#theyre cool as fuck but i never expect the ppl that make the content to see my stuff abt it

[misqnon]

yeah i definitely liked sanuso more than i liked sanji. before... before i came to like sanji. i don't think i was rly an Actual Fan though. seeing fan content of sanji (shipping content included) is part of what made me grow to like him. so ur right that a ship i like with characters i dont like would make me grow to like the characters!!

tashigi and reiju is so insanely good.. theyre perfect for each other...

LMAO ISNT THAT PRICE A BIT STEEP?? nami moment

robin definitely would notice but it would have so much more impact to have luffy intervene imo?? he is probably the most important person to both of them (arguably true for all the crew) and also he just . idk hes emotionally intelligent. hes perceptive. people dont give him enough credit. luffy is not stupid!!!!

"he and robin can be similar and enies lobby is what made everyone love her more…" YEAH EXACTLY!!! there doesnt need to be a whole arc but just show us that he isnt JUST the cool guy. i need him to cry .... i need emotional vulnerability.. please oda ..... on my knees begging for this. PLEASE Oda...

"already there babes 🫡 just doing my part" thank u

"DID. DID THEY ACTUALLY CALL HIM TRACE HEATFIST IN THE 4KIDS DUB…ARE U SERIOUS RN…IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE PLEASE SAY SIKE." YES THEY ACTUALLY DID. its a stupid change but HIS VOICE IS SO COOL... theres a scene where he and luffy meet on alabasta n luffy is like: hey, trace?! and trace is like "yours truly 😎😏🔥 hey luffy, whats up? 🔥🔥💪✨" and i fucking Fell In Love on first listen. i have the biggest . fattest crush on 4kids ace. why is he so suave. why is he so cool. pathetically showing my love for the worst dub's version of the best character

i was so relieved that luffy sounded different that i can forgive anything else. i don't care if the acting is worse...

AT A CHRISTIAN GALLERY???? ur so brave

"i will share embarrassing stories like my life depends on it"

(hoping i havent used this image before)

THE SPOTLIGHT ON SANJI.... THAT IS SO FUNNY...

"BUT IM TOO BUSY READING ONE PIECE" good point... reading both would be hard.. /gen

"lion…and wings…so u want to be a griffin 👁️" i did not realize this. but yes i GUESS I DO?? i like manticores and unicorns the most out of any fantasy creature but i could never be a manticore bc it means i keep my face.. and unicorn.... doesnt have cool paws... oh and i love dragons... i WOULD be a dragon but i would like to be like. fluffy.. i want to be fluffy..

"DIDN THE BEAT OUT ZORO IN THE POPULARITY POLLS ONE TIME" YEAH HE DID... i dont know maybe i just missed it?? there were a lot of ppl there... and my memory is kinda hazy.. i will be on the lookout for law next time i go to a con

"WRONG bangs my sanji gavel." I FORGOT U WERW THE SANJI MAGISTRATE..... please forgive me....

that is so cool 🥹

"also sanji’s love for mice/rats makes me fucking insane bc its the cutest thing on earth." I KNOW RIGJT... like hes a cook.. he should hate them... but he doesnt!!! hes super fond of them!!! because he had mice friends at the lowest point in his life!!!! GOD.. i also used to love mice so . thank u sanji. representing rodent lovers. im having too many moments lately where i relate to sanji.... former sanji hater becomes sanji

"SANJI LOVES MICE MORE THAN WOMEN CONFIRMED-" GENUINELY!!!

"they’re all expecting sanji to freak and kill them and then they walk in and he’s made them tiny stir fry and is calling them cutesy names." STOP THATS SUCH CUTE IMAGERY 😭😭😭 sanji would never hit a woman mouse.

"also all the fan content ive seen where ratatouille is his favorite movie. ANYONE CAN COOK!!!!! 😭" IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

"we turn a sad into a frrAAANKKYYYYYYYY" HSJDHS

"ROBIN WHYYY WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OFFFF SHE IS INSANE. SHE’S SO WEIRD." IN HER DEFENSE, THEY WERE RIGHT THERE. HOW COULD SHE NOT... HOW COULD SHE NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ....

"should i send some on discord as well. is that how i break the ice. images of sanji with his ass up in the air (my collection)" YES..... YES DO IT.... in return i will sned... uhmm... law!??

ok but sanji in glasses. even at the peak of my sanji hatred i begrudgingly admit that he was very attractive in those glasses...

LOOK AT HIM SOB... whole cake island was kinda his enies lobby emotional depth moment???

heres this loser

EAT

i have this sanji saved bc he looks so pathetic and sad

omg nooo how did choso get in here ...... noooo ...... that was a big accident.... completely an accident.... not on purpose at alll........

usopp out here converting more ppl to sanji likers than i am…smh. i do love the way sanji backs him up so often in canon tho, its very sweet

KNJKCDNA WAIT THE $5,000 A MONTH THING? I MEAN YES. BUT DO YOU KNOW THE YE OLDE TUMBLR JOKE IM REFERENCING? DO U REMEMBER COMMUNISMKILLS…THAT AWFUL TUMBLR USER THAT THEN WAS LIKE “i’ll shut up if u pay me $5000 a month” actually deranged and iconic. here’s a post about it

the entire crew IS important to both of them but arguably he is the only person on the crew they would listen to in a situation like that is luffy yea. he’s the mutual friend that they both love deeply and loves both of them deeply even tho they hate (“hate”) each other. AND he’s emotionally intelligent and wise!! yea!!

joining u in the begging for sad zoro. campaigning for abusing zoro in the next chapters. ready to make this meme real

NOT TRACE HEATFIST…his voice did seem cool tho ur right. i like to imagine he speaks with the emojis like you typed them. (“how are you saying that out loud-”) is the crush only on 4kids ace specifically..sorry sorry TRACE. IS IT ONLY FOR TRACE

I WANT TO STEAL ALL THESE REACTION IMAGES HAHAHA

WAIT IS IT A SPOTLIGHT. I THOUGHT THEY HAD TRAPPED HIM UNDER A CUP LIKE A BUG KJAFHBdiwjnwd

dragons. [breathes in] dude i love dragons so fucking much. i watched that documentary animal planet or discovery made where they said dragons lived in the prehistoric time with t rex and shit and BELIEVED IT FOR SO LONG. also obsessively played httyd games on the internet and other Dragon Themed Things. and i had legend of spyro: a new beginning for the gamecube and it was like my first ever video game i owned myself that wasnt a hand me down and i beat it literally 9+ times…after 9 i stopped keeping track..i loved spyro and CYNDER so much. CYNDER WAS SO COOL. THAT WHOLE GAME WAS SO COOL. just last year i started playing flight rising (but i fell off lmao)

“former sanji hater becomes sanji” KJSDBDNKJSN YEAH relating to sanji is half of why i love him. and the amount i relate to him is. way far more than i thought i would ever relate to. the pervert stereotype anime character of any given show. so mad…but also i love him a lot 😭 has become a bit of a comfort character for me UNFORTUNATELY…but i relate to his passion and his low self esteem and his self sacrificial nature and his (percieved) gender issues and even his stupid easy-to-fall-in-love shtick. god. anyways

MICE > WOMEN ‼️‼️‼️CONFIRMED

I WANT TO PUT THE SANJI FEEDING MICE AND THE CREW IS CONFUSED SCENE IN A FIC SO BAD BUT I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK ATM 😭

“sanji would never hit a woman mouse.” sanji vs. minnie mouse his hardest battle yet

ROBIN….ROBIN 😭 I WILL CONDONE ALL HER ACTIONS BC I LOVE HER BUT SHES SO STRANGE 😭

SANJI ASS IN THE AIR COMING UR WAY

dude. thank you for saying that bc. when sanji had those fucking glasses on as mr. prince in alabasta. i was simping just a little bit. and mad about it.

AND ALSO UM??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS?? STOP BEING PRETTY???

this outfit was gay as hell by the way. like how am i supposed to believe that is a fuly straight man-

“whole cake island was kinda his enies lobby emotional depth moment???” it 1000% was down to him leaving the crew and needing to be rescued and learn to love himself and live for himself. robin and sanji are my two favorite strawhats and GOD THE SIMILARITIES ARE BRUISING. have u seen that post where its drawings of each of the strawhat “rescue teams” of arlong park, enies lobby, and whole cake?

law 1: edgy. flipping u off. deranged. a bit evil looking. kinda hot

law 2: naptime. flourishing. in his lane. never done wrong in his life. thats just a guy

“EAT” KJDBVSDAJBCJDA

NOOO THAT SANJI IMAGE GENUINELY MAKES ME SO SAD BUT HE ALSO LOOKS SO SO PATHETIC 😭 SOPPING WET CAT OF A MAN

HI CHOSO. IDK U BUT I LIKE UR HAIR. HI

here are a couple more one piece memes i have collected. i will be sending u a discord message...soon

#asks #replies #IF I DONT REPLY/REPLY SLOW AFTER SENDING U THE DISCORD MESSAGE. ITS BC I WORK A LOT THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS 🥲 #march anon #long post

[theswirlersisterscircus]

the feeling of having two cast member of pol interact with my posts is like. a rush of serotonin but the serotonin is also poison. what the fuck.

#capy talks #i guess ive gotta delete now that ive been noticed by the ppl that make the content i like👊🏻😔 #/j BTW ITS A JOKE #theyre cool as fuck but i never expect the ppl that make the content to see my stuff abt it #so im surprised but delighted but also horrified #👊🏻😔 F for all the ppl who feel the same #krystina and carlos fucking came to tumblr and slaughtered a whole group of us huh #THEY JUST WENT THROUGH THE TAG LIKING AND COMMENTING ON STUFF HUH #im. reeling. #IGNORE THIS IM RAMBLY #ALSO PLS DONT RB I DONT WANNA BOTHER THEM #i think its really cool that theyre getting involved with the fanbase!!! #but i personally find it terrifying to interact w ppl from the media i consume!!!! #at least in an uncontrolled space like FUCKING TUMBLR #anyways this is a slew of diff emotions im going through it gang

[nastronde]

OK so.... actually i will talk about koslech in a bit more depth before i talk abt any of my other ocs bc hes my pride and joy. my magnum opus, if you will.

tw for human trafficking, religious trauma, vague ment of eye trauma and just overall canon typical violence and death

his full name is Koslech (pronounced koss-lick) Valilius and he's my primary final fantasy 14 oc! hes half dragon and half Xaela Au Ra (au ra is a race ingame, xaela is the subrace. theyre like.... dragon ppl? they have scales and horns but technically arent blood related to dragons even though their creators are dragons, to them). his mother is Nhaama, the dusk mother and one of the two dragon gods the auri worship. his father was a regular au ra man from a tribe called the Hotgo tribe. ILL SPARE A LOT OF THE DETAILS OF HIS YOUTH N STUFF bc a lot of it is stuff thats. game lore. lol. but tldr his tribe was nearly killed by a neighboring tribe, the Dotharl, and he and the other Hotgo remnants fled to another land. there some shit goes down and his tribe tries summoning this huge monstrosity called Alexander, and theyre all tempered (which means like... possessed sort of?) and killed. except for koslech! who is like 7 and survives. hes then found wandering by a group of bounty hunters and brought to a country called Ishgard and turned in to the Holy See (theyre like. a theocracy) to be executed. Cuz like. ishgard HATES dragons theyve been at war with them for 100 years strong over some dumb bs and dragons are 100 percent sentient and intelligent beings with their own thoughts language and customs so you can see how thats fucked up. well ishgard believes all au ra are dragons in blood (koslech IS part dragon but their assumption is all based off prejudice) so they kill any they come into contact to. koslech, now 7 years old is put to death via public trial by combat. no one expects him to survive but the statue of ishgards goddess, halone, cracks before he can be killed and the Holy See takes it as a sign that the Fury wishes him to be spared. They dont want to anger their goddess, so instead of killing koslech they keep him imprisoned in ishgard. they see him as a divine weapon sent by the heavens, and train him as a dragoon (a knight that literally specializes in slaughtering dragons) to fuck with him. hes treated horribly though: hes little more than a glorified prisoner. hes put in the dungeons to sleep at night and only allowed to interact with certain people and hes ALWAYS under supervision. just because the goddess wants him there doesnt mean anyone else does. he does meet some good people though! ishgard is where he meets his future fiancee, haurchefant, and also the person he takes in as his kid/younger sister (her name is fahre and shes a miqote aka a cat person). but yea! he lives there in p much misery from age 7 to when he escapes at age 20. he doesnt come back to ishgard until the events of heavensward, the first ff14 expansion, and hes forced to leave his kid behind when he flees too. after he escapes with the help of an ex dragoon (marianne) and her son (srachi), koslech travels around with them both doing odd jobs here and there. he self teaches himself a lot abt aetherology and aether physics and does a lot of ruins research until hes contracted as a field operator and bodyguard for the Scions of the Seventh Dawn. and thats what he does up until the events of final fantasy 14 start. basically.

cool little misc facts about him? ig?

- he rumbles and his chest crackles when hes pleased or content. like a dragon purr.

- hes fluent in dragonspeak and dragonsong

- koslech is STILL a dragoon to this day. it used to make him sick to his stomach but he no longer uses his weapon to kill dragons, and he will never harm another innocent one ever again. its mostly a spite thing.

- he has his regular form that hes in 95 percent of the time, the one everyone perceives as being a xaela au ra. but he also is able to appear as a fullblooded dragon if he chooses to.

- his right eye is gouged out in heavensward by an ishgardian knight named zephirin. a dragon by the name of hraesvelgr gives koslech one of his eyes in return.

#battle litany #IM. SO SORRY THIS GOT SO FUCKING LONGGGG #if anyone bothers to read all of it ill literally kiss you passionately but yea its #will smith poses at it #THIS IS JUST LIKE. THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG TOO IM SORRY TO SAY #a tldr of the enigma that is koslech valilius

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

#harcest #fiveya #horrance #i dont think this is anti alluther but i did say i dont ship it #cause im not invested in tua canon romances #i wont tag just in case #ask game #THIS GOT SO LONG

[figuringouthowtobehere]

please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood. 

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now. 

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it. 

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would. 

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

[vanogla]

got any vanogla headcanons? idc if its in au or not all i know is that I Need Vanogla Content Or I'll Die.

aw fuck don’t die i need every vanogla fan alive if i want to grow my empire 

ah jeez, this list is going to be a friggin’ mess so it’ll be under a cut-

general headcanons

here’s my base for hcs when i watch their videos. please remember that these are merely headcanons and may not be true!

*Evan’s only mean to David when Tyler is around; when they’re alone they laugh literally every other sentence and make harmless jokes and its all feel good banter 👍

*they’re both awkward in public and avoid PDA; if u ask them abt their (established) relationship they’ll be very tight-lipped abt it（・θ・）

*its not a headcanon that they’re both born in the same year :) you may have noticed that i draw Evan’s height in line with David’s caterpillar eyebrows so that’s my height diff hc :D

*imo Evan never uses pet names or terms of endearments with David, he’s not comfortable with it, and the furthest he’ll go is “babe”. David comes up with the shittiest, most obnoxious nicknames for Evan as much as possible to make up for it tho, and he’s not afraid to embarrass Evan in public with them xD however the only legit terms of endearment David uses are “dear” and “darling” cuz he’s an old man at heart

*this one is a rather unpopular one but i can never see Evan casually calling daithi “David” instead of “Nogla”. I know its like a relationship milestone to call him by his first name, but i cant see it happening unless its for a joke (e.g David Blaine from one of the vids) so imo daithi will forever be “Nogla” to Evan. (However if it’s AU im completely 100% all for it yes)

*Evan isn’t as smart as David thinks he is (tbh David puts him on a pedestal), and Evan doesn’t actually think David is stupid or dim (shown when he calls David “smurt” when he gives a good idea). i fuckin love it when they discuss solutions to the game together because they’re so quiet and serious in those moments :>

*surprisingly Evan overthinks more than David does; he’s actually a doubtful guy. David’s generally more impulsive than Evan, but he can form a black-or-white opinion depending on the facts he’s given. Evan on the other hand will stay in the grey area- he’ll find some way to balance out both sides (unless it’s morally wrong then hell no- he’s def picking a side)

*idk how to explain this one but i really love the way they say each other’s names. I noticed in some videos that David will keep calling “Evan” multiple times to get his attention and same goes for Evan repeating “Nogla” a buncha times to show or tell David something- and i just find it really cute and dorky.. if i could i would compile all of these moments together (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

*just sayin’: when they call each other ‘owl’ and ‘lobster’ it sounds flirty as fuck

*this is sappy but i definitely think that Evan is 100% himself when he’s with David. With David, he doesnt have to be the coolass-motherfucker-with-awesome-one-liners, and instead he openly giggles and asks for help/affection without having to filter himself to sound cool (i think this can be seen in some of their videos as well). although he isn’t as comfortable with David when other ppl are around, when they’re on their own Evan can always count on David to be encouraging, supportive and playing along with Evan’s jokes so that’s why Evan is so comfortable with David ( ´ ▽ ` )

*fuckin hell they’ll always come back together; whether as friends or lovers they could never permanently cut each other out of their lives because their lives are so entwined with each other- David having Evan in his thumbnails/in the title, Evan laughing at David’s shenanigans are the highlight of his videos- and no matter how harsh they seem with each other they’ll always bounce back in the end :’)

*i think that they have a closer relationship than casual viewers of the crew think, and so they are forever a memorable aspect of each others lives (ye, theyre my OTP and BrOTP ヽ( ´¬`)ノ) 

*despite all’a this, i dont think they need each other, of course they can be independent and go their separate ways. but i just know for a fact that sooner or later they’re gonna see something that reminds them of the other and the memories will remind them of good times ^_^

*err i have like, 1 solid nsfw one and that is neither of them like penetration so they rarely do it. Its not because i have anything against anal, its because i don’t see either of them as people who enjoy being penetrated. Generally I don’t see them as a pair who’d have sex often anyway (^_^;) -however when they do they’d be laughing so much thru it ◎▼◎ (ill be posting a list for this veryverysoon! [update: here it is])

additional headcanons

here’s some of my indulgent hcs ^_^ here’s where the good stuffs at, cuz the general hcs don’t necessarily apply to these ones:

*David pining is my favourite thing ever like he’ll write a lot of songs abt Evan and he’ll post them and say that it’s not for anyone in particular but its a fucking lie because he literally has only one person on his mind when he writes it and sings it but he’ll never tell anyone and he sure as hell won’t tell Evan

*Evan pining is also v good yes :’) He’s fuckin scared that David’ll know that he has a soft spot for the Irish prick so he hides it with jabs and insults. but sometimes his fondness slips thru and his laugh comes out a lot warmer than he’d intended and his eyes linger on David and for a split second it feels like he knows, he fucking knows and yeah it scares him so in the end both of them think their feelings are unrequited woohoo

*i have a love/hate relationship with whipped!Evan cuz it feels like i stripped him of his personality but its the only way i can get him to shower David with affection so Welp he’s staying for the fluff

*whipped!Evan snippets: Evan longingly gazing at David like David would disappear the moment he blinks + Evan being bold and chasing after David because ‘you’re a part of this mess, we’re in this together whether you like it or not’ will really fuck me up

*Evan isn’t as giggly in some of my AUs. i like playing around with his GTA or Gmod-roleplaying personality so he can get pretty closed-off depending on the au. most of the time when he’s in this character, David will be the lighthearted and cheeky one to balance it out c:

*i love to treat David well but i also love to wreck him so cynical!David or insecure!David are some of my fav angst hcs cuz both’ll make him very very frustrated lol

*following the last point, David’s usually the one to fall in love first, but he’s also the one to doubt their relationship- so he’s hesitant of commitment and he’ll say stupid shit just to see if Evan will stay with him despite his flaws. 

*lowkey hero/villain au: the way bad-guy-David taunts good-guy-Evan with “little owl” or “little bird” or “plucking/ruffling yer feathers” is like, h o l y shit yes. (And don’t tell me you cant imagine Evan yelling “YOU’RE GOING DOWN” xD)

*for one of my soulmate aus, they’re not soulmates. they’re just two people who fell in love and decided to stay together despite the fact that they’re not “meant to be” cuz they feel like their relationship is valid, even if it doesn’t match up to society’s expectations. another one is that they are soulmates, but despite knowing that they’re supposed to be the perfect complement to each other, their personalities are incompatible as fuck and honestly it’s a mess of misunderstandings hahaha.

*that nsfw hc mentioned previously does not apply to most of my AUs by the way- ngl there’s a lot of sexual tension in my AUs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aye that pree much sums up my main headcanons (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ 

ive got a few more headcanons for cop au but that’ll come out another day on another post xD also i have a lot of hcs for other aus that ive never fully developed, perhaps ill post those someday as well lol

also sorry for the wait, i hope ye enjoyed despite this being late (::)

holy shit im so obsessed with these two i spent 4 hours typing+editing this fuck

#ask #anon #.txt #prompt #vanogla

[jagaimogoshujinsama]

rambling about shin men and hyu/kan. its long and self indulgent but if ur curious where my brains been at recently here it is

ive been in an out of a couple fandom interests recently, im still following new shin chan episodes closely (and i’ll get back to subbing some eps probably, at some point)...

anyway the past couple weeks i got, weirdly, super into hyu and kan as a ship. even though theres not a TON of content to work off, and also theyre ostensibly a het ship which can turn me off (and did at first, when i first realized kan is a ~secret girl~, in fact i have my reaction in writing

but then i gave shin men more of a chance and rly grew to appreciate all of the characters and.. the thing as a concept, and BOY!! i love kan a lot, like a heck of a lot. and since shes a girl who deliberately takes on a lot of masculine attributes its very easy to read her as genderqueer or transmasculine or even a trans dude straight up - though as a demi...gender?? person myself i like reading her as Soft Transmasc, because projecting onto cute little cartoon ppl is my favorite thing to do

so one of my main questions when i encountered this series was: who came up with this and why? what IS shin-men? this post will be me trying to explain it to myself:

shin-men was a concurrently-running anime AND manga series created in 2010 to celebrate the 20th year anniversary of shin-chan. the anime is obviously more well known, but the manga chapters tell the stories quite a bit differently and provide some more backstory - i own the first two volumes with the third on the way. the anime is awesome because it was seemingly spearheaded by Masaaki Yuasa (the kaiba dude), and as soon as I saw the first episode i assumed Shin-Men was his brainchild from start to finish. i’m not sure EXACTLY how much was his creation, conceptually speaking, but it is true that he finalized designs and a lot of basic concepts for the characters.  (parabon is straight up hyo hyo!)

(from masaaki yuasa’s super huge sketchbook, which runs in the 40-50 dollar range. let me know if you find it cheaper anywhere ill accept a used copy with heavy spaghetti stains)

yuasa boarded the first five episodes of shin-men, and a subsequent 8 episodes were released with different boarders (primarily yuji mutou, who’s been a heavy hitter on shin-chan since 1998). yuasa’s 5 episodes are beautiful - i mean look at this

yuasa always brings an otherworldly, dreamlike quality to whatever story he’s telling. on shin chan he generally seemed to prefer fun AUs and outlandish stories about buriburi zaemon that would allow him to invent colorful new settings and costumes.

that’s what’s so refreshing about shin-men - it’s the first time the show completely abandons its core cast of characters and focuses on NEW ones, in a universe with different rules. except, just kidding, because shinnosuke is still the main character, he’s just red now and called gou. so even while shin-men is TECHNICALLY breaking the fundamental rule of shin-chan - that shin is the main character who is in every single episode no matter what - it’s still abiding by it, and it still feels like shin-chan. that’s not criticism, though - i like the various alt-universe appearances of shin-chan characters in the shin-men universe. my favorite is matsuzaka, who is called “matsuzakaroni”, is STILL a kindergarten teacher even in this very alien universe (and despite the fact that she, i think, hates it?), and most uncannily of all, gets hit on by gou?? also gou is an adult i think, in this universe’s rules, he’s just really short like all of the other shin-men who are also adults?? i mean, i THINK? why does nobody in universe ever seem to mention how tiny these apparent grown-ups ar

anyway i’m not an expert on shin-men. despite my efforts i don’t really understand exactly where it came from or where gou’s ears are

i hope some day someone will create really good english subs of it, though i realize that’ll be a serious effort since yuasa’s episodes ABOUND with onscreen text - fuck, just imagine editing the moving gossip clouds on botswanawana to have english text. how would you even do that.

but i do wanna talk about kan a little and why shes cool thats the topic of this post

kan akaluislar (thats her last name..) is one of the 5 shin-men, superheroes with elemental powers who all look like a 5 year old named shinnosuke nohara from another universe, but don’t think too much about that. kan’s the only one who doesn’t actually have a superpower - she’s the Iron Man of the group, like, literally she’s tony stark, she’s the super wealthy and successful president of a major automobile company and rules the school in her home country, Detahoit. (which is maybe a pun on detroit? i’m not sure what’s up with that name)

anyway in addition to being iron man she’s also Transformers and Fullmetal Alchemist, she’s all three of those guys. she turns into a car a lot and transports her teammates everywhere. she also OWNS a car and drives it around when she’s not being a secret car superhero. is that bitterly tragic, or does kan secretly PREFER to be the car? is that her darkest fantasy? to be a full time car instead of a car-driving ceo? that is my headcanon

kan guards the fact that she’s female from the group, convinced they’d treat her differently. specifically, she’s convinced gou and nyoki would hit on her (confirmed), sui would bitch her out for not having a proper skin care regimen (that’s sui’s big thing, by the way, is that he’s a bitchy youtube beauty vlogger), and - worst of all - hyu would kick her out, since girls can’t fight.

...which seems like a pessimistic view of hyu. hyu is the wind elemental in the group - he’s buff and a little dopey but kind hearted and sweet, the noble hero type. also a bit of a spoiled prince.

each member of shin-men gets a yuasa episode dedicated to them, and hyu’s episode - his main arc, really - centers on his love for kan, which he keeps secret, despite the powerful curiosity of his country’s gossipy citizens.

what interests me is the disparate ways the anime and manga handle this plot thread. the anime treats hyu’s crush very earnestly, maintaining an undercurrent of quiet affection from him that appears in the majority of its episodes. the manga, however, emphasizes kan’s disinterest in romantic advances from both gou AND hyu, then practically drops the topic of hyu’s crush. it doesn’t exactly defy or contradict the relationship they have in the anime, however -- but it makes me sad, because hyu’s crush on kan is extremely cute and endearing. (as a sidenote, gou’s thing for kan is also pretty  cute, but it only exists in the manga, and, well - it’s not really a /romantic/ crush.

the shin-men manga makes a lot of different choices to the anime, and since the two were released concurrently i have no idea which “version” of any one story was the “original” - and in some cases i’m sure there isn’t an “original” version of a story, just two different ones. sometimes i really prefer the anime’s decisions (not drawing eyelashes on kan) and other times i’m... not sure what to think (the manga chapter with pimawari does NOT focus on kan, so did the anime decide to highlight kan’s relationship with pimawari because... kan’s a girl?? did they really do that? am i over thinking this?)

the manga does a GREAT job of fleshing out kan, though, even though it does so by torturing her, endlessly. she gets trapped inside of a washing machine. then has to use up all her fuel exploding out of the washing machine. the good news is, kan can repair washing machines, we learn this in episode 5 of the anime.

but be it manga OR anime, kan and hyu frequently wind up as partners who work well together, and its understandable. kan and hyu have private lives that mirror each other, both of them being high-profile and wealthy, pressured (kan by her conniving older sisters, hyu by his palace’s grand chamberlain) to settle down when neither of them is particularly interested, both preferring the life of a superhero. their private lives seem lonely and neither of them has any friends outside of shin-men. but within shin-men they team up frequently, and (being natural leaders) the two of them tend to take charge and stand out as The Responsible Ones.

(pointing = leadership)

this is what sells me on them as a couple - that they have this core of collaboration and mutual care in their superhero lives, which could build into a supportive friendship in their personal lives.

i very much love that hyu has a crush on kan despite thinking kan is a guy. that angle never comes up in the anime, though its lightly touched in the manga - and yuasa explicitly addresses it in his earliest notes. to quote,

“kan (iron shinnosuke) is the only girl within shin-men. since only men can be shin-men, she wears an iron suit to conceal the fact that she's female from everyone. and since she doesn't have a superpower, she relies on the power of her suit. hyu (wind shinnosuke) secretly likes kan but keeps thinking things like "could it be that i actually swing that way.." (lol). eventually, he's the only one who knows about her true self, but hides it from everyone so it won't be known.”

so, kan’s expectation of how hyu would react, having a sexist freakout and banning her from battle? apparently not representative of reality. which is good news because, even if kan doesnt want a love connection, she DESPERATELY needs a friend whom she doesnt feel the need to hide her private life from.

and at th end of the day thats what makes me happy: the idea that hyu can be this friend to kan, and they just chill out together, smoke a bong, get their truant son gou to cook them some curry, consolidate oil and wind technology to make both of their countries more sustainable and energy efficient, kiss etc.

im so curious if vol3 of the manga will give me any further insight.. i doubt it but im excited anyway