#theyre like. each others person but its different from Romance but theyre still each others Person....... and i dont get romance and so

[lycanr0t]

the thing about aplatonicism is that just like aromanticism and asexualism, it doesn't inherently mean you don't want friendships, every individual apl person has different needs and wants in regards to friendship and each person will go about it differently.

I for example am aplatonic and don't specifically feel platonic attraction as in, i don't feel a drive to befriend people. I don't get "friend crushes" or ever get the desire to befriend specific people. I am personally, very open to the possibility of friendship if someone else approaches me and we vibe. I am not platonically attracted to them, but I also do get enjoyment from socializing with others in that way and can become attached to them, etc. Platonic attraction does not equal caring about someone/being good to them. Attraction is not moral in that way. it just is.

Just like how some ace people still enjoy sex, even without sexual attraction. Some aplatonic people still enjoy friendship, and some don't. And that's okay! There are so many types of relationships out there that people can form and explore what makes them happiest and it looks different for every person and that's such a wonderful thing.

#my husband and i are both aplatonic and it manifests in VERY different ways for each of us but like. its neat its cool #i don't have many friends bc i don't seek ppl out but i love talking to people. i am a very social anf i like to think friendly person #i also have incredibly strong morals about treating people with kindness and trying to make the world a gentler place. #bc platonic attraction does not determine how good a person is or their morals #you can have 0 friends and still be a good person who treats people well #we NEED to get away from the idea of 'person with no friends = bad' #bc like. its a bad concept. its inherently flawed and bigoted and shit. tbh #the power of friendship isnt the most powerful thing actually its not any worse or better than any other relationship #friends arent worse or better than romantic partners or family or coworkers or strangers #its just another relationship and subset of attraction and putting it on a pedestal isnt a good thing actually #just how ​ace advocacy that relies on claiming romance is the best thing in the world is flawed #aro advocacy that claims friendship is the most important thing is just as flawed #all are equal. theyre not better or worse just different #rot posts #anyways unprompted apl post its just been on my mind

[kanonavi]

hello tumblr user kanonavi who is 1/3rd of the reason i started rereading tgcf. i have come to collect my personal apology for the emotional damages inflicted upon me for the past 5 days. and i have also come with THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS (mostly feelings)

- icb i put off this reread so long hualian are so romance. theyre jsut Romance......... absolutely floored by every throwaway bit of dialogue they had....... in shambles forever....,

- sqx arc was not as painful as the first few times i read it bc i now stand with my cancelled wife (he xuan) I STILL LOVE SQX AND THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. BUT HX WAS REAL FOR ALL OF THAT. i love revenge

- i wanna know your thoughts on ling wen bc u mentioned having mixed feelings on her but i loved her so bad all the way to the end so im curious ljdkdjf

- i am not immune to backstory arc pt2. read it last last (?) night at like 3am and cried myself to sleep its just so gutting every timeeeeeee.... the hc plot that builds in that arc is ofc one of my favorites in the entire novel though :')

- the chapter w the cave of statues took me like 2+ hours to get through because i was feeling so insane abt it

i feel bad dropping this block of text in ur askbox sorry. will leave it there for now LOL

Omg hiiiii tumblr user stardust-make-a-wish welcome back from the yaoi cocaine pit :3 I know you're here to collect emotional damages, but I must make it known that I'm not even remotely sorry <3

Also you should feel bad for yourself instead of for me because I can only respond to huge blocks of text with even bigger blocks of text, so (TGCF Spoilers Ahead) and also I am so sorry lmaooooo

UGH you're so right that hualian is the most romance forever they are just so *clenches fists and sobs*....... They're always there for each other and they're so in love and they've been through so much and I just want them to be able to rest because it's what they deserve.

I will never once say that Hu Xuan wasn't justified in everything he did cuz like. Shi Wudu had it coming what a piece of shit. But at the same time Qingxuan is my wife and I will not tolerate my wife being harmed. So like revenge slay yes but also I am still cancelling He Xuan and spraying him with the water bottle (even though he is already very very damp).

Yesyesyes Ling Wen. So my thought about Ling Wen is that she kinda girlbossed a little too close to the sun, but at the same time you look at her circumstances both past and present and have to understand why she did all of that. It already would have been hard enough for her to gain any kind of recognition as a woman, much less in the Heavenly Court, so her ruthlessness is completely understandable. But at the same time, I don't really think the Brocade Immortal deserved what she did to him nor was taking Bai Wuxiang's side in the final conflict a real cool thing of her to do. I can't fully be a hater though because her own thoughts about everything are clearly so nuanced (See: The final convo she had with Xie Lian about the Brocade Immortal, which I am still thinking so incredibly hard about to this day).

I think that Ling Wen is interesting in the same way that I find other characters like Mu Qing, He Xuan, and Yin Yu interesting. It's in the sense that even if I don't really agree with all of the actions that they took, it's very easy to look at them and come to an understanding of why they did what they did. And I have varying degrees of like for all of the characters I just listed, but that doesn't change the fact that they're all Compelling. So it's almost like a begrudging respect that I feel for Ling Wen, if I were to boil it down into simple terms.

aaaaaaaaaa The Horrors(tm) :sob: Even though I could talk about Xie Lian's arc through that part of his backstory for a million years, you're so right that Hua Cheng's arc through it is also so interesting to watch. It really goes to prove that Hua Cheng is different from everyone else in Xie Lian's life up until this point, because yes there's the very obvious throughline of Hua Cheng wanting to protect Xie Lian (rather than expecting his protection), but even more importantly that feeling never changes even when Xie Lian has his mini corruption arc.

Like, Hua Cheng fell in love with the pure and virtuous Crown Prince of Xianle but not for that quality. Instead of being ashamed and looking at Xie Lian with scorn when he was like "What if I kill everyone actually" Hua Cheng is like "Then let me be your sword". There's the element of not wanting Xie Lian to dirty himself that Hua Cheng carries for the entire story but the point is in that he is not a voice who would tell Xie Lian to stop having those thoughts if it's truly what he wants (Unlike what his parents or Feng Xin and Mu Qing would probably say).

I'm going to write an essay about their character dynamic one day istg I am chewing through the drywall

The cave statues chapter......... *passes away*. Like on one hand that chapter is so funny because yes Hua Cheng is just an absolute certified freak (POV my roommate telling me earlier on in my reading that HC is a porn addict and me being like "pssht noooo" but then getting to this chapter several months later and being like "O h.") but on the other hand THE CONFESSION??????? Like. All I can do is gesture wildly at the storyboard animatic that someone made of that scene on YouTube while absolutely fucking sobbing. There is a reason why the cover of volume 6 felt somehow more intimate than the cover of volume 4 where they're literally making out.

Anyway I'm patting Hua Cheng on the head like It's okay buddy Xie Lian loves you because you're a certified freak, he's seen too much of this world to be weirded out even a little bit. Which is why those two are perfect for each other <3

I'm glad you had so much fun on your reread, have fun with the brainworms :3

#navi answers #stardust-make-a-wish #Once again I am so sorry for my ability to Talk lmao

[memurfevur]

sits here

i love soft kismesistudes. the stuff we see in the comic is toxic as hell, has been stated to be toxic, but that seems to be the poster child for kismesistudes and i dont think that's for me personally. occasionally, yes, fun to write, buuuut

there has to be that mutual respect. its about betterment through rivalry-- not just rivalry, not just hatred, but completing each other through your mutual like and dislike.

i live for the moments where the characters spar, but there's still care there. you care whether or not they live, if theyre hurt. theyre youre partner, after all! patches each other up after a rough fight. tends to each others wounds and grumbles about it the entire time. "its rotten work even if it is you, but thats what i love about it."

the moments where theres no high risk loss or reward for kismesistudes. pranks are safe and fun to do, teases and jests, purposefully trying to rile up the other while not hurting them; theres more ways to show rivalry than bickering and fighting. theres competition, sports, games, bets, pranks, swapping sarcastic quips.

i think kismesistude is about seeing and understanding the insecurities of oneself and healing it through someone else.

"we both have a shared misery about ourselves and our views on life? well damn, i dont like that, so what if i try to get the other to see it differently-- wait, now im seeing it differently, shit! "

"we both are competitive smartasses that takes life too seriously, or not at all? well what if i showed you that i care? what if i encourage you to take it slow or speed it up? what if you teach it to me? im going to huff and complain about it and you the entire time but im living life better because of you. i want to swipe that smug grin off your face but i am enamored by how different and similar we are."

"i didnt have enough will to love the world or explore it, i over-accepted that where i was in life was all that was meant for me. but you came along and everything changed. you came along with all your scowls and sarcasm and your self-hatred and i saw myself in all of that and i hate it. i see myself in you and i hate it. you deserve better. does that mean i do, too? tch, whatever... youre so annoying... i love you... maybe i can love me, too"

LIKE DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND? its a romance! its a relationship! it not always about clashing claws and teeth and blades together its about mutual respect and understanding and being in love with the flaws of the other person that also frustrates you! its admiration through confrontation, and thats where it differs from the other quadrants, i think.

thats not to say that they cant be more heated. the ashen quadrant exists for a reason to mediate these kinds of affairs and i cant stress enough how IMPORTANT of a quadrant an Auspistice is... and licking the blood of your lip after your kismesis punches you can be pretty enticing lmao i enjoy it when its a fucked up ship full of fucked up stuff

i enjoy it equally as much when its tender. as theres more than one way to love, theres more than one way to hate

#mun talks #sighs wistfully

[spacedlexi]

you said that you "need 2 characters to deeply care for each other and positively impact each other for me to want to ship them" so which of the twdg canon ships do you actually think work/make sense? and by canon ships i mean like actual established relationships, implied relationships or perhaps a character that was crushing on someone else before death.

me immediately blanking on every relationship in twdg upon reading this ask

the only one i stand behind with conviction is clemvi. idk if you need me to explain why i feel like ive done it a million times by now 👀 but yeah theyre the only relationship i "Ship" in regards to the quote where i see them as a match for each other and think romance makes sense for both parties

as for some "in defense of"s

i'll defend javi and kate. my only Real problem with them is how they handle david in it like girl can you at least take off the wedding ring before we kiss 😭 my brother still thinks youre his wife (plus they did push it Really hard.. but like.. narratively i understand why they did. family is a running theme of the series and javi and davids relationship is like the main conflict). but like. kate and javis relationship Makes Sense. she had a shit husband (who wanted to go back to the army anyway). her and javi already had the beginnings of Something before the outbreak even happened. she was left with javi to take care of 2 children that werent even biologically hers (i enjoy the complex family dynamics in twdg as a whole). and together theyve been surviving for years as a family unit. i think javi having feelings isnt up for debate, its more just will he act on those feelings or will he respect his brother? and like.. fuck david am i right? kate was Not happy in that relationship and deserves better, and javi cares about her. but also the pressure from their dad to get along after hes gone. it all works for me even if it couldve been executed better

and i .... sigh .... Understand gabe and clem. BUT!!! i think they have different feelings towards each other and its an important distinction. gabe definitely has a huge crush on her, shes cool as hell, but i think her feelings in return are fueled by hormones and the fact that she hasnt been around anyone her own age since DUCK (sarah was 15 at the time). like. does she think hes cute? yeah. but he can also be kind of a huge jerk sometimes and acts recklessly. i think its those moments that snap clem out of it lol. seeing this response in S4 felt vindicating im taking it as sad loner clem having a hormone induced crush. like girl yes or no?? this is the most direct option??

personally i dont like them together because i Hate tropes where the more mature girl half has to teach the immature boy half to grow up and be capable and thats somehow romantic. ESPECIALLY in clems case where she is literally already raising someone like her hands are full ok. her assuaging his ego makes me 🤢 girl you dont have to take that second gun just because he was gonna cry about it if you didnt. its just not romantic to me. also i think its soooo funny that clem uses the same tactic on gabe that she does on aj in S4 with the "i need you to watch my back" to stop him from complaining about being left behind at the gate LOL. also i just think he loves his dad too much who clem hates more than anyone on earth so like.. theres that

uuhhh who else... alvin and rebecca are fine. like i have nothing to say about them but i believe their relationship and think they wouldve been good parents to aj. hmmm.... i guess thats it for the ones i have defenses for?? the others just like.. exist. like im neutral

#am i gonna have to make the david kate javi army wife memes myself where are they #me struggling to remember them all tells you how much i cared about them lol #if you want me to explain why i think clemvi Works thats gonna have to be another post i could go all day #my feelings on clem and louis are Nuanced and ultimately i prefer them as friends. regardless the 3 of them become inseparable #louis and violets friendship is soooo so important like more important than most of the romantic relationships 😭 i love them #for me its clemvi + louis. he is their platonic third. the bond louis and vi share is deep and undeniable you cant exclude either of them #i love how much they care about each other 🥺 how theyve been important to each other for Years before clem showed up #its really sweet :') and i believe it too. they love each other #replies with lexi #incognito #twdg

[raytorosaurus]

bit of a weird ask but I saw a twitter post saying they were 'devastated' over what frank said in an interview about performing/writing in ls dunes compared to some other bands (theyre assuming that the 'other bands' means mcr because they cant think of the 20+ other bands that hes been in) and after reading it a second time it doesn't even seem that negative?? it just talks about different processes and his excitement for dunes, but I still feel down anyway now because of that reaction, and it really makes me doubt that part of the fandom's faith in the band and its members im kinda close to quitting the fandom because of this and idk how the tumblr/twitter gang here survives it y'all are troopers, im unsure how to avoid that kind of doomposting

sorry i totally forgot to answer this the other day, i hope you see this!

but yeah, i see the same thing and it is. pretty irritating haha. it speaks to the unrealistic traits and behaviours fandom has applied to these ppl over the years/decades - which are harmless enough on the surface, but left unchecked you end up with doomposting or disproportionate levels of discourse when one of them doesn't behave the way their textpostified personalities would have you believe hahaha. if frank isn't anything but reverential towards mcr then he must hate it. if gerard puts time and work into his artistic and career pursuits that aren't related to mcr he must be giving up on the band like he supposedly did in 2012. if ray, who hasn't done a single interview since 2016, isn't on stage showing frank public affection or admiring him on twitter, he must be bossy and arrogantly taking all the glory for mcr's guitar parts and musicality. if mikey does anything it's gotta have something to do with gerard or mcr because obvs he doesn't exist outside the band etc etc. again none of these things are like. problematic or bad**, just kind of. annoying to engage with as an adult in the space i go to enjoy myself hahaha.

but this specific discussion abt frank implicitly dissing mcr also cropped up after that podcast frank did with travis, where he discussed writing music with ls dunes vs every other band/project he's been involved in. which, let's remember, is a fucking lot. how many albums has frank made or been part of? too many to easily count. only about four or five of those were with my chemical romance. ls dunes is only set apart from the rest because they're currently active after mcr's huge reunion, and they're a supergroup so they're getting a lot of press attention. people have never batted an eye in the past when frank has discussed how great it is to be working with this or that musician on this or that album - it's just the timing of ls dunes and our own high hopes for new mcr music that make people take this one in particular so personally.

on top of that... we've always known mcr has a fraught and stressful writing process??? that is like. a major part of the lore? we're all compelled by the insane amount of unlikely success mcr achieved in their careers, and by the fact that they were always controversial. we reblog quotes about gerard saying mcr's purpose was always to be against something, to undermine expectations, to infiltrate, contaminate etc. i thought this was something we were all drawn to about mcr? so i'll never understand the shock and disappointment when frank makes the simple statement that writing with ls dunes is easier, less stressful, and more lighthearted than writing with mcr. like...duh it is? mcr have always been open about how much they put into writing albums - and also about how they're proud of what they created, and that they consider each other cherished family.

the most annoying part for me is when people take quotes about frank working with travis and twist them into some kind of dig at/criticism of ray. i can only assume these people aren't used to working with others in a creative capacity, especially long term, because i just totally can't understand where it comes from lol. as someone who's read/watched every guitar-related mcr interview i've ever been able to get my hands on: ray and frank have literally never been anything other than fully complimentary of, respectful to, and affectionate with one another. ray was far from the first guitarist frank ever worked with and leagues from the only one. also, creative partnerships are extremely complex and every one is completely unique, with it's own strengths and difficulties. if ray and frank didn't love playing with each other they wouldn't have done it for years and years. that doesn't mean frank can't vocally love playing with other guitarists??? these things are not contradictory and appreciating aspects of one creative partnership is not equivalent to bad-mouthing a different one? like that is just not how it works skdkdjd

anyway i think a lot of it comes down to the fact that, for us, we see these people as parts of my chemical romance. naturally, because that's the reason we know they exist! but all of these people live rich and full and complex lives like any other person. the only parts of those lives that we generally see much of are the my chemical romance parts. we look for mcr in everything they say, which is understandable but unrealistic. all we need to do it keep that in mind imo

**(tho ppl's tendency to pit ray and frank against each other for some reason, which used to be a way common but is unfortunately a sentiment i'm starting to see crop up again in some places, definitely can get. suspicious and uncomfortable. especially considering that frank is the fan favourite so these pointless comparisons tend to err in his favour, and in either direction they tend to be very shallow and uninformed anyway. but that's a separate conversation)

wow i literally did not intend to turn this into a giant essay im so sorry. kudos if you made it this far lol. and i feel you anon, it's discouraging and puts a bad taste in my mouth when i come to this fandom for fun and fulfillment. i wish i had better advice because im feeling a little similar but just try to remind yourself that other people's opinions are just that. i find it helps if you can curate your own dash/feed or make friends in more discussion-friendly spaces like dms or gcs or discord servers. or even a priv twitter account with a few like-minded mutuals where you can vent ur shared frustrations over things without making it a whole big deal HAHAHA. the less time you spend scrolling thru ppl's public posts and the more time you spend diving into interviews, podcasts, videos, the web archive etc to detach yourself a little from group fandom-think the better you'll probably feel about mcr tbh! also long as you have friends or close mutuals that's all that matters imo <3

#im so sorry it's so longwinded lol i started writing a tldr and it got kinda long too so fuck it 😭 #maybe I'll post that on its own some other time #answered #fandom talk #ls dunes #long post #*

[orkbutch]

For me at least I ship Karlach and Astarion the most because I think it creates an interesting dichotomy for both of them other ships dont get.

Astarion whose used to being sexual to get people to like him and doesnt know another way is forced to step back because he cant jump straight into seductive vampire persona with Karlach

Karlach whose touch starved as hell and is in the worst dry spell is with someone who shows a clear interest in her but she cant interact on that level with. Her already being a character who wants a physical bond but has to gain a purely emotional one first

Theyre a ship where their individual issues with intimacy (physical and emotional) have an interesting mesh I think you dont get as much in Lae'zel

Interesting! I personally don't get it but again, I think shipping Karlach and Astarion is totally fine; The Whole Camp Polycule is great fun to me and I think the dynamics between every character individually are interesting. All I was saying was 16% vs 3% between Astarion vs Lae'zel is Telling imo because Lae'zel and Karlach make a lot of sense to me.

That said, my thoughts on Karlach/Astarion:

Karlach being as touch starved and sexually potent as she is makes her one of the least suited characters for Astarion in my mind. Obviously that tension is Interesting, but I think it'd get in the way ultimately. Obviously Karlach isn't going to be weird about having sex, you can play her romance nonsexually and shes very sweet, but shes still very eager and a little (ok, a lot) desperate, which is understandable. Karlach is living on limited time and wants to indulge in things barred from her for all of her adult life to the fullest while she can. Either way they could just be poly so thats not really a problem! I guess what I'm actually saying is I personally don't find sexual restraint something interesting for Karlach's character. I think it'd be kind of tragic tbh.

Karlach pretty much has to build a purely emotional bond first with Anyone shes seeing because of the engine needing to be fixed. Its something she can remark on as a change in her usual dating if you romance her. Which suits what you said, but also isn't something I see as unique with Astarion.

There is one thing I do see as an interesting, unique dynamic between Karlach and Astarion. Karlach is romantically delayed; shes basically emotionally a teenager with dating and shes playing catch up as quick as she can with what time she has. That makes her kind of gullible and earnest and quick to fall, but also aware of that, and therefore prone to shame about this stuff. Shes pretty sensitive, especially about rejection and feeling like shes special to someone.

Meanwhile, Astarion is JADED jaded, and heavily traumatised. He has layers of self protective coping strats, hes guarded, hes cold, hes unlearning a lot of shit, hes learning how to have agency of his own body while its actively invaded by a parasite. Dudes going through it! And I Do think that stark difference could be interesting. Karlach has a lightness and excitement that Astarion wouldn't have experienced in like, 200 years. Their opposite deals would bring a lot of tension, possible healing, hot vs cold, ect ect.

But ultimately, in my mind, I think Astarion would find Karlach needy and too sweet, and he'd hate that, and I think Karlach wouldn't feel very reassured by Astarion because of his flippant, glib ways. I think they'd lose patience with each other, and they'd find a romantic relationship pretty emotionally tumultuous. They wouldn't meet a lot of each others specific needs very well. But hey, thats what poly is for

#ask #bg3

[lloydfrontera]

hi i recently got into the webtoon of tged and binged all translated chapters in like two days

and so i went thru the tumbr tag and i found a lot of ur posts regarding llojavi and the webtoon

and well. my opinion of the manhwa has been kinda dampered hearing abt how it differs from the webnovel and the direction that the adapters are taking it in

so basically all this to say that i just wanted to know where i could read the webnovel LOL

is there an epub version that i could download of it? or any site? same for the sequel

anyways thank you for letting me know about the existence of the novel and how different it is in comparison to the manhwa

(sorry for the long ask skdhskd btw llojavi is sooo real. i cant believe theyre gayer in the novel apparently?!?! and that it was cut out of the manhwa ?!?!?!do u think that they’ll become canon or do i have to continue reading llojavi fanficfion and pretend its canon)

hello hi!!

i'm kinda sorry i dampened your experience with the webcomic tbh! that's not my intention!! which i know it's hard to believe considering how salty i am about it but i really just want to share how much,,, better it could be xD

as for where you can read the webnovel! you can download the yonder app, with the official translation! it's on daily pass or pay for read but it's very ahead already, so you can binge at your heart's content!

or you can go here and start reading it for free but i do have to warn you that it is very behind in comparison, it should have a consistent update schedule tho :]

as for the sequel! here you go <3

and it was absolutely no problem! i am pretty much just talking to myself here but if i can get at least one more person to read the webnovel i will be forever happy <333

(they are so much gayer on the webnovel it's unbelievable! half of my blog is just yelling about how insane they are about each other, i am constantly amazed at how webtoon only fans still ship them cause the webcomic stripped down so much of the homoerotism that's happening in the webnovel but like,,, truly that's just proof the gay cannot be truly erased akjshdksjdf

alas. it is not canon. but honestly, i think it was for the best, with the way bk moon writes canon romances, had he tried to make llojavi canon i don't think it would've worked nearly as well. there's something about writers trying to write a deep, tender and devoted relationship without making it gay that just produces the most natural and organic homoerotism possible lmaooo)

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer #crown prince sells medicine #cpsm

[beaulesbian]

No bc Mike getting vecna'd is such a good idea if byler endgame is the goal. Like his regret/shame would be the fact that he can't say ily to his gf and the fact that he's in love w his best friend but repressing it. Then will could confess and this would remove some of that shame thus possibly saving him?? Cause people saying will gets cursed has me wondering what his regret would be (other than his love for Mike, which he seems to be relatively accepting of, whereas Mike (if he is in love w will) is repressing it much more and prob thinks it will hurt el whom he really cares about)

(this got a bit longer than i first wanted, but i have too many delusional theories 💖)

exactly, i see this more even as a great tool for their respective character developments than even for the ship itself, but ofc that would be best outcome if this all happened.

in my opinion if will gets vecna'd it would just be too similar to what hes already been through before, it would be unnecessary repeating. what we need is to see will have some connection to the upside down, that will help by the end to defeat vecna or whoever else in s5.

meanwhile it would be much more interesting to see this with mike. bc overall its a bit more difficult to see what hes really thinking, if we only see the surface level emotions.

first, he cares about all his friends beyond anything. and while will and el and max went through such trauma that was very visible, (and theyre still dealing with that, we still dont know much how mike is dealing with anything.

we only see how he changes depending on whos around him and how they interact together (dustin and lucas, eddie, will, el, his family - i feel he acts very different around each of them)

In season one his best friend went missing, was pressumed dead and had a funeral - mike thought, even for a while, he lost him permanently.

In that time el appeared and was helping find will, his friends suddenly think he likes her more than a friend (its whats normal, right? Ofc he should like her before he even knows himself...)

He fights with lucas about el in s1, and one of the things he said (i cant remember exactly now) is how he feels guilty they fought about it, "if only he could have said something more, something better, its my fault"

i think he said something similar in different situations during the first three seasons, and then in s4, when hes opening up to will about this, he tells him similar thing twice "if only i explained myself better, i should have said something more to el, do something better"

from that i get the feeling hes always trying to do not just the best he can, but whats expected of him. and when he finds he doesnt have the power to stop something, or physically cannot make himself say something thats probably not true, he blames himself afterwards.

S3 is such rollercoaster for him, hes with el but cant be with el bc hopper, and then cant say what he feels - or maybe he doesnt know whats hes supposed to feel. And then el and will are leaving. Two of his most important friends, and i think thats what made him all the more confused, bc what if he misses will more than el?

Why did the promise of will wanting only play d&d with mike made him smile so much, but then the kiss with el made him all the more confused?

theres two such contrasts in his personality, where one of his main beliefs is "friends dont lie" and he does as much as he can with honestly, but at the same time he pushes something inside him down and pretends it doesnt exist (his complicated feelings towards.. romance, lets say).

Back to the vecna theory - this is why i think if mike gets vecna'd it would add more perspective to his character and for us to see what all hes been going through in the past seasons.

Same as his feelings towards will, its been there building from s1.

It could be few flashbacks and memories telling the audience the scenes that already happened from mike's point of view, how he struggles at home,

how he regretted the words he said to will in s3 (its not my fault you dont like girls), bc it was more directed at himself than will, but he didnt realize that yet.

how finding eddie and playing in d&d club could mean hes slowly finding himself (and with d&d being like a connection will again, bc its something they both loved playing together).

And how all of this is so confusing, especially for their time in the 80s, and hes still trying his best, but slowly, more and more cant ignore that his heart wants something (someone) else than hes supposed to be with.

Its just all these things that will go either unnoticed and unmentioned in the series, which i think would be a shame, or it could be addressed in the way with vecna who would manipulate his fears and nightmares, and if others can save him (which im sure they would), he could start process it in a better way, more honest to himself as well to others. To accept himself, and by that also will's feelings (if he noticed those, which i dont think he did, i think will noticed mike's confused ones, if anything.)

#ok posting it like this theres probably a million mistakes but i could only write this during work half thinking about other things shdjnf #byler #my ramblings #i hope this wasnt totally confusing i just have too many headcanons and theories about mike and his character #at the same time i wanna hug him but also.. boy you need some vecna therapy sorry about that #stranger things #spoilers #mine #byeler

[ghost-fight]

* Being aromantic isn't terrible. You're not any less valuable as a person because youre aro. That doesnt mean you have to enjoy it, that doesnt mean that it's easy to accept.

*Romance is everywhere. Its in books, its on tv, its in music, the movies, your family, school, jobs, public, romance is Everywhere, its impossible to get away from. It almost seems like everyone's in love in some way and you're just Not. That you're different, and wrong.

* its okay to feel like that. Its okay to feel wrong, to feel like you dont fit in. Even if you dont feel romantic attraction at all, if you feel only a little, or if you want to feel it. Its okay to feel like youre alone, to grieve the life you thought you would have and now know you wouldn't be happy in.

* Look at any disney movie. How many of them arent about a girl falling for a guy and living happily ever after? how many of them have a message that doesnt involve romantic love? You cannot expect people who grew up surrounded by romance to not grieve the loss of it. To not grieve the experience they won't have.

* Some of us dont feel human. The lack of something so engraved in our society makes us feel so outcasted that we dont even associate ourselves with the species.

* Maybe you're aro and you're at peace with it, you embrace it. Maybe you reject all love, or you live alongside it. You can be happy with it. But you also need to realize that it's okay if some aros arent comfortable with it yet. That doesnt mean theyre any less aro.

* Some of us still read the romance books, listen to the songs, watch the shows, and some of us enjoy it. Some sit there and question why couldn't it be them? why couldn't they have those experiences? why are they different? It doesn't make them less aro. It doesn't make them any less valid.

* Everyones relationship with their identity is different. Some people embrace it and are comfortable, some struggle with the words. It's all unique to each person. You cannot look at someone's identity and say "youre not -- enough." To think you'd have this life of love and a family and realizing you wouldn't be happy is scary.

* If you're aro and you havent accepted it: its okay. Dont force yourself. Let yourself grieve, and allow yourself the same care you'd have if it was any other sexuality. You're still you. One day you might be comfortable, but maybe you'll always wish to be different. Its okay. Give yourself time, and let yourself be. You're okay. You're not broken, you're not wrong. You're just you.

* It'll be okay.

#aromantic #aroace #aro pride #loveless aro #aro positivity #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #self accepectance #its ok to not be ok #its ok <3 #you'll be alright #it takes time #give yourself time #<3

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

Im not looking to write a novel worth of posts about this so lets just get through this real quick, a bunch of other reimu ship and relationships i didnt already cover in this post here, and my opinions on them:

Reimu/Suika: Like it a lot as a ship 😊🍺

Reimu/Eientei crew: friends with reisen, often annoyed with eirin and kaguya, and this is mostly based on the fact that theyre both red and white but... theres some interesting parallels to be had between reimu and mokou i think?!

Reimu/Aya: Also a lot of fun as a ship! 🐦‍⬛I admit a lot of reimu/youkai who intrudes on her shrine have somewhat interchangable dynamics, but theres just the littlest of nuaces that makes me appreciate each one differently...

Reimu/Yuuka: Yeah this is cute too! Honestly even though i dont reeeeally necessarily take pc98 lore into account (its a case by case basis for me), i do like the thought of yuuka having a 'history' with reimu, marisa and alice. ...even if reimu keeps forgetting people she hasnt seen in a while!

Reimu/Moriya Shrine folks: so Sanae is the obvious candidate for a bubbling rival kind of ship and i do like it as a friendly thing that can potentially become more intimate. Honestly i see reimu (and marisa) possibly taking on more of an unintentional mentor/senior role to sanae, and the actual target of reimu's ire in the rivalry between shrines is solely kanako!

Reimu/The other religuous groups: i think both byakuren and miko (and maybe most of their crews too) genuinely still believe they can one day recruit reimu onto their side 😅 but she's not having it!

Reimu/Kasen: eeeh, i do like their dynamic a lot and i can understand the appeal of it becoming more intimate, but i've never personally seen it like that myself. They're like family to me these days

Reimu/Akyuu: theres sooooo many really good and enticing parallels to be drawn betweem the hakurei shrine maiden and the child of miare, the expectations the duties the dread that all come with it, and how they find comfort in one another... Im into this one a lot! 😄

Reimu/Shinmyoumaru and Seija: im not actually invested in the actual romance of reimu and them but this is such a mess even before you take potential romantic feelings into consideration. web of complicated and conflicting feelings across all of them especially if you rope in Marisa too! 🤪

Reimu/Aunn: its like shipping a magical girl with her fairy mascot. Even if the mascot can take human form, its like... thats just a big talking teddy bear! You dont date one of those!

Reimu/...Misumaru? : unlikely but regardless of shipping, misumaru needs to appear more. She just showed up, dropped a bunch of lore and then left... Even Okina has been a little fleshed out since she did the same!

And probably a bunch of other stuff i could dedrege up from my mind on the spot but people can just ask me directly if they wish to hear my thoughts on reimu paired with random stage 2 boss.

#touhou #hakurei reimu

[screechingzephyrr]

today i watched the first five episodes of cbs ghosts and as an avid enjoyer of bbc ghosts i decided to share my thoughts and comparisons!

so here are my thoughts… (its kinda long so beware)

Things I Liked:

-My favourite characters are Isaac and Thorfinn, because Isaac is a silly gay soldier man (can you tell i love the captain) and thorfinn is THE icon.

-My favourite parts of the episodes are when they move away from the original bbc ghosts plot and create something of their own- it makes it more enjoyable and interesting as someone who has watched each episode of ghosts so many times ive lost count.

-The characters bounce off each other quite well, there were moments, like when pete and trevor hugged each other after pushing over the pot and i was like haha nice. 👍 they feel like a group

-the show is americanised and i like that about it, it feels very different from the rest of the shows i watch (im british) so its kind of a breath of fresh air in that way

-

Things i Didnt Like (sorry :(

-The run time (20 mins) means the story is very compacted and, compared to the original, the plot is the same but feels more rushed.

-They sometimes try to have emotional moments??? but i dont feel anything. in the first episode they have one just after samantha goes to hospital and i was sat there like Ok???? It didnt have an impact bc i had only known them for 15 minutes.

—Trevors character….. i think if i saw him without watching bbc ghosts i would have felt better about him. hes a combination of julian and thomas, and he feels washed out because he has both their major traits (slutty politician + liking alison/sam) but toned down.)

Instead of a poet waxing romance and almost innocently adoring her (like thomas) he is a weird politican guy who kinda hits on her sometimes (calling her hot, wondering if they were flirting). i still think hes entertaining, i like him but when he makes comments sometimes i want to scream like someone please make this man stop. hes like julian if he had 0% slut, looked like thomas, and hit on alison.

—some ghosts i dont really see??? like sasappis and that high girl (idek her name😭) i barely see, and the greaser guy with his head chopped off ive seen twice??? they probably get more screentime later but damn where these ghosts at. i want to know more

—cbs ghosts doesnt leave any suspense to what most died of. they flat out state most of them. it leaves the suspense that came with bbc ghosts completely gone. you cant make theories bc they hand it to you on a silver platter and dont make you wait.

—jay and samathas relationship makes me want to commit a crime (in a bad way!!). jay is the worst. they were arguing in teh first three episodes. Jay didnt want to move into the house. theyre not a united front at all! hes kinda fighting with sam and mentioned multiple times about her “cute butt” which personally made me want to scream again. and they just dont have couple vibes

when they try to have moments, it’s stilted. compared to alison and mike who you can see together and who you are endeared to from the first episode, they DONT compare.

Alison sometimes borrows mikes coat in the show, and i dont get that kind of comfortable loving vibe from sam and jay. its not happening for me.

anyway sam should just divorce jay and run the bnb by herself, send post

— OKAY there was this moment where trevor raises his arms and the rest of the ghosts cringe and look away bc of his crotch. Then theres a shot where trevors crotch isnt covered by a pot or another object, its blurred out in pixels. anyway i hated it so much pls make it disappear from existence im begging

-the colour palettes are kinda jarring, its not really that cohesive

Conclusion:

I do like it and i will keep watching it for Isaac, but mostly i still think bbc ghosts is the better option so far and if you are thinking about which to watch first, you should watch the original bbc ghosts.

im gonna keep watching and I really hope this show comes into its own.

BUT saying that, im probably biased because im super attached to bbc ghosts, so go check it out for yourself! i am a simple person on the internet and you’d probably be better forming your own opinion.

i’ll probably post my complete opinion on it if i ever finish it. so. yeah.

anyway if you read this far, i love you

#cbs ghosts #bbc ghosts #comparison #i will acknowledge that i am biased so please make your own opinion #i am simply a humble person throwing my own opinion into t he world

[foolishlovers]

i think you deleted the post where u were asking about how to title fics but i was 3/4th the way through before i realized so im sending an ask. idk if you still want this, but i gotta dump this SOMEWHERE, so now you're stuck with multiple examples of how to title a fic from my own personal experiences. this gives me an excuse to ramble about them a bit. im sorry

okay but really here's the tldr before i start; i only go for lyrics when i really like the song/line and it fits with a central idea, but ultimately? i bullshit it--but with intricate methods. let us begin...

example 1) rolling with a theme

let me start with one of my favorite fics im writing to get me going. the title: do you remember hanging up the stars. this process was honestly very tedious, but im gonna try and put it in a simple format.

so rolling with a theme. this fic is a canon divergence au, where hell is slightly more competent and kicks crowley out of his flat and replaces him with shax like a month after the appcalypse. so pretty quickly! therefore, this throws crowley very off-kilter, thus resulting in aziraphale picking up the very obvious hints and deciding to Make crowley move in with him instead of Talking about it. its a longfic, and i knew from the start that i wanted this title to be grand And related. so, i made a list of the themes that would be explored.

- crowley and his relationship with the stars

- trust in multiple facets (humans and their competence, their trust in each other now that theyre unemployed and recovering, etc)

- non-verbal communication, despite its flaws, can be one of the best ways to show love

- romance manifesting in different forms but are all valid

so i have that list, and i pick the one that's the most important--for this, i chose the stars. then i diffused THAT--what about the stars makes it interesting? what makes crowley long for them so much? i chose distance--crowley, in the show, has a very dettached attitude towards his angelic self. he doesnt hold that self to any higher importance, because why should he? and yeah, he's valid in this, but he also ends up putting off his stars to that angel, not him. he thinks that because he took such pride, such responsibility for them Before, he shouldn't care now, that he should deny this part of hid past and make himself more miserable because of it. but he does want to take pride, he loved AND loves them so fucking much, and he's just hurting himself more the process. i want him to realize that his mark on the world shouldn't be a burden, shouldnt just be a silly little assignment from before the fall. that heaven wants him to forget, that hell wants him to be disgusted by it, that he's doing what they want. that, if fact, it would piss everyone off if he actually owned up to it. i want aziraphale to help him realize it. i want aziraphale to encourage him. so that's where the title comes in: "he looked at you like you were hanging the stars", but Tweaked. taking a kind of common line and twisting it so it fits This. so. wow i went on tangent. im sorry. the rest will be a lot shorter and actualy helpful 😭 the point is that you could treat the title as a summary but even SHORTER. goes with what sounds right, and also don’t think about it too much. OKAY MOVING ON

example 2) rolling with a theme (song lyric edition)

okay next example. title: hold me like you’re scared to. it’s a lyric from the song ‘use me like you do’ by noah floersch. it’s a titanic ‘au’ (don’t judge me please 🥹) about aziraphale and crowley on the boat and getting through millennium of fear of being together while also on a detective noir like adventure. themes are easier to see here: the fear of being caught. afraid of showing your love. and I’d already happened to have a song I really liked, but I could really just listen to any song at any one point and be very inspired. you can also study lyrics from places you really like, if you REALLY want it to be a lyric :)

example 3) resonating with a Word

is there a word that’s repeated a lot in the fic? a word that has Meaning? a single concept summarized in a word that’s important here? that’s a title. you have a good title. example title: please. it’s very centered on begging, and the mc has like heavyyyyy memory problems and is trying to grasp the little wisps they have that are slowly slipping away. like stated before, you don’t have to think about it too hard. wanna make the summary the definition of that word? double whammy!

example 4) canon line/something from the fic

this is for very specific things but let’s say you’ve got like. A really good catchphrase in the fic you came up with. or the fic centers around a diverged canon scene. just pluck it and use it! example title: burn fast, burn bright. one of the reoccurring phrases is the metaphor ‘the candle that burns twice and bright burns half as long’. I just condensed it for the title. :)

and here's a couple tips on what Not to do:

- don’t make it too long. 1 because it’s harder to search, 2 because it’s harder to remember, and 3 bc it would honestly be a handful. it’s a preference, but considerable.

- make sure it relates to the fic in Some way, in literally any capacity. in the same ballpark, don’t

- make sure you like it. you’re going to be refering to the fic with that name for the rest of time.

so yes. I hope this is like. a starting point, at least. if you made this far, you endured the fic rambling (I presume) and for that I thank you. good luck with all your wips, and wish you ultimate good fortune, as well as luck on your tumblr secret santa au. :33

i don’t even know what to say!! thank you, thank you, thank you!! it is so so very kind of you to write all of this, to explain all of this to me, i’m so grateful for all your thoughts and ideas and i’ll keep all of this in mind when i’ll (hopefully??) pick the title for me tumblr secret santa au today!!

#please never ever say for rambling!! #i ASKED for this and i loved every second of it #i’m sending u all virtual flowers 🌸 🌷🌻🌼🌹 #i can’t believe u took so much time to help me i can’t thank you enough!!!! #seven-stars-in-his-palm #answered #good omens fanfic #fanfic titles #good omens

[boypussydilf]

Shusumi for the relationship ask game

i dont know how you even found my blog but thank you *kisses your hand like a prince meeting a princess*

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

oh , you know. sumi is lonely and full of Emotions but doesn’t even know That let alone why she feels it and then a cool guy shows up and is Nice To Her and she goes omg!!! [latches onto him for reasons barely related to Who He Is As A Person] and akira goes Oh another person who wants to use me as a sounding board for their internal monologue. sounds fun :) This probably sounds mean, and almost DEFINITELY is not the dynamic the writers Intended for them to have, but i like it i think its really funny

legit sumi just wants someone to look up to and to rely on and akira was either blessed or cursed by god with a special talent for Being Relied On. she wants to feel like someones helping her and hes happy to help anyone. etc

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

you know ive thought about royal trio and ive thought abt akesumi friendship but i dont think abt Just These Two that much.

first of all RIP to the person who sent this if they come back hoping for some Clearly Romantic ShuSumi Takes but to me they are like siblings. sumire doesnt Realize theyre siblings but akira is just constantly taking new younger siblings under his wings and she is included. theyre siblings in a very drastically different way from akira & futaba though akira and futaba are loud and obnoxious and chase each other around sojiros house like a couple of grade schoolers and sumi is not completely barred from that but her and akira are more like. they meet up and sumi talks about her Life and her Feelings and akira gives her Just Enough Advice To Be Helpful Without Being Pushy and then they, like, look at college application forms together or something. its practical, i guess is what im saying. akira Sometimes bullies and pesters her (affectionate) but her reactions dont tend to be very strong so its not as fun.

im Neutral on genuinely romantic shusumi, to me they are not that interesting as a ship and also they are both gay in the wrong direction and also they are big brother little sister mode, but i do exist in a state of absolute fascination with like. comphet shusumi. literally sumire is going I want a Perfect Life and that means Living Stereotypical Heterosexual Romance Tropes :) and she thinks she has found her opportunity here and is telling herself Yes i am IN LOVE! this is what that is! I cannot conceive of a version of the akira from my brain who doesnt know full well hes gay but if he somehow didnt wouldnt these 2 cringefail straight dating living their ridiculously played-straight damsel in distress & noble hero story be the funniest thing ever. And by that i mean fascinating and a torment labyrinth i wish them luck escaping

Also i think they are getting along fine and normal the way they are but like. sumire “used to relying on other people A Lot” yoshizawa and akira “just wants to help people. A Lot” kurusu. They can either have the perfect friendship that is exactly what sumi needs where he has the right level of involvement to help her gain confidence in herself while still knowing she can turn to someone for help. Or go straight off a cliff into bizarre codependency.

Basically I like it when things have the potential to be kind of fucked up. But they aren’t these guys are normal. They just sit in leblanc telling each other dad jokes. Akira buys a wallet just to put a comically large collection of photos of sumi’s greatest achievements in them and proudly show it off to his friends. She gradually goes from reacting to him experiencing something Comically Bad but Harmless like tripping over something with giggling immediately deliberately stifled by SORRY IMSOSORRY ARE YOU OKAY, to just openly laughing at him and he pretends to be annoyed but he’s happy about it.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

I like Akira World’s Most Big Brother Moments #227. i like all the different winding pathways the concept of Them can go down bc i like having things to pick apart and analyze and look at from hundreds of different angles. i like. the video game persona 5 royal

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

No matter what, like. Sumire at the point in time where they meet NEEDS this, i think. Her sister just Died and she doesn’t really know it but she’s trying to figure out her place in the world Without her and also if the fact that most shujin students seem to dislike her is anything to go off of she doesn’t really like, have friends? She needs like. A hand to help her up. Someone To Lean On. Sort of like how Becoming Kasumi was not, like, The Best Solution To Her Problems, but was really helpful in getting her through that period of her life. & now she has someone who will listen to her and help her unconditionally and that is Great for her. She looks up to Akira she admires him she is eternally thankful & grateful to him. And also is convinced she’s in love with him

As for akira i . </3 For most of the time they know each other she’s kind of Just Some Girl He Knows. he definitely cares about her a lot & they have the chance to get closer in third sem what w her being Herself again & she Is part of his Little Sibling Collection. but i cant think of anything akira is getting out of this relationship aside from general Human Socialization. he just want to protect it want to see it grow up healthy (i say that a lot huh.)

favorite interaction they have in canon

Zero interest in them as a couple but sumis romance route IS one of the best things in all of p5 just for the scene where akira leans on leblancs counter Like That and stares at her just to be a Nuisance

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

oh god oh fuck i dont know uhhhhh. I think THEY should bully akechi together. I think sumi should get mad at akira. Not for anything in particular i just think sumi has the potential to be very mean if she will allow herself to Feel Negative Feelings and i like conflict between friends. Sumire tries to teach him gymnastics and he forgets hes not in a palace and does something stupid and embarrassing like faceplanting into a wall for no reason and shes very polite about it at first but in the long run she will not let him live it down. umm. thats it. i like them <3

#LOOK AT MY POSTS BOY #EVERYONE LOOK AT THEM. ITS THEM. THEM. MY KIDS #basilask #p5r spoilers

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Okay two (ish) band au questions:

(1) Does Jensen write a song about Bryce? (I feel like it would be very Bryce to ask for one, jokingly.)

(2) Who else is in the band/what are they like, and how do they get along with the Edenbrook gang?? (Sorry if this is too many details to ask for 😭 it is coming together like a little TV show in my mind)

1. omfg bryce would def jokingly ask for one, but i think jensen would only subtly do one and not tell bryce until he figures it out himself. the band really doesnt write or play love/romance songs, but jensen could get away with one like that (thinking like the queen of white lies by the orion experience. its not a love song in the traditional sense, but theoretically it could be from the writers pov)

2. ive talked a bit about the band in other posts (check out my pinned post for the playlist) but i will absolutely talk about them more because i am in love (art of them here as well)

aliyah, the loml and their lead singer, was one of jensens friends during his summer job of his senior year. shes loud and present and unapologetically herself, and her and jensen click great. they definitely have a finishing each others sentences type of connection. shes the one who makes stupid jokes but also gives the others looks when they say something unfathomably dumb. if you know the vid of the one person saying "anything raw is good" then them and their friend both give That look to the camera, just know thats jensen and aliyah

cyrus, everyone calls them cy though, is the other loml. theyre very quiet unless with close friends and family, and theyre fucking hilarious. they have the most on point quips and sarcasm, and is definitely the one who mellows out the group. they and jensen are def the foodies of the group and have a little tradition of finding the best local places to eat when they go to different cities for tour.

i think aliyah gets along amazingly with the edenbrook gang, and cy does eventually but theyre very quiet in the beginning so it takes a bit to warm up. jensen still fits in the best with the gang, but they all get along and mesh pretty well

#ty ty!!!! #asks answers #aliyah #cyrus cy #jensen valentine #open heart mc #band au

[nicomrade]

ALSO im curious abt what u think abt that episode where it tries to force a romance between jigen and that one girl that artist was using as a canvas and keeping her isolated her whole life???? i think its super weird obv cus she like acts like a toddler and its ooc for jigen to have any sort of feelings for her but i think it has missed potential bcs of how angry jigen gets at the guy for treating the girl like an object (like he couldve just seen himself in her) but i was wondering if u had any more spesific thoughts on that ep and how it relates to jigens overall presentation in twcfm. i think twcfm had multiple writers too so if this spesific ep was trying to undo the gay implications jigens intro ep had that sucks so bad

ok so i rewatched the ep its def a weird one in that regard cause you have the continuation of the arc of lupin and jigen partnering up, thats also treated as lupin wooing jigen iirc (with lupin cooking jigen dinner and stuff, and this is anecdotal but the pyramid episode is titled "dangerous menage a trois" in french which.. the polycule won that one <3) and with the start of this episode theyre at a festival and jigen wins the gun trinket for lupin and later on they share a cig like were still in that lowkey romantic vibe, right?

but you also have jigen being weirdly into the girl with him whistling when he first sees her and then blushing when they interact… and then hes thrown into that bodyguard role to a helpless woman again which regresses his character arc within the twcfm canon cause he very clearly quits that stuff at the end of the cicciolina episode so… though in a sense its also about fujiko herself having a ptsd moment so maybe theyre meant to mirror each other and both have a like "falling back into bad patterns" moment but i doubt it cause jigen babysitting the girl is shown as weirdly wholesome LOL

and thats weird in itself cause i BELIEVE its also meant to show the like.. hypocrisy of saying "wow the guy who did this to her was a real sicko" and then exhibiting the very same behavior of not treating her as her own person with her own thoughts and agency. cause the whole chase with fujiko where they have to keep her safe shes literally treated as just a sexy lamp unaware of everything around her its so cringe but i believe its doing it on purpose to explore the different ways objectification happens to women at the hand of (mostly) men- with fujiko filling in another side of it where she treats the girl as a mirror image instead of her own person

like i dont think the episode outright straight-washes jigen cause they couldve been a lot more explicit with it if that was the intent but it still doesn't really take into account his homosexuality aside from his relationship w lupin. which is too bad cause so the episode is about the objectification of women and misogynistic abuse and it wouldve been really interesting to actually show lupin (guy attracted to women) and jigen (gay guy) treating the girl differently because they have that different pov on women. maybe jigen treating her a lot more like a lost little puppy from the start wouldve been more interesting though still.. dubiously in character. or like you said having him see himself in her like fujiko does wouldve been super interesting.... but instead we just have jigen completely ignore the girls boundaries by tugging on her tongue to ogle at her tattoos like… ok lol. whatever

#i think my opinion w twcfm characterization is usually like... i can accept OOC writing if it actually serves the themes of the series #like the way zeni is portrayed is clearly. not him. but it makes sense within a show about sexist abuse that the cop would be Like That #you know? so i could look past jigen being weird w this girl if it actually said something but on a 2nd watch its very -__- unnecessary imo #ask #fujikochan #lupin the third #lupin meta

[bunnygirlaltar]

aphrodite worshipper confession/vent post: sometimes i feel guilty to her because im not very beautiful, havent really dated anyone, ive been so fearful and uncomfortable with romance for a lot of my life because i just was not at all emotionally available growing up, and im still struggling to try to be.

ive never really been called pretty. other than the women in my family complimenting me when i dress up for some formal event and i look uncharacteristically feminine, saying i look nice. or my friends have complimented specifically my eyeliner skills and my hair before since i always dyed it, but i genuinely cant remember anyone telling me just truthfully and unprompted that im pretty, that they find me pretty. if anything i hear that little things about me are cool, as if my appearance is interesting or something, but not attractive.

sometimes that really hurts, but then i feel guilty about it hurting my feelings, especially trying to worship aphrodite, i feel like i should know better than to care about external validation like that and i generally dont care about things like that but, am i so evil for wanting to be called pretty? i feel like everyone deserves that..

the only exceptions are two moments that always stick out to me. one time was an all-nighter playing truth-or-dare-esque games during a sleepover, and at one point we had to exchange compliments. and one of my friends in sleep-deprived delirium told me i had a nice face and i was so taken off guard because.. i just had never really heard that before. the other time is something i actually associate with aphrodite, i was in a really bad place mentally but i tried to force myself to at least wear something other than pajamas in public and one time i bumped into a stranger which happens a million times in my busy school campus but they said a quick 'you are so pretty' before we were past each other. i know random compliments to strangers like that arent that uncommon, especially college-aged queer people like us but it was genuinely something i had never experienced before and especially that day my brain was so foggy and i felt so gross and i just felt so taken off guard. i see my friends get random compliments like that all the time, but never me. that was also a time where i wasnt fully paying attention to aphrodite yet but considering her, and i feel like that moment was a little bit of her influence somehow and im so grateful for her and that stranger when i look back.

even then, i remember i told my best friends about it cuz it made me that happy. they said something like 'you are pretty! people should say it more!' trying to validate me but.. idk they say that but its not like they actually do it. if anything they make little jokes comparing me to people who like, they obviously think are ugly, becuase we share some traits like have the same hair or wear the same glasses or something trivial like that but the difference is they clearly, clearly find the other person weird-looking.. and i guess thats the joke? that i look like someone they think looks weird? and i dont understand why they feel comfortable jokingly implying that i look weird when they are also aware that they dont compliment me a lot.. i try to give them the benefit of the doubt that of course my friends dont think im ugly, but my god sometimes it really does feel like they think that. its not even like our friend group shys away from compliments like that, we love hyping each other up like that. people just dont really do it to me. or theyll comment on the parts of me that are more unconventional as if theyre trying to validate it for me but it just makes me feel weirder, especially if i wasnt even self-conscious of the thing before they tried to 'compliment' it.

is this whiny? am i vain? it feels vain to care so much but it also feels like the opposite of vain, i dont know. sometimes it really really eats away at me, and i feel like its deeper than just vanity. im not sure vanity is even all that much of a crime anyway.

sometimes now when i look decent or when i say some off-handed vaguely self-deprecating thing about myself one of my friends might be like 'omg stop youre fine trust me' as if like, i was fishing for compliments, or like i already knew i was pretty and was trying to be humble, except like, thats not at all what im doing. and it bugs me that they can both admit that i dont get called pretty enough and then dismiss me in moments like that.

i also think.. as queer as my friend group is i think femininity is equated with beauty to them, well to the world to be fair but still. and ive always been a bit genderless in my self-expression. and i feel like they find me ugly, like they see it as a shame that i dont present myself right or put in 'effort'. sometimes theyve had the chance to help me dress up or find clothes and theres this tone of trying to get me toward feminine clothes and being playfully upset with me for not picking them as if im being stubbornly choosing to be ugly.. but i find the things i choose pretty. they just dont. because they dont understand how non-feminine things can be pretty. maybe im being unfair in accusing them of that but thats just how it feels to me sometimes.

i know theres people who have the same concept of beauty as me out there but im realizing that i dont really know any of them myself. i dont even disagree with what my friends find pretty, i find everything beautiful tbh. im just sick of.. i feel like they assume i dont have beauty in my life, that i dont see beauty, or dont care about it, or dont want to have it in myself, but thats the opposite of the truth. i just wish people would find the beauty in me the way i find the beauty in everything but instead i feel like they see me and see no beauty and then write me off entirely.

in high school senior year i shaved my head. i was already used to not being pursued by people at that point, to not being someone people perceived as romantic or pretty. but i didnt expect how much more it hurt after that, i thought id be used to the feeling but i genuinely felt absolutely invisible to every single man more than i already did, as if the moment i dont seem like a potential lover i am useless, not deserving even basic acknowledgement or respect. and even with girls i felt like i was being excluded or assumed to not be interested in the things they did, as if they thought i was denouncing the gender or something.

i know they were all just humans and kids too and they couldnt have known how i was feeling if i wasnt saying it but i cant help but be a little bit bitter and resentful, as much as i hate feeling it. but how could you just leave someone out, how could you assume a young girl didnt care about being complimented, how could you assume there was nothing more to me just because you didnt find me attractive.

if i had to find a silver lining though, im glad i at least didnt attract the people that have those fucked up prejudices or views on beauty so i guess i saved myself, im glad it was sort of self-respecting of me. but i was also just a kid, and i needed to be loved, and sometimes i wonder if it would have been better if i traded the self-respect just for a little love or attention. i know its so fucked up, i have so many friends that say now that they wish they were a bit more like me growing up so they couldve avoided really shitty exes and i believe them, i kinda wish they did too. but i dont have the heart to tell them that im jealous of them actually. that even if their hearts got broken they at least got to love. even if it was fake or short-lived or painful. at least they got it. they got to emerge from it and learn things about themselves. and this is so fucked up but when i see them finally healing from toxic loves and ideas of love, im so happy for them but a little part of me is devastated and says look, they also learned the lessons you did, they also developed the self-respect you did, but they also got to live and love. while you were a coward. while you were ugly.

i always worry that this level of honesty will disappoint aphrodite, that shell be upset to hear me talk so bad about myself or talk so desperately about love. but i hope that the honesty is at least appreciated. i know so much of it is wrong, but i admit it, and i want to feel better and think better, im open to changing. im really trying. i hope that effort is worth something at least.