#things it has gotten me: the knowledge to say dumb shit like this

[star-anise]

Everyone's got a take, and I've got a take too, about the current Internet Villain: James Somerton, a gay Youtuber who just got exposed (in the back half of a 4-hour video) as massively plagiarizing the work of LGBTQ+ media critics, historians, and memoirists, and then exposed in another 2-hour video as just making up the wildest nonsense about the topics he demonstrably had access to accurate information on.

He achieved a six-figure income on his work by squeezing money out of his audience with claims...

That only he was creating content that preserved queer history and elevated the voices and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community (a lie)

He was in serious financial distress and would have to go out of business if people didn't give him tons of money (a lie)

That he was going to use some of that cash to make definitely good and not-at-all-plagiarized independent movies, a thing he was definitely skilled and experienced enough to do (a lie), and

That those plagiarism allegations were incorrect,, and frankly,,,, hurtful and homophobic. (a GIANT lie)

Like, here's a visualization of the script of one of his videos, "Society and Queer Horror". The highlighted bits were lifted nearly verbatim from the works of others—the 18 authors identified at the time the exposé was posted—and presented as Somerton's own work.

So here's what drives me absolutely up the wall about this:

If he had just ADMITTED that it was the work of other people, THAT WOULD STILL BE COOL. If he had just said, up front, "We are going on a survey of thoughts and insights people have had about this topic", that would still be a good video with a real audience!

Like yes, he studied business in university, he might not have gotten the kinds of research skills and knowledge someone like Kaz Rowe uses to not just report on the history and analysis of others, but evaluate their relative validity and trustworthiness.

But honestly, since watching my niblings (oldest is 13) watch Youtube, I think you honestly can't underestimate the number of viewers who are really hungry for someone saying, "I don't understand this topic! Let's explore it together!"

But NOOOOOOO, Somerton didn't want to be just some schmuck waxing enthusiastic about homoeroticism on film and acknowledging the smartness of other people. He wanted to be HIM, MR. SMARTYBOY, very sophisticated and alluring and thoughtful and deep. Definitely an intellectual heavyweight who just happened to spout off his own personal ideas and analysis that put him at the forefront of all the scholarship on the topic he's come across.

I hate being wrong. Hate being wrong. But blogging for most of my life has forced me to confront constant textual evidence that two or ten or twenty years ago, I said some dumb-ass shit. Honestly, it'd probably keep me up at night sometimes even if I didn't have a written record. I absolutely understand the desire to scan the field, find the coolest people around, and quickly clothe yourself in as perfect an imitation of them as you can manage.

But if you want to be an artist or a scholar who produces something lasting, you can't prioritize coolness over truth all the time. To develop your true, independent voice, you need to find a time and place where it is just you and just the work you're doing, and you have pick up your tools and say, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but this is what feels right to me.

There are a lot of things in life to which we can only truly contribute our presence and our perspectives. Things we can only witness or hold space for. We cannot go back and bleed the pain out of history, or erase the complexity of another person's life. Not honestly, at least.

But those are the times that need our presence, our perspectives, our witness, and our space. When we gather round and tell sad tales about the death of kings, honesty can be the only thing you give that's worth a damn in the large scale of things.

If this dude had owned up to the truth and honestly showed the work of trying to piece together a queer understanding of the world, trying to draw the threads of culture together until he found a place he fit inside them, it would have been so much more valuable to our culture as a whole.

He probably made more money this way, though. While it lasted.

#staranise original #james somerton #plagiarism #lgbt discourse

[asteria-argo]

fuck it I'm elaborating on that last post actually. My preface is that I don't work in or study marketing, but I had to do extensive unit on it for my actual course which means while I'm not an expert I do know enough that the arc annoys the shit out of me! This is a disorganized rant on my part, no one read too much into it.

POINT A.1

a lot of the work we see Keeley do in season one and two isn't actually PR, it's brand coordination. That's a separate department to Public Relations. They both fall under the marketing department umbrella, and there is an overlap in responsibilities depending on the size of the corporate entity but they aren't the same thing!

This doesn't actually matter that much, and sometimes it varies from company to company how marketing teams are structured anyway but it bothers me that it's called PR when she's doing Brand Coordination! They aren't the same thing!

POINT A.2

jumping off from point A.1 into the actual rant, the show likes to treat Keeley as an all-rounder, which I'm sure is just for convenience sake so they don't have to write in or hire actors to actually be Richmond's marketing department, but I think that's stupid! Most corporate marketing and communications roles in real life require at least a bachelors degree, she wouldn't have the necessary knowledge or experience to fulfill multiple of these roles at once.

Which leads me to my actual point, which is that Keeley is supposed to be a self made character but they consistently just hand her things.

Rebecca just hands her a job she isn't qualified for, very similarly to what she does to Ted, only with Keeley her motivations are to provide Keeley with a new avenue* in life rather than Keeley actively seeking these opportunities for herself! It's not self made if Keeley isn't trying to make it happen for herself.

I will admit it's been a while since I properly watched season one, so I might be wrong about that above statement, but it doesn't change the fact Keeley, much like Ted and probably even moreso than Ted who is at least qualified to coach to some degree, is not qualified for the job that Rebecca just hands her in any formal capacity.

(*side note; I can't remember if Rebecca was being genuine or trying to sabotage the club some more when she offered Keeley the job, but if she was doing the latter that is an entirely separate rant)

Then, they just hand her her own company she is equally underqualified for! She has maybe a year of formal marketing experience at the time, she has no formal training and she is a free lancer with one known client. They never show us Keeley working for anyone but Richmond! in fact, she works within Richmond, so it's safe to say they are literally her only client!

look, I'm not saying it's impossible for her to have gotten a free lance PR job at Richmond, that isn't actually my main concern with Keeley's arc, it's a good starting point, but it's important that it's acknowledged that Keeley isn't as prepared for the role as she could be. It's a conflict and conflict is what makes stories interesting.

My main problem is that they ignore the fact she isn't qualified, make her seem perfect and on top of everything, give her multiple legs up via friendship nepotism and dumb luck, and then when she is finally shown to be struggling, the rug is swept out from under her due to external, bullshit factors that have nothing to do with her actual professional struggles. And then she gets bailed out, via more friendship nepotism. It's BORING! You had a perfect plot sitting right there and you stepped over it!

POINT B

But Asteria, I hear you asking, why do you keep calling Keeley a free lancer? Because, dear reader, if she actually worked for Richmonds Marketing department, she would be in their marketing department!

There are mutliple interconnecting roles in a marketing department, data analysts, social media teams, media coordinators! They typically work together in an office building, similar to Keeley's PR company! There are a lot of different roles and a lot of different employees involved! think cubicles and break rooms, not a private office in the dungeon of a stadium.

So, Keeley from what the show tells and shows, is a free lance PR consultant not for the stadium itself, but for members of the team and later the greyhounds as an entity. This is where I would veer off course!

Instead of ending season two with a bullshit out of the blue here's your own company girl boss arc, I'd have Rebecca offer Keeley some kind of formal training avenue to get some more experience, build up her portfolio, and make progress in her career via some kind of internship or traineeship with Nelson Roads marketing team.

Why does this cause conflict? Because Keeley sucks at it! Keeley, for as friendly and sociable as she is, is not a corporate team player. She canonically doesn't understand corporate etiquette, she doesn't respect a lot of corporate practices, and to the people who have actually spent years of their lives studying and working for their positions, she doesn't deserve to be there!

She's there because she's a rich model whose friends with their millionaire boss. She's not self made to them, she hasn't come from nothing, she owns a mansion and wears designer almost exclusively. She has weekly lunch with the owner of their company, she was dating their star player and now she's dating the assistant coach, she got hired with no experience or education because she has friends in high places, if I was some poor marketing employee with student debt who worked my ass off to be there? I'd be pissed off, I wouldn't like her!

and Keeley is a very make her own way person, she isn't prepared for the rules and parameters that working in a corporate environment has! She also isn't used to not being liked! The team all love her, she makes friends really easy! It isn't an environment that she is comfortable in or used too, and she struggles with it!

Her arc would be about deciding if it's worth it! Where to compromise and where to hold to fast! Proving that she does deserve to be there to herself and to others! Realizing that she has had a lot of things handed to her, and that she is not as self made and independent as she previously claimed to be! Deciding how to proceed with that realization! Working on herself to understand the perspective of others!

You can give her a crisis of confidence and self doubt with that! You can make her actively trying to learn more and better herself! Give her the Elle Woods Arc She Deserved! She doesn't have to be The Boss, she just has to be an active character in her own story!

POINT C

Splitting Keeley from the main cast was dumb! It was just a bad choice! It's an ensemble show, ensemble shows never work when you split up the ensemble. That's part of why season three felt so weird to watch!

I love Keeley, I really do, but her story was not substantial enough to stand on its own! She needs to be connected to Nelson Road and Richmond one way or another, or she might of well have been written off because the KJPR story line doesn't serve the over all plot or Keeley's character development. She starts and ends the season in the exact same spot, and she contributes almost nothing to the main story line.

This point of mine is more of technical perspective on writing but if something doesn't serve a purpose in a story, especially a story that is actively trying to be concise like the third season of ted lasso allegedly was, you need to either change it so that it does serve a purpose or cut it. Characters aren't people, they are tools used within a narrative to tell a story. Keeley wasn't used effectively as a tool to the narrative in any capacity.

Also I just think it would've been a lot more interesting to explore Roy and Keeley's relationship breaking down in real time. Them breaking up off screen and then ignoring each other for most of the season was, once again, boring!

In Conclusion

I hate the KJPR story line because it was so easy to fix and it could've elevated the narrative in so many ways but nooooooo we had to have THAT shit show. You could even keep Barbara in my version. Like,, she can still be there and it would work better. They fumbled so bad, Keeley deserved better.

#Keeley Jones #I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this as you can probably tell #does this count as meta? #I think so #ted lasso meta

[whoiwanttoday]

Happy Easter guys, hope you have a good one. Usually I'd make some effort to make an Eastery post with bunny costumes or something but the truth is I couldn't be assed to do so this year. I am tired. So I am posting Sydney Sweeney instead because she's attractive but also because all of Easter is wrapped up in fertility symbolism and she has boobs. I dunno if you noticed but she does. And while breasts themselves are debatable in how well they indicate fertility they have always been a very popular symbol for fertility since prehistoric times. This is because while there are some shitty people who love to feel smart by shitting on how dumb ancient people are, people are people and people have always been smart and it means people have always gotten breasts were great. They may not have known why but they knew. You can conclude they must be important cause you keep looking at the and you're not some idiot who wastes their time looking at unimportant things if you're a hunter gatherer. It's been a long time since I've talked about it so why not help illuminate what the ancients instinctively knew but couldn't articulate and what we have figured out building on the foundations of knowledge they and all our ancestors have passed down to us. Breasts are the only reason human civilization exists, they are the only reason this post can exist, they are the only reason you have the mental capacity to read and understand this post, they are the only reason we have complex language. You see, other mammals are born with muzzles or snouts. We are not which means our head can be a lot bigger because I want all of you guys to think about vagina, like really think about it, and now think about a human head fitting there. It's kind of wild it gets out but now imagine if you added a muzzle or a snout. It doesn't work, not even a little bit. The only way you're getting that head through is by making the head as a whole smaller. That means decreased brain size. That means less brain power and thus we're just dumb animals with snouts and tiny boobs because boobs lose their purpose. See, human breasts are gigantic. Everyone. Anyone out there insecure because you think you have small breasts I am here to tell you they are massive. Biologically human breasts are just gigantic, no one else really has them, their breasts and nipples are just flat against their body most of the time. Thus the snout or muzzle because baby animals need to be able to reach the nipple and still breathe. With our faces if human women didn't have large breasts our noses would crush against their bodies and we would suffocate ourselves trying to eat as children. Thus the options for evolution is die (this one is bad), have a snout of muzzle (this means we're dumber), or big breasts so we can eat and breath and think deep thoughts (this is us, humans, we're perfect). So what I am saying is the human breast is fantastic and we should all be thankful for it because it's the only reason we're here. And Sydney Sweeney made me think of that, she is a living bit of representation that we are an evolutionary marvel and if you find yourself looking at her chest it's only because deep down you know it's the reason you have the life you do. Happy Easter everybody. Today I want to fuck Sydney Sweeney.

#Sydney Sweeney #blonde #Actress #whoiwanttofucktoday

[gardenofnineveh]

Oh, oh, I am laughing so hard at plumber Aemond! I just can't stop laughing, it's just too good. Please say you'll write a short drabble of Luke, Aemond and Tom's life together. I really like the AU you created.

Dear Anon-chan,

Thank you ☺️ I have gathered a collection of my thoughts that are hopefully entertaining 🥸

Lucerys gives birth to a baby girl. Both Tom and Aemond are totally girl dads 👧 (girl = my precious baby, let me braid your hair; boy = aight boy, you’re getting outta my house as soon as you turn 18)

Tom and Aemond have a fight about naming. Aemond wants to name his daughter Vhagar, but Tom thinks that’s old-fashioned and might get his child bullied in school.

Luke steps in and names the child Lois in honor of Tom’s sister with the middle name Helaena in honor of Aemond’s sister. (Ofc, her last name is Velaryon after Luke)

They rotate on baby tasks. Tom loves to keep the baby on his chest before bed time while he reads a book (*ahem* Kama Sutra to learn ancient Indian knowledge on how to make his sperm more potent than that of Aemond). Little lucu-fruit sometimes chomps down on Tom’s nipples when he holds her like that (just Tom’s, not Luke’s or Aemond’s).

Aemond likes to hold the baby while he stands upright with their cheeks pressed together.

Luke straddles the baby his hip as he goes around the house. (Luke has an excess of 🥛 production, so he pumps to store in the fridge.)

Luke is super protective of his child, but Aemond and Tom takes it to an excessive level.

They are all great parents but have very different parenting styles. Luke is the nurturing, understanding kind. Tom is the let’s play and explore the world, hands-on kind. Aemond is the teaching, knowledgeable kind.

Tom and Aemond are try-hard dads, but also dumb daddies. (See refusal to get a paternity test — they’d just argue that the baby is more like them because of the baby likes something… Arguments start as jokes and quickly escalate to getting physical. Luke has to put them in timeout corner and force them to wear a get-along shirt.)

Whenever one of them is taking care of the baby, the other takes advantage of the free time and gets spicy 🌶️ time with Luke.

Once little lucu-fruit bites Tom’s nipple while Tom is child duty. Tom’s bursts into the bathroom to check on his nipple but instead he finds Aemond and Luke banging. (Luke swears they were just trying to unclog the drain because Aemond is a plumber 🔧)

The three of them have broken the bed frame 🛌 on more than one occasion 😅

Whenever Tom is deployed or Aemond has to travel for work, Aemond and Tom work in a seamless alliance to update each other on Luke’s status.

After his pregnancy, Luke joins a gym because he thinks he should lose some weight (Tom & Aemond are like no, you don’t, you’re perfect ❤️)

Luke’s gym trainer is someone by the name of Osferth. Tom and Aemond quickly intervene after seeing Osferth’s face and convince Luke that they can train him.

Tom is daddy, and Luke is papa. That has been the arrangement since before Aemond was a thing. So Aemond gets called father. (Secretly, Aemond wishes for a cuter name.)

So when little Lois Helaena is in elementary school and learns about this, she begins calling Tom “dad” and Aemond “daddy almond”. Luke is always “papa” 😚 (Aemond’s heart melts.)

Aemond and Tom compete on who can do the best hairdos for their girl. Low key start a YouTube channel for girls’ hairstyles.

After Tom is honorably discharged from the Navy, Aemond and Tom start a Plumbing + HVAC business. (Tom fixed HVAC systems on navy ships.)

Luke, Aemond, and Tom have more children! Luke names their second child, a boy, Vizzy D after Aemond’s father Viserys and Tom’s father Douglas.

Any boy who tries to hit on their girl will be given shit (and fire and blood) from Tom and Aemond. It’s gotten to the point where little Lois has cried to Luke about it multiple times.

The three of them live a simple but fulfilling life full of love 💗

#lucemond #tom bennett x lucerys velaryon #aemond targaryen #lucerys velaryon #tom bennett

[arcplaysgames]

whbat in the absolute fuck

look at her fucking pose in the gameplay, what is this.

WHY IS THIS SUCH A TROPE? Like how come out of the three Persona games I know enough to speak to, all three of them have Sexy Teacher Who Is Wildly Inappropriate With Students? What the fuck. I'm uncomfortable. How did we get rid of Mister "everyone in this room is a slut destroying our society" and have not by default gone up in the world? goddammit.

I cannot help but assume that's the point. The shadows are getting more and more rowdy in each dungeon, the news of the channel is spreading, like.... that has to be part of the point.

Naoto shows up to let everyone know there is a prime suspect that the cops are trying to apprehend, but in doing so shoves his fucking foot so far in his mouth his stomach is chewing on louis vuitton

fucking GET HIM

like for real, Naoto, dial down the condescending bullshit about 25% bruh

LITERALLY THE BEST CHARACTER. he is just-- look. you are allowed to laugh at me. go ahead. the comparison to Akihiko is very funny to me. Two lightning bruisers, but Akihiko funnels all of his energy into tending to the temple of his body until he's acting like vegetables will personally slit his throat in his sleep, vs Kanji, who has like the same power and energy profile but doesn't have an outlet for it yet so he keeps doing funny outbursts that don't make sense even to him.

Lightning boys!!!! Who is lightning in P5 and are they this good? I hope so.

also look at his facepalm while studying. best boy. Also in his social link, we met a little boy sad about losing his "friend's" rabbit doll, and Kanji went looking for it and now plans to make the boy another one. LOVE.

Maxing out Yosuke's SLink. Buddy, I don't know if punching you will fix you but if you want me to try, by golly.

PICTURED: Two fucking idiots.

OH SNAP THE ULTIMATE PERSONA IS LOCKED TO SLINKS? OH DAMN. I will miss Jiraiya and their awesome scarf. The locomotion of their spin has always brought me joy. But I'm hyped for Ultraman Buzzsaw Hulahooper.

So that was Magician! I.... am still not sold on Yosuke as the Magician honestly? I really liked his arc and the simmering anger and learning to deal with grief and coming to terms. But it's not very Magician-y at all? Eh whatever. Not everyone can be Junpei.

Sometimes, I don't have to look up these answers because I have a specific knowledge set and it includes weird card knowledge.

Rise is really compelling and funny. She's down to earth! She also will just get a translator! She's fun.

C H I E. DON'T JUST TELL PEOPLE THAT!

This game is like.... very good at portraying teenage immaturity. Like, everyone is generally a decent person until they're kind of a little shit about something or other. They're all very likeable but the maturity gap with SEES is really stark, yanno? Everyone in SEES was a traumatized kid who had already been through shit BEFORE they got their gun-shaped Superpower Launchers. the P4 team is just. dumb kids! with powers!

but really chie don't tell people kanji is queer, for fuck's sake girl

LOVERS SOCIAL LINK: GET! I ain't saying shit about how someone doesn't seem like Lovers, I learned my lesson.

However. One thing, another point of comparison from P3P-- I somehow doubt that Rise would do the Lovers thing with someone other than Reverie like Yukari did with Mitsuru. With the exception of Chie and Yukiko, it feels like everyone's most important relationship is with the MC, not with other characters.

I do feel very sad about that. Akihiko and Ken had Shinjiro, Yukari and Mitsuru had each other. Fuuka and Junpei arguably were closest to FeMC, but they weren't islands. Junpei and Akihiko were frequently in their own little scenes, and Fuuka had that with Junpei and Shinjiro as well.

With the P4 team, everyone orbits around the MC. Which isn't bad. It's fine. But it also loses something, you know?

The police still haven't actually gotten ahold of their suspect, and Nanako gets scared and runs over to sit by Reverie. God, that's crushing. Do you ever think about Nanako pre-P4? How much fucking time did she spend alone? God, I hate Dojima.

MEANWHILE, I DON'T KNOW WHY THE GAME KEEPS GIVING ME FLIRTATIOUS OPTIONS WITH ADACHI BUT I AM GOING TO KEEP CHOOSING THEM LIKE THIS IS HATOFUL BOYFRIEND AND I'M HITTING ON SHUU I GUESS? What is this. Why was I able to invite him to dinner????

anyway its FINALLY SUMMER VACATION TIME!

Everyone is making plans to go to the beach! Which leads to a very important question.

Thank you Persona 4 for giving me the best possible options.

Also, Yosuke, I'm gay. It's that simple, homeboy.

...... Kanji, are you.... related to anyone from Iwatodai? Wait no that's impossible, Akihiko is literally an orphan. But still: lightning bruiser boys who want hydrodynamic swimsuits is a Type I guess??????

#p4 #persona liveblog

[melpomaen]

Given the absolutely wonderful Lindir x Haldir, it now just be time for Rúmil x Melpo no? Or just Melpo hcs?

Just very innocently asking ya know

-@elithilanor

I am rehauling my Rúmil X Mel headcanons because the person who used to write Rúmil for me is kind of retired from writing, but I have most of the broad strokes of their timeline down 🌹

Rumil/Figwit hcs

The beginning

I hc that when Haldir is early in his career as a marchwarden, Rivendell used to be somewhere he was sent to often, either as security in larger parties or as a single messenger. Eventually, his duties shift and the Rivendell assignments fall into Rúmil's lap instead.

One of the first times they get a glimpse at each other is when Lindir drags Mel out of Elrond's House to enjoy the view. "The view" is marchwardens arriving in Rivendell. I like the idea that it's kind of shitty out when Lindir does it, so Mel is just like ...What view? Oh. –OH.

RúMel Things

Generally Mel goes by his Sindarin name (Maenod) but Rúmil earns the right to call him Mel/Melpomaen with him in record time.

Mel finds out that Rúmil draws and is absolutely fucking delighted. In a similar vein, Rúmil can watch Mel write for hours. It doesn't even have to be calligraphy or a fancy manuscript, just Mel's penmanship in general. They read to each other often as well.

Mel is very interested in Rú's stories and travels. Rú hasn't actually been around that much (mostly Rivendell and Mirkwood like once or twice) but Mel is still impressed.

Rúmil makes his move by bringing Mel flowers.

Mel starts teaching Rú Quenya. He's a bit past conversational by the end of the Third Age. It's a labor of love on both their parts because learning languages and switching between them in different places/contexts stresses Rúmil tf out. He doesn't speak it super often, but it's nice to know what Mel's family is saying when they're all passing time at home. He also gains far more access to all the weird shit Mel mutters under his breath when he's trying to Get Shit Done. –Turns out, Mel swears like a Gondolin soldier when no ones around.

Rú doesn't teach him North River Pendarin because he's so used to only speaking it in limited contexts that it genuinely slips his mind. He's also gotten a bit worse at speaking it over the years. He still understands it spoken. When Mel meets Haldir and Orophin formally for the first time, they both give Rú a little bit of shit because what do you mean you forgot tell your boyfriend with the language hyperfixation that we speak North River Pendarin

Rúmil's Westron is pretty rough. It's, like, several generations of men out of date and mostly choice phrases like "Get thee gone." and "Return whence you came or fkn else." Rú thinks it's fine for his purposes. Mel's been working on it on it, but they're more focused on Quenya.

Occasionally Rúmil makes a dumb comment about mortals. If they're at Elrond's House, Mel kicks him out of his room for the night. If they're elsewhere, the closest equivalent occurs.

Mel doesn't really have a taste for alcohol. He usually takes one or two sips and slips Rú the rest unless it's something very sweet.

They both love to dance and will spend the whole evening doing so when they have the opportunity.

A section just for hair headcanons

They start braiding each other's hair. It's really easy to tell, which Rú likes a lot. Mel usually wears his very plain, but he's happy to sit while Rú does something more elaborate with it. Rúmil tends to wear the same functional hairstyle day to day, so it's really obvious that Mel put his hair up when he goes around with flower braids and Noldorin hair accessories.

Glorfindel taught Mel a lot of the hairstyles he knows. Sometimes, if Rú is going out hunting or traveling, Mel braids his hair the same way he would for Glorfindel out of habit. Some people do a double take early on, but after it becomes common knowledge that Rúmil and Mel are together no one blinks. It's not like Glorfindel has a patent on the braids or anything. There's just not a lot of people around still putting their hair up in the popular fashion of the House of the Golden Flower circa FA 500.

Mel inherited a good armful of hair accessories from Glorfindel. After they become close, Mel sends Rú home with a golden flower clip.

When Rú gives him a strand of hair to keep, one of the ways Mel keeps it is by braiding it into a small flower shape that he pins into his hair.

When they start courting, they like to do each other's hair in their respective culture's style if they're getting dressed up for something more fancy.

Sometimes it slips Rú's mind that Mel is a Noldo, but the first time they go all out for a festival/big formal event Mel pulls out a spread of jewelry and Rúmil is like Ah. Yes. That's right. Valar above, you guys fkn love your metals. By the time Mel is done, Rúmil has never had so much metal in his hair in his life. He's mildly worried some of it is going to fly out when they dance.

Mel gives Rúmil his hair to make into bow strings occasionally.

They get married, eventually.

When Rúmil breaks the news that he's officially courting Maenod to his brothers they're like Congratulations! then immediately start interrogating him in sibling fashion.

Haldir stands in as the father figure for his brothers' betrothal and wedding ceremonies. He's been through this once before with Orophin so he knows the drill but he's Stressed about it. Notably more than Rúmil is.

Meanwhile, Mel's family is just like this is wonderful! They already like Rúmil and his family. They're not worried about it.

Mel is little nervous about meeting Rú's family formerly, though he's already interacted with them before briefly. He's most nervous about Haldir because he has a reputation in Lorien, both as a Notable and Respectable marchwarden and for being kind of harsh. Lindir helps calm his nerves by reporting that Haldir is only a hardass to wardens and/or younger brothers.

Mel had nothing to worry about; he gets on fantastic with Rúmil's family, especially the brothers.

Rúmil and Mel get betrothed relatively quickly, but it takes them some time to set a wedding date. Neither of them are certain whether they'll sail or stay in Middle Earth. They don't want to end up in a situation where they marry, then one person gets sea-longing and/or chooses the opposite path.

I hc that Orophin marries first out of the three brothers. Haldir/Lindir's Indefinitely Long Situationship™ goes on for so long that it overlaps with Rúmil/Figwit's Indefinitely Long Bethrothal™. Orophin watches this unfold like You have to be fucking kidding me. BOTH of you?

Sometime during the events of the Lord of the Rings, Rú decides he would follow Mel anywhere, whether he sails or stays, and they plan to wed as soon as they're able to see each other again.

They get married in Lorien when Elrond's party stops along the way to Aragorn and Arwen's wedding.

#Maenod | Melpomaen | Figwit #Rúmil of Lorien #About Mel #queer lotr #Tolkien #Rúmil / Figwit #Orophin #Haldir #Glorfindel #//i remembered a read more this time guys

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP4. Replay Part 2

He, uh, did of course. Of Course, part of Ange's arc is learning to not assume the worst out of everyone, but.... I suppose the truth is more complicated than a simple he sold me out, though. I think you are

You can see Ange knows that the truth isn't really something definitive, something she goes back on during EP8, but I don't think you can really blame her considering the surrounding circumstances but more on that later.

In other words, Endless magic is writing an infinite amount of truths to a space where the truth can't be determined, you then have to start considering why someone would want that, and the answer is the depressing answer that someone thought an endless amount of lies was better than the truth of their life.

Considering we know the Rudolf/Kyrie murder theory is becoming popular at this time Ange is hard coping here considering that kind of theories strange superstitions.

Again, Nanjo is an awful liar. Which is funny bc he's the one that has to lie the most out of everyone.

It's Natsuhi who falls into the trap first, which makes sense, I don't think Natsuhi is dumb or anything but she wasn't raised in an environment where she had doubt about everyone around her like the others were, I think.

It's kind of interesting how in early chapters Rudolf would shut up Kyrie before she could say much but in these later chapters Kyrie is a very active participant in the events, she was the one who tries to bait Hideyoshi last chapter too. I wonder if Yasu kind of projected the Natsuhi Krauss dynamic to them, and Tohya maybe had a different view of it? But we do get information that Kyrie isn't completely aware of Rudolf's situation, so it's not entirely made up, but it seems Rudolf is fine with letting her talk once she starts. I guess it might be a thing of "Rudolf knows Kyriie is incredibly sharp but is embarrassed by it and can only sometimes swallow his pride

I thought it was Battler who figured this out, but uh I guess Kyrie and Krauss spell it out for him and he just takes credit afterward.

Still though, you can tell Battler has gotten rid of a lot of his ep2 and 1 naivete, he would have cried and said Krauss wouldn't do that at that time, I think.

Beatrice obviously had to do this eventually, a game where you ask the person with the answer enough questions until they give your the answer isn't exactly a game that proves anything.

Ange already caught on to how te catbox works, no Virgilia or braun tubes necessary!

If you argue like this you are just throwing shit at the wall though.... you aren't trying to understand what the other person is getting at at all. The contrast between the triumphant music that plays while this is being said and the knowledge that this will lead to the ep4 tragedy is interesting....

Everyone deciding how to team up against Krauss without even needing to discuss how they were going to corner him is pretty interesting, I think it shows that they have done this before from their awful childhood.

Hideyoshi here is taking the role of making sure Krauss doesn't just say fuck all of you and hole up in his room or whatever. Krauss doesn't really have an option but to take the deal but if he gets stubborn....

Forgot how hammy and insane Kinzo gets on this chapter.

He's really misogynist though so maybe it is a more accurate Kinzo than Natsuhi!Kinzo

Yeah George you are so fine and not affected by it at all we won't get a scene 2 episodes later about how not fine you really were with it, just rub it on Jessica's face her concerns are so small for someone as great and mature as you.

Ange's really angry at this fake display of Rosa and Maria's bond... it is mostly written in a way to satisfy Maria I am sure but still, I would probably not react that differently if one of my friends abuse was written out like this....

Maria is not like, wrong, that Ange tends to think what objectively happened = is what she wants to have happened. You can see this with how she refuses to believe Eva was not the killer, but still... She's obviously right in this situation but yelling at Maria for it is definitely not the answer.

The VA did a good job with Rosa here... you can tell Rosa knows that what she is doing fucked up. The fact Maria knows all the sites to hide her neglect from memory is really, really fucked up. Rosa knows she is fucking up. But that isn't enough to stop her...

I am crying again, I think what makes these so much worse is that I am pretty sure if Maria told Rosa any of these she would get really fucking angry...

Maria pretends so hard to not know what's going on but Sakutarou breaks the illusion "If she thought you were a pain or annoying" that's not what anyone so far has said!

Even when tries to force herself to think she is happy, she can't stop hoping and begging for her mother to come back.

I used to have really tough conversations not completely unlike this when I was getting abused... in the long run, I think it was very important that I heard these tough truths even if I rejected them at the time. But I think you can tell Ange isn't coming from it from the right place, she's mainly angry Maria isn't suffering like she did....

Imagine abandoning your child for many days and your first worry is if they were happy in the wrong way....

The real issue here is that Rosa felt embarrassed, if you think about it the chances of a 9-year-old connecting all the dots would be pretty hard, and even if she did she can dismiss it as a business trip or whatever, but Rosa feels deep embarrassment at herself and what she has done, so having Maria even be kind of aware of it causes her to lash out.

To be honest, it's hard to not feel like the bad guy here with Maria insisting she was happy and me pointing out that her abrupt mood changes and seeking consolation from her child are both also abusive.... but it's important to know that in the end Maria was so pained by all of this she chose suicide.

It's kind of funny Maria can't keep up considering how much she has mastered the terms by 1986, guess this is a year or 2 beforehand.

In other words, Kumasawa can get the other servants to play along with Sakutaro, lmfao.

The description of a diplomat in Sakutarous's profile is very funny to me.... I am just imagining him as a country representative at an embassy.

#umiepisode4 #umineko

[saltedrats]

Indulge me, if you please:

So I think we can all agree that Ruination threw A LOT of champions under the bus (not even talking about the ones involved, mind), but Kalista was one of the big ones. I’ve also seen a resounding agreement (Between Twitter and Tumblr) that TF absolutely should have been ruined for some good ol’ angst (‘oh no babe you’ve gotten fog horned this is personal now’ type angst) between Graves and him.

But then I was like, ‘wait a minute’ my girl Kalista! The literal fucking embodiment of revenge! I love her too!!! Wait a minute, Graves wanted revenge so bad he almost killed both TF and himself to get it! WAIT-

So, I’m going to explain my thought process behind this in the best that way I can.

So, Viego unleashes the Ruined mist across Runeterra, as followed (in the ruined king GAME, mind you), and Senna and Lucian do their little thing.

Now, to my knowledge, Kalista is bound to the shadow isles (like Thresh), but the Mist changed that (I believe, I’m ngl I didn’t actually finish sentinels of light so let’s say it does for the purposes of this) allowing them to go to different parts of the known world, and Kalista doesn’t seem that well versed in the concept of, you know, forgiveness. That’s where TF and Graves comes in.

Graves HATED TF in the locker, as is established. Kalista even has a voice line related to Graves, insisting if he just ‘says his name, his revenge will be complete’. Well, we can now assume that Graves isn’t really invested in that anymore. And, as Graves would probably put it, “uhhhh, which name, exactly? :)”

And this would likely piss Kalista off. She (they?) get wanting revenge yourself, girlboss, gatekeep, gaslight, am I right? But when she picks up on the fact that Graves FORGAVE TF? And the fact that they’re PARTNERS (in multiple senses)? Well, I don’t think she, or the hundreds of avenged (of killed) souls would particularly vibe with that.

There’s also the logic that Graves actually hasn’t forgiven TF, but instead that kind of skittishness of the past has been totally warmed over. Like he got over it, and he doesn’t care what happened because he has his TF now, and that’s all that matters. Like there will always be a tiny part of Graves, shoved back in the dusty cobwebs of his skull, that will never, ever forgive TF, but the logical rest of him is like “yeah, I’m over it, kiss me before we go blow up a bunch of people.” That’s just the type of guy he is.

But TF, on the other hand, worried about fucking EVERYTHING. This man definitely is not 100% right in the head (in my mind, after everything he’s been through, you can’t be. You can only watch your family leave you so many times, and watch all your friends die so many times before it starts to take a toll on you mentally). But he’s probably convinced himself that Graves hasn’t forgiven him (at all, in his poor anxiety riddled mind), and probably never will, and TF made his peace with it in his own way. Graves assures him like “shut up, stop worrying about that dumb Shit” and gives his boyfriend a big ol’ hug.

So, given this, Kalista decides to take matters into her own hands, no longer bound by the ‘you need to ask me for permission’. Think about Kayle, almost, the sense of self-righteousness and ‘this is how it should be, and will be. No one gets second chances’ type of ideal. Forgiveness doesn’t EXIST to Kalista and the souls tethered to her. So, Kalista does her equivalent of ‘taking’, using TF as another competitor to Viego and the sentinels, because Viego and Thresh are the ones who betrayed her in the first place.

Graves and TF eventually butt heads in the field, and TF being the girlboss he is, starts manipulating Graves. Insisting that this is Graves fault, that Graves never forgave him, and that Graves did this to them after he left TF during an apocalypse, and if Graves would get over it, everything would be alright (I will NEVER get over this point).

This, logically, destroys Malcolm. He sulks, 100% because boy, that hurts. But eventually Graves has an epiphany (maybe talking to Vayne, because I think if written correctly, their friendship COULD be wholesome and NICE and have great development for BOTH of them) and is like “wait a damn MINUTE- I AM OVER IT!”

This leads to the actual resolution, Graves HAS forgiven TF, but the issue arises where TF hasn’t forgiven himself for what happened all those years ago, which is how TF was able to be affected by Kalista at all. Graves didn’t want revenge of TF, TF in a way, wanted revenge on himself for the mistakes he made that lead to Graves being sent to the locker.

Then there’s the emotional confrontation, where Graves calls TF out of his bullshit and saves his boyfriend because of it (ah, the powers of assurance and smooches). Kalista gets sent to the shadow realm along with Viego (she just goes back to the shadow isles, because I’m not even addressing statue Viego)

TLDR; Graves is stubborn and TF is dumb, and Kalista doesn’t understand Marriage.

#malcolm graves #tf x graves #league of legends #my art #sorry for the essay #but this has been pinging around in my brain for a while #twisted fate x graves #twisted fate #kalista #ruination #sentinels of light #it’s a dumb idea but I think it’s good #maybe #im not obssesed with ruination im obsessed with what it could’ve been #there’s a DIFFERENCE #idiot pirates

[feelingprettypsyched]

Fic: These Are the Days That Never End

They both have bad days.

With their histories and traumas—their lives and brushes with death—how could they fucking not have days where, if they even manage to even crawl out of bed, find that the whole great big beautiful goddamn world seems tainted, as if tinted by dark glass.

But thankfully their bad days don't usually line up.

And Richie has gotten better at reading Eddie's moods. He can pick out if it's a "I love you but if you don't leave me alone I'll tear your fucking head off" day or a "let's binge watch X-Men: The Animated Series and you can put me to sleep with your dumb fucking deep dive knowledge of comics" day.

Or if it's this: Eddie tucked up in the corner of the sofa, a pad of expert-level Sudoku puzzles balanced in his knees. He hasn't said more than a dozen words to Richie since they woke up, and it's after lunch now—

Richie's clearing away their sandwich plates when Eddie touches Richie's hand. "Sorry," he says. "Just moving a little... slow today."

Richie threads their fingers together. "You don't have to apologize, man."

Eddie nods and lets out a breath. "Right." A moment passes, and then he offers, "Still wanna check out that thing downtown later?"

"Oh yeah." Richie grins. "And maybe a Trader Joe's run after?"

"InstaCart's easier."

"But what if I don't know what I want? It's not a success unless I've spent at least a hundred bucks on shit I didn't know existed until I saw it there on the shelf, especially if the packaging is adorable." This is actually becoming a problem: they're approaching the point where Richie's sauce, spread, and tapenade collection will require its own refrigerator.

But Eddie still seems unconvinced, so Richie throws in, "Or we could make Kraft mac and eat it straight out of the pot... The eleven month anniversary of us moving in together doesn't happen every day."

This at least drives Eddie to let out a beautifully inelegant snort. "If I knew what a sappy fucking bastard you'd end up being, I'd have reconsidered it."

"You love it."

"Yeah," says Eddie, by now half-smiling, "I do."

Richie smiles too, feeling something quite possibly like joy swell in his chest. Then he leaves Eddie to his puzzles – he works in pen, because of course he fucking does – and pads back into the kitchen.

#reddie #eddie x richie #richie x eddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie fanfic #reddie fanfiction #it chapter 2 #my fic #tumblr drabble

[sketching-shark]

People get mad at me whenever I point out how kinda suckish Wukong is as a person. Saying that I don't understand his trauma or his pain and that he's trying. But like, I understand Wukong might be going through some shit, but his pain doesn't excuse him causing pain to others.

And it's not like those who criticize Wukong are pulling stuff from their ass. It's repeatedly illustrated in the show by the writers that everyone in Wukong's past who is still alive hates him because of the pain he caused them. Because of his mistakes. His decisions. His recklessness. They touch on this A LOT. They have Mei outright say it in S3.

"Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?!" Story of Wukong's life, apparently. Macaque, the Brotherhood, MK, Mei. All suffered through extreme trauma because of Wukong. Azure Lion and Macaque get literal PTSD just from seeing MK act/look like Wukong.

Not to say Wukong is a bad person morally, but he's like a ticking time bomb. You can chuck it at the enemy, but it can just as easily blow up in your face as well.

Monkie Kid spoilers + me grumbling and being mean to a monkey on main below

SSSSSSIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHH yea anon you've definitely hit the nail on their being frankly enormous amounts of whiplash in Monkie Kid canon and fanon at this point in terms of the plot going out of its way to repeatedly write Sun Wukong as a reckless idiot who ruins the lives of everyone around him & literally everyone who knew him from his past hates his guts because of dumb destructive stuff he did AND YET the hope is routinely dangled that maybe they'll be some good explanation for why he acts the way he acts and maybe they'll all get to be best friends at some point. But given this unrelenting insistence on more angst & more trauma, which frequently is written as partially or completely the consequence of what Sun Wukong did or what he failed to do, my doubt that they'll be able to write that in a satisfying way given everything that happened beforehand grows stronger. Because if we're being honest at this point the Monkey King has been portrayed as so careless, so destructive, so incapable of making a genuinely good decision that there isn't a single person who's life was made better from their interactions with Sun Wukong, and many whose lives were made much worse. So we're left in this weird state where on one hand lots of people recognize that and thus either hate the Monkey King wholesale and/or frequently depict SWK getting yelled at and rejected by everyone in their fan creations, while simultaneously depicting him in other ways as a beloved member of team good guy & having a strong relationship with Macaque, never mind that the shadow monkey's generally see as the main victim of SWK's badness. In addition, even the audience has barely gotten a glimpse at what the root of SWK's trauma may be, but I worry that at this point any painful past he might be given will be too little and too late to explain his actions. And I HATE that trope of "sad past=automatic redemption" so I really hope that's not what they're aiming for.

Either way & as I've said before, at this point it's kind of baffling why any of the other characters--who it must be remembered have no knowledge about the headband torture times--would even consider legoshow Sun Wukong getting trapped in ink hell world a bad thing. As far as they know he's done nothing but hurt and betray literally everyone for 0 reason except being stupid and selfish. And him getting trapped in the memory scroll means he'll be punished forever for his monkey crimes as he apparently so richly deserves all while the ticking time bomb that is Sun Wukong won't ever get the chance to hurt anyone ever again. So, win-win!

Truly, this was the best way to introduce the Monkey King & Journey to the West to the west & Chinese kids, huh.

#monkie kid spoilers #monkie kid sun wukong #anon answered #yea warning that i'm being a bit of a mean pessimist here haha

[scorphargrove]

Bite Back ~ Billy Hargrove x fem Reader first eight chapters now on AO3 - please consider reading there because this story is a LONG one and I'm not sure if I'll be able to post every chapter here. :')

Chapter One here.

Chapter Two here.

Chapter Three-

It becomes a bit of a routine after that, spending time with Billy. Some days when you slip out the side doors to find peace on your bench, Billy is already there. Some days he’ll walk up as you listen to your music, always coughing or scuffing his shoes in the dirt to alert you of his presence.  

You think it’s nice that he tries to never sneak up on you, but you never mention it out loud. For you, it’s nice to have someone else there with you, who without his knowledge helps to chase away the shadows. After all, two people is better than one against the imaginary Demogorgon that you swear lurks around every corner. Something about him makes you feel safe, and you don’t question it, because you’re afraid to know the answer.  

For him, unbeknownst to you, it’s nice to have someone that seemingly understands his need to escape, distracts him from the fire he always feels in his blood, burning him from the inside out. Doesn’t judge him for it, doesn’t question it at all even in the moments when he fears you may feel cut by his sharp edges and run like everyone else.  

And so, the two of you smoke side by side, some days you joke and you share small smiles. Some days you brood in silence, content to not be sitting in each of your versions of darkness alone. And then you go about your days.  

 

---------------

 

On Halloween, Steve picks you up for school sporting one of those dumb red clown noses and you laugh at him, but he takes it off before you go inside because of course he does. Privately, you think he’s funnier when he’s not trying to be the King. But you understand of course, you’re all just playing pretend after all. Bright orange flyers get placed into both of your hands as soon as you enter the building and you glance up at him, towering over you like he does, with a question in your eyes. 

“You wanna go? I could pick you up.” He says as he glances at you where you’re rifling around in your locker.  

“Ugh, I knew it. I thought we were gonna do our own thing this year. You know, avoiding the population at large, getting drunk off your dad’s stash? Sound familiar? Your words, Harrington.” You don’t necessarily enjoy the parties of Hawkins, boring in their repetition, but there’s shit else to do on Halloween night. If he goes to the party, which he’s absolutely going to judging by the look he’s sending you, you know you’ll be tagging along. 

“Come on, it’ll be fun. Lately you’ve been so…” You raise your brows at him, daring him to continue and he holds his hands up in surrender. “You know what I’m saying! You could use a party, loosen up a bit.” He waggles his eyebrows at you and you can’t help but laugh.  

“Okay, fine! But you’re designated driver. No, do not give me that look. I was DD last time.”  

He pouts a bit but finally nods, and as you glance back into your locker because you can’t find your English book anywhere and you know you put it in here yesterday, his hand shoots out at lightning speed and places the red nose on your face. “I’ll drive if you wear that!” You try to smack him as you yank it off but he evades you, heading down the hall to find Nancy with a big grin on his face. You laugh to yourself, finally yanking your English book out of your locker and slamming it closed.  

As you spin around to head to class, you catch sight of Billy down the hall, staring at you with a furrow between his brows. He has a large bandage on his arm and the sight of it makes your stomach drop, noticing more and more lately that he always seems to be hurt in some way. You think is has a lot to do with the pain he so obviously carries with him. He may think he hides it well, but you’re perceptive. You just haven’t gotten the whole picture yet, haven’t figured out his particular brand of recklessness. Maybe, you think, he’s still in the middle of his war with the same tendencies that you’ve learned to mostly overpower in yourself. 

When he catches your eye, he tilts his head to the side. Silently asking you to meet at the bench. Something in the way he’s looking at you makes you shiver, and not in a good way. You nod and he turns on his heel, heading for the side doors, and you follow a bit behind. 

When you walk up to the hidden spot, Billy’s pacing. His face isn’t its usual mask of peace in this place, but rather contorted in anger, or maybe in pain. You don’t say anything as you approach, sliding down onto the bench and taking out your pack. He plops down next to you when you hold one out to him, catching a closer look at the bandage on his arm, hiding three round and raised bumps that you can see through the thin material. They look like cigar burns and you feel your eyebrows draw close together. 

“Not gonna ask?” He questions, gesturing to his bandage, and you shake your head.  

“No. Did you want me to?” He turns and looks at you then, and you feel how you always do under those blue eyes. Like he’s trying to figure you out. Finally he shakes his head no, leaning his head back to look at the sky, and when he speaks it comes out softer. Sad.  

“This shit sucks.” You glance at him and he sighs, the sound is weary and wise and bone deep, too painful to think he’s talking about the current moment. “Everything is shit, you know? This place is shit, these people are shit. It’s like, every day there’s just more shit. And it sucks.”  

You nod, agreeing with him. “Yeah, it does.” 

He meets your eyes again, surprise flickering through like it always does when you say something he doesn’t expect. Maybe he thought you’d disagree, but why would you with what you’ve seen? With no warning, he turns his body to face yours, kicking his boots up on the seat.  

“Does it ever get better? Or do we just keep fighting and fighting until we’ve got nothing left? I mean, what’s the point of that anyway? What’s the point of trying so hard if everything is always going to be shit?” 

The words steal the air from your lungs and you don’t reply for a long moment, monsters and superpowers and Will’s pale face floating through your mind for minutes that stretch out like hours, feeling the phantom weight of an axe in your hands, trying to gather your thoughts. When you finally speak his eyes meet yours and you’re not surprised at all to see the same exhaustion you feel mirrored in his eyes.  

“I don’t know. I think it does. I think… you find the good things in all the shit, and you hold onto them as tight as you can. And maybe… if you have something to fight for, maybe that’s what makes it easier. Maybe we eventually get to a point where the good things, I don’t know, outweigh the shit. But does the shit ever go away? Fuck, I wish I knew.”  

He considers that for a moment, nodding as he thinks, and finally gives you a small smile. “Huh. You’re kind of wise. Who knew. I thought you were more the crazy, brooding, gets drunk alone in the dark kind of gal.” 

You smile back at him. “I am, obviously, but I’m wise too. I’m a very multifaceted individual.” You both laugh, and the moment before shatters, and you silently think that he’s more handsome when he’s laughing. He looks out at the trees and then back at you as he asks, “There’s a party tonight, all the little birdies are talking about it. Are you going?”  

You shrug. “I might make an appearance, if I’m forced.” 

“Let me guess… you’re too cool for Hawkins parties, but your boyfriend isn’t?” His words are mocking but kind of fond, and you roll your eyes, still smiling. “My boyfriend?” 

“Yeah, you know. Guy with the hair and the name. Harrington or whatever. I saw you guys this morning.” 

You scrunch up your nose at the idea and shake your head, “Oh god.” You gesture at yourself with one grand sweep, “Me and Harrington? He’s just a friend. Well, my best friend, really.” 

Billy’s face smooths out a bit at that, smile still in place but a confused glint in his eye when he says, “And why not? What’s wrong with you?” 

You shake your head, playing along, obvious in your joking. “Who said anything about me? He wears polos, Billy.” 

He laughs real loud at that, and those stupid butterflies come back full force. “Oh! So that’s how it is. Here I was thinking you enjoyed my sunny disposition, but you’re just hanging out with me for my style.” 

Through your giggles you instinctively reach out a hand and playfully push at his shoulder. His eyes track the movement, an expression you’ve never seen before on his face. His smile goes a little soft, those baby blues meet yours and he licks his lips. Your eyes accidentally track the movement and you feel yourself blush as he speaks. “You know, I uh, I swear it’s not usually this easy for me to ta-” 

“Y/N! Are you out here?” Steve’s voice breaks through the peaceful moment and you glance at your watch, realizing how much time has passed. You missed all of first period which means he was probably worried.  

“I gotta run. Come find me if you need me, yeah?” 

Billy nods, and you don’t miss the way his eyes follow you as you leave.  

You jog over to the field where Steve is waiting, a furrow already between his brows, and you reach up and smooth it out. “Sorry. Lost track of time.” 

“Bad day again?” He questions, glancing back over to where the bleachers hide your bench, furrow reappearing when he notices another shadow there.  

You suddenly feel like it’s important to give Billy his space right now, to not let Steve interrupt whatever bubble of peace Billy has found. Grabbing hold of his arm you pull him away. You’re not sure why, but that space feels like yours, and maybe it’s starting to feel a little like Billy’s, too. “Nah. I’m alright. Come on, we’re gonna be late for trig.”  

He scoffs and follows along, “Yeah okay, you little delinquent, I’m coming.” 

 

--------------- 

 

Later that day after school, you make your way across the parking lot to Steve’s car, catching sight of Billy’s back in the distance. It makes your stomach twist. You can’t help but wonder if he spent all day on the bench after you left. You hadn’t made it there for lunch, too busy catching up on the work you missed from first period in the library, trying not to fall too far behind before fall break. You were also playing guard while Steve talked to Nancy in one of the study rooms, making sure no one snuck up on them after they had pulled the curtains shut. He’d been sour faced when he emerged and you’d given his arm a sympathetic squeeze before heading for chemistry. 

You wait for Steve by the Beemer, pulling your sleeves over your hands to avoid the chilly air. When he finally comes strutting out of the building you send him a look and a gesture to hurry the hell up, and he laughs as he jogs over.  

“You’re impatient.” He states as he finally unlocks your door.  

“And you’re late. Where’s Wheeler?”  

He rolls his eyes at you and the sour face returns, and you cringe a little before plopping down in your seat. “She’s uh, she’s going to meet us at the party later.” 

“Stevie. Look at me.” He avoids it for a moment, pretending to adjust his mirrors for far too long, and swings his gaze to meet yours. “Nancy just needs time, okay? You’re doing your best, she’ll come to you about whatever she’s feeling when she’s ready.” When the sour look remains on his face you furrow your brows and add, “Unless that’s not all that’s bothering you?” 

He groans. “It’s just. It’s nothing.” 

“It’s not nothing. You’re upset. Spill, Harrington.” 

He taps his hands on the wheel a few times, watching the road. “It’s that guy I told you about. Hargrove. Shoved the fuck out of me today in gym, landed me on my ass and didn’t even say anything just. Kept on walking. He’s been walking around here like he owns the place, being an ass , and today after school he gave me this look, like I had. I don’t know. Personally offended him or something. I just. I have a bad feeling.” 

“Steve. Whoever this… Hargrove guy is, just ignore him. Don’t take the bait. He’s probably just… I dunno, jealous, right?” You say the words with a wag of your eyebrows and he shakes his head.  

“No, Y/N, you don’t get it, Nancy told me today that he tried to… he tried to hit the kids with his car.” 

Your eyebrows fly to your forehead, shocked and fucking angry . “What! Steve, what the fuck! Who does that?” 

“I don’t know. Hargrove, I guess! I don’t get it. Those kids, I mean sure they’re aggravating as hell, but they never bother anyone. Like I said, I have a bad fucking feeling.”  

“Yeah, okay. I get that now. What’re we supposed to do? Do I… do I tell Hop?” 

He shakes his head, “No. Apparently the kids don’t want anyone to know. Something about a friend of theirs, his sister or something? They said it was a joke. I have no idea.” 

“That’s ridiculous, you realize that right?” Your face is red with anger, you know without even glancing in the mirror, and you’re out for blood. You don’t know any Hargroves, think distantly that he must be an underclassman or something, trying to wrack your brain for a single person who would want to hurt The Party. “Joke or not, they could’ve gotten hurt.” 

He reaches over, having pulled into a random parking lot, and squeezes your arm. “Hey, hey. I see that look. You don’t need to try to deal with this on your own, okay? The dude is unhinged, Y/N.” When you don’t agree he moves his head into your line of sight, forces you to meet his eyes. “I’m serious. Whatever he’s doing we’ll take care of it. I’ll talk to him, or… I don’t know, I’ll, you know, punch him in the face if I have to.” He raises his fist in a mock punch, exaggerating a swing in your direction which you push away with a soft smile.  

“Yeah okay, King Steve, we both know how well that worked out for you last time.” He smiles at the name, the only time you see him not grimace at the stupid title being when you say it mockingly. 

“That was ONE time! One time! I could take him.” You raise a brow at him and he goes on. “There may one more thing. Something really important we need to talk about.”  

Your stomach drops again, not sure what to expect now and you fix him with a weary look. He gives you a mischievous smile and you narrow your eyes suspiciously. “What are you up to?” 

“We … are going to find you a Halloween costume.”  

Your lips curl and you turn your body in your seat, looking out of the front window and seeing that he’s parked in front of the costume shop on Main, the one that barely gets any foot traffic except for the week of Halloween. It’s overflowing with moms grabbing last minute costumes for their kids.  

“Please no. I am not taking your advice on Halloween costumes, no offense.”  

“It’ll be fun! I have great taste.” He’s smiling, all his teeth on display, as he climbs out of the car and you can’t help but follow. Only, you tell yourself, so that your best friend keeps smiling like that.  

 

--------------- 

 

Twenty minutes later the two of you stand in front of the only costume in the store left in your size, all the others having been grabbed for Tina’s stupid party.  

“Absolutely not, Steve.” 

“Oh, come on! It’s fate. I know it’s your favorite movie! No, don’t shake your head! You made me sit through it four times. If you don’t buy it, I will.” 

“Then you wear it!” You throw your arms up in exasperation, lowering your voice, eyes scanning the empty aisle to make sure you’re alone and face on fire, your best friend the only person in this world you feel comfortable showing your insecurities to so clearly. “I am not wearing that. Are you kidding me? It looks like a fucking bathing suit! Unlike you, I like being invisible, alright? There is no way I can be invisible in... that!” 

He smiles, full of mischief, grabs it off the rack and heads for the checkout, throwing over his shoulder a very final, “Exactly.” You groan, long and world-weary, and follow.

#billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x you #Billy Hargrove imagines

[angelsswirl]

Whatever Makes You Happy

You say you wanna try

Notes: this story has been done for ages im just lazy as all shit. One more chapter after this one!

Word Count: 3k+

Rating: M

"Sugar, there's a reason why we lose. You say you wanna cry but you never do. Sugar, there's a reason why we lose."

"So...how have you been?"

Lisa would be lying if she said she was giving Joy her undivided attention. She certainly wasn't. In fact, she was doing the complete opposite. Only listening to keywords and the pauses in sentences that indicated it was probably her turn to start speaking.

She couldn't have cared any less about what her Ex-Wife had to say to her. She was her Ex-Wife for a damn reason. Lisa was more preoccupied with how she was going to fix the other 98 problems that she had cultivated for herself within the next 48 hours. Lisa was more preoccupied with how she was going to get you to look her in the damn eye.

"Cut the shit, Joy. You do not care. And I'm not going to pretend that I care how you have been. If either of us gave a shit, I'm sure that we would talk way more frequently."

Of course, part of the reason you hadn't said much of anything to her was because Lisa herself hadn't bothered to say anything first at risk of gaping like a freshly plucked from the ocean catfish. There was no need to embarrass herself more than she already had in front of you. She was guarding her own sanity at this point. And naturally, this had manifested itself into her grown-ass either trying to hide behind one of those seven-year-old boys that stole her face, the sofa, or one time (that she would like to forget) behind a thin lamp like that Shaq meme. 

"Actually, you don't answer my frequent calls."

It was working, though! If only because you found the whole coward thing a turn-off. But, Lisa made a pact with herself in her head. She wasn't going to talk to you until she had something to say. Or rather, until she had something to say that you actually wanted to hear. Or even ratherer, until she had something to say that you actually wanted to hear and that she actually wanted to say. Being the bearer of her own bad news had gotten old quickly.

"Yeah. Because I don't care how you're doing. I thought we just established that."

Mincing her words was getting old too. From now, on Lalisa Manoban was not sparing feelings any longer. It's about time she started to be selfish.

Joy sighed and rolled her eyes harshly. Lisa only shrugged. 

"So. Again. I ask...what the fuck do you want, Park ?"

Calling people by their surname really got the point across. It was so formal. So distant. You did it to make a point. Lisa hated it. It was one of the reasons why she always corrected you. If the twitch in Joy's eye is anything to go by, then it was safe to say that she hated it too. And oh boy, this had to be the first time since the first year of their marriage that they were on the same page about something.

"I heard you were getting married."

"Who hasn't?" Her engagement had been public knowledge for over a year now for anyone who paid attention to things of that sort. Joy Park was definitely one of those people.

"How do the boys feel about it?"

Lisa rubbed the bridge of her nose incessantly, "Confused. They're seven. They'll get over it."

Joy nodded thoughtfully and tapped her hands lightly on the edge of the bar counter, "But, will you?"

Lisa paused mid nervous lip bite, "Will I what?"

Joy gestured with her hand, "Will you get over it?"

"Dumb it down for me, Detective."

Joy laughed with little humor in her voice, "Will you get over being married to someone you can't stand? I mean you've done it before-"

"Who said I can't stand Seulgi?"

"You did. Your eyes. Your hands. Your lips. This is exactly how we looked at each other after the boys were born. And we were miserable for the next three years."

"It's a business thing."

"Oof. Heard that one before. How'd she take it?"

Lisa kissed her teeth, "I assume you're not talking about Seulgi."

"Of course not."

"She practically laughed in my face. I picked one with a backbone this time." Lisa threw her hands up as if to say 'My mistake".

"You were waiting to throw that one in my face weren't you."

"You cheated on me. I was pregnant. With big-headed twin boys. And you cheated on me. So yes, I've always got several insults on the tip of my tongue just waiting."

"And here I thought you were over that anyway...yeah...so what are the terms of the ultimatum she gave you."

Lisa sighed. You hadn't really given her terms. There was no 'If you really loved me, you'd do this', no "It's me or her". Only you saying you were leaving. Only you telling her she knew what she needed to do to get her back. It was more of an open-ended question that Lisa was too pussy-foot to answer. A solution that she was too chicken shit to implement. In the end, Lisa's sure you wanted Lisa to do something not just for you, but for herself.

"To fix it."

"I get it. Fucking the nanny isn't good for business. Not sure how doing the family thing with a detective was."

Lisa shook her head thoughtfully, "You were only a detective that first year we were dating. Attorney by the time we were married. You were on track to be the newest DA by the time the boys would have been five. My parents loved you for some reason. But, we never made it that far-wait. How'd you know Y/N was the boys' nanny?"

Joy laughed loudly, a fond smile playing across her mouth, "You've got whore tendencies, Lili. Just drew a logical conclusion."

Lisa rolled her eyes, "Whatever."

"So, how are you going to fix it?"

"Beats me. You wouldn't happen to have any ideas would you?"

Joy sipped at her now watered-down bourbon on the rocks, "Oh God no. My last stable relationship was with you."

"Oh. So you just came to point out the obvious? Thanks, Joy. You've been such a big help and not a complete pain in my ass."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out, Lisa. In fact, I've got a feeling you already have."

Lisa sighed again, "...Yeah. Thanks, Joy. This conversation served zero purpose for me."

Joy shrugged, "I know. I was just being selfish. This was all for me."

"Nothing new. Still not discussing the terms of custody."

Joy laughed lightly again, "They are way better off living with you. I'll just continue to send Birthday cards."

"And I'll continue to not give them to them. Don't look at me like that, I'm kidding."

"You better be."

Lisa was quiet for a moment, she stared at the bar top as she spoke, "Do you believe in soulmates?"

"Um.., no I don't think I do."

Lisa nodded only half listening to Joy's answer, "Hm. I think I do."

"Good luck, Lili."

"Lord knows I'm gonna need it."

"Here's the paperwork, Lisa." Lisa's father (well Chaeyoung's father technically) sat down the papers on her desk. He then sat in the chair across from her as if he owned the place. Relaxing to his heart's content. Chaeyoung, who was there for witness reasons, sat in the other chair before he could kick his feet up onto it.

She eyed the papers with a bored expression. Hesitating as inconspicuously as she could. Luckily, on most days he wouldn't be able to notice a hurricane if it swept him away.

"You know, after the wedding, tomorrow, your mom and I were thinking of going on a honeymoon of our own."

Lisa couldn't have stopped the words from tumbling out of her mouth even if she tried, "With whose money?"

Her father popped one eye open and aimed it towards Lisa as much as he could without straining, "What do you mean? Once Seulgi signs over her shares we'll be swimming in the green stuff."

"What about the boys? I thought you guys were watching them while Seulgi and I are to be in Jeju."

The wrinkles on the man's forehead deepened. Lisa found it funny that Chaeyoung, for the most part, looked nothing like him. Especially when he frowned so hard he could probably taste the action.

He looked positively miffed that his relaxation station in Lisa's office chair was being compromised," Isn't that what that nanny of yours is for?"

"I told you. Today is her last day." And what a hard pill to swallow that was.

"Hmm. Poor timing on your part. But fine. We'll just take the boys with us. Or just drop them with Chae. Not like she has plans." Chaeyoung squeaked in protest.

About a month ago, Lisa would have fallen into inconsolable hysterics at that. But now, she just feels bad for her sister. Maybe, Seulgi had a friend she could set Chaeyoung up with.

"Yeah okay." Lisa just shook her head.

"Anyway, hurry up and sign the papers. I have to turn them into the county clerk. They're already pulling strings for this. We're being highly untraditional here, Lali."

"Fine."

She scribbled her signature in all the required places, her father watching stiffly, maybe even a little surprised that this didn't take more guilt-tripping. Chaeyoumg for her part looked more upset than Lisa did.

"Great. I will see you two bright and early at the venue tomorrow morning. You know the drill." And didn't she just.

He left with no further preamble. Chaeyoung practically jumped on the desk as soon as the door shut.

"Please tell me you have a plan."

"We agreed to stop lying to each other."

"Lili!"

"What? I have something. It's definitely not a plan per se. But what could I possibly lose at this point?"

"Y/N! You could lose Y/N!"

Little did, Chaeyoung know, that simply wasn't an option.

"Today's the day," You said into your phone camera. Jisoo and Jennie were scrunched together on your phone screen staring at you with identical expressions.

"You're really leaving and going back to Hongdae? Over some stupid girl! What about me?" Jennie exclaimed all but shoving Jisoo out of the frame and getting impossibly close to the camera.

"What about you, Jennie?" You said as you packed the last of your belongings away. Your Uber to the train station would be there soon. You already said your tearful and confused goodbyes to the boys, the only thing left you had to do was get on the train. And all of this would be behind you. Literally.

"You won't stay even for me? Don't tell Sooya this but. I like you more than her." She winced and held her shoulder. You had it on good authority that Jisoo probably flicked her.

"You remember what I told you about what my parents told me before I came here. Looks like they won."

Jennie whined like a child, "But you haven't even tried."

"Oh believe me. I have."

"No, I'm not talking about The World's Worst Nutcracker. I'm talking about your dance stuff. Maybe you can choreograph Jisoo's and I's first dance."

"OMG! One gig! That'll surely yield a tangible profit and put me on the radar of large companies!"

"Stop being mean!" Jennie's pouting face was all you saw until a hand came to mush her face off the screen and replace it with Jisoo's.

"Ignore her, Y/NN. If you think the best move for you is to go back home. Then go. But, just remember she's probably just as miserable without you, as you are without her. You were dealt a bad hand from the beginning, but one bad hand doesn't mean you'll lose the game, okay? I know you love her and you love the boys-I guess I'm just saying make sure you're thinking this through and not just running on a whim because you're scared."

Jisoo was right. You needed Lisa like you needed air to breathe. But from where you were standing, it seemed like you were going to suffocate no matter what you did.

"Yeah. I get it. I've thought it out plenty. I won't be gone for long. Probably help Mama and Dad out for a few months, and then maybe I'll be back, slinging drinks behind that bar with Soo."

"You could move in with us."

You laughed lightly, "No I can't. You guys just got engaged. No need to babysit my heartbroken ass. Let my mom do it. She's used to it."

They both sighed dejectedly, now sharing the frame once again, "Fine. We'll see you when we see you, I guess." Jennie mumbled out. 

"Yes. You will. That's how seeing works. I'll text you when I get home. Bye."

Jennie clicked off the call quickly, obviously mad at you. You only sighed, she would get over it sooner or later. With that, you started to drag your few suitcases down to your Uber. 

The ride to the train station went on in silence. Your driver rightfully assumed that you were not in the mood for small talk or even background noise. He helped you with your suitcases and then drove off with a polite wave. 

You looked down at you one-way ticket to home. It seemed to be running a bit late, but that was okay, because so were you.

You sat heavily on one of your suitcases and stared up at the noon sky, and wondered what the hell had you gotten yourself into over the last six months. Fucked around and fell in love, only for it to blow up in your face. Yep. Sounded about right.

"Are these suitcases taken?"

You could probably identify Lalisa Manoban's voice on vibration alone at this point. It didn't hurt that her voice was followed by unmistakable seven-year-old giggles. But you knew better than to look at any of them. Instead, you kept your eyes on the overcast Seoul sky.

"That's never stopped you before."

"Ugh. You're so right. Take a seat, boys. Mom's got some begging and pleading to do. This might take a second." You could tell when all three of them set down in unison. Sometimes, you wondered if Lisa knew how much the boys were like her.

"Lisa, you-"

"Hey. My turn to talk. You've done enough for the rest of our lives."

You pursed your lips.

"I'd like to start by saying, I'm sorry. I know since I hired you I put you through the wringer. In more ways than one. I guess at the time, it all seemed like a necessary evil, but it wasn't. Not when your feelings were hanging in the balance. All I've been giving you are excuses on top of excuses, and you don't deserve any of that. I was putting everyone's needs before mine but yours. I was treating you like you were always going to be there no matter what kind of bullshit I put you through."

"Mom. That's a cuss word." Dohyung said helpfully,

"Thank you, Doh. As  I was saying. I was treating you like you were always going to be right behind me no matter what happened. And then today, you weren't behind me. Y/N. I'm going to need you to look at me for this next part."

And you look at her because you're a sucker. A fact that becomes even more apparent when she realizes that Lisa is still in her wedding gown, and the boys are still in their tieless mini tuxedos. 

"Look at me when I say this. You were never just the nanny. I don't care what any person or contract tries to tell you. There was no way this thing between us wasn't going to happen. Because I believe in soulmates. And it took a few practice runs and false starts, but you're it for me. I'm so in love with you that it physically hurts. And because I know I haven't made it as clear as can be yet, turn on your phone and search my name."

You did as told again because you're a sucker.

Lalisa Manoban steps down as CEO of LLE as stocks plummet. Plans to start new entertainment company.

You choked on a gasp, "Lisa you didn't have to do that for me."

"Yes I did, I had to do it for the both of us. I'm sure the 'rents will have fun trying to dig LLE out of the hole I let it fall into." Lisa chuckled happily at the thought.

"So, you just left that poor woman at the altar?" 

Lisa shrugged, "Eh. She didn't want to marry me as much as I didn't want to marry her."

You looked down at the news headline again. Trying to hold in a laugh when the boys peered over your shoulder to look at your phone as well.

When you looked back up, Lisa was kneeling in front of you. You raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not proposing marriage. Not yet at least. I have a business proposal."

You gestured with your head for her to continue.

"I don't want you behind me anymore. I want you next to me. I'm starting up a new business and I heard you know your way around a dance floor, so I was hoping you'd like to join me on this venture. As my partner. Also as my girlfriend, if that wasn't clear."

You stared at Lisa wide-eyed, unmoving.

Kijung tapped you on the shoulder, "Y/N, you're supposed to be gross and kiss Mom now." Dohyung nodded in agreement, confused as to why you hadn't done it yet. This seemed like a foolproof plan when Lisa was explaining it to them in the car.

"All you gotta do is say, 'Yes', Y/N. The ball's in your court."

The ball was in your court..., "I-"

#jesssica's fanfic #whatever makes you happy #blackpink fanfic #blackpink #lisa x reader #lisa fanfic

[parker-d-bloodrose]

This is going to be a long post about my day job.

You know until I worked in the back of the house in a restaurant I didn't quite really understand how hard this industry is. Like, the front of the house is uniquely stressful because of customer interactions, but back of house? I get it now. It takes a certain kind of brain to work back here and not lose it entirely. I worked 7:40 AM -6:00 PM Thursday because I'm a dishwasher and that shit fucking sucks when you're closing. But in my post work exhausted state I had a realization about the way a restaurant works. It is not too unlike a respiratory system. The plates are the blood of the industry. The prep cooks and line cooks are the lungs of the industry, and the food is the oxygen. The servers and bussers are the arteries, carrying the food and plates in and out. And then when the customers have eaten, it comes to the heart and liver of the restaurant - the dishwashers. They pump dirty dishes through and out come clean ones, ready to be circulated again. And like, this is not to say that any one job is more important than the others. They absolutely are not. They are all equally important. Your heart cannot function without the arteries. Your blood doesn't get oxygen without lungs. But I really just. Understand everything better than I did a week ago. Or hell, even when I was just a dumb ass early twenty something working in fast food. But I've come to appreciate all of my coworkers even more.

One of the bussers, let's call him J. I've known this man for three days. I would die for this man already. Thursday, J saw we were dying in the dish pit, the two of us who were working that day were overwhelmed by the sheer amount of dishes we had to do. J popped in to help us for about half an hour and we got close to being caught up. Then shit happened and we couldn't do dishes for a bit and all of that progress was lost. But like, J is constantly aware of how difficult our job is and isn't above giving the servers and bussers a "hey y'all are making dish work harder" talk. Today, as I was reapplying my bandages from the injuries I sustained from working here - a cut on my left palm and a blister on my right index finger - J stopped to check in and help me put them on. He asked if they had come from working here and I said yes and he apologized. This man, to my knowledge isn't even a manager and he's apologizing for injuries I have. But he looks out for us dishwashers. I wish I knew him a bit better, and I probably will.

My fellow dishwashers, we'll call them U, A, S, and N. They're wonderful people. S & N are the only others I personally know who speak English. Great guys. S always sings a few lyrics from songs he's listening to and he has a great voice. N likes to talk. I don't mind it too much. He is a bit rough but he's new and stressed, but he's overall pretty friendly. I & A speak Spanish. They both know a little bit of English, but not enough for us to hold a conversation. I also know a little Spanish, enough to ask where to put things. They treat me like a friend already. We fist bump, and A wished me a happy new year after work as he was heading out. I love working with these people. My boss is the only one who I am kind of weary around. The best way to describe him is that he seems to have never gotten out of that cishet frat boy phase. "That actress was smoking hot." He says this to me, after I mentioned that I named myself (indirectly) after Irene Adler. He's mostly nice, and he recognizes that dishwashing is a hard job and is equally as important as the other jobs. But that aggressive cishet part of him makes me so weary of being around him. If I was a cis person, I wonder how that would change the interactions. I have mixed feelings about my job. But they're mostly positive. And I understand better how a restaurant works.

#irene rants #random shit #long post #capitalism is the only reason I'm here though #if i lived in Star Trek I would actively pursue writing I think

[starlingsrps]

saturdays are for the boys.

helen and the rest of the club mobile girls are down with the flu but gail apparently has escaped the plague and made her way into the clubhouse 

david is a small enough man at this point to know easy pickings. all things being equal, he’s sure she thinks the same of him.

she’s not here for the right reasons. she’s pretty and perfectly coifed no matter the time of day or task. she doesn’t bat her eyelashes at anyone under the rank of captain and if she’s after an officer husband, she’s doing a great job. as a red cross volunteer, he knows that she’s breaking helen and mary but he doesn’t give a shit about her organizing abilities - she’s got the best rack he’s seen since he got to this godforsaken island and he’s always been a sucker for a redhead. she probably doesn’t give a shit about flying record - they’d been dumb enough to make him a captain six months ago and that gets him into the officer’s club and a new badge on his collar and that’s enough.

when gail wanders in, there’s a poker game in progress and david’s heart isn’t in it. he lost magnificently and tapped elliot in to save some face. he’s usually alright at poker - respectable but sam’s a fucking shark and sid has gotten good enough that it’s annoying to play him at all - but tonight he’s sucking more than usual. he blames the intensity of the fuck me eyes aimed their way.

indigo and jack are married. elliot has gone blind to any woman that isn’t nell. sid keeps coming back from his mystery trips to milton keynes with a bite mark on his neck and a lazy, self satisfied grin followed by “classified” when david asks what the hell that’s about. it’s just him and sam and he’ll be fucked if it’s anyone else. 

when he looks over his shoulder, she’s got her chin on her hand and a come hither look that could be aimed at any of them. he gets a giggle from her when he winks. it feels like a sure thing and those are the best odds he’s had in months, so to hell with it.

david doesn’t want to marry her. he’s reminded of what one of his frat brothers used to say - when a bear is hungry, he eats. the phrase had always seemed mercenary to him. he’d never call himself a saint but he at least usually enjoyed the chase, a little romancing before ending up in bed.

but fuck it.

“we know if gail’s free?” he asks. he’s already finishing his drink and standing. the question is a formality.

“uh yeah, best of my knowledge,” elliot says slowly. “weren’t you supposed to-“

“i said a lot of things,” david says, tilting his neck from side to side to stretch. as though he’s limbering up to enter a boxing ring and not go hit on a red cross volunteer to get his dick wet. “what nellie doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

elliot rolls his eyes and shakes his head at his cards. “your funeral if she finds out, that’s all i’m saying.”

he’s about to make his way over when manners kick in. he should probably see if any of the rest of the unencumbered had their eye on her. not that he called dibs or anything and she’s a person not a beer but still: probably polite to ask. “any of you call dibs? sid?”

“all you, hatch. warren, you cornfed fuck, you call that a flush?”

jack warren knows every goddamn cow that’s ever walked the earth but doesn’t remember the difference between a spade and an ace for the life of him. david knows this better than anyone else, having spent as much time in the nose of a plane listening to him nervously ramble off bovine facts.

he turns to sam, more out of duty and friendship than anything else. he looks up from his hand, considers, and shakes his head. “i’m off gingers. don’t yell at him - you know he’s a hick.”

“so am i and i know what a fucking spade looks like.”

sid continues from there but david is already making his way over to gail. she’s perched on a stool doing her best veronica lake and based on the look he’s getting, mary and helen haven’t had a chance to scare her off of him yet or she’s chosen to ignore it. 

maybe one of them should be more insulted by how little time it takes before he’s escorting her to a more private hallway but david ignores the voice of shame or modesty or whatever the hell it is in his head and proceeds. it’s fast and by no stretch his best performance. she fakes an orgasm and he feels worse for it. she’s not much of an actress and neither is he. when they part, he knows that he’ll be avoiding the club mobile at all costs for the foreseeable future. not worth it for shit coffee and the omnipresent reminder that when he’d finally gotten back in the saddle, it had been an all around disappointment.

back in the bunks, indigo is stretched out on his bed with a book. there’s an ease to him that david has always envied. he knows who he is and what he’s after in life and david doesn’t think he’s ever had that for a minute.

“worth it?” indigo asks, not looking up.

no, not really. but maybe next time, he won’t feel half as rotten.

“yes.”

#type: writing #verse: at the end of the world #lindsay's main birthday short this year is just the jackals being jackals.

[treadmilltreats]

Being a people pleaser

All of my life, I have been a people pleaser. I never really realized it until I was writing my first book, and I was writing about my grandmother. As I was writing about being a child of 5 or 6, I did something dumb like a child would do.

My grandmother, who lived with us, would stop talking to me for days. I would say I was sorry, draw her pictures, bring her flowers, anything to try to make her love me again, but nothing worked.

When I was writing about my relationship with my ex-husband and without thinking, I wrote about how, for years, I would write in my diary, "Dear God, how do I make him happy? What can I do to make him happy? Nothing I do makes him happy. "

It was then that I realized he did the same things to me. He withheld his love and affection and punished me for my "bad behavior," whatever he deemed that was, for that day.

It was my Oprah light bulb moment as I realized all of my relationships, including my friendships, were this way as well. They all stemmed from my relationship with my grandmother.

I run after peoples affections, trying to please them, trying to make it better in their eyes. I remember when my cousin pointed this out to me as yet another situation came up with a friend. She came right out with "What the fuck is wrong with you, why are you still a people pleaser?"

Yes, she never minces words.

Yes, I know as hard as I've tried to change so many things in my life I can't seem to change this. I've gotten better but it is still inside of me. That need to please, to run after someone who clearly doesn't deserve it and who has done me wrong.

Yes, I want people to like me, I think we all do on some level.

But because of my grandmother, I on some level think it's my job to make someone happy.

I realized this is not the way to be, when during the end of my marriage, one of my girls came crying to me about her dad. How he told her she was useless, that he dragged up all of her past mistakes she did when she was a teenager and basically made her feel like shit. I realized that he was not happy with himself, and no matter what I did or what she did, even if it was perfect and even if it was exactly what he wanted, he still wouldn't be happy. I went on to tell her that it is not her job to make him happy. He has to do that, to admit to that, and try to fix himself.

I am big on therapy, I've been in therapy many times. I took my girls to therapy for many years, and just recently, I went back to therapy again for my PTSD. The last time I went, it was for my issues with men and my self-worth. I realize that this is something I need to discuss during therapy to finally figure out a way to stop this in it's track's.

I tell it all in this blog, I am human, we are all human. We are all fucked up in one way or another, the point is to acknowledge it and then try to fix it. That is what we are here for, to learn, to grow, to change and hopefully to pass on that knowledge to others.

So today my friends, I will be working on this and I will let you know what I've learned. So far, I've learned that it's not about pleasing others. You need to do your thing. You need to dance to the beat of your own drummer, to be able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. You can't "complete" someone else. They must already be complete.

I've learned you can't make someone else happy when they will never be happy with themselves. So instead do you.... and make yourself happy.

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

#self help #love #positive #mental health

[nitori-swims-rinstyle]

Thoughts lol

imma put this mini rant here about the 127 comeback. My blog is Misc at this point but I know who ever is left is not here for kpop sdfg imma probably delete this later. Maybe not  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I agree that things should have been better planned for the comeback showcase last night. Mics weren’t working, the venue was over capacity, people in the A and B sections were passing out due to the heat. The members went from having fun to being worried and vigilant over the fans very quickly into the event.  I agree that the misprint of the Digipack version should have been caught BEFORE it was ever printed. I agree that the gap between comebacks could feel discouraging for some (even tho 127 has been doing fall comebacks for a bit now. Just like dream has been doing summer so this just follows what’s BEEN going on. They’re older groups now. Expecting multiple comebacks a year when they really do not need to is confusing to me idk). I agree that what feels like a very disorganized schedule, especially in terms of concerts, is hard on both 127 and fans. I also agree that the pivot with 127 this year to merch first, while fun at the start, quickly becomes overwhelming and was a speed run to burn out fans possibly affecting the spending behavior for the ACTUAL comeback. Each drop causing more distress than excitement (speaking from experience and from all the others I follow. Lol imma be taking a merch break for a bit me thinks). 

But the one thing that I keep stumbling upon is the take that “127 should leave SM”. AND while I get that people are bummed and only want to lift the neos up, thinking that them ~leaving~ SM is going to fix or change anything for them have jack shit knowledge of how all this shit works. You’d be halting solo careers before they’ve started. Canceling the solos of those that have started. Ripping apart NCT from the core. Ripping apart Dream as soon as they’ve really gotten to preform together again. Making moot all the hard work they’ve all put in since they were teens and middle schoolers. You are also assuming that they hate it there. Johnny’s been there since before some of the peeps making these takes were born or as LONG as. He had many an opportunity to leave but he’s stayed (I can think of other examples but idk there's something there). It’s a company. Nothing is going to go perfectly as we and NCT may hope for it to be. Yeah, feeling burn out is something I can emphasize with and is apparent in some of their words. Feeling frustration over how events or the lack of events have been handled is valid. Them feeling discouraged over past promotion of songs they may not all have been fond of is valid. But telling 127 to leave SM is telling 127 and NCT to dissolve. It is not the solution you think it is. Without company backing providing all the resources, staff, writers and producers, production staff, worldwide opportunities and connections. THEY COULDNT and WOULDNT EXIST. And idk if this is coming from teens or whatever but I don’t think you understand what you’re asking for. 

Going back to what I said above about 127 doing Fall comebacks. They are a 6 year old group. They’re well established and are in the state in their career where they don’t NEED to be working their asses off year round. Johnny said so himself that for the most part they’ve been able to relax more. Isn’t that a GOOD thing? They’re older idols, expecting them to promote like rookies or how they did in 2018 is frankly stupid. They’ve put in the work already. AND what we see is only the results, especially with NCT you KNOW multiple projects are being worked on at he same time, as well as individual activities. They have to puzzle in schedules to make shit work. And if you think they’re doing fuck all on a consistent basis you’re wrong.

tldr:

I get feeling a bit frustrated and upset that things feel disorganized but jumping to wishing 127 left SM equates to saying you don’t want ANY 127 or NCT. Its dumb and not a real solution.

#i've been having thoughts #and they've been giving me anxiety #so here they are #sdff had to get it out #telling 127 to leave SM is a stupid take and the people saying it are dumb #woopsie #but I am by no means sdfg anything #have I offered any solutions? #no #this is just me thinking outloud #my words are probably also dumb so HSDGHJ #but i'm not stupid #OH and i just thought of this #has anyone thought about that the reason the 127 world tour is so disorganized #is possibly because music acts world wide are all doing THE SAME THING #so booking venues is probably hell rn #so while theres was intention of a more orgainized long term event #spelling #sorry #with everyone touring at the same time or back to back #trying to squeeze in there #is hard #MMMM #okay yeah i think i'm done #Rebecca bruh #LOL