#this goes hand in hand with my aversion to touch ❤️ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meowzfordayz · 2 years

Text

fear of being touched/initiating contact

Author’s Note: something ‘bout thunder and lightning. ⚡️

fear of being touched/initiating contact

Agatsuma Zenitsu x Reader

Word Count: ~1,000

CW: traumatic references

Emergency Request Fulfilled: Hiya, T!

I’m feelin a lil yucky bc my boundaries were carelessly crossed again :/

Can I request a pick me up hcs/fic?

Kamaboko squad in which reader has a big fear of being touched by people they don’t trust, and it’s them being very jumpy and shaky when their touched at first, but eventually they initiate the contact.

If hcs are too much for you, then either Tanjiro or Zenitsu! :)

Thank you so much for your emergency services ❤️❤️

~faqs~

First thing that comes to mind ??

How gosh darn touchy he is 😆

—Not necessarily even romantically

—Srsly: pls recall all the times he’s gripped onto Tanjirou’s haori — after and before they were well acquainted 🙃

And how that wouldn’t initially go over very well considering he’d just met you

Trust = Nonexistent

Ooh

Imagine running into him, Inosuke, and Tanjirou during a torrential downpour ??

Lightning, thunder, high speed winds — the works ⛈

And poor Zenitsu instinctively clings to you the moment another rumble passes through bc why would he cling to his companions when you’re so fricking pretty ??, eyes comically wide as he whimpers lowly, face scrunched almost as tight as your uniform in his hands, too engrossed in his own fear to notice how startled, uncomfortable, you are

“Um,” you swallow thickly, wincing Who are you? noticing his sheathed sword Another slayer? glancing upward at Inosuke (splashing puddles with intent to kill) and Tanjirou (aghast at how immediately Zenitsu attached himself to you) Three slayers?

There’s no way he can hear you amidst the aggressive deluge of cats and dogs lmao don’t mind me #it’s raining cats and dogs

“Could- Could you- Could you please. Please. Let go,” you whisper hopelessly

He lets go

He heard me?

“TANJIIIROOUUU,” he whines loudly, already hurrying to latch onto his next victim, “PROTECT MEEEEE.”

Something tells me he’d be hard pressed to seek comfort in Inosuke 💀

You stand drenched, intrigued, shivering; observing the sheepish movements of the maroon haired slayer as he awkwardly pats the quivering blonde’s shoulder; thick droplets collecting at the edges of their clothing; faint squelching barely audible as you step closer

“There, there Zenitsu, it’s just a little sto-”

“THERE’S NOTHING LITTLE ABOUT THIS STORM !!!!!” 😭

Fast forwarding bc this would take forever and a day to write if I went into detail for every friendship-relationship building encounter heh

While first impressions are important, they certainly aren’t a be all, end all — Zenitsu epitomizing this

—Bc how many of us were lowkey (highkey?) irritated by Zenitsu originally? 😶

—Only for him to grow on us ~eventually 🤗

I hc that he has a fantastic memory?

So he remembers your reaction to his physical proximity, and he doesn’t repeat the same mistake

Doesn’t continue to disrespect your boundary — doesn’t derive any joy, any pleasure, in discomforting you

Let go you’d asked him, borderline terrified, subconsciously cracking his heart

There’s a special kind of pain reserved for hurting someone you’d never meant/wanted to hurt, and Zenitsu def felt it (that pain)

As you get to know him (as well as Inosuke and Tanjirou, ofc) better, you unearth pleasant surprises: like finding another pink Starburst at the bottom of the bag 💖; finding your favorite shirt clean and ready to wear even tho you can’t remember washing it #thanks past me 😌; looking up at the sky on a random evening, and realizing just how gorgeous the stars are 🌌

That’s how getting to know Zenitsu feels

He’s super attentive, silently, smoothly, navigating your aversion to touch

Putting your bowl on the table instead of handing it to you

Demonstrating stances and maneuvers from a polite distance

Giving you a thumbs up vs a high five

Sometimes he wonders if he goes a bit overboard; A pat on the back can’t be ~too harmful? he muses

Nonetheless, he refrains from any unnecessary (and really, practically all touch is unnecessary) contact

Explicitly berates Inosuke when he tackles you during training

“But some demons like to get up close!” Inosuke scoffs

“Still, you’re not a demon,” Zenitsu raises a stern eyebrow, “You could ask before shoving someone into the dirt.”

A softer gaze settling on you as Inosuke rolls his eyes, muttering to himself as he sulks away

“Are you okay?” he asks hesitantly, wishing he could help as you smack dust from your uniform

“I’m okay,” you smile gratefully, a tender ball uncurling in your sternum

Truthfully, when training, you understand touch can’t always be avoided

If Boar Head feels like tackling you to the ground, then so be it

But the care and concern in Zenitsu’s tone—his earnest expression—still soothes you

I didn’t think you noticed me like that you chuckle inwardly, warmth caressing the tips of your ears

Almost reaching to place a light hand on his elbow

Ohmygosh there are endless possibilities for how/why you’d finally initiate contact…

Zenitsu being injured came to mind, which, is so cute and so sweet and so angst

BUT

I feel like it’d actually be for something small; an intimate, private gesture

Maybe he has crumbs on his face? 🤭

Or starts to trip bc he’s hyper focused on how your arms swing effortlessly—gracefully—as you walk beside him

Orrr you’re sitting on a roof together overlooking a quiet district, a fleeting reprieve from your ongoing mission, clouds gathering overhead ☁️

Even w/o Tanjirou’s extraordinary sense of smell, you can tell rain’s imminent 🌧

And Zenitsu can hear distant crackling, provoking goosebumps along his forearms 🌩

You’re reluctant to seek shelter, however, content in the lull of solitude, of company — in a rare semblance of normal

Well, as normal as sitting on a roof w/ a katana can be 🤪

“It’s going to storm,” Zenitsu murmurs

“I know,” you shrug, something tentative—genuine—etched into the curve of your brows, “It’s beautiful.”

It is teehee me being cliche af Zenitsu exhales, your radiance framed perfectly by the surrounding grey, “You want to stay outside.”

He swears he just about topples off the roof at the sight of your bashful grin, “I do. We just…”

We never feel this peace he finishes wordlessly, nodding firmly, “Alright. We’ll stay outside.”

“You can go!”

Because you know he’s afraid of storms

Afraid of thunder

Afraid of lightning

“No I can’t,” he frowns

You’re close—so close—before he even blinks, heat emanating reassuringly from your confident posture, fingertips grazing the top of his hand

“At least let me protect you?”

Any logical rebuttal You’re not a lightning rod! promptly escapes him as your hand gently covers his, palm calloused yet welcoming

Steady

Safe

100% worth the colds you both catch afterwards 🤧

#zenitsu agatsuma #agatsuma zenitsu #zenitsu x reader #agatsuma x reader #headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

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anachronisticcrab · 2 years

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Jasico Headcanons

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and not just reblogged so here y’all go

(This is jasico dating HC’s but I will have qpr jasico eventually)

Touch starved Nico and shows affection through cuddling Jason? Yes please

So much cuddles, so much hugging and hand holding

Nico needs reminders that he’s loved and wanted, and they both need reminders that they aren’t alone, so they end up casually touching a lot

That being said, it takes a while for Nico to warm up to physical touch, since he’s fairly touch averse most of the time

But once he warms up to it? He loves it. Cuddle time with Jason is his favourite

They’ve both dealt with memory loss induced by demigod bullshit, so they’re both constantly trying to memorize everything about each other in the hopes that they don’t forget each other

Nico straightening Jason’s glasses every time they see each other

Jason goes to sleep like a dog does thanks to his time with Lupa (like he pats down where he’s gonna sleep in a circle and warms up the ground beneath him before curling into a ball) and from there Nico curls around him, spooning him from behind

Nico realized he liked Jason after he showed up to his cabin to try to stop him from leaving in BoO, with crooked glasses and a soft and hopeful smile and Nico was just ‘.. h o l y s h i t ..’

He couldn’t leave camp after that, not with a golden retriever of a boy smiling at him and being excited to be around him like that

Really how dare Jason be so sweet and cute

Jason is emotionally constipated and didn’t realize he liked Nico until Piper pointed it out to them when they broke up with him

Piper pretty much went ‘Jason, you’re in love with Nico and I’m in love with Reyna, we should break up’

And then Jason had an existential crisis and avoided Nico for a few days before breaking and confessing his undying love for Nico

And Nico was just ‘thank you, but I just wanted to know if you knew where my hoodie is? like did u steal it back or..?’

They’re both extremely artistic which is amazing

When bored, Nico draws on Jason’s arms, and when Jason’s bored he draws pictures of Nico

Nico is super talented with stringed instruments, and plays Jason songs when they can’t sleep

These two have so. Many. Pets!!! Cats, dogs, birds, snakes, even frickin rams

Jason is bi ace, Nico is grey ace gay, both are genderqueer and neurodivergent and I love it ❤️

Feel free to add any of ur thoughts on here!

#jasico #nico di angelo #jason grace #og post #pjo #HoO

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actualbird · 2 years

Note

First of all! Hello, Hello!!! Hope you're doing well!

Regarding your - Artem has the oldest daughter vibes - post. HE'S TRANS YOUR HONOUR!!! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! 😂❤️

But in all seriousness, I gave it some thought and out of all of them, Artem being trans would make the most sense? Just the way he is as a person? You know? *Vaguely gestures with my hands*. One thing that stood out to me was how touched starved and touch averse he seemed? I know it's contradictory but as much as I remember, he was always hesitant to touch Rosa and would be an absolute mess when touched by her?

So what if, it's because he doesn't want to make others uncomfortable with his touch, especially if it's a woman? (And especially if he likes that woman). Because he was made uncomfortable by others, in this case mostly men, when he was younger? I've noticed that most men are far more likely to just casually touch women? Even if the touch isn't sexual/romantic in nature? Like a brush of a hand here, holding a woman's waist while you're passing her in a tight space? Like, you wouldn't do that to a man, so... Artem is just very aware? Like, aware too much, to a point where he can never relax among others?

I might be projecting too much! So please ignore this if you don't agree! It's just something I noticed! Me and my trans friend, we talked about something similar recently - noticed that he would be a bit hesitant to be more physically affectionate with me and we had a long conversation about it!

And... I haven't touched the game in about half a year! 😅 I still love the game! I just "play" it vicariously through you! 😂 So there might have been more things revealed about Artem I'm not aware of!

Please take care! ❤️

- The Hibiscus anon! 🌺 I'M NOT DEAD! 😂

irt despite being a man, artem is eldest daughter all girls catholic school student vibes

oh my gosh, HIBISCUS!! HI HI :DDD!! it's awesome to hear from u again and i hope ur doing well!!!

while i am in no way an artem expert (thats sam) and am pretty behind on his cards, i still shake ur hand so much cuz UR SO RIGHT.

like, listen. at this point ive got a schrondinger's headcanon where certain members of the nxx team or the ENTIRE team is simultaneously not trans or definitely trans/experiencing gender in a non-cis way. yes they are. all the time. but only when it sparks joy in me. also all the time. do u understand, i understand. still, i deffo understand and adore why artem also gives of trans vibes.

like, so much of artem's extreme carefulness with matters of the heart or even just matters of relating to other people personally, the fact that he goes about this in a meticulous and often overthinking manner because he hasnt done it/gotten the chance to experience it much before is something that resonates a lot with a bunch of queer identities. the fact that he holds a lot of himself and his personality/interests close and not many people know him on a personal level, that also resonates with queer experiences. the fact that certain things that are "obvious" to other people are things that are not as obvious to him, also queer (and also also something i like to interpret as a neurodivergent trait, but thats a whole other ask response). hell, even the notion that artem is doing things "later" than is usually expected (like romance).

all of these things (which i guess can be mushed into the over-arching statement of "over-thinking because we didnt experience the world on the usual timeline many other people experience and thus we have to be extra careful to avoid failure") fit well with a BUNCH of queer experiences, methinks

(source: me. cuz im queer and i like artem)

additionally, i got reminded of this awesome response mariuscomehome wrote about artem viewed from a lesbian lens. i DEFINITELY recommend u read it!!!

//smacks artem like a car im selling. THIS GUY CAN FIT SO MUCH QUEERNESS INTO HIM!!!!!

i think i went off on a tangent here but yeah. ur so right. artem trans vibes too, whether it be for fitting theme/characterization reasons or just cuz headcanons are fun as hell anyway :'D

#i shld not have written this response at 6am cuz i was blearily blinking like 'oh my god i can cite queer theory sources--' and i had to #stop myself. 6am is not the time to be doing anything with any kind of theory sources. zak BEHAVE #hibiscus!anon #asks #and thus continues the saga of ppl 'playing' tot primarily thru my blog jhVKJSHDFS BY FAR THE FUNNIEST WAY TO EXPERIENCE THIS GAME METHINKS

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only-lonely-lovers · 3 months

Text

08.18.2022

tags: masturbation, dubcon(?), caretaking, possessive language

notes: I think a lot of this one was us laying around in bed texting each other and it shows... w

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

あ：Anyways I was thinking rly hard about… uhh… I liked a lot when Avvy proposed Amane having been incepted sexuality due to Yashiro so commencing jerkoffs and being distracted and this being a new thing. Tsukasa observing this like oh……. kawaii…. something new. It can't be sad that Amane is attempting to be secretive and hide stuff even though they do absolutely everything together. Thinking about them outright sharing a bedroom and 1 bed. kinda deal.

Somehow its novel and cute to Tsukasa that Amane would be shy about something with him. Since when, you know? Amane is a shy person but there's nothing he's actually embarrassed about around Tsukasa… is full autisms and can be as rude and wordless as possible, doesn't hide his interests. So any sense of Amane sequesting into the bathroom for periods of times or, when Tsukasa runs an errand and comes back he can hear Amane shuffling quickly in the bedroom. This just makes Tsukasa get good at coming home worldessly. Presses ear to door. Oh. the sounds of jerkoff. naruhodo

Does this ritualistically. It's kind of fun. New Amane sounds just dropped and all that.

つ：It would just be cute… not offensive or saddening at all.

あ：I think Tsukasa is perceptive enough to quickly deduce who and what is prompting this. And is perfectly calm and ready for Amane explaining Yashiro-san wants to visit. Hmm yes… let me meet her…

つ：amane having a new feeling that he is embarrassed offffff

あ：Ah the more i wrote… the more this was really just a perfect sunshine-amatsuka fusion… But that was kind of cozy feeling to get to imagine

つ：It seems like a nice cozy place to beeeee no challenges. Some spice as tsukasa knows magics and nene is some new Magic’s user And amane just a nerd between these

あ：This really is a tsukasa who goes to get groceries and is like 🎵🎶 about it monitors my boy with spells

つ：Give me the little list of nuts and bolts🔩 you need

あ：I think its so. sedates you puts you into bed. when you need it.

つ：An equivalent of koku joudai if amane is super stressed before a tourney it’s like❤️ sleep

あ：Yes. oh dont worry sweetie. i learnt it all for you

つ：I’ll sing that song you like so much (It is a spell)

あ：So… Yashiro does come over. And the vibes are weird. She is like all thotted up but has to have this emotion like ah… tsukasa-kun. (doesnt resent you BUT. idk how to think about the thing you did last year or w/e) but Tsukasa is just pleasant. I'm bringing you guys tea. its cool.

At some point leaves them alone for a bit and monitors via magic. Oh i look into my crystal ball yk whatever. And I think Amane is like… very shut down and overwhelmed by the, pheromones, and the way he hasn't been actually feeling better over time. He's really perplexed by wanting to spend time with Yashiro, the urge itself is enigmatic and conflicting with his skills. aversions. but here he is allowing it. But i was cumrotted so yk It's as extreme as being ROCK HARD when she is right next to you and talking to you and wordlessly staring at the space between your feet and deathgripping legs. Nene sees this and is like ',' [brain falls out head]

but this Nene having more confidence and sluttiness is funn i think her stupid braindead thirst (the way she is like. a girl can have multiple guys as a treat ❤ during the event) means she just tries to be like ah… Amane-kun

… how are you feeling… [touches his chest] is this-? Good… are you having… fun? Do you. Like this…?

つ：Poor Amane’s life was so easy before

あ：Hand lowers… she strokes over his belly.

But this makes. Amane have a panic attack and run into the bathroom and close the door harshly. fwmp. and Tsukasa is like kyaa. oh… Amane!!! the way you definitely do want this… but run away from it!! So interesting. [didnt intervene when he could] You deserve to be bothered a little i think. awwwwww….

Returns into the scene. Nene isnt like made of steel she IS. embarrassed. face hot. apologetic, sorry Amane-kun went… I think he… I…

つ：Nene is a human being!!

あ：but Tsukasa is like ahh daijoubu daijoubu its fine Nene-chan. Ohhh he gets like that. ^^ You stay here. one sec… Peeks in. heyyy my shawnster…

He is comically like. Shivering and hiding behind a toilet like a scared cat. Standing up though. boner visible. Tsukasa is like [closes eyes and inhales.]

(duhh my notes.. one sec. im gonna just look)

"Is something the matter, Amane?"

As always, it takes Amane time to deliberate and reply, but you're never frustrated with him. You relish in getting to watch his fretful eyes tilt downward, his nervous hands clasp and squirm. You couldn't fathom rushing him. You wait patiently. Amane holds his arms and and waits quietly – you rush into them, clutch him close, and close your eyes as he nuzzles your shoulder.

"… I… want… to have sex," Amane finally breathes. He clutches you tighter. "With… Yashiro-san."

"Ah, I see, I see. That's very new and interesting, Amane. I'm happy you told me." You nod in understanding, genuinely proud at Amane for finally being able to say it. "If you ask me, I think Nene-chan would be more than happy to."

"I don't want to be alone though. I want you there."

You take a deep, deep breath.

"Really…?"

"Mhm." his hair brushes your cheek as he nods.

It's been a while since you've felt so humbled to be included with something of Amane's. You were used to doing everything for him, with him, but you would have been understanding if he pursued this girl without you. But dear sweet Amane wanted you, even here. You sway, side to side, nuzzling against him. Amane's hips jitter as you do – oh! … still excited… You stroke his back.

"Of course, Amane. You tell me anything you want me to do. Where to be, where to touch… I can even move Nene-chan for you, get her ready… anything."

Kshfhd its all like. accepts everything very immediately sure i will get you to fuck her. ohhhh i get to be there? yes.

つ：Walks out the bathroom holding hands

あ：Both of you acting like space aliens admittedly. there's not really any sense of deliberating on… emotional closeness… Amane is just crystalizing that he wants this thing and Tsukasa is like , and so, it shall be

No proper anything… I'll get your dick wet sweetie…

つ：It’s like… does amane try to explain or tsukasa. It’s cute either way. Amane like. Yashiro-san. I’m sorry, I know it’s weird. So I get it if you don’t. Want to. Do anything. But. If we d. If we do. If we do anything I. I want. Tsu… kasa…. With…. Us…. or else. I’ll. Rrun away. Again and. Again

(Tsukasa wiggling fingers at nene and looking a little apologetic) Feeling on cloud 9 though

あ：I think as Amane speaks, he sometimes gets so shut down he actually just needs to dictate to Tsukasa what comes next. soo like… step 1 is actually walking out together and telling Tsukasa the living room area is scary and it needs to be in the bedroom. comfort space. and with like nearby stuffies or something excessive like that. pls… and so Tsukasa is like ohmm Nene-chan this way, let's talk more in the bedroom ^^ and she's like o. kay.

つ：Thats so like. Fear Ok The want for the dick I hope tsukasa doesn’t turn me inside out

あ：It's fear inducing. also you walk into their room and see its 1 bed. and this is definitely the 1 bedroom in this dorm actually. ok Like whatever

つ：Yashiro quietly says naruhodo

あ：But itd be cute if then Amane could be like im. do wanna. i do wanna. Do it

つ：Amane voice: but there’s something wrong with me

あ：I need help Tsukasa, really laying it on. I'm just here for moral support. Rubs his shoulders

つ：Yashiro: ah… I could… I mean if it’s just help I know what I’m — amane: nnnnnnnn (tugs tsukasa) Tsukasa: ^^ …my help is needed. Sorry, nene-chan. I won’t do anything if you don’t agree. (… unless amane asks me too lol❤️)

あ：Teehee

つ：Think of me as… a security blanket! That’s all!

Yashiro looking at two boys on the bed. Brain begins to melt Tsukasa like mmm… well… you’re already like this…. (Guides amane to lean back to show off tent more lol)

あ：It's a lot like. To submit to. But I think she'd genuinely feel too awkward to bow out in a way. As overwhelming as it is. Oh Amane-kun is so sweet. His… beseeching gaze. His. cock is right there also. To leave him so snubbed. When you do want it.

Tsukasa is intimidating but in a sultry way. like shahgdgdfhgI did imagine it being very much like. presents Unzips his pants. Releases from boxers

つ：He is clutching tsukasas arms like hiding behind one a lil Skrunky…. Let the scent waft to nene lol

Tsukasa also gets to be like. Eyes widen a little AH ITS STRONG LOL I’m always getting the after breeze left in the bedroom Oh the source is much more potent… HAS THE RESOLVE OF A DEMON TO NOT GO CRAZY

あ：The cute thing is Tsukasa himself experiencing stuff for first time gets vertigo for a second. OH keep it together

つ：Linger hands near him for longer than he intended… it’s so warm. Smiles at nene

(… I will hurt amane a little) Nene-chan… don’t you think it looks nice…..? Ah…. And this scent in the air~

Nene: 💭YOU CANT JUST SAY IT LIKE THAT

あ：Like heuugjvjfh!!!!

つ：WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Dhdududkdjdhdhdj

あ：Coughs Ah…….. s.. souuu….

つ：Amane like dndjdjd tsukasa—!!

あ：You need Tsukasa here to be like why don't you come closer… dont be shy Come see… it's nicer up close

つ：Despite all her bravado, is shy and slow up close It’d be different if she was alone…

But being watched… she’s suddenly aware amane is very delicate, isn’t he…

あ：Perhaps Tsukasa nerfs her in a way that puts her on Amane's level

つ：Always thought of him as a mundane amount of shy… but… … he’s actually very unusual…

あ：Forced to contemplate the boy

つ：Does he really need something like this….? Tsukasa-kun…. Do you. Uhm. Do you always… help .p. Ah

Like this? …. No…. This is both our first time seeing this, nene-chan

あ：A fun question for a girl to be made to ask herself.

… I was thinking about Tsukasa being as excessive though as. like pulling back foreskin to show off (edited)

つ：Mm a good time to pull it back …. And (TRYING NOT TO BREATHE HEAVILY) Amane’s first time feeling, (pulls….) this…. Nene shuddering. Jesus Lights popping in eyes

あ：Fweeeewww… its hot in here. the humidty is spiking. your pussy is on fire etc.

つ：Delicately places for fingers along shaft…. Nene does. Simply crosses over tsukasas to the head….

あ：Amane whimpers… It's genuinely a lot… I think he is not used to being touched by other people. let alone in this context. Your body is like a liiittle fearful of something unfamiliar. But girl hand… lovely to feel, atop it all. but it's so good it's alarming. (jitters.) I sorry. amane. but the Tsukasa commentary track is like oh he liked that. keep goinggg

つ：Fluster nene and amane both…. I imagine tsukasa is the icebreaker always chatting during

あ：Yeah i think its kind of an instinct keep a dialogue going to fill in space. he is used to little or no response.

つ：Girl’s hands are soft, aren’t they, amane? Hehe…. Gently leaves cock to pet his hair and rub his knuckles

あ：maybe ask Nene if its HER first time… (bc Amane would like that…!)

つ：She’d get so WHY PUT ME ON BLAST But just mentally Take a SECOND.

あ：He is GOING to put you on blast.

つ：Squinch brows… Wiggle mouth….

Think about how girls should maintain mystique… but… sees little amane all. Small and shy and. Urhgg

あ：Amane peers an eyeball at peeky

つ：Y. Yeah. It’s. My first time. With anyone. Doing anything. Like. This

あ：His.. eyes lid. shudders Tsukasa gets to be like hueheueu yayy he likie… Oh! … Amane likes that.

つ：Tsukasa kind of mentally like ah thank god nene if you had nonvirgin hands….! Knows what Amane wants and wishes for him to have it all

あ：That would be too sad. i would. maybe have to erase that from Amane's memories. 💔

つ：The real option In reality I will fix this if you fuck up I will never put my amane at risk….

あ：Nene this far into the experience does have to be thinking 💭 this doesnt quite feel like… he is JUST a security blanket

つ：She is ignoring feeling a nonzero amount about it For NOW

I think nene has the power to start jerking him off….

あ：Yus i did think she would pick up the ball. Tsukasa presents but Nene does not leave anyone hanging Genuine lust takes over. the boy is warmmmm and so boy.

つ：You get a nice rhythm going…. Tsukasa keeps his hands busy here and there

Fixes hair, flattens some wrinkles in shirt, does the usual preening to make amane feel it’s not so different Something new, and stuff familiar

Enables amane to get comfortable a bit… subconsciously can relax more… less tense ball and more… bumping into hand

あ：Make it as easy for him as possible, ease him into it. Doesn't have to be as tucked away. steals glances at Yashiro and what she is doing. Mhmhnhn…. it is… nice. It's better than. jerking off.

つ：Tugs at tsukasa and mutters at him shakily. Tsukasa stifles. Shuddering feeling the heat of his face so near and what he’s asking…. Which is just for him to please thank nene… Like tell her she’s doing good

あ：Yes your majesty hhhhh

つ：just shy like nnoooo she’s doing me a ffffavorr

Nene-Chan (WAS STARING AT COCK FORGOT TSUKASA WAS THERE FLINCHES) Amane wants to thank you…. it’s very nice, how you’re willing to help…. You really do want to do this, don’t you? It’s fun for you, isn’t it? Amane isn’t being selfish…. This is actually (can’t control voice getting heavy finally) very generous of him, right? To let you do this.

あ：Oh the room just feels like it keeps getting hotter

つ：Amane staring. Not what he asked you to say…

あ：Overwhelmed to hear Tsukasa implicate that, oh i think his little brain is like. noo. that's not what i saidjfhfhg… like gets caught up in a technicality. why would Tsukasa say something different though he is here to help me… [CANNOT. SPEAK THO.] But also why does this make my cock shudder a little

つ：Don’t you feel…. Lucky…?

Nene who has been broken a bit: h. HAI!!!! I AM— LUCKY!!! JERKS FAST

あ：aAAHHH!!

つ：AMANE-KUN HHHARDLY TALKS TO, ANYBODY!! SO… it’s!!! It IS ! Special!

Tsukasa watching. Ooouuuu Likes what he sees in you….

あ：This is where its fun. like. the noncon potential Just a touch actually Despite everything

つ：Yosh Ah…. Nene-Chan really understands❤️ Holds Amane more firmly….

あ：Amane genuinely so like, not ready for feeling this, gasps. F-fast!! ssscary. trying to inch away. but i think it just reads the same as his bumps into hand Tries to tug Tsukasa like a lifeline

つ：Touches forehead toooooo for a second Inhales your exhale quietly mmmm

あ：Sigh. the…. kind of choking sounds… made when the sensations get scary. lots of choking vocalizations like breaking off. mgh - gh -- hhgh- nhh

つ：So interesting….

あ：Cock is evil though it works against you. it does want to push up. i think sometimes cock wants shove, while hips and body want FLEE… you get these broken little jitters

つ：Tsukasa suddenly reaches forward and grabs nene’s shirt front. Drags her body forward

That’s not all you came here for And that’s not all amane needs you to do

Her hand lets go in the shock…. A nice momentum bounce of cock in the open air

あ：Nice cinematography.

Amane who doesnt know about anything beyond what is happening in this immediate moment. no idea where we're going. his brains are already melted out his ears… just continuously tugs Tsukasa’s sweater, waiting to be understood

つ：Just before Amane can whine for the lack of contact, or move, tsukasa swaddles cock in his free hand as if he’s coddling it Like keep it warm while they work this out

あ：Shushed

つ：I don’t think Amane’s first time should be finishing in your hand, don’t you agree? Don’t you want something more special? Of course you do! DRAGS ONTO HIS CHEST

He’s been finishing into his own hand so much, nene-Chan! Thinking about this!

Amane wants to “do it”. Of course! So badly.

あ：Dizzying to hear… disorienting, for both Amane and Nene. This way that Tsukasa can suddenly feel omnipotent You know everything…

つ：Yashiro very dizzy, yes… dumbly nodding and panting loudly… plants a palm on his chest Well, she was well prepared…. No panties

あ：A girl wants what she wants…

つ：As she gets a hand between her legs… tsukasa observes. holds Amane ready… A situation of nene lowering over while tsukasas hand gradually recedes

あ：It is all for this... Tsukasa assisting in the line up and all. Watching it happen...

つ：Enjoying each second… amane is dying. But I’d like it to be that warm PUSSY GOOD SHOVES

あ：Yess

つ：Activate sleeper cell

あ：Hehhe yes … actually part of the. cumrot was the thought that while deep into this Amane would actually become insatiable. like he has no self control!!!! cant!!!!!! its actually like oh god dont STOP ffffucks like a cylinder

つ：Yossshhh autistic grip SITS UPRIGHT Make Yashiro shriek

あ：Mmm delightfully scary. pivot

つ：Tsukasas propeller hat spins

あ：Shahshdhh. HELLO handsome the emotion Tsukasa experiences

つ：makes tsukasa very very excited childlike

あ：manic...

つ：AMANE HAHAHAH❤️ HUGSSSSSS SQUEEZES NUZZLES NUZZLES NUZZLES

あ：Amane amane amannnyyeeehh

つ：Yashiro processes that— not a tsukasa she has ever seen Giggling kicking around Really nuzzling into his hair….

あ：You're doing so good!! Amane!!!! breathless

つ：She’s being. Jostled sf hard. Bed is shaking

あ：Holding on for dear life. rghgjfh trapped in this crazy room it feels like

つ：Would love Amane to manage to pivot to pushing her backwards on the bed and hammering Brain is only composed of. AND IWANT HARDERR

あ：I wanted the sex Everyone was patient for me now im ready wanted to FUCK you i understand now

つ：Understand how fuck works It’s all too clear

It is the wacky shack as tsukasa is just like dhdudjdbdhdjdndjdj hehehehehehehehe Lehhlleheleehll I’ll make you guys dinner after thisdss

NENE-CHAN GOOD GIRL!! PETS HER TOO She’s drooling. Delirious can’t see

あ：Its like ah. the beautiful parallel in how Amane is like any other TL of Amane in that. he functionally is going to treat you the same, like, piece of meat, hes not SOCIAL he doesnt have manners.

つ：It’s just shy though. Not even polite really It’s disarming but says nothing of his selflessness

あ：nnnno. just shy. he's not. respectful I do think Tsukasa completes the energy by being so mmm yes yes yes ohhh look at him go its a faaaaaast car Love you baybbieeeee

つ：You feel the most degraded in a funny way Yashiro finally feeling like. This novelty. But she’s such a slut this AU she loves the sensation Come to this dorm to get manhandled by twins

あ：She is the pussy in the room Finally… what a girl has been seeking

つ：dragged over cock and instructed what to do. It’s her own awakening

Thought she was— a forward, sortof dominating type Idealistically imagined herself that way. But it’s not what she wants In her heart this is, perfect… shoved and pushed

あ：Even assuming her preference for Amane-kun came packaged with wanting to mess with a shy feeble boy yk

つ：Your crazy girl Schtick

あ：So endeared was she. but like. experiencing him rail her. makes her go oh. Its sfffff hot… if he is like this. about me

つ：If that’s what’s inside amane-kun….

あ：Amane-kun who can barely look up from his fiddling… his projects…

つ：Ah a nice situation of tsukasa and Yashiro calling his name in an easy back and forth Tsukasa kickstarts it being himself Yashiro follows the addictive lead

あ：Ahh kawaii kawaii… It seems like it feels good to do

つ：Amane scrambling about

あ：The incentive is feeling his cock respond inside her. fweee….

つ：Ahhhh the chorus

あ：it feels good to be a girl in a moment like this

つ：Epic feelings I think the nut moment is scary Like grabs so so hard Congeals in his virgin pea brain🧠IT CAN GO INSIDE

あ：I WANT IT i do think its a real jfc… amane… digs nails in… trying to hold you down so hard It must go in and stay in

つ：Gotta unload I think Tsukasa is beyond sane helping he’s like on his back arms wrapped around Amane somewhere flopped kicking around

あ：Ehehehee

つ：WOOOOO HES SO FREE AHHHHH OOOO

あ：Its cute. he is a fairly responsible composed boy in the grand scheme of things. made excited by Amane's own liberation uuouuuuu i love you

Amane is so cool!!! Amane is sooo capable… Amane is soo special!

つ：Amane does everything amaasziiiinnggfgly

あ：[pants] Amane should get everything he wants

つ：All this and then once he finishes it’s like. WHEEZE and tsukasa has to be like— AHHH RUNS OUT OF BED TRIPS FALLS ON FACE GETS YOU GETS INHALER

あ：kdfjhfdh my boy fuck whens the last time he drank water

つ：puts it in Amane’s mouth RUNS GETS WATER!!! Yashiro is blearily watching laid out

あ：Yashiro witnissing this. in a delirium like….❔

つ：You want like a kinda fussy Amane here honestly Like mmmmmn… squints

あ：lmaoo yes… like .. ugh.. TOO HOT … rips sweater off makes pissy sounds

つ：tsukasa helping When it gets stuck

あ：Throws it on the ground

つ：Fully removes Amane’s belt Knowing he disprefers it but wanted to look nice for this date Yashiro is still watching. What am I seeing

あ：What the…

つ：Amane, I can start a bath…. You got pretty sweaty, right?

あ：Grunts Its unflattering like ugh yeah

つ：I’ll go start it. Bows to nene. Leaves room She’s like wtf am I…. Seeing…. I do not understand the dynamic here actually

あ：I want Nene to spend like 24 hrs rly having bits and pieces load in for her You thought you understood but its like. [remembers this thing and this other detail and ???]

gonna later be like. wait. tsukasa being all…. we're lucky… and… amane should have whatever he wants… what I thought Amane was just a lonely boy but. IDK anymore do lonely people get dinner made for them ? Tsukasa has put on rice immediately

So funny for Amane to be so into routine and being taken care of he doesnt. offer yashiro much. at the end of this. like i need my bath… shuffles off

You know is like. Thank you I liked it

つ：Ah it’s funny. Yeah.

あ：Rubs mouth.

つ：She’s like. I did. T-too. You— you were impressive.

あ：Really [shuff shuff…]

つ：I didn’t think it’d … be like that

あ：shrugs

つ：Tsukasa though I do think would… like to usher her out Im sorry my boy has a timer

あ：Sorry darling

つ：He needs his routines again…. very cordial

あ：Baby simply needs his juice

つ：Nene-Chan❤️ Thank you for being so understanding. You’re a brave girl! That was so fun. Amane really surprised us, didn’t he…? He’s…. Incredible.

(Amane in the bg tugging his socks off) Like nyeh….

あ：Foosi

つ：Nhguh

あ：stupid socks…

つ：Can’t get these jeans off fast enough

あ：That water better be ready for me

つ：The shitty afterglow Fsr true for amane

あ：Smells self. ugh Too much smells

つ：Kind of an annoyed voice… tsukasaaa…. It’s like whip cracks in brain WELL! ILL CALL YOU SOON NENE-CHAN, OKAY? I’ll get your number from Amane!

あ：Until then. Bye bye

つ：We’ll talk soon, ok? Byeeeeeeee

あ：nene like. will we i guess we will.

つ：Amane has literally never answered his phone for her

あ：He doesnt do that.

つ：It’s an emergencies thing really Nene walking home feeling many things. Much to think about. Feeling good though.

あ：Well. it was weird. but it wasnt bad.

つ：So strange.

あ：Ummm its complicated. Aha.

つ：…. What on earth will tsukasa and amane do now H-he said he never did that to him before….

あ：Is their relationship going to… change…? …. did it… change… did i see it change?

Somehow its truly more challenging than if Tsukasa has always been jerking off Amane. why now

つ：I do like to think it’ll be normal up until Amane gets a boner again in the night and his brain is like. Wait Bodies

あ：I can get

つ：Can be used for goods and services

あ：I can make Yes… i did. imagine a follow up. which is later like tugs. wordlessly. drags your face down

tsukasa part 2. oh…… are you sure….. … this is funnily enough perhaps the 1 amane that would be like. theres no reason to not ask Tsukasa. as the guy who already takes care of every single one of my needs

Cannot resist the simplicity of Tsukasa taking care of a chubby in the middle of the night sorta deal dont. wanna jerkoff anymore. is the thing. it doesnt feel as good. and rly didnt like having to evade Tsukasa for a sense of privacy. … but now there's no reason to…

As always I think there's just a different vibe. To Amane wordlessly grabbing Tsukasa’s face and rubbing cock over cheeks, pushing against lips. mnnn… dont have to overthink it… shoves… and Tsukasa is just like despite everything humbled , bc again, not assuming it actually has anything to do w him and already geared to think it was just a matter of being useful as an assistant

つ：Pleasaaaant… a silent graciousness

I also like humping tsukasa in the day… and tsukasa like aaaaa dials nene while this is happening Nene-chaaaaaaaan how about another date? Amane misses you….

あ：kawaii. yeah humping could become such a thing… very easy to do the feeling is like. ouhhmmm… im his binkie rn. he is becoming, incessant ❤ fun. but like. HELP! lol.

つ：Tsukasa for this is like mmm I wonder how long this will go on…. Will he get burnt out on it? Satiated? Okay and accepting if after a week he calms down with him…

But I think it just gets. Worse The more often it can just be like ughhhgh Puts hand on

あ：Not even needing to say anything

つ：COMES back from ROBOT SHOW throws BACKPACK on the ground grumbling STOMPs autistically to bedroom Drops pants

あ：counting the seconds. until you Its like mmghfh… suddenly too autistic for my autisms. like the tourneys ar elike. fucking annoyinggg gbdhfhf

つ：Being so like emotional tho at the show like. I miss tsukasa so much…. I wish he was here and not busy at his schooling… it’s so much easier with him

It’s so hard… (comes home and behaves uhgratefully despite this) The weight of the backpack and the journey home eroded him

あ：Get less grateful by the second. as you approach the door i WANT MY SLAW.

つ：I have to calm DOWN!!!

あ：opens the front door. moans. Tsukasaaaaa (edited) drops my shit kicks off my shoes

つ：Skitters. Another result of this situation is this tsukasa losing grace and returning to some regression

あ：Youre really shaking his pea around in there really bring out the. amane amane!!!! mode

つ：Slides into room

あ：The seamlessness of fullbody hugs and wraps legs around. and then gets leaned onto a surface

つ：Aoaaooooho

あ：Indeed it does just get. worse. for a while i think its a real. like. legs and spine getting fucked up. situation losing hours

つ：Ah novel to see. Tsukasa truly losing his grace in this AU

あ：kawaii...

つ：Nene is like. It’s a little like. …. Living with amane seems like. …. I’m not ready Yet For that

あ：It seems. a bit dangerous chotto abunai yo…

つ：But I will be… some day

あ：Its like a prospective future

つ：Dating is what it is, for now

あ：but. intimidating. I. if he would really fuck me. all day . ah You know its like. becomes collected at the thought. BUT…. FOR NOW. WAITS.

つ：One loves to have a future to dream about Tsukasa walks into a door

あ：I think he has 0 graces fingering like it is. a lobotomizes you situation

つ：These fine motor skills

あ：Like jesus its actually more brutal if he fingers Lances you

つ：It will be much worse. Give nene my multiple day long stabbing pain that nothing can make you forget or ignore

あ：Serious business

つ：I think she’s a bit more of a pansy than me though No offense nene

あ：She's cute like that It's a lot to ask of a normal girl

つ：It’s good to make a girl suffer, too

あ：Yes Truly suffering for this boy

つ：The extreme masochism is for Tsukasa

あ：Souls are divided in this way

つ：But Nene can appreciate it like a loyal gf of an abusive boyfriend The Pride

あ：It's like a medal she gets to display on the wall of her mind later I really will. Let Amane. Do things to me. heep. but i love the thought of like. willfully deciding you must let tsukasa bear the burdens im normal i am trying to study

つ：Some of that energy. Must be burnt off

あ：The girl talk is as stimulating as ever under these conditions Its fun though i like to think Nene has to be a little bit like. drools. hearing about Amane needing an hour long blowjob

つ：I think this situation cumrots nene I think it’s going to get heinous

There will come a day Nene is laying in bed and she finally congeals TWINCEST IS HOT!!!! OKAY!!! FINE I CANT IGNORE IT FOREVER DO THEY WANT ME TO FIND ITHOT?

but I think the final form is tsukasa noticing and it’s surprise part 2 like awe What first amane likes me here…. Now nene thinks I am a sexy element?

あ：What the h*ck… Even a frog in a well like me…

つ：

Wants to watch ME blow amane…. But it’s inviting the devil into your house he’s going to send you videos out of nowhere or something

あ：you think to yourself that you're nothing special woof That is a problem

つ：Catch on to nene’s fetishistic interest and be like titling them deranged things like ❤️do you think I’m a good little brother?

あ：LOOKS AROUND LIKE THE POLICE WILL FIND HER

If nene understands she kickstarted Amane's sexuality then this would feel like such a corruption like her sick desires lead them all heor What did I bring out in these BOYS…

つ：Did I ruin a pair of siblings

あ：They were just normal…. er… well… sort of normal siblings before. They werent fucking all week at least. jesus

i kind of both like the thought of Tsukasa covertly filming but also clearly prompting Amane to hold camera suddenly in the middle of something

つ：He’s got Hims spells fuckin invisible floating camera dgaf But it s also funny to just do it some time despite this capability to utterly hide it

あ：Yes doing both. www. just cuz its fun to see Amane's reaction I think hes like umgh…. ……… but i do want it Frustrated and feeling owned

つ：Adjusts the camera like a nerd

あ：Oh fiddling. fussing about angles.

つ：Really enjoys watching through camera

あ：but its moe. like something Amane does that Tsukasa wouldn't think to or account for is reach down and even direct Tsukasa's face this way and that… entranced.. Slows pace…

つ：Get weirder about touching cock on

あ：I think you can rly get a sense for how used to handling Tsukasa he is, like… the sheer ease of reaching and pulling, directing with harsh or more delicate touch. Tugs hair. pulls at skin around corner of eyes to make you look

The element where Amane definitely. isnt thinking abt this being sent to anyone I think it makes him look like an absolute madman

つ：Moving like alien The free spirited in his natural habitat I think eventually tsukasa can do weird shit alone with Amane like subject him to some spell but only after he’s so. Spoiled and cumbrained that he gives in to some temptation

あ：Liberated at last..

Tsukasa is willing to fux with Amane a BIT as it is. but i think something earnest for his own enjoyment with Just Amane takes a higher power level Thats so directed and not wanton for the lulz yk

つ：A lot of being cum slave for a month

あ：Has been comed on and in for so long its like.

つ：It would have to be studying some stuff time and reading a spell and lingering for a long time

あ：Hair messier, clothes all fucked up. twiddles my wand in my hand. a treat for me. maybe

つ：But ah with failsafes in place… I just like the idea of manually stripping away the inhibitions with a spell to parse the raw most urge

But it should just be getting insanely violent And rambling like a maniac

あ：Functionally makes like that botion that Hakubo gives to Aoi

つ：The autism ruins Amane for talking much at all but override the stoppers…. Nyaaa. A temporary version of that But you just get a very ah. YOU BELONG TO ME!!!!

あ：your body my property. ohhh it pours out… The entitled heart…

How unfathomably special, at the center of this all. Quiet little Amane, doted on and tended to. Feeling, not just, gratitude, but a sense of divine entitlement. Reference your history… YOU'VE BEEN MINE FROM THE START

つ：Expoooose the entitlement!!! That he is obligated….

あ：I'm going to make sure you never leave me

Oh sigh… i think for Amane there's almost so many feelings and thoughts unsaid it leaps out of him messily, daisy-chained thoughts

I'm, I'm tired of going places alone I can't do it. I WONT anymore Why should I?? Why do you let me Tsukasa!!

つ：LOOKING DEVASTATED I— I won’t! Then! I’ll — can go everywhere with you…. Feeling out of breath to hear and seeeeee

あ：In a straddled sort of pose… Amane could bear weight heavily, hands on sternum

Eugghh but it could b so insane… grabbing something to use as makeshift rope… tying Tsukasa's arms. or forming a noose around neck

つ：SCREAAA

あ：Scary

つ：ah at some point it has to be like FREEZES TIME SHUDDERS AND WAILS ON THE FLOOR FOR A MINUTE

Ok. Time to reverse the effects I’ve learned What I wanted to

あ：I. asked for it

つ：I just wanted to know if Amane… really wanted me… here With everything changing…. if he’d run out the door or… Whatever he wanted… I just wished to know Whatever came out…! Whether it was simple or complex or about me or not

あ：A sense of obligation almost you know…? Enough time passed and you wanted to know what Amane was thinking… about any of this

admittedly Tsukasa would be like. Nevermind. if nene doesnt think she is ready for something. i need to know if Amane is coping with… not having something

Could I be doing more for you… But then its like. a. i. suppose. the answer was yes

つ：Was failing my boy Tsukasa simply wants to please him… To the utmost

あ：I arrange your tater tots in a little galaxy just to make you happy

つ：As his pleasures have been escalating… but have somewhat platuead… needed to know if force was needed It’s so like so help me I would subject nene to any spell

あ：if roachie could really ask you what you wanted there's no Tsukasa ready to be so specifically wanted… its like… how… why… It came out so… unlike anything ever before

つ：Demanding more… wanting no separation I will make it so…. kisses head of frozen in place amane

あ：This has to be such a. sleeps you. cleans up. puts you to bed is somber pets my guy

つ：Contemplates steps patiently

#22 #TS

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anirudhpisharody · 3 years

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not to be touchstarved™ but i would literally kill a man to have someone run their fingers through my hair and massage the back of my head

#literally just. i would like to be loved by someone whose love language is physical touch thank you #this goes hand in hand with my aversion to touch ❤️#shut up hanna

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spookydrreid · 3 years

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DAISY

Summary: When a young girl stumbles into the arms of Spencer Reid in a local police station, she is panting and terrified. And after being held captive for ten years, she is mute and very skeptical of her world around her. Can Spencer teach her to trust again?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Hurt/ Comfort, angst

Content Warnings: kidnapping, dosing, sexual assault (mentioned), restrictive food intake (captors doing), touch aversion, selective mutism, eventual smut (if I missed anything please let me know!)

Word Count: 2.3k

co-written by my bestie: @shiivaley ❤️

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

...................

Have you ever ran for your life? Have you ever ran so fast, terrified to look behind you? So breathless, your lungs are burning and your chest is heaving? Fear piercing every inch of your skin?

I have.

It’s how I ended up in a hospital bed with police officers outside my door and an FBI agent watching my every move. Doctors and nurses continually poking at me and running test on me to make sure I’m okay. They keep asking me these insane questions: are you okay? How did you do it? What’s your name?

It’s overwhelming to say the least. No, it’s more than that. It’s paralyzing. Hence why I haven’t answered them. It’s why I haven’t said anything. For ten years.

“Daisy?” I jump at the sound on his voice. The honey eyed FBI agent jumps too. He should know by now that I’m not afraid of him. Not by a long shot. In fact, he’s the only thing I haven’t been afraid of in a very long time. Ten years to be exact.

My eyes softened as they met his. I shoot him a soft smile, the sides of my lips pulling just slightly. I sat up slightly, resting my hands in my lap and staring at Spencer.

“Daisy, can I ask you a few questions? You can just nod. Is that okay?” Spencer spoke to me in a soft tone. Almost as if he was talking to a child. Not to say that he thought I was a child. In fact, he’s told me many times how courageous I was. How resilient I was. But I didn’t feel that way. I felt cowardly if anything.

Cal had been acting strange lately. Not that strange wasn’t unusual. It was just… different. You have to be some kind of strange to abduct a twelve year old. I could hear his pacing from the floor above me. 125 steps in the last five minutes. Usually, he doesn’t step more than 50 times an hour while he was awake. Most of the time it was him going to the kitchen or the bathroom. Or… coming down to see me.

Its been the same routine for the last ten years. He wakes up around 5 am. Comes to ‘see’ me and then leaves for a few hours. I don’t know where he goes where he leaves. I kind of wish I did. But I also don’t want to know.

“You’re so fucking stupid, Cal!” his yelling made me jump. “A fucking dog could’ve done a better job than you.” I didn’t know what he was talking about. Okay, that’s a lie. I’d had an idea of what he was doing. The girls I’d met gave me some idea. It was one of the only times he’d brought me up from the basement. I never asked questions.

In fact, I never spoke at all.

I learned quickly that he liked me quiet; that speaking got me bloody and bruised. So I’d decided to stay silent. And when I was silent, I got rewarded: extra food, a new blanket, new clothes, a heater. Being in a basement in the middle of the Virginia winter with nothing more than a sheet. But this was my life now.

“Sweetheart!” I stood at attention, waiting for him like how he taught me too. “Oh my beautiful girl,” he gushes as he descends down the stairs. I fight the urge to curl in on myself. I know what’s coming. ‘beautiful girl’ was what he called me when he wanted to touch me.

His hand finds my face, cupping my cheek and rubbing his thumb over it. I felt the familiar burn of bile in my throat, but I swallowed it down. I forced a smile to appear on my face and he returns it. If I didn’t know better I’d even go as far as to say he had kind eyes. But I did know better.

“Sweetheart, I need to run a few errands. I might be gone for a little longer than usual. But I promise I’ll be back. My special girl.” And like that he was gone.

I knew something was wrong when he didn’t return for three days. He’d never been gone that long in the ten years he’s had me. And I was starting to run low on the supplies he’d left me. I knew I wasn’t going to survive more than a week after my last meal. Maybe less if I cant learn to control myself. It wasn’t every day I had all of this food.

I also knew I needed to find a way out. I had a sick feeling he wasn’t going to come back. And I know the first question is why I didn’t try to break out earlier. But see, I had.

Twice.

The first time, I’d broken the window after stacking the boxes he kept down there. I ran for about a mile. He only caught me when I tried to seek help from someone in the area. He played it off like I was a runaway. He called himself my father. And those fuckers believed him.

He cleaned out the basement and put bars on the windows after that.

The second time I filed down the toothbrush and stabbed him. Four years after the first time. But I didn’t even make it up the stairs. I got punished real bad for that one. I guess I deserved that though.

But I knew this time was different. I knew I needed to get out of here. I knew it was now or never.

I wrapped a glass bottle in my blanket, wrapping it up nicely as to not cut myself. I hit it against the wall, my spine tingling at the sound of the glass breaking. It felt almost wrong to be trying to escape again. I’d hardly survived the last one. But I knew I needed to get away. I wasn’t going to die here. I promised I would get back to my family. To my sister.

I was careful as I rifled through the pieces to find the sharpest one. And once I got the door open, I ran. I ran until I saw the lights of the police station and right into the chest of Spencer Reid. I hadn’t even known I was crying until his voice cut into my thoughts. It was kind, smooth and gravely. The hints of exhaustion seeping through his words.

“Woah! Hey, hey. Are you okay?” he asked me. I wanted to answer him. I swear I did. But the second his hand wrapped around my arm, it was like I was back in the basement all over again. My screech caused him to jump away from me. “O-okay. Okay. It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re safe. I promise. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid. I’m a profiler with the FBI. See, look.” He carefully reached into his pocket and pulled out a little book looking thing. His badge. I relaxed after seeing that.

“Good. Good. Okay, now, are you hurt?” I nodded. But I really didn’t know if I was hurt. “Okay. Can you tell me your name?” I shook my head. My own captor didn’t know my name. Spencer Reid looked at me with confusion. “O-okay? Do you need an officer?” But the answer revealed itself when the unthinkable happened.

His laugh rang out into the police station, bouncing off of the beige walls and cutting open my skin. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t my special little girl.” My eyes locked with his and I felt the chill run up my spine and wrap around my neck. “Tell these men I’ve never hurt anyone. Go on. Tell them how great I’ve treated you.”

I was frozen in my spot, my mouth dry. His smile made my stomach twist and the bile rise in my throat. It was like I could feel his hands on me all over again. I thought I was free, I thought this was over. It was supposed to be over.

“Come on, tell them!” His raised voice caused me to flinch and even though he was cuffed, I was terrified he’d beat me.

Spencer Reid stepped in front of me then, blocking Cal’s view of me. “Hey? Why don’t you come with me and I’ll get you something to drink? Yeah?” Spencer Reid waited for me to nod; my arms wrapped tightly around myself in protection. He looked behind me at someone before leading me away. That someone was a tall woman with raven hair and a kind smile. But it was hard to pay attention to anything with Cal’s screaming.

“Where are you going? Hey! You cant take her! That’s my daughter! Are you listening to me?” With each word I shrunk into myself more and more, my shaking hands moving to cover my ears like a child. I wasn’t his daughter and I wasn’t going to defend him.

I hadn’t realized I was sobbing until I sat down and Cal’s voice turned into a muffled sound from the shut door. My hands moved from my ears to rest in my lap. I felt like I was going to vomit.

No, actually, I was going to vomit.

“E-emily I think she’s going to-“ the woman, whose name I now knew was Emily, was quick to bring the trash under me as I emptied my stomach. My coughing filling the otherwise silent room.

“No! Don’t touch her!” I froze again. Emily’s hand went back to her side at Spencer Reid’s statement. I was grateful.

Spencer Reid put down a Styrofoam cup next to me. I peeked inside and found it was just water. But I was still weary and it was clear he noticed. “It’s just water, I promise.” I looked up at him from under my lashes before looking back into the cup. “I’ll show you.”

He stood, walking to where the cups where and grabbing one before coming back to sit across from me. I watched him with confusion as he leaned over the table and grabbed my cup, pouring some into his own before taking a sip. I cant put into words the way that made me feel. Happy? Ecstatic? I was so used to drugs being in almost everything I drank.

I gulped that water down quickly, barely breathing until I finished all of it. Emily and Spencer looked at me with soft eyes once I put the cup down, sliding it closer to Spencer before sitting back in my chair. I smiled at him gently, my nerves calming down just a little.

“Is it okay if I ask you a couple yes or no questions?” Spencers voice was soft, like any louder would break me. And in a way, he was right. I nodded and he smiled.

“Is he your father?” I violently shook my head no. That man was no where near my father. “Okay! Okay, it’s okay. He cant hurt you. As long as I’m here, he cant hurt you.” I looked at my hands, tugging on them gently.

“Did he keep you in his house?” I nodded. “Okay, good. Good.”

Emily spoke up next, but not before placing six photos in front of me, “do you know any of these women?” I carefully looked them over one by one and making two piles. A pile for those I knew, and a pile for the ones I didn’t. I knew 4/6. She smiled at me, “okay good!”

“Do you know your name?” I nodded at Spencer question. Of course I knew my name. But he hadn’t earned the right to know it as well. “Good! That’s good!”

I watched as his tongue poked out to wet his lips, “by using your fingers, can you show me how long he’s had you?” I gulped before holding up all ten of my fingers. “Ten years?” I nodded.

“Oh my god…” Emily muttered. I only heard it because I’d trained myself to listen for everything.

“Can you tell me how old you are? By your fingers?” I held up two fingers on each hand. “22?” I nodded. “Okay. We need to get you to a hospital to have to checked out. Is that okay?”

I curled in on myself at his question. The idea of being in an environment that had a chance of being unsafe is terrifying. But the idea of being away from Spencer was even worse. He was kind and he understood me without me using words. It was like he could read my mind. I wanted him to come with me, I needed him to protect me. I was scared I’d be brushed off by the doctors or labeled as ‘crazy’ or a ‘hypochondriac’.

Spencer could see I was weary when I didn’t immediately answer him, “what if I come with you?” I perked up as he continued, “we’ll have an officer outside the door and I’ll stay with you. Would that be okay? I promise he will never hurt you again.”

I wanted to cry at how relieved I felt. To know this was finally over. To know he couldn’t touch me anymore. I was free. Finally, finally free.

….

“Jane Doe. 22. Captive for 10 years. Signs of sexual assault and abuse.” I listened to the stats the doctor was giving to Spencer and the officer. I sat on the hospital bed in a hospital gown while I waited. “It seems she has select mutism, probably from being abused. PTSS and is very untrusting.”

All of it was true. So very true. My heart hurt at the diagnosis she—my doctor—was reading off. Spencer had specifically requested an all-female staff and officer to make me more comfortable. I was grateful.

“Daisy,” Spencer mumbled. I lifted my head, confusion most definitely mirroring the doctors and nurses.

She shook her head, “I’m sorry?”

“Call her ‘Daisy’.” Spencer looked at me for a moment before turning back to my care team, “she isn’t some corpse. She’s living and one day will be able to give us her name. She’s not a nobody. She’s a daisy; it symbolizes new beginnings. So, call her Daisy.”

...........

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