#they’re dumb idiot kids y’know???? so stupid I love them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mandoinevarro · 4 years

Text

NO REFUNDS

Words: 5.1k :))

Rating: E, baby

Warnings: Smut (surprise surprise), bad words :0, masturbation, a biiiit of praise kink, face fucking, cumplay? let me know on the comments, etc. etc.

a/n: Happy Star Wars day!! The first few lines of this are an attempt at dumb comedy, but humor me a little and you’ll get a reward (smut) along the yellow-brick road

Finally, the lanky kid behind the counter stops air drumming with two chicken bones gnawed dry and trails his dopey eyes from the gloved fist on the table, up a bracer, and along a flexed arm, until they settle on the Mandalorian helmet staring him down and waiting for an answer. The employee removes the music bandeau from around his ears and settles it down, its noise so loud Mando can hear it from where it lays. The kid scratches the whiskers of facial hair growing patchy on his cheeks and thoughtfully nibbles on one of the bones, trying to figure out what one does when a client shows up.

“Uh, what?”

“I need to speak to the owner,” the Mandalorian repeats slowly.

“Oh, uh.” Mouth gaping like a fish too stupid to know it should fear hooks, the kid calmly turns his attention to the four walls of the hardware store, searching for guidance in the fluorescent signs hanging around the room and dictating the store’s rules like they’re ancient scriptures:

NO CHILDREN

WILL BUY STOLEN GOODS FOR LOWER PRICE

NO IMPS

NO REPUBLIC OFFICIALS

NO REFUNDS

NO APPOINTMENT, NO MEETING

“You, uh,” the kid continues, lingering on that last stanza and flicking open a dusty agenda that probably hasn’t been touched since the war ended, “you got an appointment, uh, sir?” He drags a greasy finger down the planner, squinting at nothing and pretending to read the page that Mando can clearly see is empty.

The bounty hunter sighs, holding on to the last reserves of patience that hang precariously on the cliff of his self-restraint, threatening to let go and leave him to his own anger. “No. But she’ll see me.” You better. You better fucking see him. “I was sold equipment here a few days ago, some of it faulty. I need to speak to her.”

The navigator. The fucking navigator. Of all the bunch of overpriced, black market scraps you’d somehow convinced the Mandalorian to buy from you last time, it just had to be the navigator. He still has his old blasters. Pumps are cheap. Even the deflector shields he could’ve done without for a couple of months. But the fucking navigator. The lack of droids on the Crest means that Mando relies solely on the navigator to set coordinates. Without it, he wouldn’t be able to find his way out of a system, let alone make hyperjumps. Even worse, the model is so old, its glitching isn’t recognized by the control panel, so he had to hover around the atmosphere of this damned planet for three days before figuring out what it was, throwing off his schedule and losing track of two bounties in the process. All because you sold him a damaged version of the one part he can’t do without.

But your gaping-mouthed kid worker seems too unused to visitors to really care about Mando’s request, too entertained nibbling on a bare bone and eyeing the costumer in front of him as a knowing smirk cracks his lips and he says, “I dig it.”

“You…you ‘dig it’? I don’t…”

“The whole, y’know.” He draws circles in the air with the bone, signaling the beskar armor while he wipes the sauce around his mouth with a sleeve. “The, uh, Mondolarian vibe you’ve got going on. Very retro, dude. I dig it.”

Mondo…? Bewilderment overshadows irritation for a second, and Mando focuses all his energy into searching the kid’s vacant eyes for a sign of intelligent life. “I…I am a Mandalorian.”

Fucking stars above, it’s never easy with you. If not your endless teasing, it’s the exorbitant prices, your unwillingness to compromise, or your scurrying around so he’s forced to play cat and mouse with you. Your latest impossible challenge for him to tackle is, apparently, getting a straight answer from the obtuse employee you must have handpicked from a catalogue of idiots to torture Mando. Maker, he’s surprised your store hasn’t gone bankrupt yet. He can’t imagine anyone else in the galaxy putting up with your whims. And he only does it because…well, because…

After dedicating a couple of seconds to crafting the perfect response for what appears to be his very first client, the kid muses, “Well, shit, what do I know.” He flashes a toothy smile as he rereads the dogmas on the walls. “Says nothing about Mondolarians here, but, uh—”

“—Look,” Mando bargains with your gatekeeper, trying to level the exasperation escaping the vocoder, “I only have one faulty part. Let me talk to the owner, and—”

“—Shit. I bet it was the microvalves.” Your staff of one hangs his tuff of hair in shame, swaying it limply from side to side, before staring straight at the visor apologetically. “My bad, dude, I’ve been trying to get them right, but I always fuck them up. It’s hard, y’know? Red with red, white with white. Why not red with white? Or—”

“—No. What? No. Listen to me. You sold me a busted—”

“—I sold you?” the kid scoffs, his eyes suddenly snapping wide and offended, ignoring Mando’s clenching fists, which usually make normal people cower. “Excuse me, mister Mondolarian sir, but I don’t, uh, don’t recall selling you shit, in fact—”

“—Not—not you personally, the store, look, just—”

“—in fact, I’ve never even met a Mondolarian before and you’ve, uh, no right—no right— to judge my microvalves that I worked hard on—”

“Let him in.” Your voice carries its usual amusement as it cuts between the Mandalorian and the kid, breaking off the bickering from both ends and drawing their attention to the melody’s source. You lean on the doorframe leading to your workshop, holding a pair of pliers in one hand and a wrench in the other. Grease is smeared on your face, where teeth bite down on a playful smirk and the twinkle in your eyes speaks of terrible intentions—like always. You tilt your head back to the room behind you. “C’mon, Mando. Let my receptionist work.”

With a sigh, the hunter moves towards the separate room, not before glancing back at the receptionist, who throws him one last disapproving look and wraps the bandeau that never stopped blasting music around his ears.

“Why do you keep him here?” the Mandalorian grunts as you push yourself off the doorframe to move inside your studio.

You shrug. “It’s him or droids.”

Mando trails after you inside the cramped workshop, filled to the brim with piles and piles of sensors and motors and all the other scraps from dubious origins you collect, fix, and resell. He closes the door behind him and pushes a large tube hanging from the roof to the side to walk closer to you.

Facing him, you plummet on your wheeled chair with a sigh, your arms dangling off the armrests, still holding the wrench and the pliers, like you’re the monarch of your little kingdom of junk granting him an audience.

There, Mando finally gets a good look at you, and—much to his annoyance—you’re as lovely as always. Glistening and greasy, you’re still beautiful with oil stains on your skin and fat droplets of sweat trailing your temple. You beam at him from your squeaky throne with that faint grin that attracts nothing but trouble. Maker, no wonder you always manage to talk circles around him. But not this time. This time he won’t fall for your little games. He won’t, he won’t, he won’t. Tonight he’s walking out of here with all of his money, no matter how much you bat your pretty eyelashes at him.

The Mandalorian squares his stance and straightens his back in a futile attempt to intimidate you, strutting ahead firmly and pointing an accusing finger at your face.

“You sold me a—”

“—a busted navigator.” You roll your eyes and push yourself to your legs abruptly before the hunter can get any closer. He stops dead on his tracks. You wave the wrench and the pliers in the air like the conductor of an orchestra. “I sold you a busted navigator.” The vowels are dragged out with an exaggerated tune to make fun of him. “Yeah, I heard you the first four thousand times, Mando.”

Without looking, you drop the pliers to the side. They land dead center on an open storage box. Perfectly. Almost rehearsed. Something clicks. The Mandalorian suddenly finds the missing piece of a puzzle he didn’t know needed solving, and he feels his shoulders deflate and release some of the anger that drove him to your store in the first place.

You peacock closer to him, one foot in front of the other and swaying your hips as you look down to the wrench in your hand. “But, you should know by now,” you murmur once you find yourself only inches away from the beskar, your voice morphing its earlier mock exasperation into the tone you only use whenever you two aren’t talking business. You look up at him, failing miserably at masking the mischief in your eyes. “I don’t do refunds.” You lift the wrench and grin as it taps the beskar breastplate lightly with a tink.

And before you can blink, Mando’s hand flies to your wrist to clutch it roughly, squeezing without hurting you, but with enough strength to force your fist open. Just like he knows you like it. The wrench falls to the floor with a bang that makes you jump. It’s Mando’s turn to smile when he pulls you by the wrist to press you closer against him. The cocky glint in your eyes dulls into confusion.

“I never said it was the navigator,” he informs you lowly.

You tense under his grasp and shift your jaw. “You knew I’d come back,” he continues, encouraged by your grimace. Staring at your feet, you half-heartedly try to wriggle away from his grasp, but he grabs your other wrist instead and holds you flush against the cold beskar. “Okay. I’m back. Now give me my money.”

But his satisfaction is short-lived, because if there’s anyone in the universe who knows no shame, that’s you. So you simply bite your lower lip and move your head from side to side to shake hair and embarrassment off your face. When you look up at the visor again it’s with that brazen insolence that secretly gets the Mandalorian going like nothing else in the galaxy.

“A girl gets lonely in here,” you purr. Your wrists relax, and make no attempt to pull away. “Can you blame me for wanting you back a little earlier?” Your plush lips curl into the perverse smile of someone who’s holding all the cards, making heat rush involuntarily to his crotch. And it drives him fucking insane. He could have you tied, shackled, or bent over, and you would still sneer at him like you had him wrapped around your finger.

At his silence, you wedge a leg tightly between his thighs and massage it against the bulge between. Your gasp in fake surprise when his length hardens at the first hint of a brush, too unused to any sort of physical contact to remain neutral to your bold caresses. He bites down hard on his lip to suppress a moan. He won’t give you the satisfaction.

Mando’s learnt, though, that his restraint only feeds your audacity. Only makes you taunt him more. His lack of response spurs you on, and you crane your neck forward to lick a slow line along the beskar of the chest. You blink at him playfully as you go, stuffing your tongue back into your mouth once you reach the top edge of the breastplate.

You must find it funny. How his ribs expand and contract in anticipation. How he tends to roll and unroll his fists in an attempt to suppress the instinct to throw you on top of the table so crowded by clutter that he can barely see the surface beneath and fuck the smirks off your face. How he always gives in. How he stiffens both scandalized and impossibly aroused every time you introduce him to some newer, filthier act. You must think it’s so fucking funny.

And as much as the bounty hunter wants to shove you back against your crumbling wheeled chair, he knows you’ll only enjoy it more. So he simply lets go of your wrists and steps back.

“I’m only here for my money,” he lies.

The vicious grin grows wider. “Oh, so you’re making me work for it tonight.” You step back and lean against a table with your arms crossed over your chest, purposefully pushing your tits against the cleavage. Mando shifts in his place. Licking your lips until they glisten, you give him a once-over. You study him inch by inch, and an uncomfortable rope knots in his stomach when he realizes that this is how his bounties must feel when he watches them wordlessly.

Your eyes settle on his visor, and a decision seems to cross them as you walk over to sit on your creaking chair. “Or maybe you just want to hear me beg.” You part your legs wide and clutch the armrest with one hand while the other disappears under the waist of your pants. The contour of your hand shifts up and down slowly inside the crotch of your trousers, and your lips crook into a full O as they release a deep, foul moan. “Is that it?” Your eyes are glossy and malignant, trained on his visor. “You want me to beg for your cock?”

His leather gloves ball into fists, trying to coax blood into his head and away from his…well, his other head.

Yet you hold him in place with that sinful stare and the lewd whimpers that you know get him off, and yes, fuck yes, he wants to hear you beg and sob for him all night as much as he wants to clog your throat with his shaft and make you swallow your teasing.

But he can’t let you win. You can’t scam five thousand credits out of him and expect him to throw himself into your arms no questions asked. He wants to put an end to your little tyrannical rule on his cock. And he wants his fucking money back.

So the powerful Mandalorian watches helplessly as your hand quickens under your clothing and you throw your head back in ecstasy. That fucking smirk doesn’t leave you, though. Even less so when your palm picks up some speed and you hear his breath hitch involuntarily at the visual, loud enough to override the vocoder.

“C-come on, Mando, don’t—” Your hand sinks deeper into your pants and you hum at the adjustment. “Don’t you wanna teach me what—what proper cos-costumer service looks like? Huh?”

His cock jumps in his pants when you say his name in a wanton gasp, and Mando can see you’re sweating and moving your hips faster against your palm. He’s so hard it hurts.

Your smile falters and you frown impatiently as the pent-up tension threatens to snap in your body.

“Don’t cum,” Mando blurts before he can stop himself.

“Or what?”

“Or I won’t give you what you want.”

Your movements halt on command, and the hunter almost envies the control you have over your own body to be able to backtrack on the very edge of your release. You hold your hands up in triumphant surrender as you watch the Mandalorian approach and stop just a breath away from your body. He stands tall before you, crowding you with his size and turning down the volume on the nagging voice that reminds him that he’s letting you win.

Eyes on the prize ahead of you, you lick your lips and snake a hand beneath your sit. You pull a lever and the chair plummets a few inches until your mouth is directly in front of the rigid tent growing in his pants. Expert fingers undo his belt and lower his fly, but, stars, nothing is fast enough when Mando already feels the veins of his cock growing thicker and thicker. Skipping all formalities, your hand sneaks inside, cups his balls, and pulls all of him outside. He groans when you grab his shaft and squeeze hard from base to tip, your bare palm catching awkwardly on his equally dry skin. Mando melts into the sensation all the same, but you seem displeased with your palm’s lack of fluidity.

“Fuck. Hold on.” A pair of fingers disappear into your mouth and down your throat as far as they’ll go. You choke on them dramatically and your eyes water slightly, but they shine when the two small intruders drag outside your mouth, pulling a thick string of elastic spit with them and dropping it on his shaft, pulsing with anticipation. You lean forward and look up through your lashes as you unroll your tongue slowly and more gooey saliva dangles from it. It’s too dense to spill onto its target, so you pluck the heavy ropes from your mouth and smear it manually on his cock, while a thread of it hangs on your chin.

“Fuck.” Your tiny clenched fist wakes up every nerve in his body as it drags up and down his shaft, obscene and perfectly lubricated. Mando’s hips buck into its grasp involuntarily, so suddenly that you flinch at the unexpected jolt. It’s a small comfort for him, to see that he can also surprise you. But then you’re giggling again, locking him in place by grabbing the buck of his belt with your free hand.

“Eager,” you remark. You lean forward and place a chaste kiss on the tip that digs into his spine. Maker, it was barely anything, but he’s so hard and your mouth is so close. “Aren’t Mandalorians,” you tease, “supposed to have self-restraint?”

Mando’s only answer is a low groan and a gloved hand that tangles on your hair and pushes you forward. You resist, though, instead wrapping a fist around his base and dragging your hot tongue up his underside, stopping just before the tip. A tortured whimper echoes around the helmet, and the Mandalorian is not sure if you could hear it because his muscles pull tighter, drawing his attention to his cock and your mouth and the fact that the latter is not wrapped around him for some reason. As if you could read his mind, you suddenly engulf him whole. Spit gathers on the edge of your lips as you suck on his length, swallowing around the tip and swirling your tongue around his girth.

“Fuck, you’re so—so fucking g-good at this.” You hum in response, sending vibrations through his shaft that make his knees buckle. He always forgets how good it feels with you. He forgets that you take him perfectly like all your holes were made for him to fuck. That you make his blood run hot with every swing of your tongue and every spasm of your cunt and every insolent remark that escapes your lovely mouth, now busy pleasuring him.

You settle on his head and suck on the bulb, hollowing your cheeks to let him feel the delicious inside of your mouth. Mando grabs handfuls of your hair with both hands, still trying to extinguish little whimpers before they leave his throat. And you can tell. He knows you can tell because determination clouds your eyes as you yank him closer by the belt. You drag your tongue in a circle around the ridge of the head, before dipping into the slit on the tip and finally earning a punched out groan and some beads of precum as a reward. Somehow, you moan and chuckle at the same time, opening your mouth as strings of spit fall to the floor.

“You’re hard, Mando,” you coo, pumping his length while you rub it on the side of your face, “throbbing and so, so hard. You should’ve come to me sooner, baby. You’re desperate.” You suck on the head again, and the Mandalorian’s grip on your hair turns to steel, pulling you into him and no longer asking. Moaning, you let him, taking him as far as you can and wrapping a fist where you can’t reach. Your other hand releases his belt and snakes down to your lap, fumbling with the waistband of your pants.

Somewhere in the swamp of sensations drowning his thoughts, an idea flashes in Mando’s head, and he holds on to it before you can suck it out of his tip. One glove lets go of your hair and quickly grans the hand lowering into your heat to resume touching yourself. His cock still in your mouth, you look up at him with furrowed eyebrows and a silent question.

“You can’t c-cum,” he explains, forcing words out of a throat that right now only wants to moan, “un-until you give me my—my refund.”

You groan and roll your eyes, taking your mouth off him with a pop. “Fuck no,” you breathe as you pump him faster and harder, almost making Mando lose his resolve. Almost. His hold on your wrist tightens. “It’s store policy.”

“Y-yeah?” You continue sliding your fist along his shaft, as you lean forward and lower your face to start lightly licking his balls. The room spins around Mando, and his grip on your hair pushes you into him until you suck on one ball gently. “Is—is it store p-policy to—ngh—to f-fuck your clients?”

You chuckle against his taint. Your head straightens to set your attention back on his tip, where he’s leaking an almost embarrassing amount of precum. A thumb brushes over his slit, gathering the pearls and bringing them into your mouth to taste him. The way you rub your core slightly against the chair is sneaky enough, but the Mandalorian catches the movements and tugs your hand and hair tighter as a warning. Your shoulders slump. “I’ll give you half,” you offer.

Mando guides your hand lower and curls it around his swollen cock, silently begging for your attention. His hand wraps over yours as he squeezes your fist and drags it along his shaft at a pace of his liking that sets his insides ablaze. “Eighty.” The helmet falls back as he revels in the wet sounds of your hand sliding back and forth his cock and giving him a nice enough memory for when he inevitably goes back to the Crest and is forced to take care of his needs himself.

You let him guide you, cupping his balls with your other hand and swirling your tongue around his darkening tip. Mando’s chest trembles with a long moan at the toe-curling feeling of your warm spit and your clenched fist working so hard for him, until you drop him from your mouth and answer, “Seventy.”

“N-no, I—”

“—Seventy,” you repeat and twist your hand away from his grasp, leaving his seeping cock throbbing and abandoned, “or you don’t cum.”

Fuck, he was close. He was so fucking close, before you turned the tables. Like fucking always. A part of him cradles his already bruised pride, shaming him for—yet again—not being able to hold it together around you. But his cock tugs harder. More insistently. It pulls every fiber in his body and screams at him to give you whatever the fuck you want.

“Fine.” He nods his head once, before his better sense can convince him otherwise. “Seventy.”

A full, beautiful smile that almost makes Mando forget he’s getting scammed graces your plump lips. You waste no time shoving your hand inside your underwear again and moving your arm frantically as you give him a couple of throaty whines. You open your mouth as wide as it’ll go and blink up at him, inviting him to take you however he so pleases. He tangles his fingers on your hair and shoves you against him as you wrap your lips around his cock and muffle your mewls on it.

The Mandalorian starts fucking your face, getting his money’s worth as he moves you back and forth. Your eyes water and you gag with every shove, but you work earnestly for him, hollowing your cheeks and moving your tongue and pulling just about every trick on your toolbox to make Mando’s eyes roll to the back of his head.

And stars, even through your pants and his helmet, he can still smell your arousal. He hears the wet squelching of your fingers working your pussy fast and if he could only get a look. One look is all he needs to cum, he’s sure, one fucking look at your clenching cunt and he’s done.

“F-fuck, l-let me see,” he pants, “let—let me s-see you—see your p-pussy cum, just—fuck—just a mo-moment, please, j-just…”

Tears from all the gagging fall out of your pretty eyes as you open your mouth and stand up, taking your trembling hand outside to fumble with your trousers. Your thumbs are hooked under their waistband and push down slightly before you suddenly stop and stare at the Mandalorian gulping all the oxygen he can get and waiting for you. “Sixty,” you say carefully.

Too intoxicated with you and too focused on the blood beating hard on his cock, Mando couldn’t care less. He doesn’t give a shit about percentages or money or parts or whatever half-forgotten excuse he had to come here tonight. All that matters and all that’s real is whatever he needs to climax, and if it means letting you win, so be it. “S-sixty. Yes. Whatever. Just—just take your fucking pants off.”

One swift movement and your pants and underwear pool around your ankles. Yanking hard on the hem, you manage to pull the right leg off your boot. You don’t bother with the other one, letting it hang on your left leg as you climb back on the chair, spreading your legs and hooking one thigh over the armrest to offer him the best view possible.

Mando’s cock threatens to spill at the sight. You’re fucking soaked. Your folds are blushed and slick and swollen with all the blood accumulated on your cunt. Three fingers rub your aching clit and everything around it with messy strokes, as you stare at the bounty hunter with raw lust and moan for him loud and clear, and this. This is worth the fucking navigator.

As soon as his shaft ghost over your face you lean into it and reach for him with your mouth. Mando takes your head between his hands and resumes his previous brutal pace, his eyesight now directed at the way your cunt spasms and seeps more juices with every circle you press against your lips. And, fuck, you’re taking him like you’re hungry for his cock. Pushing harder and further and faster despite the gagging, you’re making Mando see blotches cloud his vision and feel how his muscles turn into hot, thick magma. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he can’t hold it in anymore. His balls start pulling up as a warning and you’re sucking harder and mewling around him.

“I—I…I’m gonna—I—”

Mando can’t find enough words to put together for the life of him, but you nod and manage a chocked “Mhmm” and bob your head to the pace of your quickening fingers and stars oh fuck—

The wave of his climax hits him hard on his back and makes him curl around you. He braces himself against the top of your chair and the change in position makes his cock slip outside of your mouth, but his vision goes completely black and all he can feel is the rush of pleasure crushing his bones into dust. Maybe your name is falling from his lips, but he can’t be sure. The never-ending spurts of cum falling somewhere hoard most of his attention, and he focuses on that thick and heavy release, so rare for him that he puts his mind into savoring every second.

It’s not until the echoes around his ears dissipate that the Mandalorian hears you’re still whimpering. Hunched over you, he opens his eyes just in time to see you gather some of the seed that he spilled on your neck and bring it down to smear it over your bundle of nerves, rubbing it one, two, three, four times, before you’re sobbing long and loud. Your hole tightens around nothing, your forehead resting on his cuisse, and Mando thinks he could get hard again just from the image.

You both stay like that for a while, curled into each other and panting in turns, until Mando gathers all the energy left in his system to pull himself upright and shove his softening shaft back into his pants. It’s only then that he sees just how much of a mess he made: Cum landed everywhere. It hangs thick all over your face, on your neck, on your hair, on your clothes. He blushes darkly and he’s about to open his mouth to apologize, but you sense it. Somehow. You wink and brush off his shame with a smile and a wave of your hand, standing up to get dressed. But Mando’s quicker. He kneels in front of you and gently raises your underwear until it hugs your hips, wishing for a fleeting second he could press a kiss on the supple flesh there. You grab his pauldron for balance to sneak your foot into the pantleg that Mando holds open for you.

For once, it’s he who breaks the silence. “I…I do want my sixty percent, you know.”

“Of course.” You smile sweetly at him, reaching back to your work table to grab a clean rag, rubbing it against your face and neck. “I’ll even throw in some free microvalves for good measure.”

—

Taglist of two so you can keep each other company :) : @rosetophighlander @hellomothermoon

#the mandolarian #the mandalorian x you #the mandolorian x reader #the mandalorian x ofc #the mandalorian smut #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin smut #din djarin x you #mando x reader #mando x you #mando smut #star wars smut #star wars day #his fucking microvalves that he worked hard on

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deansmom · 3 years

Text

ao3 link

Dean finds him in the bunker.

Sam is with Eileen, doing something Dean doesn’t want to know about - maybe making little Sam’s or something.

He’s exhausted when he gets home. He barely has the wherewithal to take off his dirty boots at the garage door.

His shoulders ache and his neck cracks as he rubs it, a small groan escaping his lips. He hasn’t stopped smiling.

Dean hears the air kick on, the old vents in the bunker shaking with the effort to warm the place up, just as he opens his bedroom door.

And he’s just... there.

He’d wondered the whole drive home if Jack had done it. If Jack had managed to really bring everyone back.

And there he is. Castiel is just standing there in his suit, trench coat thrown across the bed. Looking the same as he did before the Empty took him.

He looks nervous. If Dean didn’t know any better, he’d say that Cas looks terrified.

And fuck, Dean knows he’s not good at this, but -

“Did you know?” Dean drops his bag next to the dresser, his eyes never leaving Cas.

Castiel’s face contorts slightly, confused that this is what he chose for his opening line.

“I...”

He squints, and Dean is suddenly reminded that while Cas will never admit it, Dean thinks he needs glasses. It makes him smile despite how nervous he is now.

“Did I know what, Dean?”

Here he was, thinking there was a giant neon sign on his forehead, making him look like an idiot all these years. All these years that Dean’s just been working on the assumption that Cas couldn’t actually, y’know, fall in love with anyone, and worrying that everyone knew and he just -

Castiel really didn’t know.

Dean takes a step forward and reaches out to grab Cas’s hand, but thinks better of it. He should probably focus if he’s actually going to try to say something.

“I, um,” he shifts uncomfortably, a hand coming up to rub his neck again. “I’m not - I’m not good at this, Cas, ok? So like...” Dean licks his lips, nervously glancing at him, “Just, let me get this out.”

Castiel’s face has softened, but he clearly doesn’t know what Dean’s about to say and he’s not sure if the ache in his chest means he wants to cry or laugh about it.

“I...”

Dean has to look away for a moment. It’s embarrassing as hell, but sometimes it feels like Cas can see all the way into his soul (he probably can). Nobody knows him as well as Castiel does, and nobody in all his 40-something years on this earth can make him feel as vulnerable. Having that connection with someone means more to Dean than he’ll ever admit, he knows that, but still… it makes it hard to think.

“Look, I, uh, I really thought you knew...” he laughs a little bit, smiling to himself. “I mean hell, every fucking angel and demon never shut up about it to me, anyways.”

Dean takes a beat before going over to his bed abruptly, feeling antsy with it.

Maybe if he keeps moving, maybe if he makes himself a moving target Castiel won’t be able to see how fucking scared he is.

The thought makes Dean literally stop in his tracks because it’s the first time he’s admitted that, even to himself. He drops down onto his bed with the weight of the realization, and it’s all Dean can do not to laugh at himself. He’s scared.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.”

It comes out as more of a whisper than anything, and Dean sighs, his eyes never leaving Castiel’s feet.

“I don’t know, I just... I kinda always thought it would be me, y’know?” He finally looks up and catches Cas’s eye, smiling. “Last ditch, last night on earth thing. It’s my best line.”

Castiel huffs, slowly walking over to sit on the bed with Dean.

“I guess I just...” Dean keeps his eyes on their feet, hoping he doesn’t chicken out.

“I thought you knew... and I guess I thought that you just...” He shrugs, feeling dumb saying it now, “I don’t know. Didn’t love me or whatever.”

Castiel sets a hand on Dean’s thigh and almost all of the tension drains out of his body.

It’s kind of embarrassing how easily Cas can play him. Pluck all the right strings, strum all the right chords, and make Dean putty in his hands.

For years, he’s wondered if Cas knows, if he does it on purpose – the looks he gives Dean sometimes, the carefully placed hands when he’s upset, the way he heals him even. There’s a part of him that thinks Castiel isn’t doing it on purpose, and then sometimes he gives him this look and it’s just…

Castiel interrupts his train of thought with a sigh, “Dean...”

He looks up without meaning to and almost chokes on all the emotions he’s trying to sort through when he sees the look on Castiel’s face.

“I suppose we both were...” Castiel is so earnest and it drives Dean insane.

“Idiots.”

Dean let’s out a loud bark of a laugh, his forehead falling onto Castiel's shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess we were.”

An arm wraps itself around Dean’s back, half a second before he feels Castiel kiss his head.

“I’m sorry I never said anything,” Dean mumbles.

His fingers have grabbed Castiel’s tie and he’s fidgeting with it, trying to keep himself busy so he doesn’t do something stupid.

It’s been omnipresent for years now. An immutable truth that Dean’s been running from for years, because, well...

Castiel has ruined him.

If he left and never came back, Dean wouldn’t survive it.

Sure, he’d try to keep going, if only because he knows that anything else would just hurt him. And he’s so tired, so fucking tired, of hurting Cas.

He thinks about that for a moment before moving so he can meet Castiel’s eyes, “Hey...”

Dean sets a hand on his cheek without thinking about it. Castiel’s arm falls so his hand is resting on Dean’s hip instead of his arm.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Castiel huffs, amused. “If I had, would it have been received well?”

Dean thinks about it for a minute, his thumb absently running over the lines on Castiel’s face.

He’s had his mojo back for a while, but this isn’t a vessel anymore. Hasn’t been for a long time. And at some point, over the last couple years, Castiel started looking Dean’s age.

It’s a good look on him.

“Cas,” he starts, his hand settling on the back of his angel’s head. “You remember what Hester said?”

Dean does. He remembers it vividly. Between that and the Mark, he’s had a hell of a time the last decade trying not to drown with the guilt of bringing everyone he loves down.

Castiel hums, the hand on Dean’s hip rubbing absentmindedly, “Vaguely.”

He hadn’t been himself back then. That Cas had scared the shit out of Dean.

“She said that the very touch of me corrupts...”

His voice is quiet, damn near soft even.

“That when you laid a hand on me in Hell or whatever...” Dean sighs, “You were lost.”

The hand that’s been playing with Castiel’s tie comes up to rest, open palmed, on his chest. Feeling his chest move out of nothing more than habit, nothing more than something Cas does to make Dean feel comfortable, grounds him.

“I don’t know when I fell in love with you,” he admits after a moment. “Over the years I’ve tried to pinpoint a moment -“ Dean chuckles, “The moment, I guess... when it happened.”

He’s smiling now, even though he’s terrified.

He has nothing to be scared of, he knows that now. But Dean’s never been good at this stuff - the feelings stuff. Vulnerability.

He’s spent his whole life trying not to get hurt out there fighting monsters. Dean still hasn’t figured out how to differentiate a broken heart from a mortal wound - they feel the same.

“For a while I thought,” Dean starts, stopping himself after a beat.

Castiel leans forward, his forehead coming to rest against Dean’s.

“For a long time, I thought it was that moment in Chuck’s kitchen...” He sighs, closing his eyes after a moment, “When you threw everything away. For me.”

“I did it because it was the right thing to do,” Castiel reminds him quietly.

Dean huffs, a couple tears spilling out, “Yeah, yeah I know.”

They’ve had this fight before. That Castiel has always been in control of his destiny, of his choices and Dean wasn’t to feel responsible for any of them. It wasn’t his fault. Castiel made all of his choices that Dean felt guilty for, all on his own. And he’d make those choices all over again, if presented the opportunity.

He sniffs, laughing when he feels one of Castiel’s hands wipe the tears away, “But, Cas, you... you had me.”

Dean opens his eyes up so he can look at Cas.

He’s crying too and Dean finds himself laughing again, both of his hands coming up to Castiel’s face. He wipes the tears away as they fall, his chest aching with how much he loves him.

“I think I was lost too,” Dean admits. “I think I’ve been in love with you this whole time. From the moment you touched me in hell, I think-“

Dean clears his throat, trying to collect himself.

“Damn it.” He tries to laugh but it comes out more like a sob, “I really didn’t want to cry.”

At that, Castiel actually laughs and he’s got that big, gummy smile on his face. The one that makes Dean feel like he’s a kid again and his first crush laughed at his joke. Makes Dean feel like he accomplished something.

“It’s okay,” Cas promises him. He looks like he wants to say more but he can’t come up with anything except, “It’s okay.”

Dean shakes his head, all the feelings he’s been trying to ignore for the last twelve years washing over him at once, “‘S not ok.”

He never imagined telling Cas any of this where he wasn’t dying. He never let himself imagine that Cas felt the same way. He never believed that this - it might turn out ok for Dean.

Castiel pulls Dean into a full body hug, pressing kisses all over his head when Dean hides his face in his neck.

“I love you so much you stubborn, infuriating man,” Cas says in between kisses.

It startles a laugh out of Dean and he tightens his arms around Cas.

Castiel uses his strength to move them so they’re laying together on Dean’s bed. The bed isn’t quite big enough for the two of them to fit comfortably, but Cas makes a good pillow.

Stupidly, in between the hiccuped sobs Dean can’t seem to stop, it occurs to him that he’s going to need a bigger bed.

What a bizarrely wonderful thought.

Castiel rubs his back through it, mumbling in enochian periodically. Dean’s not sure if he’s talking to himself or Dean but he doesn’t really care.

Cas is here. And he loves Dean.

After a little while Dean sniffs, his grip on Cas loosening. He hadn’t realized how tired he was.

The hand that had been running through his hair stills momentarily, “Go to sleep, Dean.”

He wants to, but he lifts his head up enough to look at Cas first. He’s definitely getting soft in his old age, because Cas smiles like he knows what Dean’s thinking before he gets to say it.

“I’m not going anywhere, Dean,” he promises. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Dean does.

When he wakes up, he has no idea how long it’s been.

His neck aches from the weird angle and his face feels a little sticky from the tears and the drool (gross). Above him, Castiel is snoring quietly, his face soft.

Dean’s heart jumps at the sight.

Dean rolls over so he’s completely on top of Cas, groaning with the effort.

Jesus, he’s too old to be sharing beds like this.

For all the weight that’s shifted onto him suddenly, Castiel doesn’t even stir a little bit.

That’s okay.

Dean gave Cas a lot of shit for it over the years, but it just felt weird. Cas could see him in his most vulnerable state and, well... angels didn’t sleep.

Cas did in purgatory. Dean would watch him sometimes when he couldn’t turn his brain off.

He’s beautiful when he sleeps.

He doesn’t need to sleep, hasn’t since he was human, but Cas enjoys it. He admitted to Dean once after a couple drinks that it was the only time, he truly experienced silence... peace.

‘Heaven is peaceful, in a sense,’ he’d admitted, his eyes on the melting ice in his glass. ‘But it’s so loud, Dean. That much love and grief in one place, it’s... deafening.’

Castiel had said that Dean was the most caring human on earth. Dean wonders if he knows how much that isn’t true.

He knows that he cares too much, too deeply, it’s something he’s hated for years. Can’t separate himself from the job, can’t help but feel the heartbreak of people they meet on cases, to carry their grief with him.

But Castiel has the biggest, most forgiving heart Dean’s ever seen. Sometimes he’s jealous that Cas can feel so much, and not let it destroy him so completely. Not let it debilitate him.

He wonders if Castiel knows what a good person he is. Wonders if he knows how much he’s inspired Dean to be better, to be kinder, to not be so scared of feeling so much.

He presses a kiss to Castiel’s cheek without thinking about it.

“You scare the hell out of me, man,” Dean whispers, tracing a finger over Castiel’s shirt. “I thought I was going to end up like Bobby for the longest time... a grumpy old fuck with nobody but a dog I barely liked to come home to at night...”

He sighs quietly, snuggling close to Cas again, “That was the best-case scenario... I never really thought I’d make it this long. Thought I’d die in a fight, too young and too little time on this rock. Hunters don’t really retire, you know?”

The heat kicks on again, the old system clunking to life around them.

“And then you brought me back to life... y’know, that night in the barn, I was terrified. I thought I was gonna shit myself for a second there-“ Dean snorts a little, “Bobby too. But then...”

He smiles against Castiel’s neck, “Every time you showed up it felt like I couldn’t breathe, man. Made me feel like everything was off kilter. I should’ve been scared, but I wasn’t... I couldn’t stop thinking about you when you weren’t around.”

Dean hooks his ankle around Cas’s, “It wasn’t until after Zach sent me to that alternate universe that I figured out why... that us, that Cas and Dean, they were... I don’t know.”

They’d been a thing, clearly, but it had freaked Dean out how much they fought. How much that Dean hated what his Castiel did. How guilty both of them had felt watching him.

“When it clicked,” he sighs, his voice still quiet. “You got scary again. I didn’t want to do that to you - to break you like that. You deserved better than that.”

He doesn’t say that the realization of how much he was in love with Cas freaked him out because for the first time, maybe ever, Dean felt like he had something to lose. Before Cas, dying was scary but it was whatever. If he died saving someone, it would be worth it.

After Cas?

Dying meant that he wouldn’t get to see him smile anymore. He wouldn’t get to hear Castiel’s laugh, the real one that makes Dean feel like putty. He wouldn’t get to introduce him to all the wonderful things about the world, about being human. Loving Cas made everything feel like it had a purpose, like he had something to live for, something to fight for.

Knowing that somebody cared about him who wasn’t under some sort of obligation to care, it just… it was impossible to wrap his head around for the longest time. And then when he did, when he was able to accept that Castiel cared about him… if he let himself think about that too much he’d be paralyzed with it.

Dean grew up thinking he’d be lucky to make it to 30.

And the idea of one person, forever, or even just a life beyond that - beyond hunting, beyond monsters, beyond what the universe had planned out for him - was terrifying.

Now, he’s here on the wrong side of 40, and the love of his life sleeping underneath him.

Not only that, but Chuck’s not god anymore. For the first time in his life, Dean’s got some honest to god free will.

Huh.

He wonders if Cas remembers that night after his date, when he was human, and what they’d talked about.

He wonders if Cas remembers the idea of a bed and breakfast for hunters.

Wonders if he remembers Dean trying to describe his dream without outright saying, ‘And you’d be there, with me.’ Because he didn’t deserve Castiel then, and he barely deserves him now, but at some point, Cas became just as important as Sam. Maybe more, in a different way.

This love that Dean feels for Castiel is big and loud and messy, and it always has been. Even in the quiet moments of grief, it’s always felt like a siren going off in his chest. It’s bigger than anything Dean’s ever felt before... and until the other day, he had no idea that Cas loved him too.

They’re both so stupid.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Castiel loves so fully, it’s absurd to Dean that he didn’t see it. He knows Cas better than he knows anyone, better than Sam even, and Dean was so distracted by his own love that he didn’t see it.

And maybe that’s the difference - Dean’s love is loud and, in your face, and suffocating. It’s so loud that sometimes Dean can’t even hear it over his own screaming over it.

But Castiel? His love is quiet and deliberate, private even, and so purposeful that if he doesn’t want you to know, you’ll miss it. He loves with every fiber of his being and he gives people he loves the ability to destroy him so easily that it scares Dean.

Well... they might have that one in common.

Castiel was it for Dean the second he laid hands on him in Hell.

Dean was it for Castiel when he saw such a bright, pure soul stay so vibrant and defiantly good in Hell.

As soon as the realization hits Dean all over again that this, this right here, is everything he’s always wanted and been too scared to admit -

Castiel kisses Dean’s ear, “I know, Dean. You don’t have to say it.”

Dean pushes himself up so his arms are framing Castiel’s head. He needs to look at him when he says it.

“I love you, Cas. So much it scares me.”

Castiel just smiles, understanding radiating off of him, “Me too.”

His arms give out after a minute, sending Dean down onto his angel (or maybe Dean feels like they’re too far apart now that they can do this).

Dean huffs, a bit petulant, “Stay.”

“Okay,” Castiel promises, his arms coming up to wrap around Dean.

“Forever,” he requests after a moment.

An indelicate snort escapes Cas, but he just presses a kiss to the crown of Dean’s head.

“Of course.”

#deancas text #deancas fix it #destiel text #deancas #mackenzie attempts fics #otp: cursed or not #personal #this is sappy I've been trying to write this for WEEKS NOW lmao

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nakunakunomi · 4 years

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Hi🤗 I liked so much your work, you're very good at writing! I read some of your hc's and I was wandering, how Killer and Kidd (and in general the Kidd Pirates) would react to a girl crew member that is a good strategist. Something like a Margaery Tyrell (I don't know if you had seen game of thrones) that knows a lot about politics and war but that she's also very sexy and good at fighting. I'm sorry if it's too complicated

Hey love! I have not really seen GoT but I think I got the gist of the character you wanted! It's mostly general HC instead of romantic ones since you didn't specify and that's how these turner out! It was nice to include Heat and Wire too! I love this violent crew of impulsive idiots so much! Hope you enjoy! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

Kid Pirates and a Strategic Lady on the crew

Kid is not stupid. He's actually pretty smart. Knows how the world works, knows how politics work in the pirate world.

His biggest problem is that he thinks about the big lines mostly: e.g. "Kill Shanks" "Win that battle" "Get to that island in order to get such items and such supplies".

When it comes to details, Kid is more of a follow your gut kind of person. And well his instincts are rather violent and impulsive, not really resulting in the best actual battleplans.

Killer, besides cooking and being the general mom™ of the crew, acts as Kid's impulse control most of the time, and while he's more strategic and calm than Kid, he's instinctive and merciless once the fight starts.

Heat and Wire usually follow the initial commands before getting at it too, which makes for a messy and impulsive crew, but they’re all insanely strong and they all make up for their impulsiveness with sheer force.

Having a lady like you on the crew changes the deal

In the beginning, most of them are pretty apprehensive. It’s not like they don’t know strong women exist, they just don’t know if a woman on their ship is the best idea.

The victoria punk is testosterone central, so you’ll have to be confident and strong-willed to get on, and stay on.

Kid will need some time to get used to another confident personality on his ship, but if you show that you are merely here to assist and help him get to victory, he’ll get used to having you around real fast.

He’ll have you come to his cabin to discuss strategies, Killer will ask you discreetly to ensure there are as little casualties as possible.

The fact that you’re strong only helps get you respect on the crew. Being a smarty lady is one, but smart doesn’t get you too far when you’re faced with an enemy.

Heat, Wire, and Killer will follow your instructions before a battle as much as they can, and will even take your orders in the middle of battle, at least, after you’ve been on the crew for a while. They need to know that they can trust your orders.

Kid and following plans.... is still a difficult point. It’s not that he doesn’t trust your plans, because otherwise, he would never even let you instruct his crew. But sometimes always his instinct takes over and he does dumb or dangerous stuff.

He doesn’t need (or want) you to save his ass though whenever something goes wrong. He’s perfectly capable of getting himself in a mess, so he can get himself out of it as well. He’s too proud for help. Unless he’s fallen in the sea.

Being conventionally good-looking does help a lot as well. It distracts enemies and keeps your allies’ attention for further instructions.

You will never hear Kid say it out loud (and extremely rarely any of the other crew members) but they do value your presence on board a lot. You save the shipwright some work, the doctor some medicine and the whole crew a whole lot of unnecessary battles.

There’s still quite a few of those though. Y’know, when someone looks at Kid the wrong way, he has no choice but to react.

Good luck on that crew, beauty and brains in between all those muscle- and pastaheads.

#kid pirates #eustass Kid #Killer #One piece #one piece writing #one piece headcanon #one piece x reader #headcanon #reader insert #one piece HC #request #HC request #general headcanons #Anonymous

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chrismho · 4 years

Text

Lakmé

Summary: Is this not the closest I’ve ever been to living? The Kurosaki Family invites Rukia along with them to the Opera. Ichiruki/Rukia-centric one-shot inspired by the opera scene in Moonstruck. Set a little bit after FB arc.

PS: It’s a pretty famous song but if you haven’t heard Flower Duet before, I highly rec you give this rendition a listen, it’s breathtaking! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9NK-EbUAao

“ICHIGOOOOOOO! RUKI-CHAAAAAN!”

SMACK!

A day in the Kurosaki household was not complete without at least one collision between Isshin’s face and either Ichigo’s foot or fist.

“I don't know how many times I have to tell you, old man: QUIT DOING THAT!” Ichigo roared, swiftly kicking his father back to the other side of the living room.

Rukia waited patiently for Isshin to complete this strange ritual, a fond smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Oh, Masaki!” Isshin sobbed, throwing himself upon his poster. “H-how cruel, how unloving our son has become! And Rukia at his side, so pure and lovely! W-we truly have here a beauty and the beast!”

“SHUT IT!”

The dark-haired shinigami watched them butt heads and felt a vague sense of nostalgia swirl inside her. I didn’t realize how much I…missed this, she silently admitted to herself. Seventeen months had passed and Rukia kept herself busy with work--very busy. Too busy to stop and realize just how much she missed life in Karakura. But now that she was back, the realization was sudden and overwhelming; she missed late night hollow-hunting, the bustling hallways at Karakura High, she missed Keigo, Mizuiro, Tatsuki, she missed indulging in her schoolgirl act, pretending that she was human and truly one of them. But most of all, she missed him. That was a realization that had set Rukia very much on edge. Ichigo was a comrade, a partner, a friend. A friend she found herself pining for in those seventeen months. She recalled a saying she learned in the human world, something along the lines of “absence makes the heart grow fonder”.

Absence had only made Rukia’s heart confused as hell.

Though almost two years had passed, her relationship with Ichigo picked up almost right where they left off. They bickered, laughed, they understood each other without need for words. But…now there was something new. No, not new; it had always been there. But now....now it was loud. And hard to ignore. It was something that Rukia couldn’t quite name, but its presence was undeniable. It wasn’t uncomfortable...but… but it was there.

“What do you say, Rukia-chan? Oh, please say you’ll be joining us?”

Isshin’s question snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Eh? I-I’m sorry?” she asked, startled.

“THE OPERA! An old buddy and colleague of mine has season tickets to the opera house here in Karakura. He’s away on a business trip so he gave me tickets to tomorrow’s show. We haven’t seen you in so long, the girls would just love if you came! SAY YOU’LL JOIN US!”

“Don’t push her, Dad!” Ichigo said irritably. He turned to Rukia but didn’t meet her gaze. “Seriously, y-you don’t have to go. It’s really boring, the last time I went I wanted to die-”

“OH, BUT THAT’S NOT TRUE,” Isshin cut off gleefully, shoving Ichigo out of the way and putting an arm around Rukia. “The last time we went, Ichigo was but a boy. Though only eight at the time, he was so moved by the performance that he wept and blubbered all night long--”

“HEY! N-NO I DIDN’T!”

“Yes, you did!” Karin called boredly from the kitchen.

Ichigo hunched up his shoulders and scowled, his ears and cheeks an angry shade of red.

“I’d be delighted to attend this...this ‘op-ohr-a’, Mr. Kurosaki!” Rukia declared, a cheerful and sparkly smile on her face. “Excellent! Come tomorrow evening at 7, and dress your very best, my dear! The opera is a most formal event,” Isshin beamed.

“Whatever. And get your arm off her!” Ichigo grumbled, yanking Rukia away from his father and up the stairs to his room.

“Ah, young love,” Isshin sighed after them. “Eager to get her to your bedroom, I see? Yes, yes, I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do, if you catch my drift--”

“SHUT UP!” Ichigo screamed over his shoulder. He hurried Rukia inside his room and slammed the door shut.

“Nice to see the family dynamic hasn’t changed,” Rukia said, a sly smile on her face. She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall alongside his bed.

“1000 Yen says my dad’s got an ear pressed up to the door right now,” Ichigo replied. He sounded annoyed but there was a humorous glint in his eye. He looked up and met her gaze. They both dissolved into a quiet, gentle chuckle.

“Feel free to sit, you know,” Ichigo said, gesturing towards the bed. “I know it’s been a while but time’s never stopped you from acting like you own this place.”

“No, that’s okay. I’m fine here,” Rukia responded, cursing herself for answering him a little too vehemently. Ichigo looked at her questioningly, and Rukia could have sworn she saw a very, very faint blush creep on his cheeks. A moment of silence passed.

Tension. That’s what it was.

“So what is this opera thing, anyway? I just realized I agreed to something I know nothing about,” Rukia asked, eager to change the subject and genuinely curious about this “most formal event” that moved a young Ichigo to tears.

“It’s, uh, like a play. But with only singing. Really loud, annoying singing. And fancy costumes. And they usually end in tragedy.” Ichigo said, scratching the back of his head.

Her amusement at his fumbling explanation made Rukia forget her discomfort earlier. She smirked and flopped onto his bed. “Sounds like fun. So this loud, annoying play moved you to tears, eh?”

“IT DID NOT-Hmph, *ahem*, It did not move me to tears, I told you already that I found it boring. And I SAID YOU COULD SIT ON MY BED, NOT LIE ON IT!”

“Oh, Daddy, th-they’re on his bed already! They certainly are fast, aren’t they?” a muffled voice that sounded suspiciously like Yuzu’s could be heard saying from the other side of the door.

Ichigo’s left eye twitched.

He swung the door open and Isshin and Yuzu tumbled onto the floor. “SCRAM!” He roared, shaking his fist as they hurriedly fled the scene.

_____

Giant, crystal chandeliers hung over the U-shaped hall, twinkling prettily in the warm, golden light. The house was packed with many well-dressed and well-to-do people. The euphony of various conversations and chatter rang pleasantly in the air. If Ichigo had been moved to tears by the place alone, Rukia would understand; it was truly, truly beautiful. She tilted her head back, taking in the glittering chandeliers and intricate paintings of flowers and stars on the ceiling. She must have looked visibly awestruck, for she turned to her side to find Ichigo looking back at her, an odd, almost tender smile on his face. She gave him a sharp elbow in the ribs. “What? What’s with that dumb look?” She snapped.

“AGH! What the hell, Rukia?” He glared, letting out a sharp exhale before putting on another smile, this one more teasing. “N-nothing, I was just thinking...the last time I was here as a kid, I remember looking up at the paintings on the ceiling and counting all the stars as a way to pass the time. I guess I was just wondering if you were doing the same.”

Rukia blinked. It was rare for Ichigo to divulge….well, really anything about his past and his memories. To share this random little anecdote felt oddly intimate. She felt her cheeks warm slightly and turned away. “Heh, no I wasn’t counting, I was just...admiring. She looked back up and couldn’t help but laugh. “Ichigo, there are hundreds of stars, up there! Did you really count them all?” He looked up too and smiled wryly, shaking his head. “Nah, the show always started and the lights would go off before I ever finished. But...I like that I don’t know. It’s this weird, unfinished mystery that just...stays up there on the ceiling, y’know?”

His amber eyes and fiery-orange hair glowed in the warm light of the hall. He glowed. Does he even know how handsome he looks in that stupid tux? Rukia thought, torn between feeling endeared and annoyed. And spewing out weird, lovely musings like that, too. What an idiot.

She looked down at the program in her lap. In intricate, gold cursive, the words Lakmé: Opera en 3 Actes shone smack dab in the middle. “Is...is this in French?” she asked. “Yeah, but it’s okay; you see those black screens above the curtains up there? They’ll have translations…”

The lights began to dim.

Quickly, stealthily, Ichigo stole one last look at Rukia in full light. She was already a beautiful woman but tonight she practically glowed. With the help of Yuzu and Karin, she had parted her cropped hair to one side and teased it into elegant waves. She had reluctantly let them put makeup on her, too, and Ichigo had a hard time keeping his eyes away from her lips, soft and painted red like a pomegranate. She was wearing a dress that Ishida had surprised her with a few weeks ago, a wine-colored sleeveless piece that gently hugged her form and flowed past her knees. Yeah. She glowed. It was annoying.

Y’know, I bet she knows exactly how good she looks and is only pretending to be oblivious. He thought. What an idiot.

The red velvet curtains pulled back to reveal what looked like a stone courtyard on stage, adorned with all sorts of plants and exotic flowers. But the set was nothing compared to the music that emanated from the pit in front of the stage. She’d never heard anything like this. Not on the streets of Rukongai, nor in the banquets and gatherings in Seireitei. What was it Ichigo had called them? An orchestra. An orchestra, an orchestra, an orchestra. She had to remember that word. How so many voices, so many different strange and wonderful-looking instruments, could come together and create a sound so unified and sweet amazed her.

A procession of people dressed in long, unstitched garments came onto the stage, singing words Rukia could not understand. A big man, clad in a costume beard and yellow robe, opened his mouth and began to sing a solo.

Rukia froze.

It was obvious what he was doing required much skill, but….he sounded...funny? Rukia narrowed her eyes and fought a smile, trying to reason with this deep voice that shook with such a fervent vibrato.

She heard a snicker two chairs away from her, and turned to see Karin in the dim light, her face contorted humorously. Rukia was about to join her before Isshin turned to his daughter with a glare so scary and dangerous that any humor at all in both Karin and Rukia was effectively vanquished.

So entranced was she by the costumes and lights and flutes and cellos that the dark-haired shinigami found herself forgetting to glance up at the translations above the stage. She looked just enough times to gather that this was set in a temple in which rites were being performed. The ritual ended, and as smoothly as they glided in, the singers drifted back off the stage, leaving behind two women.

The women, arm in arm, walked down to the “river” on stage to gather flowers. The one dressed in red turned to her companion and began to sing:

Viens, Mallika, les lianes en fleurs

Jettent déjà leur ombre

Sur le ruisseau sacré

qui coule, calme et sombre,

Eveillé par le chant des oiseaux tapageurs.

Rukia froze once more. This time, there was no urge to laugh. Goosebumps rose on her arms. Her ears tingled. What, Rukia thought shakily. What is this?

The other, dressed in a simpler, sun-colored dress answered her friend in a voice just as haunting and sweet:

Oh! maîtresse, c'est l'heure

où je te vois sourire,

L'heure bénie où je puis lire

Dans le coeur toujours fermé

De Lakmé!

Rukia clenched her teeth, maintaining a stone-cold Kuchiki expression while her soul inside shook and quaked.

What is this?

Dôme épais le jasmin

Sous le dôme épais où le blanc jasmin

Like flowers landing on the surface of a pond, their voices floated, glided, rippled through the hall, lighter than air.

À la rose s'assemble

The melody seemed to follow some invisible wave that drifted down, then up, then down, and down again. It was elegantly unpredictable, like the path a feather takes on the way to the ground.

Rukia’s throat caught. The swelling in her chest bewildered and almost angered her. This...this beauty was almost cruel. Her eyes felt hot. Her face remained expressionless.

Rive en fleurs, frais matin,

Sur la rive en fleurs, riant au matin,

I never did get the chance to understand what it is to live, Rukia thought. She had, in fact, died when she was only a baby.

I....could see traces of what life was in the youth and excitement of Ichigo and his friends...the sound of their laughter, their chatter about the future.

Nous appellent ensemble.

Viens, descendons ensemble.

With each rise and fall of their voices, Rukia felt as though her soul was expanding. The singers’ figures became blurry behind the tears that began to well in her eyes.

But this…this swelling in my chest, and the goosebumps on my skin. My throat...feels tight.

A tear broke free and began to trickle down her cheek.

Is this not the closest I’ve ever been to living?

Ichigo gazed steadily at the stage, letting himself float and drift with the melody. It was no wonder the Flower Duet was such a famous song, even to those unfamiliar with opera. He cleared his throat as quietly as he could and turned to check on Rukia. His jaw clenched.

Ah! glissons en suivant

Doucement glissons; De son flot charmant

She stood absolutely still, upright, her small, pale hands clenched into fists on her lap. She did not look at him. He watched with well-hidden astonishment as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She stared solemnly at the women on stage, blinking slowly. Her amethyst eyes glistened with the water and salt that filled them.

Le courant fuyant

Suivons le courant fuyant

A lump began to form in Ichigo’s throat. He turned away, back to the stage. He couldn’t put into words what she was feeling, but he felt he understood it. He didn’t want to intrude on her moment, but he also wanted to let her know that she was not alone. Even when they were worlds apart, he’d find a way to reach her. Slowly, his hand moved towards hers.

His fingertips lightly brushed her wrist, and traveled up towards the back of her hand.

Rukia kept her eyes fixed on the singers. She gave no indication that she even noticed his hand on hers. A twinge of disappointment and embarrassment stung him. I...probably ruined her moment. I shouldn’t have-

His heart stopped. Silently, suddenly, the slender, cold hand seized his own. She intertwined her fingers with his and squeezed lightly. She did not look at him.

Dans l'onde frémissante,

Dans l’onde frémissante

To this day Ichigo couldn’t say what the hell compelled him to do what he did next. Maybe it was the nearly two years of separation, or the swelling music and stupid, glittering, chandeliers messing with his head, or the way she gripped his fingers with such a quiet and loving intensity, or a mix of all of those things. Slowly, he raised her hand up, off her lap.

D'une main nonchalante,

D’une main nonchalante,

Rukia stirred, tilting her head slightly towards him. He brought her hand up to his face and slowly, gently, firmly, pressed his lips against her knuckles. Rukia’s eyes flashed wide open, and now she turned to look at him. Another tear rolled silently down her otherwise stoic face. Ichigo opened his eyes and looked back at her.

Dôme épais, blanc jasmin,

Sous le dôme épais, Sous le blanc jasmin,

Nothing was said, but a thousand words were exchanged between them. Ichigo lowered her hand but did not let go. They held their gaze for a moment longer, then turned their heads back towards the stage.

Nous appellent ensemble!

Ah! descendons ensemble!

#ichiruki #lakme #sooo sappy hehe opera makes me WEAK #im literally frasier #ichigo kurosaki #rukia kuchiki #ichiruki fanfiction #deathberry

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hartigays · 4 years

Note

3. “It’s always been you.”

billy storms out of the apartment, seething and fighting back tears. because billy hargrove does not cry. ever. he didn’t back when he lived with neil, he didn’t after his mom left, he didn’t when he got arrested for possession and almost lost his scholarship to UCLA.

he’s not about to start now.

not because steve pretty boy harrington has to go around acting like a grade-A asshole, with his soft hair and big eyes and pouty lips, screwing everything with a goddamn pulse. no sir. billy won’t give him that luxury.

the reality is, steve has always had a thing for plowing his way through as many people as humanly possible. or so billy heard all those years ago when he’d first arrived in hawkins and started inquiring about the pretty-faced indiana boy who billy just couldn’t seem to stay away from.

but billy thought all of that was behind them. they live together, for fuck’s sake. they’d moved out to california together so billy could go to school, and so steve could take a position at one of the offices of his father’s company in LA. steve hasn’t been seeing anyone, billy hasn’t been seeing anyone. they’ve been happy. content.

and okay, so maybe they aren’t dating. maybe billy hasn’t exactly told steve how he feels. but, like, steve should know. billy has gone out of his way to make it glaringly obvious. steve may be oblivious, but he’s not dumb. not like everyone thinks.

billy is pretty damn sure there’s no way steve isn’t aware of how he feels.

the worst part is, billy thought steve actually felt the same. at least, he had up until today, when he walked in on steve sitting on the couch with some girl, laughing and smiling and whatever the fuck else. he’d walked out before he could see anything more, despite steve’s desperate pleas for him to come back so they could talk.

there’s nothing to talk about. billy thought steve liked him, steve doesn’t. it’s done. he just needs some time to... process it, or whatever. billy finds himself on the beach soon enough, and he slips off his shoes so he can stick his toes in the sand, plopping down with a sigh.

it’s a private beach tucked a ways away from the pier, but billy knows the owners of this plot. they don’t stay at their beach house until the winter, when they want to escape to somewhere a little warmer during the colder months. he’s pretty sure the rest of their time is spent in aspen. so for now he’s safe to sit here and think, staring out at the water as the sun sinks below the horizon.

billy has brought steve here a lot. they’ve picnicked here several times, and billy even brought steve out a once or twice to teach him how to surf before they knew that steve was irreparably bad at it. the thought makes billy’s heart squeeze, and he has to pinch himself as a reminder to not be such a pussy.

because it’s whatever that steve is into some air-headed cheerleader type with a tiny waist and hair like strands of gold. it doesn’t bother billy one bit. not at all. he Does Not Care in the slightest.

maybe if he keeps telling himself that, it’ll somehow become true.

“thought i might find you out here.”

billy doesn’t turn around at the sound of steve’s voice, keeping his eyes forward even though his stomach sinks. “congratulations, you’ve finally managed to develop critical thinking skills. let’s bust out the champagne.”

“i can go if you want me to,” steve says softly, even though billy feels him sink down onto the sand next to him, close enough that their arms brush.

billy just snorts, shrugging. “i don’t give a shit what you do, harrington.”

steve just sighs, and for a long time he doesn’t speak. out of the corner of his eye, billy can see him staring out at the sunset, looking rather forelorn. billy wishes he could turn that look into something soft, something happy, but steve has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t have that right.

“you know, i remember the first time you took me here,” steve says finally, and billy can’t help but glance over at him. steve’s smile is warm and soft, but tinged with something like sadness. “you tried to teach me how to surf. the first time, i mean. i slipped off the board and busted my ass so hard on it you had to carry me home.”

“you suck at surfing,” billy acknowledges, nodding. “badly.”

steve huffs a soft laugh. “yeah, i do. i just remember thinking that it was still one of the best days i’ve ever had. because that was the day i knew you loved me as much as i love you.”

billy goes completely still, his heart leaping up into his throat and his eyes watering, because what the fuck? where does steve get off making an admission like that just to make billy be less upset with him?

“don’t do that,” billy says, his voice rough. “you don’t get to do that. don’t pretend like you feel the same just because you don’t want me to be pissed at you.”

“billy,” steve starts, sounding distressed. he pauses, meeting billy’s eyes and fuck, they’re filled with tears too and billy doesn’t know how he feels about that. “it’s you. it’s always been you.”

the words break something inside of billy, and he crumples. he can’t pretend to be mad anymore when the truth is that he’s devastated. plain and simple.

“you sure have a funny way of showing it,” billy tells him, sniffling and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “i saw you two. you were two seconds from playing couch twister. would’ve been if i hadn’t walked in when i did.”

“leanne is gay, billy,” steve groans, burying his face in his hands. “she works with me and she’s gay. has a nice girlfriend named annalise. they have a fucking kid. we were just- jesus, i can’t believe i even have to explain this. to you of all people. i’m the dumb one, remember? fuck. we were just going over some fucking spreadsheets. yeah, riveting stuff. super romantic.”

“i didn’t- are you fucking with me?” billy asks, because he’s starting to feel really fucking stupid and a small part of him is hoping he didn’t just throw a (rather humiliating) tantrum over nothing. “you guys were giggling. and sitting so close, i just... i thought you were making a move.”

“god, you can be more dense than me sometimes, you know that? we were giggling about you, dumbass. i told her that i liked you and she wanted to know more,” steve explains, shaking his head in disbelief. “it was just- i dunno. like two friends at a sleepover giggling about their crushes.”

“would you quit calling yourself an idiot?” billy huffs. primarily because he can’t think of anything else to say - his mind is racing too much. but also because it’s true. “this kinda proves that if anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me. i just- i don’t understand why you never said anything.”

steve is shoving his hands through the sand repeatedly, watching the sand run between his fingers. “you know i’m bi, i told you as much. i figured you were like me, or gay, or- i dunno. i just thought you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. i left the ball in your court, thinking that once you were ready, we’d, y’know. address the fucking elephant in the room.”

“the elephant being... ?” billy trails off. and he knows, but he really just wants to hear steve say it again.

steve rolls his eyes, laughing. “you know what i mean. but fine: the elephant being that i’m in love with you. and that i’m really, really hoping you love me, too.”

“i do,” billy says, his voice soft. “and i’m an idiot. i’m sorry.”

“you’re not an idiot. i probably would’ve thought the same thing if the roles were reversed and i walked in on something like that.” steve glances over at billy, giving him a tender smile. “just... next time, let’s talk to each other, yeah? i think that’ll save both of us a lot of grief.”

billy just hums, nodding his approval. they sit in comfortable silence for a little while, both still too nervous to make a move despite having just confessed their love to each other. at this point billy just finds it endearing, but he really, really wants to be closer to steve, and not just emotionally.

“i am gay, you know,” billy starts, his palms sweating, “and i really want to kiss you.”

“i know. and i think i’d like that.”

steve’s lips are soft and yielding beneath billy’s. his kisses feel exactly the way billy imagined they would - tender and sweet and a little shy, but curious. billy tries to keep it slow, not wanting to shove them into uncharted territory, but it’s only a matter of time before billy has steve’s back hitting the sand, hovering over him, their lips never breaking apart.

steve just sighs into the kiss, embracing the new position without complaint. he relaxes into the sand, one hand threading through billy’s curls, the other curling into the tufts of hair at the base of billy’s neck. it’s a kiss that billy never wants to end. but he knows there’ll be more. so much more.

“i’d say at least now we can get a cheaper apartment, but i think we’ll both still need our space every now and then,” steve says when billy pulls away, staring up a him with big eyes.

“yeah. plus it’s... ” billy trails off, his cheeks flushing bright red.

“it’s what?” steve asks, his brows coming together in confusion. “seriously, what were you going to say?”

“it’s home,” billy says gently, bracing both arms on either side of steve so he can swoop down to capture his lips again whenever he wants to. “home is wherever i’m with you, but- y’know. i like our place. it feels like us.”

“you’re such a fucking sap, oh my god,” steve laughs, but he’s smiling so brightly that billy thinks the whole beach could stay lit up for the rest of the night. “billy hargrove, secretly soft and mushy inside. who would’ve thought.”

“wasn’t, ‘til i met you,” billy tells him honestly.

and it’s true, for a long time billy hardened himself to the world, protecting himself with an armor of indifference until steve came along and melted him to his core. but billy isn’t one to complain, not when it means he gets to go to sleep and wake up to steve’s smile every day now, for the rest of his life. forever, maybe, if steve is up for that.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.

#is this a modern au? does this take place in the 80s? the world may never know #hope this is enjoyable bby!#❤️❤️❤️#harringrove #my fics #ask #gideongrace

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summertime4k · 3 years

Text

Six Feet Apart // DreamNotFound

just finished writing this thing, lol, sorry about the lack of posts, writers block rlly said "fuck u alex lmaooo"

but anyways, heres a dnf thing lmao

Dream sighed, leaning against his chair as he looked at the ‘Go Live’ button on his screen. He could see the chat going crazy with messages like “WILL HE SRTEAM?!?!?” or “HELLO??? DREAM I MISSED YOU”, which were endearing to him. It brought a smile on his face to know he was able to make hundreds of thousand of people’s days better by just streaming.

The button went red. His livestream started.

After a couple of seconds, Dream cleared his throat and greeted his audience, “hello.”

He smiled at the surge of hello’s, smiley faces, and overall positivity his chat radiated, “uh, hello. Hello!” He moved around his chair and moved his hair from his face, tapping on his desk and reading the chat as fast as he could. “Um, decided to stream today. I have the time, and decided, why not?”

The chat was very happy to see Dream streaming, since the blonde didn’t really stream that often. He’d appear in other people’s streams and videos, but not his own content.

‘Thank you good sir for streaming, you have made my day better’.

“Aww,” Dream started up minecraft, covering his mouth with his hand as he read the dono again. “Glad I can make your day better, that’s like, the point of my content...thank you.”

“Bye!” he ended stream and looked at the time, cursing himself for streaming above two hours again. He raided Ranboo, stayed until Ranboo noticed and thanked him for the raid. Leaving when he realized he somehow missed a call from George.

Leaving the stream, he went on Discord and called George again, wondering why he had called Dream in the first place.

“YOU ARE DUMB. YOU ARE DUMB! YOU ARE DUMB! YOU ARE DUMB! YOU’VE JUST BEEN PRANKED!” George immediately left the call.

Confusion wasn’t even close to how Dream felt. He left out a small laugh, “oh that fucker better get back…” he mumbled to himself, calling him once again on Discord.

The british man answered after three rings, his laughter filling Dream’s headphone, “Oh my,” his own laugh caught him off. Dream could just easily picture George laughing to himself, alone in his room with his RBG lights he somehow refused to use instead of the green screen.

“You’re such an idiot,” Dream chuckled to himself, shaking his head as he leaned his arm against his desk, “you know that right?”

“Oooh Dream called me an idiot oh my god!”

“George!”

“Dream!” George dragged out, pronouncing the ‘r’ as a ‘w’ instead.

He rolled his eyes, looking at his monitor, then up at his webcam. Of course, he still hasn’t used it for streams or anything, it was mostly there for times like these with George. “What do you want, George?”

“I just got bored, Quackity is planning something for a stream tomorrow, Sapnap said he was going out somewhere right now?” George questioned.

Nodding, Dream confirmed it and said he wanted to get some more manga, or whatever he had said. “So you’ve chosen me to bother?” his eyes wondered to the bottom right corner of the screen, frowning as he remembered what time it was for George.

“I’ve got nothing better to do, so why not?”

Dream looked back at George’s profile picture, “George.”

“What?”

His eyes widened, as if George could see him, “Isn’t it like, almost one in the morning for you?”

George went silent, some ruffling of papers going on his side of the screen, “I mean, yeah- but I’m not tired! I wanna talk to you Dream.”

“Well,” Dream rolled up his sleeves, leaning against his desk once again amd looking around his set up, “can’t really argue with that incredible reasoning- “

“But with facecam…”

Silence filled the air once again. Dream’s eyes went up at his webcam, and back to George’s profile picture.

“Okay”

“What?”

Dream made sure his camera was ready to go, somehow feeling nervous turning his camera on, even though he’s done it before with George. Biting his lip with his mouse key over the camera option, he finally clicked on it. Smiling when he saw George’s webcam on.

His finally loaded, immediately feeling weird by looking at himself. “This is weird.” he said to hijmself, moving his hair and playing around with it, “how do you guys do it?”

Shrugging, George smiled, looking at Dream through his monitor, “i don’t know, all I know is that when you face reveal, the fans are definitely going to pop off with the edits.” he laughed and looked back down.

“What- What do you mean?”

“They always pop off with like, those cool edits, and they’re especially going to pop off with edits for you.” George went quiet as he reached the end of the sentence, avoiding Dream’s webcam in fear of making things awkward. “Y’know, because they’re all amazing editors…”

Dream agreed that the stans were amazing editors, but his mind wandered off by its own. He began to think about how the world is like currently, with covid and things. He’s glad that things seem to be getting better, Dream only wished that it could get better faster.

He wanted to meet fans, travel the world more, meet the rest of the Feral Boys and everyone from the SMP. Most of all, he really wanted to meet George. Meeting George was definitely what he wanted to do first. Just to finally get to see him in real life, and not through a Discord call like the two of them have been doing for the longest tme.

“What are you thinking about?’

Immediately getting pulled from his thoughts, he and George looked at each other through their screens. “Huh?”

‘You’re thinking about something,” George rested his head on the palm of his hand, “you have this look on your face you always make when you’re thinking about something…” he pointed out, smiling when he saw the blush rise on Dream’s face. “You like- have your tongue slightly poking out- and your eyebrows they like... like furrow a bit, y’know?” his hand made a gesture as he pointed to his own eyebrows.

Dream’s mind got clouded as he looked at George, the want- no, the need to just see him in person grew as the seconds went by. “Thinking about...the covid stuff, and how uh, we could meet for the first time,” his foot tapped rhythmically on the wood floor, feeling himself grow more and more shaky. “Y’know, like we- we could’ve met if covid wasn’t a thing.”

He nodded and took a sip from the water bottle he had nearby, “yeah- sadly covid had to ruin that, and countless other things for people…”

“Yeah…” that made Dream think more, “I wish we could be together…” he sighed, leaning against his chair, heart breaking as he saw George’s face sadden.

“Hey, when we meet, you promise to like- show me around Florida? We can go to…” George’s eyes wandered around his room, trying to come up with a place in Florida, “I-I dont know...a beach maybe?”

Dream let out a soft laugh, nodding and already imagining showing George the beach, and then the playground he used to play in. “I can take you to a park, tell you about how I accidentally kicked a kid’s arm in elementary.”

Immediately stifling a laugh, George’s hand covered his mouth, shaking his head. “God- does the park have a swing set? I love swing sets.”

“Yeah!” he sat up and began to move his hands around. “And like, you get the perfect view of a sunset…”

The words went through George’s ear and out the other as he imagined that scenario. Smiling to himself as he pictured Dream holding his hand while on the swing set, laughing together about stupid childhood memories only the two of them knew because they had told each other. Probably getting off the swing set and chasing each other around, their feet becoming too tired to hold themselves up so they decide to lie down on the grass and look up at the stars, forgetting the distance they had between them. Only thinking about that moment only. Their heart and souls staying there in that second with each other.

“Dream?”

“George?”

The two looked into the monitor, feeling connected to one another, but the only thing separating them being the screens between them. Wishing nothing but to be able to just simply reach through the screen and hold each others hand. If anything, just for a single second could be enough for them.

“I love you” George said, a soft yawn following behind him.

The blond smiled, looking deep into George’s brown eyes, “I love you too, George.”

“Good.” the tired one sleepily said, rubbing his melatonin filled eyes and yawning once more, “you better.”

“You better go to sleep, idiot.” Dream looked at the time once more, converting his timezone to George’s, “you need your rest.”

Finally nodding, George gave Dream a thumbs up and waved goodbye, “Bye Dream, goodnight sleepyhead…”

“Goodnight George.”

The sound of George leaving the call rang in his headphones. Leaving him alone. He turned off his webcam and left the call as well. Feeling blue, knowing it would be awhile until he actually got to hold George in his arms, but feeling happy knowing that George wanted that too.

Dream can’t wait to meet George.

#dreamnotfound #dnf #oneshot #yearning #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #writing #fanfic

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moonah-rose · 3 years

Text

King Takes Knight (Part 5)

Shawn gets just what he hoped for.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

(TW: Torture, captivity, ‘nails’)

This was a glorious day. Victory Day. Maybe he’ll make it a national holiday to commemorate the occasion. Every employee will have a microsecond less work to do than usual. He can be generous like that.

Shawn watches from the stage as a Bad Janet enters, bending the arm of that pesky mutated Good Janet in front of her as she marches her down the steps. Behind them are some generic demon guards who he will have to learn the names of, if only so he can reward them for grabbing a human each between them. The four irritating losers who are behind this whole mess.

He can’t help but laugh! How stupid can they be to have all come at once? Now there’s no one left to run their ridiculous experiment.

“Good evening, dickweeds!” He greets them cheerily, amused by the defeated looks on all of their faces - though Mendoza looks as gormless as ever; “So glad you could attend the show.”

“Oooh, what show? Is it Shrek the Musical?” Jason asks, lifting his chin up.

The large guard holding him gives his arm a painful tug, making the dumbass yelp like a cat with its tail caught in the door.

“I’m afraid not. But I’ll definitely be keen on making you sing soprano when I have them saw your balls off.” He gloats.

With a wave of his hand, he instructs the guards to walk the four of them forward, up the steps, and then force them to their knees at the front of the stage. The Bad Janet struts to stand next to him and Shawn allows her to give him a low five at his side in celebration.

Not that it took much effort.

“I applaud you for trying. But that really was a pathetic attempt to save Michael. You really thought we wouldn’t have Molotov-proofed the doors after last time?”

Tahani turns to tut at Jason; “Told you!”

“Well I told you guys it was a trap but none of you listened!” Eleanor hisses.

Oh, this is wonderful. He would be happy to simply lock them in a room and watch them blame and scrap with each other, just as Michael originally intended, rather than all this wholesome chummy crap that ended up happening. How ironic.

“Such a shame that Chidi couldn’t be here to join you all. I guess he’s busy getting all loved up with his fellow nerd Simone, right Eleanor?”

He grins as that hits a nerve and Shellstrop darts forward, looking to go for him, before the guard grabs her hair and yanks her back down.

“Don’t worry. I have to keep my word to the Judge, after all. So I’ll be happy to let the experiment carry on, with Chidi and the others under the ‘safe’ guardianship of my employees wearing your skin suits.” He taunts them, “They won’t even notice you’re gone...especially as they will, literally, be the same skin torn from your bodies!”

“You twisted wanker.” Tahani glares at him, the British brat suddenly baring fangs; “Where is Michael?!”

“Y’know, she’s so right...Michael should be here to watch us slowly slice that fat skin off of them, shouldn’t he.” Bad Janet sways her hips, looking knowingly to Shawn with that glint in her eye; “Want me to go fetch him and give him the front row seat?”

This Bad Janet must not have got the memo.

“Oh I wasn’t foolish enough to have Michael be here. I just needed these filthy rats to think that’s where he was by the video.” He brags, watching the shock quickly drain the anger on their faces into hopelessness; “I had Michael moved a nice, cosy location far, far away. You weren’t even close to getting to him, idiots!”

“FUCK!” Eleanor swears, not even looking as though she can enjoy the opportunity to curse; “I told you all, it was too easy!!”

“No biggie.” Bad Janet rolls her eyes; “I can still stream him the footage to wherever that dingus is, can’t I? I sooo want him to see us cut Tahani’s hair into an uneven bob.”

“No! No! NOOOO!” The wannabe princess screams until the guard gives her a slap.

The Bad Janet has a point though. It wouldn’t be worth torturing Michael’s precious humans unless he was there to watch it, even if the plan with the Michael-suit fell through. Damn Vicky and Glenn both being blown up meant he had no duplicate to use, especially as he forgot to share the design with other skinsuit manufacturers (shut up, Glenn!).

He’s certain there is very little of Michael’s awareness left after how much they’ve inflicted on him over the past few...well, it was only a handful of months but, thanks to Jeremy Bearimy, he’s endured a lifetimes worth of restraints, freezing, impalement, whipping, electrocuting, bad Adam Sandler movies, and soo much worse. There had been a time when he’d looked into those blue eyes and seen so much raw hatred. Now, whenever he took a glance at his wretch of a former employee, the light was flickering out, as if he’s conscious of nothing except the constant pain and loneliness.

Just like the humans he adores so much that end up here, where they belong. Because they’re terrible and that’s all that needs to be known. He should have left well enough alone.

At least now, finally, Shawn gets to have some entertainment.

“You’re right, Bad Janet. Set up a connection to the Tenth Circle, Sector B. I left one Bad Janet on duty there with Nicole who’s currently ‘taking care’ of Michael. And by that I mean making him very miserable.” Just in case the humans are too dumb to get the expression.

Bad Janet texts on her phone, popping another piece of gum.

“Tenth Circle...Sector B....Got it.” She raises her head, an oddly pleasant smile spreading across it, eyes suddenly bright and pleasant; “Thanks for that!”

“What-?”

The not-so-Bad Janet karate chops him in the side of the head and knocks him to the floor. He hears her make a shout, the theatre spinning around him, unable to find his feet quick enough before the humans get to their feet and surround him.

Shawn blinks, rapidly, as they proceed to take out some rope and tie his wrists and ankles together.

“What is the meaning of this?! GUARDS! DON’T JUST STAND THERE! GET THESE STINKING HUMANS OFF OF ME!” He rages, trying his best to break out of their puny hold but they’re, for some reason, freakishly strong.

The Bad Janet continues to smile at him.

“Oh they’re not your guards...and these aren’t the humans. You were being so smug that you didn’t see what’s right in front of you, did you?” She says.

Shawn frowns. What is she talking about?!

He glances up at Tahani leaning over his head, trying to spot the....Oh. Farts.

They’ve fooled him again. That’s no Bad Janet. And these humans have no auras. They don’t even smell! They’re the same as her. They’re...

“Meet my Janet Babies. I produced a bunch more to come with me. We just needed to know where Michael was really being kept and now we do. And I’ve forwarded that to our Team Two so, thanks!”

She gives Shawn a kick in the teeth before her group stand back at her command.

He spits, wriggling, bound and prone on the wooden floor.

The fake Jason stuffs a green stress ball into his mouth to gag him before all of them leave him there, muffled curses being hurled at them, before they lock the door and leave him in the empty theatre. He fucking hates Good Janets!

She likes to use the metal hooks to dig into his flesh and give them a tug, eager to get a reaction out of him despite his near frozen state. Every now and then she’ll manage to hit somewhere extra tender and a whimper will break out of his lips.

She has a schoolgirl's giggle.

“This is like ice fishing. And you’re my big piece of frozen shrimp.” She teases him as they sit in the inside of a giant glacier.

She doesn’t seem to be affected by the code, only wearing a pink slip dress. There’s not even any goosebumps on the arms of her suit..

The new one they’ve left with him is one he hasn’t seen before. She seems new to torture, possibly even new to the slim skinsuit she’s been given, still fascinated by the way her own fingers move. The way she caresses his face and sticks her tongue out makes him suspect she’s some kind of giant leech monster. The kind they used to let suck humans brains out with straws. Or cut their skulls open and lick them out like a kid with a bowl of cake mix.

Definitely not a fire squid, whatever she was.

“I bet Shawn’s almost finished making your buddies feel at home here. If you’re really good to me, Mikey...I might ask him to bring you their heads as a treat.” Nicole, as she said was her name, informs him.

He’s beyond attempting to beg for them to be left alone anymore. He’s beyond expecting any sort of mercy.

Everything he had tried for so long....everything he had hoped to avoid.

All of his efforts for the past few years were for nothing.

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry... He thinks as more tiny crystallised tears sting from the corners of his eyes.

A loud bang outside makes him start.

Nicole turns to the Bad Janet at the door; “What was that? Go check on it, will you!” she orders like a spoiled brat to her butler.

The Bad Janet rolls her eyes, flipping the bird and then doing as she’s told.

Nicole turns back to kneel in front of Michael.

He tries to escape into his hallucinations but she wants his focus on her. Her hand grips his cheek and squeezes tight.

“I dunno what you did to get the Boss to hate you so much, I don’t really give a toss about current affairs...But m’just glad I get this as my first job! Punishing a dirty traitor...” She runs the tip of an ice pick up his face, towards his nostril; “...And all the other dirty things I hear about you...My mate Kath said you had the hots for one of them humans...You creeps should keep that fetish on the internet where it belongs! Look where it’s got you now...”

She takes a small hammer out from her pocket and puts it to the bottom of the ice pick, shoving it up Michael’s nose.

“I wish you had a brain in there so this could get the same effect it does with those creatures...But the simulation is good enough.”

He wishes he could laugh through the binding in his lips. He wishes that her wish could come true. Give him a lobotomy? Take away his memories of constant failure? Make him oblivious to how he’d loved for nothing and lost everything? She would be doing him the greatest favour.

As it is, he’ll just sit there and take the pain of a nail through his fake skull. He’ll let her have her fix until she gets her reprieve and he’s left alone to his own personal inner torment. His guilt. His regrets.

Just let go, Michael. Just...forget.

Nicole leans in close, ready to fiercely tap; “Hold still. This will only hurt a-.”

She doesn’t get a chance to finish her taunting before her skin suit explodes, sending a wave of pink goo across Michael’s face.

He blinks. Something happened.

The ice pick and the hammer clatter to the floor.

Wha...

Eleanor Shellstrop stands at the door, clutching a Bad Janet marble in one hand, pointing Janet’s demon exploder in the other.

#whump #rescue attempt #angst #tgp fanfic #mini fic series

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

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So I LOVED your Sheridan and Warren fic!! The two of them are hilarious because that are just trying their best those poor boys! I had a hypothetical, so like in all those AU where Prue is wished alive in I Dream of Phoebe, what would happen in this situation? Would Prue go see her sisters or would she go find her kids? ALSO Prue as the boys magical (deceased) guide is Perf 👌🏻

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA tysm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my boys so much i’m really trying to keep them like. like as removed from proper magic as possible bc i just think it’s really fucking funny to just follow two bimbos around as they try their best. i’ve also def like tinkered w canon a lil bit as explained in this post here only to keep them further away from aunts who could explain everything like they don’t even have a whitelighter bc paige was supposed to fill that role really the only person they have is prue who gave them a crash course when she unbound their powers as explained in this post and they will occasionally summon her but even then it’s less for advice and more bc like. they want 2 talk to their mom. and i do think prue will occasionally try to make like guest appearances on their birthday she’d def be a presence kinda like how grams was a presence for the girls if they had a book of shadows prue would do the flipping. but they don’t. she did guide their familiar to them!! the cat’s name is swizzlesticks and yes it is just kit again lmao. But. Ur Question. so basically in w&s’s origins jack raised them post prue death and like he kinda fucked off to japan for the rest of the show (sidenote both warren and sheridan are quasi fluent in japanese like jack the only difference is while jack uses his bilingual talents for business the twins almost exclusively use this ability to multitask while watching anime) so i think piper and phoebe had like Zero contact w their nephews and paige actually has never met them like she didn’t even really know they existed bc deadass just no one mentioned them. so like if prue is wished back to life in i dream of phoebe for starters she’s gonna know chris is piper and leo’s son bc she’s been keeping an ear to the ground and Heavily monitoring this chris situation before she assessed that he was good she spent a lot of time trying to figure out if a ghost should beat the shit out of an alive witch so idk who’s wishing prue alive in this specific au tbh u know what richard’s kinda off the shits this ep he’s probably wish prue back to life to try to prove to paige that she doesn’t have to be a charmed one she can just be paige :) and paige would lose her SHIT bc like oh my god that was not what she wanted and she’s so not ready to meet prue but here she is lmao and chris is freaking out bc now he really knows he’s altered the future in Major ways i think piper would see prue and immediately pass out and while i think prue would really really want to see her kids her first task would definitely be fixing the future and she would entirely dedicate herself to making sure wyatt doesn’t become evil but i think like she would pull chris aside and be like hi in your future where are my kids and chris would be like who? and prue would be like my sons?? warren & sheridan???? and chris would be like what?????? bc this whole time if wyatt was indeed not the eldest son like are you Fucking Kidding Me????? but no he’s never even heard of warren and sheridan bc in the dark future their powers were simply never unbound and they just continued to live as mortals and may or may not be dead depending on how good the witch finder bots are but like. i don’t think even if wyatt knew they existed he would want to find them bc that just draws attention to the fact they existed and he’s not the firstborn of the next gen so either they’re doing fine-ish all things considered or they just like died lowkey. but chris didn’t even was remotely aware of their existence. and i think this would kinda send prue into a bit of a tailspin bc her boys are so far removed from their legacy and their family (and they’re being raised by jack yikes!!) and she’s like no these are my kids but if she wants to get where they are she either needs to book a fight or find a whitelighter so i think this would specifically be a prue/paige adventure which is also nice bc paige is omnilingual and prue does not speak japanese so like. idk cute adventure. probably use some monster from japanese mythology to save either some smallish town or alternately a major city bc both of those r fun. i think if jack saw prue again he would start throwing things at her and stuff bc he’d be convinced this is some demon here to kill his kids just like they killed her bc haha that’s not a recurring nightmare lmao so i think prue would cast the truth spell right then and there to prove she’s really her which also leads to some good comedy and character development bc jack paige and prue are all under a truth spell and there is a lot unsaid between all of these characters with paige’s inferiority complex and prue and jack’s true feelings for each other and issues caused by prue’s death y’know blah blah blah but i think prue would really use this opportunity to bring warren & sheridan back into the fold so to speak and bring them to the manor and properly train them in the craft and tbh in this specific au i think prue and jack would actually end up together. bc in any other world i’m saying they literally just coparent like they’re fond of each other and will always love the other in like some way but it’s not like Love but i think here specifically it’s like. like the time spent apart where jack just like fucking wishes prue was there and realized what an absolute sap and hopeless romantic he is bc yeah he always like grand gestures and clowning around but like. warren and sheridan’s first steps? and jack was just fucking alone like ngl he almost cried bc he just wished. like prue should have been there. she would have been a great mom. she was a great mom. and his kids deserve their mom and like. he just wishes he could have shared that moment with her. completely unbeknownst to jack prue actually does like you know watch over them all and she’s just like. like blown away by jack. like never in a million years would she have thought he was capable of doing what he did. like. like wow man. and i think the combination of those two like actually having them together again and raising their kids i think romance would blossom again. and i think it would be this insane slowburn bc i think y’know like. like it only happened the first time bc jack pursued prue and was like stubborn and stupid and he like knew she was outta his league but it didn’t matter bc that relationship was just for funsies it was a fling it was never meant to be permanent but if jack were to pursue it know it’s be like. permanent. you know? and jack just doesn’t think prue feels the same way like jack’s a fuckin idiot he knows that and prue’s like a witch? like an insanely talented with and a successful photographer back from the dead don’t worry about it lmao and she just like. she takes the world by storm she balances her career and motherhood and saving the motherfucking world like how could she ever. she would never want to be with someone like jack like that’s just. it’s not in the cards. and prue on the other hand keeps waiting for the penny to drop she keeps waiting for like. jack to realize he doesn’t have to be here anymore. she’s convinced he’s gonna hop town and continue being the man she knew while she was alive now that he doesn’t have to keep watching over the kids now that he’s free in a way but that just never happens because jack doesn’t want to leave like those are his kids also he’s in love with prue lmao but she just can’t. she doesn’t get it. men leave. that’s what they do. that’s what they’ve literally always done she can’t like. she can’t open herself up to something serious only to have jack just ditch and leave her kids with the memory of his back walking out the door so she lowkey starts to push him away put her walls up which only furthers jack’s belief that this is never gonna happen but sometimes it’s like they’ll accidentally fall asleep on the couch together in the middle of the afternoon with the sunlight on them and they’ll wake up like Horribly Embarrassed like oh my god which they’re like this isnt weird okay like we have kids together they’re right there like. we have had sex multiples times before piper walking in on up taking a cat nap in the living room is literally it’s nothing!! oh but it so is something meanwhile phoebe the empath is about to lose her Fucking Shit like guys!!! guys!!!!!!!!! and piper’s just trying to reign her in like no don’t interfere bc piper knows prue’s fear of abandonment and she does not know this new iteration of jack she just remembers what he was like and she doesn’t want to see prue get hurt paige is on the opposite side bc she has literally never met any previous iteration of jack or prue and she’s like hello?? they’re in love?? and chris is like hi okay but like. the task at hand? and the girls are like no shh like trying to covertly spy on prue/jack/warren/sheridan/wyatt all playing in the solarium prue’s doing the telekinetic mobile thing again and jack’s expression of wonder is the same as his sons like !!!! and chris is like deadass i do not get it okay evil wyatt tho. but blah blah blah slow burn i think prue and jack would get married like s8. their wedding would replace paige and henry’s bc as mentioned before paige and henry having a wedding esp a wedding that early was like. dumb. but yeah. prue x jack brainrot. i’m mentally ill i love them so much.

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sweetcatmintea · 4 years

Text

So I’m a Vampire now...

Hello hello! It’s flash fiction Friday again! (Hurray!) Guess who still hasn’t learnt to stick to a word limit: This creature! (I’m so sorry <u<;;;;) Anyways, this kinda snuck up on me and I couldn’t think of anything better than this little vampire drabble. I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is appreciated ^u^

FFF is hosted by @flashfictionfridayofficial

Prompt: Deep End Words: 1665

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“And we’ll have fun fun fun unt- Michael, put the rock down.” I hoped my voice conveyed how done I was with his reaction. Michael stood, back to the old jeep his mum let him borrow when he mowed the lawn, arm raised, poised to bash my head in with a sizable chunk of concrete. Vanessa wondered back to him from the direction of the mostly closed shops, an eyebrow quirked above her glasses.

“I swear to god, put the rock down. I’m not here to gogurt you.” Why do I have to be friends with an idiot?

He held firmer to his makeshift weapon. “Prove it. I can see the blood lust in your eyes.”

I pressed a palm into my forehead. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. “Yeah, my eyes dilated. Y’know, that thing that happens when you are happy to see your friends. Go repeat bio. If I was gonna slurp your guts, I wouldn’t be singing the beach boys and waltzing up to you like a door knocker asking for money. Especially not after I asked you for a lift.”

Michael narrowed his eyes at me. “Unless that’s what you want us to think. I know you Jessie. You’re sneaky.”

“Oh my god, why are you so dumb? Vanessa, can you PLEase talk some sense into him.”

Vanessa knocked the rock out of his hand, pitching it across the desolate car park before he could react. She should go into a ball sport. I don’t know, baseball or something. It clattered somewhere in the distance.

“Michael, stop being weird. We both know Jessie could have pinned you before they got turned. Your noodle arms can barely open a particularly sturdy container. You’re just making them feel unwelcomed. And being a trashy friend.”

“All true.” I nodded. “Plus, it’s not like I chose to get turned. If that loser Josh hadn’t done me dirty last week, I’d be at home feeding my Tamagotchi. Has he even reported me missing yet?”

Michael mumbled a sheepish apology. “Sorry, I was just worried you’d gone off the deep end all blood lusty or something…”

I waved it off. I wasn’t really angry. It’s not like we’d exactly been in this situation before.

Vanessa shook her head, giving me a one-armed greeting hug which I, of course, returned. “He hasn’t mentioned it. I mean, you have been reported missing. That was a whole thing that happened with your parents and then us pretending like you weren’t texting us because how do you tell someone their kid is off getting the lowdown on being undead, but yeah, not reported by Josh.”

“What a soggy zit. I swear, when I get my hands on him.”

“You’re not going to kill him, are you?” Michael and Vanessa shared a worried look.

“What? No. Of course not! That’s disgusting. You think I’m gonna put my face hole anywhere near that slimy weasel and voluntarily drink two thirds of his blood?? Do you know how long that would even take?”

Michael rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. “Well, I kinda thought you’d y’know, snap his neck or something now you have super strength…”

“Who’s gone off the deep end now?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not some killing machine. I’ll just dob him in and let him flounder some explanation for how he shoved me at the burglar while we were closing up shop and ran away. He’s lucky it was a vampire and not some lunatic or I’d really be dead.”

Vanessa plopped down on a concrete chock block, sipping her bubble tea and settling in for a long conversation. It was wild, I could hear the jelly in the cup squishing together. Michael sat to her side, patting the ground to invite me to complete the triangle. I obliged.

Vanessa started us off. “So what’s it like? Being all vampirey now?”

“Well, I’ve got cool powers now. Not the powers of being cool, I already had that.”

It was Michael’s turn to roll his eyes at me. I elbowed him in the ribs. Gently. Breaking bones had become a real danger. He snorted a laugh, almost shooting red bull up his nose.

“I got these neato glow in the dark eyes. Don’t know if you can turn that off. They do the cat slit thing though which is interesting. I can see So much more at night. But I think I need reading glasses now? Can’t make out squat near my face in the day.”

Shuffling around in the pockets of my oversized 90s jacket, I retrieved a packet of dried wasabi peas and munched away as I talked.

“I’m like, crazy strong. No kidding, I accidentally ripped my favourite jeans on the second day of being a vampire. Just tugged them a liiiittle too hard and bam, ruined pants.”

“Have you got fangs?” Vanessa peered closer at my mouth. It would have been better to ask that before I started eating.

“Fangs for the memories, even if they weren’t so- nah, I’m just kidding. I got them.” I bared my teeth at them, poking the lengthened canines with an index finger. “They’re sharp as anything. I’ve drunk more of my own blood than anyone else’s ‘cause I keep biting my freaking tongue. Reminds me of being little and sucking a candy cane into a shank. I’m surprised none of us got an impromptu festive tongue piercing off those things.”

“Speaking of blood… Do you need to drink it now?” They both leaned forward, anxious for my answer.

“Oi, quit it with the looks. I’m not going to freaking bite you. I’m not some mindless animal, I’m just me. Just Jessie.”

“Is there a difference there?” Michael’s ribbing was, for once, welcome.

“Hardy har. Yes, I mean, technically, I have to consume blood. But, like, the pamphlet seems to say that it’s basically a supplement more than anything so I’ve just gotta eat normal stuff and chuck back a shot or two after.”

“Okay, two things. First, human blood?”

“Again. Eww. Do you have any idea how many diseases are in human blood? There’s a reason we haven’t literally eaten the rich yet. To be fair, I’m somewhat immortal now so I won’t get sick physically, but emotionally? Imagine the toll.”

“So how do you..?”

“You know you can just go to the butchers and buy blood right? It’s like an actual cooking ingredient. It comes in blocks. It tastes like satan’s toe jam but you just gotta chuck it back real quick. Or, I’m getting a fondness for black pudding. It too tastes like feet but isn’t as bad.”

Vanessa took a thoughtful sip of her drink. “Okay. Second thing. Pamphlet?”

“Oh yeah, this thing.” I fished it out of my other pocket, passing it to them. The vampire pr committee went to great lengths to make it cute with little cartoon vampires giving advice on this time of change, talking about how your body is changing and the strange things you may feel.

“Aww that’s super cute.” Vanessa pointed to a little vampire on the cover, handing it to Michael when she was finished skimming.

“I know right. Apparently they got tired of the old program where you get bitten and have to have an awkward talk with the weirdo who kinda killed you.”

Michael handed the pamphlet back. “Speaking of, what was it like living with a vampire for a week?”

I groaned. “Oh my god, he was insufferable. At first it was like ‘I vill show you ze vorld, shining shimmering splendour va ha ha’ which was neat but then it got all ‘I’ve turned you into a monster! You will suffer for eternity! Woe is ze life of an immortal. I am so sorry va ha ha’. Which I’m like, yeah you could have at least asked my name first or waited for my hair to grow out a little instead of sticking me with this too short for the long style, too long for the short style do I’ve gotta rock for the rest of time, but all in all, it’s not the worst that could happen so chill a little maybe?”

“Aw, poor guy. He doesn’t sound that bad.” Vanessa was much less, judgey, than me. I kinda felt bad for ripping on the man.

“Okay, he’s not terrible, but the lamenting. God, the lamenting. ‘Woe is me, I have seen so many seasons I can not even remember my age.’ Why don’t you just get a calculator and subtract this year from your birth year? Then you can know that bit. ‘Oh, but ze isolation! My human friends are long dead and buried!’ That’s super sucky bro. Why don’t you make some new friends and ask if they want to be turned? Or like, go on immortalsingles.com and get a butt touch buddy? With the internet age, it’s a lot easier to connect. ‘oh but who could love a monster like me? I haven’t even seen my face in five hundred years va ha ha.’ There is a Whole genre of people online (and in line) for that. And just, update your mirrors. Get a cheap one and it won’t have silver in it and you can see your face again. I kinda think he just enjoys lamenting. If he’d get with the times, things wouldn’t be half as unpleasant for him.”

“You’re not a very empathetic listener, are you.” That’s a lot coming from the guy who was going to stone me fifteen minutes ago.

“Hey! I hooked him up to the internet and gave him my number. I didn’t just leave him.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever you say Jessie.” Michael got up, brushing his jeans off and stretching. Vanessa and I followed suit. One thing remained on my mind. Something I needed to prepare myself for.

“Okay, before we head home, I have one last, very important question.”

They looked at me quizzically.

“Has anyone been looking after my Tamagotchi?”

-----

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@snobbysnekboi, @inkovert, @kainablue, @i-rove-rock-n-roll, and @goblin-writer

#Flash Fiction Friday #fff31 #writing #writblr #vampires #story #short story #original story #literature #More at my deviantArt SweetCatMint

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vagrantblvrd · 4 years

Note

Ramwood?

The one where Geoff is an ~up and coming photojournalist or what have you.

Not exactly gung-ho so much as done with everyone’s shit and he’s not as careful about things as he should be, given the kind of place he lives? (Starts out in Liberty City and all the wrong kind of people to make enemies of.)

Somehow he runs into Burnie who is so goddamned amused by this asshole, right?

Smartass who doesn’t care whose toes he steps all over with his pieces -and they’re all about the corruption and whatnot in the city and how it affects people there. Incredibly smart and also super goddamn stupid at the same time.

Has this reputation that has the news outlets and whatever else leery of hiring him on, so he’s freelance with a site/blog on the side that gains traction over time. Gets him this loyal following who trust him not to lie to them or obfuscate and such and gets by well enough for himself.

(Laments the fact no one will hire him on because what the hell? And Burnie laughing at him and telling him people in LC are afraid of someone like Geoff, honest men and all that in a city like that? Yeah, no.)

Knows he’s a hypocrite for being BFFs with Burnie and his people, but they’re the best of a bad lot or however you want to put it. The Roosters well-known for what they do, who they are and all that.

Burnie and his people keep an eye on Geoff who’s more interested in exposing the assholes who lie to the world about who they are – corrupt officials and businessmen and all that and has no reason to go after the Roosters, right? (Assholes, sure, but they’re upfront about it. And also this component to them that’s vaguely Robin Hood-ish in some ways. Sure as hell don’t try to bankrupt the little guy out of greed or petty vindictiveness and so on.)

Anyway, anyway, Geoff finally kicks over the wrong anthill and makes the wrong kind of enemy that has someone trying to kill him. Burnie and his people intervening and suggesting – gently – that Geoff maybe go elsewhere until things cool down in LC?

Mentions Los Santos that has Geoff laughing himself sick because it’s like Burnie wants him dead no matter what he says, but Burnie just rolls his eyes and arranges things to get Geoff the fuck out of his city.

He gives Geoff the name of one of his people out in Los Santos, this idiot of a kid who headed out there are few months before. Hacker/thief/pain in Burnie’s ass all the way from England.

Stupid as fuck and hey, maybe check in on him from time to time to make sure he hasn’t gotten himself killed?

And that’s how Geoff meets Gavin, right?

Gets the door slammed in his face when he goes to check on him the first time like he promised Burnie, at least until he tells Gavin Burnie sent him and then it’s.

Goddamn it’s annoying as hell.

Gavin being a little shit who eyes Geoff like he’s an idiot when he realizes who he is. Of course Burnie’s mentioned Geoff, who does he think dug up all the dirt the Roosters have on Geoff?? He just didn’t recognize him without that stupid mustache of his.

Also, the bruises and such don’t help. (Attempted murder will do that to you, though.)

Geoff’s got this shitty place to stay, and Gavin’s isn’t that much of a step up?

BUT.

Gavin’s got all this security Geoff’s place doesn’t and a better view and Gavin gives up on trying to get Geoff out of his place after a while. (Figures Burnie wouldn’t be best pleased if Geoff gets himself killed a week into his move to LS and this way he can send Burnie updates on Geoff with less work on his part.)

And then Geoff starts getting to know his new city, right?

Finds out all these interesting things that make it into his articles/blog posts and he’s smarter about it, but feathers still get ruffled.

And then!

Geoff’s been out of town digging up leads on a story hes working on and goes back to his own place for once and comes across some asshole who broke in while he was gone?

Geoff’s tired as hell and not in the mood to give any fucks and realizes the guy’s either there to rob him or kill him, because of course.

“Hey, quick question,” Geoff says, because someone trying to kill him isn’t a new experience by now, just.

Y’know.

Wow, okay.

Wow.

The guy with the gun stops talking in the middle of his little monologue or whatever he was doing (something, something, blah, blah blah?) and stares at Geoff.

At least, Geoff assumes the guy’s staring at him. (The mask makes it a bit hard to tell for sure.)

“What the hell is up with the mask?”

Dramatic bastard in a dumb jacket and fucking Halloween mask like the shop on Vespucci sells, you know?

Poor Ryan – because of course it’s Ryan – is just. Offended because one, does this asshole know who he is? And two, the mask is a Choice. (Unironic one at that.)Anyway.

Ryan’s not there to kill him so much as check on Geoff as a favor to Gavin?

Gavin had to run to Liberty City as a favor to Burnie and called in a favor of his own with Ryan.

All this backstory between the two of them since Gavin got to Los Santos Geoff never gets the full story about?

At most he gets snippets here and there, all, “Oh, yeah, someone hired him to kill me, and “Bastard shot me,” and “Jesus Christ, Gavin, would you give it a rest? I said I was sorry.”

Geoff is rightly Concerned about all of that and doesn’t know what happened or how much to tell Burnie because where would he even fucking start?

Also? It’s pretty clear whatever happened in the handful of months Gavin was in Los Santos before Geoff got to town that Gavin and Ryan are totes BFFs in the most alarming way?

Yelling about a fucking coin for whatever reason and Ryan threatening to murder Gavin over everything that would have any sane person running for their damned lives but Gavin is just :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD about it while Ryan is *SIGH*.

They’re confusing as hell, is the thing.

Also, Ryan takes to hanging out at Gavin’s place all goddamned time too when he’s in the city.

Casually mentions this asshole or that one putting a price on Geoff’s head and maybe avoid dark alleys until Ryan can “take care of it” and so on?

Geoff being “Jesus Christ,” because never has he heard someone be so creepy/menacing in such an offhanded/nonchalant manner?

But true to Ryan’s word, whoever is trying to kill Geoff that week kind of…doesn’t? (Geoff doesn’t know how Ryan “takes care of it” and is smart enough not to ask.)

And after a few close calls – Ryan can’t be there all the time and shit gets past him no matter how good he is – he drags Geoff to a shooting range. Puts a gun in his hands, arms crossed and tells him to show him what he can do.

Because, look.

Geoff was in the military and while he’s got no love for guns these days there have been enough people after his head he should maybe rethink that?

Geoff just looks at Ryan like >:( and deliberately misses the target all “Oh, no,” woes is him guess he’s a lost cause and maybe they can get the fuck out of there?

But no.

No.

Burnie likes Geoff for some godforsaken reason. Gavin likes him.

Ryan…tolerates him.

The last thing he wants is for Geoff to get his dumb idiot self killed because he’s stubborn as hell.

So.

They stay at the range for hours until Geoff gets tired of it and actually bothers to aim? And okay, yeah. Not a marksman like Gavin or anything – and Geoff would like to be surprised about that bit of information, but he’s not, really, given some of the stuff Gavin and Ryan have let slip in passing – but he’s not the worst shot Ryan’s seen.

Still.

“Target practice,” Ryan says, and it sounds like a threat, which of course it does because Ryan and they end up with these regular ~dates at the shooting range until Ryan’s satisfied he won’t shoot himself in the foot or something.

And then!

Gavin drags him down to this community gym – rundown neighborhood and awful color choices for the décor when they get inside? Who the fuck puts orange and purple together anyway?

But, okay, but.

Geoff is fascinated at how awkward Gavin is once they get there? This little asshole dragging Geoff out of bed as ass o’clock in the morning and not taking ‘no’ for an answer and surprisingly strong grip.

In all the time Geoff’s known him Gavin’s been fairly confident as a whole, you know? Total asshole but one who knows his shit and everything, but the moment they get inside the gym and this guy comes over to greet them, he gets flustered.

And, oh, does Geoff ever take notice of that, like he takes notice of the way the guy’s face lit up when he spotted Gavin. (INTERESTING.)

Geoff watches the two of them fail-flirt for a while until some asshole comes into the gym and yelling about something? Sounds annoyed as hell and super assholish?

Geoff’s expecting it to be trouble – an annoyed client or customer or whatever. Expects this Jeremy kid to have to soothe some douchebag’s ego or boot him out of the gym for being a douchebag, but no.

Because Jeremy and Gavin seem super delighted at this asshole who walks over, some kid with this scowl on his face ranting about something Geoff’s not really paying attention to and that’s how Geoff meets Jeremy and Michael.

Finds out Gavin dragged him all the way down to the gym Jeremy owns/runs and Michael sometimes helps out with – lot of local kids go there to stay off the streets and fuck knows Jeremy’s an idiot who needs all the help he can get, right?

Anyway, anyway, Gavin dragged him down there to get the two of them to knock him around a bit on the mats. (Oh, sure. It’s supposed to be for self-defense or whatever bullshit they tell him? But really, it’s Gavin being passive-aggressive about Geoff drinking his good coffee or spilling his loose tea the other day or something. Definitely not the asshole being worried about him and trying to keep him safe or anything, God no.)

Whatever it’s almost worst the bruises and sore muscles to watch Gavin and Jeremy completely fail to notice they’re super into one another. (OR that Michael’s waiting for the two of them to get their shit together because it’s pretty clear they’re also into him, and he’s stupid enough to like them back and Jesus Christ, Geoff, you have no fucking idea okay. NONE.)

And like.

Geoff being introduced to all these assholes and their asshole friends and realizing he’s got more contacts/friends in Los Santos on the wrong side of the law than ever before and Burnie laughing at him when he tells him so during one of their phone calls, because fuck Geoff’s life.

(Not like it matters in a city like Los Santos anyway, but. Still reason for some level of concern. Or something. Whatever.)

The thing where someone really wants Geoff dead and there are Dramatic life and death moments in which he gets a little shot/stabbed and so does Ryan.

They have That Moment where they’re looking one another in the eye and are like, fuck because they have FEELINGS for one another and also have been dating for some time down without realizing it?

And then Gavin and the others have to rescue them – which, talk about embarrassing – and also :O because those little shits had a fucking betting pool on how long it would take Geoff and Ryan to realize they’re an old married couple at this point.

(Michael being ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about it when Geoff and Ryan give him these LOOKS because talk about pots and kettles, assholes, but hey. Not his fault he had the bad luck to fall in love with a pair of oblivious assholes, and also do they want in on that betting pool or not?)

Whatever, Geoff’s life sucks anyway.

He’s still out there writing his news stories exposing assholes who deserve it because of course he is, but he’s got standing ~dates with the fucking Vagabond at the shooting range several times a week on top of that.

(And if they stop off for dinner or a movie on the way or head out to Del Perro Pier or somewhere else other nights, that’s no one’s business but their own, and also shut up about it.)

Gavin drags him to Jeremy’s gym where he gets beat up o the regular by those assholes – sometimes they bring in some of Jeremy and Michael’s kids who are the real hard-hitters down there and Jesus, his fucking shins.

Somewhere along the line Jack gets sent to Los Santos – Burnie’s concerned about Geoff, he really is, what with all these assholes bullying him around - and also, maybe, some Rooster-related business going on out there he wants someone capable to run.

And then Lindsay and Trevor and all the others and Geoff gives up pretending his life is in any way normal, especially when he gets his own place after a while.

His lease on his old place ran out and he can’t stay in Gavin’s spare room forever, you know?

He is a little surprised when he realizes Ryan moved in to his new place at some point, though.

Like.

“Hey, quick question,” Geoff says, because he’s actually okay with the fact he’s totally lost control of his life since coming to Los Santos. “When did that happen?”

(Okay, so that happened before all that, but let him have this, okay? Please.)

Ryan rolls his eyes because Geoff’s kind of dumb, and then smooches? Because really, Geoff.

#ragehappy #ramwood #jeremavin #fahc au #prompt fills #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #Anonymous

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bionicdragonguardian1 · 4 years

Text

Ranma 2/4

Part Two: Chapter 13 - 25

Unless someone comes up with a better name I’m sticking with this one

HOW tf is the principal crazier than before?!

Yup, spreading out the Kuno-Principal thing

Is Sasuke seriously an anime-only?!?

Like I said Ryoga needs to chill a little first

Main reason I don’t like Ukyo That scene where she blatantly states she’s fine with turning Ranma into something he’s not rather than helping him

(Ignoring the near constant amount of undermining his abilities)

“I’m gonna cheer him up” as she holds a sword! Why?!

Ranma you dummy, hug Akane!

I hate this demon/ghost cat

Shampoo, you manipulative bitch

Akane learns to swim like a normal person

The lifeguard in me can’t do it

The principal is background shenanigans

Totally forgot about the kid who wants to play video games and is “weak” bc of it

Definitely need to find a different reason tho

Lazy little shits are a pain

Also his mom is crap

Akane… why you be dumb?

Weird Happosai is Santa plot…

What is with the Excalibur meets lucky 1000 meets fairy godmother?

Good news is, with what I’ve done to Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse Ranma knows Kuno wouldn’t give him that wish and calls it quits sooner

Someone just needs to explain Ranma’s really confusing sense of morality to me

Cuz it’s either on 110% or it’s nonexistent, now normally nonexistent is for Kuno but still

Look Ranma’s got ego problems but he ain’t stupid

No betting the Tendo Dojo at five!

On what planet is that a legal document?!?

Some1 tell me why Shampoo using Ranma as a stop ramp bugs me so bad

That mo when you can’t remember if the Hot Spring Challenge is when Ukyo met Shampoo in the anime…

I don’t think so…

Akane you made me need to google a word

That like never happens Ranma you idiot

So close but so far

So much more logic, thanks

I mean more insanity, but it explains why Ranma swapped clothes

Finally! Ranma apologizes

Jesus Christ someone would think I won the goddamn lotto with how loud I cheered when this happened

600% approve of this over what happened in the anime

Oof poor Ranma

Hahahaha in your face Shampoo, but I also think I know why Ranma chose it

Poor Ryoga

I KNEW this guy was coming I still hate it

YEET you can’t PAY ME to do this arc

Look, is it the fact that I had etiquette and dance classes as a child and everyone assumed this is what it was like? Probably.

It wasn’t so I won’t.

Any1 else notice how Nabiki is one of the few ppl that uses she/her when Ranma is in his cursed form no matter what?

Why does this bug me?

Akane, stop beating Ranma up, honestly

This is closer to abuse rather than teasing

*sighs*

Gotta work that out of the narrative, intentional or not

Every1 sayin she’s violent isn’t helping

Like I said really fucking morally GREY Nabiki

How grey can you go before you get black?

Let’s find out together

Can everyone PLEASE stop treating Ranma like an object?!

I literally can’t tell if Nabiki is fucking Aro or not…

STRESS

Why is this so hard?!

I hate seeing Akane cry

I know she’s playing Ranma like a kazoo, but the point still stands

WHY ARE YOU TWO SO DUMB?!

Nope, nevermind it’s just Ranma that’s a fuckin idiot I blame Genma

No, I’m not kidding

*sighs* I don’t condone Nabiki doing this in any way just for the record THAT’S not an apology Ranma!

This mess is totally your fault Nabiki

STRESS

am I intentionally pointing out where this work of fiction is stressing me out since I’m now online schooling and suffering for it? Yes, fuck off.

Actually, don’t.

But Fuck Covid19

Aww his hat’s back!

Why do I love his hat so much?

No, seriously Akane’s so cute!

Oooww tree

y’know the sec she realized what Ranma was doing Nabiki should’ve TOLD him!

Congrats Ranma ya got the wrong sis- I mean the right- but wrong- dammit y’know what I mean

Some1 give me a logical explanation for why Ranma goes on a date with a panda doodle, PLEASE

I do appreciate the epic battle background fight for the anime

Further proof that Happosai sucks

Manga name’s somehow less believable I think it’s the use of “snowman” rather than “yeti”

Did Soun just find out that Pchan is Ryoga, and say nothing?

Ooo, Imma commit arson

Remember when I said obey Physics and Medical, I meant it

Arson is wrong and I know this but “transgender bitch” crosses the line

I will do it

Shampoo is a fucking yandere psycho

Just sayin “we’ll see who can get him first”

honestly, any other group and I’d be annoyed, but these four can’t work together for shit I

’m still pissed at Taro, but he can kill Happosai, please

I can’t tell if Shampoo, Mousse and Ryoga are being purposefully obtuse or not

I just reread their names I know the answer to at least two of them

Idk how I feel about Kuno-amnesia we’ll see

yep, Kuno gives me the creeps w or w/out his memories

kinda wish this was anime

jesus christ, poor Ranma

press f to pay respects for Ranma’s stomach

InstaRegret

Also Ukyo’s assumption that some1 can make Ranma doing anythin he doesn’t want to is crap

Like HELLO! Wake up moron!

Nabiki, I mean this in the nicest way possible, shut the fuck up

You’re making it worse

Also TALK to each other you ding dongs!

OH RIGHT! I almost forgot about the biggest fucking insult that Ukyo said of her own freewill!

It also proves that she doesn’t know Ranma as a person AT ALL!

It’s not a pick one or the other kind of thing

The fact that she thinks Ranma would accept that is insulting

The fact that she thinks that is insulting and makes me hate the patriarchy

Again, treating him like a prize than a person

*tries not scream, sighs*

Nabiki, you’re the cause of at least 30% of the stress I get from this

You having feelings ain’t the fucking problem here Ukyo, you not acknowledging Ranma’s is

I hate fake criers, anyone who does this I hate you

Always let others in on your plans, kids

When’s every1 gonna realize Ranma’s “wishy-washy” cuz no one’s ever committed to HIM before?

This episode confused me, I’m prepared to be MORE confused

Less confused, I’m surprised

Gonsunkugi, you creep

There is SO much wrong with this

*shudders*

WHAT?!

Y’know I didn’t think Gosunkugi could surprise me, I was wrong

Happosai still sucks unfortunately for all of us he’s now weird on top of it

I love how much Ranma needs to be kicked in the teeth to get any character development out of him

Ryoga is my #1 choice for it, always

Ranma… why are you like this?

Genma, emotional range of a goddamn wall

I am jealous of Ranma’s brain

I could be SO mean with the Shishihokodan

Also, are they implying that Ryoga has depression?

Gimme Ranma’s brain

I won’t ask for his confidence cuz that’s impossible but I want his brain

In Akane’s defense, given what she knows she couldn’t’ve known how badly that would affect Ryoga

I ain’t gonna say “leave Shampoo” cuz that’s cruel

I like the “turn into a Cat” rather than the “Can’t Cross” & the use of New Year’s rather than random but this still brings around the fact that she doesn’t LISTEN to him

Mousse you’re NOT helping in fact you’re actively making it worse did you miss when he said blatantly “I don’t wanna”

oh, sure, NOW you’re ok with it

ugh Mousse, you have a brain, I’ve SEEN you use it. Do so now.

This entire episode weirded me out

IDK if it’s the age-dff or the fact that he was makin it up and somehow everyone thought this was okay …

I won’t YEET it but MASSIVELY change

heheheh

Light bulb

NOPE I’m keeping this surprise to myself

it was a rather sweet end tho

Oh, this episode is a mess and a half, honestly

Also Nabiki, congrats you’ve literally enabled a stalker S

o many laws are broken here

okay, so Kodachi not being in on Ranma’s secret after so long makes sense purely because she doesn’t go to their school

however, with what i’ve done to make Kuno marginally less dumb it makes a little bit less sense…

I literally hate Kuno with what I’ve done to his logic of Ranma’s transformation, but that’s the point Kodachi… how do I handle you… oh, duh!

Ok, so Kodachi is now also terrible

I’m trying to figure out where this is in the plot since there is ZERO

Ok, there’s a LINE, Nabiki

This one would be touching, if it didn’t end the way it does

TALK gentlemen!

It won’t kill you

Fuck a parent that says they’re not your parent for no reason, EVER

I am going to make this hurt

Also gonna take out Genma’s fail at stealth

Remember I said Akane’s going to learn to cook

heheheh

sorry, I just love this idea

Oh this is SO against the rules it’s not even funny

tiny adjustment so they actually have quasi-competent referees

Crazy wants crazy?I won’t stop ‘em

I reiterate: CHEATING!

I am aware that the “ending” apparently sets them back to the start in terms of their relationship but I swear to God if they pretend shit like this didn’t happen I will scream

Someone ships something other than Akane x Ranma PLEASE explain why/how

don’t ship bash but I would insight when you explain

STICK TO CANON

please trust me, I’m a multi/poly/crack shipper

(for frame of reference to a bnha I ship DabiHawks)

I understand the appeal of Fanon

however, I would like to stick to Canon here

so no Fanon

Canon Only

Fully love that high kick

Genma shows Ranma’s secret here, but they already know… so… I shall find out

Ooo, you’re not getting out of this Ranma

Do you know how tempting it is for Akane to at least tell Ranma she’s a girl- oh wait gendered sports… right…

Ranma…

if you didn’t realize it was Akane when she hit you for calling her klutzy I can’t help you

I want to commit arson at some of the comments…

but can confirm that these are HS boys

Doesn’t mean I gotta like it

I was wondering how long I was going to have to wait before tearing into Nodoka

FINALLY

Took me WAY too long to remember that Nodoka calling Ranko tomboyish is due to how he speaks in Japanese

I’ll need to figure that out since… English

Can I explode on Genma’s choice to take Ranma at TWO?!

Can I further explode on both of them for making a TWO YEAR OLD “sign” a Seppuku Pledge?!

I hate both of them, honest

ALSO communication!

Genma! Just fucking TELL HIM!

Making her transphobic is SO tempting

I don’t mean in a “i hate you” way I mean in a “I sheltered my whole life” way

It’s still bad, and painful, but she can easily learn from that

Or be worse, this could go 2 ways

I feel so bad for Akane for this entire conversation

Also poor Ranma like ouch…

Awkward

I’m going to make this hurt something fierce

Slight change since I’m hoping Ranma isn’t as “peak fight or flight” by this point

Genma don’t be an asshole for FIVE MINUTES

Please, that’s all I want

If she doesn’t learn the truth before the end I will make a bad decision

Really, I will

Don’t kill Genma, you can’t

Akane, don’t say like you wouldn’t… honestly

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, honestly, just look the other way Ranma

*sigh*

Ranma…

See, this kind of crap here is why I really don’t like Cologne

any other day Akane’d be right

oof, that means he self aware that girls flock to him

I’m quite frustrated by that if I’m honest

Ranma is clueless about all the wrong things

I love him but God I wanna punch him sometimes

Why is there a swing from the ceiling?!

I had a jolt from the way they set that panel up, thanks

Are you trying to kill me?!

Thank you Cologne, now fuck off

Oh thank God, at least he learned

This is nonanime stuff so I have no clue what’s happening but anything to make Happosai miserable

I’m enjoying this immensely

ugh, “think of it as a compliment” ghost

Eat me

okay, yeah, as much as I want him dead, that’s worse

I’m glad he’s not a one-and-done character

I will forever ONLY call him Taro when it is NonDialogue

Wait Saffron as in big-bad Saffron?

I literally only know pieces of the end so I’m just pulling from what I know

Lol, wait… was that soldier Anime only too?

I almost liked you there for a sec Taro

Now I’m pissed again

bravo

Oh, YIKES

… if Ranma falls into the Spring of Drowned Twins would he split?

I’m not going to DO IT, obviously!

I’m just curious okay…

that answers that… and kills anyone other than Ranma’s plan to turn back to normal I hope everyone is aware of that

oof

Since when is there a castle on an island in Japan

tis just a scratch, I’ll admit that was funny

Ranma… your stomach gets you in so many problems

ok, that was wholesome

I approve

Okay, so my understanding is that Mrs. Tendo got sick, so I can understand the reactions to Kasumi

BUT I still find it odd because… well… anyone in my house gets sick and you mostly can’t even tell I mean, minus a worse attitude and a mask, other than that though, nope we keep ‘er movin’

I’m moving this section sooner EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

I like her mom’s cookbook tho

I could make a Ranma x Ryoga joke here, but I won’t

I also won’t make a Ranma x Ryoga joke chapter cuz I’m nice like that

Actually I might have no choice

I’m FINE just dying

Help

my multishipper heart is dying here

I love this

InstaRegret for THREE people

If nothing else, I’m impressed

(well three once Ranma’s back to normal)

I need help

Fangirling/Fanboying/Fanpeopling is dangerous folks, remember that

Poor Ryoga

Though I too feel that right now like where do I look because everything coming in at mach 6

I’m changing that one scene tho cuz I can’t justify the aftermath without it

This… is… weird to say the least

I feel like I should just expect anything with Gosunkugi remotely involved to be weird at this point

okay, not as weird as I expected

glad it was short tho

I think I am officially out of anime terf

YAY, new content!

This is why I ask about any ship that isn’t Ranma x Akane

Also, names?

That- that- that can’t...

I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!

EWWW

gross

WHY?!?!!

also, biology, that’s not how that works!!

You two ARE idiots

Ryoga you die I’ll kill you

Well… that hurt to see so quick…

Ranma, get up!

I officially hate this Herb guy

ok, so if you put HOT water in the ladle do you stay that way forever?

Alright! Way to go Ryoga!

I need to stop shipping Rivals it’s bad for my health

fucking eat it you dick!

Poor Akane

nevermind, Ranma you idiot

awwwww

ok, so that whole no more Anime-content… I was wrong, and I admit that, but still

I’m just thinking of my bff when they realize she’s an adult cuz, yeah, she’s like that too

except like physically an adult unlike tiny-Hinako

oh MY GOD Ukyo you’re driving me up the goddamn wall I swear!

THANK YOU AKANE!

“You’re all Ranma’s fiancées” when only one of them actually is

GIANT SIGH OF ANNOYANCE

Ranma, learn to communicate, PLEASE!

Okay… so is this where they figured it out or are some ppl still in the dark?

TIMELINE!!

Honestly, mood Ranma, mood

This entire plot line confuses me if I’m being totally honest

I mean I live for the Akane focus, but there are so many better ways to do this

#ranma ½ #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #ranma #akane tendo #nabiki tendo #kasumi tendo #soun tendo #genma saotome #nodoka saotome #tatewaki kuno #kodachi kuno #full series au #bc I know no restraint #I'm doing this to distract from stress shut up #don't judge me #COVID19 binge watch

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kokoro-koro · 4 years

Text

Chapter 5 Journal Entry - Kokoro-koro

Those living kids sure seem to get up to all kinds of drama. Watching them for the last few months sure has been a whirlwind. Honestly, I’m kinda impressed how many of them are willing to kill, but I guess that’s the point of this game. Anyone can be pushed to the brink. Nice.

It’s probably kindaaaa my fault for starting things off with a bang, but oh well, am I right?

Gotta say, it definitely brought a tear to my ghostly eyes when I saw everyone mourning Kliment and Liya. I mean, those two idiots didn’t really deserve all of that, did they? How the hell did they both manage to kill each other? I mean, I get both planning a murder, but managing to target each other? Mad respect. A little sad that Ivy didn’t get one of those statues too. She’s definitely the worst victim in all of this.

Wasn’t my call. If it was, the entire palace would be flooded with statues of the wonderful Kokoro-koro’s likeness, ufufu.

Probably the wildest part of all of this was getting to come back to life for a bit. I mean, not life life, like actual life, but manifesting as a physical being. That was pretty cool. I think the other ghosts were all pretty stoked about it as well, not gonna lie. Can you blame us? Anyone stuck in an afterlife with Takeshi Taro for months on end would be thrilled with some new interaction.

Getting to see Airi again...I’m glad. It was a nightmare watching him destroy himself and struggle again and again for no reason. I always felt like I was calling out to him and he couldn’t hear me, but now he can.... I just wish he would’ve heeded my requests so much sooner. Did it really take me rising from the dead to get him to stop with the self destruction? What a dummy. I missed him, though. I’m just glad he’s still alive.

Loved seeing my darling dearest roommate again too. Ricardo sure is a card. He’s so fun to mess with. He just makes it waaaay too easy.

Seeing all the living kids get to reunite with their lost friends was honestly just so heartwarming. Brought a tear to my ghostly eye. Everyone definitely seemed confused by the newbies. Roll Call! Midori, Hana, Mika, Roseanne, Roshan, Saruhiko, Towa, Yuko, andddd...ugh, I guess Takeshi too. Almost all of them are just adorable. I think the living kids found it hard to take their eyes off us.

Especially when that damn owl made us all pretend to be in Luigi’s Mansion. She really put us through it. Who wants to get sucked up into a stuffy vacuum? Still, I think everyone bonded pretty well. Can’t believe I lost to Hanae of all people. At least I helped her secure that win. Among the humans, both Yuu and Hanae won. They looked so funny in their stupid hats. For the ghosts, Gam, Yuko, and Roseanne all failed to be captured. I expected Yuko, but that humbling idiot Gam sure was a surprise.

Before that god awful lion exorcised is all, I’m glad I got the chance to hold that event to find Airi a new best friend. I knew Raiouji wouldn’t let us stick around forever. Everyone was just too happy, but I’m glad Airi was able to forge another bond. Seeing him relate to Hanae and seeing him realize that people are always open to forgiveness was really eye opening for him. And seeing him find someone to lean on made it that much easier to leave.

Just like Karaju! Seriously, all the other bird servants died. Guess she got tired of waiting for the inevitable and peaced out. Watching that grumpy look on Raiouji’s dumb face was sooo worth it.

She wasn’t the only one trying to leave though. I have no idea who told them it would be a good idea, but Yahari tried to host their escape plan by ziplining out of the alchemy room. It baffles me they thought it would work. It really broke my heart, you know. When they tried to escape and Raiouji ruined that all. They’re just lucky their wounds weren’t worse. Can’t help but feel bad for Yahari, though. Their leg had already been in bad shape, so adding another break to that had to hurt emotionally. Though I can’t imagine Yuu or Mari had it much easier. Arm injuries are a pain in the ass. Limits everything you can do. I’d like to think Cai recovered pretty well from his concussion though! Even if he was confused at first. Having to guide Ricardo to help was such a pain though. I get he has a blood thing but still.

We all should’ve expected Raiouji’s fun new motive. Getting exorcised was not a fun experience, I can tell you that much. I missed everyone so much, so being torn from the seams of reality felt like a bitch. Back to the same ol, same ol, getting to watch everyone from afar without them seeing me. I was already prepared to witness more dumb decisions.

And I was not disappointed! Almost immediately Airi threatened to kill Ricardo for the motive and he actually tried not to long after. Never thought I’d see a twink overpower a himbo with rope and then leave the himbo for dead. It was almost impressive. I’m at least proud of Airi for not actually going through with the murder…? The little victories.

There wasn’t much time to celebrate, however, because Azumaya’s body was found not too long after. And in the most extra way possible, too. I’d expect as much from someone of their ilk.

Before they could get to trial, Mukuro made everyone play the most baffling game of Never Have I Ever on earth. It’s almost like it had to be postponed for some reason. Weird. I think Yahari won, but I wasn’t paying much attention. I was more focused on, y’know, the murder.

Eventually they made it to trial and discovered dear little Tsuguyo was the killer all along, though she refused to admit it to the very end. Gotta admire that stubbornness. Poor kid was executed too. It wasn’t easy to watch the baby of the group suffer that fate, but there wasn’t time for anyone to rest, let alone myself. After Tsuguyo’s tragic death, Raiouji threatened to kill everyone. I think it was a joke but it didn’t matter.

Momo just deadass exploded. Like what the hell is up with that? Tsuguyo just died! Can’t we get a break? Apparently not, because Raiouji made everyone investigate yet again for another trial. Typical bastard lion.

And in the upcoming trial, everyone came together to discover Yahari was the culprit. Apparently the original plan was to kill Raiouji, but Yahari panicked and blew the bomb up early. That’s so sad, dude, Momo trusted you and everything. Raiouji had no issue sending Yahari to their death and everyone could only watch as it happened.

It’s become routine here.

What a miserable existence they’ve all found themselves in, but...I take solace in knowing they’ll find peace eventually. And, before I fade out, just one more thing.

I eat mayonnaise straight from the jar.

#despot despair

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hyunjizns · 5 years

Text

dating jisung (han)

⤷ han jisung is so cute omg pls this has me soft already

how you started dating

okay okay so basically you two met when jisung was still going to school right

and you guys were really good friends like really good

you’d always go with him to the music room and listen to his raps

and you’d try to give him as much advice as possible

and whenever he composed a new song or wrote new lyrics you always listened

not gonna lie you also encouraged him to go audition for a company because you knew he would make it big !!

you had faith in your friend because he was just really amazing

and you know what, jisung really appreciated that

he lowkey had a crush on you for the longest time but he just held back because he figured you wouldn’t like him back

clearly this boy could not see all the love and admiration for him in your eyes

so fast forward two years and he's about to debut in this group called stray kids

and your admiration for him grew after watching the survival show, seeing how he tried to help everyone else and all that

so you called him and told him you two had to go out since it had been quite a while since the last time you guys went out

he was pretty busy as a trainee okay

jisung was like sure y/n bby i’m so stressed and i haven’t seen you in forever so this is perfect

and you’re like ofc i’ll treat you out (つ≧▽≦)つ

so you two go to this lil cafe that you’d always go to back in your school days

and you ordered jisung’s favourite drink for him (ofc you still remembered wtheck)

and then you sat down and talked with jisung for hours, just like the good old days where the two of you would spend every minute you could with each other because you were each other’s back bone and support

jisung really appreciated this and after your little hang he was so smile-y back at the dorm

and all the boys are like ooohhh

and jisung can’t help but to talk about you, a lot

like he just doesn’t shut up

and the boys are like yeah okay he definitely has a crush

but gosh he would never tell you, how frustrating !!

until one day jisung introduces you to the boys and you’re talking to minho

and minho just casually slips it out like

“y/n, did you know jisung has the hugest crush on you”

this was no accident by the way

and you’re like “what”

was that your face getting hot ???

minho just smirks and pushes you closer to jisung and porr jisung has no idea what had just went t=down

by the time he realised though, the boys were out of sight

he swore he was gonna kill them when he got back

but for now, he was taking your hands in his and taking a deep breath

“yes, minho’s right, i do have the hugest crush on you, every since high school you had always been there for me-”

and you cut him off by kissing him’this time you couldn’t help by smile s wide

“i like you too idiot”

jisung as a boyfriend

okay ladies jisung is basically the most playful that a boyfriend can get

we all know that he is quite the odd one,, like no one does han jisung quite like han jisung does

so that being said y/n, prepare yourself for lots of teasing, weird outbursts and nicknames and a lot of laughter in your relationship

jisung lives for happy y/n and your smile so you better expect lots of stupid jokes and cringy puns

gosh does this boy ever stop??

surprise !

no, no is the answer

tickling is like the main aspect of your relationship

you see those days where you two decide to have a lazy date and watch movies while cuddled up under a blanket ?? expect tickling, like a lot

don’t think that tranquility will last long bc it most definitely will not

the boy just not know how to keep his hands off of you

and sorry to say y/n, but he knows aLl of your most ticklish spots so don’t think that you’re getting away easily

that being said though, you also know all of his most ticklish spots so the competition is fair and even

you both have equal chances at making the other laugh until their tummy hurts

your other dates are usually those “fun” places though

restaurants and sit down dates are not your thing

so amusement parks, water parks, laser tag, etc

you name it, you and jisung have probably done it

even if jisung is a big scaredy cat with everything and screams extra loudly on the rollercoaster

i mean,, going there in the first place was his decision

oh and hanging out with the boys...

pda??? yes

i’m sorry but jisung just does not care

he likes showing you off okay

like “hey guys this is my amazing person”

and guess what ??

y/n is mine and no one else’s

the boys honestly just wanna know how you’ve handled jisung and his ??? personality for so long

like sorry but have you met han jisung?

he loves hugging you in front of the boys and giving you little pecks

and they’re like “gross!!!”

he would literally do anything for your attention and affection

he’s like whining so much and following you around

“y/n”

pouts and puppy eyes

and he’s not gonna stop until you give in because jisung is a task

he also really loves backhugs

backhug = signature jisung move

omg but kisses with jisung are so versatile

like the most common kisses between you two are those cute short pecks with lots of giggling in between

you two love to play games where the prize is a kiss

“y/n lets play rock paper scissors”

“what’s the prize?”

“if i win, you have to kiss me but if you win i have to kiss you”

and you’re just like “ok jisung,,,, that’s literally the same prize”

but of course you go ahead with it

forehead kisses and cheek kisses are not rare in your relationship

especially not cheek kisses because they get jisung all soft on the inside

but if you two are seriously kissing like making out style the kisses are quite messy because you two just can’t help but laugh and be playful

but it’s endearing

jisung actually is a really good kisser and is very much capable, he just prefers things the other way

so if he happens to get serious you better prepare yourself for some next level shit

he’s so t o u c h y

he will always be holding your hand and swinging it or rubbing his thumb on your hand absently

it’s your guys’ trademark okay

cuddling with jisung is another story

this is like his favourite thing to do with you

and omg shh but he really likes to be the little spoon

cuddle conversations can range from teasing you about whatever embarrassing thing you’d done that day to him confiding in you all of his worries about his music or the boys

he really cherishes those days that you get to spend together because y’know he’s pretty busy as an idol

if your relationship were to be revealed he would prefer it to be in like a controlled environment like him admitting at an interview

but NO

he would have done something stupid on vlive like call you baby or be caught on camera doing something intimate

and he’s like !!! oh no

jisung.exe has stopped working

okay but stays are very supportive of you two so yay for you

i mean who could resist the jisung x y/n charm

now as far as couple outfits go, jisung deadass wants you to wear super tight jeans with and all black to pull off that badass concept

and you’re like no way

pls, not everyone likes their blood flow to their legs cut off

but somehow he gets you to agree

y/n if you do, i’ll buy you food

deal

so then you both take a bunch of photos together for your “concept day”

those pics are precious to jisung and he cherishes them and that day

they’re in his favourites :((

he also uses you as inspiration to write songs

you kinda always have been an inspiration to him

so when he composes music for either stray kids or 3racha, you’re like in the back of his mind

if he’s not feeling it, you’re his extra boost of encouragement and confidence

you mean the entire world to him

but yes you guessed it

jisung is totally, completely and undoubtedly whipped for you

he would literally do anything for you no matter how far out of his way it may be

the boys like to tease him about how whipped he is and he’s like shut up before i unhinge your foors

you guys rarely have arguments and if you do it’s over something dumb

the level of trust in your relationship is unreal

always there for each other

always a shoulder to cry on

everyone should experience your type of relationship at least once :(

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yamagucci-x · 4 years

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Read on Ao3 Soul Eater AU: The Super Written Exam is only a week away, and with a selective meisters-only training camp on the line Kageyama has to get his shit together. Fast. Rated: T

“I’m sure I don’t need to reiterate to you that opportunities like these are integral to your development as a meister. In general the Academy doesn’t try to dictate where your priorities should lie, and understands that each weapon and meister pair has a, hm, unique journey...” Takeda fiddled with his glasses, frowning across his desk at Kageyama. “But, um, how should I say this?”

Ukai, leaning against the chalkboard, huffed. “Let me take over, Specs.” He pushed himself off the wall and brought his hands down hard on Takeda’s desk, leaning to glare at Kageyama. “Your grades are shit, that’s what he’s trying to say. The Super Written Exam is in one week, and if you fail that you’re not going to the Soul Force intensive training. Instead you’ll be in remedial lessons with Washijo. So if you wanna go, get your ass in gear. Got it?”

Kageyama gripped the sides of his chair with the look of someone who just got an anvil dropped on their chest. Takeda flinched, hurriedly reprimanding Ukai, “M-Maybe not so bluntly-”

Ukai straightened up and folded his arms, surveying his student with pursed lips. “Listen, Kageyama,” he said in a gentler tone, “You and Hinata have grown at an incredible rate. You’re one of the most promising meisters in the class, otherwise you wouldn’t have been chosen for this intensive camp to begin with.” He scratched the back of his head, smiling a little. “I’m still getting the hang of this teaching thing, myself, and I’ll admit I wasn’t big on schoolwork when I was your age-” Takeda, who had been nodding approvingly, shot him a look. “-But right now you’ve just gotta work harder at this one thing so you can give your all to what you really wanna do, y’know?”

Takeda’s smile returned, and he tried to sound as comforting as he could. “I can’t speak from experience, but I think part of being a good meister is being able to juggle life’s pressures, and at this stage school is still one of those pressures. I know the physical aspects of training might be more appealing to you, Kageyama, but just remember that your studies are equally important. Understand?”

Kageyama, slowly defrosting from the initial shock, nodded. When his professors seemed satisfied that he’d gotten the message he stood up and bowed. “Yessir!”

He was almost out the door when Takeda called, “Oh- Kageyama?” His smile had an edge to it that sent a shiver up Kageyama’s spine. “You might want to pass these sentiments on to your partner as well.”

He left the school and headed toward the group’s usual hangout, Death Scoops Ice Cream (Sweet treats colder than the grave!), walking as if in a trance. He chewed his lip, deep in thought. There was no way he was going to miss such a big opportunity and fall behind. But what could he do? Cheat? No, Professor Ukai was too sharp for that. Study? How did he do that? What was the exam even on?

“Kageyama-!”

A voice hurtling toward him jolted him out of his reverie. In a flash of orange, Hinata collided with him and sent both of them tumbling to the ground.

“Hinata, you idiot!” Kageyama growled, untangling himself enough to sit up.

“Sorry, you usually catch me,” his partner grinned, stubbornly keeping his arms around Kageyama’s neck so he could pull him in for a kiss.

For a second he froze, still not used to the rush of blood in his cheeks at Hinata’s touch, but after they stood up he gave Hinata another peck on the lips. “You taste like chocolate,” he said.

Hinata grabbed his hand and pulled him to the cluster of tables his classmates occupied after getting banned from the lobby of Scoops. “I got you frozen yogurt!”

Daichi, Suga, and Yamaguchi waved, while Tsukishima smirked knowingly. Tanaka was grinning at him, hands on his hips like he’d been waiting for him to show up.

“So, you survived the beat down, huh?” Tanaka called, “Did Ukai tell you to get your ass in gear too? He loves that line.”

Kageyama nodded, forcing Hinata to scoot over so they could share a seat. “He said if I fail the written exam, I’ll have to take remedial lessons and-” He shuddered with a pained look like brainfreeze, despite having taken one bite of his half-melted froyo. His head and his voice dropped. “-And I won’t be able to do Soul Force training.”

“Ye-ahh,” Tanaka rubbed his head with a grimace, “Nishinoya and I got the same threats. I sure as hell don’t wanna be stuck in remedial lessons with that nasty old geezer, but poor Noya was pretty freaked out about missing the meister training.” Suddenly he smiled with a twinkle in his eye. “But never fear- Ennoshita promised to help us study, and just in case I have a secret weapon up my sleeve!”

“Where is Ennoshita?” Daichi asked.

“He went ahead with Noya and Asahi. Said something about needing alone time to ‘emotionally prep’ for tutoring, whatever that means,” Tanaka shrugged. Suga forced him to sit down again with a snicker.

Hinata nudged his partner. “You really are stupid, Kageyama,” he said condescendingly. “Guess they don’t call you King for being top of the class.”

Kageyama almost shoved him off the seat. “Your grades are just as bad as mine, dipshit. Takeda said you’re screwed too if you fail.”

Hinata looked stricken, as if he’d never considered the possibility before.

“Well Hinata doesn’t have to worry about the training intensive, at least,” Suga pointed out, “But I’m sure you guys will be fine if you just study hard this week!”

Hinata gripped the table, babbling loudly. “Really, Sugawara? I can’t do more remedial lessons with Washijo, I can’t— will I really be okay, even if I’ve never gotten double digits on a quiz?”

Silence fell over the group. Tanaka had a faraway look in his eyes. Tsukki snickered. Daichi changed the subject. “I heard from Kuroo that Yaku has been putting Lev through the wringer for weeks, even though Yaku’s the one going to the training camp. Apparently the kid’s pretty hopeless.”

“Sounds about right,” Suga laughed as he patted Hinata absently on the head. “Man, I wish I was going. But they’re so selective, and there’s already a big group this year. Akaashi’s invited too. Tendo, Sakusa, Ojiro, Hoshiumi. Oh! You’re going, right Tsukishima?”

Tsukki sighed. “Yeah. Personally I’d rather not have to spend two weeks crammed in some DWMA dorm with a bunch of guys I don’t even talk to-” He shot Kageyama a leering smile, “Y’know, since Kageyama won’t be there.”

The little frozen yogurt spoon clattered out of Kageyama’s hands. He stood up, his eyes flashing. “You’re going?” He clenched his fist. “Dammit, I’m going to pass that exam!”

Hinata, whose mouth had been hanging open, jumped up too and shook Kageyama’s arm vigorously. “What are we going to do, Kageyama? We can’t lose to this asshole! If we fail I’ll never become a Death Scythe!”

They put their heads together, muttering furiously as they tried to come up with a plan to beat the test. Tsukki raised a brow. “You could try not failing?”

“Aha!” Hinata raised his fist triumphantly. “We’re going to break into Professor Ukai’s house and steal the exam!” Kageyama nodded approvingly.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Daichi cut in, looking stressed. He was about to launch into a lecture when a loud voice interrupted them from across the street.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto called as he jogged over from the convenience store across the street. “You guys talking about the exam?” He managed to ruffle Tsukishima’s hair for a second before getting coldly pushed away. “I was a little worried- Akaashi and I are trying for top marks but my grades haven’t been the best lately. But we’ve been studying our asses off for weeks so I’m sure we’ll come out victorious!” He flashed a smile. “We even have a great system. If I get a question right, I get a snack. If I get one wrong, I have to do thirty crunches. Reward and punishment is a great motivator, y’know?”

“Does that work?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Well, sort of...” Bokuto deflated, clutching his stomach. “My core is so sore.”

Tsukki snorted. “It’s like training a dog.”

Yamaguchi and Suga laughed but Bokuto threw an accusing finger at him. “You take that back! Say I’m wise, like an owl! Say it!”

Hinata watched all of this unfold with a dawning realization. He pulled Kageyama close by his shirt and whispered something in his ear. His partner’s face immediately darkened, his brows knitting. “No, hell no. I’d rather fail.”

“C’mon, what other choice do we have?” Hinata looked up at him with those bright eyes, the ones he couldn’t resist no matter how strong his resolve. “Please, Tobio?”

Kageyama made a disgusted noise. “Fine.”

Hinata squeezed his hand before springing up and bowing so low he almost smacked his head against the table. “Tsukishima!” he yelled, loud enough to cut through the chatter. “Please tutor us so we don’t fail the exam! Or at least give us some study tips! You’re way smarter than us! Please!”

For a second Tsukki looked completely shocked. But then a devilish look spread over his face and he tapped his chin. “Well, I might be willing. But it doesn’t seem very fair that Dumb is the only one groveling. Dumber should be polite and ask too, don’t you think?”

Kageyama hesitated, scowling. His partner elbowed him. He bent stiffly at the waist and blurted out, “Please help us study, Tsukishima!” He distinctly heard someone take a picture and his face promptly started burning.

Tsukishima looked like he was ready to drag the scene out for as long as possible but luckily Yamaguchi cut in. “We all have the same lunch period- maybe you can help them then, Tsukki.”

He scoffed. “I’m not giving up my lunch for these clowns. I’ll help you for ten minutes before Takeda’s class.”

The boys straightened up and bellowed their thanks. Their gathering was promptly broken up when the owner of the shop stuck his head out the door to chew them out for shouting so much. Everyone quickly gathered their things and waved their goodbyes before they could get banned permanently.

Hinata seemed satisfied, skipping along with a determined expression. Kageyama, however, was not as confident, still chewing his lip and calculating exactly how far behind he’d fall if he didn’t make it to the training. After a couple blocks he felt Hinata’s soft hand fold around his. He glanced over to see his partner looking up at him with flashing eyes.

“Don’t worry, Kageyama,” Hinata said, giving his hand a squeeze. “We’re not going to fall behind. Even if it means asking Sucky-shima for help.”

Hinata flashed a smile so bright it made Kageyama stop suddenly. He buried his hand in Hinata’s hair and pulled him into an exuberant kiss. When they broke away, breathing heavily, Kageyama kept their foreheads pressed together with a determined grin. “Yeah.”

“Waa-hoo!” Hinata leapt into the air, crying, “We’re gonna beat everybody and ace the Super Written Exam! We’re going to become the most powerful weapon and meister the Academy’s ever seen!” He walked backwards in front of Kageyama, still grinning. “But first, I’m gonna beat you home!”

Kageyama laughed and cursed as he sprinted after his partner, his heart full and the weight of exams temporarily vanished.

They collapsed on the stoop with gasping breaths, agreeing to call it a draw due to excessive shoving from both parties. Hinata was the first to jump up, declaring he was going to get a head start on studying to really stick it to Tsukishima. Kageyama agreed and ambled up the steps behind him.

About halfway up, Hinata paused to ask over his shoulder, “Hey Kageyama, what are we even supposed to study?”

Kageyama considered it for a moment. “I dunno, notes?”

“Have you ever taken notes?”

“...No.”

#soul eater au

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years

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TEMERAIRE LET’S READ: BLOOD OF TYRANTS, THE WILLIAM LAURENCE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT NG+ SPEEDRUN

- oh NO LAURENCE D:D:D:

I do love that one of his first realizations is that he’s definitely not dutch tho lol this dumbass remembered that he was english before he remembered his own name

- caught between OH NO TEMERAIRE (and it’s only page 9 it’s going to be one of those books huh) and laughing my ass off at the thought of him swooping into notoriously isolationist japan and yelling ‘HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MY DAD???’

- “Yes,” [Laurence] said, unyielding, as he could not be otherwise. ahahahahaha way to summarize the entirety of old school!laurence with one fucking sentence

(I am very much enjoying this uh. ‘setback’ of his character actually? novik really did just roll him back to factory settings and went ‘now... from the top again, let’s see if you’ve been paying attention these last seven books’ haha. no one told me there’d be a test!!!!!!!!!!)

- Kaneko really has the patience and graciousness of a saint, @ laurence please... please try to be marginally less sketchy hm? (I guess his sheer obliviousness to how direly he comes across here must be why kaneko hasn’t dismissed him out of hand)

- y’know... at least laurence is in no position to have to worry about all this shit temeraire and the others are pulling. when people start talking about black-scaled celestials shaking the country to its very foundations he’ll be blissfully, innocently unaware. that’s something, I suppose... well who am I kidding we’ll 100% get a couple of paragraphs of him convincing himself this is all his fault somehow anyway

- . . . and His Majesty’s Government does not behave in such an underhanded a manner as to attack another nation with no warning or quarrel. aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh what a strange beautiful fantasy land you’ve been residing in for most of your life william laurence, hang on tight for the opium wars

- hahaha oh my god this is like a platonic version of that text post

temeraire: have you guys seen my dad??!?!

them: what does he look like?

temeraire, crying: beautiful and human and has gold buttons

- I take it all back old school laurence is such a tremendous idiot. just PRETEND you’re willing to cooperate at least you huge fuckign dummy, all you’d have to do was say something vague about how the ship can’t get too close to shore; it won’t actually help them and they’ll know it but you won’t make yourself look so unspeakably willfully suspicious

- :( making me read things where temeraire is just hurting should be ILLEGAL actually

- NO LAURENCE STOP TRYING TO KICK LITERALLY EVERY POLITICAL HORNET’S NEST WITHIN REACH BAD BOY he is... a disaster but I love him and fear for him as a son so here I am anyway

- hahahahaha yeah wow laurence it sure would suck if you ever had to commit treason huh death probably would be preferable indeed

b o i

- i like that it took him like a week to even give a single thought to edith lol at least he remains aggressively himself

- I think temeraire basically just invented dragon baby photos and I can’t even think for how darling it is

also every dragon physician is delightful; they fear neither god, man nor huge ass patients who could swallow them in a bite

aw man I love gong su

- ahahahahahahah kiyo is the actual best I can’t breathe

KANPAI INDEED, MY LADY, MY LIEGE, I DON’T CARE WHAT ELSE HAPPENS I WOULD FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

Laurence was forced to at least moisten his lips in a show of accompaniment, and hope that he had indeed buried Caesar and not praised him, or for that matter raised him from the dead one act too soon; he was not perfectly sure. He did not think he had been this appallingly drunk since he had been a boy of twelve, trying to make good on every toast at his captain’s table. I. am. dying

thank you thank you thank you for the mental image of laurence drunkenly trying to stumble through the ‘friends, romans, countrymen’ speech as well as the entire rest of the play in a one-man performance

- oh no... I would die for junichiro, baby boy who loves his teacher SO MUCH ;____________; aaaaand there are laurence’s adoption instincts, I see, right on time <3 I like how they have had one actual conversation now and laurence is like ‘ah well nothing for it then guess you’ll have to stay on my ship and I’ll have to be your dad now, brash 16 year old child’

junichiro is being Full Teenager about laurence not knowing ~*obvious*~ things and it’s a delight

- y’know this period of japanese history is always portrayed in the west as paranoia and it could probably only be done because the country was a strict military dictatorship at the time... but having read oh, any history book ever, deciding that nope nah don’t think so no europeans ever is the greatest ‘fair enough’ in human history. (...I guess this series is sort of AU fix it fic of the period in the first place haha)

- seeing temeraire this level of straight out angry is very interesting and also very unsettling

- ooooof whenever laurence almost-remembers temeraire... stab me in the heart why don’t you

- man churki really is the mom friend of these dragons she’s the only one who has a lick of sense

- *laurence, upon clobbering several men with an oar* “Ma’am, I beg your pardon,” Laurence said to the old woman, who was still sitting ramrod-straight in the ferry over the side from him and regarding him with a flat expression of utter disapproval and not the least evidence of fear; he put out a boot over the side and shoved the ferry off with a heave

god this book is just a continual parade of glorious mental images, just this old woman glaring at him like ‘RUDE’ and “Ma’am, I beg your pardon” fdslfhsdlkjh

- I have a lot of sympathy for hammond. imagine having to navigate the extremely delicate diplomatic situation between europe and japan, with the real prospect of a war breaking out over it, while temeraire is looking over your shoulder... real dragon in the glassware shop vibe going on here, i’m sorry about your life hammond

- AUGH laurence just sort-of-remembered emily he just half-remembered he basically has a daughter someone hold me (...junichiro is so so sweet ;___;)

- bwahahaha yeah I’m sure the only reason this impressionable young kid who’s slowly becoming very impressed by you has for sneaking glances at your bare chest is manly appreciation of your battle scars laurence, well done (I mean a supremely understandable innocent teen crush to develop but stay safely out of that, kid; I trust tharkay to survive the sheer field of mayhem around this man only because he’s got like 20 years, extreme competency and a world of cynicism on you)

- aw junichiro :(:(:(

- ...laurence you need to stop making your dragon boi think you’re dead because this is hurting me. my heart lies in sad little pieces on the ground right now. you are stepping on them with tapdancing shoes.

- “I am under an obligation to Junichiro,” [Laurence] said, quietly, “who you must know has aided me for love of you. If I surrender myself and am made prisoner in this way, will your honor be satisfied?”

fdsfhsdkfsdja *ELMO SURROUNDED BY FLAMES GIF* this is all awful they’re all such good people why must this happen why this

(what a way to remind me why I love this stupid wonderful man so much tho uuuuuugh)

- “He is a prince of China, and my captain.” “The devil I am,” said Laurence. This might be the funniest heartbreak I have ever experienced

- good job making me cry whenever I read the words ‘principia mathematica’ naomi novik that was real nice of you

- maximus is such a solid bro. not the brightest, but by god a good 80% of that boy’s gigantic body mass is pure heart

- I love the sheer trollishness of just dropping all these hints about whatever’s going on in the US and then moving on like nothing has happened lol at least it’s deeply implied that hamilton squandered his chances at the presidency by pulling his dumb hoe act in this universe too... constants and variables friends constants and variables

- bOY for a moment there I really did wonder if junichiro was going to die, thank god for a quick google to stop my heart from leaping up my throat and out into thin air to shatter yet again on the flagstones beneath

- in unrelated news I recently found out a bit more about the whole historical Situation in Australia at the beginning of Tongues of Serpents (incidentally, by reading Mark Forsyth’s ‘A Short History of Drunkenness’, which is very funny and quite interesting although I can personally testify that the chapter about vikings at least is completely riddled with misunderstandings or straight out factual errors about the mythology, the role of women in society and uh the entirety of how poetry worked so maybe take him with a pinch of salt lol), and now, in retrospect, I have to say Novik does a poor job conveying the sheer hilarity and madness going on at that time. Like. I was quite bored in those first few chapters, whenever Tharkay didn’t have page time. how could you make this incredible spectacular shitshow boring. it should have been easy comedy gold and not just like. misery. oh well great times, let’s return to the book at hand

- I remain utterly devoted to Lady Kiyo. livin’ life, drinking sake, giving no fucks, absentmindedly scoping out the western style ships and starting an entire modern navy for her country, getting some Theater up in here.... truly I would follow her into the jaws of hell itself, safely in the knowledge that she’d find some way to have a good time down there

- kaneko tearing up at laurence promising he’ll take care of junichiro 😭 this is so cruel to me, personally, specifically against my person, I am undone

- I like how the incan dragons are told like ‘don’t pick just one special person; you can love all your humans equally’ while the poor japanese ones are told ‘actually don’t love any of your humans very much at least not more than Honour’ lol they must have so many neurotic dragons running about b/c that when that attachment happens it seems extremely central to their psychology (and considering lady arikawa it’s not like they’re exempt from it, they’re just supposed to repress it to conform)

- laurence desperately trying to work out whether emily’s his daughter without actually asking anyone... delicious

the descriptions of roland’s letters: even more delicious

- temeraire sees the sad remnants of laurence’s robes and ‘hello darkness my old frieeeeend’ starts playing in his head... too bad laurence isn’t really in a position to experience the relief

- He is very much a one-note character, but O’Dea’s resolute dedicated fatalism is extremely funny

- hahaha poor temeraire... when you try to introduce bae to the family and they insist on being TOTALLY EMBARRASSING god

- The guilt of having caused pain to one deserving only consideration at his hand mingled with unanswered disquiet. I’m bawling laurence’s dad instincts are so pure and good even tho everything’s a bit messed up right now. like this whole paragraph is so powerful b/c you can see laurence’s natural loving impulse at war with his dad’s cold authoritarian parenting style and because his lived experience is removed he doesn’t know what is right.............. oh b o y

- oh okay I see my earlier comment about the opium wars proves unexpectedly prophetic

- it cannot be overstated how much I love junichiro or how happy I am that laurence is being so soft and patient with him. this kid has Been Through some shit

- emily roland shoulder to shoulder with laurence killing fools and he never doubts her for a moment... *chef kiss emoji*

- the problem with these books is that there are just so many good characters and so many of them don’t get any real page time in any given one -- I’m sitting here plaintively like ‘I realize this is not the most pressing issue right now but how is demane and sipho doing. are they okay. does sipho have enough books’

- ouch memory loss isn’t stopping laurence from flashing back to victory of eagles :(

there’s something so disconcerting about knowing why laurence reacts to things the way he does when he doesn’t; novik is using that very efficiently, this is a very satisfying use of amnesia just from a writer’s POV haha

- I like how none of these suckers really have the tools (or in some cases even inclination) to understand how messed up junichiro’s political situation is in all this

they just expect him to come home to britain with them and meanwhile he’s just found out that The greatest threat to his nation (from his POV I mean china/japan relations irl seem uh complicated) has more dragons in one field than he’s ever seen in his life. it’s a rough and lonely deal being this kid in this book

- oh ouch yes hey there laurence there might have been... a little bit of treason. true. extremely justified treason tho. I mean. oh dear

we don’t have tharkay and his unique mix of deep cynicism, incisive sarcasm and surprising depth of concise moral clarity here to assist with the aftermath so this could get u g l y

- listen what did I SAY about making me read about temeraire being miserable :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

- SIPHO!! hey baby boy pls have some thought for your brother’s cardiac health tho

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw the fact that laurence is getting out of this crisis so much quicker this time because of his bone-deep instinctual knowledge of how much he loves temeraire, which doesn’t need specific memories to be true and felt. god. jesus. stars above

- laurence: approaches little

little: gay panic

- [Laurence] groped after the truth of himself like a prisoner in Plato’s cave, watching shadows. *clenches fist with great emotion* fuck naomi novik why must you be such an excellent goddamn writer im in pain

- oh hay arkady

poor poor temeraire feeling like a failure in every way is so awful but also kind of funny. ‘oh shit arkady’s egg oh fuck oh crap’

- I LOVE that hammond is so clearly and repeatedly shown to be a very astute political thinker and working shit out before everyone else! he may be a dumbass and a bit of a weasel but by god he’s great at what he does!

- laurence wouldn’t have changed anything if he could u guise. I . that. hm. oh

- thARKAY

.........arkady I am only a human and a small one at that but I will find some way to climb up there and wring your neck

(how cute is it that apparently jane roland realized she needed someone to find laurence and was like ‘well I need someone who can take care of themselves and knows the area and speaks dragon and Understands the chaotic ways of william laurence and also has looked uncharacteristically like a kicked puppy at the very mention of his name ever since being forced to leave him behind in australia.... hey tharkay you want a job’ fhkjshdfkalhsd)

- I’m very glad I googled ahead and spoiled myself a bit on this, because if I just read this part fresh I would have expired on the spot

- MISSION GET MY BOY BACK SAFE FOR GOD’S SAKE is a go

- general chu is pretty cool for an old dude you feel me

- . . . and Laurence knew him; knew him and knew himself.

ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahhha

haha

what... what pure undiluted soulmate nonsense is this. what. how. WHY would you do this

- I think I said something offhandedly in my victory of eagles reactions about how tharkay makes laurence remember who he is. I. thought I was exaggerating slightly for dramatic effect at the time. um wow

- I am having the sort of feelings about I need to write fiction about because my ability to express it any other way is failing me. That’s just about the highest praise I could give, really, Novik sure knows how to plant interesting seeds in her stories lol

- for the record this is not how I wanted him to end up in laurence’s bed

(im not thinking too much about how he got hurt b/c if I do I’ll start crying and that’ll just be embarrassing for everyone)

- “I hope you will forgive my mentioning it, Will,” Tharkay said, eventually, rousing Laurence from his reverie. “ -- I recognize there is a certain pot-calling quality to my doing so under the circumstances, but have you noticed that the top of your head appears likely to come off?”

a) my love for him is just. so pure. so complete. so deep b) consistent first name basis; the one sure way to make me swoon c) the implication that he’s just been quietly watching laurence while he was lost in thought... im so soft

- oh god laurence very gently helping out demane and roland because he remembers now....... i cry and my tears are blood welcome back buddy

- “I am of the opinion,” Tharkay said, “that you ought not assign to free will something more likely the consequence of a sharp blow to the skull.”

he truly is the gift that keeps giving. an endless cornucopia of sarcasm and delight. we do not deserve him.

- [The man he was eight years ago] would not have valued his own feelings, on such a matter, higher than the law and the discipline of the service. *AIRHORN AIRHORN AIRHORN* there we have it folks that’s literally his character arc spelled out, he would have done SO MUCH BAD SHIT because he thought his own feelings didn’t matter and yet he chose another direction, stupendous, brilliant, revolutionary

also him trying to get his support across to both of them in as roundabout and discreet way as possible... laurence you beautiful disaster

- im just so happ. so happy. so happy temeraire has his dumb dad back

- oh so the russians think the BRITISH, of all people, are too soft on their dragons... ruh-roh

- sdfskadlfj yes good tharkay the ROBES (also the implied depth of fond schadenfreude-tinged amusement contained in that ‘those particularly magnificent robes’.... *prayer hands emoji*)

laurence is like ET TU BABE?????

I think this is very delicate gong su speak for ‘please do not be a dumb bitch your majesty’

hahaha chu knows what’s up -- I am growing desperately fond of him, please don’t have him suffer any cop-one-day-from-retirement style accident

- “If I may cut your Gordian knot,” Tharkay said, with a glint in his eye. fdsklfhsdkflhdsakjfhdskjh remember back in black powder war when he was all closed off and phlegmatic and purposefully distant... and here he is... with a glint in his eye and a crazy ass plan that requires other people and that he actually shares before pulling it off and calling laurence by first name in public......... we’ve come so far

- Also this means he’s close enough to Laurence’s height and build that he can wear his clothes without it looking weird, which is nice to know because Laurence is sometimes more preoccupied with describing what men are wearing than, y’know, what they look like lol. (probably not quite as broad in the shoulders, tho, since it’s pointed out every time laurence is described that he has shoulders like a linebacker)

- temeraire: eXCUSE me god didn’t do this the emperor of china did???!?! rude???

- pffffffffff tharkay and chu being jaded world-weary bros for a second there... this is what I read these books for folks

- NOOOOOOOOOOO chu this is the one thing I asked you NOT to do D: temeraire being sad and scared about it is slowly murdering me, thank god laurence is back online for him

- dunno this napoleon dude sounds pretty great and all but this also sounds suspiciously... like trying to invade russia in the winter time. immovable force and unstoppable object or something. I mean I don’t read history so I don’t know. might be a great idea. who’s to say.

- I see that tharkay and laurence have reached the ‘communicating complex information solely through eyebrow movements’ stage of their relationship. *drinks this excellent excellent OTP juice with both hands*

- god I love how cool temeraire!napoleon is, in a strangely believable way. he’s just so weirdly charismatic and novik is SO GOOD at setting up a situation so you understand just how brilliant a move he’s made whenever he seems to be backed into a corner and turns it all around. I kind of want him to win at this point (though tbf all of europe fucking sucked at this time so like he doesn’t have to doll it up TOO much to look better by comparison haha)

- boooyyyy Laurence is P I S S E D (also him being like ??? :D that the general basically agreed with him lol)

ALSO also the fact that laurence does not realize that he’s like the fucking horror story all the major authorities around the globe tell each other at night... fjksdfhsdkjlhf

ah russia. truly consistently one of the most shit places to be a peasant or apparently a dragon through so much of history.

- junichiro Y__________Y no wonder laurence is so protective of him, he’s finally met someone as stubbornly stupidly ~*honorable*~ as himself. godspeed bb boy I wish you only the best even though I know your story line is never properly brought up again

- I ship... roland and demane... so much. like with my heart. she’s so young and earnest and curious and misses him so much and casually scandalizes alice about it fsjdakfjhds

- well I mean. dragons eating people is clearly not g r e a t but also... karma. y’know?

- this is a lot of words to use to convey the sentiment ‘oh they are all so fuuuuuuuuuuuuucked’ naomi novik

(feels a little like she wrote herself into a corner here tho -- she’s set up such an impossible situation, in RUSSIA in the WINTERTIME, that I’d need a hell of a lot of convincing to believe they get out of it)

- aaaah okay I really enjoyed this one too, especially the first half! I feel like this series is often at its most inspired when it sticks to a tighter character focus (for example I still vividly recall the part in the first book where Laurence stays in his father’s house and it’s Bad. relatedly........ F U C K lord allendale), and this brought that in spades. I love this series so much, it’s shamefully underappreciated in the speculative fiction world.

also it brought *me* to my knees with a simple “Tenzing,” [Laurence] said, which... holy shit. fuck. damn. that’s my personal recommendation of this book, tbh, even beyond my wish for this series to be more appreciated within the genre: Tharkay was there and it was very gay and non-obnoxious soulmate vibes???? I never even thought it could be done but here we are

This is probably going to be my last reaction thingy for the foreseeable future, since my local library doesn’t have book 9 and honestly... having read a few summaries of what happens in it I’m not that keen on reading it? That’s not the ending to this story I want, so I’ll just live over here in denialville, I-realize-the-author-made-the-choice-to-not-make-further-use-of-Lien-AKA-THE-coolest-antagonist-in-this-series-and-indeed-did-not-wrap-up-numerous-character-arcs-or-plot-lines-but-I-don’t-like-this-choice-so-I’ll-ignore-it

(actually I do sort of appreciate the idea of not having one grand final duel or something, because that’s not how it usually works in real life, but that she’d just shrug and not mercilessly hunt for the revenge she’s so clearly motivated by when everything she loves is falling apart around her again... that’s too much of a letdown to bear, really)

let me just... live in willful ignorance and pretend anything could happen from this point onward haha.

- let me give a final shout out to my boy gong su, who’s been hanging around since book 2 (!) and yet we do not know One Single personal detail about him for certain except that he sure knows how to handle knives. that’s some good spy shit right there, he knows what he’s about

#temeraire #blood of tyrants #willzing #william laurence x tenzing tharkay #aaaaaaaaand last one for a while! I had a lot of fun with this one even though I lost focus for weeks at a time at some points haha #that's not the book's fault that's very much a me problem

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