#this fandom is so fucking ungrateful don't even get me started

[progmanx]

Have you abandoned the Trails fandom?

Wow.

I updated my trails longfic in December. It's not even April. And CLEARLY I have been writing up a goddamned storm because I'm HAVING FUN with Class of '09. So much fun, in fact, that I managed just over 100k words in February alone.

I was going to delete this and block you, maybe even write a spitefic where I mash up a bunch of fandoms I know you're not part of with Trails just to piss you off, but you know what? Fuck you. No, really. Not even going to put this under the cut.

Fuck. You.

This is probably the least effective way to get what you want. Yeah, this makes me feel VERY welcome. VERY wanted and appreciated. No, no, please, continue along whatever thought process this was! By all means, antagonize me into making more shit for you to consume.

Bad enough you leave a comment on a fic in a different fandom, making me excited that someone wanted to leave feedback on my work, and then I read it and it's THE SAME MESSAGE AS THIS, because you just had to anon my tumblr, too?

Why stop there, dude? Why ever stop? Why not just flood me with messages until you get what you want? THAT'LL WORK.

You've got my discord, why not just spam me there while you're at it? Drop me an email! Find my twitter and poke me on that! Are you the same asshole that tried to shame and guilt me for writing Rock/Revy instead of femslash for Black Lagoon? Because I think you are, since THAT PERSON DID THIS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

Guest Comment and Tumblr ask, at the same time. Because what I was doing wasn't what you wanted. It wasn't the RIGHT kind of thing for you. And then when I DO come back with femslash for Black Lagoon, where were you? Oh, was THAT the wrong kind, too?! I'LL BET IT WAS.

What's the ideal answer here? "Oh I'm so sorry I'd never abandon the Trails fandom I'll start writing and posting again for you!!!!" Eat shit.

I owe you NOTHING. You are entitled to NOTHING. I am not a goddamned content mill, I make things for fun, and I have ALL BUT GIVEN MY BLOOD AND SOUL to that goddamned fandom already you ungrateful brat!

I WROTE A FUCKING MUSICAL. I HAVE DELIVERED OVER 120 DRABBLES AND SHORTFICS. I WROTE SOME OF THOSE BY YOUR REQUEST. I have written AT LEAST a million words (not all of it published yet) over three years FOR TRAILS, you whiny, spoiled little shit.

Do me a favor and never read any of my stuff for any fandom ever again. I mean it. I don't want your eyes on it. I wish, so bad, so much, that you had an Ao3 account so I could BLOCK AND MUTE YOU on it. I would ACTUALLY BE tempted to user lock my works JUST because of you.

Great job, dumbass. Absolutely phenomenal decision making.

Go fuck yourself.

#no this isn't getting tags #I'd rather forget all about this #but I know I won't be able to #whoever you are I fucking hate you

[bohemian-nights]

It's always interesting how as soon as black women become a love interest in a straight ship 1 of 2 things will happen.

A third thing, the double standards, an example:

Laena x Rhaenyra ship- in the books we know they were close and some fans use the phrase"more than fond of"to reinforce they were a couple(nothing against this couple it's still fiction eh)

Everything normal here.

But when we learnt more about Rhaegar and Elia and their relationship, the sentence "fond" is still used to describe their relationship and now you have people saying "oh they were just friends" "oh he didn't love her" "oh Elia will be okay with Rhaegar and Lyanna being a couple"

First at all, the racism, Dorne is not okay with adultery in marraige, they don't care if if man or woman, UNMARRIED, take a paramour,UNMARRIED; it's different for them, a different mindset

•Convenient how now when their white fave needs to be paired up with a white character(nothing against Lyanna, the girl was 14 year old)when there are POC characters that show interest in them(Elia loved Rhaegar and I can dream he loved her, why? BECAUSE I LOVE ANGST)

CONVENIENCE MY DEAR FRIEND

Read about the Sophie's actress' scandal(if you called that) -just wtf.

Also Bethany's harassment.WTF.

If they are not happy with Sophie being black, then they are free to read the books or ignore it! It's not that difficult.

Bethany is gonna slay this season, so stay mad colonizers😏

Sorry for the rant, tired of this nonsense🤣

Ps: Some people are starting shipping Dettles out of spite, for the racism's nonesense so yeah, IT'S GONNA BE A LONG YEAR HERE!!All of you are doing great sweeties🥰

Don’t apologize for ranting cause everything you said is the truth👏🏽

I hate Laenyra. People mainly hype it up to move attention away from Daemon and Laena’s marriage and center their self insert into their relationship .

Yeah it’s ironic that the same people hyping up Laryngitis and saying all those who oppose it are racistare the same people who love dunk on Elia non-stop and say that she was fine with her husband sleeping with Snow Becky because she’s dornish. The same people hyping up Jon’s parents are the same people who dunk on Dettles.

I’ll be the first one to say that I don’t give a damn about Ravioli and Snow Becky, but I’ll admit that it was GRRM’s intention to make them romantic(it’s definitely not supposed to be grooming even if I find the whole situation weird). I’ll even admit that there are plenty of similarities between Dettles and that ship, but you’d have an easier time finding a leprechauns gold than getting those people to admit the same.

Don’t get me started on the Bridgerton fandom. A bunch of ungrateful bigots who keep making demands of Shonda while at the same time degrading her and saying there are “too many Black people” on the show (and then crying when people call them out for being the anti-Black morons they are).

And I get that Masali hasn’t been officially announced as Sophie, and of course she’s not the only possibility, but she’s the only one whose name that has been circulating around that fits the casting call. Her schedule was cleared last year and she’s got no upcoming projects. She’s following multiple members of the cast and multiple members are following her back.

(Nicola, Hannah Dodd, Hannah New, Victor Ali who is suspected to be playing John, as well as one of the hairdressers who does the main casts hair to name a few. Hell, there was even one of the directors following her, but he mysteriously unfollowed her for some reason).

More importantly, no one else has produced another casting call to contradict said casting call or to show that the role she was cast for is a member of the Stirling family.

(I’m not going to get into it, but if you’re “evidence” hinges on Masali and Victor Ali looking alike please go down to Lens Crafters cause they don’t look nothing alike outside of being dark and Black. It’s fucking offensive as fuck to say they do).

And as I said in a previous ask, the Bridgerton team has cast a role with a specific race in mind cause they were looking for an Indian woman to play Kate(which is how some people figured Simone Ashley was playing Kate when most of Kates fancasts were white women👏🏽).

So the fact that you have so many people running around like a chicken with its head cut off claiming it’s impossible for Sophie to be Black, that Sophie should be x race, or just being racist jackasses is disturbing asf. You shouldn’t have to see this bullshit:

You bet your ass I took screenshots cause everybody likes to lie and hide their hands after typing out the most vile shit.

And yeah I get everyone wants representation, but people keep trying to silence and speak over Black people specifically Black women and that's where we have a problem.

Because for any other group, this behavior would be absolutely unacceptable. Especially if you are making demands that an EP not cast any more people of her race on her show, but with Black women that doesn't matter. They don’t care.

We haven’t even had a fucking fully Black female love interest get her happily ever after with a man(the people saying Masali should be a gender-bent Michael need to have several seats cause you’re creating a OC just because you don’t want to see her as Sophie) like everybody else and yet they want us to step aside and cheer them on. Fuck that.

This is why I don’t believe any of you hateful bitches when you say you care about misogynoir because the moment a Black woman is cast in a role you want, even in a role that’s meant for a Black woman like with Nettles, y’all either start demanding she be cut or made into something else.

This literally happens every single time Black female characters are involved and yet you can’t even talk about it because people want to ignore and perpetuate our oppression.

I’ll leave it there cause I’m too exhausted by all of this drama(it’s making my blood boil), but these fandoms piss me off so much. They make it hell for non-white and especially Black fans to exist within them. Even in shows created by Black people.

#bnask #bnasks #fandom drama #bncommentary #hey look we are both ranting now 🤣 #fandom misogynoir

[bythenineshards]

Stans defend Author Lady harder than she defends herself LMAAOOO the woman puts herself every time she speaks and they don’t even stop to think about how stupid they made themselves look they just accept what she says and act like they never believed anything else in the first place 😂 like tell me they’re a cult without telling me they’re a cult

What gets me is the way they back pedal. Like the situation today. They said someone should be "put down immediately" for their opinion on something that was pretty cut and dry. Feyre altered her DNA from a White Girl to an Illyrian. The wings alone would've been cultural appropriation. But she clearly shifted into an Illyrian form. That's pretty obvious.

But their response?

I can't say that's racist cuz I'm white. Yeah, so? I didn't know you had to be poc to recognize when something's racist and call it out for being wrong.

They also backpedaled and said that they meant the blog should be taken down, not that the person should be k*lled. Like... how fucking stupid do you think I am? You're delusional if you think anyone believes that shit. You threatened the person with violence and now you're trying to play the victim. No one believes you. Like in all my 30 years (and that of my husband's 30 years) have I heard someone say "needs to be put down" for that. That's a phrase when something gets k*lled. You know it. We see you. You ain't foolin' anyone honey.

And they make these wild assumptions to try and discredit valid points. Like the person thinks Feyre did blackface because person doesn't like that Feyre ended up with Rhys. How the fuck does that connect? Or that I think Nesta shouldn't be punished for her deeds because I think Rhys is a pathetic man-child for challenging Nesta to fight him at her intervention. Or that he's an ungrateful piece of shit for verbally beating Tamlin down after Tamlin gave him back his life so that Feyre would be happy. This makes me an Abuse Apologist.

Another funny thing about it is that they think I'm mad at Canon for dumb reasons and want to replace it with my own. Noooooo honey. Lol the positive reaction to my ideas and Maas' laziness means I can write them for myself and kick her books off their pedestal.

You're right. They look like they're in a cult, and talking to them is useless. Our only hope is that they grow up and learn to respect others' opinions. And if they can't handle discussion of alternate universes and theories, then they should leave Fandom spaces all together or block the stuff they don't want to see. I feel bad that this is the creator they defend so vehemently. There's so many creators that actually care and interact with their fanbase.

Fun fact: the person today blocked me when I first started posting. They unblocked me to harass me and then act like they're so awesome. Like honey... if you're that bored, read a book, play games, or talk to your friends. Just woke up today and chose the dumbest form of violence.

#anti sjm #anti acotar #anti rhysand #anti feysand #anti sjmaas #sjm critical #ask holly #stans being stans #anti feyre #anti acosf

[incarnateirony]

We didn't get (yet) Cas on TW, not even a brief cameo or mention in the finale. And Misha confirmed they didn't film because it wasn't the right timing and also due to conflicting schedules. And yet months ago you claimed Misha was going to TW set to play Cas, and made a post tracking Misha flying from Atlanta to Nola. You even posted maps of the flying path and pictures from the airport. So, all of that were only in your head and you were wrong? How can you convince people to trust you again after such a huge fail?

Hey, bad faith conversation leader!

You realize there are *multiple ways scheduling can not work out*

cool.

Now go delete your entire bullshit accusation where you're thinking you're not being accusational, go read the shit about misha being scheduled and it Not Working Out, and being revised Late Season which I ALREADY MENTIONED WHAT?? A MONTH OR TWO AGO

stop trying.. I am. LITERALLY

over

your

fandom

bullshit

all of you

never in my life have i seen such an inhospitable, ungrateful, clog headed, self absorbed set of trolls that get singular ideas stuck in their head to fixate on

there's goddamn fandoms that would BEG to have someone with even half the accuracy I have and you guys are STILL doing this whiny bullshit trying to pretend you can't figure out how changes happen

I don't care how friendly you think it is. It's obnoxious

this is LITERALLY. WHY. PEOPLE. DO NOT TALK

TO YOU

THIS IS LITERALLY WHY

YOU BITCH AND WHINE ON CREATIVES WHEN LIFE HAPPENS

START ASKING YOURSELF THE QUESTIONS THAT ARE LIKE THIRD GRADE LEVEL BEFORE TRYING TO WHINE ABOUT IT AND MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOU

I AM FUCKING DONE.

NOBODY IS REQUIRED TO HELP YOU DECONSTRUCT YOUR OWN BULLSHIT TO REBUILD HOW YOU FUCKED IT UP ON YOUR OWN WHILE BEING HOSTILE WITH A SMILE ABOUT BULLSHIT YOU CAN GODDAMN ANSWER FOR YOURSELF. STOP IT.

IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING DEEP. HE WAS THE CORE OF THE PLOT AND STILL IS BUT HIM AND THE OTHER BIG NAMES COULD NOT ARRANGE THEIR HECTIC SCHEDULES IN A WAY THAT DID IT JUSTICE SO IT GETS ITS OWN SEASON. ITS NOT FUCKING COMPLICATED. IT IS GENUINELY FUCKING NOT. IT IS INAUTHENTIC TO PRETEND THIS IS COMPLICATED. THEY LITERALLY LOST A FEW FUCKING DAYS EVERYONE TRIED TO ACT HYSTERICAL ABOUT BEING BEHIND BECAUSE THEY TRIED. THE CONTEXT IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. NOT TODAY, SATAN.

Figure your shit out, fandom. Taking Your Bullshit Out On Media People That Try To Help You Is Over Party. Fuck off. Work on yourselves. You guys are so insanely the fuck out of pocket at all times it makes ME feel fucking delirious watching you guys keep up this pattern behavior like it's fucking normal. The Star Trek fandom is like 90% cheeto dust and even they somehow manage to be more fucking normal about these conversations than you people do in the interest of drama.

[nikandrros]

I think one of the things that enrages me the most in the fanfic community nowadays (even though it has always happened to some extent) is how readers think they have ownership over authors.

I mean, I get it, you are excited because the story is good and the author hasn't been uploading lately. But do you really think harassing them in every imaginable social media to post is going to make them inspired to write again? It won't.

I get it, you didn't like a chapter or an arc of the story and you want to voice your opinion, but do you actually think the better way to do so is by shaming, accusing, and being downright rude to the authors and then claiming you love them and their work? Sweetie, this isn't how love works. If you're treating the people you love this way, you should go outside and touch grass right now. There are infinite ways you can tell an author you didn't like something like a decent human being, y'know, when they ask for it. And even if they ask for your opinions, you shouldn't feel entitled to be such a spoiled little brat about it.

Oh yeah, and I also get it when you really, really dislike a pairing, crack or not, or a fandom, or a whole community, and you want to talk about it. What I don't get is why do you think it's such a good idea to voice your negative opinions in places where these things are liked. What do you think you are? A Christian converting the native people of America? You're annoying as fuck, that's what you are, and you should go find your own group of minions to voice your opinions and personal tastes loud and clear, because other people are not you, and other people are not obligated to think like you. A society works with different lines of thinking working simultaneously, so you can like and dislike shit without bothering people who are quiet in their corners.

Why do y'all people think it is okay to strongarm artists (artists, not content creators) into bending to your will? If you want them to be your own little workers, pay a fucking commission and shut the fuck up. These people are already doing shit for free in environments in which they are stolen, harassed, shamed, backed into corners, and bullied every other day because of the things they enjoy doing for free, for ungrateful little leeches like you.

I won't even get started on the fact that most of these people are only brave enough to do shit like that in anon accounts.

#fanfiction #discourse #i guess

[edens-pen]

Hi! I just wanted to pop in and say that you're SO right about the lurking thing. Like yeah, you can lurk. But don't be surprised when your 'favourite content creators' leave/lose motivation because you refuse to reblog/leave feedback. Intrinsic motivation only lasts so long.

The way people are getting mad at fandom creators for asking for reblogs and comments is so??? Incomprehensible? Why can't we ask for something that'll help us with reach and motivation? Why are we suddenly ungrateful for asking for the one/two things that'll help us continue? Why are we suddenly seen as content creating machines?

I'm personally fine with lurkers because I get it! Some of them are shy. But that's only because often you can tell whether they support you/they just want you to write shit for them. I'm okay with lurker blogs just liking my posts because my requirements are low about things, but even then there's a huge difference in how I react about a like (from a typical lurker) vs a reblog!

It's wild. The argument that is that lurkers are embarrassed? Embarrassed enough to have a completely blank blog? Lol. Why? Why would you be embarrassed of something you love? In fact, if you're so embarrassed, then why consume it at all? Why treat the work of others as something to be embarrassed about? It's insulting. If you're embarrassed then create a secondary blog and reblog! Make a new account and go nuts on it! It's tumblr. You're anonymous. There are so many ways to go about it (drop a comment!!! send in an ask!!!) and... people choose none of it.

That's not supporting your favourite artists/writers/editors/gif makers etc etc etc!

Honestly what's more maddening is the fact that some of these 'lurker' blogs follow TONS of people but when you check their profile they have 1) no reblogged posts (okay! fine!) but 2) NO LIKES imo that's so fucking insulting. You follow creators and don't reblog? Fine. I get it. You actively follow creators, read, look, react, but don't even like? Then why are you here...? The whole reason I even started using tumblr in the first place was for the ability to reblog and put my thoughts in the tags!

Fandoms need lurkers? Okay! Sure! I guess I see the point. But your fandom won't exist if creators are driven off by these lurkers, will it?

Sorry! This got long, but it's just so maddening to see people try and stir shit up making fandom creators look like we're being unreasonable for asking for one thing. Thank you for making that post

literally this!! artists on tumblr are literally asking for the bare minimum, which a blank reblog, and people are up in arms about it. (little rant about yesterday below)

and what's been itching my eyelids is that folks will reblog that post about being a lurker, and then not reblog any of the work they like. the work that people do for FREE on this website is so amazing, and it's not entitled to know that you're good at something and ask the people who consume it to share it.

the OP on that post thinks their "lol i'm an artist" is some sort of like "in your face" moment and it's not. why would you not support other artist's requests, especially when it's one so many of us share? like congrats you're in the 1% who don't rely on commission or shares...yay?

and the thing that really pissed me off about it is when i made a good point, they disregarded it entirely "i don't wanna fight :(( peace + love + happiness". like get your mf dog off my reblog bitch i don't fuckin' care, OP tried to make it seem like i'm being provoking for disagreeing with their terrible opinion.

the main point being is that without reblogs (even our self-reblogs) our work will sit in one place on the dash forever. and if i don't scroll down far enough, sometimes i don't even see work by people i follow. we need reblogs.

(lmfao and the whole thing about being embarrassed is so annoying sometimes. like did i ask you to read in front of your church?? did i say send it to your mom?? or did i say reblog it.)

#— eden's asked and answered <3*˜ #<333 sending you so many kisses anon #and giving a big sloppy wet one on your cheek

[onewomancitadel]

Hey listen, for whatever it’s worth. I’ve not even started reading your fic yet (planning to) (executive dysfunction has got me in a stranglehold rn), but the *reason* I’m planning to do so is you’re one of the very few people on RWBY tumblr whose analysis of Cinder/Jaune/the story generally rings true to me. I really really admire how plugged in you are to the text and (importantly, this is the specific thing that made me go “I gotta read Skimming Eye”) I feel that way even when my own analytical lens leads me to different conclusions from yours—it’s like. You GET it. You’re down in the bedrock of this story cracking open geodes. I’m sorry you’re feeling badly about the fandom’s general preference for pebbles. I’ve been holding off with the intention of actually, um, reading your fic before saying anything but here we are. I appreciate you and your reading of this story so much. Thank you for sharing.

I'm not really only talking about the fanon here but the commenting culture in general. For years I have put up with people negging my fanfic and I'm really tired of it. I don't want to interact with people who don't like major components of it. I don't find the criticism helpful (I have specific people I refer to for this) and I don't ask for it and I specifically don't request comments anymore so I don't seem ungrateful when they inevitably make me upset. I must've been unclear in the previous posts I made: it's not only the fanon I'm taking umbrage with here, it's the engagement itself.

Likely nothing is going to change, I just don't want anything to do with it right now and I don't want to post anything right now.

If everybody wants to know how pathetic I am, I go to other fandoms and read the comments sections for nicer fandoms and I think about how nice those people are and how happy they make those fic authors.

I have anonymously posted a fic work in a different fandom of a completely different demographic (non-anime adjacent) and the difference is night and day. I have slightly edited the statistics to anonymise it but these are the stats on a single oneshot for a different rarepair:

By the way, Skimming Eye has about a couple of hundred more kudos than that. So I'm aware it's statistically not a well-liked work lol.

But hopefully this also separately demonstrates I don't care about the status side of it. This anonymous posting is not a particularly inflammatory work, it's just in a different fandom from what I usually post in and I didn't want to open up another account for it.

I could cope if I were not getting comments altogether because there's a world of difference between writing for a rarepair for its own sake and the experience of the RWBY fandom.

I'm not asking for a hugbox I just want people to leave me alone and stop expecting my fanfic to be catering to their fanon and I beg for people to just stop fucking qualifying about how bad x component is. 'Oh most of this is shit but I really liked it!' The only bit I'm going to zero in on is the material substance particularly if it's non-canonical characterisation. Non-canonical characterisation is the most grievous issue one could possibly take with my work. The rest of it is irredeemable if so and honestly effectively makes the work pointless. The only reason to write is canon.

To be entirely honest I'm not sure how you can have an opinion on my fanfic without having read it and even here you say that your analysis departs from my own so how can you possibly know it's any good?

You're not obligated to say anything positive and that's not what I'm angling for, much as I appreciate the spirit of what you've said here.

I just don't want anything to do with the fandom right now and I'll have to figure out how I feel about it all later, if I decide to moderate comments or just turn them off altogether, because it feels like they do more harm than good now. I avoided checking my inbox for six months because of this.

I understand the RWBY fandom is not like other fandoms but where I come from when someone is sharing you their passion for free you treat them kindly. I don't read fanfic with fanon I don't like or pairings I don't like or writing that I fundamentally do not respect. I just move on. I extend courtesy to others I'd hoped would be extended to me.

Nothing will change so there's no point. I just need time away and to reconsider my options. Thanks for what you've said here. I hope you have a nice day. Don't stress about my reading my fic, take your time. You're under no obligation, and frankly you're probably not missing much. (Honestly, I really have no delusions about the quality of my work; that's not the point here).

Thanks again.

This reply is way too long but it's an issue I've been dealing with for a long time and I've just been told I'm ungrateful and should get over it and I really don't know what to do, that and I'm really tired. It's possible I'll be over it in a few days and I'll go back and dirty delete all these posts.

#seraphina's asks #user: anonymouse #can't sleep so answering this now #negative nancy hour

[egg-emperor]

My dude, its not that your content is boring, or you are a bad writer, or that people hate you. Quite the contrary, you are incredibly creative and passionate and that is always a delight to see. The thing is you are on a dying website on a fandom that tends to be the butt of jokes (so most people dont want to be associated with it) and you write about one of the last popular characters there. Its a niche community, thats why your posts dont reach a big audience. (1/2)

I can't help but feel that way lately ever since my instrusive thoughts came back bad the worst they've ever been and it feels like everyone is proving all the horrible things my mind is telling me about myself and my work to be true. It just seems like people don't really care about what I have to offer anymore, like I can't entertain anymore so now I'm worthless. The idea that my creations that make me happy makes others happy too is one of the only things that kept me going and motivated to share more but it feels like it's dwindling. I appreciate you and everyone else that has been supporting me and I'm glad you still enjoy my content. I don't want to seem ungrateful but my mind is being nasty to me and seeing how a lot of people seem to be losing interest across all three of my blogs more than ever is getting me down even more.

It's a shame that the site is dying when Twitter is garbage that kills the passion and creativity of many. Yeah that might be a part of it but I definitely have a more active follower base than it seems most of the time. I notice this when a bunch of people following me only like/rb/interact with stuff I reblog and clearly scroll past my self made posts in between. And yeah Eggman isn't that popular, especially not modern/game canon. But I'm even starting to feel like an outcast to the Eggman fandom space here (despite being here before most since 2015 when there were barely any Eggman posting blogs. I was the one accused of gatekeeping for not liking jimbotnik but I'm the one feeling pushed out and alienated now lol) because I don't like the movie and I'm not big on the popular romantic ships, headcanons, and fanon interpretations now. It just feels like everything I do is wrong and what I have to offer is never good enough, or the interest doesn't last because I don't do all the new things that are considered cool now.

Undoubtedly part of it is also that I write more. But fuck man, art is hard and even harder when you have to digitalize it on a phone. It's become more stressful than fun so I can't do it a lot. I just wish that fandoms didn't always make creators feel like writing doesn't matter and isn't as good as art. I've seen people entirely disregard writing and automatically assume it to be trash just because it isn't art. And a lot of people don't tend to support writing like they do with art, even if they do like it. But I wish people understood that creators need at least some support if they want them to keep creating, otherwise they won't think it's worth it or anyone cares. We're not mindless content machines to pump out content and entertain until people get bored of us. Both art and writing takes time, passion, and effort and a bit of support goes a long way but sometimes you get nothing but silence and it can be more crushing than hate at times, left to wonder if your creations were even worth your time to create or anyone else's to consume.

But aside from that, what also gets me down is that I do actually see people supporting other's writing and encourage more from them but I don't get any of that type of support, feedback, or criticism from those very same people when it comes to mine, despite them being so similar. I tend to get brushed off or ignored or nowhere near as much hype. And I know it sounds like jealousy but it honestly just makes wonder what, is it just my stuff specifically that's just not good enough for them? And it just never seems good enough, no matter how hard I try. I realize there are times it is in fact personal and I have no idea why because they don't tell me and I feel terrible when it ends up confirming my fears, then I worry if it's always the case. That's the stuff that hurts the most, more than people just outright telling me if they don't like or aren't interested in my stuff anymore, which would hurt less.

I know not everyone thinks I should die really but it's easy to think that way in times where I get insults and suicide bait from people shitting on me and what I do more than I get positive or supportive comments. So that's why it feels like people just want me to die, I'm told so in my inbox. I'm not saying I demand endless high praise but just someone simply saying they enjoyed something I posted instead of just silence has a way bigger positive impact than they think but some don't anymore. And if there's a reason why or it isn't personal, I wish they'd tell me so it puts my mind to rest, instead of pretending I don't see blatant disinterest or the ignoring that drives me mad and kills motivation. The hateful people are more vocal and then it feels like nobody else cares and it drags me down.

I swear some people, both general followers and some people I'm closer to are just losing interest and getting sick of me personally and it's hard seeing it happen and seemingly being unable to do anything, making it feel like my time of being capable of doing anything good and likable in their eyes has passed. And it's just hard accepting that and letting it go, especially when you never get the real answers and you're left wondering what went wrong and why you're not good enough anymore. I've had moments of realization where my heart sinks when I present something I'm proud of and I get unenthusiastic responses or silence. And feeling either people drift away or being insulted more often than anything positive gives my sick brain a lot to work with in further attacking me with nasty intrusive thoughts too. But like I said, that last part is on me and I feel I'm just genuinely too mentally ill to handle being on the internet.

I appreciate all of you that do support me and my passion and creations, it might just look silly on the surface with my rambling and gushing but what I create is important to me and it means the world to me that it's enjoyed by anyone else. It gets tough with my mind and negativity I receive but I try not to lose sight of the positive things or forget people enjoy my work, which makes it worth turning my passion and ideas into something I can share. I'm trying to get better at not letting negative and hateful stuff matter and only value the good but sometimes when I'm already dealing with enough privately and come online and see this happening too, it's the little extra push I need to reach the breaking point. But at the same time, when I'm in some of my darkest places with things I don't talk about, coming online and seeing kind words and knowing my stuff is enjoyed means everything and manages to put a smile on my face, no matter how awful I feel. And that's what keeps me creating and sharing for as long as I'm here. Thank you. 💜

#asks #vent

[ginjointsintheworld]

It’s been disappointing but unsurprising to see so Leyla get so much shit from the general audience and the fandom. The writing has been up and down but I’ve seen so many people acting like Leyla not ‘forgiving’ Lauren and taking her back already is selfish and hypocritical instead of a normal response to having her trust broken. She literally asked Lauren point blank if she had a hand in her employment and Lauren lied. For months. That’s a lot to get over and yeah I think the show wasted some time and the story since their breakup has been meh but still, the main facts remain. I don’t even like the deportation SL and wish they’d done anything else but I get where they’re going with it in terms of rebuilding their relationship, the whole point is to get Leyla and Lauren to a good place and eventually together. I wish people would criticize the writing and plots instead of being lowkey racist and dragging a character(and actor, it’s getting weird)for not doing exactly what they want. I knew a lot of ‘fans’ cared for Leyla only as long as she made Lauren happy but I still hate it. If anything, people should be annoyed that Leyla doesn’t get as much backstory or that she doesn’t get to be as badass as she could be or that we don’t see things from her pov enough.

on the one hand, i understand that we haven't gotten monologues from leyla's perspective about how she feels lately post loan situation. but on the other hand she has had opportunities to express how she felt about events that went down in 4x10+ with moments of insight into her mindset in 4x13, 4x14 and their conversation in the OR viewing room in 4x17. so it's not like we've been completely shut out and that's the frustrating part about people acting like we have and being surprised by her actions. could it be more bluntly expressed to the audience? of course but i don't think it's on the writers to have to spoon feed viewers everything.

like you said, what lauren did was a massive betrayal of her trust and with someone as prideful as leyla, that wasn't something that was going to be forgiven overnight. but we have seen progress and her softening up towards lauren from radio silence in the beginning of 4b to now. i agree, criticize the writing, that's totally fair but when people start throwing around words like leyla being hypocritical and ungrateful, they start to sound like they want lauren to be hailed as her savior and that should not be what we're aiming for bros. hell lauren definitely doesn't want that. it's always been kinda funny to me that in every ship that are instances of shippers who clearly favor one character in the ship over the other but i guess that's the distinction from a ship and an OTP.

that being said it's NEVER okay to attack an actor for things their fictional character does on a show and if people are doing that then fuck them.

#anon #asks

[shadowhunterssizzy]

Why do you think people hate on elain so much?

First of all I'm really sorry for not answering this sooner. Anyways this is going to be a long rant so here we go:

First of all we have to understand that a whole portion of the ACOTAR fandom is extremely mysoginistic and terrible towards females. It happened since the beginning and it'll keep happening until the series is done, unfortunately. Second, there's a really hard pill to swallow and it's the fact that neither Nesta or Elain were developed in the previous books. Let me explain this:

Sarah has stated several times that in the beginning she had no plans for neither nesta and elain. They were supposed to be the bad sisters like cinderella step-sisters. Their only role was to complete feyre's arc and maybe give some background to her story. That changed drastically when nesta started speaking to Sarah (in her own words). Let me say something that it's not beautiful or easy to say: nor nesta, nor elain are developed in feyre's story, nor in the novella A court of frost and starlight. It's true than in this one we got to see more of Nesta. But what personality did we see?. We saw the ugly side of Nesta. The sister who was selfish, nasty and rude to everyone except Elain. We got to see how ungrateful she was. How Elain took a backseat and how Nesta was a little more developed because her book was next. The main question is does nesta have a personality?. Sure, she does. But also does Elain. Nesta spend her days drinking and fucking every random person she met because she couldn't deal with her trauma in any other way. Elain spend her days doing some gardening and working in Velaris because it was her way to cope with trauma. The problem?. One side is okay for readers and the other isn't. People tend to think female characters always need to be strong and independent. They need to be bitter, they need to be hateful and terrible because that means they are strong. they are warriors. They can get a free pass doing shitty things because of their trauma. They can abuse their family members for years and it's okay because it's the product of her trauma and it's their personality. It's the way they are and we have to forgive them. But when a character is quiet, shy, and calm suddenly that trauma is invalid. Because that person is not strong. That person automatically is boring. Let me tell you something more: for years, in fantasy, people has been seeing one female archetype: the one who is strong,well-trained and can fight. That's the norm most of the time. But once there's another character that is more quiet and acts behind the scenes, suddenly that character is not interesting. Is not worth of a fantasy book. And you have to ask yourself why is that? Because they are more similar to male characters and they used to be predominant in fantasy. So the hate on elain it's just a product of a lot of internalized mysoginia. There's a difference between saying: i don't find elain interesting because we don't know much about her (very valid) and saying elain is useless and an unseasoned chicken( this comment was made by a famous booktuber who is all about empowering females until they are the quiet ones btw). Personally I think the acotar fandom needs something to hate on. First it was Nesta, then it's elain and then it will be Mor. Because they are already hating on her. Meanwhile does anyone hate any of the 3 batboys?. Did people hate on Cassian before his book was out?. No. Are people hating on azriel?. Absolutely not, everyone is talking about his dick even if the guy is more boring than an unseasoned chicken(see what i did there?). So the root of the problem is not elain itself. It's the fandom and how much they dislike females until they get their own book.

Btw i hope nobody is offended about nesta's comments. I'm just trying to point out that she didn't have a greater development before her book than elain's. She was just an angry and bitter person before we got to see her arc.

#elainarcheron #acotar #acotar fandom #acofas #sorry for the rant #am i really #so tired #azriel #cassian #archeron sisters

[golbrocklovely]

why do you talk about elton castee like you know him? y'all don't. we all only know what we see online. and isn't colby friends with someone with KNOWN assault allegations against him? take a seat and worry about that before coming for elton.

lol okay

i never claimed to know elton. however, my opinion is based off of the content he puts out there; that being videos, tweets, ect. much like any social media person, that's what any of us are basing our opinions off of. he gets to control the narrative to some degree. so... if he doesn't want to look like bad, don't act that way.

that being said, i have constantly called out colby for being friends with brennen. anytime anyone asks about brennen, i link them to the expose page bc i dislike brennen wholeheartedly. i also thoroughly dislike the fact that colby is still friends with him. anytime they hang out, i ignore it. any content they make together, i don't watch. and in general, anytime colby does bad shit, i call him out for it. it's just that simple.

idk how you found my page, but it's obvious you don't know me well enough to be making snap judgements. and even if you did, fun fact: i can dislike any content creator all i want to, and that includes elton. if you don't agree with me, totally fine. you can unfollow me, block me, or straight up ignore my existence since that's honestly the best choice for you bc i upset you so much.

not that i have to explain myself to you, but i don't actually want to dislike elton; he's the reason why i know about snc, how i met them. however, there are things he has done well before he started shading them that i just can't look past. i didn't get the best vibes from him when he was in the trap house. and then around 2019, when he started complaining constantly about the trips he would take, either that something bad happened on them or that they didn't get the views he believed the videos deserved, it all came across as whiny and ungrateful. not to mention he made a fucking rape joke last year and straight up tried to argue with ppl about his intentions, as if that changes the fact he made a fucking rape joke.

and then with all of this shading towards snc.... i'm done with him. i'm done with his borderline geriatric, needing his fucking aarp card ass being petty, jealous, and miserable. if he's so concerned that his content ain't gonna pull in the views now that snc are considered 'competition', that's his own shit to deal with. not theirs or the fandoms.

i'm gonna ask that you kindly don't come back to my page. bc if you come back to me anonymously up in my ask box throwing shit at me for talking about someone i want to on MY PAGE, i'm just gonna block you. no reply, no long ass response back. just the beautiful block button.

have a good night.

#ask #personal #sam and colby #colby brock #elton castee #also no shade to anyone that is reading this and is 30+ #i call him old bc he acts like a boomer #not bc i think 30+ is old #brennen taylor #forgot to tag him as well

[sophi-s]

Cost of Kindness

Chapter II: Fear me not

By: sophi-s

Fandom: Darksiders video games

Words: 6373

Characters: Raphael, Original Character (OC)

Warnings: Blood and injury, suffocating, violence, Raphael is sad :(

Summary:

Nicola is quick to find trust in herself and quick to lose it. She doesn't realise however, that the man she fears sees something in her others cannot. And this something is what made him save her life again.

--------------------------------------------------

Through the few short weeks, the apocalypse has taught the dying Humanity many different things. Resourcefulness, cunning, true strength of unity… and among other things, the cruel life had taught them, was bravery in its purest form. Bravery that isn't simply an absence of fear but the power to overcome it. Stay cool-headed even in the most extreme scenarios, allowing them to face down even the most horrifying demons and either get away mostly unscathed or sometimes even beat them if they were lucky. Without those traits, survival was nigh impossible these days.

This last very important lesson however, Nicola seemed to have quite spectacularly failed to learn. Even as lucky as she was - considering that she lived thus far - she never was the bravest creature in this God-forsaken world. Smart? Sometimes. Ingenious? Sure. But brave? Not really, no. Especially now, as she was staring up at the angel who she decided to trust not even a minute before and who has just ruthlessly murdered a demon with little to no remorse in a very, very sickening way. Her muscles refused to move as though Raphael had already used the spell of paralysis against her as she watched the corners of his mouth, previously quirked upwards in a small smile, slowly descend. His expression in the matter of seconds morphed into confusion when a quiet sob escaped her. This horrifying, agonized screeching was still ringing in Nicola's ears, the demon kept writhing before her eyes and she couldn't help but wonder.. what did it feel like? To have one's life drained like that. Because judging by the sounds the Goreclaw produced, it must've been truly torturous.

"Human…?"

The soft voice of Raphael snapped her out of this strange haze and the sight of his hand extended towards her once again made her heart jump and begin to race. Her mind was telling her that if Raphael wanted to harm her, he would've done it already. Besides, moments before the demon came, he healed the cut on her forehead demanding nothing in return. Only because he could and - for some reason - wanted. But the chilling claws of panic gripping her throat and the fight-or-flight instincts kicking in, screaming inside her head made the voice of reason merely an inaudible whisper drowning in the sea of primal fear of the possible approaching danger. And right now, her body definitely settled on "flight".

"No! "

She yelped and tried to get away but her heels met the corpse behind her and it caused her to trip over the husk of the once frightening demon. With an expression of shock, Raphael retracted his hand as her rear painfully met the tough and damp floor. There was utter horror gleaming in her emerald green eyes, matched by lack of comprehension in his.

"Why are you frightened?"

And he has the audacity to ask why. Nicola thought bitterly as she started to scramble away. At the first glance, Raphael seemed so kind, he was such a gentle soul. Even his face, despite the collapsed cheeks, has the most trustworthy look to it Nicola had ever seen. This kind is the worst. Makes you trust them, lower your guard.. It seems she'd conveniently forgotten about one fact she noticed moments after she found Raphael. He's completely, absolutely and utterly insane. Unpredictable. At first he couldn't even remember his own name or how he got here. Who can guarantee her that he won't have an abrupt change of heart and lash out at her? She wasn't going to take chances. Leaping up to her feet, Nicola blindly runs off into the dark pathway she initially emerged from, her shotgun left forgotten on the floor just as she heard an almost frantic-sounding call echoing from the haphazard hide-out alongside the sound of rustling feathers and cloth.

" NICOLAAA! "

To her, this shout may have as well been a roar of a Fallen that not so long ago nearly succeeded in ending her life. A golden hue on the walls glistening with wetness trembled and started to move. No one had to say that out loud for her to realise that the angel was actually chasing after her. And to think that merely seconds ago Raphael was struggling with standing up properly… The pain of her overworked legs was gone, forgotten. They carried Nicola like a completely different entity, moving on their own, tireless and strong with only one purpose. Get away. Survive. Escape.

How Nicola managed to get to the point where she started her sightseeing tour of the sewers without any source of light and without tripping over all those bodies she found before was a mystery even to her. Even the slickness of the ladder didn't phase her as she pushed the lid off and quite literally pounced out of the hole in the sidewalk like a puma. She only hoped she'd managed to lose her pursuit in the winding corridors. Placing the lid back where it belonged, Nicola immediately booked it for the nearest alley just to be sure.

Once she was more or less hidden, she leaned against a crumbling wall, breathed out silently and covered her mouth to muffle the uncontrollable sobs. She thought that for once she found something that wasn't about to end her where she stood but it seems that the Universe has taken it as a matter of some twisted honor to slaughter every single member of the human race. This is just unfair. Sure, there was a lot of people who deserved to be smited into oblivion by the God himself for what they'd done but if the apocalypse was supposed to be some kind of punishment, then for fuck's sake why does the entire race has to suffer for it?! How is this even fair ?!

It's not. That's how.

Nicola looked up at the night sky glittering with numerous stars, winking at her like thousands of watching eyes as tears spilled down her cheeks, leaving clean trails in the dust and grime. Eventually, her heartbeat started slowing down, her breath evening out and the adrenaline gradually receding from her system. Now she had a moment to clear her head and think. She had no doubts she can be forgiven for running away. Every person in their right mind would do the same in her situation. Nicola refused to die like this.. But on the other hand… This panic in Raphael's voice, the almost childishly innocent smile as he closed the cut on her skin and the gentleness to his every move as he tried to heal a defenseless kitten… God, this is so… so… Nicola couldn't even find the right word. Despite what the angel did to that Goreclaw, no one said he meant to hurt her too. He may be crazy but that doesn't mean he's a psychotic murderer. This was a demon and angels rightfully hate demons! In his mind there was most likely nothing wrong with that. Besides, she gave Raphael no reason to think of her as a target. All of the sudden, Nicola felt unbelievably foolish for running off like that. Raphael saved her life after all. And she acted nothing if not horribly ungrateful. Should I go back? She'll have to anyway. In a hurry, she left her weapon back down there and Haven was short on those… Dang it…

She sighed. It honestly made her feel like a moron. Damned survival instincts… Sure, they were keeping her alive all the time but sometimes they were just so incredibly annoying. Why would they make her run away from someone who protected her even though he had no reason to do so and nothing to gain from it? From the first angel who seemed to care what fate befalls her? Goodness me, this is so stupid… Nicola shook her head and was about to walk back to the entrance to the sewer when she noticed something in an adjacent alley. Seeing a pair of hungry yellow lights slowly moving closer to her, just above the ground made her heart drop. Her sight has long got used to darkness and so it took her only a fraction of a second to notice curved, black horns above them, long and spindly arms on either side of a slender body ending in a long, scaly lube. A snake-like tail…

With a pounding heart, Raphael quickly moved through the sewer that has long ago turned into his hide-out. Tracking down the strange little human who unexpectedly visited him in his "lair" was harder than it seemed. She was way faster than he would have given her credit for. By all means, in her short legs she shouldn't be that quick. Fear does strange things to people.. But why was she afraid? This short meeting was inarguably the most wonderful thing that happened to him ever since he left the White City. He couldn't quite remember how long ago it was but definitely too long for his taste. All he recalled was the horrible, sharp bite every time he repeated the ritual to finish his greatest creation, followed by a short-lived feeling of elation soon to be replaced by deathly cold within the centre of his being. Each time getting worse and worse until he couldn't stand it anymore. Quickly descending into madness caused by never-ending pain and the chill of his damaged soul, the invisible wound in his chest as cold as a forgotten grave, he knew he can't keep doing this. And so, after having lost his purpose, there was no reason for him to stay anymore. He refused to disappoint his brethren.

You've fulfilled your task. They don't need you anymore.

Raphael halted for a moment, blinking to try and chase away the taunting whisper in the back of his head. It is not true.

"You're wrong. They do. More than ever…"

In the premature Endwar, Heaven's Legions probably wished he was with them. But that doesn't change a thing. He's not going back. Not after he failed to save Ithuriel as an unexplainable surge of panic paralyzed both his hands and his magic. It still sometimes haunts his damaged memories… The young warrior slowly languished from a poisoned wound, grew weaker and weaker with every moment and the archangel couldn't move, couldn't even speak to call for help. Just.. stood there and watched unable to act. Until… A painful twinge through his chest made him wince. No. He can never allow something like this to happen again. He cannot fail them.. He refused to let anyone down like that. Ever.

Frankly speaking, Raphael started to wonder when he'd taken to talking to himself. Solitude clearly wasn't serving him… It's been so long since he had anyone to speak to and even longer since his mind felt this clear. This woman, Nicola, told him she is a human. Considering what has happened to the Third Kingdom, Raphael found it hard to believe. But the spark of life in her soul… it really did feel human. She wasn't a fiend from the Black Depths, nor was she of his own kin. Earth was where she belonged. But there was something in her… something so oddly familiar.. soothing. A flame like those burning in hearts of Heaven's people, just somehow fainter. Only a small fraction of it. Maybe her soul belonged to an angel before it was purged by the Well? Who knows?

But that aside, she was still human. And so, it might as well make her the last survivor of her race and the first creature to show him a lick of sympathy ever since he chose the path of a hermit. The Balance was in danger and this human was imperative for its preservation. For the first time in decades, Raphael felt needed. He had a purpose again. No one was forcing him to do this but the words in a caring tone leaving Nicola's mouth and clear concern for his well being even though she barely knew him for a couple of minutes were something he has been so… so dreadfully missing. As confused as he was by her attitude, he couldn't deny that it was… nice. How long has it been since someone expressed clear worry for him? Too long… The archangel wished this odd mortal near even if for just a short moment because strangely enough, her kindness directed specifically to him somehow eased the never-ending suffering and helped him focus his thoughts that kept running rampant without control whenever he couldn't busy himself with something other than the hole in his chest. And now they were focused on one goal. Find the human.

Raphael waved his bandaged hand through the air before him to invoke a spell and frowned when he detected the familiar presence he was searching for somewhere over his head. She must've left for the city above him. Right where she's out in the open for demons to pick out. Why did she run?

She knows what you are. And she is just a human. Of course she would run like a coward.

No. Raphael brushed this poisonous voice off. Believing in a single word it says will mean his failure. If he does, he will be doomed. Forever lost in the depths of insanity. No matter.. Channeling his magic, Raphael warped and reappeared amidst the sorrowful ruins of the city once inhabited by hundreds of humans. A wave of fresh air hit him in the face and for a moment made his head feel like it was spinning. His eyes opened wide when he took a huge gulp of oxygen. He never realised how sweet it can taste. After such a long time in the damp darkness… The stars peered down at him from the moonless sky, shining like shattered diamonds woven into black velvet. Enchanting and stunningly beautiful. If it wasn't so dangerous out here, Raphael would've surely been more eager to leave the dark pit he was stuck in to marvel at the Earth's still present beauty but such as it was… The moment he let his eyes wander across the vast expanse of the Earthen sky, his feathers bristled at the sound of a shrill cry of fear that tore the silence asunder. A cry of a female voice. Familiar voice. It could only mean one thing. His heart skipped.

Rushing towards the source of the scream, Raphael soon discovered the reason right behind a corner. The same human that indulged him in a much needed interaction, that calmed his restless spirit, was now struggling against the tightening coils of a serpentine body of a demon sorcerer which apparently has picked her as its midnight snack. Already feeling a mist of rage fall over his mind, Raphael shook his head to shrug it off for a little longer. Keeping his head as cool as he could, he performed a gesture with his hands as a string of words in his mother tongue slipped past his lips and his vision zeroed on the Shadowcaster.

Nicola was absolutely sure these were her final moments on this horrible, horrible world when the Shadowcaster jumped at her from a nook and wrapped its tail around her to try and strangle the life out of her like a gigantic, twisted constrictor snake, and watch her perish in suffering. What an awful way to die. Seeing the wicked grin of this malformed face as the last thing before her consciousness leaves her for good. Nicola hoped that if she had to die, then at least she would be sent off by a friendly face… But it seems that God denied her even this last, small comfort.. She fought ferociously against the crushing pressure that was successfully preventing her from catching another breath but to no avail. Her lungs felt as though they had been set on fire and her desperate wriggling only made the demon laugh excitedly as it whispered something she couldn't understand. She didn't have to though. Something told her it was nothing nice.. Dark spots started to gather in the corners of her vision and slowly encase her mind in darkness and she has already come to terms with the fact that this time she isn't getting out of this one alive when… the hold the Shadowcaster had on her loosened.

Taking a wheezing breath, Nicola fell over, still trapped in the coils of the scaly body. What? Once her vision cleared out a little, she saw her attacker lying stiff like a statue with its nasty eyes, previously burning with malice, now opened wide in shock and a web of golden lights crawling across its skin spoke for itself. Before any coherent thought could form in her head she was suddenly yanked free from the demon's grasp by an invisible force. A small cry escaped her when she felt a sharp sting on her thigh where the monster held her with its claws and soon she was gently deposited on the ground. Looking up into a pair of big, white eyes blinking down at her upside down from underneath a green, ragged hood.

"Raph-... phael…?"

She gasped to let her crushed lungs expand properly, though she needed no answer. It was him. He did follow her. And he saved her bacon. Again. Nicola truly wanted to laugh. If there were any doubts still left in her mind that Raphael is a friend before, they disappeared at this very moment. You bloody idiot, you ran from a dude who was trying to protect you and almost got yourself killed in the process. Nicola scolded herself inwardly as she struggled to breathe properly. No running again. Although she was most glad to see Raphael, she immediately noticed something was wrong. He was looking at her but without this soft smile. His eyebrows were knitted together in an expression of worry and… guilt? Why the…? And that's when she noticed that his eyes were flicking between her face and the spot on her leg which was quickly starting to grow warm and wet. Craning her neck to see, Nicola nearly choked once she caught the sight of three deep gashes torn into her flesh. And they were spurting about a lot of blood… Like.. a lot.

"You're bleeding… Hurt…"

His hesitant words only confirmed that it wasn't a hallucination caused by oxygen deprivation. Nicola bit her lip and tried to find that healing shard in her pocket but between being nearly choked to death, her empty stomach, sharp pain and seeing that amount of blood leaving her injured appendage she felt too dizzy to keep her head up and laid back down on the ground with a miserable mewl.

"In the eyes of our blessed Father, your days are numbered, foul beast.."

She heard Raphael hiss through his teeth once he looked up towards the place where the Shadowcaster was surely still face planting under the influence of the spell and his troubled frown turned into a scowl. There was this weird sound once more. Oh my God, he's doing it again… Nicola gulped, already preparing for the round two. Even though she was certain now that she had nothing to fear from him, it still doesn't mean she liked what she saw back then when the Goreclaw jumped her. She was already hearing the screeches of the demon even before they could come to be but this time no such thing happened. Something was different. The light that coalesced around Raphael's hand was not green but golden as the magic vibrated through the air once again. Everything lasted but a second. And instead of a series of pained shrieks, Nicola heard a single, sickening crunch. And then silence. Nothing more. Whatever happened, it was quick and mostly quiet. Probably because they were outside and more demons undoubtedly prowled nearby, and Raphael was definitely smart enough to realise that. Thank goodness… Nicola breathed before she saw the shimmering stars swimming before her eyes quickly starting to disappear along with her hearing. Soon, she slipped her eyelids closed in spite of the pain in her leg and found herself sliding into the dark. Hold on. Just a little longer.. Just… a little…

… longer…

If anything could be said about Shadowcasters, was that their skeletons, as flexible as they are, characterize with astonishing brittleness. One flick of Raphael's wrist was more than enough to snap its neck and give it a far quicker and more merciful death than it deserved. He couldn't allow himself for another drain as it would bring half of the Horde bearing down on both him and the wounded human at his feet. Besides, he didn't feel in need of its energy. The human…

Looking down at her, Raphael felt his heart cease for a second. She was lying there on her back, pale and motionless, her intricate green eyes shut. Alive, the blaze in her soul flickering, but clearly unconscious. Blood was still oozing from the wound he himself had made because of the spontaneous decision to wrench her free from the fiend's hold. He wasn't careful enough and failed to notice that the demon dug its talons into her skin. The archangel had seen a fair share of pain. He used to be the head healer back in the White City after all. The number of warriors he'd pulled out of the cold clutches of death was impossible to count. But somehow this was different. The poor woman was defenseless, weak and delicate. She couldn't even fight the demon that tackled her.

Azrael was right. Humans are very, very fragile.. Compared to other races, they were frighteningly easy to crush. Anything could kill them. From eating something wrong, through illnesses, to even falling into the water. Truth be told, Nicola was the first human Raphael had met in person and he didn't want her to be his last. Just stay calm. Don't panic… Not now… Kneeling down next to her, so small in comparison to him, Raphael gingerly peeled the torn trouser leg off the wound and placed his quivering hand over it, concealing the whole thing with his palm. His magic began to flow into the human once again to seal the torn flesh but there was very little time he had.

He barely managed to lessen the bleeding when a sound of a distant roar and a crash of a car being tossed aside, reached his ears. His head snapped up as his eyes darted around, searching for the owner of this cry. He would recognise it even in his sleep, even if the last scraps of his sanity left him. A Trauma was somewhere nearby. No doubt heading in this direction, attracted by the commotion and possibly the smell of blood as well. And a Trauma he couldn't afford to fight right now. Those things are hearty enough to break through his magic and get to him before he is able to put them down. Scooping up Nicola into his arms, Raphael wrapped his dusted wings around both her and himself and with a single arcane word they both vanished, leaving only a trace of quickly dissipating golden glow in their wake.

-

How long had she been out, Nicola couldn't tell. All she knew that she felt as though someone ran into her with a car. Her breaths were shallow and her heart was beating way too fast for comfort. Groaning quietly, she laid her arm over her face before opening her eyes. To see a dark, damp ceiling gently illuminated by a warm light. Where the Hell-...? The last second before the blackout came back to her like a punch to the gut. The Shadowcaster. Raphael.. With a startled gasp, she shot up, looking about, promptly regretting her decision when the world started to spin again. And to her utter astonishment, she was once again in the small section of the sewers where she met Raphael, settled on some ratty blankets and covered with another one that fell from her chest the moment she stirred.

"Keep still.."

She heard and nearly jumped when she felt a hand fall onto her shoulder and gently coax her into lying down again. And honestly, with how nauseous and weak she felt, Nicola wasn't about to resist and let herself be lowered to the ground. Unsurprisingly now, she saw the familiar scrawny angel sitting cross-legged next to her and staring intensely at her with those big, disturbingly hollow eyes. He brought her back into his hidey-hole? It looks like it.. Why exactly however, Nicola couldn't tell. And there wasn't much she could read from those eyes. A couple of seconds passed. A minute. Two. Five. And he still kept staring. The awkward silence continued until Nicola decided to break it by clearing her throat.

"Uh… what's up, buddy?"

If she wasn't feeling like shit, Nicola would've burst out laughing when she saw Raphael look up at the ceiling confused but she really didn't have strength to explain that this was just an expression. Chucking to herself quietly, she rubbed her eyes with pads of her fingers to clear her blurry sight a little when again her stomach loudly demanded nutrition. And the poor angel who was still looking at the ceiling quite literally jumped away and glared at her abdomen distrustfully when it "growled at him". Seems like angels know as little about humans as humans about them…

"What… was that.?"

Carefully pulling herself up to a sitting position, miserably failing to stop a fit of giggles - even though it pulled her sore muscles over her ribs - Nicola waved her hand dismissively. Any fear she once felt in the presence of Raphael was gone now. Not only did he rescue her twice but the way he was getting confused or spooked by literally anything Nicola did - purposefully or not - was just somewhat endearing.

"I'm just hungry.. I haven't eaten for a whole day.."

"Oh… hungry… hmmmm… Yes.."

Raphael murmured, seemingly a little embarrassed by the whole situation and twisted his body around to reach for something. Furrowing her eyebrows, Nicola tried to shift to see what exactly he was doing back there but she didn't see a lot. At least not until he turned to face her again and very slowly - like he was afraid he would frighten her again - extended his hand to her. And in his palm sat a paper bag where undoubtedly Nicola's sandwich was. Hesitantly, she reached for the packet that rustled encouragingly and a faint, pleasant smell of cheese, ham and pickled cucumbers emerged from within. A nice change from the stench around. It wasn't much but made her mouth water nonetheless.

"Thanks.. though I'd be glad if you didn't go through my things. Okay?"

"Okay…"

He replied with a nod and sat down again, watching Nicola devour - not eat - devour half of her sandwich in a few bites. Goodness, she was so hungry she could eat a horse.. However, halfway through something beside Raphael's thigh caught her attention. There, next to his knee sat a small cat. The same back and white kitten the angel was taking care of before. Looking at her with those blasted big, green eyes with pupils expanded almost to the point where its irises weren't visible and hungrily licking the sides of its mouth. At first she tried to ignore it. But the cursed look cats, especially the little ones, can give! The longer it stared at her, the more sure she was that she doesn't have the appetite anymore.. Goddamnit. Pulling a slice of ham out of her sandwich - the only part that would be of interest to it - Nicola clicked her tongue and offered the food to the kitten.

"Here, little buddy.. Come here."

I'm too soft for my own good. One day, some cat will be the death of her… Carefully and slowly, the kitten approached her, sniffing the piece of meat before snatching it out of her hand and retreating into the safe place behind Raphael to consume the gift. Cats can smell good people from a mile. Looks like she was wrong to ever doubt Raphael had anything but good intentions. Smiling slightly, the angel reached out to the cat and brushed his knuckles against the black fur around a new scar on its back. The loud and comforting purr interrupted only by an occasional swallow rung out and made even Nicola smile as she finished her own food. Even with how meager her snack was, hopefully it was going to last her at least until she finds her way back to Haven. One day of poor eating wasn't going to kill her after all.

When she was done, she peeled back the blanket to examine her injured leg. Nicola pulled a face at the three - even if mostly closed - claw marks on her thigh and the bloodied trouser leg. It didn't look that bad anymore but she could imagine that it would definitely slow her down. The slightest move was causing her mild discomfort. Running and walking anywhere is definitely off the table for now. Still, Nicola much preferred the dull ache that was now in place of excruciating throbbing.

There was no doubt in her mind that this is all once again thanks to the kind, even if a bit unhinged, angel who was now sitting beside her with a quietly purring kitten nested on his lap as he kept stroking its head and back and murmuring something to himself in a strange, melodic language Nicola couldn't understand but found beautiful and enchanting nonetheless. She watched Raphael for a few moments, listening to his deep, soothing voice that made her feel a bit sleepy. After the apocalypse Nicola rarely slept well because of nightmares. And it showed. But before she inevitably dozed off, she felt she had to say something.

"So uh…"

She started, successfully getting his attention, judging by how his eyes shifted to look at her.

"Um… Thanks. For… for everything I guess.."

For a whole minute Raphael didn't answer, simply watched her with his head tilted to the right, a silent question in his eyes. Nicola scratched the back of her neck awkwardly and decided to clarify.

"You know.. for saving my butt two times now, treating me.. And sorry I ran away. I was scared, you got pretty spooky with that Goreclaw back then…"

"Oh…"

He replied with raised eyebrows.

"Forgive me then… I did not mean to frighten you…"

"Oh, no no no, you don't have to be sorry, it's okay! I'm not scared anymore.."

Nicola assured him quickly. Making him feel bad for it wasn't her intention at all.

"Seriously though. Thank you.."

She repeated with a grimace when she tried to shift to a more comfortable position but the ache in her leg made it significantly more difficult. With an empathetic look to his face, Raphael steadied her by returning his hand to her shoulder and moving the other - already radiant with his Heavenly magic - to her wound. The prickly sensation came back, bringing relief in pain as he sighed tiredly.

"This is.. my duty…"

As surprising as it was, Nicola couldn't deny that Raphael seemed to have changed in some way since she found him absolutely deranged. Now he seemed a little more… collected. Focused. Calmer. But simultaneously even sadder and very jumpy. Still, he remained as mysterious as he did before. But maybe if he retains this composure, Nicola could pry something from him about his background. Why is he here alone? What happened to him? How did he get here? There were way too many questions to ask at once but she had to start with something.

"Your duty? You're some sort of a… uh, what shoudma' call it? Doctor, medic, something like that?"

Despite the question being seemingly innocent and harmless, Raphael reacted by turning his eyes down to look at his hands as he flexed his fingers a couple times with a barely noticeable wince twisting his lips. His answer was so quiet that Nicola barely caught it.

"... was… I left.."

"Huh? Wh- why?"

At that, Raphael looked up at her, again with this tortured gleam in his eyes that made her heart squeeze painfully and shyly pointed at Nicola's side.

"It hurts.."

He chimed as she stared at her own hip in confusion. Again, the angel was making no sense. Her side didn't hurt for one, and two, it can't have been the reason why he left… whatever he left to abandon his previous life. A little startled that maybe he knew something she didn't, Nicola probed the place he pointed out but all she could feel was the healing shard in her… in her pocket… All of the sudden she recalled what Raphael told her before.

Hesitantly, she dug the glowing crystal out of her vest and lifted it for Raphael to see better and asked a wordless question which he answered almost immediately.

"The shards… they hurt me.."

This was probably the lowest Nicola's eyebrows have ever descended, making the look of confusion on her face even more blatant. I thought they were supposed to be healing shards? Why would something made to heal one person hurt another?

"How?"

With an expression of anguish, Raphael placed his hand over his chest and took a small gasp of air as if to make his point.

"I created them.. and some of them hurt…"

The revelation made Nicola's jaw fall slack. She'd been suspecting this before when Raphael referred to the crystal as "his" shard but hearing the confirmation almost had her gag. How many times a healing shard has saved either her or someone else from the Tree, she couldn't count on both of her hands. After Ulthane snatched her from the Fallen's talons it took the large one to heal her and make sure she survives afterwards and still it shattered after it served its purpose. At this very moment, no one could ever convince her that the sad, mad angel before her is evil in any way. With a huff of disbelief she shook her head, shifting her gaze between Raphael and the shard.

"Wait, hold up, you made those?! Oh.. my God, I could kiss you, my dude."

A very undignified snort almost escaped Nicola when she saw the face Raphael made. Something between astonishment, horror and curiosity. She remained oblivious to how improper it sounded in his ears. He cocked his head again. Goddamnit. Every time he does that, Nicola just… can't. It constantly reminds her of a puppy looking at some bizarre wonder of nature.

"But.. why would you want to do this..?"

"It's an expression. In other words, I wanted to say I can't thank you enough. How did someone like you ever end up in… like- like this?"

Nicola said "like this" in the last moment before she could say "in such a shitty situation" because she realised just in time how inappropriately awful this sounds, considering they're in the damned sewers. I'll have to learn to stop accidentally making jokes.. For some reason Jones absolutely adored her for it, unlike most of her friends who kept either groaning or facepalming every time and begging her to stop before they kicked a bucket from the sheer badness of her jests. The kitten in Raphael's lap meowed in annoyance when it lost the touch of the angel, coaxing him to keep smoothing out its fur still stained with dried blood. He did, and Nicola didn't miss that he was deliberately avoiding her gaze.

"Long story.. very long.."

"That's alright, we have time!"

The words left her mouth before she could stop them. Her curiosity was just too strong. Besides, Nicola wasn't going anywhere anytime soon with how her leg was fairing (just thinking about how worried Ulthane and the rest have to be made her a little sick) and she honestly doubted Raphael is going anywhere either. But the way it came out made her sound like she was prying to get to something the angel clearly wished to keep to himself. Whether because it was something to be ashamed of or something very unpleasant to speak of. In honesty, Nicola was sure he would scowl at her for this but he simply looked away with a grim look on his face. And it was even worse because it made her feel awful.

"Oh… sorry, if you don't wanna talk about it then it's alright! You don't have to tell me."

"Another time.. rest now."

He hummed and extended one finger towards Nicola's forehead. Before she had time to ask him what he was doing, he lightly poked her right between her eyebrows and all of the sudden she felt unbelievably drowsy. She blinked a couple of times but everything was starting to double before her eyes which were closing all by themselves. With a wide yawn Nicola soon fell into the embrace of magical slumber Raphael called upon her.

He caught her before she could fall down and lowered her onto the blankets to let her sleep in peace. The poor human needed her rest to make up for the amount of blood she lost merely an hour before. Sitting back, Raphael settled for keeping a silent vigil over her until magic wore off. What am I going to do with you? He wondered. For some reason he felt so inexplicably drawn to her and couldn't help it. Something about her was just easing in the pain and warming up the empty void in his tormented soul, even if only a little. The small animal he rescued before rubbed its fuzzy head against his hand and started to knead the fabric of his trousers with its laughably tiny claws that compared to demons' talons were nothing. Still, it stung a tiny little bit. Despite this, Raphael let it curl up in his lap again and fall asleep as well while he watched the human woman and the strange spark dancing within her like a candlelight.

--------------------------------------------------

Chapter II is done! Getting angsty. And say hi to Raphael's kitty. Isn't it cute? :3

Also, here's part 1 if you haven't seen it yet.

#darksiders #darksiders 2 #darksiders 3 #fan art #my art #my fic #fan fiction #raphael #darksiders raphael #darksiders oc #nicola #kitten <3 #Cost of Kindness #CoK #I'm still thinking of a name #for the cat I mean

[holywankenobi]

SW fandom rant

To be honest, I don't really know how or where can I start talking about this. If you aren't interested in any of the Star Wars drama that is going on then skip this post, cause its gonna be long... these goes for the SW fans we are concerned about the whole situation itself. I barely have the strength to do this and exposing my opinion about certain things makes me uncomfortable but it's been a long while since I'm keeping things to myself. There's much information I have to process so please be patient with me since I barely know how to express my emotions in the right way (that's why I'm holding myself back a lot here: it will seem I'm calm... but I'm not. I'm angry and tired at the same time).

DISNEY CANON

We all know where it all started. The Force Awakens premiere in 2015. We will start from there.

As ANY star wars movie, there will be people who liked it, people who loved it and people who hated it. And there is where some fans clash with the others. Fans who enjoy practically every movie or SW related things and those fans who demonize every movie (specially the ones from the new Disney canon) and the only thing that matters for them are the episodes IV, V, VI and the Legends canon (some of them also defend the prequel episodes I, II and III, fact which I'll talk about it later). And they bash against everyone who likes the Disney sequels.

BOI IM SCARED OF TELLING PEOPLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE SAGA SO FAR. And I already had problems with Legends hardcore fans.

Let me tell this straightaway... Star Wars are movies for kids. They've always been. George Lucas said it. They seem to be thirsty for feeling again what they felt when they were kids whenever a SW movie comes out but they always exit the cinema with a feeling of extreme disappointment.

I was talking about the last movie with my co workers at the beginning of the year and they complaint it was "too Disney". And that's precisely what I'm trying to explain! It's ok whether you like the sequels or not like them. Everyone has his own taste. I just find funny complaining for a whole saga originally made for kids for being "too Disney". I dont know if you get my point here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEsOqEpNF0k&list=PL8SlwcJuVWR2FNtL-6Wo5QUP6LMjpNJUA

LEGENDS CANON

Then there's those who hated the prequels, that said there was nothing worse than the phantom menace, those who hated on George Lucas for doing such a crap, but now praise the prequels because Disney is satan for them and they want the old canon back. George Lucas ended up selling SW to Disney because, he ain't no fool, he knows this fanbase is one of the most toxic and ungrateful that has ever existed. And he saw it with the prequels feedback... Then they now have the guts to demand him to continue the old canon? Smells like hypocrite-crying fanboys to me.

My whole point is....It's ok if you are a new/Disney sequels fan, it's ok if you are a prequels fan, it's ok if you are a SW original movies fan, Legends canon fan, OG fan, casual fan, hardcore fan... as always you understand that not everyone will agree with your point of view, not everyone will like or think the same way as you do, or live SW the same way as you do. There's a difference between respecting and agreeing with, concepts which sometimes get mixed and taken as the same thing, which is not. Respect other fans mean "I don't agree with you but I know how much this means for you, so I won't intentionally mock you" WHICH THING LEADS US TO THE NEXT TOPIC:

JOHN BOYEGA

*takes a deep breath*

Man. I dont know. He's a full grown up man and he's behaving like a 5 yo on his social media...... John is the actor who gives life to Finn (the ex stormtrooper). It all started with this sexist comment he responded to a fan in his IG. 

Then people (naturally) got offended, specially reylos. But instead of apologizing he kept on going, remarked what he said and also did a video to mock the reylo community.

You think I'm only defending a ship here but no. Its bigger than that. He has the right to feel left out in this saga because I agree with him IN THAT FACT. He is probably the actor which is more into the SW world, he was always a big fan (of the whole cast I mean). Thats why fans love him do much. And I did love him too. And he (naturally) wanted to have more spotlight on this saga ( I think Finn was one of the most wasted characters of these movies tbh) But instead of taking it the mature way he's having a tantrum on his IG because Finnrey did not become a real thing, he's trolling reylos and encouraging SW haters and antis to bully them whose are already having a hard time with TROS end (which I'll talk about later because I dont like their attitude about it either).

And it's not just raise the hate on shippers thing dude you could just apologize because you said something sexist and offended a lot of people who ship reylo and really means a thing for them. The whole thing that the greatest achievement a man can have with a woman is sex is just DISGUSTING. Rey kissed Ben but now he's gone Finn has the road clear and can fuck her? BRUH.

This is all so wrong and he was the one who started it.

ADAM DRIVER

I'm really relieved Adam does not have any social media because omg I would be suffering so much rn...

I honestly have never emotionally connected with an actor so much as I did with him. His whole acting is so good and I could really notice on this last movie. I'm starting to watch his other movies. And not just his acting, he's so professional off camera too.

I'm really happy and proud of him for his Oscar nomination, he really deserves it TT

But I'm worried this whole John Boyega thing affects him. Idk how I would feel if I were in his shoes, if my coworker was saying those things on social media and then smile at me like nothing is happening. But honestly what hurts me the most is he's having a worse time with "reylos".. I think the rumors of him having an affair with Daisy Ridley was what messed things up. I honestly dont know if its true, I've got some info but it's hard to believe. Because there are so many haters manipulating fake info that I dont trust anything and anyone anymore.

And this is where I talk about:

REYLOS AND DAIVERS

BOI OH BOI

This is gonna be hard....

First of all, I don't consider Daivers (Daisy x Adam shippers) as part of the reylo community. I'm sorry. But its fucking disgusting you going to demand Adam to divorce from his wife, abandon his son and then start dating Daisy because of this rumor or because you can't separate fiction from reality.... I read he even recieved death threats ARE WE NUTS??? They (Adam and Daisy) having a good chemistry working together doesn't mean they are in love, kids...

Driver has an awesome wife and a lovely son. Daisy is currently dating someone.

Infidelity is gross. No more. And I would be so disappointed at them if this turns out to be true. But seeing all what's happening around the actors and specially having all this haters out there... I'll say this was all false information.

Daiver is not real and won't be. So stick only to the fictional ship.....

About Reylo itself. I find REALLY funny how people who dont know shit about what this ship means say it's an abusive relationship. Bullshit. I wouldn't be shipping them if so.

Also the people still stating it's not real/canon hiding themselves behind the "Ben solo is dead lol" argument. Do you stop loving someone when they die?

Yes, they love each other. No, it wasn't always reciprocated love. They started being enemies in the force awakens, friends who understood and cared for each other through force dyad in the last jedi and ended up being lovers at the end of the rise of Skywalker. Rey wants to revenge her family (her falling to the dark side) but also wants Ben Solo back, and he wants to be the most powerful leader on the galaxy and still being kylo ren. But they eventually meet in the middle between light and dark and Leia finally reaches out to him to make him turn to the light.That's their fight. That's the angst. That's the tea. "No one is ever really gone" there's always hope. Star Wars is centered in HOPE. And their story represents it at its finest.

NOW. The reylo community.

Despite you liked it or not the end they gave to the saga... I think JJ Abrams doesn't deserve all the hate he's receiving... he probably did a lot of things wrong but seriously... just stop. Not only from reylos but the whole fandom.

Sending hate won't lead to anything now...

I enjoyed The rise of Skywalker. Indeed I spent half of the movie crying and I loved it.

You can cry as much as you want the loss of Ben (although I have hope for him still being alive in a way, there are plenty of theories) but that doesn't give you the right to death threat JJ. And I think I'll stop here cause I'm already tired.

Everyone has their own taste, preferences, favourite characters, ships, whatever. I pray for people stop judging others for their tastes, specially in this cursed fanbase. Sorry if I ever misbehaved trying to defend what I think or like. I just want this place to be supportive and safe for everyone and everything what's happening is not helping... We are all SW fans and that's our connection point. Dont discredit others for having another point of view...

I'll leave it here, but I'm open to debate or talk about anything I said in a respectful way.

#tros #tros rant #star wars rant #reylo #the rise of reylo #adam driver #john boyega #star wars 9 #star wars ix #star wars ep 9 #the rise of skywalker

[fuckyouclarke]

Hello! I don't have anyone to talk about the 100. Everybody I know is crazy about Clarke... so I came to you😅 Raven is my favorite Character, and I used to love her tag. Right now I hate going there, because I'm sure it will be filled with "her fans" calling her selfish, useless and a bitch just because she doesn't worship Clarke. The "fans" don't tag the post as "anti" because "they are only expressing their opinion ". Not really a question, just wanted to share with someone.

You’re always welcome to come to me!! I know exactly what you mean, it’s really frustrating going into the characters tags these days, because people don’t know how to tag their bullshit properly - I’ve seen it in the Spacekru tag, even the Murphy and Bellamy tags as well, and don’t even get me started on the Echo and/or Becho tags! Basically anyone who says anything even remotely negative about Clarke on the show, Clarke stans feel like it’s their God-given right to use any and all tags to shit on them because they’re “expressing their opinion” and defending Clarke, and then get pissed when people get pissed at them for not using the fucking Anti-tags! It’s exactly like this in the SPN fandom as well (which I left a few years ago). It’s like, Clarke stans are so far up Clarke’s traitorous ass that they can’t even comprehend that Clarke is the core cause of all of their pain - even when it’s spelled out for them - and don’t even care that, in their eyes, her betrayals happened ONLY 3 days ago! Is this how they would react to someone in real life - calling them selfish, useless and bitchy, because they’re angry at the person who continues to hurt them?! Raven literally spelled it out for Clarke in 6x04 what she did to cause her this much pain, just like Murphy did in 6x02, and yet they’re STILL going on about how they’re all “ungrateful bitches”, and worse things, too. I hate these stans so much, just like you do; you’re totally not alone in feeling this way!

#erin answers #anti clarke #anti clarke griffin #anticlarke #anti clarke stans #sparkles-bitch25

[dictacontrion]

Hi! I hope you don't mind this ask; it's a little awkward and I'd understand if you didn't answer it. But I was wondering if your popularity was something you had to learn to deal with as you became more well known within the fandom and, if so, how you did that? More specifically, did/do you ever find yourself struggling as someone people look up to in the fandom, and the sort of implicit responsibility toward others that can be perceived to come with it? 1 of 2 (sorry!)

2/2 I know it seems horribly ungrateful, but I’m just starting to become better known and I’m beginning feel overwhelmed at times. My readers/followers are the loveliest people ever, but the expectation I feel–to read and rec, to answer asks, to socialize–just seems like a lot sometimes. I would never want to hurt anyone by ignoring them but is there any way to strike a balance?  I’m sorry, I know even asking puts you in the same position; no worries if you decide not to answer, really.            

That’s a really good question, anon, and a bit tricky to answer, but I hopesome of this will be helpful.

Yeah, I do sometimes find it stressful and exhausting, and do find that theexpectations can be difficult. I don’t think that’s ungrateful – you sound verygrateful! – though I completely know what you’re talking about and understand andhave had (and have felt bad about) that feeling. It is hard to be in a positionwhere lots of people come at you with requests and expectations, and where whatyou say might be scrutinized, and it can get overwhelming even when all of thepeople you’re talking to are entirely wonderful.

The most helpful thing for me has been thinking about what it means to be(to use your language; I find it surreal and sort of unbelievable to think ofmyself in these terms) a role model.

Thing is, it feels to me as though this corner of fandom has a veryspecific, and pretty narrow, ethos around what it means to be good:friendliness, responsiveness, accessibility, enthusiasm, positivity,easygoingness/willingness to go with the flow, and maintaining a happy-go-luckyvibe.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, anon, but that’s not really how I do. Tryingto do that would be exhausting forme. I’d probably have double the followers and be blocked by half as manypeople if I did, but I would be tired and stressed and I would spend a lot oftime doing types of fan labor I don’t find fulfilling and am not interested indoing and I would hate being here. And I don’t think I’d have made the friendsI’ve made, because they wouldn’t have an honest sense of who I am and how Ithink, and I wouldn’t be able to (or, tbh, want to) sustain friendships that arebased on performing a persona that wouldn’t really be me.

I also don’t think that’s a really super unequivocally awesome way to be? Ifyou value going along and getting along and being positive above all else, youcan end up getting mired in some pretty fucked up shit – supporting ideas youmight not really believe if you stopped to think critically, perpetuatingnarratives and ideas that you might not actually like because they’re what’spopular, becoming a person who you don’t really want to be in order to maintainthat approval, all that jazz.

There’s a point at which trying to be, or trying to seem to be, that fandomideal of a nice, friendly, popular blogger can get destructive. To you, becauseit’s exhausting and doesn’t leave room to vent and breathe and be and get whatyou want out of fandom. And to everyone else, because it perpetuates animpossible standard and can put the kibosh on important community reflection.

So when it comes to thinking about the kind of behavior I’d want to model,and the behavior it’s been meaningful and helpful to me to see other peoplemodel, it’s sometimes pretty antithetical to that “everyone’s happy andeverything’s great and we all get along all the time” vibe and that expectationthat you’ll always read and rec and socialize and be enthusiastic about andinto and prioritizing fan activities.

Things I’d rather model, and that it’s been really important for me to seeother people model: having boundaries; asking critical questions, being willingto have and able to respectfully engage difficult conversations; being openabout the negative as well as the positive parts of different experiences;taking time away when tumblr gets overwhelming; prioritizing happiness overexpectations. Being honest, and not just about the things other people want tosee and hear.

I don’t think I’m the only person who needs to see that, or who finds itreassuring to know that other people are imperfect too. Or that other peoplethink critically about our collective project in addition to loving it. Or thatother people have boundaries and say no to things. Or that – important! –youcan not be super friendly and bubblyall the time and still have friends and still be a valuable and cared-for partof a community.

To be clear for purposes of tumblr, I don’t mean to say that people shouldbe cruel or unkind or disrespectful. That’s not okay.

But it is not cruel or unkind to have boundaries and take time for yourself. It is okay to say no torequests. It is okay to take timeaway. It is okay to let asks sit inyour inbox or let messages go unanswered when you don’t have the time orbandwidth. It is possible that that will hurt other people’s feelings, and Idon’t have a good solution for that – that’s just hard, and it sucks, and itfeels shitty, especially when, as you say, so many followers and readers arewonderful and, given the time and energy, I’d love to give every one of them myfull focus all the time. But it’s also a fact of human existence that we can’tbe everything to everyone and that sometimes people’s feelings get incidentallyhurt, and ultimately it is our own responsibility to take care of ourselves andtheir responsibility to take care of themselves and make sure that theirwell-being doesn’t rest on a blogger’s availability/responsiveness. If it getsto a point where you have to choose between caring for other people and caringfor yourself, it is okay to choose yourself. It is important to choose yourself.

I know that’s not always easy. A lot of us have been taught that that isunkind and not okay to have boundaries, that our job (especially, for many ofus, as women) is to care for others and put their needs before our own and thatthat’s what it means to be Good. But reader? That’s bullshit. There are so manyother things that are more important – that are more good – than being superfriendly and available to everyone who wants your time and energy. And imo, wedo ourselves and each other a service by refusing to implicitly support theidea that trying to be everyone’s combination mom/sister/bestie/cheerleader isa necessary precondition of being a good person or a popular person or a likedperson.

As to how – one step at a time. By thinking about how you want to spend yourtime and constructing your days to make that happen. By practicing saying no inlittle increments and building up. By following other people who take charge oftheir fandom experience so that it’s something you see and so you’re remindedit’s okay. If it helps, you can put something in your bio saying that you’llget to things when you can but it might be a while or everyone but you still lovehearing from people, or to write a post saying that you’re going to be reccingless so you don’t burn out. People will adjust. It will be okay. If you’rehappier, it will be more than okay.  

tl;dr: when it comes to being a role model or a visible figure or whatever,doing it honestly – being unapologetic about who you are and whatyou need and like and want – is powerful, and healthy, and important, and good.Good for you, and good for other people to see. If trying to meet those expectations is making you unhappy, stop tryingto meet those expectations. Do tumblr in ways that feels good for you. It willmake your experience better, and help other people, in ways you can’t even knowuntil you try it.

#i have a lot of feelings about this #and feel like maybe this was not the advice you were expecting but idk i think it's important to say #if you want to talk more you're welcome to msg off anon #(though - on theme - i'm way behind atm and it might take me a minute to get back to you!) #esp as i'm now trying to catch up on several days of asks (also on theme!) #i do get to them - and i do love them and appreciate them - just also need to sleep and hang with friends and be balanced #bc happiness #also not burning out #i think it's worth pointing out that there were SO MANY drarry reccers who burnt out - and that's what happens if tumblr becomes an overwhel #also didn't want to potentially implicate people in the post #but do want to appreciate some of the folks who have made this easier for me #a lot of whom are rl people but also #serra/mxlfoydraco who is so good at being open to the good things while being gracefully firm about the others #firethesound and eidheann's tags about the salt mines and general presence for reminding me it's okay to be salty #sheena/conscious--ramblings who is so good at being very kind to those who are kind and not entertaining those who aren't #a bunch of other 1d bloggers for being willing to draw boundaries about what they will and won't talk about #and for being funny in their exasperation #and honestly a bunch of other people who i'm sure i'm forgetting i'm sorry!! #but basically every time i see someone reacting to something in a way that sounds really genuine i feel some relief and gratitude #def including happy and positive reactions!!!! which can be v genuine!!! #just all the others too #seeing people accept awho they are always makes it easier to do the same #and that is a gift we can give each other #and one that's a lot more important imo than living into a narrow set of expectations #so anyway #yeah #dcsays #yay asks!

[huxblush]

Michaelangelo was just a hack who got lucky. And don't even get me started on Da Vinci! LOL That anon is fucking delusional.

I think it’s probably that one person who surfaces every couple of weeks to complain about how the evil BNFs are part of a conspiracy. How about we stop being so shitty and ungrateful. Fan creators aren’t getting paid. This isn’t their job. Jeu and Holly have given us some beautiful words and some beautiful art without asking for anything in return. Apparently being thankful for this, or wanting to support your friends counts as being up someone’s ass these days.

Yo anon, stop being such an enormous brat. Maybe the time you’re spending harassing people via anon would be better spent actually contributing to this fandom like the people who you hate so much do.