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#third for me that's actually one of the things that makes suicide something I think about so much
seaseren · 10 months
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I suppose if I want to Make Orion I have to figure out the, like, actual WoL she's helping but also. I am considering "Orion dedicated herself to becoming a mysterious mentor/assistant to the hero and then the 'real' hero just fucking dies and she's left along." Unsure how that would work w the Azem rock tho
#I am also considering- what if Elidibus is that one that saved her from her suicide attempt#bc he wanted a backup Mitron and also figured he could use her and. so on.#so she's at first working for the ascians- or at least for elidibus- in his 'control the opposition' play#but I don't think she like. knows exactly thats whats happening#she thinks its more of a. other ascians are causing trouble but elidibus is secretly helping the heroic side from the shadows#or something like that#maybe a thing of like....elidibus saved her life and gave her a Purpose and that's what she remembers#but hydaelyn did give her a vision- a brief glimpse-of meteion#and what gave her the strength to keep going was wanting to help this other hurting child#but she barely remembers that#like I said. extemely utena#anyways what I am getting at is Orion is very close to Urianger#love the idea of a kid assigned (mostly by herself) the role of Mysterious Anime Maiden actually like#making connections. making friends. letting herself be human#getting stuck as the most awkward third wheel known to man or gods#....none of this tag musing has helped me decide what to do about the Azemlet associated w her#I think if they do stick around they start out very reluctant scumbag ty-#hey what if Orion and Liamaine#the twins cannot be Mysterious Children Who Know Too Much to a woman who changed their diapers#(like once maybe)#so Orion has to slide in here#hmmmmmmmmmmm#Liamaine Leveilleur#Orion Strand#I do think if they are together Liamiane can't start as bad tho. as funny as that would be#or she does and Orion is Forced To Healer#(hmmm I'd wanna do astro for her but if she has to start...she can always switch come heavensward she def would ic)
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hugepolecat3298 · 2 years
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one of the bizarrest contradictions i think in how the toxically masculine act is how theyre all “ohhh nobody takes mens mental health seriouslyyyy i want to die all the time but nobody cares cause im a MAN” and then they turn around and go “its pussy shit to not like it when your friends mock you when youre hurt or upset. it just means that you dont have a sense of humour. thats just how real men show care and affection” like ok sir have you considered that maybe youll stop wanting to kill yourself if you tell your friends that you dont like it when they call you a gay crybaby for having to stay home sick from something
#originals#this was prompted by this fucking post i saw earlier which i havent stopped seething over#it was someone being glad that their friend made them their fav soups and brought them in containers to their house when they were sick#ZERO indication of either op's gender or the friend's gender btw#and every comment was like. either trying to emasculate the soup maker (who we dont know the gender of) or saying they just wanted to smash#and some sane people were pointing out that is THE bizarrest reaction to an act of kindness espo bc op was ignoring all of them#and they were just like huh whuh what i tell my friends that i hope they kill themselves when they say theyre feeling a little down#like thats just how men show friendship bro if we do actual kind things for people it just means we want sex#like HELLO????? are you trying to parody yourselves????? and it wasnt one troll either the majority of the comments were like this#oh this also reminds me of how someone got upset that their new therapist had a mug that said 'patient tears go here'#and all these cucks in the comments started insulting op for not liking it and saying they dont have a sense of humour and that theyre not#gonan get better if they cant handle people mocking them when theyre at their most vulnerable#which is again jawdropping because a therapist has total fucking control over you#if a friend says something like that its just mean but if a therapist says something like that its a genuine threat#like normal adults are stupid enough to simply not understand the implications behind 24 7 mocking people but if a therapist does it then it#means that they actively want you to kill yourself or just fall deeper into being suicidal so they get more money#the amount of people who think that therapists want to help people and not make them worse to suck them dry makes me scream#its even worse when theyre like ohhh its a safe environment youre safe NO THE FUCK IT IS NOT?#first of all you are always monitored by a third party be it your parents or just mikes second if you say a SINGLE thing that they dont like#whoopsie doopsy guess that means youre gonna be hospitalised! we dont want THAT now do we! if you express suicidal ideation EVER again we#will be sending you straight there for indeterminate amounts of time! like come the fuck on#i hate therapists and i hate people who try to make you kill yourself and then act all innocent about it
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caligvlasaqvarivm · 1 month
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Murder, Love, and Destiny: An Eridan Ampora Character Study
Warnings for things from Homestuck, like discussions of child abuse, mental illness, murder, suicide, etc. etc.
Because there's a huge wall of text after this point, I'm going to summarize what I hope to convince you of in bullet point format, and then hope you'll actually read the rest of the text before arguing with me about it.
Eridan is the least casteist highblood, if you ignore all the slurs.
Those are his emotional support slurs.
Pale EriKar was not only canon, but set up to be endgame.
Eridan is incredibly plot-relevant, thematically relevant, and was definitely originally intended to be brought back to life, alongside the other dead trolls.
He's Sad.
The first thing we have to establish is what counts as "canon" for the purpose of this essay. I am only counting the original comic up to Game Over, after which there's a general consensus that Hussie kind of gave up on his original planned ending, and slapped together something that most people hate. So I am immediately disqualifying Pesterquest, supplementary material, fanworks deemed canon, the epilogues, and Homestuck^2.
Moreover, we are taking Hussie's commentaries with a grain of salt, for two reasons. The first reason is that I firmly believe - and will be arguing - that the original plan was to bring Eridan (and the other dead trolls) back; therefore, Hussie (who has a track record of playing coy with future plot twists) can't speak too fondly of him, lest he give it away. The second reason for de-emphasizing Hussie's words is that, post-retcon, Hussie isn't very well going to say that he had plans for a better ending, and then didn't execute on them; to save face, he has to act as though his trashing of several prior plot threads, including but not limited to Eridan, was the plan all along.
Therefore, this essay will not be putting too much emphasis on Word of God, and will instead be relying on textual evidence from the comic itself, of which there is plenty. So without further ado:
Eridan is a Consummate Murderer.
The reason I'm starting with this point is that, far more than any other, this truth lies at the core of his being. Eridan is formally introduced to us with a murder, and he's haunted by an overpowering genocide complex. He outright describes to Rose at one point that "killin is all i evver done practically," and uses "murder" as an expletive (ie "swweet stinkin murder"). With a conservative estimate of 5 kills per week for 4 sweeps (Vriska looks VERY young when she has to start killing, and Eridan was likely a similar age when he began), both Eridan and Vriska easily have bodycounts above 2000 - the real number is probably even higher.
At this point, many raise an objection that Eridan is only killing lusii, but I believe we need to count his kills as troll murders, for three reasons: first, a dead lusus results in the orphaned troll being culled; second, one has to assume he has had cases of trolls trying to defend their lusii, or coming after him for vengeance; and third - and most importantly - Eridan HIMSELF is thinking about the orphaned trolls.
Compare Feferi: Go Home:
That should keep her happy for a while. At least until she dies.
To Eridan: Go Home:
That should keep her happy for a while. And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere very sad.
So Eridan, to a much greater extent than even Feferi, is thinking about the orphaned trolls he's leaving behind, and considers his own actions to be murder.
Now that we've established the facts regarding his murders - a rough bodycount, and the fact that, by his own admission, he barely had any hobbies outside of it - we can move on to the effect that it's had on him. It's not very good!
Vriska's manipul8tions and murders had to be done for her own sake - if she ever stopped, she died. Therefore, much of Vriska's personality revolves around justifying her own actions so she doesn't have to reckon with her softer feelings, like guilt or kindness - which she expresses would be viewed as scandalous by others of her caste.
But if Eridan ever stops feeding Gl'bgolyb, everybody dies. The stakes he has riding on his shoulders are, at all times, the fate of all trolls, including all his friends. Given Dualscar's title was "Orphaner," it's implied that killing lusii for Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's duty, and is seen as such by the others, which is why nobody expresses gratitude for his hard work even a single time.
Which brings us to our next point:
Eridan is Crushed by Anxiety.
If Eridan stops killing lusii, everybody - especially his friends, but everybody else, too - dies.
If Eridan ever shows guilt or kindness, he'll be considered "weak" by the standards of highbloods - he shares this with Vriska.
Eridan is expected, by aristocratic tradition, to take on the mantle of his ancestor Dualscar and finish his work. Dualscar met a comedically cringefail end, so this is a massive undertaking.
Before finding out that god tiering is an option - so, for nearly his entire life - Eridan has had to live with the expectation that he will outlive all of his friends. The lowbloods from culling or dying on the battlefield, the highbloods from old age, and Feferi from being killed by the Empress when she gets old enough.
(This is reflected in who he talks to the most - Feferi, who's the only one with a natural lifespan longer than his, Vriska, who's a highblood, Kanaya, who's practically guaranteed to survive into adulthood, and Karkat, whose anonblood allows Eridan to give him the benefit of the doubt.)
Also if he can't land his concupiscent quadrants he'll die from that too, but that seems pretty secondary to the rest of his concerns.
He can't even make friends with the other highbloods, because sea dwellers are expected to hate and antagonize them.
He had a free ticket into adulthood, but would almost certainly be expected to join the army and serve as a commander. That is to say, his fate of performing the role of a vicious, murderous sea dweller seems dreadfully inevitable to him.
NO WONDER he can't stop having emotional breakdowns. NO WONDER his chatlogs swing wildly from relentless self-aggrandizement to traumadumping. NO WONDER he's obsessed with murder and death and genocide.
Doc Scratch calls him a "vengeful boy on the path of nihilism," and it's not hard to see why: Eridan's entire life has been about living up to the role imposed on him by society, sacrificing his own time and sanity for everyone else, which he "nevver got any appreciation for anywway." And all he had to look forward to was more of the same, all his friends dropping dead one by one before him. For Eridan, there has never been any hope.
SGRUB could have been a way out for him, but a combination of his own terrible choices, spurred on by his anxieties, and his teammates' unwillingness to knock some sense into him, meant that he only wound up mired even deeper in his hopelessness.
We all know about how Eridan wouldn't stop killing the angels on his planet, provoking their aggression and turning it into a ball of death. How he was definitely not supposed to be doing this, and how his stubborn insistence on it led to his further ostracization from the rest of the group. The thing is, when we look at his angel-murders from the point of view that Eridan's entire life has been about murdering things or else Something Bad™ happens, it actually starts to become... kind of sad.
KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB. KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN? ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties
Killing the angels is something he feels like his has to do, because his entire life has been about killing things he doesn't want to kill. He's unable to break out of that mindset on his own, and his unpleasant personality has scared off anyone who might want to help. No one on the team tries to understand his thought process on a deeper level, not even Karkat, who just tells him it was an idiotic thing to do without addressing his underlying anxieties at all. Indeed, "nobody understands."
And this is really the root of why I think so many people get the wrong read on Eridan - Eridan is constantly contradicting himself, constantly denying his own feelings, constantly pushing an image that he doesn't actually believe in, and constantly insisting that he's fine with all the horrible shit in his life - that he likes it, even. After all, he can't admit to his guilt for his murders, or how much he doesn't want to watch his friends die, or how scared he is about the future - that'd be weakness!
CC: I can't look after you anymore. CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble
You see his contradictory nature with his stated love of history, which he only ever offhandedly mentions - because he's not actually that interested in history, it's just something that's expected of someone of his station. And you see it with his wavy accent, which he himself calls "weird" and drops when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. And you see it with his dumbass outfit, which is very clearly an imitation of Dualscar (with the only exception being the wizard-ass scarf, because wizards are his actual interest. I don't believe he likes fashion. I genuinely believe - and Eridan himself says so - that he basically has no hobbies outside of murder).
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Even being proud to be a sea dweller is pretty much an outright lie:
CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at... CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!
One that he tells because he's SCARED OF THE OCEAN. Because he knows what lives in the ocean, because he's been feeding it his entire life. I see a lot of people who give Eridan an interest in marine life, and I'm telling you, that's just got no basis in canon. He's fucking TERRIFIED of the sea.
And for that matter, land dweller genocide. Eridan doesn't want to do it. Both Feferi AND his internal narration call him out for not actually wanting to do it. He outright states he wouldn't kill his friends.
CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be
But he feels like he HAS to want it, HAS to believe in it, HAS to be talking about it constantly, because that's what's expected from him as a sea dweller, and a sea dweller is ALL that he will get to be. The mutation that puts a violet streak in his hair is damning. It's a fate he feels like he can't escape. Which brings us to:
Eridan is Not Actually Casteist, Well He Is But Not Like That, It's Complicated
Secondary title: Those Are His Emotional Support Slurs, Okay
In the exact same vein (haha) as secretly not wanting all the land dwellers dead, Eridan also genuinely doesn't feel like he's better than lower blood castes. Vriska and Equius obviously put quite a bit of stock into being nobility, and both have acted superior to Karkat for it. Feferi actually revels in her high status, and while she is genuinely well-meaning, she's not as interested in abolishing casteism as she is in changing the meaning of "culling" specifically (the hemocaste, aristocracy, and casteism still very much exist in a Beforus under her rule). Gamzee MIGHT be the only highblood less casteist than Eridan, but then again, as soon as he snaps, he does say a lot of casteist stuff to Equius, although it's unclear how serious he is, and he also proceeds to get really into his weird highblood clown cult.
Meanwhile, Eridan - despite all his slurs and talk of genocide - does not actually try to "pull rank" on a lowblood for being a lower caste than him with a single exception. That exception is Sollux... after he's already shown having entirely caste-neutral opinions on Sollux:
CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete! CA: man that guy CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB. CC: 38P CA: fuck SORRY CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life. CA: yeah sorry
CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her CA: so forget it thanks anywway
It's only AFTER he's mad at Sollux for dating Feferi that he starts going in on Sollux with casteist rhetoric... which is treated as unrequited flirting and not serious casteism:
ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted. FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling. FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant! FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!
THEY don't even think he's being casteist.
In fact, directly contradicting this earlier argument he has with Feferi:
CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is. CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!! CC: GLUB. >38( CA: pshh CA: hemospectrum begs to differ
He OUTRIGHT states his real feelings here:
CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody CA: im worse than anybody CA: EVERYBODY CA: all the bodies
So the question of "is Eridan casteist" has an answer of "kind of, but also no." Eridan DOES espouse the rhetoric; he's constantly saying stuff that a casteist sea dweller "should" be saying. However, if you look at his ACTIONS, and the way he actually treats people, he doesn't actually care about blood color. He'll hit on anybody, and he's rude as fuck to everybody. The real problem with him is that he's terrible to talk to, not that he's discriminatory.
That's the thing about Eridan. Understanding him means looking past the way he presents himself, the lies he tells to himself, and even, at times, the way the narration presents him. His "overblown emotional theatrics" seem a lot less overblown when his problems ARE so real, deep-seated, and constantly causing him an unimaginable amount of anguish.
The problem is, the main people he has to bounce those problems against are Feferi, Vriska, and Kanaya, three of the people most comfortable with their privileged positions, for whom Eridan's genuine emotional distress seems like needless melodrama. Feferi loves being a princess, Vriska enjoys her noble privileges, Kanaya doesn't need to worry about culling. But for Eridan, his noble status, and the duties and expectations placed on him for it, have caused him nothing but pain - of course he would feel like nobody understands. Most of his closest friends genuinely don't, nor do they try to.
Because that's what he is at his core - a traumatized fucking child, who doesn't see any way out. Eridan is not a casteist genocidal sea dweller... he just wishes he was one, and tries to be one, because if he actually was one, he wouldn't feel so awful and scared and sad all the time. He'd be normal, like his friends.
The reason he constantly spouts anti-land dweller rhetoric and uses casteist language is to assuage this cognitive dissonance. That's why he has to come off so strong, present himself in such an aggrandized way, act like such a douchebag. They're his emotional support slurs. He doesn't actually believe what he says, which means he's a Bad Sea Dweller, which means he's Failing, which means Something Bad Will Happen, so he'd better get his ass in line and say something casteist!
And it's all made worse because:
Eridan is Dumb of Ass (and True of Word)
Oh my god you guys he's so stupid that it hurts.
Okay, that's not entirely fair. Eridan is clearly well-educated and book smart; he has some of the most elegant prose out of the trolls, and he's prone to going off on insane rants with it. (Actually, his language gets more flowery and showy when he's trying to impress a stranger, and gets progressively more laid back, chill, and even kind of "bro"-y when he starts talking to people he doesn't feel like he needs to impress.)
CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince GG: wow what are you talking about
What I mean is this: his brain is so full of anxiety and cognitive dissonance and murder and death that he struggles to care about other people, which has devastating effects on his social skills. I go really in-depth on how his though process informs his behavior here. The question may have popped up in your mind already: if his casteism stuff isn't actually real, then what is Eridan actually like? The answer is, overwhelmingly, and discomfortingly, SINCERE.
This boy is gunning at 100% emotional earnestness 100% of the time, and it's deeply uncomfortable for others to deal with. He'll swing wildly from insults and derogatory language, to stating a desire to kill all land dwellers, to awe and amazement at his friends' prowess, to demanding that they do things for him, to traumadumping and venting, without missing a beat. Often in the same conversation.
CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands
He's also specifically terrible at parsing hostility. Functionally, he interprets all hostility aimed AT him as either pitch/ashen flirting or "ironic repartee," and similarly views his own hostile words as verbal jousting, pitch/ashen advances, or even just factual descriptions of the world around him (ie calling Nepeta a "kittycat shipper cavve girl"). Hostility and aggression are just kind of his baseline, default state of being, and he basically has no ability to differentiate between good and bad attention. I talk more in-depth about his emotionally bereft upbringing (and shitty lusus) here, but suffice to say that our boy isn't getting any emotional support at home, and as a result, craves attention, no matter what kind.
This also means he's insanely gullible. For example, Rose calls him an idiot to his face, and then blows up his computer, sarcastically calling it "your first lesson in showmanship." Eridan proceeds to literally considers it that, blowing up Jade's computer after he's done talking to her. Furthermore, Kanaya sees him as a burden, insults him to his face, and pretty much just bullies him along with Rose for fun.
So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.
And yet, in spite of all that, Eridan still has nothing but gratitude and praise for Kanaya:
ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you KANAYA: For What ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic ERIDAN: wwhat KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science
Like, he's in the middle of genuinely thanking her for believing in him, she makes fun of him to his face, and his response is to laugh it off and offer to teach her how to properly insult someone. It's honestly... kind of sad. Not that he doesn't deserve the ridicule, but what we're seeing here is a traumatized, emotionally neglected boy trying to communicate the best that he can that he loves and appreciates his friends, and receiving nothing but mockery in return.
It's really not a surprise, then, that he goes off the deep end. His entire life prior to the game has been shit; he got broken up with as soon as he entered the game (by someone who didn't even care enough not to use fish puns while doing it); he's ostracized and avoided for the game's duration; and then he spends the rest of his time on the meteor being bullied. He feels deeply hopeless and anxious about their situation because he literally doesn't know how else to exist, and his concerns are dismissed and mocked at every turn. When Feferi turns on him with intent to kill, that's his breaking point.
I see a lot of people say he goes grimdark, or succumbs to external influence somehow, but I don't think that needs to be true (nor is it) - he's just a deeply traumatized kid with almost no support network who's finally been pushed to the edge, despite displaying every possible warning sign and making multiple cries for help. Yes, ultimately, he's guilty for his own actions, but his killing spree - alongside Gamzee's and Vriska's - represents a cohesive failure as a team to address very clear problems in their midst.
So Feferi and Kanaya are sick of his ass. Sollux hates him platonically, Equius doesn't like him, and Nepeta thinks of him as a creep. Vriska is his awkward ex, and Terezi agrees with him when he calls himself pathetic. He never interacts with Tavros, Aradia, or sober!Gamzee. Is there anyone that treats him nicely?
Uh, okay, so I swear this isn't shipping goggles -
Pale EriKar Is Canon And I Can Prove It
So, I'm going to start this with a disclaimer: you can ship what you want to ship. I don't mind. I don't care. Headcanons are valid, death of the author, etc. What you do in your free time is up to you.
What I am attempting to argue in this section is that an Eridan/Karkat moirallegiance was heavily foreshadowed, one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the entire comic, and - assuming that the original ending of Homestuck included all the dead trolls being brought back and redeemed - was going to be endgame. There's a torrential amount of evidence pointing to this, and very little of it is acknowledged even by the EriKar shippers, which is a shame.
At the very least, I'll be happy if I can convince some Karkat RPers to be extra nice to Eridans, because they are actually just friends who care deeply about each other. Canonically.
The first thing to note is that Eridan and Karkat, at least prior to SGRUB, talk all the time, to the point where Feferi feels the need to comment on it:
CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations. CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING! CA: shrug CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember. CA: maybe CA: seems kinda CA: odd though
("Can you please stop having an emotional affair with Karkat" "Eh, I'll think about it")
The second thing to note is what the contents of those conversations entail. Sure, they "gossip," but it goes deeper than that, because they gossip about things that Karkat would NEVER gossip about with anybody else, because Karkat usually respects his "VERY GOOD FRIEND"s. For example, here Eridan mentions that Karkat has speculated on Kanaya's love life with him:
CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly
And it's not even a one-off thing, because here Karkat is again, mentioning Nepeta's crush on him:
KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL. KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
It's a situation he's been trying to "tiptoe around for a long time," and he tells ERIDAN, of all people? MULTIPLE TIMES?
So we've established that they talk frequently and about some pretty seriously sensitive topics. But did you know that they also talk about... their feelings?
See, the thing is, Karkat has always been weirdly nice to Eridan. Here he is in a memo near the very beginning of their game, when Karkat is at his most "rah rah, I'm the big bad leader":
FCA: i got a problem FCA: wwith feferi FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin CCG: OK, WELL CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU. CCG banned FCA from responding to memo. CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN? CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
Compare that to Tavros asking for advice later down in the same memo:
PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME, PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL, PAT: lIKE, PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT, CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES. CCG: ALL OF YOU. CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE. PAT: sORRY, CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY. CCG: JUST CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.
He then proceeds to dispense no actual love advice; he just points out that Vriska can totally read this memo too, and then mocks them both when she shows up - thus making it clear that he is giving Eridan special treatment.
You see it again in his discussion with Eridan in [S] Kanaya: Return to the Core, where Eridan invokes a "pact" between them, and Karkat immediately plays nice with him, despite himself being extremely high-strung and stressed out:
KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.
That's definitely pity, which Karkat states to be the basis of all relationships besides pitch. But, sure, okay, Karkat is sometimes nice to his friends. He is, after all, the Friendship Troll, so that's not necessarily out of the ordinary. But how about the fact that it goes both ways?
That's right, Eridan "100% aggro 100% of the time" Ampora is actually really considerate toward Karkat's feelings, and basically nobody else's. Upon hearing that Karkat is distressed that Sollux has died, Eridan actively puts his own meltdown about his breakup with Feferi on pause:
TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that CA: are you sayin hes dead TC: YeAh :o( CA: oh fuck CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole
He then goes on to chastise Gamzee for his shitty advice, demanding to be given the chance to comfort Karkat himself instead:
TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG TC: HoNk CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on
Before finally giving up, drinking some Faygo, and trying to ask past Karkat for help, because past Karkat isn't sad yet about Sollux dying. So, to recap,
Eridan's first instinct when in emotional duress is to go to Karkat.
Eridan feels like he knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice would be useless (and is proven right by the fact that Gamzee and Karkat's moirallegiance fails for similar reasons).
Eridan is willing to shelve his own emotional meltdown for Karkat's sake.
Eridan demands to be the one to provide Karkat with emotional support.
And this is, again, not a one-off thing. In the memo Karkat opens right after Eridan and Gamzee have both turned murderous, after he's spent several minutes making death threats toward Eridan and insulting him directly, he goes:
CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it
Eridan spends this entire memo under the belief that it's a completely run-of-the-mill conversation they're having:
PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor CCG: UGH, NO PCA: are you busy PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it
Which implies that offering to listen to Karkat's feelings is also a completely regular thing for them.
But something magical is ALSO happening within this last memo, and to really explain it, I'll first have to be a little mean to the GamKar shippers (sorry).
So, canonically, GamKar doesn't work out for them, despite also being somewhat foreshadowed. In fact, they feature on Nepeta's shipping wall, which is actually, in my opinion, foreshadowing that it WOULDN'T work out. (Nepeta's ships being wrong, and shipping being something she needs to learn to outgrow, is a whole essay on its own, that I'm not getting into here.)
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But the thing is, the seeds for them not working out were also planted in the first - and only - real post-moirallegiance interaction that they have with each other, where Gamzee tries to calm Karkat down... and FAILS:
GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o( ... KARKAT: OK KARKAT: OK YEAH KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX. KARKAT: AND BREATHE. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT? KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST KARKAT: BREATHE KARKAT: LIKE KARKAT: THIS... KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT. KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON. ... KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY? KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT? KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.
But let's go back to that memo where Karkat is freaking out in every way possible. This is how he starts that memo - so upset about the deaths of his friends and terrified by Gamzee that he can barely string together a coherent thought:
CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED. CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM? CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK. ... CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY. CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. PCC: Sorry for w)(at?? CCG: FOR CCG: I CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.
In fact, he's so distressed that he bans Past!Feferi and Past!Gamzee almost immediately after they come in. But then Eridan comes in, and... I mean, first of all, just compare how long it takes for him to ban Eridan:
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But more interesting are the contents of their conversation. Over the course of talking to Eridan... Karkat completely calms the fuck down. Like he's entirely forgotten that he's shitting his pants with fear. In fact, he even starts critiquing Eridan for his dumbassery:
PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you CCG: WHY NOT PCA: cause youre future you PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW. ... CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU PCA: no CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT. PCA: wwell uh PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.
It's extremely funny. Over the course of talking to Eridan, he goes from:
CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
To:
CCG banned PCA from responding to memo. CCG: ANYWAY CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.
Eridan isn't even trying to calm Karkat down. He still succeeds in doing so. This is because they are soul mates. And I mean that in the sense that the comic literally calls being moirails soul mates, which it doesn't do for the other quadrants:
A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.
That "social purpose" being that an even-tempered troll calms down a more hot-tempered one, and vice versa.
It also goes on to note:
But some pale pairings, as the one above [referring to a picture of Nepeta and Equius], will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.
But what's really interesting is the next page.
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And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.
Did you catch that? Let me zoom in.
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(Also, the blue and red cuttlefish to represent Sollux - Feferi and Sollux spend the whole game together, and even wind up talking about their feelings constantly in a pile - more on piles in a sec.)
In fact... in Eridan's first visual appearance...
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The crab has always been there for him.
It's also important to talk about the bottle of Faygo that's been photoshopped to be candy red, Karkat's blood color. The path that it takes actually directly mirrors Karkat's relationships with Gamzee and Eridan - it's initially something that Gamzee has, but winds up being ejected out of his life, and washes up on Eridan's shore. In fact:
TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin CA: is that wwhat this is TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt? CA: oh CA: oh god youre right i do CA: i totally forgot about it TC: YoU SeE MaN TC: MoThEr TC: FuCkIn TC: MiRaClEs TC: :o)
When Gamzee and Eridan discuss this exact bottle, Gamzee even likens it to "reunited lovers"; it's something that Eridan has had this whole time (after all, he was cheating on Feferi with the guy), but never realized.
There are a few miscellaneous things that don't really mean anything on their own, but put next to all this other stuff, is worth considering, so I'll list those now.
First, they both do the bonk:
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Second:
CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore. CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON. CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.
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Third, Karkat muses to his future self about how he misses his friends, especially the assholes, two pages before staring at a dead Eridan's ass (joking, he's definitely looking at WV, but it's still significant that this thought is being associated with Eridan):
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CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT. CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY. CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES. CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.
Fourth, in the same conversation, he bemoans his failed relationship with Terezi, before Future!Karkat chastises Past!Karkat for his instability and mixed signals. Going back to the page on moirallegiances, an explicit function of a proper pale relationship is stabilizing a troll's other relationships:
The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.
Of course, I don't need to tell you how messy and unstable Eridan's relationships have been.
And finally, Piles of Stuff™ are associated with moirails, and directly stated in-comic to cause an outpouring of emotion:
Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.
So here's a seven-word tragedy for you: For Sale, Shitty Wand Pile, Never Used:
ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.
(Which he specifically tells Karkat about.)
So, yeah, what I'm saying is, there's just, like, a weirdly large amount to read into here. That Karkat and Eridan are probably soulmates or whatever. And that this is important because...
Eridan Is Plot Relevant (Well All The Dead Trolls Are But This Is An Essay About Eridan)
So. Now we are going to talk about themes. Yes, like we are in schoolfeeding again. I'm going to keep it simple, because "The Themes of Homestuck" is a whole essay on its own, and this one about just the shitty fish boy is already way too long.
I think it's fairly non-controversial to posit that the main theme of Homestuck is, "children should mature, care about each other, and throw off the shackles of their old society, because they will be responsible for a new world one day."
Up until Game Over/the Retcon, this is so prevalent and well-established that SBURB/SGRUB's coming-of-age themes will outright be commented upon by the characters, and the main villain is a child who deliberately stunted his own growth so he could go around kicking over other peoples' toys forevermore.
So, the thing is, with that being the theme of Homestuck, if ALL of the Alternian trolls don't survive to the end, the ending is thematically unsatisfying, because the message suddenly gains an addendum of "well, some kids just need to die," which totally sucks. Like, sure, Eridan was a violent, crazed murderer even at the best of times, but his permanent death within the canon ending kind of means that the comic is saying that people in his position don't deserve kindness or second chances. That position being a traumatized, emotionally neglected child, who was being bullied by people he considered his friends. It's a pretty terrible message.
It's even worse when you consider what other trolls don't make it to the end - Nepeta, the most outspoken troll against the hemospectrum (and Davepeta does NOT count, don't try to tell me the final culmination of Nepeta's character arc is being combined with some guy she barely knows and a bird). Feferi, who genuinely wanted the best for others, even if she was kind of a privileged princess. Aradia and Sollux also stay behind in the bubbles, even though their lives have pretty much been endless parades of suffering and being used by other people. Even Equius doesn't deserve it - he was kind of a casteist freak, but not irredeemably so, and the fact that he became kinder to Karkat over the course of SGRUB proved that he had the capacity to change. And Tavros, allergic to himself and being insulted by Vriska, is a terrible way to end his arc.
It's also really clear that, since half his friends are dead, Karkat just doesn't really have anything to do. His title is the Knight of Blood, and Blood is about bonds - romance, friendship. And yet, he ends the comic having never figured out what Blood was about, with no confirmed filled quadrants (sorry DaveKat likers, but within the comic itself, DaveKat is never confirmed), and most of his bonds nothing more than ghosts in the bubbles. It's a terribly unsatisfying ending for the most narratively important troll.
I think, then, that even if you don't agree that Homestuck should have ended with full revivals and redemption arcs for all the trolls, the essay is going to proceed on like you do, so, sorry, I guess.
The thing with Eridan, specifically, is that he's actually tied deeply into the plot and themes, and his return means more than just Karkat finally getting a date (although that's important, too). Eridan is directly intertwined with a prophecy to kill Lord English; he's set up to mirror Caliborn and Calliope; and thematically, his redemption would be the most clear instance of the "interrogating society" part of the theme of Homestuck, because Eridan is kind of the Society Troll. And also, he was definitely supposed to be Roxy's wizard boyfriend.
Just gonna get that last one out of the way real quick because it's a fast one, Roxy fucking loves wizards and is a hipster. Eridan is a wizard and is also a hipster. Roxy has a crush on a prince. Eridan is also a prince. Roxy wears a purple striped scarf. Eridan wears a blue striped scarf. Roxy uses rifles. Eridan uses rifles. Momlonde's introduction includes a passive-aggressive fridge battle that features a cameo of Eridan's quirk.
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Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.
Yeah. So. Uh. Not only did Eridan need to be brought back to date Karkat pale, but he also needed to be brought back to date Roxy flushed. Can you imagine how funny it would be. They'd get together within 5 minutes of meeting for the first time and Rose would lose her shit. Anyway.
Him being a parallel to Calliope and Caliborn is also a quick one - Caliborn uses Riflekind/Sceptrekind, and Calliope uses Pistolkind/Wandkind. Eridan's two weapons are rifles and wands. Lord English is described as an evil wizard and at one point is shown using Calliope's wand. Eridan is also an evil wizard who uses a wand.
Look, I'm not saying that Eridan is necessarily directly related to these two, nor am I even necessarily saying that he and Roxy HAVE to date, but I am saying that he's got Weird Plot Connections that make him bizarrely relevant to characters that only come into play well after his death - almost like the comic was setting up that he would be coming back. His reaction to Cronus supports this, which I go into detail about here.
There's other strange "Eridan's plot important" things, too - like the fact that he's completely unimpressed by Faygo, considering it to be "just soda," and seems to be the only non-cultist who's okay with it. Or the fact that he's actually been awake on Derse since before the game (but unable to hear the horrorterrors, maybe foreshadowing some psychic resistance?) which he casually reveals to Kanaya and which Terezi is aware of, hence he's included in the people she names are "in" on the existence of the game. Or the fact that the genetic code for Alternia's first guardian was written within the pages of four FLARP books, with the addition of a fifth code Gamzee wrote in Karkat's ~ATH book... but Eridan was the fifth FLARP player in the team, implying that Doc Scratch/LE influencing Gamzee caused him to usurp Eridan's part of the first guardian code, giving LE his way into the trolls' universe.
Individually, it's all kind of nothing, but it just paints a bigger picture of Eridan being weirdly relevant, especially when we get to the juicy stuff:
The Prophecy
ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. ... [T]his magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. ... ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope.
ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized
GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing GG: umm yes ... CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be ... CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway
Jake is supposed to have been the one to defeat Lord English. (No, Jake defeating pre-LE Caliborn right before he gets sealed into Cal doesn't count! He doesn't even get the final blow in that fight, DIRK does.)
But Eridan at one point had that destiny on his shoulders. Aranea turbohealing Jake, and the resultant hope field, summons a bunch of angels, which are heavily associated with Eridan - yet another random connection that Eridan has with future plot events.
Jake was another character, alongside Karkat, who was kind of reduced to a joke by the end, despite the fact that he had literally, directly, been passed the destiny of defeating Lord English. It's hard not to see this as a consequence, at least in part, of removing Eridan from the story. By cutting him out of the fabric of the ending, several plot threads - including this prophecy - are left dangling in irrelevance. And so Jake, like Karkat, now has nothing to do.
Homestuck is generally a series where every prophecy does come true, which makes it kind of startling when several prophecies fail to - Feferi's to "unite the two races," Jake's to defeat Lord English, and Karkat's to bring "compassion, forgiveness, and equality among all bloodlines" in the Signless's place.
That last one is actually relevant to:
The Thematic Importance of EriKar As Soul Mates
Eridan represents the worst aspects of Alternian society. He's a sea dweller at the top of the caste structure, with free reign to murder whoever he wants, soaked in the blood of thousands of innocent trolls. He espouses the casteist rhetoric that their society is built on, calling for the deaths of all land dwellers and the oppression of the lower castes. And while he should be benefitting from his position of privilege, it has also done nothing but hurt him.
Karkat, meanwhile, is a pariah. A mutant who would've been culled on sight, who spent his entire life living in hiding, and most of the game in fear that he would be ostracized or worse by the rest of his friends if they found out about his blood color. He's also the second coming of Troll Jesus, and thus, more despised by the Alternian ruling class than a mutant normally would be. For most of his life, he dreamed of nothing more than finding belonging within the society that had deemed him unfit.
Their friendship is something that "should not be." The sea dweller and the mutant. The top of the castes and the off-spectrum. Eridan "should" see Karkat as a miscreant to cull on sight. Karkat "should" be terrified of Eridan's existence.
But in reality, Eridan doesn't give a shit about blood color, and Karkat just wants to be accepted. Eridan just wants someone to care about him, and Karkat loves his friends. Despite everything in their society saying that these two should never be together, they're soul mates.
Eridan and Karkat getting together isn't JUST the two most undateable trolls on the team finally landing a stable quadrant. These two, moreso than any other pairing, represent the themes of Homestuck. Children growing up, caring about each other, and throwing off the shackles of their old society.
In the pre-retcon timeline, their team failed to do so. This led to Gamzee falling into his highblood clown cult for comfort, Equius letting himself and Nepeta die by submitting to his place in the hemospectrum, Vriska killing Tavros because she couldn't allow herself to show weakness, and Eridan completing his caste's dream of genocide. Karkat spent the entire meteor trip and beyond beating himself up about it, since he considered it all to be his fault.
But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, they have the chance to, one by one, redeem themselves. I believe that's how the original ending would have gone: Terezi would ask John to bring Vriska back, because she only feels comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Vriska would then have asked John to bring back Tavros, whom she regretted killing. Tavros would be there for Gamzee, rendering him an ally. Gamzee would ask John to bring back Equius and Nepeta. Equius would ask John to help him not make the same mistakes with Aradia, and Aradiabot would catch John by the wrist and demand he bring her back in time to before she died, allowing her to circumvent her own death and Sollux's guilt. Sollux would ask John to keep him from provoking Eridan, saving Feferi. And Feferi would be pretty ok with the way things were... but KARKAT would then pull John aside, and drop an entire book of mistakes he made on John's lap, and this would result in a finalized timeline where all his friends are alive and god-tiered.
Because all the trolls SHOULD have survived.
Vriska should've survived because people should be allowed to have second chances.
Tavros should've survived because caring about each other, and being willing to show kindness and mercy, are good things.
Gamzee should have survived because people mired in religious fundamentalism and cults deserve to be offered a helping hand.
Equius should've survived because people should be allowed to grow and change their beliefs.
Nepeta should've survived because she was the anti-casteism troll. Casteism is bad, folks! Not only that, but I'm convinced that she was originally going to give the Ultimate Self exposition, and Davepetasprite^2 had to be contrived in the canon ending in order to shortcut Nepeta's character development, ruining it in the process.
Aradia should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team and live a life free of the control of evil uncles and shitty ancestors.
Sollux should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team because we all deserve to heal and be happy.
Feferi should've survived so she could be in a kismesistude with Nepeta, and realize that casteism itself is bad, not just the definition of culling, and then used her Witch of Life powers to even out the lifespans between the next generation of trolls, which needs to happen or else casteism will just happen again as long-lived highbloods inevitably amass power. And, also, it would complete the prophecy Gl'bgolyb gave her that she was intended to unite the two races (dream bubbles don't count, because by that metric, Sollux did more than she did by establishing a connection between the trolls and humans).
And Eridan should've survived, because the harm society has done to us can be undone. We don't have to submit to the roles it imposes, to the laws it wrote, to the abuse it inflicted. We can be free.
This is why pale EriKar is so important: for it to happen, Eridan has to make a choice between upholding the beliefs of his shitty society, or pursuing a happier, kinder future, where the hemocaste doesn't matter. For it to happen, Karkat has to shake all his insecurities about not being good enough by Alternian standards, and take on the duty of creating something better than what he came from. If pale EriKar happens, it means Eridan and Karkat choose love, not fear. Compassion, forgiveness, and equality.
And this choice - this pairing - is the ultimate representation of giving Alternian society one big middle finger. Saying, we don't need you anymore, fuck off! Saying, we reject you at your core; we will choose something better! Saying, we will create a new world, and it will be kinder than the one we came from!
Pale EriKar means LOVE WINS.
Thank you for reading.
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liesmyth · 3 months
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My Coronabeth Dominant Twin manifesto is simple and it's as follows: there's no way the twins could have planned for Canaan House.
John requesting new Lyctors wasn't something anyone in the Houses would've expected to happen in their lifetimes with any meaningful probability. This means that when the Tridentarii started the double necromancer ruse, they expected to carry on for life. It was an arrangement that benefited Corona vastly more than Ianthe.
What Ianthe got out of it, as far as we know: Corona would rule Ida, which she isn't keen on (as per NtN). But it also meant that Ianthe signed up for a life in her sister's shadow, with everyone regarding Corona as the perfect heir and Ianthe as the lame spare. Worse, for Ianthe, everyone believed Corona was the better flesh magician (as per As Yet Unsent). There's a lot more in for Corona in this arrangement and a lifetime of mild humiliation for Ianthe. As we see during the reveal in GtN, she was just dying to tell anyone that SHE is the necromantic genius of the pair, actually.
On their relationship with Babs: in GtN, Gideon notices that Babs obeys Ianthe's orders over Corona's. She also notices that Corona looks shocked about this — to me, this means that it's NOT something Coronabeth is used to. Pre-Canaan House, they are equals in their ruse. At Canaan House, it becomes obvious that if Ianthe ascends she'll leave Corona in the dust, and their relationship has to change. I don't think the way they act around each other from Canaan House onwards is at all representative of their relationship back on the Third, and I don't think Babs deferring to Ianthe over Corona is something that has happened often before, if at all.
There's the bit where Corona routinely threatened suicide to get her way since they were teenagers. In NtN she's doing it to save Camilla's life, but she reminisces fondly about it like it was something she did often to get her way, like it was a fun mind game they played with each other.
You've also got Ianthe calling Corona a bimbo and insulting her and whatever, and me arguing that Corona pulled the few strings doesn't make Ianthe good but as things stand I'm much more inclined to believe that, before Ianthe attained Lyctorhood, Corona was the one in charge — and I’m also firmly convinced that she’s using BoE for her own ends, and we’ll see her Fuck Shit Up in AtN.
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thewarmvoid · 8 months
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One thing that really sucks about dealing with and talking about antitransmasculinity is that a supreme function of it is instilling within transmascs / men the concept that talking about the things that harm them directly, attempting to create language based around their experiences, that any mention of the intense and dire circumstance that many transmasculine people have suffered from or are currently suffering in — is actually an act of harm toward other queer and trans people, particularly, toward transfems + trans women.
It really sucks because I’ll see transmascs have intense reactions to another transmasc saying something like “it really sucks that people are constantly talking about my transmasculinity in reference to male privilege while I’m also being inundated with news about hate crimes and suicides of transmasc people” one that’s like “no, we have it tough but trans women undoubtedly have it harder. It’s not taking anything from you to acknowledge that trans women have it harder!!! We as transmascs have to admit it’s hard for us but it’s always harder for trans women!! You have to admit you aren’t the most oppressed™️!!!” And it just hurts so bad cause I know for a fact they’re doing it because they believe that’s the way to be an ally to trans women. That dismissing and devaluing their pain and advising other transmascs to stop advocating for themselves is how you show that you care. I can’t even be mad because that was literally me for a long time. I was rewarded vehemently for upholding antitransmasculinity via blatantly denying it and punishing other transmascs who spoke about it via shunning them as one who doesn’t care about transfems or transmisogyny. It’s not true!!!! These things are not in conflict with one another. I care for transfems even more than I did in those days. I actually push back against transmisogyny/noir in ways that matter now. These things aren’t in conflict.
Combatting antitransmasculinity and combatting transmisogyny/noir are intertwined struggles!!!! They reinforce each other in a constant loop!!!! I am so desperate to stop watching people be convinced that doing antitransmasculinity is actually fighting transmisogyny. It’s not fighting transmisogyny to help cis people keep burying more of us by upholding the blatant lie that they don’t target transmasculine people, and tagging on “oh I mean they don’t target us as much” and pretending like that makes it better in a world where trans people are a third more likely to be killed by a stranger than cis people are. I am so fucking sorry so many people are being taught that it is. That how you fight for trans women is telling transmascs that nobody is after them. That how you fight for trans women is by convincing transmascs they have no real reason to be afraid. There’s legit nothing to do except what I’ve been doing, which is being someone who vocally fights antitransmasculinity in tandem with many many transfems, who never pretends like my struggle isn’t also theirs and theirs mine by virtue of us living in a world that wants us all drowned.
I will conclude this by saying that I’m proud of all the transmascs/men who got out of this pattern of thinking and allow themselves to feel their pain in definitive ways. I’m proud of you for realizing that you don’t have to forgo caring for yourself to be someone who really cares for others. I’m proud of you for not letting people convince you that you’re a danger to trans women because you fight against a danger that is hurting them, too. I’m thankful for every trans woman who has ever listened to me. I’m so thankful for those that didn’t want to hear me at first but didn’t choose to just plug their ears and you let some of my voice get through. I’m so thankful for the transfems and all transmisogyny affected people who are vocal about how upholding antitransmasculinity is not only a danger, but it is Not something that makes you feel safer or protected as someone suffering from transmisogyny. I am so thankful! And I’m also just sorry everything is like *gestures vaguely* this.
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o-wild-west-wind · 5 months
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okay, here’s my actual thoughtful post: I get why people are upset about the finale…I really do. but I want to mention that there’s a bigger picture to this story that’s missing if you’re zooming too close onto Izzy as a character, and I’m honestly so grateful that the show stuck to the thematic arc it introduced in season 1 because, as per usual, it’s about the themes 🤌 and this show never skimps on the symbolism!!
so here’s the thing: the primary themes are toxic masculinity (& it’s opposite, queer joy); trauma; love as a healing force for the above; and, title alert—DEATH. because it’s so much more than a cool title!
now, Izzy has always represented something metaphorical about all of these points; most directly, he’s always represented masculinity, and s2 has been an arc of toxicity deconstruction. but crucially, he’s also represented all that for Ed, who is the deuteragonist of this show. because—don’t forget—Stede and Ed are the show.
I’ve always doubted myself for feeling this after seeing how fandom saw Izzy as a third romantic figure (which like by all means have a blast in your fanfics I don’t care it’s about joy at the end of the day and pursue that as you want to), but after hearing something about djenks referring to Izzy as a father figure, it confirms a major point for me—Izzy is also in a lot of ways a parallel to Ed’s dad, and a representation of the trauma and guilt Ed felt from that formative killing. for so long, Izzy was an aggressive shadow in Ed’s life, and a tangible reminder of those daddy issues—someone telling him what to do, keeping him Blackbeard—and the beautiful thing is how that changed this season, how Izzy became a version of masculinity that could love and be beautiful and make good from the hurt, the literal poison into positivity. someone antithetical to his own paternalistic force, healing our daddy issues one drag show at a time. BUT, Izzy is still thematically representative within Ed’s arc—and by also representing the trauma that made Ed “Blackbeard,” it does make smart writing sense as to why Izzy died (NOT saying you can’t be sad about it—stick with me for a moment).
because here’s the thing—as aforementioned, this show is also about DEATH. killing is the root of everyone’s trauma, and reconciling a relationship with death is the ultimate arc Ed and Stede are both on, with the ultimate path of learning to live despite its inevitability. there’s a reason it was such a huge thing that Ed couldn’t personally kill, and then in this episode killed so many people with his bare hands in the name of love—and there’s a reason that was framed as a good thing. and there’s also Ed’s (and arguably Stede’s) active suicidality, which has been a huge force driving this season. these are characters who see death as this all-consuming thing, and they see their own deaths as the only solution. death is the traumatic force driving almost everything about their being for so long—and its reconciliation is everything for them, the greatest sign of growth. so Izzy’s death, and everyone beginning again with love—healing each other with love—is a cap to it all. it’s death as a positive force, for once. it’s death as love, not trauma. it’s death as something that will always happen, but this time not forced by your own hand. it’s a death to everything toxic, to what “Blackbeard” represented, and all the while a sort of rebirth. it’s kind of a death to…death? it’s functionally like the real physical moon replacing the giant romantic imaginary orb: it’s taking the thing that’s been artificially morphed in Stede and Ed’s heads and making it real this time, with all the bittersweet emotions that come with tangible reality.
and honestly, I’m glad that it was tragic and emotional. I didn’t think I’d be so devastated to see Izzy die, but it really did get to me, especially because of everything he said to Ricky and then to Ed. but think of it this way: Izzy and Ed might be romantically compelling because they were toxic and charged (and I hope people still enjoy everything they get from that dynamic in fan work), but imagine if the show had actually gone in that direction—where would it take us thematically? it would kill the thesis; it would be love as chaos and entertainment, but not healing. instead, this show gave us something so much more powerful: a legitimate, fully-fleshed trauma arc.
trauma hurts. Izzy’s death hurts. but that’s okay. that’s great, actually! it means the storytelling was effective—that Izzy’s arc made you feel something. and i know this won’t be every viewer’s experience, but honestly? I’m glad I can have this grieving process in such a beautifully framed light in the safe space ship of this show, because let’s be real—death, real life death, fucks you up. and let me tell you, I could’ve used this show during so many episodes of grief in my life. but here it is now, reminding us that our grief and trauma doesn’t define us—and WHAT a powerful thing for queer love, especially, to be presented as the thing that heals us all. ESPECIALLY when so much grief and death in this community is woven so deeply with the trauma of our identity.
so grieve as you need to, but don’t forget to turn the poison into positivity 💛 because that’s what the show is telling us—choose live, despite!
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alexlovesfanfics · 2 months
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I’m probably going to be crucified for saying this but. I have problems with Percabeth. Don't get me wrong I definitely don't hate it and I do enjoy certain Percabeth fics but the largely canon and canon portrayals of it are. Well. Not good.
First of all, there’s the issue that pops up whenever a smart female character is in a relationship with a ‘dumb’ male character. They get dumbed down into being an idiot. This is especially true about Percabeth.
Percy is smart.
Let me repeat that. PERCY IS SMART.
Is he book smart? No. But we all should know that book smart is far from the only smart. But it’s the kind of smart that Annabeth is. She knows trivia. She knows mythology.
Percy? He’s smart in the he picks things up quickly sort of way. Exhibit A: He figured out that the casino was time warping and he not only broke out of it, but was responsible for Annabeth and subsequently Grover breaking out of it. There was absolutely no way Annabeth would have broken out on her own. Exhibit B: That boat scene in SoM where he figured out how to use the wind spirit things to speed them up. Exhibit C, he was one of the first ppl to realise Silena was a traitor. There are probably many more examples but these are just the ones I can think of from the top of my head.
(Also I think he was the one who tricked Crusty and freed the other 2 in TLT)
My second problem is the judo flip scene. Everyone always says it's romantic but fellas. Is it romantic to physically adult your partner after you see them for the first time in months? Onto their back where they have their mortal weakened that could easily kill them? (BC Annabeth couldn't have known the Achilles Curse was gone). We all know that if the roles were reversed, Percy would have been dragged to hell and back for it.
My third major problem is that Annabeth insults him. In the first book, I can give it a pass. Maybe even in the second book. But tell me why in HoH or BOO (I can't remember) Reyna complimented Percy on escaping Tartarus and Annabeth but in like ‘He had help’. Yes. He did. I understand that Percy couldn't have escaped without Annabeth. But let him have the compliment! Maybe even idk. Appreciate him? BC that's what normal couples do? Ik if it was me and my QPR spouses in that situation I would have jumped at the chance to complement and gush abt them. And Reyna responded with ‘True. He couldn't find his way out of a paper bag without you.’ ???
Reyna sweetie, this is your co-praetor!!! Percy made it to camp Jupiter without Annabeth! He can survive on his own just fine! He was also the war commander during TLO despite being barely 16!
Back to the situation at hand, the very least she could have done was stay quiet. And before you say ‘Oh it was a joke’ Percy was clearly unhappy and protested the claim. BC he’s not dumb despite almost everyone in his life acting like it.
The last thing I want to discuss rn is how Annabeth accidentally fed into his suicidal tendancies. Yeah I’m bringing up the Kym incident. Percy literally told Jason he could have controlled the poison and saved himself but didn't BC he thought it was the Fates punishing him for Akhlys. But that wasn't really her fault, though I'm still going to bring it up.
I want to end on a positive note so 2 Percabeth moments that actually make me smile. In TLT during the gateway arch bit, Percy finds the idea of Annabeth being an architect funny and she snaps a comment abt his dad. Percy asks if Athena and Posiden ever collaborated on anything and Annabeth tentatively offers the chariot. It was sweet and actually showed the two’s relationship warming up to something less hostile. Later during the Zebra chapter Annabeth tells Percy that she would fight by him BC he’s her friend, no matter what side Athena chooses. Some great moments.
(Also I like that Annabeth didn't hold it against Percy for forgetting their 1 month anniversary. She actually understands that he has a lot on his mind and that he just fought a war)
(Also I could bring up BotL but I won't BC I have other stuff to do and also I haven't read it recently enough like TLT which I skimmed today during a seminar BC I didn't have my sketchbook but my best friend had brought the copy I lent her and wasn't using it)
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pagannatural · 24 days
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1.21 Salvation
-John finally, after some 22 years, lets his sons in on his plans and shows them everything he’s got on the demon that killed their mom and Jess.
-John is such a good character. I’m not really interested in liking or disliking him, I just love his part in this story. He reacted to an unimaginable situation in a human way. Who among us can say, really, how we would parent two small children if our wife was brutally murdered on the ceiling by a demon who then burned down our entire house? John truly thought the whole world was a war zone so he made his kids soldiers rather than getting them to safety. To understand John you have to understand that Safe and Normal as concepts were destroyed for him. He wanted to protect his boys so badly that he tried to prepare them and toughen them and train them but he also wanted to shield them so he hid as much as he could from them. He taught them that people were dying and they were responsible for stopping it. He put all of that on their way-too-young shoulders all while refusing to trust them or let them in.
Under all that pressure, Sam and Dean created their own world, their bubble of safety with each other. They give each what they need in the most vital and fundamental sense, nourishing each other in a hostile environment. They share something that no one else could ever understand.
So thanks, John.
-“It’s not your problem, it’s our problem” is an objectively kind and supportive thing to say so I’m proud of Dean for managing to shout it angrily at Sam. Such passion such energy
-Sam looks like a little kid this whole scene where Dean and John are arguing about parenting him. Dean stands up to John again and defends himself. He’s Sam’s daddy now (sorry)
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-John tells Sam “I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home” which is hilarious to me because it implies that he thinks of Dean as a homeless man (which he is).
Dean glances at Sam when John says this and then hangs his head. Sam is his home. And he feels responsible for Sam leaving school (which he is).
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-In the car Sam tells Dean “I want to thank you” but the you comes out as “ya”. This happens another time when Sam tells Dean “I still love you” (or something close to that) in s5e11. It’s unusual for Sam. He doesn’t ya his you’s regularly at the end of a sentence. Jared and Jensen both have typical midwestern accents on the show. Jared intentionally changes his speech pattern when he’s possessed, so that words like “wasn’t” or “doesn’t” are enunciated when normally Sam pronounces it like “wud’n” or “dud’n” with a very soft “d.”
Point being, something is causing Sam to shy off of saying these things and making them sound too serious so he says “I want to thank ya” which sounds more casual. When he’s lost in emotion (like later when he throws Dean against a wall and says “don’t you say that”), he enunciates his you’s. I think this is unintentional of Sam and intentional of Jared. Sam’s trying not to scare Dean off or sound too confessional- he’s seen how Dean reacts to that.
-Sam says “even when I couldn’t count on anyone”
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Dean gave him consistency and safety and the knowledge that he was always loved. Dean’s his sanctuary.
-Dean says the house is “burning to the ground, it’s suicide”
“I don’t care” “I do”
Sam is reckless. He has a safe place to land, so he often acts without really thinking through the consequences, and Dean is always there for him. This is the THIRD house fire Dean has protected Sam from. Interesting that Sam asked Jessica, his Dean replacement, “what would I do without you?” in ep1 and she said “crash and burn.” Actually that’s what you would do without Dean :)
-Sam says killing the demon is “all we’ve ever cared about” he doesn’t realize that Dean has always cared more about him than about revenge or justice or whatever else. Dean would rather have Sam. Wild that Sam doesn’t know he’s Dean’s top priority yet. I wonder if he knew that pre-Stanford?
-Sam gets angry when Dean says they can’t bring Jessica or their mom back. It mirrors Dean slamming Sam against the wall in ep1 when he told Dean their mom is never coming back. Sam’s anger melts as soon as Dean speaks and he ends up just kind of grasping Dean’s shirt and pressing into him with this desperate look on his face. They look at each other’s mouths.
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-Dean is accepting of Sam grabbing him and throwing him against a wall, just like Sam handles it in s2 when Dean punches him in the face. They have no normal way to express how intensely they feel about each other so it comes out as violence or care when one is injured. Love and need and pain are inextricable between them- they love each other in ways that are painful. So they just submit to each other like Yes, finally something that feels strong enough. It’s like it’s soothing to express and receive each other’s needs, even as pain. It has to come out somehow.
-Dean says that the three of them are all he has and “sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together” Dean doesn’t let himself fall apart, and he wants to fall apart with Sam here, begging Sam to be careful with his life, to understand that he needs Sam. He’s saying Please don’t get hurt, I need you, I’m falling apart.
Sam could kiss him right now. Dean’s not holding it together enough to try pushing Sam away or protecting him from their feelings.
-Dean says “without you and dad, I-” and I think that Dean obviously loves and cares about John but the real issue is that he couldn’t say “without you, I-” on network television because they would have just made out. The mention of their dad brings Sam back to himself. He turns away from Dean and lets go of him with what looks like some effort. Dean looks lost and he’s also still tilting his head up with his lips parted looking like Sam didn’t kiss him. Sam asks him to call John.
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-This parallels when Dean told Sam to call Sarah in 1x19. Dean calls even though he’s still emotionally involved in the conversation with Sam and didn’t finish what he was saying. He’s just admitted something that was difficult for him, and Sam reacted by pulling away, distancing himself, exactly as Dean did when Sam admitted Jessica isn’t the main reason he’s not interested in anyone.
I’m a John-would-kill-Dean truther if he found out about anything untoward going on between his boys, so the mention of their Dad and the fact that he’s in danger would absolutely make Sam force himself away from Dean.
This specific dynamic of Sam pleading with Dean for something and Dean surrendering brokenly to Sam in a Please give it to me Please just take it loop where neither is willing to act makes me want to chew on my own ribcage.
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blood-orange-juice · 3 months
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ok so ive never properly played genshin and don’t plan to but i know a bit about it’s lore and characters and i think it’s really neat. however i have thousands of hours on ffxiv. on that note please explain why graha and childe are similar. i only have very basic knowledge on childe and i gotta know
Fellow ffxiv enjoyer. <3
(anyone asking me about G'raha has a 100% chance of getting a wall of text and I'm not apologising for that. enjoy your wall of text)
I'm not entirely sure I'm not a case of a person with a hammer to whom everything resembles a nail, but I do think they are the same archetype.
Sweet characters who could have been perfect sidekicks (who still are perfect sidekicks) but listened to too many epic tales as kids and found themselves in a wrong place at a wrong time and now have to play a key role in some universe-changing story.
Both are defined mostly by their stubborness, they are not very suitable for the roles they've chosen and fail over and over again until they do it somewhat right (barely).
No matter how badass they look, their power is not their own, G'raha is a glorified technician of someone else's miracle and little else than a living key, Childe wields an art of old Khaenri'ah without fully understanding it. It's all borrowed from someone else who needed them to achieve a goal.
They do look badass, but mostly because they larp. I'm honestly not sure which one enjoys theatrics more.
Civilisations that created the magic they use specialised in perversion of the natural order of things. They try to use it in relatively noble ways and mostly hurt themselves but the flavour is there.
Both are unbelievably tragic and both somehow make their stories seem almost lighthearted. Complete absense of self-pity. I think that's what makes them both so charming, it's a rare trait.
Both have an incredible capacity for loyalty and love and an incredibly twisted view of what relationships look like. "I'll cross time and space for you, I'll die for you, I'll build a city for you, I'll live for you but please don't ask me to share my plans." "I'll sacrfice my own health and respect of my subordinates to keep my brother's happyness, probably my humanity too, but don't expect me to actually interact with him."
Both have something that looks like self-sacrificial tendencies bordering on suicidality while being, if we are honest, a self-serving trait (partially born out of low self-esteem but still self-serving). They want to live in an old myth and sacrificing oneself is a perfectly reasonable price for that.
Huge egos. And I mean Huge Egos. It's a bit less obvious in Graha's case but I know the type, you see guys like that in PhD programs a lot.
Huge dorks. Both of them.
Both are stuck somewhere between human and non-human and, hmm... their ability to remain human is the most astonishing quality of both. By all accounts, neither should have. They somehow did.
Both are incapable of lying to the point where a third of each fandom headcanons them as autistic. Both are somewhat all right with tricking people without technically lying (although Childe had more practice).
Both are secretive because no one would understand anyway.
FF XIV is a kinder story, so it's easy to overlook, but technically G'raha is a case of body horror, accepts the role of a villain for a while and hides from the player way too much. Hmmm... Where else have I seen it. Hmm. Oh right. That ginger guy from Genshin.
Minor things:
Both are little shits and enjoy annoying the hell out of people they dislike.
Abysmally bad fashion sense. There should be a name for this particular type and level of bad. I don't think I've seen this anywhere else.
And then there's the colour scheme. Red+black+white+blue and red+black+light grey+blue (it's an "anime magician" color profile, I think. black-red-white as alchemy colours + blue as pure magic/something elemental). Childe doesn't quite fit but still the combination is rare.
They way they talk. Dear gods. Who the hell talks like that.
Here's where the similarities end.
One is morally grey but ultimately a good guy (technically. I think the point of ShB was that Emet and G'raha are almost the same), another is a morally grey but still (kind of) a bad buy.
At every step of his story Graha is surrounded by people who love or at least appreciate him, Childe is pretty much on his own and surrounded by people who are either shitty or clueless.
G'raha is kind. Truly and astonishingly kind, in a doomed world he chooses to love everything he touches. Silly little priest of hope. Of all the things he has done this is the most wondrous, I think. Not the time travel, not the city he founded, just being able to remain kind after everything that happened to him.
Childe is... well, Childe. I think he is a deeply decent person (to the point of having a visceral distaste for any kind of unfairness) and he's idealistic but he's indifferent more than he is kind. Empathy usually develops only when someone has shown the person empathy first and, as far as we know, he didn't have much of that in his life.
Also G'raha builds things. Childe breaks things. Childe breaks pretty much everything he touches.
One is an archeologist and a mage and another is a warrior.
I think these differences are caused mostly by the settings they were put into. Childe raised in Sharlayan would have been a very different person. G'raha trained by a voidsent and shipped off to Garlean military would look very much like Childe.
G'raha also has a beautiful character development arc. I love his ShB role. He has this huge ego in the raids and is insufferable and then we see an older and wiser him with a bunch of actual achievements and a bad case of impostor syndrome (trying to do anything real always humbles a person, we all know that real world is held together by sticks and scotch tape. honestly, this change alone is beautiful). And he gets to be an actual hero when he abandons all hope to be Important and resigns to die as a nameless villain if it saves everyone and spares his loved ones from heartbreak.
Childe's character development is yet to happen and I'm not hoping for much but we'll see.
The only difference that definitely isn't created by setting is that G'raha is naturally manipulative. In a kind-hearted way and mostly for the sake of better larp but he isn't that straightforward. Childe is spectacularly blunt for all his mysteriousness.
As a bonus, they both compare main characters to stars, but in completely different ways.
"No doubt your heroism will be the star by which I chart my course," says G'raha to the WoL.
Childe mentions the morning star, which is, of course, pretty and a good companion to a lonely traveler, but also it's not a celestial body you can chart your course by.
It's a guy whose signature weapon is called "Polar Star" and his first artifact set was full of nautical themes, so I think he fully understands what he's saying. "You are my friend but I won't change anything in my life for you."
So I don't think his story will be anything like G'raha's, his life took a different turn very long ago. I do think they used to be similar as kids, bookish boys who dreamed of adventure and being special. So it's fun to compare.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. <3
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super-paper · 8 months
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Do you think Hawks will die to save Toga?
Personally, I wouldn't like it if either of them died. Like, the potential narrative payoff here would be strongest if both of them lived, imo. I would rather see a situation where Keigo donates just enough blood to stabilize them both, rather than a situation where one person completely exsanguinates themselves and leaves behind a rash of trauma and unresolved feelings in the person they "saved."
I'm definitely not the best when it comes to Hawks meta, but I'll try my best to break down my personal feelings on why I feel both Keigo and Himiko need to live in order to "break the cycle":
1. You Can Start Over. I'll Help You.
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This one's the biggest, most obvious point in favor of them both living imo. Hawks made an offer to help Jin start over, but rescinded that offer and immediately went for the kill the moment Jin showed signs of resistance. This was Keigo's biggest failure as both a hero and as an individual, and something he has yet to atone for.
In turn, Himiko believes there are no second chances-- that her only options are death or being locked away forever. So, she chooses death. She needs someone to offer her a third option.
The set up is there.
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There's also the matter of Keigo and Himiko both stating that they want an "easier world" as their core motivation, and both of them state that they want to be the ones who help make that world.
Their goals only sound simplistic on the surface and serve as a mask for their respective traumas, but... ultimately, a world that's easier for Himiko to live in (where she is consensually given blood by someone who loves her and she is allowed to give her blood back to the world in return) is a world where heroes can finally take it easy-- because it's a world that nips the endless creation of its own "villains" in the bud, through unified acts of compassion and understanding.
Both characters have caused others intense pain and hurt others in their attempts to take shortcuts to the creation of an "easier world"-- Hawks is the hero that's "too fast," and Himiko is also associated with her near-supernatural speed. They're both too impatient and want the quickest possible results. Having both Himiko and Keigo living and learning the "right way" to create their ideal world-- and then, getting to be a part of that world as they both continue to atone-- feels much more meaningful than having one or both of them die before they can see that future reach fruition.
2. The Big, Suicidal Elephant in the Room
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The majority of the LOV members all struggle with suicidal ideation-- Touya wants to set everything Endeavor ever chose over him ablaze, and he wants that inferno to also serve as his funeral pyre. Tomura has got a dissertation's worth of issues regarding his own mortality and self-perception/identity, and his whole "let's-just-destroy-it-all/we-don't-need-a-future-actually-lol" schtick has always been a symptom rather than a legit proposal for a cure. Himiko wants to disappear into the identities of the people she loves, because the world treats her a little more kindly when she isn't "Toga Himiko." The LOV trio's arcs all revolve around "death of the self" to some degree. (That said... resurrection and rebirth are also heavy themes within Tenko, Touya, and Himiko's arcs, soooo....)
Keigo also struggles with suicidal ideation and places the worth of his own life far, far, faaaaar below that of everyone else.
This has already been said, and shouldn't really need to be said in the first place, but-- people have every right to feel uncomfortable and criticize a story that attempts to validate suicidal characters by portraying their suicide in a noble/redemptive light.
Next!
3. It's All About All Mi-- Err..... Tomie?
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"I was fine with that-- not saving her, turning my back on her. Me, who claims he wants to help people." - Hawks, about Tomie.
"I tried to go about things the right way" is a good line that touches on one of the core conflicts of Keigo's character: He suppresses so much of his natural instinct to do good so he can do "right."
Keigo knows in his heart of hearts that "the right way" doesn't save people like his mother, it didn't save Jin, and it's not going to save Himiko. He's been groomed into upholding the society and status quo that caused him and Tomie to nearly fall through the cracks in the first place-- and I've always found it both fascinating and sad that Keigo seems to equate choosing "the right way" (i.e. becoming a hero) to abandoning his mother. Keigo effectively being *sold* to the HPSC is what took Tomie off of the streets and gave her a roof over her head-- it gave her "a chance to start over." But Keigo doesn't seem to view this as true saving. With that in mind, his attempt to "save" Jin by essentially giving him the same offer the HPSC gave Tomie was always doomed end in failure.
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Keigo: "My mother feared punishment for harboring a criminal, so she took me and ran."
Tomie first ran out of fear of being arrested after Takami Thief was captured-- which led to both her and Keigo being homeless for an extended period of time. She ran again after Dabi/Touya threatened her for information on Keigo, this time out of fear of her son-- a son who had became synonymous with "the law" she feared so much in her eyes. She can't bear facing him after her betrayal and implicitly fears punishment/condemnation from him (even though Keigo had *no* intention of punishing her)-- Tomie readily leaves behind the "normal" home and "normal" life that Hawks obtained for her through "doing things the right way," bc the imaginary threat of punishment and condemnation is something that comes across as worse for her. This only further convinces Keigo that he failed to save his mother, even though he's the one who's being betrayed and hurt by her.
I can't help seeing similarities between Tomie & Himiko's decisions to run out of an intense fear of punishment/imprisonment, and how this inevitably ties to Keigo. Keigo subconsciously realizes that he can't truly save people like Tomie, Jin, or Himiko as "Hawks" because "Hawks" is part of the problem. He longs to save others as himself-- as "Takami Keigo" (which is why the loss of his quirk kind of has me like "👀 👀 👀 whatcha gonna do next, turkey boy...,,..👀 👀 👀" )
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As an aside, I seem to recall that transhawks made a few meta post where they talk about how there are traces of Jin's design in Tomie (esp her eyes, which have the same dead-eyed thousand yard stare) and that their resemblance is likely intentional (edit: link to one post pointing the resemblance out)-- It's not as overt, but imo, Himiko also resembles Tomie (just a little!) when she has her hair down.
Anyway! Both Jin and Himiko dying after Keigo A) has spent his whole life agonizing about how his own mother wasn't able to survive in their current society, B) has expressed guilt about how he didn't even try to save her and didn't make attempts to involve himself in her life, C) has talked at length about he wanted to be "more like Bubaigawara" and then proceeded to roleplay him, badly, for a good third of Act 3 (ohhhh boy ☠️☠️☠️), and D) had demanded that Toga be killed immediately after she arrives in Gunga, only for Ochako and Tsuyu to explicitly challenge and reject the idea that killing was the only option available.... idk, Himiko dying while Keigo does nothing would just feel massively incoherent at this point??
TL;DR The resolution to Keigo's arc currently hinges on addressing his origin, his identity, his guilt, and his ties to these three characters. Keigo feels that he failed with Tomie, and he explicitly failed with Jin-- and I personally don't think his arc can have a satisfactory ending without addressing those failures through Himiko, or without him trying to right where he went wrong by helping her in some capacity. This is a chance for him to finally follow his innate drive to do good over doing what their society dictates as "right."
----
All that being said, if Hori did decide to have Hawks sacrifice himself: Hawks choosing to sacrifice himself because he wants to believe in the future that the hero kids are creating and wants to believe that children like Himiko have a place in that future feels WAAAY more tonally consistent with mha's themes than Himiko choosing to sacrifice herself because she doesn't think she has a future
One message is about healing and hope and belief, the other is about failing to truly save someone who was already suicidal from their inevitable self destruction.
MHA has been defining true saving as "going above and beyond" for hundreds of chapters now-- true saving means saving a person's heart, body, and soul. It means giving them a future. By mha's own definitions, Himiko choosing to kill herself means she wasn't saved. Pure and simple-- You can't save the heart but not the body/soul (Himiko), you can't save the soul but not the body/heart (Touya), and you can't save the body but not the heart/soul (Tomura). There's a lot more work to be done here-- but that's fine, bc MHA has never depicted true saving or true healing as some magical, instantaneous thing. (#recoverygirldni)
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strawberry-cowmilk · 1 year
Note
Thank you so much!
Here's one of the requests Lucifer, diavolo, barbatos and Simeon, (maybe Satan and beel is if isn't to much) find out lover mc is suicidal, really badly, (separately if it isn't to much trouble! )
Hello, anon! I hope that this was the type of format you had in mind. Enjoy!
suicidal mc
-> lucifer, diavolo, barbatos, simeon, satan and beelzebub x mc
important: Remember your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. If you or a loved one is dealing with suicidal thoughts, reach out to that hotline/person/etc. Suicide is never the solution.
mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read
content warnings: suicide, crying, not eating, mild strong language, mc attempts suicide (overdose) in barbatos' part!!, spacing out, lesson 5/6 spoilers
-----
Lucifer
he noticed the signs pretty early on in your relationship
lucifer didn't want to jump to any conclusions though, so he just kind of kept an eye on you to see whether his suspicions were correct or not
there were days when you skipped rad, and lately they became more frequent
it was literally a whole chore for you to even get out of bed, you stayed in it the whole day, not even eating, were you too tired to feel any hunger?
lucifer didn't waste a second when you didn't show up at school for the third day in a row, he made his way over to your room
'mc, I've noticed some worrisome behavior, do you mind telling me what's wrong?'
when you broke down crying and told him everything, lucifer mentally facepalmed for not listening to his gut before
he will find you a great therapist if you want one, lucifer hopes you'll gradually feel better, he's afraid there isn't much he can do on his own and it hurts his pride
Diavolo
he definitely thought it was a bit odd for a human to participate in kind of dangerous activities, like leaning really far back in a chair that wasn't made for those things
but diavolo didn't think those actions had concerning roots in suicidal thoughts
also when you'd seem frustrated out of the blue, he just assumed you had a bad day or something
eventually all these little worrying traits of yours piled up into a mountain of warning signs, that was when diavolo decided to talk about it
part of him didn't want to start this conversation, what if there's nothing wrong? or worse, what if something is wrong? what does he do? can he help?
the worst case scenario was true: you were actually suicidal
the prince wants to help, but what can he do other than show you gestures of affection, is that enough to help? do you need a professional?
Barbatos
even though barbatos is a really observant demon, he does tend to get consumed by his work, neglecting everything else
you were a little mentally unwell before, but lately it's gotten so much worse
it seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, every day you felt a little better, somehow you felt extra shitty the next day, the cycle never ended
you can't see hope, that's how you ended up in the demon lord's bathroom with some pills
luckily barbatos walked in on you because he had to clean in there, who knows how it would have ended otherwise
the usually collected demon has a hard time keeping his cool, he hates himself for not paying attention to you
could he have prevented this? what led up to this?
the butler doesn't know what to do
Simeon
he thought you were just in a dip, suicide didn't seem like a possibility to him
simeon tried many little things to cheer you up, like bringing you your favorite flowers or cooking your favorite food
but nothing seemed to make you happy again, how bad is this dip?
it hit him what was going on the night he tried to take you to your favorite restaurant
you refused to leave your room, begging simeon to leave you alone and even insulting him when you got too upset
'mc, you haven't been outside in a week, and you haven't been eating well-'
he knows other angels who went through this, oh no are you depressed? he straight up asked you, but you blurted out you wanted to die
if you're not too mad at him, he'll come and hold you, offering to listen to all your frustrations, that's sadly all he can do
Satan
he's read a ton of books, suicide being a topic in some of them, so satan notices the signs really fast
you seemed to be spaced out a lot, and lately you experienced zero pleasure in things you used to love
you physically felt sick, your chest was heavy, there seemed to be no point in carrying on if it had to be like this
satan took you somewhere safe and let you know he's there for you if you want to talk, he also probably knows a therapist or two
when you confirm his suspicions, he genuinely doesn't know how to approach the situation despite all the mental health books he's read
if you want to talk to a trained professional, he can get you one in less than an hour
Beelzebub
after the celestial war, beel probably had his suicidal moments from the guilt
he recognised his 'symptoms' in you immediately, and man he knows how awful those feel
but, how would you want to be treated in the moment? do you want him to ask you about it or would that upset you?
so beel tries to do little things that would make your day a little better
'mc, which flavor of chips do you want? I got sour cream and cheese'
eventually he will directly talk to you about it
if you're really hopeless, beel will tell you it always gets better, relapsing is part of recovery and he himself is living proof that things will get better
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1moreff-creator · 7 months
Text
A Summary of the Levi!Accomplice Theory + How We Got Here (DRDT CH2)
Hey there! So a while ago I made a post about the CH 2 murder method, but I missed some pretty crucial information. You might know me and @thebadjoe had a pretty long thread back and forth talking about the murder, which lead to me reworking a lot of the original theory. However, that thread is extremely long and frankly quite confusing to read, so I thought it would be good to summarize what the final theory actually looks like in a separate post. This was sorta inspired by thebadjoe making a similar post about his own theory (which is Eden working alone, but disguising herself as Arei at one point), which I absolutely recommend you read as it’s probably one of the best DRDT-related posts I’ve seen on Tumblr.
If you’re here simply for a summary of the Levi!Accomplice Eden!Culprit theory, then simply skip to the Closing Argument of this post. You should be able to understand it on its own. However, I think it would also be nice to explain how I reached the conclusions I did, which is what the start of the post will be. Othersie I'm gonna look completely unhinged, and that's not good, I'm only kinda unhinged! If you’re interested, then I hope you enjoy!
CW: Murder, betrayal (Eden!Culprit), hanging (including geometric depictions), suicidal thoughts, one mention of self harm.
(Also, the Ace almost-murder won’t really be touched on much here, but there is a thread where me, venus-is-thinking, accirax and thebadjoe all went crazy trying to explain the blood on the wires. It’s about as difficult to follow as the other one, but eh)
The First Step Into Madness
(This part goes over a bit of the same from my OG post, which is why it sorta ignores other theories. There may be some assumptions made which are not necessarily true under other theories. Feel free to skip this if you read the first post and don’t need a refresher)
It all started when I made the original post where I discussed the murder method. I was left very intrigued after watching DRDT for the first time, so I wanted to see if there was some way to figure out how the murder was carried out, and to see if that pointed to any culprit.
-The first thing to note is that EP 11 cuts off when Charles is about to confront David on something related to the time of death, based on when he cuts in. This would imply the murder did not happen the night of the third day as the characters had assumed. Seeing as Arei was last seen at noon of that third day and I wasn’t aware of disguise theory, I figured the murder actually happened at 7:30 AM the morning of the day of the investigation, which I still believe. The fish could have been simply taken before nighttime and kept in the water jugs.
-What this means is that the culprit had time to set up an elaborate murder mechanism overnight, which is what the rest of the evidence around the crime scene would appear to imply.
-One of the reasons to believe a mechanism was involved is the flickering light of the playground. For a while, I genuinely had no idea how the hell that would happen. Even if there was a secret passage from the Movie Screening Room, proving that in trial would be nigh impossible.
-However, sometimes to solve a mystery, all you gotta do is mash random things together until something sorta looks like it fits. And what was a thing I didn’t know how to place? The ball of clothes.
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-The idea here is to attach the rope to the ball of clothes and throw it over the railing, that way you can get the rope to go over there without having to get up there yourself. On the way up, the clothes would hit the light and displace the lightbulb, causing it to flicker.
-But why would you need rope over the railing? Well, if you were interested in creating a pulley system to make something go high into the air, you would need the rope there. And a pulley system is the first thing I thought of when I saw the spinny thing had tape on it, and thus was likely involved. This is what I envisioned.
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Note how the rope is first looped between the handlebars to make sure it actually does the thing it’s supposed to. There may be other ways to set up the pulley, but the important thing is, a pulley was likely involved.
-So we got a pulley, but what are we pulleying? Presumably Arei, getting her higher up so her neck could snap instantly when she dropped down. As Veronika stated, her neck wouldn’t have snapped unless she weighed more or she dropped from higher up.
-Unless she weighed more, huh? That’s an interesting thing to specify. How would she weigh more? Unless, there was something which weighed her down.
-One thing which always struck me as odd about the water jugs is how oddly the handles are snapped.
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-After thinking about how that could have happened, I realized maybe they had been snapped due to the action of rope. If you tie rope around the handles and pull hard, they would snap just like that.
-And what’s the deal with that? As I said, perhaps Arei was weighed down by something. And here is the answer. Since we know there were two pieces of rope (one found around Arei’s neck and a longer piece under the spinny thing), I believed the jugs were attached to her via rope to weigh her down.
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-That way, the culprit could further ensure Arei’s neck would snap once she fell and the pulley system was stopped.
-Because yes, the culprit would need to stop the pulley system from spinning back all the way, otherwise Arei would just fall to the floor. And since her broken neck is the only injury apart from red marks on her wrist, that clearly didn’t happen.
-And my answer for that… was frankly just brute forcing it and stopping it by hand. See, I was sorta coming in after watching a cool video by Ocean Unknown, and I was already kinda thinking Levi was probably the culprit, which is why this feat of strength didn’t seem too insane for me. In retrospect, I may have been underestimating the strength required to do that.
-Anyways, the rest isn’t too hard to figure out. Make the note, ambush Arei when she arrived at the playground, with the ensuing struggle resulting in the scuffed floor, put tape on her wrists, put the noose around her neck, pulley, let her fall a bit and stop her so her neck snaps, prop her up so the murder looks vaguely like a suicide, throw some stuff in the trash, profit. You may have noticed I didn’t talk about the fact Arei doesn’t have her glove in the BDA, because… well, frankly I just hadn’t noticed that at the time. The fish are to confuse the time of death, and the tape was likely taken from the gym and used to have a better grip on the spinny thing as the culprit spun it.
The tape was taken from the gym?
The Curious Case of the Tape Thief
(Or: BY GOD IT’S THEBADJOE WITH A STEEL CHAIR! /lh)
So, what you may have noticed is that the method I came up with doesn’t really point to anyone in particular, but there’s a detail I hadn’t noticed when I first made that post. The time the tape was taken.
Thebadjoe had already pointed it out on his blog, and was kind enough to reblog my own post with this information. Turns out, he realized that in Ep 6, at around the time Ace wakes up, the roll of the tape previously on the floor disappears from the background. Which means it was taken by someone who was at the gym at that point.
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Now, you might be wondering if maybe that’s just an animation error. After all, it’s not like this is evidence that can be brought up in the trial.
Except, it can be deduced. With lockdown logic. Let’s look at the facts:
-The tape was on the floor after Nico leaves the gym.
-The last people in the gym before the lockdown begun were Teruko, Ace and Eden.
-No one but MonoTV could enter the gym during the lockdown.
-Rose and Teruko are the first people to enter the gym after the lockdown, stated explicitly by MonoTV.
-But by the time Rose and Teruko are there, the tape has disappeared. And there is special attention brought to the fact the tape’s disappeared.
So the tape couldn’t have disappeared during the lockdown (unless MonoTV took it out, but why would it do that), and it can’t have been taken after since Rose and Teruko were the first people there after it ended. Since that roll of tape was still on the floor when Nico left, that means the tape disappeared when only Teruko, Ace and Eden were in the gym.
Teruko couldn’t have taken it, protag privilege.
I’ve seen Ace thrown out as a possibility, but it just doesn’t really work. Teruko was inspecting his body right before he wakes up, and she never has a reason to look away after he wakes up. She never saw him pick up the tape, though, so it seems unlikely he did. Not to mention the lack of blood on the tape when Ace had blood on his hands the whole time, or the general weirdness of him taking the tape and, like, pocketing it in the first place. Why would he do that? If he wanted a weapon, he’d have taken the wire which was nearby, right?
So, the most logical answer is that Eden took the tape. In fact, she gets knocked down to the floor right around the time the tape disappears from the background.
So, now we ask, why did Eden take the tape? The issue is that there really is no reason for her to do that, unless she went down to the second floor specifically with the intention of picking up the tape (and maybe some other stuff). However, she never tells Teruko she wanted to pick up the tape, which combined with the fact she takes it sneakily and without anyone noticing, would suggest she wanted it for nefarious purposes. This is where the Eden!Culprit theory comes from.
There simply is no good answer as to why she took the tape otherwise. Even other theories I’ve seen, which suggest perhaps the killer intentionally used the tape to frame Eden, can’t really explain why Eden would take it without warning in the first place.
Thus, the only issue left is… would Eden really do this? How can the nicest person in the killing game betray a friend like that? Well, it’s not as impossible as you may think.
Of Motivations And Narrative Consequence
(Or: venus and accirax come in clutch)
You may have seen this post by DRDT Tumblr’s dynamic duo of @venus-is-thinking and @accirax circulating around, and I recommend you read it if you want a full exploration of why Eden!Culprit works from a character and narrative standpoint. They explained everything way better than I ever could, so I’m not gonna dwell on it too much and just ask you do your assigned reading if you’re interested.
However, as a short summary of the main points:
-Motive: Eden is a very caring person, who has several people she’d want to return to outside of the killing game. Her family, which she speaks about with Levi in the first scene of the chapter, and possibly even the girl mentioned in her secret. The incident with Arturo could have scared her into taking more drastic action so she could go back to the real world. Note the secret quote on her page is “You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try.” She’s likely not secretly evil or anything. And the fact she kept trying to go against the killing game, but ultimately never achieved anything, could have led to her feeling completely hopeless.
-Why Arei?: Because it was the easiest option, most likely. It was implied in the ep 10 flashback that Eden may not have believed Arei when she claimed she wanted to be friends, and that she may have only realized she genuinely did during the trial. Also worth noting, they’re paired together in the CH 1 recap, which implies they’re at least important to each other’s stories.
-Wouldn’t this just prove Teruko right? And wouldn’t that be narratively redundant?: Oh, yes. It would very explicitly prove Teruko right.
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Teruko: Sooner or later that kindness of yours will have you breaking down, until you’re too overwhelmed with grief to be able to act. That’s not how I plan to live.
But the thing is, Teruko has already been proven right this chapter. Even beyond all the scuffles around the secrets, you have Nico, seemingly one of the most harmless people in the killing game, admitting to trying to kill Ace; and you also have David, who almost everyone trusted and viewed as a sort of leader, being revealed as a liar and a manipulative asshole.
(Yes I know both of them are a bit more complex than that but that’s not the point.)
In fact, Teruko was explicitly right about David too. Not to mention, someone killed Arei or J if you’re inclined to believe that, which won’t exactly do wonders for trust in the group.
The point, as venus and accirax pointed out, is to show the audience how Teruko’s life usually is. Full of betrayal and misfortune. This is to set up the theme of fate and change that runs deeply through Teruko’s character, and that I’m not gonna explain here.
And while you could say Teruko doubling down on not trusting anyone would be redundant, you have to consider the rest of the group as well. While they mostly held it together after the first trial with a few exceptions, Eden being the killer, combined with everything else that happened in the chapter, would cause way more damage to the whole group’s sense of trust, leading to a very different atmosphere for chapter 3. So I don’t really think it would be redundant at all.
-What about the handwriting sample?: What about the handwriting sample? The note is in cursive, Eden writes her sample in print.
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Obviously it's gonna look different. If anything, the fact she specifically writes in print could be seen as her hiding her cursive handwriting, which looks suspicious to me.
-Why help piece together the note in the first place? And why would she fight back against the idea of Arei committing suicide?: Because she would presumably want to build a narrative that she and Arei were friends, to make people trust her more. I mean, it worked, since people immediately jumped on Arturo when they first heard the full story.
-And more! Again, read the full post for more details.
So… now we circle back. Eden’s probably the killer, but what does that mean for the method?
A Method In Shambles
One of the main issues this brings to the method is Eden’s strength. She’s very weak, as has been established in both the most recent QnA and in the series itself (see: arm-wrestling scene, where Arei specifically excludes Eden for being weak). She wouldn’t be able to pull Arei + water jugs up with the pulley system herself.
…Or maybe she could? But it would be very tight, and I think we’re not supposed to pull out the physics and calculators to figure out it would only be the equivalent of lifting like thirty pounds as accirax implied in one line of this really good post. Point is, it doesn’t look like she could, which is more important imo.
Even then, it would also be really difficult for Eden to prop up the body like we see in the BDA.
Speaking of BDA, that’s another issue. The BDA rule states it takes “three people who did not witness the murder” to see the body before the announcement plays. So how did it play after only Whit, Teruko and Eden had found it? Surely Eden as the killer would count as a witness with the method I established earlier.
But the biggest issue for Eden!Culprit are actually the fish. Because while Eden doesn’t have an alibi for the time of death, she does have an alibi for the time of the fish’s disappearance. Think about it: Nico fed them presumably at around 7:00 PM, since they later see David going down at around 7:30, and 7:00 is likely the time when communal dinner ended as it’s also the time Eden and Hu begun washing the dishes together. We know from Nico the fish were still all there by the time Eden’s alibi with Hu begins.
And that alibi lasts all the way until nighttime, when the relax room locks down for the night. And it doesn’t open again until after the murder was supposedly committed at 7:30 AM. So Eden couldn’t have taken it the morning after.
The fish in particular are an issue for Eden!Culprit, because while everything else is odd, this particular thing makes it impossible for Eden herself to have set up the crime scene as we see it. And unless Ace is lying for no good reason, Arei was still alive the night of the third day, so it likely wasn’t set up by anyone uninvolved in the murder.
In the end, although Eden feels like she should be the culprit, she couldn’t have done everything alone.
She couldn’t have done everything… alone.
:)
The Rise of the Accomplice
Eden is a very trusting, very sociable person. So if there are things in the crime scene she couldn’t have done alone, is it unbelievable to assume she may have had an accomplice?
Let’s ignore the “who” for now and see if this idea holds up. The accomplice would be in charge of taking the fish out of the relax room during nighttime, a tactic to confuse the time of death and give Eden a fake alibi. They would also be in charge of overpowering Arei when she first arrived at the playground.
After pinning her down, wrapping her wrists with tape and possibly her legs too if needed (there were two pieces of tape in the trash, when strictly speaking you would only need one for the wrists. Arei has long socks, so marks wouldn’t be visible on her legs), the accomplice would also be in charge of lifting up Arei into the sky. The exact logistics of how the accomplice would go about this are a bit awkward (they would probably have to run quite fast to the spinny thing so Arei doesn’t get a chance to stand up and try something), but I don’t think it’s outright impossible.
Now, here’s where the trick comes in. Since Eden was the one who likely planned the murder (she had been preparing since Night 2, after all), the goal would be to make her the blackened. Here’s how I think that would be done.
The accomplice would hand off the spinny thing to Eden once Arei was high up enough, and Eden would be the one to let go off the carousel so Arei’s neck breaks. But how does it stop?
Well, you remember the second, shorter piece of rope, which I had originally said would be for the water jugs? Instead of that, they would use it as a stopper rope. The idea is to attach one end to the swing set near the spinny thing, but leave the other end by itself. Then, once Arei was high in the air, one of the two culprits (let’s say Eden) would tie the unused end to the spinny thing. That way, when they let Arei fall, the shorter rope would tense before she went all the way to the floor (you can make sure this happens by using a lot of the rope on the knot on the swing set), and stop the carousel abruptly mid fall. This is what would cause Arei’s neck to snap.
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(Ignore the text)
This means the water jugs would need to be attached to Arei in some other way. Possibly by making the noose in such a way that you have rope to spare and you can put the jugs there?
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Looks a bit wonky, but I think it can work! Or, at least, Eden could conceivably think it would help, which is all that’s technically necessary.
If you’re not convinced, there could also be a third, extremely short piece of rope being kept in Eden’s fanny pack which was used to put the jugs at Arei’s feet. I don’t quite like this answer too much, since it relies on evidence we don’t have (Russel’s Teapot and all that), but it’s there.
——————————————————————————————————
Surprise! Alternative Method Bonanza!
So you remember how thebadjoe has a really good theory on the murder which is Eden!Solo? That means he has a different method for the murder mechanism itself, as Eden sort of can’t do my method herself.
And I am gonna steal it! Like a thief!
Essentially, if you’re not convinced by the hanging method, you can instead copy and paste joe’s method to my accomplice theory, with a few modifications.
Joe’s method takes my idea of a stopper rope, but instead of attaching one end to the swing set, it’s attached to Arei’s neck. The pulley system is instead used to pull up only the water jugs, the rope attached to their handles, which Eden should be able to do herself. The idea is that, after pulling the water jugs up and attaching the shorter rope to Arei’s neck, when you let them fall, if Arei’s neck is secured in place, when the stopper tenses, it will snap her neck.
Now, in his method that involves knocking out Arei with turpentine (long story) and securing her with tape, but with the accomplice idea, and since I don’t think Eden has turpentine, it may be better for the accomplice to just hold down Arei’s body themself. Though that runs into the issue of “why put tape on her wrists then”, which isn’t a method with joe’s original method and rather an issue of translation to the accomplice idea.
Because of that, and because there’s a particular thing I’ll talk about in a moment, I think my method is still slightly more plausible for the accomplice idea, which is why I won’t bring this up again, but I did want to point out that it’s technically a possibility.
——————————————————————————————————
Any other changes? Yes, actually.
-You remember the starch on the ball of clothes? Well, joe suggested it may come from the enriched formula used in the relax room, as starch is often used to stimulate plant growth or something along those lines. Meaning the clothes spent a night inside the relax room. I agree with this, as I have no idea why starch would be there otherwise.
The question now is when the clothes spent the night. It can’t be Night 3, as Arei died before the relax room opened again at 8:00 AmM. So it would have to be in the second night. And where was Eden that night?
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Eden: I noticed you didn’t take any of your new clothes, so I was going to deliver them to you!
Ah, right. On the second floor. In the dress-up room. Totally not suspicious behavior.
Basically, I think Eden went to the second floor to put the clothes in the relax room and pick up the tape, but once nighttime begun, she realized Ace was still in the gym, and decided to wait it out so as to not be spotted in a suspicious place. Unfortunately for her, Ace was busy getting murdered by Nico, so she ended up getting caught by Teruko, and had to course correct.
But why would she need the ball of clothes? Couldn’t she have just grabbed, like, anything else to throw over the railing?
Well… yeah, but. It may have been hard for her to find anything more convenient than the ball of clothes. I’ve seen the roll of tape suggested, but the rope may not have been able to fit through the hole in the middle. Maybe yes, maybe no, depending on what’s most convenient for your theory. That’s not sarcasm, it’s just that there’s no good way of checking how big the hole is.
Throwing a ball of clothes would be a lot easier than throwing a lot of other things. Maybe it’s a bit weird, but I don’t find it completely unbelievable that Eden considered it the best option.
-To make the whole ordeal easier, it would be best to make sure the “noose” end of the longer rope dangles from the railing over the seesaw, closer to the entrance, so they don’t have to move Arei around too much. They could easily do this by just throwing the ball of clothes around a couple of times.
-The BDA is an issue, since the accomplice would also be a “witness” and thus not count. But this can be solved quite simply. For one, there could be a loophole where if Eden just looks away when Arei’s neck breaks, then she’s not a “witness” and she counts. If that sounds too stupid, there’s another answer. To make absolutely sure Eden would be counted as the blackened, the accomplice would leave the room entirely while Eden holds Arei up in the air. That way, the moment they enter again, they would see the corpse without being a “witness” to the murder, and so they count. Add to the accomplice/Eden the view of Whit and Teruko, and you have the three you need for the BDA.
-That’s also my answer to why Eden shouts “Teruko, wait!” right before Teruko opens the door to the playground. Logically, she knew the BDA would play, which is why she didn’t act nervous when Teruko first offered to search in a group of three, but she second-guessed herself right before they got there. I’m sure we’ve all had an experience like that before, where logically we know one thing will happen, but we still get nervous right before the thing happens because we’re worried it might go wrong.
-The Achilles Heel of this theory is the missing bowling glove from Arei’s left hand. I have exactly one explanation for it, and it’s kinda stupid. Essentially, I believe the accomplice took the glove for themselves, to reveal it during the trial if people start accusing Eden. The idea would be that showing people that glove should hopefully get them to vote for the accomplice without thinking about it too much, but since Eden is the real blackened, they would lose and Eden would escape.
Imagine a big reveal, with a little animation like David’s “guilty as charged”, where the accomplice takes out the glove from their pocket and they say “I killed Arei” or something. That’s kinda what I’m envisioning.
So… that’s basically the method. And now, we have to answer the age old question:
but, like, why though
And this, this is the question that makes me believe the accomplice idea more than any other. Because it gives a proper reason for why the method had to be so complicated.
See, there is one fundamental contradiction in the evidence we see, one which has to be solved in some way. Arei’s wrists were bound, but given the rest of the evidence, there was a mechanism involved in her murder.
Why is that an issue? Because if you bind her wrists, then there is no reason not to just kill her in a much easier, simpler way. And there’s no reason to bind her wrists after killing her, either. So why would the killer go through all this trouble?
demodraws0606 (not sure they’d want to be tagged) suggested in this post, under Levi!Culprit, that maybe Levi was trying to frame Eden, and to do that, he had to make sure the BDA wouldn’t rule her out. And while that’s a really good post and a pretty interesting idea, the main issue with the plan of framing Eden in general are the fish. Levi maybe wouldn’t know for sure whether or not Eden would have an alibi, but just in case, it would be much safer to just fill the water jugs with water from a sink or something. The fish could only ever exclude Eden, never incriminate her.
Joe’s method assumes Eden simply used a complex method to distance herself from the murder in a way. Working on mechanisms would calm her as a clockmaker, so she feels more comfortable with murder if she can do it with a mechanism. This is cool, and while I personally think it’s a bit underwhelming, it could work. But it only works if Eden!Solo works, and then you have to explain the fish again. Joe says David brought them there, but, I don’t agree. Doesn’t mean it’s wrong, obviously, just that I personally don’t see it given what we have. I think David genuinely thinks Arei committed suicide because of him.
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David: Of course. Of course this would happen.
So, yeah.
And because the why is so hard to explain, I think it’s important to explain it. And wouldn’t you guess it, my method does explain it.
It goes back to the origin of the accomplice idea. Eden couldn’t have done this on her own.
Let’s be clear; an accomplice is a huge leap in logic. One that I feel comfortable making given everything, but one which would take the characters a while to figure out. One which they may reject in principle. There’s no benefit for an accomplice after all, right?
I’ll address that in a moment, but let’s get back to the main point. Eden couldn’t have done this on her own, and because of that, the method in itself is an alibi for her.
Think about it. Because she is clearly not strong enough to lift Arei up into the air (or at least, that’s what it looks like), what happens if someone starts pointing fingers at Eden? Well, all she has to do to absolve herself is insist they speak about the method, and guide them in the general direction of the right answer. Once they start thinking the murderer would need to be strong enough to pull Arei + water jugs up into the air, they would instantly dismiss Eden as a possibility, until the idea of an accomplice is revisited.
This is, by the way, why I think the Hanging Method works better than the Neck Stopper Method under Accomplice Theory-
(ok the nomenclature is starting to get out of hand)
-, because it requires more strength to use the pulley.
But the point is the same. This method actually provides an explanation to why a mechanism was necessary when Arei’s wrists were bound. It was to give Eden a defense.
And that’s also where the fish come in. Because the most straightforward explanation for why the fish would be there would be that the killer would want to confuse the time of death. But why? The time the fish were taken is the same time frame the characters currently believe the murder happened at, so the alibis don’t change. If the killer wanted to give themselves an alibi for the supposed time of death, they would need to have an alibi for the time the fish were taken. But if they have an alibi for the time the fish were taken, they couldn’t have taken the fish!
Provided Nico is telling the truth about the fish, but I really don’t see why they’d be lying. I really doubt they’re the killer.
Thus, unless the fish somehow got there through a third party entirely (which I find unlikely, as Veronika had an alibi and no one else would really want to hide that they found a dead body for a night), it’s very possible the accomplice brought the fish to give the real killer an alibi.
So, that’s the big reason I have for believing there was an accomplice. It’s the best explanation for the fish and the motivation behind the creation of a mechanism I can find, but of course, that’s my opinion. There’s a bit more to it actually, but before we get there, we have to ask:
OMG, Who Did This?!
What we know about the accomplice for now is that they must not have an alibi for the time the fish were taken. This leaves us with Ace, Nico, Rose, Arei, Levi, and David. We can also add Hu to the list, as her only alibi is Eden, and, well.
Out of hand, I'm gonna eliminate Nico, Ace and David, as I really don't think their characters fit the accomplice idea at all, I hope you can forgive me.
I gave Arei a fair bit of thought, since narratively I could see it working, but I just don’t think it’s physically possible. One of the things which got me to believe there was an accomplice was that it would be really difficult for Eden to string up Arei’s corpse herself, and Arei wouldn’t be able to help with that on account of being dead.
So, then there three.
Was it Rose?
An interesting possibility. She was the first one to suggest looking in the trash, which helps Eden build the narrative she and Arei were friends, and she was one of the people who suggested voting for David on Ep 11, claiming she didn’t want the trial to go on any longer. However, that’s pretty circumstantial, and I don’t think there’s much else connecting her to the crime. I also don’t know how much stronger she is than Eden, but that’s neither here nor there. Overall, a possible candidate, but not extremely plausible.
Was it Hu?
Hey, have you ever thought about how weird it was that Hu and Eden never spoke during the conversation Teruko, Charles, Whit and David had right before David went to the relax room on night three? They were supposed to be cleaning up after dinner at that point, according to their alibi, so what gives?
Well, frankly, I just think they weren’t in the kitchen, but probably just cleaning in the cafeteria itself. But maybe Hu and Eden are lying!
Hu could work as an accomplice, given her caring nature and the fact she probably has the “hopeless child” secret, meaning she’s attempted suicide. Thus, she may be willing to throw away her life for Eden’s, which is the biggest obstacle for the accomplice idea.
Her secret quote could allude to it. “I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live.” The issue there is… well, that could be referring to quite literally anything else, so.
I consider Hu the second likeliest candidate for accomplice because of all that, but… frankly, I still don’t see it. The way she acts during the trial doesn’t suggest she’s doing anything of the sort, and there are reasons she wouldn’t want anyone to get away with murder. Mainly everyone else’s lives. Also, she has even less arm strength than Rose, seeing as she lost at arm wrestling with her.
There’s probably more discussion to be had regarding Hu as an accomplice, but frankly, I don’t think it’s necessary for now. Because there is one person who fits the bill much better than Hu, and has much deeper connections to both Eden and the murder.
You read the title of the post. You know who I think the accomplice is. Let’s go.
Yeah, it’s Levi
(How’s that for a callback?)
Levi is probably the most widely believed culprit theory, and for good reason. He acts very suspiciously all throughout the investigation and the trial. He is the first to call up MonoTV to start voting after David’s reveal, he throws accusations quite liberally, his profile states he dislikes unpredictable people like Arei, the ball of clothes and even the missing glove being involved connects him to the method through his talent…
The main thing is the secret motive. Not only did Levi receive Arei’s, without the context Arei gave David and Teruko in the playground, it is widely speculated that Arei received Levi’s secret through sheer process of elimination. Won’t get into it here, many people have already talked about it, so just trust me bro.
Not to mention the whole “good person” fiasco. Essentially, Ch 2 has the title “All That Glitters”, with the secret title “A Good Person”. Clearly, put together you get “Not All That Glitters Is Gold” -> “Not All That Glitters Is A Good Person.”
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And as far as I can tell, there are only a few people who have been referred to using the specific words “good person” in this chapter:
-Teruko: She dissuades Whit from calling her a good person because she’ll feel bad when she’s not.
-David: Hu calls him a good person right before his Ep 11 heel turn.
EDIT: I misremebered, the line is actually "good friend." Ah, oops.
-Eden: Levi calls her a good person in the beginning of the chapter.
-Arei: Says she will prove to Eden she can be a good person.
-Levi: Eden calls him a good person at the beginning of the chapter.
Hopefully I didn’t miss any.
You’ll notice the common thread is plot relevance in CH 2. Teruko’s the protag, David pushed the plot forward by getting people to reveal their secrets and also had his heel turn (EDIT: But he wasn't called a good person so), Eden has been a huge part of the chapter and she might be the killer, and Arei is the victim.
The outlier is Levi, which would suggest he’ll come to be plot relevant soon enough. I don’t think just getting his secret revealed would be enough to put him up there in importance with the most influential people in the entire chapter, so he’s probably heavily involved in the murder. And since I don’t think he’s the killer, accomplice it is, baby.
There is even a particular moment we can point to as the moment Levi may have given up on the group as a whole.
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Levi: Why do I even bother?
Right after Ace refuses his help after almost getting murdered. And Eden’s right there.
Finally, his secret quote is “I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.” That’s interesting, because in this context, it could be he never believed Arei wanted to change, as her previous actions contradicted the words she said to Eden. But maybe that’s a poor excuse for his heartlessness, as Arei did want to change.
There’s more I could bring up, like the fun fact Levi’s profile states he likes suckers (candy) and Eden’s states she likes sweet things (that’s insanely circumstantial and confirmation bias-y, but sure I’ll bring it up), but I think venus and accirax may be wanting to make a narrative defense of the Levi!Accomplice theory, so I’ll leave it to them, since they’ll probably do better than I could. Lord knows they did better on Eden than me.
Not gonna lie I’m kinda making this so they can just link back here instead of the insanity train the original thread was-
Final Issues
No theory is perfect, and this one isn’t an exception. While I think the theory mostly covers all the evidence in the scene quite satisfactorily, the explanations for the BDA, the glove and the shape of the scuffed floor (but how do you explain that shape) are a bit shaky. There’s also a few awkward moments of timing and character’s actions, like the whole Ace almost-murder situation being sorta awkward with Eden’s presence in the second floor, and in particular that Arei apparently spent almost an entire day inside her room. That’s sorta gonna be an issue for everyone unless you believe Ace is lying about the day her conversation with David happened, which… okay, isn’t as insane as it sounds, read joe’s theory, but I still consider a bigger leap than simply assuming Arei took a real long nap.
And of course, as much as I’ve ignored it, it’s still insanely risky for Eden to work with an accomplice, and we have to assume Levi was willing to die and get everyone else killed just to get Eden out of there. I’ll try my best to explain how I think that could happen in the Closing Argument.
However, it’s all in all, in my opinion, not too bad. Everything is pretty physically plausible, there are narrative justifications for practically everything, and the few inconsistencies aren’t too large or obnoxious for me to consider damning. I’m still open to other theories, of course, but for now, this is the thing I believe.
-
So, now that we’ve established how I arrived at my conclusions, it’s time for what everyone’s been waiting for!
Closing Argument
Keep in mind character motivations and especially unseen dialogue could vary quite a lot. The main thing to take away is the actual method, everything else is sorta flavor text. This… really is a lot longer than it has any right to be. I kinda got carried away trying to show how I think the characters would act. Sorry.
I’ll mark with “>” the parts which are mostly just for spice, “~” the actually important parts, and just for fun I’ll add predictions to how the end of the trial will go with “+”.
I am extremely sorry if I mischaracterize anyone. I’m not good at writing dialogue, but I think it’s worth trying to give a better impression of what’s going on in my head.
(Days start counting after the start of CH 2)
Second Day, Afternoon
~Eden wanted to return home.
>Of course she did! Everyone did, in the killing game. She kept trying to look for ways to end it completely, and while she hadn’t found a good solution yet, she’d surely find it soon enough!
>But for now, they had to keep strong! And fight against the motive! David had suggested talking to the people whose secrets they’d all received so they could share it and ease tensions, and Eden thought it was a great idea! She went up to Arturo, and told him what she’d received about him.
>…
>She almost died.
>That was the only thing running through her mind as Arei got Arturo away. Eden had almost died, and if it weren’t for Arei, she most likely would have. A small desperation began to grow in her heart, longing to get out, get out, get out-
>Arei tried to talk to her, apologize for the things she’d said in the playground… but Eden couldn’t believe her.
>Arei had shouted in her face that Min’s death was her fault. Even if it was, to say it like that… Eden wanted to cry just thinking about the things Arei had said. Eden may have been nice, but she wasn’t naive. Someone like that could never be a good person.
>Still, a part of Eden wanted to give Arei the benefit of the doubt. So, she hugged her, told her how much it meant, and went on her merry way.
>But those doubts had firmly planted themselves in Eden’s mind. What if Arei was just manipulating her? What if Arturo attacked her again? Would someone as weak as her even be able to stand up to the killing game, when she couldn’t stand up against some bullies?
>Slowly, the gears in her mind started to turn. An idea was brewing, an idea which scared Eden to even think about, but one she was desperate enough to entertain.
>There was a way for her to end the killing game. By winning it.
>I mean what? No! Eden would never kill anyone! …
>But if she were to, hypothetically speaking, how would she go about it?
>By the second night, she didn’t know all the details, but she was going on autopilot, her body moving practically without her thinking. Just like she used to get lost in her work while making clocks, she was now beginning to get lost in the preparations for a murder.
>An accomplice, she would need an accomplice, if she wanted to do it. Probably something with the rope in the storage room, she was good with mechanisms. Maybe the railings on the playground, a pulley system… she needed a way to get the rope up there, and a way to secure the grip of her accomplice on the carousel.
>Hypothetically, of course.
Second Day, Almost Nighttime - Nighttime
~She went to the second floor, grabbed some of Hu’s and Teruko’s old clothes, and put them in the relaxation room to cover them in starch. She wanted to make a ball of clothes, it was the best way to get the rope over the railings.
~She also needed tape from the gym, the roll people used to replace the grippy tape on the pull-up bar when it got too sweaty.
~Slight issue: nighttime had begun, and there were still a few noises in the gym. Eden didn’t want to be caught doing anything too suspicious, so she decided to wait out until the noises stopped.
~Slightly bigger issue: Teruko arrived at the second floor, spotted her, and now Eden needed a cover story. She just told her she was looking for Hu’s and Teruko’s new clothes, sure, that works.
>Eden told Teruko her and Arei had made up, and asked if she wanted to pry. In retrospect, she wasn’t sure why she’d done that. If Teruko had heard the story of what Arei had said, she would just tell Eden what the uglier parts of her psyche were already telling her. That Arei was lying, trying to manipulate her. But maybe she wanted the confirmation, to justify to herself why she was thinking the thoughts which were running through her head.
(It’s almost tragic, really. If only Teruko had pried, maybe Eden would have learnt of Arei’s breakdown, and everything would have ended there)
~The two decided to head back to the first floor, and Eden figured she would just take the tape tomorrow-
~Oh shit, Ace got murdered.
>Seeing that convinced Eden. The killing game was too dangerous, when even the seemingly harmless Nico was able to do something so brutal to one of the strongest participants physically speaking. She had to get out, and now. She couldn’t disappoint her family, her friends, and her.
>So, she resolved to do something about it right after-
>Oh, hey, Ace wasn’t dead! That was… good. Even if he knocked Eden down to the floor when he woke.
~… And while she’s on the floor, she may as well pick up the tape she had come to retrieve.
~[Cue Ace running to kill Nico scene]
>Wow. Tensions were… really high. Ace had collapsed, and even then Teruko had just walked away as if nothing had happened.
>But Eden was more curious about something Levi had said. “Why do I even bother?” What had he meant by that? She decided to speak with him.
>…
>Levi had lost all hope.
>There was just no way to reason with the people of the killing game. All of them were erratic, nonsensical, unpredictable people. And he loathed unpredictability in people.
>None of them wanted to accept help when it was offered. None of them knew what the hell to do about anything, but refused to just be nice and patient with each other. Practically speaking, pretty much the only normal person around was-
>Oh, Eden wanted to talk to him. Sure, he could do that.
>Eden was checking in after the whole Ace fiasco. How nice of her.
>But after chatting for a while, Eden directed the conversation towards an encounter she’d had with Arei. She explained what the bowler had told her, looking for advice. She asked if Levi would believe Arei, seeking confirmation on whether or not she really could be trying to get better. And Levi...
>Levi was pissed.
>Because it was such an obvious lie. Such a horrendous attempt of manipulation. To try and take advantage of someone as nice as Eden, truly despicable.
>Eden seemed taken aback at his intensity, asking why he was so certain. Levi debated internally for a moment, before deciding Eden deserved the whole truth.
>"Blackmail, rumors, lying, stealing, slander. You did everything you could to ruin your sisters' lives." That was Arei's secret, the one Levi received.
>Eden looked horrified when Levi told her, and it seemed she agreed with what Levi was already thinking. After all, they both loved their family a lot, even if Levi had been disowned. Someone like Arei, who would do something so horrible to their own family, couldn't possibly be a good person. If Arei did all that to her own sisters, who's to say she wouldn't do the same to Eden?
(In retrospect, Levi would always regret jumping to conclusions. After it was all over, he would try to explain. “I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.”)
>And in all that anger, and hopelesness, and desperation... Eden revealed an idea. A very strange, almost outlandish idea. To help her out of the killing game.
>Levi wasn't a fool. He had seen how the group had handled the first trial. Eventually, someone was going to get away with murder, and that would be how the killing game would end. It was predestined.
>And if someone was going to win, it may as well be the kindest person in the group.
~He agreed.
Third Day, Noon
>Everyone was yelling, and Arei's stomach was twisting.
>Nico had tried to murder Ace. They hadn't outright admitted it, but Levi's and Ace's accounts were enough to get her to believe it.
>But she wasn't thinking so much about the incident itself, as much as she was thinking about what had caused it. The secrets. David's plan was backfiring massively...
>Except, maybe it wasn't. As she saw everyone arguing, the secret she had seen Whit receive flashed in her mind. David's secret. "You exist to manipulate others. Everyone else exists to be taken advantage of."
>Was he really that evil? Was he really trying to instigate a murder? Was anything he had ever said even true?
>Had he lied to her, too?
>...
>She didn't feel like speaking much that day. She'd rather go to her room, and contemplate. Maybe sleep for a while. Maybe lie in her bed, and maybe cry a bit.
>She didn't leave her room until it was time for dinner.
Third Day, Afternoon
>Ace was fucking pissed.
>Of course he was, he'd almost been murdered! By Nico of all fucking people! And now he couldn't even look the fucking gym without getting nervous, like the motherfucker would show up any time and finish the job!
>But it's not like that was gonna stop him from exercising. He wasn't a fucking coward, he wasn't afraid of Nico. (Or at least, he told himself that). So he'd train anyways! He'd raced on horses he was terrified of his whole life, a little exercise was nothing!
>Still, to his chagrin, he couldn't help but feel nervous whenever he heard any noises in the rest of the floor. Even the very light noise of the elevator felt like thunder in his ears. So when someone came down and started speaking, Ace couldn't help but overhear.
>Yet, the conversation was interesting. Arei was saying David had lied about his secret? This was worth hearing.
>Ace snuck in closer and listened in. Apparently David's secret was that he was a manipulative bastard, the dick. He had gone quiet when he heard that, too, so it must have been true.
>"David! Say something!"
>David went quiet for a bit, and then... Ace got bored.
>So what? David was an asshole, big deal. Breaking news, everyone! Every single participant in the killing game sucks dick and balls! Who could have seen that coming?! It wasn't anything Ace didn't already know. So he left. He didn't really feel like listening to David try to lie his way out of that. He just went back to the gym and stopped paying attention.
>Meanwhile, the conversation went on.
[THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN MOSTLY FOR FUN. I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING HOW THIS CONVERSATION ACTUALLY WENT]
CW FOR AGGRESSIVE CONFRONTATION
>David was fucked.
>"I... I don't know what to say to that" David managed, covering his eyes with his hand. "It's... well... How do I put this?"
>"Just tell me, please. Did you lie to me?"
>"..." David sighed. A small, sad chuckle rose from his chest. "Yes. I'm sorry"
>"..."
>"I apologize for the false hope, Arei, but... people can't change" David continued. His head was firing off alarm bells, years of deception warning him not to continue, but he ignored them. "I have seen so many try. I have seen so many fail. In the end, there's no avoiding it. If you could improve yourself to be a better person, all that means is that you were a better person to begin with..."
>Arei fought back tears. "You're wrong"
>David had to stop himself from laughing in her face, but he couldn't help a sharp exhale. He would probably stop there, but... he had lied for so long, he almost wanted to speak what he actually believed for once. "No, I'm not. I'm the Ultimate Inspirational Speaker, Arei. If people could change, I would be the first to see it"
>"That's not- You can't be serious. Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it can't happen!" Arei snapped.
>"Is that so?" David raised his voice, and glared at Arei. He smiled nervously. "Then tell me, Arei. Do you think I can change? That I can become better? Look at what I've done. I've lied for years, and now Ace has a permanent scar on his neck from the murder I almost caused!" He put a hand to his chest. He shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't, but, but- "Do you really think people like me, like us, can ever be good?! If you do, then you're a bigger idiot than I thought"
>He didn't mean that. He didn't mean that. He didn't mean that. Why was he saying it?
>Arei snarled at him, her face growing red in anger. "You...." She took a breath, and her gaze grew defiant. "I'll prove you wrong. You're the idiot here. I will become good. I promised Eden I-"
>"Well, Xander promised he'd be my friend, and look where he is now!" he almost shouted. Why was he even thinking of him now? "Don't you see it? You're lying to yourself. That's the only thing to come from my speeches. Lies. And now you're repeating a degraded version, like it's gonna be any more true just because it's coming from your mouth!" He needed to stop. He- "Are you that arrogant, or did your sisters cause you permanent brain damage?!" What the fuck was he doing?!
>"..." Arei looked horrified, and angry.
>"You don't even believe it yourself, you hypochrite!" Stop! He smirked even wider. "Otherwise, why don't you go talk to your sisters, and get them to change?" She looked so sad, why was David doing this? He had to- He couldn't- It felt good to let it out- He felt horrible- Stop- He laughed. "Oh, right! You can't! Because you're a monster and destroyed their lives! And you, won't, change"
>"You-!" Arei shouted, and rushed forward to push him. Her heart clearly wasn't in it, but David retaliated and pushed her back.
>"Out of my way!" he snarled, and began walking out of the room. He couldn't- he wasn't thinking straight, he needed- he needed air, he needed out. Arei almost slipped into the pond, or maybe she did? David couln't tell anymore. His mind was a fucking mess and his only coherent thoughts were screaming at him to leave.
>Meanwhile, Arei was left alone, and hurt. She shouldn’t listen to an asshole like David, she knew that, but, but still…
>She didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. Maybe she’d just go back to bed.
CW OVER
~Later, Levi would arrive at the relaxation room to fill up two water jugs, making sure to get the fish. At the same time, Eden was discussing ways to end the killing game with Hu, securing an alibi for the time of the fish’s disappearance.
Third Day, Nighttime
~Levi and Eden met back up at the playground, and the preparations began. The materials they were working with included two pieces of rope (one longer, one shorter), the ball of sticky clothes Eden had prepared the night before, the tape Eden had taken from the gym, and the water jugs with the water and fish Levi had gathered.
~First step, with the tape from the gym, they covered the bars of the carousel, to have a better grip when they used the mechanism.
~Then, they grabbed the longer rope and put part of it through a few of the handlebars of the carousel, before tying one end to one of the handlebars.
~After that, they tied the other end to the ball of clothes, and Levi used his strength to throw it up above the railings. In doing so, he accidentally hit one of the lights with the clothes, displacing the lightbulb and causing it to flicker. Once it fell, he also threw it up to the railing in the middle, so the unused end of the longer rope would end up around where the seesaw was.
~Meanwhile, Eden tied one end of the shorter rope to the swing set near the carousel, leaving the other end unused for now.
~After removing the ball of clothes, they fashioned the untied end of the longer rope into an odd-looking “double noose”, with one of the nooses, the one closer to the end of the rope, tied around the handles of the water jugs.
~With all the preparations in place, they took the ball of clothes to the dress-up room, and Levi went to sleep. Eden wrote the note Arei would receive, telling her to meet in the playground at 7:30. Then she went to sleep as well.
Fourth Day, Morning
>Arturo was a fucking asshole, Arei decided from the moment she saw the note.
~Obviously Arei followed it, because she was trying to be friends with Eden.
>And as suspicious as the note was, there was no way Eden would betray her, right? If she did…
>…
>Well, Arei didn’t really want to think about it.
>She arrived at the playground, and… why was there so much rope around? Eden was standing near it, contemplating… a noose?
>Oh god.
>Arei didn’t even think. She rushed in and tried to stop Eden from doing-
~Levi, who had been hidden besides the door, attacked. He ambushed Arei from behind, and used his weight to pin her to the floor. Arei screamed and struggled, scuffing the floor around her, but she obviously wasn’t able to do anything to fight off Levi.
[Oh great more dialogue]
CW for emotional confrontation, feelings of betrayal and suicidal ideation.
>”What the fuck are you doing?! Eden, get him off me!”
>Eden looked downcast, her expression somber. She was evidently lost in thought. “I’m sorry it has to be this way”
>Arei didn’t get it.
~Levi grabbed Arei’s hands, and roughly pulled out her glove to better get the tape around her wrists. This was to make sure she didn’t struggle too much after the process began.
>”Hey! Eden! What’s going on?! I thought we were friends!”
>”As if. We’re not that naive” Levi spat from behind her, and she could practically feel that murderous edge he always used when threatening Ace.
>”Huh?! What are you talking about, you-?!”
>”I’m sorry, Arei. I just can’t believe you” Eden spoke softly, fidgeting with her hands. She grabbed the noose, which weirdly had- wait. “I know you’re lying to me. You don’t have to keep pretending you like me”
>…
>Arei’s entire world crumbled in that moment.
>”H-Huh?! Wait, I- I never lied to you! I want- I wanted to be friends-!”
>”Don’t lie” Levi snarled. “We know what your secret is. What you’ve done to your sisters. I can’t believe you. You know, actions define people, and you have been nothing but terrible your whole life”
>Eden bent down to put the noose around Arei’s neck. Because of course, of course it was a fucking noose. Eden hesitated, however.
>”Don’t fall for her crocodile tears, Eden” Levi warned. Oh, Arei was crying? News to her.
>”R-Right” Eden said, putting the noose around Arei’s neck. Eden then positioned herself to pin Arei down herself as Levi stepped off and went towards the carousel.
>”Eden, please… please don’t listen to him! Don’t be scared of him! I’ll beat him up for you, just-!”
>”I’m not- I’m not scared of Levi” Eden frowned.
>”But- But, he’s a murderer without remorse!” Levi stopped in his tracks. “That’s his secret, Eden! I received it! Do you really want to help someone like that?!”
>Eden seemed to hesitate for a moment, but shook her head, and looked at Arei with glassy eyes, smiling nervously. “I mean… I- I can’t really judge him for that. I… I was the one who came up with this idea, you know”
>…
>Huh.
>So there really was no point, then.
>David didn’t believe in her. Eden didn’t believe in her. Fucking Eden. And now, even the nicest person in the entire killing game had decided Arei deserved to die.
>…
>Arei stopped struggling after that.
CW OVER, mostly. There’s still references to suicide after this point.
(God I really hope I’m not horrendously mischaracterizing these people)
~Levi begun to spin the carousel, which worked as a pulley that started dragging Arei up. As he spun it, he likely had to adjust it slightly so it wouldn’t slide off the wrong way, hence why he needed to be able to better grip all the handlebars instead of putting tape on just one. [I don’t know if that made sense]
~As the rope started pulling up, Eden stepped aside and ran over to the carousel.
~Levi stopped spinning it once Arei was high enough, and Eden attached the unused end of the shorter rope to the carousel.
~Eden grabbed hold of the carousel, and Levi ran out of the room.
~Now, neither of them had thought of asking MonoTV how to determine the blackened in the case of an accomplice being in play, so they took all the steps necessary to make sure Eden would be the blackened.
~She was the one to put the rope around Arei’s neck, she had been the one to come up with the murder plan, and she was the last person holding her up. Levi running out of the room was extra insurance: how could he be the blackened if he wasn’t even a witness to the crime? However, the final trick would ensure Eden would get the title of blackened.
~Eden let go of the carousel, and gravity made it spin as Arei fell. It spun for only a little bit, however, as the shorter rope soon fully tensed, and stopped the carousel in its tracks. Because of the height Arei fell, as well as the extra weight from the water jugs, her neck snapped in the moment the shorter rope tensed. At the same time, the handles from the water jugs snapped, and they fell to the floor.
~With this, it could be argued the act which caused Arei’s death was the letting go of the carousel, for which Levi wasn’t even present, meaning Eden was indubitably the blackened.
~And when it was all said and done, there was one fact which stood. Because of the strength the mechanism had required, Eden could not have possibly done it all alone. Unless the class somehow figured out she had an accomplice, just the strength necessary for the act would rule her out, give her an alibi. That is the reason behind the complexity of the murder.
~After that, Levi came into the room, fulfilling another nice benefit. Because he hadn’t technically witnessed the murder, he counted as a “body discoverer” for BDA purposes.
~The last step was setting up the scene as we saw it. The fish they spread around would confuse the time of death and give Eden an alibi, and hanging Arei from the swing set would make people initially believe she had committed suicide. Levi had to be the one to do that, as Eden was too weak and short, adding an extra layer of misdirection.
~”What if I just take her glove?” Levi asked.
>”Eh?”
>”I could take her glove, and then if someone spots me with it, they’ll vote me out and you’ll win” Levi explained.
>”That’s… kinda silly, isn’t it?”
>”…”
>”…”
>”…”
>”… Okay, sure”
>”Very well” Levi nodded sagely. Eden remained very confused.
~They took the longer tape and hid it under the carousel, then threw the tape which had been on Arei’s wrists and the jugs in the trash, as well as the note after ripping it up a bit.
~With that, they left to go see the supposed announcement of the motives.
Investigation
>Pretending to be surprised at Arei’s absence wasn’t as hard as Eden thought it would be. Just make a horrified face and say nothing, easy!
>Eden knew the BDA would still play if just Whit and Teruko discovered the body, which is why she wasn’t nervous when Teruko first asked her and Whit to go search for Arei together. Still, she second guessed herself just as Teruko swung the door open, because she would be in big trouble if the BDA didn’t play. Thankfully for her, it did, as Levi had already “discovered” it before. Honestly, it was pretty good luck (and bad luck on Teruko’s part) that Eden got to be part of the “discovery group.”
>On the side, David looks at how the body was positioned, and instantly knew what had happened. “Of course. Of course this would happen” he muttered. Arei killed herself because of him. What a monster he was.
~After pretending to be sad about Arei’s death for a moment, Eden offered to investigate with “braincell haver” Teruko, but got shut down. So instead, she joined Rose and Whit as they put together the note in the trash, to make sure they got it right. It was an important part of the plan, after all.
>Levi just went to look at the secrets because he didn’t really have to do anything specific.
Trial
>When people begun discussing the possibility of Arei helping her killer, Levi thought it would be a good way to misdirect the cast, so he started pushing the idea. Though with the slight freudian slip of saying Arei may have been her own “accomplice.”
>On the side, David held his tongue. Once MonoTV revealed the condition to be the blackened was that you were “someone alive who we can blame for her death”, any doubt dissipated in his mind. He had caused her to commit suicide, he could be blamed for her death. And he was the blackened, then.
>However, Eden needed to go against the idea of suicide, because she was supposed to sell the idea they had been friends once the note was revealed.
>When that happened, they had agreed Levi would push on the idea that Eden was the killer a bit, to “force” her to explain the note she wanted to explain anyways.
>Levi also added he’d protect Eden no matter what, but Eden responds “Don’t say stuff like that.” To the others, that was because Eden was worried Levi would end up like Arei. To Eden and Levi, it was a subtle way of saying ‘shut up and don’t link us together!’
~Eden explained the note, making sure to act like she was very distraught by the situation and genuinely believed Arei had wanted to change.
~She also provided a “handwriting sample” to look more innocent, but she intentionally wrote it in print instead of cursive to separate it from the note. Somehow, no one noticed.
>Meanwhile, David was starting to break down. She really had been trying to change, but the naive idiot had believed in David. And nothing good happens to those who believe in him.
>What a reprehensible killer indeed.
>But David’s breakdown was having an impact on Eden, who begun to think that maybe, just maybe, she had been wrong about Arei.
>She was in too deep, though. She needed to continue. She couldn’t turn back the clock now.
>When David is accused of everything, he decides he might as well enjoy the last of his life, of his killing game. He breaks down the same way he did when Arei confronted him, becoming insulting and dismissive to prevent any vulnerability from showing through. The words he said, he believed for the most part, but the smile on his face as he said them was perhaps his biggest lie yet.
>In other news, that’s pretty convenient for the murder duo! If they can just get David voted out, then…
~But that wouldn’t happen. Not if Teruko and Charles had something to say about it.
Chapter 2, Part 2
[This is just for fun]
+Charles realized the trick of the time of death, and the cast decided to start speaking of the murder method.
+After a bit of discussion (where Eden was surprisingly helpful!), they realized the murder would require inordinate strength, and they start pointing the finger at Levi.
+The secrets are revealed then, as some have realized what most of the remaining ones were. David deduced Hu must have the “hopeless child” secret, Teruko deduced Veronika must have the “self-harm” secret, Veronika in turn figured Teruko must have the “dead family” secret (that wasn’t hers, but it still applied to her life, so they didn’t question it too much. David bit his tongue), and… well, they somehow realize the “poison” secret must be Min’s.
+As Levi’s secret is narrowed down, he finally admits.
+He takes the glove from his pocket, and dramatically confesses: “I… I killed Arei”
+All going according to plan!
+The voting time is almost about to happen, but Veronika pipes in. She wants to talk about the Ace case for some reason, and while Teruko tries to deny her, the horror fanatic throws the luckster’s own words against her. “The more cases we solve, the better we’ll be at solving them in the future!”
+Reluctantly, Nico starts speaking about what they did. It was… an odd sequence, but it wasn’t too wild.
+Except, Rose pointed out something odd. What happened to the tape?
+Nico says it was still on the floor when they left. Rose says it’s impossible. Eden’s getting nervous.
+And Teruko goes dead quiet, as she runs the math again in her head.
+The lockdown… the lockdown meant no one should have been able to take the tape during nighttime… MonoTV claimed it wasn’t the one to take it… and she knew neither Ace or herself had taken it… so… It must have been taken by…
+”Teruko?” someone asked, but she wasn’t listening. It was clear now…
+She couldn’t resist the maniacal laughter that escaped her, as the adrenaline of realizing how close they’d gotten to dying (scratch that, she wouldn’t have died, but the others might have), and she realized she was right. She couldn’t trust anyone.
+The others looked at her in concern, but she just explained the simple truth.
+It was chaos. No one wanted to believe it. But the more they thought about it, more questions arose. Why would Levi make such a complex mechanism, when he could have just killed Arei in a much simpler way?
+Whit had an idea. He asked Levi which direction Arturo had ran after leaving the infirmary. And Levi answered wrong. He hadn’t listened on the conversation, then. It would be impossible for him to write the note. Charles further verified by asking Levi and Eden to spell “responsible”. Levi spelt it right, Eden spelt it wrong. “Responsibel”, the same misspelling as the note.
+There was a scrum debate, people went crazy, but in the end. They arrived at the answer, and voted for Eden.
+It was right.
+They asked for further clarification and Eden admitted everything which had led to her decision.
+”I feel terrible. Arei really was… I should have believed her. But- But, at that point, when I finally realized the truth, it was too late” Eden explained. “I wish I hadn’t done it, I want to go back… but time only moves forward. You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try”
+She hugged Teruko one last time, pleading she wouldn’t close herself off even further. But Teruko wasn’t having it. She asked MonoTV she was using a MonoCredit to get Eden away from her.
+And MonoTV obliged, starting the execution right that moment. [Credit for the idea to venus and accirax]
~This was the truth. A tragic misunderstanding, a horrible mistake. Call it whatever you want, one thing remains the same. The blackened of the case, who committed the crime with the help of Levi Fontana, the Ultimate Personal Stylist, was none other than Eden Tobisa, the Ultimate Clockmaker!
And right before dying, Eden reveals the name of the girl she had kissed was Mai Akasaki-
Conclusion
Yeah, this was longer than it really had to be, but I had fun writing it. This will probably be the last post I make about this case, at least until CH 2 Part 2 comes out. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, hope time only brings you good things! Take care!
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Official Shakarian & Mass Effect Fanfics Master Post
all of my shakarian and mass effects fics in one post, divided into categories: one shots, chapter fics, series, gifts/giveaways
ONE SHOTS:
some things you just can't speak about
2.9k words, rated T, "two short shakarian scenes, before the suicide mission and six months later, after they've been reunited" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/33066811
First Choice
6.8k words, rated T, "a series of moments from the first, second, and third games showcasing the growth of Garrus and Shepard's friendship and relationship" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/33245413
and for the first time i had something to lose
2.2k words, rated T, "Garrus moving through the motions of life after the war, always imagining Shepard is still there with him" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/37477735
prove that i'm me, prove that i'm yours
2k words, rated T, "Garrus questions Shepard's identity after being dead for two years, but after the events of his rescue on Omega, she promises to prove herself to him (and maybe realises she has deeper feelings)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/38504269
we always find our way back to each other
6k words, rated T, "Shep doesn't recruit Garrus for the Saren mission, but every time she returns to the Citadel, they just so happen to bump into each other, and he's always there when she needs someone" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/38989122
tell me it's okay not to be all right
7.4k words, rated T, "Garrus dealing with losing Shep multiple times in multiple ways but never giving up on her and always being willing to follow her lead" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/40121526
the first rule of f*** club is: you do not talk about f*** club
1.2k words, rated M, the title honestly says it all; there's just no good way to summarize this fic ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/41340453
Needs Satisfied
2.5k words, rated E, "Shep takes Garrus' offer of *needing* him quite literally and they hook up in the main battery because waiting until the end of me2 is just silly when there's already so much sexual tension in the air" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/47238556
In Good Company
3.6k words, rated E, "Aria tells Shep to find someone to hookup with, and Shep decides that that probably wouldn't be such a bad idea. She wants Garrus but is under the impression Garrus doesn't want her. Until, that is, he comes across her flirting with another turian in the club. It's all uphill from there." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/49033144
caught between a rock and a hard turian
6k words, rated E, "Garrus gets hit by cloud of sex pollen and Shep is the one who needs to help with his release to get the reaction out of his system. They both think the sex is strictly situational until Shep approaches Garrus to talk with him about it after the fact. That's when they finally realise they've both been harbouring feelings for each other." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/49741477
CHAPTER FICS:
torment me, challenge me, make me bleed
68.7k words, 10 chapters, rated E, "If Garrus had followed through with actually reapplying for spectre status. Still follows the events of me2 and me3 rather closely but with some variations. Additional/missing scenes. Altered scenes. Rearranged dialogue." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/36648406/chapters/91415290
When Planets Align
63.2k words, 11 chapters, rated E, "Shepard is brought back by Cerberus and her first mission is to track down Omega's infamous Archangel. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. Nor can anything ever be simple." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/36485758/chapters/90981499
a memory is nothing more than a stepping stone
39.3k words, 6 chapters, rated E, "Post-me3 Shep has just woken up in a hospital to the sound of gunfire. She doesn't remember how she got there--or the turian who shows up to help her escape the men trying to track her down. Turns out she doesn't remember anything from the last nearly four years of her life..." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/41401683/chapters/103823640
A Rose By Any Other Name
40.5k words, 3 chapters, rated E, Beauty & the Beast AU, "A universe where Shep works for the Shadow Broker and is assigned a mission to look into who Archangel is and discovers far more than she ever could've imagined (or dreamed of) both about Archangel and herself" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/40879761/chapters/102442695
the path reveals itself with each step taken forward
15.8k words, 3 chapters, rated E, "A timeline of the events from a memory is nothing more than a stepping stone but from Garrus' POV instead... Experience Garrus' side and feelings from dealing with Shep having no memory of him or their relationship." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/42647103/chapters/107126943
Doubled Edged Lockdown
15.5k words, 8 chapters, rated E, "AU where Shep is sent to assassinate Archangel but everything about her plan backfires when the station goes into a lockdown and they end up being stuck together for an undisclosed amount of time" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/43114659/chapters/108350778
magnificently cursed (the fatal flaw)
40.5k words, 8 chapters, rated E, "The first contact war has just ended, and the humans and turians have agreed upon an alliance through marriage. Novella Shepard is the human volunteer, which she has no qualms about...until she meets Garrus Vakarian, whom she has a brief yet passionate affair with. Except he is not the turian volunteer.... In the end, will the alliance come to fruition, or will it turn into another disaster?" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/47581291/chapters/119918797
Mixing Work With Pleasure
17.1k words, 4 chapters, rated E, "AU where Garrus and Shep are set up on a blind date and end up really hitting it off. Turns out they're also working in the same profession, although that's not discussed until the day they realise they work for the same company. How they find out is not necessarily planned, but they're not complaining about the new experience" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/49205854/chapters/124157668
the fate of the stars
4.7k words, 22 chapters, rated T, "A collection of drabbles using tarot and appointing each major arcana to certain moments/sequences from throughout the trilogy..." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/50110447/chapters/126546565
once upon a time, the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned (checkmate)
6 chapters, rated E, ongoing, "A minor retelling of the series based on if Shepard and Garrus had met years before the Saren mission and how their relationship progresses over time" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/54178876/chapters/137183806
SERIES:
it'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you
22.6k words, rated E, complete, "shakarian smut after significant moments throughout the trilogy" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/2550892
love in the dark
10.3k words, rated E, complete, "AU canon divergence of moments Shep and Garrus get together without realising they're about to be with each other again" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3031101
roleplay
6.2k words, rated E, ongoing, "Shep and Garrus in different roleplay scenarios" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3548890
and then there were three...
23.1k words, rated E, complete, "Shep and Garrus inviting Adrien Victus into their sex life (and eventually relationship)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3574465
Tantalising Turians
44.2k words, rated E, complete, "Novella Shepard hooking up with just about every named turian throughout the trilogy (porn with plot)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3823585
GIFTS/GIVEAWAYS:
fake it till we make it
13.3k words, rated T, "Shep and Garrus never got together during the actual trilogy timeline and after the war they start pretending to date for Garrus' sake but Shep quickly realises that she may not be able to pretend for long" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/40845417
Ruthless Calculus of the Heart
19.2k words, rated T, "Garrus figuring out how to become reacquainted with this new Shep, who used to be so hardcore before she died, and is now the complete opposite.... Meanwhile, Shep is trying to un-teach everything she had taught Garrus during their first mission together. Easier said than done...." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/42488880
The Ballad of a Turian
4.9k words, rated G, an origin story for a friend's turian OC ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/43900503
my one and only (i don't want you like a best friend)
14.2k words, rated M, "Shepard and Garrus start hooking up long before the aftermath of Garrus' loyalty mission (or the suicide mission, for that matter), but they still try to be discreet and keep their newfound relationship a secret from the rest of the crew" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/44735905
Cover It Up With A Kiss
3.5k words, part 1/2 of the Never Better series, rated E, "Garrus and Shep hook up during an undercover mission, which ends up leading to more than either of them ever could've anticipated (or hoped for)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45003325
Uncover It With A Look
3.1k words, part 2/2 of the Never Better series, rated E, "Shep and Garrus have reunion sex in the main battery after Garrus reboards the Normandy after the Menae mission in me3 (six months is a lot of time to make up for)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45204919
Legacy
3.1k words, rated T, "Shep and Garrus simply living a normal life and enjoying retirement after the reaper invasion" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45427156
The Dark Side of the Moon
8.6k words, rated M, "Garrus dealing with the grief of losing Shepard (again) and not knowing how to handle it properly until getting the idea to return to the colony she's from to help them rebuild and help him feel connected to her, but never does he expect the people he'll run into there" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45744922
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skyahri · 4 days
Text
Retire |Kakashi X Reader| HC
Tumblr media
Pairing: Kakashi Hatake X Reader
Summary: You need some convincing to leave ANBU.
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and depression. Mentions of suicide. A bit angsty and self-destructive, but fluffy overall.
- - - - -
Even though he'd retired a few years back, you were still an active ANBU captain.
The job was grueling, and he was well aware that the longer you stayed, the worse the missions became.
That isn't just because of the overall baggage people acquire, but because seasoned black ops were often sent on the more... unethical missions.
You'd been acting off recently. He had let it go at first, knowing how taxing the line of work could be, but something in his mind was bugging him to investigate.
He assumed everything had started to actually get to you, so he decided to check in on you between missions with team 7.
He knocked on your door. It took a minute, but you answered.
He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but this wasn't it.
Your appearance was appalling.
You'd lost a lot of weight, you had bags under your eyes, and you reeked of alcohol.
"Just checking in on you. It's been a while."
"Yeah, Tsunade has me on back to back missions. This is my first break in months."
He had assumed his intensive schedule with his team was the thing keeping you two apart, but apparently not.
"How about you get cleaned up while I go get us something to eat? My treat."
"I'm pretty tired, Kashi. I think I'd like to continue rotting for the time being. Thanks for the offer, though."
You gently shut the door in his face.
A sour look plastered itself on his face.
Unfortunately, your use of rotting didn't seem too far off, so he decided to talk to a third party about it.
His first stop was to see Tenzo. Maybe he knew what was up since you two worked so closely.
"I've noticed as well. I tried to ask, but they told me it wasn't appropriate for subordinates to question their captain."
Add that to the list of odd behavior.
You loved Tenzo like family, just like Kakashi did, so the sudden change was worrisome.
He went to ask Asuma as well, knowing he had been in the village more often than he had recently.
Asuma pulled him inside his home and away from prying eyes. Last thing he wanted was the wrong person hearing such a sensitive information.
"We already talked to Tsunade about it months ago when we noticed a decline in her health. Word got back to them, they said something about breach of trust, and they haven't spoken to any of us since."
Kakashi just nodded.
He remembered a time where he also reacted poorly when he'd been questioned in a similar manner.
The only difference is lord Third actually listened instead of allowing him to dig himself deeper into an early grave.
He dwelled on it for a few days.
He cared about you deeply. It was different than any of his other friendships- more personal and open.
The last thing he wanted was to go behind your back and end up with the same treatment the rest of the group was getting.
So he put on his big boy pants and showed up at your door again with vengeance.
He had been practicing what he'd say the whole way over. He needed to be prepared for anything you threw at him so he didn't falter.
But when you opened the door, his fire simmered out.
You just looked so tired.
His words got stuck in his throat.
So he did the only thing he could think of - he just walked forward, straight into you, and wrapped you up in a hug.
You resisted at first, but the second his warmth hit your bones, you relaxed.
It only lasted for a moment before the feelings started to set in, causing your body to shake with sobs.
You fell to the ground, dragging him with you, but his hold didn't loosen one bit.
"It's okay. I'm here for you."
That only made things worse. Something about his comfort was making all the feelings you've worked so hard to repress bubble up to the surface.
After you'd visibly calmed down, he'd picked you up and carried you to the couch. He positioned you so you'd be touching as much as possible without him being too forward.
"I hate ANBU."
Straight to the point. He wasn't sure if that was good or not.
"Why don't you retire? It's been almost fifteen years. That's way longer than most make it."
You hesitated. You had a reason, but the thought of saying it out loud made it sound so silly.
One look at Kakashi’s face told you he wasn't messing around.
You sighed and leaned your head on his shoulder. It made it easier to answer without him looking at you.
"If it's not me going out there, its someone else. I'm already too far gone, may as well save someone else from this fate."
Oh.
Kakashi had fully been expecting some sort of 'I can handle it' response, but this one was so... awful. Just absolutely heart-wrenching.
He collected his thoughts, trying to find a way to reason with you.
"There are people in ANBU who can handle that kind of mental load. You were that person many years ago,"
You just looked at him with that sad, defeated face, and it broke his heart all over again.
"But that's not the case anymore. It's time to pass on the torch."
You shook your head, ready to get up and kick him out. He just pulled you back down and held your hands in his.
"I was so angry when I was forced to retire. I felt like I could do more, like it wasn't that bad, and everyone was underestimating me. Do you know what happens when shinobi like us aren't told to quit?"
You shook your head.
"They end up like my father."
You stayed silent after that. How could you argue when he had just pulled the dead dad card?
So you promised to think about it.
He knew that would be as good as it would get, so he dropped it and opted to switch to a lighter subject.
After an hour or so of talking, you fell asleep. He carried you to your bed and tucked you in. He thought about staying over, but decided against it.
He didn't see you the next day. He'd knocked on your door, but no one answered, and he couldn't sense you inside.
He hoped you were just busy and not on another mission.
He did see you the next day, however.
He was heading to the Hokage's tower to chat with Tsunade about team 7's next mission when he bumped into you.
You smiled at him.
It felt like he was looking at a different person. You were almost glowing. Your eyes seemed a bit brighter, face looked a little fuller, and overall vibe was less damming.
"I retired this morning."
He damn near hugged you in front of the whole village.
"That's great to hear."
39 notes · View notes
karahalloway · 2 months
Text
The Highwayman: Part III - The Highwayman Comes Riding
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Fandom: TRR (Historical AU)
Pairing: Drake Walker x F!OC (Harper Gale)
Series Summary: On a dark, moonlit night, a highwayman's luck runs out...
Masterlist: The Highwayman
Chapter Summary: Drake arrives, but it's too late...
Word Count: 4,100
Rating/Warnings: M (swearing, physical violence, murder, grief, suicidal thoughts, main character death) Do not read if you are triggered by any of these things!
Chapter theme song:
A/N1: As with Part II of this series, this installment is also quite grim and dark. So read at your own peril. There is no happy ending. As before, I have made some changes to the original, but hopefully, these are for the better.
A/N2: This is my third and final submission for @choicesprompts January 2024 Song Rewrite Challenge. The song I chose to rewrite is The Highwayman by Loreena McKennit.
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Part III - The Highwayman Comes Riding
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The crack of a musket explodes out into the night.
I duck instinctively, pistols primed and itching to return fire...
...until I realise that the shot had come from the casement.
My throat constricts. "Harper..."
But she has vanished behind the plume of powder smoke that now obscures her window.
"Shit..."
I'd known something was wrong the moment I laid eyes on her. She'd been too tense, too still, sitting on that ledge, more akin to a doll than a flesh-and-blood woman...
...but I'd spotted the silvery gleam of the barrel too late, and now all hell has broken loose.
Fucking Beaumont.
I should never have let my guard down.
Heedless of the preservation of my own skin, I leap forward, fingers on triggers, desperate to reach her.
Another flash of orange...
...and my hat sails from atop my head as a bullet goes just wide of its mark.
I raise a weapon, volleys of lead peppering the thatch to my left and right...
...but I am quickly forced to confront the obvious.
I cannot risk it.
The darkness, in combination with the smoke screen being kicked up by the 'Coats flintlocks obscures my sight into the room, and Harper's location within.
And though I desire nothing more than to dispatch each and every one of Beaumont's whoresons to the depths of hell, the truth is that I'd be firing blind. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my bullet found Harper instead of a dragoon.
So, I have but one choice.
Flank the bastards.
Spinning 'round, I dash back down the length of the roof, bullets nipping at my coattails. Diving to the side, I return a pair of retaliatory shots in the general direction of the inn — careful to avoid the actual window — so the 'Coats are under no illusion as to the direction of my retreat.
Sliding down the thatch, I push off from the roof to land bodily atop the muck heap.
Not the most graceful of my escapes, I have to admit, but beggars can't be choosers. And I am pressed for time that I do not have.
Rolling off the pile of shit, I quickly sheath my spent pistols and lope towards the barn with sabre drawn instead.
Emile, the stable hand, had paid back my previous generosity by making me wise to the unsavoury nature of the guests that had descended on the inn. So, instead of hitching Drogon and the new palfrey up in a stall, I've taken the added precaution of hiding the horses out in the gorse.
But where I erred was thinking that the Greencoat patrol had sought the inn out for benign purposes. Because it sure as hell hadn't been me who'd plotted the course for them. In fact, I've always taken care to ensure that my tracks never led directly back to Harper.
Which begs the question... How the fuck did I end up walking into an ambush? With Gale strung up as bait?
My grip tenses on the hilt of my sword.
Someone had let the cat out of the bag. They must've. There's no other explanation.
Who? I have no clue. As there are a grand total of two souls who are privy to the secret that I frequent The Crown, and neither would betray me.
Not willingly, at least...
But, first things first.
Skirting along the shadow of the structure's perimeter, I arrive at the stable doors.
It appears quiet. But after being greeted by gunfire once already this eve, I am loath to take further chances.
Pinching up a handful of peddles, I toss them through the doorway. Only when no shots fire in reply, do I dare slip inside.
"Sir?" comes the hesitant query from within the shadows. "That ye? I heard musket fire an'—"
My sabre slices through the night. "Thought I'd be dead?"
The boy's countenance morphs into a mask of horror as the blade comes to rest 'neath his jaw. "Nay, sir! I'd never! I—"
"Care to swear on that?" I interject with a dangerous edge.
"On a tower of Bibles stacked on my parents' graves, sir!" Emile vouches with a tremble to his voice.
I assess the lad under the pale light of the moon. His face is ashen but his eyes glint with steadfast surety.
I lower my blade. "The 'Coats have Harper..."
The hand emits a gasp of disbelief. "Sacré dieu...!"
"...and I could use your assistance," I add, moving to the closest stall that houses a mount bearing Greencoat livery.
"Anything, sir," he proclaims earnestly. "Yerself an' Mistress Harper ha' always been good t' me!"
"Fetch a bag of oats," I direct as I grab the reins of the bay gelding. "And a length of rope if you have it."
"Right away, sir!"
While Emile sets about his task, I lead the Greencoat mount out onto the gangway. Reaching for the girth, I tighten it back up before slipping the bridle off and tossing it into the straw.
"The things ye requested, sir," huffs Emile, reappearing once more.
"Good," I approve, taking the sack of feed from him. "Now, help me lash this to the saddle."
Working in tandem, we quickly secure the decoy atop the horse. Shrugging out of my justacorps — on top of the retribution for Harper, that cunt of a Beaumont also owes me a new hat and coat — I sling the muck- and bullet hole-ridden covering over the sack to complete the trick.
"Think'll fall for it, sir?" asks Emile as he meets my eye from across the horse's neck.
"Better pray to God they do," I reply, slapping the mount on the rear to send it galloping out into the night. "Else this might very well be our last meeting."
Emile's throat bobs in consternation. "Best o' luck to ye, then, sir."
"Christ knows I'll need it," I accede, grasping his palm to press a gold ducat into it. "Now, make yourself scarce afore the dragoons show up."
With a quick nod, the lad disappears back into the gloom of the barn.
Withdrawing from the stables once more, I skirt 'round the far side of the building, careful to keep to the shadows. Hopping the low fence of the vegetable patch, I make my way towards the low door that leads into the kitchen.
Trying the handle, I find it unlocked. Pulling the heavy wooden door back, I slip warily inside.
The crash of boots above me confirms that the Greencoats have fallen for my ruse. But there is no guarantee that every last one of their dastardly lot plans to depart the inn.
Belvedere Beaumont may be a godless dog, but he is by no means a fool.
Which means I'll need to keep ahold of my wits... and weapons.
Pausing at the bottom of the short set of stone steps that lead up to the main hall, I spare a moment to quickly reload my flintlocks.
Slotting one gun back into my belt, I grasp the hilt of my sabre in one hand, and the second pistol in the other before ascending the stairs.
The hall is dark... and quiet.
Whatever patrons there may have been must've made themselves scarce upon the discharge of the first shot.
Honestly? I cannot blame them. I certainly would not wish to be caught on the wrong side of the dragoon's crossfire.
I clench my eyes shut. Please, let her be safe...
Moving through the hall like a ghost, I arrive at the main staircase.
Cocking my pistol, I proceed onto the first step with as much care as I can muster, even as every fibre of my body is raring to dash upwards as quickly as humanly possible.
Sticking to the wall, I inch my way slowly towards the second floor, flintlock before me, on guard for the faintest sound or movement.
Reaching the landing without incident, I am greeted by the wanton destruction left in the wake of the dragoon besiegement.
My jaw piques in ire.
This had been punition — pure and simple. The setting of a heavy-handed example to put the fear of God into the hearts of all those who may cross paths with Beaumont and his men.
A warning of what will befall those who dare defy the letter of the law.
I shake my head. I should never have involved—
A shadow moves in one of the rooms to my left.
Flattening myself against the wall, I sneak a peek through the doorway...
...and what I see roils my guts.
Robert Gale — the inn-keep — is hunched over the chest standing in front of the large, four-poster bed, his hands bound behind him, his shirt and hair matted with sweat. A dark puddle of blood pools at his feet.
Two 'Coats root through the things in the room, pocketing anything that catches their eye and fancy, sniggering amongst themselves.
A hiss of chagrin escapes me. "Putain de merde..."
There is punishment, and then there is persecution. And Harper's father is — without a shadow of a doubt — a victim of the latter. The extent of his wounds provides ample proof of Beaumont's abuse of his authority.
And I cannot allow myself to stand idly by in the face of this atrocity.
I step out of the gloom and into the doorway.
A floorboard creaks beneath my boot.
One of the dragoons glances up...
...but by the time his faculties have clocked the fact that I am foe, not friend, I have already splattered his brains onto the wall behind him.
His compatriot meets the same fate half a breath later, as he fumbles ineffectually for his musket, his body thudding to the floor as the second of my bullets also finds sharp and swift retribution.
Robert Gale's voice croaks out from the foot of the bed. "Ye should'a left them alone, lad..."
But even that simple act is too much for his broken body, and he starts to hack violently.
Taking three quick strides 'cross the room, I manage to grab the old man 'fore he keels over. "Easy now..."
He heaves a shuddering breath 'gainst my breast. "Now, we'll be strung up fer sure..."
"Nay," I counter softly, reaching behind him to loosen the bonds that secure his wrists. "You just lay the blame at my feet. Where it belongs."
Robert twists his neck up to regard me with bruised eyes and cracked lips. "Yer him... The Raven Rider..."
"Amongst other things..." I admit, lowering him as gently as I can to the floor.
The inn-keep hacks out a strained laugh. "Aye... I can see why she likes you..."
"Have you seen her?" I demand, shrugging out of my waistcoat to press it to the wound at his side.
"Nay," Robert replies hoarsely. "Not since they found the gold in her room..."
The icy hand of dread grips my heart. "Sweet Jesus...How the bloody hell did they even know where to look?"
"Théo..." comes the raspy confession. "He... He heard—"
I nearly choke on my own breath. "The window..."
We never closed the damn window...
Springing to my feet, I dash from the room, heedless of the sound of wood striking wood as my booted feet pound the length of the hallway.
How could I have let myself be such a careless fool!
Not only have I tarred the woman I love by virtue of our association, but I've unwittingly led the bastards right to her! And if they found out about the gold, then...
I cannot allow myself to even think on that.
Skidding to a stop in front of the last doorway, I throw myself inside...
...and skid to an abrupt halt as I lay eyes on the horror spread out before of me.
"No..."
The dogged denial slips from my tongue in a whisper.
But my lack of acceptance does nothing to assuage the merciless truth of the reality that assaults me like a thousand knives to my chest.
Harper lies prone in the moonlight, bound and gagged, her golden tresses soaked in the slick crimson of her blood.
"No... No..."
My feet carry me unthinkingly to her listless form beneath the casement — the window of which sits still ajar — and I crash to my knees at her side.
Grasping her by the shoulders, I pull her to me with trembling hands, praying under my breath, hoping against hope that it's a mere trick of the night, a cruel misjudgement, a sordid nightmare that I have somehow stumbled into, soon to awake from...
...but even though her skin still feels warm to the touch, no breath issues from her chest and those hazel eyes that once sparkled with magic and love now stare dully out into the night.
My nails dig into her flesh as my body bows over hers. "Oh, God... Please... No..."
But if the Almighty Lord hears my plea, He is either a heartless bastard or an impotent fraud because He ignores my beseeachment. And she remains unmoving 'gainst my heart.
"NO!!!"
The delegation roars forth from my chest with a force that is naked in its brutality. The heathen keen echoes out into the night as the bitter taste of anguish engulfs my throat and my soul shatters 'neath the stars.
I am too late. And she is dead.
Shot in the heart and left to bleed out on the cold floor like a dog. Alone. Without any assurances or prayer.
All because I'd allowed my heart to sway my head. Convincing myself that despite all my prior misdeeds, I could nevertheless steal a future for myself. A future I had no right or claim to. A future that was more akin to the spectre of a mirage than any flesh-and-blood destiny. A future that was doomed from the start.
Yet my covetousness knew no bounds. And blinded as I had been by the promise of the lie I'd weaved not just myself but Harper as well, I'd led us into the mire of disaster.
"It should've been me..." I rasp into her neck as anguish blurs my vision. "It fucking should've been me..."
I hear the floorboards strain behind me. But I care not. I have no words or sentiment left. And if it's one of Beaumont's enterprising men come to shoot me in the back? Well, then at least they'll be doing me the favour of putting me out of my luckless misery.
Because the knowledge that I have doomed the woman I love cuts deeper than any mortal knife could.
And I've lost the right to live anyway.
"Imma sorry, lad..." says Robert Gale, laying a calloused hand on my shoulder, his own voice cracking.
I shrug the gesture off. I don't deserve his pity. Let alone his succour. I am the one holding the body of his dead daughter in my arms. If anything, he should be setting on me to tear limb from limb in payment for my sins.
Yet, he does no such thing.
"Had I know afore tonight 'bout ye..." He heaves a hoarse breath from above me. "But I s'pose we all had our secrets... And I know it inna any consolation as of now, but we'll bury her 'neath the oak tree. Next t' her mother. That way ye can—"
"Them," I bite out through clenched teeth.
The old man shifts. "What do ye—?"
"She was with child," I grit, reaching up to pull the bloodied gag from her face.
Robert falls into deathly silence beside me.
"So, raise your hand," I tell him bluntly as I pull her eyes gently closed. "Beat me. Wring my neck. Kill me, for all I care. For this is the only opportunity I'll afford you to exact your just vengeance upon me."
"Ye must think very little o' me, if ye think I'd strike a grieving man," rebuts the inn-keep with a hint of steel. "Let alone one who loved my daughter so."
"Then you are a better man than me," I reply solemnly, leaning in one last time to lay a kiss on her lifeless lips.
"Imma'n older man," he corrects as I gently return Harper's head to the floor. "Who's stood where yer standin'. So, I can afford some clemency. 'Specially in this bitter hour."
"You might come to regret your choice," I reply, forcing myself back to my feet. "As I bring nothing but death. And our paths will not cross again after tonight."
"Where ye goin'?" comes the flummoxed query as I push past him.
I throw my reply carelessly over my shoulder. "To exact vengeance of my own."
"They'll kill ye, lad!" Robert calls after me as I stride from the room. "They'll hang ye fer murder! And her death will've been fer n—!"
"I'm a dead man anyway."
Without caring to look back, I let my boots carry me back 'cross the corridor to retrieve my weapons from where I'd left them in the master bedroom.
Reloading the pistols on the fly, I stash them in my belt and I beat a determined path back to the lower level of the inn and out into the night.
The crash of the door 'gainst the wall catches unawares the pair of dragoons that had been left to stand watch on the exterior. But by the time they turn towards me, I have already run both of them through.
Leaving the sods to bleed out in the mud, I plunge into the darkness rising before me.
The cold, winter air whips through my hair, stinging my eyes and my lips in sharp contrast to the hot blood slithering between my knuckles.
But I pay it no need. For I have but one goal. One mission.
To take every soul I can into the night.
Because death? It is all but assured for me. As whether I go by my own bullet or a Greencoat's, it is simply a matter of choice at this point. For I have no reason left to live.
My world turned to ash the moment she died. And there is nothing left to salvage.
Coming to a halt some ways off from the inn, I shoot a sharp whistle into the depths of the murk. A shadowy form raises its head from the gorse, and in the next instant, Drogon is trotting eagerly towards me, the new palfrey in tow.
"Change of plans, mon gross," I advise as he comes to a stop in front of me, breath steaming in the moonlight. "And I don't think you're going to like it..."
The Merèns regards me for a moment, as if sensing the shift in my soul, before letting out a world-weary sigh.
"You always were far too opinionated," I tell him dryly, reaching up to untether the palfrey from his saddle.
Turning the bay towards the stables, I give it a slap on the rump to send it on its way. With Harper gone, I have no further use for the horse. And Emile will ensure it is well cared for.
The stallion shakes his head at me as I swing myself onto his back. But I allow him no further opportunity for protest as I gather the reins in one hand, and point him north.
"Hue!"
Upon command, Drogon leaps forward, and the night becomes a blur as we fly across the moor, like an ill wish upon the wind, seeking our quarry 'neath the path of the stars.
I have no clue for how long we ride. The silvery eye of the hunter's moon casts an eerie pall over the land, distorting any earthly sense of time or distance as its lunar magic stretches shadows and swallows minutes.
Eventually, though, from out of the darkness and the mist appears a ghostly glow, bobbing on the brow of the hill.
"Beaumont," I growl, watching the company ride closer.
They must have caught the horse and realised the nature of the ruse they had fallen prey to.
But it matters not. The time for tricks and cons has passed. There is no more running... No more hiding. No more trying to cheat or contrive our fates. The last of the road has run out.
It is judgment hour.
Wrenching the flintlocks from my belt, I press Drogon forward, down into the valley, down into the well of our doom.
Yet a strange sense of calm blankets me as we draw level with the oncoming troop. Perhaps because my heart already stopped beating the moment I laid eyes on her. And this last, earthly act is merely a formality. Or, I'm so drunk on the potent potion of grief and bloodlust that swirls through my veins that I've become numb to all else.
Either way, I am a shadow of the man I once was. And welcome the sweet promise of release.
The reins slip from my fingers as I raise the pistols to sight my shot.
The figures of men and horses coalesce from out of the gloom, torches borne aloft.
I reach the edge of the sphere of light...
... and let the first shot fly.
The lead dragoon's eyes widen in surprise as the crack of flint 'gainst frizzen ignites the black powder in the pan, splintering the calm of the night.
The lead round explodes out of the barrel in a flash of smoke and fire, hurtling through the air to imbed itself in the soft flesh of the man's cheek, shattering teeth and bone as it goes.
The shock of the impact causes the 'Coat to jerk back on the length of his reins, pulling his horse into the path of its neighbour.
Taking advantage of the confusion, I fire another round into the heaving mess of bodies, catching a horse in the shoulder, causing it to throw its rider from its back.
Cries of horror and surprise rise up as the precisely stacked formation careens into itself, turning both man and beast into a maelstrom of panic.
Slinging the spent weapons into the night, I whirl Drogon back 'round, his hooves rearing into the air as he seeks to redirect the sharpness of his momentum.
Whipping my sabre from its sheath, a hellish howl erupts from my throat as I point the tip of the blade across the narrow divide in vengeful promise.
"BEAUMONT!"
A glint of gold flashes in the middle of the fray as my target snaps his head up at the sound of his name.
"Shoot him, you whelps!" screams the captain, grabbing for his own pistol. "Blast him dead!"
But I am already charging forward.
Shots crack out into the night as I bear down upon my mark...
...and there is but one prayer on my lips.
"I am coming, mon coeur..."
I am almost upon the wall of dragoons when I feel Drogon stumble. Another round pierces my gut a breath later. A third lodges in my shoulder.
But still, I urge the stallion on...
...until his knees give way in the face of the desperate volley of bullets and he careens into the mud, taking me with him, mere steps from my goal.
A thousand pounds of horseflesh crashes down on me, pinning my leg 'neath the weight. My sabre clatters from my hand to vanish into the tangles of the gorse beside me.
The back of my head collides with the ground, and I find myself staring up into the black expense above me, my body broken, my senses reeling.
Drogon lifts his head briefly, attempting to pull himself to his feet, before succumbing to the inherent futility of the exercise with a mournful sigh.
"It's alright, mon gross," I whisper, attempting to comfort the wounded beast lying atop me, even as my vision skips and my lungs struggle for breath as a familiar wetness drenches my shirt.
This is not the way I planned to go. But it seems I left what remained of my luck in that cramped room where my love had blossomed and then died.
Fitting, really...
A pistol clicks above me.
With the last of my strength, I reach beneath my shirt, where Harper's talisman lies coiled 'gainst my heart.
Twisting the damp silk 'round my finger, I close my eyes with a final exhale.
…look for me by the moonlight.
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They say that in the depths of the dark — when the moon is high and full — that the sound of hooves may be heard, galloping 'cross the moor...
And though you may not glimpse it, a ghostly rider's there. Searching for his love, they say, who gave her life for his...
If he finds her, 'tis not known; but he made a solemn vow to her. And a promise bound in blood and silk, is a promise that must be filled...
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37 notes · View notes
hopefull-mindset · 6 months
Text
Did you accidentally see Odasaku’s last words as Nihilistic instead of Absurdist?
I do plan to write a larger analysis of Odasaku’s character, but I had the realization as to why some see his words as so negative when they were not to me: You do not see living kinder as enough of an answer to the overly sinking feeling of a meaningless life. You try to be too objective, too rational, as to why someone should live, so you’re mad at Odasaku for not saying an answer that doesn’t exist.
The idea that our life is meaningless is not an inherently depressing or negative one to live with, it’s what you choose to do with that mindset that decides it. No matter what branch of Nihilism, Nihilists decide not to engage with life beyond that it is meaningless, so typically they end up stuck where they are and forever feel an overarching, aching loneliness to what they feel as fact.
Although Dazai wasn’t in the most realistic position to be in, his struggle with Nihilism is pretty obvious in his time in the mafia. More specifically, it’s Existential Nihilism he’s trying to combat. He was at his most nihilistic before he met Chuuya, an utterly passive force that refuses to do more than the bare minimum and opts to attempt suicide instead. When he finally joined the Mafia, he tried to find life in the violence and death and why it could matter, but he couldn’t. It was a doomed pursuit from the moment he tried.
Unlike a lot of characters, Dazai is trying to find a rational meaning for why he should live. A Nihilist does not see an Existentialist’s proposition of subjective meaning as enough to justify why they’re still around in an absurd world where they can’t rationalize it as an actual meaning. There is no real truth except what they can be sure of, which is themselves. So he falls back into his most Nihilistic state once again, throws himself into suicidal situations, but keeps living anyway because maybe something would prove him wrong. Eventually.
He doesn’t try anything new or leave the mafia after this expected outcome because nothing other than his own expectations would happen, even in the world of light, nothing would matter. Genuinely, nothing will fill this hole for him in the way he wants it to because his intelligence leaves him trapped in a cage of his own making, worsening his suicidal ideation. When Odasaku confronts him in his dying breaths, he states it as a matter of fact because he’s been in a similar position to him when he was younger, but truly was he able to give him the advice he needed in his last moments, only through him losing this will to live could he understand his ideation to this point. An Odasaku pre-events of Dark Era would not be able to connect with him on this level, so I ask you to please recognize that.
His first few words were so Dazai would be willing to listen to him. It takes much more than to be a friend for him to listen to them. Odasaku does not come from a negative place, he’s stating what Dazai has always been thinking. When Dazai hears those words, he’s not discouraged, he’s thinking that since he understood him in such a specific way, what would Odasaku tell him to do then? He tells him not of what to do about life, an unsolvable case, but about how he could continue living.
Now this is where you need to understand what I meant by Absurdist. Absurdism, to be brief, focuses on the conflict between human beings seeking rationality and the irrational world we live in being meaningless. It concludes that since it is a futile objective to seek, there are three traditional ways to continue this realization that comes from Albert Camus’s The Myth of Sisyphus. The first one is suicide, which is a highly discouraged option since it only has us succumb/surrender to the absurd and doesn’t solve a thing. The second is denial of the absurd through faith in a higher power, which is a way to live of course, but is considered philosophical suicide.
The third and final option is to rebel, the heavily recommended option. Not to disregard the absurd, but to acknowledge it and to keep living despite our inherent meaningless life. Accept that these are our circumstances, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on trying to live a life you want, be content with, and to be happy. Dazai was unhappy because he was trying to find the fucking Fontaine of Youth, Aka something that doesn’t exist, and fighting an unnecessary war with himself as the only solider.
The only way he can be happy is to not search anymore and to live his life despite it. This doesn’t solve his suicidal ideation, nothing can truly solve this dilemma, but it will make his life easier to live. This is what makes this piece of advice absurdist. It’s not overly positive because that would be ignoring their reality, this is advice Dazai desperately needed to hear. Anything else of a different tone or stance would be missing the mark with someone like Dazai.
Now absurdists don’t need to live by a certain moral code, that was more so about saving Dazai’s humanity so to speak. He associates being good to having humanity. That’s off-topic though, but it’s whatever I’m going to keep going off-topic. Real talk, I needed to quickly mention that even though their relationship is important, I think some of you are over-idealistic about Odasaku or that their relationship was much more intimate than it actually was when Odasaku was alive.
He was much closer to Dazai as Ango was, but that’s looking at it by Dazai standards. Every time Dazai talked about himself, Odasaku was like “in all our years of knowing each other, I’ve never heard him speak about this.” Pshh, I’m done now.
"Listen." Odasaku wrapped his blood-soaked hand around Dazai's. "You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live..."
[..]
"You won't find it,” Odasaku said in almost a whisper. Dazai stared at him. "You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity."
[..]
For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted from the bottom of his heart to know something. He asked the man before him:
"Odasaku... What should I do?"
"Be on the side that saves people," Odasaku replied. "If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but...saving others is something just a bit more wonderful.”
"How do you know?"
"I know. I know better than anyone else."
(You guys should totally read The Myth of Sisyphus, I think it would help a lot of your understanding of Dazai)
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