#this is 2 different cats about 10 minutes apart

[ryujenini]

Fluffcember Day 17

Yeji x Y/N - I always loved you

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING THAT THIS ISNT REALLY FLUFF BUT IM UPLOADING IT DURING FLUFFCEMBER BECAUSE ITS NOT SMUT

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS IS VERY SAD AND HAS MENTIONS OF SELF HARM, BLOOD AND SUICIDE, PLEASE DONT READ IF THIS COULD TRIGGER YOU, BE SAFE I LOVE YOU

~~~~~~

Another Day and here you were crying , this was a regular occurrence for you ever since you joined itzy, you loved your job, you really did but there was one thing that made it all the more difficult and heartbreaking, or one person you should say and that was none other than Hwang Yeji,  the leader of the group, you're best friend and unfortunately the woman that had stolen your heart

You'd been in love with her since becoming a trainee and with each day your feelings for her grew stronger but you couldn't say anything, especially not now, you wouldn't do that to the girls and risk their careers all because you couldn't control your feelings so for 4 years now You'd been keeping that secret to yourself burying it deep down and hoping no one noticed the longing looks You'd send across the room at the cat eyed girl or the lingering touches that last a moment too long to be just platonic

But they did notice, at first it was just Chaeryeong, she had caught you on a particularly bad day, crying in the corner of the practice room changing rooms sobbing into one of Yeji's sweaters that you borrowed, Chaeryeong sitting with you wrapped in her arms until you had calmed down enough to tell her what was wrong and you had to admit being able to get it off your chest did help a bit but you still felt that giant hole in your heart that could only be healed by the love of your life that would probably never love you back, Chaeryeong giving you a sad smile before hugging you once again trying to help you feel okay even if it was just for a moment

But little did you know Yeji had been experiencing the exact same thing for the past 2 years, the only person she had told about her feelings being Ryujin who knew exactly how Yeji felt before she even confessed anything

Even Lia and Yuna had noticed the love you both had for eachother, all the members thought you were soulmates and were shocked that neither of you had recognised the others feelings yet.

Up until a couple of weeks ago you and Yeji were inseparable but it had reached a point for you where even just the mention of her name tore you apart and caused a dull ache in your chest so you had been trying your best to distance yourself from her despite Chaeryeong's advice to just confess but you wouldn't,  you couldn't

You had pushed everyone away, been ignoring their calls and Texts all week, they were extremely worried about you especially after the last text that you'd sent them simply saying

I love you Goodbye

Not even 10 minutes later the 5 of them had showed up at your door, you stayed in your bathroom, looking at the blood trickling down your arms, wincing at the pain you had caused yourself but also enjoying the momentary switch of the cause of your pain, the Loud banging from your door blending in with the sound of your sobs and matching the chaos inside your mind

After a minute of kicking Ryujin had managed to kick down your front door and instructed the other girls to split up and look for you each in a different room

You looked up realising you didn't lock the door, you were too weak and exhausted to get up and do it now even though you didn't want the girls to see you like this, you made an attempt anyway knowing it would be useless but you slumped back down in defeat seeing the door open and through your blury eyes you knew it was her, the reason for your suffering

Yeji stood at the door, eyes blood shot and puffy, quickly running towards you, sobbing as she wrapped her arms around you before being joined by the other girls, Chaeryeong seeing you, gasped before running off to call for an ambulance

You looked up at Yeji through misty eyes and found it in you to whisper to her your last words "Yeji.....I'm...Sorry.....I always loved yo-"

And your eyes went black, air exiting your lungs leaving Yeji shaking your lifeless body, screaming for you to come back to her, but you were gone, she had lost the love of her life but gained a guardian angel, forever wishing she had just told you how she felt while you were still here

#fluffcember #itzy #yeji #kpop #imagine #drabble #one shot #fanfic #KimJeninies

[romantiqueofthemind]

Dreaming of You

Hiiii so I thought of this plot last night and I wrote it all todayyyy. I really like it so far and I want to make it into a series. Lmk what you guys thinkkkk

The song is optional, I thought it went well with this part.

(Part 2 is here!)

Summary: Y/n has a wet dream and Austin helps her finish.

Warnings: smut, oral (f receiving), fingering

Word Count: 2.2k

Song (optional): Streets (Silhouette Remix)- Doja Cat

You and your boyfriend James had been together for about a year. However, you had known Austin for two. At first you got the idea that he hated your guts. He would always stare you down, or you would feel greatly intimidated whenever you would speak to him. He never liked James, he had actually advised you not to date him when you started to like him. But now you had to hear constant complaints and comments from Austin about James. Although Austin wasn’t your boyfriend, you never really saw him the type to be. You two were so different on so many things. You couldn’t agree on a single topic, it was amazing how you two were even friends. You guessed both of you could say you were there for each other when the other needed it.

The sexual tension was immaculate between the two of you, even though you never did anything or really had the desire to until recently. The thing about Austin though, he may be a lot of things, even an asshole sometimes, but he would never force you to do anything you didn't want to. He wouldn't force you to cheat on James, even though he couldn't stand the fucker and deep down, you and him both knew he could fuck you better. Shit, maybe even treat you better. Not to say James treated you badly, he was sweet and good to you, but he expected a lot out of you sometimes. Most nights when James and you clashed on small things, you mostly just brush it off as to not cause an argument and prevent an anxiety attack.

It seemed like ever since you started dating James, the sexual tension between you and Austin only seemed to get stronger. Not really from your side, but from Austin. There have been times or opportunities when you could have full blown cheated on James and he would have been completely oblivious to it because according to Austin, "James is a jackass." And believe it or not, it actually kind of got to you where part of you wondered what it would be like to fuck Austin. You blamed it on the way he teased you verbally and sometimes physically. Whether that be when you two would hang out and there would be conversations like "Does he even satisfy you baby?" "Why does it matter Austin?" "It doesn't to me, but if you claim to be in love with someone, shouldn't they satisfy you in all aspects?" "I guess." You never claimed to love James, or Austin, but you still trusted Austin enough to go to him and vent about your "shit relationship."

You can't say you weren't a little relieved when James had to fly out to New Jersey for a family vacation for two weeks. He had tried to convince you to go with him, but you preferred not to, knowing his family was mostly everything you didn't like about James. You couldn't stand spending two weeks with them. Mostly, you either hung out at the apartment you shared with James, or you would go hang out with Austin.

A few nights after James had left, you had a pretty bad nightmare and immediately called Austin and asked if you could stay the rest of the night at his place. He obliged and within 10 minutes, you were knocking at his door and he answered wearing nothing but sweatpants, his tired blue eyes met your scared bloodshot ones. "You okay baby?" He asked, his voice raspy and tired. All you could do was wrap your arms around him and nod. He hugged you back before motioning for you to come inside and to his bedroom. You lay on the opposite side of his bed, wrapping yourself in the warm comforter blanket and placing your head on the soft pillow, all of which smelled like Austin in the best way, which actually might've helped you fall asleep faster. "Goodnight Aus.." You said softly with your eyes closed. "Night."

You were at your apartment, which was weird because you didn't remember driving back home. You hear a knock at the door and as soon as you open it, you see Austin standing in the doorway, staring you down in a way that put thousands of butterflies in your stomach. "What are you doing here Austin?" Your friend just smirked and walked inside, inviting himself in. "I came to see you. You texted me to come over." You looked at him confused, but then were caught off guard when Austin slammed his lips against yours, wrapping his hands around your waist lifting you up onto the dining room table. As taken aback as you were by this, you didn't hesitate to stop him, no matter how loud that voice inside you was screaming at you to stop. He moved from your lips, to your neck all the way down your body, stopping at your thighs. He lifted your top up, kissing your stomach softly as he unbuttoned your shorts and pulled them down to your ankles along with your panties. He kneeled down between your legs and started kissing your inner thighs moving higher and higher up until he reached your heat. You rolled your head back moaning the moment you felt his tongue lick up your slit and make small circles on your clit. You reached down and tangled your fingers in his hair pulling gently. You pulled his hair harder when you felt his tongue enter you, his groans low and sexy. The more he licked and sucked the closer you got. You nearly lost it when you felt him nip gently at your clit, allowing you to moan his name in the most provocative way.

You opened your eyes panting softly, heart pounding. You were still in Austin’s room. You lifted your sleep shorts and panties to see and feel them dampened between your legs. "Shit.." You say softly before turning around to took at Austin who seems to still be asleep. You turned over to face the edge of the bed trying to sort through your mind what you had exactly dreamt about. Your heart nearly stops when you feel Austin turn over to you, wrapping his arm around your waist, turning you to face him. "Y/n, what were you dreaming about?" He asked looking at you with his intimidating blue eyes. “N-nothing.” you say as to try not to draw anymore attention to the thought.

You felt his hand gently stroke your thigh as he said “Well it must have been something because from the way your squeezing your thighs together, it must have been one hell of a dream.” He smirked before moving to hover over you, his fingers tracing lines around your waist near your panties. You’re heart starts beating a million miles an hour when he starts to pull them down. You’re hand immediately goes to his wrist as you look him in his beautiful yet intimidating blue eyes as you try to tell him to stop, but he speaks before you can get a chance to. “Relax baby, I’m not going to fuck you. I’m just going to help you out.” His low raspy voice only made things worse between your legs. He moves back up to kiss and nip your neck, you letting out a soft moan as he did so. “Austin…I can’t have any hickeys…James would kill me.” You managed to mutter out in between moans as you felt his fingers trace small patterns on your inner thighs moving closer and closer to your heat. “Shhh…I’m not going to do anything stupid baby. I just want you to close your eyes.” He said taking a break from your neck to look at you. You took a deep breath and did as he said. “Are they closed?” You hummed and nodded to confirm, then felt your heart skip a beat when you heard Austin whisper to you “Good girl.”

You were trying to get your breathing under control because to be honest, you were nervous and the thought of you being with Austin clouded your mind, but the thought of cheating on and hurting James, someone who didn’t deserve it, caused you to build up some anxiety. Austin must have read your mind or felt you trying to control your breathing because almost immediately you heard him say “Relax. You’re okay baby. I’m going to take care of you.” You took a deep breath and nodded before squeaking out a soft “okay..” “Don’t open your eyes. Just keep them closed and think about what you were dreaming about.” in the same soothing tone as before. Usually his told is a bit intimidating, but this one was softer and more gentle.

You’re breath hitched when you felt him pull your panties down to your ankles and ran two of his fingers up and down your slit before going back to kissing your neck again. You moaned softly as you pushed against his fingers, feeling him smile against your neck he whispered on your skin “God, you’re so fucking wet.” before placing one soft kiss to your collar bone as he pushed both fingers inside you, working up a slow pace of going in and out. The feeling of Austin’s fingers stretching you out was just enough to make you pull him closer, and placing your hand on his wrist as he continued his pace. “Don’t stop baby…” You moaned as you began grinding your hips against his fingers, getting more and more wet by the second.

You thought about your dream. You thought about how Austin’s head looked between your legs. You thought about how great his tongue felt, how he touched you, how he talked to you. You were now just focusing on Austin in general. How great it feels to have his warm body against yours, his raspy voice calling you baby all the time, God, how hot he looked when he got angry or frustrated. You thought of his fingers inside you, what they were doing, then you’re mind went to how great it would feel to have him inside you. How hard he would go, how rough he would be, but you also thought about how gentle he could be with you. You’re thoughts were interrupted when you felt the knot in your stomach grow tighter and tighter, causing you to grind harder and faster onto his fingers that were now curved upwards, hitting your g-spot with every thrust. You also happened to notice that Austin was panting softly into your neck. You were so close to going over the edge you weren’t sure you could hold it any more. “Austin..Fuck I’m so close…” Austin didn’t say anything back, instead he just began rubbing circles around your clit with his thumb that was..already there? When did he start playing with your clit? Regardless it caused you to arch your back and grip the comforter as you let out a louder moan. Your legs were starting to twitch, and your walls were flexing around Austin’s fingers more and more which caused a moan from him. “Cum for me baby. I know your close. Just let it go for me. Be a good girl and cum on daddy’s hand.” And that, that was enough to send you over the edge and then some. You let out a loud moan, almost a scream as you felt your orgasm wash over your body. You pulled Austin closer as he slowly pumped his fingers in and out of you gently to help you ride out your climax.

You tried to catch your breath as Austin pressed a few more soft kisses on your neck before pulling his fingers out and licking them. He smirked and looked at you as he whispered "You taste so good baby." All you could do was whimper softly. The power this man held on you was insane. He softly kissed your forehead before asking "Do you want me to clean you up baby?" Your heart immediately started racing again. What just happened was great but you don't know how your body would handle what had actually happened in your dream. "I can just shower real quick.." You spoke softly. Austin chuckled "Why don't I just get you a towel for now baby? You can shower when you wake up in the morning." You nodded as Austin went to the bathroom and handed you a towel. He pressed another kiss to your head before saying softly "I'll be right back baby. I need to go take care of something. You can have one of my shirts to sleep in if you want." You hesitantly nodded, still to stunned to speak because of what happened. Your brain was still trying to process the fact that Austin had fingered you, and you just had the best orgasm of your life because of it.

While Austin was in the bathroom, you quickly changed into one of his shirts and sweatpants. They were a bit big on you, but you found it all the more comfortable. You decided to lay back down in bed and wait for Austin. A few minutes later you heard him come out of the bathroom and felt him lay next to you, once again wrapping his arms around you. You hated to admit it, but part of you deep down felt truly happy. Not the type of false happiness you felt with James. You loved being in bed with Austin as he held you. One thing you knew for sure was that you intended on making the most out of this next week and a half with Austin.

Part 2???

#iwanttomakethisaseries

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler elvis #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler one shot #austin butler owns me #elvis 2022 #elvis presley #austin butler imagine #elvis the king #austin butler smut #austin butler fluff

[wjhik]

Pussy pt. 2 /negative end/ (Jude Bellingham) *Smut*

A/N: Pre writing: don't know where i'm going with this one. Let's see where it goes. p.s. this is not the end of the series. if i get requests to continue it, it is not closed off. Post writing: kinda smutty; angsty; and a lil lgbtq+ love

Y/N's POV:

"I miss Jude. Not Jude. I miss what Jude used to be. Even if we weren't anything but cuddly friends, I miss when he used to talk to me. I can't believe he's pretending like nothing happened. I gave him my whole heart, and he just took it and smushed it into a billion pieces. And now he has the audacity to bring these girls that he's fucking with to the hang outs I PLAN. I can't not invite him. That would make it so awkward, but the least he could do is not rub it in my face." I'm laying down on my bed on my bed, my head hanging upside down from the end as Phoenix sits on my desk chair, scrolling on her phone while listening to my rants.

"I swear, if he brings someone here I'm going to kill him." She tells me. I've decided to invite my girls and their boyfriends to my apartment for some games and drinks. No more that 10 people. And of course with that, comes Jude. He's, without fail, brought a different girl to our hangouts, which is fine, but since this is a more intimate event, it would be to purely prove a point to me.

I simply sigh at Phoenix's statement. "You need to get hot tonight. Make him realize what he's missing. You need to wear and do everything you know drives him crazy. His lil' whore is gonna show up in a skimpy dress, hoping to turn him on, but you know what makes him tick. That'll show him what he's lost." I feel a gear click in my brain. I'm the person Jude talked to about all of his girls, and what he likes in them.

Phoenix has been ready for the past 15 minutes and I'm getting ready. I have my hair up in a half up half down ponytail using a claw clip. I have my hair curly. (natural for me, but curled if ur hairs straight) I'm wearing a little white sundress. It goes right under my knees. It has a corset bodice and is littered with strawberries and lambs. I have on some close-toe sandals. (no dawgs out today) I'm doing my makeup now. I did my base and put graphic white eyeliner. I have a blurred out velvety lip on and I put on some jewelry. I deck myself out in some gold and the necklace that Jude gave me in middle school. It has a 'j' on it. I leave the chain hanging on my neck and put on a white lacy choker.

"Really? Jude is into Little Bo Peep?" She asks me, raising her eyebrows at me. "Hey, Little Bo Peep is finding her sheep. Leave her be." I tell her, pouting and clipping my earrings. Phoenix comes up to me and squeezes my cheeks and shakes my face side to side. "You look adorbs." She tells me, slapping my face lightly. I hit her hand away and start cat fighting with her. We start laughing together as we hear the doorbell ring.

"Hello!!" I say, pulling Jane and Josiah into a hug. "Come in. Come in. Make yourself at home." I tell them. Jane helps me set up some things in the kitchen while Josiah and Phoenix move the table and couches in the living room to the ends of the room, making space to dance. Over time, people, including Phoenix's man, start to filter in. Everyone except he who shall not be named at his arm candy for the night. "Y/N, you really outdid yourself." Alex says, taking a bite out of some cheese and ham filled crackers. "Well, I did just assemble them, but thanks." I tell him, giggling. My happiness is quickly interrupted by a very familiar voice. I look over to the door where I see Jude and his girl of the night. I beautiful blonde girl, wearing a dress that leaves very little to the imagination. Jude takes his round greeting everyone and introducing his new girl. As I watch them walk up to Phoenix, Jude having to greet her because she's his best friend's girl, she quickly says some sly remark to Jude while wishing the girl luck. I suppose Phoenix and I have the same narrative about her, an innocent girl who doesn't know what she's getting into.

"Let's play a game!" Phoenix announces loudly. She quickly grabs some glasses, tequila, and an empty bottle. She seats us all in a circle, her sitting to the right of me and the left of her boyfriend. "Are we really playing spin the bottle?" I ask her. "No! We're playing dare or dare." She says. "Dare or dare?" Jude's blondie asks. "Yes, dare or dare. Truth or dare gets kind of boring since your man is such a pussy. He only chooses truth." She says. Jude's girl starts nudging him and laughing along with the group. She immediately stops when she looks at his face, his jaw is clenched and he's staring dead at Phoenix, while saying something to her. This poor girl. (we're a girls girl here+nate jacobs type beat)

"Okay, Y/n. Your turn." Milly says, passing me the bottle. I spin it and it lands on Alex. Now he gets to give me a dare. I look over to Jude and he's looking as mad as ever. Phoenix grabs Alex's face and whispers something in his ear. "Umm...Okay? Kiss her or take a shot." He says, pointing at Phoenix. Alex and Phoenix have a relatively open relationship. "Oh. Umm. Sure, why not?" Phoenix was my first kiss anyway. Once she found out that I still hadn't had my first kiss yet, she decided to help me out. Phoenix nudges me and points at Jude. He looks even madder than before. His girl is trying to comfort him, but is just getting pushed off.

(smut)

Phoenix grabs me and puts me on her lap. She starts kissing me. I don't feel anything since we're just friends, but she is an amazing kisser, I can't lie. She opens her eyes and see's Jude struggling to keep calm. She grabs my ass and that makes me let out a moan. She uses this opportunity to slip her tongue into my mouth. As her and I are making out, I open my eyes to see Jude storming past us, his girl trailing past him like a hungry puppy. Those two disappear somewhere in my house. Phoenix gets me off her and says, "You're welcome." I look behind me to try to see where Jude went. "Hey. Don't even worry about him. Let's have some fun." Phoenix says, helping me up. From that moment on it was shots and bear pong galore.

Jude's POV:

I walk into Y/N's room and slam the door shut while Emery follows behind me. "Jude, I'm sorry." She says. What is this girl on about? "Why are you apologizing?" I ask her, annoyed. "I'm just sorry you're upset. I wanted this to be a good night for you. I don't know what you're upset about, but I'm here for you-" She rambles on. This girl talks way too much. I need to shut her up. I grab her by her shoulder and push her onto her knees. I sit down on the edge of her bed and take off my pants and shove my dick in her mouth. She's gagging and spitting around it. That is fucking disgusting. I hear Y/N laughing outside. She looked so beautiful today. She knows exactly what I like and she took advantage of that. Why does she have to be such a cunt sometimes? I wish this was her right now. Why did she have to be so fucking stupid?

My thoughts are interrupted by a series of taps on my thigh. The one thing this girl has to do is suck me off, and she can't even do that properly. She really doesn't compare. I take my hand off the back of her head. "What? What is it?" I ask her, irritated. "Jude, you were fucking my throat. I couldn't breath." She tells me, taking deep breaths. "Take it, or leave." I tell her. She's nothing to me. She's only here to get me over how I fumbled Y/N. No, wait. She fumbled me.

She continues sucking me off. I go a little gentler on her, distracted by Y/N's voice. I wish this was her. I look down at her, and my hard on goes soft. She's a beautiful girl, no doubt, but she's not Y/N, and that'll never change. "Get up. Up." I tell her, grabbing her by the arm. She stands up and look at me. I quickly take off her clothes and the rest of mine. I push her into the bed, on her stomach. I line my dick up with her hole and push it in. I close my eyes and imagine Y/N here with me.

She lets out all sorts of lewd sounds. I suppose she's trying to keep me interested, but I want nothing more than for her to shut the fuck up. It's hard to picture Y/N when she's squeaking out moans with her very high pitched voice. I push her head into the mattress in an attempt to hide it. Her pin-straight blonde hair is hard to imagine Y/N. (sorry if you have pin-straight blonde hair)

I've finally gotten this girl to shut up and take it well. I'm picturing Y/N laying here, taking all of me. I look over to Y/N's side table where she has a picture of her and I on a school vacation together. I can't help but think about how badly I want her. "Fuck, Y/N..." I say quietly, throwing my head back in pleasure. I look down to see long golden locks splayed over the mattress. "What did you say?" I high pitched voice says. I look down to see Emery looking back at me. "Umm..." I say, awkwardly stopping. I look at her, pure sadness on her face. I resume my thrusts on her cunt. "You and I both know who I'm thinking about. It's not personal." I tell her. To my expectations, she stays quiet and allows me to continue fucking her.

Y/N's POV:

"Girl, this was so fun." Phoenix says to me at the door. "I know! We should do this again, sometime." I tell her. "Yes, we should. Let's go, baby?" Alex chimes in. They stayed after everyone left to help me clean up, and now that a majority was all cleaned up, they're leaving. I hang at the door until I see them get in the car safely. I sigh to myself and shut the door. I really wasn't expecting this to be as good of a day as it was, but I'm glad it was. It is now time to go to bed. It's been a long day. I can't wait to hit the pillow.

I pick up some loose pieces of garbage here and there before finishing up the last of the dishes. I put them in the drying rack and dry my hands on the towel hanging from the door handle of my fridge. I slowly make my way to my bedroom. I swiftly open the door to see a heart stopping sight. Jude is laying on the bed, MY BED, with his little fling on top of him, facing away from him. Both their eyes turn from wherever they were looking to me. I have a look of pure shock on my face. "What that fuck?!" I yell out. Jude is still laying there in shock. His girl looks back and Jude and clears her throat. "You're welcome to join?" She says, not getting the memo. Jude quickly jerks her off him and gets up. He starts profusely apologizing to me. I collect their clothes from around the room, again MY ROOM, and throw their underwear at them. Both Jude and his girl put on their underwear. "LEAVE!" I yell at Jude. I push him towards the door as his kitten follows, mainly in an attempt to collect her clothes from me. "Baby, I'm so sorry." Jude says to me as I push him out of my front door. "You're a fucking dick." I tell him, pushing him and his girl out, throwing their clothes onto the front lawn. He really is a pussy.

<- - ->

Alternate ending

Wattpad: funkyfishfeet

DM for requests

#football x reader #footballer x reader #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham smut #jude bellingham imagine

[elledritchhorr0r]

I'm so butch.

My dryer wasn't drying so It had to be fixed! I will recount the events.

First I unplugged the big bitch

Then I moved the dryer from the wall so that I could get behind it, as well as pull a shop vac back there. From behind it I removed the clamp that attached the flexible vent hose to the air vent at the back of the dryer. With the vent opened I ran the hose for the shop vac inside of the flexible vent hose and sucked out and stuck debris, I did the same inside the dryer vent hole. I expected there to be a large clog somewhere inside but I didn't find it.

Notes: the metal vent port in the back of the dryer is made from sheet metal. It is very sharp, don't cut your fingers like me.

I couldn't find anything indicating a clog from the back, so I went to the front. I had to remove the housing for the lint screen. This was very difficult because there were 5 screws, 2 in the front of the dryer and 3 on the inside. They were all different sizes so I separated them into piles. After removing the screws the housing came apart in 2 pieces. One was the flappy bit that says "insert lint screen here" the other was the inside wall, that didn't get fully removed because there was some electrical wires connecting it that I didn't wanna fuck with.

With the housing removed I found the problem, it was a 3 inch deep pile of lint, cat hair, and dog hair, and dimes. It had blocked most of the air flow out of the dryer it seems. I tried to suck it out and my vaccume clogged and wouldn't run. I will have to take it apart to fix it later. Undeterred I grabbed a pair of tongs and began to remove all the debris by hand. This was very dirty work, please wear a mask if you do it. I didn't and I am feeling very silly about it as I write. Additionally the inside parts of the dryer are made of sheet metal and are very sharp. Wear gloves if you try this bc I cut my fingers up.

Notes: wear PPE mask and gloves, try to properly light the area, I put my phone in the dryer and it DID NOT help.

Finally having removed sufficient debris I began to put everything back together, interior wall, screws, reattach the flexible vent hose (in the future id like to use rigid venting but that's currently out of the scope of my abilities), plug it back in, and push the dryer back against the wall. You maybe be saying, Elle it sounds like you forgot something and you would be right. I forgot to put the flappy bit back on. So I had to remove the 5 screws holding the housing in place and replace the flappy bit and put the 5 screws back. It was frustrating.

Final notes: the biggest difficulty for me was a lack of proper lighting. If you can bring a portable lamp I would recommend you do. Also PPE. Where I live it probably would have cost us 300 bucks to get this fixed. It took me 10 minutes of googling and an hour of struggling (I'm not as able bodied anymore). I'm hopeful that I've resolved the issue, if I haven't we will consider calling a technician.

Tools: I used a Philips head screwdriver and a shop vac. You could dry it with a regular vaccume with a hose attachment, but this broke my shop vac so you should be confident that you can repair it. Also a great amount of queer audacity.

#trans #queer #lgbtq #punk #dryer vent cleaning #diy punk

[sunwarmed-ash]

Sinful Sunday Snippet

cuz im in a good mood 😘

Hankconvin-NSFW 🔞🔞

<1 MMS>

[U up?] 2:53 AM

Read at 2:53 AM

Gavin looks at his, unresponded to, dick picture again. It wasn’t a bad pic, it was arguably one of the best ones he’s ever taken of himself. But it was unprofessional, scratch that it was downright career suicide, to send a drunk (okay high, phck off,) dick pic to your direct supervisor. 

But Gavin and Hank were different. They had a history, and with Christmas next week… maybe he wasn’t handling the approaching holiday well. He tended to self-destruct a little, hence the eighth ounce of pot he’s already smoked and the stupid photo that’s been sent, received, and left on read for over 4 minutes now. 

His phone buzzes in his hand the next moment and his blood pressure sky rockets.

[Very] 2:57 AM

He didn't expect any response, let alone a potentially interested one. Another two agonizing moments pass and he gets another response, a picture message. And when he opens, his jaw drops in surprise. It's certainly not the response he expects. 

His eyes are currently making eye contact with the man in the digital photo who was not Hank but Connor, Anderson’s newest plastic fuck buddy. But that wasn’t even what surprised Gavin. What surprises him is the fact that the robot's mouth and throat have seemingly swallowed all 9 inches of Hank’s thick, monster cock and is looking up at the camera so pitifully like its still not enough to satisfy him. 

A sea of complex, conflicting emotions flash through Gavin’s body in a fraction of a moment. Anger, jealousy, arousal, fear, irritation, rejection; and it makes him want to toss his phone across the room and bury himself under another three joints. Instead, his cat chooses that moment to walk across his chest and knock his phone out of his hand anyway, demanding affection. Gavin would have been annoyed, if he didn't actually need a minute to breathe. 

Besides, they left him on read for a few minutes, they will survive.  

Gavin takes the moment to try to understand what he’s feeling, the jealousy and resulting anger mostly. He’s been trying to do better, and that includes attempts at understanding where all of his anger comes from. He got arm twisted into therapy a week after the Revolution and now here is, trying to get healthy and shit. But he is jealous. 

Why? He doesn't hate the view. Gavin thinks the picture of Connor’s stupid, smart mouth finally given something better to do than yap looks amazing. 

Maybe he's jealous because it's not him? 

No, that's not quite it. Probably more that he’s not there too. Gavin hates feeling left out, which is something he’s learned about himself after 6 weeks of compulsive therapy. And he’s always had a thing for Anderson. 

Or maybe Hank’s just letting you down easy… the darkest corners of his mind whisper. Because even weekley therapy couldn't silence all the pasts demons. They seem to always win in the end, because he’s typing,

[Sorry. See you got your hands full already.] Before he can stop it. 

Hank’s response this time is almost immediate. 

[That was an invitation Gav, not a rejection.] 3:02 AM

[If you're still interested, that is.] 3:02 AM

Hell phcking yeah he was interested. So much so he was practically flying out of bed, pissing off Venom, his 11 month old, all black, brat of a kitten. (Named because she literally climbs the walls of his apartment constantly and refuses to eat anything but tater tots). She hisses at him before running to her cat bed. Gavin sends one more text before walking out the door. 

[I can be there in 15] 3:04 AM

-

check back tonight at 10 PM Mountain Time for the full fic 😘

#sinful sunday preview #hankconvin #detroit become human #hank anderson #hank x connor x gavin #connor rk800 #dbh connor #gavin reed #find me on ao3 #sunwarmed ash #buy me a coffee? #links in bio #i post new stuff every sunday #reblogs are free ways to support me! #sinful sunday

[saraminia]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Thank you for tagging me @apothecarose 💞

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope. Although my mom's called Riitta so it's kinda similar.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday when I looked at this picture.

So basically I cried about Noah and how much I love him. Seems to be a nearly daily occurrence nowadays. 😔

3. Do you have kids?

I have two. My son is 17 and my daughter is 14. And they're the best kids in the whole world.

(yes, I have their permission to post their pics freely and I'm a proud mama so why not)

4. What sports do you play/have played?

Sadly I never played a sport. (I was never into sports or exercise when I was a kid. Really not until after my daughter was born. That's when I started HIIT training and I did it really intensely for several years. Up until my mental illness put a stop to the training. I hit rock bottom with depression and could hardly even get out of bed. I've been mentally in a very good place for a few years now, but sadly haven't managed to pick up training again.)

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I mean.. yeah? Not intentionally, but I'm sure I do.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I'm extremely unobservant unfortunately. I can meet someone and after five minutes not remember anything about them, especially about their appearance. But I think a really radiant and/or warm smile is something that gets my attention.

7. What’s your eye color?

Greyish green.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but happy endings are lovely.

9. Any talents?

Nope. None. lol

10. Where were you born?

In Finland. Same town where I'm currently living. I've been here and there and lived away from here for like fifteen years, thirteen of which in Sweden, but I returned home about eight years ago.

11. What are your hobbies?

No time for hobbies really. Gotta tumblr for several hours every day lmao. I mean, I write, but not very well. I take walks, often in nature. But mostly I just study and work.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have cats, two old ladies called Mimmi and Simba. They're both girls (despite the name) and both 11 years old. I've had them since they were six months old. They are from the same home, from two different litters, born five days apart. So different mothers, father(s) unknown, so they could be sisters. Either way they have always been together.

13. How tall are you?

164 cm which is about 5'4"

14. Favorite subject in school?

Maths and English (as a second language)

15. Dream job?

I don't think I ever had one. I am studying health care and will be a public health nurse when I'm done, but I wouldn't call that a dream job. It's just a job. I gotta do something so that's what I chose so I at least know there's always going to be work for me. But tbqh if I won the lottery, I would never work again. I'm not sure I'd even finish my studies, since I already am a nurse, it's only the specializing studies I'm still doing.

Oh man, am I supposed to tag fifteen people? Ok I'll try @ramonaflow @flowertrigger @a-noble-dragon @jesuisici33 @carolrain @maryp50 @statueinthestone @goodiecornbread @thisbuildinghasfeelings @rmd-writes @rainbowcoloredpalmtrees @jettestar @grapehyasynth @reasonandfaithinharmony @beaiola

[kaibutsushidousha]

Memory in Children: Mechanical Choices (Sagrada Reset 3) - Chapter 3: The end of a summer (2 years later/August 30th, Wednesday)

[INDEX]

The 16-year-old Asai Kei and Haruki Misora sat on the tetrapods under the quiet light of sunset. The silence continued until the twilight sank.

When the last bit of light disappeared under the distant buildings on the other side of the coast, Murase Youka appeared. And when the azure of night started to recolor the pink clouds of sunset, Sakagami Yousuke appeared.

The users of every ability necessary to take Souma Sumire out of her photo have gathered together.

Sakagami had left Sakurada two years ago at the end of the school year. But he always returned to the city around this time of the year, for the mourning rites on Souma's death anniversary. Kei already knew that.

That was their only window of opportunity. He already explained the purpose and usage of each ability in the previous day.

(We'll bring Souma Sumire back to life.)

Murase felt resistant to the idea of reviving the dead. But she ultimately agreed. She remembered her brother, who also died in an accident. Sakagami, on the other hand, actively wanted to bring Souma back from the dead. And it didn't start now. He had been like this since the day after Souma died two years ago. What he felt for Souma was close to religious worship.

Haruki Saved on August 28th, a date before Kei explained the operation. All preparations were already in order.

The 28th—two days before. That was the day Sakagami came to Sakurada. And before he learned about the plan to take Sumire Souma out of the photo.

Kei's choice of day to Save was very deliberate. It was timed so Sakagami wouldn't remember anything after the project's resolution. Kei didn't know if that choice was right or wrong. He believed there was no correct option on this one.

At this point, he couldn't find the words to say. He shared impersonal greetings with Murase and Sakagami and pulled the photograph out of his pocket.

It was a picture Sasano Hiroyuki took of those tetrapods 2 years ago. The image of Souma from 2 years ago was contained within the frame.

Kei, Haruki, Murase, Sakagami—each of the four grabbed a corner of the photo. With a tug, the picture is ripped apart, making a crispy noise.

Immediately after it, their sight is taken over by a powerful white light. A light like the flash of a camera. Sakagami screamed.

Kei closed his eyes for an instant and opened them back.

The temperature was not that different.

Same silence too.

But the sun that he saw sink behind the buildings was still in the sky. The scenery seemed like time was rewound less than 10 minutes. But the world recreated here was from 2 years ago.

As proof, Souma Sumire was there atop the tetrapods behind him.

The 14-year-old Souma was still the same mature-looking girl with mysterious hints of childishness. She was extending her hand in his direction. With the MacGuffin on top of it.

At the moment, the thought of saying something to her didn't cross his mind.

She was also looking at him without saying a thing. She had a beautiful smile under the sunset.

The girl who died two years ago. She looked daring, solitary, and capricious like a stray cat. But this girl planned everything down to every tiny detail and executed her design flawlessly. Now he could see a glimpse of the emotions hidden behind that smile.

The android girl.

The girl chained by the future. Her every action followed the codes of a program. The girl who died unable to break the chain of the future—the girl who arranged her own death.

Sakagami watched her with stunned awe.

Then he crawled up the tetrapods. Murase followed behind him. Kei sighed. He noticed he wasn't breathing. He chalked it up to nervousness.

Haruki Misora turned her back on Souma. It seemed like her usual behavior at first glance but there was a mix of hidden emotions in the gesture. Kei was the only one who saw it.

"Will you not go?", she quietly asked.

With a smile, Kei shook his head.

"I feel like my moment to talk to her is not now."

(Will we be a trio again? Will we be able to have a space like the one we had on the rooftop? That's probably asking for too much. There's no turning back. Our only chance to remain ignorant is two years in the past.)

Sakagami was shouting upon getting up close to Souma. Behind him, Murase looked displeased. Eventually, Sakagami touched Souma's and Murase's shoulders. Murase with his right hand and Souma with his left.

Murase looked at Kei, nodded, and spoke loud enough for him to hear it from over there.

"Body, reset."

With that, Murase was immune to the effects of the Reset. And so was Souma, via Sakagami's copy of Souma's ability. They could fully cancel the Reset's influence.

"Haruki, Reset.", Kei whispered.

#sagrada reset #memory in children #mechanical choices #sakagami yousuke #souma sumire #haruki misora #asai kei #murase youka

[yuppieresearch]

VIDEOCLUB MISTERIO

Hidden throughout the Sintracorp building, there are ten VHS tapes created by Ms. Sosa and Mappy, the only two members of Videoclub Misterio (with the exception of Brian, who can join if the player decides to). Most of these tapes feature subtle hints about in-game events.

A lot of the tapes can be found in full on Marta Sosa’s YouTube channel, with the addition of a few lore-related videos that cannot be found in-game. In this post, I specifically want to mention the Videoclub Misterio tapes on her channel; the other videos have a separate post you can find here.

It is important to note that the videos that appear in Yuppie Psycho are altered versions of these short films on YouTube, therefore, some of the dialogue differs between the videos in-game and the videos on YouTube. Also, the videos on the YouTube channel work as stand-alone short films and were created before Yuppie Psycho was released, so there is no inherent connection between the plots of these films and the plot of Yuppie Psycho.

1. Chrysalys (Chrysalis (Crisálida) - 2005) 1:03 AM, OCT 19 199X

Chrysalys is a story about a young man who ran away from home discovering that his family uses missing person posters to try to locate him. The man has long since changed, though, and calls his mother to discourage her from continuing her search and tells her to take the posters down. From the video description: “His fears and worries lead him to withdraw into his mind and to kidnap himself in order to bring his mutation to a successful conclusion.”

In-game, the video has the cocoon creature say “cut... their... bandages...”, which is obviously a reference to Brian having to cut free his friends from their own cocoons in what I will call the Sintracorp route. 

2. From the Drain (WATERWORLD 2) 4:51 AM, AUG 8 199X

The next video is only a little over a minute, and it depicts a man brushing his teeth while his toilet gives him ideas for his next short. That is the entire video.

In-game, the toilet says “under the pipelines, as in her swimming pool... the conquering worm grew, and grew...” There are two possible explanations for this line: it could be in reference to the snake, as Sintra/Rei remarks on how big it has gotten and is often depicted swimming, or it could be referencing cocooned Kate’s location in the underwater section. 

3. Follow a Cat Through the Woods (CREMATORIUM (Crematorio) - 2012)  4:20 AM, MAR 15 199X

CREMATORIUM follows the story of a young man named Daniel, who visits the grave of his parents only to discover a note addressed to him. Curious, he reads it, and it instructs him to follow a white cat through the woods. He does so, and ends up meeting a ghostly woman with a talisman on her face, who proceeds to replace one of his eyes with a red gem.

In-game, this video has no dialogue, but shows a clip of the ghostly woman. This may be foreshadowing what I will call the Sintra Residence route, as Kate dons a talisman when possessed by Xiu Ying. Additionally, Daniel’s eye being replaced by a red gem directly references the owl who also has one of it's eyes replaced by a red gem. 

4. Blood Trail (CARABAS (2011))  10:34 AM, AUG 25 199X

This video begins with our unnamed protagonist losing his cellphone and complaining to his girlfriend, Isabela, that he is unable to find it. At her suggestion, he calls it using their landline, and a strange voice answers. Isabela hands him his cellular, which is shown to have fallen in-between the couch cushions, oblivious to what had just occurred. A bit later, Isabela goes missing, and the protagonist visits her apartment to investigate just to find nothing. He then goes on to visit a medium who confirms Isabela is dead, and instructs the protagonist to call her as soon as he leaves his house the following day. Once he does, the medium tells him that in order to find Isabela’s body, he must re-enter his house, which has now changed. He follows a trail of blood to Isabel’s wrapped up body and begins to unravel her just to be chased away by someone in a tiger mask. The medium reveals to him that this masked figure is apart of him, and the protagonist discovers that this is a result of the hypnosis he undertook to quit smoking. 

Though interesting, the connections between this short film and the plot of Yuppie Psycho are practically nonexistent. A character in this film wears a devil’s mask, and one of the lines said by the protagonist- “now I feel her presence more strongly”- is quoted in another Videoclub Misterio tape, Apparition, but that is about as far as it goes. 

5. The Weary Human Face 18:54 AM, OCT 16 199X

I cannot find the source of this video on the Marta Sosa YouTube channel, and I cannot personally find any connections to Yuppie Psycho’s plot in the footage shown in-game, so I will leave this as is. 

6. Apparition 22:22 AM, JUL 16 199X

I believe this tape takes several shots from the other videos on the YouTube channel, so I cannot pin down a single one. Still, I believe this tape is about Atia Moeta, due to the title and the religious imagery. Also, the statue shown in this video appears to be Our Lady of Guadalupe, which is the inspiration for Atia Moeta’s design. 

7. Fired (YOU HAVE CHOSEN DOOR NUMBER 2 (Ha elegido la puerta número 2) - 2008) 08:01 AM, MAY 1 199X

This video is the shortest on the channel, so there is not much to be said about it’s plot. It shows a man holding a gun to the head of a woman dancing in a cat mask. Once he lowers his gun, the woman does one more dance before holding her own gun to his head. It could be said that the short’s theme of choosing incorrectly somehow relates to Yuppie Psycho, but that seems like a stretch. 

8. Office Party (VAMPIRE PRISON (Santiago de Sangre) - 2007) 23:06 AM, APR 31 199X

The city of Santiago de Compostela serves as a prison for vampires. Gabriel, the main male seen in this film, is a vampire forced to live in Santiago de Compostela, and he has seduced a woman named Eva. He invites her to a costume party with the promise she will finally get to see the paintings he has talked to her about with the intention of turning her into a vampire. Once he tries to get her to drink his blood, she wounds him, and steals a stone responsible for protecting him against the holy rains of Santiago. As he chases her outside to ask her why she has done this, Eva reveals that she is a knight tasked with carrying out the laws of the city. 

This short film is very interesting, but once again has no real connection to Yuppie Psycho. 

9. Mr. Fileto (PARABARA - 2011) 00:00 AM, OCT 31 201X

PARABARA is introduced as an animated educational series that follows the adventures of a robot (Robo-chan), a blue dog (Perrichopin), a tangerine (Pipo), and a duck with a horse’s head (Mr. Fileto). In this episode, you learn the backstories of Perrichopin and Mr. Fileto as the four go on a quest for gold.

...This is not exactly relevant to Yuppie Psycho. In the description of the video titled MR. FILETO 10 HOURS, Sosa (I assume) writes that her cats are fans of the series. This might explain why this Videoclub Misterio tape exists in the first place.

10. Mom & Dad (FISHEADED (Cabeza de pescado) - 2008)  18:54 AM, MAY 02 197X

A child seemingly dissatisfied with this mother forcing him to eat fish conjures up a robotic figure which also tells him to eat his fish. Once the boy’s mother returns to the room, the boy now has a fish for a head. I am sure there is more symbolic meaning considering the description provided, but that is the video at face value.

The Videoclub Misterio tape specifically focuses on the scenes with the mother and father behind the closed door, so it is fair to assume this tape is meant to reference João Sintra and Xiu Ying.

hi! i apologize for the wait. it took me a while to get through all of these videos and compare them to the in-game tapes... but i am glad to have done so. ^^ i highly recommend visiting the youtube channel and watching these short films for yourself- they are very interesting and worth the watch, i think! this was a request from a while ago. i hope the requester gets to finally see this...

#yuppie psycho #videoclub misterio #requests

[foxsoulcourt]

15 questions

(or the time I almost pasted a comment intended for Hunting, @roseforthethorns + Only_1_Truth's recent spicy 🌶🌶🌶 JB/Q/AT werewolf au instead of the questions to answer 👀😂)

Ty @bishybarnaby + @macontheweb for asking me to play! 💜

1. Are you named after anyone? Kind of. My mama's best friend's name was Laurie + she like the sound of it so she came up w/something similar. (Grateful my dad ix-nayed the Two Grandmother's Name idea because Patience Josephine is a l o t for one small human to shoulder.)

2. When was the last time you cried? Two nights ago during a rewatch of Madam Secretary s05 e16 The New Normal about climate change-related migrations. Before that got weepy while listening to a friend explain the complicated surgery + recovery protocol she's navigating.

3. Do you have kids? Yep, two 24 y.o. born 5 minutes apart. Very different in almost every way, currently living in two different states. Each are DeLiGhTfuL humans which makes being family a lot of fun. ~ Interestingly, this almost wasn't my story. I'm deeply grateful neither of my parents pushed marriage or kids onto my ideas for the future. I grew up knowing neither choice is for everyone, nor an indicator of a rich, full life, and well into my twenties I was utterly convinced neither were for me. ~ As life unfolded I did a shit-ton of therapy, decided to stick around this place + then later on met my person. We're well-matched in many great ways, so when things shifted inside both of us, our two came into the world. We intentionally raised + launched them aligned with our quirky values + interests which turned out to be a trickier design challenge than I anticipated. Worthy though! But, ummm, I'm STILL kinda tired, so if you choose to do the kid thing, please get more sleep than I did while you do it. Your future self will be grateful. Plus if you have ovaries, menopause is a w a y easier journey if you've been getting enough sleep beforehand. #adrenal fatigue is real

4. Do you use sarcasm? Occasionally I hint at it, but no. It makes me emotionally + physically squirm.

5. What is the first thing you notice about people? Hmmmm, intuitively I pick up how emotionally safe they are, both within themselves + how they're likely to interact with others. Next I notice what draws their eyes. Then I get curious about what they choose to wear + why. Sometimes it's the exact opposite sequence.

6. What is your eye color? Green

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Ha! Happy endings!!! CanNOT watch anything remotely scary.

8. Any special talents? After years + years of wondering WTAF, I realised I'm the human equivalent of a portable sanctuary. Not always (that would be aNnOyiNg for all involved!), but often there's something about how I listen + interact w/people that makes them feel safe enough to share something about themselves, an insight, or chitchat about A Real Thing. It happens literally a n y w h e r e. Yesterday it was w/a guy in the grocery store check out line.

9. Where were you born? Within a mile of a small beach in a formerly sleepy southern Californian town, USA; moved to the PNW when I was 12. West coast gal all the way.

10. What are your hobbies? Chopping vegetables while listening to old school jazz, reading, dinking around in the garden, going for walks to look at other people's gardens, evolving as a human being, making Mr FSC laugh so his eyes crinkle. Vague itch to pick up some sort of fabric art activities in 2023.

11. Do you have any pets? After the heart-break of nursing first one + then a second older man cat to the other side (see below), I've become an avid backyard bird watcher. This includes staring out the window at LoTs of little brown birds + talking to the neighbourhood crows.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? All my life I've been physically active, almost always outside the bounds of defined sports. In high school I swam + played on the badminton team and both were a total gas, but that was because we were a team of weirdos doing something fun together. Swimming, bike riding, hiking, sailing, skiing, dancing, walking - all of it - is for the joy of feeling my body in motion. I am so f*%ing grateful to my parents for leading by example in this way which, thankfully, I seem to have passed onto both of our kids.

13. How tall are you? 5′6" / 167 cm

14. Favorite subject in school? All of them. Seriously. I loved learning about the natural world which opened up into all.of.the.sciences. Loved learning mathematics even when it was moderately hard; stopped when it got really hard. Adored reading + writing, and then writing about what I read. Liked art + cooking + sewing (which was still taught at the time). Took Spanish + then went to Latin America to speak it. Enjoyed learning how to speak persuasively, up in front of other people. Reading this over I started laughing because it makes sense of my Uni experience! Spent a few years on a journey through most of these topics before I narrowed it down to History of Science. Which still covers almost all of them PLUS included the study of people + institutions! Grad school was focused on leadership development + how to navigate organisational change, which meant picking up organisational psychology to add into the mix.

15. Dream job? Having had s e v e r a l already + being in the 3rd act of life w/the need to make a bit more money, this is a f a s c i n a t i n g, topical + tender question. I've loved what I've done: waited tables; collaboratively created a customer service + accounting dept within a successful dot com start up within a major retailer; lay minister with teens in a queer positive church; parent; organisational change consultant. B u T, I've also experienced mental + physical exhaustion 3x. The last episode has been particularly challenging to recover from, so the question at hand is how to be moderate. I hear it's possible + have seen others achieve this goal. Recently started back up w/therapy to figure why it's been challenging for me thus far. Dream of dreams? Consultant designing + facilitating important conversations w/in organisations navigating changes in leadership styles between The Old Way + what's evolving. I'm pretty skilled at inter-generational dynamics which is a deal these days. Goal is to get paid handsomely enough for doing it part time. Stretch goal? Flesh out some scribbled notes pinned on the bulletin board >> write a couple of small square books about organisational change + Generation Flux + sTuFf.

Who else wants to play? If you're interested, @fuzzballsheltiepants, @pomponiaia, @christinefromsherwood, @anyawen, @merceyca, @leahlisabeth, @youreyestheyglow. I'm guessing any one of you will do this in 50% fewer words. 😉 Carrying forward bishy's caveat: this one is long and also personal, so feel free to nope out if you'd rather not!

Here are sweet Oscar + Mr Bingley, may they continue to rest in peace while nourishing the garden.

#15 questions #get to know me #thanks for the tag! #mac thx for idea of including cat pic! #personal #it surprised me how moving it was to answer these questions #realised once again i'm grateful my parents did the best they could with what they had #and that we've been able to do the same for our two kids #kinda shocked to realise i DID like all my classes #didn't realise that until typing this out #did i mention sleep is important #so important

[steadywonderlandbird]

10 Reason to keep fish:

1.Fish Are Easy to Care For

Fish are independent pets. They do not need to be entertained or walked each day. As a matter of fact, they entertain us.

You do not have to worry about your fish suffering from anxiety after leaving them alone in the house for a whole day. In addition, if you need to be away for a while, all you need is a person to ensure they are fed and the aquarium is clean. Fish are easy to take care for.

You will only need a few minutes to feed them each day and at least half an hour per week to change the water in the aquarium or to clean the tank.

2. Well Maintained Fish Tanks do Not Smell

There has been a myth that fish tanks can have a foul smell. Well, that is true if you do not maintain your tank. A neglected fish tank will have green water resulting from growing algae, and cloudy slimy water.

A well maintained fish tank, on the other hand, will have clear water that allows you to enjoy the view of your fish with no accompanied odour or smell. To maintain your aquarium, you will need equipment such as water filter to clean the water, and a regular tank cleaning and water change schedule.

With a good working filter, you do not have to worry about the fish’s organic waste too.

3. Aquariums Look Good

This is the main reason why people keep aquariums in their houses. Aquariums are aesthetically pleasing and they make a room look attractive. Fish also come in different varieties, species, colors, shapes and sizes.

They also make the aquarium to look colorful and lively. Keeping an aquarium in your house will promote feelings of serenity and peacefulness. An aquarium adds life and make a house or office help you to connect with nature. Fish pets are also good conversation starters.

Ever had visitors in your house but did not know what to talk about? Having an aquarium in your house will raise eyebrows in admiration and curiosity leading to a great conversation start up.

4. Most Aquariums are Low Maintenance

Aquariums are low maintenance compared to other pets. With a fish, you do not have to worry about acquiring a pee mat, grooming equipment such as brushing the dog’s teeth or training your pet to use the washroom.

For the aquarium, once you buy the aquarium, water filter, thermometer, water pump or any other equipment, you can be sure they will last long and you do not need to go to the shop now and then to replace them.

Cleaning an aquarium and changing the water is also not a task you are required to do daily. On average, you will only need a few minutes to confirm the water quality is okay for your fish and all other equipment are functioning normally.

5. Fish are Fun to Watch

Watching fish as they swim in the aquarium fun to watch. Fish are active pets, they spend their day interacting with their tank mates, digging the aquarium’s substrate or swimming from end of the aquarium to the other in pure curiosity. Sometimes, the fish interact with the people near the tank.

Apart from being fun to watch, they are also therapeutic. This is the reason why many doctors, therapists and dentists have aquariums in their waiting rooms. Keeping fish or just watching them for a short time has plenty of health benefits.

The major health benefits associated with watching fish include reducing blood pressure, reducing heart rate, reducing stress, reducing disruptive behaviours and improve eating habits. Watching fish brings and restores a state of mental calmness and brings a form serenity.

6. Most Fish are Not Expensive

Compared to other pets, fish are less expensive to keep. The cost of buying one small fish cannot be compared with the cost of buying a young dog or cat.

Their food is also not expensive as compared to the cost of buying food for other pets.

Fish will only need small portions of food each day. However, the cost and maintenance depends on the type of fish that you decide to keep.

The fancier the fish you buy, the more expensive it is to maintain and take care for.

7. Fish are Quiet

Fish are quiet pets. There will be no day they will make any sound, ever. Unlike other pets such as cats and dogs that can be loud at an inconvenient time, such as at night disrupting your sleep, fish will always remain quiet in the aquarium.

Fish are therefore suitable for young families and offices. They will not growl or bark at your visitors or cause a scene with loud and angry voices. If you love a quiet and calm environment in the house, then you should consider keeping fish as pets. The loudest noise that comes with fish keeping is actually from the equipment such as filter and water pump and not the fish themselves.

However, with modern technology, most of these equipment are reasonably quiet. On the other hand though, if you forget to feed your fish, they will not make sounds to remind you. Therefore you will need to create a reminder system.

8. You can Choose from a Range of Species

Fish are available in different varieties, species, shape, size and colour. You can choose a fish pet that you like from the different available varieties.

You can also choose to keep different species in your aquarium to add more colour and vibrancy. However, make sure the fish are compatible to avoid cases of bullying and aggression in the aquarium.

There are fish that are easier to keep and maintain for beginners, as you gain expertise, you can advance to fish that require more attention and care.

9. Most Fish are Playful

Just like dogs that are loyal and friendly to the owner, fish are also playful and some of them poses some very interesting personalities including the capability to recognize their owner.

It is just hard to tell if a fish is being friendly or just going about their business because there is a glass wall separating people and the fish. However, you can teach your fish to do some fun basic fish tricks like, playing soccer, following your finger, swimming through a loop, eating from your hand, jumping out of the water or coming to the surface of the aquarium to be petted.

Training and playing with your pet fish will lighten your mood and reduce stress levels.

Fish will also teach your children on how to be responsible and the importance of taking care of living things. As they feed, take care and maintain the aquarium, they will learn valuable skills.

10. Fish do Not Make Your Home Dirty

Keeping fish as a pet, you do not have to worry that they will pee on your carpet, or leave traces of fur on your upholstery, or have to clean up their toys after playing. A fish is confined in the aquarium.

The only cleaning you will need to do is in the aquarium. Cleaning an aquarium is not a daily task. You can schedule to clean and change the water in your aquarium after two weeks.

However, it is important for you to understand that fish keeping is not always fun and games. You will need to pay more attention to your fish, especially as a new aquarist.

Be ready to handle some major drawbacks such as algae, health problems, few known fish veterinarian, cleaning the aquarium, cost of medicine and on the worst case, sadness when the fish dies.

Wrapping Up

Keeping fish as a pet comes with many health benefits for instance reducing stress. They are also relatively cheaper, easier to take care for compared to other pet options, do not take up much space and they do not make much mess.

Once you get started, you will always wonder why you had not discovered fish pets before. It is like exploring a new dimension of life. Learning more about fish, communicating with other people about your new hobby and enjoying watching your new finned friend swim up and down the aquarium.

#nature #aquarium #aquarium fish #pets

[mechanicalinertia]

Finished Edgerunners last night. Some thoughts:

1. It was… okay, overall. Like, a 7.5/10. It embraced modern genre cliches with aplomb for better and for worse, but the plot was… better than I expected from a Trigger anime. Clearly, having a bunch of Polish guys do that end of the work improved the anime over, say, Promare, or Franxx. Thank fucking christ.

2. On that note, I’ve begun browsing through the AO3 for tag for Edgerunners and it is nothing but fix-fics, I mean it’s incredible how many people want David and Rebecca to live. There are various ways people go about this. Among them: Peggy Sue time travel stories, Lucy telling David to not put on Maine’s arms before the timeskip, a ninja saving Lucy from Faraday. The one I like the most, though, is the one where Smasher spares David and Yorinobu Arasaka - that’s right, the only Arasaka with dignity - gives him a new cyberbody, while Rebecca is rescued by Rogue. So the characters are apart but could come together soon.

3. Am I jealous that these fics all are racking up thousands of views in a little more than a month compared to even Divine Patronage? Hell yes. But I don’t know how to get in on this game for two reasons. One, Edgerunners never really gave me too much emotional attachment — I knew everyone was gonna die based on the trailer where they cite the “it’s not how you live, it’s how you die” line (Classic cyberpunk neoliberal nihilism, see my previous post for why I hate that shit), so watching Rebecca die was just kinda eh, whatever. I think most people like Rebecca just ‘cause they’re horny. If they want more of that, hey, Gunsmith Cats has a horny murder-loli as well, they can go watch the OVA for that or read the manga or whatever. Two, I don’t like Edgerunners’ basic universe enough to not cross it over with my own bullshit Bubblegum Crisis 206X universe, and that inevitably leads to thousands of lost views who have no idea what BGC is and don’t want to find out.

4. What’s funny about the first episode is that its ‘call to adventure’, if you want to get all Campbellian, is a side to cyberpunk universes that I don’t think has really been done too much in anime or visual media I’ve seen. (It probably has been done better I just haven’t seen a whole lot of media.) The whole idea of everything having a price, it being impossible for someone like David or his mom to move up in the world — especially since his bullies can just beat the shit out of him whenever they please — feels at once goofy and plausible, and in those last few minutes you can feel the tension rise as David makes his choice. But then after that it’s off to the races, all cyber-murder and heists and the kind of stuff you expect from what cyberpunk means to people nowadays, a glitzy future aesthetic where life is meaningless so you might as well kill as many corporate / themed-gang goons as possible before going out with a bang. (I guess I need to watch Blade Runner Black Lotus to see if Production IG did anything different for a far more somber franchise, but they sure as hell didn’t for SAC_2045, the bastards.) It might have actually been more interesting for Gloria to not be the Anime Dead Mom, and be in critical care, constantly chastising David for what he’s doing but unable to formulate an alternative. My point is there was potential, and the potential was — squandered isn’t the right word, that implies it wasn’t deliberate. Ignored! Yes. Ignored, that’s the right word.

5. In spite of all my inability to get emotionally attached to pretty much anyone except David and Lucy… well, I like David and Lucy. They’re characters that are developed well enough, and David isn’t really your usual shonen-jump protag but more a depressed wreck only able to actualize himself through ultimately meaningless violence. It’s not as though he really accomplishes his goal of getting Lucy to the moon anyway, ‘cause what good is that if he can’t be with her? So now that I think about it, I understand the sentiment of wanting these characters to live, and that’s what fanfiction is for, and there’s no shame in that. (I’m Rebecca neutral, to be honest. There’s not enough character development there to figure out who she is as a person besides horny for Timeskip David Of Considerable Size.)

6. Well, I guess I’m a hypocrite, because I’m writing a new crossover fanfic that will hopefully follow on from Anatomy of a Lovedoll. It’s called The Witch of Tranquility, and so far it’s only a prologue proposing an alternate timeline where Hanako offs her dad and sells its assets to GENOM, thereby crossing over the two universes. I’ve got a timeline written, too, but I’m holding off on posting it for now. It’s not as though explaining the crossover will make more people read it.

Well, we’ll see how things go, there. Edgerunners could not dethrone Bubblegum Crisis in my heart, but then again I didn’t expect it to. I could compare the two, but there’s no point. Let people enjoy things. I enjoyed Edgerunners. It was good. But it wasn’t great.

#cyberpunk edgerunners

[annemoriarty]

Anna Grigoryevna Settei & Biodata .

Settei 1 ( before entering A.D.A and first time entering A.D.A )

Settei 2 ( After a week in A.D.A )

•Emoji : 🕰⏱

•Name : Anna Grigoryevna

• Also : relationship

•Birthday : 12 September

•Zodiac : Virgo

•Heigh : 160cm

•Age : 18 y'o

•Race : human

•Hair : Black

•Eyes : Purple ( Right) , Brown ( Left)

•CV : Megumi Han

• Like : Cat, Ice Cream

•Dislike : Dog , Dazai Osamu

•MBTI : ESFJ

•Reference : Anna Dostoyevskaya

• Relationship :

-unnamed Father

- unnamed Mother

• I will ship Anna with Fyodor Dostoyevsky

_________

Anna Grigoryevna ( アンナ・グリゴリエフナ ) / ( russian : Анна Григорьевна )

she from Russian and is also a member of the Armed Detective Agency. She has the ability,named Memoirs.

Appearance

Anna has long black hair inherited from her father who is an russian. has a different eye color which is brown on the left and purple on the right but is covered by long bangs that are sideways to the right. Her left side bangs are given a pink hair clip.

As for her clothes, when she first came and introduced herself to members of the Armed detective agency, she wore Indonesian high school clothes, namely a white shirt, gray tie and a long skirt to black heels. But after that she changed into a white shirt with a black coat and a black lolita skirt and a black bow tie.

Personality

Anna is a girl who has two personalities, her true nature is she doesn't talk much. She is also a girl who is easy to smile, friendly and easy to laugh when something funny is said or when she sees the behavior of her friends.Anna is the type of girl who is loyal to her friends, she has a motto to always protect her friends. But sometimes he doesn't think much of himself.She is not very confident about her abilities, so not much is known about her abilities.She doesn't like it when people talk and ask about her past.

when her dual personality appears, her nature becomes the opposite, her nature changes to angry, bossy, ignorant, naughty and only selfish.Her dual personality also prefers to display Anna's purple eyes, so she changes the position of her bangs. Her dual personality is more herself called "Hime/Princess". When she appears she only wants to return to Anna if her one request is granted and sometimes it involves Atsushi,but the request is not weird . her split personality likes to show up when Anna gets annoyed with someone

Ability

"The Deadly Time" ( 致命的な時間, Chimei-tekina jikan ).

Anna can stop time for approximately 10 minutes. However, when time returns to normal, Anna's second personality emerges. and Anna's lifespan is reduced by a year, therefore Anna rarely uses her abilities

Background

While in Russia she was always teased by her friends because she had different eye colors and most of them were also afraid of other personalities while in Russia. Also she couldn't control her abilities at that time and often, as a result she started covering her right eye with her hair.

However, other personalities when they appear always display and boast of Anna's purple eyes and sometimes always get her parents called out.

Therefore she is always alone and does not dare to approach her friends for fear of hurting them. But there are those who dare to invite Anna to chat and be friends until graduation. Too bad Anna had to move to Japan because she was going to study there. Actually she likes living in Russia, because Russia is her homeland. However, she wants to experience living in Japan.

While in Japan he lived in an apartment in Yokohama, but one day she accidentally met Fukuzawa and Fukuzawa found out about her abilities and asked him to join the agency. When she arrived at the Armed detective agency, she was stunned into silence when she was greeted romantically by Dazai Osamu and confused when she saw Dazai being kicked by kunikida. She agreed and started working as a detective.

Quotes

(to Atsushi Nakajima) "You are like a work of art, Not everyone will understand you, but people who understand. Will never forget you."

( to Kyouka Izumi) "they don't care where you start, they only see how you end it"

(to Akutagawa Ryuunosuke) "Life should be looking forward, not just looking back

[Short story fake screenshot]

Pinterest Anna Album

#bungo stray dogs oc #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd characters #bsd oc #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #bungo stray dogs settei #bungou stray dogs settei #bsd settei #settei #oc #bungo stray dogs characters #bungou stray doga characters #oc bungo stray dogs #armed detective agency #anime oc #fyodor bsd #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #anime fullbody #anime settei #bsd Anna #Anna Grigorievna #Анна Григорьевна #anna Dostoevskaya #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor Dostoevsky x oc #fyodor Dostoevsky and Anna Grigorievna #fyodor and anna #Anna Grigoryevna

[memeyqueenybeany6996]

The Teaching Assistant

Chapter 2

_______________________________________

Waking up to the door being pounded on and a voice she didn't want to hear, especially after waking up a tiny bit hungover. She gets out of her bed throwing on short bottoms and heading out of her messy bedroom into her apartment going to the door and finally opening it, which the moment it's open in strides her older brother, whose a big man, he has darker red hair than her and instead of red eyes he has hazel eyes.

"About damn time 'Melia. I've been knocking for 10 minutes." He scolds coldly as he walks in before turning to his little sister, "why the hell does it look like you just woke up? It's 1 pm."

Amelia looks sheepish as she rubs the back of her head, "well, I drank a little too much wine last night."

Her older brother huffs as he enters into the apartment plopping down on the couch as the white furred cat hisses at him. He rolls his eyes at Stubby and shoes him away.

"Damn cat, don't know why he freaking hates me. Why couldn't you've adopted a dog or something?" He comments of handedly

"Not that I have anything against dogs, Stubby just.. he's different and I wouldn't have it any other way." She replies back softly as she walks over to the living area and sits on a reclining chair away from her brother.

It's silent after a moment as Stubby hops into Amelia's lap and purrs loudly in a taunting tone while Amelia pets him. Her brothers eyes are narrow and just watch them before breaking the silence, "what am I going to do with you.."

She blinks her eyes at him questioningly, "what.. what do you mean?" She states

He clasped his scared hands together and says, "you know what. I've told you to not stick your nose into places where you shouldn't and you keep doing it, and it's getting worse over the past couple years."

"Sticking my nose into places? All those times I had legal obligations to step in. I'm doing what a hero should do!" She says raising her voice a tiny bit before cringing at the headache she feels doing so

He chuckles dryly as she throws his arms  along the back of the couch, "sis, I think you and I know you're not exactly hero material. I've been telling you for years, just stay out of the way. But you refuse to listen. So here's what's going to happen, as punishment I'm making sure your only allowed to work 20 hours or less during the work week."

"You can't be serious." She says narrowing her eyes at him, "I don't know where you think I don't have what it takes to be a hero when obviously I do. You seriously need to get the stick out of your ass Miguel, your throwing temper tantrums because you can't keep me under your thumb. I'm sick. I'm sick and tired of being in your shadow, I'm sick and tired of people constantly comparing me to you! Stop comparing me to you, damn it! We're completely different!" She yells at him getting a bit emotional

She keeps going not letting him talk, "I could care less about fame, I like helping people! That's why I step in when there isn't need for me too. Yesterday I stepped in because those individuals, most of them would have died. If I have the power to change someone's fate like that I'm gonna do what I can. Sorry to be such a disappointment."

He looks at her and his hands dig into the couch before he stands up and stalks over to her and she doesn't back down looking at him, even if she's nervous. He can tell she's nervous, even with how she's trying to hide it. He leans over and puts a hand on her head and brings his face close as he looks at her with a small glare.

"You are a disappointment." He states coldly and it feels like a bucket of cold water is poured on her, "can't you see your more fit to be a nurse or something? Why put your life on the line when your quirk doesn't allow you any defense or offensive stats. Not to mention your poor combat skills, all those villains you defeated, you just got lucky. If you keep going you're going to get yourself killed and others too. Do you want to leave me behind huh? Do you want to live with such guilt?!" He states yelling at her with a bit of fear in his eyes

"I'm the only family you got, who was there for you when Mom passed huh? Who was there to help do homework when I could have been heroing, me!! Damn it it all Amelia! You can hate me all you want, but you're going to follow the rules I placed down. Otherwise I'll call my buddies up at the Hero Activities Office and have them pull your hero license. I've held off for a long time doing so, hoping you'd get it through your thick skull that this hero thing wasn't for you. But no, you kept pushing, I almost died, I almost lost my whole career because of a mistake you did six years ago. Don't you still feel bad for that? Just do yourself a favor and keep quiet, stop doing stuff you're not supposed to, got it..?"

She feels sick as she looks at her brother, throwing all that into her face. Being a hero was.. was all she wanted to do. Why can't he respect that!?

Just then Stubby launched himself at Miguel hissing, bitting, and swing his paws at him. Miguel growls throwing him off him and Stubby hits the floor hard as Miguel curses.

"I'm gonna kill that cat one day 'Melia, so help me, get that thing muzzled and declawed or so help me it won't be around for much longer." Miguel spat out angry as his arm bleeds from bites and scratches.

He curses again shoving his sisters helping hand to heal him away as he just storms out of her apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Amelia drops off the chair and quickly brings Stubby into her arms as she cries a little bit, the tears sizzling as it hits his fur.

"I'm sorry Stubby. Please don't attack him again. Please.. I.. I can't lose you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm pathetic." She says whispering while cradling him

"Maybe I.. should really give up.. I mean if he has friends in the Hero Activity Office.. whose to say even if I moved out to a different state they wouldn't pull my license.." she mumbles into his white fur. After a moment she feels his tail wraps around her arm, giving a comforting squeeze.

She stays sitting on the floor with Stubby purring to her. "You're all I have, so please behave, no matter what happens." She says softly

#bnha #fanfic #mha #the teaching assistant #aizawa shouta #nezu mha #class 1a

[hypomanicdaydream]

Why do we daydream?

I wake up in the morning to my 2-year-old climbing on me. I got 3 hours of sleep, either because of or in spite of my current hypomanic episode. My daughter likes to trip over me while I wake up, which results in me getting kicked repeatedly. I get to keep laying in bed though, so, whatever.

She's in a phase where she screams at the top of her lungs over everything - happy, sad, or angry. It makes my ears hurt, but a "please stop" will usually put it on hold for a few minutes.

The smell of my neighbor's skunk weed has wafted into my apartment again. I wish they'd get a different type if they're going to keep sending it through the vents.

My wife immediately starts complaining about work because they called her early this morning. Her angry rant immediately after I wake up is not mixing well with my daughter's aforementioned morning routine.

My daughter follows me into the bathroom and screams at the top of her lungs. She wants me to turn on the faucet so she can put her Goodnight Moon board book in the sink again. The binding is already broken from the time I turned on the faucet for her to practice brushing her teeth. I went to do the dishes and forgot to turn it off, and the book became a sacrifice to the sink Gods, I guess. Probably to request more episodes of Bluey, which she's made me watch, in its entirety, about 43 times now. I consider just letting her do it to stop her screaming.

I decide not to. I probably shouldn't teach her that it's okay to destroy her things. I wash my hands and turn on season 1 of Bluey for the 44th time so I can get breakfast together.

Saturdays are the days I get to go have a life while my wife watches our daughter. But today is Sunday, and I'm reminded that my wife appears to be incapable of both childcare and cleaning at the same time. Sure, I get the day to myself on Saturday (hypothetically speaking), but at the cost of cleaning up everything in the entire house on Sundays. It's almost not worth it.

I go to pull my food out of the bag. My wife pulls the bag away from me as I'm getting things out of it. I ask what on Earth she's doing, and she thinks I am the one being rude. I just cut up my daughter's pancakes.

Immediately after putting it on her little table, my cat throws up every bite of his food.

I realize I forgot to change my daughter's diaper this morning, so I decide to do that first.

Then I clean up the throw up and wash my hands again. I go to sit and eat my food.

I look up at my daughter's table, only to discover her plate is no longer there. It was JUST there. It's been 2 minutes. Where the fuck did her pancakes go?

I don't know, but she does. She pulls them out of whatever universe she hid them in and proceeds to dump them all over the floor. I guess she watched me clean up the cat puke, because she grabs a dirty paper towel that fell beside the trashcan (thankfully, not one with cat puke) to practice cleaning it up.

I thank her for trying to clean it up and thank myself for not giving her any syrup. But now there's smushed pancakes all over the floor and she has no food. I give her a leftover donut from yesterday instead, because whatever.

All the while, my wife is getting ready for work and eating her breakfast completely unbothered. She's drinking her coffee while it is still hot. That must be nice.

I finally get to eat my food. My wife leaves for work, but not before washing her hands 10 times and leaving the entirety of the paper towel roll on the counter. She has OCD and I've accepted that I'll have to get a new roll of paper towels out every time I need them. What I can't understand is why the used paper towels never make it into the trash, even though you have to pass the trash can to leave the kitchen. I decide I'll get to that later. I just want to drink my lukewarm coffee.

I pull out my laptop to update the budget. We've definitely ordered delivery more than I planned for.

I look over and my daughter is smearing her donut all over her tablet. It's reading her a story called Cool Beans a little too loudly. I can't tell if the volume is actually loud or if it sounds loud because she's squished herself onto the same couch cushion as me. I wish she'd move to one of the 6 others this couch has to choose from. She hands me the box of chewable Pepto Bismol tablets my wife left on the couch last night. She asks me to give her "candy" in her sweet little 2 year old voice. She screams when I tell her that I can't. I apologize profusely and I wish it was candy.

I feel the mom guilt for giving her candy in the first place, and for not being able to give it to her right now. She eats junk food for breakfast more than she should. I try to tell myself that it's okay to need a minute to wake up. I have peas, hummus, and rotissere chicken planned for lunch, and blueberries for her snack. It's not like I'm introducing them for the first time, this is in our normal rotation. I feel like a bad mom anyway.

I'm overstimulated and I've only been awake for 45 minutes.

I close my eyes for a second and daydream about a different person in a different world. A self-insert character in my own daydream, if I was cool, rich, beautiful, curly haired, wrinkle-free, not bipolar, and got enough sleep... and if I was a bit taller. And hadn't been abused by my narcissist of a dad.

That me wakes up, on her own, to a beautiful mountain cottage that smells of dusty sunshine and flowers. She puts on a pretty pink dress made of light cotton. She pulls her soft curls back with a ribbon, and has time to put on some simple makeup. Her girlfriend makes her coffee and she drinks it hot, with a bit of vanilla and cream. They spend the morning quietly flirting and giggling over a simple breakfast. They share a kiss that gives her butterflies as her girlfriend leaves to go to work.

I open my eyes as she steps out the door and come back to the real world. I'm sad that it isn't my real life, but I'm relaxed enough to function in the real one.

I lay down on the couch and my daughter snuggles up to me. She's my favorite little human. I rub her back and enjoy the cuddles that I know I'll miss someday. This moment with my daughter will probably make its way into my daydreams someday... when I'm no longer in the season of life where I'm constantly overstimulated. It will be other me's daughter, but it will be there. Just like hot coffee and romance. Just like a clean house and easy mornings. Just like everything I've ever missed.

I don't actually wish my daydreams were my life. I'd never give this moment up for anything. I just want to remember these moments a little bit longer, until they find their way back to me again. Or at least, just until I don't need them anymore.

#madd #idd #maladaptive daydreaming #bipolar2 #writing #bipolar disorder #bipolar 2 #deep feelings #daydream #daydreaming #daydreams #my writing #story telling #storytelling

[girlfrandletters]

Open Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

This isn't an accusatory letter, nor is it a cry for pity. It's not meant to place blame or cause harm, merely to explain and, maybe, allow for some understanding, on both of our parts.

~~~~~

Hello.

I hope this letter finds you well, and I truly do hope you're living a peaceful happy life right now. I know I am. Even when I am shaken by bouts of anxiety and panic about certain things, I am happy.

I am working at a good practice, as a veterinarian. Whether or not that surprises you, I'll leave that up to you. After so many years of watching me flounder in the stress that school caused me, I hope you are at least a little pleased to know that I did end up making it through to the end. I have two very sweet, loving cats of my own, one a long haired black cat named Azriel, and a short haired black cat named Cassian. They always want to be snuggling with me. I know you would have hated that. There is a third cat, an orange and white girl named Ginger, who belongs to the man I currently live with - I guess she is also technically my cat as well. She was his, but we share an apartment and share our lives and our time so... she's mine too.

Right now I'm lying in bed, him lying next to me, Azriel hugging my arm as I type and Ginger lying at our feet. I'm not sure where Cassian is. I'm thinking about how odd it is to be here, and all the things that had to happen for this to have been made real. I met this guy while on a last scroll through of Tinder before I deleted it forever. I had the Tinder after you broke up with me. You broke up with me after years of clearly being unhappy with me. We had those years because you were the friend of my previous boyfriend, who I met through a work colleague. He started dating me because I was complaining about my first boyfriend and after we had broken up, he had jumped on immediately. It goes on and on. I wouldn't change a moment of any of it, even the bad stuff.

I think I am going to marry this man. I love him deeply and he has been nothing but the most stable support I could ever ask for. I know marriage was never on the table for us, and I never really realized how much of a fundamental difference that was. This guy has made me realize that I am very much ready to get married, have children and really settle down. But it took a lot to get to this point. 2 years in, and I am still having moments of doubt and concern that I am not good enough, that one day, in 2 years, he will decide he's had enough of me and he needs to leave.

You did that to me.

I gave you all of me, wholeheartedly, without real concern. I gave you my precious time, my money, my attention and my affection. And you enjoyed it, for a time. Until you didn't. Not only did you cheat on me and ruin my confidence to its very core, you manipulated me into doing what you wanted, got annoyed when I wouldn't talk to you about how I was feeling, then put me down for feeling certain ways when I did work up the courage to speak to you. You got angry when I would take the time to gather my thoughts and send them to you in a text message, claiming you hated the "novels" I sent. And I'm starting to realize you never actually read a single one of them. Because I told you things that were very dear to me and important to me and the working of our relationship... and you completely ignored them. You used to get annoyed when I would have my moments of panic in school, telling me that if I wasn't confident in myself, that I'd never be a vet and I should just give up and do something else then. How do you say that to someone? You put down my fears and anxieties, then got mad when I joked about yours. You made me feel like I was crazy for being upset for you not answering the phone for hours - after you told me you'd be ready for a call in 10 minutes. I realize that being long distance was hard, and I know that maybe the times when we had time differences made it different. But towards the end, I would cry myself to sleep, cause I hoped to talk to you at least to say good night before I went to bed, and you wouldn't answer - not even to tell me you were busy. Then called 2 hours later, when it was 1 or 2 in the morning for me. I used to lose sleep, waiting for you to call me back.

The night Jacqui messaged me, with her message about sleeping with the same guy, I thought it couldn't possibly be real. You would never do that to me. And when I woke you up, when I heard the way you responded when I told you about her... that's when my heart broke. And I'm not entirely sure it was ever truly fixed after that. I tried to do everything to make it work. I tried an open relationship because that's what you wanted. You explained your feelings about having different people in a way that didn't make sense to me, but I tried anyway because I wanted to make this work. I even tried to sleep with someone while I was at school. I thought, if you had someone, then maybe I could try it. I couldn't. It made me physically ill to kiss another person, knowing that I was in love with you. I put so much into changing my beliefs and desires for you. And then when I finally told you that I couldn't do it, you said that you knew that. You knew I'd never be able to do an open relationship. And yet you continued to watch me struggle with it.

The day that Jacqui wrote that horrible comment on a photo - asking if the photo was taken before or after you told her I wasn't good enough for you - and you sided with her. You told me to not be so sensitive, not to allow other people to affect my emotions like that. You told me to stop crying because I needed to grow up, instead of telling her to not disrespect your girlfriend. I think I knew then that we would never make it far together. I still tried, I think, to save face. I had defended you and our relationship to my family for so long, I couldn't just give up on it now. I continued to allow myself to endure the emotional abuse because I didn't want my mother to say "I told you so." And you know her, she absolutely would have.

In that final year, I started to wonder what it would be like to break up with you, to no longer have you as a fixture in my life. And I found that...

I wasn't upset with the idea.

I didn't cry because I feared losing you. I would worry more so about how I would make it happen. HOW I could make it happen. I was always terrible with communication. But I thought that maybe at the right time, I could tell you I'd had enough. But I never could. I couldn't bring myself to cause that heartache to you. But now I know that I should have, and it wouldn't have caused you much heartache at all.

I wonder sometimes if you felt anything at all after you hung up the phone that day. I wonder if you knew that I cried for the whole night, not really for you and for us and what we just lost... but because it was over, and I had let myself endure so much for so long... to be told that I wasn't good enough.

I'm not fully in the clear in this, and I am aware of this fact. I clung to you like a drowning man clings to driftwood. I made you out to be this savior, to be my salvation and that was unfair. I came to you with anxieties and worries that you were not mentally equipped to deal with. You pretended like you did in the beginning, but as we got further along, you realized that it was more than just a rich-bitch-crying-for-help type of thing. I think you started to realize just how deeply fucked up I was, and you were not able to handle yourself and me at the same time. And I'm not blaming you for that. Over the last few months, I've learned that there was a lot of deep seated past traumas that were so far repressed in me, that I didn't even know how to acknowledge them, and yet they dictated a lot of how I acted, and felt, and thought. And I used you as my driftwood. Which was unfair. I held you to a standard you could never have been, not at that time. When you weren't Just Perfect, I got upset. When you didn't say the right thing, I would cry. When you tried to have a healthy balance of life, I got jealous. Can you believe that I used to. get jealous of RetroFitness, because of all the time you spent there? It's so stupid, I know, but I was jealous of that time, because that was time that we were not together. I was not a healthy person, though I thought I was. Seeing where I am now, I can see that I was as far from healthy as a cancer patient. I was a dying human.

I don't think you really knew the full extent to which I felt my emotions. I never really got to explain them fully to you. And I hope you'll bear with me as I go through these next few thoughts. Again, I mean them not to garner pity, but merely for you to understand the things that made me who I was and am.

I was passively suicidal. I would think about cars hitting me while I drove, I fantasized about a burglar breaking into our house and either killing me as a primary crime, or to remove a witness. I can't tell you how many times I used to sit on the beach, and wonder what would happen if I just swam out too far and drowned. That first night we ever talked on videochat in that stupid dingy Philly apartment, you were seeing an aftermath of one of the worst raging panic attacks I've ever had. I've only ever had 2 since that moment. I know I told you this, but you cannot understand the abject terror I felt when I blinked and realized I was standing in the kitchen with the largest kitchen knife held over my wrist. I don't remember going to the kitchen. I barely remember making it inside the apartment. I've never used a knife before. I cut myself with my fingers. I scratched and scratched and scratched until I hurt deeply. I used to drink myself into blackness every night because I thought maybe one day, I just wouldn't wake up. You seemed like a light at the time, and I grasped you and held you aloft and used you to work my way out of that darkness.

But I ended up feeling more alone as time went on. I realized that you couldn't save me, nor should I have ever expected you too. I lost my ability to be able to talk to you, I lost the outlet I once had. I had all these pent up feelings and no way to release them. And I started to get more and more in my own head, more and more incapable of accepting and working through my traumas and flaws. By the time you broke up with me, I was a shell of what I should have been, I felt unloved, unappreciated, underwhelming, and like I'd never be good enough for you. Or anyone for that matter. I tried to use that time afterwards to heal, but I wasn't ready for that. I was able to drink without fear of disappointing you. I was able to sleep with whoever I wanted for whatever reason I wanted and I did. I fucked guys because they were attractive for a night. I fucked them because I wanted to erase the memory of you. There was one guy though, a guy who I thought was just going to be around for a night, but ended up making the rest of my time in school bearable. But he ended up just increasing those feelings you had instilled in me. Not that he's super important to what I have to tell you. But he was another person who I allowed to push me and manipulate me and get me to that ledge where, with one more word, he could have sent me spiraling to my death.

....

It's funny.

The night I started talking to the guy I'm with now, I was going to quit online dating and go on that mediative reflective journey to "find myself" and "become a better me," or whatever horseshit phrase the cool kids are saying now.

In the end, I did go on that journey, but I did it with him by my side.

Since being with him, I've realized all the things that I'd been missing with you. He provided me with the unconditional support, the encouragement, the sex, the affection, the interest that I never really got from you - not to the capacity that I needed it. He was able to see where I was going wrong and steer me in the right direction, whether or not me meant to do that. I'll never presume to know where you were in your own mental health journey, but I think he understood where I was a lot better, because he had been to that brink as well. You used to talk a lot about wanting to "jump off a cliff." But I don't know if you were ever actually at that point. You loved life too much. You loved attention and people and stories. Not to sound like an asshole, but you were, in a way, a very selfless person and would never have actually killed yourself.

But this guy... he stood on a bridge and contemplated that jump, just like I sat on a cliff and contemplated mine.

When I was in the throws of a raging panic attack, struggling to gulp down air to breath, clawing at my skin, crying until my eyes burned, he was able to talk me through a lot of things that made me realize that a lot of what I felt and how I reacted was from the way I grew up, from the things that happened when I was a kid, and even before then. Before my adoption, before I was really cognizant of what was happening. Without boring you, I can say that he helped me realize that I have a very deep core fear of abandonment, likely from being left by my birth family. I have a fear of attachment and, ironically, touch, because of what happened with my brother. When I am in a very bad spiral, I can't stand being touched. I don't know if you ever knew that.

The point of all this is to say that he knew the right words, the right actions, the right looks and touches. He knows how to communicate to me when I am in a spiral, no matter how deep. And he knows how to talk about his own concerns - paranoias and fears and worries, and stresses.

We are a couple of people with similar experiences and are able to share them with each other. You and I were never a couple who could do that. And I think that, at its core, is what kept us from working. We were two vastly different people. We were not "the same people with different view points," as I like to see myself and this guy. We were two very different people with two very different view points.

But I have found the person that I am going to marry, the one I intend to spend the rest of my life with. I am happy with him, and comfortable. I like what we have built and I look forward to what we will be continuing to build in the future.

I hope you have found the same, or that you will find the same. I know everybody grows up, everybody becomes different given enough time. And I can only hope that you have found a way of life that is good for you. I hope you've got a life that you are content with and I hope you have a long life, for whatever it's worth. I never wished any ill to you, even if those videos of me cutting that pillow and breaking that mug might speak otherwise.

I know you will never read this, and this letter is actually not even the important things I wanted to say. Maybe I'll write a different one next time, more concise, to the point. To drive those points home that actually matter. But until then, I'll be happy with this novel of word vomit and hope it brings me a little more peace to help me sleep at night.

Sincerely, Your Ex-Girlfriend

[lifeonhardmode]

day 28

I pretty much got everything done yesterday other than yoga. I tried! But my internet is bad and I couldn’t get the video to load, then it was 10pm and I was exhausted. I didn’t sleep well at all the night before. So I will need to do 2 workouts today.

Since I got my VPN working, the idea is to work from side job so I can cut out that commute and get more stuff done at both jobs. But I haven’t tried working remotely yet and I’m a bit anxious about it. So I’m going to try working remote from my apartment today, then if something goes wrong I can just walk the 10 minutes to the office instead of clocking out for an hour to take the bus in to work. 

I also neglected to clean cat boxes yesterday so that’s in my plan for this morning. I did call the vet and get an appointment scheduled! Yay. So my next side job goal is to call the HVAC guys today. 

If I have time after all that (work 8 hours, clean cat box, call HVAC, yoga, gym), then I need to do some shopping for a shelf. We were going to put up the ones I have but they were too ugly. 

2 days before 30% is up. Assuming I call HVAC today and make up my workouts today, the 30% goals I still need to do are finishing the current organizing stage at side job (I think this will take only 1 more day of work), making a decision regarding my sofa (we got as far as putting it in the car, second guessing the size and putting it back in the house), and finishing installing shelves at my place (would have finished but I’ve decided to buy a different one now). 

IDK when I’ll go to side job. Tonight after work and after my 2 workouts? TBD.

#day 28/100