#this has a lot of the kids in it...lol not a good thing

[hiriaeth]

I have always been neutral towards buddie- never shipped them but would be happy if they got together because more queer representation just makes things better. However at this point buddie have become so annoying. On a good day they are claiming their interpretation of a scene that they only view through their shipping goggles is canon and on a bad day they are sending hateful messages to real people and actors because they dared to ship a fictional character with someone else.

Their behavior is so similar to the teen wolf fandom (to be fair at least teen wolf had an excuse of having majority teen fans). I hope they either get the Sterek treatment where the ship never goes canon or they get the Stydia treatment where the ship goes canon but it is so disappointing that it ruins everything. (I weirdly never shipped anyone in teen wolf so I found most shipping stans annoying)

Hi anon,

I was also in the Teen Wolf fandom and I recognize some of the same bad fandom trends. Honestly, can't see Buddie getting the Stydia treatment because that would mean canon has in anyway hinted at anything between Buck and Eddie explicitly being romantic and they havent, at all. It can be said that at one point Buck was attracted to Eddie but really that means nothing, Chimney actually pointed out that Eddie is a beautiful man in season 2 and lo and behold he didnt end up with Eddie lol. And sorry to say, Oliver being supportive also means nothing in terms of where the story is going, he has no reason to say otherwise and he's gently tried to get fandom to manage their expectations. Also the actors who played Castiel and Derek have seen and acknowledged the big ships and well, look at what happened to their characters, acknowledging fans appreciating non-canon related stuff doesnt mean much.

Again it would be lovely if fandom would examine how they've created a conservative echo chamber with progressive paint slapped on it where actual queer characters and the actors portraying these characters are ignored and/or harassed while extolling the virtues of their ship based off their being a kid in the picture and the sunken cost they incurred as fans toiling in delusion for years. When no asked them too. Nothing is stopping them from shipping what they'd like but truthfully want they want, no demand, is that fandom space and the show capitulate to their vision.

Best thing that can happen is for us to let them twist themselves up knowing fully well they will watch the show until the end and the show tells the story they want to tell because the vast majority is accepting and or actively enjoying Buck and Tommy and the rest of the cast. I noticed a lot of fans on tumblr seem to be lurkers or just around when there are new eps and retreat otherwise which also lends to many Buddie shippers thinking they have some control over the narrative and fandom space when all they've done is push ppl out who appreciate whats actually happening on the show and want to keep their peace and continue to enjoy the revitalization the show is experiencing on ABC.

#911 abc #bucktommy #thanks for the message op and i know you're going to love ep 7x06 :)) #im excited to see what they give Jee-Yun to wear as the flower girl :)) #im going to retreat as well and only engage with canon material and not whatever else is going on

[your-absent-father]

Children in writing: my personal pet peeves

Okay, some might know that I work as an elementary school aid, done it on and off since I was 19, so I have the credits lol. Last december I even got my trade school papers for it. I preface this this way bwcause I have worked with shitton of kids, and will in a future. My background also means that I am very quick to notice when people don't interact with kids that much.

Even the savant syndrome kid is still a kid

One thing that annoys the hell out of me is when the 8 year old smart kid character acts like a 32 year old with all the emotional cababilities it entails. Yes, some kids have an higher intelligence, emotional or otherwise, but in the core of them, they are a kid. They get temper tantrums, they are in awe of new discoveries, they love to play in their own way.

For example, the class I'm in now, we have a kid I will call James. James is raised by his grandparents and it shows in everything he does. He is an old soul, always getting striaght As and almost helping the adults in conflicts. James also giggles as I race with him during recess, he sulks like a kid after not getting what he wanted and laughs really hard at fart jokes. He is 8 even if he has an emotional intelligence of an older kid.

Children are sponges, in bad and good

Speaking of James, he is a great example of children being sponges. This 8 year old, he uses terms like "gosh darn it" or "welp, it is what it is", terms I could see his farmer grandpa using. When he is stressed, he poses like a 73 year old looking at a broken tracktor. You can see his grandpa in him clearly.

I want to say it because a lot of people only write like "I am bad because my dad was bad" characters, even though it isn't that simple moat of the time, and children being sponges could be used in so many different ways, and not just bad.

Kids knowing big words doesn't always mean they are smart

This adds into the "kids are sponges" segment. Lot of kids, especially now, pick up different words, some very difficult, but they themselves don't know what they mean. Just today I had to explain what a dictator meant to a kid talking about North Korea. (That is an other thing too I like to add: kids try to explain with their own understandkng of the world what things they don't understand are)

Children's are adults in progress

Thus is a thing that peeves me the most of all, because a lot of people think children are thing entire different entity than adults. I like to explain it in videogame logic, like as a kid you are doing the first levels and progressing trough. You still the same character at the core of it, you just leveled up and got new tricks up your sleeve. Children are humans, they aren't that difficult to comprehend.

kids with disabilities have presonalities

Omg I am such a passionate person towards this, especially because I am specialized in special ed. It annoys me in no end when a special ed kid's presonality is "ehh they are disabled?". Every single special ed kid I have been with have different personalities and likes and dislikes, if they can't show it to you themselves. I don't think I have met two disabled kids (nor adults) with same personalities, even if they have exact same disability.

In the class I am in now, James's best friend is this kid named Jackie. I don't know Jackie's diagnosis but she can't walk straight, and uses multiple walking aids when her legs hurt too bad. She can't talk very well, struggling with her speak. Still, those things weren't the first thing I'd use to describe her. I'd describe her as a dramaqueen, always ready to complain about something, i'd describe her as a sporty, always running after her friends, even if she is much slower than others. I'd describe her as kindhearted, and clingy as she is always ready for a hug. Her disability is n intergal part of her but not everything.

I could complain about this all day. I have worked with kids and adults with disabilities and they have all been do different from each other (like able bodied people). Maybe another post lol.

Okay rant over.

Tldr: Chldren are humans too. Lol

#writing advice #writeblr #eve rambles #wip #writing kids #writing

[saintarmand]

wait I need to hear about the Daniel Lestat parallels

in answering your question i ended up typing a lot about a lot of things... some of which i think is pretty good and some of which is messy nonsense. enticing sneak preview:

daniel and lestat's similarities

the show overall as a story about how substance abuse affects families

how daniel mirrors both louis and lestat as a husband and as a father

facts, conjecture, and lots of theories about different aspects of daniel's backstory:

how antoinette may parallel armand, madeleine, and daniel's daughter

how daniel might mirror claudia???

like lestat, daniel can be pretty arrogant. they both love to lecture. "this is just how it is, listen to me, i would know! i have so much experience and knowledge to share." classic old white man behavior. hell, they're both old bisexual white men even. like lestat, daniel doesn't think of himself as racist but is still throwing microaggressions at both louis and armand.

daniel & lestat, danlou & loustat

lestat and daniel are both judgmental of some of louis's life choices (though usually different ones) and are not shy about saying so. they both make faces at louis eating animals—daniel also just louis eating in general ofc. but WE KNOW he still secretly thinks it's sexy and is also perhaps a bit jealous when louis is drinking from a hot guy, much like lestat. (don't pick the jacked sailor louis!!! great aesthetic but NO.)

so personality-wise, daniel is a combination of both louis and lestat. (he even has some claudia in him with his quest for the truth. i bet claudia would love to be a journalist, digging up dirt on people, exposing corruption! she's already a prolific writer too. but i'm getting sidetracked.)

both loustat and danlou are fond of each other, attracted to each other, but are also constantly bickering, sometimes in all good fun and sometimes not.

we see daniel yelling at louis in the show, and he's always yelling at armand in devil's minion. like lestat, he has a lot of anger in him. i bet he could throw a punch too back in the day. and while i don't think he was abusive to his wives, we know he wasn't a good husband either. especially while he was using.

and this is where we get to the most important parallel between them: lestat's "overindulgence" in killing is analogous to substance abuse. of course drinking too much blood doesn't actually make him act the way he does, but what happens in the show is still very reminiscent of the way alcoholism and drug abuse contributes to relationship problems. the substance itself doesn't lead to abuse, but it exacerbates things.

human blood is drugs actually

in the books, lestat talks about getting drunk a lot when he was human. louis calls himself a drunk too, and in the show their relationship starts by them going out all night almost every night. then they start going out every night to drink human blood. louis feels pressured to drink in order to please lestat, but eventually he wants to cut back. lestat is angry, telling louis it's stupid, there's nothing wrong with drinking, it's pointless, it's gonna be so hard, you won't be able to do it. and of course he feels like it's an attack on his own blood drinking. louis doesn't ask lestat to quit with him, but out of respect for louis's choice, he doesn't drink around louis anymore. lestat starts having parties at the house all the time. louis is totally fine with it, he's there, it's fine, it's fun. at least until it starts to get out of hand. and then lestat's fucking around on him too. eventually louis has a big relapse, things get way out of hand, it costs him his job even, lestat's like lol welcome back! told you this would happen! so louis breaks up with him.

but whooops he comes back carrying a child. you know, in his arms! he really wants to keep the kid. lestat acquiesces. louis doesn't go back to drinking human blood, but he doesn't have to because lestat has a new drinking buddy, a 14-year-old girl! he gave her a taste and she loved it! yay! louis tries to warn her about potential consequences. he's had a lot of them. she was a consequence even, but a good one. but she likes drinking with lestat, and eventually she starts going out on her own. and it gets out of hand.

daniel is sober now, "like louis", but he had a big drug problem back in the day. louis asks him about the "best he ever had." black tar heroin is nothing compared to what lestat gave louis that first time. yeah, it's not just drinking, it's hard drugs that lestat gave his kids.

louis's family doesn't know what the hell he and lestat get up to all night but they know it's nothing good. he stopped coming over for months, even years, but one time he showed up, watched the baby for just a second, dropped him on the floor. he wasn't invited to the kids' birthday party cause they're afraid of him. he showed up late and broke the door. they cut him out entirely. are he and his... partner, the right kind of people to adopt?

one time the cops get called. they raid the house but the evidence is well hidden. mostly. they refrain on calling the child welfare league but they don't like what they see. louis and lestat lecture claudia; louis about the drugs themselves, lestat about not hiding her tracks well enough. and speaking of, are those track marks on her arms? we don't do that kind of thing in this house!

claudia tells louis he's the one who brought her into the house. enabled lestat to give her a taste. she leaves home, staying somewhere new every night. she's still using, on her own and in dangerous situations. eventually she returns home. it's safer with someone watching your back.

lestat and claudia say louis's abstaining comes off judgmental. so he starts using again too. they throw a big big party with great party favors. claudia puts something in lestat's.

in season 2 (and i'm spoiling the whole plot), claudia and louis will travel around looking for people who are into the same stuff. the ones they find are pathetic, living like trash. then they find a group having some real fun, big parties. louis's not into it, but he's into armand, who doesn't mind that he doesn't use as much. claudia will get sick of the parties but get louis to give this woman she meets a little taste like lestat did with her. but armand doesn't want claudia around. armand and louis will keep using together, meet a guy in a bar. give him a taste of the good stuff. eventually louis will want to cut back again, and armand accepts it, even helps him. but louis's not much fun anymore.

just this once, daniel is a step ahead of louis; daniel's second marriage has already fallen apart.

daniel and alice

daniel compares louis to his first wife when he tells her about her dyeing her eyebrow; she thinks she has a flaw and tried to cover it up, but daniel likes her the way she is. lestat treated louis's aversion to killing like a flaw, and louis internalized that, calling himself a botched vampire, but daniel likes that about him. louis is like alice in a way.

some wild conjecture: what if alice was an addict too? what if daniel somehow contributed to her addiction like lestat did with louis? what if alice stopped using like louis, while daniel continued like lestat? or maybe she never used any drugs, but started drinking due to strain on her marriage; a more indirect cause. and what about the kids? what if, like claudia becoming a blood drinker like her parents, daniel's kids ended up inheriting his addiction too? becoming alcoholics as teens or adults? or maybe it affected them even more directly, like one of them accidentally ingested something he left lying around, and almost died like claudia? okay, that got dark... maybe daniel avoided getting his kids directly involved, perhaps by simply not being around much, and that's one of the differences between their stories. narrative foils aren't supposed to be identical after all, just further the same themes. a parent's substance abuse affects the children, one way or another. we don't know the details, but like lestat's fledglings, daniel's kids don't talk to him anymore.

daniel proposed to alice "after he got his shit together" but we don't know when this was. we do know daniel had a daughter by 1978 (7 years before car seats are mandatory) though we don't know how old she was—probably under 6 given he was imagining her in a car seat. we can probably assume alice is the mom, and based on her commenting on this part of his memoir that he never owned a buick, we can probably assume they were together around this time, or at least in contact. we also know he used black tar heroin in 1978.

this is only like semi-canon but on his linkedin page it says he started working as a freelance investigative journalist in 1982. it could be a random date but i imagine he's "got his shit together", working real jobs. so maybe it was around this time that he and alice got married. if we're assuming the devil's minion mind wipe theory is true, it would also be very fitting if the confusion of lost memories was what drew him specifically to investigative journalism as opposed to the portrait pieces he did before that. he doesn't know what the truth is anymore, so he starts looking for it wherever he goes.

and speaking of devil's minion, if daniel was cheating on alice with armand, then he's a lot like lestat indeed. but his secret lover is so secret he himself doesn't even know about him anymore. (or maybe alice did know there was someone, and felt very gaslighted when daniel suddenly started insisting it never happened after basically admitting it before? or maybe daniel's denials just suddenly got so convincing she agreed to marry him?)

two marriages, two children?

in 1985, daniel and alice were talking past each other when she told him she was pregnant. he was like remind me again later

louis and lestat didn't have another kid together, but lestat did make another vampire: antoinette. lestat had a child! while the marriage was going badly, a few years after getting (back) together. just like our boy danny.

after "breaking up" with lestat, louis will also have a "child", madeleine. he's giving claudia a "sister" while he's dating armand.

so here's a two-part prediction: 1. alice dumped daniel before their second child was born. 2. daniel met his second wife before his second child with was born.

so like lestat turning antoinette, daniel got alice pregnant BEFORE getting dumped like lestat (pun intended).

and like louis turning madeleine, daniel's second child was born AFTER he met his (soon-to-be) second spouse.

what if, like armand, the second wife didn't like daniel spending much time with his kids? it's been known to happen. we know absolutely nothing about this second marriage but i think we'll get something in season 2. is there something daniel shares with armand as the types of husbands they make? i bet there will be

daniel's childhood?

we know where daniel is now, and a little bit about how he got here. but the thing we know absolutely nothing about is where he started.

daniel was already struggling with drug abuse by the time he met louis and armand, doing what he "had to" to get high. we know it's not really the only reason he frequented gay bars, but still. he was at a point where he was willing to play the crack whore. so what led to it? addiction doesn't come from drug use alone, and genes aren't enough either. there's always something you're struggling to cope with that leads you to drug abuse. so what was it? his sexuality could be enough, but i bet there's more to it than that.

if we're looking for lestat parallels, rape trauma works. maybe his interest in claudia's assault was personal, his flippancy a defense mechanism? certainly a possibility. but childhood trauma seems like the safest bet, doesn't it? lestat certainly had it. but i don't wanna focus on him now.

i mentioned earlier that daniel and claudia share a passion for the truth and for writing. what if he had some of her childhood too? abusive parents, parents abusing drugs or alcohol, parents fighting a lot, parents cheating on each other. pick as many as you like. maybe he was even a band aid for a shitty marriage. maybe there was a difficult divorce. maybe one of his parents had an awful new partner and said they'd dump them but never did, or got back together every time. picked someone else over him over and over again. he certainly had a lot to say about that! maybe he gets so incensed over being lied to because his parents always lied to him too. maybe his outburst wasn't about louis at all. maybe memory is the monster. maybe his parents cursed him into the darkness. lestat's did, and he cursed his own children in turn. i bet that's what happened to daniel too: they fuck you up, your mom and dad; the poison drips through; we dance on the strings of those who came before us; memory is a monster. maybe daniel became his own father too. his father or his mother or both. it's usually both, right?

this is louis's story first and foremost but parts of it are claudia and lestat and armand's too, and daniel functions as a funhouse mirror for all of them!!!

whew

in adding the chapter headings i ended up moving things around so idk how coherent this is but i fear proofreading would only result in me editing this forever and i would really like to avoid locking even more posts into the drafts vault. 😭 hopefully it coheres? thank you for reading and please let me know your thoughts!

#vampterview #interview with the vampire #iwtv #s #daniel

[greenvillainredemption]

One thing I love about mutant mayhem is that Leo has a crush on an April who’s not conventionally attractive. It almost feels like, because of the turtles’ isolated upbringing* he hasn’t been influenced by the popular western beauty ideals and just thinks this ordinary human is beautiful! And I think that’s really cool! Because she is!

*though they’ve clearly been exposed to celebrities and other pop culture so ?? idk lol

#tmnt #mutant mayhem #I’m usually a very ‘I’m ugly and that’s okay’ type of person #but that’s really only about the definition of ugly that = not fitting into the popular western beauty ideals #but everyone has something about them that’s beautiful to someone yknow #idk I don’t want to be out here calling this April ugly because I don’t think she is #but I know a lot of male fans of older turtles have been saying she’s ugly #and yeah it’s very cool that this teenage boy character has a crush on an ‘ugly’ girl #and I know I have no stake in straight representation lol but it’s just good to see the girl crush have unconventional features #though I will say personally I don’t want them to be together just because any turtle x human relationship gives me the ick which is fully #just a me thing I think like I don’t think it’s morally reprehensible to ship any turtle with an april or karai (03 leo and karai had me #shipping them as a kid before I even knew what shipping was lol) #my words #ALSO whoever voiced dr stockman sounded SO similar to the 03 him. I was cryin #i feel like this movie wasn’t the best I mean I heavily enjoyed it but I hope it builds up to more. the mid credits scene had me screaming #so here’s hoping we get sequels aaaaa #give me karai or give me death #SMOOTH LIKE BUTTER LIKE A CRIMINAL UNDERCOVER

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Hey, so for the Human Au, how do think Julie would go about her life? Considering her personality in the website, I would think that he takes up different part-time jobs, but mainly likes working at the community center, mainly for the summer/after school programs where they can come up with and host fun activities for the kids!

no yeah that's pretty much what i was thinking! she bounces from job to job - she probably has a roster of seasonal ones that she rotates between. Julie really does seem like an every-gal yk? doing just one thing all the time would be soooo boring

i like the idea of summer / after school programs a lot actually! since canon Julie is big on games and fun, i'm sure she'd be a great choice for those sorts of things. i bet she works a seasonal summer camp in their county!

#also it would be a cute frank-julie bestie thing #cause frank is a university professor #so then julie being in the education system as a camp counselor / school programs person whatever brains not braining rn #I Just Think It Would Be Sweet! and Fitting! #part of me wants to change Frank from university professor to like a uhhh elementary school teacher #but nah. but lets just say the local schools will have field trips and uh. idk a 'bug day' #yk how kindergartens and elementary schools would sometimes have a giant snake brought in or whatever #well i imagine that in this au frank keeps insects as 'pets' #(not pets as in companion animal but. he has a lot of arthropod tanks in his house lol) #so maybe a couple times a year he gets to interact with kids and julie's probably there too! #ohhhh maybe sometimes he'll go to the summer camp for like. education day or whatever #to talk about insects and animal safety or somethn #he's out there with a tarantula chilling on his head... #most of the kids are disinterested but one or two are so Intrigued and its. adorable. anyway this is about julie #rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #i like to think that both julie and barnaby have seasonal jobs at the county fair #it just lasts a few weeks but they have a good time! barnaby can put his clowning degree to Use! #but im having a great time picturing julie coming up with games and stuff and putting it to good use! #i bet she'd be great at finding compromises and solutions to those Schoolyard Problems yk #i said schoolyard problems and flashbacked to the multiple bad injuries at my elementary. & the seizure in hs... #hm. i saw a lot of serious shit. anyhow not the point #i bet julie is that one guy where whenever someone brings up an odd job she's like 'yeah ive done that' #slingin ice cream? catering? florist delivery? doughnut baker? budtender? running bingo night? Yes To It All! #i bet that in a way... howdy is jealous...

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[fluffydice]

TW Abuse

Aren feels guilt over clinging to his abuse, because he’s looked up to his Pops for so long as a role model, as someone who he should aspire to be.

But then he interacts with a toddler, or a little kid, or even people his own age. He can’t help but think about how fragile they are, how easy their skin would give way to bruises and blood, and he wonders how you could have something so precious and vulnerable, one that looks up to you with adoration and unadulterated trust, and tear it to shreds.

And he knows it was wrong, but he still tries to convince his friends otherwise. Because if they agree, that means it’s something he has to let go. He doesn’t have to look it in the eyes and ask questions that he won’t ever get an answer to.

#abuse is easy to look at objectively from far away because they’re not a person to you #because the person experiencing it clings to the good memories and pretends it makes up for the bad ones #or worse when it’s a parent who you know has gone through the same #and sometimes you have to look at it and realize change isn’t possible for someone who can’t quite leave survival mode #WOC are taught to keep silent and play clean-up afterwards #and they ask their kids to be happy because they’ve been granted better circumstances #but we forget that no matter how many tools you have you’ll never know how to use them if you’re not taught #asking happiness from a child who has never seen it from a parent will never result in progress #we teach our children to learn from our mistakes instead of from our examples #because change is fucking hard for yourself but all you can do is cling to the hope that maybe it’ll be different for them #sorry got rant-y there lol #I used to write a lot of poetry maybe I should try again and see if I can answer some things for myself #tw child abuse #kuboyasu aren #Saiki k

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

#bungou stray dogs #been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me)) #cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands) #but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people #first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now #he was groomed since childhood just like dazai #but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there #and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong #but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself #which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong #and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia... #and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO #where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!! #it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay. #chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself #and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him. #didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!! #i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess #and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just #One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall #he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!! #there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma #and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc #it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!! #even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man #both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation #i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda #and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death #oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)

[voltstone]

within me are two wolves.

to inject every ounce of homoerotic and severely mentally ill tension into one character (violet).

to also do that but like a concerning amount.

#aydf fic #twdg #twdg 4 #twdg violet #twdg brody #brolet #twdg fanfiction #kiss scene #like they kiss a LOT a lot #HERE'S THE CONTEXT which will not be read for months but whATEVER: #in this fic the boarding school had a little civil war where half the kids formed their own cult cuz no adults and it was not a good one #so um #like almost 20 kids died in one day lol #that's not funny #lol #anywAY the brolet is violet and brody being very very emotional and very confused and touch starved and very traumatized #in like the weeks/month after the “incident” where a lot of the relationships were strained #including minnie and violet's #so there you go #to anyone who has found this little crumb the whole riot thing is huge so you're welcome for mild spoiler i guess #also as with anything im posting right now these scenes will be edited and polished in time

[kn11ves]

emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something? #i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 #ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????????? #those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT?????? #oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Whumpers, what are your earliest memories?

Mine is from when I was about two or three. I was in a stroller, at my cousin’s Irish dancing recital. After the recital, my aunts were talking down to me in the stroller, and to each other. I was experiencing extreme anxiety because I couldn’t understand what they were saying, when I felt I should have been able to communicate with them like they were communicating with each other. I was also very tired and dazed. I did not cry though… I probably looked normal on the outside.

I also remember when I was about four or five, I went to the beach with my dad and one of his friends. I somehow found my way onto the dock, planted my little rear end on a jet ski, untethered it from the dock, and started floating into the sunset. There was an old lady lounging in a donut inflatable out some way; she said something to me, but I couldn’t understand what she said, despite trying really hard. I’m assuming it was something along the lines of “Oh my god get off that jet ski you’re going to fucking DIE, kid,” but again… couldn’t understand a word of what she said, and got frustrated because she was speaking English (without an accent) and I should know how to understand adults speaking English to me.

At this point, my dad is yelling at me from across the water, and a young lifeguard drags the jet ski back. On land, my dad lectured at me very harshly as he led me back to the car. I didn’t know I had done anything wrong, and was very confused. At some point this guy starts quoting the Bible at me, and the only thing I could pick out were the words (spoken very emphatically), “Your days are numbered.”

“My days are numbered?” cue a vivid mental image of a calendar, with dates listed for every day of the week, “What does that mean?” Later on I figured out this was the Bible’s way of referencing death at God’s hand which just made me even more confused as to what I did, until at age thirteen, I figured out, “Oh a baby who can’t swim floating on a jet ski is terrifying, actually.”

Tagging: @kaleidoscopr @redd956 @hereissomething @astudyinpanda @c0ldbrains @straight-to-the-pain

#tag game lol #I had a thing with not understanding people very well (or at all) as a child idk if that’s normal kid stuff or what lol #Like you know how in dreams people’s speech is a blur? That was how I (mostly) interacted with the world from ages two to six #My best friend at the time would talk to me a lot (she was a couple years younger) and she was still partly in the “babbling” phase #and couldn’t speak clearly at all #so I just kind of nodded and went along with it despite having no idea what the hell she just said #Which I continued to do with everyone else into adulthood; as soon as someone talks to me I zone out whether I want to or not lol #My life has been a perpetual cycle of: “Why can’t I do that; am I stupid or something?” > studying it intensely > excelling at it #Like humor. No one laughed at my jokes in my first year of public school; so I watched what made people tick… #By the time junior year online English class rolled around I had the teachers and students in stitches almost constantly #Likewise with understanding people: I zone out all the time; but I can quickly replay what I heard in my head and ask a question to verify #if that’s what they said; then give an appropriate response to it #Basically I repeat 70% of what people say to me during conversation to make sure I’m not missing anything #As a result I’m now pretty good at figuring out what people are saying if there are language barriers or speech abnormalities involved #But do NOT give me verbal directions; I can and will forget them the instant you walk away

[fruitsofhell]

A bunch of doodles of Morpho and the reaper ocs doing their jobs and having fun office banter.

#kirby #kirby ocs #kirby headcanon #morpho knight #too many characters to tag lol #hecking art #last one is haltmann in the broken heart of nova #my zero2 is just like a reincarnated zero idk about canons chicanery on that one #also mago got a second chance only cause the artisan reaper told him to be more useful thats why he has theme park thing lol #and susie was spared by the shepard reaper. homegirl died but as with a lot of kids the shepards gives them another chance #same happened to marx hes still good #kirby is visited by morpho a lot but it doesnt spare him. he just straight up refuses to die cause hes built differentdjffd #gala and meta are the same lol

[holyviolence]

omg i spent the whole day cleaning my entire apartment because my family was coming to visit and 1) so so so happy my adhd is being medicated now it's literally changing my life and 2) i FINALLLY got through to my dad about how he probably has ADHD too!!!!! he finally said Yeah i think i might have adhd. and my mom was like Me too (we've had this talk privately before, she knows she has adhd too lol) And my brother is literally transferring to a different school because he can't concentrate and isn't disciplined at his current uni. adhd family.

#literally thank goodness my brother was here to like Perfectly describe in real time what happens to adhd people when they go to college for #the first time. there's less structure and you fall apart. i used that as an opportunity. #i've slowly slowly slowly been chipping away at my Entire family btw. i've finally convinced my dad that medication is a GOOD THING. #i said You know. there's a lot in life that you feel like you Have to live with. but being on meds has made life so much easier and happier. #and that's when my dad finally said it. #:^) sometimes i like..... think about my family and how complicated i feel because growing up was super tough with all of them but now they #are all better people..... and i can't help but feel proud because as much as it is ABSOLUTELY great job for THEM for getting there But i #also feel uhhh partly responsible because i was constantly calling them out for shit. not always in the best way #but always standing up for others and challenging them on their worldviews and just casually talking about more liberal (as in free. not #politically) things. yes i do feel like if it wasn't for me my family would be worse people #i KNOW one of my brothers would be because he literally told me so. and it makes me happy. it is proof that my life is worthy and i have a #good impact on the world. it doesn't have to be a big thing i do to change things..... because i believe in the Ripple Effect #my dad is a teacher and he uses the proper pronouns for his trans students without complaint now. that has a good impact on SO many people #the trans students and their classmates who hear their teacher respect them. my brother is no longer homophobic he's bi lol and #if i hadn't argued with him about what bisexuality meant bc he was Wrong when i was 18 and he was 16... i wonder.... #my younger sister is one of the nicest kids i've ever met and i partly raised her. it feels great to see her be such a good kid #her best friend is a trans girl and when she first came out my sister was one of two people in their class who still wanted to be #her friend. #idk. just inspires me to keep being the best person i can be & always do what's right even if it makes people mad #bc no one can hurt me as much as my family has traumatized me (lol) and look what happened to them!! i didn't give up! and i see real change

[stinkrascal]

even though it was buried in the tags of my last text post, that text post was the first time ive ever admitted to any of my ocs having The Diagnosis which is also My Diagnosis which means ive just somewhat admitting to having The Diagnosis which is My Diagnosis and wow that was extremely nerve wracking but it also felt nice to get it out there. this is my coming out post i guess

#definitely gonna delete this later i just wanted to ramble for a minute #idk why but this specific diagnosis was the most difficult thing to come to terms with #being diagnosed with adhd and bpd that was nothing but THIS ONE? it ruined my life for at least a few months #which is so silly bc when other people have this diagnosis i think nothing of it #but when its Me it just brings out this horrible complex inside of my heart #so having an explanation for that kinda stung you know. but hey its there now #a lot of this journey has just been me trying 2 unlearn the harmful stereotypes abt myself as far as The Diagnosis is concerned #and learning to treat myself kindly in spite of my insecurities which at times feel like a direct byproduct of my diagnosis. its a lot #but yeah. Yeah. idek what im trying to say anymore #shoutout to my homies who felt like aliens their entire childhoods only to be diagnosed later in life we are so strong and whatever #kisses you on the forehead #also tbh it feels good to project it onto my ocs. it makes me feel better about myself #making brie autistic as shit makes me feel more normal because in my head im like well shes living her best life. why cant i #and all the straud kids too. theyre still living their best lives and theyre totally confident w themselves and they accept their diagnosis #and they accept its just a part of them you know!! nothing to be ashamed of. so why cant i #THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY im very emotional right now. ik this is kinda weird but i really want to find the confidence #to talk about this without feeling embarrassed about myself. autism rocks ! #this is literally the autism website idk why im nervous right now you are all literally autistic why am i so nervous LOL

[non-un-topo]

Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol

#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though. #do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out. #but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about #(cough) my sister-in-law. #it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her. #anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off #or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over. #so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb. #dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time #plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month. #my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day - #- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding. #so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol) #and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin. #happens all the time at school too. #'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!' #ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please. #i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need. #conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen. #so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates. #just........ Gender. UGH!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

though i eventually got to read some, in earlier years goosebumps books would be the kind of series where i'd just ponder the cover art, and i always liked the drama of the monster blood illustration (the lighting/colors....sure nothing's happening in it but i felt it evoked the drama of "what if you're downstairs and something's upstairs" much like "what if you're upstairs and something's downstairs") like well too bad i guess i never got around to reading i at the time. but as of a recap yesterday i'm surprised to now be at least 90% sure i read part if not all of it, and thinking i hadn't may be due to how kind of nothing happens in it

#absolutely nothing familiar until ''there's a dog named trigger & the kid at one point has to rescue trigger from choking'' like Aha #for sure still remember various Events & Details from gb books i Know i've read.... #welcome to dead house; the ghost next door maybe my most well absorbed ones lol. lot going on in those definitely #let's get invisible. some choose your own adventure varieties. calling all creeps. oh the haunted mask ofc; all time classic.... #definitely hadn't read the phantom of the auditorium; reading it as an adult was a delight #things on the other side or the middle of the stairs it's just like skinamarink heck for real #itself like well that's absolutely the horror of being kids if not ''kids' horror'' lol #but that aspect is always inherently present in kids' horror...always surrounded by mysteries & lack of power/autonomy & fairly isolated... #anyways had a parent whose Disapproval Mode could be set off by various media available to kids my age so that was a minefield #(same parent thought it was inappropriate for some tv 14 rated programs to be available in a house solely ft. adults so there you are) #at least at first was of the ''horror for children?? inappropriate'' approach about it. i didn't check the books out of libraries ever #but eventually must've calmed down abt that b/c we Did own some & that's how i read most of ones i did #too late i was always a kid intrigued by / seeking out horror materials....john bellairs books which got pretty wild.... #much less so as an adult b/c horror gets worse (& not in any good way) aimed for teens / adults like lord. You Do Not Get It #anyways turns out monster blood is probably riffing off the blob mostly but it's like not thee blob until way later #so most of the book wouldn't really be that memorable if it's 80% ''and then here was another weird thing abt the gunk'' #but i would remember like oh no the dog is in mortal peril :( nooo trigger (trigger was fine) #sure didn't misremember that in welcome to dead house the dog went missing & was implicitly killed over Sensing The Deadness #appreciated that element in phantom of the auditorium where they're hanging out at zeke's & he has a dog #& secret but really just chilling painting sets & very corporeal ghost brian is like ''aw cmon...'' at that dog Not Liking Him #which is some barking & not being enthused abt brian's efforts to play fetch w/a ball lmao #but only to a mild degree like yeah he's not doing anything. brooke & zeke witnessing this simply like lol lmao #that trio is sooo funny. ghost just hanging out; So nervous; ending up dragged into the friend duo absolute menaces hellions lmao.... #the paint on his shirt bit. just the way the whole back & forth of 4 ppl goes; it kills Me....