I can't stop thinking of Kyanako's Order of Attack au... there's something so moving to me about how things getting so much worse could be what finally causes Amane to get better -- seeing Fuuta dying may be the final straw of getting her to rethink her rejection of medicine. Been a while since I've attempted something whump-y, this was fun to work with.
Tw for mentions/contemplation of death. I don't go into detail about the cult but the doctrines are implied through it all.
Fuuta was not a big fan of dying.
When he imagined his own death, he always pictured it as something dramatic and fast. Action heroes going out in a show of explosions and gunfire. Fantasy characters meeting the shining end of a blade. Even when he accepted his place in Milgram, it filled his mind with images of gallows and electric chairs.
Whatever this slow, lengthy fever was, it was pissing him off.
He’d lost all sense of time. He could no longer tell which hour the prison bells were marking -- morning and night blended together. Dreaming and waking blended together. His head injury and broken leg and broken bones blended together. It was all just pain at the end of the day. He had nonstop visitors that kept him awake and asked him too many questions and prodded his injuries and made his head spin. Somehow, he was simultaneously alone every time he rolled over to talk to someone. Painfully, suffocatingly alone.
If Kotoko was going to kill him with those ridiculous emo boots of hers, she should have just done it. He was losing his mind here: devoid of all energy, suffering through broken bones and a cracked head, and boiling in an increasingly fiery fever. Maybe that was the reason he stopped commenting when he watched Amane pocket the medicine Shidou had left him. Maybe that was why he’d stopped following Shidou’s instructions himself. Even after losing an eye and taking a beating herself, Amane always looked at peace. He was tired of dealing with all of this. He wanted a bit of that peace.
Regardless of why, it was working. His fever had quickly gone from the biggest pain in his ass to the very thing that dulled his racing thoughts.
He awoke suddenly, or maybe he’d already been awake. He couldn’t feel anything in his limbs. There was only a breathless heat around him. He raised himself into a sitting position, looking for a drink. Moving his head felt like one of those glitching computer windows that leaves a trail of copies behind it. The room swam around him. His eyes moved absently around him.
Fuuta picked up the glass that someone had left him. His fingers were clumsy, and it immediately went crashing to the ground. He hardly heard the noise as it broke apart on the concrete below.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d just go get a drink himself. Shidou told him not to get up without help. But what did he know? Thinking of the man ordering him around only drove Fuuta to step out of bed even quicker. He cried out, pain shooting through his leg. That was right, it was broken…
Fuuta looked down, finding himself on the ground. It was so hot. Maybe this is what she felt, he thought numbly. Was it this slow for her too? Probably not. She had no regrets to fill the time like he did. The heroes got quick, beautiful deaths, and it was the villains who had to suffer the long ones.
He lifted his right palm from where it had caught his fall. The shattered glass on the floor had cut into it. Shattered glass? What had broken? He stared blankly at the blood dripping down.
He didn’t have the strength to raise himself up. He was burning. Why was he on the ground? Was he bleeding? He could barely breathe. What was he doing here, anyway? He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He was so weak... just to lie down... he wouldn't have the strength to get back up again. Was that such a bad thing...?
A voice caught his attention. His eyes struggled to focus on the figure who’d come running into the cell. He couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying, but he was happy when she pressed her cool little hands against his forehead.
He allowed her to prop him up next to the bed. She held onto his hand, squeezing it tight. Why was she holding it like that? That hand was bleeding. When did that happen?
Her arms wrapped tightly around him. He wanted to shove her away -- it was too hot -- but couldn’t. In his ear, he could make out her words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, Fuuta. Don’t leave me alone. I’m so sorry...”
As she pulled back, he recognized Amane. Her uninjured eye was filled with tears. Was she upset? He thought he’d been making her happy. He wanted to keep making her happy. He’d never made anyone happy before.
He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out. They all scrambled up in his mouth. He felt the cell swirling around him.
Amane raised her voice. She looked desperately upwards. “This can’t be --! This isn’t right!”
Fuuta looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing there.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
She continued talking. Fuuta was too busy studying the ceiling. She was shouting. Or maybe crying. Fuuta didn’t like that she was so upset. Huh, had there been someone there? He surveyed the empty cell. What was he doing on the ground?
He looked down at his hand. The sheet from his bed had been pulled down and wrapped hastily around it. Why? His eyes felt sticky as he blinked. Everything hurt. It was so hot. What was going on? He was so angry. He was so scared. He wanted to cry. Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just hurry up and die already?
The next time she entered, Fuuta recognized Amane instantly. Her one hand pointed to him, the other held onto someone else. The second figure hurried over to him.
Fuuta was not a big fan of dying. Shidou reassured him he wouldn’t.
—
“You’re wearing the eyepatch,” Fuuta observed.
He was playing a dangerous game, drawing attention to it like that. He was too exhausted, and his curiosity won out over his better judgment. If Amane was going to explode with one of her typical speeches, he’d just let her.
She didn’t.
Amane’s hand drifted up to her eye. It had been hastily covered before, but now it was cleaned and wrapped in professional-grade materials. She simply said, “Kajiyama Fuuta. How do you feel?”
“Like shit.”
“But--”
“-- But I’m better, yeah.”
Amane nodded, her shoulders releasing.
“Oi, I haven’t seen you in a while. Not since…” He wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence. Shidou had told him what happened, but it was difficult to believe. He couldn’t quite trust his own memory of the night. No matter how much clearer his mind felt since receiving proper treatment, those days of fever still muddled together. He heard that Amane had up and switched her beliefs overnight -- she was now complacent about all of Shidou's treatments -- but Fuuta knew people didn't just change like that. He wanted to hear it for himself.
She lowered her gaze in shame. “I… I thought you hated me.” Her voice was steady. “As you should. I almost killed you. I accept any ill will you may feel.”
“I -- what? You’re wrong. You… it wasn’t…” He grabbed his head, grunting in frustration.
After standing awkwardly in the entryway the whole time, Amane took a few steps inside. She made it to his bedside when he finally collected his thoughts.
“It was your fucked up family or whatever that caused everything. They did this. And I went along and made things worse.” He looked away. His next words felt stupid to say to a little kid. He felt like the most pathetic, weak, loser. But it was too important not to say.
“They almost killed me. You saved me.”
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controversial opinion but i dont think the duffers set up byler well, lets be real most of the fandom outside of our echo chamber doesn't think byler is going to become canon. and like idk but i agree that they should have at least broken up mlvn and resolved the monologue issue (preferably not include it even) if they were going for the byler route. same for will's importance or even mike's importance for the plot. removing them from the show's main narrative doesn't make a good case for their importance in the story in the penultimate, esp when they received minimum screentime in this season. it's not the audience's fault to think mlvn is endgame or will or mike are unimportant when the way they've been handled were lackluster and when cali plot.... Was Like That. plus they gave it all to el's character lol. ofc ppl gonna think she's the protagonist when she was the one who opened the gate and created vecna and when mike spends the entire season talking about her. redpill but it's not making much sense here when the narrative is criticized in the byler fandom, acting like the writers did a perfect job in terms of setup is just being wilfully blind atp.
i think people not expecting it is the point though. like yeah it's obvious because when they did the same thing on a smaller scale with nancy's love triangle at the end of season 1 (her spending most of the season with jonathan them bonding and her and steve fighting but then still being together in the epilogue) most people could see that jonathan and nancy were gonna be together and not one person was called delusional for thinking that. but i really think the juxtaposition is the point, it's a queer couple so even with a similar storyline people don't expect it because of heteronormativity etc which is kind of depressing but it's also what's gonna make it happening even better...#imho
for the monologue, obviously i don't ENJOY IT but i don't hate it because i think it's interesting for el? whether you think she believed him or not, whether or not you think she was gonna break up with him at sbp, i think having him tell her he loves her makes it so no one can be like "but if mike had said he loved her everything would've been fine!" i like them going all the way in that sense. i think it's good for us as an audience to have that, this way there's no what ifs. it makes it apparent that their relationship couldn't be fixed by mike saying i love you and also that their fight in lenora wasn't only about mike and about their relationship, like mike never thought she was a monster that was all el, and him telling her that she's not a monster won't fix that internal struggle for her. and it also won't help her grow beyond the monster/superhero dichotomy.
i don't like will and mike being away from the supernatural plot either but yk i do think it's because they're important for the resolution of that storyline and that that's also supposed to come as a surprise. for mike well i don't actually know that he is, but i certainly know will is and i think they did set that up pretty well. he's not in episode 7 but they reveal that the upside down is frozen on the day he disappeared, he's in hawkins for five minutes but the season ends with him talking about his connection to vecna and everyone and their mother is reminded of the fact that will is a vital part of the supernatural plot. people don't necessarily think he's gonna be the key to resolving the upside down and vecna thing for good (no matter what that looks like, i'm expecting it to be both el and will because it kind of is the el show + we'll fix it together + lucas and erica (siblings) being the mvps of the basketball game and the dnd game that has a lot of foreshadowing in episode 1 etc) because el's the one who's always done it pretty much by herself...but it's also never worked. not for long anyway. i would say that like byler (but not as shocking because it's not someone assumed to be straight turning out to be gay) it's supposed to make people go oh why have i never thought of that of course will would be an integral part of the ud resolution this makes so much sense!!! when it happens. and characters also always expect el to be the one to fix it just like they don't expect byler to happen. meta.
and again i don't LOVE mike and will's thing being the conversational roadtrip only in season 4, but i get why they did it like i see the vision. i see where you're coming from and i agree that most people not seeing byler coming isn't necessarily their fault (even though i said it's similar to nancy's s1 triangle and everyone expected it then. nancy never gave steve an i love you i've loved you forever i'll love you forever speech, major difference), i really think it's NOT supposed to be that obvious. even though it is kind of. i get wishing they had broken up mlvn in volume 2 and i certainly would've liked not having to see bylers be called delusional 24/7 but i think mlvn breaking up would've made byler endgame wayy too obvious and if they wanted it to be obvious to the girls that get it only i think they've accomplished that. same with will and the supernatural plot. and everyone is free to not like it still, i just don't think that means the set up isn't good.
very last paragraph. i don't think everything they've ever written is perfect. i don't even think every decision that's been made by the st team regarding WILL's queerness is perfect like (this is another conversation) having noah deny the gay allegations on will's behalf a month before having him say oh yeah he is gay it's obvious is crazy to me it's no surprise that people feel like it's an afterthought and like byler is never gonna happen. even though i obviously disagree with them. fin.
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people dont write wheatley mean enough, ive decided. like, he's an asshole. that's a huge part of his character. YES he is also pathetic and a fucking loser who i could drop kick.
that's why he's an asshole.
he's mean and self-centered and uncaring because that is how he has always been treated.
he frequently calls you brain dead, he throws out the idea of turning you in to GLaDOS' so he can live, he spends a full minute insulting children and calling manual laborers stupid - because that's how he's been treated. he was made to be stupid, he was abandoned by his creators because they didn't care, and then he's insulted time and time again by being called a moron when, if you actually look at the game from his perspective, he's the one who's did all the work!!
he has been kicked, insulted, almost killed and ignored his entire life no SHIT he's more than happy to turn those exact same actions onto other people without any sort of care for their feelings. no one's ever cared for his?? so why should he??
people either have him as a stammering uwu little baby who's either completely helpless or a creep or they make him super over confident when he's neither. yes, he stutters and yes there are times he's embarrassed but that's because he overthinks and has a hard time putting things into words. he is fucking terrifying, yes, but it's not because he's confident. it's because he's willing to do anything just to prove he can.
wheatley is so mischaracterized it hurts and it makes me so upset. this game has been out for ten years and i need my guy to be seen as the actual nuanced character he is.
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losers playing ttrpgs... losers playing ttrpgs save me...
mike is running a multi-year homebrew ttrpg campaign that is basically just a combination of any rulebook the losers can get their hands on + anything they come up with. i know it to be true. the campaign started as a call of cuthulu campaign but it is now a terrifying mix of call of cuthulu, dungeons & dragons, and cyberpunk with elements from a dozen other games including star wars: the roleplaying game, warhammer, harnmaster and somehow alma mater(??? idk how. but i know this happened). richie was like. "mike man, i love you forever, you're great at this. but why don't i have magic powers?" and he pointed at ben's collection of d&d rulebooks he'd been browsing through and he sounded so earnest and excited that mike knew in that moment he was going to sacrifice the integrity of his cool mystery campaign so richie could cast vicious mockery (99% sure vicious mockery didn't exist yet... don't quote me on that but it doesn't matter because the idea of richie using it constantly is hilarious)
they've all been playing the same characters for years and they keep convincing mike to add more stuff so they're all like super powerful and mike keeps having to come up with more and more powerful enemies.
mike's dice collection is so so so cool he has so many dice, and whenever he introduces a new important character he goes out and gets dice that fit their theme and it is such a moneysink but it's worth it because ooooh pretty dice
after four occasions where the losers decided to adopt a random npc mike hadn't planned anything for, mike has started planning every single npc out down to the specifics of their childhood education. he has endless character sheets hanging out in his room with characters he's created that populate his game world.
okay hanbrough agenda time: bill is the most oblivious guy in the entire world. i know this. (he is the guy who looks at brokeback mountain and goes "what do you mean it was gay? why can't men be friends anymore?" this is based on that one passage at the beginning of the book where he goes on one of those "why can't the curtains just be blue because they're fucking blue" rants lol. he does not know what media literacy is. to me) and mike is. increasingly frustrated and feels like he's losing his mind. he is like head in hands because he asked bill to go to prom with him and bill was like "yeah sure man! sounds great, you're my bestie forever!", and he has no idea what to do, because how is this man this dense, so he just starts having all of his NPCs fall head over heels for bill's character and flirt like madmen. it is painful for everyone involved. except bill. who still has no idea what is going on. that is a very unfortunate month.
mike and ben hang out a lot and ben helps mike brainstorm for the campaign so ben has all this insider knowledge and mike will just look at him before something insane happens in the campaign. they'll like make eye contact and ben will be like holy shit holy shit holy shit :0 and mike just drops some insane new lore. it's very special to me.
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