#this always makes me smile

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[lazer-meme]

love love love steddie + supportive wanye

thinking about wayne and eddie going on an annual fishing trip (like thee Munson Men Annual Fishing Trip™️) just like a little weekend away. and the first one is coming up after eddie and steve starts dating. over breakfast eddie jokingly complains about having to go and tries to get out of it. but wayne is used to his dramatics so he just gives hmms when appropriate because eddie’s whole spiel never got him out of it before and he tells eddie that.

steve watches the whole exchange with amusement when wayne asks if he’s looking forward to it. and he’s like ??? because he assumed it was just a wayne and eddie thing. and wayne is like i just told eddie all munsons must go can’t get out of it kid.

steve gets flustered and is internally is like oh??? all munsons,,,

or like after the trip a neighbor asks wayne if they caught anything and he pulls out his wallet to show a picture they took on the trip. wayne passes it with ‘here’s a picture of my boys’ and to steve’s surprise it’s a picture of both him and eddie with their biggest catch.

and just idk wayne casually accepting steve into their family and throwing steve off guard with it.

#wayne actually keeps that picture in his wallet for the fish only he stares at it lovingly #i just love the thought of wayne ‘women love me fish fear me’ munson he doesn’t play around about his fish #which makes him inviting steve to the trip even more meaningful #also the steddie picture has them BIG CHEESEING in it like imagine their smiles the equivalent of those toddlers smiles #idk i like the idea of a cute steddie fishing picture because when i think of fishing pictures #i think of those unfortunate ones on straight men’s dating profiles so like #BAM! im making that cute and gay instead #also with these lil earnest moments eddie is always in the background like damn the old man is practically proposing for me #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #wayne munson

[chloesimaginationthings]

When I’m in the “childhood trauma” competition and my opponent is Michael Afton 💀💀

#ask reply #love this you get it that’s just how Michael is #tbh maybe Movie Vanessa would also understand #I might have to redraw this idea into a comic oops #we’ll see 🙏🏾 #this is equally funny and tragic just like Michael as a whole #love when yall make funny edits of my work btw #they always make me smile too vibes all around

[botmilf]

Thorough medical examination

this one's hella rough but fuck it i'm tired lol

#optiratch #tfp optimus #tfp ratchet #transformers prime #tfp #otp art #they are so soft and TOUCHY with each other in the show it always makes me SMILE #i honestly don't know whether to thank the animation team or the writers for that but either way these two are my blorbos #maccadam

[bacchuschucklefuck]

she turns, makes direct eye contact with you, smiles,

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #kristen applebees #kipperlilly copperkettle #buddy dawn #cw: blood #cw: gore #cw: violence #hello this is the first post on this blog. welcome. I need to offload my art somewhere outside of my usual sphere #anyways yeah. yeah #I just think making direct eye contact with the person your murder victim is supposed to mirror before murdering them is kinda vibe #thinking abt kipperlily and kristen and how kipperlily was meant to be riz's foil but #genuinely kristen works so much better as foil for her instead. like how would beardsley ever not have swooped in to steal this off of #murph's plate. order vs chaos. embracing the rules vs rejecting them for having always fallen through the crack by your nature #so my busted ass brain saw this moment of kipperlily KILLING kristen's foil and I went insane like she took him out of the equation #HE is no longer kristen's foil. KIPPERLILY is now. deranged I need to draw this Immediately #kristen seeing kipperlily with true sight... smiling at her..... the interference that now narratively connects them do you see #can anyone hear me. hello

[zivazivc]

So in the second movie we see poppy and branch get, basically drugged by smooth jazz. Do you think different kinds of music can be like drugs to trolls who aren't off that genre? I'm just thinking about floyd & his ex band mates just getting high after putting on a funky record

I can't explain to you how much i love this ask, Sapphire! Like it made me obsessed sljhfdjd I was focusing so much on that ringpop pacifier from the third movie and thinking of other troll drugs I could come up with (like sour worms lol) that I completely forgot about smooth jazz!!

Eventually Floyd got up like in a trance, started dancing hippie-style, tripped over his own feet, and never got up

Floyd is still 14 here and they are all morons. Also I think Floyd would in general be much more affected by this genre because he doesn't have any Rock Troll blood like the rest of them. Slowly they will learn through morally dubious trial and error... Pray for them.

the records Flea borrowed:

#they started with light my fire #trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls floyd #ex bandmates #they're not stoners but they won't pass on a chance like this lmao #they're more about going out to party and doing stuff that gets your blood pumping #my art #answered #trolls 3 #trolls band together #trolls oc #hed #les #flea #liv #also sapphire this is probably as good a time as any to thank you for all the great tags you leave under my posts #they always make me smile :D

[mblue-art]

for lustuary’s 6th prompt: fruit ! 🍒

cherry knots,,

[ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED (and happy anniversary to your AU) I LOVE YOUUU!!! 💜💜💜🫶🫶🫶]

can't do cherry knots......... need to practice...

#underlust #underlust!sans #lust!sans #ul!sans #lustuary2024 #1/27 #skelesona #indigo #mblue art #IM THANKFUL FOR U ALWAYS #YOU INSTANTLY MAKE ME SMILE WHEN I THINK OF YOUUU #IM HAPPY YOU EXIST!!!

[raplinenthusiasts]

boyfriend <3

for @outroindigo

#I’m just in love with him #kim namjoon #namjoon gifs #bts #btsgif #dailybts #dailybangtan #userbangtan #cyphernet #annietrack #trackofthesoul #usersky #heyryen #useryoonqiful #*mine #knj #the fact that you regularly show up in my notifications because you’re reblogging from me always makes me smile #ofc reading your tags is another pleasure of mine and that’s why I feel like I know you a little bit #your support and compilation of words from boys during their absence are absolutely vital to my tumblr experience now #hope you like this little thing

[etheries1015]

"Pardon my enthusiasm..." - Malleus Draconia after ranting hours on end about his passions

"I like your enthusiasm" - Yuu leaning in listening attentively with a gentle smile on their face <3

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #malleus draconia headcannon #malleus draconia #malleus x yuu #im watching corpse bride rn and that scene always makes me smile #i want a love like them

[dekariosclan]

Gale+Tara Epilogue Idles Fixed!

I had posted awhile back about Gale being bugged during the Epilogue (he rarely moved from his camp spot, didn't say anything, didn't interact with the party etc.) and he's now been fixed in Patch 6! I was so excited to see him enjoying the party, I ran around and captured all his idles for anyone who wants to see/hear them. They can all be seen in the video below:

#Gale and Tara’s chats always make me smile! #Even if she’s roasting the companions for being ugly 😂 #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #Tara #epilogue #spoilers #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3

[tervaneula]

TEEV TERV!! HI!! I just wanna say that I love your art and your writing and being your friend and I LIVE for Yuichi and Leonardo being cringe fail peepaws, they're adorable

MIKE HIIII OMG 😭 THANK YOU for being so so sweet and so lovely and an amazing friend!!!!! There are not enough words in this universe to express how much it means to me that you love my silly old gays 😭😭 They're SO important to me and you're important to me and augh sobbing

Anyway I drew a super cool picture because your words inspired me

#ILYSM MIKE ALSO ALSO ALSO YOUR TAGS ON MY STUFF ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE SO MUCH. YOU'RE THE MVP #leoichi #rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #nqk adjacent #tervdraws #usagi chronicles #samurai rabbit #future leonardo #peepaw leo #yuichi usagi #usagi yuichi #peepaw yuichi

[canisalbus]

Would Machete be supreme at skating like an absolute angel of movement, or would choas be imminent?

[When I saw these boots I instantly thought of him :') ]

I think it's likely he'd be on the more awkward side, he's anything but athletic. The again, he managed to adjust to wearing high heels and I like to think he's become remarkably surefooted and graceful with them (to the point he feels a bit out of sorts without them), so it's not like he has no sense of balance or proprioception whatsoever. If he really wanted to skate well he would be able to learn.

#but I feel like if he saw someone skating he'd just consider it a very novel way to injure oneself #he doesn't like fast speeds and his eyesight isn't the greatest #better not risk it #side note I've come across these skates a few times over the years and they always make me smile #they're from 1920 if I'm not mistaken #so aggressively quaint #answered #dax-fox

[theabigailthorn]

almost done with the research phase of the next episode of Philosophy Tube - there's a high probability that Kelly will be back lmao

#philosophytube #philosophy tube #Kelly Slaughter CEO & Mom #Capitalism keeps doing awful things so Kelly keeps appearing on my show #Unironically I love Kelly though cause she started off as a nightmare version of ME and has grown into an avatar of capitalism itself #Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss #Gasleak? Gategirl Gategate! #also she's the avatar of capitalism but crucially it does not make her happy - her smile is always forced #she's meant to be unstable and one bad day away from exploding because she as a person is unsustainable

[smallishbabes]

Joel’s life story so far in 11 episodes: “I think I was there idk I forgor”

Cmon Joel I need to know the next 29 years. You can’t leave us on a cliffhanger. It’s riveting backstory building /j

#mcyt #smallishbeans #joel smallishbeans #hermitcraft #hermitcraft season 10 #hermitcraft s10 #always makes me smile when he does silly stuff like this lol #arah’s clip #arah post

[rustyelias]

Welcome to this is my favourite thing I've seen today:

#alex and Billie are the only reason I haven't deleted twitter they always make me smile #Also Mr Bonzo is a bear in my heart <3 #alexander j newall #billie hindle #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #<- kinda throwing it here just in case #eli madness

[goayda]

I'm still trying to make the Izzy-hug photo manip (unsuccessfully), but I thought I could share the source material because I love it:

That moment from Cucumber (Izzy Con smiling and getting a hug, back-rub included) was the one thing that comforted me through the post-s1 hiatus when I was so worried about Izzy's future (and for a good reason, unfortunately).

#izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #cucumber #con o'neill #the soft hmm as he's hugged kills me every time #and his smile #Con's smile always makes my day