#they should’ve had me writing on there

[starheirxero]

Hello Lunar angst enjoyers. Places this here

#xero creations #xero snippets #no this is not part of a full fic 💔 #a month or so ago i just had a very clear idea of this line in my head and i had 2 write it out or i’d forget #lunar is just a very sad character at their core 2 me. #feeling angry that eclipse is the way he is but feeling sad that he was never the older brother he should’ve been #wishing that he could be someone he inherently cannot be no matter what. wanting to destroy him. wanting to sob in his arms. #feeling robbed of things they never even had to begin with. #SORRY im rambling i love angsting this guy LMAO #sun and moon show #tsams #sams lunar #lunar #angst

[catastrxblues]

—

#okay i actually want to rant a bit 😭 - not advised to read this because then you might get brain damage #because oh my god??????? weird #(was going to write an entire diary but nvm here’s the gist of it) #basically i was coming home from this chem thing right #i used the train as i always do when it comes to this. and because the new station just got a shiny renovation it is now connected to the #new mall in front of it (we have two now it’s an addition to the first one). and guess what 😭 #i had to go in and get to the first mall because my dad said he’d just pick me up at the lobby instead of the bus stop in front of #the station entrance right. #and when i was on the elevator going up on a call with my mom about food orders 😭 #the guy i used to have a very very VERY heavy crush on in middle grade got to the elevator leading down just as i was on the landing 😭😭 #and i had to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating so as he was descending and his back turned to me i examined the back of his head and i’m #pretty sure it was him. curiosity killed the cat i should’ve remembered that shit because you know what my stupid ass did?? #i was already walking away on my way to cross to the first mall but then that curiosity got the better off me and i steppedonto the elevato #leading down 😭 and followed him out into (apparently) the fucking bus stop #oh my goddd I JUST REALIZED this is my the one moment help #except i don’t think he recognized me because i was never even friends with him lmao. wrote tons of poetry about him ✅ #actually had one proper conversation with him ❌ #i was delusional and kept alone with my thoughts living in my head do not judge me #but seriously even though i don’t really care about him anymore this would’ve been (unfortunately) SUPER important to middle grade me #she would’ve taken it as a sign or something and write like five pages about it #and i just keep thinking about that #funny how things change because IF YOU KNEW how many credits and exaggerated compliments i gave him in my old journal #oh you would’ve laugheddd #like i used to SPEND SO MUCH TIME pondering over him it’s so 😭 #i used to have an oc and i think i based it on my idea of him and then i think that idea of him was even the reason i started to TRY to #write poetically. and i used to relate every taylor swift love songs to him (esp the ones in debut lover and rep and fearless) IT WAS SO #FUNNY LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW #i think he did see me though. i put on this act as if i was searching for someone confused and then (my go to) pretended someone called me #and then i whisked off as if to find that someone #i’d like to think i look pretty cool though. not because of anything (def not my looks because i was SO TIRED from that extra chem lessons

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

painted my nails. i’m feeling very gender today

#the gender is “bad at painting my nails” #i tried 4 times before i got it right #i am chronically bad at staying between the lines #but i can ignore that #what i can’t ignore is accidentally touching things and making the paint rough #it saddens me #so then i have to take it all off and start again. four times even #but now they’re all smooth and glittery #now all i have to do is try to resist the urge to paint with my acrylics #i can never get paint off of nail polish but every time i paint my nails the acrylics call to me #but then i’d have to start all over again #*sigh* my life is so difficult /j #in other news i got my exam score back from my psychopathology class and i missed 3 out of 40 questions #i should’ve studied then i would’ve gotten 100% #actually i don’t really care i’m feeling like slacking atm #i’m a professional slacker. the best really #i show up to every class and i write every essay at least one page longer than the max limit #but i’m the slackeriest of us all because i’m only using 2% of my power #they’ll never find out because i am skilled at pretending to pay attention and i still get good grades #once i had a class where attendance wasn’t necessary so i skipped every day but exam days and passed with an A #my favorite kind of class #the only thing i use 100% of my power for is psychologically messing with people #and painting my nails #i still fail at that though #though i think it’s more of a skill issue than anything else

[nani-nonny]

This is me currently vvv

—as I talk to the mirror and write on it with whiteboard marker plotting this “lost ronin” story idea that was supposed to stay a story idea while I write two other stories

I’m not even sure I want the name to stay lost ronin, someone help me pick a name /hj

I’d like to apologize to future me because I don’t think I’m going to be able to climb out of this spiraling abyss

The synopsis I have for this is over 500 words long and still going :)

Oh geez, imagine plotting out the chapter timeline I’m not getting any sleep tonight /pos

Ignore the tags… or don’t hahah

#lost ronin #title subject to change methinks #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt future raph #future raph au #oh geez this is the kind of time where I wish I was comfortable to share the deeper ideas behind stories #my neighbors are going to walk their dog and see me writing on the mirrors #plsss I should’ve used the mirror in the bathroom #I just had to choose the mirror near the window #the way this story is potentially up my alley with intense scenes and angst and action #I love wholesome stories but I can’t for the life of me write them as well as I wish I could #but I can potentially see big mama be a part of this but also not bc it’s slipping towards dmd-esque #maybe I’ll redirect the story from there to a different character

[judeiscariot]

wait so was saltburn good or not 😭 i’m seeing such mixed reviews

objectively no it was total shit. the plot was all over the place, the characters were underdeveloped, several loose ends weren’t tied off, and it was trying so hard to be subversive that it ended up coming across really forced, i.e. it was not nearly as edgy as it thinks it was. HOWEVER i will say that it was legitimately entertaining and i was not ever bored while watching. and beyond that the visuals were absolutely stunning, the cinematography was genuinely incredible and i would watch it again just for that. i like the main actors and i think they did really well with what they were given, especially barry keoghan who played the main guy. i think it was trying to be too many things at once and if it stuck closer to just one of the several plot lines it was trying to keep up with it could’ve been really good. that’s what’s really frustrating abt it for me at least like it had potential to be a really fantastic movie and shitty writing totally prevented that

#they should’ve let me in that writers room i woulda had em right #but fr the visuals were so so so stunning it made up for some of the shitty writing #key word SOME. but not enough #answered

[cashweasel]

It was hard to pick,,,,, so, fjskdjsksjs it’s so many (only sort of sorry,,ngl) 😂

5,17 for kiyazan

9,25 for daemon nd karima

8,15 for Gideon and valen loll

29 for all of em 💀

Once again I FORGOT ABOUT A BLORBO ASK but I literally had this in the drafts and everything and today I bring you answers FHRHDJKSSJ

Kiyazan:

5. How do they comfort each other when they are sad?

Yazan is a big actions guy so if something is bothering her he’d want to take care of it and fix it immediately also kiki loves cuddles and cuddles she shall receive fjskakdjdk will literally do anything to make it better,, holding her, talking about it, dancing it out, ordering her favorite takeout (yazan talking about it is a mix him being sincere and dissing the shit out of the person/situation and I kinda love it djdjskdjdk) leaving kiki’s part for you because I wanna know 😌💗

17. Their ways of expressing their love.

We talked about yazan putting up the shelves that kiara got that have been sitting around since forever and that pretty much what it’s about 😂 he just does things for her, or does things so she doesn’t have to. Pre relationship or pre living together yazan would just go around her house and fix anything that needed fixing fjdksidjdk,, also a big part of why he doesn’t mind doing the chores. To put it shortly acts of service and quality time!

Daemon and karima:

9. How open are they with their feelings?

I know why you’re asking this 😂💀 karima is…. Unfortunately still not the best at it at least in a serious vulnerable context and she bottles up a lot BUT she would sit down with him and be like “can I tell you something homie to homie 😔” and even then she tries to to keep it from getting too deep even when it comes to expressing love she’s not one to get Too sentimental but will let him know she cares about him. But this is mostly when they’re still in the beginning of their relationship (honestly it might take her 2+ years of being like that 💀) but I will say the first time she lets herself cry in front of him…………..

25. Share any headcanons about their relationship.

FHDKSJSKDJ ok so you know karima will just KO whenever wherever and her sleep is heavyyyyyy lol and I just think daemon doesn’t let her sleep in her makeup that’s all 😌 she’s knocked tf out snoring and all and he’s just 🥰 wiping her makeup off and doing her skincare for her

Valen and Gideon:

8. What are their most prominent memories of each other?

PLEASE 😭 valen’s is that he used to keep a pet rat as a kid, everybody refused to acknowledge it because it wasn’t actually a pet it was some rat he found lurking in their gardens and deemed it his bestie and would check up on it every day fssksjdjdj and when the rat died gideon was the one that buried and held a funeral for it 😔

Gideon’s most prominent memory has to be valen punching his dad in a room full of people loll bc not only was it incredibly humiliating and an act of love towards his bestie but it was also the first time anyone really stood up to this bully of a man and he just got wrecked by a teenager fjskaksjdj it was great seeing him hunched over w a bleeding nose until he made a comment about the company his son keeps and then it was both boys vs the guards trying to tear them off him fjdksksjskdn

15. Does their view of themselves differ from their partner’s view?

Sort of lol,, gideon struggles so much with his self image and thinks he’s broken and has nothing to offer or that letting ppl get to know him is essentially a burden on him and them so he just doesn’t make friends or meaningful relationships easily and valen over here just Fails to fathom it because to him gideon’s the most solid friend he’s ever had and literally nothing like all those things he says about himself and so he always makes it a point to let him know all the things he appreciates about him

Valen on the other hand thinks he’s the most interesting and amazing person anyone has the pleasure of knowing and that he’s worth it and because he’s set that expectation for himself any criticism from others or negative emotions from himself is shoved aside in favor of the facade and while gideon agrees he’s amazing and lowkey idolizes him lol he’s the only one actually capable of giving him a reality check that he’ll listen to and seeing him as just valen

All:

29. What are your favorite moments that happen between them?

WAAHHHH LMAO ok to be completely fair my fave kiyazan moment is them throwing up into the same toilet together and kiki tolerating the bugs yazan collects despite hating them bc if this isn’t love idk what is 😂

My favorite daemon karima moment is him kicking the ball in her face when they first met DJDKSKDJDJFN and also ceramics class

And my fave valengideon moment is them going into the city and buying some lame lizard which turned out to be a large dragon they tried hiding in a barn where hay and fire don’t mix very well SGDHFKSKDJDJ rip

[oc romance asks]

#hope this helps 😂👍 #I think I spent 3 hours writing this 💀 #im obliterated bye #how could you ask me these questions #I’m politely requesting your blorbos pov for this btw I need to know how kiki comforts Yazan and how open daemon is about his feels #karima still acting nonchalant with him for a while and then letting the floor gates open one day is just so emotional to me fjrjskdjdk #that hit me harder than it should’ve negl #Valen was devastated when the rat died #bawled his eyes out the entire funeral rip #you and your bestie beating tf out of his asshole dad can be so romantic actually FJSKAJDKDKDJ #they got into trouble with valen’s dad that night but he thought that going for the nose was a great move for what it’s worth so it wasn’t #a complete loss loll #(typing that made me realize that even tho they were grounded #they all agreed that it was safer to have gideon stay with them a few days than sending him back to his dad) and I hated it #ask #oc asks #thank u for these I had fun answering them 💗💗💗💗💗 #my ocs #kiyazan #daemon x karima #valen x gideon

[aphroditestummyrolls]

Today I had a banana, a cup of coffee, a tea, and a small slice of cake. Spread out throughout the day.

I’m not hungry, but now on top of not feeling hungry, I feel like eating something will “ruin it”. And I need to run across the street to pick up a couple things, but if I do that, then Ill have to eat, because I went to the trouble buying the food, and that’ll “ruin it”. This is the third day in a row that my appetite is dwindling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

#the real recovery tag #tw food mention #tw eating disorder #tw anorexia #and all I can think about is that I should’ve just had the banana and seen how long I could go without eating anymore #even just writing the word cake makes me feel so bloated and ashamed and the only reason why it’s okay is because I haven’t had anything els #logical thinking isn’t helping today

[celestial-toys]

been laying here listening to Lucky by Dermot Kennedy on loop for half an hour while thinking about Everything Stays and crying

#it’s good crying dw i am just. i have so many feelings about this story #Seven’s Celestial Commentary #Everything Stays #writing stuff #i may be stuck in bed struggling to type due to personal reasons but that will Not stop me from cooking up ideas for this fic #there is gonna be so much fucking angst and it’s gonna hurt soooooo good #the more i listen to it the more the possibilities expand #i can easily see Moon and Reader going back and forth between verses vulnerably arguing over Sun #but i can also see it being Sun and Moon getting real and discussingcougharguingover Reader #can’t decide which i like more #god i wish y’all could see this story the way it plays out in my head #next best thing would be to keep writing and sharing the story instead of vagueposting abt future plot points tho wouldn’t it lmao #and GOD don’t even get me fucking STARTED on Two Hearts… #Dermot Kennedy’s music is responsible for yet Another plot point for this story and i can’t even be mad about it. his fucking lyricsss dude #‘and so we jump to the THEATER??? in that SAME OLD TOWN???’ DO WE? FUCK I GUESS WE DO NOW!!! #picture me listening to that song and inspiration hitting me like a truck. diligently taking notes like the lyrics r instructions from God #‘she sees his face?? and HE sees HER as the LIGHTS GO DOWN???’ write that down write that down #‘the life that they should’ve had sat between them that night??’ FUCK Man yeah it sure did!!! #anyways it’s chill i’m chill. i’m very normal about my little stories and their musical inspirations! #and i’ve listened to these songs a very normal amount (translation: they will likely be in my top ten for the 2024 wrapped) #(cut to the scenes playing vividly in my head) ‘Well‚ at least I can always say that I /told/ her!’ #‘I can’t relate to having a heart like that‚ Sun! With all of your wonder and your trust intact…’ #like no i wouldn’t lift the lyrics directly for the song to use as dialogue but FUCk does it work well.. Lucky is such a good script for- #like- a heated conversation between my Relentlessly Positive Sun and my Apathetic Jaded Moon #‘How could our farewell mean as much as our time? Honey‚ I’ll be gone. It’s better if I’m something that you leave behind.’ #‘I used to paint these trees‚ now I just scream at the sky. Honey I was wrong. Guess there’s certain things you never leave behind.’ #*sobbing shaking throwing up clawing at the walls* I Am Normal About These Characters #anyways uh. on an unrelated note how many song lyrics do ya think i can cram into ES before it’s Too Many #gonna have to start getting creative with how i can incorporate more songs in a way that feels natural and not forced #even tho i am forcing it. i am forcing it very much bc i have songs with applicable lyrics and y’all Will read them one way or another

[fuck-em-up-your-grace]

Academia is so left-wing until you actually have to read research papers and then it’s just 20 different papers on why colonization was okay

#I swear to god I read a paper that said the Koreans should’ve thanked the Japanese #and another on why settler colonization was actually beneficial for North Africans #several others I should say #and it’s always like ‘these Africans were so eager to help their new rulers so many of them joined the military and showed theirpatriotism!’ #and then you figure out by painfully piecing things together that no. actually. it’s just that the colonizers controlled the economy & jobs. #none of those Africans really had any choice at all— the only way to make money & keep their families alive was through military service #serving for a country you hate to help them suppress other groups just like you. and then the world asks for your *gratefulness* #like no! colonization is fucking bad!!!! #to delete later #was gonna write a fic to vent my emotions but I have neither the time nor the skills required for what I want to do #might try anyways but unlikely #academic discussion: slavery is the last stage and end goal of capitalism and the very principles of American society perpetuate racism #academic research: :( black people have it so easy whites are soooo overhated :( :( :( #also featured here: me vs the character count limit on tags

[peachcitt]

heads up greatest hits chapter is coming late today

#peach rambles #i had these dreams of being productive and looking cute today but it seems i can only do one #(i chose looking cute) #and because of that im running late #well it’s only 2:30 but the thing is regular posting time is 5:30-6 and i haven’t started today’s chapter yet + ive got errands to run #i should’ve woken up earlier so that i could have time to run errands AND look cute AND write #but . we all know my time management is shite. and also that i cannot resist sleeping in #plus my beastly time started today so that slowed me down considerably #anyway point is greatest hits will be late today and that’s just how the cookie crumbles

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[scarlettriot]

So, was anyone else writing//thinking up fan fiction before they had any idea what the fuck fan fiction was?

I think the first fandom I wrote fan fiction for when I knew it was fan fiction was either Harry Potter or ATLA. But I found a super old notebook of mine full of ideas for my own Magic Tree House book and another notebook where I wrote my own character into the world of Rocket Power.

Magic Tree House notebook was from 1999 and Rocket Power one was from 2001-2003 (I had a lot of ideas—not all of them are legible).

If anyone else did this with other series, I’d love to know!

#in case anyone was wondering #my oc had a big crush on Twister #but thought Reggie was like the coolest person EVER #…things that should’ve made me realize I was bi a lot earlier in my life… #OH I also remember writing a buttload of Kim Possible stuff too!!! #well if anything #at least I still like writing and creating fiction

[nobie]

I had my whole “ I watched ofmd” post for ep 5 and then I clicked away and it wasn’t saved and now it’s GONE 😭😭😭 this is my fav episode and all my first thoughts are GONE NOOOOOO

#I’m so stupid I should’ve saved it periodically #IMM WATCH THE EPISODE AGAIN AND WRITE IT AGAIN #not word for word cuz it’s just me screaming but fuuuuuck I had some good thoughts #nobie does stuff #nobie watches ofmd #ofmd

[nightklok]

You will not believe the amount of wip picklegail I unearthed by exploring my old Evernote acc

And also I found my Nategail fic of Nathan secretly crocheting Abigail gifts, and some old completed but never edited chickles fics so I think it’s been a productive day!!

#this fic will be worked on during Nov but the 1980s picklegail fic #had such a sad ending I was wondering who the hell I was writing for #the title was originally anagapesis LIKE??? #I’m glad I’m not going in that direction but finding the old outline gave me whiplash #and unconvering old graphic vent fics is like wow!! you should’ve been hugged a long time ago!!