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#they uploaded within an hour of each other I was so happy
fuxuannie · 11 months
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i lobe ur writing style sm its so comforting!
can i req a ‘things hsr men do when they have a crush on you’ ^^ (like some would outright flirt and others would be super flustered etc.)
* pairing(s) : various (4) hsr men x gender neutral reader
* prompt : request
* authors note : banabsmwns THANK YOU ALL FOR 700!!! the support really makes me so giddy and very happy n i hope i continue to make content you all enjoy ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و i'm gonna lay off uploading as often as i used to, but It's not complete radio silence! i just wanna try and write when i want to, and not force myself. ♡
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DAN HENG is VEEERY very nervous around you when he's realized his feelings towards you were romantic. He tries to flirt, (he tried to do the 'pinning you to the wall' thing but he backed out the second his hand made contact with the wall and you couldnt find him for a week) but is painfully bad at it.
You smile and his heart is doing BACKFLIPS, he has to clear his throat, turn around and hang his head down low just to fail and hide the pretty shade of red on his cheeks.
He's so easily flustered by anything you do, that man is crazy inlove that Caelus starts calling him delusional for thinking how yours and his hands briefly brushed over each other meant you may or may not reciprocate his feelings.
He likes to talk about you to March and Caeulus a lot, (they're sick and tired of him) but they're just happy you can bring that kind of smile to his face. The absolute adoration in his eyes and the fondness in his smile as he talks about you, who wouldn't be happy for their friend if they looked like that? Even if they're tired of him talking about eye contact wih you for 3 hours, he's happy and you make him happy. That's all they ever want for him.
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JING YUAN is subtle, and tries to be cool when it comes to his crush for you. However, he trips on his words whenever you playfully tease back or anything of the such. He even makes stupid corny jokes that aren't that funny but are so bad you can't help but laugh.
His busy schedule does make trying to make time to see you much harder. Unless you work within his organization, he'll barely get to have a conversation longer than 3 minutes. So whenever he does see you during his non-work hours, he'll try to a lot of time with you to make up for the times that he couldn't be by your side.
He's pretty subtle with his flirting, offering to lock arms as you tour Luofu so that 'he can keep you close and won't lose you' and purely out of respect. He's probably really poetic with his teasing or flirting too, comparing your beauty to Aeons.
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It's pretty much obvious that GEPARD gets nervous around you, but he's so adorable your heart cannot handle it. You loved to squeeze his cheeks whenever he's flustered, making it impossible to look away and leaving you to giggle at how he mutters how embarrassed he felt.
You're already well aware of his crush on you, (not that he was good at hiding it) but you just needed to be ready. You loved him back with your whole heart, but you just needed time, and Gepard could wait.
He even gained your guardians approval, that on the day you were ready, they would give him his blessing. They knew Gepard was a man with a pure heart, one that was ready to love you with the love you deserved.
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CAELUS had grown fond of you, but his crush on you was surprisingly soft. He wanted to protect you, and with what he was capable of, he loved to do it. Your praise in his ears is like music, he could never get tired of taking care of you and it's almost like a love language.
He has such a sweet smile when he looks or thinks of you, something about you makes his heart melt, kick his feet and twirl his hair like a school girl or something. (this is a joke)
Spending time with him usually consists of you doing whatever you want, and Caelus following you like a lost duckling. He likes it when you grab his hand, and drag him wherever. You might be rambling about something, but his only focus is the way you and him intertwined fingers and how soft your hand felt in his.
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taglist : @renalord @calxb-do @veezablog
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cheriladycl01 · 3 months
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The Rookie Prodigy - Carlos Sainz x Driver! Reader - Part 2
Plot: You are a rookie coming into the 2022 season of Formula One into Alfa Romeo with team member Zhou Guanyu, being in a mid tier team can you help them rise up the ranks. What pressures occur for the only rookies within the 2022 line up!
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The interview was good, everyone was really kind to you and your PR team made sure that the questions were only about racing which was nice as you really got to talk about the teams and cars with the others there.
There was a joke that you were being ganged up on as there was two Ferrari drivers sat next to each other, the two Mercedes drivers sat next to each other and then there you were sat in the middle with Lewis and Carlos either side of you.
"So Y/N what more can we expect from you in 2022? We've got Saudi Arabia next weekend that I'm sure you are excited for it" he says and both Carlos and Lewis look at you as you raise the mic.
"Jeddah is one of the toughest tracks on the line up this year in my opinion. I just hope i can make my team proud and i can finish the race with some more points for them!" you smile settling a hand down on your lap.
"And Lewis as a World Champion do you have anything to say to the new rookie this year that will inspire her in her future career"
"Jheez man, you out here making me sound so much older than her! But listen you'll always here people talk about the car and driver. Sometimes the car and driver are on the same level, sometimes the car is better than the driver and sometimes the driver is better than the car. And i think today proved that Y/N is already out-performing in her Alfa Romeo and I think all the team principles will be keeping an eye on her throughout the year. Keep driving the way you are, and you know where to find me whenever you wanna talk" he smiles at you, he leans into you hugging you slightly making you blush and smile at the contact.
After the conference it was a shamble getting you back to the hotel. PR had pulled you out early while the other in the interview stayed behind a little. You hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye before you were whisked out to multiple fans. You stayed to sign stuff with Zhou who had kindly waited for you so you could go back to the hotel together.
You and Zhou knew there was no point going home or going to the factory when in a week you had to travel across the short flight to Saudi Arabia. Monday you and him went to the water park in Bahrain for the whole day. After that you guys flew to Jeddah on the Tuesday readying for the week ahead.
You had a good qualifying coming in P8 and you were happy that you were starting in a points worthy place. You'd reported to your team that something felt wrong with the car, its pace just wasn't as good today and you were told that the overnight engineers would take a look for you.
It was getting late and you should be sleeping, but you just couldn't seem to shut your eyes. The nerves of tomorrow eating away at you. It was about 11pm when you decided to throw a hoodie on and walk down to the hotel bar.
The elevator music was soft and you checked you phone, thinking it probably wasn't the best thing to upload a photo to show everyone you were currently awake right now.
You walked out and sat down at the 24 hour bar, only a few people were there, not that you took much notice of the people around you.
"Got anything to knock me out?" you ask the bar tender who looks at you in shock.
"Rough night?" he asks.
"No, just struggling to sleep" you smile lightly.
"Well if you don't like cherry juice or Chamomile tea I have some bricks out back that may help" he laughs out his offers trying to lighten your mood.
"Cherry juice?" you ask having never heard that it was a drink for helping sleep.
"I dunno, but it works!" he defends before you shake your head opting for the tea.
"Y/N, what are you doing here?" a voice asks and you turn seeing Lewis steps up behind you. He opens his arms gesturing to the seat next to you.
"Oh, Lewis hi. This is so embarrassing. Sorry you have to see me like this. You can sit, only if you want to though" you smiled at him.
"Thanks. I cant sleep either" he's smiles at you before flagging the bartender and asking to have what your having.
"I think I'm just nervous about tomorrow"
"Yeah, i get that! You have a lot of pressure on you as a rookie! But your are one of the best rookies we've had for years! Qualifying was good today! Keep that smile up" he smiles at you placing a hand gently on your shoulder.
"What's going on here?" a voice behind you asks. You and Lewis both swivel to find Carlos standing there at the entrance to the bar watching there pair of you with narrowed eyes.
"Carlos! What are you doing awake?" you ask in shock, even Lewis being down here was a shock to you.
"More like what are you doing down here?" he frowns.
"I couldn't sleep, and then Lewis was down here so he joined me!" you smile, and point to the seat on the other side of you. He takes it and shimmies into the seat, waving the bartender off when he offers a drink.
"So, what are you also doing awake?"
"I also couldn't sleep, I've got a lot on my mind" he says looking over the pair of them.
"So, how do you think tomorrow will go?" Carlos asks trying to run a conversation but the vibes were awkward after his arrival. He'd stood watching them talk for a little before he had made his presence known.
"She doesn't want to talk about it" Lewis huffs out sipping on some of his drink.
"Oh i didn't realise she didn't have a voice anymore" Carlos sasses, making you shake your head an push away from the bar so you chair scrapped back, enough for you to hop down.
"I'm going to go try and sleep, i can practically smell the testosterone overload and that tea has made me far to dopey to have any clarity of this tomorrow" you admit and with that you left the two along who stayed for a little longer ... to talk.
Race day was always fun, however this year Saudi wasn't your shot. You wanted to cry when you heard the words to come back to the pit because your car had a cooling system failure and it was a danger to drive meaning you'd gone from 8 all the way down to 15.
You had spent a significant amount of time crying in your drivers room, before you went out to congratulate Zhou on his P11 finish. He hugged you and told you reassuring phrases that sort of went past you head because you were worried you were about to get butchered by your team principle Alessandro.
You didn't want to do the interviews, knowing there would be derogatory comments coming your way, but it was something you had to put up with.
"So Y/N not your best rest today" the interviewer asked the minute you walked up to them.
"Yeah, unfortunately there was a cooling system errors in three of the cars out there tonight and mine was one of them. I reported to my team that the car didn't feel right yesterday during qually, so I don't know if that was what happened out there but yeah pace was slow, car was faulty not much else to report. Hoping for a comeback in Australia but congrats to Max, Charles and Carlos for the podiums!" you smile trying to make it as quick and painless.
"Thank you for your time!" he smiles politely before letting you wonder off across the paddock.
"Carlos! Carlos Hey" you shout over to him and see his and Charles head whip round to look at you.
You run up to them, placing a hand on Charles shoulder that doesn't go un-noticed by Carlos.
"Well done on the podium today guys!" you smile, trying not to show your sadness at the lack of points you'd gained today.
"Thank you Y/N! You know, were you invited to the after party today?" Charles offers first before Carlos can even thank you.
"Oh, no I wasn't told. But I don't really like clubs so ..." you admit sheepishly.
"It's not really a party, just dinner with us, Lando, Daniel Yuki and Pierre" he offers.
"Could i bring Zhou with me?" you ask knowing you were closest to him right now and getting through a dinner with that many people, you'd for sure need him them.
"Of course!" Charles exclaims.
"I'll see you guys tonight then?" you smile before walking off to go tell Zhou the good news.
A/N: Next part is going to be this cute ass dinner, should there be any interruptions from any other drivers? Or should it be kind of a private thing?
Taglist
@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc
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fleurlia · 3 months
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pairing; seunghan x idol reader
genre; angst, kinda fluff, lovers to exes
note; i hope you guys like this! riize has been really on my mind lately, and it was fun writing about them. i think i'll continue if you enjoy it;
your biggest dream was to debut as an idol. it always had been.
and when you finally made at the age seventeen and after some time of relentless work and effort, you could hear the words "congratulations, you did it" and then make your debut alongside your four closest friends. you felt complete, nothing in the world could take away what you now had.
although you were not paid enough for the hours of effort and the amount you did and all the other thousands of negative points, you never felt so happy in your short life and that was enough for you. the sensation of stepping onto the stage once more always rekindled a sense of fulfillment, filling a void you didn't even realize existed.
the first year was magical, creating a bond with your new four best friends who had essentially become an integral part of your family, revived something within you. the amount of trips, especially for someone who had never left the city, the absurd love that you received from the fans. all the experiences that you might remember for the rest of your life had been in that first year as the main vocalist of your group.
you never experienced emptiness like before; everything was consistently whole and fulfilling. even the various roles and positions you held within the group occupied a significant space within you.
until the day you laid your eyes on hong seunghan.
it was obvious that you would fall for him, who wouldn't?
it was like blinking, natural and predictable. you remembered the feeling of simply looking at him and thinking "it's him", nothing like love at first sight or that you were destined to be together – although seunghan sometimes swore to you that you had been made molded for each other. the feeling of falling in love with him was like sleeping and waking up, you didn't notice or remember how you slept but as soon as you opened your eyes in the morning you knew you had slept. you knew you loved seunghan.
your relationship lasted two years. you would remember these years fondly for the rest of your existence.
from his contagious laughter and humor to his sweet voice singing for you to rest in his arms as you both slept. your relationship was filled with love, passion and missing each other, you spent some time in the united states promoting your group and seunghan was preparing for riize's debut since the first months of dating. you more than anyone else hoped for the day he would be on stage with all eyes on him.
the void that was once filled only by stages and fans now also welcomed you with open arms every day as you returned home.
everything started to go wrong just before the group's debut. pictures of seunghan with an old girlfriend began to be uploaded on the internet a few weeks before the official debut day. you knew him, you would recognize his laugh amid thousands, knew exactly what displeased him and even the way he sneezed, so it was obvious that you knew about it and it was never something to bother you because when you two met you were almost adults.
that was the first ugly fight you had, you had never seen him so upset and nervous before that day. you had a stable career, SM had given a preview of your debut as an actress that year and would officially debut you in your fourth year with the group in a drama as the protagonist, you were extremely popular in the eyes of everyone and seunghan was not, he was far from it and would need to try hard to fix the situation, even though it was not a mistake.
you should have broken up, you and him knew that, but it didn't happen. you still don't know how but after practically begging your manager and him compassionately trying to resolve it, your relationship was 'forgotten' and the concern was turned to how to fix the situation.
and then seunghan finally debuted, it was one of the happiest days for both of you and despite all the confusion, the eyes really turned to him. now both shared that feeling of affection to the stage and fans, and at the end of the day returned to each other's arms.
everything seemed fine, but you knew it wasn't deep down, it seemed like a countdown to something neither of you could avoid. around him, he never seemed worried and nervous, always maintaining his sweet smile and calmly passionate eyes for you, but sometimes you could see how he drifted into a worried expression. it was a matter of two months until you broke up.
you didn't see that coming, you never would have.
you had been called to one of those meetings by your manager, it was nothing new. there was always an alignment or agenda adjustments meeting. you left the practice room as if nothing could happen, innocently even smiled at some people on the way. when you opened the door to the meeting room, you could see seunghan and his manager sitting on the other side of your manager's table.
the same boy you woke up that same morning. in his arms.
you can't remember what was said, what was agreed or arranged, but you broke up there, on that silly tuesday, in such a simple and cruel way. two years of your life were erased there in that small room of that big building. seunghan didn't look you in the eyes once or spoke. both of you spent all those minutes in pure silence. while you couldn't take your eyes off the transparent table and then him, he just sat there with no emotions in his face or eyes, it was as if you didn't know him at all. in the end when both of yours managers discussed about the risky relationship and how you and him couldn't keep it for the sake of both careers, he stood up with his manager from the room and then disappeared behind the door.
after that day, you never saw him again.
his hiatus was announced the next day and despite seeing the other members of his group and even interacting with them, you never heard his name or voice again. you didn't return to the apartment that once belonged to both of you until his things disappeared from there and you could move, and even if you had tried to contact him in moments of pure anger at how he could give up on you so easily, he never answered you, and you understood him. you could understand why he had given up, maybe in his place, you would do the same.
a month passed, all the awards and events came, Christmas and New Year also passed, all of them being the first time in two years that you did it without your boyfriend. he was nowhere to be found. the hearts of everyone around you forgot about it, but yours never did. despite all of that, the emptiness you felt was not even filled by fans, projects, or stages, and it continued to haunt you for a while.
until the day you laid your eyes on hong seunghan again, in the winter of the first month of the new year announcing his return to riize.
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cgogs · 3 months
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dear atlas, c!dnf | 4.7k | angst with a happy ending
@dreblrsecretsanta for @purpleglitch !! Sorry for the early upload, it's just that I'm about to be BEYOND busy for the holidays and figured I'd upload this now while I have time. I hope you enjoy it so much!! Happy holidays to you <3
Each step up the castle tower sends a razor-sharp, bone-deep bolt through Dream’s legs. It’s his boot’s fault, mostly. He’s been meaning to replace them, it’s just that every hour more important things are added to his to-do list. Mediate this conflict, protect George, meet with someone here, monitor status on this, go here, deliver that, and try not to die until the day’s itinerary is complete.
Shopping just isn’t a high priority, but he’s beginning to reconsider that sentiment. He really should just give in and invest in another horse, but it would probably just be killed within a month and they’re just far too expensive for that. 
His armor clinks quietly as he moves, uneven and exhausted. A small part of him alerts like a guard dog– straighten up, nobody can know you’re vulnerable, anyone could hear how hurt you are– but another painful step quiets the barking. He traps the groan behind his teeth.
Dream stops for a moment to lean against the wall, hand braced on where the candelabra fixture hooks into the stone. This spiral staircase is dearly kicking his ass, more so than usual. Without the climb to focus on or the pain to blur his vision, he has the opportunity to take in his surroundings.
The castle is quiet, quieter than usual, candles burning low and dripping on the floor. Moonlight cuts through the windows at an angle sharper than it should. 
Dream pulls his communicator from his belt to check the time, a curse slipping out under his breath as the numbers meet his eyes. It’s nearly three in the morning. He’s coming home late. Very late. They talked about this, Dream promised he’d try to get home earlier. 
Guilt settles thick in his gut, despite barely having the brainpower to feel much of anything at all other than exhaustion. He blows the stray hairs out of his eyes, chuffing like an annoyed horse.
Four nights ago, George had been waiting behind the door at the top of the tower. Dream knew he was in trouble before George even opened his mouth. He was holding a clock and asked Dream to guess how late it was. When he guessed wrong, George shoved it in his face, too close to even see the hands, and angrily proclaimed it was nearly one in the morning, and that Dream had been coming home at one in the morning every night the last week after spending all day ‘doing god knows what, who knows where.’
Dream had done his best to be earnest and honest, as much as he could be. If George had it his way and was privy to every little thing Dream did, he’d be stoned in the street or tied to a pyre. Dream’s not sure what events would bridge the gap between these two truths, but he knows it would happen.
He had told George he would try, but that he had so much to do this week. George was anxiously picking at his cuticles the way he did when he was thinking hard, and asked him to promise he wouldn’t come home later than this. Dream thought he’d be able to. And, yes, he’s sorry he broke his promise but… it’s all so important. So important.
He hadn’t meant to let time get away from him. He just had so much to do, and so many stupid things got in the way, Tubbo and Fundy, then Q… and he got in a scrape on his way back and it was all just so fucking stupid.
Guilt grows like a vine up his throat.
He’s sorry. He thinks about what he’s going to say, how he’ll explain himself. He can’t grip on a coherent sentence or script, eyelids heavy like mud, mind fuzzy, feet aching.
Maybe it’ll be fine. George will be asleep, and they can talk about it in the morning. He’ll open the door and see dark hair splayed over feather pillows, still as death. Dream will strip his armor and curl into his body and fit whatever position George fell asleep in, and he’s so excited for it. Though currently, he’s not sure which lover he’s looking forward to seeing more– the bed or the boy.
The last seven days have felt like seven years.
Wax drips onto his fingers. Wincing, he takes another painful step forward. Suddenly things like guilt and excitement were as far away and abstract as distant planets or stars. 
Dream nearly falls through the door when he reaches the summit. He catches his breath, straightens his posture, and prepares to get ready for bed without waking his king. 
He opens the door as quietly as possible. Thankfully, it squeals only a little bit. He tiptoes in, craning his head to look at the boy already fast asleep. He’s curled all the way to the edge of his side of the bed, back facing the door. Dream wonders if it means something. 
He unhooks his cloak first, folding it gently on the table in the middle of the room. It’s a large room that can fit a round dinner table, as well as bookcases and couches and a fireplace. The kinds of things George doesn’t appreciate as much as Dream thought he would.
The boots are next to go, then his sword and his axe, then armor one by one until he’s stripped to his pants and shirt. After a moment’s thought, he shucks off his pants. Shirt and boxers. He looks at the bed and practically salivates, not even thinking to bother with changing his bandages. He sets his comm on the bedside table and attempts to lift a leg to climb in.
Dream’s legs wobble and give out as soon as he leans his weight on the bed. He collapses onto his side, a symphony of pained noises trapped behind the cage of his teeth. He looks up, wide-eyed, to see if he’s woken his Sleeping Beauty. George remains still as a corpse. 
He rather pathetically pulls himself up to spoon him, arm laying limply over George’s side. A sigh of utter relief slides out of his lungs as his chest decompresses. It’s relief like an ice bath in the desert or hot soup in the snow.
The bed is soft on his aching body, George’s sweatpants soft on his bare, bruised legs. Dream drags his calves to tangle with his, allowing himself a relieved whimper into the crook of George’s neck. He sometimes teases George for dressing like he’s living in constant winter, but really he wouldn’t change it for the world. It means soft hugs when he drags his miserable body into bed at the end of the day. If he didn’t wear his sweaters, George wouldn’t be able to cradle his head in his sleeves when he’s bleeding, and Dream wouldn’t be able to bite down on the thick fabric when he had to scream. 
He feels the tension in his body slowly unwind. Every breath has him sinking further and further into the mattress, a taut string slowly, slooowly let to rest. He pulls George closer, hooking his arm tighter around his waist. If he wasn’t used to it it might feel a little like cuddling a corpse. 
That dog in the back of his mind starts growling again. Telling him to check, check, check. 
Dream obliges since it’s a simple request, and he knows he’ll never be able to sleep otherwise. He slides his fingers down George’s arm to find his wrist, pressing on his pulse point. It takes a few adjustments, but he finds that steady beating pressing against the pads of his fingers. Alive. Safe. The last requirement needed to sleep is fulfilled. Dream sighs, nuzzling his head against George’s neck, hand still loosely wrapped around the bone of George’s wrist. 
The midnight air is clear and cool. Dream is warm and holding the love of his life. Nothing outside that horrible wooden door matters here. Nothing else matters. No blood, no bone, no war. Just George.
That is, until he hears the unmistakable sound of his communicator buzzing against the table behind him. Dream ignores it at first, but it comes again and again. His eyebrows knit in frustration. He buries his nose further into the dark space between George’s neck and the pillow, like he could outrun the nagging in the back of his mind. 
It vibrates again, breaking Dream’s resolve. He groans miserably, more than half asleep, as he untangles himself to reach back for the comm. His vision is blurry with sleep, making it near impossible to read the screen until he’s blinked a dozen times. The light of the screen shines too bright for how dark it is. He uses a hand to shield George’s direction so it won’t wake him.
It’s Punz. Punz, in code, telling him he’s finished the reconnaissance he’d been told to do two days ago. Updates on the pet experiments, no luck yet. Their theory about the revive book being exclusive to human souls is seeming more and more solid, but that’s not something he wants to be thinking about at the moment. 
<Dream> thkx
<Dream> domt text me this lat e
He fumbles the buttons, accidentally sending Punz a string of gibberish before giving up entirely on typing a coherent goodbye. He’s about to throw the device down and shove his nose back into the crook of George’s neck when the body next to him begins to tremble.
Dream stares for a moment, wondering if he’s hallucinating from lack of sleep. Then there’s a hiccup, followed by two sharp breaths, both so quiet Dream would have missed them if he wasn’t holding his breath. 
“George?” Dream whispers, voice wrecked from all the yelling he’d done today. He drops the comm on the bed so he can lay his full hand on George’s shoulder. He could be having a nightmare, but he’s not sure. All he knows is that he wants to fix it. “George?”
George gives up on keeping it in and starts crying honestly. Whiny but guttural, more hurt than angry– but it’s with his teeth, not throat. Dream sits up in bed, the exhaustion that had been possessing him instantly chased away. 
“B–by?” Dream whispers, word cracked in two from his shredded voice. “What’s wrong?”
He feels like an idiot trying to catch something that’s about to fall, chasing it around with his arms outstretched. He wants to fix this, but doesn’t know how. George is mad, he can tell, but he’s hugging himself, and that isn’t something George does when he’s mad. It’s something he does when he’s scared. 
“You’re safe.” Dream rubs his arm, pushes those beautiful brown curls out of his face, watches the tears fall over the bridge of his nose. “I’m right here.”
“Why’d’you– why’d you lie to me?” George says, strangled. He seems to decide crying is stupid and embarrassing, because he furiously wipes at his eyes. “Why are you always lying to me?”
Dream bites his lip anxiously. The same guilt from the hallway lacquers his insides again. 
“I didn’t– I’m– I didn’t lie. I lost track of time. I’m sorr–”
“You’re lying to me.” George sits up, eyes red and stubborn. He’s pulling his thoughts together to form an argument, Dream can see the gears turning. “You’re hiding things.” 
“I’m, that– okay, just. What am I lying about?”
“Where you go all day!” George has grabbed a pillow to hug, rocking himself back and forth. Dream thinks, briefly, that he looks cute. He wants to hold him, but the way they’re sitting is classic parley formation, facing each other with crossed legs, knees touching. Neither of them can cross the middle line until the argument is over. That’s just how they do things. “I don’t– I don’t know exactly what, but…”
“I’m not lying to you about where I go. I have a lot of projects, and I’m helping–”
“I know. I know. Helping, helping, helping. Fingers in a lot of pies.” George puts up an honorable fight against the wetness in his voice, still furiously wiping his tears. The skin under his eyes has turned an irritated pink. “But why? Why do you have to do so much? You’re my knight. I’m your king. You should be with me.”
George has a way of shooting arrows straight through him. Dream rubs his eyes as the words dig into his gut. His voice sounds defeated already. “I can’t be everywhere at once.”
“Dream. Like, I– I just don’t understand…”
“Yeah, you don’t.” His voice breaks and turns quiet halfway through, like he could’ve softened the blow.  He doesn’t know why he said that. He’s just tired of this same argument, over and over. It’ll be over soon. So soon. He wishes George would just believe him.
George’s expression screws into desperation, fingers digging into his pillow. “Then tell me! Just, tell me, Dream. I’m not– stupid, I can understand things. I’m not stupid.”
It’s not that Dream is angry. It’s just that he’s tired beyond tired and this is the only time of the day he doesn’t have to wear his armor. The one room where nothing else matters but the people who occupy it. He burrows his head in his hands. 
“Why don’t you trust me, Dream? Did I do something wrong?”
“Why don’t you trust me? Why don’t you just–” 
“Because I can’t even trust you to keep a super simple promise! I’m– you can’t expect me to just, like, be fine with never getting to see you.”
“Well maybe if you tried to be king even a little bit, I wouldn’t have to go do all your shit for you.”
George damn near barks, sharp and angry. Dream watches his mouth form the beginning of a thousand different sentences, hands clenching into fists before his expression breaks entirely. His angry grimace turns into a quivering frown, eyes wet with fear, voice pitched and tight.
“Are you cheating on me?”
Dream feels like he’s swallowed a bucket of ice. His back straightens as he shoots up. Instantly, he regrets antagonizing him. He doesn’t know why he said that. He’s lined with dog teeth.
“No! What? Absolutely not.” He wants to break the rules to touch him. So he does. His side stings as he leans to brush his fingers against George’s knuckles. “Never.”
Whatever angry force of nature George had been channeling before is dying now, Dream can see it fading in his eyes. Fading into some kind of relief. Maybe it was the reassurance, or the touch, but something is pacified.
“Did someone tell you that? Or make a joke?” He knows people don’t have many kind things to say about him these days. George picks at his cuticles, rocking slightly. Dream rocks with him a bit, too.
“No. I guess. Not really…” He sniffles. There’s a stiff silence. Dream searches his eyes, trying to read his mind. “I’m sorry. I’m just crazy.”
“What happened?”
“I just really wanted you to come home tonight. I stayed up.” George shrugs hopelessly, looking anywhere that isn’t Dream. “You have to understand from my perspective. I never see you, and then when I do see you you get into bed and start texting someone else. This isn’t the only time it’s happened.”
“It was just Punz,”
“I don’t care. I don’t care. Not, not my point.” George stresses, “you swore you’d be my knight but you don’t even. Knight. And I guess it’s whatever because I don’t really king either. But I… miss you. I miss you.”
Dream doesn’t know what to say. He opens and closes his mouth like an idiot fish, trying to find a way to comfort him but not make a promise he can’t keep. George waits for it. It never comes. They both feel it when the other gives up on a solution. Defeat on both sides. 
They look at the sheets silently. Their knees rub together. Moonlight makes the room glow, lines the edges of George’s hair in silver.
His voice is small when he speaks next. “Where were you tonight?”
Dream was going to lie so he wouldn’t worry him, but. “I had some trouble with monsters. I got pinned down in the forest. I’m sorry.”
George scoffs. Somehow, Dream knows the frustration isn’t directed at him. “Oh my god. That’s not even your fault.”
“I don’t know. I could have texted you or something. I’m sorry I kept you up.”
George wipes his nose with the edge of his pillow. Dream would think it was gross if it was anyone else. “It’s fine.”
“I’m sorry I’m not around. I want to be. This, it’ll all be over soon. Things will settle down.”
“Does it have to be you?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
George nods weakly. He knows he won’t get a better answer. Dream doesn’t have a better one to give him. He’s too tired. 
“And you’re not cheating on me?”
“You are the prettiest thing in the whole world. I’d be an idiot.” He doesn’t know if flattery will get him far, but he can see the corners of George’s mouth flicker, and that’s enough. “You’re the only one that would put up with me anyway.”
“Why is your voice so messed up?” George lays his pillow back down on the bed. His legs unfold and he moves to lay back down. Dream wants to scoot closer, but thinks twice. There’s a moonbeam shining there. He doesn’t want George to see his legs. 
“Screamed a lot.”
“Why?”
“Scaring people to cut their shit out.”
“Mmh.”
This is George’s script for end-of-day. It doesn’t have a lot of heart this time. Dream is realizing it never truly did. He feels bad. George lays his hand in the empty space, beckoning him to come forward or lay down. Dream doesn’t move. He sucks in a breath.
“Are you okay? Did… Dream, are you hurt?”
He’s an idiot for thinking he could keep it from George, of all people. But he didn’t want to worry him.
“Uh. Well, yeah. But it’s okay. I promise. I already treated it.” Dream knows this won’t work. He tries to lay down, legs twitching through the pain. George clocks it immediately, propping himself up on his forearms.
“Show me.” 
It’s not a request. So, Dream does. He pulls his legs into the light in all their bruised glory. His foot, the one that was giving him the most trouble, is a far deeper shade of purple than he anticipated. 
George runs his fingers over each bruise, marble white and cold as stone. His expression is stone. He must spot a hint of bandage from under Dream’s shirt, because his eyes flit from his bruises to his side, and Dream knows the jig is up.
“I promise it’s okay. I promise, George.” Not that his promises mean anything. 
George must think so too. He ignores him in favor of gently pulling up his shirt, spying the blood soaked bandages wrapped around his middle. Dream hisses when the fabric of his shirt catches on the gauze. George frowns.
“Why would you let me just yell at you for being late? You should have told me.” 
“To be fair. I was late.”
“To be fair. You were wounded. You literally got jumped.” 
George gives it an apologetic look, tracing the blood stains with the tips of his fingers. Guilt doesn’t look good on him, but Dream doesn’t know how to fix it. 
“Change those first thing when you wake up.” George sets his shirt back in place. He gently tugs on Dream’s neck to lay down. Nothing sounds better. “And don’t jump around and stuff.”
“I know.”
They curl up together, noses nearly pressing. It’s faint in the dark, but Dream can see the pitiable expression on his face. Thin, cold fingers come to rest on Dream’s jaw. Dream holds his hip in return. Equal and fair, reciprocated and even. George searches his eyes for an anchor, something to respond to. He just looks sadder and sadder as the minutes press on.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I just miss you.”
It’s hard for Dream to whisper back. “I miss y–u too.”
“Do you really?”
“This is my favorite part of the day. Getting to hold you. ‘N be held by you.”
The fingers on his jaw twitch. George’s thumbs cradle his face. Dream watches his face carefully. Though he knows every curve and edge and nasty imperfection of George’s being, it only hits him in moments like this just how much he has to protect. The whole world fits in the curve of his arms. The whole world has a kiss like a nine-volt battery and fury like a god. The whole world waits for him to come home every day, hoping he’s in one piece. Dream wonders if the world knows he’s trying to save it. 
“I love you.” George whispers, barely tethered to the waking world. Maybe he realized he hadn’t said it when they were fighting, or after they decided to stop fighting. Maybe it's the last thing he thinks before going to sleep, and the first thing he thinks in the morning. Maybe it was coating the back of his throat like Dream’s guilt coats his, and he just had to tell him.
“I’m sorry.” Dream kisses him. “I love you.”
George falls asleep with tear tracks that have just barely dried. Dream wipes them away with his thumbs, admiring how peaceful he looks. 
Dream sleeps like the dead, but wakes with the dawn no matter what. He lingers in the warmth for a while before the sun’s light is too much to bear. Properly waking up to pain first thing in the morning is beginning to be a more and more common occurrence. His legs pulse with every beat of his heart, and his side isn’t much better. There’s a few droplets of blood on the sheets, which is what finally gets him to untangle himself from the mess of limbs that snaked around him in the night. 
George stirs lightly, but it’s unlikely he’ll truly wake before eight. Dream gently tugs at the arms around his neck, and they retract with a sleepy, confused mumble.
“I have to change these bandages.” Dream whispers against his temple. 
George makes an agreeable noise before moving to hug his pillow instead. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Dream spends the morning planning his mental itinerary. But also, redressing his wounds, and trying to figure out what to do with his legs. Salve, maybe. A healing potion, but he’s running low and wants to save them for an emergency. Besides, he took a few sips when it happened. It should be fine.
He’s supposed to get up now and meet with Punz. And then work on the book, and then go here and do this, and patrol that. But his legs just won’t move. 
He thinks, maybe for one day, he can spend it doing nothing. Besides, he actually is wounded. He does need to recoup. It’s not an excuse, yeah?
He wants to make it up to George. He’s not much of a romantic, and really he sucks shit at being a boyfriend, but he knows one thing that always makes George smile. The big toothy kind that makes his cheeks pink. He wants to see it before he has to get back to work.
Dream leaves a note on his side of the bed telling him that when he wakes up he should go to the hill outside. The one with the big tree.
Dream hobbles himself to the florist. He hopes that with his mask and baggy clothes, Niki won’t notice his limping. A dozen red roses. By the time he’s gotten there and halfway back, he’s convinced himself he’s walked off his bruising. 
Under the oak tree on the hill overlooking the castle, Dream spies a red cape blowing in the wind, and the glint of gold. The person faraway raises a hand over their eyes to peer, then uses his entire arm to wave at him hugely. It makes Dream laugh. 
They hurry to meet each other. George just seems excited to see him, like he always seems to be, except late at night when he’s already too angry. George doesn’t leave the shade, but he holds out his hands for Dream to take so he can pull him up the hill. Dream gives him one arm, the other holding the bouquet behind his back. 
“Wow. You’re actually in the sun. I never see that.”
“I got you something. I’m, uh, making it up to you.”
George pauses, wide eyed, trying to lean to see what’s behind his back. 
“It’s not a puppy, right?”
“What? No. What? Why would I get you a puppy?” Dream keeps turning to keep him from seeing. He can feel his own smile cracking his face. 
“I don’t know, I got scared! Now gimme.” George tries to blindly reach behind him. Dream grabs his wrist and pulls him close, wrapping an arm around his waist. George smiles at him smugly.
“Not even a thank you or anything?”
“I don’t know what it is yet, idiot. You haven’t given it to me.” George’s busy hands settle for pushing his mask up, instead. The breeze feels cool on the light layer of sweat that’s formed on his forehead. George smiles warmly at his face. It’s a smile Dream doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of. But not the exact one he’s aiming for.
Dream’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “Ohh, you want me to give it to you? Here? Outside??”
“Oh, shut up! Show me. I demand it. As your king.” He tilts his head regally, crown glinting in the light that’s casted through the leaves. Dream almost forgets they ever had a fight at all.
Dream pulls the flowers from behind his back and presses them to George’s chest. He tries to give him a smile with it, but knows it probably looks a bit forced. George doesn’t seem to notice at all, face erupting into a smile nearly immediately. The smile. Dream can’t help but stare.
Dream thinks this must be what sunbathing is meant to feel like.
“Dream! I love it. I looove it.” George hugs them close, still beaming. Dream thinks he understands religion. “What’s the occasion?” 
“Huh? Oh. I’m sucking up.”
George laughs. Takes a brief break, then laughs again. “You’re so stupid.”
“I wanted to cheer you up.” Dream rubs his thumb on his side idly, soaking in the feeling. 
“You derailed your whole day just to get me flowers?”
“Uhhh, well. I canceled my whole day to recover from my grievous wounds. My life threatening injuries. Oh no. “ Dream spins them a bit dramatically, just to make George laugh. There’s a few rose petals on the ground.
“Oh, you need someone to kiss it bett– wait, really?”
“Yeah, really. Hey, what was that you were offering just now?”
“You’re not doing anything today?”
Dream shakes his head. George’s face lights up. 
“Stay!” He blurts, “You should stay. Stay here. With me. I’ll kiss the stupid boo-boos better.”
“I don’t have anywhere better to be.” Dream shrugs, casual, aloof. “And I like kisses. Sure.”
Unexpectedly, lips crash into his. All of George’s weight crashes into him, really. Arms snake around his neck, and he tries to support them both before he realizes George is trying to make them fall. He goes limp, letting George tackle him into the grass. George is still kissing him. He pulls Dream’s neck to the side, which Dream allows because he hadn’t realized they were on the edge of the hill.
He yells into George’s mouth as they go tumbling, wrapping his arms around George’s head to make sure he doesn’t hit it. Someone is laughing, maybe both of them, as they spin and spin and spin and leave a trail of petals behind. 
The world finally comes to a stop with George cradled on top of him, gloved hand still covering the back of his head. 
George sits up, looming over Dream’s face, laughing like the whole world is laughing with him. Dream might have gotten the wind knocked out of him. The sun is eclipsed by George’s hair, a halo hanging behind him. His actual crown has probably rolled further away, but neither of them can care about such stupid things when there’s so much in front of them. 
Dream breaks the mirage to sit up and kiss him. Then kiss him again. There’s a buzzing in his back pocket, but it’s tomorrow’s problem. 
Today, the world loves red roses and fits in the curve of his arms.
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Text
2024 Megaman Valentine's Day/White Day Contest Results!
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Hopefully this post won't feel too rushed; it certainly is rare for me to get contest results posted before 2 days have passed. Once again, I thank everyone who drew something for this year's event, as well as those who helped spread the word. Even with a smaller turnout, you guys still made it really hard on me to choose winners. All your art is deserving of praise! I wish I could afford to give you all some prize money! While I am posting this right now a little late into the evening in my time zone, I will be sending all the winners a message about your prize winnings soon enough, later tonight. If you don't see something right away, just know my message is on the way, within the next few hours. After the break, you will see all the pics and this year's winners!
As usual, after each entrant’s name, there will be a link to their entry, too, just in case the inserted images don’t load for you. With a smaller turnout this year, everything has been uploaded into a single imgbox gallery folder. Should be alphabetical by alias for each category, with the first 7 images for Cat. 1, and the last 4 images in Cat. 2.
[Full entry gallery]
CATEGORY 1 (Talent): Black and White Day
For this category, participants were tasked with creating an image celebrating White Day, with the requirement that their art mimic the "rubber hose" art style from around the 1920's. All entries needed to use a black and white or monochrome palette. 1.) HikariLux [Entry] [GB Alternate] $175 Winner!
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A cute scene with Rock presenting Alia with a ring that was made even better by adding an alternate original Gameboy palette pixel version of the same art. That added creativity made an adorable pic stand out even more, to give two different retro vibes to your art.
2.) @eulogysinger [Entry] $100 Winner!
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As an overall scene, your piece felt the most like it was screencapped straight out of a 20's cartoon, so I give you your props on getting your style to match so well! You can feel the movement with the curve in the Big Snakey's necks as Snake Man slides on down to Toad with his candy bouquet gift.
3.) @sylviidaee [Entry] $75 Winner!
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Sure, because of all the Axess storyboard posts I've been doing lately, this trio is probably in my mind more lately. But animating your piece to give it that added life, as the guys bonk each other with their gifts for Mariko, helped boost your entry into the top 3! LOL at the fish crying when Masa gets bonked. And again, style-wise, great job pulling off the rubber hose look.
And the rest of the wonderful entries in alphabetical order by alias: Kaitlin.EXE [Entry]
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Y'arr, that Pirate Man be takin' the girl and a pricey pearl wit 'em. But I bet once Diveye the Sailor Man eats his seaweed, that Pirate has a few punches coming to him. Retro Splashy's design is so cute! Totally a fun scene and creative takes on all three.
Komito [Entry]
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Like a vintage Norman Rock(man)well painting, the diner scene truly gives off the retro vibes, from the checkboard floor to Big Boy waiter Rock in the background. Love the touch of Splashy's straw curving into a heart shape as she longingly stares at Blues.
@wennastudio [Entry]
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I get the vibe of Axl imitating Porky Pig here, saying "That's All Folks!" to end the episode, as he pops out before the fades out. And since you are alphabetically last, it makes your piece even more fitting to close out this category's pics with this cute piece!
CATEGORY 2 (Humor): Showing Some Skins
For this category, entries needed to contain a character wearing an out-of-place holiday-themed skin or outfit that was not Valentine's Day-related, while in a Valentine's Day scene or setting. Being the humor category, the more it makes us laugh, the better! 1.) @aurantia-ignis [Entry] $175 Winner!
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🎵Zero the Snowman was a jolly, happy soul...but are YOU happy, Ciel? I love how Zero took White Day this literally to don this amusing snowman outfit. And out of all the entries for this category, you pulled off the absurdly humorous costume the best.
2.) @drewblossom [Entry] $100 Winner!
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It might just be a simple party hat, but I mean, Bass isn't wrong. Subtle, but I was amused! The heart shaped speech bubble was a nice touch to help sell the dialogue's punch line as well.
3.) AbilityField [Entry] $75 Winner!
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Clever way to show the rush in changing between events, as RiCO is in part Valentine's skin and part Celebration skin dress that are digitally switching. ViA has it much easier throwing on a coat. It's always easier for the guys to get ready, as they say.
4.) Miralie [Entry]
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While Zero and Iris are dressed for the day, X's date does sort of have that Halloween vibe to her, as a witch. While Axl is clearly enjoying Singles Awareness Day...or doing his best Stuart Smalley impression by giving his Daily Affirmation that he's good enough, he's smart enough, and doggone it, Reploids like him.
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schoanhe · 8 months
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𝕾𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖞 𝖒𝖔𝖒, you were a normal girl from Twisted Wonderland who lived with her mother and you dreamed of going to NRC... But that was impossible, you were a girl after all. But just one day you meet a beautiful girl, Yuuka, in Magicam, and she told you she was in NRC being a girl, this made you happy and confident that you someday will enter there ... But that wasn't all, you fell in love with Yuuka.
LESBIAN FEMALE READER / ANGST / MOTHER ISSUES / HOMOPHOBIC MOTHER
Note: To be honest... I really wanted to do this because it reminds me of some problems I had in the past, so I had more inspiration to write this.
Words: 1907 (sorry)
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Once upon a time, in the enchanting realm of Twisted Wonderland, there lived a young girl, that yes, is you . You were an ordinary girl who resided with her loving mother in a humble cottage nestled in the outskirts of the magical world. You had always yearned to attend the illustrious Night Raven College (NRC), a school renowned for nurturing the most skilled and talented magic-users. However, a persistent obstacle stood in your path - you were a girl and only boys could enter NRC, after all, this school was only for boys no girl could be accepted.
Despite this, you refused to let go of your dreams. You would spend countless hours practicing your magical abilities in secret, hopeful that someday you could prove the world wrong and achieve the impossible. Your heart longed for acceptance and the chance to study magic at NRC.
To look for more information about Night Raven College, you frequented Magicam, a magical social media platform in Twisted Wonderland, and while browsing through posts and pictures, you stumbled upon an ethereal beauty named Yuuka. Her account didn't have photos or anything, but you found out about her appearance and name thanks to a post that a certain Cater had uploaded along with her. Thanks to Yuuka's tagging in different publications by Cater, Ace, Deuce and others, you reached out to her, never imagining that your fateful encounter would alter the course of your life forever.
You dared to send her a simple "hey" message, thinking that she was not going to answer, but after a couple of hours, at night she answered with a "Hello!". You weren't used to socializing but even so, you were encouraged enough to establish a conversation with her that lasted minutes. This was only the beginning, until they began to send audios, photos, videos... they could spend hours talking.
As you conversed, Yuuka confided in you, revealing that she was a girl attending NRC, despite not possessing magical powers, she didn't know exactly how she got there, but she was there after all. Your spirits soared, realizing that hope was not lost and that NRC could indeed be within your reach. Yuuka's courage and determination ignited a fire within you, emboldening you to chase your dreams fearlessly.
However, amidst the blossoming friendship and newfound hope, you discovered an even trickier hurdle on your path. Your heart, inexplicably and unreciprocally, fell deeply in love with Yuuka. As emotions bloomed within you, you found yourself ensnared within an internal struggle, for your mother held deeply ingrained homophobic beliefs.
You yearned for your mother's love and approval but feared the consequences of revealing your true self. You knew that your mother's disapproval would be a heavy burden to bear, potentially shattering their fragile bond forever. Thus, you choosed to bury you affection for Yuuka deep within your heart, locked away and hidden from prying eyes.
Days turned into weeks, and you and Yuuka's friendship flourished. While you continued to suppress your feelings, Yuuka remained oblivious to the love that silently bloomed within her dear friend's heart. Both of you nurtured each other's dreams, offering unwavering support, and shared in the joy and triumphs that life offered.
However, secrets can only be contained for so long before the walls begin to crumble. One evening, as fate would have it, your mother stumbled upon your cherished Magicam account, she had noticed something very strange about you -you were daydreaming, you smiled more than normal and you turned red when talking about love - that's why she wanted to know what it was about, and she thought that the best way to find out was to spy on your cell phone. This made her unaware of the unrequited love that thrived within her daughter's heart. Your heart pounded with fear as your mother's eyes scanned the screen, capturing every cherished moment and interaction you had shared with Yuuka.
Time seemed to hang suspended as you mother absorbed the truth. The air grew heavy with disappointment and confusion. Tears welled up in your eyes, knowing that the ground beneath you had shattered, and your world had forever changed in that moment.
You begged her to return your cell phone, but she angrily just took it from your hands and kept looking at what you had in other applications. Lots of photos of Yuuka with hearts, recordings with her, even in your notes app -as silly as you were (what you thought at that moment)- you wrote down everything you felt for Yuuka.
80% of your cell phone was Yuuka.
A solemn silence settled between you two, your mother looked into your eyes, she was angry, very angry, with tears in her eyes, tears of disappointment.
"Are you serious?"
You didn't answer
"Tell me you are not those weirdos who like people of the same gender" she said angrily
"I'm not mom.... She is just a friend" you answered still crying
"Shut up! You disgusting liar" she barked at you "Tell me truth, do you like this girl?" "Are you a lesbian?"
You didn't want to answer, you knew how bad it could be for your homophobic mother. Her reaction had been too much to take in,
you wanted to leave so badly but you couldn't. Your feet rooted on the ground unable to get any closer to her, the room felt smaller and smaller every second, the only thing that kept you from getting sucked into a hole was your mother's voice.
"Answer me" she barked again
you were trembling violently, tears dripping down your cheeks
"No mom."
Your words hung in the air like a heavy weight until you saw your mother's face change from one of fury to a look of sorrow and sadness
you could feel the heat from her body radiating as she slowly walked towards you, her heels clicking against the hard wooden floor of her apartment. Your heart began beating faster, it was so loud it made you nauseous
She crouched down infront of you, holding your shoulders and looking into your eyes.
It looked like she was trying to find something there, she was so confused, her thoughts running through her head as if they were a record, each thought a new one, new worries replacing the old ones. Finally, she spoke
"If you're going to lie to me then I have no choice but to ask you to leave this house" she spoke quietly
Her words made your stomach twist like a knife "What?" you asked. You wanted to hear her say it again, it seemed impossible to believe what you had heard
she shook her head in confusion "Leave! Now!"
"Mom..." you tried to speak calmly. Tears began streaming down your face again
She shook her head again "You will leave this home, right now, while you can. It would be wise if you did, you know how my neighbors can be. I am sure they will be interested in finding out if you really are queer"
"Mom.... please listen..... I don't think I am...." you lied again - you choked out your words between cries and hiccups. You were sobbing now "Please, you have got to understand..." you pleaded
"Listen to me little girl" she continued, her voice cold "I am done talking about this if you don't tell me the truth! You will never come back here again, ever!!" she yelled "Do you understand?!" she finished with rage.
You nodded quickly, "Ok mom I understand" you whispered, wiping your face with the palm of your hand to prevent more tears from falling. Then you grabbed your bags and left, the door slamming shut behind you.
"I can't believe.... I really can't believe...." you said still crying "I should never have fallen in love with her, never" you continued "I don't have a home now" you continued "neither a family, my mom hates me".... you couldn't even stand yourself, you felt so bad.
You looked at your cellphone, you wanted to text Yuuka about what happened but, why?, Now you felt like you were a disgusting person, a weirdo.
You couldn't react when you felt a carriage heading towards you, your mind went blank after that.
"Where I am?" you asked, It was all dark, you couldn't see anything and you didn't hear anything till...
You listed a girl calling your name, more than once, it sounded like she was happy but at the same time worried.
You were tired, you had just woken up and you felt like something bad might happen if you didn't find her soon. So you called out again and she answered this time, her voice so relieved and full of happiness. You answered back. Her voice sounded familiar to you somehow.... yes, it was Yuuka's voice
"YUUKA?" you screamed and she answered happy again. "What's going on?! Where are you?!" You asked, trying to look around for anything.
Then you saw it, a lot of people wearing ceremonial clothes were looking at you, including Yuuka.
"No way".... you said, forgetting the problem you just had with your mother "I'm in Night Raven College" you added with a wide smile.
The people were starting to talk to each other, they weren't talking about you yet or looking at you in any particular way but still...
Yuuka looked at you with her big bright eyes, tears were running down her cheeks and she nodded her head vigorously. She started walking toward you, as though she knew exactly where she was going. And then, there she stood before you, hugging you tightly. You could feel her arms shaking from being so much emotional.
She took a deep breath, wiping away her tears, "Sorry about this" she whispered "But I really need to do this". Then her mouth came crashing into yours. The kiss started out soft but you had been longing for this so long that you kissed back passionately, you didn't care about the other people or the teachers, even though you really wanted to enter NRC you also wanted to be with Yuuka. As she kissed you you felt like she belonged to you. She was warm and soft and smelled nice, not too strong but enough to make your heart beat faster. She felt right in your arms. Finally, after what seemed like years, you broke the kiss to catch your breath. You both giggled while looking at each other. You thought you would fall down to the ground from how lightheaded you felt. You smiled at her again, feeling so happy. This moment was perfect and nothing could ruin it. "Yuuka... what was that?" you asked blushed
She just giggled "I have fallen in love with you and I'm really so happy I can finally see you in person, and that you achieved your dreams... entering NRC" she replied looking at you with an excited smile, her big eyes sparkling. You hugged her and kissed her again and again. The two of you giggling like idiots until you heard someone "Honestly...Coming through the door of your own accord is virtually unheard off" was the headteacher "You gotta go see what color your soul is, then do your thing with miss Yuuka"
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jinkookspencil · 1 year
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unlucky in love
Your best friend Namjoon proposes a surprising, prolonged backup plan for the decades to come……
“Would….Would it be so bad?” 
“You and me. You and me stuck with each other.”
tags/description: ~6k words / namjoon x (f) reader / angst / fluff / friends to lovers(?) / pining / no smut but alludes to sex possibly happening at one point / no triggers or warnings, except swearing / happy ending / slow burn within their timelines since this takes years…. / jane austen references, title is a reference to p&p but fair warning i might just change it to 'unlucky' in the future / three ‘chapters’ / age of namjoon in each chapter: 1: ~27, 2:~32, 3: ~36 / chapters are separated by little ✣ ’s / feedback always welcome!
author’s note: every time i say I’ll upload my jin fics another fic pops into and out of my head - this namjoon fic came out of nowhere and i just thought to upload it to celebrate the release of indigo. the jin ones are coming very soon though. </3 proud of this though, besides the jin wip series, this is my first longer work!
Namjoon was a catch. An ideal man. The perfect man, really. It wasn’t hard for you, one of his best friends, to see why practically every woman on the planet fell for him. It wasn’t just the people who knew him, either. You could see it in the barista’s eyes when you grabbed coffee together. You heard your friends’ countless gushes over him, even the ones that were taken. And you couldn’t blame them…. He was smart, a little goofy, respectful, manly, sometimes endearing, and he was pretty easy on the eyes too. Every woman’s dream. Practically a Jane Austen character come to life. 
You could see it, understand it….you just never…. felt it. Namjoon was a close friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. 
You always had to dismiss people who thought otherwise or thought that that’s how you knew each other. Work had made your paths cross a few years ago when you were both in your early twenties and taking your first steps into the world of art. When he walked into your job at the film institute one morning, he had wanted to find out more about the artistry of film, the one realm of art he didn’t explore as thoroughly as paintings, sculptures, and literature, which you had always thought of studying as well. A quick conversation about film turned into an hour-long discussion on art and passion; the rest was history. Whenever Namjoon came back to learn about film, you took the opportunity to ask him about literature and art, whenever he brought it up, and before you knew it a friendship formed. He was the only one that got you, on your passions, art, and, as you’d later find out, in life. 
Movie nights at his place and your place were common, as were trips to libraries and bookstores to pick out different reads, which you’d begin at coffee shops over cronuts and pies, but you enjoyed your regular late-night therapy sessions just as much, talking about life and its complexities, sharing ideas and personal philosophies…  He was the only one that ever cared about that sort of thing…. And even when it got to discussions on love, everything remained respectful - especially when the other was in a relationship. Boyfriends came and went, with only one ever getting “worried” about Namjoon, whose girlfriends came and went over the years as well. 
You understood art, you understood each other, you just never understood love. 
It was the main topic of conversation on your cold, December walk, trying to figure it out as you always did.  
“Why are we just so unlucky?” you complained. “Do you think there’s something wrong with us? Are we attracting these weirdos?”
He giggles. “I wouldn’t say that. We’re just ourselves, aren’t we? And don’t be mean. People just play a role and live fake lives because they don’t know any better. What did that guy tell you once? Didn’t he say that he was an author but it turns out he paid someone to write some fake short story about a cloud or some shit? Didn’t they even write the good morning texts he sent you?”
“Oh god, don’t remind me of that lazy ass, Joon,” you shake your head. “As if you didn’t date that girl who said she was an art curator but couldn’t pronounce Monet.”
“Ay,” he sighs. “I just wish people were honest to themselves, you know. So what, if you can’t pronounce Monet and didn’t like art? That girl was fine, she was just a compulsive liar. I can’t have that.”
“Sincerity is dying, Kim Namjoon. It lives in you and me only. And in, let’s hope, a lovely man out there who proves me wrong. And in someone for you, too.”
“Let’s hope. Otherwise, we’ll be stuck with each other.”
“Oof, can’t have that,” you laugh, but a couple of steps later you notice that Namjoon had stopped walking, the bite of the hotteok he had taken from the dessert in your hands lingering in his mouth for a moment too long before he swallowed it. 
Eyes squinted in a far off-gaze, with his head tiled, you knew Namjoon was in thought. As always, you stopped and stared at him until he came back to Earth, not to interrupt his train of thought.
“Would….Would it be so bad?” he finally speaks. 
“Would what be so bad?”
“You and me. You and me stuck with each other.”
W- all of a sudden?! 
“Namjoon?!”
“Listen, I know we’re friends. Just friends, right? For all these years? And even right now… like sorry, Y/N, but I don’t know if I feel so attracted to you… I think I know too much and we’re too alike but that’s not the point. Just… Would it be so bad?” he asks, but he goes on. “I guess you’re right, we’ve both just been so…. unlucky. I like to think there’s someone out there for me and for you but… I can’t deny that I’m losing hope, at least for myself. You are, too, you just admitted it. The new year is starting soon and I've been thinking about what I want in life... And… I want a wife. I want kids. And..”
“Namjoon, what the fuck are you saying?!,” you yell in the middle of the snowy park. “Kids?!”
“Not now!” he explains. “Of course not now. But… look they always say ‘marry your best friend’, right? Well, you’re my only ‘best friend’ that’s a girl. It’s not like I can ask Yoongi to marry me.”
You feel your head spin at the words spewing out of Namjoon’s mouth. 
“Kim Namjoon! A wife, marriage, kids, what the fuck are you saying?”
He takes a deep breath and grabs your elbow, leading you to sit on a nearby park bench. 
“Breathe, Y/N.  I thought this through and we can scrap the idea and pretend like I never said anything, but just hear me out for a moment, with a calm mind.”
Looking at Namjoon, still confused, you take a couple of deep breaths before you nod at him to continue talking. 
“I’m not saying this for right now. What I’m saying is… in years, if we’re still friends, if we’re still single, if we’re still unlucky in love, if we still get each other…. If, and if, and if…. Why don’t we… why don’t we give this a shot? Just as a backup? We can either try a relationship - but that might be too weird because you know,” he tilts his head, “As I said, I think you’re not… and I am not… at least right now, anyway… Anyway! We can do that or we can just… get married regardless. Maybe have kids some way or the other. I know you want that in life but not right now, and I feel the same. And who knows? Our ‘wants’ can easily change…. But if….  It’ll be nice to share my life with my best friend.”
You stare at Namjoon, taking in his… proposal.  “When?”
“When should we do this?” he assumes is your question, staring up at the sky while he figures out an answer. “When I’m around 35, 36, 37? That seems good for both of us. That gives us plenty of time to find someone else, if that happens and…”
“No, I mean… when did you come up with this idea?”, you ask. 
“Oh, just right now when we were walking over there,” he says, pointing to the place he froze. 
“And you’re so ready to make this offer?!”
“You’re my best friend!” he exclaims. “Wasn’t this always a safe space for us to just say what’s on our minds?”
His tone couldn’t be more serious, even with the gentle expression on his face. 
“Look, it’s just an idea. It’s just a backup. And hey if in the future you or I feel like this conversation was a bad idea we can forget it ever happened. Wouldn’t it be nice to spend our nights watching films everyone thinks is too pretentious, talking about life, then in the mornings visiting libraries and galleries, with hotteoks and coffee? And not have to worry about lovers who never gave a shit about all of that? It’s about more than that but…,” he pauses. “We can still do it as friends, but…. just in case we don’t find that with someone else….”
You stare at Namjoon. He was your best friend. He understood you more than any lover, or any friend, ever had. Would it be so bad? To marry your best friend?
“And what about the issue of attraction, Joon? We both think that’s important. I hate to break it to you, bestie, but I’m not attracted to you, either.”
“That’ll resolve itself,” he laughs. “We’ll probably be too old to care. Or.. we’ll see…. There are so many ‘if’s’ for this to happen and I don’t know what future Namjoon will think. It’s just an offer.”
You had plenty of time. Sure, you’d find someone…. Sure, he would too - if given the chance, hundreds of girls would line up just for the chance to date him. OF course, you’ll both find other people…. But for now…. Would it hurt to not completely disregard your best friend? 
“I’m living every girl’s dream… getting proposed to under conditions, with the guy telling her she’s unattractive and saying he’ll be stuck with me.”
“Sorry, just think of yourself as a modern-day Elizabeth Bennett,” he smiles. 
“Oh, don’t flatter yourself by insinuating that you’re a Darcy,” you say, making him laugh. 
“So… when you’re 35?” you ask after a moment of silence, looking at Namjoon through your eyelashes, picking at the paper packaging of your shared dessert in your hands, his twiddling with the strings on his hoodie.
“Around?”, he answers. 
You nod, smiling at your best friend. 
“Okay. That gives me plenty of time to find an actual Mr. Darcy.” 
“I’m sure he’ll bewitch you, you idiot….”
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“Finally, it’s been too long.”
Those are the words you’d greeted Namjoon with the moment you spotted him waiting for you outside the cafe. It had been too long. Over the years, you kept in touch as best as you could, but with hectic work schedules and different careers, it was hard to see each other as often as you used to in your twenties. 
“It has,” he smiles, wrapping an arm around you in a hug. “What has it been like 5, 6 months? How’ve you been?”
You catch up for the next hour over coffee and pastries, talking about life, the world, and art, as you always had, as if you’d just seen each other the other day. But, as the sun began to set and the cafe got too busy to relax in, you were reminded that your long-anticipated hangout day was slowly coming to an end. 
“I don’t know if it’s our age or if that croissant ruined it, but how is this iced latte so sweet?” he wonders, taking a sip of the extra coffee he ordered to go as you watched the summer sky change colors in the park. 
“Let’s switch,” you offer, handing Namjoon your iced americano. “You never liked coconut milk, anyway, why would you order it with your coffee? Dairy is still bad for you, huh?”
“Yep. I can’t power through the intolerance anymore,” he laughs. “Could it be possible that my girlfriend’s dairy intolerance made me even more intolerant?”
“The model, right?” you ask.
“Yep. She’s…alright. And hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you…. how’s that guy you’ve been seeing? How long has it been now? A year?”
“A year and a half,” you nod. “That’s actually the reason I’ve been rushing to see you…
I…uh.. I’m engaged.”
Namjoon’s pace slows. “Oh.”
Oh?
“Uhm, congratulations,” he says sternly.
“Thanks….” you murmur, side-eyeing Namjoon who just stares at his feet as you both continue to walk.
“Do you like him?”
“….Of course, I like him, Namjoon. Why else would I accept? Why else would I date him for a year and a half of my life?”, you snap.
But Namjoon remains quiet, merely nodding in the silence. 
“I thought you’d be happy for me,” you say.
“I would be…. If you were happy.”
“I am happy,” you say, stopping him and standing your ground.
“Then where the fuck is your ring?”
You quickly hide your hands in your pockets in a feeble attempt at concealing the truth he just spat out. He had given you a ring. A diamond ring with a gold band. One he said reminded him of you. Even though you told him you hated diamonds, and only wore silver. It was the thought that counts, right? The gift…. The proposal. It didn’t matter that he didn’t bother getting one that fit either, it was too big and too…. not you. As he said, you should be grateful that he finally popped the question…..
“It was too big,” you say meekly, and Namjoon scoffs.
“Even so, why didn’t he get it resized? Why isn’t it on a chain around your neck? Is it fucking gold?!”
“I…”
“To this day… even if we don’t see each other as often, I’d still consider you my best friend,” he interrupts you softly. “I know you more than anyone, Y/N. If this is the same guy you talked to me about a year ago….,” he sighs. “I know the movies you find romantic, the books and characters you fawn over, the tropes you like, the art that affected you… and I know he isn’t.. he wouldn’t… He wouldn’t do all the things you wanted, all the things you deserved, Y/N. What happened to that hope you always had, even whenever we called ourselves unlucky? Where is my best friend? The Y/N I knew, who looked for a Darcy or a Knightley or whatever the fuck? That Y/N? She wouldn’t settle for someone like that.”
“I woke up. I was delusional. I realized that I don’t live in a fucking Jane Austen novel, Namjoon. There’s no one else, okay?”
He shakes his head. It stings more than anything, seeing the disappointment and…. hurt…. in his eyes.  “Your reason for marrying a guy is ‘there’s no one else’? Y/N….” 
“Don’t bring up that stupid ass deal now, Namjoon.”
“Did I?!”, he asks, and it’s the first time you sense anger in his voice. You rarely could… even over the years. 
“Fuck the deal. Look at the guy you’re marrying,” he spits the words out, the last word escaping like venom, before rubbing the space between his brows. “How many times did you come to me because he never got you, huh? Because he never made any effort to do so? 
I just want to see you happy, Y/N.”
“Well, open your eyes, Namjoon because that’s what you’ll see.”
But you walk away the moment he looks at you, knowing you’d be unable to hide another lie, nor the tears forming in your eyes. 
He knew you too well.
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“Did you hear who’s here?”
Looking up from your notebook, you see the excitement in your co-partner’s eyes… under all that blue mascara and funky makeup. 
“Put that thing away! It’s a party. Guess who’s here?”
“Who?” you resign, putting your tiny notepad and pen in your purse. 
“Only your FAVORITE film director, AND he’s looking to fund the film institute, AND he’s newly single.”
You contain your excitement, but she’d never realize it was there. “You talk like a teenager when we need to get down to business, ‘partner’. Is he really here and looking to fund it?”
“And he’s single,” she reiterates. “Oh, and the Kim Namjoon is here.”
…..Oh.
“He's so handsome, isn't he? And on top of all that talent? I think he’s looking to put together some pieces for an upcoming exhibition in his gallery… And word on the street is he's looking to get into film, too. Actually….," she pauses, "you two seem like a good fit. I’m sure you’ll work together one day.”
The thought of seeing Namjoon made your heart race, but really there was no reason for you to be surprised. The both of you had become prominent people in the art industry… It was more surprising that you hadn’t bumped into each other in all these years, dancing within the same circles. And you always promised yourself…
Still, you were there for work, you reminded yourself quickly. Sure, it was a party, but everyone networked at these things. And you had a film institute that needed funding….
-
The night went well, you mixed and mingled with so many people that were interested in film and the institute, and you can’t help but feel a rush when receiving your favorite director’s business card, complete with his personal phone number…. Where that’d go, you couldn’t tell, but his brief mention of funding and a collaboration idea was more than enough. Lost in the adrenaline, you forgot about Namjoon entirely….
“Y/N, there you are!,” you hear from behind you,. It was a partygoer you had just met….a familiar, looming figure was talking to someone else behind her. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere! Have you met Mr. Kim Namjoon?”
Of course. This was it. 
The all-too-familiar figure turns towards you, his glaring eyes fixated on yours for a moment so long you missed the partygoer’s unnecessary introductions. 
“….Miss Y/N here is a leading figure in the world of film,” you hear, “which I know you expressed interest in delving into, Mr. Kim.”
“You don’t need to introduce Miss. Y/N L/N to me. It’s good to see you,” he says with a smile, eyes still locked onto yours, but you don’t miss his fingers twitching around the glass in his hand before he outstretches his other arm.
“It’s good to see you too,” you reply, shaking his hand. Just as soft and big as you remember it to be.  
“Oh! Have you… met?” the elderly lady asks from somewhere in your peripheral vision. 
“We have,” you simply respond with a nod, but Namjoon elaborates.
“We… now.. we now know of each other.”
“Oh…. Well… why haven’t you collaborated yet?! I’ll leave you to it, figure it out and make it happen,” you hear the woman insist and briefly see her figure disappear into the crowd. 
“It really is good to see you, Y/N,” he says, finally breaking the silence between you in the otherwise noise-filled room. 
“Same to you, Namjoon….”
“I’m proud of you and all that you’ve done. I never got the chance to say that.”
“Thanks. I’m proud of you, too… ‘Mr. Kim’,” you laugh.
“Oh,” he winces with a chuckle, “It sounds even weirder coming from you. At this age and I still haven’t gotten used to it, to all of…. this,” he says, waving around to the party behind him and taking a sip of his drink. 
“Don’t pretend like you don’t like a good party, Kim Namjoon, I know you too well.”
“You do, you do…..,” he says, nodding. “And I do, like a good party. But you know just as well as I do that this isn’t a party. This is just… networking and business.”
“Yeah… and you’re interested in film, all of a sudden….”
“Not all of a sudden, Y/N, you know that, but it is time for my foundation to step into film. We've neglected it for far too long, but… fuck I don’t want to talk about that…” he waves off. “You’re the only one here I can have a normal conversation with…”
You had both begun to hear distant calls of ‘Mr. Kim Namjoon!’
“….Can we step out for a while?”
-
Just around the corner from the gallery the event was held at, was a quaint yet artsy bookstore and bakery hybrid that was surprisingly still open at this hour. But at the employees’ silent acknowledgment of Namjoon, you suspected he was a regular… or the more obvious answer, they recognized him as famed writer and art philanthropist, Kim Namjoon. 
“Sit, I’ll get us some stuff,” he says, before returning to you with two coffees and two pastries. “A lemon flavor and a dark chocolate one… Because we’ve gotten so old.”
You chuckle, taking a bite of the bittersweet dark chocolate pastry, the perfect cup of coffee in your hands, the beautiful bookstore you were in and wondering how you never found it, but most of all you were taking in the moment… Taking in the fact that you were sitting opposite Namjoon again. Taking him in. With his eyes wandering around in thought, and a smile on his face. Already, it was as if no time had passed at all. Except, age looked good a bit too good on him. 
“Coffee, desserts, bookstores, and probably late-night conversations with Kim Namjoon… Takes me back.”
“Yeah…..” he thinks aloud, eyes still scanning above and below as he does…. “Yeah, I missed this.”
“…So have I…. I’m sorry I never reached out, Namjoon.”
“Don’t be,” he says, looking at you through his brows and taking a slow sip from his coffee. “I never reached out either.”
And…,” he starts, rubbing his hands together before continuing, “ I don’t know if I can take another year,” he says, breaking the silence.  “Friends again?”
You don’t even have to think about it. “Friends again.”
“Good,” he sighs with a wide smile, his eyes still forming little crescent moons when he did so. “Phew. Finally, I’ll have someone that gets me. Maybe we both changed over the years, but even so, I’m just glad I’ll have someone to talk to about books and art again. Someone that doesn’t want something out of me or isn’t bored out of their mind when I do so like Yoongi. I made the funniest joke the other day and he just ignored me like I hadn’t said anything.”
“What was the joke?”
“What do you get if you cross a painter with a heavyweight boxer? ….Muhammad Dali.”
You scoff. “Seems like Seokjin rubbed off on you. Kim Namjoon, you haven’t changed.”
“Neither have you,” he says. “I saw you with your little notebook. Who brings a notebook to a party?” 
“I was writing down information I knew I’d forget! Do you know how many people introduced themselves? I need to differentiate the flirting guy from the ‘kid faking that he’s in the industry’ from ‘serious collaboration potential’! They’re all in that sacred notebook, with a description of each person!”
“The flirting guy, huh? In addition to that too-good director? I saw him give you his number...” Namjoon chuckles, before going silent. “Whatever happened with… to the engagement?”
Despite having no contact with Namjoon over the past couple of years, there’s no way word wouldn’t have gotten to him. Despite everything, if you had made that mistake, he still would’ve been invited to the wedding. 
“You know, Namjoon.”
He nods. He knows. He probably knows that he’s the one who woke you up from that nightmare too. But nothing needs to be said. 
“Yeah,” you roll your eyes. “Whatever happened to that model by the way?”
“…Which one?” he smirks. 
“Fuck off, Kim Namjoon,” you throw a flimsy napkin in his way, laughing while he explodes into his hearty, hyena laugh - the one he rarely lets out. 
“Oh, it’s been ages since I heard that,” you say, pretending to wince at the noise. 
“It’s been ages since it came out of me.....”
“Why? Seokjin’s not around? Too busy with his wife and kids?”, you ask. 
“He’s around, still as funny, but… I don’t know, you make me laugh…differently…”
“It was your joke! You basically made yourself laugh, Joon,” you giggle. 
“Oh, fuck,” he says. “…'Joon’…”
You search his face, trying to sense what he was feeling but you couldn’t tell what it was…  
“No one called you that? Over the years? It seems like a… common, easy nickname for you….” you say calmly, wondering why no girlfriend or lover ever used the soft as summer nickname for the man who was the same.  
“People tried to,” he shakes his head. “I never let them.”
“Why?” you ask, eyes narrowing. “Why, Namjoon?”
“Y/N…. I know I don’t have to explain sentimentality to you.” His gaze shifts from the paper cup he toyed with to your eyes, and again, you just sit in silence. 
It was time. 
“You know, Namjoon, I did a lot of thinking…. over the years… About myself, the world…. You know, we called ourselves unlucky but we’re really quite stupid.”
“I know,” he nods. “We are, but… go on.“
“It was stupid of us to attribute it all to luck and the world. Especially because… all these years, I don’t think either of us really knew what we were searching for. We chased the empty label of ‘love’ without defining how that’d look like to us. And that’s what I’ve been working on.”
“And?” 
“And…. After countless movies, books, art, and a lot of self-reflection….. I finally have an idea.” Your eyes wandered as you talked, but you were determined to keep them on him, who listened intently, as you continued.
“I have an idea… of what love looks like to me. Whenever I thought about what I wanted, what I had and experienced… I realized that what I wanted was what we had. That friendship, that support, that empathy, respect, trust, honesty, and understanding… that… love.
I loved you, Namjoon. I love you.”
“And I loved you…and love you. I always did and always will,” he says immediately, calmly. “But…. what exactly are you saying?”
You knew he meant it as you did. You didn't need to define what type or over-analyze it and sub-categorize it as you would have when you were younger. It was love. Deep, true love. And it’s now or never...
“Is that offer still on the table?”
A chuckle escapes him, as well as the smile he tried so hard to contain.
“You needed to rewatch all those movies and reread all those books to figure it out? I could’ve painted you a picture years ago. But… you never even asked if I was single.”
“Are you?” you ask, hoping the quiet chuckle you let out concealed the bubbling feeling of regret in your chest. “Or is there another model? Some artistic muse? What did you call that one from years ago? ‘Alright’? ”
“The model, the curator, the.. whatever, they were all… alright but… wrong. No one ever… got me,” he admits, raising his eyebrows when he sees you nodding at his use of your words. You were on the same page. “I stopped searching for someone who did…. and then I went to that party.
I always wanted that for you, Y/N, but I never realized I needed it too…”
Namjoon was at his most vulnerable, and so were you, laying your honest truth out to the person who knew you best…. But it was easier to see it in his eyes. It’s something you hadn’t seen in him since your twenties, but he seemed more sure of himself than ever. So ready to be vulnerable, so ready to be honest, so…
“So…." you say, partly thinking aloud, partly hoping Namjoon could continue the conversation. 
“So, you finally get why I made that offer, way back when?” he asks.
“How did you know? We were in our twenties… Wait… did you come up with this because you had feelings for me all along?!”, you say, mouth agape in shock and amusement. You’d never doubt your friendship was a sham, but what if…
“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not the Knightley to your Emma, idiot, I wasn’t attracted to you then. It was just…. something that felt right. It still does. I didn’t know… much.”
“So, the offer is still on the table?”, you ask after a moment of silence.
“Of course it is.”
“Are you 35?”
“A little older,” he winces. "All this time and you're still bad at math, huh?"
You roll your eyes. “Well, you said ‘around 35’.... so, we’re right on schedule. And I still need to be wooed, Kim Namjoon. I know you have it in you,” you smile, feeling confidence return to your bloodstream like a rush of adrenaline after years without it. 
“You finally know what you deserve,” he says softly. “You are getting bewitched, Y/N, whether you like it or not.”
“Bewitched and hitched?” you laugh.
“Hey, don’t come for my job. Or actually, a joint poetry book or short film shit would be nice, we should do that,” he thinks, “but yes…. bewitched and hitched.”
Staring at the man you knew so well sitting opposite you, you couldn’t wait.
“‘When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible,’” you quote quietly.
“When Harry Met Sally…,” Namjoon nods. “You loved that film.”
“I do…” you nod. “so with that in mind, how soon can we make the wedding?”
He laughs, his hand reaching for yours across the table before he stands up and envelops you in a warm, soft embrace. Taking in his familiar scent of coffee and cologne, you don’t want to let go. In any way. But he does, only to kiss you on the cheek and giggle when you tip-toe to reciprocate.
“And if we fight?”, you suddenly ask Namjoon, your demons briefly popping in to ruin the moment.
“We used to. As couples do,” he shrugs, taking your hands in his. “All those ‘if’s’ worked out in our favor, didn’t they? It didn’t seem like they did….until today.” 
He brushes a hair away from your face, fingers grazing your jawline. Amidst all the familiarity of the night, this was new…. His lips slowly meet yours in a kiss as soft as summer and sweeter than the chocolate you could taste on him.
Breaking away, his hand instantly finds his stomach. You don’t need to theorize what it means, but you can’t hide the shock you’re feeling. He could be so innocent at times, you remember thinking, whenever you saw him rub his belly button every time he got butterflies from a girl. 
“Wow, do people our age still get butterflies in their stomachs?” You giggle, placing your hand on his. This was definitely new ground. “And to think I caused this.” 
“I hate how I could never control it, it feels like a tickle," he smiles. "Doesn’t help that I haven’t felt this in a while, though... I wish my 'tell' was as subtle as yours.”
“I have a tell?!!,” you yell, immediately wondering if anything gave away that you were feeling the same way. 
“You do. Not to bring him up but I never saw it with what’s-his-face and that's when I knew… But anyways, I think I’ll keep it a secret. So you don’t make a note of it,” he says while you roll your eyes, but in doing so a book behind Namjoon catches your eye and suddenly, you remembered your surroundings. 
“Anyways, is this beautiful place magically open for us to have this moment?”
“Well, if you’d say that, then I’m the wizard.”
“What?” you laugh. 
“Sweetie, I own this place.”
You momentarily ignore another ‘first’ in your life, Namjoon calling you a pet name, to take in the fact that he owned the most beautiful place you’d ever seen in your life.
“You OWN this place?! And you never told me about it? This is what I feel most betrayed about, Joon,” you huff, looking around. Of course it was his. Every inch of this placed screamed his name. No wonder you loved it so much.
“I guess I have to explain this one to you, don’t I? I saved this place from going bankrupt and completely revamped it. I thought of you every step of the way and… you know, I’m a romantic. I liked to believe one day you’d find this place by chance and just get that it was mine…. And that that’s how we’d meet. There’s even a screening room upstairs, beside the mini gallery, so I’m surprised you hadn’t found this place yet. There’s even a DVD section because you went on about the importance of physical media, which I now get. You didn’t even notice the name, huh?”
You look around, finding the minimalistic lettering and logo of the place on the far wall. “Unlucky - Art. Books. Coffee.”
“I love it, Namjoon,” you say, looking around in wonder… “And let me guess, you called it ‘Unlucky’ to defy the word itself?”
He nods, smiling as he walks over to you. “We were never unlucky. We were lucky… because we had each other.”
“‘Had’… I hate that we wasted those years in between,” you whisper. 
“Don’t be. The years got us here. To when we could finally have each other… again. It’s not too late if it’s the right way, the right time....”
“Let’s go back to that party,, hmm?” he says after another hug, “I’m already excited to introduce you as my fiancé.”
“And then we'll leave and talk some more. I’m not wasting a single moment of my life from now on, Kim Namjoon.”
“Of course…,” he smiles. “We’ll leave and… talk. The talking that results in the other thing we said would come with this deal.”
You pinch Namjoon’s still squishy yet firm arm before taking it in your hands as you walked back to the party, anticipating what came next.
Whether it was talking, Namjoon’s new definition of talking, hearing him introduce you as his fiancé, working with him, or even just the next minute by his side. It was the rest of your life. He was the rest of your life.
And neither of you could ever let this go. This was the love you’d both been searching for. 
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violetduchess · 11 months
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Soulmates Headcanons 3
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Summary: You are the soulmate of the Obey Me! boys.
Characters: Leviathan, Belphagor, Simeon
CW: None
Notes: I just now notices I hit 100 followers. As a treat I'll do a double upload. Thank you all so much!
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Current]
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Leviathan
Leviathan had never been one to believe in love at first sight. In fact, he had never really been interested in anyone beyond his anime and games. That was until you came along. The moment he laid eyes on you, he felt something stir within him, something he had never felt before. It wasn't until he saw the words on his wrist that he realized what it was: you were his soulmate.
- The moment you arrived in the Devildom, Leviathan was the first one to see you. He was both excited and nervous to meet you, unsure of how to approach you without scaring you off.
- At first, Leviathan kept his distance, watching you from afar and trying to get a sense of who you were. He would spend hours holed up in his room, playing games and pretending not to care, but secretly thinking about you all the while.
- Eventually, Leviathan couldn't resist any longer. He started to make small talk with you, asking about your interests and trying to find common ground. He was surprised at how easy it was to talk to you, and how much he enjoyed your company.
- Leviathan was determined to impress you, even if it meant stepping outside of his comfort zone. He started to take an interest in your hobbies, watching movies and reading books that you recommended. He even tried to cook for you, although the results were often disastrous.
- Over time, Leviathan grew more and more attached to you. He found himself daydreaming about you and your future together, imagining all the adventures you would have. He knew that he wanted to be with you forever, and he hoped that you felt the same way.
- One day, Leviathan found the courage to tell you how he felt. He took you to his room and nervously explained that he was his soulmate, and that he had been pining for you ever since you arrived in the Devildom.
- To his relief, you felt the same way. You had been drawn to Leviathan from the moment you met him, and you were thrilled to discover that you were meant to be together. The two of you shared a sweet, tender moment, as you held hands and looked into each other's eyes.
- Leviathan was over the moon with happiness, and he couldn't wait to start your life together as soulmates. He was determined to be the best partner he could be, and to support you in all your endeavors. With you by his side, he knew that anything was possible.
Belphagor
Belphagor, the Avatar of Sloth, had always been content with his life in the Devildom. He spent most of his time sleeping, after all, and he didn't really see the need for anything else. That is, until he met you.
You were the human who had been summoned to the Devildom, and from the moment Belphagor laid eyes on you, he knew that you were something special. Here are some headcanons of what it would be like for Belphagor to meet his soulmate, who happens to be you:
- At first, Belphagor would be confused by the sudden jolt of electricity that he feels when he first sees you. He's never felt anything like this before, and it takes him a moment to realize that it's because you're his soulmate.
- Belphagor would be hesitant to approach you at first, unsure of how you would react to him. After all, he's the Avatar of Sloth, and most humans tend to see demons as scary or intimidating. But something about you draws him in, and eventually he works up the courage to talk to you.
- You and Belphagor would bond over your shared love of sleeping. He'd be amazed by how easily you fall asleep, even in the midst of chaos in the Devildom. And when he learns that you're a lucid dreamer, he's even more impressed.
- Belphagor would be protective of you, even though he's not the most assertive demon in the Devildom. He'd hate to see anyone hurt you, and he'd do everything in his power to keep you safe.
- You and Belphagor would have a lot of lazy days together, just lounging around and enjoying each other's company. You'd fall asleep together, curled up in a warm pile of blankets, and Belphagor would love feeling your breathing against his chest.
- Belphagor would be surprised by how much he enjoys spending time with you outside of sleeping. You'd introduce him to new foods and activities, and he'd love watching you get excited about them.
- As your relationship deepens, Belphagor would become more and more open with you. He'd tell you about his fears and insecurities, things that he's never shared with anyone before. And you'd listen, holding him close and reassuring him that everything is okay.
- Belphagor would be amazed by your strength and resilience. You're a human in a world of demons, and yet you never seem to back down or give up. He'd admire your determination, and he'd do everything in his power to support you.
- When Belphagor finally confesses his feelings to you, it would be a sleepy, lazy moment, just like so many others you've shared together. He'd tell you how much he cares for you, how he wants to protect you and keep you safe, and how he can't imagine his life without you in it.
- You and Belphagor would fall asleep together that night, holding each other close, and you'd both know that you've found something truly special in each other.
Simeon
As Simeon's eyes fell upon you, the human summoned to the Devildom, he felt a strange sensation in his chest. He knew instantly that you were his soulmate, the one he had been waiting for all his life.
- Simeon is initially in shock when he meets you, as he never thought that he would meet his soulmate. He feels a sense of wonder and amazement at the sight of you, feeling as though he is seeing something truly miraculous.
- Despite his shock, Simeon is quick to compose himself and greet you with a warm smile. He introduces himself politely and offers to show you around the Devildom, eager to get to know you better.
- As Simeon spends more time with you, he finds himself drawn to your kind and gentle nature. He is impressed by your bravery and resilience, as you adapt to life in the Devildom with remarkable ease.
- Simeon finds himself wanting to protect you, to keep you safe from the dangers of the Devildom. He offers to accompany you on your adventures, using his powers to shield you from harm and guide you through difficult situations.
- As Simeon and you grow closer, he begins to open up to you about his past and his struggles. He tells you about his time as an angel and how he came to be in the Devildom, sharing his hopes and fears with you.
- Simeon is a romantic at heart, and he loves to do sweet and thoughtful things for his soulmate. He writes you poetry and brings you flowers, always looking for ways to make you feel special and loved.
- Despite his gentle nature, Simeon can be fiercely protective of his soulmate. If anyone tries to harm you or make you feel uncomfortable, he will step in and defend you with all his might.
- Simeon also loves to teach you about the Devildom and its many wonders. He takes you to see beautiful sights and introduces you to interesting demons, always eager to share his knowledge with you.
- Simeon is a patient and kind teacher, always willing to help you learn and grow. He encourages you to pursue your interests and passions, supporting you in all your endeavors.
- Above all, Simeon cherishes his soulmate and is grateful for the bond they share. He loves you deeply and would do anything to make you happy, knowing that you are the missing piece of his soul that he has been searching for all his life.
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All rights reserved @violetduchess. All works of fanfiction belong to me, please do not copy, translate or repost any works without my express permission. Thank you.~☆
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skyward-floored · 1 year
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Febuwhump day 19 - “you deserve this”
HI I’M UPLOADING YESTERDAYS BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO IT THEN I’ll get today’s up at some point hopefully 😅 I’m not even that happy with how this turned out, but that’s life I guess I hope you all enjoy it anyway
Injury/blood warning, it’s not too graphic but it’s there!
Slate is botw Link, and Sprite is oot/mm.
Courage of ages explanation
————————————————————
Slate squeezed his eyes shut, clutching at his leg as he tried to breathe evenly.
His pant leg was sticky with blood, and moving it at all was agony, but he had to get out of the ravine he’d tumbled into. He didn’t have any healing items with him, not even his pouch was on his hip where it belonged.
And who’s fault was that, idiot?
Slate groaned, and looked up at the steep ledge he needed to climb up in order to get out of the ravine. Normally he’d scamper out in a minute or two, but his leg was probably broken, and the idea of trying to drag himself up did not sound fun.
...But it was that, or lie here and hope his bloody leg didn’t attract predators.
Biting back a groan, Slate began to slide himself over to the ravine wall, and painstakingly pull himself up, arms shaking. His bad leg bumped lightly against the side, and he hissed in pain, sweat trailing down his forehead as he dragged himself upward.
The climb only got harder the longer he went, arms shaking and leg aching almost agonizingly, but he kept going, ignoring the hot pain rippling all along his side.
“You deserve this anyway,” Slate gritted out to himself, blinking back tears as his leg burned with pain. “You deserve this, it was your fault, and you completely—“
He bit off a whine, agony pulsing through his leg.
He pressed his face to the wall for a minute and gasped in a breath, then continued to pull himself up out of the small ravine, gritting his teeth against the white-hot pain wrenching through his leg.
“You’re the one who decided to storm off after a stupid argument,” he hissed, speaking aloud mostly to distract himself from the pain. “It’s your fault he was even mad, and he’s perfectly within his rights to be mad because it’s your fault he’s even here—”
His hold slipped and Slate gasped as he fell back to the bottom of the ditch, yelling as pain slammed up his leg so harshly his vision whited out at the edges.
All he could do was lie there for a long time, gasping raggedly as he tried not to cry out again. His leg hurt even worse than before, and he felt oddly dizzy as he looked down at it, something about the angle a little funny looking.
Stupid stupid stupid.
He closed his eyes and swallowed, thinking back to how he’d even ended up here.
An argument had started between him and Sprite, something stupid neither of them really cared about. But it had somehow escalated, until they were both just yelling at each other, ending with Sprite saying it was all Slate’s fault that any of them were here in the first place.
Slate hadn’t even known what to say, words dying in his throat as he stared at Sprite. He’d wanted to defend himself, but how could he?
Sprite was right. It was all his fault.
It was his fault they’d all been ripped away from their homes and families, his fault the Yiga had decided to exact revenge on all the heroes, his fault he hadn’t realized what they were up to and had allowed them to grow powerful enough to even drag all the heroes here to try and kill them—
He squeezed his eyes shut, and put an arm over his face.
He’d just run off after that. Everyone had been staring at him and Sprite, but he hadn’t said a word before taking off like the coward he was, ignoring the few calls of his nickname.
And then he’d been so caught up in his thoughts that he’d tripped on a root and gone falling straight into the ravine.
His leg throbbed again and Slate bitterly welcomed it, watching the shadows grow longer. It had been a while since he left camp and fell, at least an hour by his guess, and he wasn’t sure he was up to trying to get out again yet. Besides, lying hurt at the bottom of a ravine was no less then he deserved. It was nice and quiet down here at least.
“Slate?”
His heart sank at the voice, but he moved his arm so he could peer up at who had spoken. Light’s head poked over the edge above him, multicolored eyes wide with worry, and Slate averted his gaze. He wasn’t sure he’d wanted to be found just yet.
“Slate are you okay? Oh no your leg— don’t worry, we’ll get you back up!” His head disappeared for a moment. “Hey Mini, I found him!”
Slate let out a quiet sigh, and kept his arm over his face as he heard scuffing from the top of the ravine. A rustling noise sounded out, and then there was a hand gently tapping his arm.
“Hi Slate,” Mini said softly, and Slate let out a grunt in response. “Light’ll be down in a second. Your leg looks really bad, are you okay?”
“Fine,” he murmured.
He was sure Mini frowned at him, but then footsteps padded in the dirt and another hand was poking at his leg.
“Holy crow what did you do Slate? This is broken in at least two places,” he said in disbelief, and Slate finally looked at up.
“I fell, okay? I’ll be fine,” he muttered, then winced when his leg throbbed again.
Mini gave him a little pat on the arm. “You will, once you have a potion or two.”
“Yeah but I think his leg will have to be set before we give him anything,” Light said, sounding a little grossed-out. “Which means we have to get him back to camp, because I’m not doing that.”
“I wouldn’t trust you to do it anyway,” Mini teased, but Slate didn’t laugh like he normally would. He merely continued to look up at the sky.
It took some doing, and Slate nearly blacked out at one point when his leg was hit, but Mini and Light eventually managed to get him up out of the ravine, and without jostling his leg too much. They were both a little short to easily support him, but they did their best, and slowly walked back to camp.
Not that Slate really wanted to go, but he hadn’t exactly been given a choice.
They shuffled along in relative silence for a while, Slate occasionally letting out a hiss of pain, and Mini or Light offering quiet encouragement. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been going through the quiet woods though when Mini suddenly spoke.
“Sprite didn’t really mean all of that you know,” he said quietly. Slate didn’t reply, and he sighed. “I think he’s just still upset Era got so hurt yesterday.”
“Yeah, because a cult from my world dumped him in our group,” Slate muttered. “If I’d just realized what they were up to I could’ve—”
“How could you have possibly known, Slate?” Light asked in disbelief. “It’s not like you knew and decided not to act. And you’re being just as hurt from their actions as the rest of us, if not more. Don’t take on all that guilt, okay?”
What’s a little more? Slate thought to himself, but didn’t vocalize it.
“Nobody blames you Slate,” Mini said gently. “And even if Sprite says he does, I don’t think he actually thinks it’s your fault. He’s just... tired, I think.”
“Well he doesn’t exactly sleep very much,” Light snorted, but Mini just shook his head, looking a little sad.
“Not that kind of tired.”
Light looked at him, then nodded a little thoughtfully, and Mini met Slate’s eyes.
“Will you talk to him after we get your leg fixed up?” he asked with a pleading look. “He did look like he felt bad after you left. Plus Era was talking to him, I think he’ll make him see sense. And Slate?”
“Yeah?” he replied tiredly. He felt rather wrung out from the afternoon’s events, and wanted to just collapse by the fire for a while.
“I mean it. It’s not your fault,” Mini said sternly. “It’s the Yiga’s. And you don’t get to blame yourself for their actions.”
“Ap-ap-ap no arguments!” Light said quickly when Slate opened his mouth. “Or we’ll get Gloam on your case, and I’m sure he’s told you this before.”
Slate looked away. “...he has a whole speech,” he admitted, and Light and Mini laughed.
Their group went quiet again after a minute, but Slate felt a little lighter, though the knot of guilt and shame still hung on in his stomach. They needed to figure out how to stop the Yiga before any of them really were killed, but until then... he’d let go of a little of the blame.
But not all of it.
Because despite what anyone said, or tried to convince him of, Slate knew a hefty amount of the blame rested on his shoulders.
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tamelee · 8 months
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Hii, when are you uploading your next art? It's been like ages lol. Also how's your progress on manga going? And can you suggest some other artists you know, artists like you? Since you also started from 0 followers at some point and your progress on your art is also very inspiring and i guess you know many different artists. I'm searching for inspiration and looking for some Low key artists from other fandoms. I'm slowing trying to improve on my digital painting skills. Still at level 1. Who do you look up to for your inspiration? Sorry, this became a pretty big ask hehe.
Hi~ 💕
Ages? Yeah, ... a little over a month now. I know that because I keep track on it. I pretty much keep track on most things. I do this thing where I plan a few weeks ahead and it is supposed to make sure I have more time left because of the planning but it doesn't account for roadblocks such as wrist pain, technical issues with tablets etc-, mental states, stress, health declines or others. So.. I haven't uploaded anything in a while but I never stopped creating ^^! In fact, I'm learning every single day so that I can create more, "better" (subjective) and build a skill-set that will help me be able to make what I want. I felt like I was making art aimlessly, but having a goal helps. Though, by chance, since you're wondering- this week for sure!
And within that planning is of course the Manga! The process is a lot of fun, but also there is science behind Storytelling and I'm using what I know and learning during my graduation process as well in order to create it. That's why I didn't start drawing until I am completely happy with the story (...and now don't mind so much that my previous draft got lost even thought that was so painful lol). I was so ignorant about it though, thinking I could just... create a Manga. Like c'mon. I knew so much time and dedication went into it and yet I thought I could just... do it 😆 but also, it is this dedication that made me able to do most crazy things in life so why not. If I'm going to spend idk how many hours on this then it better matter to me. I don't want Naruto and Sasuke to just drown in some plot, I want them to actively pursue something they care about and struggle, have dark moments and conflicts... heh.
When I first started drawing.. surprisingly I didn't have that many inspirations. I had no clue what I was doing and so what inspired me was the little art-community around me on Instagram because our goals were similar. My goal to finish Inktober, a wish to "someday create a webtoon" and seeing artists around me upload their art was what inspired me. Then, talking about art, each other's uploads, our obsessions- it was all a lot of fun and helped me improve and so did they! Of course you don't have to go there, you can find artists at any stage of their journey anywhere but really try to find artists and art that you like because your style will grow from that and eventually become your own.
I guess a few artists really stood out to me then, but they're literal gods and nothing like me 🥹..they're; wlop, Z ed, Ruan Jia, Zeen Chin, Guweiz and Dao Tong Le. I had a splash art phase where I fangirl'd (still do) so hard over Bo Chen, Sean Tay, Alex Flores, Cheng Du (crow god), Foritis Wang, but there's also Paul Nong, Ley Bowen, Inhyuk Lee... and for storytelling art there's Kan Liu which art I love and Toni Infante and ooooh Astri Lohne's brushwork is amazing as well. Song Nan Li has a few artworks that I've stared at for days and would love to study someday. Jaz Chiang too. Krenz Cushart has a course that I want to purchase because those colors are sublime... and oh, I'm probably forgetting SO MANY right now but I could go on forever tbh. Lemme talk about artists and their art and I won't be able to stop. There have been many Instagram artists that I've followed but I'm not currently active on there until I graduate so I don't really remember but if you're looking for Twitter/SNS/Naruto specifically then you can look through my following-list or my reblog account here @re-tamelee. Nsfw-warning on Twitter (@ tam_e_lee) though. I think currently a few that inspire me regarding story/expression are helenpeanut, velinxi, Kishimoto, Ramón Nuñez, Moryo, Ryo Yambe, Rias Coast, Yusuke Matsumoto, Bengal, Hong Soonsang, Horikoshi- and still a few others... I'm not sure what you mean by 'low-key' or if this is not what you're looking for but I hope you can find some inspiration from this post and have fun looking at these amazing artists' art! ^^ Thankyou for your lovely ask, have a nice day 🌷 Happy drawing!
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Text
More than 2 and a half weeks | Phan one shot
Summary: The night before Dan leaves for the American leg of his tour, Phil pulled him into shooting a video and then he pulled him into his arms.
Tags: Domestic fluff, we’re all doomed tour, sleepy cuddles, you all know the drill they are real best friends companions in life actual soulmates            
Word count: 2.4k
A/N: I don’t know guys, blame the video. I take no responsibility for all this sappiness. And happy 19th of October!
Read on AO3 or below
Phil was not sure how he felt about this. It had been one thing to see Dan embark on the UK leg of the tour and know he’d soon be home again. He was never too far away. If necessary, Phil could jump into a car or a plane and get to him within a matter of hours. And the most he was away was ten days.
Just ten days.
This would be a whole lot more. The American and Canadian leg of the tour would take Dan away for months. It was going to be a long time. Dan would be fine. He surprisingly did well on the minimalism of life on tour and being on a rumbly bus trekking across the country. Phil knew that. He’d seen that. Experienced it right beside him.
That was what was going to be different. Phil wasn’t coming along this time. It would just be Dan and the crew. He’d not be alone but he would be without Phil, and Phil would be without him.
They hadn’t really done that before. Not for this damn long.
Dan was just packing the same suitcase he’d just come back with. He was going to stuff it full, and live out of it. The striped shirt would likely come along. Dan was attached to it, and by extension so was Phil.
They had already filmed the pick my outfits video earlier, but Phil was itching to go grab his tripod and camera. He should just have left Dan to pack up. He was leaving in the morning. It was already late and he’d procrastinated to the night before, in true Dan fashion.
And yet…
“Hey, want to film a video?” Phil asked him.
Dan’s head whipped up and he gave Phil a funny look. He was holding the black shirt with the skeleton on the back in his hands. He tossed it into the suitcase.
“Didn’t we already do that?” he asked with a laugh.
No refusal. Just amusement.
Phil couldn’t really remember the last time Dan had refused him anything. They’d known each other for so long now. They knew each other’s boundaries better than their own sometimes. They’d never ask for something the other one wouldn’t be willing to give.
“Another one,” Phil said leaning on the edge of Dan’s walk-in closet and trying to appear smooth.
It didn’t really work, when his shoulder slipped and he almost stumbled into the closet and onto Dan. He caught himself last minute, but Dan’s hand still shot up to grab him by the hip and try to steady him.
“What are you thinking?” Dan asked.
“You’re leaving me,” Phil said.
Dan narrowed his eyes, but they were still filled with mirth. “Dramatic but sure. What of it?”
“Just makes for a good title, don’t you think? Proper old school clickbait. You’re back in the YouTube game now. We should take advantage of all of the tricks,” Phil said, half teasing and half being serious.
View counts did matter. It was his job. The usual fans would never believe such a title anyway. The ones that were going to watch anything he uploaded would not care one bit. They would probably see Dan in the thumbnail and be excited.
They would likely be excited to see Phil too. He’d taken a bit of a step back from YouTube. In part to allow Dystopia Daily to catch the attention but also because of his health issues. He was so ready for them to go away.
“You want to film a video,” Dan said with a nod.
“Yes.”
“About me leaving?”
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“Yes,” Phil said with a smile. Dan shook his head fondly but got up from the floor.
In just a few weeks, it would have been 13 years since they filmed their first video. One that would be framed in infamy and had started much more than any of them could ever have anticipated. It had created both a career and a community that Phil would always be thankful for.
But most of all he was thankful for Dan. Through it all, they had stood side by side and learned to navigate this crazy world they had been tossed into. Phil wasn’t sure he could have made it alone.
Dan didn’t say anything. He just walked off to grab the camera and tripod and start to set it up. This routine was familiar, one that never really went away, even though it had been a very long time since Dan had just shot a video at home. He liked doing them in studios now. With crew and more punch behind them.
Phil could understand it but he’d never felt that pull. There was something magical about being able to film from home. Edit and post it himself. He might get an editor on at some point but he wasn’t sure if he could ever truly give up this charm of YouTube that had pulled him in all those years ago.
Not that he knew if he’d have continued for this long without Dan by his side. Without him, it wasn’t sure that he could ever have made a go of it. They’d lifted each other up, and they were both aware of it.
Now they were settled. They were no longer struggling YouTubers. They were more. They were older. They were in a position in life where they could do whatever they damn well pleased.
Turned out that what they pleased was still creating creatively for the people who’d given them all of this. It was for them that Phil wanted a video like this. And perhaps for himself too.
They were just going to turn on the camera and see what happened. Nothing needed to be prepared before a video like this. Phil trusted them and their chemistry to fill the void. He just had an idea. A simple premise: Dan is leaving for tour. The purpose was just to spon the tour and chat about nonsense. Dan would never make him say anything about it, but how could Phil not?
Only days ago, he’d been in the audience in London and gotten to see with his own eyes the endless hours Dan poured into this. It was truly one of the best things he’d ever made and he needed to be proud of himself. He needed to know that Phil was proud of him.
Filming the video passed in the blink of an eye, like conversations with Dan often did. Time hung between them, feeling suspended as they sat in their own little bubble. Nothing could touch them.
And then they spent half an hour running around the house filming little bits to insert into the video, based on what they’d said. It almost had a bit of a pinof vibe to it, and Phil’s heart ached. He didn’t miss filming those videos. The format had been restrictive by the end and it was on the verge of becoming repetitive. Much better to stop while it was still good.
He’d seen too many shows run into the ground.
He refused to do that with him and Dan. Even the show version of Dan and Phil got to be retired nicely and now pulled out for the special episode now and again.
That’s what this would be. A moment suspended in time.
Dan went back to packing afterwards, uncaring of the late hour. He could sleep on the plane, and they weren’t even leaving that early, he’d argued.
Phil knew better than to fight him on that. He did go check if Dan has his passport ready. Just in case. For a moment when he was holding it in his hand, he considered hiding it from him.
He’d never actually do it but the impulse was there.
If Dan didn’t have his passport, then he couldn’t leave. But of course, Phil wanted him to be able to leave. He had a whole tour waiting for him. He had to go. Phil put it back into the inner pocket of the jacket Dan had laid out.
He let his hands run over the collar of it, wondering if it would be warm enough.
It was an hour later that Dan was finally done with packing. Phil had stayed up, curled up on the sofa, PS4 on and playing a game to pass the time. He refused to already be asleep when Dan slipped into bed, though they did occasionally go to be separately on normal nights.
Dan told Phil that he automatically opened his arms once Dan crawled under the covers. Phil could never remember any of that, but Dan insisted that he did it without fail every time. Phil had challenged him on it. Saying he must be kidding and he was just being cheesy. He’d shut his mouth pretty quickly when Dan had caught it on camera.
It seemed even in his sleep, Phil was turning towards Dan. It was pure instinct after all of these years. It came as easy as breathing.
“You still up?” Dan asked baffled as he passed the living room.
“Yeah,” Phil said but paused the game. “Done packing?”
“Would have been done sooner except someone interrupted me to make a video,” Dan joked, putting a hand on his hip.
He looked good. Messy hair and tired eyes and he were still so beautiful.
Phil extended a hand towards Dan and he came over to take it. He helped pull Phil to his feet and then they stumbled into the bedroom without another word.
“You have to remember your pillow tomorrow,” Phil said, around a yawn.
“Shit, you’re right,” Dan said, grabbing his phone and ordering Siri to make a reminder. There was still a chance he’d forget it but at least he had a better chance now.
It was a cuddle night for the two of them. Dan seemed to know so, having picked up on Phil’s reluctance to go to bed alone. But he needed it too. Dan tangled their legs and pulled their bodies flush and just sank into the mattress and Phil.
It still felt wonderful, even after all these years. Phil had taken for granted how easy it was to just sink into Dan’s arms whenever he needed it. He’d never been away for so long before. Phil didn’t want to think about that anymore.
He wanted to just enjoy this. To breathe in Dan and forget about tomorrow. He couldn’t control that. He could only control now. He snuggled a little closer and he reached up to run his fingers through Dan’s curls.
“How am I going to fall asleep without you?” Dan asked, into the darkness of their bedroom. His voice was so quiet but genuine.
“You’ll miss getting kneed in the balls in the middle of the night?” Phil teased, hoping to steer Dan away from deep introspection that would keep him awake all night. He felt a bit like a hypocrite, since he’d barely been able to keep his thoughts off it tonight.
“Yeah, I’ll miss it,” Dan said and pinched Phil’s side. He yelped and tried to scoot away from Dan, but he couldn’t escape him.
He clung on so tightly. It should have been suffocating, but they had long ago learned to share air.
“Dan.”
“Fuck, it’s bad that I wish you were coming too, isn’t it? I’m doing this whole tour, making a show of it being my comedy tour, so that we can grow creatively without being the brand of Dan and Phil, and yet… I want you. I want you there. I want you there for all of it. Isn’t that shitty?”
Phil’s heart broke just a little and he wasn’t sure how to comfort Dan. Words in times like these were hard. But Phil had to try. He’d learned how to try because Dan needed words too. Actions weren’t enough.
“I’m going to be there,” Phil said, reaching down to put his hand over Dan’s chest. His skin was warm under Phil’s palm, as he placed it right onto Dan’s beating heart. “Always. You aren’t getting rid of me now.”
Dan chuckled and it sounded lightly wet. Dan wasn’t one to cry very easily but he did get overwhelmed by emotions. Phil knew how to fix this one though. He leaned closer to kiss Dan’s cheeks. They scrunched up. They felt warm.
Phil poured love into Dan, one little peck at a time.
“We’re going back to four hour long skype call. I’ll call you from the venues, from the bus, from hotel rooms. From everywhere. Anytime.”
Phil chuckled; heart so fond. He’d love that. He’d expected that but it was still nice to hear Dan say it. They were used to being each other’s sounding boards and to share basically every little detail of their lives.
“I’ll tell you about all of the weird incidents I’ll attract while you aren’t here.”
“I’m serious, don’t get fucking murdered, or I’ll come and kill you twice over,” Dan said and pulled closer until he could bury his face in Phil’s shoulder.
Phil’s hand found its way back in Dan’s hair and he hummed in contentment.
It was a long time for them to be apart but they could do it. And if they couldn’t, then Phil would just cave and fly out. Their viewers would make fun of their codependency, but they wouldn’t be wrong.
They would also be more than happy to see them together again, but nowhere near as happy as Phil would be.
He was so proud of Dan doing this tour, taking it around the whole damn world for everyone to enjoy. He was going to be cheering him on from the sidelines, every single step of the way because Dan would do the same. They’d always been good at that.
Quietly, Phil would still be counting down the days until Dan would be right back in his arms like this. This place was just a house with four walls without Dan in it.
But it would be a home again soon.
They’d done two and a half weeks apart.
Time to take on two and a half months.
It would be hard but there wasn’t anything they couldn’t do when they had each other. Physical distance was no true obstacle. Phil would make sure of it.
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ghenry · 1 year
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Looking back on 2022, and a lot has happened this year for me! Both personally and channel-wise. I figure I reflect a bit on most of this year's videos. So here we go!
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Kick-Ass | What It Means To Be a Loser
This was definitely a video style I wasn't used to doing at all, I basically saw it as an exercise in reviewing both a film and a comic. And honestly, this was a huge headache to get done because of the copyright bullshit I had to deal with. Literally rendered it like 8 different times because of that shit. And it wasn't just a money issue, getting hit with copyright and demonetization means it won't show up on people's feeds so it's important to me that each video has the potential to get out there.
The video's point: The movie was missing a huge element that made the comic at least satisfactory for me, and that was the consistent tone of the characters being downtrodden 'losers.' Another way to put it would be human. Our faults, our insecurities, and our flaws are what make us human, so that being part of the characters made them more relatable, thus more likeable. But the movie wiped the main characters of their human characteristics almost completely. I got into detail how that's the case in the video.
I did my best also emphasizing that I wasn't merely saying "movie different from comic, so movie bad." I don't even like the Kick-Ass comic that much, so I felt I was going with a less biased perspective. I even brought up examples where I found the film adaptations of some comics to be huge improvements (Scott Pilgrim will always be the shining example). Regardless, people in the comments still accused me of saying "movie different from comic, so movie bad" which is kind of annoying, but that's my fault for expecting better from typical YT comments.
Still, the video was surprisingly a hit! I'm extremely dumbfounded so many people still seem to give a shit about Kick-Ass. It kind of motivates me to make a new video comparing the sequel comic and movie, but I hate both, so I don't see myself really bothering for a while. Also one other good thing, making a video centered around a comic and/or movie is soooo much easier than a video game in regards to footage. I don't have to sift through hours and hours worth of gameplay to find a specific clip for visual context, I just remember part of the movie/comic and go there lol
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No Paradise | No More Heroes 3 Analysis
Now THIS was a fucking nightmare. In a good way, mostly. A 4.5 hour analysis that took every bit of my goddamn being to write, capture, and edit. Recording all of my voice was also done in one session too, but I hope my exhaustion near the end didn't reflect my performance.
I loved talking about NMH3 extensively too. I was also extremely happy to find a lot of nuance and complexity within the madness of this game. With the help of a few friends and long conversations, of course!
The point of the video: Travis is in hell, and is doomed to spend an eternity in this hell he locked himself in all the way back in the original game. Having this in mind adds contextual sense to the previous games as well, which helps with the arguments I provide. Not that I claim to be objectively correct, the reason for this analysis was to get people thinking and talking about the game. I think if I wanted to prove ANYTHING, it's that NMH3 isn't as simple and "senseless" as a lot of people were claiming it was. And it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Take it from me, an idiot.
I am extremely proud of how the video turned out. It might even be the best one I've done, but that's not to say I can't improve. I need to improve, and I'm trying to get better at this constantly. I picked up a lot of great editing skills while making this, and will pick up more as I go. And while I didn't upload a lot of videos this year . . . do you see how long this one was?! Idunno, I think this counts as like 6 separate uploads 🥸💀
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The ONE feature I want to see in future run-gun games
This video I've actually had on my mind for a very long time, I just had to finally hunker down and make it a reality. I simply had a sneaking suspicion that a lot of indie devs might not be aware of an innovate design first seen in games like Alien Soldier or Contra Shattered Soldier, likely because those aren't the universally renown classics. I think I'm at least sort of right.
The point of the video: This is a "for your consideration" piece for indie devs planning to take on the run-n-gun genre with new games. I genuinely think this mechanic can take their future titles to the next level of feel-good gameplay!
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Huntdown | Run-N-Gun Revolution
My closer for the year, another run-n-gun video I simply made for myself because I wanted to. Adrian Comeau, writer/community manager for Huntdown's dev team, randomly emailed me with some steam codes, presuming I was interested in trying the game out. And I'm glad he did, as I fell in love with nearly everything about Huntdown! It was also cool to interview Adrian to get further thoughts on the game.
The point of the video: Huntdown rocks and you're a fool if you haven't played it. It also has such a rich world coated in interesting characters. It helps that the game is fun to play and has an assortment of unique, challenging bosses all sprawling with personality.
So get yourself something nice for Christmas. Buy Huntdown on Steam. Or Switch. Or PS4. Or PS5. Or Xbox. It's probably on sale right now 🎅🎄🔫
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So that's what I managed to do with my channel. I also did a video on Cuphead, but don't have too much to say as it was a very straightforward video. DLC good, but I'm ready for something new by MDHR.
I know I didn't upload a whole lot, but I'm happy with everything I put out. I feel like I need to take more time on these videos in order to further refine them properly. I have tons of ideas for new videos, and can't wait to make them a reality! But I also want to make sure they're of a standard I find satisfactory, while also raising said standards. I want to get better and better!
I hope all of you have enjoyed what I've been putting out, and are excited to see what else I have in store! Here's to 2023! 🎇🎆🚀
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jonathanwrotethis · 4 months
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The Christmas Party and a Sea of Santas
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It's been a few days again, hasn't it. I'm not entirely sure where to start.
On Friday morning I travelled to the new offices with my laptop and phone. Within a couple of hours both were erased, and re-installed. My other half joked that I would enter the building as one person, and leave as another. In a strange sort of way, I suppose she was right.
I now work for a new - much bigger - company. It feels strange at the moment - going from being "somebody" to being largely anonymous, in a huge crowd of strangers.
On Friday evening we went to the Christmas party - the company had hired out a huge hotel and pre-booked most of the rooms for us all. I will admit to being ever-so-slightly terrified.
It was big, noisy, and relentless. Thankfully all of the seating had been pre-organised - placing us with people knew. I ended up sitting next my previous managing director's wife - we've known each other for twenty years, but haven't seen each other for the last couple, so spent much of the "dinner" catching up on our families, children, and so on.
As the night wore on the dance floor filled up, people began to wander back towards the bar, and everybody began to find each other in the crowds of party-goers.
I think one of my favourite memories of the evening was seeing a co-worker that's been to hell and back in recent years arrive with a somewhat secret girlfriend. Couldn't have been happier for him.
Of course I danced like an idiot. Fuelled by wine. It's the rules.
My other half had been suffering with a bad back, so we dipped out of the party at perhaps midnight and returned to our room. I fell asleep watching a documentary about the rise of Julius Ceaser.
The next morning we wandered down for breakfast, and found some of my co-workers to share a coffee with, and to tell stories of the night before. By mid morning we were home again.
We had originally planned to attend my other half's Christmas party last night too - but given her back, the rapidly dropping temperatures outside, and that we were still dog tired from the night before, we stayed home in the warm and binge-watched Season 3 of "Upload".
This morning was all about the annual "Santa Fun Run" in town. Three thousand Santa-suit clad runners pouring through the streets like a red tide. It was very surreal. I didn't do it this year - our middle daughter did - and I wished I had signed up too. I think sometimes though you have to admit that you can't do EVERYTHING, and just be happy to support those that ARE doing whatever.
This evening I'm having a quiet one. I know tomorrow will be filled with onboarding tasks for the new company. I have a long list of meetings throughout the week - meeting the CEO, CFO, COO, and so on - which I have to somehow fit around normal work. They have weekly workout meetings too - I have no idea what that entails - perhaps some form of thai-chi? I guess we'll find out.
Now if you'll excuse me, there's a coffee pot with my name on it in the kitchen.
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bankshill3 · 2 years
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canyyon · 3 years
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They're besties your honor
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