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#this definitely happened
bluestnightwing · 7 months ago
911: What's your emergency?
Jason: Well, I don't have one but–
911: *hangs up*
Jason, to Tim bleeding next to him: Maybe you should try calling next time.
Tim: *barely conscious* Or maybe you should have called Alfred like usual. What the fuck is wrong with you?
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generaltano · 4 months ago
hunter: why are there little handprints all over the wall?
wrecker, echo, & tech, whispering: why are there little handprints all over the wall?
omega, whispering back: because i have little hands.
wrecker, echo, & tech: because she has little hands.
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patroclusdefencesquad · a year ago
lancelot : *sighs* we ARE the government, gwaine
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mood-marauders · a month ago
Sirius: *wearing leather jackets and black ripped jeans*
Remus: *sigh* i wish I could pull that off
Sirius: go ahead
Remus: what
Sirius: what
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agnethesomething · a month ago
Quirrel: You look cute today.
Voldemort: Excuse me? I don't look cute.
Quirrel: You do. You're my cute-
Voldemort: I am Lord Voldemort, cuteness isn't something I do.
Quirrel, smirking: You're cute.
Voldemort: *Pouts*
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bucktitties · a month ago
Eddie, conveniently wearing an LAFD shirt that barely fits: hey Buck, how come you never called *me* "probie"?
Buck: y'know I think I hear Bobby calling me for something right now immediately
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gojosaikouru · a month ago
yaga: there is only one thing worse than dying during this mission
yaga: [removes paper on top, revealing "gojo dying"]
utahime: gojo.
yaga: NO
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stincorrect · 7 months ago
Robin: Whoops. Steve: Whoops? WHOOPS? This is not a “whoops” situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. We are solidly in “oh fuck” territory, and I expect you to act like it.
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georgesluvr · 3 months ago
Jesper: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?
Kaz: Go the fuck to sleep
Jesper: What gif I don't want to?
Kaz: Fuck You
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ink-and-fables-4-u · a month ago
Remus: I really need to stop asking people
Remus: 'How stupid can you be?'
Remus: because some people are starting to take it as a
Remus: fucking challenge
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kidatash · 4 months ago
Can’t help but think this is the reason why Young Eda almost never got in trouble at home. Gwen was one of those Parents. She just had to be one of those Parents.
Ya know, exactly the kind of parent I’m talking about, she was definitely the “My child is an angel” Parent. You can’t convince me otherwise, she was definitely that one kind of parent at least once. Like, every time Principal Bump would call her into the office to pick up Eda from Detention she’d spend her entire time in the office just going:
“What, my child? Oh no no no no, that can’t be my precious little Witchlet, nah that’s gotta be someone else’s ginger, Eda’s as innocent as can be! Surely she couldn’t have been the one who caused the ghost infestation in the girl’s locker room today!  My daughter’s an angel!”
Meanwhile you got Bump looking at her and then looking over at Eda committing Arson in the background like:
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And if it wasn’t out of Gwendolyn just being dead pan serious about it, it was more out of plausible deniability than anything else. If not just a flat out combination of both.
Long story short this is most probably definitely the reason Bump always called Eda’s father in instead to pick her up from Detention. 
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mystical-marauder · 7 months ago
Airport security: no liquids on the plane
Sirius: ok
Sirius: *starts drinking it*
Airport security: ...
Airport security: most people throw the shampoo away
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hollymariefowl · 5 months ago
Thrawn: I met Anakin skywalker on a mission. How did you know him?
Ahsoka: I was his padawan.
Thrawn: I’m sorry?
Ahsoka: oh, I said, I was his padawan
Thrawn: no, I’m just sorry
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incorrectswtor · 8 months ago
Outlander: I can't believe I embarrassed myself like that
Arcann: What, when you called Senya "mom" during the briefing?`
Outlander: No, I've done that like five times
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scary-lasagna · 4 months ago
Splendor and Offender when they were younger
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sydkneemacc · 11 months ago
i think someone said this already but nicky in college passing for 20????? with his hotter than hot, peoples sexiest man alive boyfriend who writes poetry????? i just know that the girls and gays were JEALOUS as hell when Joe would pull up to pick Nicky up from class
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some college student: “oh look there goes that quiet kid from my Ancient History 101 class with that absolute hunk of a man. man i wish i were him.”
EDIT: yes of course some people would be jealous of Joe cuz Nicky is one fine looking man himself 👀
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