( #da trip 2 ikea was supa fun tho ! i luv luv da ice cream dere’ . . always makes mi happie while i walk around ‘n eye shop da furniture hehe #₍ᐢ.‸.⑅ᐢ₎↝ he has 2 keep pullin’ mi away from all of da makeup vanities bc i rlly rlly need a new one but he says i need 2 save money ! #hmph . . yoichi jus doesn’t get it when i tell him day princesses need a pretty vanity 2 put all of her pretty makeup ‘n skincare >:(

[sleephearts]

got a face mask on 4 da first time in a while (its so slimy help) + eating haribo gummy bears ! a lil treat after a relatively successful move in .. my roommates r v chill but i want 2 break da awkward tension....while being introverted myself :<

#㊡ — pers #my bedroom + bathroom weren't da cleanest when i got here but....wat can u expect frm college apartments lol #also i do need another lamp 4 da corner of my room ! ikea trip imminent ^^

[waloeders]

this week is so busy i have meetings almost every day for work and its my brothers bday on weds and we're havin a house trip to ikea on friday i- 😭 so many things!!!!!

#jupiter.speaks #> i know this is like. low tier on complaints lvl i just have low social battery and i have for like. three weeks now shdjdjdjkd #> and i almost forgot im goin on a walk w some other friends today to pick some blackberries oml #> i dont even eat blackberries :3 #> i think my friend is baking like a pie with em? i dont actually know imma need to ask #> am hopin that the trip to big ikea is fun n not like. super stressful cuz everyone will be there yaknow

[ex-vespidae]

hey did i ever say how much i love sectonia well now you know

#sage speaks #blorbo posting #i have so many ideas i just dont put them down anywhere #ill also be busy for agea #like the whole of july-october ill probably be so busy #i'll probably still be busy after that since im starting university... #hrmmmm #i think ill have 2-3 free weeks in august tho.... #but i do need to plan a trip to like. ikea #when? idk.

[pumpkabutts]

man, holiday retail sucks

#♡:|| personal #my bday was dec 4 and i worked this whole weekend thursday through sunday #made no plans and didnt ask for off bc i hate asking for shit and i dont care much for holidays #but like apparently having zero expections doesnt stop you from getting disappointed??? #my hips hurt from the weather and being on my feet for a four day busy weekend #my mocha took me right out so now i have to suspect they used regular milk instead of soy #so then i spent half of our quick ikea trip in the bathroom bc thats where i wanted to be #gf wanted to take me somewhere but i was in a bad mood and couldnt even begin to think of somewhere to go on our limited budget #wanted to play pokemon but couldnt even bring myself to pick up my switch right next to me bc i was that upset overall #and then parents came over today but only stayed for like 30 minutes bc!! their boiler broke and they need to fix that asap #i have been home alone all day bc gf has a 9 - 5 now and my horomones are raging and it really fucking sucks #i truly dont know what i should be expecting from anything anymore im just so tired

[heeliopheelia]

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐒/𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌

genre: fluff, established relationship

word count: 1.9k

a/n: guys it's 2am but i finally finished editing this... whatever that is. it's been a while since i posted this type of a fic so i hope you like it just as much as the previous ones!! 🤍

masterlist

LEE HEESEUNG

"I'll be right back, baby. Just give me ten minutes, okay?"

These were the words your boyfriend said to you twenty minutes ago as you patiently sat on the wooden bench in the empty locker room. His basketball team just won their first game of the season and now you wait for him to finally finish showering, so that the two of you can go back to his place and catch up on the much needed sleep. Much needed as he's the one who has deprived the both of you of it last night when he made you watch him practice nearly until morning.

So it's no surprise that as another minute goes by, you find your eyes growing heavy. Leaning your head back on the cool locker, you start dozing off when familiar footsteps finally approach your tired figure.

"Aww, sorry I kept you waiting, baby. I'm ready to go now, though," he says softly as his hand goes to swipe some hair away from your face. He grins as you blink slowly at him before slinging his bag over his shoulder and kneeling down in front of you. You don't have enough strength to question his behavior when he turns around and wiggles his fingers at you and looks over his shoulder. "C'mon, hop on. I'll carry you."

You manage to somehow climb onto his back and when your hands wrap around his neck securely, he hooks his arms under your thighs and lifts the both of you off the ground.

"Up you go," he grunts quietly, adjusting you in his arms before making his way out of the locker room. "Let's finally get my sleepy baby home, shall we?"

PARK JAY

Throwing his bag on the ground, Jay tosses the keys to the cupboard and feels his shoulders relaxing at the thought of seeing you after such a long day. Even though it's late at night, he knows you'll be stubbornly waiting for him like you always do, so instead of heading to the bedroom, he directs his steps to the living room.

And he was right – there you are, slumped over the arm rest of the couch, mouth slightly ajar because of the palm you're holding up your face with.

Jay snorts quietly, mind running back to all the times you've denied the possibility of ever falling asleep while waiting for your beloved boyfriend to come back home. He takes a mental note to remember that and tease you in the morning.

With a sigh, he crouches down in front of the couch and reaches his hand out to brush your cheek gently. The feeling of his cool fingers against your skin almost instantly wakes you up and you jerk underneath his touch, eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the dim lighting. When your eyes meet Jay's, you straighten your back and send him a guilty smile as if you've been caught committing a crime.

"Oh, you're back," you mutter tiredly, letting his fingers run over your eyes to wipe the sleep away from them. "I was so not sleeping, you're just tweaking."

Jay chuckles before standing up and pressing his lips to your forehead. You wrap your arms around his neck and close your eyes back again, feeling content now that he's finally back. Sighing, you softly kiss the crook of his neck before nuzzling your face into it.

Jay's hand is caressing your hair gently. "Let's get you to bed now, hm?"

SIM JAKE

"Well, aren't you just cute?" Jake huffs under his nose as the first thing he comes across of is you laying on the couch, face buried in one of the green cushions you bought on your last Ikea trip. He giggles quietly, heart feeling full as he looks at you with such lovesick eyes, you'd definitely be left blushing if you ever caught him like this.

He decides on not waking you up, realizing how tired you must've been if you actually fell asleep while waiting on him. So instead, he slips underneath the blanket right next to you. He turns to his side so that you're laying face to face and he smiles at the way your lips are slightly pouted. He leans forward and presses his forehead to yours, draping an arm around your waist as you subconsciously curl up to his body, seeking for his warmth even in your sleep.

Jake softly presses his lips right above your eyebrow when your eyelids slowly flutter open. You look at him with your foggy eyes before wrapping your arm around his neck and wordlessly pulling him even closer to yourself. You bury your face in his chest instead of the cushion now and slowly start dozing off again when his hand sneaks underneath your sweater and caresses your side gently.

"I'm glad you're home," you mumble into his skin, nudging his neck with your nose before leaving a butterfly kiss on the same exact spot. "Been waiting for you."

Jake feels his stomach tickle funny at your sleepy affection and he buries his smile in your hair. "Yeah, I know. You can go to sleep now. I'm not going anywhere."

PARK SUNGHOON

"How many times do I have to tell you not to wait for me this late, you idiot," Sunghoon scolds you as he adjusts your half-asleep body in his arms and carries on up the stairs.

You mumble an incoherent answer with mouth muffled by the warm skin of his neck. You hold him tighly, arms slung around his shoulders as you hang onto him like a baby monkey. Sunghoon has to bite his lip to prevent himself from snickering right then and there.

"What was that?" He asks, leaning his face a little closer to hear you better.

"You're so warm. Makes me even more sleepy."

Sunghoon can't help the chuckle that leaves his mouth anymore and he opens the door to your bedroom with his foot. He carries you straight to bed and places you on the soft mattress, only to quickly change into a pair of sweatpants and slip underneath the covers right next to you.

Your body moves almost automatically as you shift closely to your boyfriend and cling onto him once your arms make contact with his skin. You shuffle and twist in your place, somehow unable to find a comfortable position, because no matter how close you get to him – it's just simply not close enough tonight.

So you climb on top of his body and use him as a mattress instead, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

"I wanna get inside your skin. Lemme," you mumble tiredly and feel his chest vibrate with laughter.

His hand makes its way to your hair. "Some of the things you say when you're sleepy are quite concerning, sweetheart."

KIM SUNOO

Sunoo is greeted by the view of you and Riki chilling on the couch in their dorm. More precisely – Riki playing some videogame on playstation and you sprawled out by his side, the white controller laying on the carpet below you as you sleep soundly.

"What time did she get here?" Sunoo asks as he drops his training bag somwehere on the floor and approaches the two of you. He crouches down in front of you and picks up the long forgotten controller.

"Two hours ago maybe," Riki responds, eyes glued to the TV screen. "She wanted to wait for you but she fell asleep like half an hour ago. Made me lose my damn game."

The older one only sends him a glare paired with a scoff before turning his attention back to you.

"Y/N, wake up."

You peak one of your eyes open as another tap lands on your shoulder. When the first thing your met with is your boyfriend's pretty face, a smile spreads on your slightly chapped lips and you lift yourself up in your seat.

"You're back," you croak out, rubbing your eyes quickly before nuzzling your face in his chest. "Sorry for dropping by without giving you a warning. Jus' thought you'd be home."

Sunoo presses his lips to the crown of your head. "Don't apologize for things like that. You know I always like having you around."

You nod slowly, reaching your hands up until they're circling his neck. Turning your head to the side, you place a small kiss to the side of his jawline. "Can we go cuddle now?"

"How can I say no when you're this cute, huh?"

YANG JUNGWON

Jungwon tries, he really tries to be quiet. It's really not his fault that his clumsy nature made him bump his hip into the cupboard and cause the keys to topple down to the ground with a clank that probably could wake up a hundred year old half-deaf granny.

You open your eyes and lift yourself from the table you've been laying on top of, startled, head spinning from the sudden movement.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, angel. I didn't mean to wake you up," Jungwon apologizes as he rushes over to you from the other side of the kitchen.

You watch as he crosses the space quickly and plops down on the chair next to you, then wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you to his lap instead.

"No, it's okay," you say quietly as you clear your throat, lifting your head up to smile at him softly. "Was waiting for you anyways. I made you dinner. Just kinda fell asleep after cooking."

Jungwon giggles at the dissatisfied scrunch of your nose. He leans down to press a small kiss to the tip of it.

"Thanks for waiting for me, baby. And for cooking for me. That's really sweet of you, you didn't have to," he mutters, lowering his tone to match yours as he rubs your noses together. "Well, now that I'm finally here, how about I try some of it, huh?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea I suppose." You smile at him and bring your hand up to stroke the short hair at the back of his head. "Can we stay here a little longer, though? I missed you today. Wanna cuddle you."

He chuckles warmly at your words before leaning down and laying a kiss on your forehead. "Of course. We've got all the time in the world, angel."

NISHIMURA RIKI

"Baby?"

Silence.

"Baby."

Still nothing. The only thing Riki can hear is your slowed down breathing, slightly muffled by the fuzzy blanket you've pulled right above your nose.

"Y/N."

Now that finally wakes you up and you blink your eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of your living room. You lift your gaze to look at Riki standing in front of the couch you're laying on, a small smile playing on his lips.

"There you are," he huffs, slightly amused. "C'mon, let's get you to bed."

A grunt leaves your throat as you bury yourself even further into the back rest of the couch. You open your arms and lift the blanket a little as an invitation.

"C'mere. 'm too comfy to leave," you mumble groggily, barely managing to keep your eyes open.

With one more pleading look of your foggy eyes, Riki sighs and shakes his head at your stubborness.

"Tsch, fine." He clicks his tongue before standing up and laying down on the tight space right next to you. You don't waste a single second and wrap all of your limbs around his tall body, snuggling up to him with a content sigh.

"Perfect," you whisper as you press your face into his warmth and fall back asleep the moment that his arms wrap around your waist and pull you closer to his chest.

permanent taglist @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @satoruskitchenrag @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi @nichoswag @s00buwu @dazzlingligth

© heeliopheelia 2023 // ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. DO NOT copy, translate or repost any of my works on any other social platforms.

#enhypen x reader #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #heeseung x reader #jake x reader #park jay x reader #jay x reader #kim sunoo x reader #sunoo x reader #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x reader #lee heeseung x reader #sim jake x reader #yang jungwon x reader #jungwon x reader #enhypen niki x reader #niki x reader

[astonmartinii]

What about Charles just posting his girlfriend (Toto’s daughter) on her birthday, and he gets her like a bunch of expensive gifts and all the drivers make their own posts cause everyone really likes her?

birthday wishes | charles leclerc instagram au

pairing: charles leclerc x wolff!reader

it's grid princess y/n wolff's birthday - also known as an f1 national holiday

mercedesamgf1

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 721,078 others

tagged: yourusername

mercedesamgf1: did you hear? it's our own y/n wolff's birthday - an f1 national holiday (it's good to see she's always bothered everyone with a microphone)

view all 77,056 comments

yourusername awwwwwww thank yewwwww xx

susiewolff happy birthday baby xx

user44 why is the wolff family so fucking iconic

lewishamilton favourite wolff (don't fire me toto)

charles_leclerc <33333

yourusername added to their story

[caption: my lovely boy]

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pierregasly and 1,089,566 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: happy birthday to the love of my life, you make everyday worth living and make me the happiest i've ever been. there's no one i'd rather holiday with, argue about racing with and spoil than you xx

view all 104,561 comments

user34 omg i need a love like theirs

yourusername i love you so much pretty boy xx

georgerussell63 toto just fell to his knees in the factory

user77 lmaooooooooo

pierregasly my feet still hurt from these shopping trips

lewishamilton

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 1,223,457 others

tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton: happy birthday little sister - another year of causing chaos and giving toto a heart attack every three working days

view all 81,756 comments

user89 i love their sibling relationship

mercedesamgf1 our favourites (and george)

yourusername awww love you lew xx

pierregasly

liked by yukitsunoda0511, yourusername and 541,234 others

tagged: yourusername

pierregasly: happy birthday to my favourite member of our weird triangle - please share the gifts charles got you i picked most of them out

view all 12,678 comments

user45 this weird platonic throuple is my favourite thing ever

yourusername i love you and thank you but stop kissing my bf

yukistunoda0511 happy birthday y/n !! BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CHEATED ON ME PIERRE ???

user66 the domestic in this comment section right now

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 611,203 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: happy birthday to my favourite drinking partner let’s never get so drunk that we get locked on the balcony and have to get charles to let us back in

view all 24,089 comments

yourusername you said we'd never bring that night up again (thank you for the gifts xx)

charles_leclerc keep bringing it up max cause i still haven't recovered from the jumpscare of you guys on the balcony on a random matress

user67 i love how y/n and charles brought charles and max back together defo an underrated friendship

alexalbon

liked by lilymunhe, yourusername and 112,098 others

tagged: yourusername

alexalbon: happy birthday to the only one the albon pets actually likes !! hope you enjoyed the mouse horsey caught for you

view all 9,876 comments

yourusername it was my favourite gift obvs xx

charles_leclerc i literally brought you everything you ever mentioned wanting

yourusername horsey committed a federal crime for me sharl

georgerussell63 you're telling me they never loved me ???

alexalbon they tolerated you

landonorris

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 321,086 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: haps baps to my dj mom and the only person as bad as me at putting furniture together enjoy the ikea cabinet i got you

view all 14,359 comments

user321 that stream of them trying to put the most simple thing from ikea together was the funniest thing i've ever seen

yourusername thank you so much lando (that's not coming out of the box until dad visits)

user459 of course she was the one teaching him to dj

martingarrix am i joke to you?

mickschumacher

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 439,667 others

tagged: yourusername

mickschumacher: happiest of birthdays to my travel partner - thank you for always looking after my passport and i hope you enjoy the holiday i managed to book without your help for once !!

view all 14,501 comments

user78 omg the return of mick and y/n travel vlogs???

yourusername i'm so so excited mickey thank yeww

charles_leclerc pls don't steal her for long

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 607,893 others

tagged: yourusername

danielricciardo: happy birthday champ - now i'm on permenant off season should we actually go on man v food??

view all 17,893 comments

yourusername i'm so down for that

charles_leclerc easy for you to say you don't have to deal with you being sick in the car

danielricciardo lmao not my problem

yourusername

liked by f1, charles_leclerc and 2,093,144 others

yourusername: thank you all for making this birthday the best one yet + i love you so much charlie thank you for everything xx

note: thank you for the request lovely hope you liked it xx

#f1 #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc #charles leclerc instagram au #charles leclerc instagram edit #charles leclerc x reader

[woso-dreamzzz]

The Talk

Hardersson x Teen!Reader

Fridolina Rolfö x Hardersson!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: The sex talk

"This is it," Moster Frido says," This is our legacy to the world."

"This is IKEA."

Frido rolls her eyes. "This is single-handedly the greatest thing Sweden has ever produced. Take it in. This is where you come from."

"Denmark has Lego," You say," I think I prefer Lego."

"Didn't you nearly die eating Lego?"

Your face goes a little red. "Jessie saved me...It wasn't that bad!"

Moster Frido shrugs. "Just, take it all in. Isn't an IKEA trip better than being cooped up with your mums?"

You frown at the mention of your mothers, aimlessly looking around the winding hallways of this IKEA.

"What did they tell you?"

"Huh?"

"My mums. You turned up randomly this morning like we'd been planning this trip for ages. You sweep me away without even giving me a chance to say no. What did they tell you?"

"Can't I spend time with my favourite niece?"

"At IKEA?"

Frido's façade drops. "Okay," She says," Magda may have said something."

"Is that something about sex?"

Frido looks alarmed at how easily you say it, the tips of her ears turning pink as she looks around the empty IKEA for someone that might have heard you.

She clears her throat. "You're at that age now where hormones-"

"Are you trying to give me the talk?" You ask, a smile peaking out from your lips," In IKEA?"

"Is it obvious that I'm out of my depth here?"

You laugh, grabbing something off the shelf and putting it in the cart. If Frido was taking you on an IKEA trip then you would definitely take advantage of her bank card.

"I don't know why everyone is so nervous. I just asked a question."

"What question was it? Because Magda wouldn't tell me over the phone last night."

"I just asked how you know that you want to have sex with someone. Like, how do you know that you think for someone sexually?"

"Is this about the Spanish girl? Natasha or something?"

"Natalia," You say," And...yes...Kind of? I don't know. We kissed, last time I saw her and...I don't know. I think I've got a crush on her but...Are all crushes sexual? I don't know. I just asked."

Frido freezes. "You kissed her?!"

Your cheeks grow warmer and warmer and you busy yourself with checking the price of something. "She kissed me! As friends! We were practising!"

"Practising?" Frido says in disbelief," You were practising?! Jesus, what kind of teen movie is this? So, what, she kissed you and now you think you want to have sex with her?"

"Maybe? I mean, she's my friend and I know this completely breaking friendship boundaries but..." You look down at your feet. "Yeah, I don't think having sex with her would be bad." Your cheeks grow even redder until steam is practically coming out of your ears. "She was a good kisser."

"I need to sit down," Frido says," I think I need a minute."

You puff out your cheeks in outrage. "You asked!"

"I thought this was just a sex talk!" Frido says back," I didn't realise I was meant to take you through the feelings part of it!"

You roll your eyes. "We can just forget about this and get lost in IKEA. I can work it out myself."

"No! No! Wait...I mean...Give me a minute to wrap my head around this."

In the end, your moster Frido did not end up wrapping her head around it at all. She gave a very stilted explanation of how to know you were ready to have sex though she couldn't make eye contact throughout it all and ended up just sweeping random items into the cart to buy as a 'gift' just to get out of the explanation.

She kept muttering under her breath as she took you home and then promptly made herself scarce, still muttering under her breath as she waved you goodbye.

Momma laughs as she guides you inside. "Your Morsa is very excited," She whispers," Just smile and nod. It'll get it over and done with more quickly."

"What do you mean? What-"

You freeze.

Morsa is standing in the middle of the lounge. Her laptop has been connected to the tv and she smiles when she looks at you.

The screen is horrifying.

'Sex: What to know, beginner and expert levels'.

"Did you get this off the internet or...?"

Morsa shakes her head. "I made it myself! Sit down! Sit down! I spent all day on this. I've got everything you need to know."

"Morsa-"

"It's lovely, Magda," Momma assures her," I'm sure it's going to be very informative."

It was the worst two hours of your life.

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