#things i'll never forget

[keimisan]

↪ i beg him, help me - scribbling words

so i asked to god, why am i so awful? how is it that i am yet another one of your followers but everything detestable is so imbued within me? even from the way i behave to the way i disguise excitement into things that aren't good, why is it all so ugly?

i tell him, why have you made me so ugly?

i beg him, help me.

i cry to him hoping another tear on the velvet carpet of prayer will make me a better person, they will advert me from hurting the people i love, and they will speak to me and tell me that it's hurting me because i care.

but is it that way? god has kept me so deluded that i do not know whether the hurt i feel is a blessing or a curse, or a saccharine pain of all the love i haven't emancipated.

maybe its little seashells that get lost in the tides of waves, or maybe its the little reminders my sister left all around her remainings, or maybe its the equation i could not solve, or maybe its the pressure, the words, the force of something invisible that pushes me to adapt to the world, that kicks me and throws me till i'm barely scraping the floor, but still going forward.

i don't know if that's a blessing or a curse, or if that's how you realize that the world goes on with or without your consent.

so i ask him again, i tell him under my tear-stricken, abhorrent voice, why have you made me so ugly?

i beg him, help me, help me, help me.

but screaming "help me" in bold letters at your wall does not help me.

#mal.scribbles #writeblr #writing #poetry #poem #grief #i'm so reluctant to post these but i'm really just journalling these thoughts #if you relate to this #i'm so sorry that you feel this way #and i pray that it becomes easier for you #a word to them #things i'll never forget

[piningprecussionist]

Weed smoking girlfriends! But they can just be hanging out if you prefer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Happy 4/20!

#if i work on this any more you will never see it before the day's out #and if i dont post this today I'll be PISSED. cause i did NOT finish that fic and idk that I Can before the day is out 😔 #anyway enough your transfem scott treat everyone im going to go smoke weed and make ravioli now #sp comic #spvtw #spto #fanart #kim pine #ramona flowers #scott pilgrim #ship stuff #sckimona #scott pilgrim fanart #spto fanart #scott pilgrim kim #scott pilgrim ramona #scott pilgrim scott #transfem scott pilgrim #kimona #sckim #scottmona #this almost had... such a caption. idk. nonsense. #this image does have alternate versions. and i am in fact going to make another version after posting this w my personal tweaks for pilgrim #(dyed red ends. i meant to add them before posting but i Forgot and if i make my roommate wait any longer for food he's probably going to + #+ start whining 🙄) (idc really im just being dramatic or silly. ect. you understand i hope) #scott pilgrim comic #almost forgot that. probably forgetting other things! but as you might guess. i am high! so idc

[hyakunana]

Durge, the Dark Urge — but make it a bard forest gnome girl named Imbrie

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #larian studios #gnome #bard #dark urge #durge #fanart #dark urge's pt-br name is Impulso Sombrio - hence Imbrie #but i love how stupid it sounds to say durge the dark urge so im carrying it #I was first aiming for her to be someone fighting against the urge with music bUT SHE GOT SUCH A DISDAIN FACE IT IS STRONGER THAN ME #so i was playing her as 'look i love some bloodshed but i'll save it for the baddies' BUT NOW I'M ON ACT 2 #AND I'M TORN BETWEEN SAVING THE TIEFLINGS I'VE BEEN SAVING OR... DO THE DURGE THING AT THE INN #spoiler: I will do the durge thing - im just deciding the timing for it #there's something ironically tragic as me saving all tieflings so far with durge -except alfira ofc- while forgetting some w wyll #im a failure of a hero #congratz on tav the dracomonk for getting the save all tieflings achievement in my very first run #bc looks like i'm never doing it again aND I LOVE THEM

[gummi-ships]

#kingdom hearts #kh1 #darkside #heartless #my gif #i remember fighting this thing for the first time as a little kid #you receive a weapon and only learn very basic combat against small heartless then suddenly this appears #i had never seen an enemy this big before in a video game and thought it would be an impossible fight but it felt so cool to defeat it #my memory is very poor but i'll never forget this experience because everything feels so grand when you're a child haha

[fayevalcntine]

The whole framing of Lestat as the sole symbol of patriarchy that fandom is so desperate to put him in doesn't work unless you deliberately ignore how he was also a victim of rape and abuse before he was turned. People want him to be fit into this strict role of "father figure/violent husband/perpetrator" that is only that and not even a whole person, and in doing so they need to push aside the fact that despite being his family's provider, he was also pushed into that role when his father forbid him from joining a monastery or gaining an education that he wanted. Lestat wanted to run away with a theater group as a kid, and actually managed to do so once Gabrielle gave him her blessing and monetary support in order to go to Paris. He didn't always want to be the provider, he was forced into that role and became despondent when he thought he would never get a chance to leave his home.

His new life prior to being turned is pretty much the antithesis to the whole "Lestat is a manly man who would sooner throw up than be compared to a woman" spiel: he lived with another man in Paris while also being an actor, having left his family and "responsibility" to them. The only family member he was ever close to was his mother, all the other male members shunned or ridiculed him. Add onto that the fact that his turning firmly placed him within the role of the damsel/victim: he's kidnapped from his bed by a stranger, taken into a tower and left to rot while being fed on for a week, before then being raped and violently turned all while never even being asked if he would consent to it in any normal circumstance. But you of course have to ignore all of this if you want him to only represent the aggressor/patriarch while Louis is the helpless unhappy matriarch of the family.

My issue isn't that I think Louis isn't a victim, it's that it's not unrealistic for Lestat to be an aggressor/abuser while also displaying traits that aren't regularly assigned to stereotypical depictions of male characters. He's abusive to Claudia while also having been a victim of abuse from his own family. He's not a good maker/teacher, but he also didn't even have one when he was turned. He's the provider/attempted protector of the family and seemed to like being that, while also having run away from his own family prior to this to act in a theater in Paris. He's a rich white man while also being obviously effeminate in public spaces, even to Tom's own bigoted humor.

Like Louis' own complicated story with being his family's benefactor and provider, you can't firmly place Lestat as being one thing or another in terms of gender ideals without deliberately ignoring parts about him that don't fit this. And I don't think it's an absolute necessity, when even in Louis' own story, Lestat isn't stripped of his effeminate mannerisms or behavior while also being the abusive maker/father/lover.

#interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #like even Louis doesn't try to act like Lestat was only ever the powerful 'daddy' of the house #if he was I doubt he'd even feature Lestat wanting to be king of mardi gras and doing that extremely flamboyant display #to the public's chagrin/disgust #the only people in awe of Lestat's peacocking are the women in ep7 like that man was NOT accepted by other rich men like Tom #and I don't point this out in order to dismiss the notion that he could be abusive/horrible #rather that it's completely possible for both things to be true? #also to the people that will likely go: but how does him being a victim of abuse negate him being a patriarch #idk maybe redirect your question to the Edwardian wife fanatics that think that no male character can be a victim unless he is assigned #the female while he is in a relationship with another man 🤷‍♀️ #I'll never forget how someone was also like 'Lestat fakes his femininity for the public' why? no one likes his effeminate ass anywhere #he holds more power by being white + rich than by being effeminate in order to ''''hide'''' his power which he never has or cared to #when Fenwick suggested to Louis to get a business under Lestat's name it's because Lestat being white could pass segregation laws... #not because his effeminate mannerisms grant him more favor.....

[ef-1]

dear kate, as someone who wasn't watching the sport back then I'm very curious about what happened in russia 2018 (re your tags on that post)?

it's lore. Daniel/Christian lore. horrible, awful, multifaceted human lore. when you watch a little thing, just an awful real moment and it reminds you that people are unfortunately complex and love is prideful, and sometimes love is selfish and love manifests differently in different people.

Russia 2018 was Max's birthday, Red Bull got a marching band and mimes to welcome Max into the paddock, it was a v elaborate and uncomfortable affair for everyone involved, and there was a cake cutting ceremony once Max walked the length of the paddock where the rest of the team were waiting for him.

Mind you, this was at the END of September, Daniel announced his departure from Red Bull at the very beginning of August, so it had already been almost 2 months of Christian calling Daniel stupid, and a girl, and that he took the easy way out but also Christians time during the sessions up until then was split equally in Daniel's garage and Max's but after that for a while it was the pitwall or Max's side.

Anyway back to Max's uncomfortable birthday, Daniel was also there but he didn't stand with Helmut and Christian at the front, he was uncharacteristically stood away from them, and away from the cameras. Daniel is usually front and centre during moments like these but I think it was a combination of how insanely uncomfortable the whole mime/marching band combo is and also the fact that he was no longer really 'part' of the team. Christian had already said Daniel will not be involved in the remaining development of the car effective immediately.

The official video that Red Bull posted(still up on yt) didn't really show it but Christian was the most uncomfortable/annoyed by the whole thing, more so than Max somehow lol

In the unofficial janky live stream of the whole thing however Christian kept turning back to Daniel who was behind everyone and it was very much an 'oh.' gut punch moment because it's just a real little human interaction of turning to someone you know/trust/relate to. And I just remember thinking that's like the first bit of normalcy we've seen from them since the torrid separation

Anyway really the most devastating part is from the janky live stream, one of the times Christian bodily turns to Daniel (twice) to catch his eye, Daniel kinda just laughs and tells him "you're not dancing" to which Christian replies by actually dancing for a second

this janky clip from a janky stream was a formative moment

#i dont ever doubt that Christian is capable of love. i just kinda get scared of the kind of love hes capable of #something Machiavellian about him. the push and pull was delicate and destructive #anyway never forget that this was a little break in the storm but things actually spiralled more violently after that #the narrative kept narrativing #I'll pop this in the tag for the blessedly uninitiated #f1 #daniel ricciardo #christian horner

[princesshair]

10 days of Harry Styles ↳ day 10 → HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY HARRY! (insp.)

#harry #10dohs #hldailyupdate #hltracks #hledit #tracksintheam #harry's bday #edits #happy 30th birthday to the love of my life!!! #i still can't wrap my head around the fact that you're 30 #when i first met you you were a lil 18yo #just discovering things #it's been an absolute honour to have known you for 12 years #to watch you grow into this amazing human being you are #thank you for being you #and thank you for allowing me to get to know you #you're the love of my life and i'll never get tired of saying it #i even have a tattoo on my body to prove so #it's subtle but it's enough for me to never ever even question forgetting about you #i hope you have the bestest day ever #filled with happiness and love from all your loved ones #happy birthday my sweet angel #i love you to the moon and back #💜💜💜💜💜💜

[ruporas]

revisiting a memory

#kingdom hearts #roxas #roxas kh #cue dearly beloved #a tune i'll never forget for the rest of my life actually #i could Overshare so much of my memories about kh in these tags but i think i will refrain #its so embarrassing but. #yeah. im just posting some kh work ive done awhile back... there was a particular time during the summer #where i was just rereading the 358/2 days novel #and roxas has always shined as a character to me. and most people who got obsessed over kh2 the moment it came out #and maybe its just me who when rereading the 358/2 novel got particularly focused on the perspective of axel and xion's bc it wasnt as #explored in game but #seeing roxas' actions and emotions pour through from another person's lens #like axel's and xion's. man. he's just so genuine and always has been and it's so clear the one thing he wants :( #im RAMBLING again but i love kh #anyway #gk posting soon #ruporas art

[theoddino]

*Rises from the grave*

coUgh so uh, I keep forgetting I have a new Tumblr blog now... Whoopsies!!

Please take my silly arts as sorry

I've also fallen greatly for the ship CornYaoi in the past few weeks soooo maybe look out for a fic of it from me in the future! :>

#I freaking love this little yeehaw star man and his gay vampire husband #Dalv and Starlo my beloveds <3 #Also sun. Can't forget him. My silly jester goob #Uty #starlo uty #uty dalv #corn yaoi #Fnaf sun #<- only using that tag bc I don't feel like tagging the whole dca fandom on a post primarily with UTY art akfhjsjcjs #starlo x dalv #There's probably only like 4 corn yaoi fics on ao3 I need this to be changed so I'm taking things into my own hands #I promise I'll try my best to fully write that fic. Even if I've never actually posted one before #My art

[scintillyyy]

robin iii: cry of the huntress #4, robin #74, robin #92

#me @ jack i feel like i've been too chummy with you lately. #jack: my son is acting up and misbehaving and being cagey what should i do try and get to the root of the problem? #jack: no i'll instead send him away for his own good that'll fix him #*insert long meta about how tim still loves his dad despite this but it's probably one of those forgive but never forget things* #like tim in his head esp after they died probably lionized his parents so much and decided to make peace with the failings of his parents #because he's not a grudge holder #but he's also going to remember stuff like this forever

[dootznbootz]

Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".

They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)

I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅

Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂

#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D #I am the cheese god remember?😅 #I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses #“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY #And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D #I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together #(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the #“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion #How what they have could never be sullied by #something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son. #'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo #no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that #even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.' #...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then #“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her #catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works. #... #I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D #They are so silly and I love them so much #...I wrote a lot :'D #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #odypen #yahoo!!! #sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane

[fairydrowning]

Z-Library being taken down is the beginning of my villain original era.

#I'll never forget how y'all choose coho books over this huge site #i needed this site so badly today for my academic things #if anyone knows about other sites which is similar to that please do share that in comments section #dark academia #light academia #books #z library

[keymintt]

a lil gift for @confusedlucifer of their ocs bastien and wolfgang!!

#art #drawing #for others #my art #gift art #jane's art and ocs are rad and also fun to draw hehe >:3 #posting gift art rarely crosses my mind nowadays so if i drew smthin for you and you want me to post it pls let me know and i will #or if i never posted a comm pls feel free to poke me abt that too and i can post it too #it's not a problem for me to post things at all i just. forget. or in the case with stuff for my ocs i'll stockpile things for a big post

[drowsydomme]

somehow it's an unspoken rule that i'm the person in my social circles who orders for everyone while at a restaurant/cafe which is fine, right, except that occasionally a server/barista will get flustered because they like my voice so much 🥴

#i'll never forget the first time it ever happened and it was a cashier who blushed and said can you...tell me what to do again? #and i was like SIR THIS IS A WENDYS and he blushed so hard and started complimenting me and he gave me so many extra fries #i hope he's doing good wherever he is #also i used to work in broadcast and someone once told me that they had a thing for my voice since they'd tune into the radio while at work #i mean it's nice i guess? #it just catches me off guard lol #storytime #mine

[cold-neon-ocean]

Something soft of my bees Hunnie and Poppy! I’ve had this lying around for a while and decided to post it! Eventually I’ll get around to rendering it

#Hunnie #Princess Poppy #Bug OCs #Insect OCs #[ Sorry I just drop OCs I've never talked about before lol #I've posted these two a bit on Twitter and realized I've never done that here #maybe I should talk about them more in the descriptions or something #I forget Tumblr doesn't have the crummy algorithm that punishes you for not #having short snappy descrptions on art posts lol #so I always keep things brief #do people on tumblr like when there's longer descriptions on art to give context? #idk maybe I'll have to try that sometime #I could have said something useful down here but oh well lol #enjoy the bees ] #Neon Ocean Art

[bylertruther]

byler + santa clarita diet au where will is sheila and mike is joel. you nod and clap and agree because you know that it fucks severely and fits them perfectly, yes

summary for the uninitiated:

#blood tw #mine #will is literally zombie boy n mike is Like That . liek. please ... . . it suits them so well they're already canonically halfway there #will Goes Thru Some Shit n comes back wrong aka he's actually zombie boy #mike is just like his canon s2 self. knows fuck-all abt what's going on with his monster bf but he tries his best bc one thing abt him is #he WILL support n defend not only will's gay rights ... but also his gay wrongs 🫶 #they don the s2 tunnel outfits not to go into the tunnels obvi but bc they're making n packing will's 'lunches' for the week #hashtag meal planning bc mike breaks down 2 will one time n says if they're going to do this they're going to do it RIGHT gdi #sits down at his laptop later and scrolls through housewife pinterest for hours to get all the cleaning + meal planning tips #will says he's on a caveman diet or some other bullshit bc he can't eat people food anymore only raw meats #the party thinks its fucking Gröse n dustin doesn't buy it n el says eW wiLL [insert a grimace she 100% learned from mike here] #in the early days when they're still getting the hang of things or shit just goes fucky during um . well. them getting will some Lunch #they hit an artery or smth idk n get blood on mike's sweater and he whines abt it SO much and NEVER lets will forget tht it #was his FAVORITE sweater actually!!!! the things he does for love smh..... 🙄 #clasps my hands 2gether. ok so which one of u is writing it then . teacher voice It's Okay I'll Wait . #DFBJHBDJHBFJDHJ #ideas