#this has been in my drafts for 12 days please take it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dkfile · 2 years

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golden hour

❛ you grab your milkshake and chug in hopes that the liquid is enough to drown the butterflies in your stomach. ❜

word count | 12.4k (12,449) genre | fluff, slice of life, best friends to lovers, summer vacation au ━ best friend!joshua

summer ends in less than a month, leaving you with a limited amount of time to build up the courage to profess your undying love for your best friend before he leaves again for college. alternatively the summer of pining, featuring a group of annoyed bystanders.

★ warnings | alcohol consumption, so much pining it’s ridiculous, little to no angst, i got lazy editing towards the end so if there’s mistakes please pretend they aren’t there ★ author’s note | i quite literally haven’t written anything since last year but i’ve been wanting to publish this for a while (this has been in my drafts since may 2021 and i didn’t finish it until this month omg), and since it’s a summer au i thought it’d be appropriate to publish it now

24 days before ━ Sunday, 12:30 A.M.

Minghao is holding a wine glass filled halfway with cola, paper straw dangling from his lips when he tells you that there’s no point denying the fact that you’re in love with Joshua.

“Everyone can tell, it’s obvious.” He hasn’t been meeting your gaze for the entirety of the conversation, and you can’t tell whether you’d rather him looking at you as he accuses you of becoming a victim to love (you poor thing), or narrowing his eyes at Chan as he attempts to dunk Soonyoung’s head into the water. “Even Seokmin can tell — Seokmin. He’s never going to be able to keep it a secret, by the way.”

“Oh, fuck you.” The venom on your tongue barely makes it past your teeth, and instead of your voice having a tone of finality (which you hoped would shut Minghao up), you only end up sounding frazzled. Which, frankly, you are, and it doesn’t help that the scratchy material of the pool chair is digging into your skin, refusing to make you feel comfortable. “I’m not in love with Joshua.”

“Sure, but you smile a fuck ton whenever he’s around,” Minghao takes a sip of his drink, a soft and refreshed ah falling from his lips before he continues, “people in love don’t do that.”

Your lips twist into a frown. “I smile a lot when I see Jun.”

“That’s different. Everyone smiles when they see Jun. Only you smile like an idiot when you see Joshua.” Before you can open your mouth to respond, Minghao shakes his head, “Don’t bother arguing, Y/N, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

You sigh, swinging your legs off the chair. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

As you slip your flip-flops on, Minghao asks if you can get him another soda. Instead of replying verbally, you flip him off and start your trek towards the cooler by the patio doors. It’s getting late into the night, and you’re sure all the good drinks are gone by now — everyone seemed to grab a can of cola earlier, and you think you saw Jun hog all of the coconut drinks for himself, which means the only beverages left are the juice boxes Seungcheol and Jeonghan bought.

You lean down to look through the drinks, and sure enough, a lone red box of apple juice sits in the corner of the cooler. You grab it before anyone else can, and when you stand to your full height, you see Joshua walking toward you in the corner of your eye.

His hair is wet and when he’s finally standing in front of you, you catch a whiff of chlorine.

“Is there anything left in there?” he asks. “Minghao asked me to get him something.”

Despite not getting a good look at the contents inside the cooler earlier, you reply with a begrudged, “Nope. Tell him the only cola we have left is what he has in his wine glass.”

Joshua raises an eyebrow, amused by the slight bite in your words. “You seem to be very angry with Minghao and his wine glass.”

“I’m not,” you say, doing an awful job at hiding the vexation in your voice. “I just don’t understand why he pours a can of soda into a cup.”

“You have to admit, it looks pretty sophisticated.”

“He’s drinking from a straw.”

“It’s cool, you’re just a hater,” Joshua shakes his head. The smile on his face falters for a moment when he takes note of the dry clothes you’ve been wearing for the entire night. “And a boring one, too. Have you been sitting on your ass this whole time?”

You shrug, picking at the material of the shirt you threw over your bathing suit. “Yeah. I don’t want to to drain all my energy tonight by fighting Jeonghan about the rules of water volleyball.”

He clicks his tongue in disappointment. “You know, when I asked you yesterday if you wanted to go midnight swimming with some friends, the invitation was to go midnight swimming with some friends, not kick back and bond with Minghao.”

“I wasn’t bonding with him, he was annoying me,” you wave your hand in the air in dismissal.

“About what?”

“Nothing important.”

Joshua frowns. “You’re hiding something.”

You scoff. “I’m not!

He ignores your protest, instead giving you a smile that causes your heart to squeeze in your chest as he moves to stand beside you. “OK, fine, let’s say you aren’t. But if you are, you know you can tell me. I’m amazing at keeping secrets.”

Rolling your eyes, you begin to walk back to the chairs, slowing your pace at the sight of your spot being occupied by an inebriated Jun, who seems to be running low on energy as his eyes begin to flutter shut. Joshua follows your movements, a low whistle leaving his lips.

“Will you go in the pool now?”

“What?”

“‘Cause Jun’s passed out in your chair,” Joshua says, gesturing towards your friend. “You finally have a chance to suck it up and get in the pool.”

You snort. “The only way you’re getting me into the water is by force.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Huh? No— get away from me!” you shriek, juice box slipping out of your hands as Joshua moves behind you, and in one swift motion, pushes you into the pool. Before the water muffles your hearing, you briefly hear Mingyu yelp in surprise as he tries to swim away, just in case your body collides with his.

When you swim up, gasping for air, the first thing you see is Joshua laughing as he crouches down by the poolside, harbouring the type of grin you know will hurt his gums if it stays on his face for too long. Behind you, you hear Seungkwan chastising you for getting into the pool without taking off the only dry clothes you have, but the only thing you can focus on is Joshua, sitting there with his skin glowing in the moonlight, and looking like he just walked off a magazine shoot (but you think he always looks at that).

You force yourself to look away at some point, knowing that if you stare too much without saying anything, he’ll figure out that being underwater wasn’t the only reason you’re feeling breathless.

23 days before ━ Monday, 1:15 A.M.

“Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire?”

“What?”

“We can’t watch Tom Holland’s Spider-Man movie because we’ve watched it too many times and Seungcheol told me it’s unhealthy to know word-for-word what Tony Stark says in Spider-Man: Homecoming, so—”

“No, shut up,” you interject, shaking your hand to halt any more words from falling out of Joshua’s mouth. “You promised me we would watch Pitch Perfect.”

Joshua inhales sharply. “Oh. I was hoping you forgot about that.”

“What the fuck?”

“We’ll watch it next time,” he offers, throwing his head back and turning it to face you. In the corner of your eye, you can see the ridiculous and adorable pleading seeping into his features, eyes soft, features tender because he knows looking at you like this is what gets you into the palm of his hands.

Being in love truly is the worst thing to ever happen to you.

You huff, tossing the remote onto his lap. “I hate you,” you say, admitting defeat, to which Joshua yells in triumph. He quiets down immediately after he remembers it’s late and his neighbours are probably asleep or having an existential crisis.

“You don’t,” he hums, victory tainting his lungs and causing a teasing lilt to appear in his tone, “We’ll watch Pitch Perfect next time, maybe with Soonyoung and Chan, you know how much they love singing along to movies like that.”

Sighing in slight disappointment, you say, “You said that last time and look where we are now.”

Joshua moves and takes his hand out from under the blanket. “I’ll actually go through with it! Here, let’s do a spit shake.”

“No!” you protest immediately, reaching over to bring his hand back down. “I’ll just take your word for it.”

He shrugs, squeezing your hand lightly before slipping out of your touch and taking the remote to search for the many varieties of Spider-Man movies in the search bar. His touch, however, still lingers when you slowly put your hand back on your lap.

Perhaps love truly does suck, but you can’t imagine feeling anything else for Joshua.

22 days before ━ Tuesday, 2:24 A.M.

The deafening noise of pop music berates your skull until the uproar is all you can think about. Any and all requests for Seokmin and Seungkwan — both running on adrenaline the cheap booze gives them — to turn down the music goes through one ear and out the other, but you’re sure they won’t be this energetic when the sun comes up in a few hours.

“How have they not passed out yet?” Chan shouts over the music. You can only hear him because he’s collapsed next to you, all of his energy long gone after his impromptu dance battle with Wonwoo on the dance floor.

“They’re drunk,” Vernon calls, voice barely audible. “Leave them be, they’re playing good music.”

“Christ,” Chan murmurs, struggling to get up on his feet. “You think Mingyu would care if I crashed here? There’s no way I’m letting my parents see me like this.”

You squint at him, fingers loosely grasping the rim of your plastic cup. “What, you’re going to sleep already? With all this noise?”

“Believe it or not, it’s easy to drown this out,” he replies dismissively, staggering towards the stairs after calling a lazy and exhausted, “G’night.”

Vernon is quick to take Chan’s spot, careless about the liquid splashing out of his cup from his swift movements.

You sigh, “There’s no way Chan’s going to be able to fall asleep when Seokmin and Seungkwan are having their own little karaoke session over there.”

Vernon shrugs and makes a comment about the unlimited energy they’ve had since birth before he starts talking about the latest show he’s been watching on Netflix. You barely hear anything he’s saying, and you don’t know if it’s because the racket has sunk its persistent teeth into your eardrums or because, for the first time since the party started, you spot Joshua in the sea of people.

He’s wearing a green sweater and shorts, not caring much for the almost unbearable heat in Mingyu’s living room as Seokmin grabs his hand and drags him over to the makeshift DJ booth. Seokmin pries the microphone from Seungkwan’s hands (but not without difficulty) and hands it over to a tipsy Joshua, cheeks flushed from the alcohol in his system.

“Hello, everyone, I’m Joshua,” he says into the mic, introducing himself and laughing when someone — Jeonghan, probably — shouts that everyone here already knows who he is, and people who don’t are likely not going to remember him by the time morning peeks its head over the horizon. “I’m gonna be singing Sunday Morning.”

“Oh, dude,” Seungkwan whines. “That’s not a party song — and it’s not even Sunday!”

“We need something a little more calm, don’t you think?” Joshua shrugs, expertly dodging Seungkwan’s attempts to get the mic back. “Besides, some people here are exhausted and want to sleep — look at Y/N!”

You jolt at the mention of your name, almost forgetting you’ve been staring at the stage. You straighten, pushing yourself off from the back of the couch and giving him the most genuine smile your worn-out self can muster.

“Let him sing, Seungkwan.”

You aren’t sure if they heard you, but nevertheless, Seokmin plays Joshua’s song. Eyes glazed and lips parted, your exhaustion refuses to let you care that care that you’re staring at Joshua in a way you know isn’t appropriate for a platonic relationship. You’re just about to drift into dreamland when Vernon nudges you out of your reverie.

He gives you a knowing look before bringing his cup to his lips. “When are you going to tell Joshua?”

“Oh, come on,” you huff, tearing your eyes off the DJ booth to look for Minghao. “What’d Hao tell you?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know before,” Vernon tuts like he’s almost disappointed you have these feelings in the first place (or because you’re less than willing to do anything about them). “You should tell him before the summer ends, otherwise someone else is going to fall in love with him and you’re going to beat yourself up for missing your chance.”

“Right,” you scoff. “You’re drunk, Vernon.”

“I’ve been drinking water this entire night. I’m driving people home later,” he corrects, unaware that you’ve already drowned out his voice, no longer wanting to hear what he has to say about your love life. “Besides, I think Joshua feels the same way about you.”

You aren’t sure if you hear him correctly, and your head is pounding too hard for you to care.

21 days before ━ Wednesday, 3:00 A.M.

“I’m gonna kill you.”

Joshua laughs, face illuminated by the glaring white light coming from the screen of his laptop. “Oh, that’s no way to talk to a friend.”

You pout. “A real friend wouldn’t wake me up at three in the morning to watch the new Conjuring movie,” you retort, keeping your voice low — something you hope you can do until the end of the movie because you’re sure your parents would not be happy to be woken up to you screaming because of something Joshua forced you to watch.

“We’re not watching The Conjuring,” he answers, leaning forward to search for the movie that’s bound to give you night terrors for at least a week. “We’re watching Fear Street. It’s a trilogy of mo—”

“We’re watching three movies?” you shriek. So much for staying quiet until the sun rises. “I didn’t sign up for that— Joshua, I’m so close to kicking you out right now.”

“You wouldn’t do that. It’s raining and Seungcheol would be incredibly pissed if he found out you got me sick,” he says. When he leans back against the headboard and looks at you, something dangerous sparks in his eyes. “Also you wouldn’t mind if I stayed the night, right? We’re all hanging out later, anyway.”

“Oh, yeah, karaoke, I almost forgot.” If you lose sleep tonight, there’s no doubt you’ll fall asleep while Seungkwan is belting out to Beyonce later, and the thought of having your guard down around Jeonghan is almost as terrifying as the horror movie category on Netflix. “Yeah, I don’t care, but you’re sleeping on the floor.”

“C’mon,” Joshua whines, resting his chin on your shoulder. Your breath hitches at the close proximity, “sleeping on your rug is itchy. I’m voluntarily protecting you from everything malicious during the witching hour and you repay me by making me sleep on the floor? What if the monster under your bed comes and—”

“OK, OK, OK,” you laugh, gently pushing him off you so you can breathe, ignoring how you can practically feel the absence of his breath against your cheek. “Fine, you can stay on the bed, but if you steal the blanket and I wake up freezing to death, then—”

“As if I would ever let you freeze to death,” Joshua scoffs. “Besides, it’s burning in here. If anything, you’d die from a heat stroke.”

“Oh, very comforting.”

Joshua cracks a grin. “I try,” he reaches over to pinch your cheek before saying, “Can we start the movie now?”

“No.”

“You can hold onto me whenever you get scared.”

“I’m going to be holding onto you for the entire thing, then.”

He shrugs. “That’s cool, I don’t mind.”

You have to clench your jaw to stop from smiling like an idiot and having him question the sudden change in your expression. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he confirms warmly, nearing his hand towards yours. When you finally take a hold of it, his expression becomes delicate, and you suddenly feel a slight fear of squeezing him too hard that you’ll break him. “Anything for you.”

You hope the universe loves you enough to ensure Joshua doesn’t notice your palms have gotten sweaty.

20 days before ━ Thursday, 4:54 A.M.

“Remember Spring Formal?”

You have to blink rapidly to wake yourself up, having almost fallen asleep after Joshua stopped talking a few moments ago. He called you in the middle of the night, saying sleep just wasn’t coming, and asked if you could stay on the phone with him until he got too exhausted to talk, but not without telling you that if you were tired he could just watch Netflix until the sun rose. You insisted on staying up for him because apparently, you’d do anything for love.

“Sorry?” you grumble, hoping your voice doesn’t sound as fatigued as you feel.

“Spring Formal, junior year. My mom made me wear that baby blue tie and took pictures of everyone standing on our porch as if it was graduation day or something.”

“Oh,” you murmur, the memories of the high school dance hit, and you’re suddenly springing to full consciousness. You remember Minghao teaching Chan how to breakdance on the dance floor, Jihoon and Jun leaving early because Mingyu somehow accidentally spilled all of the punch on them (which you assumed Jihoon and Jun were slightly thankful for since they didn’t seem to want to be there anyway), and Seungcheol asking you to go as his date because he (stupidly) wanted to make someone jealous. But most importantly, you remember Joshua — in his atrocious blue tie and wrinkled suit — avoiding you for the entire night.

You still wonder what you did to have him act like that, but that was one of the few things Joshua vowed to never tell you.

“Yeah,” Joshua says softly. “Do you remember?”

You hum. “Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, I was just…” he pauses, and when you glance down at your phone screen, Joshua’s staring at his wall. His face is illuminated by the harsh light of his phone, but even with the lack of light, you can tell he’s pondering, which slightly concerns you since the worst type of pondering happens at this time of night. You know from experience. “I just remembered how horrible it was.”

You scoff out a laugh. “What?”

“I was so lonely,” he says. “I went to the dance alone, and I mean, I had Jeonghan and Soonyoung because they went stag too, but—”

“Didn’t you go to Winter Formal alone as well?”

“No, yeah, but that was by choice. For Spring Formal, I wanted—” he pauses again, this time more abruptly and it worries you. Before you have a chance to ask him to continue, he does so himself, “I wanted to go with someone and they were already going with someone else.”

A childish pang of hurt spreads throughout your chest. “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, they were…” he purses his lips as he searches for the right words, before he looks back towards the screen, something akin to surprise spreading across his face as if he forgot he was on a call with you. “They were nice.”

“Who was it?”

“Oh, you don’t know them.”

You frown. “It was kind of a small school, Joshua.”

“You didn’t know them,” he repeats before he starts to slide down until his head hits his pillow and he’s no longer leaning against the headboard. “I’m gonna sleep now. Goodnight.”

“Goodn—” you say quickly as confusion tilts your lips downwards and the call is ended. Joshua’s face bright with blue light disappears in an instant, and everything is dark.

19 days before ━ Friday, 5:46 A.M.

You’re so used to the feeling of waking up voluntarily that you almost forgot the frustration that floods your body when you’re forced to be pulled out of sleep.

You hear Joshua kick something on your floor. “God, your room is a mess.”

Throwing the covers over your head and squeezing your eyes, you grumble. “It’s three in the morning.”

You half-hope that the clenching of your fists is enough to make Joshua disappear because as much as you enjoy the sound of his voice and the way his eyes crinkle into crescent moons when he smiles, there is nothing you hate more than waking up before your body is satisfied with the amount of sleep it’s gotten.

Early alarm clocks are for September, and August is nowhere near its end.

“It’s actually five a.m.,” Joshua corrects, still standing in your room and sounding like he has no intention of leaving. “Nice try, though.”

With an over-exaggerated groan, you peel the blanket off your head and glare at Joshua, who is staring out your window. “What do you want?”

“Hm, nice to see you too, Sleeping Beauty,” he hums with what sounds like sarcastic affection, but when he glances over at you, the tenderness in his expression is too warm to be fake. “Get up, we’ve got somewhere to be.”

You ignore his demand. “What time did you wake up?”

“Running on thirty minutes of sleep,” Joshua grins. “Which is why I need you. I don’t trust myself behind the wheel, so you’re driving.”

“Huh?” you blurt out. “Did you walk here? Your house is fifteen minutes away.”

“No, I called a taxi,” he shrugs, picking up your car keys and tossing them onto your bed by your feet. “Get off your ass, Y/N! It’s time for an adventure!”

You groan. “Call Jeonghan instead.”

“I’d rather hang out with you,” he says. Your heartbeat patters against your ribcage, and you find that his words have a tremendous effect on you, even if he just woke you up while exhaustion is tearing apart your seams. “Please? I’ll buy you coffee cake from that bakery by the mall.”

You sigh. “Fine.”

He smiles when you fully take off the covers. “Can’t believe you’re only doing this for cake.”

“I’m not,” you murmur truthfully. “I like hanging out with you.”

Joshua tilts his head, smile widening. “Aw—”

“But I prefer doing it when the sun is up.”

“The sun is up! Way to ruin the moment!”

18 days before ━ Saturday, 6:17 A.M.

Some people take photos to remember things. Joshua, on the other hand, makes Spotify playlists.

It’s because he has a nasty memory from seventh grade, where all the photos he took on his family’s road trip ended up being ruined from something spilling at the bottom of his backpack, and another memory of Soonyoung accidentally deleting everything from his camera roll the summer after that.

A picture can say a thousand words, but Joshua insists a photo doesn’t hold a candle to his 2018 me and chan just crashed jihoon’s car playlist (which consists of overplayed pop songs that Joshua shudders to when he hears them because that chilly autumn night in 2018 is something he does not want to relive).

“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” he muses into the dead of night while you’re lying in his backyard.

“I’m aware.”

“No, I—” his eyebrows furrow and he flips his phone so you’re staring at his screen. “Why’d you put Sunday Morning on here?”

The two of you had driven around town a few hours after hanging out with Seokmin and Minghao at their new jobs at the arcade, and Joshua somehow managed to convince you to create a Spotify playlist on his phone even though you’re prone to carsickness. One glance at a device while a vehicle is moving and your head just starts killing you.

But, Joshua had argued when you protested, I want to remember today.

“Oh, I added it because it’s your favourite song, and it was a good day, right?” you say a little dismissively. “Now whenever it plays, you’ll think of me.”

Joshua straightens. “That’s nice of you,” he whispers. “I hope you don’t expect me to put your favourite song in this playlist, though. Your taste in music is horrible.”

“OK, what the fuck?” you scoff, squinting at him. “That was so uncalled for!”

“I was just telling the truth!”

“I literally hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Oh, I definitely do.”

“OK,” he grins. “Sure. I’ll take your word for it then.”

17 days before ━ Sunday, 7:57 A.M.

You could never get sick of Joshua.

The moment the thought pops in your head, you realize it’s cheesy. You suppose you can blame all of your corny thoughts as symptoms of puppy-dog lovesickness, but no amount of denial will change the fact that you will truly never get sick of Joshua Hong.

Your feelings for him came like razor-sharp teeth. They bit into your heart, scarred the flesh, and the marks never healed.

This is why you’re up before you even have to be, sitting on Minghao’s back porch while your best friend goes through his supposed ‘well-thought-out plan’ to get Jeonghan back for the countless pranks he pulled on everyone a few weeks ago. However, Joshua’s well-thought-out plan consists of watching a bucket of ice melt.

“This is the best you could think of?” you mutter disapprovingly. “There’s no way all of this is melting before everyone wakes up.”

“Don’t be such a pessimist,” he tuts, “and also I was scared he was gonna wake up if I turned on the tap.”

“Oh my God.”

“What? I have to be careful.”

You pout, rubbing your eyes to get rid of the sleep. “And why do I have to be up for this?”

“Because I love you,” he says casually, and because he has always been the type to drop affectionate comments like this with no regard for what it does to your heart. But then, as if he notices the surprise piercing through your features, he adds, “and also ‘cause this bucket is too heavy to carry by myself.”

You smile nevertheless, finding the slight flush in his cheeks endearing and decide that flustering Joshua is probably better than being asleep upstairs on the floor of Minghao’s bedroom, where the rug is too itchy and the blanket is too small to share with Mingyu.

Later, though, you realize that it’s probably best to think twice before getting involved in one of Joshua’s schemes (or, you know, double-check what pyjamas Jeonghan was wearing before dumping a bucket of ice-cold water on poor, innocent Jihoon).

16 days before ━ Monday, 8:19 A.M.

The kitchen reeks. A total of six burnt pancakes lie on two separate plates, three on each, meant for Jeonghan and Minghao since they couldn’t stop laughing at you and Joshua’s failed attempt at a prank yesterday. Minghao didn’t even care that you got his floors wet because Jihoon’s hostile expression added ten years to his lifespan.

The plan was to just make breakfast for Jihoon, but apparently, pancakes are harder to make than you thought (truth be told, you got distracted several times, but it’s your fault for allowing yourself to be easily entranced by Joshua Hong), so the burnt ones are going to Jeonghan and Minghao. Jeonghan, for always being a menace, and Minghao, for being an incredibly bad host.

After what feels like an infinite amount of attempts at cooking, you and Joshua have managed to make two decent pancakes before Jihoon wakes up to the smell of burnt breakfast. After high-fiving your best friend in success, you sit on one of the barstools and grab an apple from the bowl of fruit sitting in the middle of the kitchen island.

“So,” you begin as Joshua rests his elbows on the surface opposite you. “Are you and Vernon done stealing my snacks for your road trip back to university?”

Joshua grins cheekily. “Probably not. We’ve still got, what, a little over two weeks before we’re supposed to head back? There’s still time to raid your pantry until it’s completely empty.”

“You’re richer than me. Buy your own food.”

He pouts. “I like the stuff you buy, though.”

“You can get Pringles anywhere, Joshua.”

“But still.”

You blink. “But still what?”

He shrugs. “I like getting them from you.”

“But why?”

“God, you ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

Your eyes narrow, but before you can even argue with him about how the closest Walmart is a ten-minute walk from his house, Jihoon barges in with a bedhead and a scrunched nose.

“Oh, you guys are OK. I thought for a second you burned the house down.”

You shake your head, momentarily distracted from your conversation with Joshua. You don’t see him heave a silent sigh of relief. “No, but we made you breakfast!”

Jihoon blinks. “Are you going to poison me?”

Joshua scoffs. “We would never do that!”

"I don’t believe you— hey, get away from me!”

“They’re good pancakes!”

“Joshua, if you shove that thing down my mouth I swear I will kick you in the nuts so hard—”

“Whoa, I thought we were friends—”

“Not if you don’t get your grimy hands off me!”

15 days before ━ Tuesday, 9:48 A.M.

“Since when were you guys going camping?”

You’re shoving a towel into your already-full duffel bag when Joshua pops the question. You heard him happily talking to your parents five minutes before he came upstairs and leaned against your doorframe, and in those five minutes, someone must’ve told him you’re leaving the comfort of your own bed for three days with Seungkwan, Chan, Seokmin, and Seungcheol because he’s staring at you like you did something wrong. Cue the accusatory statement in three, two...

“And why didn’t you invite me?”

There it is.

“You hate camping.”

“I do not.”

“Oh, come on, Joshua,” you say exasperatedly, “I know you better than I know myself.”

He throws you a look of annoyance, but you’re right and he knows it. You’ve known him for a decade, and in those past ten years, you’ve learnt his faults, memorized his flaws, noticed the little things, scrawled his fears and his habits and stored them in a file cabinet in the back of your mind.

You have known him since he was twelve, held his hand when he needed you most, loved him for most of his life even though he thought you would get sick of him by fourteen.

You love him. And you know him.

But he tries to convince you otherwise.

“And when Seungkwan asked you if you wanted to come last week, you said no,” you add.

“That’s different, I didn’t know you were—” he cuts himself on. “Doesn’t matter. I changed my mind. When are you guys leaving?”

“Tomorrow. But Joshua—”

“Just tell Seungkwan I’m coming,” he interrupts and sends you a teasing, albeit tight, smile, “C’mon, summer vacation is almost over. Is it a crime that I want to spend the rest of it with you?”

You pause. “With just me?”

He waits a beat, registers your words, then straightens his spine. “And everyone else.”

“Right.”

He has no idea the type of effect he has on you.

“OK,” you nod, reaching for your phone on your bed. “I’ll tell Seungkwan.”

Joshua beams and your heart stutters.

14 days before ━ Wednesday, 10:32 A.M.

“Guys, Chan’s drooling on my shoulder!”

“Would you stop whining?”

“But it’s disgusting!”

“Joshua, Seungkwan, shut up.”

This camping trip was a mistake.

The van you guys rented is big enough, though, that you’re not all squished together with your stuff, but it doesn’t prevent loudness and arguments. You’re sitting in the back with Seokmin playing an oddly competitive game of Pictionary while Joshua and Chan sit in the middle row. Seungkwan’s in the passenger seat (“I am not handing over the music privileges to you guys. What kind of person do you think I am?”) while Seungcheol suffers in the driver’s seat, begging everyone to stay quiet so he doesn’t get distracted while driving.

Seungcheol prays to himself that the energy in everyone’s system will eventually dwindle into nothing in the next hour or so because the shouts coming from you and Seokmin mixed with Joshua’s complaints and Seungkwan’s favourite Girls’ Generation song are causing Seungcheol’s ears to ring. If he knew the trip to the campsite would be this unbearable, he would never have come.

Chan eventually awakens, scowling at everyone for being so rowdy, and asks Seungcheol to stop at the nearest gas station so he can use the bathroom.

When Seungcheol pulls up at the Shell gas station—but not without difficulty, since Seungkwan and Chan were arguing about which exit to take—Joshua jumps at the chance to negotiate with Seokmin about the seating arrangement.

Seokmin immediately shakes his head. “No way. Y/N and I have to finish this game in order to declare the Pictionary champion.”

“But Chan drools,” Joshua argues helplessly.

“So? I don’t want to get drooled on either. Just sit back here.”

“But then I’ll feel bad if I leave him alone,” he says. “Come on. I’ll let you use my sleeping bag.”

Seokmin perks up. “The good one?”

Joshua winces. You can see him regretting the bargain already. Whenever you lend Seokmin anything, he always gives it back in a worse condition. “Yes.”

“And all your mini KitKats.”

“What? No—”

“If you want,” you interrupt, “I can just sit with Chan.”

Joshua shoots down your suggestion immediately. “Nah, I want to sit with you,” he turns back to Seokmin. “Fine, I’ll give you my bag of mini KitKats. But only if you share some with me.”

“Deal!” Seokmin smiles, clumsily making his way to the middle row of the van, followed by Joshua climbing over the seats to sit next to you.

“Hi,” he says a little breathlessly. His eyes shine with excitement.

“Hi,” you reply. “Was sitting with Chan really that bad?”

“No,” he responds. He leans back, throwing his head against the headrest before turning slightly to meet your gaze in the corner of his eye. With a lazy smile, he adds, “But I’d rather be back here.”

“Aw, you love me.”

“No, there’s just more room here,” he scrunches his nose. “You just happen to be here, too.”

You snort and shake your head, deciding not to reply. When you glance out the window, you see Seungkwan and Chan chasing each other outside the station while Seungcheol’s inside paying for their stuff.

You stifle a laugh and take your phone out to record your friends, unbeknownst to the fact that Joshua’s staring at you with the smallest of smiles on his face.

13 days before ━ Thursday, 11:16 A.M.

The sun beats down on your back and covers you in so many layers of warmth you think you might collapse due to the heat. If you listen closely, you can hear the boys swimming down the lake; Seokmin screams as Seungcheol dunks his head in the water, Chan’s laughter, and Seungkwan’s shouts. You’re slowly starting to regret not going there with them, but all it takes is one glance at Joshua swatting away mosquitoes and those thoughts are forgotten.

You ignore his grunts of frustration as you try and set up the grill that’s on the campsite. Eventually, he grows tired of the lack of attention he’s receiving from you and snaps his fingers in front of your face before complaining, “Why’d I let you convince me to come to this thing?”

His statement elicits a gasp to fall from your lips. “Me? Convince you to come to this?” you repeat incredulously. “Don’t pin this on me! You were the one that was pouting about not being invited—”

“But you should know me well enough to tell me not to come.”

“Please tell me you’re fucking with me right now.”

He sighs. “Sorry,” he says. “You’re right, I’m just— this might actually be, like, the worst decision of my life.”

You snort. “You’re so overdramatic.”

“You would be acting like this too if mosquitoes were sinking their mouths into your skin and sucking you dry of blood,” he says, flicking something off his shoulder while you peacefully grab the hotdogs and place them on the grill. “These things are out to kill me, Y/N. I’ll either be dead or swollen with bites by the end of this trip.”

“I’m sure you’ll still look cute with fifty million mosquito bites on your face,” you coo. The next thing he swats away is your hand reaching over to pinch his cheek. “Or, if that doesn’t work out, just sweep the people off their feet. Surely the bugs aren’t sucking away your charm, too, right?”

“Ha ha,” he deadpans. “You’re so funny. I’m not gonna be flirting with anyone if my face is gonna be red from all the itching.”

“It’s not like you’ve been flirting with anyone this summer, anyway. Unless—” you gasp dramatically, placing a hand to your chest as if a lightbulb just went off above your head, “Do you have a significant other that you’re hiding from me, Joshua Hong?” When Joshua doesn’t react to your joke, merely staring at you blankly, your smile falters. “Joshua?”

He clicks his tongue before shaking his head. He looks at you like you’re the weird uncle at Thanksgiving who doesn’t know how to read a room. You feel like you’ve missed something, a memo of some sort, or that you’ve said something wrong, but before you have a chance to ask if everything’s alright, Joshua heaves a sigh, “You really are something, aren’t you?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I’m not dating anyone, you idiot, otherwise you would know,” he scoffs, then crosses his arms. “How about you? Hiding anyone from me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you turn your back on him to check on the hotdogs. “I’ve been hanging out with you every second this summer, d’you really think I’d be able to hide something that big for so long? The closest thing I’ve had to romance this past year is the stupid blind dates Seokmin forces me to go to.”

When Joshua speaks, his voice sounds slightly strained and nervous, “And did any of them go well?”

“Nope,” you answer as you turn around. “Each one was a total failure. Anyway, are you just going to stand there or are you going to at least help set up this lunch? I’m not a servant, Hong.”

Joshua rolls his eyes but you spot a hint of a smile when he goes to grab the hotdog buns and condiments.

12 days before ━ Friday, 12:39 P.M.

Yesterday, after Seokmin got back from swimming, he was staring at you and Joshua with a knowing grin, eyes shining with mischief. Later that night, he asked if anything happened—from the vibes he got from both of you, he assumed something did, and when you only stared at him in annoyance, he sighed and exasperatedly asked if you and Joshua were a thing now.

“Absolutely not!” you had cried. “Seokmin, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Minghao told me you guys were on the brink of entering a relationship—”

“That fucking loudmouth—”

“Whoa!” Seokmin exclaimed, “Don’t talk about Minghao like that!”

Now, Seokmin has taken it upon himself to force you and Joshua together. He suggested you both head down to the tiny convenience store on the campsite to get food for everyone. You’ve become victim to another Lee Seokmin Set-Up

And you’re pissed.

Joshua’s been sending you concerned looks ever since the both of you began your walk to the store, but he tries to fill the silence with bad jokes and stories about the outlandish adventures he and Vernon got themselves into during college. When his attempts to get you to talk are fruitless, he corners you in the chips aisle, almost scaring you half to death when he sneaks up on you

You can feel the warmth of his body and your hands begin to sweat.

“Alright,” he begins with slight irritation, “will you tell me what’s going on with you?”

Stupidly, you blink. “Huh?”

“You’re being really weird,” he says. “You won’t talk to me. You’ve been sulking. Did something happen in the past few hours that I completely missed or—?”

“I’m fine,” you scoff, pushing Joshua away. He doesn’t falter, though, and follows you as you squeeze past two middle schoolers to get to the candy aisle. “Minghao just got into Seokmin’s head. They think they know me so well all of a sudden.”

Behind you, Joshua clicks his tongue. “Can you elaborate?”

You sigh. “Minghao and Seokmin talk. Seokmin decides to play Cupid.”

“What, like he’s gonna set you up on a date?”

You look at Joshua. He stares back, waiting for an answer, and then you shrug. “Sure, yeah.”

“Like with someone back at college?”

You, Seokmin, and Minghao go to the same university—it’s about an hour or so away from your hometown, so it’s not that far away. There, almost everyone knows Seokmin, which means everyone knows you as the friend Seokmin’s always setting up dates for. It’s a reputation you don’t want but he insists on upholding it.

Joshua, who goes to school across the country, hears about your failed blind dates every once in a while. You don’t tell him every date you’ve been on, in fear of annoying him, but you’re sure he somehow hears about them from Seokmin, anyway.

His eyes flicker when the topic is brought up. He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, crosses his arms over his chest, and stares at you, waiting for an answer. It’s intimidating, but when you dismiss the topic with a shake of your head and a simple—

“...Uh, sure. Yeah. But I’m not going through with it.”

—his alarming demeanour deflates. Disappears so fast you can’t even comment on it.

Sometimes, you like toying with the idea that maybe Joshua might like you back. It’s the gentle touch of his fingers and the way the corners of his lips lift at one of your jokes. It’s the way he acts, the way he looks at you, that makes you believe that you have a chance.

But then the fear crawls in. The second-guessing. And you shake every thought away.

You give Joshua a weak smile. “Come on, let’s get going before Chan starts complaining we took too long.”

11 days before ━ Saturday, 1:27 P.M.

Apparently, the best time to go bowling is three hours after you, Joshua, Seungcheol, Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Chan have arrived home from the camping trip. In an attempt to get everyone to come, Soonyoung says to think of it as the last hurrah before your last year as undergrads, and when you say that you’d rather stay home, Soonyoung tells Joshua to drag you along anyway.

So, here you are.

It’s surprisingly more fun than you expected. In the beginning, your exhaustion is easy to ignore, especially since everyone’s decided to ditch the traditional rules of bowling. Mingyu gets down on his stomach and pushes his ball towards the pins with all the strength he can muster but it only ends up in the gutter; when everyone in your lane laughs, Mingyu rolls his eyes playfully and reminds them that he’s still winning.

Jihoon scoffs from beside you. “Only by, like, three points!”

Mingyu sticks his tongue out at him.

However, as more rounds of bowling pass, the more evident your fatigue becomes—noticing this, Jeonghan decides to raise the stakes for the last game. Whoever loses, he declares, has to buy lunch for the friend group tomorrow, and just like he predicted, all your friends perk up. Competition ignites the adrenaline in everyone’s bodies and motivates them to do well. After all, who wants to lose their money?

But the adrenaline isn’t enough for you.

You just have to knock three pins down and you’ll have a chance of coming in any place but last. But you mess up and miss. The chance of getting a spare disappears.

You groan as you turn around, meeting Joshua’s eyes as he stands up for his turn. He’s the last one, and you’re sure that his impeccable aim will be the cause of the dent in your bank account tomorrow. He squeezes your shoulder when you pass by him and throws you one of his encouraging smiles before letting go and walking towards the alley.

Slumping into the spot beside Vernon, you frown and ignore his sympathetic pat on your shoulder. You almost can’t bring yourself to watch Joshua, but it’s always been difficult for you to take your eyes off him—he draws you in like a moth to a flame. You watch the flick of his wrists, notice how he drops the ball too early, and you stare at the bowling ball as it drifts closer and closer to—

“GUTTER!” Seokmin exclaims so loudly you jump.

While everyone stands to celebrate, you stay seated, waiting for the inevitable moment when Joshua will turn and look for you. And when he does, he shrugs, as if it’s no big deal, and he’s pulled away as Jeonghan slings an arm over his shoulder and drags him towards the counter where everyone goes to return their bowling shoes

On your way to the exit, you think you hear Vernon mutter something to Joshua in front of you—“You fumbled that on purpose, didn’t you?”—but the chance to ponder Vernon’s murmured words is taken away from you when Joshua glances over his shoulder, grins at you, and asks if you need a ride home.

“Yeah,” you say softly, “that’d be nice.”

Vernon gives you a knowing look as Joshua drags you towards his car.

10 days before ━ Sunday, 2:09 P.M.

The first time you meet Joshua, you’re both at Denny’s.

You’re dressed head-to-toe in patterns that don’t compliment each other—your mom still insists on calling you a fashionista every time she shows the photos at family gatherings—and he’s paired a Pikachu shirt with baggy khaki shorts. Even at eleven, wearing mismatched socks and a haircut he’ll soon grow to regret, Joshua oozes charisma. He’s popular amongst his peers, loved by his teachers, adored by his neighbours.

And you’re afraid of him.

Only slightly. You’ve seen him around while walking with your mom at the park. He’s always with his rather large group of friends: a band of loud, boisterous, and mischievous boys. You make sure to steer clear from them, in fear that your mother will force you to introduce yourself. She’s worried about you. The move to this new town has been anything but easy, and she wants you to spend the summer before eighth grade with people your own age. She doesn’t want you to be alone.

But you’re only alone for a few weeks. Because Joshua Hong speaks to you for the first time when you’re picking up lunch for your family.

Altogether, his friends take up two booths—you’ve noticed that they’re always together. Brothers, attached to the hip—but he stands to the side while he waits for his milkshake. He gives you a polite smile when you stand near him after giving your order, the change in your pocket making faint clinking noises whenever you move a muscle.

“Hi,” he says after a few moments. “You just moved to the neighbourhood, right?”

You blink thrice before realizing he’s talking to you. “Um.”

“Small town,” he briefly explains, “you kind of find out the latest news quickly, even if you’re not paying much attention. Anyway—I’m Joshua.”

“Oh,” you say, hesitantly shaking his hand. “I’m Y/N.”

“Cool,” he says, not unkindly. Despite the awkward tension clogging the air, he grins. “Since you’re new here, you should hang out with me and my friends! We can show you around, give you an exclusive tour. All expenses paid.”

“Oh. That sounds nice—”

“We don’t bite,” he interrupts. “Well, except Soonyoung. But he only does that sometimes.”

“Well. That’s nice of you to offer, but—”

“C’mon!” he says. There’s a certain way he says things. Gentle and kind. Nothing you’d expect from a boy your age. “It’ll be fun!”

Despite yourself, you give him an uneasy smile. “OK. I will.”

“Awesome! Here, this is my house’s phone number…”

You meet Joshua at Denny’s. The same one you and your friends are currently occupying (well, more like disturbing. You’re bound to be kicked out soon for how loud you’re being).

Given the fact that Joshua is about to enter his last year of college and he’s extremely broke, everyone gave him the benefit of the doubt after he lost the bowling game yesterday. It’s only fair that, if he’s paying for lunch, he gets to choose where to eat—and he chose his cheapest option.

You volunteered to share your plate of fries with him so he doesn’t have to buy a meal for himself. You’ve never seen him look so thankful.

The current topic of conversation revolves around humiliating middle school memories and Jeonghan has brought up rather incriminating videos of tween Joshua Hong. Everyone bursts into laughter so loud that the waitresses are side-eyeing your table, but the group can’t seem to bring themselves to care. Chatter overlaps. Seungcheol talks about his high-pitched voice. Mingyu talks about his outfit. Chan imitates his actions.

And as you’re about to point out how worryingly upset Joshua got over a game of basketball in Soonyoung’s driveway, your best friend catches your eye, and the laughter climbing up your throat halts—a few stuttered chuckles pass your lips and disappear into the air with your friends’ digs and comments. Nobody notices you falter.

But you don’t blame them. It’s subtle, the way your face softens once your eyes meet Joshua’s, and the only person who seems to have noticed the slight change in your behaviour is him. His lips quirk up as if this was the reaction he was expecting—as if he caught your eye on purpose just to see you fumble.

Your heart stutters.

You grab your milkshake and chug in hopes that the liquid is enough to drown the butterflies in your stomach.

9 days before ━ Monday, 3:53 P.M.

You hate grocery shopping. Being in a grocery store is the equivalent of getting sucked into a black hole with no hope of getting out. But alas, Mingyu needs food for the barbecue he’s hosting at his house tomorrow, and the people he recruited for his late afternoon Walmart adventure is you and Joshua. He believes the two of you will get the job done quickly.

He’s incredibly wrong.

In order to be efficient, everyone has split up. Like Mingyu, you’re hoping to get this over and done with quickly, but the list of foods he’s given you is written in an unforgiving chicken scrawl. You’ve managed to make out cheese, milk, and UNSALTED butter, but, unfortunately, the last item on the list isn’t so easy to crack. You’ve been staring at it for three minutes.

As your brain attempts to decode Mingyu’s writing, you don’t notice Joshua sneaking up behind you. He’s been calling your name for the last ten seconds, hoping you’d be able to know the different types of pasta he’s holding in his hand. But you don’t respond. He frowns in frustration and taps your shoulder, startling you so badly that it causes you to lose your footing.

God, you didn’t even see the bright yellow wet floor sign until now.

Joshua catches you. The pasta he was previously holding falls to the ground.

For what feels like an eternity, he stares, eyes flickering over your face like he’s trying to take in every detail. In all the years you’ve known him, you’ve never been this close to him before. You can spot faint freckles on the bridge of his nose, you can count the number of eyelashes on each eye, you study the curve of his Cupid’s bow.

“HEY!”

And then Joshua drops you.

Not even five seconds later, Mingyu’s towering over you as you lay on the floor.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” he scolds. He doesn’t even let you guys reply before he’s shaking his head in what seems to be disappointment. “I’ve been scouring the aisles trying to find you two, and when I do find you, you’re staring into each other’s eyes. Jesus. Can’t you do that some other time?”

When you glance at Joshua, he’s redder than a tomato.

8 days before ━ Tuesday, 4:30 P.M.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think the entire town was currently in Mingyu’s backyard.

Your parents are around here somewhere, mingling with other attendees of the barbecue, unlike you, who’s chosen to lounge in the poolside chairs with Minghao instead. You two have been sitting in silence for a while, thoroughly entertained by the highly competitive arm-wrestling match a few feet away, and you almost forgot Minghao’s next to you until he says, “We have seven days until they leave, you know.”

Your eyes flit over to Joshua and Vernon, who are talking to Jihoon’s parents. In a week, the two boys will be making their way back to university, and you’ll only be able to contact them online. And even then, you still have to navigate around timezones and each other’s schedules—so, all in all, keeping in touch is going to be a headache.

It’s comedic how often you go through this routine. For the entire school year, you try to stop Joshua from lingering in the crevices of your mind, but all effort goes to waste once summer vacation begins. When you’re both back at home, all memory of the frustratingly laggy FaceTime calls and missed text messages is thrown out the window. For two months, the feelings you hoped disappeared come crawling back, attaching to you like a leech; marking your soul.

This is what happened last year. And the year before that. And then the year before that.

Minghao speaks again. “When are you going to tell him?” he asks. “Because I, for one, can’t watch you pine over him forever. At some point, this has to end.”

“You know it’s not that easy,” you murmur. “I can’t lose him.”

“Oh, please,” Minghao scoffs as you catch Joshua’s eye. He grins brightly and lifts his hand up to wave, “pigs will start flying before you lose Joshua Hong.”

7 days before ━ Wednesday, 5:39 P.M.

Nerves dance across your skin when the afternoon reaches its end. Joshua’s kicking people out of his house when you catch the mischievous glint in Minghao’s eyes and the way he and Seokmin look at each other while they’re slipping on their shoes. Like there’s an inside joke you don’t know about.

They’re plotting something.

“So!” Seokmin exclaims once he’s tied his shoelaces. Joshua gives him his full attention after shouting curses at Seungcheol for stepping on the newly done front yard. “Thanks for hosting movie night, Joshua.”

“It was more like movie afternoon,” he corrects before narrowing his eyes, “but you’re welcome? Why are you acting so weird?”

“I have absolutely no idea what you mean!”

“You’ve never thanked me for anything before—” he says suspiciously, “and you sound so chipper.”

Minghao hums. “What a strange comment. Seokmin is always chipper.”

“I know, but—”

“Anyway,” Minghao interrupts, “We better get going. I need to drive Seokmin over to the dentist for an appointment and we’re running late. Y/N, I know I promised to give you a ride home, but I can’t anymore. You’ll be fine, right? Joshua’s got you?”

Too late, you realize what they’re doing.

Your jaw drops. “Wait, what?”

Minghao’s already pushing Seokmin out the door when he adds, “Plus, you can tell him that thing we talked about yesterday!”

Joshua frowns. “What thing?”

“The thing!”

“MINGHAO.”

He grins, evil and malicious. “See you tomorrow!” he exclaims. Seokmin cries out a goodbye too, but not without wiggling his eyebrows. You watch in shock as the two boys stumble down the driveway in laughter before splitting off—Minghao to his car, and Seokmin to his.

Behind you, Joshua says, “I thought Minghao said he needed to drive Seokmin to the dentist?”

You scowl. “Those bi—”

Joshua taps your shoulder, forcing you to turn around and look at him. He stares at you with a look of concern that causes the butterflies in your stomach to flutter.

“What did you need to tell me?”

“What?”

“Minghao said you had a thing,” he says, crossing his arms while you stand by the doorframe. All it takes is one step back and you’ll be outside, free from the situation your friends have pushed you into. But you wouldn’t be able to make it far. Joshua’s faster than you are—more persistent than you are. From the look on his face, he’s desperate to know what it is you’re hiding from him.

Oh, this is terrible.

You try to throw him off. “It’s nothing important.”

Joshua scoffs. “Bull. I know when you’re lying to me.”

A sigh escapes your lips. “Joshua—”

“C’mon,” he crosses his arms over his chest, “I’ve known you for ten years. Nothing fazes me. I was there for your goth phase, I’ve seen you at rock bottom and I’ve stuck by you despite the fact that you like putting pineapples on your pizza even though I believe it should be considered a felony. So just tell me! How bad could it possibly be, because it can’t be as bad as that time you—”

“I like you.”

His smile drops momentarily. “What?”

You swallow your pride. “I like you.”

Time ticks by slowly. You don’t know how long the two of you stand there. You don’t know how long he stays silent. Faintly, you think you hear the sound of a passing car and the chirping of birds, but you can only focus on Joshua. All you can ever focus on is Joshua.

Please speak, please speak, please speak, please say something, please speak, please please please please—

“I’m sorry, I—” he stops himself. “I d— I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve just— it’s risky, Y/N.”

You frown, unsure of the point he’s trying to make. “Huh?”

“It’s—” he sighs. Stops himself. Then: “It’s not a good idea.”

“My feelings aren’t a good idea?”

“That’s definitely not what I meant. I just think that we have a good thing going, you know?” he says with an awkward smile on his face. “Me and you, best friends.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Y/N—”

“I should probably get going.”

“What— are you walking? No, let me drive you.”

“It’s a short walk, Joshua.”

He reaches for his keys. “No, it’s really not—”

“Joshua.” He freezes, hand lingering on the doorknob. He’s only a foot away from you, but you feel like you’re suffocating. Taking a step back isn’t enough to relieve yourself. You need to be able to breathe. You need more space.

You need to get away from him.

You sniff. “I’d rather walk.”

When you turn to leave, he doesn’t bother to follow.

6 days before ━ Thursday, 6:42 P.M.

stayc girls it’s going DOWNNNN groupchat members: you, minghao, seokmin

seokmin: y/n!!! everyone’s at the diner right now, are you coming?????

you: not today you: busy ): sorry

minghao: “busy” doing WHAT? you’ve been doing nothing all summer minghao: lie better

you: 👎

minghao: come onnnnn joshua’s here ;) ;)

you: sorry. maybe next time i’m really tired

seokmin: you just said you were busy

you: i can be BUSY and TIRED at the same time

seokmin: hmph seokmin: you better be coming next time

you: ofc

“Hey, Shua!”

Joshua, whose fingers linger over the keyboard on his phone, looks up. Minghao’s staring him down like he should be scared.

“What happened with Y/N last night?”

5 days before ━ Friday, 7:00 P.M.

joshua: hi joshua: sooooo joshua: i know ur mad at me and im really sorry. i understand why ur avoiding me but i don’t want that to stop you from hanging out with everyone joshua: so just a heads up: i’m not coming to karaoke tonight. you don’t have to worry about seeing me

Friday, 7:58 P.M.

joshua: damn i really thought you’d fall for that and show up 👎 joshua: i know i messed up big time but can we please just talk? i didn’t handle things well on wednesday, but can i explain why? joshua: you don’t owe me anything but i really need you to hear me out joshua: please, y/n

4 days before ━ Saturday, 8:19 P.M.

What do you do if your best friend doesn’t like you back? You avoid him at all costs.

What do you do if avoiding him results in you also avoiding your other friends? What do you do when they call you out on it?

You reluctantly allow them to drag you into their late-night adventures, becoming an accomplice to their shenanigans.

What do you do if the aforementioned adventures force you to face the best friend whose existence you’ve been trying to forget?

You suck it up.

A game of hide-and-seek in the park quickly sours your mood when your hiding spot in the small crevice under the playground is invaded by Joshua. He has plagued your mind for years on end, slashed your heart in two, and here he is again, violating your personal space. It is only when he settles across from you that he realizes he’s coincidentally ended up hiding with you, and upon sensing your annoyance he mutters a haste but sincere apology.

In the distance, you hear Seungcheol finish counting and only five seconds later you hear him shriek before shouting at Vernon about how immoral it is to scare him when it’s this dark outside.

Mind you, the sun only started to set ten minutes ago.

There’s minimal room in here. Joshua’s head hangs low because if he sits at his full height, he’ll bang his head against the platform above him. You’ve both pulled your knees to your chests, but one small move and your legs hit. You can hear his shallow breaths, his nervousness spiking when he hears Seungcheol approaching closer and closer.

“So,” he begins. You’re sure that he can’t speak any quieter, but just the sound of his voice has you dreading the possibility of Seungcheol hearing and finding you two. The winner of this game is awarded the last drink in the cooler and you’re extremely parched. You need to prevail.

You throw him a look. “Please shut up.”

“Y/N.”

“Joshua.”

“You’ve been avoiding me since Wednesday.”

“Oh,” you respond, unsure of the response he wants to hear. In the corner of your eye, you can see Wonwoo attempting to change hiding spots. “Well. Sorry.”

“I mean, I know why,” Joshua continues, his voice rising. “I didn’t handle things well, I said that in my texts, I’m not sure if you saw them, your read receipts are off, but—” he exhales, backtracking, “I just needed you to know that. You’re my best friend, you know, and—”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear,” you say urgently. “Now please be quiet otherwise Seungcheol’s—”

He ignores you. “I got spooked. And I was worried. I never told you this but I was planning on asking you to Spring Formal in junior year,” he smiles faintly at the memory. “But I backed out because you and I have always been this— we’ve always been friends. Nothing more and nothing less. And I thought that’s how we were supposed to be. But then you went with Seungcheol, and I felt something. Something I couldn’t pinpoint. ‘Cause I’ve liked people before, small crushes that come and go within a week, but I had never felt so strongly for anyone. Not like that. Not like this.

But you’ve been with me since we were in seventh grade and I didn’t want to ruin that. Not when we already don’t see each other because we’re on opposite sides of the country. You are—” he exhales. By now, you have already forgotten about the game. “You are the most important person in my life. And if I lose you, how am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to breathe?”

“Joshu—”

“Damn, you’re fucking loud.”

You yelp just as Seungcheol pokes his head into your hiding spot. There’s a glint in his eye, something that tells you he’s heard every word that’s been said, but instead of saying anything, he pats Joshua’s shoulder and says, “You’re done, guys. Still gotta find Soonyoung. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“No,” you say.

Seungcheol huffs. “God. Listen, I hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but can you help me find him? Because I’m in desperate need for this game to end—and he’s also my ride home, so finding him is vital for my survival.”

Joshua sighs before crawling out from under the playground, leaving you speechless and alone as darkness slowly sweeps the park and engulfs you whole.

3 days before ━ Sunday, 9:00 P.M.

You have always hated the rain. You despise the way it sticks to your skin. Loathe the way it patters against the car windows, always coming back despite your windshield’s greatest efforts to wipe it away.

And yet, here you are, soaked head to toe on Joshua’s doorstep.

There is only one car in the driveway, so you assume his parents are out, which means there is no one to witness your inevitable humiliation except for the person you care about most. So, you think you could count that as a win.

The moment you push the doorbell, you hold your breath. A small part of you hopes he doesn’t answer and your pathetic, drenched self can trudge home in defeat, but then you hear footsteps coming towards the entrance and two moments later, the door swings open. Joshua’s hair is dishevelled and he’s wearing his favourite red Coca-Cola shirt that he’s had since he was sixteen. His lips part and his eyebrows rise once he registers that you’re standing in front of him.

Then suddenly, you’re filled with rage.

You don’t know what triggers it. Maybe it’s the humidity or the raindrop that lands on your eye, or maybe it’s just seeing Joshua that causes your blood to boil. The words he said yesterday still linger in the back of your mind.

Before you can control yourself, you spit out, “You’re an idiot.”

Clearly, he didn’t expect that. “Oh. Hi to you too.”

“And do you know why you’re an idiot?”

“I’d really love to know.”

“I don’t know what you were thinking yesterday when you confessed to me and then left before I even got to register what you said—that’s a dick move! You didn’t even give me a chance to reply and by the time I fully got my head wrapped around what you said it was already, like, midnight—”

He suppresses a grin. “It took you four hours to process that?”

“I was in shock, Joshua, it took forever to wear off,” you scowl before continuing to ramble on, “and I was going to come talk to you in the morning but then my mom took my car to work and it started raining so I decided to wait it out, but it’s not stopping, so I ran here and— yes, I know, I’m soaking wet but—” you exhale, throwing your hands up in exasperation, “I just wanted to tell you that you really are something, Joshua. A full-blown fool—”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes! What you said yesterday about losing me was bullshit. You have to know it’s bullshit. God, I—” you scoff out a laugh, “I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen. I’m in love with you even though you’re a gigantic pain in the ass who blasts rock music at dawn and send all your text messages with those stupid iMessage effects. My feelings for you have consumed me, Joshua, and despite it all, I still love you, and if that doesn’t prove anything then—mmph!”

You don’t notice just how close Joshua’s gotten until he slants his lips over your own, interrupting you. As your eyes flutter shut, his hands reach up to gently cradle your face while you wrap yours around his neck. When you inhale, all you can smell is the coconut shampoo you bought him for his birthday, and you’re not sure if it’s the scent that makes you dizzy or if it’s Joshua’s lip against yours, reluctant and slow as if he can’t believe this is happening.

When he pulls away, he keeps his forehead on yours before giving you a radiant smile.

“I love you,” he mouths.

Your heart leaps.

“I love you, too.”

2 days before ━ Monday, 10:17 P.M.

“Does anyone know where Joshua and Y/N are?” Mingyu asks as he picks at the raisins in the trail mix he’s sharing with Seungkwan. “I haven’t heard from them in a while.”

Seungkwan frowns. “When was the last time you talked to them?”

“Oh, I texted them an hour ago.”

“You really are something, you know that?”

“Thanks!”

“That was not a compliment—”

“Minghao!” Wonwoo interrupts before the two boys next to him get carried away. “Have you heard from them?”

Minghao hums nonchalantly, briefly thinking about the multiple texts he received from Joshua in the last twelve hours: first a picture of you asleep on Joshua’s bed, blanket all the way up to your chin despite the tenacious heat. Then at noon, Joshua sends a picture of you and him eating leftover Chinese takeout while playing Mario Kart (you won, for the record. Joshua doesn’t bother to acknowledge it). And then at seven, Minghao gets a text saying that you and Joshua will not be in attendance of Soonyoung, Seungkwan, and Seokmin’s Last Day of Summer Eve get-together.

Not up for it, Joshua had said, which Minghao interpreted as: I would rather avoid the teasing and questions about our relationship for as long as I possibly can.

So, Minghao shrugs, answering Wonwoo’s question with a sly smile. “Haven’t heard from them.”

Wonwoo narrows his eyes. “Really? You’re not lying?”

“Mhm!”

Soonyoung snorts. “Maybe they’re making out right now.”

Silence.

And then, all eyes are on Minghao.

“Wait a second—” Jun says.

Wonwoo gasps and points an accusatory finger at Minghao. “So you did lie!”

The latter scoffs. “I didn’t even say anything!”

Seungcheol begins flapping his arms frantically, scrambling for his phone. “Everyone call them right now.”

Incredulously, Jihoon says, “Everyone?”

“They’ll have to answer one of us.”

“What if we just raided one of their houses to see if they’re there. Give them a nice surprise.”

“Seokmin, no.”

1 day before ━ Tuesday, 11:33 P.M.

Seungcheol is holding an empty can of beer, slightly buzzed, when he tells Joshua he’s surprised he managed to tell you about his feelings before summer reached its end. The confession may have happened days before he’s scheduled to leave, but Seungcheol’s proud nonetheless. Better late than never, right?

He drums his fingers on the ground, legs dangling over the edge of the pool when he asks, “So, you guys are doing long distance?”

Joshua hums. “Gonna attempt to, yeah.”

Seungcheol nods. “Well, you two should be able to do it,” he says sincerely, eyes straying to you and Jeonghan arguing over the rules of water volleyball. “I mean, you two have always defied expectations, haven’t you?”

Joshua frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We had a betting pool on how long it’d take for one of you to confess,” Seungcheol begins, cutting Joshua off before he can ask any further questions, “which was years ago. We gave up on it by sophomore year of college. Most of us thought you’d be a thing before high school graduation, you know? Completely overestimated you guys.”

“Wow, thanks—”

“And it’s not like we didn’t try to help you, but you guys are the most stubborn people I’ve ever met!”

“I get it, Cheol.”

“If I had a dime for every time I heard, ‘oh, but they don’t like me like that, I don’t want to ruin our friendship,’ I’d have a fuckin’ yacht, man.”

Joshua scowls. “I get it, Seungcheol.”

The older boy throws his hands up in defence. “Just saying,” he chuckles. “But I’m happy for the both of you. Really.”

Joshua exhales, leaning back and throwing Seungcheol a grateful smile. “Thank you. You could’ve said that without the extra commentary, though.”

“Mm, no I really couldn’t.”

“Hey!” you exclaim from the other side of the pool. From the looks of it, you and Jeonghan have finally resolved your argument. “Are you two gonna keep on blabbering or are we finally going to play?”

In unison, Joshua and Seungcheol say, “We’re coming, we’re coming!”

Joshua slowly gets into the pool, leisurely swimming towards you. He wraps his arms around your torso despite your complaints about his cold fingers and kisses your shoulder while Jihoon and Wonwoo, appointed captains, decide their teams. You don’t notice the way Joshua’s eyes soften when you excitedly beg to be picked first, or the way his grip slightly tightens in hopes to keep you close for as long as possible. He knows the two of you will end up being split up, anyway—Wonwoo said himself that nobody wants to have both lovebirds on the same team.

When you eventually release yourself from his grip, teasing him about being picked while he still hasn’t, he scoffs, but he can’t control the laugh that escapes him; the happiness that envelopes him.

He still can’t comprehend the fact that, for years, you didn’t notice how hopelessly in love he was, but no matter—you know now. Besides, it’s not like he noticed your love for him, either.

Jihoon calls out his name and he’s snapped out of his daze.

You grin as he swims over to his teammates. “I’m gonna destroy you, Hong.”

He rolls his eyes. “Oh, you wish.”

At the sound of your laugh, Joshua becomes sure. Sure that this is it. He is to leave tomorrow and he doesn’t know how long it’ll be before he sees you again, but he’s convinced Seungcheol’s right—a few months at college has never torn you apart before, and it definitely won’t now. Joshua won’t let it, not when it took him a decade to get you. He isn’t letting you slip through his fingers.

He’ll be yours forever.

#joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua #seventeen #svt #joshua hong x reader #joshua x reader #joshua scenarios #svt scenarios #joshua fluff #svt fluff #joshua imagines #svt imagines #fic: golden hour

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writingonleaves · 5 months

Text

will you take a moment? promise me this (that you'll stand by me forever) - the blue au

universe: the blue au (clementine sandoval x hughes brothers x nico hischier)

warnings: swearing, mentions of death, more sadness than i intended originally, mentions of covid during one particular part, so so much fluff!!

title + based on: "long live" by taylor swift, "i'll always remember you" by hannah montana, "ribs" by lorde, "vienna" by billy joel, "home" by edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros and "a letter to my younger self" by ambar lucid. title from "long live"

word count: 14k

author's note: graduation / draft moments that technically take place before the first installment. though you should read the first part for context if you haven't yet! romance who? we ride and die with found family. i def made myself cry a few times writing this. happy american thanksgiving to all those who celebrate. hold your family and loved ones close. hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think <3

2018 - dallas, texas

i wish you love, i wish you luck

for you, the world just opens up

- “i’ll always remember you” by hannah montana

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dallas. The time is currently 12:26 p.m. and the current temperature outside is a very toasty 91 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Clementine tunes out after that. 91 degrees? She’s gonna die when she gets out of the airport.

As soon as she exits the plane, she follows the signs to the baggage claim, waiting for her luggage that isn’t only for this next week, but is for the entire summer as well before she returns to UCLA in the fall. After the draft, she’s heading back to Massachusetts to work in a clinic for the summer.

Fuck, she just had her last final three days ago. She feels like it never stops. Sometimes she wishes it would.

But she shakes her head to herself, watching as her bag comes closer. None of that now. She’s about to celebrate one of her favorite people making their dream come true. She smiles to herself as she wheels her suitcase and adjusts the straps of her backpack, not quite running but pretty close to it as she walks through the arrivals terminal of Dallas Fort Worth International Airport.

“Clementine!” She whips her head over to see Ellen’s unmistakable blonde hair and wide smile, waving enthusiastically. Next to her is Maeve, her own mother with a more subdued smile, her carry-on suitcase beside her. They had scheduled their flights so that they’d land around the same time. To Clementine’s absolute delight, she sees Jack and Luke right before Luke comes flying at her.

“Oof,” she groans as Luke hugs her tightly, burying his head into her shoulder. “God. You need to stop growing.”

“Never,” he mutters into her neck before letting go with a bright smile. “Hi Clemmy!”

She grins back. “Hi Lukey. I’ve missed you.”

“My turn!” She laughs as Jack shoves his brother aside and sways her around. He messed up her hair before pulling away. “I’m so pumped you’re here.”

“Me too, Jackson.” Both moms finally get to where they are and she hugs Ellen before hugging her own mother. “When did you land?”

“About an hour ago.”

Clementine cringes. “Yeah, we were delayed back at LAX. Sorry.”

Ellen waves her apology away as they start heading out of the airport, Jack grabbing her suitcase and Luke grabbing Maeve’s. “No worries. We’re just excited you both are here.”

“El, we wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Maeve says. And her mom’s right, Clementine thinks. Quinn’s getting drafted into the NHL. She can’t remember a time when this wasn’t his dream.

“How have you been? How’s college?” Jack asks. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

“We literally all FaceTimed last week,” Luke says while avoiding Jack’s slap.

“It’s not the same,” Jack whines. Clementine rolls her eyes at his tone, but he kinda has a point. FaceTimes and texts are never the same as their in-person debriefs, which have become fewer and more in-depth since all four of them are in different-ish places now (though Jack and Luke technically still live under the same roof and Quinn isn’t that far).

Clementine feels a pang in her heart, knowing that the amount of debriefs will only get fewer and fewer as the years go on.

“College is good,” she automatically squints against the sun the second they get outside. “Same old, same old. Didn’t fail any classes somehow, which is always a win.”

Ellen snorts. “Honey, you’re literally the smartest girl I know. I don’t think failing is in your vocabulary.”

“No, literally.” Luke adds.

“Aw, not true. Thank you, but not true. And this weekend isn’t about me.” Clementine whips out her arm in front of Jack’s front so that he doesn’t get run over by a car. “I didn’t expect to see you two until dinner.”

Jack shrugs. “We were gonna tag along with Dad, but we already did to some of his stuff yesterday and it was so boring.”

Clementine snorts. “Well, he’s technically kind of working this weekend, no?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it would be that boring,” Jack says.

“You two better get used to it then,” she swings an arm around both Jack and Luke’s shoulders. “Especially you, Jacky. This is gonna be you next year.”

Jack groans, but Clementine knows he secretly loves it. “Ugh. Don’t remind me. You’re gonna be here, right?”

“Where?”

“Next year. At the draft.”

“What? Of course I will.” How dare he think differently? “And whenever Luke’s is. You guys are silly for thinking otherwise.”

“But what if you’re too busy saving lives?”

“It doesn't matter where I am. I’ll be there,” Clementine promises, as they all climb into the car.

“Clem’s right, boys.” Maeve says, turning around from the passenger seat as Ellen starts the engine. “You can’t get rid of us that easily.” Luke responds by putting his chin on Maeve’s shoulder as she reaches up to tap his cheek fondly. “Have you all gotten the chance to see Quinn much?”

“Here and there,” Ellen says. “Media and last minute meetings with teams have been keeping him busy though.”

Clementine has naturally always known more about the hockey world than the average person purely from her circumstances, but within the last month or so — mostly when she’s been procrastinating on studying for final exams — she’s been poking around online to see people’s pre-draft predictions. Obviously, she knows they’re just speculations, but she wanted to get an idea of what the general world has been thinking of Quinn. She thinks he’s the best at everything, but she’s aware she’s incredibly biased.

She hasn’t really talked to Quinn, or the other two, about it, knowing that it’s all they’ve been thinking or hearing about and there’s no use adding onto the noise. But Clementine wants to be prepared. From her research, people have Quinn going to places from Arizona to Vancouver to Ottawa. She’s seen Detroit a good amount. One or two said New York or Chicago.

But at the end of the day, truly, it doesn't matter. For her at least. He’s getting drafted into the National Hockey League and Clementine brought two waterproof mascaras to prepare.

“God, El.” Maeve puts a hand on her best friend’s shoulder. “You must be so proud.”

“It’s definitely a big week,” Ellen says. Jack puts his head on Clementine’s shoulder because she somehow ended up in the middle seat. But she doesn’t shove him off like she usually would.

Every time she sees these boys — this family — again, she feels more grateful to have them.

“Thanks for picking us up,” Clementine says. “You really didn’t have to.”

“Oh, it was nothing.” Ellen says. “Now tell us about college, honey. Only one more year to go! Well, of undergrad at least.”

…..

Later that night, they’re about to go inside a nice restaurant for dinner when Clementine squeals, launching herself at Quinn. She feels his laughter as she squeezes tight and she holds on longer than normal.

“Hey Clem,” he says.

She pulls back and smiles, before hugging him again. “Hi Q.”

“It’s so good to see you,” he says, as Clementine lets go to let him hug Maeve, who sways him. Clementine thinks she sees her mother’s eyes water.

Clementine turns to beam at Jim. “Hi Jimmy!”

“Hey sunshine,” he says with a laugh, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek. “Glad you and your mom made it.”

“Of course.” They all file into the restaurant and take their seats. She sits inbetween Quinn and Ellen with Jack directly across from her. She narrows her eyes when he kicks her foot and purposefully avoids her eye contact.

She turns to Quinn with a wide smile. “Look at you. You’re such a star.”

Quinn laughs nervously. “What are you talking about?”

“We’re here. In Dallas. To watch you get drafted. This is a big deal!”

“Are you gonna cry?” Luke teases.

Clementine snorts. “Of course I am. Stupid question, Lukey. I’m gonna be crying all weekend.” She wraps an arm around Quinn and leans in for a side hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to come to see you play at Michigan this year. I’ll try my best next season.”

“What?” Quinn asks, genuinely confused. “It’s okay. I-I didn’t expect you to. You’re busy at school.”

She shrugs, thanking the waitress for pouring out her glass of water before turning back to Quinn. “I want to, though. Jack and Luke and even Trevor keep texting me that I need to come to one.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Quinn says. And Clementine knows he means it too, the sweet boy. “I’m serious. You already stream the games and that’s completely unnecessary.”

“Sorry I want to support my best friend slash brother.”

Quinn pouts, “Well now I feel like an asshole.”

Clementine just smirks as everyone looks over the menu.

Dinner is simply wonderful. The food is yummy but the company is even better, as she finds herself laughing loudly at all of Ellen’s classic stories and Maeve bouncing off of her old friend seamlessly. Clementine just giggles under her breath as she watches Jim sit there in amusement and sometimes exasperation, ordering a second beer before their main courses even come. The boys are the boys, lively as ever and filled with love. The feeling of anticipation and excitement in the air has Clementine just putting her chin on her hand, observing the love around her.

Her father would’ve loved this.

As if he knows that she’s about to go too deep in her thoughts, Luke pulls on her ponytail. She shoots him a look as she’s swallowing her bite of gnocchi. “What?”

He beams. “Nothing.”

She rolls her eyes, but smiles nonetheless. Luke will always be her baby, but it’s moments like this when she realizes that he’s growing up so fast. As Quinn laughs at something his dad said and she watches Luke’s eyes drift towards him, she bites her lip. Soon enough, it’ll be Luke in his oldest brother’s shoes seeing what team will draft him.

She blinks as a hand waves in front of her. “Earth to Clee,” Jack says.

“What’s up?”

Jack gives her a hopeful look. “Can I try some of your pasta?”

“Cut me a piece of your steak and then we’ll talk.”

…..

The next few days, Clementine and her mom explore Dallas. Ellen, Jack and Luke join them when they can, Jim comes on the rare time that he doesn’t have meetings and Quinn is just too busy to join at all. Clementine’s surprised Ellen, Jack and Luke are even tagging along with them. But she welcomes it.

Until Jack is nudging her way too close to the edge of the sidewalk and she stumbles. Luke just laughs and both Ellen and Maeve don’t see it because they’re walking up ahead. Assholes.

The day of the draft comes quickly, and her and her mom are staying in the same hotel the Hughes family is. They get ready right after lunch, as Maeve and Clementine take charge of being the communication liaison for the rest of the Hughes family who’s here on this special day to let Ellen and Jim handle what they need to. Ever since the day Ellen introduced Maeve to her family, Maeve’s become one of them. Clementine smiles as she watches Geegs, Ellen’s mom, and her mom hug, opening her own arms happily when it’s her turn.

“Hi Sweetie.”

“Hi Geegs,” she lets the older woman place her hands on her cheeks.

“You look more like your father the older you get. Beautiful.”

Clementine swallows as she reaches up to squeeze her pseudo-grandma’s wrists, before turning to greet the various other family members. Most of them she knows, some she doesn’t. Many she hasn’t seen since she went to college.

She volunteers to wait downstairs for everyone to come while her mom makes a few trips to and from the hotel room where Ellen, Jim, Quinn, Jack and Luke are. Once she’s 99% sure everyone is at the hotel, she makes the trip up to the room herself. In the elevator mirror, she glances at her outfit. A blush pink wrap dress with white heeled sandals. She’s decided to keep her hair down, a hair elastic around her wrist that will no doubt be used the second she steps outside into the Dallas heat. Earrings that Ellen gave her for her 18th birthday are dangling from her ears.

And of course, the three friendship bracelets tied around her left wrist. They don’t match any part of her outfit, but it doesn’t matter. She rubs over them with her right thumb as the elevator door opens.

When she knocks on the door, it’s swung open immediately by one of their many cousins. Emily, who can’t be more than five years old, immediately wraps her arms around Clementine’s legs.

Clementine laughs, maneuvering carefully so that she can shut the door behind her before bending down to fully hug the girl. “Hi Em.”

“Hi Clee!”

“How are you?” Clementine stands back up. “You look so pretty.”

“Thank you,” Emily reaches out to tug at Clementine’s hand and she obliges. “Everyone’s been looking for you.”

“Really?” Clementine asks skeptically as she follows the young girl down the short hallway.

“Well, maybe just me.” They come to a stop and there’s a big call of her name echoed throughout the room. Clementine smiles bashfully. The Hughes extended family has always been nice to her, but this isn’t her day. She eyes the camera out of the corner of her eye and blinks.

Sometimes she forgets that the three boys she calls her brothers have outside attention on them. Which is dumb, because duh. But she forgets they’re not just… Quinny, Jacky and Lukey.

Though today, out of all days, nothing will let her forget. She thinks she’s okay with that.

The sound of Luke calling out her name puts her a bit more at ease. “I was starting to think you got lost.” She rolls her eyes, ignoring him as she gets pulled into hugs.

She eventually stops in front of her mother, who just raises an eyebrow and lowers her voice. “You have the cufflinks?”

She nods, blindly reaching into her purse and feeling around for her small gift for Quinn. “Yeah. I’ll give it to him when he starts getting dressed.”

Jim, who overhears the exchange between mother and daughter, eyes them suspiciously. “Cufflinks? Mae, you already got him-”

“Not from me,” Maeve sings with a mischievous smile. “Technically, this one is all Clem.” Jim rolls his eyes as Clementine smiles innocently, before she gets pulled into a conversation with Lara, one of the aunts.

She notices immediately when Quinn is ducking into the attached bedroom to change and quickly scurries in his direction. She stops in the doorway, watching as Quinn starts unzipping the garment bag that’s holding the suit that Maeve gifted him for this very day. “You have a second?” Clementine says.

Quinn turns around quickly with a small smile. “Of course.” Clementine walks in and reaches into the outside pocket, taking out the small black pouch. Immediately, Quinn is shaking his head. “Clem, no.”

“You don’t even know what it is!”

“I don’t have to. Clem, the fact that you’re here and I’m wearing a suit your mom made me. That’s enough. That’s more than enough.”

Clementine pouts, “It’s never enough. Open it.” With a skeptical look, he carefully takes the pouch for her hands and opens it. He gently lays the cufflinks out on the palm of his hand. They’re silver, a Q and an H written out in cursive on each. “It’s nothing too crazy, but-”

“It’s perfect,” Quinn breathes out. He closes his fest and looks up, pulling Clementine into a very tight hug. “Thank you so much.”

She can feel herself starting to tear up. Dammit. “I’m so…god, I don’t know.”

He pulls away and laughs. “You’re already crying?”

“I’m trying not to,” she whines, watching as he puts the cufflinks back into the pouch and places them on a nearby table. She clears her throat. “I’ll let you get ready.”

She smiles at him one last time before turning around to walk out of the room. “Clem?” He says.

She whips her head back around. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

She swallows and puts a hand up. “Don’t,” she says, trying to keep her voice steady. He laughs and she laughs with him. “I love you too, Quinny. So much.”

He nods and she leaves the room and enters the other bedroom. Immediately, she’s met with Jack. He takes one look at her watery eyes and cackles. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Jack’s eyes widen as he clasps his watch around his wrist. “Little ears!”

“You’re a big boy. You can handle it.” She sits down on the edge of the bed across from him, eyeing his formal attire. Only his blazer is missing. She softens. “You look great.”

Jack beams. “Thanks, Clee! You do too.”

“You think?” She says playfully, smoothing down her dress.

“Yes,” he says genuinely, causing her to look at him. “You look beautiful.”

She just smiles, making grabby hands at him. Jack obliges, collapsing into her for a tight hug that has a tear falling down Clementine’s face. A few other ones slip out as Luke walks in and immediately wraps himself around the two.

The ride to the arena is quick, Maeve in charge of driving her daughter, Aunt Lara, Uncle Rich and Emily. Once they’re parked, Maeve sees a text from Ellen saying that that the Hughes family who were riding on the bus also just got there and asks if she and Clementine can meet them for a second before they all go their separate ways — the Hughes family to their spots and the others to the designed family and friends area on the other side of the arena. Maeve furrows her eyebrows, muttering about what her old friend could possibly want, but obliges.

Clementine hears the crowd before she sees them, knowing that Quinn is somewhere in the thrall. Before Clementine and Maeve can be confused about where they go, they see Ellen waving them over.

“What’s up? Did you forget something?” Maeve asks.

Ellen shakes her head with a smile. Suspicious. “No. Come on. They just opened the doors.”

“What?” Maeve and Clementine ask in unison as they follow Ellen.

“Surprise! You two are sitting with us.”

“El-”

“Nope,” Ellen glares at Maeve. “No arguments. Quinn wanted you both with him when his name gets called, and it’s his day, so what he says goes.”

Clementine snorts. Dirty move pulling that. But she knows Ellen knows exactly what she’s doing.

“Are you sure?” Clementine asks softly.

Ellen pulls her into a side hug as they walk into the building together. “Of course, honey. You’re family. You know that.”

The only three people who are actually in their seats when the three of them go up to their row are Jack, Luke and Geegs, who all just smile and direct them both to their designated seats — Clementine inbetween Jack and Geegs while Maeve is inbetween Ellen and Jim. Maeve sits on the other side of Geegs, the seat momentarily open and Ellen immediately leaves because she’s getting signaled to do media.

Thank god that she doesn’t have to do that, Clementine thinks. She thinks she’d rather die.

Clementina takes her seat and narrows her eyes playfully at Jack and Luke. “You little secret keepers.”

Luke laughs as Jack smirks. “Good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” she breathes out, looking around and taking in her surroundings for the first time. “This is bananas.”

“Pretty cool, isn’t it?” Luke says. And yeah, it is cool. And wonderful. But also scary? And Clementine’s not the one being drafted.

Clementine sees Quinn and the Tkachuk brothers coming up to where they are. She’s only met Brady and Matthew a handful of times, but everytime has been as lovely as the last. Brady is immediately occupied by Jack and Luke so Clementine turns to Matthew, standing up and giving him a quick hug.

“Hey Clementine. Long time no see,” Matthew says into her ear.

Clementine chuckles. “Hi Matty. It’s good to see you.”

“You look beautiful. Most stunning woman in the room.”

She rolls her eyes. Fucking charmer. “The flirting didn’t work when we were 17. It’s not gonna work when we’re 20.”

Matthew pouts playfully. “At least I tried.” He smiles genuinely. “You excited? It’s a big day.”

“Yeah. It’s quite something.” They both look at Quinn and Brady and she nudges Matthew. “Big day for you guys too. I bet your parents are excited.”

“Yeah, they are. I’m sure you’ll see them later. Last I heard you were in college?”

“I am. Just finished my junior year at UCLA. One more to go.”

Matthew whistles. “Damn. You still wanna be a doctor?”

“That’s the plan.”

He shakes his head with a smirk. “Smartest Hughes by far.” She just shoves his shoulder playfully.

“Clem!” Brady interrupts them by corralling her into a hug, causing Matthew to almost fall.

Clementine giggles. “Hey Brady. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Brady beams. Clementine finds him absolutely endearing.

“Whatever team calls your name is lucky to have you.” Brady just keeps smiling and it’s so damn infectious.

Ellen and Jim return and Brady and Matthew take that as a signal that they should head back to their seats. Clementine smiles as the boys all exchange hugs — Quinn and Brady’s lasting longer than all the others — and settles back into her seat. Geegs offers her a bottle of water and Clementine thanks her with a grin.

“I’m nervous,” she mutters to Geegs, so the boys can’t hear and make fun of her.

“Me too, sweetie.” She says, patting her leg in such a grandmotherly way that makes Clementine miss her own. She catches Clementine looking down the row at Jack, Luke and Quinn, in that order and takes her hand to squeeze it. “They’re always gonna need you, you know?”

She whips her head back, Geegs with a light smile on her face. “What do you mean?” Clementine asks.

“It doesn’t matter what team all three of them will eventually get drafted to, they’re always gonna need their big sister.”

Immediately, Clementine shakes her head, trying not to fucking cry at an event that has nothing to do with her. “They’ve been doing just fine on their own.”

“Sweetie.” Geegs just says, looking at her with that look.

And Clementine realizes the last time she saw that look, three years ago, a day before she was on a flight to LA, her father dying nine months prior but it feeling like yesterday. She had broken down in her childhood bedroom in Toronto, where everyone was downstairs about to have a farewell dinner to send her off. Geegs had seen her first before getting Maeve and Ellen, and then the three women were just holding Clementine and letting her cry. She had gone on a ramble about leaving home and going to LA and how she misses her dad and how her brothers are going to be so far away and are gonna forget about her. It was a lot for her at that time and the three most important women in her life helped her through it.

She just leans her head on Geegs’s shoulder, before placing a kiss on her cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, sweet girl.”

Geegs is about to say more before Jack starts incessantly tapping on Clementine’s shoulder. She rolls her eyes but catches Geegs’s knowing look before turning. “What?” Jack pouts at the snap in her tone and Clementine sighs. “Oh don’t give me that.”

“Why not? It works everytime.”

“What’s up?”

He just nudges her shoulder. “Just, I don’t know, wanna make sure you’re good.”

Clementine smiles, leaning her head on his shoulder as he rests his arm around the back of her seat. “I’m perfect.”

“You sure?”

She bites her lip. “Yeah. I just, I don’t know, not trying to bring down the mood but, I wish Dad was here, you know? He would’ve loved all this.”

Jack swallows and she feels him lean his head atop of hers. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “I was thinking that this morning, when we were all at the hotel and everything. I wish he was here too.”

She sneaks a look at Quinn, who’s chatting with his mom. “He would’ve been so proud.”

Jack hums. “Love you, Clee.”

It’s the second time she’s heard that from someone in the Hughes family in two minutes, but it still makes her emotional all the same. “Love you too, Jacky.” She breathes out and tries to gather herself. “God, can we get this show on the road? I’m getting antsy.”

Jack snorts. “Already? It’s gonna be a long night for you then.”

She narrows her eyes. “Careful. If you want me to sneak you a sip of alcohol later, you have to be nice to me.”

Jack huffs. “I can’t wait until the day I’m legal. The drinking age being 19 here is ruining my vibe.”

“Got a couple more years until that, buddy.” And then the arena lights start dimming and a tribute for the Humboldt Broncos tragedy starts.

It begins.

When Quinn’s name gets called seventh overall to the Vancouver Canucks, Clementine jumps out of her seat and immediately starts crying as she watches him hug his brothers, before hugging her tightly.

“I’m so proud of you, Q.” She mutters into his shoulder.

“Thanks, Clem.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” And she lets go to let him hug his grandmother.

Clementine catches Ellen’s gaze right after Quinn hugs his mother and they share a watery smile, as she watches Maeve squeeze Quinn and kiss him on the cheek. As she watches him go down the stairs and give Brady a hug — she cheered extra loud when Ottawa called his name out earlier — she takes a deep shaky breath but laughs when Luke urges her to take Quinn’s seat. She sits down and squeezes Ellen’s hand, before Ellen kisses her on the cheek.

Clementine is so overwhelmed and proud and excited for what’s to come, while also being very emotional about how much hard work it took for Quinn to get here. She’s had a front seat on seeing him grow up and it’s been the most incredible ride.

Later, when they finally all meet up with Quinn again at one of the suites in the arena, she’s about half a vodka cranberry in and just watches all his admirers greet him, the Canucks jersey and hat adorning him nicely. When he finally comes up to her, she beams.

Quinn laughs as he hugs her, “Already starting to drink?”

“It’s a big day,” she says, pulling away to look him up and down. “Holy shit, dude.”

“Careful. I’m mic’ed up.”

She rolls her eyes. “They can bleep that out. I’m so happy for you. How you feeling?”

“Good, good.” That’s all the words they exchange before other family members rightfully step in to offer their congratulations.

She knows it won’t fully sink in until later, probably when he makes his NHL debut. But what a special day that will live in Clementine’s memory forever.

(It’s not until they’re transferring the celebration to a nearby restaurant / bar does Clementine remember. She literally stops in her tracks, and Quinn, who’s walking beside her and was talking about all the media stuff he had to do, looks at her, confused.

“Everything good?” He asks.

Clementine digs into her purse to pull out an envelope. “Yeah. I just almost forgot.”

He takes the envelope, still confused. “What’s this?”

“It’s from Dad.” Quinn blinks at the familiar scribble of his name. “I’ve been keeping it safe this whole time.”

“Fuck, Clem. I-what’s in it?”

She shrugs. “Whatever he wanted to say to you during this moment. I got one when I graduated high school. I’m almost certain your parents probably got theirs today or will eventually from my mom.” She smiles sadly as Quinn sniffs, still staring at the envelope. “Read it later,” she urges softly. “It’ll still be there tomorrow.”

Quinn nods, putting it inside his suit jacket as they continue walking. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.” He pauses for a few seconds before hugging Clementine the tightest he’s hugged her today. “Thank you.”

“I’m just the messenger,” Clementine says, but she hugs him back. “I know he’s so proud of you, wherever he is.”

Quinn just nods into her shoulder and Clementine feels like they’re kids again)

2019 - los angeles, california

you’re the only friend i need

sharing beds like little kids

and laughing till our ribs get tired

but that will never be enough

- “ribs” by lorde

Clementine’s trying to stifle a yawn as the speeches start. At least they got over the majority of the speeches yesterday during all-university commencement.

She knows her mom, Ellen and Jim are in the crowd somewhere, from the selfie she got from them as she was waiting to walk to her seat. Thankfully it’s not that hot out, especially for LA, otherwise she’d be more restless than she already is in her lace white dress. Having a ceremony outside is kinda nice, actually, especially with the wind brushing around her legs.

She walks on the stage, shakes the dean’s hand, gets her diploma and doesn’t faceplant at all, so she takes that as a win. She cheers for her friends when they walk across, and she’s still trying to wrap her head around the fact that four years have gone by so slowly yet so quickly. It’s been filled with great and tough moments, but she’s grateful despite it all.

They throw their hats up and she embraces her friends, thinking about how they’re all gonna be spread out around the country in just a few months. Clementine’s staying in California, at least, heading to Stanford for medical school in the fall, but it’ll be so different.

But that’s the beauty of it all, right?

After exchanging a few texts with her mom to establish a meeting place, she briskly walks over to the area, eager to see her family. But she stops in her tracks when she sees Quinn, Jack and Luke.

They’re not supposed to be here. She blinks, wondering if she’s imagining it. But she hears Luke scream her name and it’s real. All in various colors of a button up and slacks and they’re fucking here.

“Oh my god,” she says to herself before running over — as fast as she can in these heels — and absolutely crashing into Luke. Her cap falls off but she can’t even care. Jack’s next and hearing his laugh so close to her ear makes her fully start sobbing. By the time Quinn is swaying her side to side and handing her a huge bouquet of flowers “from all three of us,” she’s afraid her eyeliner is ruined.

She quickly hugs her mom, Ellen and Jim, accepting two more smaller bouquets and turns back to the boys. “You guys are not-how are you here?”

“This was the plan all along,” Quinn laughs. “Come on, Clem. We weren’t gonna miss this.”

“B-but you’re supposed to be, I don’t know, somewhere! Jack, you’re supposed to be doing whatever the hell people do a week before their draft. And Luke, I swear you told me you had a tournament.”

Everyone’s laughing at her disbelief. “Just a few white lies here and there,” Jack says with a proud smile. “Quinn’s right. We wouldn’t miss this.”

“Congratulations, Clemmy!” Luke beams and Clementine wants to squeeze his fucking cheeks. “You didn’t trip walking across the stage.”

“And isn’t that a relief,” Jim jokes.

Clementines points at the parents in mock accusation after adjusting her hold on all the flowers and her diploma. “You guys knew about this all along, didn’t you?”

“Of course we did,” Maeve rolls her eyes with a grin. “They’ve been planning this for months. Jack literally said he wouldn’t go to Worlds if it was at the same time as your graduation.”

She whacks him lightly across the back of his head with her diploma. “Stupid.”

“Hey!” Jack whines, rubbing the back of his head.

“Okay, pictures! Before Clem completely cries her makeup off.” Ellen exclaims as they all laugh. Pictures take way too long but Clementine can’t even complain, even when Jack blows raspberries on her and she wants to strangle him.

As they all walk around campus, Clementine giving an unofficial tour, she points out her old residences, where she used to study, where she’s cried, where she’s laughed. This campus means so much to her and houses so many memories that they’re not a part of. She also gets updates since the last time she saw them over her brief winter break. Luke officially committed to the NTDP, Quinn made his debut with the Canucks that she’s still upset she couldn’t make it for, both Quinn and Jack went to the World Championships, not to mention that Jack’s draft is literally in a week.

They’re so interested in hearing about her last semester of college and congratulate her officially on Stanford even though Clementine thinks that’s nothing compared to what they’re accomplishing. She voices that, and Quinn immediately gives her a disapproving look that is kinda funny coming from someone younger than her and Luke rolls his eyes with the bold sass of a 15 year old.

Maybe that’s a good thing, Clementine thinks as Jack starts saying how he always talks to his friends about how his “smart, cool older sister” is gonna be a doctor and go to one of the top schools in the country. They all have their talents and they see each other’s accomplishments as the coolest thing in the world.

She knows not everyone has that kind of support system. She is so blessed that she does, especially today.

She’s surprised even more when she’s told her mom booked a reservation for one of her favorite farm to table places nearby for dinner, and she indulges herself with two glasses of wine, turning a blind eye when Quinn sneaks a sip. She glares when Luke tries though. Quinn’s at least closer to legal age.

As she gets healthily tipsy, giggling at every single thing being said and Quinn subtly filling up her glass of water, a tear slips out again. Luckily, no one notices because she wipes it away very quickly.

Everything’s moving so fast. She wishes it would slow down.

2019 - vancouver, british columbia

slow down, you’re doing fine

you can’t be everything you wanna be before your time

although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight

- “vienna” by billy joel

Clementine likes to think she’s more prepared this time around. But deep down, she asks herself if she really is.

The vibe leading up to this draft compared to last year has been a bit different. While there was a good amount of focus on Quinn last year, it’s ramped so much higher this time around for Jack. She’s heard all about the hype. The draft of the Americans. The draft where Jack’s projected to go first.

And she really applauds Jack for handling it as well as he has. Clementine turns 22 in two weeks and she doesn’t think she could be as collected as Jack is at 18. But then again, all three brothers have been preparing for something like this their whole lives.

Her and her mother are sitting with the family again with the draftees and this time it’s not a surprise. Maeve once again bought Jack’s suit and Clementine gifted him a watch this morning, and also gave him the letter from Miguel because she vowed to herself that she wouldn’t almost forget like she did for Quinn’s. Jack had just given her the longest hug.

Jack’s been smiles all morning, confidence radiating off his skin. Clementine knows that most of that is genuine — Jack has always worn his fearlessness the most outwardly compared to his brothers. So when he says he isn’t nervous, she believes him.

At least this time she has a clearer idea of where Jack will be. It’s either going to be New Jersey or New York. She, and everyone in the hockey world, would be shocked if he ended up in Chicago.

New Jersey would be extra special. Her dad grew up there. So she hopes all the prediction articles she’s read are correct.

So now here they are. A different country and arena this time around. She’s sitting next to Luke and Geegs and there’s a lot more media that’s paying attention to them. Like right now, where it’s only her and Geegs at their seats because the entire Hughes family is doing media. Being on the bus with them this time around instead of driving to the arena herself, Clementine got more of a look into the behind the scenes stuff before the draft starts. She watched with pride as Jack walked down the carpet, signing autographs and probably charming every single person out there.

As she walked into Rogers Arena, she got more nervous, smoothing down her olive green dress with her sweaty palms. She’s wearing the same white sandals she wore last year because of some sentimental thought she had in her head while figuring out her outfit. Friendship bracelets are on, hair is fully up this time in a high curled ponytail and her head’s all over the place.

But she also is distracted as Jack has wanted to introduce her to everyone. She’s met a lot of the kids in the program at least once, but it’s been awhile and it feels like she’s meeting them again. Everyone except for Alex, who has crashed some of Jack’s FaceTimes with her since he’s lived with the Hughes’ the last two years. Because of that, she’s inadvertently adopted him as another younger brother of sorts. Cole has the widest smile on his face and Clementine just wants to put him in her pocket. Trevor’s laugh is so contagious that Clementine understands why Jack always says him and Trevor are almost the same person.

As she watches all of them together, she feels sad that she’s had to miss out on stuff like this, watching her younger brothers find their friends and their way and her only appearing in the stories the boys tell but not actually being in the stories. But what can she do? She chose to go to California for school. She’s choosing to stay in California for school. All with their full support and encouragement.

That doesn’t mean she can’t be sad that she’s missing things back home. Wherever that is.

She snaps herself out of it though, those pangs of sadness she’s felt throughout the morning. It’s not fair on her emotions that she literally just packed her own stuff up from UCLA a week ago and now is here for one of Jack’s biggest moments. He’s so excited. She doesn’t want to cloud that.

Jack’s ability to be so happy and excited is one of the best things about him.

Once everyone’s back to their seats, she’s bouncing her leg. Without looking, Quinn just puts a hand on her thigh to calm her down and she wonders for the 100th time in the last week when the fuck he got so observant and mature.

(He always has been. Clementine’s just in a state of constant denial lately.)

Jack gets picked first overall to the New Jersey Devils and Clementine, to no one’s surprise, starts crying.

“Let’s go, baby!” He practically screams into her ear as he hugs her.

She laughs through her tears. “Congrats, Jacky. Love you.”

“Love you more, Clee.”

Jack walks down and makes his way onto the stage and Clementine is having the most intense case of deja vu in her life. Maeve hands her a tissue and she knows that some camera is capturing her wiping her eyes carefully. Hopefully the camera captures her whacking Quinn as he makes fun of her as well. She puts her hands over her heart watching Jack shake Gary Bettman’s hand. She can feel her dad’s love and happiness as if he’s here.

And maybe he is, even if not physically. He’s here somewhere.

(Hearing “Coming Home” by Diddy - Dirty Money and Skylar Grey playing as Jack walked down had Clementine wanting to slam her head through a wall. She knows Jack probably didn’t put too much thought into the song, but as she hears Skylar’s voice crooning on about letting the rain wash the pain away and coming home and forgiving mistakes, what else is she supposed to feel?)

She watches one by one as Jack’s friends get drafted with a big smile while enjoying the quiet commentary that Jim is offering. She’s still trying to wrap her head around the fact that Jack will probably be playing in the NHL this year and she still clearly remembers him hiding her shoes when they were younger.

Clementine laughs as Jack launches himself at her when she sees him later, laughs even more when he and his buddies are being stupid and so boy-like that it makes her heart ache. At some point, someone has control of the aux and “The Spins” by Mac Miller starts playing and Clementine feels fond. Quinn appears beside her and she leans into him.

“Is this how you feel all the time when you see us?” He asks.

She breathes out. “Yup.”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“Me neither, Q.”

He chuckles. “The curse of being an older sibling.”

“You have no fucking idea.”

“The first thought I had when his name was called was that Miguel would’ve screamed.”

She snorts. “Probably true. I gave Jack his letter this morning.”

“I know. I accidentally walked in just as he was finishing reading it.” He pauses suddenly. “Will you come watch when I come to play the Sharks?”

She looks over at the vulnerable look in his eyes. “Of course.” She realizes then where Quinn’s fears are going. Michigan is only an hour and a half away from Jersey by plane, while Vancouver is four hours away by plane. She’s gonna be the closest to him out of the seven of them. “Of course I will, Quinn. Always.”

“Thanks,” Quinn replies, voice a bit rough. She just presses a kiss to his cheek.

…..

The next morning, Clementine’s woken up by a knock on the door. She groans, but the knocks keep happening so she kicks herself off the bed, throws on a UCLA sweatshirt over herself and opens the door. Jack’s standing at the doorway, hair all over the place and t-shirt and shorts wrinkly.

“What the fuck, Jack?” She asks bluntly.

“Sorry.” At least he looks apologetic. “Shit, sorry. I’m just a bit restless.”

“Get in. Quietly. We can talk on the balcony.” Jack gives her a thankful smile as he follows her into the room. They tiptoe past so that Maeve doesn’t wake up, Clementine grabbing her phone along the way.

She groans as he closes the balcony door and she sinks down into one of the seats. “Jack, it’s 8 in the goddamn morning. Did you not see Ellen and I knocking back shots yesterday?”

Jack snorts. “Who didn’t? I’m pretty sure at least 10 people were filming.”

“What can I say? Your family and friends think I’m entertaining.” She yawns. “What’s up, superstar? What’s got your mind racing at this ungodly hour?”

He shrugs and Clementine wants to roll her eyes. But her semi-awake brain reminds her that this is how all three of them, but especially Jack, has always been. When there’s something bothering him, she always gives him time and lets him come to her.

A few minutes of silence, before:

“I’m not in over my head, right?”

“About?”

“Everything.”

Clementine blinks. Frankly, she’s too tired and hungover to be a big sister right now. But she’ll try her best. “Jack Rowden Hughes. Don’t tell me you were just drafted number one in the National Hockey League, which is something that had been predicted for at least two years now, and are telling me you’re in over your head.”

He flinches. “Don’t full name me. It’s too early for that.”

She kicks him in the ribs. “You’re a good player, Jack. Which is honestly probably an understatement. I’ve seen you play since you were literally a child. It’s almost freaky how good you are.”

“But you have to say that.”

“I don’t have to say anything,” Clementine says. “I don’t have the time and energy to be bullshitting people anymore, especially you.”

Jack looks down at his hands. “I guess the expectations have always been there, especially recently. But it’s so much more now and that’s kinda scary, Clee.”

“Everything new is always gonna be scary,” Clementine says softly, the breeze waving with her words. “Always. I don’t care how ready for it you’ve been. I’ve been wanting to be a doctor since I was 16. You think I’m not scared to go to Stanford in the fall?”

He furrows his eyebrows. “B-but you’re so smart. You’re gonna be fine.”

“And you’re so talented. So you’re gonna be fine.” She says pointedly. “Realistically, no one can predict the future. Of course I hope that you and Quinn have a great rookie year and a long, successful career ahead of you. Same with Lukey when it’s his turn. But inevitably, there’s gonna be hard moments. That’s just life. You and I both know that. Hell, we’ve been through that together. Will people talk shit about your hard moments more than mine? Yeah, unfortunately, which I hate and wish I could change. But those people, you need to remember, don’t know you. The people who do know you and who love you whether you have skates on your feet or not? Those are the people you should be listening to. And we all love you and are so, so proud of you, Jacky.”

He scooches his chair over and leans his head on her shoulder. “How do you always know what to say?”

“I think I’ve known you all long enough just to know what to say so that you’ll listen to me.” She plays with his hair, staring out into the harbor the hotel borders. “You got all the time in the world to be who you want to be, Jack. And maybe sometimes that requires being in your head a bit. But you’ll come out okay in the end. You always have.”

She swears she feels a few of his tears drip onto her shirt. “I love you, Clee. I know I say it a lot but I mean it everytime.”

“I know you do.”

“I cried when you got your diploma last week.”

“I know. Luke told me.”

“Traitor,” he says with no heat. He throws his legs over her lap and tucks himself into her. “I-I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she parrots back.

He looks up at her from where he’s tucked his head under her chin and Clementine smiles sadly. He looks so young when he does that. He pouts. “You look sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

He gives her a look. “Clementine Ana Sandoval.”

“Hey. You can’t do that,” she protests weakly. He waits. “I’m not sad, really. It’s just been an emotional week. In a happy way.”

“You can still be emotional in a happy way and be sad.”

She smiles. “I guess you’re right.” She kisses the top of his head. “I am so proud of you, Jack. Truly. I love you so much.”

“I love you the most, Clee. I’m serious.”

She looks at him with a smile, because she knows there’s just no way. He smiles back brightly in the morning light.

His lips quiver and she frowns. “We’re gonna be so far apart now.” He whispers.

“We haven’t lived close to each other in awhile.”

“But it’s gonna be even farther.”

“Like I told Quinn, whenever you come play at San Jose, I’ll be there. I promise.”

“And what if I need you other times?”

“When have you called me and I haven’t picked up? Or haven’t called back within the hour?” Silence from him, because he knows she has a point. “Doesn’t matter how far apart we are. I’ll always be there for you.”

He nods, once to indicate that he heard, twice to inject those words into his veins. He kisses her cheek and she bites her lip. She’ll always love him.

(They end up dozing off. Maeve wakes up and is very confused when she looks to see her daughter’s empty bed. Her gaze shifts to the balcony beyond the glass door and she smiles, watching Clementine and Jack’s chests fall and rise in sync.

Maeve snaps a picture and sends it to Ellen, before getting out of bed to shower. She’ll give them some more time to rest.)

2021 - canton, michigan

laugh until we think we’ll die

barefoot on a summer night

never could be sweeter than with you

- “home” by edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros

The second her mom pulls into the Hughes’s driveway after 13 hours of being in the car, Clementine immediately runs to Ellen, who’s standing by the doorway waiting to greet them.

She breathes in Ellen’s familiar citrus perfume and melts into her arms. A year and a half into the pandemic has felt like 30 years, and Clementine just feels lucky that she can be here. She steps aside to let Maeve and Ellen embrace, getting the luggage from the car.

“Where are Jimmy and the boys?” Maeve asks as they all gather in the kitchen and Ellen starts reheating some lasagna.

“Playing golf. They’ll be back soon.”

All three of them are collectively a bottle of white wine in deep when they hear a call pull into the driveway. Clementine can hear the moment the boys see the Massachusetts license plate because she hears Luke scream “Maeve and Clemmy are here!” and three car doors slamming before they barrel into the house.

Clementine just waves her fingers and giggles. Quinn reaches her first, hugging her and lifting her off the stool as she laughs into his neck. Luke’s next — has he grown even more? — and she places three consecutive kisses on his cheek. Jack’s smile is as bright as ever and she threads one hand in his hair as he spins her around.

Then finally, Jim, who’s been patiently waiting his turn. When she hugs him, she turns her cheek so that it’s against his chest. He places a fatherly kiss in her hair and she feels like a little girl again.

In her wine drunk stage, she happily listens to the boys babble on about whatever, Maeve chiming in from time to time with stories about what it’s like trying to teach ten year olds over Zoom. At one point, Jack spits out a mouthful of beer and Quinn’s grimacing while Clementine grabs a paper towel without missing a beat in her retelling of how she should’ve gotten an A on a final paper she submitted last semester.

(Jack had rolled his eyes, muttering “fucking overachiever” under his breath which Clementine glared at him for. Mr. Number One Pick shouldn’t be talking)

It sucks that Luke won’t be able to get the same draft experience his brothers did, but in a way, it’s a wonderful compromise. He gets to be at home surrounded by his family and friends. Sure, media is still somehow finding their way in because it’s the draft and because he’s a Hughes but it won’t be nearly as much as it has been before.

Clementine finds a bit of comfort in knowing that Luke won’t immediately jump into the NHL like Jack did. Not that she doesn’t want him to. She wants them to get everything they want in life. But Luke is her baby. He’s perpetually eight years old in her mind.

And this isn’t the time to dwell on this, but Jack’s rookie year was so tough on him. She’ll never forget getting a call at 2 am his time, absolutely hyperventilating over the phone. After that, she demanded he call her once every week for at least two months after. Luckily, Quinn had a great rookie year and Jack’s second year was better, but goodness, she needs a bit more time to prepare before she starts getting middle of the night calls from three Hughes brothers involving a world she’s still learning about day by day.

The next week is relaxing and lovely, Clementine having nothing to do for the first time in awhile having taken two weeks off from her summer job at Boston Children’s for this. She lets herself sleep in, takes naps in the backyard and on the boat, moves around slowly in the kitchen to help prepare dinner and cherishes the sounds of Quinn, Jack and Luke’s laughter echoing through the house.

…..

The night before the draft, Clementine feels a bit restless. She tosses aside her blanket and tiptoes downstairs in a Michigan sweatshirt that she’s stolen at some point this week. Wiping her eyes, she quietly opens cabinets and pokes through the pantry, concluding that the Hughes household has all the ingredients she needs to make brown sugar cookies. Luckily, sound doesn’t travel much in this house, she’s learned. Clementine starts to get to work.

By the time she’s waiting for the oven to finish preheating so she can put cookies into the oven, she hears footsteps coming down the stairs. She’s about to open her mouth to apologize but snaps it shut when she sees Quinn, all cozied up in a black t-shirt and gray sweats, hair absolutely all over the place.

He blinks. “Why are you awake?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

Quinn scans over the three trays of cookies waiting to go in. “Didn’t both our moms bake a gigantic cake today?”

“Yup.”

He hums. The oven beeps and before she can react, he slides the trays in. As he shuts the oven door, Clementine pours him a glass of water as she sets a timer on her phone.

“Why are you awake at this hour, Quinny?”

Quinn shrugs. “I was up to use the bathroom. Thought I heard something downstairs and wanted to check it out.”

She yawns. “Yeah, sorry.”

“I didn’t know you baked.”

“Newer habit. One of my roommates, Allie, you’ve met Allie over FaceTime, she’s a stress baker. Whenever exam season hit, there were baked goods all over our apartment. Picked up on a thing or two.”

Quinn hums. “What’s Allie up to this summer?”

“She just started her residency in Florida.”

“So she graduated?”

“Yup. Now I’m all alone.” Quinn rolls his eyes because he knows that’s not true. It isn’t. Clementine still has two other roommates as they continue looking for a third.

“I still can’t believe you had time to do med school applications as well as a full course load,” Quinn says. “Like, I know you said that’s kinda normal. But how did you have the time?”

Clementine snickers. “I’m not sure how I did. Pure rage and fumes? ”

“I mean, you’re superwoman. You always have been. But damn. There are really no breaks for you, eh?”

“Coming here is a break.”

“Good,” she ruffles his hair. Quinn sighs. “Can’t believe it’s finally little Lukey’s turn.”

“Yeah. I’ve been having a crisis about it all summer. Makes me feel old.”

“You’re only 24?”

“Exactly,” she deadpans. “Old.”

Quinn rolls his eyes. They both look up as someone else comes down the stairs. Alex, who came in just a few hours ago, rubs his eyes with his fists. “What the fuck are you two doing up awake?”

“Clem’s making cookies.”

Alex blinks. “And you are?”

“Keeping her company.”

Alex just shrugs before sitting down across from her. He nods in thanks when Clementine fills up a glass of water for him. “Haven’t really gotten the chance to catch up with you. How’s Stanford?”

Clementine snickers. “Good. Well, as good as it can be in a pandemic. School’s school. First two years were mostly by the textbooks. Next two will be textbooks and clinicals so I’ll be in the hospital. Hopefully.”

“Clinicals?”

“Like, actually working with patients. Or like, observing in the hospital with a supervisor. The good stuff.”

“Sounds smart,” Alex hums. “How do you feel that all your babies will have been drafted 24 hours from now?”

Fucking asshole. She doesn’t know why Ellen has a soft spot towards Alex when he’s clearly a nuisance. He just laughs at her pout and Quinn shakes his head with a close-lipped smile. “Don’t get her started. It’s 1 a.m.”

Her eyes roll so hard they might as well fall out of her head. “Don’t you have siblings?” He nods. “Are they younger or older?”

“Older. I’m the youngest.”

She huffs and Quinn grins. “That makes sense,” she says. “You don’t get it.”

Alex gets up and pulls Clementine into a quick side hug as he gets more water. “I only got to hear about how you were crying when Quinn and Jack got called. Now I’ll get to see for myself.”

“Careful,” she says wearily. Careful of what, she doesn’t know, but she needs to instill some sort of dominance as the oldest here. Quinn snickers into his sweatshirt.

Her timer beeps a few minutes later and she shuts it off. Quinn ushers her aside while he grabs the trays and sets them on the counter to cool while Clementine digs around for a large tupperware container to store them. Alex just stares at them hungrily and she can’t even be annoyed. She sees that look in all the Hughes brothers’ eyes all the time in the kitchen. And Alex might as well be a Hughes.

Once they each finish a cookie, Clementine shoos them both upstairs as she follows behind them to try and go back to sleep. Tomorrow’s a big day.

…..

The next morning comes quickly. She’s sharing a room and bed with her mother but she’s nowhere to be found. Instead, Clementine gets woken up by Jack jumping on her bed. Thankfully, he avoids anything that could really hurt her, but she still grunts, whacking him in the stomach and shooing him out of the room before beginning to get ready. She can already hear various family and friends coming through the front door downstairs.

She gets dressed in a cream romper she found on sale a month ago and pulls out, of course, the white sandals. She rummages through her backpack to find the letter — the final one she’s in charge of — and quickly debates on when she’ll give it to Luke.

Now, she decides, putting it on the bedside table. Before the cameras turn on. She slips her phone into the pockets of her romper — she’s pumped they even have pockets — and walks down the stairs. Immediately at the front door, she’s met with Emily. She’s nine now and Clementine just goes on her knees and holds her tightly. Clementine then quickly runs into Ellen, who wants to introduce her to some people — some she’s met a handful of times, some she hasn’t met once.

It’s lovely, in a way, knowing that while their lives are so intertwined, there’s always someone new to meet or someone to reunite with. The support system for all of them is so much larger than she could’ve ever dreamed of, as she grins when Sophia, who she last saw at Quinn’s draft, hugs her tight like they just saw each other yesterday. She’s in her second year at Michigan on the lacrosse team and so smiley and lovely.

Once she spots Luke, she taps his shoulder and he excuses himself from talking to one of Jim’s old friends. Luke’s constant smile this whole week has been small but genuine. As his eyes drift down to the envelope in her hands, she sees him swallow.

Clementine hands it over and claps a hand on his shoulder. “Later, yeah? When you have a minute.”

Luke just nods expectantly. Like almost everything in life, his brothers have gotten their letters before him. If Clementine sometimes thinks too much about it, it makes her almost sad that Luke’s always had someone do something before him, whether it’s her or Quinn and Jack. But it’s also a blessing, in a way, she thinks, because in her eyes, Luke is the best out of all of them in pretty much every single way possible because he’s seen how the older three have messed up and can take from that. She knows Quinn and Jack agree.

“Thanks for being here.”

“Of course.” She pulls him into a hug and breathes in. “Is that the cologne I gave you yesterday?”

“Yeah.”

“Cute.” Clementine gives him one last squeeze before pulling away. The house is filling up more and more and she knows her time is limited. “If I don’t catch you before, just remember that I love you, okay? And I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Clemmy.”

“I’ll look at the schedule soon and try to come down to see a game when I can.”

His eyes light up. “Really?”

“Duh. I gotta put all this Michigan merch I have to some use.”

Luke shrugs. “I don’t know-I just figured, you saw Quinn at Michigan and you’ve seen Quinn and Jack in the show. Why would you come to see something you’ve already seen, you know?”

“Because it’s you, Lukey.” She squeezes his arm. “You’re always going to be my baby brother.”

She feels him relax as he folds himself into her arms again.

The day passes by in a blur as Clementine is enjoying catching up with everyone. And there’s a feeling of gratitude in that everyone can gather with each other again after so much isolation in different parts of the continent for so long. She sees Josh for the first time in literal years and happily spends time catching up with him.

For most of the day, she forgets that it’s draft day. She’s just bouncing around, sipping casually on her cider and snacking. The cookies she made the night before are gone very quickly, which makes her laugh to herself.

Once Luke disappears upstairs to get dressed, she finds herself leaning against a doorway, staring out into the living room that’s filled with people but not really looking at anything.

“You okay?”

She turns to see her mom, pearl earrings matching her deep red blouse. Clementine grins. “Yeah. Just zoned out for a minute.”

Maeve lets out a heavy breath. “Last one.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s weird. I always knew he’d get here. All of them. But then it happens. And you think you’re prepared, but you’re not.” Clementine perks up. Her mom doesn’t often get into these types of moods, always the fun-loving, energetic woman. Her dad was more the outwardly perceptive one. Maeve just continues with a small smile. “From the most adorable little boys to incredible young men.”

Clementine laughs. “They’ll always be little to me.”

“Take how you feel and multiply that by three hundred and that’s where I’m at as I’ve seen all of you together this week,” Maeve says with a snort. She hooks her chin on Clementine’s shoulder. “Love you, Clementine.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

Soon enough, everyone’s gathered in front of the TV, with a few cameras around and someone on standby who’s gonna do an interview right when Luke’s name gets called. On the couch and chairs at the front, from right to left, are Geegs, Ellen, Quinn, Luke, Jack and Jim. Her and Maeve are standing right behind Jim and Alex and Josh are next to Clementine.

This time, it could be Anaheim or Columbus or Detroit. Maybe San Jose.

Or it could be New Jersey.

She knows Jack has been pretty outwardly casual about it — he knows nothing, he’s just hoping. But she knows Jack. He wants his younger brother with him. And it would be lovely for those two to play on the same team. What are the odds?

(Apparently, pretty good.)

Luke gets drafted to New Jersey fourth overall. The whole house explodes with cheers. She’s never seen Jack so excited. Maeve puts her hands on Jim’s shoulders as Luke is hugging Quinn and Jim turns around, eyes wet. That’s what sets Clementine off crying. When it’s her turn to get a hug from Luke, she rises to her tiptoes and throws her arms around his neck.

“Congrats, Lukey. Proud of you.”

“Thanks, Clemmy. I love you.”

She smacks a kiss on his cheek. “I love you too.” Luke then hugs Maeve, Alex and Josh before continuing down the line.

From there, there’s media to be down and they quickly set up. Most of the family stays in the room as the three boys adjust themselves on the couch, ready to answer some questions. After Geegs gives her a big hug and Luke throws on Jack’s Devils jersey, Clementine bites her lip and suddenly spins on her heel, feeling overwhelmed.

Alex notices, furrowing his eyebrows as he lightly grabs her arm. “You okay?”

Clementine nods with a smile. “Yeah. I’m just gonna get some air.”

Alex just nods. “Okay,” he squeezes her shoulder in a side hug. “Don’t be too long or we’ll all come looking for you.”

“I won’t,” she promises, before quietly slipping out the screen door in the backyard.

She takes a deep breath, wiping her eyes and deciding to take a little walk around the block. She stares out at the sky, currently painted in hues of pink and purple as the sun is starting to set. Michigan is beautiful. She can understand why they all love it. She fiddles with the three friendship bracelets and her vision blurs as she starts lightly crying again.

It’s been a long time coming. All of this always has. But like her mom said, it doesn’t mean she’s ready for it.

After a nice walk, Clementine sits down on the swing in the front yard. She can hear the commotion happening inside the house and in the backyard, but she’s not quite ready to go back in yet. She watches the sun continue setting, thankful that it’s just windy and cool enough to not have the mosquitos attacking her.

Quinn’s in Vancouver. Jack’s in New Jersey. Both of them are looking to stay long term. Luke will be going to Michigan for at least a year. If Clementine’s inkling is right, it’ll be two, just like Quinn did. And then Luke will be in New Jersey. She’s in California for two more years. And then who knows where for residency afterwards. Ellen and Jim are mainly based in Michigan and her mom’s out in Massachusetts.

Will they ever all live close enough to each other again? Will there ever be more than just the holidays, which started already looking different ages ago when the boys started having tournaments at that time of the year? Will there ever be a time where they’re all able to be together for more than two — maybe three if they’re lucky — times a year?

She’s accepted by now that no, they probably will never live near each other again or see each other more than they currently do. But she can hope, right?

Because she’s made a home for herself in a few places now. Massachusetts, where Mom is. California, where she’s been for six years, She hasn’t lived in Toronto for six years now, but that will always be home too.

But home, Clementine realizes, as she hears Quinn’s contagious laughter filter from the house, is this. Home is Quinn’s subtle loyalty and kindness that knows no bounds. Home is Jack’s contagious vivacity and love that envelopes every room. Home is Luke’s steadfast resilience and empathy that pulls everyone in. Home is Ellen’s warm hugs and Jim’s proud eyes. Home is her own mother’s…everything.

Home is the way her father lives in all their memories, even six years after he’s gone. All the people he loved the most. That’s home.

The front door opens. She looks up as Luke walks out and immediately smiles. He looks good in Devils red. “Hey.”

He grins. “Hi. I was looking for you.”

“Just needed some air. Are you done with media and interviews?”

“Yeah,” he slides in next to her. She watches his handle fiddle with the envelope, “Luke” written unmistakingly in Miguel’s handwriting. “I wanted to read this with you.”

Clementine shakes her head. “Nope. I was given very specific instructions. Your-”

“Eyes only,” Luke finishes. “Yeah, yeah. I know. But could you stay here while I read it to myself?”

She softens with a smile. “Of course I can.”

She watches as his shaky hands carefully tear open the envelope, biting her lip as he unfolds the paper. She then purposely looks away as Luke leans forward, elbows on his knees, eyes scanning the words. She places a hand on his back, rubbing small circles to let him know that she’s here. Once she hears the sound of him folding the paper, she turns to look at him. His lips are quivering and she corrals him into a hug.

“I wish he was here,” Luke chokes out through tears and Clementine tilts her chin up to the sky to try to hold back her own. “I miss him so much, Clemmy.”

“Me too, Lukey,” she whispers, letting him place his head on her lap. “Me too.”

“It’s so unfair how little time we had with him,” he says and well, Clementine’s fully crying again because yeah, she was 17 when her dad died. But Luke was 11. Not even a teenager. “All I could really think of when I got picked was that Miguel’s from Jersey.”

Clementine smiles. “Yeah.”

“Kinda feels like fate, maybe?”

“Fate sounds good,” she says softly, stroking his cheek with her thumb as she smiles at him. “I really like the sound of that, actually.”

There are footsteps coming closer and Clementine turns behind her to see Quinn with Jack behind him. She gives them a bittersweet smile and nods at them to come sit. Quinn slides in next to her and Jack sits on the other side of Luke.

“You okay, Moose?” Quinn asks softly.

“Yeah,” Luke says in a scratchy voice. “I’ll come back in in a few minutes.”

“Take your time,” Jack says, exchanging a look with Clementine as she starts playing with Luke’s hair. “No rush.”

“Did all your letters make you feel like this?” Luke asks.

“Yup.” Jack snorts.

“Yeah.” Quinn sighs. “It still does.”

“I had to reapply my mascara before my grad party,” Clementine says lightly. All four of them chuckle. She swallows, “I love you guys. So much.”

Quinn kisses her on the cheek as Jack reaches out behind Luke to squeeze her shoulder. “We love you more, Clem.” Quinn mutters.

They stay out on the swing for a little while, just the four of them. Only when the sun sets do they make their way to the backyard to rejoin everyone. Before he gets pulled away again, Clementine holds Luke one last time.

bonus - 2028 - new york city, new york

ya no quiero que llores

the universe is gonna give you muchas flores

quitate ese miedo

you’ll be a lot more, trust me, yo te entiendo

- “a letter to my younger self” ambar lucid

Clementine really didn’t need everyone to be here. It’s only a lunch after all.

But “it’s not like we have anything going on anyways,” Quinn had said, the lunch NYU is throwing to mark the end of people’s residencies taking place at the end of June during the off season. So when NYU said she could bring up to eight guests, she didn’t really have a solid argument.

And here they are now, sitting in a small but beautifully decorated ballroom. Clementine’s wearing a dark purple jumpsuit as she looks around the table. Nico’s to her right, talking happily with Jim on his other side. Then it’s Jack, then Luke, then Quinn, then Ellen and then finally her own mother on Clementine’s left. They’re all dressed up a bit, the guys in button ups and Ellen and Maeve with nice blouses on. It makes Clementine smile.

It’s really not a formal thing. But she’s grateful to have them all here anyways.

“Okay, real talk.” Jack says across the table, grabbing Clementine’s attention. “Your attending physician who stopped by earlier? I would hit.”

Maeve snorts. Ellen sighs and just says his name in disappointment. Jim takes a sip of his beer trying to hide a smile. Quinn and Luke roll their eyes and Nico scoffs.

“Really?” Clementine says dryly.

Jack, like the menace he is, just smirks. “Absolutely. I mean, I know you’re engaged or whatever, but if you weren’t…”

“The person she’s engaged to is right here,” Nico says as Jack cackles.

Clementine rolls her eyes. “Well, Dr. Butterfield is happily married with kids. Sorry to burst your bubble. Though I’m sure Amelie would also not be thrilled.”

Jack waves her off at the mention of his girlfriend. “Amelie would probably agree with me.”

“I don’t know how Amelie deals with you,” Nico shoots back.

“Settle down,” Clementine says in a monotone voice. Even after so many years, Nico and Jack love finding anything to bicker about off the ice. “Let me eat my pasta in peace.”

“Better listen to Clem, boys,” Jim chuckles. “It’s her day.”

“It’s her month,” Luke clarifies, elbowing Jack. “Are you trying to get uninvited to her wedding?”

“Clee would never!” Jack exclaims. Which is true, but Clementine’s glad Luke is backing her up.

“Nico would,” Nico grumbles. Good thing they’re not seated next to each other right now or she’s sure Jack would be smacking him. Which is hilarious, considering Jack is one of Nico’s groomsmen.

Five years. Five years since she walked into Langone for the first time. Five years since she moved into Hoboken with Jack and Luke. She may not live with them anymore, but sometimes, with the amount they’re over her and Nico’s house, it feels like she still does.

Five years of great moments and really, really tough ones. Five years of highlighters in her mouth, pencils twisted in a bun atop of her head, dark under-eye circles after overnight shifts, delirious conversations with her fellow residents and so, so much coffee. And before that, eight years of school, sometimes forgetting what it was all for. But here she is.

Doctor Clementine Sandoval has a nice ring to it.

She’s brought out of her own world when she feels Nico squeeze her thigh lightly. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You zoned out again.”

She hums lightly. Nico always knows when to bring her back to the present. “Thanks.” He just kisses her temple.

Along with eighteen other new doctors, Clementine’s called up on the stage to receive her certificate. Dr. Butterfield says a few words about her in front of everyone that she thinks are far too kind and she can’t help but laugh when she hears her whole table cheering as her picture’s being taken.

“You have a lot of loud supporters,” Dr. Butterfield jokes as he shakes her hand.

She snickers. “You have no idea.”

“They seem lovely. Keep them close.”

“They are. I will.”

“Enjoy your time off. You deserve it. We’ll see you back at NYU in September.”

Clementine beams. “Thanks Doc. I’m looking forward to it.”

After lunch is over, they go outside and take pictures right by Battery Park, where the lunch was held. Unlike the three brothers, she doesn't complain about the amount of pictures Ellen, Jim and Maeve want to take, just grinning and laughing as Nico pokes her side. They split up to drive back to Nico and Clementine’s in Jersey — Ellen, Jim and Maeve in one car and her, Nico, Quinn, Jack and Luke in the other. Nico is somehow roped into driving and Clementine knows he probably regrets that. You put five 25-31 year olds who see each other simultaneously too little and too much in the same car when there’s an annoying amount of traffic and it’s an interesting ride.

“Someone must be throwing a party,” Clementine comments as they turn onto the cul de sac, cars lining up the curb. She squints at her and Nico’s driveway at two familiar cars. “What are Dougie and Bratter doing here?” Nico just gives her a shrug. The brothers in the back don’t respond either. “What are you guys not telling me?”

“Chill, Clee,” Jack says. “We have no idea what’s going on either. We’ll find out in two seconds anyways.

She almost believes him. Instead, she falls in step with Nico, who locks the car. “What’s going on?” She mutters.

Nico just smiles, hand on her lower back naturally. “It’s all good. Just trust me.”

And the thing is, she does. She trusts Nico with her life.

The second she walks through the door, she jumps as a chorus of “congratulations” echoes through the home. She scans the room quickly. The house is decorated with streamers and balloons, there are food and snacks all over and their home looks so filled.

Maeve, Ellen and Jim beat them here, all looking very proud. Next to them are Quinn, Jack and Luke with big smiles, next to their significant others — Amelie snapping pictures with her camera, Jordyn leaning back into Luke’s chest, and even Grace is here, Quinn’s arm wrapped around her waist that’s starting to show her small, beautiful baby bump. Grace is supposed to be on tour singing in front of a sold-out crowd in Florida right now.

And then there’s Dougie. And Jesper and Nicole and their toddler son. And Timo and Steph. And Erik and Kristen and their kids. And Seamus. And Jonas. And Ethan. And Nate and Dawson and their significant others. And seemingly almost every other Devils player, most present, some past. And then there’s Trevor, Alex and Cole and Clementine feels like she’s 21 again.

Then there’s her family, blood related and not. Her Uncle Thomas and Aunt Mariana — Thomas is Miguel’s younger brother. Her Aunt Aoife, who was in California literally two days ago. Those are the only blood-related family members who live in the US, and they’re all here. Then there’s Lara and John and Emily, who’s somehow 16 now. Other various members of the Hughes extended family who she’s always loved are dispersed around.

And then a smattering of her friends from UCLA, Stanford and NYU, all cheering enthusiastically. The ones who made all those years filled with light even in the darkest crevices.

The house is filled with so many people she loves. As she turns back to look at Nico, she feels overwhelmed. “What’s all this?” She chokes out.

“To celebrate you,” Nico says with a twinkle in his eye.

“His idea, by the way.” Emilia calls out with a grin. Clementine has to laugh. Because of course it is.

“I love you,” she whispers to Nico, pecking him on the lips.

“I love you.” He repeats back. “Now go celebrate with everyone.”

And celebrate with everyone she does. As she does that, she can’t help but steal glances at Nico from wherever she is in the room. Because she’s been blessed with having a wonderful support system — the people currently in this house prove that — but there’s never been anyone quite like Nico who just loves her so wholly and wants to celebrate her all the time.

Later that night, after she bids goodbye and a gracious thank you to Jesper and Nicole, who stayed to help clean up, she lets out a deep breath. It’s just her and her brothers and all the significant others now, Ellen, Jim and Maeve having retired up to bed half an hour ago. She collapses on the couch next to Nico. She stays quiet as she listens to Luke and Grace arguing about something that really reminds Clementine that Grace may be married to Quinn, but Grace met Luke first at a bar in New York years ago and has refused to stop making fun of him since then.

It was just her and the boys for so long. She’s so happy that they’ve all found their own counterparts throughout the years.

“Thank you for today,” she mutters to Nico. “Seriously. It was…thank you.”

“Of course,” Nico says, his thumb going over the ring on her left hand. “You’re so loved, baby. Any chance to remind you of that is worth it to me.” She just leans up to kiss him.

“Ew,” Luke says, ruining the moment. Jordyn slaps him for that one.

Clementine scoffs, “Fuck off. We’re literally getting married next month.”

“Okay and?” Even at 25, Luke is still her annoying little brother. “I know today’s your day and all, but sucking face with my captain is not something I really want to see.”

“Then look away.”

Quinn snorts under his breath. “You guys are impossible.”

“Learn to deal with it, Quinny,” Jack smirks. “You have a child coming soon. If they’re anything like Grace, they’re gonna be fighting you all the time.”

Grace reaches over her husband and shoves Jack. “Watch it, Hughes. Unless you want your backstage pass taken away when you come to my show in two weeks.”

Jack gasps dramatically. “But I haven’t gotten to see you perform in ages!”

“Exactly. So zip it.”

Amelie makes eye contact with Clementine and Nico with an eye roll. “They exhaust me.” And Clementine has to laugh, because they’ve all made the choice to be exhausted by each other.

Soon after, everyone’s tired out from the day’s festivities and starts heading to their respective rooms for the evening. Clementine trails behind everyone, shutting the lights off and making sure the doors are locked.

She’s about to shut the light off in the living room when she stops, catching sight of a photo frame hung on the wall opposite the couch. They don’t have many frames hung up around the house, but the photos they do have hung up are important.

She stares at her father’s face. The picture was taken when Clementine was fifteen. The three of them were about to go to Thomas and Mariana’s wedding, Maeve in a long blue dress, Miguel in a dashing suit with a matching blue tie and Clementine in a glittery pink dress. They’re all smiling at the camera in front of a sunset. It’s one of Clementine’s favorites.

Suddenly, her throat closes up as her father’s voice echoes through her brain. “The universe is gonna give you muchas flores,” he always said. All the flowers, he would say. She thinks he said that on the hospital bed on his last day. She’s long forgiven herself for not remembering every word from that day anymore.

Nico comes from behind and his hands wrap around her shoulders as she grabs his wrists. She then turns her head to the picture right next to it and smiles. It’s of her and Nico almost two years ago on New Year’s Eve, four hours before Nico would get down on one knee and ask her to spend the rest of their lives together. And then lastly, to the right of that picture, a frame with three pictures in one. Her, Quinn, Jack and Luke all during their respective drafts. The same photoset is hanging in their homes as well.

She feels Nico kiss the back of her head and she smiles, before turning and heading to bed, Nico’s arm around her shoulder.

long live the walls we crashed through

i had the time of my life with you

#k writes #hockey fanfiction #hockey fanfic #new jersey devils #vancouver canucks #quinn hughes #jack hughes #luke hughes #nico hischier #the blue au #hockey blurb #nhl fic #nhl #nhl fanfiction #nhl blurb

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matthyeu · 5 months

Text

tim hortons ― smt.

pairing ⇢ seok matthew x gn!reader

genre ⇢ comedy, fluff

warnings ⇢ this was just self-indulgence as you will see </3, mentions of a car crash but nothing happened lol

word count ⇢ 1377

synopsis ⇢ this is how matthew's life would be if he didn't get 3rd place on boy's planet. hey, at least he met you.

notes ⇢ HEYYY GUESS WHOS BACK,,, well not really i’m just like popping back in after the comeback bc like WOWWW but hi i’ve been really stressed back in school doing a lot of exams and applications for nursing school. i just finished my teas and like the semester’s almost over so i’m so STRESSED AAAAAA and this has been in my drafts for so long bc yk i’m just manifesting myself getting into nursing school but i will def try to get more uploaded soon but i’m always tired from work and school eueueu got some drafts tho so i’m hoping to get that done soon. take care!!

perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to get an early start to studying for your pharmacology exam. not, it definitely wasn’t the best idea. every professor had always told you to review and study more than you thought you needed, so you tried your best to do just that. it was just that one confused topic led to another…and then to another until you realized it was nearing two.

late nights were no stranger for a nursing student, but they were not recommended if you had plans for the morning after, especially if the morning after was your weekly 12-hour long clinical rotation.

that was how you ended up with two and a half hours of sleep, a frantically thrown together lunch, missing materials, and a need for caffeine after you overslept your alarm by twenty minutes. you cursed your ability to sleep through alarms but also thanked yourself for setting alarms every five minutes in case this ever happened.

the facility you were stationed at was a little over an hour from your apartment, so you would barely make it in time. there was realistically no time for you to stop by for coffee. usually, you would just make your own, but your unfortunate luck continued to prosper as you had forgotten to purchase more instant coffee in your last grocery run. however, seeing as how you nearly fell asleep behind the wheel the first ten minutes of your drive, you knew you needed it. if you died in a car crash, there was definitely no chance for you to make it to your clinical on time.

you pulled into the parking lot at the tim hortons nearest to your apartment, seeing only one other car there who you assumed belonged to whatever employee was on opening duty. it was only 4:43. this location opened at 5. if you waited for it to open, you would definitely be late. even if you had just told yourself it was alright to be late, you were sure your instructor would not be pleased if you were, especially since this was an obstacle you could potentially get over.

reluctantly, you shuffled your feet to the entrance, not worrying if you would wear the soles of your white shoes quicker than they were supposed to last. you didn’t want to bother the poor worker, but it was your only choice besides sitting in your car waiting for 17 minutes, which was definitely not practical.

reaching the entrance, you peered in to see a young man diligently preparing for the day. you figured he would be far too busy to notice you (or it was just your excuse to walk back to your car and wait). still, mustered up the courage to wave at him from outside, refraining from knocking on the glass.

by some dumb luck, he noticed you and came to the door from around the counter. he gave an apologetic smile as he opened the door, popping his head out. “sorry, we aren’t open yet.”

“actually, i was wondering if you could make an exception. i have to be at the hospital in an hour and it’s an hour drive from here,” you explained as you fidgeted with your watch.

“oh definitely i can do that for you. that hospital must need you as soon as you can get there,” he commented as he opened the door wider for you to come in.

“oh no, they do not need me. yesterday i put on my sterile gloves wrong 4 times because of nervousness. if anything, they hope i’m not there,” you casually blurted out, which caused the employee to give you a concerned look. “i’m a nursing student, not a licensed healthcare provider. everyone always thinks of nurse or doctor when they see someone in scrubs, but i’m just a stressed person in college trying to get through.”

“ah, makes sense. i thought you looked young to be finished with school already, but i didn’t want to say anything in case it was offensive,” he commented once you both were at the register, “what can i get for you?”

“just a medium iced latte please,” you ordered as you dug through your wallet for the right card.

“go ahead and insert your card whenever you’re ready.”

and you did just that, receiving the receipt from the employee once the transaction was over. “it will be out shortly.”

there wasn’t much for you to do but stand off to the side as you watched him work. as time went by, there was something familiar about him you couldn’t catch. it was as if you had seen him from somewhere, but the only places you really frequented were the library and hospitals. was it from tv?

“here you go,” he announced as he slid the cup over the counter.

as he was about to head back to finishing his preparations, you took a sip of your latte. with the newfound courage taken over you by the caffeine, your thoughts spilled out of your mouth. “do i know you from somewhere?”

he chucked. “no, i don’t think you have. if so, it was a long time ago since i just got back to canada.”

“you have a celebrity lookalike or something? i swear i’ve seen your face somewhere before,” you asked.

“ever heard of boys planet?”

then it hit you. you looked at his nametag. matthew. of course, he was the canadian from that korean reality show one of your friends had shown you. in fact, she begged for you to help her vote, and she was devastated when her one-pick didn’t make the group. and here he was, standing in front of you at tim hortons.

“ohhh that makes a lot of sense. my friend had me voting every day for you when the show was airing. interesting seeing you working here. totally thought you’d continue trying to be an idol if you didn’t make the lineup.”

“i missed home too much, i guess. i had it planned out during the finale too, the part time job i’d get if i didn’t make it. didn’t think i’d actually end up at timmies, but alas, things happen. thanks for your support though.”

“don’t thank me,” you insisted, “i’m just an unsuspecting victim to desperate fans who wanted the best for their faves.”

“i think that’s the best feeling though, meeting someone who doesn’t really care about what you’ve done or who you are. you’re the first person who’s actually recognized me, and i’m glad it’s not someone who would leak this information. though, i’m sure it will spread eventually.”

you finally noticed what he was doing throughout the conversation: packaging a 10-count box of timbits. “here,” he called as he pushed yet another item over the counter, “on the house.”

shaking your head, you quickly responded, “no i can’t.”

“trust me, you’re going to need the boost of energy from the sugar for your shift. just take it, or else you’ll be late.”

“oh shit,” you cursed, realizing you had spent too much time in the shop already, “fine, but i’ll be back and next time, i’m going to buy something for you to enjoy.”

“mhm good luck!”

you ran back to your car, relieved you decided to come in when you did when you saw a plethora of cars pulling in with two minutes until opening. the coffee was placed into the cupholder and the box onto your passenger seat.

before beginning your long drive to your impending doom, you decided to have one of the timbits matthew had given you. that was when you noticed the small message written on the top of the box.

good luck! you’re doing great things for the world :) come back anytime! i always open on fridays and will take you after 4:30.

you smiled at the little note, popping one of the pieces into your mouth. it tasted way better than timbit you had ever had. you weren’t sure if that was just because they were fresh in the morning or the care you knew was packed into them. needless to say, you would wake up a little earlier on your fridays to go back to this location to see matthew.

#🐨 ― matthyeu #zerobaseone #zb1 #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 drabbles #seok matthew #zb1 matthew #seok matthew x reader #zb1 matthew x reader #seok matthew imagines #seok matthew one-shot #comedy #fluff

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heuhuewaves · 2 years

Text

control|billy hargrove x reader

I’ve been wanting to write about billy for the longest time so here goes nothing lmao

This has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 months LMAO

Content warnings: Rough sex. billy being sex deprived. billy begging. bratty billy. both reader and billy being switches. smut galore...

Hope you enjoy the fic! <3

It was amusing. Knowing the control you have over the school’s “super cool bad boy” was an amazing feeling. He was pussywhipped. All the nights he would call you asking you to come over. Sometimes he even offered to pick you up. You always declined though. It had been months since the last time you and Billy fucked. You were like his drug. He needed you, and when he didn’t get his fix, he started to fall apart.

It was nearing the end of the school day. As you were getting things from your locker, a familiar voice had entered your ear.

“Please.” a male voice said in your ear. It was Billy.

“Please what?” You questioned the boy, already knowing the answer you would be receiving.

“You already know what I want. I’m begging you to come over tonight. I’m gonna be home alone. Please, I need you doll.” Billy said. You could sense the desperation in his voice. Even though it was fun seeing him all hot and bothered, even you needed some action.

“Fine. I’ll be over later tonight. Leave your window open, i’ll sneak in through there.” You accepted his request. You turned to leave the school leaving billy in a state of excitement.

~~later into the night~~

It was close to 12 am. Billy was losing hope. He was about to call it a day until you had snuck through the window. his eyes lit up as he saw you. You were dressed in an outfit that made it hard for billy not to just come over to you and absolutely ravage you. Your outfit showed and accentuated everything it needed to. He stood there in awe. The house was quiet except for the faint music playing on his radio.

“Well, you know the drill. Come here and let me pet you.” You demanded. Billy walked over to you, got in his knees and let you rub his head as his arms wrapped around your legs.

“I missed you so much doll. I had been thinking about us in a moment like this for so long.” Billy said. After a few more seconds of you continuing to pet his mullet, you decided to throw him off of you and onto to his bed. Billy was now flat on his back, you got on top of home and began to straddle him in a cowgirl position, and pinned his arms to the bed.

“Are you ready?” You asked as you looked into his light blue eyes.

“Do your worst.” he said as a smirk grew onto his face. With that being said, Both of your tongues entered each other’s mouths. You were grinding against his dick while you both continued to make out. It was rock hard. With each motion he let out a slight moan.

“Damn. I didn’t know you’d be this excited to see me.” You said as you let out a slight chuckle.

“Just take it out already.” The dirty blonde said, starting to get agitated.

“That’s no way to talk to . Use your words.” You demanded.

“Please. I’m begging you. can you please take my dick out of my pants and start sucking?” He responded. You could sense the sarcasm in his voice. You weren’t satisfied.

“Again, use your words. Say it like you mean it.” He was getting antsy. Billy’s cock was practically throbbing with tension.

“God damnit fine. Please take my dick out and start sucking on it. I need it so bad please.” Billy practically whimpered as he begged for your mouth on his dick.

“There we go. Good boy. That wasn’t so hard was it?” you teased.

You began to take his dick out and started sucking. As it entered your mouth, Billy let out a breathy moan. It was somewhat high pitched. You could tell he hadn’t had sex with anyone for a long time. He was holding out for you. This turned you on. You continued to suck on his dick as you picked up the pace, causing billy to moan even louder.

“F-fuck I need more of you. Can I please fuck your body?” Billy moaned. You began to suck on his dick even faster to tease him. He was getting pissed off.

“God damn it Y/N. Let me fuck you I can’t hold out much longer.” Billy demanded. He had been waiting to fuck you for the longest time and couldn’t handle that he wasn’t inside of you at this moment. It was driving him insane. You took his dick out of your mouth.

“Like I said before, use your words.”

Billy knew he wasn’t gonna get anywhere without being your “good boy” so he obliged.

“Please. I need to be inside of you. Please let me fuck you until you can’t think straight.” Billy whined. Your smile widened. There wasn’t much that could turn you on, But Billy whimpering did unspeakable things to your mind.

You repeated what he had said earlier to mock him. “Do your worst.” With this invitation, Billy pinned you to his bed. You were now lying on your back. he had began to rip off the bottom half of your outfit. There was nothing hotter to him than the switch dynamic the two of you had. You didn’t get much time to prepare before his Dick entered inside of you. Goosebumps began to creep onto your skin. You forgot how lengthy his manhood was. The thrusting was not gentle. Billy had always been rough when fucking you.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you missed this dick. Tell me you missed it.” Billy commanded as he continued to thrust into you.

“I-i missed your dick-” you couldn’t even finish your sentence before letting out a moan. You loved when Billy got aggressive like this. At least he kept his promises. He was really fucking you until you couldn’t think straight.

“Finish the fucking sentence.” He commanded.

“I missed your dick, fuck.” You repeated. As his thrusting continued, Your moans began to get louder and louder.

“That’s it. Get louder. I want the entire neighborhood to hear how hard you’re getting fucked” Billy said in between his heavy breaths. You’re moaning did indeed get louder.

“Billy I’m gonna f-fucking cum.” You moaned.

“Don’t even think about cumming. Hold it in until I’m about to.” Billy ordered. He was delivering his payback from what you had done earlier. Or as a matter a fact, From not having sex with him for months. He began to pick up the pace again. His stamina was unmatched. Billy’s breath had also gotten heavier. He was close to cumming. “I’m about to cum. Fuck. I’m gonna count down from 5 so we can cum at the same time.” Billy started the count. You were in agony. In a good way. You loved having Billy thrust into you, while his hair and necklace dangled in your face. As the count began to end he let you know that it was ok for you to come. Both of you reached your climax at the same time. Billy stopped his thrusts and rolled over so that you were now laying on top of him.

“I might just have to keep depriving you of sex if this is how you’re gonna fuck me.” You said as you let out a slight chuckle. Billy didn’t respond. He just looked at you and laughed with you.

“Get some rest doll. We’ve had a long night.” Billy said as he kissed your forehead. You drifted off to sleep in his arms.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove smut #stranger things

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srbachchan · 9 months

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DAY 5649

Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 5/6, 2023 Sat/Sun 12:43 AM

Birthday - EF Pawan Pipalwa .. Sunday, 6 August .. greetings on this special day and the wishes to this creative mind .. love from the Ef ❤️

heck .. this sudden change in Tumblr., is rather frustrating .. first I could not find the Drafts page .. struggled for hours .. and where it should have been , is not there .. so did a rewrite .. and then it disappeared again and finally found it in another spot ..

Mr .. Mrs .. Ms whatever DRAFT ji .. this hide and seek is alright during the day , but its 1:02 AM of the 6th and it does become somewhat arduous to look for you when you are not in the given space ..

right then .. where were we .. yes .. no .. its gone from the head .. its the pace that does that .. too many wires being strung up and they all resound at the same time .. resulting in not having the ability to conduct everyday work and professional needs ..

so the given demand from the 'wishers of the well' is .. slow down .. err.. slow down what .. could you please specify .. and after you do that kindly do give example of it .. either in writing or physically ..

so .. your time starts now .. !!!

First off, I want to pay my deep regard and respect to all the Ef for taking up the push needed as asked for the film 'GHOOMER' .. your creative styles were exemplary and they continue to paint the internet with immense speed and intensity ... 🙏🌹❤️

Oh what a wonderful world we live in .. where speech has disappeared and the fingertips have taken command .. punch has never had such a popular demand than ever before .. can't punch .. out of business ..

and the impotency of the yellow brigade persists .. with extreme impunity and ravishing descriptions of happenings of the World about us .. the creativity has shifted gears and tracks from the city streets to the highways .. if it's not my way it's the highway .. !!!

does anyone have any idea how the pictures have suddenly bunched up in small squares ☝🏽 and I am at a loss to find any 'punch' to open them up ..

But irrespective of the punches and impotency brigade, what lives and breathes is .. MUSIC .. !

a short session and the heart mind and body is filled with enough combustion to light up your entire life .. it has been the power to convert the disabled to be able .. the mindless to discover mind and the downtrodden to be given the lift of their lives ..

each moment spent in the company of the 'sur' and 'taal' is a revelation .. a revelation in its rejuvenating prowess ..

the heavens open up when the right notes are hit ..

... ethereal .. nothing beyond that ..

my love ❤️

Amitabh Bachchan

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oneatlatime · 10 months

Text

The Storm

This post was delayed due to dumbass technical issues. I managed to save it from annihilation by the skin of my teeth, and learned an important lesson about saving drafts along the way.

Long time no blog. As it's currently storming where I am, I feel it's time to watch this one.

Aang in the opening credits has his tongue out like a dog on a car ride. Now picturing a car full of airbenders hanging their heads out the window.

It's been long enough since I watched one of these that I forgot that dream sequences tend to be tinted brown. Had a two second panic trying to remember the episode where Sokka learned airbending.

I wanted to see more of Gyatso but not like this!

Appa the morning person.

Hey Zuko's back. Haven't seen him in a few episodes. Pipi Longstocking hair is still doing him no favours. Also is he really pale this episode?

I feel like Zuko's intelligence varies wildly from episode to episode (usually to serve the plot) but this may be a new depth of dumbness: tell the crew to their faces that their lives don't matter. You know, the crew that prevents the thing you're standing on in the middle of the ocean from sinking. The crew that keeps you fed and actually going somewhere. That crew.

On the other hand, Zuko's method for creating mutiny may break a world record for efficiency. He's such a dumb smart guy.

I'm with Katara on this one. I don't like that swishing either. And if they're out of money, why were they in a market anyway?

And with a kick to the rear, this episode's 'violence towards Sokka for laughs' quota is filled.

Never before in the history of humanity's hubristic quest to tame the seas has a wharf ever been this clean.

And I'm with the crewman on this one too. Zuko's actions really do line up with him not caring about anything beyond his own concerns.

Talk about rock and a hard place for Iroh here. From what I've gathered, it's Zuko's ship, which means that Zuko's in charge of everything including keeping order. But, Zuko is also being unreasonable in the face of a very reasonable complaint from the crew. So Iroh has to pacify both while undermining neither, and not appear to be in command. Takes delicacy.

Appa gets a mooring! Also what is that cave back there?

I was hoping the show would bring this up! To anyone who isn't riding along on Aang's adventures, it sure does look like the Avatar disappeared when he was needed most, continued to stay gone no matter how bad things got, and then just reappeared randomly one day with seemingly no plan to set set things right. Did he reappear to fight the firelord? According to rumour, he reappeared to ride giant koi. What would the average person be left thinking? The fisherman is right. And Katara - will you please let Aang fight his own battles for once in his life?

Aang being the bravest person you know? Do you not remember this?

You know, this?

"That fisherman was way out of line."

Poor guy needs a blow dry. Should be possible, what with airbending and all. Didn't know that Appa had a goatee. Actually the facial hair in general in this show is pretty creative.

If this is going to be the exposition dump storytelling episode, we may all need an emotional support Momo.

These air scooter shenanigans are making me think that the first lesson airbenders learn is how to nullify motion sickness.

Is this the first airbending we see by someone that isn't Aang or Appa?

Someone's been taking fashion tips from Narcissa Malfoy.

Oh fuck off that's too much pressure for a kid. Nice Wisteria though.

Isn't the toys thing a thing in the real world? Something to do with the Dalai Lama?

If Avatars have to be told that they're the Avatar, that implies that they don't know instinctively. Theoretically, could an isolated avatar living in peace time go their whole lives without figuring it out?

Oh wise and learned council of airbenders, please tell me how relying on a 12 year old is going to save you from a war?

Baby Zuko! Baby scarless Zuko! He looks like just the prettiest little princess in these shots. Also, either this happened not all that long ago, or Zuko is majorly overdue a growth spurt, because he's maybe one inch shorter in this flashback. Also also, Pipi Longstocking hair doesn't work no matter how much hair you have to put up. Also also also, the whole reverse tonsure look he has going on in the present really downplays how round his face is. He's got chubby baby cheeks. Also also also also, if Zuko is as much of a prince as his title implies, he's right that he needs to know how to rule.

I have picked up over the course of this show the fact that the fire nation seems to prioritise aesthetic. But this is just ridiculous. And a bit on the nose too. A literal wall of fire dividing you from the commoners? Not even the commoners, the highly esteemed generals in charge of your war? How does this guy see or hear anything that's going on?

Katara asking Aang why he wouldn't be excited about being the Avatar seems out of character for me. Why exactly would he be excited about being catapulted to the number one spot on the fire nation's 'enemies of the state' list? It's not like Katara doesn't know what happens to people on that list.

Don't worry about these jerks. They'll all be immolated in a little bit.

Smelly kid jokes. That's some peak 90s comedy right there.

I love Gyatso. Solidly in Aang's corner and happy to advocate for his charge even against grumpy temple elders. Never loses sight of the fact that Aang is just a boy and needs balance.

This Zuko disrespecting old farts stuff is nonsense. Like when you get called in to HR for 'walking disrespectfully past Sherri's desk' or 'aggressive choice of footwear' and you know it's just because they're looking for a bullshit reason to fire you/force you to quit because the owner's nephew wants your job and they don't want to pay for severance or unemployment. If pointing out obvious flaws in objectively stupid plans is an offence worthy of an honour duel (I'm not even going to try and spell the actual name), then this guy needs to be dueled too:

He called bullshit too.

No no they're not actually going to

oh fuck no

hang on he doesn't have his scar yet is this going where I think it's going?

Back to idiot monks phew. Another rock and a hard place situation. Aang needs to be a normal 12 year old. The world needs a fully trained Avatar. The best they can do is a half trained 12 year old avatar. That would have ended well I'm sure.

Oh yeah just yank out the remainders of Aang's support system. That will certainly encourage him to quickly develop into a responsible adult, rather than an emotionally disturbed 12 year old with unmatchable uncontrolled powers. What were these monks thinking? Or were they thinking at all? Were they just panicking? Because only Gyatso seems to have his head on straight. Upset avatars destroy things - we've SEEN that - and these monks think the best way to turn Aang into the Avatar they need is to do something that will upset him probably more than any other possible thing? At least they didn't think to take away Appa too.

Katara's right. He does have a right to be angry. I like that this show gives the characters permission to feel.

Indulging my inner pedant for a minute, he never saw Gyatso alive again. His bones were in pretty good condition. Actually, given that firebenders killed him, why weren't his bones covered in scorch marks? Also, is that where all the other airbender skeletons went? Instant cremation?

The fisherman's right - the avatar did turn his back on the world. Aang's right - he did run away. Katara's right - not running away wouldn't have saved anyone. Kudos to a kids' show for not flinching from tackling topics that have no right answers. Yay nuance!

oh god here we go

Free life tip: If you ever see a dependent and/or child assume this position at the feet of their guardian, call the relevant authorities. Quickly.

And of course there's a crowd of hundreds too. Nothing like a little public mutilation of children to flex your power over the masses. This firelord's ego is so fragile.

So that's where the scar comes from. Also the firelord's line about learning respect casts a new light on when Zuko said he'd teach respect to the crewman at the beginning of the episode. Guess he was channelling the firelord.

Big repsect to Zuko for the above. He's never lacked in bravery. This is the opposite of the "shameful weakness" nonsense.

"Things will never return to normal." THANK YOU

Why is Zuko in such a hurry to go home to that anyway? Seems like the only person who likes him is his uncle, and he's travelling with him.

This is odd. I've always felt like I know Aang, and hearing his story this episode just confirms that I do know him, who he is, what makes him tick. And it lets me know him better. I've deepened an already deep understanding of who he is. However, I thought I had a surface (if jumbled) understanding of Zuko, but hearing his story this episode, and especially the final series of shots, the way they frame him as alone in darkness contrasted with brightly lit memories, makes me sure that I've never known Zuko at all. Who is this guy? I feel like this is meeting him for the first time.

There's also definitely something worth examining in the fact that Aang tells his own story but Iroh tells Zuko's (beyond the fact that Aang is the only person left who could tell his story).

Thank god some comic relief. Not a moment too soon.

I didn't know firebenders could do that. Judging by his face, I don't think he did either.

The judgmental energy in this shot is unparalleled.

"I'm not but I still don't wanna!" This old couple has some seriously good lines.

Appa saves the day once again, this time with an assist from the Avatar powers. I swear if Appa's existence was paired with Sokka's brain they could do the Avatar's job no problem.

Zuko apologises. That is good. But is it Iroh he should be apologising to?

"I'm here now and I'm going to make the most of it." A lovely message to conclude a show on. But are we going to gloss over the whole 'father mutilates his son BARELY offscreen' thing?

Appa shakes!

Final Thoughts

This section could very easily devolve into increasingly hysterical ranting about the whole ZUKO JUST GOT HALF HIS FACE BURNED OFF AS A FORM OF COURT ENTERTAINMENT thing. Lord have mercy the fire nation is fucked up. To prevent that, I am going to share one thought, and only one thought on that fiasco:

this is the first time I've really felt that I'm not the target audience of this show. If I had seen this at 8 or 10 years old, I would have been appropriately mad at the firelord for doing such a bad thing, but it would have made perfect sense, because he's a bad guy, and they have to do bad guy things. It's what makes them bad guys. As an adult, with more knowledge in general, but especially about things like power dynamics and the long term consequences of child abuse, I am valiantly fighting not to spiral down a path of horrific implications because I want to be able to sleep tonight. From both a political and a familial point of view, there was no one (who wasn't 12 and frozen) who could have stepped in. It was the firelord who did it; it appears that there is no one above him in the fire nation hierarchy. It's Zuko's father who did it; good luck getting a kid to stand up to a father in front of an audience of hundreds in a culture that obviously worships a bastardised concept of respect (zuko tried though). Iroh couldn't (or wouldn't) interfere on either political or familial grounds. As an adult, seeing a child (because Zuko may be 16 in the show but that boy kneeling is BABY) stuck in such a situation, knowing there's literally no way to get out of it, no hero going to swoop in and save the day, no judicial process to dish out consequences, well that's hard to watch. And that's all I'll say about that.

Here's a thought: did the avatar (not Aang, but the figure/concept of the Avatar) disappearing fail Zuko, and by extension the fire nation, as much as it failed the other three nations? And the natural follow-along to that thought: did the fire nation attacking the rest of the world hurt the fire nation as much as it hurt the rest of the world?

Aang made a mistake many years ago by running away. He gets to redeem himself by not running away and saving Sokka and the fisherman. Zuko made a mistake at the beginning of the episode by undervaluing the lives of his crew (to their faces, no less). He gets to redeem himself by saving the helmsman and letting the Avatar pass in favour of getting the crew to safety. But I don't think these stories are really parallel. Aang's natural impulse was the mistake. He learned from it, modified his behaviour, and did better the next chance he got. Zuko's natural impulse was to act as he should have. He was taught (violently) that this was incorrect behaviour, and modified his behaviour based on his father's teachings. This modification (not valuing the crew) is the mistake. In Zuko's case, learning from the experience and modifying his behaviour actually means unlearning the lesson he was taught and reverting to his former behaviour. Aang's natural state needed modification; Zuko's externally imposed behaviour needed to be forgotten. Not parallel.

Aang = hope is an interesting conclusion. It's only possible for him to represent hope because he dashed everyone's hopes by disappearing and staying gone. If the avatar had defeated the fire nation 100 years ago and prevented a war from ever happening, he would not have been a symbol of hope. I don't know what he would have been a symbol of, but it's the fact that he's been gone long enough for things to get really bad that makes him a symbol of hope in the present. So if Aang was always meant to be hope, then he was always meant to get frozen.

Aang = hope is also interesting in that it positions Zuko on the side of the enemies of the fire nation. If Aang represents hope to the world, and Aang represents hope to Zuko, then Zuko is not on the Fire Nation side of the conflict (whether he knows it or not).

The humour in this episode was minimal but very welcome. The old couple was heaps of fun, Sokka got a couple of good lines (although never enough - still waiting on a Sokka episode), and the juxtaposition of humour and very serious themes was artfully handled. It was never jarring or tonally off. The switching back and forth between the two story threads was well done too, especially how they tied in at the end.

I'm kind of annoyed that Katara got relegated to shouty defender of the actually-a-little-bit-guilty or Agony Aunt. She deserves better. I'm not at all annoyed that Momo filled the role of cuddle administration. That was lovely to see.

It didn't even occur to me to check if the art/animation in this episode was pretty. That's usually a primary concern with me, but I was too wrapped up in the plot to notice.

I can't believe a kids' show went there, but they did. And they did it well. This episode felt much longer than 20-ish minutes, in a good way. It was packed. Definitely going on my rewatch list.

#atla #avatar: the last airbender #the storm #avatar the last airbender

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morimakesfanart · 8 days

Note

Heyya!. I just want u to know that i've just read your latest fic on ao3 NONSTOP for about 4-5 hours last night and i definitely confident to say that your fic is asuperb work of art...

It's rare to see that kind of fic like you've been working for the last few years... A story with additional comic is really such a breath of fresh air to me these days...

Please, don't stop continuing this super duper amazing fic of yours even. I'm trying not to ask nor demand you to update the fic rightaway, but at least i don't want my hopes got away after just found out about this fic of yours in less than 24 hours...

I'm glad you like it so much!! :D

I have no intentions of stopping. I'm making it for me most of all, and it's been super entwined with my growth as a person and writer/artist.

I always write 2-3 chapters at one time, so if one is posted it's because I have the start of the next set drafted. I just posted ch38, and my drafts go up ch41. There's only one more left in the current arc being posted. I need to do some final edits and the art which hopefully won't take more than 2 weeks. However, I won't start the art until I get ch41 more finalized and get ch42 started. Working multiple chapters at once helps balance the flow in and between arcs.

If I ever hit a point where I think I can't work on Sindria's Prophet ever again, I'll post all of the remaining drafts for whatever arc that ends up being without art. I don't see that happening though since this is not only the only story I'm posting right now, it is extremely meaningful for me, and I can't deny that it's where most of my paying members on Patreon are coming from. The help with the groceries has been extremely important. That pressure does more to make sure I don't lose track of time so I actually finish and post, and not a feeling of obligation tho. I am extremely grateful for the support I've gotten thank to this fic :3

On why writing & art:

I can't tell any story without also drawing it. I'm a visual thinker so I always feel like something vital is lost if I have to describe it in words alone. When I was little I wanted to make animations, but I realized when I was 12 that it would take too long, so I started making comics. I posted my first comics online on dA. They are still up if you find the account.

As it turns out, making comics takes much longer than just writing, and I am but one person. And I also eventually figured out that since I often use writing to process my own experiences there are topics that I want to write about that upset or even trigger me if I draw them to the point I will basically drop a story if I have to draw a long scene of them. That what's happening with my og series PBSN on tapas&webtoons if any one's been wondering why it only updates like 1ce a year now. So with this fic I have figured out how to do a combination of writing and comics. Now I can tell a story in a more timely fashion without losing as much of what's going on in my head as possible AND it has the added bonus of not having to draw the topics/emotions that stop me so I can actually keep working on it :D

But yeah, I am going to keep going with Sindria's Prophet until I reach the end :3

#mori answered #art journal #writing journey

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en-hale · 2 years

Text

Lessons In Love ♡‧₊˚

Kim!Sunoo x Park!Sunghoon ♡‧₊˚⋆｡˚ ⋆

En-Hale Comeback ~~ Manifesto Day 11

SYNOPSIS ≕ With their new relationship beginning, the only thing these two want to do is explore each other. But for Sunghoon, being as patient and as careful as possible for his Sunoo is of the utmost importance.

WARNING ≕ Suggestive (using tongue, making out). Read at your own discretion !

WORD COUNT ≕ 8.0k

AUTHOR'S NOTE ≕ THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR THE LONGEST. I was really nervous to post this because I have seen zero member x member (enhypen anyways) stories on here, and I didn't want to be the first lol. This was pretty much just fluff when I first wrote this, but then I went back to revise and turn the knob on the spicy, so please enjoy! (also, let me know if a part 2 would be nice..) Tune in tomorrow for day 12 at 10pm CST!

──•°.-ˏˋ ♡ ˊˎ-.°•──

Sunoo knows his life was filled with unimaginable sectors of problems that seemed to make their way out of the woodworks. Whether it was coming quickly or hurdling towards him slowly, Sunoo knows the impact he had to brace for: its suddenness, and without warning.

Any other time stuff like this occurs, It was a ripping of a band-aid and a rush to the bathroom in tears, only on the good days could he hide it behind his puffy cheeks and darling smile. This time, of course, it was the former, but sitting in the same space with other idols didn't leave much room for running and crying.

So Sunoo didn't think of it as a bad thing, he didn't think of it as a reason to make the others worry or to bring about the constant chaos he feels like he always carries. So he plays it out in his mind like seeing a beautiful night sky but only through a picture on your phone and wishing so badly you were there, but it was still nice to see it; he still appreciates that he got the opportunity to bask in its beauty.

Sunghoon was unreachable for the longest time. Sure, he was fun and charismatic and a big ball of clumsy, but behind closed doors, out of the way of cameras, he seemed distant, a bit too quiet, and like he'd rather be anywhere than where he was at that moment. But Sunoo pulled him out of his funk. And it wasn't easy. Sunoo came up with the idea that Sunghoon didn't like to smile unless he had to, He also punctured on the thought that he was too serious for the demeanor and the look that their group was going for.

So Sunoo stepped in and did the best he could. And it worked. Months went by, and soon it was a year later. That same Sunghoon that cooped up in his room was now out and about, taking walks and loved to talk someone's ear off. Sunoo taught him to be patient, to live in the moment, to not take things for granted; and Sunghoon took that to heart.

Sunoo only ever saw Sunghoon as his project to fix, to make him operational enough to become an actual human being and not just some smooth-talking robot. He never thought he would achieve his goal of getting that stoic man to open up and see life as he did, but it worked, it really did.

And now Sunghoon was the best Sunghoon that could've ever lived. He washed away his thought of how life had to be in front of the camera and how he thought he had to act out in public and in front of fans. And with just that short amount of change, Sunghoon saw the way life was like and he loved it and never wanted to go back.

And by then Sunoo thought his mission was complete, there was no need for further night walks and trauma bonding, but by the time he tried to stop, he realized it was the thing he looked forward to the most. And then more months went by and so did his growing admiration for Sunghoon. He didn't ponder much on it cause he didn't believe he had to. He stayed fixed on the notion that Sunghoon was the best big brother that he never had.

And then things appeared to change drastically. The night walks that were only for a few minutes turned to hours. Their conversations seemed to reach a deeper level than Sunoo was willing to admit. He caught himself smiling when the thoughts of Sunghoon drifted through his mind. He realized how badly he wanted to constantly be where Sunghoon was, like a puppy to its owner. And you could've called him crazy, but he felt that Sunghoon wanted to be just as close as he did. Even after their hours spent alone, Sunghoon would suggest they spend the night together in their rooms, waking up the next morning to find the both of them tangled into one another.

And then with no warning, like Sunoo was used to receiving, Sunghoon admitted something to him that came out in a whisper but Sunoo knew he heard correctly. "I like you," and all he could do was blink profusely. And while he was scared to admit it too, he did. Since then, their time together grew increasingly longer than it had already been, Sunoo found it harder not to blush when Sunghoon spoke in interviews or lives, and each morning they found themselves tangled into one another again and again.

Although it seemed picture-perfect, it couldn't be much more than that anywhere they went. Then Sunghoon got the opportunity to be a host, and it was like Sunoo's small flame was being to lose fuel, even growing mad at himself when allegations of Sunghoon and his MC partner were rumored to be dating and he couldn't stop himself from feeling jealous. Even when he knew it was just a rumor, it still struck a chord where it hurt the most.

And that's where his problem lies now.

Bright rays of sunlight escape through the slits that the grand curtains didn't cover. It seems to cascade over Sunghoon like it was written in the stars or something, illuminating the brown highlights in his blonde dyed hair that's swept away from his dark eyes. And he stood on the stage, presenting the different awards with his rumored girlfriend by his side, The light hitting her as well.

Sunoo didn't want to admit it, but she was beautiful, and everything he wasn't. For one, she was a girl, not something that Sunoo ever pondered to be, but he did wish it in his moments with Sunghoon that he'd wake up and magically be one so that the world wouldn't see their love as cruel. She was also tall and slim, her eyes were the perfect almond, her smile was addicting, and her long hair added something to her that Sunoo couldn't put his tongue on, but he knew whatever it was, it caused the adoration for her to reach its pique, and he realized he was correct with how the audience, full of other idols, react when she giggles or makes a mistake. It was like she hypnotized them to laugh with her, to fall for her silly errors and think of it as adorable.

Sunoo fights the urge to gag when the audience cooes at their routine performance, full of touches and hugs and being close in proximity. And it hurt. He watched the person he realized was more than an admiration dance in his perfect outfit with the perfect hair singing with his perfect voice and his perfect smile. The same perfect that Sunoo took credit for making happen, the one thing nobody could take away from him. And yet it didn't matter, cause watching the perfect couple dancing away on the stage took away any contentment that Sunoo felt he had. The only thing he took as a win that day was when it was all over.

He didn't think he was pouting or being distant when they all got back to the dorm. The others hung out in the living room and celebrated, Sunoo found himself fighting the urge to jump in his bed and use his pillow as a tissue and instead felt that sitting at the table as for away as possible would just have to do.

But Ni-Ki is the first one to call him on his bullshit. "We won Sunoo, why are you being mopey?" And the others follow along too, wondering what was with his mood that was usually full of bubbles and laughter. He washes off any sadness that brims to the surface and facades his emotions for the rest of the night.

What good would it do to continue being sad over something so frivolous, Sunoo thought. Sunghoon liked him. That's what he kept repeating in his head. No use being sad over what wasn't or what couldn't be, Sunoo was just happy to continue on his secret rendezvous, he wanted to care less about what others would think.

But it keeps him up all night. What if Sunghoon had said that in the heat of the moment? What if eventually, he'd take back his words? He couldn't help getting sad when he realizes this is one of the very many first nights without Sunghoon. He can't remember his bed being so spacious, since he always complained to Sunghoon that it was too small. The pillow that he left for him was still indented as if waiting for his head to touch it again.

The buzz of his phone shakes him out of his trance only to see the caller ID.

Sunghoon.

He didn't want to answer, he swore in his head he didn't. But he ponders on what Sunghoon could possibly want to talk about at this time of night. Probably nothing different from what they usually talked about at night, but it still made him curious.

So he answers.

Sunoo didn't even get the chance to say hello as Sunghoon speaks first. "You're not sleeping are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"Okay, meet me at our spot." And hung up.

Even if Sunoo is too lazy to get out of bed or too tired to put on clothes, he still does. And he hates that he -- without thinking -- sprays on the perfume that Sunghoon loved, but he has no time to think on it.

With a quick walk down the street, Sunoo arrives at his destination. A quaint little cafe they found hidden behind a larger building. They went every Friday where lattes were fifty percent off, but they usually just shared one, too scared that drinking one alone would cause them to never go to sleep.

When he walks in, his eyes advert to the spot they always sat at, and there he was, as beautiful as ever. Even in only a large jacket and sweatpants, it still caused Sunoo's heart to melt into a gooey mess.

This time, Sunghoon didn't bother getting just one for the both of them, instead, he sips on his drink and has Sunoo's sitting directly across.

When he settled into the booth, they start having their usual conversation.

It's impressive to Sunoo, as someone who usually overthinks, to be with someone like Sunghoon that rarely worried about anything. And when they sit and talk about whatever they could, it occurs to Sunoo that he, once again, worried for no reason. And he tells himself that day and night, not to worry, not to stress, and although it seems easy now, he knows by the next award show when he has to see Sunghoon appear so close to that mesmerizing beauty, the cycle would start all over again.

They talk each other's ears off, having no problem telling one another about anything. After a while, Their drinks are gone, but their mouths are still moving. They're still in conversation when the barista suggests they take it elsewhere as the cafe began to close.

Where they end up taking it, is back to Sunghoon's room, settling on his couch he had begged his manager to get, with waters from his mini-fridge and a throw tucked away on their lower halves to help manage the chills they both got from walking through the cold.

"Ahh, it's so cold," Sunoo's the first to speak, sliding his hands between his legs to warm them up. "Oh, how could it be so cold in the middle of summer?" He fights off the urge to shiver.

"Let me see," Sunghoon's hands reach for Sunoo's and pulls them into his own, using friction from his hot skin to warm the others. He offers a shy smile, the first time tonight that they've touched, not something new, but it still causes the both of their hearts to pound.

Sunoo couldn't hold back the blush that creeps up his cheeks, and he tries his best not to do that giddy smile he always does. It didn't matter how many times Sunghoon touched his hands or arms or legs, it was always like the first time to Sunoo's fragile heart. Even now, he wants to scream in bashfulness and run away until his heart stopped acting weird.

"Can I tell you something?" Sunoo didn't know whether to brace for the worst or the best. Either way, he gives Sunghoon a questioning look and nods slowly.

Sunghoon was hesitant at first, but he opens his mouth to speak. "I wish we would've shared one latte today." His cheeks begin to redden as Sunoo's jaw drops open in surprise.

He can't help but chuckle. "It's okay hyung, we can stay up tonight and watch something!"

"No, it's not that," Sunghoon pulls his hands away out of defeat, but Sunoo catches them in time to slip his fingers into the spaces of the others.

He had no clue what he was doing. If any physical touching was involved between the two of them, it was Sunghoon who initiated. But at that moment, his warm hands had left his and he couldn't bear it.

Now stuck in this act that he can't take back, he thinks of something to say, and quickly. "You can tell me, don't be scared," Sunoo went with the teasing tactic, and oh, how he hopes it works.

Sunghoon gave a lazy huff but speaks. "I always want to share a drink with you, Sunoo,"

And there went that giddy smile Sunoo couldn't hold back, at least he knew his strategy didn't crumble to failure. "Me too."

Sunghoon raised his head to meet Sunoo's gaze and at that moment, he was sure his heart could be heard from underneath his chest.

"Do you really understand what I'm saying?"

"I think I do," the giggle that rises from his throat was unstoppable. In any given situation, Sunoo could count on his shy demeanor spawning out and causing an unwanted laugh.

But Sunghoon laughs too, and it made him feel better.

There was a long pause in the air, Sunghoon lifts himself higher on the couch and turns forward to really meet with Sunoo. "I searched for you in the crowd today," Sunoo couldn't help his eyes going wide at the other's words.

"And when I found you I smiled, only to realize you were looking down, and you were sad. Why?"

Again with a nervous giggle, Sunoo tries to find the right words to say. He didn't mean for Sunghoon to see that. Out of the crowds of idols there, of course, Sunghoon would find him, way in the back. He cursed at Jake in his head for holding up a "We love Sunghoon" poster, the one the member made the night before to tease him.

For one, he was upset, he didn't want Sunghoon worrying while presenting in front of so many people, but on the other hand, he feels adored, reminded that once again, he was so ridiculous for thinking Sunghoon didn't care.

"Oh, it was nothing, I was just hungry." The last thing Sunoo wants to do was to speak about his stupid jealousy of Sunghoon's work partner.

"That's what I thought, but then we ate and you were still upset."

Sunoo didn't realize that the other watched him just as closely as he did. He was lost for words, thinking of anything to come up with.

"Were you upset because of her?" He didn't want to answer, but he thought no answer was still answering.

"No, of course not!" His voice was too high pitch, it came out too rushed. and Sunghoon knows him too well.

"Sunoo, be honest with me."

He takes a long sigh and answers back with half-honesty, still not wanting to worry him, and a bit embarrassed that he even let it get this far.

Sunghoon didn't say anything immediately after and instead sits back in admiration, "So you like me that much that you're jealous?"

Sunoo releases his hands to hit playfully on the other's leg. "Ah, don't say it like that!"

"But is it not true?"

"It is, just don't say it like it's a good thing!" And then they're both caught up in a fit of giggles.

"What I'm trying to say is," Sunghoon manages to contain his composure and sits up to be at Sunoo's height again. "I don't want you to feel like that again. And I think there's a way to get you to never feel like that again,"

And as if on cue, there went Sunoo's heart again, but now it was in his stomach. Anything that could've been anything races through his mind. When Sunghoon inches closer, he thinks of his breath and if his lips were dry or too wet. If Sunghoon was going to kiss him, which he had no problem with, he wants it to be as perfect as ever, like in the movies, like the way he hears stories of other people's first kiss' going.

"My feelings for you are so strong Sunoo, and it'll only grow stronger. I have no idea how to stop them," He reaches for the other's hands and gently glides them into place like they were a second ago.

"Will you let me be yours?"

Sunoo could've screamed, he could've run a marathon, been the fastest to climb mount Everest; that's how much adrenaline was running through his body.

He wonders if he's too pumped he'd wake up and realize it was just a dream. Part of him wishes it was, cause stuff like this was too good to be true.

He knows what he wants to say, but he stays silent and in shock, still surprised that Sunghoon just asked to be his boyfriend. And yes, it was against every policy in the book to date, and part of Sunoo wants to object with that piece of knowledge in his brain but he couldn't.

Instead of words, he lungs toward Sunghoon in an embrace. He wrapped his arms around the other's broad shoulders and he feels hands squeeze around his waist. He didn't mean to cry, but he feels the warm liquids spill down his cheeks.

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes, you punk!" Even in a moment like this, his sarcasm had to have some play in this.

They hug for a long time, longer than Sunoo had intended, but now that Sunghoon was his boyfriend, this was probably the new norm.

After a while, they release from one another and Sunoo wipes at his tears, surprised to see Sunghoon doing the same.

They laugh at each other. "God, I thought you were going to kiss me." Sunoo's tongue slipped, he hadn't meant to be so blunt.

"Oh? You did? I didn't know if you were interested in that or not."

"Oh, I'm interested." Again, his tongue speaks before his brain is ready to.

He's scared when Sunghoon doesn't say anything back, anticipating that the other was interested too. Sunghoon meets Sunoo's and something is different in this stare, like he was analyzing. He feels the way his gaze moved from his eyes to his face, making contact with his cheeks that had to be a deep crimson at this point, to his temples to his nose, and then to his lips, which he didn't mean to suck into his mouth.

He wants Sunghoon to be his first kiss, and he can remember the moment when he realized he did. And now that they were dating, it was pretty much written in the stars.

"Okay." It was too straightforward, too relaxed. Sunoo was freaking out and of course, Sunghoon has to be as easygoing as possible.

"But not right now."

"Ah," Sunoo slumps back on the couch, wanting to crawl into a ball at how badly he wants to kiss the other in this moment.

"Hey," Sunghoon reaches out to pull him back up by the shoulder. "You big crybaby. I want to kiss you right now, you have no idea. But this will be your first, so I don't want it to be locked up in my room."

His boyfriend, Sunoo's boyfriend, just said he wants to kiss him. This is no new information, but it ran through Sunoo's head at an alarming rate. He had no problem gushing out his stupid ear-to-ear smile.

"How about this," Sunghoon starts. Sunoo watches his thought process until the other begin to speak them, "Let me take you on our first date so that I can give you the best experience possible."

Sunoo feels his blush not only on his cheek but on his back and flowing throughout his body. Their first date as boyfriends, he couldn't even contain himself at this point.

"Okay," He speaks back.

Sunghoon beams down at his new partner. "Okay."

********

Sunghoon arranges their date a few evenings later since their week had been full of press conferences and fan-meets. Sunghoon's manager didn't even look twice when Sunghoon had suggested that only he and Sunoo go out to eat. Now they were on their way to a high-end restaurant with both of them trying not to laugh in the back.

It was hard to contain his excitement for the evening knowing what he and Sunoo would do that night in the back of his head. And while it might've seemed silly to be so giddy about an ordinary kiss, it kept him up at nights thinking about the way the other's lips would feel on his. He could only compare the younger's lips to light pink marshmallows. The kind you'd like to play with cause they're so soft and mushy. He wanted to skip the dinner and head straight for his next plan, but he knows he has to be patient, for Sunoo's sake.

His manager escorts them inside and sits away in another location of the restaurant at Sunghoon's request. Sunoo chooses a booth the furthest away from the small collections of other families there. He wants to be able to have a relaxed conversation with the older one without others peeping into their discussions.

Just like Sunghoon, Sunoo was a mix of nerves and giggles. He couldn't stop his brain from wavering into the thoughts of kissing his new boyfriend, and it drives him crazy throughout the week. If you asked him now what they've been doing for the past few days, he'd have no answer. it was like he was living in a daze until he could finally be alone with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Sunoo still couldn't believe it. He was Sunghoon's and Sunghoon was his. Of course, after a moment like this, his giddy smile almost never seemed to leave his face. Now the others were curious as to why he was so god damn happy all the time. But he knew why, and so did the other when he realizes his smile has changed too. Into something he'd never think he'd smile for, but in front of him sits his adorable boyfriend, his Sunoonie, whom he'd get to kiss, and it still causes a train-wreck through his brain.

"Mmm, we were right to order the bibimbap." Sunoo beams.

"Mm-hm, it's amazing. But it's not too spicy for you is it?"

Sunoo shakes his head and takes a large bite of the rice dish causing a bit of a spill from his mouth. With embarrassment, he covers it with one hand and gives the other a thumbs up. "It's delicious," he muffled.

He reaches for a napkin but the older one already has it in hand. He has no problem removing Sunoo's hand and wiping it himself. He feels a blush creeping up his neck at the sight of the younger's shocked expression. Seconds later, they're giggling at one another.

"So, do you mind if I shift our conversation into something more intimate? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable yet."

Both their blushes are indeed there.

Sunoo goes to sip his water to cool his heated face. "Okay."

"And feel free to ask me anything too. I want us to have open conversations." He lets Sunoo finish sipping his water and taking another small bite of food before leaning forwards and asking, "Have you ever been in a relationship?"

Sunoo continues to chew his food even as his eyes go wide. He looks around, scared that Sunghoon's manager would walk up to them at any moment. He knows Sunghoon said intimate but he thought it was work-related or something else. He still forgets that there is something deeper than that when it comes to Sunghoon even if he can't stop the word "boyfriend" from playing like an addicting song.

"Don't answer if it's not comfortable-"

"No! It's okay," Sunoo interrupts. He watches down at his hands that were fiddling with one another in his lap. "I've never been in a relationship before. Unless you count kindergarten, but I can't remember back that far." And they both laugh.

Sunghoon sees that very second of shame that crosses Sunoo's face. He usually plays it off with something teasing or silly to say, but Sunghoon wants Sunoo to know there was nothing wrong with it, In fact, he was overcome with joy at the thought of being Sunoo's first real relationship. But he didn't like to think of it as his first, as if there would be another, so he thought of it as Sunoo's first (and crossing his fingers, last) real relationship.

"And have you kissed anyone before?"

"Ah, Hyung, you know I haven't," Sunoo whines, ending in a pout. The older laughs at his adorable droopy mouth.

"Sorry, just teasing," But the real reason he asked is that even though he couldn't stop the thoughts of kissing him, he worries that maybe Sunoo would backtrack, and he wants to make sure the younger one was as comfortable as possible.

"But you still want to --" his voice drops low, "kiss me, right?"

Sunoo nods firmly, almost accidentally choking on his food and coughing.

"I just wanted to make sure. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with anything, okay? We'll go at your pace, as fast or as slow as we need."

"Ah, hyung, stop it or I'll never stop blushing!" and Sunoo wasn't wrong. The older one loves looking at his tinted ears and his lips that grow a deeper red, the same lips he'd get to feel with his own tonight.

"Okay, okay I'll stop." and they went back to normal conversation until Sunoo himself got a bit curious. With a large gulp of his water, he began to ask, "So, how many people have you kissed? Or, um, been in a relationship with?"

Sunghoon wonders if his answer would be just as embarrassing as the younger's. Sure, this wasn't his first rodeo, but it wasn't necessarily his second or third either. But he didn't want to scare Sunoo with his numbers, and he didn't want to feel guilty either that he let someone else besides the love of his life take all of his firsts.

Sunghoon responds with a kind smile before speaking, "I'd say it was a few people I've kissed. Nothing significant, just when I was a crazy and irresponsible teenager before this life. So maybe nine or ten? There was only one real relationship I've been in and the other one wasn't as serious. But if you add them, that would be about twelve-ish people I've kissed."

He watches Sunoo's expressional face change from panic to calm as he speaks. Panic at the number of people he had kissed, calm when it was only one serious relationship.

And as best he tried not to be, Sunoo was a bit panicked. Twelve-ish people versus his zero? How could this ever be a good experience for Sunghoon? He finds it embarrassing at first, but now he was praising himself that he stayed up an extra three hours after their dance practice to watch "how to kiss" videos. He thought he might wing it, but he knew he just wasn't that type of person. He did what almost all the videos had suggested; practice on your hand. But until the real thing comes, he was still lost in the woods.

Sunghoon watches Sunoo's demeanor and waits for it to calm before asking the next question. "Have you labeled yourself sexuality-wise?"

Sunoo thought for a moment. He has thought of labels, but the whole debacle of labeling gave his mind whiplash, so he didn't like to ponder on it for too long. If anything, and as he had come to find out, he wasn't straight, and he knew that for a while, even if he didn't want to admit it. But he thought back to past crushes and realized he's never really had one. He thought girls were pretty and guys were handsome, that's just how his brain saw it. Sunghoon was literally his first in everything, even crushes.

"I'm not sure. I don't like thinking about it, but I know I'm not straight." and they both can't hold back explosive laughter. They look around to see if anyone was watching, but others were carrying on their own conversations. Sunoo continues, "You were my -- first crush and so, until then, I haven't given it much thought. For now, I think I could fall in love with anyone if I thought we had a connection. How about you? Have you thought about it?"

There's a pause from Sunghoon as he considers the question, then he locks eyes with his younger boyfriend and says with no hesitation, "I'm almost positive I'm bi, but like you, I guess I haven't given it much thought. But my first kiss was with a guy, by accident, but I still remember blushing like crazy and that's when I knew I at least wanted to kiss a guy again. After that, I experimented with both genders. Half those number of kisses were with guys from my school."

Sunoo cocks his head in curiosity, and Sunghoon couldn't help how happy he was at how comfortable the two of them were together. Like peas in a pod.

"I'm interested in hearing your first kiss story."

"Ah, no, no it's so embarrassing."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad!"

"No, it was honestly the worst." And they carry on into a truly relaxing conversation, still answering questions about one another that leads to even more interesting talks. Eventually, Sunghoon's manager comes around, exhausted that they had sat an extra hour after finishing their food, and begs to leave.

They got in the car and ride with comfortable silence and jaunty music from the radio. Sunoo wasn't paying much attention since he was still on cloud 9 from their previous convos, but he did grow curious when twenty minutes later, they were still riding in the car.

"Hyung, shouldn't we be home by now?"

"Just wait," and he did. A few minutes later, their manager pulls up to a small little condo-style house.

Sunghoon loves watching the confused expression on his boyfriend's face. He couldn't wait to show him what else he has to offer inside.

They walk in, with Sunoo behind like a scared kid, into an alluring modern decorated condo, with greeting cards that awaited their arrival.

"Surprise!" Sunghoon shouts, spooking Sunoo a bit.

"I told you I didn't want your first to be locked in my room! So I rented out a condo for two hours."

And it happens again, Sunoo's awfully repetitive ear-to-ear smile. He looks around at the small interior of the house, very beautifully decorated with a large couch and bar stools that sat along with the kitchen island.

Ecstatic was an understatement for the way he feels with Sunghoon's big surprise. He did wonder in the car how they could possibly be alone even for a short amount of time before the members came to bother them on where they were. He thought they would both huddle in a bathroom for about thirty seconds, kiss, and call it a night, or maybe Sunghoon would wait until way later in the morning to kiss him while they laid and cuddled each other awake, like usual.

And while his excitement brewed to the surface, he did cling to Sunghoon's last few words.

He blinked a few times before speaking, "Two hours? Why do we need two hours?"

Sunghoon watches that familiar blush creep up Sunoo's face, and for a minute he wants to tease that they wouldn't just kiss once, even if that's what he wanted, but he didn't know if his boyfriend was ready for that, no matter how frivolous it seemed.

"It's not just for that, it's to also talk and stuff, but I guess we did most of that at the restaurant." His initial idea was that they'd eat for about an hour and head straight to the condo, but their conversations were getting too good for Sunghoon to just stop it in the middle. Now he couldn't even stop his blush when he realize that they did have another two hours to be alone, and he didn't have many more questions to ask.

"Ah," Sunoo replies.

The older leads them both to the couch where the owners had left small goodies and snacks. Sunoo slips right beside Sunghoon, their entire sides basically touching one another.

Sunghoon's the first to grab at the small pastry, his heart beginning to pound even when he knows what this was all for.

Sunoo can't manage to reach for anything, scared that he'll get a crumb or something stuck in his teeth, or his breath would smell bad. He remembers quietly sliding two mints and a piece of gum into his mouth during the drive, he didn't want to ruin this.

"Do you want one?" Sunghoon says with a full mouth. The other shakes his head.

"I'm okay, still full from earlier."

And Sunghoon nods with understanding. The same silence that had overcome them in the car happened now, but it was different, still comfortable, but a little tense.

And Sunghoon was the first to break the deafening silence after a minute passed by. "Are you nervous?" He asks hesitantly. He watches Sunoo process his question before replying, "No, not really. But it is a little too quiet in here isn't it?" and they both give half-hearted laughs.

He finishes his snack and turned towards Sunoo. "Well, I'm a little nervous."

"Why? I thought you've said you've already done this before."

Sunghoon huffs at Sunoo while the younger one giggles.

"You're so funny, aren't you?"

"I'd like to think I am." and there went back their relaxing environment. They had a few more exchanges before Sunghoon decides to stop beating around the bush. "So kissing." He says, and Sunoo giggles with nerves. He doesn't finish his sentence because the two of them can't stop their nervous laughter.

"Yes, kissing," Sunoo replied back, jokingly.

Their silliness starts to dial down as Sunghoon twists to face Sunoo more properly, His heart had faltered to his feet, but he didn't want his confidence to lack, so he pushes through the blush.

But it wasn't like Sunoo was able to hold on any better. His heart spikes when he realizes how close they were in proximity. He tries not to look down too often at Sunghoon's glossy lips, but it was hard.

"And you're still okay with this right?" He felt he asked too many times, but he never wanted to be wrong about where they both were.

Sunoo does his enthusiastic nod again, the same one he gave Sunghoon in the restaurant.

"Yes Hyung, I still want to kiss you. Really badly." and there went the older's heart, ready to rip from his chest if Sunoo were to say one more endearing comment.

Sunoo didn't mean to sound so impatient, especially when Sunghoon was trying to do the exact opposite, but he was ready. He couldn't even care anymore about his entire body plastered with heat, he just wants to kiss his boyfriend, and kiss him now.

"Should I lead or do you want to?"

"There's such a thing as that?" He didn't remember that in the videos he watched.

"Well, kind of. It's just who's going to lean in first."

Sunoo nods understandingly but just wavered for Sunghoon to do it.

And so he does.

Remember those times in life when Sunoo was given no warning? Well, this was one of those times -- again. Even when he knows that kissing would take place, his eyes grow wider than they were supposed to when the older's lips touch his. He finds it incredibly hard to close his eyes, instead, he was so focused on looking down at their lips that were touching, that he almost forgot to kiss back, the most important part of it all.

The first encounter of their glossy lips was gentle and warm. Sunghoon was worried when the other didn't kiss back. He was ready to pull back until he felt the younger one moving against his. And it was tiny movements, but enough to know that he didn't do something wrong.

Sunoo knows his lips were shaking, and he couldn't stop it. He feels them shake even more violently when the older one gently grabs his chin and tilts it into the correct position. They kiss like this for a while until it's not only his lips that are shaking but his entire body.

"Sorry," Sunoo says, taking a deep breath as they unlock their lips.

Sunghoon looked down at him, worried. "Are you okay? Was that okay?"

"Yes, yes, that was great. I just can't stop shaking." They both give nervous chuckles. Sunghoon's only suggestion was to grab his boyfriend's hands and squeeze them tightly.

"I don't want you to be nervous. I mean I was, but now, since I've got to kiss you, I feel better."

All Sunoo can do is smile. He has been wanting to kiss the older one for he couldn't even know how long now. It was finally that time, and he didn't want to let nerves get in the way.

"Can we try again?" Sunghoon's smile was the only thing Sunoo needed for approval.

Again, their lips met, and this time, Sunoo basked in their softness and how slippery they were. He moved more confidently, he felt the older one respond with even more force and Sunoo sighed out in pleasure.

Sunghoon loved the way the younger boy's lips felt, exactly how he thought they would. He remembers back during a night with the other members when his boyfriend had complained that his lips were too small, but Sunghoon begged to differ.

Their kiss was warm and gentle. Eventually, their hands un-laced so that Sunghoon could replace one back on Sunoo's chin. Seconds later, the only thing that could be heard was the smacking of their lips, and their breathing that grew increasingly heavier.

Sunghoon manages to call the other's name in between the space of their kisses. The other responds in a hum. He had no idea what he was doing, but the only thing he knew is that he wanted the kiss to go further, deeper, so he slipped his tongue along the seam of Sunoo's lips, causing a slight pitchy squeal out of him.

He pulled back and watched Sunoo's expression and his fiery cheeks. "Is that okay? We don't have to, I was just suggesting it."

Sunoo nods and takes no time to place his lips back on Sunghoon's again.

He had no idea what he was really doing, he only ever watched, "how to kiss" videos, not, "how to make-out" videos which he now wished he would've done. He didn't think they'd be in a position like this where it grew to more than just a kiss, but when Sunghoon had pulled away, Sunoo couldn't stand it, he needed the older one back on him. So he initiated whatever this tongue thing Sunghoon had tried and was shocked when the older one slipped his mouth open at his request, the request he didn't even know he was making.

But it's good. No, better yet, amazing.

Sunghoon feels the slickness of the other's tongue, and it drives him wild. He strokes against it and at one point sucks on it, causing a slight groan out of the other.

He can't contain his grin.

He deepens the kiss to its furthest depth, opening his mouth fully and pushing softly on the back of the younger's head to urge him in. Soon their twisting and turning tongues with one another, creating a mix of their saliva that Sunghoon feels could spill at any moment from how dire it was.

Sunoo was so caught in this moment, still not a hundred percent on what he was doing or even if it felt good to Sunghoon, but his excitement had reached its climax, and now there was no going back. He sucked in the older's tongue and couldn't stop the here and there groans from escaping. He left his hands to himself since he didn't know where else to put them, but they flung on their own to hyung's neck, gripping and pulling at his skin. He could tell he was running out of breath but he fights that heated urge, not wanting to let go.

Sunghoon feels it too, that growing desire to breathe, but breathing meant that he wouldn't be kissing Sunoo, and he didn't want that. But he was getting lost in the kiss, he was getting nervous that this was turning into something more than what it was initially supposed to be, and he definitely knows it was when Sunoo grabs his hand and places them on his waist, his intoxicating small waist that Sunghoon was driven crazy about.

So he did what he feels he needs to do, and cups Sunoo's cheek before pulling back with a gasp for air. Sunghoon watches as the younger tries chasing his mouth, causing a stir of emotions to rise in his belly, and as much as he wanted to let him, he wonders if things would've gone too far with no return.

He wasn't ready for that. Yet.

And as much as Sunoo wants more, he knew he was definitely not ready for that, not yet, at least.

"Wow, that was a lot."

"Yeah," Sunoo's voice slurs as if he was drunk. Sunghoon likes the way his eyes glossed over with desire, begging for more, and if Sunghoon wasn't in his right mind, he'd do exactly that, give him more. But he knows better than to let temptation take over, he knows in another moment, when they both plan for it, that more could come and be ten times as exuberating.

Sunoo's heart leaps at the look on Sunghoon's face, something he couldn't pinpoint and a look he's never seen before. He worried he came on too strong or that he stepped out of the boundary that Sunghoon had so carefully sewn.

"Was it too much?"

Sunghoon gives a precious grin, hurling himself into Sunoo's arms, squeezing tightly, "No, it was perfect."

Sunoo's locked in the older's grasp and all he can do is his usual mechanism; giggle.

"Is it over now? Was that all?"

"I think that's where we should stop for now."

Sunghoon saw the younger's pout and knew whatever he was about to ask, he'd say yes.

"One more." He stated boldly and Sunghoon, of course, answered yes, only this time instead of meeting his lips he tilts the younger's head to the side and places fluttery kisses on his pearly skin.

Sunoo gasps in surprise. He tries pushing the older away, complaining that it tickled, but once Sunghoon finds his neck, his giggles turn to soft groans. It felt better than he expected.

He saw neck kisses as something he'd be rather annoyed by, but at this moment, he wants nothing more than for Sunghoon lips to never stop sucking and kissing on his skin.

Eventually, they went into a cycle of kissing each other's necks and finding other places where it feels good; their ears, forehead, hands.

Sunoo likes that they had two very different sides. One intimate and the other playful. He wonders how they went from kissing one another to him swatting off Sunghoon's tickling hands on his sides. An hour later, they're tangled into one another like usual. They play footies while going over their busy schedules and eventually they trace each other's hands like a child to a drawing.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Sunghoon didn't mean to break their lively mood, but it was what he had wished for the most, that work and everything would just stop so he could spend it with his boyfriend forever.

Sunoo placed his boyfriend's hand on his cheek, marinating in its warmth. "Gosh, I didn't know I had that effect on you,"

And there went Sunghoon's hands tickling Sunoo's sides for his sly remark. "Yah! I was trying to have a moment!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I never want this to end either." And this time he looks up and the other above him and smiles.

Sunghoon looks down at his incredible boyfriend and smiles for the umpteenth time that day. He took in his perfect brown eyes and his perfect hair. His perfect smile, and the way he never wanted it to stop. He did a once over of the younger and noticed a small but dark bruise forming on the nape of his neck. Maybe he was a little over-enthusiastic. He reaches for it to see how it feels, and Sunoo winced.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so rough."

"It's okay, I liked it -- a lot." Sunghoon's stomach swirls with butterflies. He had to break eye contact or else that desire he was pushing down might travel its way back up.

This was new territory for Sunoo. After all, that was his first kiss, but he liked seeing Sunghoon panicked, he knew he wanted to do it more if this was the reaction he'd get.

"Noted." This time, Sunoo's nerves were the ones that spiked. If Sunghoon's manager hadn't called him to let them know their time was up, He was sure they'd be in another heated make-out.

They untangle from one another and fix themselves. Sunoo always carries around a small bag of makeup, and good thing he had as he pats on the hickey that Sunghoon had spotted. Sure, he was a bit worried that Sunghoon's manager would see it, or worst, the other members, but Sunoo, deep down, couldn't wait for the next one, or even for when he got to do it to his boyfriend.

"Sunoo?" Sunghoon called out, seconds before he opened the door.

"Yes?"

"Maybe --" he hesitates before speaking again. "When we kiss again --"

Sunoo watches as Sunghoon lowers his head, anticipating all that he would say.

"We can do it shirtless next time." The words feel rushed escaping his mouth, but there was no need to repeat himself when he received the blank expression from the younger.

Sunoo didn't know what he'd say, but definitely not that. Sure he wouldn't mind seeing the older's chiseled chest, but the thought made his heart ache, in a good way.

Sunghoon smirks and walks out, leaving the door open for the shocked Sunoo.

In due time. Sunghoon thought. In due time.

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