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#this challenge has got me writing a lot so thanks for that!
bunnyluvx · 1 day
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the arcana characters and their favorite ways to spend time with you! ♡
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featuring: the romanceable cast of the arcana minus lucio x gn!reader.
summary: the cast and their favorite ways to spend time with you!! <3
warnings: brief death mention in portia's part. nothing else! <3
a/n: WOWIEEE HAIII EVERYONE!! i just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who loved on my last post. it was really scary for me to make that, but i did it and all of the interaction means the complete world!!!! i know that this is a very different fandom than the last post so i don't know how many people will see this but to any readers, i hope that you enjoy this!!! i worked super hard and got a bit tired towards the end so i hope you can forgive me if it isn't as detailed eyfvibu i wanted to do more but mannnn i am so tired. i didn't write lucio, as i will not be writing any lucio content on my page at all. mentions of him for story reasons and maybe if i ever write a fanfic, he'll probably show up but other than that, i will not be making any content of him at all. i am a proud lucio hater so if you want lucio content please go somewhere else. i just finished asra's route today, i got the upright ending and AAAAAAAAAA?????? I LOVE THEM SMMM SYFVIUBIOE!!!! asra is literally such a cutie patootie and i am so in love with him. i cannot deal with it. i have done muriel and julian's routes too, both with the result of the upright ending, and i plan to do nadia's next!!!! very excited and nervous to see what happens. nadia and portia may be a bit ooc, so apologies for that. i have yet to do their routes so i have yet to see their characters in action. very mildly proofread, so please forgive any errors. character banners were edited together by me! any and all requests/ideas for my next post are appreciated! i don't think i have anything else to mention so enjoy!!!!!!
divider credit: @isisjupiter
date started: 7:46PM, april 11th, 2024. date finished: 2:07AM, april 22nd, 2024.
wc: 3.9k
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asra ♡ traveling.
i really struggled to find something for asra that suited, because they would honestly enjoy doing anything with you. it doesn't matter where you are or what time of day it is, as long as he has you by his side, then he's happy. and that is super evident in their route. and having just finished asra's route, i have been thinking; we all know that asra does a lot of traveling. and we all know that during those times, asra misses you terribly. they don't like being away from you for a long time, and as we go through asra's route, having all of these adventures and seeing so many new and cool places, we can see just how happy asra is to have you at their side. the joy shines through the screen, and i can feel just how happy he is to have you with him wherever you are. ergo, their favorite thing to do with you is to travel.
when the two of you started to travel together, asra was a bit nervous. he didn't know what to expect when you agreed to travel together without a destination in mind, and he was worried that somehow, some way, something would happen to you. what if you got kidnapped? what if you got hurt? what if you got sick? all sorts of thoughts were running through asra's head, but the more that they watched you grow and allowed you to take chances, the more that they realized that you would be okay. yes, any of those things could happen, but he is right there if you need him. they know that they will always be by your side to help you through any challenge, and care for you however you need it.
however, as the travels go on, he is reminded everyday that you are a strong, capable individual. they knew that before, of course, but seeing you solve all of the riddles and puzzles put in front of you, helping so many people and growing so much made it hit them like a truck. he was always too afraid to allow you to take chances before, in fear that you would get hurt. but they learned that if you didn't take chances, that you wouldn't grow. and the last thing that he wants is to stop you from being the best version of you that you can be.
so, they let you off of the leash. and just like a bird taking flight, you soared and took everything that came at you by storm. he watched you as you became braver, smarter, kinder and stronger. they always expected for you to be great, and they always had faith in you. he just needed to learn that in order to achieve that greatness, that he needed to let you do some things on your own. they needed to let you make your own mistakes and win your own battles, so that you could learn. and it was one of the best decisions that he's ever made. watching you become more independent and confident within yourself is one of the best feelings that they could ever be blessed to have. he feels so grateful that he is the person that you choose every single day, and no matter what, he will always choose you.
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julian ♡ dancing.
at heart, julian is a romantic. almost every cliche romantic thing that you can think of, you have done with julian. picnics. karaoke, aquariums, painting classes, shopping, craft nights, not to mention all of the crazy adventures that you guys would get into together. every day, he wants to remind you why you fell for him, and in his opinion, keeping things lively is the best way to do that! above all, though, julian's favorite thing to do with you is to dance. he knew that you were a prodigy at dancing after the masquerade, but one night changes everything.
the two of you had actually taken dancing classes before this. you were actually the one who suggested it, and after teasingly accusing you of thinking that the two of you are horrible dancers, he agreed. he honestly didn't think that he could be more in love with you after that. you two went to the class, and julian could hardly ever tear his eyes off of you. the way that you moved was so naturally graceful, as if you had been a dancer your whole life. he most definitely showered you in attention and love after the class was over, and he knew that he had to arrange for the two of you to dance together more often.
oh but that night was not the night that he realized that this was his favorite thing to do with you, no no no no no. the night that he realized that dancing was his favorite activity to do with you was a night like many others; dinner at portia's. it was you, julian, portia and nadia, and you all decided to eat outside so that you could watch the stars. portia went into the cottage to check on the food, with nadia following close behind her, and julian figured that it was the perfect time to steal a sweet moment with you. so, he stood from his seat and knelt to one knee before you. with one hand on his chest and the other extended to you, he asked, "will you have this dance with me, my dear?"
you giggled and told him that there wasn't any music playing. what could you possibly dance to? oh how sweet you are. a chuckle symphonized from his chest, and he responded with, "oh my dear, we do have music." a gloved hand took yours and placed it over his heart, "right here." oh my gods, this absolute cheeseball. you playfully shoved his chest, moving backwards under the force but not falling onto his butt. he swiftly leans forward and takes the hand that shoved him, pulling you to your feet as he stood. one pair of hands intertwined while the others lay on your waist on his shoulder. you two started to sway together, as if you were in the masquerade. yes, you did technically dance at the masquerade, but julian wanted a more intimate experience. you didn't get to have a romantic ballroom dance thanks to the one we do not speak, and julian finds that absolutely outrageous!
your bodies glide beautifully amongst the grass and bushes, you take turns spinning each other around and laughing throughout. fireflies spring from the greenery wherever you set your feet, giving your figures a tender glow that julian found absolutely enchanting on you. after spinning through almost all of portia's front lawn, you find yourselves right back at group sitting spot. his arms have encircled your waist, keeping you close to him as your arms encircle his neck carefully. there are no long strides in this dance, no dramatic flair; just you and him rocking back and forth. his eyes stare into yours and his lips are curved into an adoring smile, as if by looking into your eyes, he could pour all of his love from him to you just through eye contact.
you mutter his name, he mutters yours, you lean in, and..portia pipes up. both her and nadia hold two bowls of soup, hot and ready. portia is mischievously smirking at the two of you while nadia admires your connection. julian tries to usher them away so that he can have more alone time with you, but you're quick to shut him down. begrudgingly, julian did, but all he could think about for the rest of the night was how beautiful you were dancing with him. your laughter singing into the air, the smile on your face, your gaze carving through the very core of his being. somehow, he was able to stay focused on the conversations that occurred that evening, but everyone, including you, could tell that he was going to be hung up on tonight for the next several weeks. when you got home, he was sure to steal a kiss from you later, and another dance.
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nadia ♡ fashion shows.
ah, our beloved countess. at first, i planned on giving her shopping, seeing as her love language is gift giving, she would love to spoil the crap out of you with anything that you even glanced out. however, i wasn't happy with that idea. my boyfriend was actually the one who came up with the idea of fashion shows (hi vinny honey, i love you <3). he is such a freaking genius for this one bc OH MY GOSH YES. nadia has such beautiful taste in clothing, so she would absolutely love to host little fashion shows with you. she does like to share her clothes with her friends, but with you, it's special.
the original thought was you trying on nadia's clothes, and nadia trying on your clothes. nadia would feel like she is falling in love with you all over again if you tried on her clothes. all of the fabric would embrace you in such a perfect way, accentuating all of the things that she loves the most about you. gosh she would just be so head over heels,, she would clap every time you would walk out to show her what you chose, or what she selected for you because she just wanted to see you in it so bad. this woman is literally your number one supporter, she thinks that you are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous in everything that you choose to try on and cannot get enough of you in her clothes. she will shower you in compliments and praise of just how celestial you look, and it makes you super duper flustered because she just flatters you so much.
she also gets really shy when she tries on your clothes. all of her life, she has had the most expensive, well-made, stunning clothes that anyone could ever dream of. so, trying on clothes that do not fit under those categories is new to her. while she isn't used to not wearing the most lavish clothes to be found, she likes your sense of style and is always excited when you ask her to try on an ensemble of yours. what she worries about is what you think. she frets that you think it won't look good on her, if that isn't the farthest thing from the truth. when she walks out to you, you are in absolute awe of how beautiful she is. you already think that she can't get any prettier when she wears other outfits, but now this???? her in your clothes???? oh lord almighty you must be SAVED bc this woman has swept you off of your feet. she asks you what you think, and all you can do is walk up to her and smooch the ever-loving life out of her. you just love each other so much!!!!!
BUT WAIT, I'M NOT DONE. I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS.
when your group of friends have sleepovers at the palace, or when you all go out shopping together, it is unavoidable that you all will be having a fashion show where you all show off the clothes that you bought. nadia loves these so much because she gets to watch her friends all enjoy themselves and feel confident in their clothes, especially if she was the one who bought them. but with you, they just feel so different. to her, it is an intimate experience of being able to share your joy with one another. something that you value in your relationship with nadia is self-esteem, both yours and hers. not only do you both want to make each other feel good. but you also want to feel good within yourself. and nadia thinks that fashion shows are an important part of that. clothes are part of how one may express themselves and their identity, and that is something that nadia treasures. so, if showing off the clothes that you got is going to make you feel good about yourself, then she wants to be there to watch you. there is nothing more important to her than your happiness, and if going through outfit by outfit is what will make you happy, then so be it.
admittedly, she..also really likes to show you the new clothes she gets. when you first started dating, she was a bit nervous about it. she knew that you knew of her riches and lifestyle; it was lavish, and she only got the best of the best. she's the countess for crying out loud, so of course you knew that she was going to have everything that she wanted at her feet, even if it meant something that took literal years to find. but there was part of her that worried that you would see her money and think differently of her. she feared that you would judge her person based on her money, instead of the woman you fell in love with. when she told you this, you automatically reassured her that you wouldn't think differently of her at all. you would love her regardless of the amount of money she has, you told her. and this put her heart at ease, so she progressively became more comfortable showing off her wardrobe when you hosted your shows to each other. now, she doesn't hesitate to declare a fashion show after a shopping spree so that she can show you the lovely things that she got for herself. and every single time that you have one, you cannot believe that that is your girlfriend. you are just the luckiest person in the whole world to have someone like her, and she feels infinitely more lucky to have you.
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portia ♡ watching the sunset.
this kind of feels like a given to me. portia is always talking about how she wants to sail the world and explore, both in the actual routes and in heart hunter. so sitting on the docks with you, watching the sun disappear behind the sea and talking about your dreams??? oh heck yes, count her in. she is really tired when she isn't working, so usually she spends her time trying to rest up and take care of things around her cottage. however, she wants to spend all of the time that she can with you. so, the two of you go on all sorts of lovely dates! shopping in the marketplace, teaching her about new herbs in the shop, seeing the new shows in the theater and heckling julian, all sorts of stuff!!!!! but portia's all time favorite part of your days together is when you go to the docks, take off your shoes, sit on the edge and talk while watching the sunset together.
portia has so many dreams, and so many things that she wants to do in her life. and she loves to tell you about all of them. she spends hours just ranting to you about all of the things that she wants to do, the places that she wants to see, the types of adventures that she wants to go on, and of course they all include you being there with her. oh gods you love listening to her,, every single word that she speaks are words that you carve into the stones of your memories. listening to her talk about her dreams is like watching the sun shine. greenery smiles under the glorious warmth and embraces her glimmer gratefully, her passion burns brightly and she is the most beautiful being in any realm to ever exist. she has no time to wonder if she's talking too much because she is far too focused on being with you, and loving every single moment of it. you truly hope that you are able to go on all of the adventures that she wants, so that you can experience every ounce of the world with her, until it all falls apart.
of course, she loves to listen to you. the time that you two spend at the docks is time to talk about anything that comes to mind, and she cannot help but adore you as you pour your heart out to her. when you speak of all of the things that you want to do before your time in this realm comes to a close, she watches and listens very intently. your voice to her is like a river, running smoothly through the canals of her mind and soothing the battering howl of her heart. her eyes twinkle with adoration as her elbow rests on her knee, her face leaning against her hand as she stares at you. everything that you tell her only makes her more excited for your future, because in your future, you include her. and that is all that she could ever truly want. you both truly love to listen to each other talk, not even just about your dreams, but about anything. even if it's something as small as dinner options or something that you saw at the market that you liked, you both love to hear anything and everything from each other. can you tell that the two of you are head over heels in love??
the first time that you sat at the docks together was a magical moment that portia will never forget. you two had just spent an amazing day together, and you wanted to rest by somewhere pretty before heading back home. so, portia suggested the docks to watch the sunset. you agreed, then took your shoes off and sat down. you conversed for hours, laughing and teasing each other. it is so obvious that you both are the other's favorite person to be around to everyone around you, you are both so comfortable with each other in the purest, most loving way. portia had taken her hair down, long curly locks of red flowing carefully down her back. as the sun caressed the ocean for a farewell kiss, the light made her look like she was a celestial being. freckled, pale skin bathes in orange, your own skin making you look just as radiant as she. you locked eyes with her, and all you could think about is just how much you love her. and her you, for she thought in that moment, that you were the most gorgeous person she had ever seen. she thinks that all of the time, but everything about that time was too perfect. your hands cupped her cheek, and her hands held your arms as you exchanged a beautifully passionate kiss. all of her love dumped into it as did yours, and it is something that portia will always remember. you two go to the docks a lot more to watch the sunset, and exchange plenty more kisses worth treasuring for the rest of your lives.
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muriel ♡ nature walks.
OHHHHHH MURIEL!!! MY SHMOOPY POOPY DOOPY BEAR!! i love this man with all of my heart,, no one understands my love for him syufigubine. i didn't even have to think about this one, because i KNEW for a fact this our sweet boy would absolutely LOVE to go on nature walks with you. he isn't much of a people-person, so he doesn't really like going anywhere that crowds gather. which, in vesuvia, is a pretty hard thing to do, considering the fact that people are almost always out, doing something. so muriel doesn't like going anywhere where people are. the time that he spends with you is meant for you and you alone, not to be spent around a crap ton of strangers that push and shove and cram him into tight spaces. so anytime alone with you is time that he greatly cherishes. you had been wanting to find an activity that both you and muriel love doing that wouldn't make muriel anxious or uncomfortable, so you came up with the idea of nature walks.
when you brought it up to muriel, he accepted it right away. he would get to be around nature and spend time with you? that's all he ever really needs, honestly. he has been through the forest time and time again, he knows every crevice of it like the lines on his palms, yet when you went on your first nature walk together, everything about the forest seemed to change. the colors were brighter, the plants smelt richer, heck even the animals were out and about more when you two went out together. he didn't understand why, but it felt so much better being in the forest with you. you walked along and let the path take you wherever fate demanded. the sun peered through the leaves of the trees to allow life to breathe underneath it, the warmth of the day wrapping around you both like a blanket. he's gotten used to this forest after living in it for so many years, but with you, it felt like the most fascinating place to be.
he was a little worried because he figured that you would want to go out. not just to the forest, but to somewhere like the marketplace, the town square or even the rowdy raven. when he expressed his concerns, you reassured him that you didn't need to go out and do something. all you need is to be with him, and if this is the way that he is most comfortable spending time together, then so be it. you could walk all day, all night, for the rest of your lives in this forest together, as long as it meant that he was comfortable and happy. he smiled and thanked you for your reassurance, giving you a little kiss on the cheek before taking your hand and continuing your journey.
from that point forward, nature walks became a very regular part of your routine with muriel. it always starts with "wanna go on a walk?", and from that point forward, who knows what could happen. you two have found a lot of new things in that forest together. you've found lots of pretty flowers, greenery, rocks and animals that you didn't see before, new spots to relax in and even found little burrows and nests a couple of times!!! it's like a little adventure that isn't too far away from home, and muriel is more than happy to go on a walk at any time. it's almost always something new when the two of you go out together, and he thinks that that's what makes you so lovely. on most days, on his own, he wouldn't think twice about any of the things that you do. so, when you stop him to look at a pattern on a rock, or to admire a dandelion that you call a flower even though it's a weed, he takes his time to admire it with you, and he can't stop that sweet smile from curling onto his lips. seeing you in his favorite place is the most wonderful experience that he could ever ask for. he didn't believe that he was deserving of wonderful experiences before, but now that he has you, he wants to think differently.
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@WHOSKISSINGVAL ,, all rights reserved. do not copy/plagiarize any of my works or submit it into ai. any and all support is so very appreciated! <3
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albywritesfiction · 13 hours
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Alby's Notes (#9)
Hello everyone! It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? 😅
Well, time for us to take a seat and talk, ‘cause I’ve got some news for y’all. Dunno if this is going to be good or bad news to you guys, so I’m just calling it news
1. I’m not going to be very active on Tumblr, at least for the foreseeable future.
It has honestly been rather challenging for me to juggle acads, orch, personal stuff, writing, and managing this blog all together, so for the sake of my sanity, I’ve made the tough decision to take a few steps back from posting content here.
2. I’ll be closing the ask box for a while.
Since I haven’t been able to answer asks for a month or two, I now have a backlog of asks to go through. The number of asks I have in my inbox is rather overwhelming to me, to be honest 😅 And some of them are similar to others that have been sent previously, which I feel bad about because it’s like, wasted time, y'know, like, you wouldn't have needed to ask a similar question if i had answered the first one 😓
And some similar questions I haven’t been able to answer because they’re questions that I need time (and the brainpower honestly) to answer. 😓
So until I’ve cleared out my Tumblr inbox, I’ll be closing the ask box.
3. I’ll be shifting more towards using Discord
I’ve made a Discord server while I’ve been slowly chipping away at Chapter 1 Part 3 :) Special thanks to my lil bro @system-operations for being my guinea pig as I worked on and tested out the server 🤭
So, part of the reason why it’s been difficult for me to do stuff on Tumblr is because my access to it is rather limited now due to personal stuff; it’s nothing bad, don’t worry, and it’s not because I’ve been doing anything shady or illegal (I think it’d be the shock of the century to people who know me if they ever heard that I did something like that 😅). It’s just personal stuff 😅
I also think that part of why I’ve been overwhelmed with Tumblr stuff is because of the similar asks that start to pile up the longer that I’m unable to answer them, which is why I’ve set up some forum channels in the server where people can send questions and feedback and you guys can see what questions have been asked and which ones have been answered, especially without needing to wonder if I received your questions and answered them or not.
But the main purpose of this server is to provide a lil space where you guys can hang out and maybe interact with each other and with me :3 I’ve got a few things planned for server activities:
Game Night: We would play some of the games in Discord Activities and some other online browser games like Red Flags and Cards Against Humanity
Watch Party: We would watch some animes that are available on Youtube (such as Campfire Cooking in Another World [10/10 great anime in my opinion we stan wholesomeness in this household]) and Starkid musicals (the Hatchetfield trilogy is fire y’all), and probably some other Youtube stuff
Study With Me: Just popping into a voice channel and playing some music while I study helps me quite a lot apparently, so if that works for any of you who might join the server, it’s a-okay if you wanna join in :3
But of course, participation in these activities is very much optional! It’s okay if you’d prefer to lurk, I’m a lurker myself in most of the other servers I’ve joined 😅
However, I do want to make it very clear now that this will be an 18+ server, as it will not only be for ATE but also for the other IF projects that I have planned, some of which will contain content that is not suitable for minors. So just to be sure, I’ve decided to restrict the server to those 18 and above. Please, for any underage followers that I may have, do not lie about your age if you join because I will have to remove you from the server. You have been warned.
4. Now, going back to the Tumblr asks...
So now that I’ve laid out the stuff with Discord, you might be wondering what’s gonna happen with the Tumblr asks after I’ve answered the stuff in my inbox. Well, here’s what I’m planning to do:
Step 1: Compile all Tumblr asks into a Google doc 
Step 2: Add any Discord asks into same Google doc
Step 3: Share the Google doc for public viewing
Step 4: Re-open Tumblr ask box
Step 5: Update the Google doc as I receive asks, even if I’m unable to answer the questions immediately
This way, everyone can see the asks, whether or not you’ve got Discord or Tumblr, and the search for the asks is gonna be a lot more efficient! 
So long, Tumblr search, hellooo my old buddy ctrl/cmd+f!
5. And what about the Tumblr blog in general?
It’s still gonna be here, and I’m still going to post about significant updates to ATE! It’s just gonna be quieter once I’m done answering all the asks that are currently in my ask box.
So, yeah! That’s my novella of news 😅 I’ll be sharing the link for the Discord server in the next post so the link and the stuff I’ve said about it aren’t buried in the wall of text you just read/skimmed through. 😅
Thank you all so much for all the love and support you’ve had for ATE, and I hope you all have a great day/night ahead!
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ssreeder · 1 year
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Sorry for sending that Jet/Suki ask a while ago. Saw your reblog tags under some chiptrillino art and it sounded like you shipped them. We rarepairists get overeager sometimes. I’ll just leave you alone. 😅
OMG ANON NOOOOO!!!
Please don’t leave me alone!! I’m so sorry! I have been struggling to answer asks for about a week (I’m very behind but I love every single ask I get) & I did post my love for Suki x Jet (jetki? Jetski?? Idk anon idk haha) & I’ve gotten a few asks about my Jet / Suki tags - I have just been trying to find the best way to answer.
You’re not overeager at all, I’m just a slow responder & forgetful. I am sort of showing some of their compatibility in my fic LIAB, but I don’t know if they’ll end up together or just friends (we’ll see… jets gotta live)
But they are one of my favorite ships because I think they have a lot of potential (if you don’t like Jet I’d probably skip this ask)
Jet is passionate, a skilled fighter, cocky, charming, a leader, attractive, cares about people (come on now he took in a bunch of orphans and built them a treehouse I’m not arguing with anyone about this) and has a tragic backstory.
Suki is also passionate, a skilled fighter, charming, a capable and strong leader, cares about people, funny, and a beautiful girl.
I feel like Suki would have the ability to put Jet in his place and have all the skills to back herself up if he challenged her. They would compliment each other in their fighting styles as well as their banter because they both have a sharp tongue and a snarky sense of humor. They both can relate to the pressure of being in a leadership position and depending on how you see Sukis backstory they could also share the pain of losing loved ones.
I think out of everyone, Suki has the best chance at making Jet WANT to be a better person and she could give him a reason to actually fear disappointing another person. Jet would also possibly feel truly loved for the first time since losing his parents so young which might help breakdown his cold exterior and soften him a little.
I’ve always really liked them together, and I have a few fic ideas with them as one of the main ships (haha & one with Zuko third wheeling them with his silly gay self) and all sorts of ideas of how they could grow and what a future together would look like… it’s just hard for me to articulate why I like them together so I hope I did them justice by answering this ask lol.
I’m sorry if I seemed like I was ignoring you, it was never my intention to make you feel like I wasn’t interested in answering… I just don’t know how to make my thoughts make sense sometimes (ignore the fics I’m writing those don’t count) so I hope this made sense!!
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lovebugism · 8 months
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hehe for your summer fic fest!
 “are you okay? is the heat getting to you?”  w/ shy!reader x steve harrington! <3
maybe something like established relationship (or not) and he knows shy!reader won’t ever complain :)
love ur writing <3
thanks so much for your request angel! hope you like it!! — the one where you get sunburnt and steve calls you his lobster as a declaration of love (shy!reader, hurt/comfort, 2k)
bug's summer fic fest ♡
Steve emerges from the blue pool water with oversized goggles covering the top half of his face. They leave a soft red indention around his eyes when he shoves them to his forehead to push back his wild strands of wet hair.
His chest heaves with labored pants, lungs aching after being denied air for over three minutes. He blinks salt water from his eyes and squints across the patio. Your lounge chair has your beach towel thrown over it but is entirely vacant of you. 
His heart deflates with a boyish disappointment when he realizes you weren’t around to see him break his breath-holding record.
“Where’d she go?” Steve shouts to Robin over the sounds of splashing water and roughhousing teenage boys. 
The brunette girl looks up from her book and glances at the empty chair beside her. She turns back to him and shrugs, all cool with dark sunglasses over her eyes. “Um, I don’t know… She went inside, like, a minute ago, I think.”
Steve pouts. “So no one was keeping time?” he wonders with an unabashed whine.
“I was... Then I got bored.”
“Great. Thanks, Robin,” the boy deadpans. 
He backstrokes to the steps of the pool and tries to avoid the splash war between Lucas and Dustin on the way there. 
He wipes his dripping skin with a fluffy towel before wrapping it around his waist. His wet feet leave dark prints against the burning pavement, drying just as quickly as they’re made. He walks by Mike and Will sitting beneath the poolside cabana, and then by Robin who doesn’t look up from her book, as he heads to the backdoor.
Steve stumbles backward when the glass entrance slides open. Max and El giggle into their ice cream cones as they walk by him, paying him exactly zero attention as they go. They both wear matching Xena Warrior Princess t-shirts over their bathing suits.
“Can you guys save me one of those? Jeez,” Steve asks with a laugh, only half-joking in his complaint. “You’ve both had, like, ten since you got here.”
El smiles shyly at him, tilting her chin to her chest as she peers up at him through her lashes. Her cheeks reddened — a combination of misplaced embarrassment and sun exposure. 
Max is a lot more sneering with her glare. She arches an auburn brow in a challenging leer. “You should go get your girlfriend,” the redhead monotones just before licking at her vanilla cone.
Steve’s brows furrow. “What?”
“She looked sick,” El concurs with a firm nod.
“What do you mean she looked sick?”
“She means that she looked like she was seconds away from puking her guts out,” Max explains in her usual dramatic inflection. Her lip quirks at the look on Steve’s face, the corner of it stained with ice cream.
“Oh. Jesus. Okay,” Steve murmurs with a scrunched face — a mixture of concern and disgust. 
Worry blooms in his chest at the thought of you being unwell. He hates the idea that you might’ve felt sick and were too nervous to tell him. He loves how soft you are but despises how polite you are shyness. You’re still frightened of being a burden, even though Steve tells you all the time you don’t have to be scared of being human.
The cool air of his house makes his skin prickle with goosebumps. It soothes his reddened skin as he ascends the stairs on a quest to find you. The door to the main bathroom is shut. A yellow light glows beneath it. The soft hiss of the faucet sounds muffled in the hallway.
Steve taps his knuckles at the closed entrance — gently in a mindful attempt not to frighten you.
“Babe?” he calls, face absentmindedly contorted with worry. “Are you okay?”
You mumble something unintelligible in response. He can’t quite make it out. The distance and the sink drown out your soft voice.
“Can I come in?”
Again, you just mumble. 
Steve’s chest burns with a fleeting panic. He’s momentarily terrified that you’re halfway passed out on his bathroom floor, lying barely conscious on the tile. He opens the door, slowly at first, just in case you want to slam it in his face for barging in. He knows you’re too soft for that, though. 
When you don’t protest, he walks all the way in. The door squeaks when he shuts it behind him.
He finds you, not on the floor, but leaning against the sink. You’re drowning in the t-shirt he gave you to wear as a cover-up. It’s oversized even on him, so it swallows you whole entirely. You blink at him with wide, glassy eyes while you press a damp rag over your face. Your skin is tinted a warmer red after spending the afternoon in the sun.
You look beautiful, but very unlike yourself. Max wasn’t lying — you looked like you were seconds away from being sick all over his bathroom. He rushes to you, anyway.
“What happened?” Steve wonders quietly, brows pinched in concern. “Are you okay?”
You shake your head, slow and lazy.
“Was it too hot outside? Is the heat getting to you? Do I need to fight the sun?”
You nod this time, holding the cloth to the burning apple of your cheek.
“Shit, babe. I’m sorry—” He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, only that he feels the need to say it. 
He reaches out to touch you, to hug you to him so he can absorb all the sick you feel and take it all for himself — but you jerk back before his fingertips can reach you.
“Don’t,” you tell him quickly as you step backward. You drag the wet rag down to your chin and pout. “Don’t touch me. I think I might burn you.”
Steve grins a lopsided and very pink grin. “Yeah, I’ll take that risk, babe.”
When he reaches out to touch you this time, you don’t protest. 
You feel like an inferno. The cold rag is hardly making you cooler. Actually, you think your fiery skin might just be warming it all over again. 
It makes you feel sick — not a stomach kind of sick, or a simple-head cold kind of sick. Those you can fix pretty easily. This is different. Whatever this is. 
You feel icky all over, and with no real root to the problem, you don’t know how to fix it. You just have to hope the A.C. will eventually break through the barrier of fire dancing over your skin and that Steve’s magic touch will be able to help you through it.
His hands curl around your elbows, much cooler compared to how hot your skin feels. His fingertips just barely graze your arm before he jerks them away again. His face scrunches in a halfhearted frown, feigning hurt as he pulls back like you’ve burned him.
“Ooh,” he winces playfully.
You pout while Steve laughs at his own dumb joke.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he assures through his laughter.
He swipes his fingers over your cheek to smooth the damp hair sticking to your temple — maybe from sweat, or water from the rag, or a combination of both. His face contorts with concern all over again. “You are warm, though, babe. Like, crazy warm.”
“I think the sun is trying to burn me alive,” you monotone, only half-joking. 
Steve takes the damp rag from your weak, trembling hands. He sticks it beneath the running faucet to rewet it for you. When it’s sufficiently soaked, he wrings it out with one hand and turns the sink off with the other.
“Here. Up,” he commands with a halfhearted wave, motioning you to sit on the counter. 
You try your best to abide him, but you’re too tired to do anything more than rise to the tips of your toes. Steve helps urge you backwards with his broad hands on your hips, encouraging you further back until your feet are dangling off the ground.
He stands in between your thighs. You lean into his touch when he dabs the colder rag against your forehead.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Steve wonders with worry softening his tone. “I coulda got you inside before it got this bad. And I would’ve made all those shitheads go home before they made it worse.”
“That’s why I didn’t wanna tell you,” you confess, slurring from the sudden exhaustion that settles heavy on top of you. He brings the rag to your right cheek and presses it there for a few beats. “Everyone’s having such a good time. I didn’t wanna ruin it because I’m a baby…”
Steve scoffs out a laugh and holds the cloth to your left cheek. “You’re not a baby because you’re melting like an ice cream cone, babe. That’s not your fault.”
“Well, no one else is getting a cold rag pressed against their face by Steve The Hair Harrington,” you retort in a tone so soft that he can’t tell if you’re joking or not. He figures you might be toeing the line between both, still halfway delirious in your heatstroke.
“Yeah. ‘Cause I don’t love them like I love you.”
You cower at his words, not expecting him to be so suddenly affectionate. 
You’ve had a hard time getting used to that — his incessantly flirtatious disposition. It’s hard having an aversion to compliments, but it’s harder dating someone who loves to give them. 
Steve smiles when he watches you go all shy. You always get so sheepish when he loves on you, so pretty in the way you get all bashful. It isn’t any wonder why he loves to do it so much.
“Feel any better?” the boy asks when the corner of your lip quirks in a shy half-smile.
“A little… Do I still look sick?” you question, blinking at him with your eyes not as glazed over. “Maybe don’t answer that,” you protest quickly after.
Steve drops the rag to the counter and drags his knuckle across your cheek. Your skin isn’t quite as warm, but it still glows a faint red — obviously sun-kissed. “You look beautiful, babe. You always do. Even though you kinda look like a lobster.”
“I just said not to answer!”
“Lobsters are cool!” Steve defends at your pouting. “I like lobsters! Everyone likes lobsters!”
You don’t want to laugh, still feeling a bit too sick, but he makes it dreadfully hard not to. A halfhearted giggle sputters from your lips at his high-pitched assurance before you can stop it.
He smiles at your smiling, wide palms squeezing gently at your knee. “Lobsters actually mate for life,” he singsongs with raised brows and a crooked grin. “Betcha didn’t know that…”
“I think that was disproven, actually,” you squint.
“No, it’s true! Wanna know how I know?”
He’s fishing for a reply. You know it, but you bite anyway. You humor him with a nod, the corners of your lips lifting in an anticipatory smile.
He steps closer to you. His hips press into the edge of the countertop as his palms smooth up your thighs and settle on your waist. His honey eyes sparkle at you when he tilts his head and peers at you from beneath his lashes. 
“’Cause you’re my lobster,” he confesses with a scrunched nose. “And you’re also my soulmate— and one plus one equals two, and blah blah blah…”
“I’m your lobster?” you humor in a high-pitched whisper, eyes twinkling with fatigue and adoration.
Steve beams, grinning at you like the lovesick idiot he is. “Yep. You’re my lobster. Take it or leave it, sweetheart.”
“I’d love to be your lobster, Stevie,” you tell him, giggling through your promise.
“We’ve said that word too many times, I think. It’s started to lose meaning now,” he says with his own breathy chuckle right before pressing his mouth to yours. He tastes like sunscreen, blue skies, and vanilla ice cream — like heaven and the rest of your life.
Steve kisses you breathless, telling you all the words he can’t say out loud with his pink lips slotted between yours. 
He hopes you know that was his dumb, roundabout way of promising forever with you. You kiss him like you do, anyway.
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astraystayyh · 8 months
Text
Invisible Thread- two.
This is the second and final part of Invisible Thread. Here is the link to part one.
pairing: minho x reader. pre-established relationship. reader has she/her pronouns.
genre: fluff and domesticity. angst. healing. characters trying to become better. humans being humans.
cw: parent death. grief. talk about death. allusion to sex but no smut. suggestive at one tiny part but it's for the plot.
summary: In which Minho rewrites your entire relationship with love.
word count: 17k
a.n: this is, i hope, a gentle reminder to always be kind to yourself, and to the people surrounding you. this one is pretty personal because i see myself a lot in yn, but it was also challenging since i wrote about things i have never experienced either. so i hope you'll enjoy reading, and that the second part will live up to your expectations. it took me a long time to write this but it's okay!! English isn't my first language and this was also a reminder to be patient with myself. thank you. i love you all. truly. feedback is highly appreciated, as always <3
(here is a Spotify playlist i made for this second part, you can listen to it while reading if you'd like :))
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Love. How lucky yet cursed we are to ever experience it.
The fear attached to this singular emotion seems ridiculous. Because we aren't afraid of experiencing anger, sadness, or nervousness. They might overwhelm us, but we accept them, we recognize them as they are and then we cope with them. Whichever way we know best.
But when love comes knocking on our door, we stray away from it, we try to shape it into something else- much gentler on the soul, less devastating if it were ever not reciprocated.
So, we name it a crush, attachment, infatuation; anything but the cursed four-lettered word- anything but love. As though merely acknowledging it would morph it into a sharp-edged sword, eternally wedged within us, making our blood dribble away slowly and with it, our souls awash.
You are no exception. Love has terrified you for the better part of your life. There was a time when the word did slip easily from your mouth, back when you were a child and your view of the world was still naive, undisturbed by what you now know. You loved ice cream, you loved candy, you loved your teacher who braided your hair.
But then the once light word grew heavy on your tongue. Because love is what made you crave your mother's warmth, only to find coldness awaiting you. It is love that made you seek shelter elsewhere, in the fleeting opinions of the people surrounding you, hanging your entire worth on the words they uttered about you- ones they forgot within hours but you carried for years.
But this view of yours got dismantled, slowly, day by day. You’ve come to learn that it isn't love that had hurt you, it was rather the lack of it.
It cannot be love that wound when it is the emotion swimming in your eyes, whenever they rest on Minho. You didn't dare say it to him, to name the feeling out loud. You were petrified that if it was ever out in the open, then the love would materialize into something tangible, and the universe would snatch it away, as it has done before with everything you've ever wanted.
But although you didn't say it, you felt it, deep within each one of your atoms. It spilled from you like infinite ink, rewriting your entire relationship with love, dismissing every wrong notion you've once established about it.
Love cannot hurt because you love Minho, and you'd hurt yourself before ever hurting him.
But maybe none of you would have to hurt. Maybe for once, you'd both be okay. That's what you'd like to believe as Minho's shoulders brush against yours. You are sitting at your usual table at Limbo, a gray cat sprawled on top of your laps. Finals ended three weeks ago. Summer break is here, the one time you've been dreading since you came to college. Because everyone is going back to their homes, but you don't have one to head back to.
"What will you do this summer?" Minho suddenly asks, putting down his iced americano. You scratch the cat's ears beside you gently- Lilia you've decided to name her. "I don't really have plans."
"Would you like to go camping?"
"With you?"
"I mean, unless you have another secret boyfriend, then yes, with me."
"Shut up," you giggle, swatting his arm playfully. "I'd really like that," you smile softly at him, to which he nods. "Oh, and we still need to celebrate your win this term."
"Mm. Let's just call it a date this time," he grins, taking a spoonful of the salted caramel cheesecake and bringing it to your mouth. "I need to go visit my family for a few days, and then we can go," he adds.
Sudden guilt floods your being. He had a family he could go to. It was selfish for you to want him to stay, to strip him from this privilege you weren't granted with.
"I don't want you to cut your time short with them for me," you mumble, eyes fixated on Lilia soundly dozing off on his lap. It still astonished you how all animals seemed at ease in Minho's presence. As if they could sense his gentle soul, carefully hidden behind his sarcastic retorts, and cheeky smiles- one you were lucky enough to have been touched with.
"I'm not. I just really wanna go camping," he says nonchalantly, but his hand raises to squeeze your shoulder lightly.
"You should go with them."
"I have a two-person tent in mind, it won't fit the three of us. And I want to come back to you."
His words painted a sweet picture- of him returning home after a long journey, and you were that haven he sought to rest. The idea that he'd discover such solace in you when you struggled to find it within yourself, seemed unfathomable to you.
So, you bite your lower lip slightly, before squeezing his knee in gratitude. "Okay. I'll be waiting."
✹✹✹
Blue and orange flames surge higher under the wind. You watch, mesmerized as their light dances upon Minho's skin, painting him with glistening, golden hues. Every feature of his face is chiseled to perfection, as if a sculptor spent hours perfecting his face, down to the tiniest detail. He looked in his element here, setting up your tent and grilling the meat and now looking up at the sky, a chilled lemonade in his hand. You should go camping more often.
Minho places his empty can of cola on the ground, before tapping his lap. "Come here," he smiles and you oblige, rising from your chair and settling on his thighs. You tuck your knees to your chest, curling yourself entirely in his hold. His arms encircle your body, making sure you don't slip down. You close your eyes, as Minho gazes up at the night sky before you. You are comfortable and safe. It is that safety that you've craved for so long. To be held and not fear the threat of a knife behind your back.
It still surprised you, how you came to crave Minho's presence. But it went beyond just being near him; you felt as if you needed to touch him, as if verifying his existence, ensuring he wasn't an ephemeral specter slipping through your fingers like grains of sand in an hourglass. Yet, even more surprising was Minho's own yearning for you. His hands were always drawn to you, subtly grazing your face, resting on your palm, skimming your shoulders. Each tentative touch filled an echoing void within you, slowly diminishing it until all that remained were faint whispers of it.
Minho has cared for you, long before he understood you. He saw snippets and fragments of you, and he cared for the patched-up version he made up in his mind. And when you unlocked your heart for him, he only cherished it even more, silently molding his behavior so he wouldn't cross any of your boundaries.
He was hesitant at first, in holding your hands and kissing your lips. He still asks for permission, in that gentle voice of his, to touch you, in case you’re uncomfortable. Which you aren’t, because his hands on you are infused with care, fingertips dripping with unguarded attention and softness, for you.
You sigh contently, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck as his arms tighten around you. Comfortable and safe.
"What's your favorite word?" he suddenly inquires and you giggle slightly. He often asks you these random questions, as though he wished to understand you in the most ordinary of ways and to care for you in each.
"I think it's the word soft. Whoever thought of the word really nailed it. Nothing else could have depicted softness like this one."
"The word does sound really pillowy, and gentle."
"See, I really love gentle too! Why is the word gentle so gentle? Does that make sense?" Laughter tings your question as he grins, his nose brushing lightly against yours.
"It does. They both remind me of you, actually."
"Really?"
"Mm. You're still so soft and gentle, despite it all... If they ever tell me there is one kind person left on this earth, I'd come looking for you."
Sudden tears flood your eyes as a shaky exhale leaves your lips. It felt rewarding, in a sense, to have someone acknowledge the strength it takes to be kind, in a world that had dealt you nothing but harshness.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Anything."
"Sometimes..." you pause, racking your brain for the best way to word this. "Sometimes it scares me how much I've come to care for you. How you make opening up not sound as daunting as before."
You grab his hand into yours, fidgeting with his fingers. The familiarity of their touch helps you calm down. "I'm not saying you'll hurt me. I just... I can't help this tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me to be cautious. It's gotten quieter, but it's still there."
"That's just your past selves trying to protect you," he smiles softly at you, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. "When I told you I'll be here, for as long as you'll have me, I meant it. Doubts and all."
"But I don't want to be closed off anymore," you admit. "It's very lonely that way."
"I know it is, love. But it's what you knew best back then, hm? You shouldn't feel bad about it, you did what you had to do to protect yourself. I'm just here to protect you too now."
"You think I can no longer do it myself?" you tease, your hand threading through his silky hair.
"Of course, you still can. But two shields are better than one. Also, this is exactly why I work out."
"Will your muscles protect me from my mind?" you giggle and he nods proudly. "Have you seen these?" he flexes his arms, before snorting, a bit shyly, eyes squinting closed. He's saying nonsense to make you laugh, and it's warming your heart beyond belief.
"I think these should just stay wrapped around me," you grin, guiding his arms around your back once again.
"No complaints," he smiles, as you settle against his chest. He places a soft kiss on the top of your head and you close your eyes. Safe and comfortable- Minho.
✹✹✹
Summer has been kind to you. Or maybe it was you who has been kind to summer, your laughter filling its air until it could do nothing but mirror your happiness.
Summer tasted like love with Minho by your side. In clementines he peeled for you, feeding you each slice with a soft smile on his face. In spontaneous bike rides at six am, to chase sunrises you've never witnessed before him. In numerous books he bought so you’d read them to him, his head on your lap, a tranquil expression coloring his face. And although the months have all been sweet, there are two days that you remember particularly.
You don't mark up the time with dates, but rather with the new feelings Minho bestowed upon you- the first time you wanted someone to stay, and they did.  
"Baby?" Minho’s hand brushes against your shoulder and you startle, turning around to look at him. "Are you okay? You zoned out."
"I’m fine," the rehearsed lie slips from your mouth, long before you could think about it. A ping of guilt swarms your heart, you’ve promised yourself that you’d tell Minho about your true feelings, even if he couldn’t help you with them.
"Are you sure? You haven’t said a word since I came over..." He quickly glances at his watch, "Three hours ago."
"I’m sorry," you mumble, your thoughts swarming your head once again. You felt horrible for wasting his time. He had better things to do than sit with you in silence.
"I’m not asking you to apologize," he says cautiously as if he’s aware he’s threading along a dangerous line. You stay silent and he shuts his eyes closed, hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I just want you to be honest."
"I am."
"Are you, really?"
"What do you want from me?" you ask a bit breathlessly. You don’t know what you are saying, but you can sense your walls building up, higher than you could ever reach them.
"You’re clearly not fine and I-"
"I am trying, okay? I’m trying, please." You plead; you’re unsure for what exactly. For him to stop prodding, because you don’t have answers for him, not yet. Not when you haven’t understood it yourself.
"I'm going for a walk," he says, abruptly standing. You stay frozen in your place, as he quickly slips his shoes on, before leaving your apartment. You’re trying and it isn’t enough for him.
You don’t move from your place as time slowly trickles by. The seconds morph into minutes and suddenly it’s been an hour and a half since Minho left. There is a tantalizing fear making you stay put as if you ever dare to move a limb, then the stillness would be shattered and Minho wouldn’t come back.
It’s hard to reroute your brain entirely- old habits creep up on you swiftly, and suddenly you’re pulled back into the old you, woven into the web of horrible thoughts stitching all around you. Change feels sweet, with Minho, it feels like hope and the taste of a new beginning, but it is scary and different. And the familiarity of what you were before him calls your name from time to time. It was horrible and lonely, but there were no surprises in it. You knew what to expect at all times.
You could’ve told him that you weren’t feeling good, that you didn’t feel like talking and Minho would’ve understood. Because this isn’t the first time this happened, and it happens to him too sometimes. So, he understands, more than anyone you know. But instead, you lied and denied and Minho left. And you can’t blame it on anyone but yourself.
You grab your phone, its sudden light burning your eyes. You blink repeatedly, as you dial Minho’s number. It rings and it rings, then it goes to voicemail. You try again, through blurry vision. It doesn’t even ring this time- straight to voicemail.
Minho’s left. He’s had enough. You can’t blame him.
Three swift knocks resound loudly on your door. You don’t remember reaching the doorknob, your body’s moving on autopilot, but you pull it open. Minho. Your hold on the handle tightens until your knuckles turn white. You can’t look at him, you don’t want to see his face as he leaves you.
"Why are you crying?" he whispers, dainty fingers gently wiping away your tears.
"Don’t go. Not you too," you manage to utter, and you hear Minho suck in a deep breath, before pulling you tightly to his chest.
"What are you talking about?" he says, as he buries your head in the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of his cologne washes over you- you’ve memorized its earthy notes by heart now, easily recognizable between a thousand smells.
"You've been away for two hours and I called and you- you didn’t pick up. I thought you wouldn’t come back."
"My phone died while I was outside and I lost track of time, and- please don’t cry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry." He leans away, cupping your cheek delicately. "Im here, you see? Let’s go on a walk, hm?"
"You were just out," you mumble and he smiles at you. "I wanna go with you."
Minho takes off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders. He leads you outside, still clad in the bunny slippers he randomly bought you a week ago. His hand is warm in yours. His hand wouldn’t be warm if he was leaving you.
You walk in silence to the park near your home, and Minho sits you down on an empty bench. Your tears are dried up by now, cheeks cold from the night breeze; and his hand is still in yours.
"Chan didn’t leave our dorm for three days." He starts, clearing his throat. "He’s overworking himself, doesn’t even eat the food I make him. And I tried to tell him to take a break today. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t convince him. He’s probably still working on his music right now," he chuckles, but there is no trace of humor in the sound. "And then I come to you and you’re not okay. And I want to help but suddenly I’m pressuring you. And you’re trying, so hard and you’re doing so well and I’m pressuring you instead of helping. And I failed at being there for you both. What good I am if I’m not there for the people I lo- care about?"
"Don’t say that, please. You are good enough. More than enough," you cup his cheek, pressing his forehead on yours. "You’re always here. Don’t ever doubt that. I’m sure Chan appreciates everything you do for him."
"And you?" he asks, tone coated in such raw vulnerability that it knocks the breath out of you. At that moment, Minho was a plain hill, devoid of hidden nooks and crannies- nowhere for him to guard his emotions from you.
"Do you remember that night, when I asked you how I can help you feel yellow?" you ask after a while, and he nods, repetitive blinks rythming his silence. "I used to think that happiness was yellow, that sudden joy that drowns out the world around you. And I wanted to always feel yellow, the highest of highs. But that could only lead to another low, another extreme. I’ve since learned that true happiness is feeling peace when you lay in bed at night…  And for your heart to beat soundly from contentment."
"I remember feeling this way only once, a long time ago. I woke up to see the sunrise, but I was a bit late to it, so I missed the orange and the pink," you chuckle slightly, as the distant memory floods you. "But I saw the blue, this really soft blue, and as I looked at it a strange sense of serenity washed over me. As if, as long as I looked at that pastel blue, I’d be alright. And now…" You smile softly, your thumb delicately grazing his cheek, Now, I can just look at you. You are my blue."
Minho’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks at you, mouth slightly hung agape. You giggle quietly, before patting his head gently. "Thank you for staying," you whisper, and a sudden smile breaks out on Minho’s face. It’s so radiant- as if every star in this galaxy was ground to fine dust and then sprinkled into it. You can’t admire it for long since Minho crashes his mouth on top of yours, drawing you in for a kiss that leaves you breathless afterward.
"You know I had a really nice dream yesterday," he finally whispers against your lips, a newfound lightness in his voice. "I think this is the first time where my reality is much sweeter."
✹✹✹
The first time you felt loved, truly.
It’s a couple of days into August when Chan tells you that he has signed up with a producing agency- it’s a huge step for him, one he’s been rambling about each time you met him for the past few months. So now you’re over at his and Minho’s dorm, attempting to bake a congratulatory cake for Chan. It was Minho’s idea, one he mumbled into your ear nonchalantly, as if he didn’t wake up really early to scout all the ingredients you might need.
"Why is baking so much harder than cooking?" Minho whines, burying his head dramatically in the crook of your neck. You giggle, patting his back in faux sympathy.
"So, you're admitting you're not good at everything?" you tease and he straightens up instantly, brows furrowed as he looks at you.
"I didn't say I'm not good at it. I said it's harder than cooking," he drawls out and you hum in reply, a teasing "sure, sure" escaping your mouth.
"Do you know how to crack an egg with one hand? That's the cue that you're a great baker."
"Why would I when I have two hands?" you chuckle and he smiles cheekily, raising his eyebrows at you. "Well, I can do it."
"Fine," you huff, grabbing an egg onto your hand. "Teach me?" you smile sweetly and he grins satisfied, "Of course."
"Here, you just need to crack the egg gently into the side of the bowl. And then lodge your finger inside, slowly pulling the shell apart. Like this," he demonstrates and you nod in understanding.
"Your turn," he smiles and you follow his instructions, tongue poking against your cheek in utmost concentration.  
"Min look! I did it" You grin widely, turning around to show him the egg now dropped into the bowl.
"You did! I’m proud of you," he smiles, placing a tender kiss on your temple. You pause, the egg’s shell still tightly clutched in your hand. You didn’t drop it into the bowl, and someone’s proud of you for it.
 It’s late into the night, and your stomach is aching from laughing for hours on end. Your plates of cake are on the ground, with only crumbs left on top of it. Minho invited two of Chan’s closest friends over- Felix and Han, so now you’re all playing rounds of Uno, and the poor freckled boy is losing each time.
"This isn’t fair," Felix whines, before stealing a bite of the leftover cake on the table. "This is really good by the way," he compliments and you giggle, turning around to point at Minho, only to find him already looking at you, a soft smile on his face.
"It’s all him," you say, and Chan gets his face impossibly close to your boyfriend’s, a teasing smile on his face. "You love me so much."
"I don’t. Get back," Minho pushes his face away, but you can tell he’s lying, from the fond smile threatening to spill over his mouth.
"Sure," Chan sing-songs, before turning to look at you. You wink at him and he ruffles your hair affectionately, as he always does when he wants to tease you. "Thank you for the cake, yn."
"You’re welcome," you grin as an unfamiliar warmth spread through your chest. Is this how it feels to have a family? People you care for and who care about you in return?
Minho notices the sudden bittersweet expression etched on your face, so he grabs your pinky in his hand, squeezing it slightly. You turn your palm around, before blindly intertwining your fingers with his- something you’ve gotten much better at lately.
"We’ll get going," Han announces when it’s nearly midnight, as he and Felix both get up from the floor. "Sure you don’t want to come to the party?" Chan asks, eyes trained on you and Minho.
"Yeah, we’ll stay the night."
You stand up as well, following Chan to the door and stopping him before he leaves. "You don’t mind me staying the night, right? It’s your dorm too, so I should ask."
"Of course not. You can come over whenever, even if Minho isn’t here. You don’t ever have to ask me, okay?"
"Okay, thank you, Chan," you beam at him, relief coursing through you at his words.
Soon enough, the dorm is silent, and it’s only you and Minho once again. You go to clean up but Minho pulls you by your hand, ushering you toward his bedroom. "Let's leave it to tomorrow," he says, and his voice sounds like warm candle wax dripping down on you. You can’t say no.
You find that he’s already prepared a pair of pajamas for you, spread out nicely on the bed- his grey shirt and a pair of shorts he has apparently overgrown.
"You'll find a box there, under the sink, it’s for you," he announces, as you walk into the bathroom to change. It’s filled with anything you might ever need, tissues and makeup removal and pads and medicine, and your cherry shampoo.
"When did you prepare this?" you ask as you open the door wide for him. He peeks his head inside, eyes softening when they take a glimpse at your figure - wearing his shirt, in his bathroom.
"A month ago, or so. Just in case you ever needed to stay the night." He's so thoughtful, you're starting to believe that the word was molded after him. "Is it enough? do you need something else?" he asks tentatively and you shake your head, squeezing his hand lightly. "It's perfect. Thank you."
"Of course. let's brush our teeth?" he smiles and you nod, grabbing the blue toothbrush he bought for you. He squeezes some toothpaste into it, and your eyes meet in the mirror. You can feel a blush creep up your face, to match the tip of his ears turning pink. It felt innocent to blush at the mere act of brushing your teeth together- at the domesticity of it, and the future hopes that lay within it.  
Minho washes his face with his cleanser and you do the same. He suddenly hoists you up the bathroom counter, before standing between your legs. his arms cage your body, as his doe brown eyes look up at you. "Do my skincare for me," he pouts and you giggle, diligently taking the moisturizer and applying it to his face.
You take your time, massaging it into his skin, rubbing soothing circles on his cheeks and the tender skin under his eye. His eyes close at your touch, body leaning forward and pressing onto your legs. You grab his lip balm, applying it evenly to his puckered lips, and then you kiss him. Softly, tenderly, hands going up and down his arms. His own find your waist, encircling it, thumbs skimming your sides.
You lean away, a giddy smile on your face. "Thank you for the lip balm," you say, before kissing the tip of his nose.
Minho's room smells like clean laundry and vanilla, courtesy of the candle he lit up. You've been here before, but this is your first time sleeping on his bed. He goes in first, before beckoning you in. You lay down on his silky pillow, your hair fanning all around you. Some strands of it go into your mouth, and you giggle faintly as you pull them away.
"Here," he says, leaning over your body and opening the drawer next to you. He takes out a hair tie, and a faint memory dances around in your mind- you tying up his hair at the convenience store near Limbo.
"You kept it?" you question incredulously, voice coming out in a faint whisper.
"I did," he says simply as if it's ridiculous for you to expect otherwise. "Can I tie it up for you?" he asks and you nod.
His fingers gather your hair, making sure no strands of it are escaping. They're magical, relieving every tension you have in your body. You feel him twisting the tie around, securing your hair in a low ponytail.
"All done." his voice is quiet, and so is the kiss he presses onto your shoulder.
You both lay down, facing each other. It's silent but it no longer scares you. Not when your fingers are grazing Minho's palm, tentatively, the way one dips their toes into the water to test its temperature. Your hands are dancing around one another, not yet holding each other, as if engaged in a dance only your body understands. His eyes are locked on yours- a brown shade so mesmerizing you wish you could paint the entire universe with it.
His gaze is always soft when it comes to you, pupils slightly dilated, eyelashes fluttering with each blink. They're so quick you almost can't catch them, as if he unconsciously wants the time in which he looks at you to last longer.
Minho's hand reaches behind you, before pulling the slipping comforter over your body. He tucks it in your sides, and warmth surrounds you everywhere; from him mainly. He's been so attentive to you tonight- a silent care you only truly appreciate when you've experienced a lack of it. It's as if he's pouring years' worth of missed love back into your life, and in return all the love you've held within, never bestowed upon anyone else, has found its sole destination in the man by your side.
Your hand circles his once again, and you watch intently the way your fingers graze one another, delicately, as if skimming on the edge of holding one another. You give in first, intertwining your fingers with Minho’s and squeezing them gently. They fit his perfectly, this is where they're supposed to be.
"I don't know what you’re doing to me," he whispers, his eyes locking onto yours once more. There is a newfound emotion gleaming in his gaze- incredulity, at the depth of his feelings.
"What do you mean?" you question, nuzzling closer to him. Your head finds its rest on his arm and he responds instantly by patting your hair.
"I want to keep buying toothbrushes for you." His voice is hushed and yet it resounds loudly within your being, as if shouted from a sky-high rooftop.
You exhale softly, curling your hand around the back of his neck, and pulling him down gently to your face. You press your lips on top of his, and they move slowly, deliberately, like a painter's careful strokes. Each touch of his lips against yours is there to make you feel something- things that he can't bring himself to say, so he shows.
You finally break apart, dazed from the raw emotions barging into your heart. You then lift your head slightly, planting a tender kiss on his forehead. Minho closes his eyes, as your lips linger in there far longer than necessary. They remain closed even after you pull away, and it is the look on his face that pushes you over the edge. The serenity painted across his features, but particularly, the trust. As if you could mold him however you want and he'd be grateful you ever touched him to begin with.
"I love you," you confess so suddenly, and the words feel foreign yet familiar as they stumble out of your lips. You expect a shift in the universe, a disastrous change as you verbalize this sentiment that's long haunted you. And yet, all that happens is Minho's eyes shimmering as they look at you. And you realize that you aren’t scared he'd twist the words and stab you with them. You know he'd cherish them, even if he didn't feel the same.
"I love you," he says back, a radiant smile lighting up his face, coloring each of his features in unadulterated happiness. Hearing those three words from him made your heart leap in your chest. There is so much more of what you feel that you wish to express. You’ve told him, but you want to show, to press your body to his so the feeling would emit from your heart to his own.
Your hand trails across his chest, and you feel his muscles constrict under your touch. "Can I?" you ask, gazes flickering between his eyes and the hem of his shirt. It's always about permission to you both- permission to touch, to feel, to kiss and the answer is always yes. Yes, yes, yes.
"Please," he whispers, and you tug his shirt quickly over his head. You are a goner after that when his hands caress your skin like you're delicate porcelain. He’s hovering over you, the candle's shadow dancing across his body. Your fingers are tracing every inch of his skin graced by the flickering light, which meant your hands were everywhere, and every touch of yours was mirrored by him. Every kiss he returned ten times fold, every gasp he drank in hungrily, only eliciting a louder one in return.
"Tell me if you’d like to stop," he smiled tenderly down at you, his nose nuzzling against yours. You never felt the need to. And as the night marched forward, you gradually grasped what the poets meant by ‘making love’. You felt as if you were truly making love, as if your every move conjured love in its purest essence between the two of you. The ebb and flow of your bodies served as a spell, heightening your emotions into a raw fervor. It was love that orchestrated your moves, binding you both in a cacophony of sweet sounds, meant for you only to hear.
Minho's gaze remained fixed on yours, as he uncovered parts of you you've never dared to show anyone. It only cemented every feeling you harbored towards him. And the safety. The safety of being in his arms. To be as bare as one could possibly be, and yet to still feel blanketed by his soft eyes on you. 
✹✹✹
Dainty snowflakes coat the outside world in a pristine white blanket. It’s a mesmerizing view, one you’ve grown to be grateful for these past few weeks since it signaled the return of winter, and with it, Minho’s birthday.
It's hard to resent snow when it welcomes the existence of the person you’ve fallen in love with.
The outside might be cold but you wouldn't know, not when you are nestled close to Minho, his legs thrown over your lap. You stare fondly at his figure, too engrossed in eating the birthday cake you’ve prepared for him- a vibrant green frosting and a picture of his three cats printed on top, just like he requested some time ago. You lean in a bit, wiping away a trace of whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. He smiles at you tenderly, angling his head to press a soft kiss on your thumb pad.
There is a growing lump in Minho's throat, but it doesn't suffocate him, since it's formed by your love for him- you remembered what he said about the birthday cake. He was joking, obviously. But the fact that you brought his ridiculous wish to reality warmed him beyond belief.
You rummage a bit in your place, hands tucked under the pillows, and then you take out a purple envelope. "Open it," you say as you place it on top of his lap. Minho puts his plate down, straightening out in his place before looking at you, a curious smile on his face.
"More surprises?" he asks, referring to the gift you’ve already given him- a pair of t-shirts, all with cats and silly scriptures imprinted on them.
"Mm," you hum, as Minho finally opens the envelope. He pauses, as his eyes rack furiously over the content of the letter. "What's this?" he asks dumbfounded, trying to fully grasp the meaning of what he's reading.
"Because of constellations, people often think that stars always live together in a cluster. But oftentimes, they are alone. Or... if they're lucky enough, they get to roam the universe with a partner. They call them a binary star. Like you and me." Emotion simmers beneath your words, and you continue, your voice a gentle undercurrent.
"It's comforting to know that other versions of us are going through this world side by side too. To know that long after we're gone, there would still be two stars discovering the universe together, orbiting around one another. A token of the love we lived." You lift your gaze to meet his, to find him staring in awe at you. You take a mental picture of this moment, adding it to the collection of the ones you already captured of him.
"Our love may not be revolutionary, we're only two humans out of billions that have adored before us. But our love is grand to me. I try..." you bite your lip, reaching out for his hand- it will guide you as you try to speak. "I always try to find the words to describe how much you mean to me, to tell you how much you do to me. I used to always hold my hand out, in the hopes that someone would grab it. But no one did, so I curled it into a tight fist. And I thought it'd stay this way, for the rest of my life. Until you came, and you unclenched my fingers gently, one at a time, and then you grabbed it into yours." Tears are trailing out of your eyes now, but you show no effort to wipe them. Happy tears shouldn't be swept away.
"Thank you for existing, my Minho," you smile softly at him, and he nods, tears brimming in his waterline, cheeks flushed pink at your words. "Thank you for kissing my finger pads and reminding me that there is still softness in this world, all embodied in you." You cradle his cheeks tenderly in your hands, trying your best to let your love seep through your fingertips into his soul.
"I think you've carved yourself into me, carved your name into my heart. Your roots intertwined with mine, and thanks to you, I managed to crack through the hard earth and bloom again. Thank you for making me feel the warm sun again. I was so so cold before you." You whisper the last part, like a sinner's confession, eager for it to be carried away, forgotten.
Minho brings your body to his, as he buries his face in your chest. You can feel slight tremors shaking his body, and you place soft kisses on his shoulder blade- soothing, calming. You are safe in my love for you, they spell out.
"I can't believe you’ve named stars after us," he mumbles against you, and your fingers thread through his hair gently, flattening out stubborn strands of it. "It's nothing," you smile and he shakes his head vehemently. "It's not- it's not nothing to be loved by you. It's everything to me."
He leans away, bringing your head down to press his lips into yours. It tastes sweet from the cake and salty from his tears. It tastes like healing. You both kiss for mere seconds and yet it feels like an eternity to you. As if your mind stretches out time with Minho, knowing how valuable it becomes with him. He presses his lips onto yours one last time, before exhaling softly, melting completely in your hold.
"As long as you're with me, I don't ever need to look at the sky," he whispers. "There are enough stars in your eyes for me."
✹✹✹
It’s late December and the fragrant aroma of hot chocolate fills your apartment. You’re preparing two cups of the cozy drink in your kitchen, while Minho watches you fondly, leaning casually on the doorway.
"Are you just gonna stare at me?" you giggle, turning around to toss him a sly smile.
"Do you need my help making hot chocolate?" he raises an eyebrow, a mischievous smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Yes, I wouldn't say no to a bit of emotional support."
"Ah, my bad," he playfully bows, walking over to you. Minho gently wraps his arms around your waist, leaning his chin on your shoulder. His bangs tickle the side of your face, akin to the brush of a butterfly’s wing, and a soothing sense of contentment washes over you as he holds you close.
Minho places a soft kiss on your shoulder blade, and the touch sends shivers along your spine. "This is for warming up the milk," he mumbles, adding another kiss to your neck, "and this for mixing in the hot chocolate powder," and a final one to your temple, "and this is for pouring it in cups."
"Why thank you," you giggle, turning around to hand him his cup. "Do you remember what episode we stopped at?"
"37," he replies instantly.
"I think you love this anime more than me," you pout jokingly. "I plead the fifth," he answers solemnly and you chuckle as you both make your way to the couch.
Merely one episode in and you can already tell that Minho is no longer focusing on the show. He’s absently swirling the drink in his hand, his gaze lost within his cup.
"What did the poor hot chocolate do to you?" you smile, a beacon of curiosity piercing through his daze. His head snaps up at the sound of your voice, turning around to look at you sheepishly. "Just zoned out."
"I noticed. What's on your mind?" you ask, lowering the volume of the TV to fully focus on him.
"There is an upcoming dance competition. It's at a regional scale and I'm just... wondering if I should participate."
"You should!" you fervently reply, "You're such a talented dancer. You deserve recognition for your hard work."
"I'll become very busy, though. It's already hard enough to manage this degree," he speaks softly as if he's not fully convinced of this excuse himself.
"I've never seen you as happy as you are when you're dancing. You'll handle it, and I'll be there for you too."
"I should do it, right?" he asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"You really should," you echo, your hand rubbing reassuringly across his arm.
"Okay. I will," he nods, and you beam at him, before pulling him in for a comforting hug.
"On second thought... Everyone will now see how talented my boyfriend is and they will fall in love with you," you playfully muse as you hold him close.
"But everyone's already in love with me," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Mm, the heartthrob of campus."
"People throw themselves right and left at me, it's exhausting," he sighs, the giddy smile easily heard in his voice.
"Okay, now you're overdoing it," you giggle and he further buries his head in your neck, inhaling the scent of your perfume. "Don't worry," he mumbles quietly, "I'm only ever yours."
As weeks meld into months, your days become a whirlwind of preparation for the dance competition; where each participant is required to create a choreography from scratch, for a song of their choosing. You witness firsthand the immense effort Minho pours into this, just as he does with everything he undertakes. He spent hours upon hours in the university's dance studio, and you were often there with him. While he practiced, you sat in a corner, working on your laptop. He only paused to kiss the top of your head before diving back into his practice.
He chose a song you've never heard before, called Taste. It was mesmerizing to witness him become a vessel for the melody, like an instrument attuned perfectly to the emotions the song tried to convey. His body moved sensually, flowing like fluid water, perfectly controlled by him. Every beat in Taste was matched with a move of his, powerful enough to capture you, gentle enough not to overwhelm you, like the ebb and flow of the waves brushing against the shore.
The first two months slipped through the hourglass of time in a breeze. And although Minho grew busier, you still both managed to carve out time for quick dates. Strolls by the ocean and spontaneous trips to the cinema- outings that helped you recharge fully once again. But the third month coincided with your midterm exams, casting a heavier cloud over both of your lives.
Minho became overwhelmed, quickly, bearing the weight of his two worlds. He was smart, immensely so, he could handle his classes with ease, retaining knowledge faster than anyone you knew. But the day only had twenty-four hours in it, and he couldn't possibly do it all- finding time to practice, study and take care of himself. So, you tried to handle the last part, as best as you could anyways. Exam seasons always took a heavy toll on you- both physically and emotionally. It also didn't help that you went down with a strong flu for two weeks, making your energy levels plummet to zero.
It was only three days before the start of your exams when a soft knock resounded on your door. You opened it to find an exhausted Minho. He’s fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, beads of sweat glistening on his upper brow.
"I'm tired," he whispers, eyes looking absolutely devoid of emotion as they align with yours. You smile softly, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside, "I know."
You lead him to the bathroom and he follows silently. He's so compliant in your hands as if all the energy in his body was sucked out of him. "Bad day?" you ask, as you peel away his blue hoodie.
"Very." He says, voice barely above a whisper.
"It's okay. You're here now," you try to keep your voice just as quiet as you take off the rest of his clothes. You undress quickly as well, before pulling you both to the shower.
Minho rests his forehead on your back, as you check the water temperature. When it's warm enough to feel soothing on his skin, you pull him underneath the jet, and you both stand in there for a while. His head hung low, now buried in the crook of your neck; his breaths growing slower, more even.
"You did well, my Minho," you say, voice threatening to get lost in the sound of the water hitting the tiles, but Minho catches it. He tightens his hold on you in response.
Minho can feel you reaching over and grabbing something from the rack behind him. He recognizes the smell of your shampoo as you pour it in your hands, before lathering it gently on his hair. He almost starts crying right there and then, as your fingers skillfully massage his scalp. You are everywhere, pressed to his body and your hands in his hair, and your cherry scent that’s washing all over him. And the outside world suddenly seems so far away.
You rinse off the shampoo, before grabbing your conditioner and threading it through his hair, making sure that every strand is evenly covered. He shuts his eyes closed, as your hands move to his neck and start massaging it. He's so sore from all the dancing, tired from the studying he has to catch up on. But you’re making him feel okay now, as you unravel his nerves without uttering a word. How do you do it? He wants to ask; how do you always paint his world blue?
Your hands are trailing over his body now, not sensually, just easing the knots in his muscles. You're spreading body wash all over him, and his eyes are still closed, as he feels you place tender kisses on his soapy skin. ‘I love you', your voice reaches him like a faraway lullaby, 'you've been working so hard', 'I'm proud of you'; and your comforting words morph into hot tears lodged into his waterline, begging for an escape.
You finally turn the water off, before pulling him outside and wrapping a towel around his waist. He sits idly on the edge of the bed, as you quickly put on your clothes, before walking over to him. You help him wear his pajamas, the ones he's left in your apartment since he often stays the night. He can't move a limb, but you're doing it in his place- as if the life in you was blown into him, and he's only breathing thanks to you.
Once you’re both fully clothed, you sit behind Minho on the bed, legs on either side of his body. You grab a towel you warmed in advance and begin to gently dry his hair with it, patting each strand with care. As soon as you're done, Minho turns around, nestling his head against your stomach. You let him, hands rubbing soothing circles on his back.
"I already told you, but I'm very proud of you," you say, head lowered so he'd be able to hear you. "I'm so amazed by your strength and hard work. You inspire me a lot, Min. Just keep on going, and if you need a break, you can rest by my side, okay?" You place a gentle kiss on the top of his head.
"I love you," you add softly, and Minho tightens his hold on you. And then he crumbles. Completely.
He falls apart in your arms, painful sobs racking through his body. You panic, as the unfamiliar sounds knock your breath away. You've seen Minho cry before, single tears that managed to escape from his eyes, trailing on his cheeks. But you've never seen him so shattered, so consumed by his pain that he could no longer contain it. You’re caught in his storm, as uncharted waves of his hurt crash against your shores. Has he been hurting all along? Were you this oblivious to the pain brewing inside him?
Your body’s shaking as you press your chest to his back, your arms cocooning his curled-up figure. You try your best to shield him; you don't know from what exactly, but you know it has to go through you first to get to him again.
"I'm so- sorry you have to see me this way," he hiccups, his words digging their claws deeper into your chest.
"Don't say that, baby, please. It's okay, you can cry as much as you want. I'm here."
"I'm sorry," he repeats, voice quivering, and you can feel your heart slowly cracking, hurting in depths you haven't thought existed before.
"Minho, I don't- I don't only love you when you're happy. I love you when you're angry and frustrated and when you're sad. You deserve kindness and you deserve to be kind to yourself because you are still Minho. My Minho. No matter what emotion you're feeling."
"Please stay with me," he pleads softly, and you bite your lower lip, as traitorous tears escape your eyes and land on his shirt. "Where would I go, love? You're my home. I'm here."  
✹✹✹
Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. 
The thought that's been reverberating within your mind, echoing since the moment Minho crumbled in your embrace.
Selfish. 
Of course you are, since you remained oblivious to his own struggles as he slowly chipped away, until he shattered unexpectedly. Akin to a seemingly sturdy building, struck by a minor vibration and suddenly reduced to ruins.
Selfish. 
Each time you sought solace in him, you failed to realize that he was stripping away his layers to shelter you. You took and took from him, each time you called, each time he came over to brush away your tears. Your endless bad days didn't leave room for his struggles, unperceived amidst your turmoil.
Selfish and horrible. You weren't made to be loved. 
Minho is sleeping right next to you. He looks peaceful, endearing bunny-like teeth peeking through slightly parted lips. He's undisturbed, like a placid river, until someone selfishly decides to skip some stones in it- you. 
His chest rises and falls, erasing all remnants of his previous breakdown, like a scripture on sand washed away by the waves. You could almost forget it ever happened if it wasn't for the persistent echoes of his sobs. Raw pain had seeped through him, yet it could have been different. If you had asked more, he might have unraveled slowly. He would have talked and he would've never had to explode. 
Selfish and guilty. There's a bitter taste in your mouth. It doesn't go away when you hastily gulp down water.
You'll keep your problems to yourself. There is enough for him to bear already. By sharing your load, you aren't diminishing it, only adding more to his. 
You can't let your mother be right. Not about this. Not when it comes to Minho. You can't ruin his life too. 
✹✹✹
You are being distant. 
Minho notices it straight away when you stop coming over to his dorm. When you find excuses to not come to Limbo anymore, accounting it for the exams you're both taking. But he knows it's just excuses. You are straying away from him. Your light that shone on him every day suddenly turned into a distant lighthouse beam. 
And it's his fault. 
He's embarrassed by his outburst. How he broke down right in front of you. How he clung to your arms, counting on your words and touch to stitch him back together. How he wasn't enough for himself, but you were. 
Guilt floods his being, making you sadder when you're already dealing with so much. He recounts your tears dripping into his hair, as you hugged him tightly to your body. He made you cry; he shouldn't have broken down. That's why you're staying away. He can't blame you. 
He misses you. He saw you this morning and yet he misses you. Because you weren't there with him, you were somewhere else, in a faraway place in your mind. What if he can't reach you anymore? He wasn't sure what to do with himself without you. 
It's 11 pm, and he's knocking softly on your door. You open it and he smiles tightly. You smile back. 
He hovers around the entrance of your apartment, hands tightly clasped behind his back. You unclasp them, interlocking your fingers with his and leading him to your couch. You are warm, he missed you. You are here and he misses you. 
You both sit down, and you're looking at him curiously. His eyes fall to your lips, pillowy and rosy and he can't help pressing his mouth onto yours. It'll give him the courage to speak. 
"I'm sorry," he whispers against your lips and you lean away, confusion clearly written across your features. 
"For crying the other day," he clarifies. "I've made you uncomfortable and you feel like you have to be cautious around me, and I'm sorry, I won't do it again." 
"What are you saying? You didn't- you never..." you suck in a deep breath, inching closer to him.  "Minho, don't ever apologize for that. please. You should never apologize for being human."
"But you are being distant," he says in a small voice, avoiding your eyes. 
"Minho, I..." you bring your hand to his cheek, locking your gaze with his. "It's not what you think. I promise."
"Then what is it?"
You bite your lip, sighing loudly before speaking again. "You sobbed. And I had no idea you were hurting that much inside. I am so reclined on myself that I didn't notice. And I tried to distance myself so I'd sort my thoughts out. So, I could be there for you, fully. You're always here for me, and I feel... As if I failed you." 
It's now his turn to cup your cheek, his thumbs gently brushing against your skin. 
"I felt so loved by you that day. That's why I cried. because I've never felt that way before," he's quick to explain. "Yes, I was stressed and overwhelmed but it's not your fault. You were there for me when I needed you most. You didn't fail me; how could you think that?" 
"Because it should've never gotten that bad. If I had noticed before, then I would've helped you and it wouldn't have gotten that bad for you. You don't deserve to feel sad, not when you’re... You. Someone like you shouldn't feel sad." 
"Didn't you say we're humans? Isn't that what humans do? They fall down and they get up, I can't always be fine. It's not your fault." 
"Minho you don't understand... How much more of yourself can you give to me, without hurting yourself in return?" You're so sure of these words you're uttering, as if you've drilled them into your mind by now. You couldn't be more wrong. 
Minho blinks repeatedly, trying to gather the words in his mind properly. You weren't distancing yourself from him, because he had hurt you. But rather, so you wouldn't hurt him anymore. So, you'd be there for him more. A sudden relief floods his being. He isn't losing you. 
Minho can't help the chuckle that escapes his mouth. He shakes his head slightly as he brings you to his chest. You're so warm as you wrap your arms around his waist. He still misses you but you're here, you aren't going anywhere. 
"You memorized my coffee order. And my favorite pudding. You always bring me one when you come over. When you find a new flavor, I haven't tried, you always buy it for me. You look at me so excitedly when I try it. As if me finding a new favorite pudding brings your personal joy," he's talking softly, slowly, in the hopes that you'd understand what he means. 
"You love spicy food, but you always cook without it when I'm with you. Because I can't handle it as well as you. You put snacks and water in my bag when I have dance practice, and then you come to check on me, even when you're busy too. You bought me an umbrella, and you placed it near the entrance of my dorm, so I wouldn't forget it. You give me the opened chopsticks package first, and you blow on my food so it wouldn't burn my tongue. And you let me pick the movie, every time. You let me pick it," he places a soft kiss on your shoulder, tightening his hold on you. 
"You brush my hair away from my eyes when you think I'm asleep. And you make sure the blanket covers my body entirely, even if it means it doesn't cover you. I've never had that. Never had someone care for me this gently. Even when I'm not awake and I can't give them anything in return." 
He leans back, smiling softly at you. There is a new palpable emotion in the air- love, in its most unconditional form. It smells fragrant and sweet- like you and him. 
"I notice everything you do for me, every way in which you love me. You're here for me in more ways than you can ever imagine. And I love you. Please don't stray away from me. Promise me," he pouts slightly, nudging his pinky toward your face. You giggle in defeat, before wrapping your pinky with his. 
"Didn't you think pinky promises were silly?" 
"Nothing you like is silly."
"Not even that cheesy drama I watch?" 
"Okay. Maybe that one is. But it makes you laugh," he trails off. "If it makes you laugh then I like it too." 
"You'll talk to me more, right? About whatever's bothering you? When you're not feeling black yet?" 
"I will, I promise. You too, right?"
"Mm. I will too." 
"Good," he smiles, pecking your cheek softly. "I've missed you. And I don't mind feeling all the colors of the rainbow, as long as you're near me."
✹✹✹
The voices of your friends singing you happy birthday reaches you like the distant chirping of birds, fading away in the back of your mind with each passing second. You know that Mina is smiling at you, her head resting on Jeongin’s shoulders. And that Chan, Han and Felix are all clapping excitedly, their voices blending together in a somewhat harmonious melody. But you can’t seem to focus on any of it. Your eyes are set on Minho, who’s walking over to you, a vibrant pink cake in his hand. The surface of it is covered in candy- marshmallows and macaroons, and a dozen of lit candles. Their light flickers on Minho’s face, casting an ethereal glow on him.
And as your widened eyes meet his, he knows that it all just clicked in place for you.
Four months ago.
"What did you like to do, when you were younger?"
You stay quiet for a few moments, mulling over Minho’s question. The waves crash softly at your feet, the sound of them and Minho’s arms around you serving as a perfect cover to thread through your childhood once again.
"I had a bunny plushie. My aunt gave it to me one day when her daughter didn't want it anymore. She was going to throw it out, but I took care of it. We took care of each other, in a way. I used to stay alone at home a lot, and Caramelo would keep me company."
"Caramelo?" he giggles and you pinch his arm playfully. "I was six when I named it, sue me."
"Mm, and where is Caramelo now?"
"I left it in the house. I packed in such a hurry and it didn't fit in my suitcase. But I really wanted to bring it," you smile sadly and Minho can sense a shift in your tone, so he trails his hands across your arms gently, pulling you even closer to his chest.
"What else did you like?" he asks, placing a kiss under the shell of your ear.
"Playing in the playground, there was one really near home. I'd sneak out and go play in the swing, but there was no one to push me higher there," you chuckle slightly, burying yourself further in Minho's embrace. 
"Oh, but I met a girl there when I was eleven, Lydia, I think. She was our neighbor, and she invited me to my first ever birthday party. Her parents prepared this huge cake for her, it was all pink with so much candy on top. I kept dreaming about having a similar one for my birthday. We also painted each other's nails and put on facemasks, and then we watched a movie. It was really fun," you recall, a wave of nostalgia washing over you. You were really shy and didn't talk to the other girls present, staying away in a corner. But Lydia grabbed your hand and pulled you next to her. She didn't let go during the entire movie.
You hoped she was okay, wherever she might be now.
"And... my mom took me one day to a hill near our home. We sat on a bench there, overlooking the city's lights. We didn't talk but she braided my hair since it kept getting in my mouth. That's my favorite memory with her."
Your voice is carried away with the wind, drowned in the waves. You hoped that one day your childhood memories will come back to you, like the sea foam dissolving at your feet. Gentle, incapable of hurting you anymore. 
"You know what I really want now? A big cake for my birthday too," Minho suddenly whines and you giggle, turning around to look at him.
"Want me to bake it for you?" you tease and he nods, cradling your face between his cold hands. They warm up once they rest on your cheeks.
"Yes. I want the cats’ pictures printed on it, and..." he trails off, looking up at the sky. "I want it to be green.”
"Green?" you chuckle. "Isn't that a bit weird for a cake?"
"Are you questioning my vision?" he wiggles his brows at you, his hands coming to your sides.
"I am," you laugh, as he starts to tickle you, unwaveringly. You fall to the sand, and he's on top of you, hands roaming your body as loud laughter erupts from you.
Minho’s eyes soften as he gazes at your laughing figure, but he doesn't stop, not until you tap his arm multiple times, happy tears trailing from your eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Green is perfect, you are a genius!"
"Why thank you," he smiles, before leaning down and kissing your tears away. You shiver slightly, from the cold and the feel of his soft lips on your skin. He notices.
"Come on," he outstretches his hand and you grab it, standing up and dusting your pants. Minho squats slightly in front of you, and you giggle before climbing on top of his back.
"Don't you ever wonder who was the person who invented tickling? They were just sitting down and then they touched someone and they started laughing,” he suddenly muses.
"Right! And then they decided this was something they should keep on doing, and it stuck around for centuries."
"I think it's really cute. It says I love the sound of your laugh so much that I will sit there and tickle you just to hear it."
"And you just tickled me," you trail out. "I know," he mumbles, the tips of his ears suddenly turning pink.
"I like your laugh too, Minho."
"Just like?" He teases, in a futile attempt to diffuse his shyness. 
"I love it. I love it so much I could pay my entire life savings just to keep on hearing it again."
"Stop," he whines and you giggle, swinging your dangling feet in the air.
"Have you ever heard your laugh? No other melody can compare. At this point, musicians should just retire."
"You're insufferable," he finally laughs and you sigh, melting into his back.
"And you like me."
"And I love you."
Present time
The realization dawns on you like a floodgate- Minho is recreating your happiest childhood memories.
From the pink cake of your dreams. To the obnoxiously glittery nail polish he brought home three days ago, spontaneously, you foolishly assumed. He insisted on having a pampering night, where you both applied face masks to one another, bunny headbands tucking your hair out of your face. You giggled as he painted your nails with the utmost concentration, and then begged you to paint his in return. He didn't explain why he wanted pink nails suddenly, you should've known. 
You should've known when he suddenly knocked on your door at midnight, taking your sleepy figure to the playground near your apartment. "Why are you here so late?" you questioned, rubbing your eyes tiredly. 
"We are sneaking out," he whispered in your ear, and you didn't question his flawed logic- who were you sneaking out from exactly? But all was forgotten as he pushed you in the swing, fueled by your growing high-pitched giggles. "Higher?" he shouted and you laughed loudly, the sound of it echoing around the park. "Yes, higher!" Until you felt as if you were close enough to touching the stars. 
You should've known. 
Minho places the cake on the table, his warm hand finding your lower back. He rubs it soothingly, as you mouth a heartfelt "thank you" to him, hot tears prickling at the corner of your eyes. You couldn't speak, afraid of bursting into sobs in front of all your friends. He understands what you're referring to.
It's far later into the night when your friends finally leave Minho's dorm. You've all cleaned up the place, soft music emitting from the speakers. You didn't need songs to fill the silence, the conversations flowing easily between you all.
You gather all the gifts you've received and take them to Minho's room- a pair of shoes you've been raving about from Mina and Jeongin, and new headphones from Chan, Han, and Felix, since your old ones stopped working not too long ago.
"You're okay?" Minho asks, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.
"Better than ever," you beam at him, cupping Minho's neck and meeting his lips in a tender kiss. 
"I'm still not done," he smiles secretly, brushing his lips against yours once more, before pulling away. You watch, curious as he heads towards his closet and takes something out of it. Your eyes grow wide as they settle on the gift in his hands. You can feel your lip quivering as you walk hastily over to him. 
"Is this...?" you ask incredulously and he nods, a happy smile on his face. "Your Caramelo."
"How... When?" you stammer, as happy tears blur your vision, "How did you do it?"
"I have my ways," he smiles assuredly at you. "Do you like it? I'm sorry if I overstepped by bringing it to you," he adds softly, a hint of vulnerability in his words.
"No, Minho, this is the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe it- I... I don't even know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything," he smiles, his hand rubbing your arm affectionately. "I figured this plushie should be in a loving home, with you. It helped you back then and now you're strong enough to help it in return."
There are overwhelming emotions that we can't quite express with words- like sorrow, sadness, or in your case, happiness. That's why touch was invented, you believe. As you pull Minho for a bone-crushing hug, Caramelo snug between your chests, you hope that he can feel everything you failed to express through words. That your soul will speak to him in a way your mouth couldn’t. 
"When you told me there is a friend of yours, who lived in my town. There was no friend, right?" you mumble into his neck.
"No, I just wanted to know your address," he whispers, arms tightening around your waist.
"Did you meet my mom?"
"Yes. She's the one who gave it to me."
"Did she tell you anything... about me?" you ask cautiously.
Minho remembers snippets of his conversation with your mother- the indifference she showed towards you, as if it wasn't her daughter, her flesh and blood that she discarded away so easily. 
"Nothing of importance. I promise you."
"Thank you," you whisper, voice caught up in your throat, bound by the ropes of your overflowing emotions. "Thank you for healing me."
Sleep didn’t come easily to you that night, and as Minho snored quietly next to you, you untangled your limbs from his, before heading to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. 
You find that the lights are already on and that Chan is working on his laptop, eyebrows furrowed as he gazed at his screen.
"Hey," you greet softly, careful not to startle him. 
"Our birthday girl," Chan grins and you chuckle quietly, before settling next to him on the couch. 
"What are you working on?" you question, taking in the different settings displayed on his screen.
"Just a new song," he shrugs sheepishly, "I'm almost done with it." 
"That's nice," you mumble, tucking your knees into your chest. 
"I suppose Minho already gave you your gift," Chan speaks softly and you startle, turning around to look at him. 
"He didn't tell me what it is, don't worry. But I assume he pretended as if it was no big deal, that he got it." 
You nod silently, fearing that speaking would stop Chan from talking. 
"I told him that he should just walk up to your house, present himself, and then ask your mom if he can take some of your stuff for you. But he said it’s too risky, and there is a chance she might say no. So, you know what he did?" Chan chuckles softly, and you feel the breath slowly escape your chest. "He spent weeks researching all the moving companies that work in your town. And then he bought us uniforms that looked like one of theirs. With the name tags and all. We rented a truck and we drove there, so we’d pretend as if we were moving the rest of your belongings. Your mom didn't question it thankfully, and I've never seen Minho as relieved as when he climbed back into the truck."
An overwhelming need to cry threatens to consume you, and you bite your lip harshly to stop it from taking over. Not in front of Chan.
"For him to go these lengths for you, means that he loves you a lot. But also, that he feels really loved by you. So, thank you, for loving Minho. I'm very happy you guys are together now." Chan smiles softly at you, before getting up and ruffling your hair slightly. 
You quickly go back to Minho's room, before bringing his body tightly to yours. And as soon as you touch him, he mumbles your name in his sleep before throwing an arm over your waist.
"Thank you for loving me. I love you so much too," you whisper into his back, as your tears dampen his shirt. You wished that the words would reach him in his dreams, making them sweeter for him.
You didn't make a wish that day, as you blew the candles, foolishly believing that everything you've ever wanted was already around you. But you should've.
Maybe that would've stopped the anguish to come.
✹✹✹
There is a bad feeling nudged into the space between your ribs. You rub a soothing palm across your chest, in the hopes that it will calm your spiking anxiety. But you only feel your heart growing more erratic in your chest, and the sound of it only makes you panic ten times fold.
You’ve just woken up. You can hear the water running in the shower. Minho has stayed over since you both studied late into the night. You listen intently, a small breath of relief escaping your mouth when the water turns off. He’s okay.
You drag a hand tiredly across your face, before shaking your head left and right. You’ll have a good day, you’ll open the blinds and the golden sun will stream through your windows, and you’ll feel okay.
You don’t.
The dread lingers in your being throughout the day, making the simple act of walking weigh heavily on your bones. You try to distract yourself, by focusing on your classes and listening to Mina’s rants about her latest date with Jeongin. But to no prevail. So, you surrender to that feeling, today’s a bad day, but tomorrow doesn’t have to be. You’ll make sure of it.
It’s five pm when you finally walk up the stairs of your apartment. Minho went to grab you both something to eat since you’ll be studying again tonight. You wish he’d come home quickly, so you wouldn’t attach your anxiety to him. As long as you see him, then he’s okay.
You open the door, pausing by the front entrance. Something in you tells you to flee, to turn back, and never set foot inside. You don’t listen to it. If you paid attention to everything your mind tells you then you’d never truly live.
You quickly change out of your clothes, before turning on the TV. You mindlessly scroll through the show suggestions, and settle on one you haven’t seen before. You turn up the volume, making sure that the voices of the characters would drown the ones in your mind.
But then, your phone rings. It vibrates from the coffee table, the name of your aunt illuminating your screen. She calls you from time to time, but why is she doing it today? You don’t want to answer, not when there is a bulge in your throat suffocating you.
You watch numbly as the phone call seizes. You breathe out a shaky exhale. You’ll call her tomorrow.
The phone rings again.
You bite your lip harshly, hands shaking as you bring the device to your ear. You’re overreacting, you tell yourself. Nothing’s wrong. Minho will be home soon.
"What’s going on?" you ask immediately, the question slipping out of your mouth before you even thought about it.
Your aunt sighs softly, and then her voice floods your being. It sounds hoarse like she’s been crying. "Look, I…" another sigh, and you imagine her fidgeting with the hem of her dress. She always wore dresses. All seasons mingled. With pretty flowers sewed into them and sometimes even-
"Your mother died in a car accident."
Silence. You can't hear anything after those words are uttered. You know that your TV is still playing in the background and that your aunt is still talking on the phone. But it's completely silent. For five seconds. Where the world stills, as if to allow you a brief moment to process what you just heard.
Your mom. Gone.
But then, sounds crash upon you like a relentless wave. The shatter of the characters in the background, the ticking of your clock, the dull buzz of the refrigerator. And your aunt, she's still talking, telling you about the funeral and when it will be held and you can't believe what you are hearing.
It's all too overwhelming, everything surrounding you is too much to bear so you simply hang up.
You put your phone down on the table. And then you turn it off. That's one sound dealt with.
You turn the TV off and dismantle the clock from your wall so it wouldn't tick anymore. You then unplug your refrigerator. Has its buzzing always been this loud? You wonder. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Now it’s silent. It's what you crave.
Minho will come home soon. You should make him something to eat. You think to yourself. A fruit salad. It's warm outside and the fruits are refreshing.
So, you grab a knife from your drawer, and then you start peeling an orange. Then an apple. It's rugged, and half the fruit is wasted with the peel. You've never really known how to peel the skin properly. So, you put the knife down. The blade is slightly red, you notice. There is blood oozing from your finger. You cut yourself. But it doesn't hurt, so you leave it be.
Light floods your apartment, a stark contrast to the shadows within you. But you want it to be dark, and silent. You already took care of that last part. So, you pull down all the blinds and turn off the lights one by one. Now it's pitch black. Now it's quiet.
You sit on the floor, running your hand across the tiles. You count them, one, two, three. When is Minho coming home?
The floor is cold underneath you, the sensation heightened since your every other sense is muffled. You can't see, you can't hear, but you can still touch. You wished you couldn't anymore. The smallest sensation overstimulates you.
The front door unlocks, but you don't hear someone coming in. You imagine Minho standing by the door, looking around in the dark. It's okay, he'll find you. He always does.
"Honey?" he calls out and you reply from the living room, "I’m here."
You don't have to yell, it's quiet enough for your voice to be carried around your home with ease.
Minho has his flashlight on, you notice. He's looking for you and he finally spots you on the ground. You move a strand of your hair behind your ear, and you feel something warm smear across your cheek. You forgot about your cut- a reminder of the pain lurking beneath the surface, waiting patiently to consume you.
"Baby?" His tone is soft and careful, and you can see the worry brewing in his brown eyes. Why was he worried? You're okay. Nothing happened.
"I made you a fruit salad. It's in the kitchen. Can you please turn off the light?"
"Okay." His voice is calm, and you don't mind him talking. You could bear it. He was different after all, to you.
He’s pulled into the abyss with you, as he sits down next to your rigid figure. His hand rests on top of your pinkie, but you recoil from it. Not because you hate it, but his hand is warm and the floor beneath you is cold. That's a contrasting sensation. You don't want that. You just want a stillness, to feel like a straight line. Straight lines are always sure of themselves, of where they're going. You were tired of feeling like a bent one at the hands of the universe.
"What happened, baby?"
"Nothing."
"Okay. What did you do when I left, hm?"
"Nothing much. I was watching this new show, I think you’ll like it. And then my aunt called. She told me my mom died in a car accident. And then I went to the kitchen and I cut up some fruits. But I didn't know how to peel them. Can you believe it?" you giggle, your voice suddenly high-pitched. "I mean who- who doesn’t know how to peel the skin of an apple? Isn't that such a basic skill?" You're laughing now, you don't know what's funny, but you're laughing.
"And I cut my finger, but I didn't feel anything, Minho. I don't- I don't feel anything," you're still giggling, hot tears trailing down your cheeks rapidly. "My mother died and I don't feel anything. Why- why can't I feel anything? Minho, I can't- I can't-" You're hyperventilating, words straining to come out of your mouth. The breath is knocked out of you and white spots cloud your vision, like the stars that dance around Minho’s eyes. They seem kind enough so you don't fight them. You want to welcome them in the hopes that they'd take this unbearable weight off of you.
"Yn, yn, breathe for me, baby. Listen to my voice," Minho calls out and it's as if you're pulled in two opposing directions. He sounds scared, so you try to do as he says. You don’t want him to worry about you.
"You're doing so well, breathe with me, okay? Breathe in... Breathe out... Perfect, let's do it again," he instructs and you try your best to follow suit. You can feel yourself shaking, your hands moving as if they have a mind of their own. You are cold, too cold, and you can't help but wonder if it's how your mother is feeling right now too.
The thought seems to drive you over the edge and you let out a guttural sob. It racks from within you, reverberating from the depths of your splitting soul. It's a pain unlike any you've ever felt. You try to find something to compare it to, a sensation you imagine must hurt the same. But you can't find any. You can't find a metaphor to make the pain more bearable.  
So instead, you let out a heart-wrenching scream, slicing through the silence you tried desperately to maintain. Your throat aches from the strain on your vocal cords but you pay it no mind, not when there is a pain bursting open every seam of yours, undoing every thread you so carefully stitched back into your soul.   
Amidst your pitch-black apartment, you see yourself quivering in the corner, head buried in your hands. And then it’s thirteen years old you sitting there, the one who wished for something so horrible to happen on the birthday she spent alone, yet again. Your wish came true, you want to tell her. You tried to take it back, but it came true.
Minho gathers you in his arms, and you clung to him. You know he's trying to wrap you up the best he can, his arms around your back and his legs pressed on you. He's trying his best to stop you from falling apart. From breaking beyond the point of no return. And you think to yourself that you've passed it. You've passed it and he's clinging helplessly into your remains now.
✹✹✹
The funeral went by in a blur, its details elusive in your memory. At times it felt like a fever dream, a mirage conjured by your mind. And sometimes you tried to believe it, to lull yourself into a comfortable thought. Where you don't talk with your mom and she doesn't know how you are doing, but she's still alive. On the other side of the country. She's still breathing.
But this fleeting comfort is quickly shattered. The thought barely lingers, like a whisper in the wind, never staying long enough for you to finally draw in a full breath. Because the grief clings onto your skin, and you carry it with you everywhere, like a stench that won’t quite leave you. You wonder if other people can smell it on you too.
Minho hasn't left your side, once. He's always next to you. His hands are resting on your back or brushing your cheek tenderly. They are always near. And you hold them tightly. You practically memorized the lines etched on his palm. It's all you stared at during the funeral.
It felt wrong and unjust to be somewhere where everybody knew your mother, except for you. You felt as if you were left out, robbed of happy memories to mourn as well. So, you remained silent, gaze fixed intently on Minho's palm. And he didn't mind; he never does when it comes to you.
He's gentle with you, he's always been, but he's particularly gentle with you these weeks. The countless times he's cared for you blur together- his soapy hands skimming your body, massaging the shampoo into your hair when your limbs felt too heavy to move; the meals he cooked for you, making sure that each bite was cool enough before feeding it to you. How he always told you he was proud of you, at random times throughout your days. ‘What for?’ you wanted to scream, ‘I'm barely alive as it is’. "For breathing," he'd add as if he heard the thoughts swirling in your mind. "For being here. For waking up today." 
He did your laundry and he folded your clothes. Sometimes he even picked your outfits and dressed you in the morning. Leaving pecks all over your face after each worn clothing. You wanted to smile, to tell him how much you loved him. How his love felt like a sun ray peeking through the cell hole of a prisoner. But you couldn't speak. So, you hoped he knew.
He unburdened you of all these mundane tasks, so you'd focus on other ones. Like attending classes and taking notes and writing essays. Because as much as you wished for it, the world did not pause for your sorrow. In the grand tapestry of existence, where did you stand exactly? You were nothing but a mere speck of light. Your emotions, as profound as they were to you, did not hold the power to halt the world's march, to compel universal mourning.
But Minho made your world stop, just like he promised, almost a year and a half ago. When you finally found your voice, he'd listen to you talk, your head on his lap, his fingers weaving through your hair gently.
"I feel like I’m mourning two people. The person I knew and the person she could have been," you told him one night and he hummed, listening intently to you.
"The what-ifs are killing me Minho. It feels like I’m suffocating each time I think of what could have been. She left so suddenly. But she should've stayed. Maybe our relationship would've gotten better."
"Maybe… or maybe not, you can never truly know. And it’s not your job to find the answers to the questions she left behind. Maybe she didn’t even have them herself."
You appreciated how his hand never left yours, as you journeyed through seas of uncharted emotions. The anger- that came with her leaving so abruptly, leaving you behind with a heavy baggage to dissect. The sadness- from losing the woman who will always be part of you. Because we don't kill our hopeful past selves, we simply bury them and they remain just under the surface of our souls, a testament to everything we've been through.
The nostalgia- that creeps in from time to time, conjuring rose-tinted memories in your head. Maybe her voice was softer here. She did ask about your day one time. Wasn't that her sitting on the benches in your musical play? But it wasn't, it was just your brain trying to soften the harshness of losing her.
It is how our minds cope with grief, your therapist says. Minho convinced you to go see one. Because love doesn't mend everything. And he needed you to be okay again, for yourself.
He's always waiting for you after your sessions end. With coffee and a fresh pastry. You didn't eat them at first, because they tasted bland and you'd rather not waste them. But one time you bit into the strawberry muffin and it tasted sweet and citrusy. And you smiled at Minho.
He stared at you in awe that day, and then he kissed you softly, pressing his pillowy lips against yours. His eyes mirrored galaxies, tears tracing constellations down his cheeks. "You look so pretty when you smile," he whispered tenderly and you felt emotion bubbling within you, stuck in your throat. But you didn’t want to cry. So, you only smiled more brightly at his words, and you kept his compliment stored safely within you, right beside every sweet gesture of his since that day.
Minho didn’t have the answers to all your questions. He didn’t always know what to say to make it feel right. But he stayed there, he tried his best, to heal parts of you that you never knew could be bruised.
You tried one day, to go through the day normally. You woke up, opened the blinds, and then you made Minho breakfast. You ate lunch with Mina, making some jokes here and there. And when you saw Chan in the line of the coffee shop, you went up to him to talk.
And then you got home and showered, put on makeup, and waited for Minho to come to you. As soon as he opened the door, you were on him, hands busy unbuttoning his shirt, your lips pressed wildly on top of his. You missed him, missed the way he made you forget as he touched you, everywhere. As he showed you how much he loved you.
"I want you, please," you whispered, your lips grazing the shell of his ear, your hands roaming across his chest. Your tone was begging and Minho could feel the urgency in it, so he nodded, he could never say no to you. He watched as you guided him to the couch, as you straddled his lap. You kissed his neck and he tilted it back to give you more of an opening. His hands were on your thighs, cautious. Your lips on him felt heavenly but he couldn’t allow himself to get lost in the pleasure, he had to keep an eye on you.
You were urgent, with the way you sucked the tender skin above his collarbones, how you grinded your hips into his. As if you were on borrowed time and you had to make him reach his high as fast as possible.
"Tell me you’re mine," you muttered, between the kisses you imprinted onto his chest. He could see the lipstick stains you left behind as if you needed to mark him up for everyone to see.
"I'm yours," he says, his hand smoothing the top of your hair. He could sense that something was wrong now, because your eyes were glazed over, and your kisses were getting sloppy, as if your mind was somewhere else. So, he grabs your hips to pause you. "I'm yours, angel. You hear me?"
"Tell me you won’t leave, tell me you’re staying," you take his hands away from your sides, clasping them in a tight hold. You capture his lips in a desperate kiss, and Minho can feel the tears streaming down your face. "Tell me you’ll stay, please, I can’t- can’t lose you too."
"Hey, hey, love. It’s okay, calm down," Minho easily frees his hand from your grasp, bringing you closer to his chest. It’s all it takes for you to start sobbing. "Who said anything about losing me? I’m still here, I won’t ever leave you," he shushes, his voice sounding like honey to your ears. It manages to muffle the sound of your erratic heartbeat.
"I'm so so tired Minho, so tired," you sob, burying your head in his chest. You felt as if there was pain igniting the end of each of your nerves. You couldn't run away from it because the pain became you. "I try to be strong, but I can't. It hurts to wake up and- and to try to go on as if nothing happened. The thoughts in my head don't ever stop and I can't- I can't do this anymore. Please make it stop. Make it stop hurting," you press your palm onto your chest, a useless attempt to soothe the burn within.
 Why did it feel as if in your attempts to put out the fire raging within you, you only ended up fueling it even more?
"I would- I would if I could but I can't do that, I wish I could-" his tone is desperate, raw pain dripping from it.
"What if I'm not strong enough to do it myself?" you cut him off, finally asking the question that's been haunting you. "What if I can't fill this hole within me and it keeps on growing until it swallows me whole?"
Minho tightens his hold on you, rocking you gently in place, trying to lull your heart to sleep, so it'd stop hurting, even for a moment, even for a second. You know it's selfish to expect him to have all the answers, but he's all you have. He's the only voice you can bear listening to.
"I can't promise you that you'll ever fill the void left by her absence. It will keep on bleeding and throbbing, begging for a temporary patch-up. But one day it'll stop, it can't bleed forever. And around that hole flowers will bloom, like a sanctuary, watered by your overflowing love. Because it is your love that's hurting you, not your anger. Do not kill your heart to stop feeling, please. It will do that on its own, it won't hurt more than it can bear."
"It will take time. And if you run out of your time, I'll give you mine too. You aren't alone in this, we are a binary star, right?" he smiles softly and you nod slightly against his chest. "I read that to the invisible eye, they look like a singular star. I hope that to the universe we'd look like one person too, so they'd pass some of your pain to me."
✹✹✹
It’s been a few months since your mother died. You didn’t like the term passing away, because it entails that it was gentle, in passing, as if you were expecting it. But her death was sudden and it made your entire world flip upside down.
"Would you like to talk to her?" Minho suggested one night, his knuckles brushing against your cheek softly.
"Will you come with me?" you ask quietly.
"Of course. If you want me to, that is."
"I can try."
Minho drove you to the graveyard the following weekend. It felt weird to see her name etched on the grave, a reminder that this was all real and not a figment of your imagination. 
"I'm not a daughter anymore." You speak after a while, tone coated in sadness, and acceptance. "But I think I’ve never truly been one, since you were never a mother to me."
"Is it weird, that I miss you? I don't even know what I miss exactly since you were never there. But I miss you. I miss having a mother. And I'm sorry, that you were so angry at the world you couldn't find it in you to love me." You pause, blindly reaching out to hold Minho's hand. He grabs it instantly. "But I won't carry your anger anymore. I don't want to be mad at you, for leaving so suddenly. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. And I hope that you are too, wherever you are now."
You turn around, a small smile gracing your lips, and Minho wastes no time in wrapping you in his arms, your cheek resting against his shoulder. He's proud of you, the emotion shines clear as day in his eyes. 
"I wanna take you somewhere," he tells you and you nod, wrapping your arm securely around his waist.
The drive is short and you recognize the place fairly easily. It's the hill you told him about a long time ago, the one that held your happiest memory with your mother.
You both sit on the bench, your head finding solace on his shoulder. The view unfolding in front of you is still as breathtaking, and with each passing moment, the tightness in your chest seems to ease. Memories of your mother and this serene spot intertwine like delicate vines, bringing you a bittersweet sense of comfort. Because mourning someone isn't straightforward, not when humans are this complex, never strictly good or bad.
"Cold?" Minho asks and you shake your head no. "You're a human heater."
"Only near you," he smirks and you giggle slightly.
"I remember your hands used to be so cold."
"So, I could find an excuse to hold yours."
"Are you flirting with me?" you chuckle and he nods, a proud smile on his face. "Is it working?"
"I haven't run away yet, so I suppose it is." There is a newfound lightness in your voice, one you’ve been achingly missing for the past months.
"Come here," he taps his lap with his hands and you promptly lay your head on it.
"Look at the sky," he instructs and you do as he says, squinting your eyes. "What am I supposed to see?" you giggle, but then you feel it, the faintest snowflake falling on your nose tip.
"Go away, I don't want to watch the first snow with you," you tilt your head towards Minho, who's watching you, a soft smile on his face.
You giggle at the distant memory, when you both left Limbo, two years ago. The first time Minho rewrote your memories.
"As if I could ever love you, that'd just be signing a death warrant," you repeat your words from that night, a knowing smile on your face.
"How's that death warrant going?"
"Horrible, so so horrible," you say as you intertwine his hand with yours, squeezing it lightly.
"Mm. I suppose we can't be the exception to the superstition."
"How unfortunate," you smile as he leans down to press a kiss on your forehead, before looking back at the sky again.
He looks perfect from your view. You can clearly see the mole on his nose, the pucker of his rosy lips, and his long eyelashes framing his eyes. You are overcome by a feeling of love for the man beside you, and you stand up from your place to pull him in for a deep kiss.
"What was that for?" he smiles once you lean away, his fingers gently grazing your lips.
"Thank you, for today and for every day since I've met you."
"Of course, my love. You took a big step today, what color are you feeling right now?"
"Whatever color loving you is."
✹✹✹
Hills covered in verdant hues, rows of flowers bursting with vibrant colors, stretching before your eyes. The birds are chirping somewhere near, intermingling with the faint melody of the wind brushing against your skin.
"Here," Minho comes from behind, placing his knit jacket on top of your shoulders. Its warmth seeps through you, and you lean your back against his chest, melting into his embrace. His arms encircle your chest, resting comfortably on top of your heart as if guarding it from harm.
You feel your breathing slow down as you both look out the window. You are somewhere far from the city and its buzzing lights, a small white cottage surrounded by nature, where only you and Minho exist.
Minho nuzzles his chin on your shoulder, placing a chaste kiss under your ear. A light giggle escapes your mouth, as goosebumps rise upon your skin. Your body still reacts as sweetly to Minho, proofs of his love imprinted all over you. His touch is familiar to you but still as soothing, never losing its effect on you. You believe it never will, even when you're both withering down; his touch will still be the only thing making you bloom.
"This is nice," he whispers, sighing softly and you nod against him, raising your hand to settle on top of his. His fingers instinctively find your wedding ring, playing with it as they've done for the past two years.
"It's always nice with you," you say and he smiles softly, squeezing your hand lightly. You remember how it felt when he held it for the first time. How he hasn't let go since. It was only ever his to hold.
"We did well, don't you think? For our first time being alive."
His words make a gentle warmth stir within you. It is your first life, and you're lucky enough to spend it with him.
"We did," you turn around, to find him already looking down at your figure, a fond smile on his face. "To think we probably wouldn't be together if it wasn't for our law classes."
"No," he shakes his head, hands gently cupping your cheeks. "I would've found you. On a random evening when you'd stumble onto Limbo. In the supermarket where you'd buy your cherry shampoo. In the park you used to play in as a kid. I would've found you."
You've once read that when humans are about to pass away, a film of their happiest memories plays in front of their eyes. You know that many years down the road when you're on the brink of going away, you'll remember this moment clearly in your head. You'll remember the cicadas chirping far away, and the zesty smell of the lemon muffins you made earlier today. You'll remember the cold breeze ruffling your hair, and Minho’s warm hands on you. And you'll sigh contently, from having lived a life filled with love.
"My soul is dipped in yours. It will always find you too."
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paintingwhiteceilings · 2 months
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❃ Seventeen and Playfully Flirting with Them ❃
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A/N: So sorry this took me so embarrassingly long!! I have been so incredibly busy with uni that there was little time to write anything, but essays. Hopefully, I will have a bit more time on my hands to occasionally post a reaction now and then. Thank you for your patience, hopefully, the wait was still worth it :')
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Scoups/Seunghceol
❀ The members had dared you to act flirty with him during their dance practice, and who are you to deny a bored Jeonghan and Joshua the fun of a struggling to keep composed Coups? He is trying his hardest to remain serious, attempting to scold some of the members who have started to goof off during their tiny break but is having a rather difficult time doing so as you push his hair back, whispering that he had looked so incredibly handsome during his part.
❀ Honestly, his mind kind of blanks, and he is all soft and puddy in your hands. Wait, what was he doing? He gets so incredibly shy as you keep doting on him, complimenting his dancing skills whilst playing with his hair. He gets ever shyer when he remembers that the members are watching you two. He will be all like, “Noooo, stopppp”, but he is lowkey loving it.
❀ The moment he realises you are being flirty solely because the members dared you to, he will get so incredibly pouty. How dare you use his love for your compliments against him? How is he to ever trust your compliments again? He demands a lot of cuddles and even more compliments in return.
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Jeonghan
❀ I can see him as someone who is rarely phased by playful teasing and instead really enjoys it, treating it almost like a game. He takes it as a challenge, trying to one-up every flirt you throw his way. Oh, you told him his eyes are beautiful? Well, guess what? Your eyes reflect all the stars in the universe. If you lightly touch his arm, his fingers will start to linger around your waist.
❀ Mind you, that is only when this man is flirting innocently. Most of the time, his flirting is on a whole different level and slightly inappropriate. Honestly, he has you flustered within seconds because his compliments are so out of pocket you feel like you need a dose of holy water to cleanse yourself from it. He has no shame either; he will do it in front of other people without blushing.
❀ At some point, he starts initiating it on his own. You will be talking to some of the other members when he enters the conversation, with his compliment being so cheeky it has you hitting his chest in embarrassment. Needless to say, afterwards, some of the members feel like they need therapy.
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Joshua
❀ This man is a king of accidentally flirty gestures to everyone he encounters. You have had enough; you feel like you should charge him for endangering your health by making your heart skip so many beats. Most of the time, he is fully unaware that he has done something romantic. After seeing your tomato-red face, he slowly comes to the realisation that his actions made your heart soar.
❀ Thus, you have decided to flirt back. Full-force. No mercy. You lay it on so incredibly thick that a part of your brain is constantly cringing. You beat him to opening the door for you, rushing forward to open it for him instead. Not a moment passes where you are not gushing over his handsome looks. Heck, you even got him flowers.
❀ He is all smiley during your love attack, loving every single minute of it. He thinks you are slightly ridiculous, albeit incredibly adorable. The reason he is flustered isn’t even the gestures; it is your determination to continuously sweep him off his feet that has him blushing. He finds it hilarious when he accidentally does something romantic before you can, and you get frustrated with yourself for not beating him to it.
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Jun
❀ Jun.exe has stopped working. Try rebooting him. If altF4 does not work, return to the manufacturer. He is not used to you being flirty and touching him more than usual. It isn’t that he minds it, but Jun doesn’t know what to do and instead freezes in place, staring at you in shock. Did you just really pinch his cheeks, calling him adorable? Jun feels like he is experiencing some type of fever dream. Upon you throwing your head back at the worst joke he has ever made, he gets seriously worried about your sanity.
❀ He is so incredibly close to getting you admitted to a hospital; he is convinced you might have hit your head too harshly when he wasn’t looking. When you assure him that you did not, in fact, hit your head, he whips his head around, trying to find the hidden camera that surely is the reason behind your weird behaviour.
❀ It takes some convincing that you are just being playfully flirty and that there is no prank being played on him. Once assured, he will let it happen, albeit shyly. Man’s still confused and can’t help but continuously blush, but who is he to spoil your fun?
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Hoshi/Soonyoung
❀ It can go two ways with him. Hoshi will either get incredibly soft and shy or take it as a challenge. The moment you get his attention by poking his cheek and telling him he is adorable, he will scrunch up his lil face in the brightest shyest smile ever, blushing like a madman. He will try to throw himself at the nearest object or person, hiding his face away from you.
❀ However, if he is comfortable with your flirting, it is honestly over for everyone around you two. It doesn’t matter whether it is a public space or whether you are in the middle of a serious conversation. Hoshi is always ready to grab your cheeks, turning your playful flirting into a disgusting “no, you are cute” battle.
❀ Everyone around the two of you wants to clean their eyes out with bleach because once you two get started, there is no ending to it. You two can go on for hours, telling the other why exactly you find them so amazing. Nobody will be left by the time you’re done hyping each other up and professing your undying love for one another. They have all fled. 
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Wonwoo
❀ Wonwoo is all smiles and blushing. Nothing more, nothing less. You had discovered his adorable way of reacting to your playful flirting after you two had gone to karaoke, and you had continued to sincerely compliment his singing, calling his voice the hottest thing to have ever existed. He suddenly got very aware of his body in space and froze in place before giving you the tiniest, shyest smile ever, his face slightly red.
❀ He loves it when you take his face in your palms, gushing over how his glasses frame his face so well. However, he doesn’t quite know what to do with it, freezing up at all the attention and love he is receiving. Out of all the members, he gets the shyest about it, muttering a small “you too” whenever you throw a flirty compliment his way.
❀ He will 10000% accidentally drop whatever he is holding the moment the compliment reaches his ears or when you happen to kiss his cheek. His face is red, and he can’t seem to stop smiling to himself for the rest of the day. He is incredibly torn between feeling embarrassed and wanting to hear you say it again.
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Woozi/Jihoon
❀ He immediately knows that you are trying to tease him, and he is having absolutely none of it. In your defence, your boyfriend had insisted on finishing up a song before getting dinner with you and had been at it for the past thirty minutes. Thus, you decided to turn your boredom into frustrating your boyfriend by plopping down in his lap, flirtingly complimenting every change he made to the song. Damn, the way he played that chord? So sexy.
❀ The only indication that he is affected by it is the increasingly reddening of his face and the occasionally wrong-pressed button. He tries to crank up the volume of his speakers the longer you go on, but it is no use. You simply lean in, getting closer to his ear.
❀ He will either give up and leave with a heavy sigh because he can’t concentrate anymore, or he will ‘accidentally’ lock you in the recording room and ‘forget’ about it, opening it when he finally finishes the song. He doesn't even apologize for it; you called it on yourself. You are lucky that you inspire most of his songs, as he otherwise would save himself future trouble and ban you from the studio.
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DK/Seokmin
❀ Initially, he thinks you are joking and will joke with you, pretending that he, too, thinks he is the most handsome person on the planet. However, the moment he realizes that you are serious about finding him show-stopping handsome, he starts to malfunction. DK is not quiet often, but your compliments never fail to make him tongue-tied.
❀ Thus, as some of the members are over at your place and DK is his usual loud self, you decide to set up a small competition about who can make him shut up the fastest. Naturally, they fail miserably and expect you to do the same. Whatever the members had been expecting you to do, kissing him on the cheek and telling him that he is the best thing to ever happen to you, was not it. Still, it works like a charm; DK’s eyes widen as he touches the spot where you kissed him in wonder, completely awe-struck by your laugh at his adorable reaction.
❀ After discovering it was a competition, he will pull on your sleeve to quietly ask whether you had meant what you said. When you tell him yes, congrats, you have successfully put him on cloud nine. It kind of backfires on you all, though. DK is so incredibly happy that he gets twice as loud.
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Mingyu
❀ Where DK gets quieter upon hearing a compliment, this man gets progressively louder. He is whining and squealing at your flirtatiousness. His body spasms and knocks something (or someone) over. His legs give out, making him fall to the ground as he is clutching his racing heart. He gets so giggly about it, too, asking you to tell him he is handsome again and again. The way he reacts has you momentarily wonder whether he has never heard a single compliment in his life; when you compliment the way his shirt shows off his chest, he gets all bashful, covering up his chest with his arms.
❀ He lives for this and keeps asking you to compliment him more and more. It makes you slightly shy as he is hanging off every word that leaves your lips, zeroing all his attention in on you. The moment you do as much as slightly graze his arm, he scoops you up in his, wrapping his arms around your waist. The world could be ending around him, and it wouldn’t matter as Mingyu feels like he has already gone to heaven hearing you tell him that he is your entire universe.
❀ He would shamelessly try to get you to flirt with him and compliment him more, wearing his tightest shirt and casually stretching in front of you. The moment you hold any jar that needs opening, he appears right next to you, flexing his arms unnecessarily as he dramatically opens it. He doesn’t even care that the members tease him to no end about it, as one compliment and touch from you is worth ten years of endless teasing.
❀ Let’s just say it never ends innocently, either.
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The8/Minghao
❀ He gets so soft when you run your fingers through his newly cut hair, telling him that you didn’t think he could become even more handsome, yet here you are. All he can get out is a “thank you” gazing at you like you hung the moon. He basks in the feeling of you playing with his hair, his smile only growing broader as you continue to compliment him. Minghao knows that he is fashionable, but nothing beats you telling him, whether playfully or seriously.
❀ When you get very playful with it, kissing every inch of his face whilst calling him the prettiest piece of art, he will get so red, giggling as he tries to get you to stop. In the end, he will hug you close, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Not only will it prevent you from kissing his face continuously, but it will also refrain you from seeing how much he is blushing and adoring your actions. 
❀ Once he feels like he has received enough compliments, he will turn the tables. He will softly tug you by the hand, getting you to sit across from him on the couch. Taking your face in his hands, he will return your compliments in full force. Minghao will be so sincere about it, too, regardless of whether you had only been playfully teasing him, poetically describing how you make his life more complete. He will take his time, savouring the way you blush at each word that leaves his lips.
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Seungkwan
❀ Listen up, BOO SEUNGKWAN DESERVES MORE COMPLIMENTS. We should give him more compliments as he deserves ALL the compliments because he is THE Boo Seungkwan. After hearing him complain once more that he needs to go on a diet in order to, in his opinion, look his best in the music video, you decide to wage war on his critical inner voice. So often, you have heard Seungkwan bring his own looks down, and you finally decide to do something about it.
❀ When you first barge into your shared living room, your expression full of determination, he initially thinks you are about to scold him. When, instead, you start to relentlessly flirt with him, calling him handsome and reminding him of all his best qualities, you catch him completely off guard. It takes a while for your compliments to reach him, after which he gets so painfully shy that he physically tries to leave your presence, running away to whatever corner of the room you are not in. One compliment would have already been enough to make Seungkwan bashful. But upon hearing the tenth compliment leave your mouth, he wishes to turn permanently invisible.
❀ He ends up locking himself in the bathroom, screaming at you to stop flirting with him as he can’t take it anymore. He is one of those people who would rather have someone lovingly call them stupid than receive a genuine, heartfelt compliment. He only chooses to leave the bathroom after you promise to stop, not daring to meet your eyes, fearing it might trigger another wave of compliments.
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Vernon
❀ Out of all the members, he is the most unphased and unimpressed by normal, playful flirting. Listen, this dude hears at least seven times a day that he has godly looks and resembles a young, handsome Leonardo di Caprio. Touching him, at most, will get you a questioning glance from him. Similarly to Jun, he would be concerned about your well-being, asking you whether everything is okay and if you need to talk about it.
❀ However, what he would love is stupid flirting. Let me explain what I, a fellow stupid flirter, mean. You would point at a fridge and tell him he is just as cool or compliment his ears for being perfectly round. Cue his wonderful chair-squeaking-over-floor laugh. The two of you live for coming up with the weirdest ways to flirt/compliment one another. To anyone else, some of your so-called flirtatious remarks come off more as insults than compliments. Who in their right mind would feel moved by being told that if they were a trashcan, you would only use them for paper?
❀ All in all, playful flirting with Vernon is equivalent to speaking his alien meme language. It is all about having fun for him, making the person he adores laugh and laughing at whatever they tell him in return. Vernon knows he is hot; instead he wants to know whether he is hotter than that beautifully shaped rock you found the other day.
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Dino/Chan
❀ He. Is. So. Shy. It gets worse if his members are around. You adore it when he gets bashful when you kiss him, smiling at you all dreamily before dropping his eyes, too embarrassed to meet yours. Usually, he recovers after a few minutes, whining that you gave him a heart attack and should make up for it by kissing him again, to which you all too happily oblige. Dino still freezes when he feels your fingers intertwine with his or go through his hair, afraid that a single movement might scare you off.
❀ Sometimes, he seems to slowly get used to it. On one occasion, he had returned so incredibly late from his dance practice that you decided to make up for lost time, latching yourself onto your sweaty boyfriend. To try and convince him to let you keep hugging him, you kept kissing him, telling him how much you had missed him. He mirthfully laughed at your adorable behaviour, kissing the top of your head, promising not to let go.
❀ Yet, today, you think you have officially broken your boyfriend. All you had done was take his face in your hands out of the blue, kissing him deeply before telling him in full detail how beautiful he is to you and how much you adore him. It, however, is enough for his brain to shortcut. All he gets out is a stupid “Thanks, you too.”
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Masterlist
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the-boy-meets-evil · 10 months
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you're mine | c.sc
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you thought you had finally gotten the upper hand on seungcheol. you were wrong. pairing: idol!seungcheol x fem!reader genre: idol!au | smut, pwp rating: explicit | minors DNI warnings: this is mostly just smut so take that how you will, reader is kinda bratty, scoups is possessive, slight dom undertones (? idk i don't usually write this), swearing, kissing, biting, marking, restraints, sensory deprivation (blindfold), fingering, brief mention of a hand job, slight nipple play, use of a pet name (baby, pretty girl), oral sex (f. receiving), vaginal penetration, protected sex, i think that's it but let me know if i missed anything word count: ~3.5k
a/n: idk what to say, this kind of got away from me lol. credit/blame to @seungkwansphd for putting the idea in my head and scoups for whatever bullshit he was on in macao. it was supposed to be a drabble and this isn't what i'd normally write so go easy on me. unbeta'd and mostly unedited. thank you to my baby @playmetheclassics / @classicscreations for the last minute banner and divider!
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You’ve never been much of a brat with anyone else. It just isn’t something that crossed your mind. Why would you want to rile someone up on purpose? Why would you want to get under their skin just to see their response? Why would you want to do the opposite of what they asked? So no, it hasn’t crossed your mind.
Until Seungcheol. 
Until you met the man that made you want to cause problems. The man that made you discover a lot of things you didn’t know about yourself. The man that had you from the moment he told you that he was going to go easy on you. You didn’t realize then, but you were fucked. Talk about being in over your head. 
He really did start easy, in hindsight. And he let you get away with things you didn’t even realize. Thought you had the upper hand, actually. How many ways can one person be wrong? You don’t have the answer beyond knowing it’s a lot. 
You love the moments that Seungcheol lets you think you’re in control. You know now that’s all it is. Pretend. He’s always the one actually pulling the strings. And you’re always the one trying to press his buttons, press your luck, gain some ground. 
Today’s test? You want to mark him up. You want to leave your claim on him, but you know you can’t make it obvious. Don’t feel like you can push his buttons quite that hard. So even though you want to mark up his neck, you settle for his chest. You keep telling him that it’s getting too big anyway. Just who is he trying to impress?
Seungcheol is lying in your bed, one arm tucked behind his head and eyes closed. You know he’s not asleep, though, know he’s just enjoying a minute of peace before he has to leave and return to the chaos. And you know now is the best time because he really does have to go soon. It’s the best time to be able to get him and win, even if just for a moment, because there’s a lot of things he’ll do. A lot of things you still haven’t learned. But he’ll never be late. Never miss a schedule or leave his members waiting. 
So you adjust your position under the premise of stretching, not really sure if he buys the act but also not really caring. You push yourself up and quickly swing a leg over his thighs, feel them clench under you quickly as you’re settling on top of them.
“And just who are you working out for?” you challenge, quirking an eyebrow.
“I don’t hear you complaining,” is his only answer as he opens his eyes to look up at you. 
“Maybe I don’t want everyone else to see how good you look,” you pout.
“Maybe you should behave yourself then,” he retorts and you huff.
“I’m pretty sure you prefer it when I don’t,” you say.
You lean forward to kiss him before he can answer, lips meeting softly as his hands move up your thighs to grip your hips. He’s anchoring you to him and you know he’s mentally counting how much time he actually has. But you don’t want to give him that chance, don’t want to give up the tiny bit of control this position and the element of surprise have given you. You get the smallest bit of satisfaction when you break the kiss and he follows your lips. It’s not the time to get distracted, though, not now. So you kiss down his neck, suck just enough to earn a hiss out of him without it being enough to leave a mark. Not there at least. 
When you get to his chest, the muscles in his thighs tighten again. On purpose, you think, to distract you. It’s hard to ignore too, especially when his hands grip your hips harder. When you can tell he’s trying to throw you off.
“Baby,” he whines and you know that whine, know that it’s designed to distract.
All you do is hum against his chest as you continue to kiss across it and down his stomach. His moans are low, the kind that really get to you. The kind where you know he’s enjoying himself even if he’s not fully in control. You kiss back up to his chest and can feel his breaths as you go.
“What are you going to do now, baby?” he asks. You hear the confidence in his voice. The confidence that usually makes you stutter.
Not today, though. You suddenly suck the skin of his chest into your mouth. Seunghcheol hisses in the most satisfying way at the combination of pleasure and pain. His fingers dig into your skin where they hold you in place, making you hum into his skin. It just makes you keep going, managing to suck two marks into his skin before his alarm goes off. 
Without needing to be told, you slide off of him and allow him to get out of the bed. You know he doesn’t want to leave, but you know he’ll be back. Know that he’s got to keep to his schedule or he won’t be able to come over at all. After he’s pulled his shirt back on and gathered his things, he comes to stand in front of where you’re sitting at the edge of the bed. His kiss is soft, at odds with yours from moments ago.
“Listen carefully,” he whispers into your ear in that low voice. “I expect you to be waiting in bed when I text you that I’m headed back.”
“Is that so?” you challenge.
“Yes, pretty girl,” he says.
“And if I’m not?” you press.
“You’ll find out,” he answers.
That alone sends a shiver down your spine. You always want him to come back, never feel like you’ve had quite enough, but this is something even more. You’re looking forward to it. 
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The text comes a little later than you’re expecting saying that he’s on his way back over. And it comes without an apology for the lateness (though Jeonghan had texted you earlier to let you know things were running long). No, this text just comes with a reminder that expects you to be waiting for him in bed. He’ll let himself in.
It gives you too good of a chance, one you don’t want to pass up. He’s expecting you to listen, especially after you marked him earlier. But you’ve been waiting for this. And you’re not going to listen. 
Ten minutes later, you hear the key turn in the lock and you sit further back into the couch wearing only one of his t-shirts he’s left behind and underwear. Maybe you’ll get to see a little of his control slipping. 
His eyes are on you the second he’s through the door, narrowing at the open defiance. Seungcheol is serious as he regards you sitting there. It’s like he’s waiting for you to break first and confident you will. It makes you fidget a little in your seat, which seems to be enough for him.
“I asked you to be waiting in bed,” he says.
“I know,” you respond without missing a beat. “I guess I’m not so good at following directions.”
“And what do you think I should do?” He’s more so asking himself the question than you.
“Whatever you want,” you answer anyway. He raises an eyebrow.
“Careful what you ask for, pretty girl,” he warns. 
“I think I can handle it.” It comes out just as bold as you mean for it to.
“We’ll see about that,” he says without missing a beat. “Follow me.”
Every part of you wants to protest, wants to keep pushing him further to see what happens. But your curiosity is also piqued and you really want to see what it is that he’s planning now. That must be why you let the intrusive thought win and follow him back into your bedroom where you find him already reaching into the drawer of your nightstand. The same drawer that he filled so you were always ready.
“Are you going to behave now and get on the bed like I asked?” Seungcheol asks with his back still to you.
“I’m not sure,” you say and smirk at the way it makes him turn around.
“Oh you’re not?” he asks. 
“What’s in it for me if I start listening? Who’s going to rile you up?” you fire back at him.
“You like seeing me riled up,” he notes.
“Of course I do,” you offer.
He closes the space between you in a matter of steps and crushes his lips against yours to prevent another retort. The surprise gives way to desire as you wind your arms around his neck. You’re not even that surprised when he grabs you and lifts you up to deposit you onto the bed, despite the gasp that falls from your lips. He puts a knee between your legs and kisses you hard again before he breaks the kiss to pull off your shirt. You reach to remove your underwear and he stops your hands.
“Leave those,” he says before getting off the bed.
His back is to you again as he looks for something in the drawer. You have to squeeze your legs together when he turns back to you with silk scarves in his hands. But then he’s silently asking your permission before attaching each wrist to the headboard and you’re nodding even as you’re squirming. It’s not until you realize he’s still got something in his hands that you remember he promised you’d find out what happens when you don’t listen.
“What’s that for, Cheol?” you ask as he straddles your lap.
“I told you that you’d find out,” he answers and leans forward so his lips are nearly on your ear. “You don’t get to see what I’m doing. Just remember the word to use if it’s too much.”
That makes you swallow hard. You’ve talked about sensory deprivation and explored it a little, but you’ve never been blindfolded from the start. And part of you thinks that he’s going to leave this on you the entire time. A reminder of who’s actually calling the shots. He’s still gentle when he secures it behind your head, so careful that he doesn’t get any of your hair caught. You blink your eyes when it’s in place without it making much of a difference. You’re not totally blinded, but you might as well be. You can barely make out a shadow.
The next thing you’re aware of is Seungcheol’s lips against your neck, carefully trailing kisses that make you want to press into him. His thumb brushes across your nipple and you whimper, earning a chuckle out of him. Not being able to see is making everything feel a lot bigger. Just making it feel a lot more. There’s no knowing where his hands or mouth will be next and it’s turning you on. Making you want everything all at once.
Seunghcheol drags your nipple between his teeth and you arch into him, careful not to pull too hard against the restraints. The hand he runs down your side as he continues to tease your nipple should tickle, would under any other circumstances. It doesn’t this time, though. 
“Are you going to listen to me next time?” he murmurs against your skin.
“I don’t know,” you manage between a moan. Your nipples are so sensitive.
“What was that?” he asks before he returns to kissing along the underside of your breast while his hand massages the other.
“I said I don’t know,” you repeat, fighting against the answer he wants.
“I guess the blindfold stays on,” he muses. 
With that, he works his way down your stomach, leaving a trail of kisses mixed with goosebumps from the warmth of his breath. Part of you wants to anticipate his moves and you open your legs, just slightly. He chuckles so quietly that you think usually you wouldn’t hear it. Except now everything sounds louder. You feel him remove his lips from your body, feel the bed shift from him moving somehow, and then feel his lips make contact with your skin again. But he’s kissing down from your knee, completely avoiding the place you want him the most. Even your moans and squirming do nothing to make him move on from kissing along your calf.
“Please baby,” you beg. 
“Please what?” he asks, smirk clear in his voice. 
“I need you,” you answer.
“Do you?” is all he asks 
“Yes, Seungcheol, please,” you whine.
“Are you going to listen next time?” he wonders. He runs a finger up your inner thigh, stopping just shy of the material separating you from what you need most.
“Cheol,” you plead.
“Are you?” he repeats. This time he moves your underwear to the side and runs a single finger between your folds. It’s over entirely too fast. “So wet.” 
“Fuck, yes Cheol, whatever you want, I just fucking need you,” you beg again. 
His answer comes in the form of pulling your underwear down swiftly, leaving you naked before him. He runs his finger along your folds again, collecting some of the wetness there. You’re so hyper aware of him that you’re moaning from the barest touch, moaning when you feel his fingers pull away again. But then you feel him move around you and he licks into you without warning, spreading your folds with his fingers to get his tongue deeper.
“Fuck, baby, fuuuuck,” you yell. 
You want to have your hands in his stupid blond hair, the hair he knew was going to drive you crazy. Want to hold his face between your thighs. So you lightly squeeze your thighs together instead and he moans into your cunt. It’s annoying, actually, how good he’s always been at going down on you because just the thought of it makes you agree to damn near anything. 
Everything just feels that much more intense. Usually you love the sight of Seungcheol between your legs. Love to watch the way his head moves, love to see the way his hair falls, love the way the muscles move. Still do. But damn there’s something about not knowing what’s coming that’s making it that much hotter. 
Seconds later his mouth moves up your clit and your back arches into his mouth again. He follows it by sliding a finger inside you and you really think you see stars. Hearing the way he moans into you along with the way his fingers move is almost too much. You don’t need to see anything, he’s setting your entire body on fire. When he slides a second finger in and hooks them to hit you just right, you scream out again. 
He pulls his mouth away. “Oh, do you like that?”
“Fuuuuu- oh my god Cheol, yes yes,” you manage.
“Who fucks you the best, baby?” Seungcheol asks. “Hm? Who does this pussy belong to?” 
It’s honestly into cocky territory and you don’t care. Didn’t realize it was this much of a turn on for him to be possessive over you like this. Didn’t realize how much you wanted to be his, even if it’s confined to these four walls. 
“I’m waiting,” he says, stilling his fingers inside you.
“It’s yours, Cheol, I’m yours,” you whimper.
His fingers start moving again and he doesn’t answer until you feel his mouth on yours, taste yourself on his tongue. He’s catching every moan with his mouth, pushing you to let go, urging you forward. Part of you wants to pull away, knows that he must feel you clenching around his fingers, but doesn’t move his lips from yours. Catches the screams you want to let loose and guides you as you come around his fingers.
Your breathing is still coming back to normal as you feel Seungcheol untying your wrists, massaging each one as he does so. The last thing he does is remove the scarf covering your eyes and you blink even at the low light in the bedroom. His gaze is soft but confident. He knows how hard he just made you come, yet still wants to make sure you’re okay.
“Can we do that again some time?” you wonder and he chuckles.
“I guess it wasn’t a punishment,” he notes.
“Oh no, I’ve definitely learned my lesson,” you tease and he rolls his eyes but there’s nothing behind it.
“Hm,” is all he says.
He’s sitting up on the bed next to you, one hand lightly stroking his cock. You’re not sure when he took off his clothes but just getting you off clearly turned him on. Without even thinking about it, you’re moving to straddle his thighs. His eyes watch you intently as you spit into your hand and move his aside. Your strokes are slow and he lets his head fall back, eyes closing. It’s not often that he lets you set the pace like this, so you’re going to enjoy it while you can. When you run your thumb over the tip, you watch the way the muscles in his stomach contract. And you know his patience is wearing out.
“Enough,” he says and reaches over to the nightstand for a condom. He’s ripping it open with his teeth and then rolling it on the next second.
Seungcheol reaches out to pull you toward him and you realize he’s not planning on moving. No, he’s planning on you riding him. Which is fine by you since you already went this long without being able to see him. You try to lower yourself down slowly because he’s big and as many times as you’ve fucked him, you’re still never quite ready. But he has other plans and pulls you down in one motion.
“Fuck,” you draw out.
“I don’t wanna wait anymore,” he says in that low voice that shoots straight to your core. 
You’re not sure which of you moves first with his hands guiding you as you fuck yourself on him. One of his hands slides up your back and into your hair, pulling it so you arch into him. The new angle has a string of words mixed with moans flying out of your mouth. And it makes it easier for him to pull your nipple between his teeth again. Except this time he doesn’t focus on your nipple. This time he moves to the skin at the side of your breast, sucking hard. Much harder than you sucked earlier. Definitely hard enough to leave a mark. Fucker.
That thought flies out when he snaps his hips into you suddenly, quickening the pace and angling so he’s hitting exactly where you need him too. Each thrust stretches you out and brings you closer to another orgasm. You don’t even register that you’re sensitive from the first. Seungcheol pulls at your hair again and focuses on your exposed neck, a constant contrast of pain and pleasure. He kisses up and down the base before he lands at your pulse point right below your jaw. 
“Cheol fuck,” you yell as he sucks another mark into your skin. Another mark reminding you that you’re his. 
“Are you close, baby?” he asks when he finishes marking you. “Gonna come for me again?”
“Yes, fuck, yes, I’m so close,” you whine out. 
Seungcheol removes his hand from your hair to put both hands on your hips, anchoring you in place while he takes over thrusting into you. You know he must be close too with the way his brow furrows and the way he stutters.
“Fuck baby, come for me, I want to feel you come,” he urges.
It’s all you need and you’re releasing again, a string of fucks leaving your lips as he comes right after you. You try to carefully move through his release before collapsing down on his lap with him still inside you. You lean your head forward onto his shoulder to try and steady your breaths. He kisses lightly along your shoulder, hands trailing absently across your skin.
You like every version of Seungcheol, but you think this version, in the immediate aftermath of fucking him, might be your favorite. The contrast of how soft his touches are does things to your heart that you’re not entirely sure you want to admit. Not to yourself at least.
After another long moment, you gently pull yourself off him and flop back onto your side of the bed. You feel, rather than see, him get off the bed and assume he’s walking off to the bathroom. When he returns with a washcloth a minute later, you’re running your fingers absently along the mark you’re sure he left below your jaw.
“Just in case you forget,” he says before he runs the wet cloth along your skin.
“Forget what?” you question.
“That you’re my girl,” he says. “You can try to be cute and mark my chest or be friends with my members like Jeonghan. But you’re mine.”
“Yes sir,” you say and appreciate the way his eyes darken. Maybe he’s not done with you for the night yet. 
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thank you for reading, let me know your thoughts <3
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acourtofwhatthefuck · 3 months
Note
Hello, hope you're doing alright. I have a pretty twisted one shot request concerning our amazing Shadowsinger. I was looking at the super natural dark dialogue prompts list and I feel like the #24 and #36 would fit perfectly for my request.
So basically: I was thinking about Azriel capturing the reader. She's a spy from the Spring Court and she was on a mission wandering at the border of the Night Court. When the reader wakes up, she's tied up in Azriel torture room. She also realizes how Azriel seems to be drawn to her. As she tries to find a way to make him untie her, she remembers something about Illyrians obssesion with bargains and deals. She offers to make a deal with him that the first one to make the other cum earn a favor. If she wins he spares her life, and if not he can kill her. And like as they conclude the pack, a tattoo appears on both of them and bla bla bla... and she ends up winning this challenge maybe?
Can't wait to see if you'll be willing to write this! I think it would have a lot of potential if written by you. Anyways, keep up your good work. I love your writing.
Okay, I know I said my next release would be the POM bonus bits, and then I’d be working on my other pieces, but I got this request and had immediate inspiration for it, so here it is!
Thank you to whoever sent this in! I hope I did it justice. It was very fun to write! I hope you enjoy 🫶🏻
The prompts you requested to be included in this will be written in bold.
Note: I haven’t tagged anyone in this because I desperately need to sort out my tag lists and haven’t had the chance. I’ll add them later if I get the time. Sorry!
Warnings: Smut! 18+, minors dni. NSFW. Some details of aggressive behaviour. Azriel being a sore ass LOSER.
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Lust is a Losing Game — Azriel x Reader.
You can feel the caress of Night before your eyes open.
Every single court you have trespassed and traversed has its own distinct feel. The Autumn Court feels perpetually — and unsurprisingly — like a stroll through a forest, touched by brisk air and hues of oranges, yellows, reds. Your home court — Spring — has a feeling of renewed hope; like the first rays of sun after a long, harsh winter.
The Night Court is blood-drenched, rippling darkness, and the allure of scandal, of want, of lust.
Night time is for secrets and exploration. It’s for burning the bridge between who you are in the daylight and becoming something…else. It’s exciting, and it’s coaxing, and—
Cold, sharp metal prods beneath your chin. Its point is lethal. Any wrong move, and you’re bleeding.
Perhaps even more lethal is the quiet voice that commands, “Eyes open.”
Slowly, you comply — because you are both intrigued and wise. Intrigued by where you went wrong and where you ended up. Wise, because you know that cold, granite voice.
It doesn’t surprise you in the least to open your eyes and find Azriel the shadowsinger stood in front of you, his blade at your throat.
You know of him, of course — spymaster of the Night Court, a rare species of fae, far more powerful than many realise. You’ve sat across from him during terse meetings between courts and been the target of those guarded, icy stares. You’ve never heard him utter more than a few words at a time; he is spoken for by reputation, by violence and threat and battle.
But you’d know that voice anywhere.
You peer up at him through eyes blurred by some sort of power. And when your lips tilt up into a smile, a subtle tick of his jaw tells you it incenses him.
“Hello, Azriel.” You rasp.
The blade presses into your skin as he asks, “What were you doing at the border of our court?”
“Picking wildflowers. Foraging berries. Making a daisy chain. All the things a lady loves to do.”
A quiet noise sounds in his throat. “Is that what you are? A lady?”
“I’m whatever you want me to be, shadowsinger.”
His answering smile is cruel. A harsher press, and his blade nicks your throat. A drop of warm blood blooms on your skin.
Your eyes, rapidly clearing, take quick stock of your surroundings. The room is dark and damp and cold, empty save for the chair on which you sit — to which you are constrained. You can scent the blood of a thousand previous victims of the shadowsinger, and you imagine the vacancy of the space must have been more intimidating to them, somehow, than if the room were filled to the brim with torture instruments. The lack thereof tells anyone who finds themselves here that the Night Court’s spymaster does not need such things to do his work.
You try to shift in the chair, and find yourself well and truly stuck in place. Your gaze drops to your feet, where shadows act as manacles, as firm and strong and steel. Though your hands are restrained around the back of the chair, the cool touch tells you that a shadow binds them, too.
Azriel follows your gaze. A smug smile graces his mouth as he watches you try and fail to move.
“An impressive little trick.” You offer, nodding to the shadows around your ankles. “Now be a gentleman and untie me.”
“Tell me what you were doing at our border, and maybe I will.”
“Tell me your secrets and I’ll tell you mine.”
“You’re not really in the position to barter, right now, are you?”
“And yet, here I am.” You smile. “Bartering.”
He stares down at you, shrouded in shadows, in night. His aloofness has been perfected over centuries, but you somehow know where to look in order to tell — you’re getting on his nerves.
A slight angling of his head. Shifting on his feet. He drags the tip of that blade up, not pressing quite hard enough to draw more blood, but to make a twisted heat enter your veins. The blade stops at your cheek.
“I don’t know how you do things in the Spring Court.” His breath caresses your face. “But I can’t imagine it’s part of your job description to be a smartass who can’t keep her mouth shut.”
Your eyes flick down to that blade. Back up to his gaze. “I can’t imagine it’s part of yours to lust over me so tirelessly.”
The shadowsinger actually falters.
Something tells you he would never do that in front of somebody else.
His teeth grit. He bites out, “Tell me why the fuck you were at the border—”
“I’ve seen you, you know.” A satisfied smirk curls your lips. You will not give away that your arms and legs are beginning to ache. “I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me for years.”
A clatter bounces off the walls as he tosses his dagger to the floor. Can’t be one that means much to him, then. You almost laugh, but a scarred hand is gripping your chin to the point of pain. He tilts — yanks — your chin up. “Pray, tell, how do I look at you?”
“With hunger.”
“Hatred.”
“Lust.”
“Loathing.”
“Like you want to touch me.”
“I am going,” he snarls, “to wrap my hands around your throat and—”
“Fuck me?”
“Kill you.”
A mocking pout puckers your lips. “Less sexy.”
"You must be a fool," his fingers bite into your skin, "to laugh in the face of such danger."
"What danger would that be? You've handed me your threats. What are you waiting for, Azriel? Kill me."
He could easily retrieve his blade and gut you then and there. You know it. He knows it.
And yet he doesn't do it.
He clenches his jaw so hard that you hear his teeth clash. He squeezes your chin, calluses and scars grazing you. It feels...good.
But then a growl is ripping from deep within his chest, and he's tearing his hand away and pivoting on the spot. He's confident enough in the shadow bindings to turn his back to you, clearly.
You just smile. He can't do it. Can't kill you.
"I'll do you the courtesy of asking one last time." His voice is strained. "Why were you snooping around our border."
"Perhaps I was hoping you'd find me and tie me to a chair. I'm into that kind of stuff, you know. We could make this fun."
"You think this room is intended for fun?"
"I think you and I could have fun anywhere, shadowsinger."
He says nothing. You watch as he sucks in a deep breath, steels himself. By his command, a shadow dances out and retrieves his blade from the floor. His fist flexes at his side.
Perhaps you can irritate him enough that he'll either kill you or let you leave out of pure exasperation. Or turn on the tears and plead innocence, that you're just a foolish, foolish girl doing her High Lord's bidding.
Or perhaps you can have fun.
You scan your brain for what you know about this court. How you can use it to your advantage — use Azriel to your advantage. An idea knits itself in the twisted avenues of your mind.
"This court has a thing for bargains, does it not?" You watch Azriel's shoulders tense at the sound of your voice. "How about making a bargain with me?"
He chokes on a scoff. "Why would I want to make a bargain with you?"
"Because you want me."
Slowly, he turns. His eyes are narrowed, mouth pinched. He looks two seconds away from using that blade to wipe your head clean from your neck.
But then he smiles, cruelly and coldly. "How very sure of yourself you sound."
You mimic that smile. "I am." Damn right you are. "So here is my deal: you toy with that lust however you like. We tease each other. Coax reactions from each other."
"Where is the bargain in that?" No outright refusal.
"If I make you cum first, shadowsinger," your eyes fall to his breeches. You could swear you glimpse the outline of a bulge. "If I make you cum first, I get to walk out of here with my head still attached to my body. But if you make me cum first...well. You get to know why I was snooping around the Night Court border, and you can send my head back to my High Lord in a pretty little box."
He stares at you for what feels like so, so long. Head to toe, his eyes rake over you. His shadows whisper in his ears, things you don't need nor care to hear.
Because you might not have his shadows, but you are a spy, just as he is. And you know his mind is already made up.
Shadowsinger, spymaster, feared member of the infamous Night Court — but still, a male weakened by lust. Lust for you that has driven him mad for a long, long time.
Still, he tries to keep up a front. He sneers at you, "You'd so willingly barter away your life?"
You smile. Simply, prettily. "It turns me on."
Oh, he's lost to his need. There's a newer scent that has joined the present ones of cedar and night-chilled mist and bloodstains. This one is deeper, smokier. Spicier.
He points his blade at you, the tip glimmering. And the shadow binds fall away as he demands, "Undress."
Your hands fall back to your sides. "Are you saying you agree to my terms?"
"Yes. Now take. Your fucking. Clothes off."
"What way is that to talk to a lady?"
"You are no lady—" His words fall short as, with a snap of your fingers, your clothes disappear. Leave you in nothing but your undergarments. His eyes drink in the brassiere, the silky little fabric that hangs from your hips. He swallows. "And I am no gentleman."
A spy you may be — someone who throws themself into danger and risk and dirt and blood, time and time again. But you never see a reason not to wear pretty underwear while doing so. And gods, in this moment, you're very glad of that choice.
It's the same colour as the siphons that adorn the male before you. The coldness in Azriel's eyes is replaced by intense, raw heat. He takes a step towards you, but you kick out a leg.
"Your turn." You say.
He pauses. Chucks his dagger aside again.
And then his clothes are gone.
He doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the fact that he stands utterly naked before you. So much golden, sculpted skin on show. All over, white scars tell the stories of previous injuries. His body is a novel written over time.
That silky underwear of yours is already soaked as you take your fill of him. For a moment, you think you might stumble in your bravado. He's huge and hard and standing to attention. Utterly perfect.
But you sit up straight in the chair and plant your hands on the arms. Your legs part, and Azriel hungrily tracks the movement.
"There is only one rule." You tell him. "We don't want to make this too easy, after all."
His jaw flexes. Eyes don't stray from the growing damp patch between your thighs. "What's the rule."
"You can touch me. You can lick me. You can put your cock in my mouth and my hand and rub it against my skin. But you can't fuck me."
He starts, pupils blowing wide. "But—"
"Not today." Your lips curl up. "But if I win, and I walk out of here? Some other time, Azriel, you can fuck me."
"You are wicked."
"Do you accept my rule?"
"Yes."
You are wicked, indeed. You widen that gap between your legs until you're hooking them over the arms of the chair. Baring your silk-covered cunt to him. His eyes damn near roll into the back of his head at the sight.
"Do you think you can stand to touch me without fucking me?" You hum, your fingers dancing down to that, sweet, sweet spot. You run them over the dampness, biting your lip. "I don't think you can."
"You underestimate me." Azriel growls. "And you're going to cum first."
There is no opportunity for you to volley a response. Not as Azriel surges forward and yanks you out of the chair, his arms securing you. His firm, velvety cock presses against your stomach. His lips slide over yours in a harsh, bruising kiss.
A male of natural elegance and grace, he doesn't even falter in the kiss or his steps as he marches you back, back, until you're pressed up against a cold wall. You nip his bottom lip and reach between your bodies, wanting to feel the pulsing weight of his cock in your palm, but his hands are grabbing your wrists and holding them above your head.
"No hands." He snarls onto your lips. "Just my cock and your cunt. Whoever cums first is the loser."
You almost want to laugh. So, so easy this will be.
But then he's letting go of your hands and pinning you with a knee. And out of fucking nowhere, a slim bottle appears between his fingers. You watch, leaning against the cold surface of the wall, as he pulls the stopper out of the bottle and tilts it towards you.
Oil drips onto your chest. Rolls down your breasts, your stomach. Azriel watches with predatory focus as it floods to where he wants it — soaking your underwear.
The blue silk darkens, sticks to your skin. Showcases everything that Azriel so desperately wants, but everything he will not get — today.
And then so quickly, he's hoisting your leg at his hip. So quickly, his cock is pressing into your soaking undergarments.
He positions his length between your thighs and guides it through your clothed folds. Both of you let out an immediate gasp at the taunting sensation — that a mere bit of fabric separates you from what you both want.
"Is this how you're going to play it?" Your head falls back, teeth digging into your lower lip. "You think thrusting through my clothes is going to stop you from cumming?"
"No." He makes a small noise, slowly rolling his hips. Watches his glistening cock rubbing against the silk. "But I think I'm going to make you cum fast from it."
"And then you get to kill me."
"And then," the head of his cock nudges your clit, "I get to kill you."
The sensation is divine, you can’t deny it. A coiled, aching pleasure that sits tightly in your lower belly. Azriel hears your intake of breath, and he smiles like this will be easy for him. You’re having none of that.
You’re thankful for your refined stealth and balance as you clamp your leg tighter around him, pull him harder against you. His hands press flat against the wall either side of your head, and you both gasp as his cock rubs so torturously against you, up and down and up and down.
“Gods,” He grunts, dipping down to brush his lips against yours. “This is torture.”
You smile. “Does it feel good?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to remove my underwear? You still can’t fuck me, though.”
A suffering groan chokes out of him, and he throws his head back. Because yes, he fucking wants you to remove your underwear. Yes, he wants to feel his bare skin rubbing against your bare skin.
But gods, the temptation to slide his cock into you is going to be unbearable.
But even though he knows that, and you know that, he smiles like this is nothing. He bites out, pleasure wavering his voice, “Why not? It’ll only make you lose.”
“I think you’re giving yourself a little too much credit.” You say, and then your underwear is gone, leaving you naked and dripping with nothing to shield you.
Not expecting it so fast, Azriel’s cock slides easily through your folds — and the head nudges your entrance. Very nearly slips in. He growls and halts the roll of his hips.
“Oops.” You smirk. “Careful, shadowsinger.”
“You’re fucking insufferable.” He bites back, and then he’s kissing you.
The kiss robs you of breath and of words. All you can do is twine your arms around his neck and welcome the sensation of him fucking through your folds, your wetness his pleasure. You’re lost to the feeling of him bumping against your clit, rubbing against it. Your legs are beginning to tremble.
“I want to fuck you.” Azriel moans, dropping his head to take in the sight of his cock against your pussy, never entering, never going deeper.
“I know.” Your fingernails dig into his shoulders. “And you have wanted to for a very long time.”
“Yes.” He can’t even deny it. “Yes.”
“You think about me.”
“Yes.”
“You wonder what it’s like to be inside me.”
“Yes.”
“But not today.” Your hands stroke down his muscled arms, and you moan as he grinds his cock against your clit. “Not today.”
“Nor any other day.” His hand fists in your hair, yanking your head up. “Because I will have your head. Cum for me, lady.”
He kisses you again, and gods, you want to cum. Every single inch of you begs and trembles for it. You’re clenching around nothing, desperate to feel him inside you, fucking into you, spilling into you—
But through your pleasured haze, you remember: you will be victorious. Azriel cannot win.
And so when he’s kissing you and kissing you, moans catching in his throat and landing in your mouth, hips faltering with every thrust, you pull your lips from his and sink your teeth into his neck with a harsh bite. You’ve always imagined he’d like that.
And simultaneously, you lock him between your thighs and roll your hips torturously slow, dragging every last sensation from him.
Azriel’s cock, nestled snugly between the folds of your cunt, spasms and twitches. He slams his hands against the wall and goes still. Tries to pull back the control.
But it’s too late for that.
“Fuck!” He shouts, and then ropes of cum are spurting out of him and landing on your stomach, your breasts, your arms. Beads of it roll down his cock. He trembles hard, panting, groaning, growling.
And you suck harshly at his neck. Suck until it leaves a mark. And then pull away with a smile.
Breathing so, so heavily, Azriel’s gaze drops down to his cock like the damn thing has betrayed him. He’s wide-eyed and outraged. He’s not sure what’s just happened.
A horrid longing still aches between your legs and makes you want to continue until you’re exploding, too. But the triumph of a win is pleasure in itself.
“Well, well, well.” You glance down at the cum now coating your skin. “I do believe I was right.”
“What—” Azriel breathes, shaking out of his lust. “What kind of witchcraft was that?” He touches his neck, where you bit him. As though the answer lies there.”
You shrug. “No witchcraft, though I’m flattered you think so. You simply lost the game.”
“I. Don’t. Lose.”
“You just did.” You pat his shoulder. “There, there.”
He rips away, so fast that you almost fall. “Get the fuck away from me.”
“Gladly.” With a snap of your fingers, you’re squeaky clean and clothed once more. Azriel’s clothes return, too. “And I’ll do so with my pretty head still on my shoulders—
“Get out.”
“Because I won the game—”
“Get. Out.”
“A bargain’s a bargain, after all—”
“I will not tell you again.” His hand grabs the back of your neck, hard enough to bruise, and he marches you to the door, yanking it open. “Out.”
You’re thrown into a dim-lit hallway, your body colliding with a cold brick wall. You throw Azriel a smile over your shoulder, despite your teeth singing at the impact.
“Try not to wank over me too much!” You call, as he slams the door shut behind him. “See you around!”
It’s only once you’ve winnowed back to your own court, and you’re bathing the day from your skin, that you notice the small black band inked into your upper arm. You scrub at it until it’s red raw. It doesn’t budge.
The mark of a bargain. But you had always believed that the tattoos of bargains disappeared once the terms were fulfilled…
But if I win, and I walk out of here? Some other time, Azriel, you can fuck me…
It had all been bravado. And yet…it had unwittingly been woven into the bargain.
Some other time, Azriel, you can fuck me.
That’s the only way you’re getting that mark off your skin.
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Hello, me again lol. I just wanted to thank you for writing my max request, it was beautifully written and I loved it 😃.
I also wanted to as if it was alright if I made another request if its not too much. Can it please be another max verstappen x reader where its rivals to lovers (the reader can be his teammate or a driver from another team, u can pick), and there's pining from both sides, more so max's than readers. And it ends all fluffy please
Rookies, Rivals, Race Wins & Rogue Crashes - Max Verstappen
We're going with a Mercedes rival and waving goodbye to Lewis as they replace him with y/n!!!! Fr tho when Lewis retires, how cool would it be if they were like "and we're bringing in a female driver"? Also there is some slightly harsh criticism of George in this, don't get mad if you love him. It's nothing personal and its nothing I haven't seen online a million times by this point.
Bitchy!reader (when handling the media trying to rip into her) also completely unrealistic driving capabilities for reader, but like she's amazing and we have to make her someone that Max almost envies for the ability of.
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When Mercedes announced that Lewis was leaving his seat in F1, the F1 media, fans and community as a whole was stunned. Too stunned to speak initially and then there was the theorising of who would take the seat, would it be a Williams driver. Perhaps Mick was being trusted with the position.
But nope.
Y/n Y/l/n.
Hardly anyone knew the name, but she was someone a few of the teams had noticed. Lewis gave her name as a recommendation and when Christian Horner had seemed to praise her in an interview last year. Mercedes chose not to lose out on the opportunity of bagging a young driver who stood out for her talent without forcing Mercedes (or any other team) to turn their heads. Instead they looked at her on their own.
They already lost the chance of Lando, Max, Charles and Oscar. With Lewis gone, they took a risk especially pairing her with George who has potential but equally struggles under pressure and can't always manage well in a race. To say Singapore made them doubt he could carry them after Lewis leaves, it would be an understatement and now they've got a rookie who didn't even go through F2.
More of a Kimi story with very few races in a single-seater. The FIA aren't exactly thrilled to allow her a super-license but they let her get away with it.
"So Max, you have been setting record. Going into 2024, now we've got an unexpected addition, y/n, to the grid. Do you think that we might see you be challenged?" The journalist asks as they sit in the Bahrain press conference, y/n smiles and waves at Max as he turns to look at her when they mention her name.
"I don't like to speak too early. But I do believe that I've seen and heard evidence that maybe all the men on the grid should be threatened. Including me. I think for Lewis to notice and then tell his team that she should take his spot, that's a big deal and for Mercedes to follow through on that and clearly they are confident in her abilities which...I can't see a reason for as to why they wouldn't be." Max nods making the rest of the couch seem to agree.
"Y/n, that's a bit compliment to have no only one but two world champions who hold many records in the sport."
"It is, yeah. I mean we'll have to really wait and see. I know pre-season testing can actually be deceptive. I'm looking forward to seeing what the season holds. Hopefully some battles with Max to knock him down a peg or two."
"Wow, that might be warning for some others to not be getting in your way."
"I won't be giving any special treatment." Lando comments from his spot between Max and y/n. "Feel like I'm already in the way for a brawl."
Most of the questions seem to go to y/n or Max. Her as the promising rookie with a lot of expectations and Max as the three time world champion now going into fighting for his fourth.
But honestly every time a question is shot at y/n, even the ones don't try to hide their judgement and attempts to tear her down. She answers without filter, without considering their feelings and basically telling them she's clearly better than them if they're the ones asking questions while she's the one answering them.
"Y/n, just finishing off. Do you really think out of everyone, you really deserve the Mercedes seat?"
"I mean if you were the interesting and talented one between us, you'd be up here with people trying to interrogate you. But instead most people watching probably don't even know your name and you're asking me if I deserve a seat that was not only given to me, but offered with insistence that there was no one else that they wanted. So even if someone else deserves the seat in your opinion, Mercedes didn't want them in the seat."
Jaws were dropped and silence follow that.
"Thank you." Y/n smiles making Max smile, having no reason to be proud of her but feeling an overwhelming sense of pride for the young woman.
The press conference is called to an end and she takes off with a very distressed Mercedes marketing personnel scolding her while Lando and Max walk alongside each other.
"If that's her ruthlessness off the track, we might really need to watch out for her." Lando comments while Max nods a little.
"I think she's planning for that to be the case anyway."
-
Max kept an eye on y/n through the practices and while Mercedes hasn't built a car that is necessarily the best. It's competitive and in y/n's hands it's looking like it might pose a threat more than it does with George.
Qualifying is where it really matters and Max has made it clear to GP he wants to know where McLaren, Ferrari and y/n specifically are falling.
"Y/l/n, where is she?" Max asks as they finish Q1.
"She's on a flying lap, personal best sector 1, purple sector 2. Waiting for her to-she's...P3. Locked up on the final corner but just managed to not run wide." GP states making Max nod.
"Copy. McLaren and Ferrari."
His race engineer lists off the other position as Max is backed into the garage to wait for Q2.
Y/n makes it through Q2 taking P5 after track limits deletes her best lap. But she seems to be getting more confident in Q3 and just with her banker lap, sets the fastest lap off the bat with no track limits and she's nearly a whole second above Charles at P2 with a 29.8.
"I don't know if anyone is going to beat that she got a 28.9." GP states sounding honestly in shock.
"What did I get?"
"30.0. P4."
Max grumbles beginning to see that y/n might be a replacement for Lewis and she might just completely destroy him in that if this is foreshadowing her season. Then she might be a rookie who takes the championship.
Not only that but she's clearly going to be a threat to Red Bull's streak and she has made it clear she won't be apologising about being a talented driver. Which he can't fault her for, but it's going to be an annoyance for him.
Bahrain is usually an easy-going track for rookies as it's one that is used by some of the support races too. But y/n wasn't int he support races so he thought she might not perform. Sadly, pre-season testing and the practices were apparently enough for her to feel comfortable.
"I'm getting that P1." Max declares to GP as they wait to send him out on track.
"You'll get it."
Max doesn't see it but GP shares a look with Christian of doubt. The car is good, but y/n pulled off a miracle lap. They're not even sure she can outdo it.
After Q3 comes to an end, Max is P2 and P1 is y/n. Starting her first ever F1 race on a pole. An achievement of itself and beating the reigning champion. A promising talent before she got on the track today. But after being on track, she's just proven herself a more than worthy opponent.
"Y/n a pole position in your first ever race. You did something special out there with that banker lap."
"Yeah, well qualifying only counts if I keep the position tomorrow. So we'll see if I can do something special when I need to." Y/n smiles slightly breathless from her team in a frenzy of excitement over her.
"That's a very rational head you have on your shoulders for someone so new and young but we certainly have to credit you regardless. You should be very proud of yourself young lady."
Y/n smiles giving a thanks before she tilts her head for a moment. She gives a quick hug to Max as the two engage in conversation.
"Guess I do have to look out for you and your miracle laps." Max states trying to ignore the feelings of admittedly being impressed by her.
"I think that might be wise for you." Y/n hums as she removes the upper part of her driver's suit.
In the end, neither y/n or Max win the race with Charles instead managing to make his P5 start a win. He does love the Bahrain track and always do well. But she got P3 after Max overtook her in the third last lap. But a P3 on a debut as a rookie with such little experience, she is not going to let it get to her head but equally she's not going to lose confidence.
-
By the time they get to China, y/n has lost out on any wins but she took a P2 in Saudi Arabia and then again in Japan where she beat Max who didn't even make the podium after being on the receiving end of damage from George who told the team his most famous line "he just turned in on me".
Y/n and Max find themselves yet again in the press conference next to each other, since the two are beginning to be rival pitted against each other.
"Y/n, you haven't got a win but you are proving that Mercedes made a good investment with you. How are you feeling about getting a win?"
"I mean I would never want to assume that it's close. I'm young, I make mistakes and I'm still learning. But I want more than a first win or a singular win. I want to take a win and then collect them like the man sitting next to me did last year. I just don't know if I can do that with where I am now."
"Thank you. And a question for Max, do you think that the loss in consistent competitive form is going to risk you taking the next championship title?"
Another question about how Red Bull isn't beating the rest of the field without struggle like last year.
"No." Max answers simply making y/n smile from beside him and nod in approval of his simply.
-
The fans online began to notice y/n and Max growing close, mainly because of the consistent number of times they're getting top three positions in qualifying or taking podiums.
But more importantly, they're noticing the way Max looks at y/n is in complete and utter adoration. Every time she puts an journalist in their place (much to Mercedes PR team's dismay) or shoots down attempts at painting her as anything that she isn't.
People are treating her quite like they treat Max. They love her or despise her. And her closeness with Max is beginning to grate even more on those who don't like her.
The drivers love her, though some believe that she is doomed to make a costly mistake soon enough that will be humbling to her F1 experience so far.
"Do you live in Monaco?" Max asks as they walk out of yet another Thursday press conference.
"I do. Only just moved there recently but I do live there now." Y/n confirms with a small smile. "Why...?"
"You should come play padel with some of the drivers and I. We play quite often when we're between races." Max states earning a slightly shy smile. "And if you want a comfortable trip home, I have a private jet and helicopter."
"Oh...is that an invitation?" Y/n questions jokingly while nudging him a little. "You must be wanting to feed those rumours about us."
Max is more than aware of the rumours, mainly because there's been some questions about whether Max has a crush on the young woman. He's yet to properly deny the suggestion but nor has he confirmed it.
"Maybe I do." Max smirks making her head whip around from where she'd turned to look forward.
"E-Excuse me?" Y/n chokes out clearly in shock of his words.
"Maybe I do."
No wavering and no doubt in his own words while she looks at him in shock of his words.
"I-"
"Can just say yes to the padel game offer and come back with me on my jet." Max pushes making her face flush, completely speechless as she looks at him.
Y/n is pulled away before she can properly agree but Max feels confident that he's finally found the courage to say something and confident about the outcome.
Meanwhile, y/n gets through the weekend only managing to actually focus on her job when she's actually in the cockpit.
"Y/n is closing in again. 1.2 behind." GP warns after a few laps following them pitting at the same time.
"You can do this, y/n." Her own engineer, Vinnie states calmly in her ear.
There's 7 laps lefts and if she gets him, he could fight back. If she forces him to defend then it will cost him.
"Gap behind?" Y/n checks making sure she is not about to attack and possibly fail then fall right into someone else's clutches.
"Norris, 5.9 behind. No threat at current."
Not threat at current meaning, take this opportunity and take P1.
Y/n sucks in a breath as she lunges down the inside of the corner, late breaking and managing to get ahead. Keeping ahead of Max is the issue and they're side by side going down the straight.
"You've got this."
"Stop talking." Y/n demands gritting her teeth, she's ahead going into the turn and now all she has to do is focus on breaking DRS. Which is near impossible so defending until that is the case or putting her foot to the floor is the only solution.
She's risking it, her tyre management out the window as she does everything to pull out of Max's reach.
"He's fighting to keep up. Last lap, do not ease up but no risk."
Y/n body is buzzing with adrenaline.
It's in her reach rookie season win, what everyone has said she's incapable of.
But of course, nothing comes easily. Her tyre fails and the car spins, her hands removed from the steering wheel and her eyes clamped shut. It's slowing down but not fast enough and when it comes to a fast stop, her body screams in pain.
The win gone and her car totalled. All in the last seconds.
"Y/n? Y/n, are you ok?"
Y/n takes heavy breaths, twisting the steering wheel upright and pressing the radio button.
"I'm ok." Y/n chokes out, pain encompassing her as she feels emotions catch up. "I'm sorry."
"Help is-
Fingers lift her visor distracting her from the voice in her ear.
"Y/n?" Max questions looking into her visor, the tears shining in her eyes as she drops her head, a sob escaping before she can capture it.
"You-"
Y/n unclips her radio as the medical team shows up, cutting Vinnie's words off. She shoves her steering wheel onto the car then standing up, she's bruised both emotionally and physical as she takes a moment just sitting on the halo.
It takes a few moments, sort of shaking off the initial shock of her crash as she is helped with getting her helmet off by Max and it's then she realises he stopped on track next to her to rush to her aid.
"I'm ok. I'm fine. Really." Y/n insists as the doctors fussing over her while Max stands nearby.
"That's one way to guarantee a win by the way." Max states making her shoot up up to meet his gaze. "I had to pull back to not crash into you. But you got over that line and won."
"I won?" Y/n chokes out earning a nod. "Oh my god, ah! Oh my god!"
Y/n jumps onto the Dutchman and laughing, though the pain ripples through her body before she grabs her helmet and everything else, ignoring the awaiting medical car that wants to drive her and allow her to do the podium before they insist she be checked over.
Her legs ignore the bone deep ache as she sprints to the pit lane tears streaking down her cheeks as she is caught by the Mercedes team.
"I won. I fucking won."
"And you made it the most memorable win in the world." Vinnie laughs as Max appears actually taking the lift from the medical car and congratulating Lando on his P3.
"Didn't take you as much of a hero." Lando comments to Max who just shrugs toff while Lando smirks before y/n appears hugging Lando and congratulating him.
Max is jumped on again held tightly in a hug that he is more than happy to accept.
Eventually interviews are conducted by Jenson and he looks thrilled for her. Just as everyone is.
"Y/n, you just won your first race by literally crashing across the line. That has to be the most memorable and iconic win ever. Never mind the most amazing win as far as first wins go. You literally drove yourself half to death, we could all tell you were willing to risk it to take the win."
"Yeah...I actually thought I bottled it and lost the win. I was sure of it."
"Well you certainly have amazed everyone. I know we are trying to rush this along so you can have your podium celebrations then get yourself to the medical centre."
Max and Lando are interviewed too before they all head up, straight to the podium, skipping the cool down room.
Trophies are handed out, she gets her medal and then the champagne is stayed, her own body and suit soaked with the alcohol before she taps bottles with the boys and swallows a mouthful.
"Can I see you when your debrief is done?" Y/n asks as she walks with Max, Lando already having rushed off ahead of them.
-
Y/n smiles stepping out of the car as she steps onto the tarmac. Her body has recovered in the past 12 hours since her race winning crash.
Now she's stepping towards Max's private jet to get home to Monaco.
"Flying in luxury might be something I could get used to if this is an open invitation." Y/n jokes before sitting down next to Max. "Oh you have no idea how many edits I've been tagged in of the moment you jumped out your car and rushed to me...It was pretty...tear-jerking."
"Stop making fun. It was a huge crash. I heard later that it was 42g that you took and walked away from-ran away from."
"I guess I deserve more credit and praise then." Y/n jokes before sighing softly. "It hurt pretty bad, but I was more upset because I thought I'd just fucked up a win out of determination to pull away from giving you DRS."
"It is a win for the history books, y/n. Don't underestimate what you did and how much you just changed the sport. A rookie win for a female driver with such little experience. You just changed everything." Max states while she smiles softly. "I am your biggest fan."
"Self-appointed biggest fan." Y/n laughs then resting her head on his shoulder in a comfortable and private atmosphere which makes her feel completely safe to be so affectionate. "I think you might be the best travel buddy too."
And that's how they end up spending the entire flight home cuddled into one another, y/n talking and using the time to get advice and discuss the race. Also making plans together and talking all about padel and the possibility of what it might be like to spend more time together.
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nincompoopydoo · 2 months
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Hey! Can you please write something for Aaron Hotchner with the prompt ‘I never saw such a woman, she would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold.’ ?
YOU ARE IN LOVE
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PAIRING: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader WORD COUNT: 800+ SUMMARY: Hotch is in love and you’re trying to figure out who. Little did you know… A/N: can u tell i love writing confessions ;-; and peek the ts reference! anyway hotch has my whole heart. thanks for the request! note: paragraphs in italics is a flashback. WARNINGS: swearing. reader being kinda clueless. mentions of a gun. no beta we die like men. PROMPT: “I never saw such a woman. She would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold.” [from this prompt list] MASTERLIST
“I know that look, Hotch,” you hint with a natural inquisitive tone, “You are in love.”
This was normal for the two of you – an unlikely friendship with a shared need for coffee to survive late-night paperwork, rudimentary for a budding friendship of otherwise Quantico strangers. You crossed paths from your work with the CNU on the floor below and first backed the BAU a year ago with a hostage negotiation. You were new to the job but rose quickly up the ranks. Ever since, you kept seeing each other everywhere.
11 pm. Coffee. You’d always meet.
He isn’t sure how the topic of being in love came about, but he suspects you had a hunch for quite some time. For a moment, Hotch’s heart drops at your words but quickly catches the curiosity in your tone, and the general ignorance to the fact that your prying means a lot more to him than you realised.
You really haven’t got a clue.
Hotch feels a beckoning of warmth flaring in his cheeks, spurring a sheepish smile and a passing light chuckle. His gaze trails the rising steam billowing from his black coffee and disappearing into the expanse of his office.
He shifts his eyes to you, casually hunched in your seat, legs stretched out, and your coat hung at the back of the chair. You’re watching him with a curious look.
“In love is a bit of a stretch.”  
That’s a lie. He’s very much in love with you.
Your smile curves into a sly smirk. You know he’s lying.
“So, you don’t deny it?”
“Are you interrogating me?”
You scoff, shifting in your seat to cross your arms. “Look, be thankful I’m not using hostage negotiation tactics on you right now. Answer the question, Hotch.”
Hotch laughs, and it leaves him with a small smile. He shakes his head, gaze falling to his mug once more. “I don’t deny it.”
You simply hum. “I won’t pry, but I believe it’s customary to tell me how you met and what she’s like.”
Hotch raises a brow, and you reflect his expression – it’s a challenge. He’ll never make it out of Quantico if he doesn’t tell you.
With a heavy sigh, he ultimately gives in. 
“We first met on the field. She assisted us on a case…”
“Agent Hotchner!”
He spins around to see you trudging across the road while strapping on your tactical vest. You introduced yourself with a polite smile through squinted eyes under the glaring sun and shook his hand. Firmly.
You’re CNU – hostage negotiator. A fresh face.
“We appreciate you coming on short notice,” Hotch says curtly, though the smile that tugs his mouth betrays his usually serious demeanour.
“Well, anything for our upstairs neighbours.” You beam up at him, and Hotch prays that his suddenly flushed cheeks are hidden under the shade of the nearby trees.
You make a final adjustment to your vest with a light huff and unclasp the holster that secured your gun, withdraw it and extend your firearm to Hotch in a heartbeat. It’s a silent request and an act of trust.
Hotch hesitantly took the gun from your grasp. “You sure about this?”
You pressed your lips in a thin line. You were terrified. “Yeah... Unsub isn’t gonna talk with a gun in his face.”
Another smile his way. “Just cover me while I’m in there.”
Your words resonate with a heaviness that strikes directly at his heart. There’s a clear passion for your job despite your horrified disposition. It isn’t noticeable, but he sees it. He respects that about you.
Hotch just nods assuringly, “Always.”
“– Alright, pause. She’s highly intelligent, an excellent communicator, fears nothing, and I’m assuming incredibly hot...” You stop yourself and laugh to yourself, expression gleaming with amusement. “I never saw such a woman. She would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold.”
You don’t mean to, but he can see you trying to ‘crack the case’: the identity mysterious woman. He knows you’ll uncover the truth eventually. Despite harbouring a confession for months, Hotch understands there may never be a right time. It needs to be now.
So, he allows you to piece it together.
“She certainly is.”
You’re not listening anymore, brows shooting up like you just had a revelation. “Wait, you mentioned she’s a negotiator?”
“Yeah, she’s from the floor below.”
Your brows furrow with confusion.
“The floor below?! But there’s only Annie, who’s very much happily married, and–”
A beat. Realisation settles upon your face, and Hotch’s heart leaps.
Oh.
OH.
You blink at him, dumbfounded.
It’s you.
“...You’re in love with me?”
Your words are barely audible and careful, bearing their fragile weight and gravity. There’s a crease between your brows, eyes gleaming with expectancy. 
He has never been so sure.
“Yeah, I think I am.”
A beat. He says it so plainly that it assures any doubts you had before. Your breath hitches.
Hotch is in love with you.
Instantly, your face splits into a bashful smile as you reach for his hand, a gentle touch to your palm, fingers intertwined with your own.
“I think I’m in love with you too.”
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in-my-feels-probably · 11 months
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Home - Benedict Bridgerton x Reader
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Request: Have you considered Benedict falling for a friend of Daphne's? Like if they're as close as Pen and Eloise but maybe with a little less drama? I think it would be funny for Benedict to ask for advice on how to talk to her and Daph being done. Just "you've known her for as long as I have."
Hi! Thank you again for the request, this is such a cute idea. I hope you don’t mind, but I made the reader a Featherington. I went a little off track too, it was easier for me to write that way. If this isn’t what you were looking for, I’m happy to take another request or alter this one. Sorry for the long wait on getting this out, but I hope you enjoy this :)
(Warnings: insecurity, middle child trauma, nothing else i think? idk, let me know if i missed anything)
Living in Grosvenor Square certainly had its ups and downs.
On one hand, you were mere steps away from your best friends. The Bridgertons lived right across the street, and you could visit them practically whenever you wanted. On the other hand—the not so nice hand—your family is the Featherington’s. Which isn’t an inherently bad thing. You loved your family, and could ignore most of the negatives. It just certainly has its pitfalls, being a Featherington daughter.
The Featherington’s—while rich and somewhat dignified—aren’t considered to be the most respectable of families. There wasn’t any one main reason why members of the ton didn’t much like your family, they just didn’t.
It wasn’t a personal grudge with you they had. In fact, you were quite liked by the ton.
More often than not, however, they didn’t pay much attention to you. It was easy to forget you were there when the rest of your family was the center of attention.
You were born soon after Phillipa but before Penelope, making you a middle child.
Your Mother seemed to connect with her eldest far more than her youngest, and that put a strain on your relationship. Not only that, you were much more akin to Penelope, having a lot more in common with her than your older sisters and your Mother combined. You were a bit of a wallflower, like Penelope, and it was a hard trait for your Mother to get past.
It wasn’t all negatives, though.
One of the biggest perks of being a Featherington was the fact that you lived directly across from the Bridgertons. You had spent most of your life over at their residence since the day you developed the ability to walk.
And, subsequently, the ability to walk across the street.
Violet Bridgerton’s first girl—Daphne—was born right around the same time as you were, and she decided Daphne was going to need a friend. Being the first girl born to a family of three brothers was a challenge, and Violet thought it best that Daphne should be able to socialize with a girl her age.
By the time you were both able to talk, you became inseparable. Just as your sister Penelope had come to develop a deep friendship with Eloise Bridgerton, you had come to develop your own with Daphne.
And by extension, you became good friends with her eldest brothers.
Anthony was the oldest, quite a bit older than you. He was already a handful of trouble by the time you showed up, and he already had plenty of practice teasing girls with his sisters as victims. In your first few years, he’d make it his mission each time you visited the house to fluster you, and annoy Daphne. It was harmless fun, and it never really bothered you, although he tried his hardest nonetheless. But as you got older, he became quite protective over you. It was like you were another sister to him, and you definitely bantered and squabbled like siblings do. As annoying as he could be, you loved him like a brother.
Colin was a similar story, although you saw something more to him. It was easy to, with the way Penelope talked about him endlessly. She could ramble for hours, making you listen to every painstaking detail. You definitely understood her affection for him, though. He’s charming and kind, much like his other brothers, but he’s also fun and witty. Daphne tended to favor him the most. They were closest in age, after all. Between her and Penelope, you spent quite a lot of time with him, and you certainly enjoyed his company.
But—besides Daphne—you enjoyed no other Bridgerton’s company like you did Benedict’s.
Benedict was different. He was more.
He was just as kind and charming as Anthony, and just as witty as Colin—certainly as annoyingly beautiful as Daphne—but he was more than that, too. He was sensitive and sweet, far more so than the rest of the Lords of the ton. He was passionate about art and love and valuing the little things. He didn’t care about marrying the prettiest girl for advantage, or inheriting her dowry. He cared about pursuing his dreams, and inspiring others to do the same.
Just the way he talked about his passions and values was enough to make any girl swoon, and yet he was still genuine with his words. It wasn’t for flattery or manipulation, he meant every word. Everything he did, he did for himself and the people he loves.
If it weren’t for Daphne currently holding the number one spot, you’d consider him your best friend.
He’d consider you the same.
You spend just as much time with him as you do with Daphne, and over the years, he’d come to cherish your company.
You saw him for him, not for his title. You listened to his endearing ramblings about his passions because you genuinely enjoyed hearing about them, not because you felt obligated to listen. You treated him like a person, not a prize to be won. It was all he could ask for in a best friend.
But that’s just it. That’s all you were to him. A best friend.
He was so sure that was all you’d ever be. Perhaps one day you’d be his sister in law, considering how close Penelope and Colin had gotten. You’d be family, and that was alright with him. It was what he expected. And then the unexpected happened.
He started falling.
The first time he noticed his feelings for you had shifted was the evening of a ball the Queen was throwing.
You’d come over early to get dressed with Daphne, wanting to help make sure she was perfect. She had finally revealed to you her ruse she was sharing with the Duke, you being the first person outside of their agreement to know. You were shocked at first, but as you listened to her speak, you gave her a knowing smile.
“You love him.”
Her eyes widened in shock, her cheeks blushing a rosy pink. “What? Why would you say that?”
“You love him,” you said again, smiling gently at her. “I’ve never seen you speak with such passion. With the way you talk about him, there’s no other possibility. One couldn’t possibly think that highly of another without feelings being involved—”
“You speak of my brother like that,” Daphne interrupted, chuckling when you swallowed your words.
You chose to ignore her statement, continuing to advise her on the best course of action for how to get through the remainder of her agreed upon days with the Duke. If the way he looked at her without her knowing was of any consequence, you were sure he felt the same way about her. All she had to do was make him see that.
When it was time to leave for the ball, all the Bridgerton’s piled into carriages. Daphne was hurried out the door, and she left with her Mother and Anthony, leaving you behind. When you tried to head back home to be escorted by your family, Benedict stopped you.
He had opened and closed his mouth a few times before he was able to choke out any words. Normally, he found it pretty easy to talk to you. But for some reason, the sight of you standing by his front door made his knees weak.
“I’m afraid they’ve already left,” he finally said, stopping you at the door. “They must have assumed you’d be accompanied by us.”
You groaned, feeling a pit form in your stomach. “I have no other way to get there. I promised Daphne I’d be there for her. Pen, too. She seemed quite nervous about attending tonight.”
“Not to worry,” he smiled, offering you his arm. “You can ride with me.”
You sighed in relief, thanking him profusely. “Well, aren’t you a lifesaver? Thank you, Benedict.”
“Of course,” he nodded, helping you into the carriage.
As you settled into your seat, a thought occurred to you. “Benedict…why are you still here? Not that I’m not grateful, but I don’t understand. You’ve been talking about going to the palace for days to see the Queen’s gallery. I would have expected you to be the first one out the door. But here you are.”
He was quiet for a moment as he took in your words, his eyes softening on you.
There were many things he could have said to you to easily explain it away. I’ll see the gallery soon anyways, or, I promised my Mother and yours that I’d make sure you got there safely. Numerous excuses he could have come up with to satisfy your curiosity, and yet, all that was coming to mind was, I can see the gallery another time, but I may never get to see you alone and sitting in front of me looking this beautiful with your undivided attention again, and I won’t pass up on the opportunity for anything.
“I don’t know,” he finally said as he shrugged his shoulders, feigning innocence. “But here I am.”
He didn’t truly acknowledge his feelings for you until months later, after attempting to ignore it for so long.
The second time he noticed was when he found out that the only reason he got into art school was because Anthony made a sizable donation to the Academy.
You had found him alone during yet another ton gathering, sulking on the edge of the party. Daphne had already gone home to Simon, and wouldn’t return for some time. Besides Penelope—and occasionally Eloise—Benedict was one of the only people you actually liked enough to be around. And seeing as both Penelope and Eloise were nowhere to be found, Benedict was your only hope.
You just hadn’t expected to find him nearly in tears, anxiously tugging at the cufflinks at the bottom of his sleeve.
It didn’t take much to get him to spill, and you found yourself pulling him inside to keep him away from prying eyes while he was in such a state. He told you all about Anthony’s meddling, and you knew it had crushed his heart to find out that he hadn’t actually achieved anything on his own.
“I know he did it out of the good of his heart…but I wish he hadn’t done it at all.”
He brought his hands up to cover his face, groaning into them. You reached for his wrists and tried to pull them away, but he wouldn’t budge. He finally relented when you said his name softly, letting you take his hands in yours.
“Benedict, it doesn’t matter how you got in. You’re an incredible artist, that’s all that matters,” you said softly, squeezing his hand in yours.
He shook his head, sighing in frustration. “I’m not. My work is child’s play compared to the other artists at the Academy. They all knew why I had even been given a spot in the first place. I’m an imposter, Y/N. A fraud. It was humiliating.”
“That’s a bit dramatic, darling,” you lightly chuckled, your smile fading when his defeated look didn’t waver.
“Alright, that’s it. Fess up. This can’t be all that’s bothering you. I know you, and I know you’re not one to give up that easily. You’ve been flustered all week, so what is it? You can tell me. Not that I have anyone to tell, but I won’t tell. I promise.”
His eyes softened on you as you spoke, and you could feel his grip on your hand get tighter. “I just…I’m tired.”
“Of what?”
“Of being second.”
You frowned, swiping your thumb across the back of his hand. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s just something Anthony said,” he murmured, keeping his eyes on your joined hands. “How I may be the second son, but that it doesn’t mean I am any less required to do my duties to the family. It’s rich coming from him. I’ve been second to him literally my entire life, and he’s only recently started taking his role seriously. I’ve played Father’s role since his passing. Isn’t it just my luck that he’s getting the credit for it?”
“You may be second to him in birth, but that is the only way you’re second. You’re every bit as good as him, Benedict,” you said firmly, but you weren’t sure if your words were sinking in.
He was uncharacteristically quiet, though his grip on your hands hadn’t wavered. His eyes were still on the floor, and his shoulders were shaking as he took uneven breaths.
“I know what that feels like, you know,” you finally said, making him glance up at you. “I’m a Featherington. A middle child at that, and it’s no secret my Mother favors my older sisters.”
Benedict let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “She’s wrong to. I don’t mean to be rude, but you and Pen are worlds more interesting and gracious than your sisters. The eldest, at least.”
“You don’t even know them,” you said in shock, but you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing, too.
“I don’t need to. You’re the only one I’m interested in knowing. Middle child or not.”
You couldn’t help but smile, although his kind words weren’t enough. The more you thought about just how second to the world you were, the more your smile faded.
“It’s not just being the middle child,” you continued, speaking softly. “I love your sister more than almost anything in this whole world, but I have always been second to her, too. She was the diamond of the season the second she was let out of leading strings, and now she’s my Duchess. I’m so happy for her, but it does put a damper on your confidence. Watching your best friend grow into this person everyone loves, and it’s like she didn’t even try.”
“Y/N—”
“Sometimes I feel awful, thinking this way. I know she tried, I was there for her every time she’d get overwhelmed. But she made it look so easy. I don’t know how she did it,” you rambled, taking a shuddering breath as you stopped yourself from speaking.
Benedict’s eyes softened on you as you spoke, making you want to shrink away from his gaze. He was being kind, and you didn’t know if it was genuine or not. If he was faking it for your sake, that was much worse than his actual pity.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me, let’s get back to you—”
“Y/N,” he said again, this time effectively silencing you. “You can’t possibly feel that way.”
It was your turn to look at the floor. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s true.”
“That is the furthest thing from the truth,” he said gently, taking your hand. “You’re every bit as good as my sister. I know she makes things look easy, but she spoke just as highly of you as you do of her.”
You raised a brow. “Really?”
“Really. She used to tell me how kind you were to her, even after Lady Whistledown printed her supposed scandals. You were never judgemental.”
“I have no right to judge anyone, especially not her. She’s never said a bad thing about anyone, it isn’t right that people just took a scandal sheet as truth. And, if anything, she was kind to me. She, Eloise, Colin, and you are pretty much the only members of the ton that treat me like a normal person and not an outcast because of who my family is.”
Benedict smiled, squeezing your hand. “I would never dream of treating you any other way.”
You fought the flush that crept up to your cheeks, feeling the heat settle in them. You cleared your throat, shaking your head.
“Anyway,” you smiled, meeting his eyes. “I don’t mean to keep you away. Should we go back to the party? Someone may be looking for you. You’re quite popular, you know.”
Benedict couldn’t help but smile. And as he watched you look up at him through gentle eyes and an open heart, he couldn’t bring himself to move. It was like his feet were stuck to the floor, and he didn’t want to do anything to pull them up. He shook his head, keeping his hand in yours.
“No,” he finally answered, taking a seat. “Let them look. I’d much rather spend my evening with you. If you’ll allow me to, that is.”
You shook your head, taking a seat next to him. “I’ve got nowhere I’d rather be.”
The third time he noticed was when you, Daphne, and he accompanied Penelope and Colin to promenade throughout the square. She and Simon had come to visit, and she wanted to spend time with you and her family.
This time, he couldn’t ignore his feelings.
You followed behind Colin and Penelope, giving them enough room to speak privately without feeling like their older siblings were on their backs. You smiled as you watched Penelope look up at him, Colin being as gentlemanly as ever.
“It took him long enough,” you said, making Benedict chuckle.
“I thought he’d never figure it out.”
“Me either,” you agreed, grinning as you watched Colin smile down at your sister. “I should bash him over the head. I’ve listened to Pen spend countless hours rambling on about how utterly oblivious Colin can be. He owes me a debt.”
“He isn’t the only oblivious person I know,” Daphne piped in, making your eyes widen.
You had told her countless times about your feelings for Benedict, and how he never seemed to reciprocate them.
What you didn’t know is that he had done the same, on more than one occasion going to his siblings for advice on how to address them. Pushing them down until he couldn’t feel them seemed to be working, at least until now. And as far as he knew, you didn’t reciprocate his feelings either.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said nervously, silently pleading with her to drop the subject.
“Neither do I,” Benedict added, making Daphne chuckle.
She just grinned, ever so slightly raising a brow. “I mean Anthony, of course. It took him quite a while to realize that what he felt for Kate was much more than rivalry. I practically had to beg it out of him.”
“You’re a little matchmaker, aren’t you?” You asked, smiling at her. “Who’s next? Eloise, perhaps?”
“Perhaps…you?”
You immediately stilled, making them stop, too. “Me?”
“Don’t look so surprised, Y/N. You’ve been my best friend for ages, and I know what’s good for you. You’re lonely. And as awful as it is, the ton will start to talk. If the only people you talk to outside of your own family are Benedict and I, they’ll begin to notice.”
You frowned, nodding. She was right. Harsh, but right. The threat of becoming a spinster was looming over your head every season, and it had only gotten worse after Daphne married in her first season. Your second season came and went, and you were now in your third.
Without any prospects.
And it was looking like your baby sister was going to beat you to the punch as well. You were silent, a small frown on your face.
Thankfully, Benedict broke the silence. Just the thought of you marrying someone—especially someone who didn’t deserve you—made his skin crawl. He felt like he could keel over, and by the look on your face, he could tell you were feeling similarly. He couldn’t keep himself from turning you away from Daphne’s advice.
“Why settle?” He asked cautiously, giving you a sympathetic look. “Don’t let the ton pressure you. You’ll know when it’s the right time.”
You had fully made it around the square, now back in front of your house. Penelope was saying goodbye to Colin, at least for the moment. His Mother invited you and Penelope to dinner to welcome Simon and Daphne home, and so they’d see each other again in mere hours.
You gave Benedict a grateful smile, nodding. “You’re right. Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time to pull our siblings apart before they actually become attached at the hip. Mother wants us home before we join you later.”
Daphne chuckled, taking your hands in hers. “I think you’re right. I’ll see you soon, dearest.”
You squeezed her hands in yours, before going to gather your sister. You gave Colin a knowing smile, turning and heading inside with your sister in tow. The Bridgerton’s did the same, filing into their house one by one.
The second Benedict shut the door behind him, he collapsed against it, groaning. “What was all that for, Daph?”
“What? I was simply giving you both a little nudge. God knows you needed one. You’re even worse than Colin was, brother.”
“I don’t need a nudge. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
Colin laughed, taking off his coat as he headed up the stairs. “I could hear your stuttering. It was laughable.”
“Oh, piss off,” Benedict pouted, waving away Colin as he chuckled the rest of the way up the stairs.
Daphne offered him a small smile, letting out a sigh. She took his arm, leading them to the sitting room. After promptly sitting down, she gave him an expectant look, and he reluctantly sat next to her.
“Out with it,” she urged. “Why did our conversation with Y/N bother you so?”
“I don’t know,” he huffed, shaking his head.
Daphne narrowed her eyes, speaking gently but firmly. “You do know, Benedict. Admit it. You feel something for her.”
“Does it matter? She doesn’t feel the same way.”
“How could you possibly know that?” Daphne exasperatedly asked, nearly bursting at the seams.
She knew of both your affections for each other, and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to tell either of you about the other. It didn’t feel right, going behind the other’s back. She had decided the moment she knew of each of your feelings to let the matter run its own course. What she hadn’t anticipated was it taking this long.
It was getting near impossible to keep the secret, and she decided a little meddling was excusable.
“She’s never said anything to me that would allude to her feeling anything for me. What would you have me do? Ask her directly?”
“There’s an idea,” Daphne shrugged.
Benedict sighed, trying to shove down the anxiety he felt at the thought of confronting you. “You saw me out there. I wouldn’t even know where to start. How do I talk to her?”
“You’ve known her as long as I have, brother. She’s your best friend! Just talk to her. She’ll understand, I promise. She won’t hurt your feelings if that’s what you’re worried about. You know she won’t.”
“Then why do I feel like I’m going to be sick at the mere thought of talking to her about it?”
Daphne smiled, her eyes softening. “Because you love her.”
Benedict’s shoulders fell, like Daphne just saying it out loud was the first time he was admitting it to himself. Like his feelings hadn’t fully sunk in, and now they were hitting him all at once like a freight train. It was a realization for him, and it both excited and terrified him at the same time. His emotion was clear on his face as his mouth fell open, making Daphne’s smile widen.
“Don’t worry, brother,” she reassured him. “It will all work out. I truly believe that. Take the afternoon to yourself, and keep your mind off of it till dinner. You’ll know the right thing to say when it’s time.”
That evening, you returned to the Bridgerton’s residence with Penelope.
The family gathered in the sitting room before dinner was ready, but Daphne pulled you away before you could follow. She took you all the way to the backyard, sitting down on the swing. She motioned for you to follow, and you took a seat on the swing next to her.
“I wanted to apologize about earlier,” she said softly. “I saw your face, I know I upset you. That wasn’t my intention, and I hope you can forgive me.”
You shook your head. “Don’t apologize. I needed to hear it. I might not like it, but I needed to hear it.”
“It hurt, Y/N. You don’t have to minimize that to spare my feelings. It’s alright to admit it. Do you…do you want to talk about it? I think there’s something more to it that’s bothering you, love.”
She was right.
Of course she was, she was always right. You sighed, turning to look back through the window into the house. You could see Penelope standing with the rest of the family, laughing at something Colin was telling her. He was smiling down at her like she had hung every star in the sky, just so he could have the chance to watch them sparkle. It was beautiful.
And it was painful.
“I just,” you started, keeping your eyes on Penelope. “I’m happy for her. I’m so happy for her. But I’m feeling a bit left behind.”
Daphne took your hand, leaning closer. “What do you mean?”
“I feel so selfish saying this, but…it’s what I want. She’s getting all that I want. All my life, I’ve wanted what you and your family have. You’re all so loved, and you love each other so deeply. Pen deserves that, I want her to have that. And I have no doubt that by the end of the season, she’ll have it. She’ll marry Colin, and officially be a Bridgerton. Part of the family. But she won’t be mine anymore. And I won’t be hers.”
Daphne frowned, squeezing your hand in hers. She turned you to meet her eyes, giving you a knowing look.
“I have a feeling this has more to do with a certain brother of mine. And I don’t mean Colin.”
You frowned, and she knew she was right.
“This is about Benedict. With Penelope being with Colin, it’s a reminder that you’re not with him. And you want to be with him.”
You couldn’t deny your feelings any longer. “I do. God, I really do. But it’s more than that. I want to be his family. I want to be your family.”
“And you’ve had to silently watch Penelope get what you’ve been waiting for,” Daphne said in realization, her heart breaking when you nodded.
Daphne stood up, pulling you with her. She wrapped you into a tight hug, refusing to relent until you hugged her back. You sighed in frustration, letting her gently rock you back and forth.
“Y/N,” she said softly, pulling away. “You’re already my sister. Regardless of who you end up with, whether it’s my brother or not. Wherever you end up, it doesn’t matter. You will always be my sister. You never have to worry about that. Not ever.”
You smiled softly, squeezing her hands. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a throat cleared behind you. You quickly turned to see Benedict standing at the door.
“Mother told me to come collect you both. Dinner will be soon. Daph, Simon is asking after you.”
Daphne nodded, turning back to you. “Come along, then.”
“Actually,” Benedict interrupted, his eyes falling on you. “Could I have a moment alone with Y/N, please? If it’s alright with you.”
“Of course,” you said nervously, nodding towards Daphne.
Daphne smiled, nodding back. She patted Benedict on the shoulder as she headed back inside, closing the door behind her.
When she was gone, Benedict gave you a sheepish smile. He motioned for you to sit down, and you took a seat on the swing. He sat on the swing next to you, turning his body so that he was facing you. His knees brushed yours as he settled.
“What is it?” You asked, giving him all your attention.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
Your eyes softened on him, and you laid your hand on his arm. “I’m alright, Ben. Better now, since you’ve arrived.”
“Cheesy,” he smiled, but his heart was fluttering in his chest. “You know how to make a man smile, don’t you?”
“I didn’t think I was doing anything in particular,” you shrugged.
Benedict’s smile widened, and he couldn’t help but ponder his feelings for you. From the moment he found you alone on his doorstep, to when you took care of him at his lowest. From the way you treated his family, to the selflessness you never failed to put before your own wishes. From the way you made him feel, to the way he so desperately hoped you felt. He couldn’t stop himself from confessing, hoping his words wouldn’t come back to haunt him.
“I have to tell you something,” he murmured, taking a shuddering breath after he realized what he said, and what he was about to do.
You nodded. “What is it?”
“I think—and in case this is a huge mistake on my part, please forgive me—but, I think…I think I’m in love with you.”
You stiffened, standing up from the swing. “What?”
“I,” he stuttered, standing up as well. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was—”
You cut him off, taking his hands in yours. “Say it again.”
Benedict’s eyes widened, and you had caught him at a loss for words. He felt like you had punched him in the gut, sending him to his knees. But he nodded, squeezing your hands in his.
“I love you,” he said again, softer this time as he looked at you through gentle eyes. “I’ve loved you from the moment you got into that carriage with me, and I’ve loved you every moment since. I love you.”
Your shoulders fell, and you could feel the tears welling in your eyes. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, clinging tightly to his hands. You felt like your knees could give out, and the only thing holding you up was him.
“You’re not lying? You’re serious?”
Benedict almost laughed, nodding. “Yes, Y/N. I’m serious. Do you really think I would jest about this?”
You couldn’t help but laugh as well, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth. “All that time. All that time, and you couldn’t tell me? You certainly waited long enough.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand, darling,” he said, cocking his head in confusion.
You were starting to worry him now, concern written all over his face. It made your heart clench in your chest.
You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. You were so happy, you couldn’t help but hold him close, smiling wider when you felt his arms wrap around your waist, despite his confusion. You held him tight, standing up on your toes so he could hear you loud and clear.
“I love you too, Benedict.”
He instantly pulled away, holding you back at arms length. “You what?”
“I love you,” you said again, taking his hands. “And I’ve been waiting ages for the day you’d finally tell me you felt the same. I never thought I’d hear you say the words, but I am so happy that you did.”
It was his turn to ask. “You’re serious? This isn’t a joke?”
You shook your head, and he squeezed your hands. You brought one of your joined hands up to press a kiss to the back of his, smiling up at him.
“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
A/N - Hi! I’m so sorry this took so long, it took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to write. Not sure why this one was so difficult, but I finished it! I hope you enjoyed it :)
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band--psycho · 11 months
Text
Harvey Specter x Reader- Stop Being So Stubborn
This story was requested by a lovely anon!!
Thank you so much for the request! (I'm also going to put this as a story for my A-Z Writing Challenge)
I hope you all enjoy this! 💛
Third Person POV
“Looks like Y/ns finally gone home,” Mike stated, sipping his coffee before looking over at the office across from Harvey’s.
Pretty much everyone at the office has been telling her to go home and rest; Harvey knew that even though he was one of the very few people who hadn’t said those words to her, partially because he didn’t want to get his head bitten off.
“I wouldn’t be so sure on that,” Harvey replied, not lifting his eyes from his paperwork once.
Y/n was as stubborn as he was, he knew her and he knew that just because she wasn’t in her office didn’t mean that she’d gone home. 
On late shifts such as these, the most common place to find Y/n was down in the library. 
So once Mike left, a few moments after their conversation, that’s where Harvey headed, but not before stopping off in the kitchen to make Y/n a much needed hot drink. 
“I thought I’d find you here,” he said as he entered the room.
A small sigh left Y/ns lips, “Congratulations on using your excellent detective skills,Mr Specter.”
The sarcasm in her voice was clear, as was the frustration at the interruption. 
“It wasn’t that hard, I could hear you sneezing from the hallway,” Harvey pointed out as he made his way closer to her:
“If you’re here to tell me to go home you’re wasting your breath,” she mumbled; her slightly bloodshot eyes fixed on the book infront of her.
Harvey was silent for a few moments as he sat down on the chair next to her and placed the drink he’d made her next to her, before saying, “You need to rest,”
He could tell she hadn’t been sleeping, not because of her snappy mood but because of the dark circles under her eyes. 
For a brief second her eyes left the page and glanced over at the hot drink now next to her. 
“I’ll rest when this case is over,” she mumbled, turning her attention back to the book she was reading. 
“If you don’t rest, you’ll make yourself worse and potentially lose the case,” Harvey was trying to be reasonable; make Y/n see that there was no way she could go into court and present the case, when she was like this, and win. 
He knew how hard she’d been working on this case and how much she wanted to impress everyone by winning it; the case meant a lot to her, he didn’t want her own stubbornness to be the reason she lost it. He didn’t want all her hard work to have been for nothing. 
“I’m fi-” 
Before Y/n even got the chance to finish that sentence she went into a coughing fit; which then made her eyes water. 
“You were saying?” Harvey said with raised eyebrows as he looked at Y/n and nudged the hot drink closer to her.
“Shut up,” Y/n mumbled, sipping on the hot drink he’d made her, hating that she’d inadvertently proved Harvey right, but also savouring the brief relief the hot drink provided her throat.
“Sweetheart-” Harvey began; his eyes soft as he looked at her, silently urging her to just stop being so damn stubborn.
“I need to finish this case,” the bluntness in her reply was an evident sign of her frustration; and the fact that Harvey only ever called her sweetheart when he was worried about her. 
“And you can,” he assured her as he placed his hand on top of hers lightly, it made a small wave of relief wash over Y/n, knowing that she didn’t have to fight him about this anymore; because she didn’t have the energy to do so. 
That was until a singular word made all of that relief vanish, “Tomorrow”
“Harvey-”
“If you don’t, I’ll tell Jessica to give the case to someone else,” Harvey interrupted, trying to ignore the guilt that gnawed at his heart when he saw the anger building in her y/e/c eyes.
It was a low blow; he knew that, but he was running out of options .
“You wouldn’t,”
“Do you really want to test that theory?”
“Blackmailing is illegal, you know,”
Of course he knew. 
But he also just didn’t really care about that. 
He cared about her. 
And making sure that she got the rest she so clearly needed.
“I’m aware, but if it means you can get some rest then I’m willing to do it,”
Y/n stared at him; as if trying to work out if he was serious about the threat he just made. 
“Fine,” she sighed in defeat as she closed the book she was reading. 
“Good,” Harvey concurred, “now drink your drink so we can get out of here,”
The shock was evident in Y/ns eyes at his words. 
“I can get home by myself,” she stated bluntly, putting her bay over her shoulder.
“It’s 10pm, in the middle of winter and you have a cold, like hell are you walking home, I’ll drop you there,” Harvey wasn’t asking; he was telling her that this was happening. 
He didn’t want her walking home, alone, not this late. 
“I need to go to the store-” 
“What’s this?” She asked cutting off her own sentence as Harvey handed her a small bag. 
“I asked Donna if she could get some medicine from the store,” Harvey explained. 
It wasn’t much, just some cold and flu relief, throat sweets, painkillers for the headaches he knew she got. 
He watched as the anger that had been burning in her eyes began to dwindle, “If I didn’t have a cold right now I would kiss you.”
The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them; but she didn’t regret them, not really. 
Her and Harvey had always been close and especially recently, their connection only seemed to grow. 
Harvey tried to stop a beaming smile from touching his lips but he couldn’t.
“How about we take a rain check for when you’re better, I’ll even take you out for dinner,if you want?” Harvet asked, and although he looked calm, his heart was racing so fast he was almost sure Y/n could hear it.
“Mr Specter, are you asking me out on a date?”
“Miss Y/l/n I believe you were the one who said you wanted to kiss me,” Harvey countered, “and yes, yes I am,”
He didn’t give her time to answer; they could discuss all of this tomorrow right now, it was getting later and Harvey was aware of that. 
“Now let’s get you home.”
Tagging:
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runningfrom2am · 5 months
Text
leveling the playing field IX
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summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 2.6k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there
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a/n: here we are!! 'season' two!! thanks so much for reading it and I'm SO so glad lots of people seem to love it :) if you do, please reblog it or leave your thoughts in the replies or in my inbox! i love hearing from you and talking about it so don't be a stranger !
without further adieu,, enter buzzcut coryo <3
next part
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Coriolanus's stomach twisted as he could hear your screams from the hall, even though by then he was all the way on the other side of the school. He thought that was unsettling, only for them to abruptly stop just before he left. The silence that followed was so much worse. He didn't get any sleep, sitting on the roof in Grandma'ams rose garden with Tigris all night, wondering if you were dead.
He was just sick about it, even as he left the following morning, so early that the sun was yet to rise. It was a long, painful ride, and he spent the entire thing certain that you were dead. It was his fault, he had only wanted you to come with him, so he wouldn't be alone, but now he truly is alone and he won't even have you to write to back home. Regardless, he would try.
Rather than sit with the idea that it might even be pointless for him to live another day, especially with this unflattering haircut and a uniform that challenged the discomfort of the academy one, he decided to write to you on a paper he had found bunched between the train seats to ease his mind.
Y/N/N,
I hope you're reading this. I hope this gets back to you at home and finds you safe and sound, and you're sitting over your desk with a textbook open getting ready for university in the fall. That's not what's happening though, is it? You're probably dead. I probably killed you. If you are reading this in your room, or your library, or over my shoulder as I write this because you are only alive in what's left of your spirit, I hope you know that I am sorry. I did it because I wanted you with me, because in the moment I was so sure you'd be better off with me in the districts than you would be at home with your father. I think I was wrong. But I still miss you. You meant more to me than I ever told you. I guess, more than I ever told myself either until these last few weeks.
I think I heard them kill you after I left you with the Dean. If they did, boy, did you go out fighting. I always knew you would. I can't stop writing in case I never get to speak to you again. But again, maybe you're not dead, right?
Please tell me you're not dead.
Yours,
Always yours, your Coryo
He smoothes out the wrinkled sheet as he writes, hand shaking through most of it. He doesn't know if he should even bother sending it, or if he should just fold it up and throw it out the window in hopes that the message will find its way to your ghost. No, he has to send it. Otherwise he'll definitely never know, at least not for twenty years, and he couldn't bear that.
The wind hits the trees into the windows of the train as it rolls along the tracks, demanding that the branches be heard against the glass. It reminds him of you. Then again, what doesn't these days? Maybe it was just you letting him know you had read his letter, and that you forgive him. That would give him a semblance of peace for the rest of the ride.
When you woke up, it was impossible to tell what time it was. You only knew that it was dark, and your bedroom door was locked from the outside when you got up and carefully tried to open it only to be blocked by the mechanism.
"I have half the mind to agree with you on the Avox thing." You hear your dad sigh, his voice echoing from his study just down the hall. Your eyes widen and you try the knob again. Yep, still locked. "But we could always send her to Nine or Ten as a nurse. She's not staying here, that's certain."
"I don't want to push your decision, here, but she was saying she would tell everyone. She knows more than we thought, more details." Highbottom was here too, great.
"No, that's impossible. What did she say?"
"She knows we're selling, likely that you're storing it all here somewhere, and she knows it's enough to be treason. I don't know what else she knows, but it's risky business ever letting her out of that room again. The procedure might be our best option, here." You've heard enough, quickly making for your window instead. It's locked as well, but draping your old uniform over the lever gives you enough freedom to crush it with a particularly heavy, hardcover textbook without making much noise.
You change quickly, grabbing a few essentials that you could fit into your book bag, then climb out the window and slide down the back porch column before making as quiet of an escape as possible. Adrenaline carried you a few blocks away, but now, you were unsure what to do. You couldn't return, and you couldn't be seen, and you had a tragic shortage of friends at the moment. You find your feet carrying you toward the building you know Coriolanus lives in.
You're not particularly excited to see him, but with no other options, you're sure you can find it in yourself to be forgiving just this once. You could go to Sejanus's family home, but it's not far enough away, and you're not sure what his father would say. He'd probably call your dad in a second and it would all be for naught- you couldn't risk it. So, Coryo's it was.
You enter the building, walking straight for the elevator. He was in the penthouse, so you just have to hit the very top button and figure it out from there. You've never been to his home before, but he's talked about it plenty. Enough that you could find your way there, at least.
You groan when you quickly realize the elevator doesn't work, looking over at the stairs. It's a tall building, so you've got a long way to go. You wonder how he does this every day as you climb up set after set of stairs, taking note of how the walls are basically crumbling around you.
You knew he didn't have money, that he couldn't eat, but you didn't think he lived like this. No wonder he was so thin, and no wonder he still had any muscle left on his body. It was these damn stairs. That couldn't be it though, that wouldn't explain how his shoulders just seemed to go on for miles- maybe he had some kind of workout routine you never knew about.
You're drawn from your thoughts when you reach the top of the last staircase, hesitating to open the industrial looking door in front of you. Just beyond that was the front door to the Snow penthouse, and now that you're here, you're not sure what to do. Do you knock? You don't even know what time it is.
You sit by the door, deciding to think it over for a bit. It doesn't take you long to fall asleep leaning up against the wall where it meets the dusty floor.
Waking up, you're met with a gasp. "Y/N?" You blink open your eyes, seeing Tigris crouched in front of you, forehead creased with worry. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"
"Tigris, hello." You mumble, gathering yourself to stand up as she helps you. "I, uh, I didn't know where to go, so..."
"Okay, okay. Come in for a second." She nods, holding your shoulder as she guides you back into the apartment. You squint at the sunrise through the large bay windows, she must have been on her way to work. "Can I get you anything? Some tea? You must be freezing..." She says, immediately shuffling into the kitchen.
"No, no. It's fine. Thank you, though." You insist, trying not to stare at the state the apartment has fallen into.
"Okay, well, please, take a seat. Tell me what's going on."
You nod slightly and move to sit down at their dining table where she joins you, reaching out for your hand which you gratefully take. "Did Coriolanus leave already?" You ask and she nods, giving you a sad smile.
"I must admit, I'm relieved to see you." She says, taking you by surprise. "Coryo thought you were dead. He was just so torn up about it, he said it was his fault but he wouldn't tell me why. I was expecting to see your passing in the papers this morning."
"Well, my days are numbered." You sigh, looking out the window again. The view was stunning. Maybe you would prefer a penthouse to your own large, empty feeling home. "My father and Dean Highbottom were discussing turning me into an Avox as a pity punishment, and I don't doubt that my father would rather bury me than have that on his name. I didn't stick around to hear their decision."
Tigris listens intently, squeezing your cold hands between her own. "And now, I don't know what to do. I had nowhere to go, I'm so sorry to intrude-"
"No, my goodness, please. You are always welcome here." She assured you. "But... what will you do?"
"I have to leave." You nod to yourself. "I have to leave and I can't come back, can I?"
"One day I'm sure it will be safe for you to return." She says, notably trying to put a positive spin on it. "I'll tell you what-" She stands quickly, going over to a hall closet and pulling out a large fur coat. "Take this, it can hide you and keep you warm. Take the next train to Twelve, that's where Coryo went." She places the coat in your lap. "He'll be ecstatic to have you and see that you're well."
You nod, standing up and pulling it on in a hurry. It was a beautiful coat, you could tell it was real fur. This must have belonged to one of their mothers. "Thank you, Tigris."
"There's another train headed there in about twenty minutes, if you rush you can make it. I had to check the schedule last night for him. Don't buy a ticket, just climb in a transport car from the opposite side, not the platform." She instructs you hurriedly,
You dig in your bag as you both head for the door, pulling out a handful of money and rifling through it to give some to her. You'll need some, but she will too.
"Here, Tigris. Take this." You say as she holds the door for you, and she instantly is shaking her head.
"No, no. I couldn't." She smiles awkwardly, waving a hand at you. "You'll need it more than I do, Coryo will be sending us cheques."
You smile at her understandingly, holding it out to her again. "If not for your help, then for this lovely jacket. Please take it. I insist."
Tigris sighs, taking it from your hand before pulling you into a hug which you gladly return. "Tell him we love him, okay?"
"He knows," You say, chin resting on her shoulder. "But I will."
It was dark again when your train reached its final stop, and you were curled up under the coat trying to sleep. You scramble to get up, having to bolt from the train before anyone came to unload the car.
Unfortunately, you didn't get the privilege of having a place to stay when you arrived, so once you're out of sight of the train, the best you can do is wander.
You don't have to wander long before you hear music. You didn't realize people were happy here, so the sounds of laughter and shouting and dancing coming from inside what looked to be an abandoned building made you tilt your head at the idea. Maybe you would just sit outside, around the side of the building where you won't be seen and you can listen.
You don't even get the chance to sit before you hear the singing start. It's Lucy Gray. You mentally scold yourself for not thinking of her sooner as you stand again quickly, finding yourself quite lightheaded. You must be hungry. Maybe there will be some food inside, or maybe you can find talk to Lucy Gray and maybe she'll let you stay with her. Just until you get yourself situated here.
Clutching your new coat tightly around yourself you walk in after attempting to dust off and salvage your clothes. Your favourite skirt and shoes took quite a beating throughout the day, and you're disappointed, to say the least. Hopefully Lucy Gray has a washing machine, but you doubt it. Did these people even know what a washing machine is? By the look of everyone in the room, the answer was a definite no.
Sure enough, Lucy Gray was on stage, singing her heart out. You had never seen her smile so wide, of course, and the kids surrounding her onstage were just as talented as she was at all their instruments. You've never seen live music like this before, only classical or opera where everyone sat quietly and listened until the end. This environment was entirely new to you.
Not wanting to interrupt, you wait until Lucy Gray steps offstage and her spot is replaced with a little blonde girl who couldn't have been older than ten.
"Give it up for the amazing Lucy Gray Baird!" The girl shouts into the mic, gesturing to your friend before more music started to play. "She'll be back, she's just taking a little break, but until then, you lot are stuck listenin' to me."
This is your chance. You push through the crowd and step into the hall you saw Lucy Gray go down. "Lucy Gray?" You call out hopefully, watching your step as to not roll a heel. In hindsight, these shoes were not ideal for the journey you took, but your options were limited by a time crunch.
"Lucy Gray?" You ask again, turning a corner and peeling into a large open room. It's a few moments before your eyes land on her, and she turns to face you having heard you walk in.
"Oh my days, I thought I recognized that voice!" She smiles, opening her arms and running up to you. "Y/N, my word, what are you doin' here?" Her excitement fades quickly into concern as she drops her arms from around you.
"Long story..." You chuckle nervously, pulling at your coat again as she nods for you to continue. "We got caught, for the compact. And the snakes, somehow. Coriolanus put our handkerchiefs that you used in the tank so they wouldn't attack you, I guess. I didn't know. Then they pulled us out of class the next day, he told them it was me, so then I put up a fight and they sedated me. When I woke up I was at home and they were talking about having my tongue cut out and turning me into one of those servants but I'm sure my dad would rather have me dead. So," You sigh, trying to summarize it as quickly as possible. "I ran."
Lucy Gray shook her head, mouth agape in shock at all the information she just took in. "Okay, wait... So they were going to kill you?"
You nod.
"But that teacher of yours seemed so nice."
"Sorry?"
"Yeah, he gave me some money and escorted me into the train himself."
You scoff, shaking your head. "He's never liked either of us, but that's only because I have dirt on him. I don't know what Coryo did."
"Well," Lucy Gray sighs, rubbing your shoulders gently. "I'm glad you're here. That you're safe."
"You too." You smile. "Can I just say, too, we were so proud of you. We were so lucky to be your mentors."
"I count myself the lucky one." She grins. "Let's move on, shall we? On the up and up."
"Yes, sounds lovely." You grin at her.
"Can I get you some water? Liquor? What do you need?" She asks, turning at that and going over to a bench in the middle that had a few water bottles.
"I would love some water." You breathe out, joining her and sitting down as she hands one to you.
"Lucy Gray, could I ask you for a really big favour?" You say after taking your first sip.
"Please." She nods.
"Can I stay with you?"
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tomhollandisabae · 1 year
Text
lonely- simon "ghost" riley x f!reader
masterlist
fandom; call of duty
summary; after simon had left for his next mission, you were faced with the biggest challenge of your life and you had to get through that all by yourself.
warnings; angst, pregnancy, fluff, mentions of death, english is not my first language
words; idk 🤷🏻‍♀️
a/n; this idea was stuck into my brain since last week and once i couldn't find anything similar to it anywhere to read, i decided to write it myself. also you can send me your requests!!
a/n2; f1 fans please don't come after me i know you're expecting the 2nd part of the story with lewis but i have no motivation to write it😭i'll do it some time, but i don't know when. uni has been draining me out so much.
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"please take care of yourself " was the last thing you told simon -your husband - before he left for yet another mission.
now it had been 12 months and there was no sign of him. however, a lot had happened in the past year, but most importantly you had given birth to a beautiful baby girl -all by yourself.
when you had found out that you were expecting, simon was long gone and you had no way to communicate with him. the only thing that you could do was to get through this pregnancy all alone. thank god that maternity leave was a thing, otherwise you had no idea how you could manage having a baby all by yourself.
whatsoever, you couldn't be mad at your husband as a matter of fact that you had found out about your pregnancy only one week after he had left, while the guilt was everyday eating you alive.
you had no idea how he would react though. you were aware of his past and how his father had treated him.
simon is a lovely human being... towards you. he's a sweet, loving and caring husband and you are absolutely sure that he will make a great father.
you had went through a lot during your pregnancy and you could admit that it wasn't an easy one; mood swings, cravings, morning sickness, back pain etc.
the worst part of it all was when you went into labour. you had spent hours and hours trying to bring the little bundle of joy, that you and the love of your life had created together, into this world.
and after many hours of pain and screaming you were finally holding your baby girl in your arms. the first thing that you had noticed about her were her eyes -same as her father's- and that made your eyes well up with tears.
now it had been almost 4 months since you had given birth and the constant stress of taking care of a baby by yourself had tore you apart both physically and emotionally. you were barely sleeping, you had lost your appetite and were actually a walking wreck.
some nights you would spend them in your bed crying yourself to sleep, wishing your husband was here to help you out.
currently, you were taking a shower as you heard your daughter crying. sighing deeply, you got out and wrapped a towel around you as you made your way to the nursery.
you took her in your arms and sat down on the rocking chair, lowering your towel and starting feeding her. once she was fed, you put her back to sleep and went into your room, changing quickly and laying on your bed.
you brought both your arms over your eyes in an attempt to block out any kind of light source and bit on your bottom lip trying not to cry, again.
as your mind wander in different places, you didn't hear the front door opening and closing as well as the heavy footsteps on the staircase.
you only raised your head as you saw your bedroom door opening, revealing your husband.
immediately, you were flooded by many different emotions as you jumped up from the bed and attacked him in a -suffocating- hug.
simon chuckled lightly and wrapped his arms protectively around you and kissed the top of your head.
"i can't believe that you're back." you pulled away for a moment "you're actually back." you embraced him again not having noticed the tears that were spilling from your eyes.
"i'm sorry it took me too long my love" he mumbled on top of your head as he squished you in his arms.
"i missed you" you lifted your head up, looking at him.
"i missed you y/n" he leaned down and slowly brought his lips on top of yours kissing you softly and yet so loving.
sooner or later, however, you broke away as you looked up at him with a huge smile.
"i have to show you something" you said excited and grabbed his hand, leading him out of your bedroom and across the hall way.
you glanced at him anxiously as you slowly opened the door of your baby's room. you turned on the lights and guided simon inside.
you were looking carefully at him as his expression changed from a curious one to a shocked.
"love..." he exclaimed as he turned to look at you while his bottom lip was trembling.
"i found out one week after you left. i had no way to tell you, simon, i'm so sorry" the guilt took over you.
"shh it's okay." he wrapped his arms once again around you as you sobbed into his chest.
"i just... it was awful, simon. first the guilt that there was a way to tell you, but i was too stupid to think about it and second all the pain, the emotions, everything... i just feel so... useless." you cried out.
"hey" he grabbed both your cheeks and looked you in the eye "you're the strongest woman i've ever known in my entire life, y/n. not only for going through a pregnancy and labour by yourself, but also for being able to get through that with being aware of a chance of me never coming back again and yet you got enough courage and look where that brought you love."
it was true. every time he would go on a new mission, the curiosity of his well being would kill you. every single day you were checking you mail for a letter that would be proclaiming your husband dead.
"i love you so much simon" you raised on your tiptoes and buried your face into the crook of his neck.
"i love you more sweetheart." he lifted your head once again and kissed you softly.
you were so grateful for the feeling of his warm, soft lips against yours, kissing them with so much love and care. every single time you would be in his radar, this man would worship the ground you were walking on.
finally, you pulled away with a small smile.
"come on" you guided him towards the crib where the newborn baby was sleeping in soundly.
carefully, you picked her up in your arms and turned towards simon that was looking at his daughter as if she was the most precious thing on earth.
"do you want to hold her?" you suggested.
"i... i don't know how" he admitted and you kissed his cheek smiling.
"that's why i'm here for. i'll show you how." you said and just like that you handed the small baby over to your husband that was feeling as if he was holding the most fragile thing in the world.
"she's... so small." he stroked lightly her rosy cheek with his thump.
what took you aback was that her little hand enveloped his pinky finger, holding it firmly. you gasped and his breath hitched in his throat.
"wow she didn't even do that to me. only knowing you for a few minutes and she's already a daddy's girl." you complained jokingly placing your hands on your hips.
"really doubt that. there's no one better than you." he kissed your forehead and your face broke into a huge smile as you wrapped your arms around your husband, admiring the way your daughter was rested in her father's chest, not really believing that you had finally built a family with the man you loved most in the entire world.
at that moment, you couldn't be more happy.
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shadowtriovibes · 11 months
Note
Hello,
Can you write some shameless pre-relationship Sebastian x mc flirting? Like pining, comparing hand sizes, teasing about height, all that cringe cute stuff! Just go off on that however you like!
hello anon!! here's a quick 1.5k pg-rated words for you because i'd just started a little drabble of MC working at j pippin's for the summer and it turned into two goofy teens in love 🥹
edit: i felt like this deserved a name so i'm calling it "the potioneer's apprentice" and i personally love a potion-loving MC characterization very much so i may return to this 'verse later on xoxo
"I happen to know that you can make a perfectly good batch of Wiggenweld yourself," you point out. Sebastian watches distractedly while you untie your hair, shaking it loose as it falls down to your shoulders. "W-well, yours is better," he insists. "Always has been, even Sharp said so." "It's even better now," you say proudly, pulling one of the bottles out of your bag to hand to him. "...You're not actually hurt, are you?" "No, just bored," he admits. "I wanted to see you."
Staring down at the order slip in your hands, you bite the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling.
Mr. Sebastian Sallow Feldcroft Hamlet
x3 Wiggenweld x1 Focus x1 Felix Felicis
“Simple enough,” Parry Pippin says cheerfully, tucking a knut into the pocket of the postal owl that had just dropped off your latest order. “I’ll put together the Liquid Luck, I know that’s a tricky one.”
Bustling over to his potions station, he adds, “I trust brewing the Wiggenweld and Focus draughts should be no problem for you?”
“Of course,” you say, quickly tying up your hair before lighting a fire beneath the cauldron at your own station.
You’ve been an apprentice at J. Pippin’s Potions for just over a month, refining your potions skills over the summer break – and helping keep an eye on things in Hogsmeade. In that time, your brewing skills have improved significantly, and Parry is more than happy to pass on some of the simpler potions to you.
Attempting to be casual, you ask, “Will this be a delivery?”
“Oh, I should think so,” Parry confirms. “Though it’s not exactly my neck of the woods.”
“Would you like me to drop it off?” you offer hopefully.
“How about this,” Parry offers. “I’ll send you down to the hamlet to drop these off, and then you can call it a day.”
“Thank you, Mister Pippin,” you say with a grin.
Your boss smiles approvingly as you carefully pour some horklump juice into your cauldron, precisely tapping the side of the bottle as he’d taught you.
“Besides,” he says cheekily. “I think this is the third time this month that young mister Sallow has ordered from my shop and requested delivery, even though Fatimah’s shop is much closer.”
You nearly spill the entire bottle.
“Any idea why a Hogwarts student on summer break would need so many potions?” Parry asks, smirking to himself as he pours some lacewing flies into his cauldron.
“W-well, I – I suppose he could be clumsy,” you mumble unconvincingly. “O-or stocking up, perhaps. We’ve got N.E.W.T. classes next term, some of these spells are quite challenging, a-and the beasts, we’ve got Grindylows to examine, you know how they bite…”
You trail off feebly, blushing a bright red. The Wiggenweld potion in your cauldron signals its completion with a puff of smoke, offering a welcome distraction.
“Aye, of course,” Parry murmurs, sounding very much like he doesn’t believe you in the slightest. “In any case, as soon as you finish that Focus potion I’ll send you on your way.”
Quickly ladling three portions of Wiggenweld into Parry's glass vials, you scrub out your cauldron and prepare the last draught, wrinkling your nose at the smell of dugbog tongue. Once it starts to smoke and bubble, you measure out a generous portion and collect the Felix Felicis from your boss, tucking the lot into your satchel.
“Please thank young Sebastian for his order, and tell him I said good day,” Parry tells you with a wink. “And to kindly stop pilfering my apprentice so often.”
“Yes, sir,” you reply sheepishly.
Outside the shop, you trek outside the boundaries of Hogsmeade to hop onto your broom and head south toward Feldcroft. It had been more than a week since you’d seen Sebastian, which felt like an eternity compared to how often you saw him during the school year.
One month into your break and you feel like a simpering wreck.
You miss him like crazy – not that you’d tell him like that, of course. He’s your closest friend, and the two of you have been through so much together in the past two years. You aren’t about to ruin it by confessing that you’re hopelessly in love with him.
Sebastian is not moping.
And even if he was, why shouldn’t he mope? He’s alone, it’s swelteringly hot in the hamlet and he hasn’t seen his best friend in a week.
He’s bored, and when Sebastian gets bored, he gets creative.
Really, it’s almost too easy to summon you to Feldcroft. All it took was a quick trip to see the owl post stand and another superfluous order for some potions (with a little bit of Liquid Luck thrown in on a whim), and he knew you’d arrive by the time the heat broke.
He conveniently manages to be tending to his small garden when you touch down beside the Sallow home, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows while he pats some dirt around a sprig of fluxweed.
“Sallow?” You call out teasingly. “I have an order here for Sebastian Sallow?”
“Must be a lazy bloke, ordering all those Wiggenwelds instead of making them himself,” he answers, sitting back on his heels and wiping some sweat away from his brow with the back of his wrist. “Or perhaps just daft.”
“I happen to know that you can make a perfectly good batch of Wiggenweld yourself,” you point out.
Sebastian watches distractedly while you untie your hair, shaking it loose as it falls down to your shoulders.
“W-well, yours is better,” he insists. “Always has been, even Sharp said so.”
“It’s even better now,” you say proudly, pulling one of the bottles out of your bag to hand to him. “...You’re not actually hurt, are you?”
“No, just bored,” he admits. “I wanted to see you.”
If Ominis were here, he’d likely pick up on how those words make your heart race a little faster, but mercifully, Sebastian does not.
“Here I am,” you say. “And I’m all yours for the day, Mister Pippin gave me the rest of the day off.”
“Oh, really?” he replies, brushing some stray dirt off of his trousers as he stands up. “Whatever could we get up to with an entire afternoon?”
You blink in surprise as he stands, realizing for the first time that Sebastian has gotten taller.
“What?” he asks, catching your gaze.
“You’ve grown,” you say dumbly. “I – I mean, you’re tall.”
“Am I?” he asks, a teasing smirk on his lips. “Perhaps you’re just short.”
“I am not short,” you protest, following Sebastian as he leads the way into the old Sallow home.
It feels different now, obviously. Less like a family home and more like a chaotic bachelor pad, Sebastian’s strewn-about books and haphazard notes covering up a distinct lack of coziness.
It’s only for the summer, Sebastian had told you the first time you’d seen it.
(You know he doesn’t really have anywhere else to go anymore, what with the Gaunt household becoming more toxic by the day. You wouldn’t be surprised to find Ominis squatting there as well by the time July rolls around.)
“You’re practically pocket-sized,” Sebastian teases, closing the door behind you to keep some of the midday sun out. “I think it’s why you’re so powerful – it’s concentrated, your magic.”
You scoff and shove at his shoulder, wondering to yourself when he became so broad.
It had only been a few weeks since school had let out, hadn’t it? And suddenly Sebastian was walking around in a man’s body, one you were sure wasn’t there in Charms class in May. Or maybe it was, hiding beneath his suit jacket and his robes…
You blink rapidly to clear your head.
“Um. Your potions,” you mumble, pulling the rest of the bottles out of your satchel and placing them on the front room table.
Then you can’t help but ask, “What’s the Felix Felicis for?”
“Not sure yet,” Sebastian admits. “But I’m sure it will come in handy at some point.”
You hum under your breath, picking up the delicate vial and examining it in the light.
“Hand it over,” Sebastian demands with a laugh. “I don’t like the way you’re looking at that bottle, I know what temptation looks like on your face.”
Blushing, you place the vial in his outstretched hand, letting your own hand linger a beat too long. Sebastian quickly catches your wrist, turning your hand palm-side up.
“Merlin’s beard, your hand is small,” he observes.
“Not this again,” you groan.
“I’m being serious, you hold your wand with this tiny thing?” he jokes. “Poor Ollivander had his work cut out for him.”
“Let’s see yours, then,” you insist, holding your hand up to him. “Go on.”
Sebastian presses his palm against yours and you raise your eyebrows. His hand dwarfs yours to the degree that he could wrap the tips of his fingers overtop yours if he wanted to.
“See?” he says, his voice suddenly much quieter in the empty home. “Tiny.”
“And yet I can still beat you in a duel,” you retort, trying to calm your racing heart.
Just like that, the tension in the room dissolves away and Sebastian lights up.
“A duel, hmm?” he echoes. “Is that an offer?”
“Seriously? That’s what you want to do today?” you laugh. “It’s thirty degrees outside and you want to duel?”
“We could practice on the training dummies,” he offers hopefully. “You know you want to.”
…Damn him, he’s right.
“Fine,” you relent. “But if I sweat through this chemise, it’s your head, Sallow.”
Sebastian tries very hard to not think about you in a sweat-soaked white shirt as you lead him back outside, and if he trips over the doorframe on his way out, he’s happy to let you continue to assume it’s just his clumsy streak.
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sweet-s0rr0w · 6 months
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Vintage Drarry Fics
Thought I'd put together a list of some of the old Drarry 'classics' of my teenage years, for anyone interested. All posted between 2001-2006, compiled using my (bad) memory, a lot of googling, fanlore.org and numerous different LJ rec accounts (including the incredible @capiturecs). I checked as best I could, but if anyone knows of any fics that their author doesn't want to be shared, please let me know and I will of course remove.
Please also note that these fics are of their era, when attitudes may have been different, and they may not all be grammatically perfect. I haven't reread all, as my own tastes have changed, but most importantly do note that they may not be tagged - don't blame me when, for example, Harry dies tragically on a rooftop at sunrise...
Hogwarts Era (mostly 5th-7th year)
A Thousand Beautiful Things by Duinn Fionn/geoviki (M, 105k)
Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.
All Bets Are Off by Allegra (R, 53k)
I am SICK of Good-little-innocent!Harry...Enter Playboy!Harry and his Overinflated Ego, a challenge, a bet, a couple of Really Cunning Plans - and there you have it, "Forty days and forty nights", Hogwarts style. Mayhem ensues! 
Angels and Devils by beren (E, 52k)
Harry defeated Voldemort and his act of heroism is famous throughout the wizarding world. He's trying to finish his final year at Hogwarts in peace, but, thanks to the method he chose to destroy The Dark Lord, something peculiar is happening to him, something he never would have expected. It's all rather embarrassing and making his life very complicated.
Artful Facade by Sky Sorceress (T, 66k)
Sometimes you fly too close to the sun and lose your wings. With sixth year approaching, the danger Harry seeks can be found only in the form of Draco Malfoy. What follows is a twist in the line between hatred, love, and need.
Beautiful World by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 70k)
Harry finds out he's going to die on his 16th birthday. He embarks on a journey of self-destructive behaviour and drags Draco along for the ride. 
Beneath You by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 113k)
Draco had no idea that the repercussions of stealing Potter's journal and shoving it down the back of his trousers would be so extreme.
Bond by AnnaFugazzi (M, 173k)
It seems 95% of H/D writers feel compelled to write a "Harry And Draco Are Forced To Be Together By Something Beyond Their Control And Then Unlikely Stuff Happens That Leads To Twoo Wuv" story. Count me among the 95% ;)
Checkmate by Naadi Moonfeather (T, 245k)
Draco has the perfect plan to get Harry Potter and challenges him to a game of Dare Chess. But is it love, or betrayal, he has in mind?
The Cicatrix Cycle by Ivy Blossom (NC-17, long!)
Three parts: Origins, Haven, Belong
Draco In Darkness by Plumeria (T, 41k)
Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight. After Harry elbows his way into Draco's dark world, both boys find themselves in a strange new friendship, and they each learn new ways to see each other … and themselves.
Eclipse by PhoenixSong/Mijan (T, 287k)
"You're dead, Potter... I'm going to make you pay..." Draco swore his revenge on Harry for Lucius's imprisonment, and Harry all but laughed at him. But Draco is planning more than schoolyard pranks this time. The old rivalry turns deadly when Draco abducts Harry for Voldemort. It's the perfect plan, guaranteeing revenge, power, and prestige, all in one blow. But, when Draco's world turns upside down, the fight to save himself and Harry begins, and the battle will take them both through hell and back. If they come back. 
Friend Like Me by Lady Vader (M, 11k)
Draco's rendition of the love story that never was.
How Harry Potter Got His Groove Back by Durendal/Eleveninches (R, 12k)
Snape tries to hang himself, Draco enters an alternate reality, and Harry Gets a Clue. Humor, SLASH, naughty language, and other Evil Things. Harry/Draco, Snape/James/Lucius.
Irresistible Poison by Rhysenn (PG-13, 124k)
Under the influence of a love potion, Draco learns that poison doesn't always bring death -- there are other ways to suffer and live. Chemical emotion runs feverish as Harry and Draco discover the intoxication of love.
Lettered by pir8fancier (M, 7.8k)
Harry has a secret penpal, whose identity is as plain as the nose on his face. Except he's not wearing his glasses.
Love Under Will by Aja (R, 116k)
In their 5th year, Harry and Draco choose to be with one another; but the story--and the battle-- is just beginning...
playing the game, living the lie by Abaddon (R, 159k)
Set in Sixth Year, both the wizarding and Muggle worlds are threatened as Voldemort plans a final revenge. Past, present and future collide as all must consider where their loyalties lie; who they are, and who they want to be. Amidst it all, Harry and Draco begin a dangerous journey of understanding. Is it possible to leave everything you thought you were behind?
Resolution by Frances Potter (R, 322k)
When you've spent six years fighting evil, all you really want is a quiet time. But when your name is Harry Potter the chances of that are very slim. A series of vignettes chronicling Harry's final six months at Hogwarts. Exams, friends, lovers, Quidditch, the war and Draco all conspire to make the year end seem a very long way away.
Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself by Ari Munami (PG-13, 31k)
Harry goes through some er... changes in his Sixth Year and everyone, including Draco Malfoy, sits up and takes notice.
Snakes and Lions by GatewayGirl (M, 139k)
When Ron and Hermione get together, they notice only each other. A nightmare prompts Harry to return alone to the empty Chamber of Secrets, and leads to a new look at an old enemy. Harry enjoys the company, but with Bellatrix Lestrange actively hunting him, how far can he trust a Death Eater's son?
Something Impossible by epicylical/Cassandra Claire (PG, 6.4k)
As punishment for an act of vandalism, Draco is forced to perform three tasks to win Harry's forgiveness - only they don't turn out to be exactly the kind of tasks he'd been expecting. With wet shirtless Draco, paint-covered Harry, and Proust-reading Goyle.
Transformation by amalin (E, 98k)
In Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, he must face the consequences of the attack on the Department of Mysteries and the effects of Voldemort's return. And in doing so, he finds that even your enemies can teach you valuable lessons—about the world, and about yourself.
Walking the Line by SilentAuror (E, 179k)
Sixth year is over and Draco Malfoy is on the run. The war is on and an unwanted assignment is forced upon him by the only people he trusts - and a one-time arch-enemy just may be out to kill him.
Post-Hogwarts
Adagio in G Minor by furiosity (NC-17, 18k)
Seven years after Hogwarts and the war, life continues in the wizarding world. Draco Malfoy is rich, bored, and slightly jaded. Harry Potter is famous, busy, and somewhat disillusioned. They've not seen each other since school ended. What would happen if they were to cross paths again? What if it involved music?
Big Dick, Come Quick [PDF] by Calanthe (NC-17, 204k)
Draco’s got a theory. About sex. And after much searching for the right candidate, it appears that only Harry Potter, his life long enemy, can help him test it out.
Draco's Escort Service by Cheryl Dyson/dysonrules (15, 12k)
Draco's job is to escort travelers through the dangerous, war-torn countryside. Harry Potter is forced to hire him, but his destination isn't quite what Draco expected.
Left My Heart by Emma Grant (E, 85k)
Auror Draco Malfoy has disappeared, and Harry Potter has been sent to San Francisco to find him. 
Malfoy, P.I. by Nancy (R, 60k)
"I'm Draco Malfoy, private investigator. I've seen a lot--I mean a lot, and I'm like sweet seventeen a lot. I thought I'd seen it all, until a pair of green eyes stepped into my office." A noir AU set in L.A. where passion and magic collide. Slashy and sexy.
Queen of Hearts by scoradh (E, 65k)
A spectre is haunting Harry - the responsibility of his destiny. It looms over his future and, more importantly, over the future of his friends. Harry is determined to exorcise this spectre for the greater good, but on the way, he enters into a few unholy alliances.
Tissue of Silver by fearlessdiva (R, 76k)
A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf.
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by November Snowflake (M, 58k)
When the long-missing Draco Malfoy turns up at a Ministry field hospital with amnesia, bitter Auror Harry Potter must confront the shadows of their shared past to shed light on a potentially deadly mystery.
Transfigurations by Resonant (E, 71k)
Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.
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