#things from my journal

[dear-ao3]

thinking about this one authors note that i read on a fanfic awhile ago that was like "hey guys pls leave feedback i hate when people write stuff like 'the older man' or 'the englishman' or stuff like that to refer to people but idk how to not do that" like. just write their names. they're their names. no rules against using them a million times.

#and while were at it use said as many times as you want #sincerely #a person with not one but two and a half writing degrees #not a tag #from saph #anyway not to be mean at all even remotely #but reading things like this makes it read like journalism and i dont want to feel like theres new york times in my fanfic thats just :/

[why-the-heck-not]

24.08.23, thursday

I’ve been treating my journal like a podcast where I just keep rambling while doing things that give me anxiety. Getting the anxieties out right away and feels like I have some emotional support there even tho it’s just me & my journal. Sure it takes a bit longer bc u’re basically doing 2 things, but at least something’s getting done u know?

#got that idea from my fave podcast where he was doing that podcast while packing etc bc he didn’t want to back so helped to have #another side project there so u’re not just doing the thing u don’t want to do #and like I don’t and will never have a podcast bc ew can not talk for thr life of me so journaling is it for me #bookblr #studyblr #booklr #aesthetic #study #books #reading #read #book #studyspo #dark academia #chaotic academia #august 2023 #2023

[katabay]

L'APPEL DU VIDE

okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.

this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.

combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.

jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.

to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:

J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant

anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

#original tag #generic medieval tag #WAHOO. alright. #i dont have any additional commentary in the tags. reading the drowned giant years ago Did Something To Me #and it connected with whatever it was that made me dislike the jack and the beanstalk narrative (i know what it is. its just not really #all that relevant to this post. also im tired. its time for bed) #through the power of Why Not. i will now. turn it into a story???? #i think. its definitely been taking up a lot of space in my mind lately #the only thing stopping me from turning it into my Side Project to do when i need a break from doing Bad Governance edits #is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand #eventually i'll get to daiso and pick up some new ones and work on this for real. until then. im going to continue to write about it #in my personal journal where i dump all my thoughts and ideas into

[aropride]

this post was a game changer for me. thank you ryan reynolds

#text #LIKE. i beat myself up for a WHILE abt my reaction #But what that person did was much worse #& i did not say a single unkind word to them #& if i had a big freak-out break-down on a PRIVATE BLOG that was essentially a diary because i DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE STALKING ME ONLINE ⁉️⁉️⁉ #well i was well within my right to do so. because i should not have been expected to account for their feelings right after what they did #IN MY OWN PRIVATE SPACE. !!!!!!!!! GOD. #and i kept myself in check speaking directly to them & thats all that should have been expected from me. i was allowed to say mean things a #about them in what was essentially a digitsl journal. after they LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED ME ‼️‼️‼️ #Sorry Everyone im finally going back and like processing stuff from years ago due in no small part to the shelby abuse stream #so sry if im complaining abt being traumatized more than usual 😒 #traumablogging

[one-bunny-a-day]

10/12/2023

#daily bunny #344 #standalone bunny #Little dragon bun i doodled in my bullet journal #Its 1am and i have morning shift tmr no time for another one </3 #Anyway the numbering problem is fixed now #At one point in october i accidentally skipped 10 days #But also much earlier u tagged two posts with the same day number and things were off by one from there too #That day? 114 #Almost six months of buns eetagged akfksjfh

[etheries1015]

"Babe-" No no no no, I'm gonna stop you right there.

Darling, my beloved, Sweetest, Beautiful, gorgeous, Love, Honey, My love, Dear, Sunshine, Pumpkin, sweatheart...

If you're going to use a pet name for me, I want to feel like this:

Does this makes sense or is it just me idk

#aesthetic #couples pet names #if I dont feel like a beautiful and peaceful fairy princess when being addressed by my lover i dont want it #Things from fairy tales...ugh my heart. I truly believe I wasnt made for modern dating #so being single it is! #just me my journals and pinterest boards

[whimsicmimic]

Once again thinking about Meryl’s fear of worms in tristamp and how that can be taken as a one off “haha funny joke” or how it can be viewed as another way that Meryl’s (supposed) middle/upper class background impacts the way that she interacts with the world.

Worms are one of the few readily available/“staple” proteins (and just food sources as a whole) on No Man’s Land that aren’t sourced directly from Plants. That she reacts to worms with fear, and reacts to the idea of Eating worms with disgust/revulsion indicates either a lack of exposure to the idea of people eating worms (possible if we run with the idea of her being middle/upper class; perhaps the people in her social sphere can rely on Plant-produced proteins and other food), or a degree of separation between the meat she eats and the source from which it originates (something very common with middle/upper class-raised people. There’s a degree of separation between buying a plastic-wrapped steak at a supermarket and butchering a cow).

Either way, that she Is repulsed by worms shows her privilege as someone who can Afford To Be repulsed by worms — someone who maybe hasn’t had to rely on worms as a food source before — and I just think it’s a fun little detail to think about.

#trigun stampede #meryl stryfe #trigun meta #is that what we’re calling analysis now? meta? #regardless #i love meryl stryfe with all of my heart. she is my beloved #also the idea of meryl being middle/upper class is speculation but its something i think can be inferred from the show #given. a lot of things abt her #how she dresses (white clothes in the desert). fear of bugs. being from november + having a journalism degree from a university #which isnt to say she is 100% for sure #honestly im really curious about the class divide in NML as a whole and whether there even IS a prominent middle class #buuuuuut. whatcha gonna do! #originally this was a much much Much longer rant.

[qqueenofhades]

Like I’m not even sorry for the Charles thing, nothing will probably happen they have access to top notch technology and medicine. They’re all bad people, and honestly f*** the monarchy all over the world, they live off peoples taxes, you know the actual people that works and needs to money to survive and still struggle, let’s not even put an illness in there because it’s unaffordable for most people to have medical attention. And these people don’t even lift a finger and have all the money to spill in their depravities and when they get sick they expect the whole world to be worried for them, when they don’t even know the value of money, much less work and effort. Nah I don’t give a damn to what happens to them, but like they’ve been saying funerals and coronations are not something the citizens can afford

I mean, all this might be very true... but have we considered that after living a life of outrageous unearned wealth and privilege accumulated by generations of imperialism and conquest, it's NoT fAir that Charles got cancer after "waiting for so long!!!":

Actually a headline run in the country that is quickly becoming a third-world failed state and international laughingstock, where £30k a year is considered a top salary and still won't allow you to sponsor a foreign-born partner for a visa. The UK press (and this is even from the Mirror, which is downright "liberal" as far as British tabloids go) truly is something else.

#anonymous #ask #anyway royal family still trash film at 11 #see this is the exact sort of thing that blows to hell my very limited resolve to be semi-polite about it #charles should either abdicate or die #and remove himself and his whole family from their position #and yet since they won't #we are treated to “journalism” like this #y'all still flogging hard for the windsors: why #uk politics

[bluebird-ascended]

back on my star stable bullshit.

#because i'm the type of person who gets crazy amounts of happiness from completing sets of things #i will try and draw every character in the characters journal. with tweaks to their design if i see fit bc why not #maybe after that i will do every place listed on the map. (i need practice with landscapes) #i can't be stopped #fun fact this also doubled as a skin and lighting study #sso #star stable online #linda chanda #sso linda #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #star stable #star stable art

[flowerflowerflo]

feeling so grateful for everything tonight thank you so much universe thank you so much world thank you so much friends thank you so much everyone i love you

#idk where this came from i'm just very grateful to be alive #i remember completely breaking down on new years for 2023 because 2022 was the worst year of my life for me #and i have always been so grateful since then and i just feel it even more so tonight #girlblogging #thoughts ୨𖹭୧ #girlhood #this is what makes us girls #female hysteria #dream girl #it girl #girly stuff #girlcore #this is a girblog #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girly tumblr #im just a girl #pinterest girl #messy girl #girlworld #girl thoughts #girl things #divine feminine #gratitude #hyperfemininity #becoming her #wonyoungism #pink pilates princess #journalling #journal #diaries

[coliepng]

☕️ 🗡️

#filofax #personal #commonplace #commonplace journal #commonplace book #colie.png #x #my commonplace is 86% things from my tumblr lol

[rexscanonwife]

Good afternoon everypony!! Last night my partner and I got a little silly and rewatched the episode of PPG where Utonium and Ms. Keane start dating and ugghh....why he so FUCKING cute 😭😭💖💖

And tbhhh the reason they sorta didn't work out is cause they weren't able to balance the lives they had with their infatuation with each other (tbh if the cat argument hadn't happened when it did any ol thing would have caused them to break up methinks) and y'know...I think that's why he'd work so well with my s/i 🥺👉👈

Theyre allowed to still be their own people and have their own things even if they do become a couple! Even if they get married! They're still individuals who support their own passions as well as each other's. And they certainly don't need/want to change themselves for each other 💖💖💖

#jane journals #self insert talk #🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬 #WAAAHH DONT MIND ME 🥺🥺👉👈 #im remembering my thoughts from last night ajfjgk we shortly thereafter went upstairs watched silly video and passed out #and another thing is my partner mentioned that thats kinda why we work so well irl...🥺💗💖💗💖💗💖 #we take being separated very well (its kinda necessary for their job) #so when we DO return its like the first time all over again. we also do a lot of paralell play!! #like. its enough to be in the same room #and thats what i think would be w my s/i and utonium >//< #also THE EP AFTER THAT UGH BLOSSOM MY POOR SWEET GIFTED CHILD 😭😭😭 #i love her sm shes so me when i was younger if im being truly honest #bubbles is my favorite but blossom...i relate to ajfjf

[the-meme-monarch]

where’s that post about waking up from a dream and going “that was a little heavy handed w the symbolism” bc I did just have a dream like that

#was about an after school club that was. kind of a cult. preserving the gender binary and doing the tasks associated #but like. there was an underground maze dungeon thing. kids were being sacrificed. we get it gender is a prison #words from the monarch #dream journal #it followed the girl’s side with this kid who Has My Name but wasn’t me. they were lost in the maze dungeon

[silenthillbunni]

🐇💭

#i've decided that after i've recovered from surgery i want a glow up!!! #i want to make an effort to try to feel better nd not be so miserable all the time. it's so draining nd soul sucking :< #nd some things i wanna do is start better habits such as journaling nd reading a chapter every morning #meditate/do mindfulness every evening. do a full body stretch routine once a day. go to the gym 3-5 times a week. #ofc daily walks in nature (i've missed that sm). spending time w my cat nd dog. getting better at studying a little bit every day #i might even bleach my hair nd dye it... i just wanna dye it one last time then im done T-T #smth im unsure of is my diet. i have no idea what i can eat nd atm im so hungry but im scared of eating. so i'll have to figure that out #nd then try to meet up w my old high school friend every now nd again #try to keep asking for help from the personality disorder psychiatric clinic... or try to get online therapy maybe??? #i just wanna feel better nd *do* smth so these r some of the thinngs i wanna try to do to feel better :3 #hopefully i'll feel better soon nd recover as swiftly as possible so i can start wanting to do these things #oh and also!! wanna try to revive my interests. such as writing more nd taking photos nd such

[lost-in-time-marie]

Anemoia

There’s something about the gossamer of these sheer white curtains that strikes me. Maybe the way the winds move through them, makes them an alive and writhing thing. Or the way they remind me of the ocean, billowing out towards me, yearning to touch me, and then retreating away suddenly timid. I like images like that. Curtains blowing gently beside a thrown open window leading to a twinkling inky black sky. A large flock of birds that abruptly disperse, some unknown telepathic communication between them, as they soar off into the distance into some secret part of the world not meant for me. My soul recognizes something in these glimpses and fragments of fleeting moments. I don’t know what it is; a goodbye, an escape, a fleeing departure. I don’t have words for why my soul instinctively wants to leap out that window into the sky or bubble up and away with the birds.

~K.

#lit #writing #poetry #prose #spilledink #love #spilled ink #excerpts from my life #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled thoughts #spilled everything #spilled feelings #spilled guts #spilled heart #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled truth #spilled writing #anemoia #~K. #excerpts from my heart #excerpts from my mind #excerpts from my writing #writerslife #writers on tumblr #writblr #writer things #3am ramblings #excerpts from my journal #depressing shit

[goldkirk]

I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

#personal data hacking is my passion #someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now #including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and #trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later #I’m so proud of that #you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works #we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments #anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze #love you all be back soon bye mwah! #add to journal #trauma evolution #my Waffle House index #this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too #more than just for future me! #so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance #are able to and going to yes keep getting better #long many-milestone path-journeys of potential #like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting #stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish! #a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift. #knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future #time yet. also a gift. #the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift. #breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift. #such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it #all of it. gifts. #gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry! #mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛 #hey little star whatcha gonna queue? #my poetry